In the late part of the 18th century,
the peasants of old California were oppressed by tyrannical landowners.
To protect the poor and downtrodden people
there emerged a mysterious swordsman
who pledged his life in the service of justice.
To the people he was a great hero who would live forever in their hearts.
To the landowners, however, he was a real pain in the ass.
He was known only as:
"Zorro"
My darling, Diego. I adore you!
No my sweet love, I adore you.
Tell me the truth: Do you think I'm a good wife?
You are like the Maja that was painted by the great Goya.
But more exciting, and bien sensual.
Then why doesn't my husband ever say that?
Because he's not intelligent.
He is not intuitive, he is not insightful.
And - he is not in Barcelona!
García!
I am astonished that you would enter house without my permission!
I might say the same thing about you and my wife.
Calm yourself, my good García!
Don't want to dispute you -
but you are a man of some years
and, alas, no longer in fighting shape.
Whereas I am a perfect example of
a Spanish nobleman, in his prime!
It is hardly a fair match.
I do not wish to insult you, my dear García.
But I could fight four men as fast as you!
You're right Don Diego. You see?
That is why I brought my five brothers!
And I ... I say, ah, four?
What an arrogant braggart I am!
Why we don't do this right?
Make an appointment, find a convenient spot?
I beg of you gentlemen to desist!
Or I will be forced to call Paco, my terrible, mute servant!
Paco, at last!
A letter? Do you really think this is the time?
Well, read it to me!
Diego ...
my ...
son,
Come...
Home! Father wishes me to return!
I can dally with you no longer!
Get me to the coach!
Adios, mi amor.
Take care of yourself, eh?
Where to, señor?
Los Angeles. California. Make it quick!
Los Angeles, California.
The birthplace...of me.
After twenty years you would have thought someone would come to the docks to meet me.
Not asking for a brass band, but at least one mariachi player.
Don Diego, my old friend.
Esteban, my boyhood amigo!
It is Captain Esteban...
Captain! I congratulate you!
Esteban! What the hell is going on here?
You remember Don Diego?
Diego! Ah! Oooh! Diego! Diego! Diego!
You, of course, remember Florinda.
For whom we competed as boys.
Of course he does...
I cannot believe it!
The little bud was promising...
The full flower is a rare and wondrous dazzlement.
The full flower is now my wife.
So, our long rivalry for her hand is over, huh?.
Again, I congratulate you!
No, this time, I congratulate you.
As you can see, we haven't changed, Diego.
But that's what happens to people when they stay in the same small, dull village.
They don't grow, they don't learn, It's the same boring routine
day after day...
Year in, Year out...until finally they stagnate and fester, and ...
Rot!
Well, it's certaintly good to be home again!
That is my servant, Paco. He is mute. He cannot speak.
Oh, excellent!. Perhaps he can give lessons to my wife.
Oh! Diego. I'm so glad you're back even under the circumstances.
What circumstances?
All I know is that my father instructed me to return.
And now I find that my dear friend has taken his place as the mayor.
No, no, no, lifelong amigo. I'm only acting as the mayor.
Your father ...
I'm sorry to say ... had a terrible accident.
Accident?
Yes. He was out riding when his horse
was frightened by a turtle.
- A turtle! - Yes!
The horse reared. Your father was thrown and died soon after.
- Pardon me, I must go. - Yes!
My friend.
I want you to know that the turtle that caused this has been executed.
It has been very nice talking to you.
Don't you think he knows that's not the truth about the turtle...
Out of my way!
Gentlemen! I believe you all know each other?
- Don Diego from San Fernando. - Don Francisco from San José.
- Don Fernando from San Diego. - Don José from San Bernardino.
Luis Obispo from Bakersfield.
Now I believe, gentlemen, with no disrespect to yourselves,
that the next mayor should be a man of the people.
Someone who understands their special needs.
That man was 3 pesos short in paying his taxes.
I can assure you that he will never be short again.
Are there any nominations?
- I nominate Captain Esteban! - Oh No! No! No!
- I second the nomination! - No, not me!
- I move to nominate Mr. Bishop. - I, as mayor ...
I second the motion!
Moved and seconded, the nominations are now closed.
Long Live Mayor Esteban!
Don Diego. I must tell you from my heart
This comes as a complete shock.
The people are assembled for your inauguration...
Excellency.
My fellow Los Angelinos!
Today ... we begin ... a glorious new chapter in our illustrious history.
Like all achievements,
it will require hard work and sacrifice.
I plan to model my government after the Princes of India.
who each month, are seated on a scale
and then given their weight in gold...by the people.
Do you mean that you wish your weight in gold?
No, no, no ... Not my weight... his weight in gold.
But, Mr. Mayor, already our taxes are almost what we earn.
How can we pay you more than that?
- It will leave us with nothing! - Less than nothing!
I do not make these laws!
You know that I am one of you!
I am the from people!
Then you too can rebel!
Stand up! and spit in the
face of the wind of tyranny!
Who is this woman here, huh?
I do not believe she is one of our people.
Ah, thank you very much... that's very helpful to me.
The thirteen colonies have long won... their independance from England.
Let their example inspire you!
Now is the time to end your domination.
I heard that!
Garrison! Arrest that woman now!
No, wait!
Isn't this the village plaza, where according to law...
Everyone is allowed to speak his or her mind.
You are right, señorita.
The woman is allowed to speak!
But arrest anyone who listens.
March!
It is late. Go home my children!
You have heard enough idiots speak today!
Let your voices be heard!
Oppose the greedy bloodsuckers!
Thank you.
I'm Charlotte Taylor Wilson.
I'm with the People's Independence Committee.
Don Diego de La Vega.
