four years ago, he made us
Hope again.
yes, we can!
now he wants to make us hope
Again.
From charlotte, north carolina,
This is the democratic national
Convention, hope and change 2.
Captioning sponsored by
Comedy central
( theme song playing )
( cheers and applause )
jon: Hi, everybody.
Welcome to the "daily show."
My name is jon stewart.
It is our final night.
It is a Friday night in
Charlotte, the end of the
Presidential convention season.
The democrats spent the first
Two nights of their convention
Highlighting their very distinct
Vision of america, where
Citizens of all races and creed
Work together to defraud real
Americans will of their
Hard-earned--
( laughter )
Sorry about that.
Uh, help each other succeed
Together.
But after laying out their
Vision a renewed american
Spirit, there was one other
Thing that they wanted to remind
People of.
he promised to bring osama
Bin laden to justice.
Done.
jon: Bin laden, dead.
Niedermayer.
Dead.
Yes, the democrats accentuated
The non-livingness of bin laden
In film.
In words, and I guess once they
Got bored of that, in slogan.
bin laden sure isn't it
Heavin.
ask osama bin laden if he is
Better off now than he was four
Years ago.
osama bin laden is dead, and
General motors is alive.
( cheers and applause ).
jon: I ask you tonight,
My fellow americans, what is
Black and white and killed osama
Bin laden?
( laughter )
( applause )
President obama.
Request
( cheers and applause )
But before the man-- before the
Man who, from what I understand,
Had a role in the demise of
Terrorist mastermind osama bin
Laden--
done!
( laughter ).
jon: Got it.
Before the president would
Speak, we were treated to more
Democratic all-stars, the
Daughter of the president.
A didn't become president.
And the winner of the
Prestigious 2012 gesticulators
Invitational, former michigan
Governor, jennifer granholm.
we need to ref up our engines
In your car and on your ballots.
The "d." is for drive forward.
The "r." is for reverse.
In this election, we are driving
Forward, not back.
Let's re-elect our great
President, barack obama!
jon: Holy ( bleep )!
I can't believe it.
In my estimation, that woman
Shouldn't be driving at all!
( laughter )
( applause )
She appears to be a drunk flight
Attendant.
( laughter )
( applause )
You know, there's someone I met
Last week in tampa I would love
To set the governor up with for
A lost weekend of political
Infighting and hate ( bleep ).
president obama's never run a
Company.
He hasn't even run a garage sale
Or seen the inside of a lemonade
Stand.
jon: That would be a
Hell of a conversation.
"why won't you extend the bub
Tax cuts?"
"why do you want a voucher
System isystem?"
( bleep ) Friday night.
And then,, vice president joe
Biden gave a powerful speech,
Emphasizing his blue collar
Roots, his strong family ties
And of course his physical
Proximity to the president.
day after day, night after
Night ti sat beside him as he
Made one gutsy decision after
The other.
I walked 30 paces down the hall
Into the oval office, and I see
Him.
I watch him in action.
I got to see firsthand what
Drove this man.
Folks, I've watched him.
I watch it up close.
( laughter )
( applause ).
jon: Folks, I'm going to
Tell you something, sometimes
When president is overseas, I go
Into his closet and I put on his
Jacket.
I take a breath of that jacket,
Just a deep... The heady mex of
Cigarettes, intellect, and
Unchecked drone firepower.
It is--
( laughter )
But of course the many
Attraction, the man himself.
Ladies and gentlemen-- no, not
That one.
No.
You know who I'm talking about!
There he is, the potus with the
Mostest barack "we don't usually
Use his middle name" obama, the
World watched with bated breath.
I accept your nomination for
President of the United States.
( cheers and applause )
jon: Oh, my god, thank god,
I was so sure he was going to
Break up with us.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god!
He still thinks we can make this
Work.
So america sat down, leaned
Forward and waited to see if he
Would deliver that old obama
Magic.
we believe that when a c.E.O.
