Excuse me.
Yeah?
Com-Commissioner. Sir.
Smoking and texting on the job?
What do you call that, multitasking?
Uh, no, sir.
I think you dropped something, there.
Sir?
The butt.
Oh, no, I was done with it.
Name and shield?
Officer Clark, sir. 62109.
It's called littering, Officer Clark.
What, the butt?
Please pick it up.
Seriously?
Seriously.
Pick it up.
With all due respect, sir, I-I work for the NYPD,
not Sanitation.
And that's called refusing an order.
Permission to secure said butt upon my person, sir?
Let me see your summons book.
For what?
How can we ask to respect our laws
if we don't respect them ourselves?
You wrote me a summons for littering?
While smoking on the job and texting on your cell phone,
both Patrol Guide violations.
But I'm the good guy.
I am one of your cops.
Then act like it.
Anthony, put the groceries over there.
You got it, Ma.
What do you want for lunch?
Ma, we just ate lunch.
I meant dinner.
Ask your father if he wants meatballs tonight.
Pop isn't here anymore. Remember?
Will you stop fussing with that mail
and put the groceries away?
Hello?
I'm talking to you.
Hang on.
This can't be. Y-Your bank statement.
It says you have no money.
What?
Ma, two months ago, you-- you had $30,000.
Now you got bupkis.
What did I do?
Now you're mad.
Ma, I'm not mad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Y-You're mad. I can't take it when you look at me like that.
Come here.
I promise you I'm not mad.
I promise.
Did I do something bad?
It's gonna be okay.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Hey. What do we got?
That's the million dollar question.
What do you mean?
None of this makes any sense.
Try me.
This is Sally Jeffries. She's lived here over 40 years.
Neighbors describe her as nothing short of a saint.
Okay, so somebody shot a churchgoing old lady.
It wouldn't be the first time.
She got any kids or grandkids
involved in the gang culture around here?
She's got a son,
but he's far from hood.
He's an engineer down in Virginia.
Okay, well, somebody kicked the door in.
Maybe it was a robbery or a home invasion?
No, see here's where it got strange.
When our uniforms responded to the scene,
that front door was bolted and chained from the inside.
Okay, so our guys kicked the door in.
Well, maybe somebody was sitting in here with her,
shot her, and slipped out one of the windows.
Wh-- and bothered to put the screen back?
I mean, there's no gun anywhere, so she obviously
didn't shoot herself. I don't know.
I mean, don't laugh,
but I'm a little spooked by this whole thing.
Well, what are gonna do, call Ghostbusters?
Let's just keep looking around.
I'm sure there's a logical explanation.
Maybe someone shot her somewhere and then dumped her here?
Well, that theory wouldn't really work,
because you said the door was locked from the inside, right?
Well, then what?
Maybe
the round came from outside of the apartment.
That makes sense.
Like a sniper?
Or a stray bullet.
There's no entry or exit wound in the back of the sofa,
so maybe it came in from this direction.
I'd say that looks like a bullet hole to me.
I don't believe it. Yeah, believe it.
You're gonna let this one go to your head, aren't you?
Most likely.
Think I just found our ghost. Someone's on the run.
Hey!
Hold it! Police!
Stop!
Police!
Come back!
Get out of the way, watch out!
Come here. Come here. Come here.
Move! Whoa.
Hey, man.
Damn it.
Good Cop, Bad Cop Original Air Date on September 3
You dropped something, speedy.
That ain't mine.
Sure it is. This is you, right?
Terrell Spaulding?
Why'd you run?
There some kind of law against running?
In my experience,
when you run from cops, it means you're guilty.
In my experience, you don't run from the cops, you're an idiot.
You live six blocks from Mrs. Jeffries' apartment.
What were you doing clocking what I was doing there?
I don't know. I was just looking.
You was just looking?
Do you know Ms. Jeffries?
You know anything about Ms. Jeffries?
'Cause I do. She's a mom and a wife
and a grandmother, and she raised a son
from that block to graduate from college with honors.
