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Subtitles downloaded from Podnapisi.NET

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(Microphone feeds back)

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(Man) ls this fucking thing on? Oh.
Ladies and gentlemen.

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He's wacky, he's zany,

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he's one entire sixth of the greatest
comedy team the world has ever seen.

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Here to reveal all, please welcome
Monty Python's Graham Chapman!

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(Audience applauding)

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(Chapman) Er, before I begin,

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there is a favour I would like to ask
of all of you, please.

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And I do mean every single person
in the room.

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No opting out. I'd like everyone
to join in with this, please.

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I would like to ask you all
for 30 seconds...

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...of abuse.

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(Audience laughing, cheering)

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(People shouting insults)

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(Chapman) Thank you so much.

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(Shouting continues)

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(Man) Go home! Get off!

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(Chapman) Thank you.
Thank you so much.

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(Shouting continues)

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(Chapman) Thank you.
Thank you so much. Thank you.

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(Chapman) 15 seconds to go!
Thank you. Thank you so much.

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(Man) I want my fucking money back!

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(Chapman) Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

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(Man) Get off that stage!

27
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(Man) You suck!

28
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(Woman) You're a shit!

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(Man) You-you-you-you...
You miscreant!

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(Man) <i>l</i> like you!

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(Chapman) Thank you very much
indeed. That was excellent abuse.

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And it will certainly save
a lot of time later on.

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(Audience laughing)

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New York, 1976.
The City Center theatre.

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Monty Python's Flying Circus
is appearing. We are in mid-sketch.

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I am playing Oscar Wilde.

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My congratulations, Wilde.
Your play is a great success.

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The whole of London
is talking about you.

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There is only one thing in the world
worse than being talked about

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and that is NOT being talked about.

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(Chuckling)

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Very wifly, Wilde. Very wifly.

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There is only one thing worse
in the world than being wifly

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and that is not being wifly.

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(Cheering)

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I wish I had said that.

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You will, Oscar. You will.

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Your Highness, do you know
James McNeill Whistler?

49
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Yes. We play squash together.

50
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There is only one thing worse
than playing squash together

51
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and that is playing it by yourself.

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(Chapman) He waits expectantly
for the roars of laughter

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and the shrieks of glee.
They do not come.

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The silence grows longer.

55
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I wish I hadn't said that.

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You did, Oscar. You did.

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Forgive me, Wilde,
but I must get back up the palace.

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(Chapman) Wilde is desperate.

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The Prince of Wales is leaving
with a smile on his face

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that had not been put there
by Oscar Wilde. He blurtsz

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Your Majesty, you are like a big jam
doughnut with cream on top.

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I beg your pardon?

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Er...er...
Erm, it was one of Whistler's.

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- I didn't say that.
- You did, James. You did.

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L...l meant that, er,

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like a doughnut, your an'ival,
your Majesty, gives us pleasure,

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and your departure
only makes us hungry for more.

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Your Majesty is like
a stream of bat's piss.

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- I beg your pardon?
- It was one of Wilde's.

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Uh...uh...uh...

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(Chapman) I have just dried.
I cannot remember the next line.

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I'm waiting, Wilde. I'm waiting.

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The entire theatre waits
and as they wait, so do I

74
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for that damned line to enter my head.
It refuses to come.

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Oh, get on with it.

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Get on with it.

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(Audience applauding)

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(Woman) Dr Chapman?
We'll be landing in Los Angeles shortly.

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Hello? Dr Chapman?

80
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Are you all right, Dr Chapman?

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(Woman on intercom) Keep your seat
belts fastened and luggage stowed safely.

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Turn off your head sets
and electrical equipment

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until you see the seat belt sign
turned off.

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(Respirator whooshing)

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(Vomiting)

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(Chapman) It's at moments like this
when one thinks,

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"Oh, fuck it. Does it really mafler?
What are we all here for?

88
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"Are we predestined
to take the paths we follow?"

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I was born in Leamington, now officially
known as Royal Leamington Spa,

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moderately famous for the manufacture
of gas cookers.

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The year was 1942

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and the period of gestation
ended on February 7th,

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during an air raid in which the Germans
thought they were hitting Coventry.

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(Crash)

95
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My parents, Tim and Beryl

96
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- sorry, Tim and Befly -
were outraged when I an'ived

97
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because they'd been expecting
a heterosexual black Jew

98
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with several amusing birth deformities
as they needed the problems.

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They lived in an enormous Gothic castle
in the south of France

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called "Done Drinking Gin And Slimline
Tonic With Ice But No Lemon ln",

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which was originally built by Marco Polo
for himself and a few friends

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he wanted to invite round
to his place after the pub closed.

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(Shouting)

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(PallY)

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I must admit so far

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that this has not had much more
than a grain of truth in it,

107
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but it is more interesting

108
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than all the usual humdrum wetting
of nappies and, later, pants,

109
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not being allowed to sit next to the
Czech girl because I once shat myself,

110
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seeing bits of people
hanging from trees... Oh!

111
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That does sound interesting.
Perhaps I should put that down.

112
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I was three at the time

113
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and my mother wanted to take me
along to see my father.

114
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(Baby talk)

115
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- Walter.
- Sony, dear. I'm busy.

116
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Hey, you. That's sack's
already got two legs in it.

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Walter, dear,
we were just out shopping

118
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and I thought that Graham might like...

119
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Can't you come back later, dear?
Has anyone found that head yet?

120
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Has anyone in this street found a head?
Oh, come on. Someone must have it.

121
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I know this street.
You'd steal anything.

122
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I mean, what the bloody hell
are you gonna do with a head?

123
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Oh, dear.
Perhaps we'll go and get your tea.

124
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What? Oh, yes.
Egg on toast, please.

125
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Left arm here.
Anyone missing a lefl arm?

126
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(Betty) We haven't got any eggs.
There is a war on.

127
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Ask Harold. Something's bound
to have fallen off the back of a lon'y.

128
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All right, dear.
Come on, Graham.

129
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Stop staring at all that blood.
It won't do you any good.

130
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Oh, come on, mum. This must be one
of my major formative experiences.

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(Wang)

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Eton.

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Summer term,
or "wops" as we called it,

134
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seemed to have dragged on endlessly.

135
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The smell of freshly mown grass wafted
over from far-off Hayes meadow,

136
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the village clock chimed in the distance

137
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and somewhere,
miles above our petty earth,

138
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a wisp of cloud took flame from
the dying embers of the setting sun.

139
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They combined to produce
an atmosphere

140
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so redolent of this type of writing.

141
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"Iam victoria tam facilis
scrotum non valet".

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(Cheering)

143
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:22,969
We always beat Harrow anyway.
Why bother?

144
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:31,728
Oh, Chapman, sir, may I clean
your teeth tonight? Oh, please?

145
00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:34,610
Why don't you bugger off, Shagspot?

146
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:37,251
Oh! Thank you, sir.

147
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:41,807
Plucky little squit, that young McMillan.
Should go far.

148
00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,964
In a few days, I would be in Nice,

149
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:50,044
soaking up the sun
at the side of my father's pool,

150
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:53,448
while Jenkins hovered by
with a tray of vodkatinis.

151
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,247
Would you like another sandwich,
dear?

152
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What?

153
00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:05,965
They're your favourite,
sandwich spread.

154
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S0 this is Nice?

155
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:11,369
(Thunderclap)

156
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:14,689
What do you mean, Nice?
This is Scarborough.

157
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You do too much reading.

158
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:18,967
(Befly) It'll do you more good
if you eat your tea.

159
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:22,726
Quite right. You can't get through to him
when he's got a book in his hand.

160
00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:26,401
- What is it, anyway?
- "Claudius the God" by Robert Graves.

161
00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:30,366
A fine historical reconstruction of the life
of Claudius, the Roman emperor,

162
00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:32,522
thought of in his time as a pitiful fool,

163
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though the reign Mr Graves describes
is far from folly.

164
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Is it?

165
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:40,929
(scoffs)

166
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:44,925
Anyway, finish your tea. We ought
to get a haddock for Mrs Richers.

167
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There's plenty time for that later.
Thraxted's doesn't close till five.

168
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- They'll be out of haddock by then.
- We'll get halibut.

169
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:55,804
Mrs Richers especially asked
for the haddock.

170
00:10:55,920 --> 00:11:00,608
Oh, haddock, halibut, cod.
There's no difference. It's all fish.

171
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,690
Let's just sit here for a bit
and enjoy the view.

172
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(Graham) It's raining.
(Tim) It's bracing.

173
00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:10,370
You should have your window open, lad.
Get a bit of ozone in your lungs.

174
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,171
Ozone is oxygen in a condensed state,

175
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having three atoms to the molecule.
03.

176
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,923
- What you can smell is rotting seaweed.
- Well, it's good for you.

177
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,731
- No, it isn't.
- Don't argue with your father.

178
00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:26,845
It's those fancy books. You can't learn
everything out of books, my lad.

179
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,127
There's no argument. It's a fact.

180
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,921
Stop it, Graham. Now, come on.
We'll go and get the fish.

181
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:36,641
- No, we'll stay here.
- I think we should get the fish.

182
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:42,846
That ship over there
ls bringing wood from Nonuay,

183
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,804
coniferous wood used
in the paper manufacturing industry

184
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:47,968
since the late 15th century.

185
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:53,209
But the first paper mill in England
was owned by John Tate in Herlford,

186
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:55,647
a manufacturer of continuous...

187
00:11:55,720 --> 00:12:00,123
Oh, the Tates. Wasn't their youngest
walking about with that Valerie Maskell?

188
00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:01,969
No.

189
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:06,051
This process was developed by the
stationers Messrs H and S Fourdrinier.

190
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:07,889
It was her.

191
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,964
She was the one that got all the spots
at secretarial college.

192
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,168
Quiet, Edith.

193
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:18,002
The Fourdriniers were assisted by Mr
Bryan Donkin, an inventor and engineer.

194
00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:23,684
Wasn't his step-uncle, Stephanie,
a wholesale poultry in Peatling Parva?

195
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,450
- No!
- Yes, he was.

196
00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:27,961
It was their youngest
that moved downstairs

197
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:31,203
next door to the chemist in Wimbledon,
nearly opposite the Gantleys.

198
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,129
Shut up.

199
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:38,282
Do you realise that if you look out there
on a very clear day,

200
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:40,442
you can't quite see Denmark?

201
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,409
I think we should get the haddock.

202
00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:45,370
Will you shut up
about the bloody haddock?

203
00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:48,000
- Why is it that every bloody year...
- Language.

204
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:51,408
Every year our summer holiday
consists of two weeks

205
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:56,726
in Scarborough, Filey or Bridlington,
sifling in a car in the rain, bickering.

