>> START THE CLOCK.
♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: THANK YOU VERY, VERY,
VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, FOLKS.
THANK YOU.
I APPRECIATE IT.
OKAY.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.
WHAT A CROWD.
YES.
WE ARE ON A SHOW.
I KNOW, IT'S EXCITING.
BEFORE WE GOT TALKING, I JUST
HAVE TO SAY, I PLAYED TEXAS A
LOT.
SPENT A LOT OF TIME DOWN THERE.
I LOVE IT DOWN THERE.
THEY ARE HAVING A HURRICANE.
OUR THOUGHTS ARE WITH THEM,
HURRICANE HARVEY HAS ALREADY
WRITTEN A LOT OF HAVOC THERE.
TRUMP CAME OUT WITH A VERY
STRONG STATEMENT CONDEMNING THE
VIOLENCE ON BOTH SIDES.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
THIS IS TRUMP'S FIRST NATURAL
DISASTER.
THE OTHER IS THE HOLOCAUST OF
HIMSELF.
HE HAS A MESSAGE FOR THE PEOPLE
OF TEXAS AND THEIR TIME OF NEED.
HE STANDS READY TO TWEET IF HE
GETS ANY SHADY COVERAGE.
AND FEMA IS STANDING BY TO
PROVIDE BOTTLES OF TRUMP WATER
AT ONLY SLIGHTLY HIGHER THAN
RETAIL PRICES.
A VERY GOOD DEAL.
VERY GOOD DEAL.
SPEAKING OF VERY GOOD DEALS, IT
LOOKS LIKE THIS WEEK, DID YOU
SEE THE TWO TRUMP THING, GENERAL
KELLY TOOK OVER AS CHIEF OF
STAFF A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO.
IT LOOKED LIKE HE MADE A DEAL
WITH GENERAL KELLY THAT ON
MONDAY, WEDNESDAY, AND FRIDAY, I
WILL BE --
[LAUGHTER]
I WILL BE TELEPROMPTER TRUMP.
AND THE OTHER DAYS, I'LL BE ABLE
TO TWEET CRAZY THAT SHIT AND
OTHER BULL SHIT AT REDNECKS.
SO MONDAY, TELEPROMPTER TRUMP
MADE A FOREIGN POLICY SPEECH
THAT WAS VERY NORMAL AND
REASSURING, THEN THE NEXT DAY,
HE WENT TO ARIZONA FOR A
REBUTTAL.
[LAUGHTER]
A REBUTTAL TO HIMSELF.
THAT'S THE WORLD WE ARE LIVING
AND HE WAS ACTUALLY BRAGGING
ABOUT IT.
HE TWEETED THE OTHER DAY TOO BAD
FOR THE DEMS.
THEY HAVE NO ONE WHO CAN CHANGE
TONES.
IT'S CALLED SCHIZOPHRENIA, DIP
SHIT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT HAS GOTTEN SO BAD THIS WEEK
THAT TABLOIDS WERE DESCRIBING A
CHILD ABOVE BEHAVIOR AS ERRATIC
BORDERING ON PRESIDENTIAL.
SERIOUS.
IT IS AT THE POINT WHERE WHEN HE
IS MERELY HYPOCRITICAL, IT IS
REASSURING.
FOR YEARS, HE NEVER STOPPED
TWEETING ABOUT HOW WE HAD TO GET
OUT OF AFGHANISTAN, GET OUT OF
AFGHANISTAN.
HOW STUPID OBAMA, STUPID OBAMA.
NOW WE ARE STAYING.
TURNS OUT IF YOU LIKE YOUR
ENDLESS WAR IN AFGHANISTAN, YOU
CAN KEEP YOUR ENDLESS WAR IN
AFGHANISTAN.
AND THIS WAR HAS BEEN GOING ON
FOR 16 YEARS.
16 YEARS.
REPUBLICANS, I'VE GOT TO SAY,
THEY DO LIKE THEIR WAR.
WIVES COME AND GO, BUT WAR,
THEY'RE WILLING TO WORK AT.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
SO THAT WAS MONDAY, THE BIG
AFGHAN SPEECH, AND THEN TUESDAY,
THE BIG RALLY IN PHOENIX.
THE FANS LOVED IT.
INFO WARS GIVE IT FOUR AND A
HALF STRAITJACKETS.
AN TRUMP WAS IN RARE FORM PRETTY
HE WAS BLASTING THE FAKE NEWS
MEDIA FOR HOW THEY
MISREPRESENTED HIS RESPONSE TO
CHARLOTTESVILLE.
AND WHEN PEOPLE ARE UNFAIRLY
SAYING YOU LIKE NAZIS, WHAT
BETTER WAY TO DISPEL THAT NOTION
THEN TO HOST A HATE RALLY IN
ARIZONA WITH ALL WHITE PEOPLE?
PERFECT.
[LAUGHTER]
PEOPLE KEEP CALLING ME A SLOT.
I'LL SHOW THEM.
I'M GOING TO THE ROADHOUSE TO
FUCK ALL THE BIKERS.
I'LL TELL YOU, I GIVE IT TO HIS
FANS.
THEY DO LOVE HIM.
IT WAS HOT.
IT WAS LIKE 107.
IT WAS SO HOT HIS FANS WERE
CHANTING JEWS, PLEASE REPLACE US
US.
[LAUGHTER]
THAT GUY GETS IT.
HERE IS MY LITTLE WISP OF HOPE
FOR THIS WEEK AT THE RALLY.
IN THE FIRST I'VE SEEN THIS.
HIS FANS GOT BORED AND STARTED
TO LEAVE EARLY.
MAYBE THE MAGIC SPELL IS WEARING
OFF.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BECAUSE THEY'RE SO SICK OF
HEARING THE SAME OLD SHIT.
THE NEWS IS FAKE.
FOREIGNERS ARE TAKING YOUR JOBS.
I'M BEING TREATED UNFAIRLY.
BY THE TIME HE GETS TO BUILD TH%
WALL, PEOPLE ARE LIKE IF WE
LEAVE DURING DRAIN THE SWAMP, WE
CAN BEAT THE TRAFFIC.
WHEN HE FINALLY STARTED IN ON
HILLARY, THEY WERE LIKE WRAP IT
UP!
WRAP IT UP!
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW.
PAUL BEGALA, NAYYERA HAQ, AND
MATT WELCH HERE.
WE'LL BE STICKING WITH
"THE NEW YORK TIMES" COLUMNIST
FRANK BRUNI.
BUT FIRST UP, HE IS THE FOUNDER
OF THE RAINBOW PUSH COALITION.
WHEN CHARLOTTESVILLE HAPPENED,
WAS WATCHING ON TV AND SAID YOU
KNOW WHAT I WANT TO TALK ABOUT
THIS?
WANT TO GET HIM ON.
IN JESSE JACKSON, EVERYBODY.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
REVEREND JESSE JACKSON.
LOOK AT THAT, JESSE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO A STAGE
DIVE, OR YOU?
ALL RIGHT.
LISTEN.
>> Jesse: I'M NERVOUS.
>> Bill: WHY, YOU'VE NEVER
DONE THIS?
IT'S BEEN A WHILE?
>> Jesse: FAKE NEWS.
>> Bill: I MEANT WHAT I SAID.
I WAS WATCHING ON SATURDAY AND I
SAID YOU KNOW I GOT TO HEAR ON
THIS IS YOU.
YOU WORKED ALONGSIDE
MARTIN LUTHER KING.
YOU WERE THERE AT THE MOMENT OF
THE ASSASSINATION.
AND THIS SEEMED LIKE, HIS QUOTE,
IT'S A LETTER FROM THE
BIRMINGHAM JAIL.
YOU KNOW IT BETTER THAN ALL OF
US.
HE ONCE SAID, I THOUGHT IT WAS
APPROPRIATE TO THE SITUATION.
HE SAID "I HAVE ALMOST REACHED
THE REGRETTABLE CONCLUSION THAT
THE NEGROES GREAT STUMBLING
BLOCK IS NOT THE KU KLUX KLAN
ARE, BUT THE WHITE MODERATE WHO
IS MORE DEVOTED TO ORDER THAN TO
JUSTICE."
>> Jesse: THE CONTEXT WERE
THOSE WHO HYPOCRITICALLY ARE
EMBARRASSED BY BEHAVIOR THAT IS
UGLY.
FOR EXAMPLE, THOSE WHO DECRIED
TRUMP'S STATEMENT ABOUT A
NONSTATEMENT ABOUT
CHARLOTTESVILLE.
BUT THEY ALSO VOTED FOR
JEFFERSON -- SESSIONS TO BE
ATTORNEY GENERAL.
>> Bill: OF THE
ATTORNEY GENERAL.
NAMED AFTER JEFFERSON DAVIS AND
THE GENERAL OF THE CONFEDERATES.
>> Jesse: THOSE WHO ARE
AGAINST TRUMP'S STATEMENTS BUT
THEN VOTE FOR HEALTH CARE FOR
THE POOR AND GIVE FOR THE RICH.
THEY ARE MODERATE.
THEY ARE NICE GUYS.
THEY ARE EMBARRASSED, BUT THEY
ARE NOT CHANGE AGENTS.
WE NEED CHANGE AGENTS, PEOPLE
WHO ARE NOT EMBARRASSED.
BECAUSE THAT'S PERSONAL.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: WE SAW THESE PEOPLE
MARCHING, AND THEY WERE NOT
WEARING THE HOODS.
THEY WERE CARRYING THE TIKI
TORCHES, AND SOMETIMES NAZI
FLAGS SHOUTING HORRIBLE THINGS.
BUT WE SAW THEIR FACES, AND IN
THIS DAY AND AGE, YOU CAN MATCH
THOSE FACES.
