Hello, everyone, here lam again
Who's the lady who's driving me insane
She has lovely blue eyes
She's fair and she's tall
She's this and she's that
She's got it all
I'm crazy to find her
If you're ever behind her ask her
What's her name
Find that lady, Miss What's Her Name
You've her description
You've my address
won't you help with my SOS
What's her name
If you met her, you'd ask the same
So everybody can join the game
Of find the lady, Miss What's Her Name
What's her name
Find the lady, Miss What's Her Name
You've her description
You've my address
won't you help with my SOS
What's her name
If you met her, you'd ask the same
So everybody can join the game
Of find the lady, Miss What's Her Name
What's her name
Find that lady, Miss What's Her Name
You've her description
You've my address
Say you'll help me with my SOS
What's her name
Are you going to find this girl
She's the most wonderful thing
I've ever seen in life
Really
If you only knew
how wonderful she is
Just find her, Miss What's Her Name
- Morning, Mr. Daly.
- Good morning, Mr. Daly.
- Morning, Mr. Daly.
- What the devil are you doing, sir?
- Morning, Mr. Daly.
- Good morning, Mr. Daly.
- Hello, Jerry!
- Hello, Tom.
- Pardon me.
- I've got that song of yours on my brain.
- Yes, I didn't know your brains were so far down.
Jerry, I've got something on my brain.
- What is it?
- The girl that inspired the song.
- Is there a girl?
Shut that door.
I'll show you what it is to be in love.
- Well, that's that.
- It's a pity we didn't get together on this before,
Mr. Berne. - Yes.
- I needn't tell you what this amalgamation will do for us.
- Sure, I know.
It'll make us the biggest music publishers in the world.
I'll have the deeds drawn up at once.
- Perhaps you'd like to look over the building now.
- That's a good idea.
By the way, who wrote that?
- My son.
- It's a wow!
- That hit number's his first success.
- A chip off of the old block?
He's included in the deal, of course?
- Naturally.
Perhaps you'd like to meet him.
- Yes, I would.
- Well, we'll probably run into him around here.
- Good.
What's her name
Find that lady, Miss What's Her Name
- Mr. Daly.
- Get out!
What's her name
Find that lady, Miss What's Her Name
- Mr. Daly!
- Will you get out of it!
You've her description
You've my address
won't you help with my SOS
What's her name
- My son.
- Another hit like that, and he'll make his fortune.
- Yes, yes.
Now everybody can join the game
Of find the lady, Miss What's Her Name
- Mr. Daly.
- Shut up!
Good heavens!
- And then there came a carriage filled with flowers.
Thanks.
Excuse me, sir.
- Get away from me.
Get out of it!
You imbecile!
You, you utter idiot, you!
Look at me!
- Do you know who this is?
This is Mr. Oliver Berne
of the Berne Music Company in New York.
- No!
I've never felt so insulted in all my life!
- But Mr. Berne...
- Don't but me.
You think I'm going to amalgamate
with a man whose son is a capering maniac?
The deal's off, you hear?
Off!
- For goodness sakes!
- Please, sir, make I be permitted...
- No, you may not.
If I were your father, I'd throw you out, neck and crop.
- But can't we talk this over?
- Not until you get him out of the firm.
Good day.
- Goodbye, Tom.
- You know what I think of you, don't you?
- Well, I have a faint idea.
- You have an idea.
Have you any idea why you were born?
- No, that was your idea.
- You've lost me the biggest deal I ever had.
You know where you're going, don't you?
- Well, I'm quite prepared to resign.
- You are, are you?
You're going out of my office,
out of my home, out of my life.
Is that understood?
- That seems quite clear.
- And what's more, it starts now.
Don't come home.
- No, dad.
- I'm not your dad!
- Well, you said it.
- Now, don't be funny.
Haven't I done everything for you?
Didn't I even put you in here as manager?
You couldn't manage a tame mouse.
- I couldn't?
Haven't I just written you your biggest song success?
- Yes, one.
- Well, if I could find the girl
who gave me the inspiration for that one,
I could write a dozen more.
- Then go out and find her, and don't come back till you do.
- Yes, but I don't know where she is.
I only saw her once in a trafficjam.
- Well, you'll have plenty of time to find her now.
Come to my office, and I'll give you a check.
- Yes, and I'm going to tell you something.
- What's that?
- I'm going to take it.
- Marie!
Marie!
- She's awake!
Quick, the breakfast!
- Lily!
