- I don't even know
where to start.
- ♪ You know that it's our time ♪
- The only person I'm having a problem with is you.
- Do you even know me?
Do you even ----ing know me, dude?
- This was years of friendship
that I thought would last forever.
- ♪ These are the best days of our lives ♪
- You're being an obnoxious person right now.
- Katie, you're just a bitch to me all the time.
- You can't be real for one second, Kristen.
- Suddenly, everything kind of...
turned upside down.
- ♪ Just raise your glasses high ♪
- So, you're not exclusively dating this girl?
- I'm interested in you.
- Were you guys hanging out alone?
- I mean, it's great to have new faces,
but their problems seem
as complicated as their predecessors.
- Knocking me the (BLEEP) out.
- You have never been happy in your ----ing life.
- Woman to woman, be careful.
- If you don't love me for who I am, then bye-bye.
- This is called a dysfunctional relationship.
- Look at her in the eyes and tell her you don't
have feelings for her. - I don't!
- You selfish, egotistical piece of sh--.
- I just wanna get in my car and drive away
and never come back.
- ♪ This one's for you tonight ♪
- Okay, let's get started. - Okay, mark it.
- ♪ You know that it's our time ♪
♪ These are the best days of our lives ♪
♪ Just raise your glasses high ♪
♪ This one's for you tonight ♪
- ♪ Now sing it loud for the people in the back ♪
♪ Sing it, whoo-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Now shake it my way, whoo-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Now shake it my way ♪
- What's up, guys?
Can we get the bar lights on underneath for me?
- Jojo, make yourself useful and whatnot.
- Both Tom's are coming and so are Lisa,
so this place needs to be perfect.
- Oh, sh--, so we really need to get it together.
- ♪ Now let me see you shake it ♪
♪ Sha-sha-sha-shake it ♪
- Dayna, do you need more menus?
- No, we're actually good tonight.
- Guys, we're opening up.
Table five doesn't have lights on.
If it's not me, it's gonna be Lisa,
so choose who you want.
- Looking like James Bond and whatnot.
- Yeah, "GQ." - What's up?
- What's up?
- How we doing tonight?
- Rather large party, but are these your friends for 20?
- Uh, I know them.
Um, it's basically a bachelorette party.
- Pretty easy, but--okay.
- I told them specifically not to bring, like,
inflatable penises.
- You'd be surprised the amount of inflatable penises
I've seen since I've worked here.
- TomTom has been open for almost a year now,
and it's busier than ever.
It just feels good to walk into my bar
and just feel like I run this place,
except, you know, when Lisa's here.
Then she runs the place.
- Looks good tonight?
- Yeah, man, everything's great.
You know, obviously we got that party of 20.
It should be cool though.
- The reason TomTom runs so smoothly
is because we've hired the best staff on the planet.
- I'm sorry, are we working? Are we twerking?
Okay, just, like, get to work. - Twerk out.
- We got Dayna, who's this great worker.
So good in fact that Lisa's poaching her
to work at Sur.
And then, there's Max.
He is the glue that holds it all together.
- Dude, I know we had some drinks last night,
but I left a little early.
What'd you end up doing?
- You guys, guess who I,
you know...with last night? - Who?
- I'm scared.
- Max.
Don't judge me.
- I--I stayed--I stayed a little bit longer,
and just had a couple more drinks,
then I ended up going home.
- He literally has a new girl every week.
Why else does he have this job?
- Look at these little babies I got for you guys.
- Honestly, I can still see myself
getting pretty wasted with one of these.
All right, cheers, guys.
- Are you sure Barbie doesn't want those back
for her dream house?
- She might.
- Here are the secrets to working at Sur:
The girls, just know, are very catty.
They like new tall, cute boys. - Of course.
- All of the girls, if they haven't already,
are probably gonna try and, like, hook up with you,
because you're really good-looking.
So, I'm divorced. I don't know if you know that.
- No, I did not. - Not a big deal.
Doesn't define me. - Oh, wow.
- Uh, Lisa: very particular.
Know how she likes her tea. How does she like her tea?
You're in for a fun summer.
- Right, keys inside.
- Where's your section?
- Um, pink room, right here.
- Oh.
- Hello. - Hi.
- Are you liking it? - I'm having fun.
This is my 16th shift.
I feel like my pageant training
has really prepared me to work here.
- Okay, I've never heard that one before, but okay.
- Well, because I greet my tables with confidence
and with a big smile.
- Raquel requested to work at Sur so many times,
and I wasn't sure that I really wanted to get involved
in this complicated dynamic,
because I had to close the door on James Kennedy.
Maybe your future...
doesn't include Sur.
How does he feel,
like, with you being here and him not?
- It's definitely a trigger for him.
He sees me put on my Sur uniform,
and he's, like, about to cry
watching me leave the door, so...
It's kinda like when you're packing for that road trip,
and you zip open your suitcase,
and your little puppy jumps in there
and gives you those big puppy dog eyes
- Anyway, don't you get caught up in his naughtiness.
- Thank you very much. - There you go.
You all set?
- Jax Taylor, this is Brett.