Pays his auto workers enough to
Buy the cars that they built,
The whole company does better.
We believe that when a family
Can no longer be tricked into
Signing a mortgage they can't
Afford, that family's protected,
But so is the value of other
People's homes.
We believe the little girl who
Is offered an escape from
Poverty by a great teacher on a
Grant for college could become
Next steve jobs.
jon:
¶ we believe we can fly ¶ ¶
He had it again.
But every moment of soaring
Rhetoric was tempered with a
More sober reality.
I won't pretend the path I am
Offering is quick or easy.
I never have.
jon:
¶ we believe we can fly. .
But obviously flying carries
With it some inherent risk.
In 2008, candidate obama painted
A beautiful and vivid picture
That no artist could have
Brought to life.
Much in the way when you go to a
Golden coral, the beautiful
Chocolate fountain.
( laughter )
Of television fame is really
Just an open sewer pipe of
Subpar fudge.
( laughter )
But you want to believe.
This was the challenge 2012
Obama faced.
ours is a fight to restore
The values that built the
Largest middle class and the
Strongest economy the world has
Ever known.
( applause )
jon:
¶ I believe I can touch the sky.
the truth is, it will take
More than a few years for us to
Solve challenges that have built
Up in decades.
jon: Did I say sky?
I meant the shelf where I keep
The juice boxes.
( cheers and applause ).
Yes, the challenge for the
President was to replace the
Audacity of hope with the more
Reasonable calibration of
Expectation.
And then, ultimately, lest we
Still believe too fervently in
The power of one man.
so, you see, the election
Four years ago wasn't about me.
It was about you.
( applause )
My fellow citizens, you were the
Change.
( laughter )
( applause )
( cheering )
jon: This is like an
M knight shamaddan movie.
I bet if we go back and watch
The election again, we'll pick
Up all the clues.
you're the relationship
There's a little girl with a
Heart disorder in phoenix who
Will get the surgery she needs
Because an insurance company
Can't limit her coverage.
You did that.
jon: You're welcome?
( laughter )
you're the reason a young man
In colorado who never thought
He'd be able to afford his dream
Of earning a medical degree is
About to get that chance.
You made that possible.
jon: I'm awesome.
.
Laugh
( applause )
Wait a minute.
I know this drift.
You did the good thing.
Now you're about to throw us
Under the bus for all the
( bleep ) stuff that hasn't been
Done.
How about those unemployment
Numbers?
You did that!
I'm looking at you, audience!
Doesn't feel so good when you
Get blamed for everything, does
It!
( laughter )
Mr. President, what do you want
Us to do?
we, the people, recognize
That we have responsibilities as
Well as rights.
That america is not about what
Can be done for us.
It's about what can be done by
Us together.
Through the hard and
Fruadministrating, but necessary
Work of self-government.
jon: Hard, necessary,
Frustrating, responsibilities.
But you know what?
Maybe it was time for us to be
Brought down to earth a little
Bit anyway.
And maybe the only person who
Could have done it was the one
Who put all that air under our
Feet in the first place.
( laughter )
We'll be rig
jon: Welcome back!
It has been an exciting but
Taxing two weeks on the road for
The best ( bleep ) team on
Television.
We're going to go out to them
Now for their final impressions
Of the d.N.C. And charlotte.
Jon oliver, I'll start with you.
hi, jon.
Jon, I will never forget
Charlotte, the myrtle trees damp
After a morning show.
The air full of lavendar and
Magnolia.
The southern people are bigger
Hearted and kinder than I had a
Right to expect and I cannot
Wait to get on a plane and get
The ( bleep ) out of here.
Out.
jon: Why?
Why?
I'm a new yorker now.
I've been here almost a whole
Week, and I've almost forgotten
How asphalt marinated in other
People's urine smells.
I miss it.
I want to go home.
jon: I miss it as well.
Jessica williams, you were here
Covering your very first
Convention.
What will you miss most?
the people, you know?
