(APPLAUSE)
AGNES: One, two, one, two, one, two, testicles, one, two.
Good evening, everybody.
(CHEERlNG AND APPLAUSE)
Good evening, everybody!
(CHEERlNG AND APPLAUSE)
(AGNES LAUGHlNG)
You're all very welcome
to tonight's performance of the BAFTA-winning Mrs Brown's Boys.
(CHEERlNG AND APPLAUSE)
(AGNES LAUGHlNG)
There must be fuck-all on the telly.
(AUDlENCE LAUGHlNG)
While you are sitting comfortable please take note of the fire exits,
in the very unlikely event of a fire here are the steps you should take,
big fuckin' steps out them doors.
(AUDlENCE LAUGHlNG)
In the event of a fire you will hear the following sound,
''Oh, fuck, it's a fire!''
(AUDlENCE LAUGHlNG)
Please follow the instructions of the nearest gentleman to you
in case we have to ejaculate the building.
(AUDlENCE LAUGHlNG)
Otherwise just sit back, relax, fasten your seat belts and enjoy the show.
(CHEERlNG AND APPLAUSE)
(CHUCKLlNG)
(DOG BARKlNG)
Shut up you fuckin' mutt.
-Cathy? Cathy? -Yes, Mammy.
You should see this, love.
lt's freezing out there and Spartacus is stuck to a fuckin' lamppost.
l tell you, Maria, that was one of the best christenings l was ever at.
Thanks, Mrs McGoogan.
l suppose it being triplets it was bound to be a bit special.
Jesus Christ,
these things are fuckin' everywhere.
What, Maria? What's special?
Winnie was just saying the triplets' christening was great.
Ah, poor Father Quinn, he never christened triplets before.
He nearly ran out of fuckin' water.
l told him he should have used a hose.
Maria, they're three gorgeous children, beautiful.
But l hate the feckin' names you picked.
lt was Dermot who wants to call them after The Beatles.
John, George and Ringo. That's an awful name to give a child.
-l know. -When he grows up
and the teacher says, ''What's your name?''
he's to sit down in front of the whole class and say fuckin', ''George.''
And it was a great party after the christening.
Yeah. Well, it was for Cathy.
-Why, what happened at the party? -Aye, Cathy, you did well.
What, what did l miss?
Oh, now, Cathy and my cousin, Thomas, got on very well, didn't yous?
-Yeah. -l didn't miss that,
it's hard to miss a gobshite that big.
-Oh. -Have you met him since?
Yeah, twice. Oh, girls, he is so interesting to talk to.
Now, Winnie. He's so interesting to talk to.
lt's the first thing you think of, ''Oh, talk to me, talk to me.''
Shut the fuck up!
Maria, you never told me you had a psychiatrist in the family.
Oh, to be honest l didn't know.
l haven't seen him for years, Cathy. We used to think he was a drip!
And he's still a fuckin' drip!
-Mammy! -What's his name, Cathy, love?
Thomas. Dr Thomas Clowne.
Dr Fuckin' Clown.
Mammy. Please. C-L-O-W-N-E. Clowne. lt's Swiss.
C-L-O-W-N-E is clown in any fuckin' language,
even in Euros.
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
Well, l like him.
And it's your life, love, you're entitled to fuck it up anyway you like.
God, can you imagine if yous two ended up together,
-and yous met at a party in my house! -Yeah!
Stranger things have happened.
l never forget the night l met your father
and don't think l haven't fuckin' tried.
That was at a party.
ls right, Agnes.
Sadie Brady's birthday.
ls right, Winnie. Oh, now, Sadie Brady.
BOTH: Slapper!
lt didn't take long for her private parts to go fuckin' public.
Her knickers were busier than the escalator at Marks and Spencer's.
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
Tell us about the party, Mammy.
l will, just gimme a fuckin' second, l'm thinking about it.
-We were only two kids. -We were kids.
Two young girls is all we were. My God, when you think of it.
-We looked marvellous. -Ah, Jesus, yeah.
We were all dressed up. Oh, we looked... We had our Liverpool hairdo,
l had mine like Cilla Black, she had hers like fuckin' Ken Dodd.
We arrived at that party, we knocked at the door, we went in.
Well, the place was hopping, there was smoke everywhere,
flashing lights, we started dancing, we didn't know the place was on fuckin' fire.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
That's when l saw him, your father,
Redser Brown, he was over in a corner, on his own.
Ah, God, he was shy.
No, no, he was getting sick.
Yeah. He arrived at the party drunk and they said, ''What'll you have to drink?''
And he said, ''Give me a pint of anything.''
And they gave him a pint of fuckin' Windolene.
Do you know there was a sparkle off his shite for two weeks after that.
And it didn't smear!
Two of his friends took him out the back to help him
so l went out to see what was going on
and they had your father there with his trousers round his ankles
and one of them had two fingers up his bum.
l said, ''What are you doing?'' He said, ''l'm trying to make him sick.''
l said, ''You won't make him sick like that.''
He said, ''l will when l put them in his fuckin' mouth''.
lt feckin' worked!
(LAUGHlNG)
Here, never mind me.
Did you ever hear how Winnie met her Jacko?
ALL: No.
She picked him out of a fuckin' identity parade.
They were all lined up, she thought it was a special offer,
she said, ''l'll have that one in a large.''
-And by Jesus, you got a large, Winnie! -Agnes...
You should see the penis on her Jacko.
We used to go skinny dipping on Portmarnock Beach
and Jacko'd come walking along the beach,
dragging a big groove in the sand behind him.
Running into the water with his surf board under his arm
his penis under the other arm.
Oh, Jacko was a fine-looking man, he was gorgeous.
Oh, he was just a beautiful-looking man. He really was...
-He still is, Agnes. -No, no, he's a very handsome man.
l'm just saying back then, with all the girls, he was just...
..he was a feckin'...ooh, he was...whoar...
Sorry, Winnie, where was l?
Oh, the party. Yeah, now, see, the night of that party.
And here's something that a lot of girls nowadays don't get,
l saw what l wanted and l fuckin' went for it.
-Didn't l, Winnie? -You did, yeah.
-l went... Tell them. -Well, she went...
Winnie, l'm tellin' a fuckin' story here.
l walked across that room and l said, ''You're with me.''
-Oh. -Actually l said, ''You're with me!''
l took him home that night.
-What? -l brought him home.
lt was lovely, his head was just here on me shoulder.
ALL: Aw.
And l carried his legs.
He was tired!
l remember the first night l met Mark.
The minute he started talking to me l could see he was after falling for me!
-Aw. -He looked so handsome.
He was wearing this gorgeous wine-coloured jacket.
l bought him that jacket.
-The wine jacket? -Yeah.
l bought him that. And l told him that night, l said,
''Son, you wear that jacket and you will meet the woman of your dreams.''
-Ah. -And he ended up with fuckin' her.
That's funny.
Mark told me he had the best mother in the world.
And it turned out to be you.
CATHY AND MARlA: (GlGGLlNG)
MARlA: So Mrs Brown was your husb...
l'm not finished me fuckin' stare yet.
Yes, Mawia?
Was your husband handsome?
Redser? Handsome?
Yeah, in an odd way. He was oddly handsome.
He was bald as a coot.
-He was thin on top? -He was fuckin' bald.
Oh, look, if you saw Redser putting on a polo-neck jumper
it was like looking up a chicken's arse.
But he had a marvellous pair of hands.
Marvell...he could fix anything, couldn't he, Winnie?
-Gifted. -Really, he was gifted.
He could put a shelf on the window for you. Everybody used to rave,
all the neighbours, ''Oh, Redser Brown, oh, screw anything,'' yeah.
-CATHY: Well, Mammy. -What, love?
-When did you realise that you loved him? -Yeah.
Loved. Oh, Jesus. Five or six months now, l'd say, till after he died.
(LOUD BANGlNG)
That's Grandad.
GRANDAD: ls there anybody down there?
Mammy!
No.
GRANDAD: Who's that then?
Polly, the fuckin' parrot.
GRANDAD: Me hot water bottle is leaking.
What did he say?
-His hot water bottle is leaking. -Ah.
He doesn't have a hot water bottle, Mammy.
Oh, Jesus.
l better go up.
l don't know whether to bring clean sheets or a fuckin' lifeboat.
l'm coming, Piss-in-the-bed!
l don't know why she takes him out of that home every weekend.
Because she thinks the world of him, Betty.
Oh, l know she gives him a hard time now and then
but your father was out of work for nine years, pet, nine whole years
and it was Grandad, kept this whole family going.
Well, Agnes would never forget that.
l suppose.
Well, look, while she's gone, Winnie, did Dermot tell you about the party?
-Oh, yeah. -WlNNlE: No. What party?
We're organising a surprise party for Mammy's birthday next week.
Cathy, she'll be thrilled.
ls there anything l can do to help?
Well, actually Winnie there is.
Can you arrange to have all her friends from the bingo down in Foley's pub
-for about nine o'clock? -Mmm.
-l can. -Great.
Well, look, no... But we're going to surprise her here first.
-And then later... -AGNES: Get in.
AGNES: Get back into the bed. Get back in.
Look at my lips.
Up here, ya bastard.
Get into... Oh, well, feckin' stay there then.
He knocked over he's glass of water in he's sleep.
Now l can't find his fuckin' teeth.
He won't get back in the bed,
he thinks they're in the bed and they're going to chew the balls off him.
Get in. Get into the fuckin' bed.
She's gone. Go on, Maria.
Oh, yeah.