- Hey, man, how you doing? - He's new.
- How are ya? - What's up, man?
What's your name? Brett? - Brett.
- Brett. Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
- New blood in here. - New blood, man.
- That's nice to see, 'cause I don't think
there's anybody else in here besides you and me.
Sur has changed dramatically.
- Katie, Lala, Ariana, and Brittany
all don't work at Sur anymore.
- Basically just leaves me.
Someone's gotta pay for this wedding.
Are you guys dating already, or...
- We just met this weekend, Jesus.
- Exactly. Are you guys dating already?
- No.
Scheana and I actually have hooked up.
A few nights ago, we were out in a bar in Santa Monica.
I was with a buddy.
She of course invited us back to her house
to play "Scattergories."
The next thing I know, we just kissed.
That wasn't what I thought it would be.
Nothing against her.
- That is what I'm saying.
- Have you gotten her résumé yet?
Her personal résumé, I mean. - Yeah.
- There was a barback I had a fling with last summer.
It's nothing now. - Oh.
He wasn't even a bartender? - Hence why I'm still single.
- Yeah, that's good. - Yeah.
I have not talked to Adam Spott in a couple of months.
I did briefly date Max, the GM at TomTom,
but then he just ghosted me.
I literally bought him an Apple Watch
to show him how much I cared about him,
and he couldn't even use it to text me.
- I don't know if you're looking for a relationship or not,
but I suggest you do not get into one.
These girls get a little sleazy in here around 12:00
- Oh, I'll make sure to be here.
- Beer, wine, cocktails, as well as the food menu.
- What up? - How is your night going?
You seem really tired. Do you need a nap?
Why are you so tired?
- I went out last night. Weren't you there?
- Are we not supposed to be talking about it?
I mean, we didn't say anything when you left today, so...
- Well, you gotta keep in mind that, like, I'm your--
like, I'm your guys's boss, you know what I mean?
- Well, I'm moving to Sur, so...
I know Max probably doesn't wanna be put on blast at work,
but he's going commando right now,
because his underwear are on the floor at my house, so...
- It's just like, people are gonna talk,
and then you're going to Sur.
I've hooked up with girls there too.
- So, when I go to Sur, I shouldn't wear
a T-shirt that says, "I ----ed Max. How about you?"
- I would probably keep that on the DL,
just for the first couple weeks.
- Okay, okay.
Why don't you go manage something?
- Okay, you're ----ing--
this is already too much.
- Bye.
- How's wedding planning?
- Pretty much done.
- Did you have a bachelor party yet?
- Um, I had a get-together
for my friends that couldn't make it to Miami,
'cause my bachelor party's in Miami.
Um, I thought Tom Sandoval was gonna come.
I texted him the other day, and I was just like,
"Listen, I love you, man, but I hate cutting you out.
I hate calling you, and you don't even return my texts."
And then he still didn't text me back.
What are we, children?
After not hearing from Tom for weeks,
I go, "Hey, man, listen, I know you're incredibly slammed
"with your house and your projects,
"so I'm going to change up my wedding party a little bit.
That way, it keeps the pressure off you."
I was kinda looking out for him.
"I'm just going to keep Schwartz as my best man.
I barely hear from you anymore."
- Is he still one of your best men?
- No. - Oh.
- Have you still been demoted?
- Yeah, I mean, you guys had that pre-bachelor party.
But as that was getting planned, I explained to him, I was like,
"Dude, I can't make it. Like, I gotta see my family.
I haven't seen them in a really long time."
Because I didn't cancel my flight
back to see my mom for Mother's Day,
and go to his pre-bachelor party,
which isn't a thing, by the way,
he demoted me to a groomsman from best man.
(BLEEP) off, dude.
- It feels like he's, like, sort of,
drifted away from you or something.
- I'm not trying to make it about me,
but it is about me. - It is about you.
- First of all, it's always about you.
But especially this summer, absolutely.
- ♪ Uh, uh, uh ♪
♪ Champagne for breakfast ♪
♪ Riding a wave to the bitter end ♪
♪ And you can't hold me down ♪
- You want something to drink?
- Is the Pope Catholic?
- ♪ Uh-uh ♪ - ♪ Can't hold me ♪
- ♪ Absolutely not ♪
- ♪ You can't hold me down ♪
♪ Can't hold me down ♪
- ♪ Nope ♪
- ♪ Can't hold me down ♪
- I feel like I'm showing everyone my vag
when I sit down and stand up.
- I like that.
Are you doing okay? - Yeah.
I just feel like I have to compartmentalize.
I can't, like, live in darkness 24/7.
Life has been really good.
I mean, I have my book,
and it's a "New York Times" bestseller.
I have Beau.
And then, I get the call today
that my grandmother passed away,
and it's just--
it's sobering.
You have, like, so many grandchildren
and great-grandchildren... - Right.
- But I've always been your fave.
- Yes.
I love you. - Yes. I love you too.
- She really is, like, what I would want to be
if I could just be a little less bitchy.
- Hey, how are you? - Good.
I think the boys wanna see you over there...