Now, you and I both know that's a very difficult thing to do.
So give her a medal.
You know, I have a son your age.
Give yourself a medal, too.
And 14-year-old kids should not be as hardened as you!
You see a lot of white picket fences up in my hood?
No, I don't.
When did you start running with the Unique Splitz?
Man, it's just ink.
You think I was born yesterday, Terrell?
Come on.
We both know that's a gang affiliation.
So why don't you start talking?
Okay. How's this? I want a lawyer.
You... you want a lawyer, so maybe
you're in a lot more trouble than I thought you were, huh?
I know the game. Do you?
I ask for a lawyer, you ain't allowed
to ask me no more questions.
Where'd you pick that one up? I told you.
I ain't saying nothing to you.
Okay, then.
You're free to go, Street Smarts.
Just remember,
you've entered my world now.
Nah, Detective. You in our world.
We'll see about that.
Take him home.
What do you got?
We were canvassing the area and talked to someone
who might have seen something on your case.
Might have?
He's not too chatty.
It's going around. Thanks.
Oh, my God.
It's actually pretty good.
No.
He can never see this.
I have already seen it.
Please join me. You, too, Baker.
Please... sit down.
Just for the record,
what idiot had the nerve to send that to you?
Idiots. Plural. What?
Both my sons.
I thought Officer Clark's caricature was pretty funny.
Didn't you?
Well, I don't know.
Oh, come on. You guys didn't even smile?
I did.
Maybe a little.
It was more out of shock than anything else.
Nobody smiles in shock, Baker.
Well, did you read the comments?
What comments?
The responses to Officer Clark's caricature.
Uh, no, I did not. Uh, give me the gist.
There are a few positive ones backing you up.
Out of how many?
A few out of hundreds and counting.
Plus, the Post got a hold of it
and put it on their Web site.
Well, that's their job.
There wasn't
a version of this where you just took down his name
and passed it to the commanding officer?
Sure there was, but that is not the version
that actually happened.
He smart-assed me,
then he refused a direct order.
You don't get to do that.
Yes, sir. No, sir, I mean.
And I did talk to his commanding officer.
Oh. Well, that's good.
It is? Why's that?
You know. Kind of making it light.
You know? Things got a little heated,
one thing led to another,
yada, yada, yada... Again,
that is not the version that actually happened.
No? I ordered his C.O.
to place Officer Clark on modified duty
for insubordination.
Just so you know, his dad's Sergeant Pat Clark
of the 3-1 and his uncle's deputy chief.
No hooks on this, please.
You know, in his day, Teddy was
drawn as anything from a bull moose
to a fishwife to a rogue elephant.
I'd like to think he kept his sense of humor, too.
Does the name Frankie Reed mean anything to you?
Was he a friend of your father's?
No, Ma. He's a con man with a rap sheet a mile long.
Oh, I would never have anything to do with someone like that.
Uh, you-you wrote a half a dozen checks for him
for a few thousand dollars apiece.
I did?
Oh! That's Frankie. I know him.
He's not a con artist.
He's a very nice man.
You would like him, Anthony.
Yeah, I really doubt that, Ma. No, you would.
Poor thing, he just lost his wife.
And his son has leukemia.
I think it's leukemia.
Is that why you gave him the money, Ma?
He told you his family was sick?
Well... did I give him a lot of money?
You gave him all of it.
Oh, Anthony.
Please, don't tell me that.
Listen to me very carefully.
Mm-hmm. I need you
to try to remember everything you can about this guy.
What are you gonna do?
Just take a look.
Please.
You told the officers you spoke to that you saw one gang of kids
fighting another gang of kids
in front of Ms. Jeffries' apartment,
and then you heard a gunshot.
Wait a second, that's not exactly what I said.
No? It's pretty damn close to what you said.
I-I would just... prefer to stay out of this,
if that's okay?
Oh, now you want to stay out of it?