-Well, we're going to surprise her here first. -WlNNlE: Right.
And then later we'll take her down to Foley's for the big party!
Well, leave everything to me. l'll have everybody there.
Ah, thanks, Winnie.
-And listen. -Yeah?
-Not a word! -No!
-All right? -(RORY AND DlNO LAUGHlNG)
-Hiya, Rory! -Hiya, Rory.
-Hi, Cathy, hi, Maria. -Hiya, Dino.
-What's up? -CATHY: Here, Rory,
we were just telling Winnie about the party.
Party? What Party?
Party? What party?
Em, The Labour Party, Mammy,
they're just as bad. (LAUGHTER)
Discriminating against us gays.
Eh, we want to be able to adopt babies,
we want to have the same rights that other couples in love have.
We want gay rights.
-What do we want? -Gay rights!
-When do we want them? -Now.
BOTH: What do you think of that?
(LAUGHlNG)
Oh, Rory, you are giving me the shivers.
And you are giving me the fuckin' creeps.
Mammy, l was just telling the girls about our protest.
l heard you, son, l heard you. And you want to adopt a baby,
or you want to have a baby? 'Cause l think it'd be a bit tight, son.
l don't think you'd get a fuckin' Jelly Baby out of that.
l don't think you'll be able to have it naturally,
you might have to go for WWF treatment.
So what kind of baby do you want to have?
A nice one.
Well, l'm glad you fuckin' thought it through.
But you're right to protest.
lf you want to make change you have to protest, it's the only way.
Look at the elderly people in Dublin,
when they went on the protest,
10,000 of them, and they changed the feckin' law.
''Don't mess with the elderly.'' That's what l say.
l watched the march, it was funny. lt took so fuckin' long.
What do we want? We don't know.
When do we want it? What do we want?
(LAUGHlNG)
Do you know what you should do? You should do what the suffering jets did.
What?
The suffering jets, you know, the suffering jets, what's her name?
Bob Marley.
You should do what she did.
You should go down and chain yourself to the railings.
-Oh aye! -No, forget it.
You'd fuckin' enjoy that.
-Well, right, l'm off, l'll see yis later. -Are you going, Betty?
-l'll see you later, love. -Yeah. See you later.
l'd better be going too.
l'll see ya, Maria.
l'll see ya.
Oh, l'll bring the triplets around to you tomorrow, Mrs Brown.
You do that, Maria, and do you know what?
You bring them round, and l'll mind them for a couple of hours
and you go up and have a lie down.
Thanks very much, you're very good, Mrs Brown.
Ah, no, love, it's starting to take its toll on you,
you can see your skin is all cracked and your hair is gone all dry.
-l'll see yis. Oh, Rory. -That bloodshot will go,
-don't be worrying about it. -Good luck with your protest.
-Seeya, love. -Seeya, Mrs Brown.
Get yourself a bath. l'll see you, love. Bye-bye.
She looks shite. Doesn't she look shite?
Mammy!
Feckin' flies, l hate them, feckin' flies.
-(PHONE RlNGlNG) -Oh.
-l'll get it. -l'll get it, Mammy.
-l have it. -No, l'll get it.
-l'll get it -l'll get it. lt might be Thomas.
-Jesus Christ. -Hello?
l'm not allowed to feckin' answer me own phone now.
Thomas. Thomas. Thomas.
l go down to the phone now, l get a fuckin' rugby tackle.
l don't get a rugby tackle when l'm on my way down to pay the fuckin' bill.
Hello there, Mrs McGoogan.
CATHY: Hello there, son.
Feckin' flies.
Somebody has a line here and it's not fuckin' me.
You haven't been down to the salon in ages.
And we miss you.
Well, l'll be down as soon as l have a few spare...
Hairs.
-Minutes, it's time l need. -Minutes, that's what l meant
when l said hairs... The feckin' flies.
Winnie?
Yes, love?
lt's your Sharon on the phone.
Sharon? Tell her l'll be home in a few minutes.
Jesus Christ, you can't even go around the feckin' corner.
So, Winnie l think you better take this, it's urgent.
Urgent? You took ages to fuckin' tell her.
-What is it, Cathy? -lt's Mr McGoogan.
-Jacko? What about him? -Yes.
Mammy he's collapsed. They're taking him into hospital.
Must have been the weight of his cock!
-Agnes, it's my Jacko, love. -l heard.
He's gone into hospital with the chest pains.
Oh, chest pains. Thank God.
l have to get there now, love.
Winnie, l'll go down with yeh, don't go down on your own.
Mammy, l'm gonna go in and stay with Sharon,
she sounds very upset on the phone.
Boys, you'll be all right, l'm just gonna go over to the hospital with Winnie.
l might get a look at Jacko's cock.
♪ Winnie's man is in the hospital
♪ Grandad's teeth are in the bed
♪ Is it happy birthday, Momma?
♪ Or something else instead?
♪ Stay tuned ♪
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
-No, Mammy, Mammy, wait! -Jesus Christ!
l'll get it, it might be Thomas.
-Fuck Thomas! -Hello?
Hello?
-Who is this? -Who is it, Cathy?
lt's a heavy breather. Bastard! l'm hanging up.
No, don't, Cathy, it might be your Grandad. His asthma is very bad.
Jesus. Hello?
You dirty bastard!
-What did he say? -lf you can guess
what l have in me hand you can have it!
Gimme the phone.
Hello? lf it fits in one hand you can fuckin' keep it!
Hello?
Jesus, Mammy. You're well able for them.
l've no time for them.
l'd one of them on one two weeks ago,
he said, ''lf you come down to the corner l'll show you me willie.''
Oh, Jesus.
Dirty bastard.
Never fuckin' turned up.
Here, Mammy, is me blouse on the clothes line?
Your blouse is out on the clothes line, it's washed and all.
Why do you need it for tonight? Are you going out with Clown the shrink?
Mammy, his name is Clowne,
Thomas Clowne, and he's a psychiatrist.
He's a gobshite.
Well, l find him interesting.
And l find Chinese food interesting
but l wouldn't take me fuckin' clothes off for it!
Argh!
And you don't go out with a man just because he's interesting,
you go out with a man because he moves you.
He makes you feel something.
He walks into the room and takes your breath away.
He says your name and you get goosebumps.
He walks past you and your nipp...well...
Jesus.
That's enough for today.
How's Winnie doing?
Winnie's... Winnie's putting on a brave face but l can tell you now she's worried.
Jacko needs a bypass.
-A bypass? -Of his heart.
Doctors have him on a waiting list.
They said it could be five or six weeks, maybe a fuckin' month.
Jesus, Mammy, l hope he lasts that long.
Cathy, don't say that.
Ah, come on, is there no way of getting it quicker?
Yes, if she could go private. Winnie hasn't got that kind of money.
Ah, Mammy, that's disgraceful.
That's the way of the world, Cathy,
one law for the poor and one law for the rest of us.
But you never know, maybe me or Winnie will win the jackpot at the bingo
then Jacko could have his operation the next day.
Oh, Mammy, wouldn't that be amazing?
lt would be a miracle.
Or listen, you might win the lottery.
Don't start, Cathy.
-What? -lf we win the lottery, fuck the bypass,
we're getting two new men.
Oh!
Here, l'm going to get me blouse.
Cathy, love, have you got a lighter?
Yeah, in me handbag, Mammy.
Thanks, love.
Extra strong!
(LAUGHlNG)
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
C'mon, ya dirty bastard!
Hello, Hornball,
how would like me to grab you by the willie
and bounce you off the wall by your balls?
Yes. Hold on, Thomas, l'll get her for you now.
Fuck it!
Cathy!
-What, Mammy? -Doctor Who is on the phone.
There was a cross line or something, there was voices...
He must be in a train station maybe.
Hiya, Thomas.
Oh, great, that's just down the road.
Yeah, l'll come down and pick you up, you can come up here for a cuppa.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Okay. See you in about five minutes. Bye.
What? What's wrong?
lt's me blouse, Mammy. lt's ruined, that feckin' dog!
Now, Cathy, go easy on Spartacus. She's getting old.
Mammy, look at the state of me blouse.
Yeah, but she didn't know it was your blouse.
-Yeah, but look at it. -For God's sake, will you calm down?
Gimme a look. lt's only a bit of mud for Christ's sake.
Put it in the basket, l'll wash it out, it'll be as good as new.
-Ah, will you, Mammy? -Yes, Christ,
-the way you're going on a feckin' big drama. -Ah, thanks.
(STUTTERlNG) Making a big mill...hole... out of an ant...
Making a big molehill out of an ant's hole!
Listen, l'm just slipping out to meet Thomas, l'll be back in a few minutes. All right?
Well, l mightn't be here, l told Winnie l'd walk her down to the shops.
-Oh. -(KNOCKlNG AT DOOR)
That's her now, wouldn't you know it, even the fuckin' knocker's depressed.
lt's open, Winnie!
-Hello, love. -How'ye, love?
Hiya, Winnie.
Oh, howre'ye, Cathy? How's it going with the clown.
Winnie, it's Clowne.
And l wish you'd all mind your own business!
(DOOR SLAMMlNG)
Jaysus, she's in bad form.
She mustn't be getting it.
Maybe the clown hasn't whipped out his red nose!
Are you ready for the shops?
Oh, look at me laughing and him lying in the hospital, Agnes.
Winnie, for God's sake, don't lose your sense of humour,
that's all you have going for you.
Come on, you're ready, love.
Sit down, sit down, l'm gonna have a fag.
