1
00:00:02,230 --> 00:00:03,990
Hey, girl. Whoo.
2
00:00:04,300 --> 00:00:06,920
Hey, Carlton, what's up, man?
These are the books I need.
3
00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:09,500
Will, classes have been in session
for five weeks...
4
00:00:09,670 --> 00:00:11,290
...and you're buying books now?
5
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:14,200
Yeah, I thought I'd get an early start
this year.
6
00:00:14,470 --> 00:00:20,310
Look, check it out, I need English Lit 101,
Sociology 101 and Human Sexuality 420.
7
00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:22,670
Four-twenty? That's a graduate course.
8
00:00:22,850 --> 00:00:26,370
Oh, yeah, I did advance placement
in high school. You know what I mean?
9
00:00:28,020 --> 00:00:30,010
[SINGING "THE FRESH PRINCE
OF BEL-AIR" THEME]
10
00:01:45,930 --> 00:01:46,950
WILL:
Mm.
11
00:01:47,130 --> 00:01:51,000
Valerie "The girl of my dream" Johnson,
is in the house.
12
00:01:51,170 --> 00:01:53,190
See, we got this little game
that we play.
13
00:01:53,370 --> 00:01:56,100
You know, I ask her out and she says no,
you know.
14
00:01:56,270 --> 00:01:59,540
Right now, she's winning 64-zip,
but I feel lucky.
15
00:02:00,350 --> 00:02:01,900
Excuse me.
16
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:04,840
Hey, Val, what's up, baby?
17
00:02:05,020 --> 00:02:06,920
Let me tell you, this is your lucky day.
18
00:02:07,090 --> 00:02:09,990
Oh, why? Let me guess,
you're not gonna ask me out today.
19
00:02:10,150 --> 00:02:12,880
You are funny, girl. No, but listen.
20
00:02:13,060 --> 00:02:16,930
On the serious tip,
I checked my schedule and, um, I'm free.
21
00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:19,190
- So I can take you out tonight.
- Ha, ha.
22
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:20,960
Check again because I can't.
23
00:02:21,130 --> 00:02:22,620
I already made plans.
24
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:27,170
My cousin is coming in from out of town
and I promised her we'd hang out.
25
00:02:27,340 --> 00:02:30,140
Oh, okay. Hey, you're fired.
26
00:02:31,310 --> 00:02:33,280
I got an idea.
How about we double date?
27
00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:35,110
A double date? Heh.
28
00:02:35,380 --> 00:02:38,110
No, see, I can't.
My cousin has bad luck with men.
29
00:02:38,620 --> 00:02:41,210
Wait a minute, baby, you're not listening.
30
00:02:41,390 --> 00:02:44,150
I'm telling you, I got the perfect guy.
A perfect gentleman.
31
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:48,220
Listen, y'all come over the crib,
you know, and we watch a little movie.
32
00:02:48,390 --> 00:02:50,190
- We just chill.
- What's the difference?
33
00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:54,230
If you don't go out with me,
you're gonna go out with her or her or her.
34
00:02:56,200 --> 00:03:01,100
Wait, Val, Val, I'm hurt, you know.
35
00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:06,600
Now, come on,
I mean, a guy can lie with his lips...
36
00:03:06,780 --> 00:03:09,210
...but he can't lie with his eyes.
37
00:03:14,690 --> 00:03:17,180
- Will, I will go out with you.
- Ha-ha-ha.
38
00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:20,090
But it's not because of those fool eyes
you just gave me.
39
00:03:20,260 --> 00:03:21,950
Because I got no place else to go.
40
00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:26,390
Baby, you know what,
I knew you was gonna come around.
41
00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,400
Why don't y'all roll past the crib...
42
00:03:28,570 --> 00:03:31,500
...you know, around 8:00?
Give me time to pad the headboard.
43
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:37,170
I'm kidding. You're sensitive, baby.
I'll see you tonight, all right?
44
00:03:37,340 --> 00:03:39,810
Yeah, I must really be desperate. Ha, ha.
45
00:03:39,980 --> 00:03:43,740
I can't wait either, baby. Mm.