206
00:12:56,840 --> 00:13:00,003
- Why don't we go to bloody Denmark?
- Language!

207
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,649
- We did promise haddock.
- Oh, all right!

208
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,969
We'll go and get your bloody, flaming,
bloody haddock!

209
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:13,203
Trouble with you two is you don't
appreciate the beauties of nature.

210
00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:14,970
(Backfiring)

211
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,769
What's that you've got back there?

212
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:27,124
It's a book.
"l, Biggles", by Captain W E Graves.

213
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,323
Captain, eh?
Mm. That sounds befler.

214
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:37,524
(wind gusting)

215
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:44,090
(Drone of approaching plane)

216
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,647
Everything OK, skipper?

217
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:58,327
Tell you what, old man.
Having a bit of trouble with this.

218
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,887
Could you just pop your hand down
my Mae West, old tapir?

219
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:03,962
Well, if that's an order, old guillemot.

220
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:06,520
- It is.
- Righty-0.

221
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,802
Here it comes, old bison.

222
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:12,522
(Both chuckling)

223
00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:20,405
- Don't stop now! I'm nearly there.
- So am I!

224
00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:22,005
(Groans)

225
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:53,524
- What about me?
- Oh, fuck off, Ginger.

226
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:58,166
To heck with the lot of them.

227
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,970
(Means. giggles)

228
00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:17,603
I'll just jolly well sit down here

229
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:21,406
and improve the bally old mind a liflle,
don't you know.

230
00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:24,721
"The Complete Works
of Captain W E Johns".

231
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,241
"How to speak English
in other languages".

232
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:30,443
"The Interpretation of Dreams",
by Sigmund Freud.

233
00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:36,086
In the following lecture,
I, Sigmund Freud,

234
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:40,000
shall prove the entire psychology
of man can only be understood

235
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,964
with a reference
to the science of navigation.

236
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:44,605
Spot on.

237
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:48,571
In relation to this,
I remember a young adolescent

238
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:53,049
who was having reoccurring dreams
about flying.

239
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:58,168
A fictional aviator called Bigglesworth
and his companions

240
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:01,443
are attempting to escape
from a Focke-Wulf

241
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,921
which is pursuing them
and shooting at them.

242
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:07,004
A typical dream recall of a particularly
exciting episode

243
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:11,284
of an adventure story for boys.
Or so it would seem.

244
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:15,043
Let's look at the dream more closely.

245
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,731
The first thing we notice
is that throughout the scene

246
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:22,681
we see navigational elements
hidden not so far below the surface.

247
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:27,008
A compass, indicating
the plane's direction of travel.

248
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:33,005
A map behind the aviators
telling them where they are going.

249
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:37,245
All unmistakable symptoms
of a navigational obsession.

250
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,809
Note also the use
of zoological terminology

251
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:44,161
in their navigational exchange
with one another.

252
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:47,966
"Old bison," "old tapir"
and even "old guillemot"

253
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:52,767
clearly indicates a yearning for a
pre-rational animal state of existence

254
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:55,810
in which navigation
is not yet distinguishable

255
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:58,571
from simply running around.

256
00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:03,043
The boy patient clearly identifies himself
with the minor character, Ginger,

257
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:08,246
who is excluded from the adventure
because he is navigationally inadequate.

258
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,930
Ginger? That's me.

259
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:16,130
Inadequate? What a bally awful tone,
don't you know, what ho, old chap.

260
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:29,809
- You've been bloody reading again.
- I haven't.

261
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:31,843
Well, what's this in my hand?

262
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,645
"The Interpretation of Dreams",
by Sigmund Freud,

263
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:38,970
probably his most original work,
in which he explored the unconscious

264
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:41,845
and found that neurotic symptoms
are like dreams,

265
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,201
a product of conflict and compromise

266
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,971
between the conscious
and unconscious states...

267
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,845
ls it? What's this?

268
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,770
"Sucking at the mother's breast

269
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:57,050
"is the starting point
for the whole sexual life,

270
00:18:57,120 --> 00:19:02,047
"the unmatched prototype
of every latent sexual satisfaction"?

271
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:05,050
I've got the haddock.
Now, what were you saying?

272
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:09,722
Oh, another book, dear?
What is it this time?

273
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:13,208
Nothing. Just a road map.

274
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,891
Who's "Frood," then?

275
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:19,521
He's an expert on...navigation.
Very interesting.

276
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,723
His theories on navigation, you see.
Longitude and latitude.

277
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,923
- That sort of thing.
- Ah, well. That's enough of that.

278
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:28,725
Let's get back to Mrs Richers
with this haddock.

279
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:30,604
Right.

280
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:40,447
(Chapman) Quite a lot happened
over the next few years.

281
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:43,444
A disastrous sexual experiment
with Rita Blake,

282
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,080
my first love affair with another boy.

283
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:47,964
Ooh!

284
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:52,728
Stuffing snails into a gatepost,
the hen-stealing nuns,

285
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:54,922
Pig-Shit Freeman,

286
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:59,562
Miss Chamberlain's three consecutive
head girls pregnant,

287
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:02,650
my questions about ejaculation
to the biology master,

288
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:06,924
Albert the groundsman, holding hands
with Mark Collins in a maths class,

289
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,968
painting John Wilder black,

290
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,646
Prunose Eskimo Nell,

291
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:14,001
Monsieur Le Beau Vaflen,

292
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:17,966
and elderly spinsters'
wanking-off birthday cakes.

293
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:23,209
But such trivia needs no elaboration.
One childhood is much like another.

294
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:27,086
Amateur psychologists who think it clever
to explain the character of the later man

295
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,567
for a jumble of largely
fictitious memories

296
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,604
can ferret for their filth
in other people's autobiographies.

297
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:34,489
(Monkey screeching)

298
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,240
(Chattering)

299
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:38,966
(Horn honks)

300
00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:43,089
(Breaks wind)

301
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:45,447
(Monkeys lau9hi"9)

302
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,444
(Chapman) In the spring
of nineteen sixty-splunge,

303
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,887
John Cleese and Graham Chapman

304
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:57,850
thought they might like to do
another television program.

305
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:01,965
In another part of London, Michael Palin,
Ten'y Jones and Eric Idle,

306
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,566
and an American drafl dodger -
and who can blame him? -

307
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:08,401
called Terry Vance Gilliam
thought they would too.

308
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:12,087
Me? Hmm-mm.
I still like "owl stretching time".

309
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,601
Of course, it was my idea.
Ten'y Jones.

310
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:15,721
(sings)

311
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,008
And lots of noises
only the Welsh can make.

312
00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:20,691
I still like "a horse, a bucket
and a spoon".

313
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,041
(Chapman) His suggestion.
J Cleese.

314
00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:26,567
Look, you Welsh git. We discarded
that about two hours ago.

315
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:27,966
Oh, fucking hell!

316
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:31,926
I remember not being particularly
interested in the debate about titles.

317
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:35,641
Had I given up medicine
for trivia such as this?

318
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,047
- Aren't we able to talk about things?
- Yes.

319
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:42,210
But do we have to go on about it
in such a high-pitched voice?

320
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:45,250
John Cleese guffaws like a ban-ister
having made his point.

321
00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:47,647
This winds Ten'y Jones up
to near violence.

322
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,923
Of course I go on about it.
It's fucking important.

323
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,962
Terry, would you or would you not say

324
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:56,761
that the rest of us have already
agreed that we don't like it?

325
00:21:56,880 --> 00:22:00,885
Characteristic of his temperament,
T Jones calms down instantly,

326
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:04,322
having vented his spleen
on inanimate objects.

327
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:09,846
I still like "owl stretching time."
M Palin.

328
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:13,646
No, I've gone off that a bit.
I prefer "sex and violence",

329
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,889
But I think Terry's got a point about
"a horse, a bucket and a spoon."

330
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:20,328
Oh, son'y, Graham. You're doing
all the voices in this bit, aren't you?

331
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,249
I'll shut up.

332
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:25,370
(Chapman) M Palin.

333
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,330
No, I've gone off that a bit.
I prefer "sex and violence",

334
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:31,205
but Terry's got a point about
"a horse, a bucket and a spoon".

335
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,049
Oh, come off it.

336
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:36,010
And so it was decided to call it

337
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,731
Monty Python's Flying Circus.

338
00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:44,727
(Clanking and clattering)

339
00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:47,047
(Screeching)

340
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,769
(Clunking)

341
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:08,245
Cambridge, a university town built
in a featureless, flat landscape.

342
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,563
So featureless, in fact,

343
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:15,889
you wonder why anyone chose it
as a location for anything.

344
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:19,848
The magnificence of St John's,

345
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:21,962
the noteworthy splendour of Trinity,

346
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:25,203
the sheer portliness of the banks

347
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:29,689
and some very high walls,
behind which a semi-aristocratic elite

348
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:34,249
could hide from the outside world
and go to each other's rooms for sherry.

349
00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:41,362
And gazing at the magnificent,

350
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:45,081
noteworthy, sheer splendour
of the portly King's College chapel,

351
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:48,926
it would be a world-weary traveller
indeed who did not pause to think,

352
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:52,965
"Why the fuck didn't they build
the whole town two inches to the right?"

353
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:54,451
(Man) Sorry!

354
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:27,009
(Bell tolling)

355
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:41,121
<i>Hmm.</i>

356
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:46,685
Tsk. Hmm.

357
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:52,610
<i>Hmm.</i>

358
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:57,411
(Mumbles)

359
00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,005
<i>(Glass shaflers)</i>

360
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:02,527
(Screams)

361
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:04,563
Stop! Everybody stop! Right.

362
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:09,561
If I find any more of you bloody idiots
heating up ether over an open flame,

363
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:11,369
l'll...l'll kill you!

364
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,091
I haven't been a munitions expert
in two world wars

365
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,567
to get slaughtered
by a load of ignorant tits!

366
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:19,570
If you don't know what you're doing,
get out!

367
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:29,803
(Clears throat)

368
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,643
So, Chapman, let's see.

369
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:39,283
Oh, now, do you play FUQBY?

370
00:25:39,360 --> 00:25:42,045
I play for Melton Mowbray, first team.

371
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:45,130
- What position do you play?
- Second row.

372
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:47,851
That's good.
We need a second row.

373
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:52,045
Absolutely.
We'll see you in September.

374
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:58,804
There is just one small matter,
of course. Just a formality.

375
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:01,890
Your A-level results here.
You're taking three A-levels?

376
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:05,288
- Oh, yes, yes.
- Will you pass physics?

377
00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:06,964
No.

378
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:08,969
Why not?

379
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,447
Uh...well, I'm not sure.

