[MUSIC PLAYING]
[BACKGROUND COMMOTION]
[APPLAUSE]
Welcome to the Brinkley School and our first grade show.
I'm George Hanson, and this afternoon we
are proud to present our own adaptation
of "The Little Mermaid."
Music will be provided by the Brinkley Trio led
by my co-teacher Melissa Marx.
[APPLAUSE]
And now on with the show.
Hi.
I'm Nina Borowski.
And I think all of you are new here, so welcome to the Cobble
Hill Community Centre.
I'll be your group leader, and we
could talk about whatever you'd like-- school,
home, jobs, sex, anything.
GEORGE: Sea Snakes.
[APPLAUSE]
Sting rays.
Ooh!
I miss anything?
Honey, I just signed Castro.
Shh!
[INAUDIBLE] Sally, you're on.
[GASP]
CROWD: Ew!
I know exactly what you've come for.
Well, this boy I've been seeing,
and now he wants to fuck me.
GIRL: He's only gonna hurt you.
NINA: Well, do want to fuck him?
Well, he's cute.
Hey, he's like men.
Does he say he loves you?
Yeah, but he just wants to get in my pants.
But do you love him?
Nina, isn't that right?
Well, I don't know about that.
But what I do know is, if I have sex with a guy
I want him to be my friend.
So let's start with, do you like him?
I will give you anything if I can have my prince.
Come with me then.
And whilst my slave girl weaves her magic spell
I will cut off your tongue.
[LAUGHTER]
Play girl, play!
Where is he?
Who are looking for, George?
Just a friend of mine.
KEESHA: He says if I don't fuck him,
he's going to find another girlfriend.
All right look, Keesha, I don't claim to be an expert on love.
But I do know it can screw up your life.
So should I do it?
You can say no.
Keeping your boyfriend happy is not your full-time job.
You've got school, family, work, your friends.
You call the shots.
[APPLAUSE]
GEORGE: You guys were great!
All right, let them prove it.
Excuse us.
Come on.
All right, get in line.
Get in line.
Hey!
Shh.
Just a minute.
All right.
[APPLAUSE]
Daddy!
Oh, you were great!
You were terrific.
I loved you up there.
Mommy!
Mr. Hanson, that was a great show.
I think that was you best yet.
Well, hey, we had a great sea witch and a great cast.
-Wasn't she fabulous? -Now don't be so humble.
I've seen a lot of kid shoes.
They bore the hell out of me.
This one had grit.
Grit?
Yeah, it was, uh, the real stuff, you know.
It wasn't all gooey.
Thank you, Mr. Miller.
Call me Sidney.
Come on, guys, let's go.
Uh, George, we're having a few people over to our house
for dinner tonight.
We'd love it if you'd join us.
Oh, that would be great.
Yeah, do that.
Oh, uh, I'm sorry Mrs. Miller.
I'm meeting a friend.
Oh, well, bring a friend.
It's very casual.
Everyone's dying to meet you.
Yeah.
Really?
Hey, listen, you're a hero.
I mean, who cares if I can get Fidel $1 million
to write his diary?
You-- you're fighting for the future of this country.
We'll see you at 7:30.
You were so good.
I can't believe how good you were.
Where's Dr. Joley?
I'd kill my boyfriend if he missed my show.
Bye, bye.
Bye, guys.
Good job you guys.
See you later, Michael.
It was great.
JOLEY: Just give me back two.
Hey.
Oh, Thank you.
I got stuck in a faculty meeting, and then the subway.
And then the dog ate your homework.
See you tomorrow, George.
I-- I just hate myself for missing this.
It's OK, really.
It's OK.
You hungry?
I'm in the mood for sushi.
Oh, I wish.
I just told Constance Miller we'd have dinner at her house.
I'm sorry, Joley, she ambushed me.
But don't worry, she said it was casual.
George, Sidney Miller is the most powerful
literary agent in the world.
Casual to the Miller's is not casual to us.
And actually, I was hoping we could talk tonight, alone.
OK, I'll cancel.
You can't cancel, it's important for your career.
Come on, we'll talk later.
Are you sure?
Well, I wrote it as an academic book,
but I think it could be a best seller, and even a miniseries.
And Sean Connery would make a great George Bernard Shaw.
Maybe your friend George could do something with it.
That was a great show this afternoon.
So did you, uh, go to a teacher's college?
No, I was pre-med at college.
Oh, god!
You poor mother.
CONSTANCE: George?
George, I want you to meet my great friend, Joyce Meyers.
Oh, Joyce.
How are you?
I so wanted to see your show, but I got caught
up in a lunch for King Hussein.
Oh, how is he?
Sidney's waiting for his book.
Shall we?
Well, Noor is adorable.
And the children!
You know, Ross, he went to Princeton,
ignored her when she was just little.
Lisa Holiday!
[SIGH]
SIDNEY: Now listen, listen to this.
People don't read anything.
We're in a post-literate society so they don't know
what to do once they're--
Dr. Joley seems to have made a hit with my stepsister.
How long have you two been together?
Uh, four years.
You know, Sidney represents RuPaul.
We'll have you all over sometime.
Sidney, don't you think it's time
for a revised encyclopaedia of the American theatre?
Emery, darling, when's the Pavarotti gala?
Uh, next week.
CONSTANCE: You've done such wonderful things
with that company.
Everyone says you've completely turned it around, I think.
[LAUGHTER]
I adore heavy tenors.
Sounds like your show was a huge hit.
Yeah, well, the kids worked really hard.
Hm.
I'm sorry I missed it.
Oh, that's OK.
I was in bed with King Hussein.
[SIGH]
George Hanson.
Nina Borowski, hi.
Oh, so you're the stepsister.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
I bring the income level down at Constance's parties
by at least three figures.
Yeah, I can help you in that department.
Oh, thank you.
My pleasure.
I heard all about you from Dr. Joley.
Sorry about your and him.
Oh!
OK, here we go.
Come here.
You see that man who just walked in, standing
there with my evil stepsister.
GEORGE: Mm-hmm.
NINA: That's my husband.
Are you married?
No, I'm not.
But she's hoping that I'll marry that man,
because she hates my boyfriend.
Oh, uh, there's my stepsister Nina, you'll meet her later.
And excuse me.
Oh, Joyce--
GEORGE: All right, we're clear.
Oh!
NINA: She's always doing this to me.
GEORGE: Why?
Oh, because my boyfriend's a penniless legal aid lawyer.
I'm a counsellor at a community centre.
And I live in a walk-up in Brooklyn.
Oh, well, it sounds fine to me.
I love Brooklyn.
Yeah, me too.
You know, you should-- you should come and visit me.
I mean, there's some really nice apartments in my neighbourhood.
I'm afraid I'm not looking for an apartment.
You're not?
No, I live with Joley.
But he told me at dinner that you might
be looking for a place soon.
Well, he told you what?
Actually, when he found out I had a spare room
he asked if you could move in with me.
That's insane.
Well, I thought so.
It's not every day I invite the lover of my dinner companion
to live with me, but, you know, if you're
desperate I could always--
I don't know what you're talking about.
JOLEY: All we would have to do is, uh, get
the rights to the photographs.
Well, I don't believe it would be that difficult.
My point is that I believe that it
could be extremely commercial, as well as [INAUDIBLE].
And by the way, I've--
You know, maybe I have this completely backwards.
Maybe he meant for the two you to-- to move to Brooklyn.
JOLEY: Thank you
What else did he say?
Have you never discussed this before?
No, this is a total first for me.
CONSTANCE: Nina?
Oh, my god.
Oh!
Nina, this is Stephen Saint.
Hi.
I was asking Constance all about you.
Hello, George.
You are very fresh and natural.
He is the most fabulous creative director at Sachi's.
Oh.
And you're a cute shrink.
That's an unbeatable combination.
Mm-hmm.
my sister likes to say I'm a shrink.
I'm actually a social worker.
Hi.
Oh, hi.
George, come with me.
I'm having problems with my centrepiece.
Oh, hey.
Um, I think the work that you do is fantastic, really.
I think you got a lot of courage.
George, in the book.
If there's anything I can do.
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
What did she say?
Good night.
You were great!
You were just great!
Oh!
And those women!
My god!
Oh, they were swarming all over you.
It-- well, you were the centre of attention.
And I, of course, was, uh, stuck next to that social worker.
Oh, well.
[LAUGHING]
You told her I wanted to move to Brooklyn.
What?
God damn it, Joley.
You told her I was moving out.
I told her you might be looking for an apartment.
I wanted to wait till your play was open to bring any of this
up.
Well, you certainly didn't waste any time.
George, can we talk about this when we get home?
This isn't really appropriate.
Really?
But it's entirely appropriate for me
to hear my relationship is over from a complete stranger?
Our relationship isn't over.
Who are you sleeping with, Joley?
[SIGH]
Please!
I-- that's just-- that's just a little simple.
Yeah, well, I'm a simple guy.
That's why I teach first grade.
[SIREN IN BACKGROUND]
George, I'm going to be 40 this summer.
Oh, god!
But we're both too young to settle
for a twin bedded friendship.
This hasn't really been working for a long time.
Who have you got lined up, Joley?
He's a student of mine.
But I-- I don't know what to say.
Is this student the reason you missed my play?
He's just breaking up with a woman and he wanted to talk.
