I don't expect anyone to believe this.
Hell, I don't believe in bullshit like this.
What the hell was it?
THE CARETAKER'S TALE
DICKHEAD
I told you not to ride your bikes on the main road, for Christ's sake!
Next time I'm going to take your bikes and sell them to the Chinese!
Pig!
- From Singapore. They do the trick. - Give me two packets.
And these are the usual price. You're my best customer.
You're welcome!
Sleep tight, Per.
Hi, Dad.
What's up?
I just got out.
So it seems.
Yeah ...
And I'm clean.
- What's up with you and Mom? - Ah, shit.
Why did she walk out on you?
Why don't you work it out and get back together?
Just butt out, okay?
I went and got myself a job.
No shit.
As a pusher?
I was supposed to move in with Simon.
Simon, you know.
But then he got a girl, so now I'm in the way.
So ...
I thought I might crash on your couch for a couple of days?
Sorry.
Just for a couple of days.
Okay, I'll work something out.
I'll stop by for my things soon.
If you make it.
- Make it? - Before they lock you up again.
- See you. - Yeah.
So, she moved out?
- You're free as a bird then. - Tweet, tweet.
Miriam found someone else. A parking attendant.
- That doesn't sound good. - No.
Dumped for a parking attendant.
- That sure doesn't sound good. - No.
Oh, he's young and 36. She went on and on about that.
- 36? - Yes.
I bet he takes out the trash after he's done her.
Christ, you're pathetic, Viborg.
- Yes, I'm 46, and I need a new knee. - A new knee?
The doctors say all the cartilage's gone. There's cartilage in the knee ...
It hurts like hell.
- Let's hope the other knee holds up. - Spare me the sick talk.
- You go on about your back, neck ... - I live here, and I pay for the beer.
I can go on about my back or my asshole -
- and you just say: "Yes, Per. Oh, Per. Sounds nasty, Per."
Yes, Per.
Hey, what the hell are you doing here?
Hey!
This apartment has to be vacated by the 1st. You're not allowed to be here.
Hey!
Very funny. Get out. Let's go.
Where are your clothes?
How did you get in?
Did someone leave you here, or ...?
Are you Romanian? Romania? Bulgaria?
Prostitute or what?
What the hell are we going to do with you?
I don't want to kick you out in the cold.
You're all skin and bones.
No money?
Where money?
No money, no nothing.
No money there ...
No money here.
So how ...
How do you want to pay?
You want to pay the rent?
Now you pay the rent. Okay?
It's okay, it's okay.
Like that ... okay?
Like that.
Stop staring. Stop staring.
Stop staring, you bitch.
Stop it!
There. You like that, huh?
Bitch.
Fucking bitch.
You fucking bitch. Take that.
You fucking bitch!
You fucking little whore!
Don't you come here, you little whore! Fucking ...
Bitch! Bitch!
Okay, that was nice. Thank you.
Pay rent again? Okay?
You want to, don't you?
You want to.
You don't want to.
You want to.
You don't.
Lie down.
Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!
There, and now ...
Bite. Bite.
There you go.
Yeah ...
Easy now. Easy ...!
Take it easy, for fuck's sake.
Easy.
Come here, come here ...
Coke?
You can do it. Easy now.
Easy, easy.
That's the way to do it.
He's on a roll tonight.
- He's going to clean us out. - Gregers, come on.
Don't mind if I do.
What the hell's up with you?
What the hell is up with you? You're in a hell of a mood.
- We'd better step up our game. - There's something up.
Throw the darts, Gregers. We're waiting.
Did you get ...?
Holy shit!
Throw the fucking darts, Gregers.
He cleans us out, and he got laid.
Whoever has shall be given more, huh?
I'll say.
What's the point, Per? I don't have anything.
Nobody gives a shit about me.
I don't have a woman, and I don't have any children.
A TV.
42 channels, Viborg. That's something.
Miriam moved in with the parking attendant.
- I miss Miriam. - Miriam's a bitch.
She was so good to me, Per.
Aw! Fuck!
Fucking knee. I'm a sorry son of a bitch.
Stop your whining.
