I feel distinctly under dressed.
This is just a sort of uniform, really.
Jack's party frock.
Jack, come here.
- Come here. - What?
- Is there? - Yeah. I got it. It's all right.
- If you feel like a stroll later... - Are these two places free?
- Yes. Please do. - Let me give you a hand.
- She's living in London now? - Yes.
- With her husband? - No, no, no. They're divorced.
Why did I have a feeling you were going to say that?
- Hello, Warnie. - Hello.
- You all right? - I'm just a little exhausted.
- Would it be all right if we sat down? - Yes.
You haven't seen my rooms yet. Let me show you.
Tired?
- Would you like coffee? - Yes.
- Nescafe? - Sure.
Oh, there. That's better. Much better.
Perhaps you should change those shoes.
I won't talk about that.
I'm not going to stay long either.
For all I know, I'm not even allowed to be here.
Female guests are permitted between 10:00 a.m. And 8:00 p.m.
We're legal.
Jack, don't you sometimes just bust to share the joke?
- What joke? - Well, here's your friends...
thinking we're unmarried, and up to all sorts of wickedness...
when all along we're married and up to nothing at all.
Which friends?
You really can be hard work sometimes.
So, what do you do here?
Think great thoughts?
Teach, mainly.
What do they do, sit at your feet and gaze up at you in awe?
No, not at all.
I bet they do.
We have some fine old battles in here, I can tell you that.
Which you win.
Must be quite a boost for you, being older...
and wiser than all of them.
Not to mention your readers.
What?
Your readers. Oh. That gang of friends of yours...
all very well trained not to play out of bounds.
- What are you talking about? - And of course there's Warnie.
Not much competition there.
That's nonsense.
What about Christopher Riley? He never lets me get away with anything.
- You know that. - Except doubt and...
fear and pain and terror.
- Where did all that come from? - I've only now just seen it.
How you've arranged a life for yourself where no one can touch you.
Everyone that's close to you is either younger than you...
or weaker than you, or under your control.
Why are you getting at me? I thought we were friends.
I don't know that we are friends.
Not the way you have friends, anyway.
- Sorry, Jack. - I don't understand.
Oh, I think you do.
You just don't like it.
Nor do I.
Whistler.
Go? Go where?
- London. - But why?
Is it money?
Not really.
One more year and you'd have your degree.
Yeah, then what? Teach, like you?
I wonder what it is everyone wants from me.
You asked the first question I've ever heard you ask that sounds like...
you don't know the answer.
Is that good? Is that what you want?
Ignorance? Confusion?
I just don't think I see my way ahead quite as clearly as you do.
Shadows.
What?
It's one of my stories.
We live in the shadowlands.
Sun is always shining somewhere else...
around a bend in the road...
over the brow of a hill.
Hello. A London number, please.
Yesterday, a friend of mine, a very brave...
good woman...
collapsed in terrible pain.
One minute she was fit and well...
next minute she was in agony.
She's now in hospital, and this morning I was told she's...
suffering from cancer.
Why?
See, if you love someone, you don't want them to suffer.
You can't bear it.
You want to take their suffering onto yourself.
If even I feel like that...
why doesn't God?
- How is she? - Not good.
I'm so sorry, Jack.
I just want her to be well again, you see.
Of course you do.
We all do.
What a dangerous world we live in.
You've been up all night. Why don't you get some sleep?
No. I can't sleep.
It's all too soon, you see. I just haven't had time, that's all.
Time for what?
I don't know. Talk, say things.
It doesn't take long.
No, I suppose not.
Whatever it is, I should just say it.
Yes. You must be right, Warnie.
But it is difficult, you see.
Yes, I do see that.
- Mr. Lewis. - Dr. Craig, this is my brother Warnie.
How do you do?
- Your wife. - How is she? Any change?
We've made her as comfortable as we can.
Otherwise, there's nothing further to report.
How much has she been told?
She's been told that the cancer has eaten away her left femur.
- Oh, no. - She knows it's serious.
The thigh bone snapped like a frozen twig.
- I see. - Can anything be done?
She's dying, Warnie.
That's putting it more starkly than I would choose, Mr. Lewis.
No. But it's true, isn't it?