WE CAN LOOK THESE PEOPLE UP AND
PROBABLY GET THEM FIRED AT THEIR
JOBS.
IS THAT A WISE THING?
>> Jesse: THEY FEEL
EMBOLDENED.
THEY FEEL THEY HAVE PROTECTION
FROM THE WHITE HOUSE.
AND THAT IS -- JEFF ARPAIO, THE
SHERIFF OF ARIZONA WAS PARDONED
IN SPITE OF HIS RACIAL PROFILING
PROFILING.
SO THEY FEEL PROTECTED BY THE
PRESIDENT.
SO WHEN YOU PUT MORE FOCUS ON
BEING A FAN OF DAVID DUKE, THAT
SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT THE CLIMATE
OF THE COUNTRY THAT IS PAUSING
US AND WE DESERVE MUCH BETTER.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: I READ A POLL THAT
SAID WHAT HE 5% OF TRUMP FANS,
HIS VOTERS, THINK THAT WHITES
ARE MORE DISCRIMINATED AGAINST.
THEY ARE THE MOST DISCRIMINATED
AGAINST.
AND CHRISTIANS ARE THE RELIGION
THAT IS MOST DISCRIMINATED
AGAINST.
54% SAID THAT.
YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE A SPECIAL
KIND OF CHIP ON YOUR SHOULDER AS
A WHITE CHRISTIAN TO THINK
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GOT DEALT A
BAD HAND.
BE TO THEIR SOMETHING ELSE GOING
ON.
78% OF AMERICANS, 78% LIVE
PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK.
THERE'S A DEEP SENSE OF ANXIETY
THE WAY WE'VE GLOBALIZED THE
ECONOMY.
IN THE SENSE OF CARING FOR THESE
PERSONS.
THEY FEEL LOCKED OUT AND THEY
FEEL MY PROBLEM IS THE MUSLIMS
ARE COMING, THE JEWS ARE COMING.
THEY ARE BEING EXPLOITED BY
TREMENDOUS ECONOMIC ANXIETY AND
MUST NOT BE IGNORED.
>> Bill: LET ME ASK YOU ABOUT
SOME OTHER ISSUES THAT ARE IN
THE NEWS.
COLLIN KEPT HER NECK.
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK
ABOUT THAT BECAUSE FIRST OF ALL,
I PREDICT HE'S GOING TO GET
PICKED UP BY A TEAM.
IT'S BECOMING TOO BIG.
HE'S ACTUALLY NOT A BAD PLAYER.
>> Jesse: THE FACT OF THE
MATTER IS, HE SHOULD HAVE THE
RIGHT TO EXPRESS HIMSELF.
HE IS NOT BURNING A FLAG.
HE IS NOT HUFFING DRUGS, HE IS
NOT SHOOTING PEOPLE WITH GUNS.
ROBINSON ONCE SAID THAT HE WOULD
NOT SALUTE THE FLAG, AND NOR
SINEMET NATIONAL ANTHEM BECAUSE
HE FELT LIKE IT WAS NOT
PROTECTING HIM.
AT THE LIMPET, THEY WERE SHOWING
THEIR FIST.
THAT'S ALL THEY SAID, I WILL NOT
GO TO THE AWARD BECAUSE OF
MUHAMMAD ALI.
THERE IS A LINEAGE OF ATHLETES
WHO HAVE TAKEN THEIR STANCE.
THE REASON ATHLETES GET ALL OF
THIS SUPER MONEY TODAY IS
BECAUSE THEY WILL NOT BE SOLD.
ALL THE FREE AGENTS COME FROM A
GUY.
MAYBE THE OWNERS HAVE COLLUDED.
THEY HAVE DECIDED TO NOT LET HIM
PLAY AND HE SHOULD HAVE THE
RIGHT TO PLAY AND EXPRESS
HIMSELF AT THE SAME TIME.
>> Bill: IT SEEMS SO
MEAN-SPIRITED CONSIDERING HOW
BLACK PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TREATED
IN THIS COUNTRY.
THE WHOLE STADIUM SHOULD GET ON
ANY FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Jesse: I THINK THAT THE
SILENCE OF THE
PLAYERS ASSOCIATION AS A
BETRAYAL.
THEY'RE TOO SILENT IN LIGHT OF
WHAT THEY FACED.
IT AFFECTS THEM PERSONALLY, BUT
NEVER QUITE AS NOBLE AS THE
ISSUE OF KAEPERNICK SAYING THAT
BLACKS ARE SHOT DOWN AND THE
CAMERAS EXPOSE IT.
HE SAID IT'S NOT RIGHT.
LOOK AT THE CASE OF TRAVE ON
MARTIN KILLED AND THE KILLER
WALKED FREE.
LOOK AT THE CASE IN MISSOURI AND
THE KILLER WALKS RAY.
THEY SAY BLACK LIVES MATTER
PRETTIES IS NOT RIGHT.
WE DESERVE EQUAL PROTECTION
UNDER THE LAW.
WE SHOULD HONOR KAEPERNICK.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: HERE'S MY LAST
QUESTION TO YOU.
I AGREE WITH THAT.
BUT STEVE BANNON WHO JUST LEFT
THE WHITE HOUSE, HIS EXITING
STATEMENT WAS "I HOPE THE
DEMOCRATS KEEP PURSUING IDENTITY
POLITICS.
RACE IS A LOSER FOR THEM.
THEY PLAY THAT CARD, AND WE ARE
GOING TO KILL THEM IN THE NEXT
ELECTION."
WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?
HAVE THE DEMOCRATS PLAYED
IDENTITY POLITICS TOO MUCH?
>> Jesse: WE ARE LIVING IN A
MULTIRACIAL MULTICULTURAL
SOCIETY.
HILLARY WON BY 3 MILLION VOTES.
TRUMP LOST BY 3 MILLION VOTES.
[APPLAUSE]
WHEN THE REPUBLICANS WANT TO
EMBRACE THE STATUTES OF
CONFEDERATES WHO ENGAGED IN
SEGREGATION AND SLAVERY AND
SEDITION, THAT'S IDENTITY
POLITICS.
WHEN THEY HAVE NO REGARD FOR THE
RIGHTS OF IMMIGRANTS, BUILD A
WALL NEXT TO HER NEIGHBOR IN
THEY SUGGEST AND FEDERAL JUDGES
SUGGEST, THAT'S IDENTITY
POLITICS.
WE FIGHT FOR RACE POLITICS, WE
FIGHT FOR MULTIRACIAL,
MULTICULTURAL SOCIETY AND THAT'S
THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
>> Bill: THANK YOU FOR COMING
HERE.
YOU ARE AN ICON AND YOU DESERVE
TO BE.
JESSE JACKSON, EVERYBODY.
LET'S MEET OUR PANEL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
OKAY.
HERE THEY ARE PRETTY HE'S THE
EDITOR AT LARGE OF "REASON"
MAGAZINE, A COHOST OF THE REASON
PODCAST, MATT WELCH IS OVER HERE
HERE.
HE'S A DEMOCRATIC STRATEGIST AND
A CNN CONTRIBUTOR.
HE COULD'VE BEEN A COMEDIAN,
PAUL BEGALA IS OVER HERE.
SERIOUSLY.
YOU KNOW SOME FUNNY PEOPLE, HE'S
ONE OF THEM.
SHE IS THE FORMER WHITE HOUSE
SENIOR DIRECTOR AND
STATE DEPARTMENT SENIOR ADVISOR,
NAYYERA HAQ.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
DON'T FORGET TO SEND US YOUR
QUESTIONS WITH TONIGHT'S
OVERTIME, ANSWER THEM AFTER THE
SHOW.
ON YouTube.
OKAY, GUYS.
WHICH DONALD TRUMP SHOULD WE
TALK ABOUT THIS WEEK?
TELEPROMPTER TRUMP OR HIS EVIL
TWIN?
THE EVIL TWIN JUST TODAY, DO WE
HAVE OUR NEWS UP?
YOU KNOW WHAT A NEWS DUMP IS?
I WAS GOING TO SAY WHAT IT IS,
BUT FUCK IT, WE HAVE THE PICTURE
PICTURE.
THEY DUMP THE NEWS ON FRIDAY
WHEN NO ONE IS PAYING ATTENTION.
SO HE PARDONED JOEL
JOE ARPAIO.
DOUBLED DOWN ON NO TRANSGENDER'S
IN THE MILITARY.
HOW BRAVE OF
YOU, YOU'RE MY HEROES.
HE THREATENED A GOVERNMENT SHUT
DOWN EARLIER IN THE WEEK ABOUT
THE WALL.
I THOUGHT MEXICO WAS GOING TO
PLAY FOR THE WALL.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT?
NOW, WE DON'T PAY FOR IT.
WE ARE SHUTTING THE GOVERNMENT
DOWN.
IS THE BEST WE CAN DO TRUMP
SAYING HALF THE TIME?
IS THAT WE REACT?
>> I THINK THE BAR IS LOWER THAN
THAT.
THERE IS FIVE DAYS IN A WEEK
ALSO.
THE CRAZY TRUMP I THINK IS A
MONDAY, WEDNESDAY, AND FRIDAY.
TUESDAY AND THURSDAY FLIP.
THE ARPAIO THING TELLS US A LOT
ABOUT THIS.
HE WENT OUTSIDE OF THE NORMAL
PROCESS.
NORMALLY WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO
PARDON SOMEBODY, GO TO THE
JUSTICE DEPARTMENT.
THE PERSON MAY EXPRESS A LITTLE
BIT OF REMORSE, AND YOU DO IT
THIS WAY OR YOU WAIT UNTIL THE
SENTENCING IS AT.
NONE OF THIS HAPPENED.