380
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,644
Not sure, eh?
That means you're in doubt?

381
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:16,967
- Well, no...
- Do you mean yes?

382
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:19,281
Uh... Yes.

383
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:22,165
So a pass may be possible, eh?

384
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,248
Uh, yes. Possible.

385
00:26:24,360 --> 00:26:26,169
- Probable, even?
- Well, I, uh...

386
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:28,647
Let me put it another way.

387
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:30,967
Are you going to fail?

388
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,003
No.

389
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:36,640
No?

390
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:42,845
- How did it go?
- Oh, fine.

391
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,008
Mind you, I've got to pass physics.

392
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:47,083
Well, you'll do that, won't you?

393
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:56,842
I think at about this juncture,

394
00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:00,009
it would be wise to point out to those
of you who haven't noticed,

395
00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:02,043
and it's apparent enough,

396
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:04,845
Jonathan Miller and myself
come from good families

397
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:08,003
and have had the benefits
of a public school education.

398
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,208
Whereas the other two members
of the cast

399
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:14,086
have worked their way up
from working-class origins.

400
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:18,762
And yet Jonathan and I are working
together with them in the cast...

401
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:20,962
(Laughter)

402
00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:25,771
...and treating them as equals.

403
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:30,922
And I'd like to say it's proving
to be a most enjoyable,

404
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:33,890
worthwhile and stimulating experience
for both of us.

405
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:37,442
- Wouldn't you agree, Jonathan?
- Certainly is. I'm most impressed.

406
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,011
It's...it's your results.

407
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:44,729
Ah.

408
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,525
What... What does it...
What does it say?

409
00:27:56,320 --> 00:27:58,607
It says... It says...

410
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:05,571
Three passes!
That means you're in, doesn't it?

411
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:07,967
Well done, Graham.

412
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:12,171
I have been accepted
by Emmanuel College.

413
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,726
I've bought a gown,
several club ties,

414
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:17,969
walked around in a tweed suit
with a pipe and tried to look clever.

415
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:21,721
The pipe was very useful. If anyone
said anything I didn't understand,

416
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:24,650
I could puff on it
and seem deep in thought.

417
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:28,367
The tweed suit didn't fool anybody,
but the pipe worked a treat.

418
00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:31,126
In tutorials,
I was asked fewer questions.

419
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:34,727
It also helped clobber the stench
of formalin in the dissecting rooms.

420
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:39,763
Describe the vagina.

421
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:41,882
(All clearing throats)

422
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:47,282
- Kevin.
- Um, right.

423
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:51,769
- Well, it's a sensitive organ.
- What do you mean?

424
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:55,606
Well, it's about four and a half
inches long

425
00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:57,888
and it's, uh, very sensitive.

426
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:03,285
Balls! The only thing sensitive about
the vagina is in the front of it, lad.

427
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:05,442
Apart from a certain sensation

428
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:08,843
because something has passed through
the perineal musculature,

429
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:12,407
the vagina itself is virtually numb!

430
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:16,764
You answer shows not only a lack
of anatomical knowledge,

431
00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:19,730
but a complete social ignorance.

432
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:23,970
You've obviously never slept
with a woman!

433
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:29,328
No! Aah!

434
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:32,409
Not that bit!

435
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:35,722
(People murmuring, applauding)

436
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:38,764
Awfully sorry, old chap,
but sex is a rather difflcult subject

437
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:40,968
and I don't know what came over me.

438
00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:43,361
Oh, well. Befler go and have lunch,
I suppose.

439
00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:45,966
Anyone coming to the bun shop?

440
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:50,043
Oh, thank God.
That was a short tutorial.

441
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:56,927
(Chapman) In my first year at Cambridge,
I tried to join the Footlights Club,

442
00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:00,209
realising that the only reason
I'd gone there in the first place

443
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:04,166
was that I'd seen a television version
of a Footlights annual revue.

444
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:06,886
I impersonated a carrot

445
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:11,090
and a man with iron fingertips being
pulled offstage by an enormous magnet.

446
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:14,090
(Magnet humming)

447
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:16,328
Really super.

448
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:18,727
In the same set of auditions,

449
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:21,849
John Cleese did a routine
of trampling on hamsters

450
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:25,328
and can still do
a good pain-ridden squeak.

451
00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:27,249
(Squeaking)

452
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:35,807
How about that?

453
00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:42,051
We were both selected and very soon
were able to wear black sashes

454
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:45,050
with "Ars Est Celare Artem" on them.

455
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:47,521
"The art was to conceal the art."

456
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:55,331
March 1964. The new biochemistry
and physiology block

457
00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:58,649
was being opened by
Her Majesty the Queen Mother.

458
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,366
Being secretary
of the Students' Union,

459
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:05,884
I was invited to join Her Majesty for tea
with other members of the student body

460
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:08,440
after her tour of the new premises.

461
00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:11,843
I was pleased to find out that she had
asked to come to tea with the students

462
00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:16,090
and not with a lot of old gits
in red gowns and stupid floppy hats.

463
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:29,804
- Ah, yes.
- How do you take yours?

464
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:33,009
Gin and Slimline tonic with ice
but no lemon in, Your Majesty.

465
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:36,760
Cheers.

466
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:41,124
I explained to Her Majesty that I had
the offer of going to New Zealand

467
00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:43,641
as a member of Cambridge Circus,
a revue,

468
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:46,770
but that this would mean taking
six months off medicine

469
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:49,611
and my parents had yelped
strongly against this.

470
00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:51,961
(Drunkenly) You really must
see New Zealand.

471
00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:54,765
It's a very beautiful place.

472
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:03,364
My sexual life consisted of going to bed
with women

473
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:05,363
while dreaming about men.

474
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:09,286
The first one was the student's
traditional friend, a nurse.

475
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:12,324
She was rather podgy
and extremely repellent,

476
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:15,410
but I just wanted to get my end away.

477
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:18,962
She was a real "lie down and think
of hockey and England" type,

478
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:22,840
and after a brief grope
that was not enthusiastically received,

479
00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:25,964
I looked her hard in the breasts
and thought, "Yuck.

480
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:29,004
"The bar's still open.
I'll get rid of her."

481
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:35,049
There was another female student
gefling a lot of aflention from the lads.

482
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:39,848
Of a rather fawning, not daring
to ask nature, I sat down at her table.

483
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:44,323
Ignoring her minions, I boldly passed her
a plate of sandwich spread sandwiches

484
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:46,408
and asked her if she'd go.

485
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:49,689
She was intelligent enough to say,
"See you in my room tonight."

486
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:52,246
We had a bloody good time
for a whole year.

487
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:55,210
She was athletic and imaginative.
We went right through the card.

488
00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:58,290
It wasn't just British missionary,
but doggie on the floor,

489
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:01,722
on the floor standing, on the desk,
in the shower, in the bath,

490
00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:04,844
near the bath, at someone else's place
while they weren't looking,

491
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,645
and in a guard's van
through the whole of Birmingham.

492
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:11,805
The description of this passage
has made me feel... Excuse me.

493
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:13,445
(Clears throat)

494
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:15,449
Oh, that's befler.

495
00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:20,128
I liked the experience, but after nine
months or so, it began to pall

496
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:24,250
and I felt I'd rather spend more time
in the bar drinking with the lads.

497
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:26,647
This is hardly even partly true
in retrospect.

498
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:29,206
It's just that I remember once or twice

499
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:32,842
thoughts of men's bodies
creeping into my mind while in coitus.

500
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,927
I decided that I should do
some clinical tests on myself,

501
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:49,447
so whenever I went in a taxicab,
tube, train or bus,

502
00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:52,604
I looked at each passer-by
and tried to tell myself honestly

503
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:55,451
which ones I would like
to go to bed with.

504
00:33:57,240 --> 00:34:00,687
And the ratio of boys to girls
was something like seven to three,

505
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,690
which puts me clearly
on the homosexual side of the scale,

506
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:06,451
as suggested in the Kinsey Report.

507
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:14,527
Look. He says he's on tour

508
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:18,281
with something called
Cambridge Circus, a revue.

509
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,721
The Queen Mother told him,
you know,

510
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:25,687
and as Her Majesty was telling Graham,
New Zealand is such a beautiful place.

511
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:29,964
She said he really had to go and see it.
It's by royal command, really.

512
00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:39,883
(Chapman) A trip to New Zealand
and America

513
00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:42,122
made me more broad-minded
about myself.

514
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:46,524
Immediately after qualifying, I gave up
medicine and became a raging poof.

515
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:49,649
But no mincing.
A butch one with a pipe.

516
00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:59,169
(Man) Graham, taxi's here for the BBC!

517
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:50,290
(Audience applause drowns words)

518
00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:57,646
Thank you very much indeed.
Tonight: class.

519
00:35:57,720 --> 00:36:01,406
Some people say it's disappearing,
but if modern advertising...

520
00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:02,965
(Fades)

521
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:05,401
(Snoring)

522
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:08,927
(Knocking)

523
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:10,968
Come in.

524
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:14,964
Come in, Thompson. Nice to see you.
It's time we had a liflle chat.

525
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,845
- Thank you, sir.
- Good.

526
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:21,681
Don't sit on the floor, Thompson.
Sit on the chair.

527
00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:23,848
How are you, Thompson?

528
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:26,406
- Fine, sir.
- Good. Splendid. You look well.

529
00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:30,525
I was talking this morning to Miss Evans
about your Latin verse.

530
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:34,850
The prose is all right, but verse is weak.
You've got to do something about it.

531
00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:37,327
- Yes, sir.
- Hmm.

532
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,566
Thompson, have you been shot?

533
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:44,524
Yes, sir. Just a bit.

534
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:47,211
Well, who shot you?
A master or a boy?

535
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:49,687
- A boy, sir.
- Oh, good.

536
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:58,049
Hi, guys. Hello.
Super show tonight. Super.

537
00:36:58,120 --> 00:37:00,088
Look, I can't stop.
Got a flight to catch.

538
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:03,568
I was thinking you boys ought
to write a film script.

539
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:06,001
It'd be super, absolutely super.

540
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:09,169
I'm sending you off to Spain to write
the script. It'll be great fun.

541
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:12,329
Anyway, I've got to go.
They're calling my flight. Bye.

542
00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:13,646
Super.

543
00:37:25,720 --> 00:37:30,248
Well, now we're here, the first thing
we should do is examine all the beaches

544
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:34,331
to find out which will be the best place
to write a film set in London.

545
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:37,808
Well, it usually takes me two weeks
to get acclimatised

546
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:40,691
and I still haven't thrown off
this throat.

547
00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:44,401
It is rather hot, isn't it?
I'm feeling a bit groggy myself.