The cancer is very advanced.
Don't talk if it hurts.
- Where's Douglas? - He's staying with us for the moment.
I'll bring him over to see you when... when you're up to it.
Thank you.
Do you have any water?
Mm-hmm.
Were you here to visit me before?
A couple of times.
I thought so.
Here.
Sorry, Jack. I didn't mean to cause you all this bother.
Don't talk nonsense.
You're the one that's having the bother.
What I mean is, you don't have to take care of me.
Well, who do you expect to take care of you?
You know what I'm trying to say.
But who else should take care of you but me? You're my wife.
Yeah, technically.
And I shall look after you technically.
Jack, I have to know how bad it is. They won't tell me.
That's because they're not sure themselves.
- Please. - I don't know any more than they do.
Before Douglas gets here, I need to know.
They say you're going to die.
Yes. Thank you.
What do you say?
I'm a Jew, I'm divorced, I'm broke and I'm dying of cancer.
Do you think I get a discount?
Do you know something?
Mm-hmm.
You seem different. You look at me properly now.
Didn't I before?
Not properly.
I don't want to lose you.
I don't want to be lost.
What?
Nurse?
Nurse? Nurse!
Is this pain really necessary?
- I'll fetch the doctor. - Good.
There we are. We'll make another one tomorrow.
Now what? Lights out?
- No, I read in bed. - Got your book?
- Here. - How long are you allowed to read?
- One chapter. - One chapter then.
- I wanna be awake when Jack gets back. - Well, that shouldn't be long now.
- He will say "good night," won't he? - Of course. Night, night.
Night.
No change.
I promised Douglas you'd say "good night."
She's in hospital in London. Apparently he goes up there every day.
- It must have hit him very hard. - It's thrown him off balance.
- A sad business. - Has he said anything to you?
- About her? - Mm.
Nothing.
- I'm so sorry about all this. - Yes. Thank you.
It's all come too soon, you see?
Her affairs aren't in order, and...
what's going to happen to Douglas, for example?
I suppose, his father?
She wouldn't want that.
'Cause he drinks, you know, and he's an alcoholic.
Possibly other relatives?
I mean, it's not as if...
It's not as if what, Harry?
Well, she's your friend, of course, but, well...
She's not family.
She's not my wife?
Of course not.
It's impossible. It's unthinkable.
How could Joy have been my wife?
I'd have to love her, wouldn't I?
I'd have to care more for her than...
for anyone else in this world.
I'd have to be suffering the torments of the damned.
The prospect of losing her...
I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't know.
Nor did I, Harry.
It's growing in right here. See? I got a new tooth.
That's great. How 'bout that one on the bottom?
Remember?
Oh, yes.
Better take him home. I'll stay a little longer, catch the 8:40.
Right.
May we come in?
Ever had toasted tea cakes, Douglas?
The secret's in the butter. You've gotta have so much it runs down your fingers.
Should we go and find some?
Put that tooth under your pillow.
- See you soon. - Bye.
Come on. The secret's in the butter. You've gotta have lots. See you later.
Yes.
- Are you staying? - Yes. For a while.
I want to marry you, Joy.
I want to marry you before God and the world.
- Make an honest woman out of me? - Not you.
It's me who hasn't been honest.
Look what it takes to make me see sense.
You think I've overdone it?
Please don't leave me.
You know, back where I come from...
they have this quaint old custom...
Well, when a guy makes up his mind to marry a girl, he asks her.
It's called a proposal.
It's the same here.
Did I miss it?
Will you marry this foolish, frightened old man...
who needs you more than he can bear to say...
who loves you even though he hardly knows how.
Just this once.
We don't seem to have had much time to talk.
I'm okay.
Yeah.
- Your mother and l... - Why did we ever come to this country?
We were all right where we were. I told Mom, but she wouldn't listen.
Does my dad know she's sick? Did anybody tell him?
Yes. He's been told.
It's sinking now.
I don't care.
I know your mother has talked to you about, um...
Yep.
Would that be all right with you?
Yep.
It would make me happy, and I think it would make her happy too.
I, Joy, take thee, Jack...
"To have and to hold from this day forward.
For better, for worse.
For richer, for poorer.