JOE ARPAIO WAS GLEEFUL ABOUT HIS
ACTIVITIES.
DONALD TRUMP SAID HE WAS
PUNISHED FOR DOING HIS JOB.
LET'S BE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT HIS
JOB THAT JOE ARPAIO HAD DONE IT.
HE THE FOURTH AMENDED RIGHTS OF
CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES AS
WELL AS RESIDENTS BY PULLING
THEM OVER BECAUSE THEY MAY BE
KIND OF LOOKED A LITTLE BIT
ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT, AND THEN HAND
THEM OVER TO THE FEDS IN
DEFIANCE OF A COURT ORDER MONTH
AFTER MONTH AFTER MONTH.
IF YOU'RE GOING TO GO AND YOU'RE
GOING TO SUSPEND THE NORMAL
PROCESS TO PARDON THAT GUY, YOU
ARE SAYING, YOU ARE TELLING
EVERY LAW ENFORCEMENT IN THE
COUNTRY LOOK, CIVIL LIBERTIES
DON'T REALLY MATTER HERE AS LONG
AS YOU ARE BREAKING THINGS A
LITTLE BIT IF YOU'RE GOING AFTER
ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS AND
IMMIGRANTS.
THAT'S OF THIS PRESIDENT IS.
HE WILL DO THAT IN THE
TELEPROMPTER, HE WILL DO THAT AT
HIS RALLY.
THAT IS A CORE OF HIS
PERSONALITY AND SOMETHING TO
WORRY ABOUT.
>> IS AN
AN IN SITU AND ACTUAL
IDEOLOGY THAT DONALD TRUMP MIGHT
HAVE.
IT'S NOT AT REPUBLICAN OR
CONSERVATIVE IDEOLOGY, IT SERVES
HIM AS AN AUTOCRAT.
HE ATTACKS THE MEDIA AND TRIES
TO BREAK THAT DOWN.
REMOVE STRESS THAT PEOPLE CAN
HAVE IN THE MEDIA AS THEIR
PROTECTOR.
HE'S ALREADY TALKING ABOUT THE
JUDICIAL SYSTEM IS BEING
ACTIVISTS.
THE NINTH CIRCUIT, AND ALL HIS
INSTANCES, HE DOESN'T LIKE THE
JUDICIARY WHICH HAS BEEN THE
LAST PLACE OF RESORT FOR PEOPLE
OF COLOR, IMMIGRANTS IN
PARTICULAR, OTHER PEOPLE OF
COLOR, AND WOMEN WHEN IT COMES
TO ANY CIVIL LIBERTIES AND
ISSUES.
BY PARDONING JOE ARPAIO, A
VIGILANTE WHO FLOUTS THE RULE OF
LAW, TRUMP HAS SAID AND NO
LONGER MATTERS IF YOU ARE
HOLDING TO A STANDARD RULE OF
LAW, AND IT SCARES, IT IS VERY
SCARY FOR PEOPLE OF COLOR TO TRY
TO UNDERSTAND WORKING YOU GO FOR
RECOURSE IF THE PRESIDENT IS
GOING TO OVERRIDE THE JUDICIAL
SYSTEM?
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: ALL OF THE TALK ABOUT
BUILDING THE WALL, THEY DON'T
NEED THE WALL.
IS MAKING LIFE MISERABLE AND
TERRIFYING FOR ANYONE OF DARK
SKIN HAS ACTUALLY WORKED.
THEY'RE NOT COMING IN ANYMORE.
>> LONG BEFORE DONALD TRUMP
BECAME PRESIDENT, WHEN
BARACK OBAMA WAS PRESIDENT,
ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION FROM MEXICO
WAS COMING DOWN.
TRUMP'S WALL WILL ONLY SLOW DOWN
THEIR DEPARTURE AND MAY BE MINE.
I DON'T KNOW.
[LAUGHTER]
I THINK ON THE ARPAIO THING, HE
HAD A SOFT SPOT FOR A WHITE
NATIONALIST.
WE ALREADY KNEW THAT.
AND YES, HE WANTS TO FLOUT THE
RULE OF LAW AND HE'S AN AUTOCRAT
WANT TO BE.
I THINK THERE IS A LARGER DANGER
HE'S PLAYING.
HE WANTS TO SEND A SIGNAL TO THE
TARGETS OF THE MOLAR
INVESTIGATION THAT IF YOU HOLD
TIGHT AND DON'T ROLL ON ME, I
WILL PARDON YOU.
BECAUSE MUELLER IS GOING AFTER
TRUMP ASSOCIATES FIRST.
THAT'S WHAT THEY DO IN THESE
SITUATIONS.
ALL ROADS LEAD TO RUSSIA.
IT'S THE ROSETTA STONE OF HIS
POOR MANGLED BRAIN, HE'S ALWAYS
THINKING ABOUT RUSSIA.
>> Bill: HE IS RIGHT TO BE
WORRIED ABOUT THAT.
WHATEVER WE KNOW ABOUT IT, HE
KNOWS WAY MORE, AND HE KNOWS
WHAT HE DID.
AND WHAT HE DID WAS BAD.
WHAT HE DID WAS BASICALLY HE
OWED RUSSIA MONEY, AND INSTEAD
OF PAYING THEM, HE GAVE THEM
AMERICA.
LET ME ASK YOU ABOUT ANOTHER
COUNTRY, BECAUSE HE DID MAKE
THIS BIG SPEECH ABOUT
AFGHANISTAN THIS WEEK.
I MUST TELL YOU, I AM OF TWO
MINDS.
ABOUT AFGHANISTAN.
ON THE ONE HAND, WE HAVE BEEN
THERE FOR 16 YEARS.
THE JOHN KERRY STATEMENT, HOW DO
YOU ASK A MAN TO BE THE LAST MAN
TO DIE FOR A LIE?
ON THE OTHER HAND, ALL OF THESE
PRESIDENTS TALK ABOUT WHEN THEY
ARE RUNNING THEY WANT TO GET
OUT.
THEN WHEN I GET IN, THE GENERALS
TAKE THEM IN A LITTLE ROOM AND
ARE LIKE WHAT DID THEY TELL
THEM?
I THINK WHAT THEY TELL THEM IS
IT'S ALL BULLSHIT ABOUT
AFGHANISTAN.
HOW DID THEY BABYSIT PAKISTAN.
PAKISTAN ALREADY HAS THE TALIBAN
AND THERE.
THEY HAVE NUCLEAR WEAPONS.
THEY ASKED OBAMA ONCE, WHAT
KEEPS YOU UP AT NIGHT?
HE WOULDN'T ANSWER AND HE
FINALLY SAID PAKISTAN.
BECAUSE THEY HAVE NUCLEAR
WEAPONS.
WE CAN'T LET THE CALIBAN TAKE
OVER THAT COUNTRY WITH NUCLEAR
WEAPONS.
I'M KIND OF DOWN WITH THAT, I
MUST SAY.
>> IF YOU NOTICE IN THAT SPEECH
IN WHICH DONALD TRUMP COMMITTED
US TO ENDLESS WAR, HE DID NOT
GIVE ANY DETAILS OF HOW WE WOULD
BE GETTING OUT OF OUT OF
AFGHANISTAN IN THE LONG RUN.
>> Bill: AGAIN, YOU ARE GOING
FOR THE FAKE THING.
IT'S NOT ABOUT AFGHANISTAN.
WE ARE NOT TURNED AND THE WAR.
THAT'S THE BULLSHIT FOR THE
PEOPLE.
WE ARE THERE FOREVER BECAUSE
PAKISTAN HAS A NUCLEAR WEAPONS
AND THE TALIBAN.
>> DONALD TRUMP DID NOT ACTUALLY
SINGLE OUT THE TALIBAN AS THE
ACTUAL ENEMY.
AND THAT I THINK IS VERY
IMPORTANT POINT TO UNDERSCORE
WHEN YOU TALK BROADLY ABOUT
TERRORISM.
9/11 HAPPENS, THE UNITED STATES
GO UNDER THE BUSH ADMINISTERED
IN A TAKE OUT THESE TERRORIST
SAFE HAVENS.
THE DECISION IS MADE THAT A
GROUND WAR IS THE BEST WAY TO DO
THAT.
THE TALIBAN BECOMES THE NUMBER
ONE ENEMY.
SEVERAL YEARS GO BY, OBAMA AND
ADMINISTRATION COMES IN A
REALIZES USAMA BIN LADEN WAS
HOUSED BY THE TALIBAN, BUT WE
NEED TO GO AFTER AL QAEDA.
DISPENSE OTHER TERRORIST
NETWORKS.
USAMA BIN LADEN FOUND IN
PAKISTAN.
NOW WE HAVE A PRESIDENT WHO HAS
NOT SAID WHO WAS THE ACTUAL
ENEMY?
IS IT ISIS, WHAT ARE THESE
TERRORIST NETWORKS YOU ARE GOING
AFTER BECAUSE FRANKLY, A GROUND
WAR IS NOT WHAT WE DO ANYWHERE
ELSE IN THE WORLD TO ATTACK AND
TRACK DOWN TERRORISTS.
>> Bill: AGAIN, WE ARE NOT
REALLY THERE BECAUSE WE THINK WE
CAN CHANGE AFGHANISTAN OR WIN
ANYTHING.
WE ARE THERE BECAUSE WE NEED
TROOPS ON THE BORDER OF THE
COUNTRY THAT MIGHT GET TAKEN
OVER BY CRAZY TALIBAN PEOPLE WHO
THEN HAVE NUCLEAR WEAPONS.
>> THAT IS GOING TO STOP THEM
FROM HAPPENING?
YOU THINK THAT'S GOING TO GIVE
US SOME KIND OF TACTICAL
ADVANTAGE.