- Come along, come along.
Hurry, hurry!
- Marie!
Look at the time it is.
I told you to call me at 11, and it's five past now!
- That's five minutes fast, Miss Pamela.
- Don't argue with me!
What have you got there?
- Your breakfast, miss.
- I haven't any time for breakfast now.
Where's my bath?
- It's ready, Miss Pamela.
- Why didn't you say so the first time?
- I just tried it.
- You did?
- Yes. - Well, try it again.
- What are you doing with this dress?
Didn't I tell you I was going motoring?
- I thought you...
- Well, don't think!
Get out!
It's too hot!
- Hot coffee, cold bath, wrong dress!
You idiots!
Get out!
- Well, what happened now?
- Nothing, sir.
- The clock was five minutes fast, that's all.
- Miss Pamela is impossible.
She's really going too far, Mr. Berne.
- Yeah, it looks like it.
- Good morning.
I understand Miss Pamela Berne resides here.
- Yes, sir.
- Well, I want to see somebody responsible for her actions.
- There isn't anybody.
- Who are you, sir?
- I'm her brother.
Is there anything I can do?
- Yes.
It's about your sister.
On the 14th, inst, I observed the aforesaid young female
driving to the common danger.
When I remonstrated with her,
she insulted the law by knocking off me helmet.
- That's too bad.
- I should say it is.
And before I could pick it up,
she left me standing in a cloud of dust.
- Well, come on in, constable.
- After lunch.
- Achoo!
- What's all this?
- Well, sir, it's like this.
- Pamela again.
Right the first time.
- What's the trouble now?
- She flung her dress in my face.
- She knocked my helmet off.
- Lord, lord.
- I'm sorry to say, Mr. Berne,
but myself and the entire staff
will be compelled to give notice
if Miss Pamela cannot control her temper.
- Good morning, daddy.
- Come down here at once.
- Yes, daddy.
Hello, Harry.
Did you get down all right?
Good morning, constable.
Have you come to finish taking those notes?
- Never mind that.
Excuse me, constable.
Harry, look after him.
Daddy, look at your coat.
- Never mind my suit.
Every one of the domestic staff is going to leave me.
- Why, daddy?
Don't you pay them enough?
- Don't be impertinent.
It's because of you they're leaving.
You!
Now, what have you to say?
You're not going to leave me, are you?
Marie, you don't think I threw you
in the bath out of spite, do you?
- Well, miss...
- But it was the only way I could get you a new uniform.
You know how stingy daddy is.
And Joan, I wasn't throwing that dress at you.
I was giving it to you.
- Thank you, miss!
- And Lily, haven't you ever wanted
to kick that bucket down the stairs?
- Fancy you knowing that, miss.
- And Boodles,
you're not going to walk out on me, are you?
- Certainly not, miss.
- You see, daddy?
Nobody wants to leave.
- Now, look here, Pamela.
- Constable, the only reason I knocked your helmet off
was because I wanted to see your hair.
- My hair, miss?
- Yes.
You see, all the policemen I know are bald-headed.
And can you imagine how pleased I was
when I saw such a lovely head of hair?
- Well, miss...
- I'm afraid I was quite wicked.
- It's quite all right, miss.
It's quite natural.
- I can see that, sergeant.
- Constable, miss.
- I'm sorry, inspector.
- Constable, miss.
- But commissioner.
- Yes.
Lady, commissioner is head of the police.
- But you are.
- No, I'm not.
- Dear, what a pity.
But I mustn't keep you from your duties any longer.
Boodles!
Would you kindly show the inspector out?
- Good morning, my lady.
- Good morning.
Well?
What are you standing there gaping at?
Haven't you got any work to do?
Go on, get out!
Well, that's that.
- No, it isn't.
I want to speak to you seriously.
- Well, if you want to speak to me, come to my room.
- I will not.
You will stay right here.
- Yes, daddy.
- What are we going to do?
- Don't ask me.
- I guess I'll have to go to her room.
- Well, good luck.
- Parkins, put me out another suit.
- Yes, sir.
- What's the matter now, more trouble?
- No, sir, a gentleman would like to use the phone, sir.
His car has broken down.
- All right, show him where it is.
- Yes, sir.
This way, sir.
- Squatty!
- Flagpole!
- You old son of a gun!
How are you?
- I'm fine.
I haven't seen you since...
- Since you got expelled for putting itching powder
in the headmaster's pants.
- That's right.
Well, I was only teaching him the rumba.