- I'm so fucking unhappy. - Shut the fuck up, Viborg.
- Just go. - No, I want to show you something.
Buh!
Good morning.
This is Viborg.
Let him taste some of that, you know ...
Pay the rent.
- Pay the rent? - Per, let's go.
Fuck!
Say thank you.
- Who is she? - A willing girl.
- We don't usually get girls like that. - So enjoy it while it lasts.
There's something strange about this. It's not natural.
Oh, come on. First you fuck her, and now you're full of remorse?
Get the fuck out of here.
- Get the fuck out of here. - Okay.
- But normal girls aren't like that. - Fuck off, asshole.
I'm going. But I'm telling you, that's not normal.
Per speaking.
I'm not at the office right now. Which apartment is it?
No, no.
Easy now.
Easy now, easy.
Easy now. Let me just ...
Let me just catch my breath, for fuck's sake.
There.
Yes, yes, yes ...
Yes, come on.
No, stop.
Stop!
You can't do that. You can't ...
Drink.
Well, if it isn't Mr. Remorse.
What?
- Well, I went to the doctor's today. - Oh.
- Good for you. - My knee, you know.
The final tests before the operation.
So I told them my knee was acting up.
And we went through all the exercises.
And now I can do everything. It doesn't hurt anymore.
I can do everything. The doctors couldn't explain it.
- Great. What do you want me to say? - I don't need surgery.
I can hop, and I can skip.
Extremes ... Nothing's wrong.
And that's when I thought of you.
- That was nice of you. - You're better too.
Your back doesn't hurt, your neck isn't stiff. You're as good as new.
That girl.
Both of us slept with her, and both of us are healed.
There's something unnatural about her, Per.
- Fantastic things happen. - Oh?
Fantastic things happen, but never here.
There's that place in France with the water that heals people.
And in the Philippines they operate with their bare hands.
- And that Indian guy with the hair. - Hustlers, the lot of them.
Your back and my knee, and the doctors can't explain it.
- Hell, Viborg ... - Per, maybe it's happening right now.
Maybe it's happening to us.
Can I see her again?
- Can you fuck her again, you mean? - Can I see her?
It's fantastic.
You don't seriously believe in that crap?
Viborg.
I don't know, Per.
This is larger than you and me.
This is larger than us.
This is larger than anything we've ever come across.
Or maybe you've gone off your rocker.
This is a good thing. It's not a bad thing, is it?
- Her pussy's good. - Don't say that.
- I'll say what I want to in my home. - This is good. It's fantastic.
You do wash her, right?
You have to wash and comb her and take good care of her.
You'd better get going.
It's fantastic, Per.
- How are we going to do this? - Tell me what you want.
- I'm entitled to half. - So take half.
- Don't forget the car. - I haven't got a license.
We'll deduct the car.
I want the bookcase. I picked it out and had it delivered.
Sure, take it.
And the dining table.
- The table and the chairs are a set. - Fine.
- What do you want? - I don't care.
If you take the dining table, Dad can keep the couch.
That's fine.
- What's going on, Per? - Nothing. Just take the lot.
They're our things.
They aren't mine or yours, they're ours.
Mom ...
Calm down. They're just things.
I can't do this.
- Dad's willing to divide it all up. - No, we'll have to do it another day.
- How about a cup of coffee? - No, I've got work.
Take off.
Good girl. Good girl. Good girl.
I can go all the way down now. And even better ... All the way round.
- You couldn't do that before. - Soft as butter.
- What's up? - We've got to help Gregers.
- How? - With his diabetes.
Hi, Per. They say I'm going to lose my sight.
He needs to see the girl.
I don't usually believe in that kind of stuff.
But Viborg says it's the real deal.
What with his knee and your back.
We are going to help Gregers, aren't we?
She sure is a sweet girl, Per. I must say.
- Now what? - Well, now you're sugar sweet.
Hello.
Hang on.
Hey.
- What? - You look like a moron in that jacket.
But it's warm.
What do you want?
I just came to get my stuff. I left in kind of a hurry the other day.
- How are you doing? - I'm living at Mom's.