Look, I want to be with him, but I don't want to hurt you.
George, you're my best friend.
What should I do?
Fuck You, Joley.
And fuck your student.
And fuck our friendship.
I didn't want to tell you this until you were ready.
I'm a nice man, George.
Great neighbourhood.
Looks very safe here, a lot of families.
Hey, look, I'll call you.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
I can't get Showtime or HBO.
Never mind the Food Network.
I'm here for Nina Borowski.
After you fix her's, you come and fix mine.
Hi.
This is really embarrassing.
Aw, come on in.
I was happy that you called.
I mean, I wasn't happy that you needed a place to stay,
but still happy that you called.
Come on up.
I'm on the second floor.
Come on in.
Oh, this is great.
All right, let me show you the room.
Oh, it's nice.
It could use some personality.
Uh, but I-- I know somebody at the Community Centre
who can make some curtains.
Oh, that-- this won't be for a very long.
I can move in with my brother as soon his current girlfriend
moves out.
No rush.
And, uh, this is the bathroom.
This is my bedroom.
Oh, fuck.
You get a lot of light.
Yeah.
And this is the office.
Oh.
That's it.
It's nice.
Yeah, he's been engaged seven times.
Wow, really?
Your brother?
Mm-hmm.
Hey, would you like me to fix you up with him.
Oh, thanks.
The last thing I need.
I've got my hands full with Vince.
It's ready.
Mind if I ask you something?
Sure.
How come I'm staying here and he isn't?
Oh, Vince works fine as it is.
Sit down.
[SIGH] OK.
Thanks.
You saved my life, really.
No hot water between 2:00 and 7:00.
Did you get your television fixed Mrs. Sarni?
Why, you would come over and watch?
OK.
So you have the keys, you have the phone-- phone number.
And the buzzer doesn't work, you know that.
Uh, the Korean deli is across the street from the subway.
It's open 'til midnight.
Avoid the salad bar.
Toaster is broken.
Use the broiler instead.
The mail comes in the morning.
Don't open the door for any gas men,
unless you think either of us would be interested.
This is me.
Well, thanks for everything.
Oh, sure.
The subway is one block that way.
See you later.
What's happened to Vince?
Nothing has happened to Vince.
What's happened to Joley?
Nothing's happened to Joley.
I tried to call you there this morning.
He said you've moved.
So we did it on Saturday night.
GIRLS: Ah!
Fantastic!
And was it good?
It was OK, until on Sunday I saw him with another girl.
What a moron!
Ain't that-- what did I say.
Keesha, Keesha, I like sex.
And I like boys a lot.
But I am not about to waste my time with some guy who doesn't
see things the way that I do.
I mean, do you really need this guy?
This is the Earth.
And this tack, that's us, right here.
And the lamp is the sun.
So why does it get dark?
The Earth spins.
Very good.
Because the Earth spins.
And how do we know that?
Copernicus.
[DOOR OPENING]
Nina?
Nina, is that you?
Hey!
George, how are you?
Vince McBride.
You know what?
Nina has told me all about you.
Nice to meet you.
Yeah, glad your here, buddy.
You know, I feel better knowing somebody is
keeping an eye out for my girl.
Hey.
Vince, meet George.
Actually, we're old friends already.
Hey, George, join us for a cup of tea?
You know, you don't have to put on a robe for me.
Yeah.
no.
In fact, George, you could probably
take off all of your clothes and I don't think Vince would mind.
VINCE: She's eating me alive.
I dote on her, and she's eating me alive.
Oh, OK.
See, aren't you glad you settled down with us?
VINCE: I was maybe going to be a teacher once.
You know, get 'em while their young.
Teach them they don't have to believe that somebody else's is
holding all the cards.
You know what I'm saying, George?
NINA: He knows, Vince.
No, he knows and he doesn't know.
How come you don't teach at a public school, George?
I got a job at the Brinkley School.
But you're a gay guy.
Shouldn't you be sticking up for the disenfranchised?
Can we talk about the movie, please?
No, now wait a minute.
Uh, you mind if I ask how much you get paid?
You make more than four figures, right?
In the very early five figures.
Oh, Christ almighty.
And their all fucking millionaires.
You know, they-- they couldn't eat lunch
on what they're paying you.
You know, you got to organise the teachers, George.
I'll help you.
You're all getting screwed.
You know that, don't you?
Well, thanks.
That's-- that's all great advice.
But I'm afraid I have school tomorrow,
so it's great to meet you.
You too.
Good night, George.
Good night.
Night, George.
Oh, you terrorised him.
What are talking about?
We were having a nice conversation.
You told him he had the wrong job and he made no money.
No, no, no.
You weren't listening.
I told him he had the right job in the wrong place
and made no money.
You don't even know him.
That never stopped me before.
Oh, my stepsister is right.
You are just a bulldozer.
What are you talking about?
I'm a pussy cat.
Well, did I get angry with you when you let a gay guy
move in here instead of me?
No.
I like him.
Vince, you don't have to like him.
VINCE: But there is one thing.
How come it's OK for him to live on top of you and not me?
He's not living on top of me.
And he's leaving in two weeks.
No, no, no.
He's never going anywhere.
He's gonna fall in love with you and turn straight.
Oh!
You're crazy.
Naw, not if you're looking at what I'm looking at.
Vince.
What?
Get in here.
Hi.
Hey.
Late night comfort food, bad habit.
Shh, shh. (WHISPERING) Vince is asleep.
He's really very kind.
He just felt threatened by you.
That's insane.
NINA: No it isn't.
He asked me the same thing you did.
Why am I living here and he isn't?
Bingo.
Maybe you should be the counsellor.
[CHUCKLING]
Do you love him?
Yeah.
Whatever that means.
Just don't know if I should be living with him.
Vince can really fill a room.
Did you love Joley?
Well, who knows?
I thought-- I thought so.
Oh, god.
George, I'm sorry.
Aw, it's-- it's so stupid that, uh, he and I-- I don't know.
He's an evasive prick.
I keep thinking I should have seen it coming.
No.
You did nothing wrong.
You-- you just trusted him.
But you wouldn't have let this happen.
Oh, yeah.
Sure.
I don't trust anybody, particularly
not amusing, good-looking, intelligent guys like Joley.
And he has great taste.
Mm.
Aw, he doesn't have such great taste.
Otherwise he'd still be with you.
Thank you.
Hm.
We should go dancing.
What?
The Community Centre on Friday nights.
I'm signing us up.
You must think of every dance as a three minutes love affair.
Boy meets girl.
They fall in love with the music, and this dance,
and the orchestra.
And then, they must part.
I-- I have no idea what I'm doing.
I'm-- I can't dance.
I can't even dah-nce.
Just smile.
On the balls of your feet.
You're a butterfly.
Does that mean left or right?
Hair up, young people.
Please, hair up.
Head up, young person.
Head up.
FRANK: I'm gonna fix you up.
That's what Kennedy and I have decided.
After all, what are brothers for?
I'm healing.
You're avoiding.
Whenever I call, you're at home, or you're
doing mambo with your landlady.
It's not healthy.
You've got to get back out there again.
Don't you think so, sweetie?
Absolutely.
Honey, I've got to get back to the magazine.
It was nice meeting you.
Yeah.
You too.
So, uh, man.
What do you think, huh?
Thumbs up, thumbs down?
She seems nice.
CONSTANCE: I'm gonna fix you up.
I don't want to be fixed up.
I have a very nice boyfriend.
He's a Bolshevik.
[GASP]
And anyway, it's not going anywhere.
Why does it have to go anywhere?
Because, at some point you have to take care of yourself.
I am taking care of myself.
I just don't need the things that you do.
You've got to meet this guy.
What guy?
He's an ear, nose, and throat man.
He was just on the cover of "New York Magazine."
George, at some point you're going to have to start
taking care of yourself.
I'm taking care of myself.
Listen to me.
He's an ear, nose, and throat man.
But there's nothing wrong with me.
I don't even have a cold.
Y-- lo-- [SIGH] I have nothing in common with this guy.
Just have a cup of coffee with him.
I promise you, this is quality goods.
Uh-- uh, George Hanson?
Yeah.
Well, I-- I'm Jonathan Goldstein.
You're adorable.
I mean, your bother is cute, but you're-- you're irresistible.
Uh, did anybody ever tell you, you look like a peach?
No.
So you're an ear, nose, and throat man?
Well, that's my, uh, you know, professional life.
Mm-hmm.
I have other interests that go below the upper torso.
Ha, ha, ha.
That's-- say, so I heard you were on the cover of, uh,
the "New York Magazine?"
Mm.
Uck.
I got 3,000 new patients, 6,000 marriage proposals,
and not a single real date.
You want another drink?
Yeah.
NINA: Do you think he's all right?
Who?
George.
He hasn't been a date in a while,
and people can be really creepy.
Just put your zip code right there.
Oh, Nina, he's dating a famous doctor.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
What do we do if he brings him home?
Well, we'll be happy in our room.
And they'll be busy in their room.
Sounds very active.
NINA: Mr. Shapiro, you're all done.
MR. SHAPIRO: Can I touch your nose?
It's like a tulip.
VINCE: Mr. Shapiro, I have to warn you.
This woman has a gay roommate who
shows no signs of moving out.
Big deal.
Everyone's gay now.