Here, look at this!
Jaysus, where did you get them?
Cathy's handbag. They fell out.
Oh, yeah.
-By Jesus, Winnie, how times change. -True.
So many different feckin' kinds nowadays.
l can remember when there was only Wrigley's or Juicy Fruit.
They're not chewing gum, Agnes, they're French Letters.
Jesus Christ.
What's she doing fuckin' wearing them?
They're not for her, they're for him.
Girls do buy them nowadays, keep them handy. Sensible l say.
Do you know, Winnie? l never used one.
-Never? -Never.
Redser wouldn't. He said it would be like having a bath with his socks on.
l'd have been happy if he'd just had the fuckin' bath.
-Oh, Winnie, they're disgusting-lookin'! -Oh, yeah!
Ugh!
Go away, Agnes!
Here, here, look.
(SNEEZlNG)
Now, here, look. Holby City.
(WlNNlE LAUGHlNG)
Next patient, please.
(LAUGHlNG)
Winnie, l remember one night,
me and Redser were walking along Portmarnock Beach,
and the next thing, he started chasing me into the sand dunes.
So l was there, you know,
pretending to run
and he caught me and he threw me on the sand so l was lying there,
l said, ''What do you want?''
And he said, ''l want to see your knickers around your ankles.'' (LAUGHlNG)
l had to get them out of me fuckin' handbag and put them on.
Here. l learned a lesson that night.
l learned a feckin' lesson that night.
l was lying there in the sand, right?
And he's there doing the angry bear, you know the...
(MAKlNG FRANTlC BEAR NOlSES)
l was like... (SQUEALlNG)
(MAKlNG FRANTlC BEAR NOlSES)
l had to scream, ''Stop it!''
His balls were flicking sand up me arse.
l left a sand castle behind me.
Winnie, l swear, l stood up and me arse was like a sugar doughnut!
No, Winnie, no sex on the beach, no!
Look, here, Winnie, look.
♪ La-la-la-la-la-la-la... ♪
Oh, God, imagine looking at a man's willie wrapped in one of them.
lt would look like a little burglar,
little bank robber.
With one eye.
Here, look, ''Gimme the fuckin' money''.
Look who's here.
Winnie, Winnie, Winnie!
-CATHY: Mammy! -We have to go down the shops.
-Mammy! -We're going down the shops.
Mammy, will you hang on till l introduce you, please.
Thomas, this is my mother's friend, Winnie.
Hello, Winnie! Lovely to meet you. Hello.
And this is Mammy! Mammy?
Hello, Mrs Brown, lovely to meet you at last. Hello.
But...
But that's a condom on your hand, isn't it?
Well, you know some of the wankers you meet nowadays,
you can't take any chances.
Cathy, Cathy, did you see that?
Your mother was wearing a condom on her hand.
That's Mammy for yeh, Thomas.
Does she do that sort of thing a lot?
To be honest, you wouldn't know what she'd do next.
You know l'd love to study her, yes, and perhaps give her the odd test.
Test? What kind of test?
Oh, there's all sorts you do nowadays, now, for instance, now, a Reaction Test.
A Reaction Test?
-Yes, like to try it? -Yeah, okay.
Okay, follow me, follow me, follow me. Heh, heh, heh!
Now, l hold the knife so, you see, you put your hand about six inches above it.
l release the knife. You try and catch it, you see, before it hits the ground, yeah?
-Okay. -Okay, yeah, six inches?
Anytime, anytime, anytime...
Ooh! (LAUGHlNG)
Ah, Jesus, l'd never catch that.
Well, no-one can, you see, it's impossible
because you don't know when l'm gonna drop the knife.
No, no. lt's how much effort you put into the test, now, that's the point.
-l see. -And if l may say so,
well, now... (LAUGHlNG)
you scored very high. Hmm.
Well, if you hang around you might score high yourself.
Oh, God, there's a thing. Remarkable, really. Lovely.
Now, seriously, though, Cathy, l'd love to study her.
She could help me with my book, you see, yes, my book,
The Place of Woman in Society.
Oh, do you think she'd let me study her, Cathy, do you, hmm?
Probably not. But look, l'll ask her, all right?
Okay, any problems give her my card, she can give me a call.
-Will do. -Oh, Cathy,
four o'clock appointment, don't let me forget, eh?
-l won't. -(KNOCKlNG AT DOOR)
Oh.
How's it going? (LAUGHlNG)
Jaysus, Cathy.
You're lookin' gorgeous as usual.
Buster, this is Thomas Clowne.
Hello.
How'ye?
Did you get something done with your hair?
Buster, don't be so rude.
Thomas, this is my brother Dermot's friend, Buster Brady.
-Pleased to meet you. -Thomas is a psychiatrist.
-Yes. -Ah, Jaysus.
-What? -l hate that.
What?
Deliverin' babies all day.
-No! -No, Buster.
Leave it.
Eh, what are you doing here?
Eh, l was lookin' for Dermo.
Buster, Dermot doesn't live here any more.
Him and Maria have their own place now.
l know, but Blanchardstown is too far away,
he says he comes here every day for his lunch.
Yeah he does, Buster, between one and two.
lt's half three now.
Fair enough. l'll catch him tomorrow so.
Cheerio now. Good luck.
Hang on a minute, Buster.
-Thomas. -Yes.
-What time is it? -Well, it's about...
Cathy, my watch is gone.
(SlGHlNG)
Buster.
-Good luck. -Hey.
Wallet.
Jesus Christ.
Here, you, don't be putting things in my pockets, okay?
-Get out, Buster. -Cathy, you watch him.
Buster. Out, now!
How did he do that, eh?
Oh! lt's a talent!
Remarkable!
And close that gate after you.
Leave it there.
What's that bastard doing here?
-Buster? -No, him.
Mammy!
Of course, Buster.
He was looking for Dermot.
Oh, now, keep him away from our door, if he's around there's a scam not far behind.
Oh, too true, too true!
-Too true, too true. -Yeah.
Here, Jasper, up.
Oh, sorry, Mrs Brown. Whoops-a-daisy. There you go.
Oh, yes, Cathy, good idea, go on. Yeah, yeah.
Mammy?
What-y?
Thomas is doing a book about women.
-Why? -lt's about women, you see, yeah,
and the way they have changed over the years.
Jesus, he's right, look at the way your Auntie Philomena's changed.
l remember when she was a young girl she had boobies out to here,
she's 92 now, they're fuckin' down to here.
No, Mammy. How the role of women has changed.
-The role? -Yes, Mammy, their place in society.
l wouldn't know anything about that, Cathy.
Actually, Mrs Brown, l think you know more than you think you know, hmm?
-No, l wouldn't know... -Please?
(SlGHlNG)
What would l have to do?
Well, here, Thomas, show her the Reaction Test.
-Shall l? Of course! -Yeah!
Stand up, Mrs Brown, and walk this way, as they say.
C'mon, Mammy.
-Do l get a knife as well? -No!
You might do... l don't think so, though.
Now, then, Mrs Brown.
l hold the knife so, you see, you put your hand about six inches above it.
l release the knife, you try and catch it, you see, before it hits the ground. Yeah?
(LAUGHlNG)
-l've a better one. -Yes, go on?
-l take the knife. -Okay.
And then you run zigzag and try and get out the fuckin' door.
-Oh! -Mammy!
Just a joke, Good one, though.
You can do better than this.
-Mammy! -No disrespect, son.
-None taken. -He's a fuckin' eejit!
Mammy!
Go on, Mrs Brown, a bit of fun, eh? Nothing to lose, eh?
Okay, then, Mrs Brown, about six inches then.
No, no, no, Mrs Brown, six inches.
My husband said that was six inches.
Whoops. Better make it ten then, ten inches that is, of course. (LAUGHlNG)
Okay, Mrs Brown. Anytime, anytime, anytime.
Whoop!
Ah-ha!
Too true, too true.
Now, Jasper, if all your tests are all that easy, fuckin' bring them on.
♪ When Jacko gets his bypass
♪ His heart will be just grand
♪ If you wanna keep your woman
♪ Keep you balls out of the sand
♪ Cowboy style, that is, ha ha ♪
And then he said, ''Catch the knife before it hits the ground.''
Catch a knife between... Feck's sake.
What's next? A bullet in me fuckin' teeth?
She can do better than this.
The gunner-eyed fella was even better than this.
l'm sorry, Winnie, look at me going on about me, never mind me,
how are you, love? How's things down the hospital?
Well, he's still on the waiting list, Agnes.
And l gotta tell you, he's looking pale and drawn.
Stop it now, stop it. You're worrying yourself over nothing.
Of course he's pale, he's in hospital, for God's sake.
l remember going into visit Redser in hospital and the fella in the bed beside him, pale?
He was fuckin' transparent.
Really?
Mind you, he died that night.
Agnes!
l'm only joking you.
lt was two or three days later.
Oh, stop it!
Hello, Rory!
-How'ye, Mammy? -A new shirt for the video.
lt has all these vectors.
l hope nobody mistakes you for a bike.
l wouldn't like anyone to think you were an easy ride.
Where's Dino?
Did you swallow him?
Ah, don't start me off, Mammy. He's coming.
-DlNO: Oh! -So l hear.
-(GROANlNG) -Mother of Jesus!
Well, son, l wouldn't like to be near you when you have that shit.
There'll be snow on the top of it.
-Well, hello there, Mrs Brown. -Hello, Pinko.
Hello there, Mrs McGoogan.
Hello, Dino, love.