( cheers and applause )
I get to come to work every day
Amidst so many intelligent,
Well-informed and scandalously
Well-dressed black men,
Especially the one with the big
Plane.
He's cute.
( laughter )
( applause )
jon: You--
( laughter )
You mean--
( laughter )
You mean-- you mean the
President.
jon, I don't know.
Do I look like tom brokaw?
Here's what I won't miss-- you
Half theling me when I'm trying
To have fun.
jon: All right, go have
Fun.
I'm sorry about that.
My apologies.
Aasif mandri, aasif mandri, what
Will you miss, assif.
jon, I'm going to miss what I
Call the charlotte magic.
jon: The charlotte
Magic.
What is the charlotte magic?
so many fit, beautiful,
Seemingly healthy people eat the
World's most appalling diet.
( laughter )
( applause )
This-- this morning, jon, for
Breakfast, I had a pulled pork
Egg and tobacco pure ito.
Or as it's known here, the
Number three on the healthy
Choice menu.
These people should be dead,
Jon.
( laughter )
( applause ).
jon: Thank you, assif,
That's very much appreciated.
Take care of yourself.
We're going to go on finally, al
Madrigal.
I will miss nothing, jon,
Because my duplicate is staying
Here in charlotte.
You have a duplicate.
I went off and ran a perfect
Facsimile of myself.
Jon, meet pal madrigal.
Come here, pal.
Don't be shy.
He's a nice man.
jon: Forgive me, al, are
You sure that's an exact copy?
all right, well, they may
Have been low on torn, all
Right.
jon: Does-- does pal
Talk?
not in the traditional sense.
( laughter )
But he's very strong and quick
Tip-- don't let pal cuddle any
Small animals.
jon: All right, we won't.
Thank you very much, jon oliver,
Jessica
( cheers and applause ).
jon: Welcome back.
Been here all week covering the
Democratic national convention.
I think we mined some
Interesting humor during the
Democratic national convention.
Obviously, someplace our more
Dogged viewers at home might be
Going, "come on!
You know what we want!"."
Don't worry, while we were here
We watched fox news, too
Couldn't help but notice certain
Discrepancies on their take on
This convention and one last
Week.
Fox was chastising the media
From letting silly social issues
Distract them from jobs and the
Economy.
I know the media wants to
Talk about abortion, the phony
War on women.
the media will try to make it
About abortion, about akin.
the republican party is
Focused, economy, economy,
Economy.
No decide issue.
No abortion.
mitt romney doesn't write the
Platform.
And he actually doesn't have to
Abide by the platform.
that's what he said today.
jon: Yeah, I mean the
Platform is just a segment of
The party's core principles and
Obeliefs.
I mean, whatever.
Mitt romney can wipe his
Ass with it for all we care.
I wonder how they felt about the
Party platform this week.
zero times, that's how many
Times the damage platform
Mentioned god.
it was down from seven
Mentions in 2004, one mention in
2008.
how can there be an entire
Section on faith when you don't
Mention fox?
thank god fox news is on it,
Pushing the buttons, saying
Where is god in the platform.
jon: Yeah, yeah, thank
God.
Fox is truly doing god's work.
God's busy work.
The kind of work he doesn't need
Done because he's god.
Now you took it upon yourself
Anyway, like the house sitter,
That rearranges all your
( bleep ) without tell you.
( laughter )
Which brings to us our new
Segment, "last week, this week."
This week, some members of the
Hollywood elite showed up to
Endorse president obama.
Fox news no likey.
do the american people want
To listen more to hollywood
Celebrities than who they
Endorse?
Sometimes they can't get into
The details of policies.
Or do you want to listen to
People who have actually lived
It?
jon: Yeah, exactly.
By the way, how did you feel
About hollywood select last week
At the rnc?
I loved clint from beginning
To end.
many thought he was fantastic
Didn't sound like a politician.
he was so clint eastwood.
that's what I love about him.