Of course you are.
- She's waiting for you to call. - Why?
Just to talk about the two of you. I guess.
- How about a cup of coffee? - I've got work.
I'll get my stuff then.
Just a quick cup then.
A quick cup.
Move.
Got a sandwich or something?
See what you can find.
Jesus. You're drinking Coke now?
I was wondering ...
... if you could ...
I was just wondering, if you could lend me some money.
Oh. No, I can't.
No.
Let me get your stuff.
- And my sleeping bag. - No, it's ... in the basement.
- What's it doing there? - Get it next time, okay?
- Have you got a visitor? - No.
What?
- Get your sleeping bag next time. - Oh, I get it.
You haven't lost it, huh?
Don't go blabbing to your mom, okay?
Sure. Don't worry.
Stop by the office some night -
- for a game of darts and a beer.
Okay.
Darts and beers, that's all.
Sure, let's do that.
See you.
We always fucked the broads to that song. Me and Morten Hojbjerg.
We danced the chicks wild and took them for a ride -
- with the car stereo blasting.
I had a Mazda back then.
Damned fine car ... Mazda.
And he had a way with words.
He could charm the pants off anyone.
We took them to the beach -
- and gave them a sunset and a song and dance.
We took turns between the back and the front seat.
The back seat was by far the best.
And we fucked their brains out.
What I wouldn't give to have seen that car from the outside.
Just think.
I wonder what people thought.
We were young.
And good-looking.
I had this ... hair.
Pussy with a sea view. That's what we called it.
Pussy with a sea view. Of course.
And I knocked Britt up -
- so we had to get married, 19 years old.
19 years.
We just couldn't get along.
And then we had that wimp of a son.
Britt withered, and I lost my hair.
Wham bam thank you fucking ma'am.
Come here.
Get over here.
Yes ... yes ...
Yes! Yes! Yes!
You're my little girl, aren't you?
You are mine.
Yes, yes, God damn it.
You are mine.
And I'm yours.
I'm yours.
What?
I'm healed, Per.
- I never really thanked you. Thanks. - You're welcome.
Can I give you a hug? Thanks.
- We need to talk. - So talk.
This is absolutely fantastic.
You remember John, don't you?
- Vivi and John. - Hi, Per.
Hi.
- What? - Let's not hang about in the hall.
Just start from the beginning, John. Take your time.
I've been on steroids for four years. I just couldn't get big enough.
I guess I weighed about 12 kg more in pure muscles.
The stuff makes your muscles grow -
- but seeing as your heart's a muscle, it grows too.
So my heart is the size of an ox heart now.
A large, heavy heart.
I won't grow old with that heart. I've already bitten the dust twice.
You think you're immortal, but you wise up.
- I'll pay anything. - You don't have to pay, John.
She belongs to everyone. She's a miracle.
She's such a sweet girl. I'm telling you.
Tell him about the boy, John.
I've got a 10-year-old boy.
He has to see a psychologist because he wets his bed at night.
He has dreams about his dad dying.
He saw me bite the dust the second time.
Show him the photo.
That's John's boy.
That is John's boy.
He's going to lose his dad, unless we help him, Per.
Per.
John is going to die from his boy, unless we let him see the girl.
We can save John.
Per.
Okay. I'll show you in.
John's a good guy.
He'll be gentle.
Believe me.
We're doing the right thing. We're doing some good.
Finally we're doing some good. Finally we're making a difference.
People are going to talk about us with respect and awe.
Respect and awe.
We should be glad we can help others. And she likes it.
She smiles. She's happy to oblige.
John cried when he entered the room, and she smiled and helped him.
She's an angel.
Gregers' nephew is coming too.
He's very sick.
He's a young man, and he's very sick.
But he's a good boy, Per. I can vouch for that.
He's got sclerosis.
You're going to be fine.
Stop staring like that.
What the hell is this?
Go ahead and fuck me. Fuck me.
Go ahead, everyone.
Fuck me. I don't mind.
Per ... Come on. Per. Per.
Per ... Hi, Per.
Per, come in here, will you?
I've ... wet my bed.
Per ...