- Oh. I'm gonna--I'll-- I will definitely go.
- All right.
- I'm so sorry.
- I don't know how to feel right now.
People are congratulating me as I walk in here,
and saying how proud they are of me about my book.
- She knew that your book was a bestseller?
- Yes, she knew everything. She made me come to her--
- Well, then that's it, isn't it?
- Yeah.
- 'Cause, you know, you are her legacy.
It makes me so proud to see her
as a "New York Times" bestselling author,
even if it is called, what, "The Best Bitch"--
"Basic Bitch" or something.
I don't--I don't know.
But, whatever it was called,
she's a bestselling bitch.
- Let's just talk sh-- about people or something,
because that would make me feel better.
- Talking about that, how's your best friend?
- Oh, you're talking about Kristen?
I've been really frustrated, because the way she speaks,
it's like, "Katie and Stassi are horrible friends.
They don't support me in my relationship."
Or, "They haven't checked in on me."
And I feel like she's been telling everyone
that she's broken up with her boyfriend.
She, in the same breath, says,
"But we still live together,
have sex with each other, and hang out every day."
And I just feel like she's lying to me.
Kristen and I have had our fair share of ups and downs,
but this feels different.
- I sit at home alone, and I ----ing cry,
and I'm scared to ----ing call you,
because you guys are annoyed by me.
- Kristen, come on. You came to me, yeah, I--
- Your type of love doesn't ----ing work for me.
- Anyone is gonna lose their ----ing patience
when their best friend is coming to them saying,
"I am not happy."
- I don't know that the person
I'm hopefully growing into
can be friends with the person who's not growing at all.
- I understand what you're saying.
To me, lying is my Achilles heel.
If someone lies to me, that's it, we're ----ing done.
- Yeah. I'm, like, triggered with liars,
and it just makes me pull away.
I'm not gonna dance this dance. I'm not gonna play this game.
- Coming up...
- Like, me, Jax Taylor, is getting married next month.
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna have to have somebody else as a best man.
- That's a lot of responsibility,
being best man all by myself.
- I feel like my grandma would love this.
- Yeah.
- I'm writing her eulogy. I just wanna do her justice.
- You will. 100% you will.
- You know what, when I die,
I just want it to be, like, a haunted house theme.
And then, there--there will be tray passers,
and they're all gonna look like me...
- Uh-huh.
Yeah, I mean, Stassi makes everything fun.
No...
- And I wanna be taxidermied,
so that people can come and take selfies with me.
- 'Cause there's a lot of things that she likes
that I just--that are just not fun for me.
- Scheana will literally move my dead body...
- So that she can take the selfie on her good side.
- God, that's so messed up.
It creeps me out.
It really does creep me out.
But I smile.
- Well, we're missing Katie and Tom's housewarming party,
but, I mean, at least we got to see their house.
I haven't seen Tom and Ariana's or Jax and Brittany's,
but it looks exactly like Katie and Tom's.
I mean, everything is identical.
I can't remember whose house is whose.
Like, does Schwartz acknowledge it with Jax?
Like, "Hey, you have good taste."
"You have good taste."
Like, why is no one like, "Hey, hm, this is weird.
We have the same house. Huh."
- Yeah.
- Stay right here. Stay.
This pillow, why is it so hard?
Oh, my gosh.
- I can't hear you, honey.
- I think this area is gonna be, like, my breakdance studio.
In fact, we should just lay out, tape these boxes out.
- Like this one.
- Yeah, there you go.
- Be like...
That's why I need a studio, so I can practice.
- In 2.5 years-- wait, 2.6 years,
our post-marriage life has been, like,
so blissful and indulgent.
We've been eating whenever we want, traveling.
I think it's time to bring sexy back a little bit.
- It's been the great West Hollywood migration
to the Valley.
- Or more like everybody just followed us.
- Or that.
- They were like, "We'll come find you."
It just goes to show that some people are leaders in this world
and some people are followers, and now we know who's who.
I still haven't been over to Jax and Brittany's place.
I know they, like, just moved in there.
- There was, like, a period of time
where I was really annoyed with Jax,
because, we're looking at houses, all this kinda stuff,
and everything I said about the house, he just was like,
it was immediate, like, one-upper.
And I'm like, "Dude, this is something
that means the absolute world to me."
- It's like, "I gotta try to do it better."
- It's like, "Yeah, that's good for you guys.
"We just--we need a little bit more.
"We need to be in, like, a little bit better school zone,
you know, 'cause we got plans with kids."
Ariana and I, getting a house together
is the way that we are, like,
showing our commitment to each other.
I mean, we're not getting married.
We're not having kids.
Can't I just have this one thing
without Jax, like, sh---ing on it?
- It's almost like he can't help himself.
- Tom Sandoval and I don't really have
a lot in common that much anymore.
- Yeah. - I kinda think it's like,
"Do you know that I'm--hey, I'm getting married next month.
Like, me, Jax Taylor is getting married next month."
- Yeah.
- Like, this is a big ----ing deal. It really sucks.
- I know, I wish Tom would see that,
and, like, at least try to reach out and see how you're doing
every now and then.