( cheers and applause ).
jon: Yup, spoken bike a
Woman who spends most of her
Mornings sitting next to two
Empty chairs.
I tried to gauge the level of
Fox news' amnesia-- look, we
Already know fox completely
Forgot the bush presidency ever
Happened but that was, like,
Four years ago.
Now I realize they can't
Remember what happened a week
Ago.
Like eric bolling, who heard
Touching personal stories at
Both conventions.
the story about mitt's father
Leaving a rose on his wife's
Stand every single day.
wasn't that sweet?
and that's how she found out
He was dead because one day the
Rose wasn't there.
she kept talking about what a
Tough time she and barack had
Growing up.
They come from very, very nice
Schooling backgrounds, high
School, into harvard law school,
Both of them.
They were talking about how he
Had to-- his castro rusted out
On the bottom.
Come on, bob.
You can't say he comes from the
Lower middle-- lower than middle
Class.
class.
jon: Look I know you
Don't care about the obamas but
Could you at least give a
( bleep ) about the car?
( laughter )
Apparently between the weekend
Of tamp and charlotte, eric eric
Bolling's heart shrank three
Sizes.
( laughter )
Much like brit hume's cranium.
Last week hume couldn't get
Enough details and policy
Figures.
a wonderful example of what
Could be called the ryan effect,
Details of the tax plan, details
About medicare, details of all
These issues point by point
Rebuttals to obama attacks.
You sense his knowledge.
This is what paul ryan has
Brought to this race.
jon: Yeah, how 'd you
Like policy details after
Clinton's speech?
it was worchgy.
He got off into policy details
At great length.
If you are trying to follow
Along you get a little bit lost
In all the details and it seems
To me all the arguments are
Going to fall away because
People simply can't remember
Them.
( applause ).
jon: Brit, you'd be
Amazed, you'd be amazed-- you'd
Be amazed at what people can
Remember.
( laughter )
Like a week ago, you loved
Policy details.
( laughter )
Even fox's head news guys thinks
We're all gold fish.
Here's what he said last night
After the president's speech.
we heard a lot of goals
Tonight, but no specific plans,
No specific plans about how he
Would grow the economy.
No specific plans about how he
Would put 23 million americans
Back to work.
No specific plans about how he
Would deal with the entitlements
Glo cogent analysis immediately
Following obama's speech.
Last week, after romney's
Speech?
you know, guys, I was going
Through a long checklist of what
I like about the speech and
Didn't like but it's silly.
Tonight people are only looking
At the extraordinary pictures of
These beautiful families and--
You know, I don't think anything
That you can say is going to
Match any of this.
So I'm just going to shut up and
Watch
( laughter ).
jon: You know what?
That's a good idea.
I think fox news just found a
Great new slogan "shut up and
Watch."
We'll be right back.
( cheers and applause )
( cheers and applause ).
jon: That is the
Conventions.
I want to thank the staff, the
Crew, and the correspondents on
The "daily show."
They have taken this show on
Their backs and brought it down
Into tampa and north carolina,
And technically, and otherwise,
I think done a flawless and
Amazing job.
And I'd love a round of applause
For the people working on the
Show.
( cheers and applause ).
Who made it possible for us to
Do our jobs.
I want to thank the imagine on
Theater for hosting us all week.
( cheers and applause ).
It's been quite an experience.
I have to say.
Any time we get out of our
Cloistered little hole in new
York city and visit the dark
Heart intersecting media and
Politics in publish, I can
Assure you, there is not enough
Purele in the world.
( laughter )
The silk wood shower, that's
( bleep ).
But that being said, the warmth
And enthusiasm of the audiences
That came in here every night to
See the show live and to give us
The kind of energy that we
Needed--
( cheers and applause )
Very, very much appreciated.
We've enjoyed it.
I hope you've enjoyed the
Programs as well.
We'll see you back in new york.
Here it is, your moment of zen.
sarah palin said she could
See russia from alaska.
Mitt, mitt romney talks like
He's only seen
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