46
00:03:44,820 --> 00:03:47,110
Oh, hey, Carlton, you up for a blind date?
47
00:03:47,290 --> 00:03:50,250
Will, everyone knows
that blind dates are usually dogs.
48
00:03:50,620 --> 00:03:52,990
Oh, please.
I seen you out with plenty of women...
49
00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,720
...who looked like
they had a little chihuahua in them.
50
00:03:57,330 --> 00:04:00,320
If you're referring to Conchita,
I don't see her anymore.
51
00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:09,440
You missed a spot.
52
00:04:09,940 --> 00:04:12,600
- Thank you, Miss Hilary.
- Ha, ha.
53
00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:15,950
You know,
this housework stuff's kind of fun. Heh.
54
00:04:16,350 --> 00:04:18,140
There's another one.
55
00:04:20,350 --> 00:04:24,150
What's so important, you had to page me
during a high-speed chase?
56
00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:27,420
Jazz, I need you to come
on a double date with me.
57
00:04:28,290 --> 00:04:32,700
Since I married Jewel, I'm a changed man.
Unless the double date's with Hilary.
58
00:04:35,230 --> 00:04:37,130
Hey, brown sugar.
59
00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:39,390
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]
60
00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:47,810
- I gotta go.
- Wait, Jazz.
61
00:04:55,990 --> 00:04:58,850
Hey, Carlton,
about that double date, man...
62
00:04:59,020 --> 00:05:00,650
So you couldn't find anybody else?
63
00:05:00,830 --> 00:05:03,990
I guess I'm your only friend.
How pathetic.
64
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:05,820
You know what? Never mind.
65
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,630
Okay, okay, stop groveling,
Will, I'll do it.
66
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:12,290
I'm gonna go get the car. Why don't you
look over that manual one more time, huh?
67
00:05:12,470 --> 00:05:15,000
- Okay.
- What's going on?
68
00:05:15,170 --> 00:05:18,970
Oh, I'm so excited. I just got my permit
so I'm gonna go driving with Daddy. Heh.
69
00:05:20,710 --> 00:05:22,980
Ashley, stop. U-turn, go back.
70
00:05:23,150 --> 00:05:26,170
You're going the wrong way.
You're going the wrong way.
71
00:05:26,550 --> 00:05:28,610
Come on, Will, he can't be that bad.
72
00:05:28,790 --> 00:05:30,910
Ashley, Daddy's fine when he's driving.
73
00:05:31,090 --> 00:05:33,560
When he's in the passenger seat,
he turns ugly.
74
00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:35,560
"You're going fast. You're going slow. "
75
00:05:35,730 --> 00:05:37,020
[IN DEEP VOICE]
"Take a left. Take a right. "
76
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:40,890
[IN DEEP VOICE] "I don't care how pretty
she is, you can't drive on the sidewalk. "
77
00:05:42,030 --> 00:05:43,830
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Look, Ashley, get out while you can.
78
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,530
Whoop, too late.
79
00:05:49,010 --> 00:05:50,440
Are you all set, sweetheart?
80
00:05:50,610 --> 00:05:53,080
Uh, Daddy,
I don't know about this driving thing.
81
00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:55,870
Oh, darling,
it's natural to be nervous the first time.
82
00:05:56,050 --> 00:05:58,450
So if you don't feel you're ready,
I'll understand.
83
00:05:58,620 --> 00:05:59,740
See you.
84
00:06:02,020 --> 00:06:03,210
What's wrong with her?
85
00:06:03,390 --> 00:06:05,450
CARLTON: I don't know.
It had nothing to do with me.
86
00:06:05,620 --> 00:06:07,520
- I wasn't around.
WILL: I think she's drinking.
87
00:06:11,530 --> 00:06:13,520
[THE 5TH DIMENSION'S
"UP, UP AND AWAY" PLAYS]
88
00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:23,130
Would you like to ride
In my beautiful balloon?
89
00:06:23,310 --> 00:06:28,510
Would you like to ride
In my beautiful balloon?
90
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,580
We could float among the stars togeth...
91
00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:33,220
[STOPS MUSIC]
92
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:37,250
What the hell are you doing?