Ah, you tell him, Mr. Shapiro.
Gay?
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
Oh.
Her-- her-- her daughter's a lesbian.
And she's very proud.
There you go.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
Mrs. Ochoa is the president of New York
Mothers of Latino Lesbians.
Well!
Good for you.
You're a good mother.
[SPANISH] We are here.
Get used to it.
Don't fuck with us.
See, Mr. Shapiro, my problem is, I love this woman.
And I want to live with her.
MR. SHAPIRO: Do you make a living?
VINCE: Sure, I'm a lawyer.
Ah!
Lawyers are the worst people.
Marry me, honey.
I was in children's footwear.
[KNOCKING]
NINA: Hello?
Hello.
NINA: You there?
I'm here.
Ha.
Hey.
Where's Dr. Goldstein?
I don't know, home.
I thought maybe, um--
Yeah, I thought maybe not.
Oh, um, remind me to never go on another blind date.
OK.
You don't have to.
Just say no.
Good night.
[MUSIC GENE KELLY, "YOU WERE MEANT FOR ME"]
MADAME REYNOLDS: Step, step.
Quick, quick.
Step, step.
Quick, quick.
Slow, slow.
Quick, quick.
Slow, slow.
Quick, very good.
Very good.
Yeah.
Very nice, Sylvia.
Excellent.
Much better.
Very good.
[LAUGHTER]
No, no, no, no, no.
Head up, young person.
Head up.
Please, excuse us.
Sure.
Hello, Nina.
Oh, hi, Danny.
You're-- whoop.
OK.
Help!
Look at me.
NINA: No, no, no, no.
Please.
Stop it.
Danny, come on.
Just stop touching-- Madame Reynolds!
GROUP: T-A-N-G-O. T-A-N-G-O. T-A-N-G-O.
T-A-N-G-O. T-A-N-G-O. Woo!
Oh!
MADAME REYNOLDS: Oh, no, no, no.
Please get up young people.
Get up.
Now one, two, side step.
One, two, side step.
Glide.
Glide, Betty.
[INAUDIBLE]
Smile, Mrs. Wilson.
Let the music carry you away.
Yes!
Quick, quick steps.
And quick, quick steps.
WOMAN: Good job.
Thank you, well done!
Well done!
Watch them.
They are an example for all of you.
Bravo!
Oh, he's so sexy.
Who, Gene Kelly?
Mm, yeah.
Not my type, at all.
What is your type?
Well, it varies.
It depends.
Who was the first person you ever slept with?
What is this? 20 Questions?
What?
I want to know.
Lucy Jane Parnell.
What?
Mm.
Belmore High School prom night.
Gave her a real good time.
You slept with a girl?
Yeah.
Well, Lucy was my high school girlfriend.
What-- what happened?
Well, I, uh, went to college.
And I found myself lusting after the football team
more than the cheerleaders.
So I kind of figured I was gay.
What happened to Lucy Jane?
Well, I-- I guess she got married.
You know, or she runs an insurance company.
I have no idea.
I don't-- but she was nice.
Mm.
And an unbelievable dancer.
My god, could Lucy tear up the floor.
[GASP]
Was she pretty?
Yeah.
She had these big eyes and this pouty little mouth.
And her nose, it was just like a tulip.
I just wanted to touch it.
It was the most fresh and natural looking nose--
Stop it!
Fuck you, George!
Fuck you.
I just wanted to touch it.
Stop it!
No, don't do it!
No, no.
Don't start tickling.
Aah!
GEORGE: Yesterday, we studied Easter.
And today, we're going to learn about the Jewish holiday called
Passover.
My father's Jewish and my mother's Buddhist.
But [INAUDIBLE].
All right.
My mother's Episcopal, and her boyfriend's ethical culture.
Wow.
Both of my parents are Lutheran.
So what?
Both of my parents are reformed.
GIRL: My mother is AA and my father is Christian.
BOY: My dad is Muslim and my mom's a atheist.
I'll be right back.
OK.
GEORGE: When did you find out?
[SIGH]
NINA: About an hour ago.
I don't know what to do.
Tell me what to do.
I can't.
Maybe you should talk to Vince.
He is the father.
Yeah, Vince.
Vince believes in a woman's right to choose, as
long as he does the choosing.
No.
I can't talk to Vince until I figure out what I want to do.
I just need some time to think.
Well, I'm here for you, Nina.
Whatever you need for me to do, I will.
Oh!
She hasn't spoken to me in three weeks.
GEORGE: It's not personal.
She's been busy.
VINCE: Is she seeing somebody else?
Huh?
No, no, no.
What?
She's a very beautiful girl.
There's men hitting on her all the time.
There's no one else, Vince.
So you-- you two still spend a lot of time together.
Right?
What sort of things do you do together?
Well, we talk.
You know, we go to the movies.
Sometimes we go dancing.
Regular stuff.
You go dancing.
Then what?
Then we go home, we get into bed and watch television.
OK.
But you're not a threat to her, huh?
Is that the attraction?
I'm not su-- I don't know.
VINCE: Now, you know what I mean, George.
You're not offering her anything more than friendship?
Of course I'm not offering her anything more than friendship.
GIRL: Come on, guys!
I made up my mind.
I'll take you wherever you want to go.
George, I'm going to have this baby.
You are?
Yeah.
[SIGH]
That's great.
You're going to be a wonderful mother.
Lucky baby.
And, Nina, you are going to make Vince
McBride the happiest man alive.
This is so great!
I get to be in charge of all musical education.
OK, tell Vince I get to pick all the songs.
This great.
This is so great!
Good decision.
George, could we go celebrate?
[SCREAMS]
George, would you consider raising this baby with me?
Of course.
I'll be Uncle George.
You're never going to get rid of me.
Actually, I was thinking we should keep
living together, like a family.
What about Vince?
NINA: Well, he's the father.
I mean, there's no question about that.
He'll always be in my baby's life.
But he's not home to me.
You are.
You can't do that to Vince.
George, my father married somebody wrong, because he
thought it was good for me.
I can't do that to my kid.
I-- me and Vince and the baby-- it's a bad equation.
Jesus Christ, Nina.
Vince is the father.
You should be with the father of your child.
Don't you see how exciting this could be?
You love children.
You could raise a child.
I don't want to marry Vince.
I don't have to marry Vince.
And I don't want to marry you.
George, I'm not proposing marriage.
We can make this up for ourselves.
None of the old rules apply.
It's getting late.
We should go.
NINA: Won't you even think about it?
Sure.
Hey, I'm very, you know?
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello.
CONSTANCE: Nina, darling.
NINA (ON PHONE): Yeah?
We're Right around the corner.
NINA (ON PHONE): Oh, great.
Yeah.
We've been to brunch at Norman Mailer's in Brooklyn Heights.
NINA (ON PHONE): Oh.
You can go as soon as we get there.
Yeah.
So I thought we'd swing by and say hi.
SALLY: I have to to go real bad. -We're almost there.
Yeah, we'll right over.
We're almost there, don't worry.
CONSTANCE: She's thrilled.
Fuck!
It's Constance.
[BUZZER RINGING]
That can't be them already.
Hey.
NINA: Unbelievable.
Oh, Vince.
You should have called.
Aw, what good would that have done me?
Sidney and Constance are coming over.
VINCE: Terrific.
I got plenty of food for everybody.
Is George still here too?
Yes, he's here.
Oh, good.
So the whole gang's together again.
It'll be just like old times.
Hey, you look thin.
I'm fine.
We need to talk.
We're talking.
VINCE: Some more bread.
We got the salami, the prosciutto that you
love so much, the cheese.
We got some herring.
And we have some deliciously fresh mozzarella.
Vince, how many people were you expecting?
Uh, I thought maybe some more people
moved into the spare room.
You know, I don't know what goes on here, George.
She doesn't even talk to me.
You got any more plates?
Look, why are Constance and Sidney coming?
[BUZZER RINGING]
I'll get it.
George!
Hey, it's the sea witch.
MRS SARNI: Excuse me. -Can I go the bathroom?
Is there a party going on upstairs?
No, no.
We're going to see Nina.
You know Nina.
George, is there a party?
Come on, tell me. Is there a party up there?
No, there's no party.
Did you tell these guests there's
no hot water after 8:00 PM?
-OK. -Thank you.
MRS SARNI: I can't afford these bills.
-Thank you, Mrs. Sarni. -Thank you very much.
MRS SARNI: I'm a widow woman. -She's terrific.
Who needs a doorman when you have Mrs. Sarni?
Just hurry up and get inside.
You know, I really envy you your living here, George.
Really?
Sure. SALLY: Everybody, will you stop
Sure, what do you need with a-- SALLY: --talking?
--dining room, butler's pantry?
SALLY: I really have to go. -Dinner parties.
It's all a big headache.
SALLY: I want to go now!
Bill Styron lived in a place just like this when he
thought of "Sophie's Choice."
Sidney, what the hell are you talking about?
Hi.
God, it's hot. It's like August all ready.
You've been avoiding me.
Oh, no.
Hiya, sugar.
How are you?
Hi.
How do you get through a whole summer
without air conditioning in here?
Hey!
Vinnie!
Hey, Sidney.
It's good to see you.
Come eat, huh?
Ooh, this looks good.
CONSTANCE: Are you having a party?
So, who you defending now?