Oh, is that because you... recently bought a place
in that neighborhood yourself?
Something wrong with that? No. Not at all.
I mean, I think it's great when someone like you
takes a chance on a neighborhood like that.
I mean, you're gonna fix your place up all nice, and then
other people will follow, and then, hell,
pretty soon there'll be good schools
and a Starbucks on every street corner.
That's the idea. See the problem,
though, Larry, is that neighborhoods like that,
they don't turn around on their own.
It takes members of the community to do their part,
and since you are now a member of that community,
how about you do your part?
Detective, there is no way I'm gonna
get on the wrong side of that gang.
Б─°THat gang.Б─? You... mean the Splitz?
Yeah.
Well, is that because
you're scared, Larry?
Or is that because you know
as soon as those kids finish killing themselves off,
then your property value will increase?
I'm not the one who did anything wrong.
Look, Larry, someone fired a gun,
and the bullet from that gun killed an innocent woman
sitting in her apartment, on her sofa, watching TV.
In your neighborhood.
And that could be you next, Larry.
I know. You know.
Then work with me here.
Who had the gun?
I'm not even positive I heard a gunshot.
I said maybe I did.
You know, I think, maybe,
you know exactly who the shooter was.
Look, I don't know why I'm getting the third degree.
I haven't done anything wrong. I'm just trying to help.
Then help.
I can't.
You can't or you won't?
I'm not gonna
ask you again. Where's the money?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Hey, take it easy. Mind your business.
You like to fleece old ladies, do you?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, listen,
you got two choices: give me every nickel
of my mother's money back,
or I'm gonna put your head through the wall.
Okay, okay. I-I... I'll give you the money.
Just give me a couple of days.
We ain't negotiating!
I don't have it.
Where is it?
I spent it, all right?
Police! Let him go!
It's okay.
I'm on the job.
I said let him go.
Now. Keep your hands
where I can see 'em.
I called you as a courtesy.
Your partner is this close to getting himself arrested.
I really appreciate it, Jamie. You better talk to him, Erin.
And you better have him apologize to those officers.
I will and he will. But what happened?
I mean, there's just no way Anthony would act like this
without just cause.
He had 30,000 good reasons, Erin, but that's no excuse.
When a uniform tells you to come, you come.
What happened?
See that one over there?
That's Frankie Reed.
He's a low-level scammer. He befriended Anthony's mother
a couple months ago, who suffers from Alzheimer's.
Looks like he conned her
out of her whole life savings over the last two months.
So you arrested him?
Unfortunately, I got nothing to hold him on.
You just said he conned her out of $30,000.
It's a he said, she said.
And, unfortunately, what she says today
she can't remember tomorrow.
So he just walks?
Don't look at me. Your office would kick this back to me
before I could even get the cuffs on.
He says she gave him the money,
and, for all we know, she did.
I got no case. I got no probable cause here.
It... You're right.
It's okay. It's...
You know, it's not okay.
What? What's not okay?
That we're constantly having to tell people
we can't help them when it's our job to help.
Erin...
Let's go, Anthony. You need to apologize to the officers.
I do? Yeah, you do.
And then we're gonna figure out a way
to nail this son of a bitch for what he did
to your mother.
What's up? You holding?
You got the green?
14 years old
and knee-deep in the life, huh, Street Smarts?
You're really living the dream, aren't you? Where's your mommy?
You say something about my mother? Take it easy.
I'm looking for your boss, Roxy. Where is she?
Why don't you run along and play?
What you want?
Roxy Barnes.
Look at you, the first woman to break
the glass ceiling and run the Splitz.
Didn't just break it, Five-O--
straight-up blasted it. That's impressive.
You're a real inspiration to women.
You're a regular Susan B. Anthony.
Who?
Never mind.
My name's Detective Reagan.
I need to talk to you. Nah.
I don't do no talkin'. You want to talk?
Talk to the fat boy. Here he comes.
My name is Dominick Barbosa.
I'm the registered counsel for Ms. Barnes.