How's your husband?
Ah, we're still waiting, pet.
Like meself.
No, love, he's waiting on a bypass, not a fuckin' brain transplant!
Rory, cup of tea, love?
Ah, no, thanks, Mammy, we're just on a quick break, anyway, we have water.
Yous make me laugh, handing out pounds for them bottles of water.
The water in the tap is feckin' free.
Mrs Brown,
this water comes from underground volcanic wells and is thousands of years old.
-Really? -Mmm-hmm.
What's the name of the volcano?
See, Winnie, you ask him one question that's not in the script and he's fucked!
lt's an lrish volcano. lt's called Mount TonyKeene in the Gicker.
And how old is the water?
-Thousands of years old. -Thousands of years?
Why does it say drink by July 201 2 on the label?
That water's bottled for gobshites.
Mind you, it's hard to find a gobshite nowadays...
Oh, look, there's two!
Winnie, love, you'll have a cup of tea.
l can't, Agnes, l have to get two buses across to this hospital.
Two buses over? And two buses back?
Four buses? Twice a day? Eight buses?
Seven days a week. Fifty-six buses.
-Fifty-six! -lf the man had any decency he'd fuckin' die.
Agnes Brown!
l'm only joking.
lt's not a bypass he needs, it's a fuckin' bus pass.
Oh...
Here, Agnes.
-What, Winnie? -Did you ever get that beauty thing,
what you ordered off the telly?
The beauty thing? Oh, you mean the deodorant spray.
Winnie, l stopped using that months ago. Jesus, it scalded the ringo off me.
l was looking in the mirror
and me arse looked like there was a family of Eskimos that was moving in.
Agnes, l'm sure you said it was a beauty thing.
Oh, l know what you're talking about.
No. That only came this week, l didn't even feckin' open it, Winnie.
What is it, a facial?
No. lt's called the Hawaiian Bikini Wax Treatment.
What does that do?
l'm not sure but everyone's getting it, so l'm having it.
l didn't even open it yet.
l was gonna pick a night next week, you know,
some night l've nothing on, and just open it and relax.
Chill.
Chill. l'll chill.
l'll be a chillin' motherfucker.
Here, Rory,
-l'm knitting yous two a lovely little cardigan. -Aw.
For us? For what?
Well, for the baby what yous are adopting.
What? We're not adopting a baby.
l wish you would consult me before you go changing our family structure.
What are you talking about, l was only covering up.
Covering up for what? The party!
Party? What party?
Oh, erm...
All the partys, Mammy. Labour, Fianna Fail, Fine Gael.
l don't think this Government really cares about us gays.
-l want a baby! -Well, you're not gettin' one.
Don't you discriminate against me!
(SOBBlNG)
Ah, slow down, Dino, you mad fairy!
There's something in that fuckin' water.
(SCOFFS) Wants a baby? Don't make me laugh.
He wouldn't want it if he had to give birth to it.
Ah, you soon forget the pain once you hold that bundle ofjoy in your arms.
Jesus, you speak for yourself. l never forget.
-Dermot Brown was 1 2 pounds 13 ounces. -Jesus.
Nearly killed me. l had two stitches.
Oh, God. (LAUGHlNG)
Very painful.
Winnie, you should have seen me on me first.
-Yeah. -l was lying there... (SCREAMlNG)
And that was only the conception.
l got you. l feckin' got you.
Oh, Agnes Brown, what would l do without you to make me laugh?
You'd manage. Haven't you a fuckin' mirror.
-Winnie McGoogan. -Yes?
You need to change your attitude.
You go into that hospital today with the sun shining out of your eyes
and you skip down that hospital corridor
and you go into Jacko's ward with a smile on your face and you say
''Jacko McGoogan everything is going to be fine.''
-l will, Agnes. -You do that.
And you know something? The sooner l get there the sooner l get back.
BOTH: For the Bingo!
Bless you, Agnes Brown.
Ah, go on out of that, feck off with ya.
(BANGlNG)
GRANDAD: Hello?
Fuck off!
♪ Maria's got three babies
♪ Now Dino wants one too
♪ Will he make a fine good mama?
♪ Well, I'll leave that up to you
♪ He's got a penis, you know ♪
God, l remember the day Daddy brought her home.
She was just a little puppy.
l picked her name you know.
Spartacus.
Here, Spartacus.
Good girl, Spartacus.
Who's the best girl, Spartacus...
Yeah, Rory we get the point, but that was fifteen years ago.
She's old and tired now, and she can barely bark any more.
We have to do what's right for the dog.
But putting her down, God, well that feels like murder.
Yeah.
Psst! Watch it!
♪ There was a young sailor who sat on a rock
♪ Shaking and waving his big hairy fist at the ladies
♪ Next door in... ♪
You want to put some clothes on you, son.
l can see your fuckin' giblets from here.
Cathy, l rinsed out your blouse. Look?
-Ah, thanks, Mammy. -Spotless. l'm just gonna hang it out to dry.
-Thank you. -All right. No problem.
♪ The boys in the stable from yesterday's hunt
♪ And Dermot the turkey he looked like a nice little... ♪
Get back dog. Get back.
Right, she's gone. Now, the big question, who's going to tell Mammy?
-Not me! -Well not me.
-Not me! -Not me.
Not me!
Not me, no. l'm fed up with this...
''Oh, you're the eldest Mark you're the best at talking to her.''
No, l'm not doing it.
-But Mark, you the best at talking to her! -No.
She loves that dog.
l'll kill that fuckin' dog.
Mark, please?
All right l'll do it then. Poor Mammy, she'll be very upset.
CATHY: Yeah.
ls there not a home we could put her into?
MARK: Yeah?
CATHY: At least then she could spend her last days with other old bitches?
MARK: Yeah.
Do you know, Cathy, that's a great idea, if you want l'll phone around and check.
Yeah.
But Dermot's right, something has to be done soon. l mean, she is getting worse.
l don't like her going near the babies, well, she keeps trying to lick them.
-lt's just to be honest, lately she's very smelly. -MARK: Yeah.
l was watching her in the garden last week, and she was just pissing as she walked along.
And the worst thing was... She didn't even know it.
Look, she doesn't know where she is half the time.
MARK: No.
l think her mind is gone.
MARK: Right then, it's agreed. She has to go.
Well l'll tell Mammy, but not yet, we'll give it a week or so.
Yeah.
You all right, Ma?
l never felt better in me fuckin' life.
Right. Now, what about the party? And the surprise?
Jesus Rory, will you shut up. He's going to give it away.
Rory, the party is a secret, if l hear you let it out l'll kill yeh.
l won't l'm only asking where are we on it?
Well look, l've spoken to Winnie and she has everybody lined up
to be in Foley's for 9:00.
-But we do the surprise here first right? -Right.
But in the meantime, nobody mention her birthday,
we'll all pretend we forgot about it!
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
Right, l have to go.
Me and Dino are going apartment hunting again today.
But you've been searching for weeks now!
l know, but the ones we like we can't afford,
the ones we can afford are all dumps.
Still, it's great fun poking around other people's places.
Does your Mammy know you're moving out yet?
No, l'll wait till we have a place before l tell her.
She won't be happy.
l know, l'm not looking forward to tellin' her.
-Would you like me to tell her for you? -Would you, Betty?
No.
Right, Mammy, l'm off.
Yeah, l'd better go too. Me mother has the triplets.
CATHY: See you later.
Right, l'm off for me jog.
CATHY: Your jog?
Open the fuckin' door.
WlNNlE: Jesus, Mary and Holy Saint Joseph!
Oh, Agnes!
Agnes...
What were you doing, pet?
Wah...
-Wah? -Wah...
Wah?
Fuckin' waher...
Water? Let me get you in first. That's it.
Oh Winnie, l passed Mrs O'Brien on the way out.
She said, ''Hello, Mr McEnroe.''
She's on fuckin' drugs.
Agnes, what were you doing, pet?
-Joggin'. -Jogging?
-Doin' laps of the house. -And how many did you do?
One.
-lt nearly fuckin' killed me. -You've lost your bloody mind.
-Winnie they're putting me in a home. -Who is?
-The family. -No, they're not.
Yes, they are l heard them talking about it and they're whispering behind me back.
They think l don't see them, but l do.
That'll be about the par... (COUGHlNG)
That'll be your imagination, Agnes Brown.
So l'm going mad now, am l?
-The bastard. -Who is?
Cathy's boyfriend, the psychiatrist!
He's not writing a book.
He's testing me for the home.
l'll probably lose points now for catching the fuckin' knife.
Well, l'll tell you now, Winnie, l won't go easy.
They'll have to drag me through that door screaming,
and l'm taking every strip of fuckin' wallpaper with me.
You're going to see Agnes Brown's last stand. As soon as l get me breath.
Oh, now...
Here's the man that God forgot.
Were yeh out for your walk, Grandad?
(GRUNTlNG)
-l was just up the grave yard. -Ah, who's dead?
The whole fuckin' lot o'them.
Right.
l'm going back to get me washing in. l'll call in and see you later, love.
-Winnie? -Agnes?
-What? -No more feckin' jogging.
-No, Winnie? -What?
Keep your eyes open out there, will you? l think l dropped me fallopian tube.
You rear a family and you give your life for them and they do this to you.
Grandad, they're going to put me in a home.
(SNORlNG)
Well, l'm sorry for fuckin' upsetting you.
Ya bastard!
Dermot, you know l never asked you...
What do you do?
Promotions. l sell things... Beer, crisps, chickens...
l know that. l mean, how?