Jax and Tom have been through so much.
Jax has done a bunch of sh-- to Tom...
- You banged Jax. - Yes, we slept together.
- Did you use protection? - Once.
- Tom has done a bunch of sh-- to Jax.
- You ever feel this? - Oh, my God!
- But at the end of the day, they've been able
to make it through it and then still be best friends.
So, I just don't think this one fight
should ruin everything.
- I'm gonna have to have somebody else as a best man,
because I need you--
- You don't have to have somebody else as a best man.
- Well, I don't really trust Schwartz
to take care of everything.
- Listen, that's a lot of-- that's a lot of responsibility,
being best man all by myself.
I need Sandoval there with me.
- You have to talk to him at the party.
He's gonna be there.
- I love that I have to go to a party to find him.
- I told the girls last night, it's not a housewarming,
it's a house-chilling,
and they were like, "So, like, pajamas?
And I said, "No," what was it, like...
- It's like comfy chic. - Comfy chic.
Here's my question, so, who's coming?
Scheana, Max, Britt, Jax, um...
- Kristen. Are we gonna invite Carter?
- I don't know.
You know, they're still living together and...
- They still live together? Why doesn't he--
- Hang out all the time and sleep together.
It's like, "So, you're just calling yourselves broken up,
but, like, you're not?"
- I'm gonna leave it up to her,
'cause I feel like that's the respectful thing to do.
- I do like Kristen's house, though.
It's nice and cute. I think it's perfect for her.
- For her and Carter or just for her?
- Well, that's a whole nother story.
- I just feel like I have to go over there.
I don't know--since we're leaving town tomorrow,
I don't know when else I could see her.
I just really hope we can just, like, get to, like,
an honest place, and just, like,
"if you're trying to make it work with Carter,
"like, just tell me the truth.
"The only way you would lose me as a friend
is if you keep lying to me."
- Coming up... - I reached out to James.
I think he thinks in his mind, like, I left him behind.
- He needs to get sober.
- ♪ Tick-tock, never stop, and I got my team ♪
♪ We gonna live the dream, oh, we gonna live the dream ♪
- Go greet Lala.
I'm a slob, and you're a princess.
- You've never been a slob ever in your life.
- Come on, beauty, come here. - I've missed you.
- Well, I've been in Vegas, baby.
Ken and I were kind of exhausted
from opening TomTom.
And then, Caesars came along
to invite us to be in their establishment.
So, Nick Alain and Ken and I
created the Vanderpump Cocktail Garden.
I thought I would just make a low-key entrance...
But Caesars had other ideas.
Come on, Schnook.
No, oh, my God, he has to shag me
as soon as I give attention to anybody else.
You have to calm down. - Wait, has he been fixed?
- Uh, yes, but it's got nothing to do with that.
- Oh, it doesn't? They're still horny?
- Oh, yeah. - Just like Randall.
- Yeah, exactly.
- Well, you know that yesterday,
I hit seven months of sobriety.
Can you believe it? - Oh, really?
- Yeah.
Sobriety has truly been,
like, the biggest gift I've ever given to myself.
I'm a happy person. I don't attack people.
Sit the (BLEEP) down. - All right, all right!
- We're bonding over the fact that my dad died,
you ----ing twat.
Get the (BLEEP) out of my face, ho!
That other version of myself,
I never wanna go back to her again.
- I'm glad you've turned the corner.
- Part of being sober, you have to make amends to people,
so I reached out to James.
I think he thinks in his mind, like, I left him behind,
but I truly miss him as my friend.
- Yeah, but you have learned
that the way you were behaving wasn't acceptable,
and I don't think he quite has that understanding.
He needs to get sober.
- I don't feel like I can push my sobriety on other people
and give them advice,
but I want people to see who James is.
Anyone that deals with me, Lisa, is a saint.
I moved to L.A., and you took me into your restaurant
and, like, really did me a solid.
That meant a lot to me.
- Because I always believed in you.
- I know, and I so appreciate that.
- So, um, what do you wanna do?
Well, I wanna see you.
- As you know, back in Utah,
I'm very into the Humane Society.
Like, what do you need at Vanderpump Dogs?
- You know what, we rely on volunteers,
and they would love to have you there.
Lala was a great little hostess,
but now she's in a different place in her life.
I mean, I can't expect her to kinda get on her private jet
and come here to seat some people in the VIP.
But Lala has this innate love
for our four-legged furry friends.
- Whether I'm cleaning up dog sh-- or...
- Well, you can have some dog sh--.
We have, like, vending machines of dog sh--.
- Yum. Yum.
- Why are you knocking? - It's locked.
- Oh.
- Whoops, sorry. - Hey.
I forgot, you're packing. - Trying.
- You really haven't done a good job.
- Not at all. - And when do you move?
- I don't know. - You don't know when you move?
- I have to be out of here in--
what's today--a week.
- Okay, so, well, that is then a moving date.
- Do you want a drink?