The fat boy. Yeah, I get it.
You're lawyered up already, huh?
I'm a businesswoman.
Fat boy always on retainer.
Detective, how can we help you?
We have reason to believe
Sally Jeffries was shot by a stray bullet through her window.
We're talking to people in the neighborhood,
trying to get information
that might lead us to her killer.
It's a terrible thing what happened there.
Sad. We were all very upset
to learn that news this morning. So then
you wouldn't mind telling us which member of your crew
fired the gun, right? My crew?
Please, Five-O, you trippin'.
Come on. I got an eyewitness, saw your gang
fighting in front of Ms. Jeffries' window right
at the time of the shooting.
Who?
Detective, my client has
no information to share.
What happened to everyone being so busted up
about Ms. Jeffries' death?
Man, check this out, man.
We take care of our own round these parts,
and if we need your help,
we'll holla at you. You know,
for a little lady, you sure got a big mouth.
Damn straight. Detective,
if you have reason to believe my client
committed a crime, then arrest her.
Short of that, have
a pleasant afternoon.
Stay close to her.
She's gonna need you.
Aw, get out of here, boy. I'm going.
But I'll see you soon.
Man, kick rocks. Just calm down.
I want you to know I really appreciate
you doing this for me and for my mother.
Well, I haven't done anything yet. But you're trying.
There ain't that many triers left in the world.
Well, don't thank me until we actually build a case.
And how we gonna do that?
Well, right now, Frankie says your mother gave him the money,
but you think he forced her or threatened her.
So if we can prove that, then we have a case.
Yeah. But Ma don't remember nothing.
Doesn't remember anything.
Who doesn't remember anything?
Your mother, Anthony.
And that might be true, but someone else might.
She made nine transactions in the period of two months,
all at the same branch.
So maybe someone saw this scumbag being a real scumbag.
Word choices, Anthony.
What?
Nothing.
Do you have the cat in your sight, ma'am?
And is that tree visible from the street?
Ten-hut!
As you were.
Hey, Sam.
How you doing? Commissioner.
Thought you might enjoy these.
Officer Clark over there is part of a long and rich tradition
of using caricature to make a political or social point.
The difference in this instance is
that the guys who drew these worked for the newspapers.
He works for me.
Here you go.
I'm sorry about that, Commissioner.
Sorry you did it or sorry I saw it?
Both.
Hmm.
Look,
you got family on the job, but you didn't use a hook.
How come?
Sir, I've been made an example of since I could walk.
Something about me. If I screw up, people in charge
like to make an example of me.
That's not what I'm doing here.
Point is, I'm used to it.
And I quit bothering my family with it long ago.
You put in for transfer out to Nassau County.
I don't think you have all your Intel there, sir.
No?
I put in a year and a half ago.
I got approved a year ago.
But you're still here.
I was still here, yes.
Copy that, Officer.
I don't understand why nobody here called me.
Give me a heads-up that my mother
has taken out 30 grand in less than two months.
Mr. Abetemarco, your name isn't on the account.
Did anything look suspicious to you or to any of the tellers?
It's not our job to be evaluating the company
our clients keep.
Well, it may not be your job,
but it may be viewed as your responsibility.
Mrs. Abetemarco is the sole signee on this account.
She herself made each of these withdrawals.
I'm sorry, but that's all I can say on the matter.
Sounds like she played you pretty good.
Knew you were coming.
Had her lawyer on standby.
You want I should go back there and get you her autograph?
I'm just saying, underestimate your enemy
at your own peril.
Underestimate your partner at your own peril.
Hey.
Babe, can I call you back? I'm just eating lunch here.
Your son cut school today.
He did what?
Oh, and it gets better. Yeah.
He and his knucklehead friends,
they went to Cali's and got drunk.
Put him on the phone. No.
He's... he's sleeping it off.
Okay.
I'll deal with him when I get home.
My idiot son skipped school to go party with his friends.
What, like you never cut school?
Ah...