WE ARE IN A SINK THERE.
I DON'T AGREE WITH THAT.
>> Bill: IF THE TALIBAN TOOK
OVER, I WOULD FEEL BETTER IF WE
HAD THOUSANDS OF TROOPS NEARBY.
>> CRAZY PEOPLE RUN PAKISTAN AND
THEY HAVE NUKES.
>> Bill: NOT CRAZY LIKE THE
TALIBAN.
>> BUT THE PEOPLE IN PAKISTAN,
THE COUNTERTERRORISM COOPERATION
THE UNITED STATES HAS WITH
PAKISTAN IS QUICKLY IMPORTANT
THROUGHOUT THE REGION.
WE DO NOT HAVE PERMANENT
MILITARY BASES THE WAY THAT WE
DO IN THE MIDDLE EAST RIGHT NOW
TO BE LAUNCHING AND DOING
ACTIVITIES IN AFGHANISTAN AND
ELSEWHERE.
TO BE FAIR, THE PAKISTAN
CIVILIANS AND THE MILITARY HAVE
MADE MANY, MANY SACRIFICES FOR
THE WAR ON TERROR FOR WHICH THE
UNITED STATES OFTEN REIMBURSES
MONETARILY.
THERE IS A DUPLICITY TO THIS
ENTIRE PROCESS, WHICH HAS ALWAYS
GOTTEN UNDER THE MILITARY'S
SKIN.
THE DUPLICITY IS YOU HAVE
LEADERSHIP IN PLACE THAT REFUSES
TO LOSE THE POWER BASE OF BEING
ABLE TO TURN OUT VOTERS.
SINCE THE 1980s, IT'S BEEN A
VERY TENSE AND COUPLE KATE A
RELATIONSHIP, AND A DANCE IN
WHICH BOTH SIDES ARE BENEFITING,
BUT BOTH SIDES ARE BEING DEPOSIT
IS.
>> Bill: ISSUE THREE.
AT THE ECLIPSE.
TURNING INTO JOHN MacLACHLAN.
HE'S MAKING ME CRAZY.
TRUMP IS MAKING ME CRAZY.
I SO RESENT THE FACT THAT WE
JUST HAVE TO TALK ABOUT HIM
EVERY WEEK.
WHATEVER BRAIN PART COMES OUT OF
HIS HEAD, WE HAVE TO ALL DEBATED
BECAUSE HE IS A 5-YEAR-OLD AND
WE ARE THE MAN WHOSE MOTHER
BROUGHT HOME FROM THE BAR AND
PRETEND TO BE INTERESTED WHEN HE
SAYS.
>> WHICH IS WHY HE'S NEVER GOING
TO RESIGN.
>> Bill: HE LOVES THIS.
>> HE'S GOING TO SPEND MORE
TIME.
>> Bill: HE IS AN ATTENTION
HOR.
IVANKA TRUMP, GREATEST
DISAPPOINTMENT SO FAR.
REALLY, YOU COULDN'T EVEN STOP
THE TRANSGENDER IN THE MILITARY
THINKING BACK I THOUGHT THIS WAS
YOUR AREA TRADE SHE PROBABLY HAS
NO SWAY OVER DADDY, BUT FOR THE
ECLIPSE, SHE TWEETED "EXCITED
FOR ECLIPSE.
REMEMBER TO WEAR YOUR GLASSES"
DIDN'T GET THAT NOTED THAT
EITHER.
AND THEN HASHTAG NASA.
NASA, YOU MEAN THE GROUP THAT
YOUR FATHER REJECTS THEIR
CLIMATE CHANGE STUDIES?
TELL ME ABOUT THE ECLIPSE.
SCIENTISTS PREDICTED SOMETHING
WOULD HAPPEN.
AND THEN IT HAPPENED.
THEY DIDN'T TAKE A POLL AND THEN
GO TO A TOWN HALL AND ASKED THE
PEOPLE IF THEY THOUGHT IT WAS A
HOAX.
THEY PREDICTED IT WOULD HAPPEN
AND IT DID.
COULD WE APPLY THAT TO ANYTHING
ELSE?
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> NEAL DEGRASSE TYSON WAS
MAKING THE SAME POINT.
IT'S A CHEAP LAUGH BECAUSE IF
YOU LOOK AT THE WAY -- THERE'S
NO SUCH THING AS A CHEAP LAUGH,
I'M SORRY.
IN THE SENSE THAT PEOPLE WHEN
THEY MAKE PREDICTIONS ABOUT
CLIMATE CHANGE, WHICH IS REAL
AND THE WORLD IS GETTING WARMER
AND MAN IS CAUSING THIS, BUT
WHEN THEY MAKE PREDICTIONS ABOUT
IT, THOSE PREDICTIONS ARE
DIFFICULT.
THEY DON'T HAPPEN LIKE CLOCKWORK
ECLIPSE IS DUE.
IT'S A DIFFERENT TYPE OF
PREDICTIVE SCIENCE.
>> ACTUAL SCIENCE BEHIND CLIMATE
CHANGE IS 99% OF SCIENTISTS
AGREE ON CLIMATE CHANGE.
94% AGREE THAT TOBACCO CAUSES
CANCER.
IT'S MORE CERTAIN THAN TOBACCO
CAUSING CANCER.
>> Bill: IS A GREAT POINT.
THANK YOU.
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
OF COURSE, THERE'S A HURRICANE
NOW.
WE KNOW THAT HURRICANE WAS
SPECIFICALLY SOUPED UP BY
CLIMATE CHANGE?
NO, BECAUSE THEY'RE ALWAYS GOING
TO BE HURRICANES.
WE KNOW THAT THE WEATHER IS
GOING TO GET MORE HORRIBLE
BECAUSE OF CLIMATE CHANGE.
>> WE ACTUALLY KNOW, THE U.N.
INTERGOVERNMENTAL PANEL ON
CLIMATE CHANGE HAS STUDIED
HURRICANES AS IS THERE'S NO
REPORTED OBSERVED EFFECT CHANGE
IN THE INTENSITY AND FREQUENCY
OF HURRICANES OVER THE LAST 100
YEARS.
>> JUST LIKE EPIDEMIOLOGIST
WOULD HATE TO SAY LUNG CANCER
NOT PARTICULARLY, BUT THERE IS A
CAUSAL LINK.
IS WHAT BOTHERS ME IS A
POLITICAL PERSON.
THE PERCENTAGE OF REPUBLICANS
WHO DENY CLIMATE CHANGE DOUBLED
BETWEEN 2015 AND 2016.
THERE WASN'T NEW SCIENCE.
IT WAS MR. TRUMP.
IT'S A TRUMP EFFECT.
HIS STUPIDITY IS CONTAGIOUS.
HE IS A TYPHOID MARY ACROSS THE
COUNTRY.
FEEDING THIS GARBAGE TO PEOPLE.
I'M FROM SOUTHEAST TEXAS.
I'M GLAD ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID.
I HAVE FAMILY AND FRIENDS THAT
LIVE IN THE PATH OF THAT STORM
AND MY HEART IS WITH THEM NOW
TO.
YOU CAN'T SAY HARVEY HAS CAUSED
BY --
>> Bill: IT DOESN'T MATTER.
THAT'S A RED HERRING.
>> CLIMATE CHANGE IS GOT TO THE
POINT WHERE THE CIA AND THE
MILITARY ARE ACTIVELY WORKING
AND WAS LOOKING AT CLIMATE
CHANGE IS A SECURITY ISSUE.
WATER LEVELS RISE, DOUBTS
HAPPEN, THESE ARE THE TYPES OF
ISSUES.
>> Bill: REFUGEES, THINGS THAT
ARE GOING TO INVOLVE THEM.
>> SCOTLAND IS DEALING WITH
CLIMATE CHANGE.
TRYING TO BUILD A SEAWALL OF
SOMETHING TO PROTECT IT FROM THE
RISING TIDE.
GOLF COURSE TRUMP, BUSINESSMAN
TRUMP, IF HE CAN MAKE A BUCK,
HE'S GOING TO BE FOR IT.
FIND A WAY THAT HE MAKES MONEY
OFF OF CLIMATE CHANGE, HE'LL
SWITCH LIKE THAT.
>> Bill: WE HAVE A TREASURY --
WE HAVE A TREASURY SECRETARY,
GREAT-LOOKING GUIDE, STEVEN
MNUCHIN.
[LAUGHTER]
WHO IS A NEWLYWED PRETTY IS A
VERY RICH MAN.
HE WAS A PARTNER AT
GOLDMAN SACHS.
YOU KNOW THAT.
HE WAS RICH ENOUGH TO ALSO BE A
MOVIE PRODUCER AND I GUESS ON
THE SET, HE MET AN ACTRESS, WHO
GREW UP IN SCOTLAND, CLASSICAL
IN SCOTLAND.
AND THEY FELL IN LOVE AND THEY
GOT MARRIED IN JUNE.
IT WAS PRESIDED OVER BY
MIKE PENCE.
VERY EXCITING.
SO LAST WEEK, THE NEWLYWEDS
DECIDED TO TAKE A LITTLE
DAYTRIP, AND THEY TOOK A
GOVERNMENT PLANE TO FORT KNOX TO
LOOK AT THE MONEY.
I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.
BAD ENOUGH, BUT WHEN MRS. NGUYEN
GOT OFF THE PLANE, SHE POSTED IN
INSTAGRAM PICK GETTING OFF THE
PLANE AND HASHTAG ALL THE
DESIGNER STUFF SHE WAS WEARING.
HASHTAG TOM FORD SONNY'S,
VALENTINO ROCK STUD HEELS.
OF COURSE, SHE GOT KILLED ON
SOCIAL MEDIA FOR BEING A
CLUELESS ENTITLED MARIE
ANTOINETTE AT WHICH TIME SHE
POSTED A RESPONSE THAT WAS EVEN
WORSE.