- Kristen knows how to, like,
make her outward appearance fit
whatever she feels like she's going through,
whereas, like, you know, when I get upset,
I really like to, like, go put on some blush,
try and make myself look a little presentable.
Kristen looks like she's been crying for days perhaps.
You're stressing me out, man. - Sorry.
It's all really ----ing sad.
And I tried constantly with you and Katie,
but it's like, I'm going through a breakup,
and I just don't hear back.
- Because I feel like I've been lied to.
You say in public to everyone,
"We're broken up,"
but every single person in your life knows
that Carter still lives here... - Yes.
- That you still see each other every day...
- Which is up to me.
- That sometimes, you guys have hooked up...
- Which is also up--yeah-- that's also up to me.
- So, that is up to you?
- My best friends should just say,
"Whatever is good for you works for us."
- Kristen, but-- but that does work for us,
if you were to be honest about it.
You've been saying you're broken up.
That's not a broken-up relationship.
- But we are broken up.
It's just not the way that it works for you,
in your mind of the way a breakup works.
- Is it working for you?
- I'm figuring it out.
Stassi can look at a dude and say,
"You know what, we're done."
She might be sad, but she moves the (BLEEP) on.
I commend her for that, but it is not who I am.
- Are you gonna be able to not hang out with me every day?
Is that something that you're okay with? Like...
- Of course I wanna, like, kiss you,
and I wanna, like, be with you,
and I wanna, like, sleep with you,
and I want-- I'm feeling that way,
but I just can't,
'cause it's like, then I'm a joke.
I literally cannot imagine just saying,
"Oh, I'll never talk to Carter again."
- Okay, so, in a week,
when you move out of here, where's he gonna go?
Halle-freakin'-lujah.
Praise the breakup gods.
- I just really ----ing miss you.
- I miss you too.
- That's my favorite thing to do.
- Coming up...
- I'm gonna be honest with you, like, with Scheana,
I mean, I think we all know that she's very boy-crazy.
- Yeah.
- I then made the mistake of hanging out all the time.
I didn't want to, though, you know what I mean?
But then I realized, I'm like, "(BLEEP), this is a lot."
- ♪ Brighter ♪
♪ We shine brighter ♪
♪ Than the sun ♪
- ♪ We got a house, we got a house ♪
♪ We got a house now, we got a house ♪
- Because we are now homeowners,
we have to throw sophisticated parties,
which is why we are filling up super soakers with vodka.
- Hey! - Hi!
- Thanks for coming.
- Hey! - Hey!
- Hey, what's up, guys?
I got a house. - That's a great dress.
- What's up? It's muumuu. Hey. - Hi, nice to see you.
- Does everybody know Logan and Dayna?
- Dayna, Lala, pleasure. - Nice to meet you.
- Hi--oh. - Hi, I'm Dayna.
- Dayna. - Go in for a hug, hi.
Nice to meet you. - Hi.
- Are you gonna do a shot?
- (BLEEP) yeah, I don't turn down shots, girl.
- Dude, look at this. Should I DJ later?
- Ah, yeah, dude, for sure.
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Of course you can. What's up, Peter?
- Not much.
Um, so, I know that, you know, I'm your manager now,
and I didn't want any weirdness between us,
because of, like, what happened last year.
- A couple weeks after I moved to L.A.,
my girlfriend brought me to Skybar,
and I met Tom Schwartz and Tom Sandoval and Peter.
Tom and Tom told me that they were opening a bar,
and I was actually looking for a restaurant bar job.
What happened last year?
- I don't know, you and I were in the bathroom together.
Oh, no, no, I was sitting right next to you.
I was sitting right next to you. That's why.
- Yeah, I was peeing.
- Really, and that's not a big thing?
- I mean, are you saying it's something different than that?
- We made out. - No, we did not make out.
- Yes, we did. - No.
You tried to kiss me, and I leaned away, and I left.
I have no idea
why Peter's saying we made out.
I'm pretty sure I'd remember
my first time making out with a pirate.
- I was just making sure that it was not gonna be
anything weird between us.
- There's no weirdness on my side.
- Thank Jesus. - Let's go do a shot.
- All right, awesome, lead on.
- Who else is, um-- who else is coming?
- I miss Stass and Beau.
- I forget how much traffic is on the way to the airport.
Did you write the vigil yet? - I have to finish it.
I'm so ----ing nervous. I can't even begin to--
- Well, don't, you're talking--
you're in front of family and friends, you know.
Speak your feelings, speak your heart.
That's what a vigil is, you know?
You don't have to say the right things, because--
- Thought it's called a eulogy. What's a vigil?
- Oh. Maybe it is a eulogy. I don't know.
- Can I show you guys the house?
Who wants to come? You wanna come?
- Yeah, let's do it. - Yeah, let's go.
- Okay, this is my favorite bathroom.
It's nothing special, but it's a great pooping bathroom.
- Hello? Hi.
Hi. - How are you?
- Good, how are you? - Good to see you.
- You too.
- Oh, no. - No, I didn't, I didn't.
- Brett, good to see you again, man.
- Maxie. - How are you? Good.
- It's fine, it's fine.
- I know that Scheana and Max dated in the past.