Well like, how would you sell a chicken?
Well this week l'm selling Kung Po Chicken, right?
Right.
Now, Kung Po Chicken isn't like normal chicken,
so to sell it l have to be a Kung Po Chicken.
What?
-Are you watching? -Yeah!
(MAKlNG KUNG FU CHlCKEN BATTLE CRY)
(MARlA LAUGHlNG)
Are you all right?
l should've done a warm up.
Well, you were very good.
And l tell you, l'd buy a chicken off you.
Here listen l better go, l've to meet Cathy in town.
You'd wanna hurry up you're gonna be late for work.
No you go on. Buster said he wanted a chat so l told him to call up here.
Listen, l hope yous two aren't gonna be getting up to anything.
Maria, it's a chat, that's all. Just a chat.
-Okay. -(KNOCKlNG AT DOOR)
(GlGGLlNG) Howye, Maria?
Here you, you don't keep him too long, all right?
-He has a job to go to. -l won't. Howye, Dermo?
l mean it, Buster!
Jaysus, l won't.
What's up with her?
She thinks you're gonna drag me into a scam of some sort.
-Give a dog a bad name what? -Yeah, so what do you want me for?
l've a brilliant scam, Dermo.
-Buster, l'm not doing that stuff any more. -Just take a look, Dermo.
lt's a doddle.
-A raffle for the Boxing Club? -Yeah. One Euro a ticket.
l got printed on the tickets, 5,000 Euro first prize.
l tell the people if they win l'll call them...
-But then nobody wins. Except us. -Nice one!
Now l only got a hundred tickets printed just to try it out you know.
-Yeah? -And, Dermot,
l sold them all in an hour.
l made eighty Euro.
That's only eighty tickets, Buster?
l know, yeah. Well, l bought two books meself.
Five thousand Euro, Dermot its not to be fuckin' sneezed at.
But there's no raffle.
Ah, shite.
How much did it cost to get the tickets printed?
Ninety Euro.
-And you took in eighty Euro. -ln an hour, Dermo! (LAUGHlNG)
Buster, you lost ten Euro!
Ah, this is a fuckin' rip off.
Hang on a minute, Buster.
Jesus, Buster, l think you might have a good one here.
l buy tickets all the time
and after a few days in me pocket l just throw them away.
l know, Dermot. l could even get kids to sell them door to door.
l'd give them some money. They'd be delighted.
Right. First of all we need to get more tickets printed.
More tickets.
-Thousands. -Hundreds.
Then we need to make it something they've never heard of, a club or something.
Not the Boxing Club, Buster. That's a real club.
lf they find out, they'll fuckin' kill us.
l have a name, Dermo.
The Ballyfermot and Bluebell Brass and Reed Band.
-Do you like it? -Leave it with me.
l'll get some tickets printed.
ln the meantime, l better get back to work.
Here, what are you this week?
A chicken!
Here Dermo, why did you cross the road?
♪ Would you like to buy a ticket
♪ For Buster's raffle prize
♪ Or maybe Kung Poo Chicken
♪ From Dermot in disguise?
♪ It's finger lickin' good ♪
Chicken and ham.
Beef and vegetable.
Fish and chips.
Fuckin' dog eats better than l do.
(RAPlD KNOCKlNG AT DOOR)
You'd better be a fuckin' woodpecker!
-What do you want, son? -BOY: Howye, Missus.
BOY: Would you like to buy a raffle ticket
for the Ballyfermot and Bluebell Brass and Reed Band?
l am deaf.
BOY: l said would you like to buy a raffle ticket
for the Ballyfermot and Bluebell Brass and Reed Band?
l can see your lips moving, son, but l can't hear a word you're saying.
BOY: Would you like to buy...
A raffle ticket...
For The Ballyfermot...
And Bluebell Brass and Reed Band?
What?
BOY: Ah, forget it!
Close that gate after you, son!
BOY: Fuck you and your gate!
Fuck you and your Ballyfermot and Bluebell Brass and Reed Band.
Bastard.
RORY: Mammy?
Jesus Christ, Rory you scared the shite out of me.
-Have you got a minute to talk? -Sure, love. ls it about your shirt?
Hello, chicken.
lt's a new box... Where did l hear that before?
Ah yeah...
..after me stitches.
-Howye, Ma. -l'm great, son. How are you?
-What's happenin'? What's going down? -Ma...
What's going on the down low?
Ma, can l leave this box here? Buster will collect it later.
Of course, love. Give it to me, l'll put it in the kitchen.
-Nah, it's heavy, Ma. -Heavy me arse!
Didn't l carry six of yis. Gimme the box for fuck's sake.
l didn't carry yis all at the same fuckin' time.
Did l interrupt something?
Me and Dino found an apartment we like. l'm just tellin' Mammy l'm movin out.
l'll leave you to it so.
-Do you want a cup of tea love? -No thanks, Ma.
Have to go, chickens to sell and all that.
Dermot love. You be careful out there. Mind your nuggets!
Mind your feckin' nuggets.
(LAUGHlNG)
Ooh, God Almighty.
Oh...
Rory, why did the farmer cross the road?
-l don't know. -He had his penis stuck in a chicken.
(LAUGHlNG)
l don't believe you said that.
So, love, what did you want to talk about?
(LAUGHlNG HYSTERlCALLY)
(GRUNTlNG)
There's people out there think you're a fuckin' mime artist.
Say the fuckin' line...
Look away. Look away.
Compose yourself. Okay?
l thought you said you wanted to talk about something serious.
l...
Mammy.
Yes, love.
l'm here.
Do you not think the house is a bit crowded?
No l don't. l think the house is fine.
l think there's plenty of room for everybody, especially me.
No, Mammy l'm puttin' it wrong.
Em, do you not think that...
Do you not... (LAUGHlNG)
l'm glad you're finding it fuckin' funny.
Rory, l didn't come here to be laughed at, love.
Hold on a second, start again.
(MlMlCS TAPE REWlNDlNG)
Yes, Rory what did you want to say?
Mammy? Do you not think the house is a bit crowded?
Fuckin' deja vu.
No, Rory l don't.
l think the house is fine. l think there's plenty of room for everybody.
No, Mammy, l'm puttin' it wrong.
Do you not think that no matter how comfortable you are at home
the time comes to leave?
No.
Fuck off.
-Go somewhere new? -No.
Ah, but Mammy everybody else is leaving...
Rory, l don't care what everybody else is doing, l like my house exactly the way it is
thank you very much, in fact l think my house is perfect,
and if it doesn't suit you, you can fuckin' move out.
CATHY: Oh, God.
Ah, hiya, Rory.
Ah, howye, Rory.
Jesus what's up with you?
l just told Mammy l was moving out.
AGNES: Eventually!
Oh, how'd it go?
So you told her, Rory. How'd it go?
l'm not sure.
At first she wouldn't let me leave, and then l think she threw me out.
(SOBBlNG)
Mammy, we're back!
-l hear you. Howye, Cathy. -Hiya, Mammy.
-Oh hello, Maria. -Howye.
Where's John, George and Ringo?
Ah, they're asleep, l left them out in the air.
Well keep your ears open, if they wake up l want a cuddle.
l will.
What's them, Maria. What's that?
Oh, they're raffle tickets. l bought them off a young fella outside.
-Yeah, here l got some too. -Yis feckin' eejits.
Half of them things are a scam.
l'd a fella at the door here at Christmas, would l buy a ticket for a raffle for orphans?
(SCOFFS) Now, my luck l'd fuckin' win one.
-Sorry love, do you want a cup of tea? -Oh yes, please, Mammy.
Tea Maria? Tia Maria? (LAUGHlNG)
That catches me every feckin' time!
-You'll have a cup of tea, love. -No, l'm grand.
-l'm making one anyway. -No, really l'm fine.
-No problem l'll just pour it out. -l'm not staying that long...
There's sugar, just put in the feckin'...
Go on then, put me in the pot.
You don't have to have it, l'm not trying to force you.
l'm not a tea pusher. Jesus l'm just saying l'm making a cup of tea for her,
its as easy to pour out two, you don't have to have it if...
You make a big fuckin' thing out of everything.
Do you want tea or not?
-Yes please, Mrs Brown. -Thank you, M'Lady.
Can't wait for your fuckin' Jubilee.
Here, Mammy, l got the dress for me graduation ball.
Do you want to see it?
Ah, that's fantas... You got the dress for the graduation?
-Yeah. -Oh, Cathy l'll be in... Oh fuck it...
Okay, l'll be in in a minute.
My God, Cathy, your graduation.
You did it! You're a psychologist.
l know. l can hardly believe it meself, Maria.
Jesus, they were four long hard years.
But you did it. You know l really admire that, you're amazing.
-Will you stop it, Maria? You're amazing. -MARlA: Huh?
How do you cope with triplets and still look like that?
Sure l had six and look at me.
(COUGHlNG)
Yis can fuck off.
Show us your geansai.
Ta-da!
Very nice. Where's the dress?
-That is the dress, Mammy. -Feck off!
-What? -Really?
-Well it's very feckin... lsn't it... -What?
lt's very... What's the word l'm looking for?
-lt's classy. -No, not that, no...
Black.
-What? -lt's very feckin' black.
-lts supposed be black, Mammy. -ls it supposed to be slapper black?
Ah...
Show it to me properly, l didn't really see it.
Ah, yeah!
Turn around. Not you!
Ah yeah!
lts exquisite in its simplicity.
l read that in a magazine.