Ah, a couple of kids who got framed on a rape and battery
charge in the Bronx.
Let me tell you something.
You defend somebody really big, doesn't matter
whether you win or lose, I'll get you $2 million
on the book deal.
And by the way, you don't even have to write it.
Ha, I'm not in show business, Sidney.
Most people in your business don't
seem averse to a little publicity, Vincent.
You should think about "Court TV."
He doesn't want to think about "Court TV."
This food is wonderful.
Did you get this food, George?
I could eat like this every day.
Sidney, give me that herring or I'll
be hearing about it all night. -What do mean?
What is it?
What will you be hearing all night?
CONSTANCE: Sally, go wash your hands.
SALLY: But there's no hot water after 8:00 PM.
Nina, where have you been? NINA: Well, it's only 3:30.
NINA: Well, it's only 3:30. VINCE: Oh, that's interesting.
So you haven't been calling Constance either?
How do you survive without her excellent advice?
Excuse me, Vincent.
She talks to me every day.
We're very close.
I swear, I'm hotter than a goat in China.
I'm not feeling right.
Can we get some air in here?
All right.
Why are you hiding from us, Nina?
Did you finally break up with him?
I'm so proud of you.
Come on, nobody had broken up with me.
Why don't you mind your own business?
Sweetie, do you think it's possible to get
food poisoning this fast?
Do you have any air conditioning?
I will get the fan.
Hey, whoa. Wait a minute.
No you shouldn't be lifting stuff like that.
Why not?
I'm fine.
Nothing is wrong with me.
George, what the fuck is going on here?
Don't you dare speak that way in front of my child.
Betty, I think it's time we got home.
Betty was your other wife.
I'm Constance, remember?
Oh, Christ.
Are you sleeping with her?
Vince, I'm gay.
You are?
And it's a valid and wonderful choice.
Sidney, shut up.
George, what is going on here?
Give it me, come on.
Come on.
Are you pregnant?
[CRASH]
Oh my god, you're pregnant.
SALLY: George!
George!
What's going on?
Who's the father?
I knew it, you son of a bitch.
I knew You.
Couldn't keep your hand off of her.
Vince, Vince.
Calm down.
It's your baby.
I want New York Hospital, Emergency Room.
It's-- it's mine?
And mine.
MRS SARNI: What's happening up there?
SIDNEY: I'm having a crisis. I need to talk to somebody.
It's mine!
MRS SARNI: Hello?
SIDNEY: No, not-- no.
Not like a doctor.
A doctor.
I want a real big doctor.
George, is everything all right there?
George!
MRS SARNI: George?
Will you get that?
I can't hear a god damn thing. -Are you hungry?
Can I get you something to eat.
No.
SIDNEY: I need to speak to someone
in the gastrointestinal department.
George, do me a favor.
MRS SARNI: What the hell is going on?
Everything's fine, Mrs. Sarni.
I thought someone died and hit the floor.
SIDNEY: I have to lie down.
Jesus.
CONSTANCE: Sweetie, give me the phone.
Oh, god!
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
SALLY: Daddy, you never should have ate that herring.
CONSTANCE: That's right.
If Daddy would listen to Mommy and Sally, we're all in it
together. Is that "The New Yorker?"
Fan me with "The New Yorker."
FRANK: Hey, you're well out of this.
It sounds truly crazy.
And I haven't even seen her recently,
because she's spending all her time at Vince's
place, which is right.
I mean, you know, that's definitely right.
But what does that say about our friendship?
Maybe I didn't mean much to her.
George, you know, you sound like you
talking about your ex-lover.
You know, why does everything have to be about sex with you?
Y-you can get close to a woman without sleeping with her.
Really?
That's-- that's news to me.
I'm sure Vince isn't letting her come anywhere near me.
know shit, for your inforamtion.
GEORGE: I should have been more open.
And that could have really been exciting.
Yeah, sure.
It could have been exciting.
Bottom line is, she wanted to fuck you.
You-- and that's insane.
Look, we're both cute.
And I know women.
They-- they tell you that they want to be your friend,
but they're really wanting (MOUTHING) to fuck you.
OK.
Anyway, the point is, I'm going to probably have
to move out, because she'll be wanting
to get rid of the apartment.
So I was hoping I could crash at your place for a couple weeks.
Yes.
Hey, hey.
Hey!
Hey.
Geo-- you've not met my-- my new fiancee, Suni.
George-- this is my brother George.
George this is Suni from surgery.
MAN: OK, you ready?
BOY: Yep.
MAN: You're going to go through the-- the pitching motion,
all right.
Real slow-mo.
Hey.
BOY: Where did it go?
Oh, there it goes.
MAN: Thanks.
OK, ready?
Stand up.
OK, now you're going to hit a knee, right?
BOY: Yep.
MAN: OK.
That a boy, block with your body.
And then take a step-- there you go.
OK.
BOY: Ready?
MAN: Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, stop right there.
OK.
Face me like you're going to do the pitch.
OK.
Ready?
Slow-mo.
Nice.
Come right over the top with it.
BOY: Got it!
MAN: OK, right over top.
You did it great last week in the game.
OK, try it again.
Now come right over the top with it, right?
Remember?
That a boy!
At first, the iodine does not affect the vitamin C solution.
But look what happens if I add some more.
This process is called titration.
[APPLAUSE]
BOY: Hey, Peter.
Have you seen my father?
Is there nothing that little girl can't do?
Watch TV.
She's lousy at that.
Doug!
DOUG: Hi, Sidney. How you doing?
George.
Yeah?
My Uncle Jonathan says he knows you.
He does?
Well let's go, Nathan.
Hey, great job, Mary.
You did excellent.
Hey, George.
Hi.
Do recognise me in my ear, nose, and throat gear?
Uh.
NINA: George!
George! -Are you free next weekend?
I know this great club.
You know, I got a little out of control last time.
-Oh, I-- I see a friend of mine. -I know it was a little much.
It was great to see you.
But this place is a converted meat market.
Thanks for coming.
It's incredible.
What are you doing here?
Oh!
I promised Sally I'd come.
It's so good to see you.
You too.
How you doing, Vince.
George.
We almost didn't make it.
You know, our first trimester has got us a little queasy.
Yeah, Vince has become an expert on pregnancy.
I'm loving it.
George, we miss you.
You should come visit us.
Vince, we are not an official us.
There's still you, and there's still me.
OK.
(WHISPERING) He's like glue.
Madame Reynolds was asking for you last week.
Ugh!
I would love to go dancing.
As long as you don't exhaust yourself.
George, what time is the trophy presentation?
Uh, 20 minutes.
The trophy presentation?
George, what ever happened to, it's not about winning,
it's about how you play the game?
Oh, come on.
I don't think there should be any trophies.
It's the parents who want the trophies.
Well, it's running this country.
The obsession with being number one at any cost.
And it starts right here.
I totally hear you.
You know, I mean, I try to teach these kids
a sense of community.
Oh, no, believe me.
You can't do that.
These parents are natural born killers.
Oh, Vince.
That is such bullshit.
I don't know who is more competitive than you.
Ha, ha.
Did I say there's anything wrong with striving for excellence?
Oh! VINCE: Did I say that?
Jesus Christ.
MELISSA: No, you definitely didn't that.
VINCE: Hey, at least somebody here appreciates
what I'm trying to say.
What's your name?
MELISSA: I'm Melissa Marx, George's go-teacher.
I'm going to lose it, George.
Just get me out of here, please.
Ooh!
Aah!
Oh!
GEORGE: You-- you're right.
Oh.
I didn't ask him to come, you know.
Y-y-you're absolutely right.
That's not-- that's not going to work.
Yeah.
You know, by the way, we're both pregnant, you know?
At first we sick together.
Then we throw up together.
Then we get our fucking sonograms together.
Nina, it's bad equation.
You, Vince and the baby?
Yeah.
Bad for all of you.
No shit, Sherlock.
You made me an offer and I never refused.
What?
I spent all yesterday afternoon watching this little kid
play catch with his father.
I always thought that I could teach other people's children.
But-- someone else, you know, a real guy, like Vince
gets to take them home.
And then I thought, I don't always have to be the one
whose watching them leave.
I don't always have to be the one who waits for twilight
to pass.
I don't know.
For the first time, I thought I could be the-- the guy
who says goodnight.
What are you saying to me?
I'm saying, yeah.
[SIGH]
[DISTANT HORN HONKING]
Sorry to break this up, but it's time to go home.
Um, I'm not going to go home with you, Vince.
I'm going to go back to Brooklyn.
Well, you-- you can't go back to Brooklyn tonight.
Uh, we got a doctor's appointment in the morning.
No.
We don't have a doctor's appointment.
I have a doctor's appointment.
VINCE: Fine.
OK, you have an appointment.
You getting caught up in nonsense, Nina.
OK.
Vince, this isn't working.
Could we talk about this later?
No.
No, we need to talk about it now.
In front of him?
Yeah.
Vince, I have tried to talk to you in private.
You don't listen to me.
George.
This is between me and Nina, OK?
You've done enough to fuck us up.
It's time for you to get the hell out of our lives.
No, no, Vince. This is my school.
You don't get to tell me what to do.
Nothing has been the same between me and Nina
since you showed up.
Does that make you happy?
Is this what you do for kicks?
Vince, come on.