- And you certainly did too?
Where are you headed for now?
- I'm on a holiday till the trouble at home blows over.
- Trouble?
- Rather.
This morning I was well in, and now I'm well out.
- Just the same old Tom?
- Only worse.
- Well, will you have a drink?
- Will I?
It's the best thing I do.
- Come on, then. - Rather.
- Now you're here, what's the hurry?
Stick around a bit.
Stay the weekend.
- Thanks.
I don't think I should be noticed.
- It's swell seeing you again, Tom.
- Thanks, Harry.
Lovely place you have.
- Yeah, not bad.
- Nice and peaceful.
- Yes, sometimes.
Say, what are you doing now?
- I'm writing songs.
- What, you, a songwriter?
- Rather.
Haven't you heard this one?
What's her name
Find that lady, Miss What's Her
There she is!
- What, well...
- The girl that inspired the song.
The girl in the trafficjam.
What's she doing on your piano?
Is she a friend of yours?
- Not exactly.
- Gosh, what a beautiful girl.
That's what I call a real sweet face.
- Do you really think so?
- Do I think so?
That's the most angelic thing I've ever seen in all my life.
Don't laugh at me, Harry.
I'm going all gooey.
- Here, wait a minute, take this, here.
Pull yourself together.
- Look at those eyes.
As gentle as a lamb.
Of course she's married.
- No.
- Don't say she's dead.
- Anything but.
- You mean to tell me that girl's
been allowed to wander around the earth
without some man crying over her in his sleep?
- I've done that.
- I see.
You're in love with her.
- No, you sap.
Why, that's my sister.
- Your sister?
- Yes.
- You have no right to have a sister like that.
- That's just what I say.
- Your sister.
Can I take her away?
- I should say you could.
- Harry, I'm gonna be your brother-in-law.
- You want to marry her?
- Want to?
Nothing on earth's gonna stop me.
- Tom, if you marry Pamela,
I'll be the happiest guy in the world.
- Harry, that's grand of you.
You don't know what you're doing for me.
- Yes, I do.
Boy.
Here's dad.
Tell him.
- Is it all right?
Does he feel the same about it as you do?
- And how.
Dad, I want you to meet my friend, Tom Daly.
- How... - How do you...
You!
- Well, I'll be going.
- Going?
- Yes, you'll find me in the Foreign Legion.
- If you're not out of this house in 10 seconds,
I'll set the dogs after you!
- For goodness sake!
- Goodbye, darling.
- Out!
Get out!
- Ooh!
- Get out!
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
- Out!
- Hey, he's my friend.
What's he done?
- He hit me with an inkwell!
- Forget it.
He wants to marry Pamela.
- I don't care.
What?
- Yes!
- Hi, come back!
Hold that man! - No, listen...
- Hold him!
Hold him!
- I tell you, I'm sorry, I'm awfully sorry, really.
Will you listen to me a minute, please?
- Now, now, my dear, dear chap.
My dear chap.
Now, sit down, don't go.
Well, well.
Have a cushion.
Cigar?
- Thanks.
- Harry, whiskey and soda.
No, no, champagne.
- Parkins, bring a bottle of champagne, right away.
- Yes, sir.
- This is wonderful.
- I'm awfully sorry, sir, about the...
- Sorry?
Not a bit.
Piffle, rot!
Tut tut.
What's a little ink among relations?
- Relations?
- Yes, you want to be my son-in-law, don't you?
- Rather.
Yes, sir.
- How long have you known Pam?
- I feel I've known her all my life.
- Have you asked her to marry you yet?
- Not yet.
- He was only waiting to ask your permission.
- You have it, my boy, a thousand times.
She's here.
Why not ask her now?
- It's a bit early in the day, isn't it?
- Not a bit.
Go ahead.
- Will it be all right?
- We hope so, don't we, Harry?
- You bet we do.
- Well, faint heart never won fair lady.
- Here we are.
- Father-in-law, brother-in-law.
- We hope.
- Wish me luck, sir.
- I do, with all my heart.
- Amen.
- Where is she?
- Upstairs.
First door.
Well, here goes.
Miss Berne, I'm here with the permission
of your father and your brother
to ask you if you'll do me the honour of becoming my wife.
Yes, I think that's all right.
- Come in!
- Good morning.
- And who are you?
- I've brought your glove back.
- Thank you.
If I need any more dry cleaning, I'll let you know.
- No, there's some mistake.
May I introduce myself?
My name's Tom Daly.