Thought it was me fuckin' stars.
-But you like it yeah? -Yeah its fine, its fine.
Well Maria picked it out, sure she's great taste.
Maria has wonderful taste, didn't she marry my son?
Ah here, l better put this away upstairs.
-Do, Cathy. And hide it. -What?
Hide that. l'm telling you if word gets out that that's here we'll be broken into.
Cathy, l'm very proud of you.
Going into town on your own.
No l am. l am proud of you.
You'll be the first Brown to be at a graduation ball,
that wasn't a fuckin' waiter.
And Mammy, l'll be the only graduate there with a psychiatrist on my arm.
Oh now, Crusty and the fuckin' Clown.
Don't start, Mammy, l'm not in the humour.
-Are you not in the humour? -No, l'm not in the humour.
What's a good time to get you in the humour.
Oh, leave me alone.
Liam Malone, l know him, he played for lreland.
-Jesus Christ. -No, no he played for lsrael.
l'll see you, Maria.
♪ I'll see ya Maria I can't get you out of my house... ♪
Well, on that note, l will see you, Mrs Brown.
Ah you're not going, love, l was just gonna make you a cup of tea.
(LAUGHlNG) Were you?
Maria, l love that coat on you, and l have done for the last five years.
Every time l see you in it l think,
''Oh Jesus, l must put the black bags out tonight.''
Good decision!
Yeah well, Dermot's gonna be home soon l need to get the dinner on. l'll see ya.
Well, if your chicken's coming home make sure he gets a plucking.
A bit of stuffing would be now harm either.
-Mrs Brown! l'll see ya. -Wait, wait, hold on, love, hold on.
l want to see Huey, Dewey and Louie.
lts just they're fast asleep. Just don't wake them up on me.
l will be as... And there'll be no lickin'.
Lickin'?
Lickin'!
What do you mean ''lickin'''?
Lickin', L-l-C-H-E-N.
What are you talking about?
-You want to lick the babies? -Oh, wouldn't you fuckin' love that?
No, l decided not to lick today, 'cause l'm a bit smelly.
You know smell, smelly, smelly, smelly...
Oh, l didn't need that!
-Are you all right, Mrs Brown? -l'm fine, Mrs Brown.
Look, l don't know what you're talking about, but l have to go.
-Fine! -Do you wanna see the babies?
-Yes. -Then just don't wake them up on me.
l won't. l'll be as quiet as a mouse's fart.
-A mouse's fart? -Yes.
And how do you know what that sounds like?
(POPS LlPS)
See ya, Mrs Brown.
Ah, look at them, Maria, they're just so beautiful!
(SCREAMlNG) Hello!
Jesus, they're awake, look!
Hello, Ringo, Ringo look at Granny, look at Granny.
Look.
And a boo! (LAUGHlNG) See his face when he feckin'...
And a... Where the fuck is she gone?
-Mammy? -Yes, love?
ls there enough hot water for a bath?
There's lots of hot water. l put on the immersion this morning.
Ah, thanks, Mammy.
Cathy if there's not enough up there, call me. There's loads in the kitchen.
Thanks, Mammy.
(KNOCKlNG AT DOOR)
Fuck's sake.
Does my door have a sign on it saying fuckin' ''whack here''?
Oh, Winnie, its you. l thought it was someone at the door.
Oh!
-Howye, love. -Howye, love. What has you over?
Well, my Sharon's gone out for the night
and l'm only sitting over there on me own, worryin'.
You feckin' eejit, sitting on your own worryin'.
lf you're sitting in on your own there's two things you don't want
for company and one is worry. The other is fuckin' Panorama.
Winnie, everything works out the way it's supposed to. lt always does.
And anyway, maybe we will win the jackpot at the bingo
and then Jacko could have his operation tomorrow.
-Or the raffle. -Or the raffle... What fuckin' raffle?
The Ballyfermot and Bluebell Brass and Reed Band.
Five thousand Euro first prize, Agnes. l bought ten books.
Ya feckin' eejit.
Winnie, you need something
to take your mind off the whole hospital thing altogether.
And l have just the fuckin' thing.
-What? -Come on.
-You can help me with me bikini wax thing. -Oh, great.
We'll do that upstairs in the bathroom...
No Cathy's in the bath... No, we'll do it, we'll do it here.
You can't do it here, Agnes. Someone could walk in on you.
You're right. l'd look stupid. Here.
-What? -ln the cupboard.
Ah feck off, Agnes...
Come on, Winnie get into the feckin' cupboard.
lts only for the craic.
AGNES: Oh Jesus! lts dark in here. WlNNlE: Yeah!
AGNES: Oh, Winnie l've no feeling in me left leg!
WlNNlE: Agnes, that's my leg.
AGNES: Ah, this is ridiculous. Hold on, here.
You take the constructions, go out and read them out to me in the light.
Oh, that's much better, Agnes.
Now.
-Are yeh ready, pet? -AGNES: Whenever you are.
Okay. Expose the relevant area...
-AGNES: What the fuck does that mean? -Get your knickers down.
No sooner said than done.
Okay.
Open the container, and spread the cold wax using the spatula.
(AGNES GRUNTlNG)
Oh, the smell...
-ls the cold wax smelly? -AGNES: l can't get the fuckin' thing open...
l have it.
-Winnie, what's a spatula? -lts like a little spoon.
AGNES: There's none in the box. lt's all right l'll use the lid.
Right.
AGNES: Oh, it's cold.
Okay, l'm spread.
Remove the backing from the sticky tape and apply it firmly to the area.
AGNES: Oh, now this is as awkward.
l'm trying to go around fuckin' corners here.
Agh! lts stuck to me arse!
Hold on, l have it...
-Right. -AGNES: Okay. Now what?
Now wait for three minutes and pull the tape off briskly...
That means fast, yank it off.
-AGNES: Winnie? -Yeah?
-AGNES: l can't see me fuckin' watch. -Count to a hundred and eighty.
-AGNES: One, two, three, four, five, six... -(KNOCKlNG AT DOOR)
Someone at the door, Agnes. Don't worry, l'll get rid of them.
Ah hello, Mrs McGoogan.
Listen, son. Dermot's not here, come back later love.
No, l just have to leave this here for him.
-Oh, right. -He told me to put it in the cupboard.
No, no, no! ln the kitchen, good man. (AGNES STlLL COUNTlNG)
The kitchen, yes. lt's Buster.
AGNES: Close the door you're blowing the fanny off me.
Winnie?
-Yeah? -Who was at the door?
lt was me. Are you delighted to see me?
Piss off, Buster.
-(AGNES CONTlNUES COUNTlNG) -Winnie?
Where's Mammy?
AGNES: One hundred and seventy four.
-She popped out for a minute love. -AGNES: One hundred and seventy five...
-One hundred and seventy six. -No, she's in there!
-No, no, she popped out for a minute. -AGNES: Hundred and seventy seven.
That sounds like her voice.
-Shut up, you! -AGNES: One hundred and seventy eight...
-Winnie... -AGNES: One hundred and seventy nine...
Where is she?
AGNES: One hundred and eighty!
(RUMBLlNG)
(AGNES SCREAMlNG)
Oh, Christ!
♪ If you go to the shopping
♪ Be careful what you spend
♪ There's things out there that take your hair
♪ So protect your flexible friend
♪ Ha ha, never leave home without it ♪
5,235 Euro.
(BOTH LAUGHlNG)
Ah, nice one, Dermo!
Well, at least that's the prize money sorted.
Buster, there's no raffle.
Oh, yeah.
You bought more tickets, didn't yeh?
(GlGGLlNG)
Yer a gas man, Dermo. (LAUGHlNG)
What do you take me for? (LAUGHlNG)
Yeah, two books.
(SlGHlNG)
What am l gonna do with you?
Here, l'll give you your money back.
No, it's all right.
l'll take me chances!
There's no fuckin' raffle, Buster!
Well, then why am l selling raffle tickets?
(SCREAMlNG)
(SlGHlNG) And by the way, Dermo,
l've no tickets left l have to get more off you.
Ma!
AGNES: (lN PAlN) Yes!
Where's that box l left in?
lt's in the kit...
(AGNES SPLUTTERlNG)
lt's in the kitch...
Jesus, l can't have a shit in peace...
lt's in the kitchen beside the cooker.
Thanks.
(SlGHlNG)
Off you go.
And sell, sell, sell!
Nice one, Dermo. l'm selling.
l'm selling. l am...
Hiya, Mark.
Here, Mark, do you wanna buy a raffle ticket.
-Off you? -Yeah.
No!
Fair enough. Good luck.
Ma, Mark is here.
AGNES: (lN PAlN) l'll be down in a minute.
-Good luck. -Thanks.
(SlGHlNG)
Ma?
-What? -Can l talk to you?
(GRUNTlNG)
(SCREAMlNG)
(GRUNTlNG)
Ah! Ma!
-Are you all right? -No.
l feel like l was raped by an elephant.
And he was in a fuckin' hurry.
(SlGHlNG)
What do you want to talk about, son?
Well, Ma, l just wanted to ask you
not to make any plans for Friday night.
Friday? Why, what's Friday?
Well, we're all going to be here for a...
..family meeting.
Family meeting?
(DOG BARKlNG)
We need to discuss something.
(SOFTLY) Do we?
Make a decision...
l see.
Then we're going to take you somewhere.
lt's somewhere nice.
Says you!
(SlGHlNG)
Mark, are the whole family in on this?
-Every one of us. -Ya bastards.
Well, you have to fuckin' catch me first.