93
00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:39,550
I'm just setting the mood for our date.
94
00:06:40,260 --> 00:06:42,920
No, I don't think you understand.
See, this is my date.
95
00:06:43,090 --> 00:06:45,960
You're just here running interference
while I get my mack on.
96
00:06:46,130 --> 00:06:47,430
[DOORBELL RINGS]
97
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:50,930
All right, now, that's them.
You stand over there and try to look cool.
98
00:06:55,510 --> 00:06:57,740
Excuse me, Superboy?
99
00:06:58,980 --> 00:07:02,170
Scratch the cool.
You just chill a little bit. All right?
100
00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:08,310
Mm. God bless America.
101
00:07:09,290 --> 00:07:11,380
Will, this is my cousin, Karen.
102
00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:14,180
Which one of these losers is my date?
103
00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:16,160
That would be me.
104
00:07:17,130 --> 00:07:19,290
Uh, this is my cousin, Carlton.
105
00:07:19,460 --> 00:07:21,620
Where's the rest of him?
106
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,530
I may be short,
but you know what they say...
107
00:07:24,700 --> 00:07:27,760
...about short men and tall women,
don't you?
108
00:07:28,210 --> 00:07:29,900
No, what?
109
00:07:30,070 --> 00:07:32,670
I don't know, just making conversation.
110
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,970
- Well, this is a cool place you have here.
- Yeah.
111
00:07:37,150 --> 00:07:38,880
Uh, hey, you haven't seen the best part.
112
00:07:39,050 --> 00:07:40,780
Uh, wait until you see the hot tub.
113
00:07:40,950 --> 00:07:42,110
VALERIE:
Will.
114
00:07:42,290 --> 00:07:44,690
Oh, no. Girl, you just dirty.
115
00:07:44,860 --> 00:07:47,420
No, it's strictly for therapeutic purposes.
116
00:07:47,590 --> 00:07:50,790
I got this crick in my neck right here
that's been really killing me.
117
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,520
Let me help you out with that, cuz.
118
00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:55,000
[CARLTON GRUNTS]
119
00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:57,430
We do this all the time.
120
00:07:58,700 --> 00:08:00,140
Carlton, get off me.
121
00:08:00,300 --> 00:08:02,300
Get off. Get off me!
122
00:08:02,510 --> 00:08:04,370
Ow!
123
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:11,880
Hey, hey, who's up for a video?
124
00:08:12,050 --> 00:08:13,480
A video? Hmf.
125
00:08:13,650 --> 00:08:15,280
Hey.
126
00:08:16,750 --> 00:08:19,020
No, this is 91/2 Weeks.
127
00:08:19,190 --> 00:08:20,990
That is a sex movie.
128
00:08:21,390 --> 00:08:22,420
Really?
129
00:08:22,590 --> 00:08:26,030
I thought it was a documentary
about Vanilla Ice's career.
130
00:08:28,130 --> 00:08:31,590
Hey, why don't we check out
my video collection?
131
00:08:34,810 --> 00:08:38,610
BOY [ON TV]:
Pa, I think Old Yeller's sick.
132
00:08:40,010 --> 00:08:41,000
CARLTON & VALERIE:
Oh.
133
00:08:41,180 --> 00:08:42,300
[OLD YELLER WHIMPERS ON TV]
134
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,280
Are you crying?
135
00:08:44,450 --> 00:08:48,410
Um... No, I think
I've got something in my eye.
136
00:08:48,950 --> 00:08:51,480
It's okay, Carlton,
this movie always gets to me too.
137
00:08:51,660 --> 00:08:53,820
Don't be afraid to show your feelings.
138
00:08:56,590 --> 00:09:00,760
Well, you know,
sometimes I be at the crib alone...
139
00:09:00,930 --> 00:09:03,700
...and I just be crying for nothing.
140
00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:07,500
What a punk.
141
00:09:10,170 --> 00:09:12,440
Is that a cigarette?
142
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:14,470
[COUGHS]
143
00:09:14,650 --> 00:09:16,840
That is a cigarette.
144
00:09:17,210 --> 00:09:19,340
You know, in case you haven't heard...