- Which conveys nothing to me.
- No, but I hope it's going to.
- In what way?
- It's very difficult to explain.
You like your brother, don't you?
Yes.
You're very fond of your father, aren't you?
- Of course.
But what's it all about?
- Well,
I have their permission, and I only need your permission,
and everything'll be all right.
- All right?
- Yes, you see, it's a very awkward situation for all of us.
And it only needs you to say yes,
and everything'll be cleared up.
- Yes to what?
- Will you, excuse me.
Will you marry me?
- Marry you?
- Yes, please.
- It seems to be going very well.
- Ooh, ai, ooh!
What a girl.
- I'm sorry, Tom.
- Don't mention it.
Does she carry on like that all the time?
- I'm afraid so.
- Well, that's that.
- No, it isn't.
- You mean?
- I mean I'm going to marry your daughter.
- It's hopeless.
- Now, listen, that girl's a great scout,
only she doesn't know it.
I'm gonna keep on asking her to be my wife,
eve if she kills me.
- She'll do that all right.
But she'll never marry anybody.
No one'll have her.
- Wait a minute, I said I would.
- But how are you gonna marry her if she doesn't want to?
- The trouble is I've spoiled her.
It's all my fault.
I've always given her everything she wanted in life.
And too much money.
- Yeah, too much money.
Too much money.
I've got it.
Listen, I have an idea.
- Have you ever heard of such a thing in your life?
I've never even seen him before,
and he walks right in here and proposes.
And he wasn't even good looking.
- No, miss.
Not a bit.
- I didn't ask your opinion.
Of course he was!
- And that's how we'll do it.
- That's a grand idea.
- Yes, but wait a minute.
Don't you think...
- Here she comes.
- If only you'll give me time, I'll pay you every penny.
- Yes, you said that last month and the month before.
And I'm tired of waiting for my money.
- But you gave me your solemn word you wouldn't foreclose.
- What's the matter?
- It doesn't interest you.
Nothing interests you excepting yourself.
- How dare you talk to me like that?
- She's got to know sometime, dad.
Why not tell her now?
- No.
- I insist.
- No.
- Well, I'll tell you.
Mr. Daly's been financing father for a number of years,
and now he's going to foreclose.
I see.
- You could have saved us if you'd accepted his proposal.
As it was, you insulted him.
- So that explains it.
Is that the reason you proposed to me?
- No.
Yes.
- Either he marries you,
or he throws us out of this house lock, stock, and barrel.
- You cad.
- Hey, she called me a cad!
- I apologise for my sister.
- Don't you apologise for me!
- All right, father, we'll carry on somehow.
- Thank you, my son.
Thank you.
- I don't see how we can blame Pamela.
After all, how was she to know?
Besides, it's my duty to protect my sister.
- Sit down.
So it's your duty to protect me, is it?
I'm a weakling.
I suppose I've caused all this trouble, have I?
Well, right!
And if this,
I suppose we'd call him a gentleman,
wants his bargain that way, he shall have it.
But I know who'll be sorry first.
- You mean you...
- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- I won't allow you.
- Sit down.
And now, Mr. Daly,
you keep your bargain, and I'll keep mine.
I'll marry you,
providing you release my father from all his debts.
- Splendid.
I promise you'll never regret it.
- No, but I promise you you will.
Good morning.
- Here she is now.
- Pamela, you're half an hour late.
- I know it.
But it'll do him good to wait.
How long has he been here?
He hasn't arrived yet.
- What?
- Good heavens, that can't be him!
- I'm sorry I'm late.
I forgot all about it.
I was right in the middle
of a game of golf when I remembered.
Right on my form too, Harry.
- What a pity.
You should have finished your game.
- I did.
I'm sorry I didn't have time to change.
- Don't apologise.
I rather think plus fours suit a man.
- I'm glad of that.
- Yes, even you could be taken for one.
At a distance.
- Come along, Tom.
Don't let's waste any more time.
- No.
- Come on, my dear.
That was certainly a good one you put over on Pamela,
getting married in plus fours.
- Don't worry, dad.
In 24 hours from now, she'll be eating out of my hand.
- Keep it up, my son, and you'll be okay.
- Yes, or K.O.
- It's started.
- Justa minute.
You can't go on your honeymoon like that.
- May I see you alone, Mr. Daly?
- Certainly, Mrs. Daly.
- Now, Mr. Daly, I've kept my part of the bargain,
and I trust you'll keep yours.