Now I'm hearing that they're going to Palm Springs
for a couples vacation.
Cool, cool, cool, cool. Love it.
- Brett, this is how we do it here.
Oh, my God, I was kidding.
- Whoa! Yeah!
- Yeah, all right, Brett, all right, all right.
- I'm starting to like him a lot.
- Where's your significant other? Is he coming?
- I don't have one. - You don't have one?
- Speak of the Devil... - What's up?
- Hey! How's it going? - All right, how are you?
- Her and I weren't, like, legit together.
- I'm gonna be honest with you, like, with Scheana,
I mean, I think we all know that she's very boy-crazy.
- Yeah.
- It can be a little overwhelming at times,
you know, when you do-- like, you just said,
you got out of a pretty serious relationship, as did I--
like, the last thing you wanna do is you run into something.
I then made the mistake of hanging out
all the time every day.
It wasn't like, I didn't want to, though,
you know what I mean?
But then I realized, I'm like, "(BLEEP), this is a lot."
- Scheana... - Wait, what are they saying?
- That you're boy-crazy, and that Max made the mistake
of hanging out with you all the time or...
- Wait, what?
- Maybe, like, let's say
you guys were to connect on that level, be like,
"Hey, I wanna hang out with you,
"but I wanna--really wanna take this a little slower
than you have with everybody else."
- What are you guys talking about?
- Oh, nothing at all...
- Mm, uh-huh. - Just beautiful...
- Really? - You good?
- Did you say I'm boy-crazy?
- I--I--yeah.
There's nothing wrong with that. It's not a bad term.
- It just sounded insulting.
Katie was like, "I don't know, Max is saying you're boy-crazy,
"and, like, he made the mistake
of hanging out with you too much."
- I mean, I-- - That was in confidence.
- That's not how it was said, but--
- You were the one who pursued me.
Let's just not forget that.
He doesn't know Brett and I's relationship.
He doesn't know if I'm interested in him.
So why would you say something
that could make him run away?
- Are you okay? - Hey, I'm sorry.
- It's just-- it's fine, it's fine.
- He just said something that hurt my feelings.
- I'm sorry, all right? I care about you.
- Like, I feel like we've gotten to such a good place,
and we're, like, good friends.
I'm like, "You're coming to my house next weekend."
- I know. I wasn't trying to say it to offend you.
- But it's just like, all the sh-- with Adam
and just everything, it's just like, "Oh, she's--"
it's just like, I don't like being called crazy.
I'm not crazy.
And I'm over chasing boys.
So, I'm not ----ing crazy. I'm just--I'm...
- You don't chase boys, because you're an attractive woman.
You don't need to chase anybody. - I know I don't.
- I love you. - I love you too.
- Come here.
I don't mean to hurt your feelings.
- Brittany, you have the tequila, girl?
- Coming up...
- It does seem like you latched on.
You know you've got your bills paid.
If you can't afford it and take care of it,
baby girl has a job, and-- - Okay.
- Oh, I don't feel really comfortable right now, though.
Why is this happening?
- Ready? Open!
- Hey, let me see that thing.
- No, dude, I don't trust Tom. - Okay, get down.
- Let me see that one. - Ah!
Oh, God.
- That was amazing!
- How did I just do that? - Get him, girl.
- You got some payback time. Payback!
- Did you talk to Carter? - No.
She's been asking him to move out,
and he, like, won't go.
"This guy's manipulating you."
- I'm gonna get the tea.
- You would be a good person to talk to.
- Should I ask him if he has a job?
- No.
- Oh, my God. - What is that?
- Bottle of tequila. Oh, my God.
- Peter, you're a ----ing beast.
- I wanna throw up just watching you do that.
- And we just ate Imo's pizza in bed
and watched TV and that was it...
- Can I talk to you real quick?
- I'll allow it.
Okay, be right back, you guys.
- I just wanna, like, talk about last night real quick.
Like, you're going to Sur now.
Like, it's not gonna be a problem
if we wanted to hang out outside of work.
Um, if you're not doing anything tomorrow, before I go in,
I would love to, like, go do something and grab a bite.
I used to have a really strict policy
about not hooking up with staff,
and I kinda broke that rule with Dayna.
That's why I stayed away from her,
because I could feel it when I walked past her,
the way she looked at me, the way I talked to her,
the way she talked to me.
We just really just wanted
to ----ing get after it with each other.
- Well, I'm just curious,
are you going to Palm Springs with Scheana in a week...
- Not alone. - For a honeymoon trip?
- No, not alone, not that I know of, but I am going.
- What's the deal with that?
- Scheana and I have not hooked up since the time
that we've stopped, like, hooking up.
I'm not gonna not be friends with somebody, just because--
- No, be--no, be friends all you want, but I'm just like--
I don't wanna be involved in that messiness
if that's still a thing.
- 100%, no, not a thing.
- I know there's red flags,
I know there's people giving me warnings,
but, I don't know, he makes me twitterpated.
I mean, yeah, let's hang out tomorrow,
and see how that goes... - Okay.
- Let's just start there? - Yeah.