Just listen to me for--
VINCE: You listen to me.
You-- you don't see this guy for who he is.
He's a trouble making little shit.
Vince, I want to raise my child with George.
Oh.
You know-- you know what?
I want to raise it with the man in the moon.
For once, why don't you just goddamn
listen to what she has to say?
Don't you fucking tell me how to treat a woman.
Vince, just calm down for one second, please.
No, I will not calm down!
You have some never, you homo boys.
You screw up women's personal lives,
but you can take any physical responsibility for it.
Listen to me.
No.
When this kid comes to you and asks you who its father is,
you tell it that its father never wanted to lay
eyes on its mother ever again.
Head up, young person.
[SIGH]
Would you like to hear the heartbeat?
Can I?
Yeah, sure.
[FOETAL HEARTBEAT]
[GASP]
That's amazing.
Oh, come on.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
George Hanson.
Steve Casillo?
Ha, ha, ha.
Wow!
You're not someone I'd expect to see in here.
GEORGE: Uh, well, yeah.
Hey, uh, this is my friend, Nina Borowski.
Yeah, I can see that.
Hi.
You, uh, no.
She's my friend.
Friend, it's-- just she's expecting.
Well, I can give you a discount on this one.
Oh, uh, just browsing.
Yeah, with--
Feel free to look around.
OK.
Small world.
Wow.
NINA: Lemonade?
NEWSCASTER (ON TV): Nick will be along with the First on Fox--
Thanks.
NEWSCASTER (ON TV): forecast in a moment.
The Hanson Benefit season was in--
Oh, my god.
NEWSCASTER (ON TV): --full swing at super agent Sidney
Miller's house this weekend.
Guests included Anne Rice, King Hussein,
and General Colin Powell.
Hot fun in the summertime.
So how come we weren't invited?
I don't know.
Oh, thank god we weren't invited.
George, who that man in the crib store today?
Aw, just someone I, uh, had a fling with before I met Joley.
You know, if you ever wanted to invite him here,
that would be fine.
Mm-hmm.
I could sleep in your room.
What if I said, that's a great idea.
He'll be right over?
[SIGH]
I'd say, great.
I mean, this isn't a marriage.
You know, I don't want to make you give up your life.
You're not.
Great.
Um, so are you going to call him?
Actually, I'm leaving with him for Paris tonight.
You are?
I just hate secrets, George.
What secrets?
I tell you everything.
Just promise me that if anything in your life
changes that you'll tell me.
Nothing's going to change.
Look, I'm not going anywhere.
This isn't temporary.
Don't you miss men?
Yeah, sure.
Sometimes.
Dont' you?
I guess.
But I don't miss them when I'm with you.
Mm.
Do think most married couples are as happy as we are?
I hope so, because we're pretty happy.
Hm.
I guess sex is just no big deal.
Not even with Lucy Jane?
Oh, I just adore you, Nina.
I really do.
I adore you, too.
[MOANING]
[HEAVY BREATHING]
[PHONE RINGING]
Yeah?
JOLEY (ON PHONE): George, hi.
It's Joley.
How are you?
And, uh, oh, god.
These things are so weird.
GEORGE: I guess.
Who is it?
Uh, my brother.
JOLEY (ON PHONE): George, are you still there?
Yeah, uh, Nina says hello.
Oh.
I was so sure you'd be with someone by now.
That's, um, that's really why I haven't called.
Yeah, Nina's still here.
JOLEY (ON PHONE): George, it's so good to hear your voice.
Uh, I'm surprised you'd even talk to me.
I behaved like an idiot.
Look, I've been asked to address a critics
convention at your old college the weekend after next.
And I've been thinking about that time we drove up there.
That was our first Christmas together, you remember?
And so you want me to come with you?
That's very considerate of you.
I wouldn't be surprised if you never wanted to lay eyes on me
again, but it would really mean a lot
to me just to be with you.
I made a reservation at that sweet little inn we stayed at.
[NINA CLEARING HER THROAT]
Ah, well, I'll call you if I can make it.
JOLEY (ON PHONE): I think about all the time.
And, um, for what it's worth, I really miss you.
Yep.
Thank you.
I'll talk to you soon.
[BEEP]
Where does he want you to go?
Hm?
Oh, my college.
For a reunion?
Sort of.
Hey, uh, Nina that was, uh, Joley.
So are you going to go?
I don't know.
That usually means yes.
I hate that you know me so well.
Hi.
GEORGE: Hey.
You look great.
I love this.
I'll call you at Constance's tomorrow morning, kiddo.
Promise?
I promise.
What time?
Early, I promise.
JOLEY: Ordinarily, I wouldn't go to one of these conferences,
but they insisted that I come, and, uh,
I guess it never hurts to stay on the good side of reviewers.
Oh, my book!
Did I tell you my book is coming out in paperback in England?
It's very impressive for an American Shaw scholar
to do so well in Europe.
You OK, honey?
How did we get back so quickly to the honey stage?
Maybe we never should have left it.
GEORGE: So how's your student?
JOLEY: Back with his girlfriend.
He's, well, just a screwed up kid.
GEORGE: So you want to be friends now?
Just so I know.
That is exactly your problem, George.
What?
Your lack of self-worth.
No, you have no idea how important you are to me.
Thank you.
JOLEY: So I've been thinking about you a lot.
You're living with a woman in a dump in Brooklyn.
And I'm lonely and-- and missing you.
We can do better than that.
Nina!
Hi.
You just missed Steven Spielberg and Peter Jennings.
Oh, I bet they sent their best regards.
CONSTANCE: Sweetie, don't start the weekend like this.
I have enough to deal with.
What are you wearing?
I-- hello, honey.
How are you?
Good!
Mwah!
Where's George?
George is with this old boyfriend,
which is where he should be.
Oh, Constance!
He's not with his old boyfriend.
You told me he went away with Dr. Joley.
It doesn't mean he's with him.
Sally, sit down and buckle up.
Sweetie, I want you to relax this weekend.
Take walks, eat good food, let Sidney and me take care of you.
SALLY: And me.
And Sally.
Yes, I know.
We're going to have a nice relaxing
dinner, just some old friends, and Stephen Saint is coming.
And you'll never believe it.
He's just dying to see you.
You made quite an impression on him at my party.
Hello.
Dr. Robert Joley.
Ah, yes, Dr. Joley.
We have you down for three nights and a king sized bed.
Twin beds.
I don't know that I have a room with twins.
We'll take the king.
Uh, excuse me.
I have a room with twin beds.
I'd be happy to exchange with you.
Are you sure, Mrs. Skinner?
Surely.
Thank you, Mrs. Skinner.
No sense in you two boys being on top of each other.
CLERK: Right at the head of the stairs.
MRS. SKINNER: Thank you.
Um, I thought we were supposed to get the discount rate.
Oh, that is the discount rate, doctor.
Right through the, uh, dining room.
Dr. Joley, I presume.
Well, Rodney Fraser.
You're one of the reasons I agreed to come here.
Oh, thank you.
I see you've lost none of your charm.
Oh, by the way, congratulations on George Bernard Shaw.
Thank you.
That's always such a-- such a treat
to read an American perspective on the subject.
Hm.
Oh, this is Paul James.
Dr. Robert Joley.
Don't think I've met your friend.
Oh, George Hanson.
George Hanson, how do you do.
Paul James.
You in the theatre?
No, he's a graduate of our host college.
Really?
The return of the native.
Hm.
Well, I'll look forward to seeing
you both around the campus, hm?
Bye. -Bye, bye.
See you.
I wonder if Mrs. Rodney charges by the hour?
SIDNEY: Let me tell you something.
When my first wife left me, she wanted to take my clients.
I know.
I mean, I understand the house, the car, and all that.
But my clients!
She wanted my clients.
You know, uh, since we last met,
I've done some heavy therapy and, uh, taken up yoga.
And I quit advertising.
Hm.
So I know this might seem premature,
but, um, I'm ready to be the father of your child.
[DOOR CREAKING]
Night.
[SIGH]
Good night.
FRASER: And our thanks to Miss Gutierrez
for an extremely interesting question,
and a spirited response from the panel.
And now we move on to, um, oh, another question
from Miss Gutierrez.
Oh, yes.
How do you feel about great works
of literature being transformed into musical comedy?
Well, that sounds like one for our academic colleague.
Professor.
Well, um, I should begin by saying that I think
that "My Fair Lady" is a complete distortion
of Shaw's "Pygmalion," as is "West Side
Story" of "Romeo and Juliet."
But then, I hate all musicals.
I, um, believe they're, uh, middle brow, populist,
and, um, frankly, dangerous.
So it's a clean sweep from Dr. Joley.
[SNICKERING]
JOLEY: I have seen performance art in cross-gender clubs
in Berlin that has far more theatrical impact than anything
I have ever seen on Broadway.
FRASER: Well, do you mean, um, women dipped in chocolate?
That sort of thing?
JOLEY: I'm talking about serious artists here.
I have never recovered from the Ulrika Schinkel's
brilliant production of Beethoven
in Ketten, that's Beethoven in Bondage, set
amongst to the ruins of the Riechstag.
And, uh, something that may be of particular interest to you,
Rodney, is that the theatres in Germany
are filled with young people.
Nina!
Mommy says we're all taking a picnic at the beach.
Oh, honey, I'm waiting for a phone call.