This little document cancels all my father's debts to you,
and that is where you sign.
- Certainly.
With pleasure.
- Thank you.
There you are, dad.
That'll take care of all your troubles.
And now I'm going to take care of mine.
Well, Mr. Daly, this is where we say goodbye.
- Pardon me, darling.
You've forgotten the honeymoon.
- There isn't going to be any honeymoon.
- Yes, there is.
- No, there isn't.
- May I have a photograph of the happy young couple?
- Certainly.
- No!
- Yes, please.
- Thank you.
- We are going on our honeymoon.
- No, we're not.
- Yes, we are.
- No, we're not.
- Yes, we,
yes, we are.
- Well, you try and make me.
Is that a bet?
- Yes.
- Now, smile, please. - What are you doing?
Handcuffs!
Undo these things!
- No, darling.
We are now bound together in iron matrimony.
- Will you undo these things?
- I can't, even if I wanted to.
You see, I've posted the key on to our hotel.
- Very well, then we shall go and fetch it.
- Just what I had in mind.
By the way, in case anything should happen to me,
I'm the only one who knows where the key is.
- Don't worry, darling, nothing will happen to you.
Yet.
- Well, off we go.
- I'll go when it pleases me!
- Please yourself, but I'm going now.
- Goodbye, everybody!
- Goodbye, goodbye!
- You're hurting me!
- Not that one, this one.
Think you're funny, don't you?
We'll see.
Those are my bags!
- Yes, darling, your luggage.
- What's they doing here?
- I thought we might be leaving in a hurry.
- You had the nerve to pack my clothes?
- Just a few things you might need.
- I won't need them.
- Darling, it's a formality that ought to be observed.
- Now, be careful, darling.
You don't want an accident, do you?
- It depends on who is killed.
- That's very generous of you,
but I couldn't live without you.
- I hate you!
- I love you!
- You'll have us in a ditch.
- You'd be right at home.
- There you are, now you see what you've done?
- It's all your fault.
You shouldn't have kissed me!
- You're my wife.
- In name only.
And for goodness sake, do something!
- Certainly, my darling.
Here, just a second.
You had the key all the time!
- Yes, grand idea, wasn't it?
- Now you can go your way and I'll go mine.
- All right, my love.
Well, sweetheart, car's yours.
- Come here!
- Yes, darling?
- I haven't any money.
- I have, plenty.
- Well, give me some!
- Come and get it.
- I'll get it, and I'll get you too!
- Good evening, sir. - Howdedo.
- Evening, sir. - Evening, all.
- Good evening, sir. - Evening.
- Have you got a room?
- Yes, sir.
Very nice one.
- Yeah, I don't want a nice one.
- Sorry, can't change that, sir.
- It's all right, it's for you.
- For me?
- Yes, here.
Listen.
And don't let me down, and I'll double it.
- You leave it to me, sir.
- Come on, fill 'em up.
Drinks all around.
- Thank you very much.
- It's my honeymoon.
I want you to drink to the sweetest girl in all the world.
My wife.
There she is.
- Oi, ain't she a pippin?
- Now are you going to give me that money?
- Why, of course, darling, certainly.
Can you cash me a check?
- No, sir, sorry.
- Well, I'm not going to stay here.
Where is your nearest hotel?
- There's the White Hart at Byford, mum.
- All right, but how far is it?
- About 10 miles.
- Isn't there a car or a trap we can hire?
- No, mum.
- There must be something.
- 'Fraid not, mum.
- Well, what's 10 miles?
Come on, we'll walk.
- You can walk to the devil.
- Any message?
- I'm not going to walk another step tonight.
Will you show me your best room?
- Yes, mum. - Yes, show us your best room.
Don't forget, it must be the best.
Lovely old place this, isn't it, darling?
That's real old English oak.
- Come in!
- Real old English oak, darling.
I can't stay here.
- No, I think we'd better walk.
- Are you sure there isn't something else?
- No, mum.
This is the only room.
- Well, send the maid up to light the fire.
- I'm sorry, mum, it's the maid's night out,
and the wife's in bed with the flu,
and I gotta get back to the bar.
- I must have some food and fire.
- That's all right, darling, you light the fire.
- Me? - Yes.
Hurt yourself?
Never mind, darling, I'll get the menu.
This all on?
- Yes, sir.
- Wait a minute.
That's what we'll have.
- Aren't you going a bit too far, sir?
- Never interfere between man and wife.
- Ho hum.