548
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:47,325
Perhaps a couple of weeks' rest
might be a good idea.

549
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:50,205
But do you think we should?
I mean, David frost and all that.

550
00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:54,041
- He has paid us, Graham.
- Yes, I suppose you're right.

551
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:58,370
Yes, well,
I'll probably be all right tomorrow.

552
00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:02,286
Yes, right. That's fine. We'll start
tomonow, first thing in the morning.

553
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:04,528
Right. Yes, yes, yes.
Fine, then.

554
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:08,008
I'll sit in the shade with the typewriter
and you can sit out on the balcony

555
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:10,851
sunning yourself
and shout a few lines in, right?

556
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:12,291
Fine. Great.

557
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:16,843
Oh, bugger.

558
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:19,964
Graham, do you mind if we don't start
till the evening, actually?

559
00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:23,408
I promised to take Connie out tomon'ow.
She's only got a few more days here.

560
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:26,211
Bit awkward to get out of it now,
you know? Damn!

561
00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:29,005
Fine by me.
We have done a synopsis of the film.

562
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:31,646
I wouldn't mind taking a bit of time off.

563
00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:34,531
- We'll start on Friday, yes?
- Yes. Right.

564
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:38,287
Um... Be a bit noisy,
but we can shut ourselves away.

565
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:40,841
- Noisy?
- Well, there's the fiesta this weekend.

566
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:43,804
Lots of dancing, fireworks, wine
and that sort of thing.

567
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:46,002
Oh. I've never been to Spain before.

568
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:48,731
Haven't you?
Oh, well. You must, then.

569
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:51,650
You must go to the fiesta.
So let's have a drink.

570
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:54,525
That brings us to Monday.
We'll start on Monday.

571
00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:58,201
No, Monday and Tuesday
are Connie's last two days

572
00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:01,767
and I'd like to see her off on Wednesday,
so let's start Thursday.

573
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:03,962
Look, why don't we make it
two weeks?

574
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:05,809
Done.

575
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:08,048
(Gasping)

576
00:39:10,280 --> 00:39:12,931
l <i>$3Y-</i>

577
00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:15,122
Just look at that.

578
00:39:33,720 --> 00:39:34,960
(Bell ringing)

579
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:38,685
(Chicken clucking)

580
00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:41,690
(Chapman) I spent the next two weeks
searching for something

581
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:43,968
that I knew was probably very sexy.

582
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,043
(Chokes, spits)

583
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:49,404
(High-pitched laughter)

584
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:57,087
Super, boys, super.
Really super.

585
00:40:57,160 --> 00:40:59,970
I look forward to reading
more than ten pages.

586
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:02,241
Ooh, got to fly- Bye!

587
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:13,003
(lmitating phone ringing)

588
00:41:14,240 --> 00:41:15,366
Hello?

589
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:16,965
(Muffled shouts)

590
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:18,445
(Betty) Who was that?

591
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:20,090
One of the painters.

592
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:23,050
It sounded like one of the painters
I've spoken to before.

593
00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:25,566
Well, yes, it probably did a bit.

594
00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:27,728
It's a bit late for painting, isn't it?

595
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:30,161
No, no. You just don't understand
London, mother.

596
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:32,402
This is not like Leicester.

597
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:36,042
For a whole year, I've lived in terror,
an almost Thorpean tenor,

598
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:39,004
of being found out for what I was.
A poof.

599
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:41,964
"Fuck it," I thought.
"Why go through all this agony?"

600
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:45,846
I decided that I would invite my closest
friends to a party to meet David

601
00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:49,248
and explain to them all
that I was a bit bent.

602
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:51,522
This was a coming-out party.

603
00:41:51,640 --> 00:41:53,210
(Doorbell rings)

604
00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:55,727
(People chaflering)

605
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:02,648
No, Graham, you don't understand.

606
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:04,683
I'm just very surprised.

607
00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:08,128
Ever since I've known you,
you've played rugby, drank a lot of beer,

608
00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:11,647
you smoked a pipe,
you wore a tweed suit and brogues

609
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:15,207
and this is not a standard gay profile.

610
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:22,170
(Graham) Yes.

611
00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:23,691
Ooh!

612
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:26,201
(Objects clafler)

613
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:28,641
(Laughing continues)

614
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:33,445
The other extraordinary reaction
was from Keith Moon,

615
00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:37,531
who was quite stunned.
Obviously, he was quite young then,

616
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:39,847
but I had to explain to him
what it all meant,

617
00:42:39,920 --> 00:42:43,402
that I actually did go to bed
with people of the same sex,

618
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:46,245
that it was quite fun and that we
actually loved each other.

619
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:48,442
It wasn't at all naughty.

620
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:51,086
(People saying goodbyes)

621
00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:52,850
(Door shuts)

622
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:05,329
(Woman) Come in.

623
00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:09,650
- Trouble at mill.
- Oh, no. What sort of trouble?

624
00:43:09,720 --> 00:43:12,007
One of crossbeams
gone out of skew on treadle.

625
00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:13,087
Pardon?

626
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:15,680
One of crossbeams
gone out of skew on treadle.

627
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:17,404
I don't understand.

628
00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:21,167
One of the crossbeams
has gone out of skew on the treadle.

629
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:23,601
- But what on earth does that mean?
- I don't know.

630
00:43:23,720 --> 00:43:26,963
Mr Wentworth just told me to come in
and say there was trouble at the mill.

631
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:29,447
I didn't expect a kind of
Spanish inquisition.

632
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:36,887
(Chapman) Suddenly I feel like digressing
for another moment about morality.

633
00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:40,286
I intend to publish here for the first time

634
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:44,001
what I believe to be a missing portion
of the New Testament.

635
00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:56,887
The papyrus manuscript,
translated here from the original Greek,

636
00:43:56,960 --> 00:44:02,046
was discovered in 1979 by the author
at Auckland airport.

637
00:44:02,160 --> 00:44:03,446
(Cries out)

638
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:08,166
It was there, in transit to Sydney,
Australia, whiling away a few moments,

639
00:44:08,240 --> 00:44:13,167
when the manuscript was given to him
by a Maori chieflain toilet aflendant.

640
00:44:13,280 --> 00:44:17,524
The first epistle of Paul the Apostle
to the New Zealanders, AD 59.

641
00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:19,369
Chapter 1,

642
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:23,570
in which Paul castigated the
Antipodeans' empty showing of holiness,

643
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:26,007
of fornicators and abusers
of mankind,

644
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:27,963
of poverty and tolerance,

645
00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:31,203
exorteth them
to beware of false prophets.

646
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:33,561
"Dear New Zealanders,
what is all this nonsense

647
00:44:33,720 --> 00:44:37,167
"about certain of your number
kneeling down in front of crosses?

648
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:40,011
"That is naughty in the extreme.

649
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:43,966
"You've changed the glory
of an inconuptible god into an image.

650
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:47,766
"L understand that the very same people
collect together in churches

651
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:50,087
“for the purpose of worship.
Who needs it?

652
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:54,285
"God doesn't. I've asked him. He's fed up
with it, especially the psalms.

653
00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:57,643
"They give him a headache
and cause his teeth to strike together.

654
00:44:57,760 --> 00:45:00,081
"Don't they realise their praise
is meaningless?

655
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:03,841
"Why can't they concentrate on being
better behaved towards one another

656
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:06,526
"and forget about this empty show
of holiness?

657
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:10,725
"He says, though don't quote me on this,
'They can stuff it up their arses.'

658
00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:12,922
"He said that, not I.

659
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:16,681
"L, a mere mortal,
would not have put it quite like that.

660
00:45:16,840 --> 00:45:19,969
"L'm afraid I think too much
about my earthly reputation,

661
00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:24,290
"but I cannot help agreeing with him
about fornicators, adulterers,

662
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:26,880
"effeminates and abusers of mankind.

663
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:29,281
"L'm constantly being misquoted
on this point.

664
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:32,961
"L would like to state quite clearly
that sex is nothing more

665
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:35,088
"than the way in which
two or more people

666
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:37,123
"can have lots of harmless, cheap fun,

667
00:45:37,240 --> 00:45:41,245
"provided that they are clean
and that the aim is not reproduction.

668
00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:43,209
(Meaning)

669
00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:45,800
"The betterment of the lot of mankind
is impossible

670
00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:48,810
"without strict limits on reproduction,
so don't make the mistake

671
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:51,969
"the rest of the world has made
and overpopulate yourselves.

672
00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:55,084
"Not everyone has to have children,
for Christ's sake.

673
00:45:55,240 --> 00:45:57,720
"He didn't have any
and I should know.

674
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:01,049
"If you really feel you have to have
children, then make sure

675
00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:05,051
"that, as parents, you have no more
than you can properly look afler.

676
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:07,925
"L exhort you to be empathetic,

677
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:11,288
"be splendid,
be aware of your own ignorance,

678
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:14,768
"and, as always, beware of those
who claim to lead you

679
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:17,690
"to better self-knowledge
by taking your money.

680
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:21,365
"Must finish now
as I have to catch the post.

681
00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:24,091
"Lots of love, P.
Kiss, kiss, kiss."

682
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:28,849
(Crowd cheering)

683
00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:31,042
(People singing)

684
00:46:38,240 --> 00:46:42,290
<i>#</i> Socrates himself
ls particularly missed

685
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:45,049
(Continues)

686
00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:48,044
(Crowd cheering, applauding)

687
00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:49,685
(Knocking)

688
00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:52,929
(Man) Mr Chapman.
Two minutes till act two, Mr Chapman.

689
00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:56,004
(Chapman) Full of gin and the feeling
of superiority over mortals

690
00:46:56,120 --> 00:46:58,122
which commonly afflicts the adulated,

691
00:46:58,240 --> 00:47:01,881
I'd reached my zenith in a naughty
and to this day illegal act

692
00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:03,962
upon the floor
of an empty dressing room.

693
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:08,409
<i>#</i> Sit on my face
And tell me that you love me

694
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:12,326
<i>#</i> I'll sit on your face
And tell you I love you

695
00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:15,728
<i>#</i> I love to hear you oralise

696
00:47:15,880 --> 00:47:19,407
<i>#</i> When I'm between your thighs
You blow me away

697
00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:23,849
<i>#</i> Sit on my face
And let my lips embrace you

698
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:27,965
<i>#</i> I'll sit on your face
And then I'll love you truly

699
00:47:28,040 --> 00:47:31,408
<i>#</i> Life can be fine
If we both 69

700
00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:33,562
<i>#</i> If we sit on our faces
In all sorts of places

701
00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:37,884
# And play till we're blown away

702
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:42,327
(Man) What kind of a fellow
is Monty Python, by the way?