Oh!
Mommy, Nina's waiting for a phone call.
Sally, go get your father.
Go.
I'll come there later, I promise.
Jesus Christ.
Every time I look at you, you're moping.
You know, you're a guest here.
You could try to make an effort.
I have made an effort.
Stephen loved me.
I hope you realise he's currently
in bed with his old boyfriend.
Who, Stephen?
The man whose call you're waiting for.
You know, I enjoy gay people.
I just have a slight problem with my pregnant sister
being in love with one of them.
I am not in love with him.
Honestly, even when I was desperate to marry Sidney,
I never carried on like you do.
And Sidney is straight.
But you have really done it.
This is an even crazier choice than Vincent.
You're not even fucking him.
Can I ask you something?
When was the last time you and Sidney had sex?
That is not the point.
Exactly!
Doesn't it all turn into friendship anyway?
Yes, but normal people start out someplace you
and the nursery school teacher are never going to get.
You know, you should take a look at yourself.
You're supposed to be a psychiatrist.
I am a social worker, Constance!
Oh!
Will you just let me live my god damn life?
CONSTANCE: Read my lips.
George is g-a-y, gay.
That means he never sleeps with women.
He has slept with a woman.
What?
Lucy Jane Parnell.
Oh, please.
Don't tell me, in high school?
They all try women once in high school.
But you're nutty enough to believe
that based on that experience you
can bring him to his senses.
Nina, a gay nursery school teacher
is a one-way ticket to nowhere.
PAUL: I would love to go to a place like this.
Read, sleep, have great talks, sex.
Well, uh, we didn't, uh, actually have much of that.
We did talk about it a lot.
Well, did you act at all?
Me?
No, not really.
You an actor?
Well, trying to be.
That's how I met Rodney.
I sat in on his World Theatre class.
GEORGE: Oh, What's his take on world theatre?
Well, Rodney is very picky.
He likes "Damn Yankees" and Shakespeare.
But just to read.
He's never seen a production up to his standards.
Don't you get flak from your actor friends
being with a critic?
Well, I've never been with him, with him.
It's just that he came up to me one day after class,
and he's been sort of like my mentor and my family
ever since.
Oh, uh, I thought maybe you lived together.
I'm sorry.
Oh, we do live together.
He offered me a spare room so I could save
my money for acting lessons.
GEORGE: Well, I've always had terrible judgement.
My entire freshman year, I had a crush on a guy
named Trotter Bull III.
He looked just like one of those rowers.
Looks like pretty good judgement to me.
Except he had a girlfriend.
I actually got up the courage to talk to him
one night about Walt Whitman.
He probably became an investment banker,
had four kids, all named Trotter,
and, uh, never talked about poetry again.
I'll talk to you about poetry.
Sure, anything.
How about a swim?
Whoo!
Wait for me.
Ha!
Ha, ha, ha.
[PHONE RINGING]
I've got it.
It's for me.
Sorry.
Hello.
MARTHA STEWART (ON PHONE): Good morning, Is Mrs. Miller in?
No, she's at the beach.
MARTHA STEWART (ON PHONE): Uh, this is Martha Stewart.
Uh-huh.
(WHISPERING) It's Martha Stewart for Mrs. Miller.
Yes.
Is it "the" Martha Stewart?
Yes.
MARTHA STEWART (ON PHONE): Hello?
Oh, will you hold on, please?
MARTHA STEWART (ON PHONE): Yes.
Miss Stewart, I'm having a big problem with my azaleas.
MARTHA STEWART (ON PHONE): Oh, I know.
That's been such a problem.
Uh-huh.
PAUL: Will I see you again?
GEORGE: I hope so.
When do I call you?
Oh, fuck.
My roommate!
I was supposed to call her this morning.
Shit!
Your roommate?
Yeah, we live together.
We don't live live together.
We just live together.
Shit!
CARMELITA: She's in her bedroom.
I'll call her.
She's in bed, apparently.
NINA: Hi, George.
Hey, kiddo.
Why are you in bed?
Are you sick?
NINA: I'm pregnant, George.
Or have you been so busy with Dr. Joley that you forgot?
Nothing's happened with Dr. Joley.
I've hardly seen him.
So then let's go home.
GEORGE (ON PHONE): What do you mean?
There's a bus at 7 o'clock.
Tonight?
NINA (ON PHONE): Sure, why not?
I don't want you travelling alone so late.
But how about I borrow my brother's car
and pick you up tomorrow afternoon?
George, please.
Please, this is-- I'm so miserable.
Please.
Th-- you could-- you could be on a train, too.
And we could both be in our beds by midnight.
Nina, uh--
NINA (ON PHONE): Please, you have to rescue me.
I have got to get away from here.
And there's nothing for you to stay there for.
SIDNEY: Anybody who bolts from the Hamptons is OK with me.
I hate it here.
It's so pretentious.
If I wasn't happily married and you
weren't my wife's stepsister, I'd have an affair with you
in a second.
[CHUCKLING]
I think you're terrific.
Aw.
Want some money?
No, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
How about some Chuckles?
Hm?
No.
Good.
I got the Galleys for the new Michael Creighton in the car.
Oh, no.
Really, thanks, Sidney.
OK.
Oh, gosh.
I'd have left it.
I got it.
No, he didn't.
But I thought he did.
No, that looks good.
Hi.
Hi, pet.
Hi, Melissa.
Hi.
So how are you, huh?
[CLUNK] -Oh, shit!
Hey, let me help you with that.
No, I'm fine. Thanks.
Got it.
I'm fine.
OK.
Thank you.
Vince, honey?
BUS DRIVER: Watch your step.
Melissa, hang on a minute.
I'm just going to say goodbye.
Vince, I'm really tired.
I don't feel like--
No, it'll just be a minute.
Hey, can I put you in a taxi?
No, Vince, I'm fine, really.
Thanks.
Now, Nita, come on, you're pregnant.
Vince, please, I'm fine, really.
Give my love to George.
Oh, sure.
I certainly will.
Hey!
Uh-- oh, excuse me!
Excuse me.
Oh, you're going to be so glad you met me.
My purse was just stolen and I'm pregnant
and I have no way home.
Are you hurt?
No, I'm fine.
You sure?
Yeah, it's just my purse was stolen.
OK, well, let's go.
All right.
I got it.
Oh, thank god.
So we'll go report all this.
Thank you.
And then I'm getting off duty, so I'll give you a lift home.
Great.
Thanks.
I mean, I'm surprised he didn't arrest me.
I get mugged and the god damn desk sergeant blames me.
He's the only one like that.
The rest of us are very sensitive.
Lady, you asked for it.
I mean, I thought people like that
were banned from the police force, you know?
I mean, it's none of his god damn business
where the fuck my husband is.
You know, I mean, you don't seem to care.
Me?
I used to give women lots of opinions.
But now I go with the flow.
Are you gay?
I'm sorry?
I have this new theory that any man
doesn't hit you over the head with his opinions must be gay.
Well, that makes as much sense as Freud.
Oh, well, it makes a hell of a lot more sense than Freud.
Freud doesn't know dick about women.
I can't believe I just said that.
Very nice of you to drive me home.
LOUIS: Oh, not a problem.
If I were married, I'd want someone to drive my wife home.
Will your husband be there?
I don't have a husband.
No?
The father?
Oh, no, no.
He will definitely not be there.
I hardly speak to him.
Well, you don't find anyone new till your brave enough
to give up the old.
I don't really want to find anyone new.
Oh, that's good.
Happy with the status quo.
Yeah.
Me, too.
But you're so nice.
You should be married.
You think all nice people are married?
What kind of counsellor are you?
Great, you can stop right over there.
Oh, thank you so much.
Oh.
You're really kind.
Oh.
[GASP]
George!
Oh, my gosh!
You're back already?
Hi!
Oh!
GEORGE: Did you get a ride home?
NINA: No, my purse got stolen at the bus station.
GEORGE: What?
And Vince and Melissa were on the bus.
And Sidney told me that he would have an affair with me.
I mean, it's just been the weekend from hell.
GEORGE: Come on, I'll make you some tea.
[CHILDREN CLAMORING]
CONSTANCE: Hi, sweetie.
George, terrific news about you and Dr. Joley.
Sidney and I adore him.
He's so smart.
Good for you.
Thanks.
Bye, George.
Hey!
Hey, Nina, you find out who the father is yet?
I call the shots, Keesha.
Yeah!
MRS. SARNI: So what's for supper, Nina?
Pot roast.
MRS. SARNI: Mm.
It's George's favourite.
Is he back yet?
I don't know?
[DOOR CLOSING]
FRASER: Paul?
Oh, jeez!
He's supposed to be at the theatre.
Paul?
I fled at half time.
A lot of pumped up men taking their clothes off.
It's all getting dreadfully boring.
I'm going to see "King Lear" tomorrow night, god help me.
I fully expect him to step on stage, say he's old, he's hot,
and strip down to his underwear.
Oh, uh, would you like a glass of vino?
And, uh, tell whoever it is you've
got in there he's left his knapsack on the sofa.
Ah, it's the graduate.
Do, please, come sit down.
Uh, Paul and I are currently meandering
through some of the better Australian Chardonnays.
Can I tempt you?
Oh, no thank you.
Oh.
Paul?