- That looks more cheerful.
Well, here we are, clear,
and don't say I don't look after you.
- What's this?
- Dinner.
- Where's the rest of it?
- That's all there is.
- I don't believe you.
- Righto.
There's the menu.
I'm sorry.
- Bread and cheese.
I can't eat bread and cheese.
- I don't know, it's a good old English meal.
Bread's a bit stale, but it's quite all right.
Try some. - No!
- Go on, have some.
- I won't!
- Here.
Have a pickle.
- A pickle?
- I know it isn't done on your honeymoon,
but if you have one as well, it might be all right.
- Well, I won't!
- All right.
- Pour me some tea.
- Certainly.
- Where's the milk and sugar?
- There isn't any.
- I can't take it without them!
- You'll have to.
- It's cold!
- Did you want it hot?
- You!
Cold tea, stale bread, hard cheese.
Why didn't you take me to the workhouse?
- I never thought of that.
- You know, Tom, I think you're doing this all on purpose.
- No, Pam!
- You know I'm only a weak woman.
It's taking advantage of it,
when you're treating me like this.
You think that before morning
I'll be a sweet, loving little wife.
- Perhaps.
- Well, perhaps not!
Get out!
- I must stay and protect the woman I love.
- I'd rather be left alone with pigs!
- All right, I'll get one.
- Get out!
Get out!
- Excuse me, darling.
I'll have a pickle.
Get out!
- Here it is.
What have we done
We've quarrelled when we should be fondly kissing
Think what you do
Think what you're doing
And think of all the lovely things you're missing
Why should we be far apart
Lonely all our lives
Even little bumblebees
Are cuddling in their hives
All the little worms are happy
Wriggling with their wives
So why can't we
Pretty flowers are making love
To all the butterflies
Lovingly the little pigs
Are grunting in their sties
All around the countryside
The sheep are making eyes
So why can't we
Mr. Thomas Cat is loudly calling
I hear him squalling up above
And why is Mr. Thomas caterwauling
Why, because he's in love
Love is just the greatest thing
The world has ever known
Love is why a man
Should never carry on alone
Love's the only reason why
A dog will share a bone
So why can't we
Marriage is a mystery
But Iove's the only code
Love can make you happy, dear
And lift an awful load
Love's the only reason why
The chicken crossed the road
So why can't we
Can't you hear the lettuce saying
Let us never part
Lovingly the marmalade
ls clinging to the tart
Why, even sticks of celery
Seem to have a loving heart
So why can't we
Can't you hear the cuckoo loudly cooking
Yes, it's cooking very late
And why is it the cuckoo's loudly cooking
Why, because it's booking a date
Love can make a lion just as gentle as a lamb
Love can cause a fly to quite forget about the jam
Love can make a husband spend his money on a pram
So why can't we
- Here, here, here, here, aye, aye.
- Good gracious!
Good morning.
- Have you been there all night?
- I have.
- How do you feel?
- Aged in the wood.
- How'd you get there?
- I fell for a woman.
- I hope you had pleasant dreams.
- I have.
I've dreamt up a great idea.
Listen, go and ring up 7280-HOP.
- 7280-HOP.
- Ask for Mr. Jerry Dean.
- Mr. Jerry Dean.
- And whilst you're getting the number, I'll change.
- 7280-HOP?
- Hop. - Hop.
- One hop. - One hop.
- Like your beer.
You're sure you've got that, Jerry?
- Listen, by the time your train arrives,
everything'll be all set,
and they'll be waiting for you.
- Thanks very much.
And if this fails,
I shall go into parliament and never be heard of again.
Goodbye.
- I've looked up the train, sir.
There's a nice Pullman express stops at that station.
- No, I don't fancy a Pullman express.
I want one of those trains without a corridor.
So that we can be alone.
Good morning, darling.
Did you sleep well?
- Did you?
- Rather.
After you said goodnight to me, I don't remember a thing.
- Have you a car?
- We have a car.
- I hope it's nothing like the last.
- Not a bit.
- All right.
Is this it?
- Yes, that's it.
- I'll walk.
- All right, darling, I'll see you at the station.
- Justa minute.
- Are you coming with us?
- Yes.
I don't want to have to wait for you at the station.
If I ever get out of this thing,
I never want to see you again.
- Okay, darling.
- I'm going home.
And if you try to follow me,
I'll have you thrown out of the house.
- That reminds me.
Your dad gave me this.
I'm sorry I forgot to give it to you.