SHE WROTE "DO YOU THINK THIS WAS
A PERSONAL TRIP?
ADORABLE."
HAVE YOU GIVEN MORE TO THE
ECONOMY THAN ME AND MY HUSBAND?
I'M PRETTY SURE WE PAID MORE
TAXES TODAY ARE ON OUR DAY TRIP
THAN YOU DID.
PRETTY SURE THE AMOUNT WE
SACRIFICED PER YEAR IS A LOT
MORE THAN YOU'D BE WILLING TO
SACRIFICE IF THE CHOICE IS YOURS
YOURS.
THIS CHICK HAS BALLS.
LET ME TELL YOU.
THIS WASN'T HER FIRST ARROGANT
POST.
WE HAD A REAL TIME RUSSIAN
HACKERS DIG UP SOME OF THE
RECENT INSTAGRAM'S FROM
MRS. MNUCHIN THAT SHE HAD
DELETED, BOYCOTT THEM AGAIN
PRAYED WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR
THEM?
SHE PUT THIS ON INSTAGRAM.
FORT KNOX, BRITCHES, HE
LITERALLY SHOWED ME THE NOT
MONEY.
HASHTAG GOLDFINGER IT.
BACK OFF, GIRLS, HIS MIND.
JEWS WILL NOT REPLACE ME.
HASHTAG LOCKS HIM UP.
THAT MOMENT YOU FIRE ONE OF THE
HELP FOR STEALING YOUR GUCCI
SUNGLASSES, THEN REALIZED THEY
WERE ON YOUR HEAD THE WHOLE
TIME.
HASHTAG HELP-WANTED.
HAD THREE ORGASMS ON OUR
HONEYMOON NIGHT, AND THAT WAS
JUST LOOKING AT HIS FINANCIAL
STATEMENTS.
HASHTAG ROCKS MY WORLD BANK.
THIS IS ME ON THE SET OF CABIN
FEVER.
THIS IS IN THE SCENE FROM THE
FILM, I'M SHOOTING THE CATERER.
I SAID NO GLUTEN.
IT COST A FORTUNE AND DOZENS OF
WORK MEANT TO MAINTAIN THIS.
THE CASTLE IS EXPENSIVE TOO.
[LAUGHTER]
HASHTAG ROCK THE MOAT.
GOOD MORNING, HEY IS ANKE TRUMP.
MINE DIDN'T MAKE ME CONVERTED
JEWISM.
YOU DELETE NOT JEALOUS MUCH?
HASHTAG GETTING PICKY WITH IT.
WHEN YOU RENT A HOLD EACH AND
SOME WHALE WASHES.
HASHTAG FREE WILLIE.
YOU DON'T THINK I DON'T WORK?
TRY FUCKING THIS.
HASHTAG MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN
AGAIN.
A "NEW YORK TIMES" COLUMNIST,
FRANK BRUNI IS HERE.
HOW ARE YOU, SIR?
GREAT PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.
FRAN, I WANTED YOU HERE FOR A
LONG TIME, BUT NOT MORE THAN
LATELY BECAUSE YOU HAVE WRITTEN
TWO COLUMNS THAT WERE SUCH MUSIC
TO MY EARS.
THE FIRST ONE WAS CALLED I'M A
WHITE MAN, HEAR ME OUT.
WHAT ABOUT THIS NEW PHENOMENON
THAT AS A WHITE MAN, SOMEHOW WE
ARE JUST DISQUALIFIED FROM BEING
IN THE DEBATE AND SOMEBODY'S GOT
TO SPEAK UP FOR THE WHITE MAN
WITHOUT THE TIKI TORCHES?
WE STILL HAVE SOMETHING TO
OFFER.
>> Frank: ABSOLUTELY.
>> Bill: TALK ABOUT IT.
THE TWO I WROTE THAT BECAUSE
THERE WERE A LOT OF DEBATES THAT
HAPPEN THESE DAYS AND YOU LISTEN
TO THEM AND I THINK YOU
COMMENTED ON THEM.
YOU GET THE MESSAGE THAT IF YOU
ARE NOT PART OF A MINORITY
GROUP, IF YOU HAVEN'T SUFFERED
IN THAT EXACT WAY, YOU CAN
POSSIBLY BE EMPATHETIC AND YOU
CAN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND.
I THINK THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS
RIGHT NOW THAT DIVIDES US.
I AGREE WITH JUST ABOUT
EVERYTHING REVEREND JACKSON
SAID.
I'M A WHITE PERSON.
THAT NEEDS TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED
THAT I'M NOT THE ENEMY.
HE IS NOT SAYING I AM, BUT OFTEN
YOU GO ON TWITTER, IT'S EASY TO
TALK ABOUT TWITTER BECAUSE IT
SUCH AS FLEA MARKET.
YOU GO ON TWITTER AND YOU SEE
THIS SORT OF OPPRESSION OLYMPICS
WHERE IF YOU ARE NOT AS
DEPRESSED AS I AM, THEN DON'T
TELL ME YOU CAN BE ON MY SIDE.
WHAT I SAID IN THAT COLUMN, I'M
A WHITE MAN AND SO A LOT OF
PEOPLE SAY YOU HAVE NOTHING TO
SAY.
I'M ALSO A GAY MAN.
THAT BRINGS ABOUT THIS
ASSUMPTION THAT I HAVE SOME
EXPERIENCE.
MY BEING A WHITE MAN --
THANK YOU, THOUGH.
WE ARE SEEING EACH OTHER AFTER
THE SHOW.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: Y, HAS SOMETHING
CHANGED?
>> Frank: IN YOU.
I AM WHITE, AND I NEED TO BE
COGNIZANT OF THE FACT THAT
CERTAIN PRIVILEGES UTTERLY
UNEARNED HAVE COME WITH THAT.
I AM GAY, SO I UNDERSTAND WHAT
IT MEANS TO BE AN OUTSIDER.
NEITHER ONE OF THOSE THINGS
TELLS YOU ANYTHING ABOUT MY
CHARACTER.
MY CHARACTER IS WHAT MATTERS,
NOT WHAT CATEGORY I FIT INTO.
A CATEGORY ISN'T A CREDENTIAL.
>> Bill: SO YOU QUOTE MARK
LOLA.
IT WAS MARK LOLA?
>> Frank: HE'S A COLUMBIA
UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR.
>> Bill: I SHOULD KNOW HIM
BETTER IF YOU KNOW HIM.
HE WROTE THIS GREAT THING.
HE KIND OF SUMMED IT UP AND SAID
WE ARE KIND OF CONFRONTED WITH
THIS DEMAND.
YOU MUST UNDERSTAND MY
EXPERIENCE, AND YOU CAN'T
UNDERSTAND MY EXPERIENCE.
WHICH DOES PUT US AND A CRAZY
POSITION THAT WE CAN'T POSSIBLY
FULFILL.
>> Frank: IT GIVES YOU KNOW
REAL ESTATE TO STAND ON.
>> Bill: THE OTHER COLUMN HE
WROTE THAT I REALLY LOVED WAS
CALLED THESE CAMPUS INQUISITIONS
MUST STOP.
AND I'VE BEEN ON THIS PAGE FOR
MANY, MANY YEARS.
>> Frank: I NOTICED.
>> Bill: I WAS MYSELF
DISINVITED TO SPEAK AT BERKELEY
BEFORE THEY RE-INVITED ME.
IT SEEMS TO ME LIKE WHAT YOU
LEARN IN COLLEGE FOR MAYBE
$60,000 A YEAR IS THAT IF YOU
CAN FIND ANYONE ANYWHERE WHO WAS
LESS SENSITIVE THAN YOU, YOU CAN
GET THEM FIRED.
THE BEST PERSON IS ALWAYS THE
ONE WHO SENSORS THE MOST THINGS.
AND THIS IS TEARING UP THIS
COUNTRY APART I THINK.
>> Frank: I AGREE.
I WROTE THAT: SPECIFICALLY ABOUT
SOME OF THE HAPPEN THE EVERGREEN
STATE COLLEGE.
PEOPLE KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THERE.
THERE WAS SOME THING THAT
HAPPENS EVERY YEAR CALLED THE
DAY OF REMEMBRANCE.
IT'S A DAY DEVOTED TO RACIAL
HEALING AND USUALLY BLACK
STUDENTS VOLUNTARILY LEAVE
CAMPUS TO HAVE DISCUSSIONS AND
ALL THAT ABOUT THAT SORT OF
STUFF.
THIS YEAR, SOMEONE SUGGEST THAT
MAYBE WHITES TOO SHOULD LEAVE
INSTEAD.
A WHITE BIOLOGY PROFESSOR SAID I
DON'T LIKE THE SOUNDS OF THAT.
THAT FEELS TO ME LIKE SOMEONE IS
SUGGESTING SEGREGATION.
YOU CAN AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH
WHAT HE SAID.
LOOKING BACK AT HIM FOR SIMPLY
KIND OF PUTTING THAT OUT THERE
FOR DEBATE, WILL CAME BACK WITH
THAT HE WAS A RACIST, A WHITE
SUPREMACIST.
THIS WAS SHOUTED AT HIM.
YOU CAN SEE THE VIDEOS ON
YouTube.
HE HAD TO STAY AWAY FROM CAMPUS
FOR A WHILE.
HE HAS TO BE ALLOWED TO BRING UP
A POINT THAT IS UTTERLY WORTHY
OF DEBATE WITHOUT CONFRONTING
THOSE SORTS OF SLURS.