703
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:47,162
He's black.
Black and he's homosexual.

704
00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:51,046
That's all you can say about him, really.
He's a prefly easy person to sum up.

705
00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:59,281
Good grief.
There's no one to go to bed with.

706
00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:03,007
Where are all the young men around
here? This is absolutely dreadful.

707
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:06,329
(Knock at door)

708
00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:08,090
Ta-da!

709
00:48:08,160 --> 00:48:09,969
Oh, all right.

710
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:15,209
(Men's choir) Sit on my face
And tell me that you love me

711
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:17,931
Could you try
and keep the noise down!

712
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:19,729
(Choir continues)

713
00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:21,524
(Man) Knock it off!

714
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:27,963
(Mm) Be quiet!

715
00:48:31,240 --> 00:48:34,050
<i>(Soulfully singing)
# Sit on my face, mama</i>

716
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:37,841
<i>#</i> Sit on my face
Baby, baby

717
00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:41,203
(\/ocalising)

718
00:48:41,360 --> 00:48:44,967
<i># Sit on my face
# In all sorts of places</i>

719
00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:48,727
<i>#</i> Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

720
00:48:49,600 --> 00:48:51,648
(Man) What's it like being a film star?

721
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:55,287
I'm not. I'm just an extra.

722
00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:57,641
- You're just an extra?
- Yes.

723
00:48:57,760 --> 00:48:59,967
It's the crown and this that probably...

724
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:02,088
Yeah, I was looking for Graham Fink.

725
00:49:02,200 --> 00:49:04,123
Ah, yes. He's around somewhere.

726
00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:10,167
(Woman) Sit on my face
Come on, baby

727
00:49:10,280 --> 00:49:13,807
<i>#</i> Let my lips embrace

728
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:19,205
<i>#</i> Tell me that you love me

729
00:49:25,720 --> 00:49:29,611
<i>#</i> Sit on my face
And tell me that you love me

730
00:49:29,720 --> 00:49:32,963
<i>#</i> I'll sit on your face
And tell you I love you too

731
00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:36,362
<i>#</i> I love to hear you oralise

732
00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:39,729
<i>#</i> When I'm between your thighs
You blow me away

733
00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:43,601
<i>#</i> Sit on my face
and let my lips embrace you

734
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:47,207
<i>#</i> I'll sit on your face
And then I'll love you truly

735
00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:50,290
<i>#</i> Life can be fine
If we both 69

736
00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:52,522
<i>#</i> If we sit on our faces
In all sorts of places

737
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:58,363
<i># And play till we're blown away #</i>

738
00:50:31,880 --> 00:50:33,245
(Line ringing)

739
00:50:33,360 --> 00:50:35,966
(Man) Good aflernoon.
Beverly Hills Hotel reception.

740
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:38,082
Ugh! Los Angeles.

741
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:42,000
Up, down.
Up, down.

742
00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:44,405
<i>(Glass shaflers)</i>

743
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:48,167
Up, down.
Up, down.

744
00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:50,408
Up, down.

745
00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:52,727
(TV continues)

746
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:11,964
(Bell dings)

747
00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:14,845
- Hi!
- Hi.

748
00:51:14,960 --> 00:51:18,089
(Gasps) om
Ain't you that guy?

749
00:51:18,200 --> 00:51:21,727
I'm so thrilled to meet you!

750
00:51:21,840 --> 00:51:25,970
I love your Monty Python.

751
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:29,402
- Shall we go up to my room?
- Sure!

752
00:51:43,040 --> 00:51:47,090
Ah. There.
You enjoying that?

753
00:51:47,200 --> 00:51:50,044
Ooh, yeah. Do you feel that?

754
00:51:50,160 --> 00:51:52,083
I feel that.

755
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:55,283
Just get right in there.

756
00:51:56,160 --> 00:51:58,401
(Moaning, exclaims)

757
00:52:01,680 --> 00:52:03,409
Bye, Graham.

758
00:52:03,560 --> 00:52:07,007
Oh, and do say hello to Monty
for me.

759
00:52:07,120 --> 00:52:09,885
Tell him I'm his biggest fan!

760
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:11,644
(Chuckles)

761
00:52:11,760 --> 00:52:13,683
(Door opens, shuts)

762
00:52:14,920 --> 00:52:17,082
That was fun. Zoom.

763
00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:24,727
<i>Um, excuse me.</i>

764
00:52:24,840 --> 00:52:27,161
ls there a telephone around here
I can use?

765
00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:30,124
Sure.
Use the one in my room.

766
00:52:30,240 --> 00:52:33,130
But it's my mother
who needs to use the phone.

767
00:52:33,240 --> 00:52:36,961
Well, bring her up too.
I don't mind if it's a local call.

768
00:52:37,080 --> 00:52:39,651
(lndistinct)

769
00:52:39,760 --> 00:52:42,843
(Woman moaning) Ooh, aah.

770
00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:44,928
Do that to me. Ooh.

771
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:47,241
If it's an order, old guillemot.

772
00:52:47,360 --> 00:52:50,250
Ooh, big boy. Mm.

773
00:52:50,360 --> 00:52:52,681
Aah! Touch me here.

774
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:55,366
Oh, my God.
Do it to me there!

775
00:52:55,520 --> 00:52:58,444
- Right-0. Here it comes.
- Ooh! Right there.

776
00:52:58,640 --> 00:53:00,802
Oh, my God. Yes!

777
00:53:00,920 --> 00:53:03,002
Oh, do that to me! Ooh!

778
00:53:03,120 --> 00:53:06,567
Big boy! Oh, my God!
Oh, yeah.

779
00:53:06,680 --> 00:53:08,569
(Meaning)

780
00:53:08,680 --> 00:53:10,967
Yes! Oh, my God!

781
00:53:11,120 --> 00:53:13,122
You, in fact, were more than...

782
00:53:13,240 --> 00:53:16,130
(Man)...drunk on one occasion.
You were in fact an alcoholic.

783
00:53:16,240 --> 00:53:18,129
Yes, I did a lot of drinking.

784
00:53:18,240 --> 00:53:20,891
- A great deal indeed, Michael.
- You were an alcoholic?

785
00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:24,521
You can safely say
I did do a very great deal.

786
00:53:24,640 --> 00:53:28,122
And how much at your peak,
so to speak, were you drinking?

787
00:53:28,240 --> 00:53:30,766
Four pints of gin a day.

788
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:32,729
Four pints of gin a day?

789
00:53:32,840 --> 00:53:35,684
I didn't know Graham was an alcoholic.
Did you?

790
00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:38,406
Why was that, do you think?

791
00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:42,525
I think... I don't know, really,
the answer to that.

792
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:46,804
Deep inside I think actually
that I was insecure.

793
00:53:46,920 --> 00:53:51,289
I didn't really feel that I'd deserved
the success that I'd achieved.

794
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:54,046
(Man) How difficult was it?

795
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:58,210
Actually, once the decision had been
made, once I decided to stop,

796
00:53:58,320 --> 00:54:03,008
it was easy, except for the three days
of unpleasantness.

797
00:54:03,120 --> 00:54:05,282
(Echoing)

798
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:12,730
(Man's voice) Oh, get on with it.

799
00:54:37,160 --> 00:54:39,288
(Flies buzzing)

800
00:54:39,440 --> 00:54:41,363
(Voice echoing)

801
00:54:41,520 --> 00:54:44,046
(Breathing rapidlY)

802
00:55:01,240 --> 00:55:03,163
(Voices echoing)

803
00:55:14,360 --> 00:55:18,843
Graham? Are you all right?
You look a bit pale.

804
00:55:18,960 --> 00:55:22,089
Would you like a cup of tea
and maybe a bit of toast?

805
00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:25,562
- With a nice poached egg on top?
- No. I'm... I'll...

806
00:55:25,680 --> 00:55:29,685
J-just a...m-moment.

807
00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:33,771
Later. I'll get up, be fine.

808
00:55:33,880 --> 00:55:37,441
- Uh, Vichy water?
- N... Yes, yes.

809
00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:48,651
- Da-David, the curtains.
- Sony.

810
00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:20,163
(Breathing heavily)

811
00:56:30,440 --> 00:56:34,001
(Men's choir) Silent night

812
00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:37,641
# Holy night

813
00:56:37,760 --> 00:56:40,366
<i>#</i> All is calm

814
00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:41,806
There.

815
00:56:41,920 --> 00:56:43,968
<i>#</i> All is bright

816
00:56:49,200 --> 00:56:51,328
Introducing, ladies and gentlemen,
tonight,

817
00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:56,725
all the way from a mud-wrestling tour
of the OPEC countries,

818
00:56:56,840 --> 00:57:00,401
in the red corner,
Colin "Bomber" Harris!

819
00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:06,522
And, ladies and gentlemen, in the blue
corner, Colin "Bomber" Han'is!

820
00:57:08,960 --> 00:57:11,691
Well now, ladies and gentlemen,
this is the first time

821
00:57:11,800 --> 00:57:15,088
that Colin "Bomber" Han'is
has met himself.

822
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:17,965
A few formalities
and we'll be ready for round one.

823
00:57:18,080 --> 00:57:19,889
There goes the bell.

824
00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:22,967
He just made it to the rope!

825
00:57:23,040 --> 00:57:26,567
Colin moves to the middle of the ring.
He's looking for an opening.

826
00:57:26,680 --> 00:57:29,126
Going for the hand hold.
He's got it.

827
00:57:29,280 --> 00:57:31,328
Into the head squeeze.

828
00:57:31,440 --> 00:57:32,726
(Groaning)

829
00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:36,561
A favourite move of Colin's.
Fine there.

830
00:57:36,680 --> 00:57:39,411
Double overhead nostril.
Should be able to twist out of this.

831
00:57:39,560 --> 00:57:41,164
And he does!

832
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:44,841
(Announcer speaking rapidly)
A lovely move there!

833
00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:48,965
Colin must be pleased with himself,
having pulled himself out of that one.

834
00:57:50,560 --> 00:57:53,325
The strawberry whip!
A vanilla whip!

835
00:57:53,440 --> 00:57:56,967
Chocolate whip!
There it is.

836
00:57:57,120 --> 00:57:59,805
Colin's most famous whip.
And there it is.

837
00:57:59,920 --> 00:58:02,810
He just got a liflle lucky, though.

838
00:58:02,960 --> 00:58:05,122
A double Eydie Gormé.
There it is.

839
00:58:05,240 --> 00:58:09,211
Colin's most famous hold!
The one-leg-over-shoulder Jerry Ford!

840
00:58:09,320 --> 00:58:12,767
And he's caught himself there
and Colin's in real trouble!