- Carter? - What's up?
- Can I talk to you for a sec? - Yeah, what's up, Mama?
- Kristen is our friend... - Yeah.
- She cries often... - Yeah.
- Because you're still living at the apartment.
- Yeah, we're--yeah, we're moving out.
I'm moving out.
I mean, that's gonna take some time.
- It does seem like you've latched on,
and it's a comfortable situation,
where you can go home at night.
You know you've got your bills paid.
If you can't afford it and take care of it,
baby girl has a job, and--
- Okay.
- I know what it's like to not be the financial equal
of your partner,
but I contribute in other ways.
I'm running a household.
I'm giving killer BJ's.
What is Carter doing,
besides sitting around playing video games
and sucking the life out of my friend?
- She did take care of me for a while, yeah.
- But she's doing it right now, Carter,
and you guys aren't "together." - Taking care of me?
- You know all. You're Lala.
- What's going on?
- Lala's really handing it to Carter out there.
- Do you really think that I would stay there
if I didn't feel like
she also wanted me there at the same time?
If she wants to cut me out of her life,
then she can come up and tell me
that she wants to cut me out of her life.
Guess who she calls when she needs someone
and she needs help? Like, she calls me.
I was doing video for her to do on her website.
Guess who shot her photoshoot today?
This guy, because she didn't have anybody else.
- Oh, my God, this is ----ing crazy.
From what Kristen has told me,
she's told him that he needs to move out
and not come around as much.
- Don't think she's innocent in all this thing...
- I don't think anyone's ever innocent.
- It's two-sided.
- As I'm listening to Carter,
I am officially seeing the gray area.
I just--I crave honesty from people.
- And I'm being honest.
- But I don't know that she is.
- Oh, I don't feel really comfortable right now, though.
Why is this happening? Why is this happening?
- What's up, dude? - Hey.
- Where's your onesie, bro?
- I didn't realize we were supposed to wear onesies.
How is your new house? - It's great, man.
If you wanna come over, just maybe bring a chair with you.
- Well, I would like to come over
if I would've ever got an invitation.
I saw Tom go in your house...
- All right, I'm sorry about that.
- You know, and I was like, "I'm not invited."
- I didn't want anybody over there.
- It's not about that, dude. I'm not gonna judge you.
- You did judge me a little bit, man.
- No.
- To me and Ariana, like,
that's like our, like, wedding day in a sense.
And then when I'm, like, getting ready to move into my house,
you're like, "How much is it?"
Like, "What's the square footage?"
I'm telling you about something that I'm so excited about,
and you kinda--you-- you told me about
how you're gonna do, like, better.
And, you know, "Me and Brittany,
"we, like--we need to be in the good schools."
- Well, yeah, 'cause we want a family.
In my head, I'm like, "He's gonna get a shoebox.
He's gonna get a shoebox."
You are just two people.
I plan on having a couple kids. I need a big house.
You have the fortune of where it's just you two.
I have a lot more people, so, I'm gonna--
yeah, I'm gonna have to spend a lot more money,
'cause, you know, Brittany's gonna want two or three kids.
- Jax, I've known you for a really long time.
It felt like a--like just a one-upping,
like, every step of the way.
- By the way, if there was any hostility,
it's because I was feeling it-- I wasn't--I saw you, like, once.
This is a serious time for me.
Like, I'm getting married.
- Listen, when you were planning this pre-bachelor party,
I told you right off the bat
that it's just the one time I can't do it.
Then it's like, I'm getting text messages
about, like, second-guessing me being your best man.
- All I'm saying is, man, once in a while,
can you just say, "Hey, dude,
"you know, I'm still here for your wedding.
"I can't wait for your big day.
Just to let you know, I'm excited about the wedding..."
- I did text you that.
- "Let you know that I'm thinking about you."
- I did text you that.
- I didn't have any of those texts, I don't.
- Jax, look, look...
"Yo, after this week, let's get together.
Let me know what I can help out with."
I sent that to you.
- I didn't--I didn't remember seeing it.
I--obviously I did, 'cause I responded--
- And then you responded back. - Yeah. Yeah.
Okay.
- With Jax's wedding this summer,
he's kind of enjoying this, like, power that he has.
I feel like he's definitely taken advantage of it.
- Obviously I want you to be my best man.
That wasn't my intention.
My intention was to get your attention,
and I think I did.
Tom Sandoval has pissed me off the last couple weeks.
I know I'm right,
but I just know it'll be weird if he's not there.
- I would be honored to be your best man.
- And I would love for you to be my best man, of course.
I love you, man. - Sorry, dude.
I love you too, man.
- Coming up...
- I'm tired of you talking about what an amazing friend you are
and everyone's a sh---y friend.
Get over yourself.
- Is that my wife? - That's your wife.
- Oh, (BLEEP).
- Double-dipping?
- So, you and Lala were talking
for, like, a really ----ing long time,
and it was, like, freaking me the (BLEEP) out.
- I mean, she basically came up to me
and told me that I need to move out,
because you're unhappy and you're sad and, like...
- That's what she said?