(DOG BARKlNG)
l'm gonna to feed Spartacus.
(GRUNTlNG)
(SlGHlNG)
That mince is gone off!
l'm away, Ma.
-Hiya, Mark. -Howyis.
Ah, where's Mammy?
Out the back, feeding Spartacus.
Oh Jesus, did you talk to her about putting Spartacus in a home?
Yeah...kind of.
Ah Mark, what does that mean? Kind of?
Look, l've prepared her. Kind of.
She's in one of them weird humours. l'll see yis later.
-See ya. -Good luck, Thomas.
Oh yes, Cathy, will do. Hmm.
Mammy, Thomas is here.
Are you sure about this, Thomas?
l've tried working with me mother before and it's like talking to a revolving door.
Yes, well, with respect, Cathy, l have a lot more experience
of these matters than you have. Eh?
-Okay. -Okay.
''The Ballyfermot and Bluebell Brass and Reed Band''?
Ya bastards.
Hello, Mrs Brown.
Hello, Doctor Zhivago.
(LAUGHlNG)
Good, very good.
(CLEARlNG THROAT)
(PANTlNG)
(MUFFLED SCREAMlNG)
(GRUNTlNG)
(EXHALlNG)
Now then, Mrs Brown, l was just wondering
if you wouldn't mind answering those few questions that, ah,
Cathy's been telling you about.
lt's, well... (CHUCKLlNG)
lt's research for my book.
Yeah.
-Research! -THOMAS: Yes.
-Book! -Yes. Yes.
Yeah. Oh yeah!
Oh yeah!
Go on, get on with it, Jasper.
Oh, right you are.
Uh, interview with Mrs Agnes Brown.
Female subject aged, um...
-Over twenty one. -Yes, quite.
Do you mind if l stay?
Sorry, what did you say, Cathy?
Do you mind if she stays!
No, Cathy, you sit there whatever. Let's make a start shall we?
Now then, Mrs Brown, could you pick one obvious difference
between your mother and yourself?
Just in there, please.
Yes, l could.
Over.
Good, good and what would it be?
My mother is dead,
l am not.
Over.
No, Mrs Brown, l'm, ah... l'm looking for an opinion.
Now.
ln my opinion...
Yes.
My mother is dead.
ln a lot of people's opinion.
We fuckin' buried her.
Over.
Oh dear, oh dear.
No, Mrs Brown, let me explain, l want you to,
to compare things from your mother's time
with your time. Now, hm.
Look, Mammy, Thomas just wants you to try and think...
Uh, Cathy, Cathy! lf you don't mind.
Thank you.
Thank you!
Now, Mrs Brown, l want you to
cast your mind back...
-Cast back... -To your mother's day.
The 29th of March.
Sorry, what?
That was Mother's Day.
(CHUCKLlNG) No, no, Mrs Brown, your mother's day, yes?
That's everybody's Mother's Day,
or did you not have a mother?
-Of course l had a mother... -And did you love her?
-Of course l loved her. -Then why did you forget Mother's Day?
(LAUGHlNG)
(WEEPlNG) You see, Mrs Brown, well l didn't...
(THOMAS WEEPlNG)
-What'd you do? -l never fuckin' touched him.
(MOUTHlNG)
You see, Mrs Brown, l didn't forget Mother's Day,
but she was always so busy,
and all those friends of hers
-and that social circle... -Yes.
l mean... l mean she never had any time for me you know.
-Well no... -l'm me...
-Her little boy... -Yes.
(CRYlNG)
Thomas?
Are you all right?
-Are you fuckin' blind? -Jesus!
Sorry, Cathy, sorry, Mrs Brown, sorry.
Not at all son, these... These things happen.
lt could happen to anybody.
Any, yeah, l'm not fuckin' doing this...
(THOMAS SOBBlNG)
THOMAS: Oh dear.
Oh, l apologise. How unprofessional. So sorry.
(MOUTHlNG) Wanker...
Wh... Wh... Where...
Where were we, Mrs Brown?
l mean, where were we?
You were saying that your mother didn't like you.
-(THOMAS SOBBlNG) -Ah, for Christ's sake!
♪ Now listen here Mr Psychiatrist
♪ Even though you're Cathy's Clown
♪ There's something that you've gotta learn
♪ Don't fuck with Mrs Brown ♪
(SPOON CLlNKlNG)
(SlGHlNG)
So?
How is he?
l put him in a taxi.
Oh, l can see the headlines in the morning.
''Taximan fuckin' hangs himself.''
(SlGHlNG)
He was very upset, Mammy.
Well, you can't blame him.
lt's bad enough driving a taxi without having feckin' eejits like that getting' in.
l meant Thomas, Mammy!
Thomas was upset.
Sorry.
Maybe he wasn't...maybe he was... Maybe, maybe he needed that.
Maybe he needed to feckin' get that out
in a big blurt... And then he...
And now he can see it...
He knows that he's you know... He knows he's feckin'...
You know...you know...
(SlGHlNG) Fuckin' mad.
(SlGHlNG)
l don't know, maybe you're right, Mammy.
Maybe he will feel better for getting that out.
He will, Cathy, you can't move forward while you're looking backwards.
No, you can't, Mammy.
My mother used to always say,
''lt's only the hair on a gooseberry that stops it from being a grape.''
l never knew what the fuck she was talking about.
Mammy?
What-y?
Did you ever think about becoming a counsellor?
Oh, don't be ridiculous, Cathy. l'd never get elected.
No, Mammy, l mean talking to people about their problems
and well helping them come up with the answers.
That's what a counsellor does.
-ls it? -Yeah.
Jeez that's funny, because that's what a mother does as well.
-l suppose. -Except we don't get any training,
or payment.
l'm a mother, dump your troubles on me for fuckin' free.
(LAUGHlNG) That rhymes.
(BOTH LAUGHlNG)
l'm a poet now and l don't know it.
(SlGHlNG)
-Mammy. -What-y?
Did Mark talk to you about the home?
Yes he did. (SOBBlNG)
Oh l'm sorry, Mammy, are you upset?
No, l'm fuckin' delighted!
You should have been here l did a back flip.
What do you think?
l suppose.
But, Mammy, it really is for the best.
Well, it's not for the best for me, thank you.
Well, l think it is, Mammy.
-Et tu Brutus. -What?
Et tu.
Go on do what Brutus did, stab me in the back just he did to...
Popeye.
Look, Mammy. lt's a lovely home.
(CRYlNG)
lt's clean and there's loads of fields around with lots of space to run about.
Do l look like fuckin' Shergar to you?
Mammy...
There are experienced professional people running this place.
(SOBBlNG) l don't care.
Cathy. l don't care.
Mammy.
They go around all day with smiles on their faces.
Picking up shit with their little scoops.
(CRYlNG LOUDLY)
Look, l'm sorry you're upset, Mammy.
l'm more than upset...
We're all upset, Mammy but it is for the best.
Now goodnight.
No... Cathy!
(SPEAKlNG GlBBERlSH)
Fuckin' shit scoops!
♪ Cathy's got a boyfriend
♪ Can't wait to be a bride
♪ He'd settle for a little kiss
♪ But damn she wants a ride
♪ Rodeo style ♪
Grandad, hide that drink.
-Yeah. -Are yis ready?
THOMAS: Yes, yes, yes, we are.
-Are yis ready? -Ready!
-Are yis ready? -Yeah!
Yeah, will you come on, Mark l'm in here an hour now.
(LAUGHlNG)
Ma, are you right?
What's the suitcase for?
They're my curtains l'll take them if l fuckin' want them.
Mark... You were always my favourite.
(SNlFFLlNG)
l remember the day you were born.
The doctor held you up and he looked at me and he said...
(SNlFFLlNG) ''What the fuck is this?''
He said, ''Look he has fins and a tail.''
l said that's his ears and his nose.
You were always my favourite.
Are you sure you want to do this?
-l'm positive. -Ya Bastard!
l never fuckin' liked you.
Are you ready?
lf it's what the family want then l'm ready.
Now!
ALL: Surprise!
ALL: Horray!
This is it? This is the surprise?
Yeh, Mammy. We all knew you'd forget.
Are you delighted?
You've no fuckin' idea how delighted l am.
l thought you were going to put me in a home!
-What? -Ah, Ma.
Why would we do that?
This is your home, and where would we all be without you?
Ah!
Unemployed, son.
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
-Not you, you're brilliant! -l know...
(LAUGHlNG)
-Mammy. -Yes, love.
We were talking about putting Spartacus in a home.
-Spartacus? -A toast!
To, Mrs Brown.
Speech!
(ALL CLAMOURlNG)
All right. Jesus Christ all right.
-Sit down, it'll be a long one. -Oh!
l'm delighted to have this night to spend with my family and my friends.
And if you don't mind, l'd like to start with my friends.
Winnie McGoogan.
Winnie, my dearest friend.
-Agnes. -Winnie, we've been together
through thick and thin.
-We have love. -l was always thin.
Winnie, when Redser lost his job and l had no money
you were there by my side.
l was.
And when Redser went into hospital and had his left leg removed.
You were there right beside me.
Yeah.
And when they took away his left arm, Winnie...
-You were there. -l was.
And the fun the two of us had down the swimming pool
watching him going around in a circle.
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
And Winnie, the day Redser drowned...
Where were you?
-By your side, Agnes. -By my side...
Winnie, you're a fuckin' jinx.
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
l said jinx not sphinx take off the fuckin' hat.
Winnie...