Excuse my wife.
Hurry, or I shall miss my train.
- You mean we shall.
- That's right, darling, we.
- Allow me to welcome you and Mrs. Daly home.
I hope you've missed the flu.
It's been very prevalent 'round here.
- Yes, we have, thank you, Bleak.
- What's his name?
- My old butler, darling, Bleak.
- Suits him.
- Pleased to welcome the new mistress.
I've seen 'em all come and go.
It's a sad life.
I hope you'll like the decorations in your room.
I adore lilies, meself.
- Hello, Emma, still got that cough?
- Yes, sir.
I'm afraid it won't be long now.
- Don't say that.
- This way, madam.
I hope we shall make you happy.
Mr. and Mrs. Tom.
- Hello, mum.
- My son.
- Hello, uncle.
This is Pamela.
- So this is the woman you've married, is it?
- Henry, please don't talk like that.
- Haven't we had trouble enough?
Besides, I don't like strangers in the house.
- Uncle, please, please.
This is my wife.
I'm very glad to see you.
I hope you'll be happierthan I am.
- I don't see why I should.
Tom.
- Yes, dear? - I want to go to my room.
- Certainly.
- Well, well, welcome home.
So this is the wife.
Come and kiss brother John.
- One moment, brother John.
Nobody kisses my wife except me.
- And change that to even you.
- Yes, darling.
- I see.
Ashamed of your brother
because he's just come out of prison.
- Hey, hey!
- How dare you mention that?
- Well, what about it?
We've gotta live under the same roof.
She mightjust as well know.
- I'm sorry, brother John.
- All right, Tom.
I was a little hurt.
Welcome, my dear.
I think we shall get on fine.
- Aren't you a bit of an optimist?
- I think Pamela would like to change for dinner.
- Thank you, I would.
- Emma, show Mrs. Daly to her room.
- Yes, sir.
I put both your bags in there.
- You have?
Well, you can throw his out.
- This way, madam.
- Well, that's that.
Boy, that was hard work.
- Hardest part I've ever played.
Well, that doesn't seem to have worked, does it, Mr. Daly?
- As far as I'm concerned, it's a complete washout.
- We only carried out the instructions
you sent to our film agents.
- I'm not blaming you, old boy.
You were great.
The only thing that'd tame my wife would be an earthquake.
- Why don't you cause one?
- How?
- Go up, assert yourself,
and everything will come out straight.
- The only thing that'd come out straight would be me.
Straight and stiff.
- Have you tried it, Mr. Daly?
- I've tried everything.
- Listen, there's only one way to treat a woman like that.
- How?
- Insist on staying in your own room.
If she says no, try the old family trick.
- What's that?
- Smash the place up.
Throw everything up in the air.
I tell you what, I'll dash up, interfere,
you give me a good hiding...
- What?
- It's all right, I can take it.
Throw me through the door,
and when she sees you setting about a man my size,
I'll bet she gives in.
- It's a great idea.
I wonder if I'd dare.
- Go on.
Chance it.
- Have a little brandy.
- No.
I'll have a lot.
Well, bye-bye.
- So long.
- I'm glad to have met you,
even if we never meet again.
- Madam.
Your husband'll love you in this.
- Well, I'm not interested.
Please put his bag outside.
- Madam, and on your honeymoon, too.
Iwouldn't upset him.
- No, you wouldn't, but I might.
- But you don't know what men can do.
- Yes, I do.
That's why I want his bag outside.
- But he might lose his temper.
- And so might I.
- Who threw my bag out?
- I did.
- Leave me alone with this female.
- Sir, don't do anything rash.
- Get out!
- Very, very funny.
- Is it?
Listen, Pamela, as much as I love you, and I do,
I won't be turned out of my own room!
- Very well.
If you don't want to go, I shall.
- Stop where you are!
- Don't you dare stop me!
What are you going to do?
- I'm going to give you such a spanking
you won't be able to sit down for a month!
Don't laugh at me!
Now do I stay in my room?
- No!
- No?
No?
- Are you mad?
- Yes!
- Yes, mad.
Raving mad!
And you're the cause of it.
Because I love you
- No!
No!
- Pick my bag up!
- No!
- No? - No!
- Won't?
Won't?
- Don't be a fool!
- I'll show you.
You won't say no.
Tom, please!
- Please!
At last.
That's what I've been longing to hear.
Now then, pick my bag up.
You beast!
- That's right.
Beauty and the Beast.