I may have underestimated you, partner.
You're a genius.
Okay.
Can I have your fortune cookie?
All right, hold him right there!
Get 'em out of here!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Y'all can't collar them!
You got to observe them
doing hand to hands first.
Hey, they're not collaring anyone.
All right, so where the hell
they taking my crew at, man?
Well, these are truancy officers.
You do realize all of these kids are supposed to be
in class right now.
Man, quit playing. Please.
I'm actually not playing at all.
In fact, I'm gonna be back here
every morning at 7:30 when the school bell rings.
Hey, you cannot do this, man. And I sure the hell can do it.
Or I can't.
That is really up to you, Half Pint.
Half Pint?
That's right, Short Stack.
You want to tell me
which one of your crew was the shooter?
I'll let them hang out of school as long as they want.
Man, hell no.
Okay, then. I'll see you tomorrow.
And the next day. And the next day!
Man, you messing with the wrong female, Five-O.
Don't be a fool, stay in school.
Come on, get 'em out of here. Let's go.
Hey, Dad.
Б─°HEy, DadБ─?
Look, I'm sorry.
No. You're gonna be sorry.
Mom's making a much bigger deal out of this than it is.
You know how she gets.
No, I don't know how she gets, Jack.
What I do know is you and your friends cut school
to go have a party at Cali's house.
It wasn't a party.
So, now we're gonna add lying on top of
drinking and cutting school.
Wow, you're really batting a thousand here, kid.
I-I'm sorry.
Look.
I know you think this isn't a big deal,
but it is. Dad,
it was just a couple of beers.
The beers are bad enough.
What's worse is you cut school.
And what's even worse than that is this.
The party?
No, not the party.
The video you made of the party.
I-I... I just don't get what the big deal is.
You put it online!
What if a college recruiter saw this? Then what, Jack?
Dad, it's ZipVid...
It-it disappears unless you put it on your timeline.
And even then, it's only up for 48 hours.
Oh... so that means the entire world
only gets to see my son act like a complete idiot
for two whole days? Well, that's a real relief.
I'll delete it.
You're not getting this back till Christmas.
That's if you grow some brains by then.
New plan.
Б─°BUckner v.
What's it say? Read it.
Can't you just give me the CliffsNotes?
We don't need to prove that Frankie coerced your mother.
We just need to prove he was aware of her condition
at the time that he asked for money.
That's great.
How we gonna do that?
We get him to incriminate himself on a wire.
Erin, I know you mean good, but...
I can't wire up my mother.
I'm not gonna put a wire on your mother.
Then who? A cop.
Your check, sir.
But I haven't eaten yet.
Um...
Oh... right.
I'm sorry.
Here, let me get that.
It's the least I can do,
since you were nice enough
to listen to my sob story.
No, it's okay.
Nah, I insist.
I mean, you don't know me.
I'm just some stranger who sat down
next to you to shoot the breeze.
I don't know you?
You don't remember me sitting down, do you?
Well, I don't know. Maybe.
You remember offering to loan me money?
No, did I?
You did.
You said my son's life was worth a hell of a lot more
than a measly $2,000.
I did?
You're having second thoughts.
Henry, that's okay. I don't want to hold you
to a promise that you don't want to keep.
No, no, no. I'm a man of my word.
I want to give you the money.
You're a saint, Henry.
An honest-to-goodness saint.
Should we...
head over to the bank?
Sure.
We got him dead to rights.
Henry!
Henry Reagan.
Who?
Henry, it's Chris Pappas.
Don't you remember?
We worked together in the 3-1.
You're a cop?
I'm a little confused.
Geez. Is this guy kidding me?
A cop?
This guy is NYPD royalty.
Don't you know who he is?
I think we should go to the bank before it closes.
Y-You know what?
I just remembered I have another appointment.
Ah...
Henry, did I just screw something up?
I'm sorry, Anthony.
I can't believe this. We had him.
Seriously, what makes you think
one of these kids shot video
of the fight the other night?