841
00:58:13,920 --> 00:58:16,446
And Colin did not like that
one liflle bit!

842
00:58:18,720 --> 00:58:22,964
Double overhead back-kick and Colin
must be pretty pleased with himself.

843
00:58:23,080 --> 00:58:26,402
A lovely move there!
He's caught himself by surprise!

844
00:58:26,520 --> 00:58:30,002
And into the crayfish.
No, it's a crawfish.

845
00:58:30,120 --> 00:58:32,168
And Colin bit himself on purpose there

846
00:58:32,240 --> 00:58:35,084
and has been given a public warning
by the referee.

847
00:58:35,200 --> 00:58:37,123
(Crowd cheering)

848
00:58:38,720 --> 00:58:42,167
(Chattering)

849
00:58:47,520 --> 00:58:50,330
(Colin) Look, you stupid bastard,
you've got no arms lefl.

850
00:58:50,400 --> 00:58:52,846
(Announcer) He's looking pretty ruggy.
And that is it!

851
00:58:52,960 --> 00:58:55,201
Colin "Bomber" Harris
has knocked himself out

852
00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:58,244
and so he is the winner
and he goes on next week

853
00:58:58,360 --> 00:59:00,886
to meet himself in the final.

854
00:59:11,920 --> 00:59:16,005
- Graham, you're an alcoholic.
- Uh, yes.

855
00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:18,885
- Do you want not to be?
- Yes.

856
00:59:18,960 --> 00:59:21,247
Right. We'll start the treatment.

857
00:59:21,360 --> 00:59:23,886
Your liver function tests are appalling.

858
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:27,760
Ten times over the acceptable norm
of the gamma GTP, for instance.

859
00:59:27,880 --> 00:59:31,885
But there's no sign of enlargement
and, with a bit of luck,

860
00:59:31,960 --> 00:59:35,043
there's a chance you may not
have damaged your liver permanently.

861
00:59:35,160 --> 00:59:37,891
We'll phase out the Heminevrin
and Valium gradually

862
00:59:38,000 --> 00:59:42,642
and you can take an abstem tablet
in the morning and one in the evening,

863
00:59:42,800 --> 00:59:44,723
so that if you drink any alcohol,

864
00:59:44,840 --> 00:59:47,844
you'll feel as ill as you were
five days ago.

865
00:59:47,960 --> 00:59:50,042
It's up to you whether you drink or not.

866
00:59:50,160 --> 00:59:52,766
It's your liver.
It's your life.

867
00:59:52,840 --> 00:59:55,730
(Crowd cheering)

868
00:59:58,120 --> 01:00:01,806
Oh, dear puss, London is far behind us.
What shall we do now?

869
01:00:01,960 --> 01:00:04,770
- Meow.
- What's that? Sing a song?

870
01:00:04,920 --> 01:00:08,163
- Meow.
- What, now? For all the children?

871
01:00:08,240 --> 01:00:11,687
- Meow.
- Shall we sing a song, children?

872
01:00:11,800 --> 01:00:14,565
(Cheering)

873
01:00:15,720 --> 01:00:19,725
<i>#</i> Of all the organs the body contains
The liver's the one for me

874
01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:21,643
<i>#</i> It processes food
It deals with the waste

875
01:00:21,720 --> 01:00:24,041
<i>#</i> It's cleverer than a knee

876
01:00:24,160 --> 01:00:27,767
<i>#</i> When it throws up its hands at alcohol
and makes you extremely ill

877
01:00:27,920 --> 01:00:29,888
<i>#</i> It's best to take heed
You're not being a weed

878
01:00:29,960 --> 01:00:32,611
<i>#</i> You're just being sensible

879
01:00:35,920 --> 01:00:37,445
(People chaflering, laughing)

880
01:00:37,600 --> 01:00:39,967
(Woman) You've only got two stations.

881
01:00:40,040 --> 01:00:43,726
(Man) I bought Marylebone from you
last time you landed on Graham's hotel.

882
01:00:43,840 --> 01:00:46,241
- I'll give you the watenuorks.
- I don't want it.

883
01:00:46,360 --> 01:00:49,330
Perhaps Graham does. Graham?
D0 you want the watenuorks?

884
01:00:49,440 --> 01:00:51,681
- No, I'll buy the camelopard.
- What?

885
01:00:51,800 --> 01:00:55,202
It's a camel that looked like a leopard.
A giraffe.

886
01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:57,681
(Chuckles) He's gone again.

887
01:00:57,800 --> 01:00:59,882
Oh, Graham.

888
01:00:59,960 --> 01:01:03,885
# It's Christmas in heaven

889
01:01:03,960 --> 01:01:05,883
# Snow falls from the sky

890
01:01:05,960 --> 01:01:09,646
D0 you know, last time I was in Paris,
I really did ring John-Paul Sartre.

891
01:01:09,720 --> 01:01:11,643
Sigmund de Bouvier
answered the phone

892
01:01:11,760 --> 01:01:15,606
and said that he was out distributing
leaflets. Or was that a sketch?

893
01:01:22,160 --> 01:01:25,528
# It's Christmas in heaven

894
01:01:25,640 --> 01:01:28,211
# There's great films on TV

895
01:01:30,760 --> 01:01:33,047
(Chapman) Do I talk here?

896
01:01:33,200 --> 01:01:35,601
(Man) No, Graham.
That's the table lamp.

897
01:01:35,720 --> 01:01:39,042
- The microphone's on your right.
- Right. Good.

898
01:01:39,160 --> 01:01:40,446
Take 59.

899
01:01:40,600 --> 01:01:43,001
You bastards!
We've been planning this for months!

900
01:01:43,120 --> 01:01:45,361
Well, tough titty for you, fish-face.

901
01:01:45,520 --> 01:01:48,569
The raid backfires. Brian is captured
and all the rest are killed.

902
01:01:48,680 --> 01:01:50,808
Brian, beaten, bruised and bleeding,

903
01:01:50,920 --> 01:01:53,810
is thrown into Pilate's
darkest stinking dungeon.

904
01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:56,611
That was marvellous. Let's move on.

905
01:02:00,080 --> 01:02:02,560
Oh, you lucky bastard.

906
01:02:04,840 --> 01:02:07,002
Brian is on the run from the Romans

907
01:02:07,120 --> 01:02:09,202
and to avoid capture
pretends to be a lobster.

908
01:02:09,320 --> 01:02:11,926
(Man) Sorry, Graham.
We had a rogue lobster in there.

909
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:14,128
Oh, I'm son'y about that.
Are we ready?

910
01:02:14,240 --> 01:02:16,811
(Man) Brian trailer, take 60.

911
01:02:16,880 --> 01:02:19,963
Brian is on the run from the Romans
and to avoid lobster...

912
01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:22,811
We seem to have a colony
of lobsters in there, Graham.

913
01:02:22,920 --> 01:02:24,684
- Well, all right.
- Take 61.

914
01:02:24,800 --> 01:02:28,168
Brian is on the run from the Romans
and to avoid capture pretends to lob...

915
01:02:28,280 --> 01:02:30,886
Let's start it again. Sorry.

916
01:02:30,960 --> 01:02:33,327
- Let's move on.
- It's certainly clean.

917
01:02:34,280 --> 01:02:35,645
An unbeliever!

918
01:02:38,080 --> 01:02:40,651
Kill the heretic!

919
01:02:44,200 --> 01:02:47,329
Leave him alone!
Leave him alone!

920
01:02:47,440 --> 01:02:51,764
Brian escapes from the crowd
and goes home with Judith.

921
01:02:51,920 --> 01:02:54,605
Alone together at last,
the two rush naked at each other

922
01:02:54,760 --> 01:02:56,967
and meet in a frenzy
of darting tongues...

923
01:02:57,040 --> 01:02:59,441
(Man) Sorry, Graham.
That bit's been cut.

924
01:02:59,640 --> 01:03:01,722
- All of it, I'm afraid.
- Even this bit here?

925
01:03:01,840 --> 01:03:04,844
Yes. The boys loved the lobster idea,
so they're gonna re-shoot that bit.

926
01:03:04,960 --> 01:03:06,246
Oh.

927
01:03:06,360 --> 01:03:08,966
OK, next bit, Graham, please.
Take 62.

928
01:03:09,120 --> 01:03:12,249
You're fucking nicked, me old beauty!

929
01:03:12,360 --> 01:03:16,524
Brian is anested and taken before Pilate,
where he is sentenced to be crucified.

930
01:03:16,640 --> 01:03:18,608
Could we try one a liflle lighter, please?

931
01:03:18,760 --> 01:03:21,525
Brian is arrested
and taken before Pilate,

932
01:03:21,680 --> 01:03:25,730
(Laughing) where he's sentenced to be...
to be crucified.

933
01:03:25,840 --> 01:03:28,207
- Yes, I think that's a little too light.
- What shall I try?

934
01:03:28,360 --> 01:03:31,728
We'll use the take before.
We'll be able to make all that work.

935
01:03:31,840 --> 01:03:34,286
- Thanks for coming in.
- That's it, is it?

936
01:03:34,400 --> 01:03:37,529
Yes, that's it. If you want to collect
your 30 pounds on the way out.

937
01:03:37,640 --> 01:03:39,290
Yeah. 30 pounds.

938
01:03:39,360 --> 01:03:42,523
(Clears throat) Yes, well, uh...

939
01:03:42,640 --> 01:03:44,210
(whistling)

940
01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:48,962
I was led to believe that probably
it might be a little, um...

941
01:03:49,000 --> 01:03:53,130
Yes, look. It's not a big budget movie,
you know.

942
01:03:53,280 --> 01:03:56,011
We'll have a whip round
and see what loose change we've got

943
01:03:56,160 --> 01:03:58,891
and we should be able to give you
another two pounds.

944
01:03:58,960 --> 01:04:00,849
All right, yes.

945
01:04:00,960 --> 01:04:03,201
(Clears throat) Goodbye.

946
01:04:05,720 --> 01:04:09,247
(TV theme)

947
01:04:26,640 --> 01:04:30,964
Will you please welcome hard-working
mother of one, Graham Chapman.

948
01:04:31,040 --> 01:04:32,041
(Audience applauding)

949
01:04:32,160 --> 01:04:34,128
Who's mummy's liflle baby?

950
01:04:38,560 --> 01:04:41,928
- How beautifully you are clad.
- And so are you.

951
01:04:42,000 --> 01:04:44,765
- You're still butch, aren't you?
- Oh, yeah.

952
01:04:44,880 --> 01:04:49,442
Even though you go about telling people
who haven't asked that you're gay.

953
01:04:49,560 --> 01:04:50,561
YGS.