AND WHEN I WROTE ABOUT THIS,
INTERESTINGLY ONE OF THE
RESPONSES I GOT FROM A READER
WAS SO MANY OF THE BLACK
STUDENTS AT EVERGREEN HAVE
EXPERIENCES OF SUFFERING, WHY
ARE YOU WASTING YOUR SIMPLY ON A
WHITE MAN?
AND THE READER WROTE HE IS
WHITE.
HE'LL BE FINE.
THAT'S THE KIND OF THINKING THAT
I THINK IS SO DIVISIVE AND
DESTRUCTIVE AND WE HAVE TO DO
AWAY WITH.
>> Bill: IS ALSO THE KIND OF
THINKING THAT GOT WHITES, WHICH
ARE STILL 59% OF THE COUNTRY I
THINK DO VOTE LIKE A MINORITY IN
2016.
BECAUSE MANY OF THEM FELT LIKE
THEY WERE BEING TREATED THAT
WAY, WHICH IS INSANE BECAUSE
THEY ARE NOT.
BUT THIS IS A BIG PROBLEM.
THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY HAS TO FACE
FACE.
>> Frank: MANY TRUMP VOTERS
WERE ABSOLUTELY -- BUT SOME OF
THEM ARE FRUSTRATED WITH THE
THINGS WE ARE DESCRIBING RIGHT
NOW.
THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE OUT
THERE WITH GOODHEART WHO WANT TO
BE ABLE TO HAVE A CONVERSATION
ABOUT ALL THIS WITHOUT FEELING
LIKE THEY ARE STEPPING ON
EGGSHELLS ALL THE TIME.
>> Bill: YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WAS
CALLED A RACIST DURING THE
CAMPAIGN WITH HILLARY CLINTON.
>> Frank: BECAUSE SHE IS THE
WORD SUPER PREDATOR IN THE PAST.
>> Bill: IN 1996.
WE SAW THESE STATS THIS WEEK OF
A POLL FINALLY CAME OUT, 12% OF
BERNIE SANDERS VOTERS DIDN'T
VOTE FOR HILLARY.
THEY VOTED FOR TRUMP.
ENOUGH TO SWING THE ELECTION.
REMEMBER THAT.
SPEAKING OF HILLARY, THE BOOK
CAME OUT, HER BOOK IS COMING
OUT.
THEY RELEASED A LITTLE EXPERT,
AND IT WAS ABOUT THE TIME OF THE
DEBATE WHEN TRUMP WAS BEHIND HER
LURKING AND SKULKING.
SHE SAID HE WAS LITERALLY
BREATHING DOWN MY NECK.
MY SKIN CRAWLED.
AND SHE WONDERED, DO YOU STAY
CALM AND KEEP SMILING AND CARRY
ON EVEN THOUGH HE WAS REPEATEDLY
INVADING YOUR SPACE, OR DO YOU
TURN AND LOOK HIM IN THE EYE AND
SAY LOUDLY AND CLEARLY, BACKUP,
YOU CREEP?
WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER
TITLE FOR THE BOOK, BY THE WAY.
BACK UP YOU CREEP.
TO ME, I WOULD SAY SO MUCH
BETTER B.
SHE CHOSE A.
SAY IT.
IN A WORLD NOW, AND THE COUNTRY,
WHERE PEOPLE HAVE ANY KNOWLEDGE
OF POLITICS OR POLICY OF WHAT IS
GOING ON, WHAT THEY GO BY HIS
AUTHENTICITY.
THAT WOULD'VE BEEN AN AUTHENTIC
MOMENT, AND THAT TO ME IS WHAT
COST OR THE ELECTION.
SHE WAS NEVER AUTHENTIC.
SHE NEVER DID WHAT SHE FELT.
TRUMP DOES EVERYTHING HE FEELS.
>> Frank: I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT
ON THAT.
SHE DIDN'T NEED TO SAY THE WORD
CREEP BECAUSE I THINK WE'VE ALL
GOTTEN THAT LOUD AND CLEAR.
DONALD TRUMP HAS NEVER PULLED UP
RIGHT BEHIND ME AND MY SKIN
CRAWLED EVERY DAY NONETHELESS.
BUT YOU'RE RIGHT, IF SHE HAD
SAID BACKUP, YOU CREEP, OR
ANYTHING, PEOPLE PRAY ON THOSE
MOMENTS.
HER BEST MOMENT IN 2,000 IT WAS
WHEN SHE TEARED UP IN
NEW HAMPSHIRE.
IT WASN'T ABOUT THE TEARS, WAS
ABOUT THE REAL FEELING.
>> TOTALLY DISAGREE.
SHE WANTED DEBATES.
HER BEST TIMES IN THE CAMPAIGN.
SHE CLOCKED THEM IN THE DEBATES.
>> Bill: AND I LOST THE
ELECTION.
>> BUT IF SHE HAD SAID THAT, ALL
THE RIGHT-WING MEDIA WOULD'VE
BEEN ON HER.
SHE CRACKED UNDER PRESSURE.
THAT WAS THE AUTHENTIC HILLARY
PRETTY HILLARY IS CAREFUL.
SHE IS REASON.
SHE IS CAUTIOUS.
SHE IS VERY CAREFUL ABOUT HER
WORDS, AND THAT SOUNDS REALLY
GOOD TO ME RIGHT NOW LIVING
UNDER THIS PRESIDENT.
I WOULD TAKE THAT IN A
HEARTBEAT.
>> THAT GOES TO THE MIXED
MESSAGES THAT WOMEN HAVE BEEN
GETTING FOR A LONG TIME, AND
THAT MY GENERATION OF WOMEN ARE
TRYING TO WRESTLE WITH AND
FIGURE OUT.
YOU ARE TOLD ON THE ONE HAND
THAT IF YOU'RE IN A PARKING LOT
AT NIGHT WALKING ALONE, TAKE
YOUR KEY IS AND THEM TO YOUR
KNUCKLES SEE YOU CAN KNOCK THAT
CREEP HER OUT IF HE COMES UP
AGAINST IT.
BUT IF YOU'RE IN THE D TOWN IN A
BUSINESS SETTING, BE LIKE TO
HAVE FUN AND JUST DEAL WITH IT
AND MOVE ON BECAUSE YOU DON'T
WANT TO BE THE WOMAN WHO
COMPLAINS.
HILLARY'S GENERATION, THAT WAS
THEIR MODEL.
THE NEXT GENERATION OF
MILLENNIAL WOMEN, WE ARE TAKING
A DIFFERENT TACTIC.
I'M GLAD TO SEE THAT
AUTHENTICITY MATTERS, BUT WE ARE
ONLY NOW SEEING WHAT I CAN LOOK
LIKE FOR WOMEN IN THE PUBLIC
SPACE.
>> Bill: BUT SHE DIDN'T READ
THE NEXT LINE IN HER BOOK THERE,
WHICH I THINK WOULD BE MORE HOW
SHE WOULD BE LIKELY TO PLAY IT.
IT WAS SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES
OF YOU WILL NOT INTIMIDATE ME AS
YOU HAVE INTIMIDATED SO MANY
OTHER WOMEN.
IT'S THIS ROBOTIC PRESENTATION
THAT SHE IS ALWAYS PRAY TO SPEAK
OF THAT WAS THE SAME DEBATE, A
WEEK OF FINDING OUT ABOUT WHEN
HE CALLED HER A NASTY WOMAN ONLY
FOUND OUT ABOUT ALL OF THESE.
THERE'S A LOT OF CONTEXT AROUND
HER SAYING YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
DO THIS TO ME.
>> Bill: THIS IS MY POINT
WHERE HAVE TO PUSH BACK AGAINST
YOU.
I REALLY THINK THE DEMOCRATS ARE
FIGHTING THE LAST WAR IN A
COUNTRY THAT NO LONGER EXISTS.
IN 2000, WE ALL REMEMBER HILLARY
WAS DEBATING RICK LAZIO, AND HE
WALKED OVER TO HER, JUST WALKED
OVER TO HER, AND PEOPLE WERE
APPALLED.
JUST LIKE IN THE 50s, THEY SAW
McCARTHY, JOE McCARTHY ON TV
AND LIKE OH, WE DON'T LIKE THIS.
I THINK THAT THE CIVILIZATION
GONE WITH THE WIND.
WHAT I SAW THAT RALLY TUESDAY
NIGHT IN ARIZONA WAS PEOPLE
CHANTING THAT THIS IS NOT THE
MAJORITY, BUT PLENTY OF PEOPLE
IN THAT HALL WHO WEREN'T
OBJECTING TO PEOPLE CHANTING
THAT JOHN McCAIN, WHO WAS A
WAR HERO, NATIVE SON SUFFERING
FROM BRAIN CANCER, AND THEY ARE
CHANTING HE SHOULD DIE, THAT
HE'S A TRAITOR.
THEY ARE LOOKING A GUY WHO SOLD
THE COUNTRY OUT TO RUSSIA AND
CHANTING THAT THIS GUY IS A
TRAITOR?
I JUST DON'T THINK WE ARE IN
THAT COUNTRY ANYMORE, THAT GOOD
COUNTRY.
>> I THINK THAT IS A GOOD POINT.
>> JUST OF PERSPECTIVE IN A
DIFFERENT WAY, YOU SAY HILLARY
WON THE DEBATES.
SHE WON ALL THREE DEBATES BY
MILES.
THE PROBLEM IS THAT IS NOT WHAT
ELECTIONS ARE ALL ABOUT.
I WANTED HER TO WIN THAT
ELECTION.
I WANT DEMOCRATS TO TAKE THAT
CONGRESS IN 2018, BUT THEY HAVE
TO REALIZE WHICH ELECTORATE THEY
ARE PLAYING TOO.
THE DEBATES AREN'T EVERYTHING.