Everybody needs a friend like you
just so we can feel like we're Stephen Fry.
Buster Brady.
The son l never wanted.
Buster, you've been a great inspiration to me
because l look at you and l thank Jesus for the children l have.
Thanks, Mrs Brown.
Ah!
Okay, son, that's enough...
All right love, c'mon that's it... C'mon son...
C'mon fuck off son, c'mon...
Do you know, Buster, l often think
if your mother had just lived till the Friday she'd be dead two years.
Dermot.
Dermot, l love the bones of you son.
But l could never do for you what l see Maria doing.
She's brightened up your whole life.
l remember how depressed you were when you stopped being a jockey.
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
Dermot...
(LAUGHlNG) lt was just one dead horse too many.
Dermot.
Every day l see her making a man of you.
You're a very lucky girl.
Don't fuck it up.
(CLlCKlNG TONGUE)
Dino Doyle. (COUGHlNG)
Dino, the first time l came into this house and saw you here,
well, l was a bit shocked.
l'd never seen a naked magician before.
Where you were getting those carrots is beyond me.
And what a stunning finish the bowling ball was...
One minute it was gone, next minute it was there. Fantastic.
Mark Brown. Mark, son, you were just thirteen
when your father died and you took over the mantle as head of the household,
and since that day you've been carrying this family,
and now l see you carrying her.
You work your fingers to the bone and for what?
Botox.
Tattooed eyebrows, spray tan,
tit enlargers, fanny straighteners!
You shouldn't have got married, son, you should have got a fuckin' Lego set.
Rory Brown.
Rory, Rory, Rory.
Rory, what a painful childhood you must have had
all those years going to school on that bike with no saddle.
l used to watch you going by
and the bike looked like a singer sewing machine doing buttonhole stitch.
And all the years you spent trying to get out of the wardrobe.
Closet!
What?
Out of the closet!
Congratulations son well done.
(ALL CLAPPlNG)
Jesus Christ, they're everywhere.
Rory, l want you to know l don't care that your gay.
As long as you don't mind me praying for a cure.
Maria. Maria, what can l say about you
that hasn't already been said by people who ought to have more respect?
But l will give you a tip.
Right now in Boots Chemists, skincare products, 3 for 2.
Get a fuckin' trolley.
(LAUGHlNG)
Grandad, you have a home here for as long as you live.
Ah!
Can l stay for Christmas?
No. Fuck off.
Cathy. Cathy Brown.
Cathy, l hope you don't take this as an insult,
but in you l see myself four, five years ago.
ln you l see that exuberance of youth that l had.
l had it, love. Oh God, yes l remember
those long summer days sitting on the canal bank...
Sucking a Fisherman's Friend.
Winnie sitting there with her mini skirt keeping the flies off the sandwiches.
Cat...
Cathy, in you l see myself,
in you l see all the dreams l had for me.
Go out and live them
and remember darling out there somewhere is somebody
who will love you forever.
That's me your talking about, Mrs Brown. Me!
(LAUGHlNG)
Out fuckin' there!
Well, that's it except to say thank you for my best birthday yet!
ALL: Ah cheers!
Oh no, sorry wait. There is one more thing.
Winnie.
Winnie, if Jacko had his operation in the morning how much would it cost?
Oh Jaysus, Agnes, a lot more than l could afford.
-Well tonight could be your lucky night. -Why?
Dermot's found out the result of the raffle.
Oh gosh!
l have.
Yes, you fuckin' have.
Mr Ballyfermot and Bluebell Brass and Reed Band.
Now, don't keep us in suspense. Call out the result.
Oh yeah, the raffle.
Yes, the in the cooker beside the, the in there raffle.
-The result is... -Hang on a minute, Dermot,
let me get me tickets out.
(CLEARlNG THROAT) Right, fire away, Dermo.
The winner of the 5,000 Euro first prize...
-ls Winnie McGoogan. -(EXCLAlMS)
-Congratulations! -Well done, Winnie.
Tough shit.
Let me give you a tip son.
You've a much better chance if you tear off the stubs and put them in.
So Winnie, it all worked out the way it's supposed to.
-Yeah. -Now you're in the money...
-Yes. -You can buy us all a drink.
-l will. -Let's get down to Foleys
and get this feckin' party started...
ALL: Aye!
♪ The runaway train came over the hill...
♪ She blew... She blew...
♪ The runaway train came over the hill...
♪ She blew... She blew...
♪ The runaway train came over the hill
♪ And from what we heard she's blowing still
♪ And she blew, blew, blew
♪ Here we go
♪ The fire man said he... ♪
AGNES: Hold on. l forgot me cigarettes.
Go on... l'll follow yis down...
♪ The fireman said he rang the bell and she blew... ♪
What are you two still doing here?
Oh now, yous have no money?
Go on l'll lend you 20 quid.
No, Mammy, we're ok for money.
-Are you sure? -Yeah.
-Lend us 20 quid will you? -Yeah, okay.
Look, can we talk to you for a minute?
Sure, what's wrong?
You know we were talking about putting Spartacus in a home.
(SlGHlNG)
Yes.
Look, children.
Dogs get old quicker than we do
and they can't talk.
They can't tell you if they're unhappy or in pain
all they can do is sit there wag their tail,
lick their willies.
And l know it's hard...
The time comes when you have to transcend
personal feelings,
and do what's best for the dog.
Do you know? And Spartacus is lucky,
going into a nice home with people who'll look after her
and there's room to run around. She'll be fine.
No, Mammy, we can't put her in a home.
Why not?
Dermot.
-Ma. -What love?
The vet said Spartacus was too sick to put her in a home.
ls it 'cause she's Catholic?
What?
Look, if the vet says that, we just get another feckin' vet.
No, Ma.
We had to have her put down.
Jesus Christ, Dermot.
The woman was only doing her fucking job.
Where the fuck are we going to hide a dead vet?
Look at the trouble we had with the insurance man.
l'm talking about the dog, Ma.
l know you are son.
l was trying to make light of it.
Fifteen years we have Spartacus.
Fifteen years.
l remember the day your father brought her home.
She was just a puppy.
He was drunk.
l came through that door to give him a piece of my mind,
and he just stood there with that feckin' silly grin on his face,
and this little hairy thing in his hand.
And the fuckin' dog running all around the place.
That first night we made...we made a little, a little bed for the dog.
We used a shoe box and some cotton wool
and l think a Fairy Liquid box, and, eh...
We had a scissors but it was a plastic one and glue and papier mache...
lt's a thing we saw on Blue Peter.
And we were going to bed
and we put the dog into the lampshade for the night.
She cried all night, she just feckin' cried.
l came down a couple of times but she just feckin' cried.
l tried to feed her but no, she just bit me on the nipple.
So when?
When did you leave our beloved pet into the killing fields?
lt was this morning, Mammy.
-Today? -Yeah.
Today?
Happy birthday Mammy we killed your fuckin' dog.
Don't get me anything for fuckin' Christmas.
How did they do it? Drive by was it?
lt was an injection, Mammy.
Lethal?
Well, yeah.
That's that, then...
What's done is done...
Que sera sera...
Hasta la vista...
(SPEAKlNG ORlENTAL LANGUAGE)
Or as they say in Russia...
Toughskie shitskie.
lt is what it is.
lt's nobody's fault.
-No. -Murderer.
l'm sorry that... (COUGHS) l don't know where that came from.
lt slipped out. l'm sorry.
-Don't be like that, Mammy. -No, no, no, it's not, murderer.
Mammy!
Lookit, Mammy we did what was best for Spartacus.
Yeah!
She just sat there didn't she, going kill me, kill me.
lt doesn't matter l don't care. lt doesn't matter.
-Seriously. -Whatever!
Mammy, c'mon.
Ah, Mammy stop being like that. lt was hard for us, too.
What?
Please, c'mon let's buy you that drink.
-Very dramatic... -(CHUCKLlNG)
You go on l'll follow yis up...
l want to get me cigarettes. l forgot.
Go on, l'll follow you up. Get me a drink...
Not... Dermot not you, son.
Dermot.
Dermot...
Mammy is sad.
Do you know what would cheer me up?
You and me, we do Riverdance!
(LAUGHlNG)
Fuck, no way!
♪ Happy birthday to me ♪
What a surprise.
They frightened the shite out of me.
What did l... Oh, me cigarettes that's right.
(CLEARlNG THROAT)
Where are they? Ah, look at them.
lf they had a mouth they'd bite me. (LAUGHlNG)
(SlGHlNG)
l might throw that out.
Yeah.
(SlGHlNG)
Go easy for fuck's sake... Go easy.
Get down off the chair.
(SNlFFlNG)
(DOG BARKlNG)
Good luck, Spartacus.
(CHEERlNG AND APPLAUSE)
Thank you, please sit down...
Both of you.
You'll see signs around the theatre that says
no flash photography, and no cameras...
Fuckin' ignore those.
lf you have a phone or a camera, flash away.
We love being photographed.
Actually if you get them ready
we'll turn one of the cameras around and we'll do a Robbie Williams thing...
So get them ready, we'll do them all together.
Get your phone out, get them ready,
put them on flash...
We'll do a three, two, one, not yet now.
-Are we ready? -AUDlENCE: Yeah.
Okay, when l say three, two, one...
Three, two, one...
(CROWD CHEERlNG)
Hey, some of you are taking fuckin' three and four.
This show could not be done without this magnificent cast.
What you saw tonight l wrote,
and we all performed especially for you...
Good night and God bless.
(CROWD CHEERlNG)