954
01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:53,001
(Gasps) No! Oh, no!

955
01:04:53,120 --> 01:04:56,124
(Screams, sobbing)

956
01:04:57,640 --> 01:05:01,087
Graham, please don't tell your father.
It'll kill him.

957
01:05:01,200 --> 01:05:04,682
- Of course it won't kill him.
- It will! It'll kill him!

958
01:05:05,880 --> 01:05:07,405
Of course it won't. Shut up.

959
01:05:07,560 --> 01:05:11,360
Never mind.
Let's go on to your manifesto.

960
01:05:11,520 --> 01:05:14,444
You said that you would like to state
quite clearly

961
01:05:14,600 --> 01:05:18,844
that sex is nothing more than a way
in which two or more people

962
01:05:18,960 --> 01:05:22,407
can have lots of harmless, cheap fun,

963
01:05:22,600 --> 01:05:27,049
provided that they are clean
and that the aim is not reproduction.

964
01:05:27,160 --> 01:05:28,241
YGS.

965
01:05:28,400 --> 01:05:31,290
Look, Graham, your mother's told me
why she's upset.

966
01:05:31,400 --> 01:05:33,164
Don't won'y about it.

967
01:05:33,280 --> 01:05:36,170
If you want to go around talking
about this stuff, it's fine.

968
01:05:36,280 --> 01:05:39,329
She just doesn't understand
these things.

969
01:05:44,200 --> 01:05:47,283
(Man over intercom) Ladies
and gentlemen, it is now two years later,

970
01:05:47,400 --> 01:05:50,244
and we'll be shortly an'iving
at Los Angeles airport.

971
01:05:50,400 --> 01:05:54,610
Would you please extinguish all
cigarettes and fasten your safety belts.

972
01:05:56,000 --> 01:05:58,571
(spanish)

973
01:06:06,920 --> 01:06:09,002
(French)

974
01:06:43,360 --> 01:06:46,170
Hmm.
This is the place.

975
01:06:47,280 --> 01:06:49,044
(Doorbell rings)

976
01:06:49,160 --> 01:06:51,527
Come on. Open the door.

977
01:06:53,800 --> 01:06:57,691
(Man) Hello. Starlight emergency
24-hour luxury door-opening sen/ice.

978
01:06:57,800 --> 01:06:59,802
Opening doors to the stars.

979
01:06:59,920 --> 01:07:03,845
Yes. We need someone here
straightaway to open our door.

980
01:07:04,840 --> 01:07:08,401
It's account number 2248.

981
01:07:10,400 --> 01:07:11,561
(Horn honks)

982
01:07:13,400 --> 01:07:14,925
Hi!

983
01:07:20,080 --> 01:07:21,809
Thank you, thank you.

984
01:07:21,920 --> 01:07:26,164
Now, grip the teat
and whet the micro-tome.

985
01:07:26,280 --> 01:07:28,203
If tea party there be,

986
01:07:28,360 --> 01:07:32,251
let cucumber be slivered
to the thinnest with precision

987
01:07:32,360 --> 01:07:36,729
and pressed twixt finest slices
of good bread.

988
01:07:37,600 --> 01:07:39,682
($Peaking Japanese)

989
01:07:47,720 --> 01:07:49,722
Bravo! Bravo!

990
01:08:00,960 --> 01:08:03,122
Graham, isn't that George Lazenby
over there,

991
01:08:03,240 --> 01:08:06,244
seen enjoying a can of specially
imported Foster's lager?

992
01:08:06,360 --> 01:08:09,569
What, you mean behind Christopher
lsherwood and Georgia Brown,

993
01:08:09,720 --> 01:08:12,121
seen there enjoying a joke
with Ian La Frenais?

994
01:08:12,240 --> 01:08:15,608
Yes, between Peter Cook, Dudley
Moore, Bo Diddley and the piano,

995
01:08:15,720 --> 01:08:18,530
all seen enjoying a brief rest
in a tight schedule.

996
01:08:18,640 --> 01:08:20,688
(People chaflering)

997
01:08:20,800 --> 01:08:24,930
And who's that with the Hollywood
psychiatrist, Dr Stuart Lerner?

998
01:08:25,040 --> 01:08:27,646
It could be either Jane Seymour,
Jenny Agutter,

999
01:08:27,760 --> 01:08:30,923
Susan George, Shelly Duvall
or Victor Borge.

1000
01:08:31,000 --> 01:08:34,368
- Victor Borge?
- Son'y. Did I say Victor Borge?

1001
01:08:34,520 --> 01:08:36,966
Only, I also thought I caught sight
of Victor Borge

1002
01:08:37,000 --> 01:08:39,924
enjoying a quiet word
with Charlton "Chuck" Heston

1003
01:08:40,000 --> 01:08:42,082
and screenwriter companion Alan Katz.

1004
01:08:42,240 --> 01:08:44,720
Yes, but who's the girl
with Stuart Lerner?

1005
01:08:44,840 --> 01:08:48,367
Hmm. Ah!
That's Sylvia Kristel.

1006
01:08:48,520 --> 01:08:50,568
(Man) Good God!

1007
01:08:50,680 --> 01:08:54,002
Graham, do you realise
that in the last few minutes alone,

1008
01:08:54,120 --> 01:08:57,124
you've dropped no less than 17
famous names?

1009
01:08:57,240 --> 01:09:00,608
Have I? I didn't intend to.
I just happen to know these people.

1010
01:09:00,720 --> 01:09:03,883
They're friends of mine.
Uh, they live here.

1011
01:09:03,960 --> 01:09:07,009
I want you to repeat
what you've just said to yourself

1012
01:09:07,120 --> 01:09:09,964
and think about it as a medical man.

1013
01:09:10,080 --> 01:09:12,367
- You mean I've got...
- Yes.

1014
01:09:12,520 --> 01:09:16,844
Niven-ism. It's a common enough
complication of angelitis.

1015
01:09:16,960 --> 01:09:19,281
It's an endemic autobiographical
complaint

1016
01:09:19,400 --> 01:09:24,964
whereby people live vicariously
through the fame of other people.

1017
01:09:25,000 --> 01:09:26,889
Ahh.

1018
01:09:28,240 --> 01:09:30,004
(Horns honking)

1019
01:09:30,120 --> 01:09:33,761
(Chapman) It was, coincidentally,
David Frost's 40th birthday party,

1020
01:09:33,880 --> 01:09:35,803
his third that afternoon,

1021
01:09:35,920 --> 01:09:38,844
and I'd promised to try and look in
for a moment or two.

1022
01:09:42,880 --> 01:09:44,769
Super!

1023
01:09:44,880 --> 01:09:47,451
Super, super.
Super!

1024
01:09:49,240 --> 01:09:51,402
(Giggnng)

1025
01:09:53,640 --> 01:09:55,802
Really super.

1026
01:09:55,920 --> 01:09:58,969
# Happy birthday

1027
01:09:59,080 --> 01:10:01,845
<i>#</i> Dear...David Frost!

1028
01:10:01,960 --> 01:10:04,247
(Gi99liflg) Super!

1029
01:10:04,320 --> 01:10:06,448
<i>#</i> We think you're swell

1030
01:10:06,600 --> 01:10:10,082
<i>#</i> You've achieved so much

1031
01:10:10,160 --> 01:10:14,165
<i>#</i> And done so well

1032
01:10:14,280 --> 01:10:18,683
<i>#</i> That everybody here agrees
You desenre more OBEs

1033
01:10:18,760 --> 01:10:21,001
<i>#</i> And that was the message
That was

1034
01:10:21,160 --> 01:10:22,446
(Shrieks)

1035
01:10:23,720 --> 01:10:26,724
Super, super, super. Super.

1036
01:10:26,840 --> 01:10:28,649
Super.

1037
01:10:31,120 --> 01:10:34,090
(Chapman) On the way out,
I consoled an agitated Rod Stewart,

1038
01:10:34,200 --> 01:10:36,965
who unfortunately had had to come
to the party in person.

1039
01:10:37,080 --> 01:10:39,003
He'd got married that morning

1040
01:10:39,120 --> 01:10:42,010
and the blow-ups of the happy couple
could not be processed in time.

1041
01:10:55,840 --> 01:10:58,286
(Women giggling)

1042
01:11:05,280 --> 01:11:07,089
(Phone rings)

1043
01:11:07,960 --> 01:11:11,203
- Hello, Keith.
- Hello, Graham. What do you want?

1044
01:11:11,320 --> 01:11:13,448
Would you like to come to a party
at my place later?

1045
01:11:13,600 --> 01:11:16,206
- I think I'm already at one.
- George said he'd drop by.

1046
01:11:16,320 --> 01:11:19,449
- And Harry and Richard will be there.
- Can I bring Mick and Ronnie?

1047
01:11:19,600 --> 01:11:22,126
- All right. See you later.
- And Pete and Ringo?

1048
01:11:22,240 --> 01:11:26,723
Sure. See you later. I'm just gonna
nip off down through Boys Town.

1049
01:11:26,840 --> 01:11:29,730
- I want to pick up some zoom.
- I'll bet that's not all.

1050
01:11:32,520 --> 01:11:37,048
(Psychiatrist) Graham, you must face up
to this name-dropping problem.

1051
01:11:37,160 --> 01:11:41,643
- What should I do? Move to Finland?
- You'll just have to sweat it out.

1052
01:11:41,800 --> 01:11:44,167
Isn't there anything I can do
to speed up my recovery?

1053
01:11:44,280 --> 01:11:47,762
There is, but it isn't going to be pleasant,
I'm afraid.

1054
01:11:47,880 --> 01:11:49,530
Revulsion therapy.

1055
01:11:49,640 --> 01:11:54,407
I'm going to prescribe an intensive
course of Hollywood parties for you.

1056
01:11:54,560 --> 01:11:56,927
It's your only hope.

1057
01:12:16,840 --> 01:12:18,922
Hello, Graham.

1058
01:12:27,920 --> 01:12:30,764
Is that young lady all right over there?

1059
01:12:30,880 --> 01:12:33,884
It's working, Graham.
Stick with it.

1060
01:13:01,160 --> 01:13:02,400
(GasP$)

1061
01:13:05,080 --> 01:13:08,209
Good evening, Mr Chapman.
I am Jose.

1062
01:13:08,320 --> 01:13:12,723
I'll be your star to bed tucker-inner
to the stars this evening.

1063
01:13:12,840 --> 01:13:14,683
Jolly good.

1064
01:13:19,920 --> 01:13:22,241
(Chapman) I had slipped
into a state of inertia.

1065
01:13:22,360 --> 01:13:24,966
All further activities seemed pointless.