THEY HAVE TO BE PRACTICAL AND
RUTHLESS AND RELENTS IN A WAY
THAT THEY ARE NOT ALREADY.
>> I TOTALLY GET THAT.
BELIEVE ME.
BUT I ALSO THINK IF YOU TRY TO
MAKE HER INTO SOMETHING SHE IS
NOT, WHICH HE IS NOT SOMEBODY
WHO WANT A NATIONAL STAGE IS
GOING TO TURN AROUND AND BE RUDE
OR TOUGH LIKE THAT.
SHE'S VERY TOUGH.
IT WILL LET'S TALK ABOUT NEXT
TIME.
NEXT TIME, NOT THAT.
>> MAYBE -- MARCO RUBIO TRIED TO
ANSWER AN INSULT FOR INSULT.
HE MOCKED THE SIZE OF OUR
PRESIDENTS HANDS IT DIDN'T WORK
FOR HIM.
>> Bill: GET SOMEBODY GOOD AT
IT.
DON'T GET ANOTHER BAD PERSON.
>> I TOTALLY GET THAT.
I THINK THE NEEDS FOR THE
DEMOCRATS ARE MUCH DEEPER.
TO BEGIN WITH, WE HAVE TO TALK
AS YOU SAID, WE HAVE TO BE ABLE
TO BREAK OUT OF OUR OWN BUBBLE.
THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY FROM
FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT TO
BILL CLINTON AND BARACK OBAMA
WAS MINORITY WORKING PEOPLE AND
WHITE WORKING PEOPLE.
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, SOMEHOW
TRUMP APPEALED TO THEM, BUT WE
HAVE ALSO DISTANT THEM.
THEIR LIFE EXPECTANCY IS
DECLINING.
I THINK SOME OF THIS IS ON THE
DEMOCRATS A MONTH BUT COMPACT
IDENTITY POLITICS.
THAT IS NOT THE ANSWER FOR THOSE
FOLKS BECAUSE THEY DISPLAYED
IDENTITY POLITICS.
THAT'S ALSO A FALSE ASSUMPTION
WITH THE IDENTITY POLITICS IS
THAT YOU CAN CLASS PEOPLE ARE
NOT DIVERSE AND DO NOT
UNDERSTAND OR HAVE EXPERIENCE
WITH DIVERSITY.
THERE IS AN ASPECT OF LOSING
PRIVILEGE CAN FEEL LIKE
OPPRESSION.
EQUALITY CAN FEEL LIKE
OPPRESSION TO SOME.
IT IS NOT THE SAME THING AS
ACTUALLY GENERALLY BEING
OPPRESSED.
>> Bill: IT IS SUCH ALLUSION.
THAT GUY WHO COMMITTED THE CRIME
IN CHARLOTTESVILLE, HE HAD THE
MONEY TO TRAVEL THERE.
HE HAD A DODGE CHARGER I THINK.
THE IDEA THAT THIS GUY THINKS
HE'S THE ONE WHO HAS BEEN DEALT
A BAD HAND IN AMERICA, THAT IS
CRAZY DELUSION.
>> THE ANSWER IS NOT
VICTIMIZATION OLYMPICS.
WHEN I FIRST STARTED WORK FOR
BILL CLINTON, THE REPUBLICANS
WERE BETTING ON ISSUES.
I SAID WE GOT TO FIND OUR
WEDGES.
HE SAID NO.
HE STITCHED HIS FINGERS TOGETHER
AND HE DOES HAVE EXTRAORDINARILY
LARGE HANDS.
HE DOES.
I'M SORRY.
>> Bill: HE WAS NOT AFRAID TO
USE THEM.
[LAUGHTER]
>> BUT HE SAID WE DON'T NEED
WEDGE ISSUES, WE NEED WEB
ISSUES.
THE TRUTH IS, IF WE HAD SPOKEN
TO LEGITIMATE ECONOMIC NEEDS OF
A LOT OF THOSE WHITE WORKING
CLASS, SOME ARE AS YOU SAID
RACIST, BUT MOST OF THEM ARE
NOT.
THEY'RE GOOD PEOPLE WHO LOVE
THEIR COUNTRY AND WE ABANDONED
THEM AS MUCH AS THEY ABANDONED
US.
IF WE REACH OUT BEYOND IDENTITY
THE THINGS THAT WILL STITCH
PEOPLE BACK TOGETHER, IT'S THE
ONLY HOPE FOR DEMOCRATS.
REPUBLICANS WIN BY DIVIDING.
IT'S THE DEMOCRATS HAVE TO PULL
PEOPLE BACK TOGETHER.
>> DEMOCRATS ALSO NEED YOU.
>> THEY HAVE YOU.
SPEED OF THE NEED TO GIVE THE
YOUTH TO GO TO THE FOREGROUND
PRAYED >> Bill: LET ME ASK YOU
ONE MORE THING, THE MONUMENTS
ISSUE IS BIG IN THIS COUNTRY
RIGHT NOW AND OBVIOUSLY, THEY'RE
TALKING ABOUT GETTING RID OF THL
WAR GENERALS AND SO FORTH.
NOW THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT
GETTING RID OF FRANK RIZZO, WHO
WAS THE RACIST MAYOR OF
PHILADELPHIA.
AS A STATUE OF HIM COLUMBUS IN.
I AGREE.
COLUMBUS DISCOVERED AMERICA.
FIRST OF ALL, HE DIDN'T.
SECOND OF ALL, IF HE HADN'T,
IT'S NOT LIKE SOMEBODY ELSE
WOULDN'T HAVE.
YOU THINK WE'D STILL BE
UNDISCOVERED IN 2017?
FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T GIVE A
SHIT ABOUT STATUES.
THEY SHOULD ALL COME DOWN IF
THEY ARE OF THESE AXLES.
THEY WANT TO RENAME THE HALL.
A FRIEND OF MINE WAS SAYING WE
ARE KIND OF LAUGHING AT IT.
WHAT ABOUT THE STATUE OF RALPH
CRAMPTON AT THE PORT AUTHORITY
BUS STATION?
HIS CATCHPHRASE TO HIS WIFE WAS
I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE
FACE.
TO THE MOON, ALICE!
AND WE WERE LAUGHING.
IS IT YOU CAN GET THAT GOING
INTO SECONDS.
TRUST ME, IT'S ON TWITTER NOW.
HASHTAG NO MORE PUNCHING WOMEN
TO THE MOON.
>> TALKING ABOUT DEMOCRATS
PROBLEMS AND REACHING OUT TO
PEOPLE.
HOW DO YOU MAKE A SITUATION IN
WHICH THE ENTIRE COUNTRY IS
ENGAGED IN ABSENTLY PROPER
REVULSION OF WHAT HAPPENED IN
CHARLOTTESVILLE AND ALSO
CRITICALLY OR RIGHTLY BEING
CRITICAL OF THE PRESENCE
REACTION TO THAT AND THEN HE
TRIES TO SAY HOW DO YOU DRAW A
LINE BETWEEN GEORGE WASHINGTON
AND ROBERT E LEE BACK PRETTY
EASY LINE TO DRAW.
ONE GUY WAS ENGAGING TREASON FOR
SLAVERY.
IT'S ONE THING TO TAKE THAT AND
SAY OKAY, LET'S GO AFTER ALL THE
STATUES NOW.
LET'S ACTUALLY ENGAGE IN THAT
SLIPPERY SLOPE THAT HE IS
WORRYING LESS ABOUT RIDICULOUSLY
PRETTY DON'T DO IT.
>> DEMOCRATS SHOULD CHANGE THEIR
MASCOT FROM THE DONKEY TO THE
LARGE MOUTH BASS BECAUSE ANY
SHINY OBJECT TRUMP TROLLS IN
FRONT OF US, WE HIT IT.
CAN WE JUST STICK ON NAZIS WHO
ARE NOT VERY FINE PEOPLE BEFORE
YOU WORRY ABOUT GENERALLY?
THEY SHOULD ALL GO WITH THEIR
PARTICIPATION TROPHIES IF YOU
ASK ME.
I DON'T THINK THAT LOSERS
DESERVE THOSE TROPHIES.
THAT'S NOT THE DEBATE.
THAT'S NOT WHAT TRUMP WANTS.
IT'S NOT ON THE LEVEL.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY LIBERALS
DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT.
TRUMP IS PLAYING THEM.
WHEN ONE MORE QUOTE.
THIS DOES GET PERSONAL TO ME, I
WOULD THINK EVERYBODY HERE
BECAUSE WE ARE ALL MEDIA OR
MEDIA JASON.
HE WENT AFTER THE MEDIA AGAIN
THIS WEEK.
THESE ARE TRULY DISHONEST
PEOPLE.
THEY ARE BAD PEOPLE.
AND I REALLY THINK THEY DON'T
LIKE OUR COUNTRY.
THIS SORT OF DEHUMANIZING, THE
CHANTING ABOUT McCAIN, WHERE
YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO
COMPASSION.
THIS IS WHAT RWANDA AND NAZI
GERMANY, WHEN YOU MAKE IT SO
THAT PEOPLE DON'T FEEL ANY
COMPASSION FOR ANOTHER GROUP OF
PEOPLE, YOU OPEN THE DOOR FOR
ABSOLUTELY THE WORST DEMONS.
[APPLAUSE]
>> I DON'T THINK WE ARE GOING TO
GET MACHETES BY THE RIVER IS THE
GOOD NEWS.
>> Bill: NOT MACHETES, WE
DON'T NEED THEM.
WE HAVE BETTER STUFF THAN THAT.
>> ONE OF THE AMUSING THING IS
IS THAT IT CAME OUT 5 MINUTES
AFTER YOU SAID THAT.
THIS IS A MOVEMENT BUILT BY
LOVE.