So, how's our distinguished Shavian scholar, Dr. Joley
GEORGE: Well, I haven't seen him since the Critics Convention.
Actually, George lives with a woman.
Really?
How Bloomsbury.
Ha, ha.
Yeah, uh, Nina is my best friend.
Well, as you probably know, Paul and I
visit the theater quite often.
Perhaps you and your best friend would
care to join us one evening.
That's very kind of you.
But, um, well, I'm not-- I'm not sure she likes the theatre.
Oh, well, she's absolutely right.
There's nothing to see.
Hm, hm.
Well, perhaps we could go and have a meal together some time.
We'd like to see more of you, in any event, you know?
Well, I-- I hope so.
You know, I'm sorry, I really, uh--
FRASER: Go, really.
Don't forget your little bag.
[CHUCKLING]
-Well, it was nice seeing you. -Yes, indeed.
Good night.
I'll be right back.
I'll call you tomorrow.
VINCE: Thank you returning my call.
Nina, you were probably right, you know?
You and I as a couple were a pretty miserable match.
But I still love you.
That's-- that's my problem.
I can-- I can deal with that.
Nina, whatever way that you're planning on doing this,
for once in my life, I'm-- I'm not going to tell you how.
I would just like to think that I could somehow
be a part of the picture.
Vince, you're the daddy.
It's all right.
I'll trust you.
Oh, hi!
NINA: Hi!
How are you?
NINA: Louis.
Yes.
This is Vince.
Uh, hi, Louis Crowley.
He, Vince McBride, hi.
Hi, uh, this is my nephew Joe, and my niece Sophie.
Yeah, Vince is the father of my, uh--
Baby.
I'm the father of the baby.
Oh, I see.
And, uh, how's, uh--
George, my roommate.
He's fine.
He's home.
Oh.
Hey, great.
Go with the flow.
NINA: That's right.
WOMAN (ON TV): The workings of her mind appeal to him.
She leaves her warm bed in the cold dawn to rush there,
full of zeal and loyalty.
Why would she do that?
[CHOKING WITH LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER ON TV]
WOMAN (ON TV): Coming up, Kurt will have sports.
Stay with us.
GEORGE (ON PHONE): Yes, we'd like
to change the address on the checking account, please.
Hi.
Hey.
Sorry.
Don't worry about it.
Hi, sorry I'm late.
Yeah, god, I'm sorry.
Did, uh, Nina tell you I was visiting some college friends
and drank too much?
Well, why didn't you bring them?
What?
Mm.
I mean, what a shame to break up such a great party,
you know?
I mean, actually, I'd like to meet your friends some day.
So how late did you stay up?
Late.
So late there wasn't a cab left in Manhattan, huh?
Well, you know, we all wrecked to go home.
Whew, yeah!
My big brother is a party animal.
Coffee?
Oh, yeah, please.
Do you want to hear the specials?
You know what?
I'll just have the orange juice and eggs Florentine.
So Caroline, is the wedding still on?
I haven't heard otherwise, but I'm waiting.
Well, we're really looking forward to it.
Yeah, if you can make it.
He's been really busy this fall with, uh, faculty meetings.
Yeah, I'm trying to get things in order before the baby comes.
Working out a new curriculum.
Jesus, I never thought I'd hear my big brother
talk about babies coming.
And before me.
That's what really pisses me off.
You got there before me.
Now I think what you guys are doing is fantastic, really.
Here's my question, though.
What about the father?
This guy must be the most interesting guy in the world,
or the most tolerant.
Actually, he's dating George's colleague, Melissa.
So that takes a shit load of tolerance.
No, honey.
They're not dating anymore.
They broke up.
Wait a minute, who is this?
Melissa?
Is she cute?
Frank.
Hey, I'm just trying to keep my options open, all right?
Oh, Frank, your horrible.
George, aren't we all just horrible?
Aren't men just such jerks?
Now, I think that Nina and George
have a great relationship.
Yeah, when we see each other we have a great relationship.
[SIGH]
Hey, George, um, when they start complaining about not
seeing you enough, you have to buy them a diamond,
or take them to the theatre.
Hey, maybe we could all go see a friend of mine
who's in a play next weekend.
Well, I'm on call next weekend.
And Frank certainly isn't going without me.
FRANK: Oh, come on.
CAROLINE: No, no.
So does that mean I get a date alone with you this weekend?
Or will I get another call Saturday afternoon?
WOMAN: Saints do not move, they grant for prayers' sake.
Then move not while my prayer's effect I take.
[MOANS]
Thus from my lips by thine, my sin is purged.
Then have my lips, the sin that they have took.
Sin from thy lips?
O trespass sweetly urged!
Give me my sin again.
[MOANS]
You kiss by the book.
Ha, here we are.
Soda, my dear.
Thanks.
Well, cheers, cheers.
Cheers.
It's so nice to meet you.
George talks about you all the time.
[APPLAUSE]
Fantastic, man.
Oh!
You were fantastic.
Hey!
Oh, and, uh, this is Nina.
Hi. you were great.
Hey, it's great to meet you.
George talks about you all the time.
GOLDSTEIN: Hey, George!
George!
Hey, how are you?
Oh, I want you to meet somebody.
Uh, I don't know if you remember me from college?
Oh, my god!
Yeah!
We talked all night about what women-- Trotter Bull.
Paul!
Th-- ha, ha, this is Trotter Bull.
Oh, my god!
I've heard so much about you.
George talks about you all the time.
Is that right?
Well, you were wonderful in the play.
GOLDSTEIN: You were wonderful in the play.
And he looked so hot.
GEORGE: Wasn't he great?
George, it was so nice seeing you again.
Let me give you my card if you ever
need a stockbroker some time.
OK?
Yeah, thanks a lot.
Great seeing you, Trotter.
Oh, look, Trotter.
We got that, you know, 10:00 thing.
Nice to meet you. GEORGE: Way to go, Jonathan.
FRASER: I wish he'd been our Mercutio instead of who we got.
Rodney, please.
And he was right, you were awful good.
But you know, people only do modern dress Shakespeare.
But there's absolutely no instinct for any other periods
or languages than their own.
Clearly, the no-talent who directed this
hoped to transform the world's greatest love story
into a Calvin Klein commercial.
The man should be shot.
Mr. Fraser.
Yes.
I'm the director.
Ah.
[GASP]
Hey, come on.
Let me help you.
Thank you.
Good night.
Yes, good night.
Listen, Paul, uh, George and I were
wondering what you and Rodney were doing for Thanksgiving?
Oh, no.
I'm sorry, we--
No, no, no, no.
We'd love to come.
How kind of you.
Oh.
[MOAN]
Oh, I'm sorry.
Wonderful.
OK, so 1:00.
We'll be there.
OK.
Good night.
You're an extraordinary person.
They seem like a lovely couple.
Hey, you!
I don't care what you say, I love Les Mis.
And I think Andrew Lloyd Webber was a genius!
NINA: Hello.
Hi.
Oh, hello.
How lovely to see you again.
Happy Thanksgiving. We're just through here.
George.
Hey, hi.
Happy Thanksgiving.
So do you need any help?
NINA: No, everything is absolutely fine.
Oh, what a relief, because contrary to stereotype,
I'm an awful cook.
Oh, no.
Well, please, please just make yourselves comfortable.
Or, uh, George, you could take them for a walk, you know,
while I get ready.
Well, um, why don't you two children go and play somewhere.
And, uh, I'll stay here and keep Nina company, eh?
You should tell her, George.
You don't want to hurt Rodney, I don't want to hurt Nina.
I don't want to exclude Rodney.
That's different.
[SIGH]
Are you trying to tell me something?
Because we could stop.
No.
I-- ju-- this isn't easy.
I promised.
I promised her I'd help her with the baby.
That's great.
Help her.
You be the uncle.
You be the godfather.
Oh, you don't-- no, you don't understand.
I'm more excited about this baby than anything ever in my life.
More than me?
Oh, jeez, Paul.
Don't make it that way.
I'm not making it that way.
You are.
I love you very much.
You know, I think we're both behaving rather
well, under the circumstances.
After all, it's not always easy being
alone in the bedroom next door.
Next door to George and Paul?
FRASER: You knew that.
Well, of course.
Of course I knew that.
I think Paul is great.
I think he's just great.
Well, we're all great.
You must think I'm pretty peculiar.
I have opinions about Shakespeare.
About other people's lifestyles, I have absolutely no opinions,
whatsoever.
And I don't think one should be too hard on one's self.
If the object one's affection returns
the favour with rather less enthusiasm
than one might have hoped.
But a small observation, if I may,
from someone old enough to be your grandfather.
Oh, you're not that much older.
Have you noticed that you're the only woman coming
to your Thanksgiving dinner?
Yes.
And all my female friends, they're either busy,
or they have families.
No don't get defensive.
Have you also noticed that you're
the only practicing heterosexual coming
to your Thanksgiving dinner?
Well, I, uh, I haven't practised in a while.
I'm serious.
What happens when all the men at your Thanksgiving dinner
find other men?
Whose at your table then?
Don't fix your life so that you're left alone right when
you come to the middle of it.
Lord, for the erring thought, not into evil wrought.
Lord, for the wicked will, betrayed and baffled
still, for the heart from itself kept, our Thanksgiving accept.
Hm.
To Nina and George, our wonderful new friends.