145
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,750
...tar and nicotine
are damaging to your lungs.
146
00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:25,360
It isn't just a rumor,
it will give you a tumor.
147
00:09:26,220 --> 00:09:27,450
Thank you.
148
00:09:28,490 --> 00:09:31,390
I'm gonna go outside and fire up a butt.
149
00:09:33,060 --> 00:09:37,300
Wow, that sounds like fun. Huh? Huh?
150
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:44,500
Is that crick in your neck
bothering you again? Let me get that.
151
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:46,140
No, no, no.
152
00:09:46,310 --> 00:09:47,970
[CHUCKLES]
153
00:10:01,130 --> 00:10:02,460
[BOTH LAUGH]
154
00:10:02,890 --> 00:10:04,690
WILL:
All right.
155
00:10:05,130 --> 00:10:07,600
I think he wants you to leave.
156
00:10:12,100 --> 00:10:15,000
I don't want her to leave.
I want you to leave, Carlton.
157
00:10:15,410 --> 00:10:17,170
Will, I'm trying to watch the movie.
158
00:10:17,340 --> 00:10:20,040
If you're not interested,
why don't you go for a walk or something?
159
00:10:20,210 --> 00:10:21,940
[OLD YELLER WHIMPERS ON TV]
160
00:10:22,110 --> 00:10:23,770
[SCOFFS]
161
00:10:24,620 --> 00:10:26,240
Fine.
162
00:10:27,650 --> 00:10:28,950
Oh.
163
00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:31,610
And they shoot the damn dog.
164
00:10:33,860 --> 00:10:35,920
Oh.
165
00:10:36,690 --> 00:10:40,560
I cannot believe you and Will are related.
You're so different.
166
00:10:40,730 --> 00:10:44,190
- Like you and your cousin.
- Yeah, thanks for putting up with her.
167
00:10:44,370 --> 00:10:48,030
- You know, most men find Karen kind of...
- Scary.
168
00:10:49,510 --> 00:10:50,700
Sort of.
169
00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:56,140
But you were a total gentleman, Carlton,
and that's really hard to find these days.
170
00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:59,310
What was that for?
171
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:00,810
Well, that was for Karen.
172
00:11:00,990 --> 00:11:04,250
And this, this is for me.
173
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,130
[SIGHS]
174
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:32,740
[PHONE RINGS]
175
00:11:33,950 --> 00:11:35,420
Hello.
176
00:11:36,550 --> 00:11:39,110
No, this ain't Carlton, this is Will.
177
00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,380
Oh, Valerie.
178
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:43,890
Yeah, yeah, you know what?
179
00:11:44,060 --> 00:11:47,390
I got some choice words for you too, girl.
How you gonna j...?
180
00:11:47,570 --> 00:11:49,000
Hello?
181
00:11:49,270 --> 00:11:51,290
Aahh!
182
00:11:51,470 --> 00:11:53,330
Man, I could kill that Carlton.
183
00:11:54,740 --> 00:11:56,710
Master William...
184
00:11:56,870 --> 00:12:00,610
...if you're serious, I could make a call.
185
00:12:03,710 --> 00:12:05,480
I was just kidding, G.
186
00:12:05,650 --> 00:12:07,380
Me too.
187
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:12,350
Hey, Will, wanna play catch?
188
00:12:12,890 --> 00:12:16,260
Uh, I'm sorry, Nicky. Not now, man.
I'm not in the mood.
189
00:12:16,430 --> 00:12:20,160
Carlton won't play with me, either.
What's going on?
190
00:12:20,330 --> 00:12:22,460
Well, we're kind of having problems.
191
00:12:22,830 --> 00:12:25,320
Maybe you should talk to somebody.
192
00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:29,100
You're right. Look, Nicky, it's like this, man.
We always make...
193
00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:31,760
Not me. I'm just a kid.
194
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:34,930
Why don't you tell him?
195
00:12:35,110 --> 00:12:38,510
Will, are you going to finally let me explain
what happened?
196
00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:40,480
Ah, shh.
197
00:12:42,420 --> 00:12:44,480
Don't talk to me.
198
00:12:44,660 --> 00:12:46,710
Will, for once in your life, be reasonable.