In sickness and in health.
To love, cherish and obey.
Till death us do part."
The ring.
"With this ring, I thee wed.
With my body, I thee worship.
And all my worldly goods, I thee endow."
Those whom God has joined together...
let no man put asunder.
Amen.
- Yes? - It's Whistler.
Of course. Yes. How are you?
- Thank you. - Thanks.
Funny the way things work out, isn't it?
- I've not noticed that they do. - You're probably right. Well...
- "Fight me. I can take it." - What?
- "Fight me. I can take it." You... - Did I say that?
Yeah.
What are you doing these days?
Teaching. Feel free to give a hollow laugh.
No, I suspect you're a born teacher.
I do turn out to be quite good at it.
Good.
- Your father's a teacher, isn't he? - Yes.
- Aye. - He died a few months ago.
I'm sorry.
I loved him very much.
Did he know that?
I think so.
- I think he knew. - Yeah.
One has to say things.
The moment passes, and then you're alone again.
Yes.
"We read to know we're not alone."
That's what he said, wasn't it? Your father?
See, I haven't forgotten.
Well.
- Jack, what news? - Good news, I think. Yes, good news.
- I'm very glad. - Thank you, Christopher.
Christopher can scoff, but I know how hard you've been praying.
And now God is answering your prayer.
That's not why I pray. I pray because I can't help myself.
I pray because I'm helpless. I pray beca...
I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping.
It doesn't change God. It changes me.
- Doctor, how is she? - Well, I think you better see yourself.
- I'll catch you up, Sister. - Right, sir.
Watch.
Well. Can you do more?
All right. Come close.
That's it.
- How'd I do? - That's not bad.
That's wonderful. Come and sit down. Whoo.
Wonderful.
- So, does she have to stay here? - I see no reason why...
so long as the remission continues.
How long is that?
Come on. You can speak openly.
Could be months. Could be weeks.
Why not years?
In such an advanced case, that would be unusual.
- Well, we take what we can get. - Right.
How would you like to come home?
- Where is home? - What do you mean, "Where's home?"
Oxford. My house. Our house. We're married. Don't you remember?
- Let's go and take her home. - Good.
Now, there's no need to worry about me.
- I'll sort myself out. - Sort yourself out? What do you mean?
- New digs. No problem. - Do you want to?
- It's as you wish. - I don't.
- Right you are. - Then it's settled.
There.
Good night.
Ready, Jack.
Here we are. Take it slowly.
That's it.
All right?
- It's not far. - Can we just sit down?
- I need a lot of pauses. - All right.
Good. Up we go.
- Ow. That's okay. - Right.
Thank you, my love.
What for?
For all of it.
- I think it's better if I lie down. - Wee. Slowly.
- There. - Good.
Yes, as I look at this room...
it strikes me it is a bit on the spartan side.
- How long has it been your room? - Twenty-five years.
More, I suppose.
Have you ever shared it with anyone?
Feel strange?
Well, I'm not entirely sure of the procedure.
Well, what do you usually do when you go to bed, Jack?
- Very much what you'd expect. - Tell me.
- So, you come in the door? - Mm-hmm.
Then I draw the curtains.
Then I get out my pajamas.
- From where? - Under the pillow.
And then what?
Then I hang my clothes over the chair.
And I clean my teeth...
wash...
kneel by the bed.
Well, first I turn back the bedclothes, and I kneel by the bed...
pray, and I get into bed.
- Like a little boy. - Is it?
What next?
Then I go to sleep.
On your back or on your side?
On my side.
Show me.
You do everything just the way you always do it.
When you get to the last bit, I'll be here too.
That's the procedure.
What is the time? Let's see.
6:00 any minute now.
Well, is somebody gonna ring a bell or something?
Yes, I believe a lot of people ring a lot of bells.
But first, they sing.
All right? Good.
Look!
- Jump! - Mad. They're really mad, all of them.
It's known as high spirits.
Admit you're glad I brought you.
It's pagan, it's vulgar, it's all faintly silly, but it works.
Sunrise always works.
You have to hold it down. So how'd you want it to look? Like that, right?
- Yeah. - So describe that.
- It's got lots of sunlight. - Hello.