Come on, beauty, kiss your beast.
- No, I won't.
- You won't? - No!
- Ho ho, you won't?
- No.
- Kiss me. - No!
- You're going to kiss me! - No.
- You're going to kiss me! - No!
Help, help!
Tom!
- Stop that!
- Get out!
- You dare touch her?
- Get out, get out!
- You cad!
You great hulking brute!
How dare you take advantage of that poor little woman?
- It's all right, I tell you, it's all right.
- We must make it look real.
- Well, if we must.
- I say.
- I'm sorry, old boy.
Here's a fiver.
You said make it real.
I'm sorry I lost my temper.
Am I going to be kissed?
Wait a minute!
Answer that phone.
Go on!
- Hello?
Who's speaking, please?
- This is Mr. Blake of Blake's Film Agency speaking.
Will you please get hold of Mr. Daly at once
and tell him that I must have
that bunch of actors back tonight.
Yes, yes, you know, the ones that are playing his family.
They have to be in the studio
at nine o'clock tomorrow morning.
Sorry to trouble him.
- No trouble at all.
- There you are.
Wrong number?
- Wrong person.
- Now, let me see, where were we?
Yes, you were going to kiss me.
- Yes, I was going to kiss you.
- Well?
- Oof!
Pam, Pam!
- So, amongst other things, you're a liar and a cheat!
- What do you mean?
- That was your film agent, Mr. Blake.
- 'Struth!
- Yes, and you have to get a gang of people
to frighten one woman, do you?
Well, I'll show you!
Take that!
- Pam!
For goodness sake, Pam!
- I hate you!
I... - Listen, Pam!
- I hate you!
- I say, but Pam, listen...
- I hate you!
- Pam, I can explain this...
- Explain that!
- Did you slip?
- No, I was pushed.
- Did you get that call I put through to you
from Mr. Blake up in your room?
- It was you, was it?
- Yes.
- Explain that one, will you?
- Explain that!
- Get out, everybody, she's nearly killed me!
- Who?
- The woman I love.
- I'll show you.
So, you bunch of ham actors,
you like staging scenes, do you?
Well, watch this one!
- For goodness sake, Pamela...
- Take that!
- Pamela, for goodness sake, Pamela...
- Take that!
- Pamela, look...
- I'll show you!
I'll show you!
- You've forgotten this, darling.
Well.
It's a grand finish.
Don't worry, I'll fix it.
Hello.
Operator, get me Brighton-4639.
Here.
Don't cry.
Hello, will you reserve a room for Mr. and Mrs. Daly,
coming right down now?
Thank you.
- What do you mean, Mr. and Mrs. Daly?
- Not you, darling.
This is grounds for divorce.
Well, Pam,
lots of things I'd like to tell you, but,
well, it doesn't matter.
Would you mind if! Had my handkerchief?
- No, I'll wash it and have it sent to you.
- I'd much sooner have it as it is.
- What the devil's all this?
- What's it got to do with you?
- Nothing, nothing.
I'm only the owner of the house, that's all.
- What?
You mean that this isn't Tom's,
I mean Mr. Daly's house?
- No, I only lent it to him for the weekend.
I'm sorry.
- Well, if you've done this to the house,
what have you done to Tom?
- He's gone.
- Gone where?
- To arrange for a divorce.
- Have you gone crazy?
- I?
- Listen, Tom married you because he loves you.
He never had a mortgage on your father's house.
Your father hasn't gone to South America.
The whole thing was arranged between them.
- You mean that... - He's absolutely
crazy about you.
Don't you realise that you were
the inspiration for his first success?
- What's her name, what's her name,
find the lady, Miss What's Her Name?
Mrs. Daly.
That's her name.
- Hey!
I didn't tell you to do this!
All you had to do was sit on one side of the room,
and I could have sat on the other,
and the detective would have walked in,
and everything would have been all right.
Here, come on, come on, get up and get dressed.
I'm not that kind of a man.
I love my wife.
I think she's the sweetest thing in the world.
We've had a bit of a quarrel, that's all.
And this is not going any farther than I arranged.
As a matter of fact, I'm not even going to take my hat off.
Not even my hat.
- Not even your hat, darling?
- My lamb!
What's her name, what's her name
Here's that lady, Miss What's Her Name
You'll always find me at his address
I can't say more
And she can't say less
Now, he's to blame
He's to blame
Why, he's the reason I changed my name
To Mrs. Daly
Butjust the same
I'm glad to tell you just what's her name