This is when I get ----ing defensive, and then...
- I was very, like, kind of... - Tell me.
- Taken off guard by it.
- It's just none of anyone's business
to ever tell you to move out or to do whatever.
- Look, you don't-- you don't have to protect me.
- But I'm going to.
- Carter has some kinda strange power over Kristen.
He can treat her like sh--,
and then when she tells him she wants to break up,
he's still gonna live in her house
and sleep in her bed and eat all of her food,
and that's ----ed up.
- I love you.
- What's going on? You okay?
- I would expect this type of behavior
from maybe, like, Katie or Stassi,
but not from Lala.
I would never go to Randall,
knowing that they were in a fight, and interject.
I've learned my lesson with Tom and Katie.
- Talk to her about it. - Lala, I wanna talk to you.
I feel ----ing weird right now. - What?
- I just wanna know what the (BLEEP)--
'cause I could see you and Carter
talking through the window, and it made me so nervous, and...
- Honestly, I really wanna know the same thing,
because you can't tell us
that you're, like, really miserable and crying,
and then call Carter.
I don't like when people are confiding in me about something
that couldn't be further from what's really going on.
- Things are messy, and I--
- They've been messy for a long time.
- I'm sorry for you guys
that it doesn't work for you guys.
- Is it working for you?
- I'm doing the best that I can to be hap--
- Okay, Kristen, then, that's what it is.
- God.
- I'm not gonna, like, try to, like, help--
like, someone that's struggling--
- You haven't tried to help me. I haven't talked to you.
- Do me a favor and don't call me at all,
'cause you did bring it to my front door,
and now you're doing to me what you did to Katie and Stassi,
and I'm not into it.
- Not doing it. I'm not doing this bullsh--.
- What do you mean?
- You just pulled a Katie and Stassi card?
That is--that's how I know you're not you.
- Because you're getting mad at me.
Because you're getting mad at me.
- What is going on?
- You just got-- - I still believe that.
- You just got up and said,
"Don't talk to me about anything,"
and walked away like a ----ing bitch.
Like, it wasn't cool.
- Do not call--do not-- - No, well, you are.
- No, no, no, do not call me out on my name.
Do not call me out on my name, Kristen.
- Sh--'s going crazy in there, guys.
- What the (BLEEP) is going on in there, dude?
- I don't know, man. - You are my friend.
Do not ----ing call me out on my name.
- Calm down.
Calm down, both of y'all.
- You are my friend. Do not call me a bitch.
- Calm down, both of you.
- I will not be spoken down to
by this sugar mama,
who I'm just trying to save
from her disaster of a relationship.
- Kristen, you don't get to walk away.
No one is attacking you. No one is getting in your face.
Everyone's trying to be real with you,
and you're standing--
- All right, go sit down and talk together!
Come on, let's figure this out.
You guys are friends. We don't have to end like this.
- Stop acting like no one's been there for you, please.
It's so tired and old.
I'm gonna scream this in your ear, so you get it,
because I'm tired of you talking about
what an amazing friend you are and everyone's a sh---y friend.
That sh-- is bullsh--.
Get over yourself.
- Is that my wife? - That's your wife.
- Oh, (BLEEP). Is she mad?
I'm out of here. - Dude...
- Hey, you guys need to talk. - Are you sh---ing me right now?
- Kristen...
- How many times can someone cry wolf?
How many times does someone come cry on my balcony
for seven hours, telling me how sad they are?
So, forgive me for wanting better for you.
- This season on "Vanderpump Rules"...
- Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...
- To party.
- This is awesome!
- You make me so happy.
- I haven't done this since my honeymoon.
- If you don't get that joke, you're poor.
- I'm getting married!
- I say keep your shirt on, take your trousers off.
- Is there a little bit of jealousy there?
- Oh, my God, Lisa, I'm not jealous of Dayna.
- Are you 34 or are you 16?
- You're a great guy... - Goodnight.
- But your dating life is a bit of a mess.
- You just, like, (BLEEP) a bunch of people
to validate yourself.
- Let's not forget I ----ing hired you here.
- Walk down the hall.
We're getting married? - Yeah.
- Oh, my God, are you saying we're getting married?
- What is he waiting for?
- I don't wanna get forced into this.
- I walk around on eggshells,
and Jax does whatever the (BLEEP) he wants.
- Why are you trying to hurt somebody like that?
- 'Cause it's kinda disturbing. - (BLEEP) off, Sandoval!
- This is why I can't have friends that are girls.
- Okay, well, you can write it in your diary.
- Go (BLEEP) yourself, Raquel.
- He did not call you a slut. - Yeah. He was drinking.
If you can't get your sh-- together,
we will break up.
- Witches of Weho, donezo.
- You moved into your perfect house, Katie,
with your perfect husband
and your perfect what the (BLEEP) else.
- That's bush league. - Listen to me.
- That might make me selfish. Fine, then I'm selfish.
- "Oh, you're just jealous, Tom."
- Tom, Tom! - What is this?
- I'm shooketh.
- To see more of "Vanderpump Rules,"
go to bravotv.com.