199
00:12:46,890 --> 00:12:49,380
Can't we just discuss this like grownups?
200
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,050
Yeah, call me when you grow.
201
00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:54,160
Okay, Ashley. You ready?
202
00:12:54,870 --> 00:12:57,270
- What are you doing?
- Driving lessons.
203
00:12:57,430 --> 00:13:00,400
Lesson number one: Use a car.
204
00:13:03,940 --> 00:13:06,600
Hilary, Nicky's right.
Can we just get in the car?
205
00:13:06,780 --> 00:13:09,510
I don't think you're ready
to get behind the wheel yet.
206
00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:14,080
Now, put the car in gear
and pull cautiously away from the curb.
207
00:13:17,660 --> 00:13:19,250
Ashley.
208
00:13:19,420 --> 00:13:20,450
What?
209
00:13:20,620 --> 00:13:22,490
You're in neutral.
210
00:13:25,660 --> 00:13:28,790
Okay, we're driving down Sunset.
211
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:32,200
Ooh, cute boy, 3 o'clock. Ha, ha.
212
00:13:33,370 --> 00:13:34,890
Keep your eyes on the road.
213
00:13:35,070 --> 00:13:37,560
- Hilary.
- Now, take a left on Rodeo.
214
00:13:37,740 --> 00:13:39,710
Remember to signal.
215
00:13:39,940 --> 00:13:43,210
Oh, look, there's Bruce and Demi. Hi.
216
00:13:43,450 --> 00:13:46,110
Yuck, what is she wearing?
217
00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,080
Hilary, this is beyond stupid.
218
00:13:48,250 --> 00:13:51,710
Use your imagination. You're doing great.
219
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:54,050
[HILARY SIGHS]
220
00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:56,660
We're driving.
221
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,960
We're driving.
222
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:02,020
- Stop.
- What?
223
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,430
Cartier's having a sale.
Pick me up in an hour.
224
00:14:10,810 --> 00:14:13,900
- Where are you going?
- To get a bus schedule.
225
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:16,970
CARLTON:
Can't we just talk about this?
226
00:14:17,150 --> 00:14:21,020
Listen, I don't wanna talk about nothing.
I just wanna watch the game and forget it.
227
00:14:21,190 --> 00:14:23,350
Fine with me.
228
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,510
[CHATTERING ON TV]
229
00:14:26,690 --> 00:14:28,720
Careful with that drumstick, Uncle Phil.
230
00:14:28,890 --> 00:14:31,120
Turn your back,
Carlton's liable to start eating and say:
231
00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:34,090
"Oops. Dad, it just jumped in my mouth. "
232
00:14:35,730 --> 00:14:38,790
That wouldn't happen if you
treated the drumstick like a person...
233
00:14:38,970 --> 00:14:40,960
...instead of a piece of meat.
234
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:44,170
You know what, Carlton?
235
00:14:44,340 --> 00:14:46,400
You ain't nothing but a dog.
236
00:14:46,580 --> 00:14:51,210
Oh, yeah? Well, you're an acrimonious,
rancorous, virulent coveter.
237
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:55,280
Oh, yeah?
Well, you ain't nothing but a dog.
238
00:14:55,450 --> 00:14:56,920
All right, all right.
239
00:14:57,090 --> 00:14:59,920
That's enough.
Look, why don't I tell you guys a story?
240
00:15:00,390 --> 00:15:02,620
Now look what you done.
241
00:15:03,690 --> 00:15:05,180
I like Dad's stories.
242
00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:10,300
And some day, I'm gonna tell my kids
these same pointless anecdotes.
243
00:15:10,870 --> 00:15:12,430
Go ahead, Dad.
244
00:15:14,770 --> 00:15:15,900
All right.
245
00:15:16,070 --> 00:15:19,410
Well, when I was growing up,
my best friend lived in the next apartment.
246
00:15:19,580 --> 00:15:20,600
His name was Ralph.
247
00:15:20,780 --> 00:15:24,040
And one day, after 18 years of friendship,
we had a fight.
248
00:15:24,210 --> 00:15:26,680
Well, I went to college
and he joined the Navy.