Because with kids nowadays, an event didn't even occur
unless somebody recorded it on their phones.
Well, I'll give you that, but even if they did
shoot the fight, what makes you think
they're dumb enough to share it
on social media? You'd be surprised
how dumb a 14-year-old could be. Trust me.
Well, so far these kids seem...
Well, wait a second. What's that one?
Looks like outside Sally Jeffries' apartment.
Play that video.
Would you look at that?
Play it again, okay? I'm gonna record it on my phone.
It's gone. I-I don't know what happened.
These things, they self-destruct after 48 hours.
How do we get it back?
Damn it.
Knock. Pause for response.
Sorry, boss.
But we think you should
reinstate Officer Clark to active duty.
There is really nothing to discuss here.
Actually, I think there's a lot to discuss.
Particularly, your over-the-top reaction
to a minor infraction.
Insubordination is never a minor infraction.
Walk into any precinct in the city,
you're losing the public relations battle.
Look, I was not just screwing around out there.
It's about his life!
A cop can't walk around like this.
He's got to watch his six o'clock.
In the NYPD, no cop has ever given another cop
a summons while he was on duty and in uniform,
let alone the commissioner.
Okay, I'll tell you what else has never happened before.
A beat cop refusing a direct order
from his commissioner.
How do cops see it?
Like one cop slapping another cop
with a speeding ticket while he's in the middle
of a high-speed chase.
Oh, please. Don't try to spin this
like he was in the middle of some heroic duty.
He was smoking a cigarette and texting.
I know, boss, but he's a good cop.
I checked. Yeah, who stepped out of line,
took heat for it.
Maybe he'll take a lesson from that.
He, just this morning, cashed in on his transfer
out to Nassau County.
Next week is his last.
I thought you'd want to know.
Did they change my door to read Б─°Personnel DirectorБ─?
No, sir.
But not for nothing, the time and money
it takes to train a Richard Clark?
Wouldn't it be a waste to just let him walk out the door?
There's always attrition.
Just the way it is.
Hey, Street Smarts.
Get over here. Yo, man. We ain't do nothing.
Step back, you. Come here. The rest of you, don't move.
Get your hands out of your pockets. Hands against the car.
Hey, man, what'd I do?
Put your hands on the car.
Anything in your pockets? Any weapons?
Oh, what do we got here? You can't take that.
Sure, I can.
Besides, I got a warrant. For what?
I told you guys not to come this way.
For that.
I got it. Let's go.
Come on.
Scoot over.
Going for a stroll, Anthony? Erin.
What are you doing here?
Hoping I wasn't gonna find you.
What are you talking about?
Come on, Anthony, we both know we're on Frankie's block.
We are?
You're as good a liar as you are a linguist.
Why don't you just go home? Don't worry about this.
I know how you feel, Anthony.
And I'm 100% behind you,
but if you do what we both know you're here to do,
then your mother's gonna lose you, too.
I can't let him get away with it. Sure, you can.
You've seen his rap sheet.
You know he's gonna be back in the system sooner or later.
And when he is,
I promise you I will max him out.
I'm not just gonna sit on my hands, Erin.
This is my mother we're talking about.
Go home, or I'm calling this in.
Let's go, Street Smarts. Come on.
Don't worry. It's the start of a beautiful friendship.
Gun!
Aah!
Are you okay, Reagan? Yeah.
Son of a bitch. You okay?
I'm okay, I guess.
All right. Take a breath.
Take a breath.
You get a plate? No.
This is what I'm talking about, kid.
We're not playing any games here, okay?
This is serious stuff.
I want to go home. You'll go home when I say you do.
Now, did you get a look at the shooter?
It was Roxy, wasn't it? Wasn't it?
All right.
It's all right.
Evening, fat boy.
Can I help you, Detective?
Yes. This is a warrant for your client's arrest.
As an officer of the court, it's your responsibility
to notify your client
that she's wanted for the murder of Sally Jeffries
and the attempted murder of Terrell Spaulding.