1066
01:13:25,000 --> 01:13:27,367
I decided to have a farewell party.

1067
01:13:27,960 --> 01:13:30,725
David made the cucumber sandwiches

1068
01:13:30,800 --> 01:13:32,848
and I slipped out in my beige spacesuit

1069
01:13:32,960 --> 01:13:35,566
to see if the others
would be prepared to pop along.

1070
01:13:35,640 --> 01:13:37,688
I stepped up nimbly through the air lock

1071
01:13:37,800 --> 01:13:41,282
and deftly percolated past Elton John's
piano-shaped moon buggy.

1072
01:13:41,400 --> 01:13:44,722
He was obviously entertaining
David Bowie and Ken Liberace,

1073
01:13:44,840 --> 01:13:46,968
so I passed on.

1074
01:13:47,040 --> 01:13:48,201
(Chuckles)

1075
01:13:48,320 --> 01:13:51,608
I knew the next space vehicle
was occupied for an at-home evening

1076
01:13:51,720 --> 01:13:55,122
by David Hockney and Alan Bennett,
comparing the size of their accents.

1077
01:13:55,280 --> 01:13:57,123
Custard cream, David?

1078
01:13:57,240 --> 01:14:00,323
Just a weak Darjeeling, please, Alan.

1079
01:14:00,440 --> 01:14:02,408
S0 I didn't bother with them.

1080
01:14:08,120 --> 01:14:10,248
- Can you come to our party?
- No!

1081
01:14:10,400 --> 01:14:14,610
(Gruffly) And I have got to do
the hoovering!

1082
01:14:14,720 --> 01:14:16,768
(Wheezing cough)

1083
01:14:23,840 --> 01:14:25,763
(Phones ringing)

1084
01:14:26,960 --> 01:14:29,281
- Can you come to our party?
- Sorry, Gray.

1085
01:14:29,400 --> 01:14:31,926
Diary's absolutely chock-a-block.

1086
01:14:49,720 --> 01:14:53,088
"Here lies Oscar Fingal
O'Flahertie Wilde.

1087
01:14:53,200 --> 01:14:55,089
"Gone out for good."

1088
01:15:09,560 --> 01:15:11,528
Can you come to our party?

1089
01:15:20,000 --> 01:15:22,685
(Electronic voice) There is a time
in the affairs of greed,

1090
01:15:22,800 --> 01:15:25,201
which, taken at the kludge,
leads on to brutalness.

1091
01:15:25,320 --> 01:15:29,370
A man is not a wasp,
nor Dfisseldorf built in a day.

1092
01:15:29,520 --> 01:15:33,525
Damon Runyan had a bunion.
For all, they say, hey I.

1093
01:15:33,640 --> 01:15:35,404
What's that supposed to mean?

1094
01:15:35,560 --> 01:15:39,531
My heart bakes.
A drowsy numbness fills my...

1095
01:15:39,640 --> 01:15:41,802
Let it be. Let it be.

1096
01:15:43,040 --> 01:15:46,726
Oh, come on, Wilde.
What does that mean?

1097
01:15:46,840 --> 01:15:49,889
It means, your Majesty, it means...

1098
01:15:49,960 --> 01:15:51,530
(Blows raspben'y)

1099
01:15:57,160 --> 01:16:00,289
Learn your lines.
You had us waiting for hours.

1100
01:16:00,400 --> 01:16:02,528
I didn't think anyone noticed.

1101
01:16:02,640 --> 01:16:04,847
No, I suppose they didn't.

1102
01:16:04,960 --> 01:16:06,121
The end.

1103
01:16:12,200 --> 01:16:16,762
Graham Chapman,
co-author of the pan-ot sketch,

1104
01:16:16,840 --> 01:16:20,083
is no more.
He has ceased to be.

1105
01:16:20,880 --> 01:16:24,566
Bereft of life, he rests in peace.

1106
01:16:24,680 --> 01:16:27,729
He's kicked the bucket,
hopped the twig,

1107
01:16:27,880 --> 01:16:31,965
bit the dust, snuffed it,
wheezed his last

1108
01:16:32,080 --> 01:16:36,961
and gone to meet the great
Head of Light Entertainment in the sky.

1109
01:16:38,120 --> 01:16:40,851
And I guess that we're all thinking
how sad it is

1110
01:16:40,960 --> 01:16:42,883
that a man of such talent,

1111
01:16:42,960 --> 01:16:48,000
of such capability for kindness,

1112
01:16:48,120 --> 01:16:51,203
of such unusual intelligence,

1113
01:16:51,320 --> 01:16:56,247
should now so suddenly be spirited
away at the age of only 48

1114
01:16:56,360 --> 01:17:00,968
before he'd achieved many of the things
of which he was capable

1115
01:17:01,040 --> 01:17:03,930
and before he'd had enough fun.

1116
01:17:05,440 --> 01:17:08,330
Well, I feel that I should say,
"Nonsense.

1117
01:17:09,200 --> 01:17:13,524
"Good riddance to him, the freeloading
bastard. I hope he fries."

1118
01:17:15,800 --> 01:17:18,804
And the reason I feel I should say this...

1119
01:17:20,120 --> 01:17:22,964
...is he would never forgive me
if I didn't,

1120
01:17:23,040 --> 01:17:27,682
if I threw away this glorious opportunity

1121
01:17:27,800 --> 01:17:31,600
to shock you all on his behalf.

1122
01:17:31,720 --> 01:17:35,691
Anything for him
but mindless good taste.

1123
01:17:45,720 --> 01:17:50,169
<i>#</i> Inflammation of the foreskin

1124
01:17:50,280 --> 01:17:53,204
<i>#</i> Reminds me of your smile

1125
01:17:53,360 --> 01:17:57,445
<i>#</i> I've had ballanital chancroids

1126
01:17:57,600 --> 01:18:01,047
<i>#</i> For quite a little while

1127
01:18:01,160 --> 01:18:04,881
<i>#</i> I gave my heart to NSU

1128
01:18:04,960 --> 01:18:08,806
<i>#</i> That lovely night in June

1129
01:18:08,920 --> 01:18:13,244
<i>#</i> I ache for you, my darling

1130
01:18:13,360 --> 01:18:17,763
<i>#</i> And I hope you'll get well soon

1131
01:18:17,840 --> 01:18:21,367
# My penile warts

1132
01:18:21,520 --> 01:18:26,367
<i>#</i> Your herpes
My syphilitic sores

1133
01:18:26,440 --> 01:18:29,887
<i>#</i> Your monilial infection

1134
01:18:29,960 --> 01:18:33,442
<i>#</i> How I miss you more and more

1135
01:18:33,640 --> 01:18:36,928
<i>#</i> Your Dhobi's itch
My scrumpox

1136
01:18:36,960 --> 01:18:40,203
<i>#</i> Our lovely gononhoea

1137
01:18:40,360 --> 01:18:44,001
<i>#</i> And at least we both were lying

1138
01:18:44,160 --> 01:18:48,006
<i>#</i> When we said that we were clear

1139
01:18:48,120 --> 01:18:51,169
<i>#</i> Our syphilitic kisses

1140
01:18:51,280 --> 01:18:54,443
<i>#</i> Sealed the secret of our tryst

1141
01:18:54,600 --> 01:18:57,968
<i>#</i> You gave me scrotal pustules

1142
01:18:58,080 --> 01:19:01,641
<i>#</i> With a quick flick of your wrist

1143
01:19:01,760 --> 01:19:05,003
<i>#</i> Your tricho-vaginitis

1144
01:19:05,120 --> 01:19:08,044
# Sent shivers down my spine

1145
01:19:08,200 --> 01:19:11,807
<i>#</i> I got snail tracks in my anus

1146
01:19:11,920 --> 01:19:15,720
<i>#</i> When your spirochetes met mine

1147
01:19:15,880 --> 01:19:19,441
<i>#</i> Gonococcal urethritis

1148
01:19:19,600 --> 01:19:22,922
<i>#</i> Streptococcal balanitis

1149
01:19:23,000 --> 01:19:26,447
# Meningomyelitis

1150
01:19:26,600 --> 01:19:29,888
<i>#</i> Diplococcal cephalitis

1151
01:19:29,960 --> 01:19:33,407
<i>#</i> Epididymitis

1152
01:19:33,560 --> 01:19:36,803
# Interstitial keratitis

1153
01:19:36,920 --> 01:19:40,049
# Syphilitic choroiditis

1154
01:19:40,160 --> 01:19:44,165
# And anterior uveitis

1155
01:19:45,960 --> 01:19:49,521
<i>#</i> Gonococcal urethritis

1156
01:19:49,640 --> 01:19:52,928
<i>#</i> Streptococcal balanitis

1157
01:19:53,000 --> 01:19:56,447
# Meningomyelitis

1158
01:19:56,600 --> 01:19:59,922
<i>#</i> Diplococcal cephalitis

1159
01:20:00,040 --> 01:20:03,408
<i>#</i> Epididymitis

1160
01:20:03,560 --> 01:20:06,848
# Interstitial keratitis

1161
01:20:06,960 --> 01:20:09,884
# Syphilitic choroiditis

1162
01:20:09,960 --> 01:20:15,729
# And anterior uveitis

1163
01:20:21,920 --> 01:20:26,960
<i>#</i> Sit on my face
And tell me that you love me

1164
01:20:27,040 --> 01:20:31,409
<i>#</i> I'll sit on your face
And tell you I love you too

1165
01:20:31,560 --> 01:20:35,451
<i>#</i> I love to hear you oralise

1166
01:20:35,640 --> 01:20:40,009
<i>#</i> When I'm between your thighs
You blow me away

1167
01:20:40,120 --> 01:20:44,967
<i>#</i> Sit on my face
And let my lips embrace you

1168
01:20:45,120 --> 01:20:49,728
<i>#</i> I'll sit on your face
And then I'll love you truly

1169
01:20:49,840 --> 01:20:53,970
<i>#</i> Life can be fine
If we all 69

1170
01:20:54,080 --> 01:20:56,447
<i>#</i> If we sit on our faces
In all sorts of places

1171
01:20:56,600 --> 01:21:02,528
# And play till we're blown away

1172
01:21:02,640 --> 01:21:06,964
(Voice continues, coughs)

1173
01:21:07,040 --> 01:21:09,281
Ooh. Ten'ibly son'y.

1174
01:21:09,400 --> 01:21:11,323
(FootsteP$)

1175
01:21:11,440 --> 01:21:14,091
(Keys jingle)

1176
01:21:14,200 --> 01:21:15,929
(Door opens)

1177
01:21:16,000 --> 01:21:17,968
(Footsteps, door closes)

1178
01:21:18,000 --> 01:21:21,089