249
00:15:27,050 --> 00:15:29,320
Five years ago
I went to our high school reunion.
250
00:15:29,490 --> 00:15:31,890
I was determined to bury the hatchet.
251
00:15:32,060 --> 00:15:34,220
But Ralph didn't show up.
252
00:15:34,390 --> 00:15:36,480
I found out that he died
the month before.
253
00:15:37,660 --> 00:15:41,060
Well, I never had a chance
to make peace with him.
254
00:15:41,230 --> 00:15:45,530
What's even worse, I can't even remember
what we fought about.
255
00:15:46,870 --> 00:15:49,030
You kids should think about that.
256
00:15:50,870 --> 00:15:53,170
WILL:
Hold up a second there, Aesop.
257
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,770
What's this apartment stuff?
Thought you grew up on a farm.
258
00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:01,940
Well, in the South, "farm" and "apartment"
are interchangeable.
259
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,140
Uh... Uh, uh, five years ago?
260
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:08,160
Since when do they have reunions
for your 22nd year?
261
00:16:08,330 --> 00:16:12,990
- Yeah, man. And how all of a sudden...?
- Okay, okay, I made it up. All right? Pfft.
262
00:16:14,770 --> 00:16:18,960
Huh. I guess lying just run
all through this family, huh?
263
00:16:19,570 --> 00:16:23,340
I'm not lying,
you nefarious, degenerate miscreant.
264
00:16:23,510 --> 00:16:28,410
Oh, like I'm supposed to believe that,
you big dog.
265
00:16:36,390 --> 00:16:39,360
Did you put super glue in my hair gel?
266
00:16:40,490 --> 00:16:41,520
[CHUCKLES]
267
00:16:41,690 --> 00:16:43,820
Hey, that's what you get
for stealing my girl.
268
00:16:43,990 --> 00:16:49,130
I didn't have to steal her. She was bored
with you so she came to me, a real man.
269
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,630
So, what you saying? I'm not a real man?
270
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:54,500
Yeah, you got it. You should know...
271
00:16:54,670 --> 00:16:59,440
...that all that "yo, yo, hey, baby,
bap, bap, bap" stuff is just played out.
272
00:16:59,610 --> 00:17:02,700
It worked in high school,
but now it's just embarrassing.
273
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,850
So I'm the embarrassment now?
274
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:08,880
Take it easy, stumpy.
275
00:17:09,050 --> 00:17:11,820
You know something else?
I'm tired of all those short jokes.
276
00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:13,680
I'm average height.
277
00:17:14,190 --> 00:17:15,950
For a woman.
278
00:17:17,430 --> 00:17:20,230
I'm large enough for Valerie.
279
00:17:25,570 --> 00:17:27,830
You wants to go there, huh?
280
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:30,230
You know what? I'm sick of this.
281
00:17:30,410 --> 00:17:32,240
Let's go. Let's go right now.
282
00:17:32,410 --> 00:17:35,140
I'm sick of this. I'm sick of this.
283
00:17:35,950 --> 00:17:39,210
Come on, come on. Let's go, come on,
what, what, what you want to do?
284
00:17:42,850 --> 00:17:45,720
Pfft. Like that hurt.
285
00:17:47,690 --> 00:17:50,290
Will. Will, are you okay?
286
00:17:50,460 --> 00:17:52,290
Will, wake up.
287
00:17:52,460 --> 00:17:54,430
Will, come on.
288
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:15,110
[CARLTON GRUNTS]
289
00:18:16,420 --> 00:18:18,680
Damn, still alive.
290
00:18:19,090 --> 00:18:22,320
You know what keeps me going?
The thought of dancing on your grave.
291
00:18:22,990 --> 00:18:25,620
Dance on my grave, will you? Damn.
292
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:28,390
Come, Mr. Smith.
It's time for your sponge bath.
293
00:18:28,570 --> 00:18:32,760
Oh, hey, good thing too,
because I'm feeling dirty. Ha-ha-ha.
294
00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:34,800
- Tootsie roll.
CARLTON: Oh.
295
00:18:34,970 --> 00:18:36,960
Oh, my leg. My leg.