If I happen to speak to her, I'll pass it along.
Well, you make sure you happen to speak to her.
Have a nice night, detectives.
You good, partner?
Is there a problem, Detective?
Anybody here in the house with you?
That's none of your business.
Actually, it is my business.
Put your hands where I can see them and turn around.
Excuse me? Turn around,
face the wall.
Danny, what's going on?
Hold on. I think your bullet might've clipped Roxy.
Hands behind your back. You have no right to cuff me.
If you're harboring a fugitive, I do.
Hey!
Drop it.
Drop it!
I was hoping you'd give me an excuse to finish you.
You got a minute?
I have someone who wants to say hello.
Mr. Reagan.
How are you? I just wanted
to stop by and apologize for, uh,
letting you guys down the other day.
Not at all. You were great.
We just caught a bad break is all.
Uh, your family's caught
one too many bad breaks, as far as I'm concerned.
We'll get him... eventually, right?
Mm-hmm. Well, with her
at your side, I have no doubt.
But I wanted to do my part, too.
Please, Mr. Reagan,
you've already done more than enough.
This is for your mother.
$30,000.
What is this?
When you've been top cop in this town,
you end up with friends in high places.
An old pal of mine
is the CEO of your mother's bank.
When he found out what went down at one of his branches...
he wanted to do the right thing by your mother.
I don't know what to say.
Say you'll invite me over for dinner one night.
I hear your mother makes a mean meat sauce.
Once upon a time.
Ha.
Thank you, sir.
So, who is Captain Queeg?
He's a character
from an old book and movie, The Caine Mutiny.
Yeah. I've heard of that.
How's Grandpa like Captain Queeg?
He's not.
- No, I'm not. - I was just
using an example of an iconic character.
In your own inimitable way.
What does Б─°inimitableБ─?Mean?
Unique. Yeah.
Okay. Look, uh, my officer
broke the law, in uniform, on duty,
and then he refused a direct order.
That does not make me Captain Queeg,
or a stickler,
or a pinched-nosed nanny, and that's that.
Well, I worked a few crime scenes with that guy.
Thought he was pretty sharp.
I mean, he noticed things that nobody else did,
including me, twice.
And what are you saying? Just saying,
if he could stay out of his own way,
he'd probably make a great detective.
Well, that's like saying if you had a great arm,
you could be Manning.
All right.
At the Academy his nickname was Little Big Horn.
How'd he get that? An instructor
was taking him apart after an exercise one time
and said that he was taking bets that Clark
would finish bottom of his class
if he finished at all. Clark lipped him back
and said that General Custer finished
bottom of his class at West Point
and went on to become, you know, General Custer.
So the bosses called him Little Big Horn.
That's pretty good.
Clark didn't back down, either.
He got Б─°Little Big HornБ─? Tattooed on his shoulder.
Wow. What a badge of honor.
Remind you of anyone?
No.
Bottom of his class, quick with the lip.
I wasn't at the bottom.
Spitting distance.
And what's your point, Pop?
No point.
Just an observation.
You have shades, ma'am, or curtains of some sort?
Well... that is your answer right there.
He cannot watch you undress if the shades are drawn.
Ten-hut!
As you were.
Twice in a week. A dream come true, right?
There's something I wanted to say in person.
I busted your chops, you busted mine.
That fair to say? Yes, sir.
So we're pretty much even on that score.
Yes, sir.
Okay. Then all things being equal,
if you're convinced that nailing skinny-dippers
and chasing down shoplifters out in the Hamptons
is your true calling...
then you have my blessing.
I'll even make some calls for you.
Thank you, sir.
But if you're half the guy I think you are...
...and half the cop I hear you are,
I'm pretty sure this little bit of shade
hasn't exactly shattered you to pieces.
Maybe you need to think about that, too.
What's that?
Nicotine lozenges. They say they help with the cravings.
Can't smoke on the job on Long Island, either.
Commissioner.