BUT THEN HE POINTED OUT OR TRY
TO POINT OUT THE CAMERAS, THEY
ARE TURNING THEM OFF.
THEY WON'T SHOW THE CROWD SIZE.
HE SAYS AS THEY ARE SHOWING THE
CROWD SIZE.
WHEN THE CAMERA TURNED ON.
AT SOME POINT, HE BECOMES WITH
THE CUBANS USED TO DO WITH FIDEL
CASTRO, WHICH IS WATCH HIM TALK
ON TV WITH THE SOUND DOWN AND
LAUGH AT HIM BECAUSE HE LOOKS
LIKE A JACKASS JUST WAVING HIS
HANDS LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME.
HE'S BEEN PLAYING THE SAME
THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND I
THINK IS LOSING ITS EFFECT.
>> THIS IS PART OF THE DANGER OF
THE CULTURAL CHALLENGE THAT WE
ARE FACING RIGHT NOW IS A
PRESIDENT WHO IS INSISTING ON
UNDERMINING ALL OF THE VALUES OF
OUR DEMOCRACY, AND HE IS
LAUGHING TO THE BANK AS WE DO
IT.
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS IN THE
DEVELOPING WORLD AND NONE OF US
WANT TO BE LIVING THERE.
>> Bill: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
TERRIFIC PANEL.
TIME FOR NEW RULES.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT.
NEW RULE, NOW THAT THE DUST HAS
SETTLED, LET'S ALL ADMIT THAT
THIS IS REALLY GOOD LIGHTING FOR
WHITE PEOPLE.
IT JUST IS.
BUT PUT THESE GUYS OUTSIDE IN
THE DAYTIME WITHOUT THE BENEFIT
OF CANDLELIGHT, AND THEY LOOK
LIKE THIS.
NEW RULE, IF YOU WANT TO PLAY
THE POWERBALL LOTTERY, STOP
SELLING THE TICKETS AND SKETCHY
LIQUOR STORES.
IF YOU GO INTO THIS PLACE AND
COME OUT ALIVE, YOU'VE ALREADY
WON THE LOTTERY.
NEW RULE, WE COVER THE
WATERFRONT HERE.
PARTIALLY, THIS IS AN ISSUE I'VE
BEEN WANTING TO GET TO.
PARSLEY HAS TO ADMIT IT'S NOT A
GARNISH.
IT'S JUST A WEED THAT PHOTO
BOMBS FOOD.
IF ALL YOU DO IS SIT THERE AND
ADD COLOR, YOU ARE NOT ACCUSING.
YOU'RE THE BLACK GUY AT A DRUG
RALLY.
SOMEONE HAS TO HELP ME DECIDE
WHO IS THE BIGGER DUMB ASS,
TRUMP LOOKED DIRECTLY AT THE
ECLIPSE, OR JEFF SESSIONS, WHO
PRAYED TO IT?
NEW RULE, SEARS, JUST STOP.
I KNOW, WE GO WAY BACK, BUT THIS
IS GETTING SAD.
IT'S LIKE AT THE END WHEN
SINATRA COULDN'T REMEMBER THE
WORDS.
AT LEAST MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL.
OPEN THE DOORS AND LET THE
HOMELESS SLEEP ON THE SEELEY
POSTURE PDX.
AND FINALLY, NEW RULE, MOVING
FORWARD, EVERY PREVIOUSLY
UNWRITTEN RULE ABOUT THE
PRESIDENCY MUST BE WRITTEN DOWN.
IF DONALD TRUMP HAS TAUGHT
EVERYONE WHO EVER DEALT WITH HIM
ONE THING, IT'S GET IT IN
WRITING.
AND THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE JUST
THE LATEST SUCKERS TO LEARN THAT
THE HARD WAY.
THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE
STARTS WITH THE WORDS WE HOLD
THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF-EVIDENT.
SELF-EVIDENT, BECAUSE THE
FOUNDERS ASSUMED SOME THINGS
WERE SO OBVIOUSLY REPUGNANT,
THEY WOULD JUST BE COVERED BY A
SENSE OF SHAME.
AND THESE WERE GUYS WHO OWN
SLAVES.
BUT TRUMP REMINDS US THAT SOME
PEOPLE WILL BREAK EVERY RULE
THAT'S NOT SPECIFICALLY
ENUMERATED, FROM INVITING
RUSSIAN SPIES INTO THE
OVAL OFFICE TO NOT RELEASING HIS
TAXES, FROM INSISTING LAW
ENFORCEMENT TO BE LOYAL TO HIM
PERSONALLY TO MAINTAINING A
FOR-PROFIT BUSINESS EMPIRE WHILE
IN OFFICE, WE ARE LEARNING
NOTHING IS JUST UNDERSTOOD.
MANY MORE.
IT'S LIKE WHEN THEY WRITE DO NOT
EAT ON SILICA GEL PACKS.
[LAUGHTER]
I WOULDN'T EAT ONE, BUT
APPARENTLY SOME PEOPLE WILL OPEN
A SHIPPING BOX AND SAY GREAT, MY
NEW SNEAKERS ARE HERE AND THEY
CAME WITH SNACKS.
WHEN YOU'RE A BABYSITTER, WHEN
YOU HIRE A BABYSITTER, YOU WRITE
DOWN A LIST OF RULES.
NO BOYFRIEND VISITS, NO LOUD
MUSIC, STAY OUT OF MY GREENHOUSE
GREENHOUSE.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT NO ONE THINKS THEY HAVE TO
WRITE DOWN DON'T PUT THE BABY IN
THE MICROWAVE.
WITH TRUMP, YOU DO.
HE REMINDS ME OF THAT DISNEY
MOVIE, GUS.
A MEMBER GUS ABOUT A MULE WHO
SIGNED BY A FOOTBALL TEAM TO BE
THEIR KICKER BECAUSE THE
RULEBOOK NEVER SPECIFICALLY SAID
THAT THE PLAYERS HAD TO BE HUMAN
HUMAN.
>> READY, GUS?
>> Bill: AND THAT'S TRUMP.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT IS.
HE IS THE OWNER OF A FOOTBALL
TEAM WHO SIGNED A MULE BECAUSE
IT DOESN'T EXPLICITLY SAY HE
CAN'T.
YOU THINK HE'S GOING TO RELEASE
HIS TAX RETURNS JUST BECAUSE THE
OTHERS DID?
NOT AS LONG AS GUS KEEPS KICKING
THOSE FIELD GOALS.
PRESIDENTS CERTAINLY HAVE THE
RIGHT TO APPOINT WHO THEY WANT
TO TOP POSTS, BUT WE FORGOT TO
WRITE DOWN OKAY, BUT THEY CAN'T
ALL GO TO YOUR SON-IN-LAW.
NEPOTISM IS FINE IF YOU'RE A
JUNK DEALER LIKE SANFORD AND SON
SON.
IT'S NOT FINE WHEN NATO IS A
CONFERENCE ON BIOTERRORISM AND
YOU SEND YOUR DAUGHTER, THE
PURSE DESIGNER.
[APPLAUSE]
AMERICAN PRESIDENTS, EVERYONE OF
THEM JUST KNEW IT WAS THE RIGHT
THING TO DIVEST THEMSELVES OF
ALL THE BUSINESS HOLDINGS IF
THEY WERE SO HONORED AS TO
BECOME PRESIDENT BECAUSE WE
DON'T WANT A PRESIDENT WHO'S GOT
HIS MIND ON HIS MONEY AND HIS
MONEY ON HIS MIND.
JIMMY CARTER SOLD HIS PEANUT
FARM.
GEORGE BUSH SOLD HIS BASEBALL
TEAM.
SARAH PALIN CLOSED DOWN HER METH
LAB.
WE DID NOT ELECT A SWAMP
DRAINING REFORMER.
WE GAVE OUR PIN NUMBER TO A
NIGERIAN PRINCE.
THERE IS NO MORE SELF-EVIDENT.
WE DIDN'T THINK WE HAD TO WRITE
DOWN WHEN RUSSIANS OR NAZIS
ATTACK AMERICA.
SIDE WITH AMERICA.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WE DIDN'T THINK WE HAD TO WRITE
DOWN DON'T RUN YOUR CRIME FAMILY
FROM THE OVAL OFFICE.
DON'T THREATEN DEATH OR YOUR
POLITICAL OPPONENTS IN JAIL.
DON'T TALK SHIT IN FRONT OF
CHILDREN.
DON'T -- WELL, FUCK, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT THIS IS, BUT DON'T DO
IT.
AND FINALLY, A QUESTION THAT IS
ASKED A LOT LATELY IS CAN A
PRESIDENT PARDON HIMSELF?
AGAIN, WE DON'T KNOW SINCE
NOBODY EVER HAD THE BALLS ARE
THE BAD TASTE TO TRY.
BECAUSE MADISON AND JEFFERSON
NEVER THOUGHT THE EXECUTIVE
BRANCH WOULD FALL INTO THE HANDS
OF A MEAL THAT PLAYS FOOTBALL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BUT TRUMP ACTUALLY ASKED HIS
STAFF.
HE SAID CAN I PARDON MYSELF?
AND STEVE BANNON TOLD HIM, WHY
NOT?
I CAN BLOW MYSELF.
THAT'S OUR SHOW.
WE ARE OFF NEXT WEEK.
NEXT SEPTEMBER 8TH.
OCTOBER 7TH, OUT OF
MADISON SQUARE GARDEN
NOVEMBER 11TH IN NEW YORK, I
WANT TO THANK MATT WELCH, PAUL
BEGALA, NAYYERA HAQ, FRANK
BRUNI, AND REVEREND JESSE
JACKSON.
JOIN US FOR OVERTIME.
THANK YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