296
00:18:39,340 --> 00:18:44,440
Aw. Come on, girl, you gonna fall
for that? What about my sponge bath?
297
00:18:44,620 --> 00:18:47,080
I'll let you shave me. Ha-ha-ha.
298
00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:50,820
Let me take care of Mr. Banks first.
299
00:18:50,990 --> 00:18:53,390
Oh. I get it.
300
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:57,190
First you steal my girl
and now you're gonna steal my nurse.
301
00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,630
You old prune.
I ought to knock your teeth out.
302
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:04,200
Go ahead,
they're in the glass next to my bed.
303
00:19:05,570 --> 00:19:07,900
Is that what you want? Aw.
304
00:19:08,070 --> 00:19:10,870
Got to go back to the ghetto
on you now.
305
00:19:11,780 --> 00:19:13,800
[WILL YELLS]
306
00:19:14,950 --> 00:19:17,810
You're trying to kill me.
307
00:19:21,350 --> 00:19:23,840
[CARLTON GROANING]
308
00:19:29,130 --> 00:19:30,890
Will.
309
00:19:31,060 --> 00:19:32,650
You all right?
310
00:19:32,830 --> 00:19:35,230
- Come closer.
- You all right?
311
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,490
I'm feeling the life
being sucked out of me.
312
00:19:38,940 --> 00:19:42,960
Before I die I just want you to know
that I...
313
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:47,200
I hate you. Ha-ha-ha.
314
00:19:51,110 --> 00:19:54,050
Carlton, wake up.
315
00:19:55,690 --> 00:19:57,180
Carlton.
316
00:19:57,890 --> 00:20:00,480
I never got to tell you I'm sorry.
317
00:20:00,660 --> 00:20:02,650
[CRYING]
318
00:20:09,530 --> 00:20:11,970
Why, Carlton?
319
00:20:13,340 --> 00:20:16,830
Will, hold you head back.
It'll stop the bleeding.
320
00:20:21,310 --> 00:20:24,870
Thank you, Carlton.
I think you've helped enough.
321
00:20:32,890 --> 00:20:34,650
I guess you're wondering
what happened.
322
00:20:34,830 --> 00:20:37,020
What's to wonder? Ha, ha.
323
00:20:37,390 --> 00:20:41,130
I have a nephew
with a possibly broken nose.
324
00:20:42,530 --> 00:20:45,930
And I don't wanna even know why
your damn hands are stuck to your head.
325
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:51,840
What I do know is that I want both of you
to settle this thing or I will.
326
00:20:54,010 --> 00:20:56,000
CARLTON: You got it, Dad. No problem.
WILL: You got it.
327
00:20:56,180 --> 00:20:57,540
- We can handle it.
CARLTON: It's done.
328
00:20:57,710 --> 00:20:59,940
We can handle it. Just go on.
329
00:21:04,590 --> 00:21:06,450
Look, Carlton, um...
330
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:10,790
...I was doing a lot of thinking
while I was unconscious.
331
00:21:13,100 --> 00:21:15,660
We're cousins, man.
We've been together long enough.
332
00:21:15,830 --> 00:21:20,290
I should know you would never do to me
the kind of things that I would do to you.
333
00:21:21,170 --> 00:21:23,000
That's sweet, Will.
334
00:21:23,170 --> 00:21:27,670
I'm sorry for saying all those things
and for punching your lights out.
335
00:21:29,380 --> 00:21:31,180
It was a lucky shot.
336
00:21:31,350 --> 00:21:33,250
I hit you pretty square, Will.
337
00:21:33,420 --> 00:21:37,110
Look, the important thing
is that we get beyond that lucky punch.
338
00:21:38,660 --> 00:21:40,150
We're family, man.
339
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:43,760
We shouldn't be fighting like this.
We should be helping each other.
340
00:21:44,730 --> 00:21:46,290
Hey, put her there.
341
00:21:47,660 --> 00:21:49,560
Will.
342
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:54,660
You're right, man. I'm sorry about the hair.
Let me help you.
343
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:55,830
[RIPPING]
344
00:21:56,010 --> 00:21:58,270
[CARLTON SCREAMING]