This is Merete from block 3.
I'm sick of asking you to clean up the hallways.
This is Soren from no. 127.
I called you last week about our toilet.
Get your ass in gear, okay?
- I saved a couple of packets for you. - I don't need your Thai crap.
- What do you want? - To see you work.
Everyone thinks it's a rare sight.
Christ, that's funny. I'm laughing my ass off.
IN PAIN? HELP IS NEAR
MEET OUR FANTASTIC HEALER CALL VIBORG KRISTOFFERSEN, 321
What the hell are you doing?
I repeat: What the hell are you doing?
I didn't think you were home.
- Where did you get the keys? - Why aren't you at work?
- Where did you get the keys? - Mom found them.
And so you thought you'd rip off your dad.
You stole it too.
Hand over the keys.
Now!
It's not what you think.
As if I need to defend myself to you.
You! A fucking junkie who rips me off when my back is turned.
A fucking wimp!
- Take the fucking money. Take it. - No.
Go buy your fucking suicide. Whether you live or die ...
I don't give a fuck.
Carsten ... Carsten!
Do you know what it is? Disseminated sclerosis?
It's a nasty disease which damages the nerve paths, and then ...
... you end up in a wheelchair, and then you die.
We're expecting a baby.
We thought we had a happy future in front of us -
- and then this happens.
- You're how far along? - 14 weeks.
- And then this happens. - Get lost.
- Did I say something wrong? - Get out of my apartment.
They're willing to pay.
This is my home. I'm in charge here, and I want them to get out.
Gregers said not to, but we'll pay.
We can get more.
It's just the baby and all that.
I'm just the father, that's all.
Okay. She's in here.
Come on.
- Thank you. - Aren't you coming?
- No. We've talked it over. - Don't you want to watch?
- Lend a helping hand? - Stop it, Per.
I usually help get things started. This way.
If he's going to do my girl ...
... it's only fair I get to do his.
Go on.
It's okay.
Go on.
Thank you for helping us.
You're a good man.
No, Per. I only just left them. Stop!
- Get out. - What?
- What's going on? - Get out!
Hi, Per. I'm sorry, but Britt sent us.
- I was just on my way out. - Britt wants her share of your things.
- She said she could take her pick. - What?
She heard about the girl too, Per.
- I'm Lise, and this is my son, Anton. - Go away.
He's got leukemia. He just turned 11, and he can't lead a normal life.
- Just go away. - Look at Anton. Please.
Say hello to Per and shake his hand.
You want to squeeze him between the legs of my ...
Think I wouldn't do anything for him?
I can't help you.
Crap!
Per, Steen's dad has to see the girl.
Per, just open the fucking door.
We know each other, Per. We're old friends.
You take him, Steen. Per, just open the door.
- Per, don't. Open the door. - No! No!
- No! - Go on in.
- No ... - We're very grateful to you, Per.
My son is grateful, too. I have the energy to play with him now.
You're a good man, Per.
Thanks, Per.
We can't stay here. Understand?
We can't stay here.
We're through here.
I can work. I've got my two hands. Right?
I'll take care of you.
There you go.
Like this ... and squeeze. No, not that much.
Yeah, like that.
Hold your upper arm horizontally and only move your lower arm.
And when you take aim -
- your eye, the dart and the target form a straight line.
Your eye, the dart and the target. See?
A straight line. And only move your lower arm.
- Only move that. - Ah, I see.
Keep still. Only move your lower arm.
Not too much force and not too little. Just what it takes.
Alright!
- Alright! - Like that?
Hell yeah. I'll be damned.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Did you lose
the golden hope
that you were given
when you were born
and are you idling
wand'ring aimlessly
have you turned into
a nonentity
then come and dance
all night long
to the haunting tones
of a siren's song
let's forget
ourselves and our life
in the merciful hours
from two to five
let's forget
see them coming
one by one
to the giant castles
of glass and stone
and see them dealing
in that cold, cold war
their used cars
and painted whores
then come and dance
all night long
to the haunting tones
of a siren's song
let's forget
ourselves and our life
in the merciful hours
from two to five
let's forget
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