To Nina and George.
To friendship.
Yes, to friendship.
Well, Paul, I think you and I ought to be getting going.
Well, actually, I think I'm going
to hang out here for awhile.
FRASER: Ah, well.
PAUL: That OK, Rod?
When would you be getting-- all right.
Well, thank you for including me in your holiday.
Thank you for coming.
Good night.
Paul.
Happy Thanksgiving.
OK.
George.
Good night.
Uh, could I walk you out to the--
No, no.
I'm fine.
Thanks.
You're sure?
Let me get that.
Sorry, thanks.
Bye.
Good night.
Night, Rod.
Uh, well, let's-- let's get cracking on these dishes.
NINA: That's all right, I've got it.
I've got it, thank you.
GEORGE: You sure?
Yes, definitely.
Good night.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, for absolutely the best holiday.
Hm.
I love you.
It was a wonderful dinner, Nina.
Thank you.
GEORGE: Nina, it's 3 o'clock in the morning.
Oh, I'm sorry, did I wake you?
No.
Paul wanted some ice cream.
Oh, that's so sweet.
You guys have so much in common.
Paul thinks, uh, you don't like him.
I don't know him.
You seemed to like Rodney.
Well, Rodney is a decent and intelligent man,
who is very hurt and insecure.
We're all very hurt and insecure.
Who do you know that isn't?
Paul.
Paul seems to be a totally happy guy.
You don't like him.
Oh, what the hell difference does it make
if I like Paul or not, George?
You like Paul, and that's what's important.
And that's great.
I mean that's just great.
I've just finished my work.
Nina, I slept for months in this apartment
with you and Vince right there.
That is different!
How is that different?
Because you don't tell a woman that you love her
and then two days later bring Romeo home to sleep with you.
You invited him.
Yes, for dinner.
And I invited Rodney, too.
I thought they were a couple.
Oh, come on, you didn't think that.
Well, you didn't tell me otherwise.
Ugh!
Nina, look at me.
Nina, look at-- Nina!
Look at me!
What?
I thought we were going to make up new rules.
Yeah, well, they have to work for both of us.
So what you saying?
You can have a man in your bed, but I can't?
Oh, god!
No, no!
You can't.
You cannot have me and Paul and this baby.
Why?
Because you deserve to have it all and I don't?
Oh!
It's not about having it all.
It is about picking one person and making it work.
And when you are fucking a man in the next room,
it makes it pretty clear the person you don't
want to make it work with me.
And that's-- that's bullshit.
Oh, fuck off, George!
You forgot Paul's ice cream!
[LAUGHING]
GEORGE: Caroline, let's face it.
My little brother is cute.
And if you can deal with the 20 women waiting
outside with pistols, I think this union
will succeed brilliantly.
[LAUGHING]
My friend, Nina, the wisest person I know
said to me yesterday, you have to pick one person
and make it work.
Frank, I think you picked absolutely the right person.
WOMAN: Aw, that's so sweet.
GEORGE: I'd like to propose a toast.
To the doctors, Frank and Caroline Colucci-Hanson.
Here, here!
[APPLAUSE]
WOMAN: Your husband is adorable.
I can't imagine my husband still calling me his friend.
(SINGING) Life was a song, you came along, I've laid
awake the whole night through.
If I ever dared to think you cared,
this is what I'd say to you.
You were meant for me.
I was meant for you.
Nature patterned you and when she was done,
you were all the sweet things rolled up in one.
You're like a plaintive melody that never lets me free.
For I'm content.
The angels must have sent you.
And they meant you just for me.
[APPLAUSE]
WOMAN: Very nicely done.
George, I got to get out of here.
You OK?
Yeah, I'm OK.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I just had to get out of there.
Oh, I know.
Weddings can be a little much.
But it works.
What do you mean?
[SIGH]
I was watching Frank and Caroline today.
And I just kept thinking, this is real.
And George and I are not.
We're just different.
But I don't think that I am that different.
I want you to be with me.
I want you to marry me.
I want you to love me the way that I love you.
I don't really want a see who you are, at all.
I think you see me.
Well, then tell me the truth.
What do you want?
I want Paul.
I don't want to be able to look at you
and not feel so hurt by you.
I'm so sorry.
The last person in the world I'd want to hurt is you.
I know that.
I know.
Can't choose who you love.
I think Paul was the best thing that ever happened to us,
you know?
At least he got us to tell the truth.
But, hon, I don't want to lose you.
I can't let things stay the same.
[GASP]
Thank you.
Take care, man.
Congratulations, buddy.
Way to go.
Hey.
I'm sorry.
I got here as fast as I could.
NINA: No, it's OK.
George was with me the whole time.
Good.
This is Molly.
Oh, hello, Molly.
I'm you're dad.
Yeah.
Shh, shh, shh.
Molly, Molly.
Hush, hush, hush.
It's OK.
I got her.
It's OK.
I got her.
(SINGING) Look for the Union labels,
when you are buying a cook dress or blouse.
Remember somewhere--
Which one of you is the father?
The Union sewing.
Vince McBride is the father.
Can you come with me?
We have some paperwork for you.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Here.
Hey, you be nice to your mother, honey.
Here we go.
There she is.
OK.
Hi.
OK.
I wonder if Madame Reynolds has ballroom dancing for babies?
Are you kidding?
Come here, Molly.
Let's show Mommy your dancing legs.
(SINGING) You were meant for me.
And I was meant for you.
George, when were you planning on moving out?
I don't know.
I think you should before I get home.
Well, are-- are-- are you sure?
I can stay until you and Molly get settled.
No, I don't want you there.
We'll be fine.
It's time for Molly and me to get on with our lives.
I'll speak to Paul.
Thank you.
[MOLLY COOING]
GEORGE: You're a very lucky girl, Molly McBride Borowski.
You have the world, the best mum.
Bye, Nina.
Bye, George.
Head up, young person.
Hi.
Hi, Molly.
I love you.
Hello, I'm George Hanson, Principle of the Prospect
Park Cooperative School.
We want to welcome you to our annual Music Celebration!
[APPLAUSE]
And now on with the show!
[CHEERING]
(SINGING) Listen as your day unfolds challenge
what your future holds.
Try to keep your head up to the sky.
People they may cause you tears.
Go ahead, release your fears.
Stand up and be counted, don't be ashamed to cry.
You got to be, you got to be bad, you got to be--
[GASP]
Go, Molly!
(SINGING) You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough,
you gotta be stronger.
You gotta cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together.
All I know, all I know, love will save the day.
Herald what your mother said, reading the books
your father read, try to solve the--
Come on, Molly!
Go, Molly!
(SINGING) Some may have more cash than you.
Others take a different view, my, oh my, hey, hey.
You go girl!
You go, honey!
[CHEERING]
Yeah!
I got to go. I have an audition.
Well, what time you going to be home?
Right after yoga.
Look, are you sure you don't mind?
You had me over last Saturday.
Oh, hey, Rodney, you're family, man.
Yeah.
SALLY: Constance, why can't I get a ring in my nose?
Sally, get straight inside.
This is a very bad neighbourhood.
This is a fucking great neighbourhood.
And my name is not Constance, it's mother.
What is this with the fucking all of a sudden?
Nina, don't forget dinner Thursday.
Umberto Eco and Sharon Stone are coming.
Oh, goody.
I got a bidding war going for Sharon's memoirs.
She's great.
You'd love her. -Goodbye, Louis.
Good to see you again.
Nina, just a second.
There's someone who's coming I want you to meet.
So--
Why?
I am with Louis.
Sweetie, you've made your point.
It's time to move on.
Get your hair cut.
Sidney.
SIDNEY: What?
Let's go.
SIDNEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Great.
Molly, you were great!
Perfect!
I'm coming, I'm coming.
You were just ter-- I love that hat.
Can I give you a ride?
No.
I'm not going to use taxpayer dollars
to fund my personal transportation, Louis.
Uh, I'll take the subway, thank you.
LOUIS: Oh, well, suit yourself, Vince.
I will see you at home.
Bye, Molly.
Great job.
Bye, Louis.
Bye, bye.
Bye, Louis.
Nina, I am the only man in your life who ever made any sense.
You know that, right?
I do know that.
Mm, OK.
Bye bye, sweetheart.
Bye, Daddy.
I love you.
George, great show.
Love your work.
Oh, hey, do you guys want to come
over for dinner Saturday night?
Rodney's coming.
Yeah, that sounds great.
I'll ask Paul.
OK.
Uncle George, I had more people come see me than anyone.
I had Mommy and Daddy and Louis and Uncle
Roddy and Uncle Sidney and--
Honey, you are just the luckiest little girl.
Yeah, and if you ever need any advise ask Auntie Constance.
She knows everything.
Oh, stop it.
[MUSIC "YOU WERE MEANT FOR ME"]
OK.
Hey, do you want to grab some coffee?
Yeah.
You guys always go for coffee.
All you do is talk.
Well, excuse me, but we like talking.
Yeah.
You know, Nina, did you ever just want to touch her nose?
It's just like a little tulip.
Don't you dare start with her.
It looks nothing like a tulip.
Come on.
Mommy, I can do George's show.
[GASP]
You can?
Really?
Yep.
Welcome to the Prospect Park Cooperative School.
[MUSIC "YOU WERE MEANT FOR ME"]