- Well, type it. - Hello, Douglas.
Jack, where did you say the Golden Valley was?
Somewhere in Herefordshire, I think.
- Your tea's ready. - All right.
Remember what we talked about. It's important. We'll finish this later.
Hello.
- Where did you say it was? - Herefordshire, I believe.
And do you think it still looks the same?
Oh, I very much doubt it.
You thought it was heaven?
I was only a child.
Let's look for it.
We never had a honeymoon.
- Are you up to traveling? - It's not so far, is it?
I don't really know. Where would we stay?
I don't know. Small country hotel?
- You happy? - Yes.
- What kind of happy? - Just happy.
- You know my kind of happy? - How stupid.
I forget. When you ask a question, it means you have the answer waiting.
So go ahead, tell me.
- Come on. - I'm not telling you now.
What do I have to do, go to the lecture?
Yes. Buy the book.
Well, it's a hotel, and it's in the country.
Thank you.
Yes.
Well, will it do?
Oh, it's beautiful.
You seem to have survived the journey.
Yes, but I could use a drink. Do they have room service?
Room service?
I should think the room service was saying your prayers in bed.
Well, you can order some prayers. I will take a gin and tonic.
Now?
Sure. Why not?
All right.
- Honey? - Hmm?
You can use the telephone.
Where is it? Yes, the phone.
Room service.
Hello?
Yes, this is Mr. Lewis in room num...
I'm sorry, I've forgotten the room... the number of the room.
I'm already in the room, you see. You do? Good.
Yes, a gin and tonic.
A gin and tonic. Yes, two gin and tonics.
Two gins and tonic, I should say.
Yes, I'm sorry. Thank you. Bye.
You don't like gin.
I'm afraid I panicked.
Come here.
The Golden Valley runs along the River Dwr.
Here, let me show you on the map.
It runs from here to here.
- Why "Golden"? - It's a mistake.
The Welsh for water is dwr, which sounds like d'or, French for "golden."
It isn't golden at all. It's wet.
Now, where can one get a view of the valley?
I should go along here...
down to the junction here, and turn left at this little road.
That'll take you up into the hills.
You know, I don't know why we're doing this.
Yes, you do.
It probably won't be the same. It'll all be changed or spoiled.
Thank you.
Wait, that was it! I'm wrong. The valley runs east-west?
No idea.
You know we're there already?
Where?
There.
There. Yes.
Daisy, daisy give me your answer do
Now, that's it.
We almost made it.
You know, I don't want to be somewhere else anymore.
I'm not waiting for anything new to happen...
not looking around the next corner and over the next hill.
I'm here now. That's enough.
- That's your kind of happy, isn't it? - Yes. Yes, it is.
It's not going to last, Jack.
We shouldn't think about that now. Let's not spoil the time we have.
It doesn't spoil it.
It makes it real.
Let me just say it before this rain stops and we go back.
What is there to say?
That I'm going to die.
And I want to be with you then too.
The only way I can do that is if I'm able to talk to you about it now.
I'll manage somehow. Don't worry about me.
I think it can be better than that.
I think it can be better than just managing.
What l... What I'm trying to say is...
the pain then is part of the happiness now.
That's the deal.
Yes. That's good.
Whoo! Don't go in the river.
Yeah. You've got it.
That's good. That's it.
Douglas, come in and get warm for a while.
I'm sorry, Jack.
She'll be better here. No stairs to climb.
Can't you do something?
I'm afraid not.
Douglas, you couldn't go and fetch the other pillow, could you?
- Thank you, Doctor. - I'll see you tomorrow. Night, night.
- Good night, young man. - Thanks for coming.
A lot of silly fuss, huh? Get over here.
Come on.
Give me a hug.
Help him. You will remember it, I know you will. It will be hard.
Remember what we talked about, 'cause it's important.
Good night.
Good night, Mommy.
Go to sleep.
Blast.
Here, Joy. There.
God, I can't bear to see you in pain like this.
It's all right.
Keeps me quiet.
When it gets close, you'll find out whether you believe it or not, yes?
Didn't you always say real life hasn't begun yet?
You better be right.
Still here?
Still here.
Go to bed.
Get some sleep.
Soon.
I'm tired, Jack.
I wanna rest.
I just don't wanna leave you.
I don't want you to go.
Too much pain.
I know.
I don't know what to do.
You'll have to tell me what to do.
You have to let me go.
I'm not sure that I can.
Will you take care of Douglas?
- Can't hear you. - You will take care of Douglas?
Of course.
He pretends not to mind.
- I know. - Like you.
No more pretending. Not anymore.
I've loved you so.
Don't talk, my love. Just rest.
My love, just rest.
Shh.
Just rest.
I love you, Joy. I love you so much.
You've made me so happy. I didn't know I could be so happy.
You're the truest person I've ever known.
Sweet Jesus...
be with my beloved wife, Joy.
Forgive me if I love her too much.
Have mercy on us both.
We therefore commit the body of thy servant, Joy...
to the elements:
Earth to earth...
ashes to ashes...
dust to dust.
This way, Douglas.
Thank God for your faith. Only faith makes sense of times like this.
I know.
What's happening to me, Warnie?
I can't see her anymore.
I can't remember her face.
I expect it's shock.
I'm so afraid...
of never seeing her again.
Of thinking that suffering is just suffering after all.
No cause. No purpose.
- No pattern. - L...
I don't know what to tell you.
Nothing.
There's nothing to say. I know that now.
I've just come up against a bit of experience.
Experience is a brutal teacher.
But you learn.
My God, you learn.
I really do think one or two of us should have gone.
Certainly not. We hardly knew the woman.
I haven't even seen him for a couple of weeks.
I wouldn't say this to Jack, but better sooner than later.
- Is he taking it very hard? - Yes, I'm afraid so.
Rupert, could we have a word together after all?
- Yes, sir. - Evening, Jack.
Good evening.
I wasn't going to come, but then I thought I would.
Life must go on.
I don't know that it must, but it certainly does.
- I'm sorry, Jack. - Thank you, Christopher.
- We're all deeply sorry. - Thank you.
Anything I can do?
Yes, just don't tell me it's all for the best, that's all.
Only God knows why these things have to happen, Jack.
- God knows, but does God care? - Of course.
We see so little here. We're not the creator.
We're the creatures, aren't we?
We're the rats in the cosmic laboratory.
I've no doubt the experiment is for our own good, but...
it still makes God the vivisectionist, doesn't it?
It won't do.
It's this bloody awful mess, and that's all there is to it.
I'm sorry. I am sorry.
Just not fit company tonight, that's all.
- Yes? - Your grief is your own business.
Maybe you feel life is a mess. But there's Douglas.
- What about Douglas? - Talk to him.
- I don't know what to say to him. - Just talk to him!
When my mother died...
I was your age.
I thought that if I prayed for her to get better...
and if I really believed she'd get better...
then she wouldn't die.
But she did.
It doesn't work.
I don't care.
I loved your mother very much.
Perhaps I loved her too much. She knew that.
She said to me, "Is it worth it?"...
'cause she knew what it would be like later.
Doesn't seem fair, does it?
I don't see why she had to get sick.
Nor me.
But, uh...
you can't hold onto things, Douglas.
You have to let them go.
Do you believe in heaven?
Yes, I do.
I don't believe in heaven.
That's okay.
I sure would like to see her again.
Me too.
Oh, God.
Hello. Who are you?
Chadwick, sir. You're my tutor this term.
Am I? Chadwick? Right. Come on.
- Chadwick, you say? - Yes, sir.
Sit down.
"We read...
to know we're not alone."
Do think that is so?
Well, I hadn't thought of it before like that, sir.
Nor did I.
I suppose some people would say we love to know we're not alone.
Would you?
Well, if you mean falling in love, I haven't, really.
I mean, I probably know more about love from books...
than from personal experience.
Go on. I'm listening.
I don't think any of us want to be alone.
Why love if losing hurts so much?
I have no answers anymore, only the life I have lived.
Twice in that life...
I've been given the choice:
As a boy...
and as a man.
The boy chose safety. The man chooses suffering.
The pain now is part of the happiness then.
That's the deal.
Come on.
Subtitles By Captions, Inc. Los Angeles
Converted and resynched by ShooCat
stick_shoocat@hotmail.com