I'm with the... greedy bloodsuckers.
You may joke about it, Mr. Vega
But a new wind is blowing across this land...
It is the wind of independence, and it carries aloft
the bird of freedom, which will drop the eggs of democracy on your head!
I've never heard it put that way before.
But we have no need for democratic eggs in California!
The people are quite happy working the land for the landowners.
You don't really believe the people are happy!
All I know is, the soldiers are
are very happy shooting the people who say that the people are not happy.
Why, we can continue this amusing little conversation
over a private drink...here
where it's nice and quiet -
Or, uh...outside where it is nice and noisy.
I'm afraid we have nothing in common.
I'll drink to that...
Paco, why you don't bring a drink to the lady...
Show her some manners!
Oh, thank you.
Could you tell me where I might find a decent Inn?
An Inn??!
With all your talk about the people I see you like decent Inns!
And you wear expensive clothes... not rags.
And you smell of exotic perfumes, not sheep oil.
Ship oil??
You mean the oil from boats?
No, sheep oil...from the sheeps in the field.
What ships in the field?
You have never heard of the sheeps in the field?
the little "Ba-ba-ba's"?
Ohhh! You mean sheep!
- Yeah, that's what I said. - No you said Ship!
Forgive me... But you have a very pronounced accent.
You are trying to change the subject from the fact that you are actually... very wealthy.
I am not!!... very wealthy!!
After all... What poor woman can afford three names?
Answer me that if you can... Señorita Charlotte ... Taylor ... Wilson.
I have a small inheritance.
But it occurred to me that I must do something with my life.
Not merely to pose, and preen ...
Like a pathetic peacock!
If there is no inn, is there a mission, perhaps?
A church? Fine!
Im glad you think you are being so helpful, but
but telling people that they have an accent when they do not have an accent
You see, Paco.
This señorita Charlotte Taylor Wilson has piqued my curiosity.
Oh, I know I have said it before... about Emilita Dupree.
and... María González ... and the three Sanchez sisters.
But this woman is different.
She has charm... she has spirit.
and. .. fire!, Yes...fire. That's very good.
Come in, come in!
Your father's fencing dummy...
and this just arrived for you.
Ooooh, poor Consuelo, you didn't have to come up all those stairs
and carry that to me...
Let me take it.
Where do you want this?
Oh, anywhere is fine.
By the window!
Who would be writing me a letter? Huh??
Unless my nose for perfumes has badly betrayed me -
Consuelo, por favor, please. By the chest of drawers.
None other than Señorita Charlotte Taylor Wilson!
Paco, please. You read it to me, Huh?
Consuelo, por favor in the corner, Gracias.
Is Esteban!, What do you want?
A Masked Ball ...
to celebrate ...
His election as mayor! Yes!
A festival! What am I going to wear?
A, a bullfighter, perhaps.
Your father told me to bring that to you after he died.
A samurai, perhaps!
He did die? Didn't he?
I see...A gypsy fortune teller!
Your father said you would know what to do with it.
A Flamingo dancer!
Something about your destiny...
Destiny?
My destiny!
Paco, open it up.
A sword ... this cape. And a hat!
What can it mean?
1,000 PESOS REWARD FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO THE CAPTURE OF Zorro.
TO MY SON
My dear son,
I do not call you by name
because I do not know which of you two brothers
will be around to read this.
But whoever does, inherits the greatest gift I possess.
This sword, with which to fight injustice.
this mask with which to deceive tyranny,
and this hat, which needs repairing.
Wear them with honor.
For in time of need,
it is the destiny of the Vega men to become....
Zorro
It's a perfect costume to wear to the ball of a tyrant.
Do not you think so, Paco?
Paco!
What are you supposed to be...? A duck?!
A bear!
Don't be silly, bears don't have ears like that?.
I will allow you... that you are a pig
but it is a suprise overall.... that's all...
Seen from the back, fair enough. You, you look like a bear.
Come on, come on, little bear.
Come one...we gonna be late to the party.
There gonna meet all kinds of people there...
Chickens, dogs. Maybe another bear...
Please! I beg of you!
Leave us something!
Out of my way, old man.
Or I'll leave you with the Mayor's boot print!
You know, Paco.
I don't feel too good about wearing this costume
before any real acts of tyranny or injustice.
It's like asking for trouble!
Help! Please! Somebody help us
Help us!
Please! Somebody help us!
- What's the problem, my friend? - He took everything we had.
Bandito!
The moment has come! My destiny calls!
- Was he alone? - Yes, sir.
Come on.... Come on, Paco!
You will die, four eye'd coyote.
I am prolonging it too, my friend because I can see you need the practice.
Ahh..for mercy señor! I beg your mercy!
from...from your flashing blade...and
Oooh! Oooh, my God!
and from your hid...hideous dog!
This is the second time today that I have heard a cry for mercy.
The first was an old man and his little granddaughter.
I meant them no harm, señor. Please! Spare me.
Yes! Yes, I will spare you.
But only so you can... spread the word
to all the robbers, and the lawbreakers
that a new bandit rides the lands.
A bandit for the oppressed... and the trodden down...
A bandit to be known as ...
Has not struck terror in your heart?
No señor. But I'm new to the region.
Do you not recognize this famous sign?
The mark ...
the "Zorro".
I love it!
Oh, señor! How can we ever thank you.
Your gratitude is thanks enough.
Look! Now we have more than before.
We took the money of the Brigand too!
Oooh, no señor!, He was not a brigand.
That was Velázquez...the Mayor's tax collector.
I know that...
But I'm sure you have some poor
and some needy friends who could use a little extra dough...
Before you leave, Please. Let me know your name...
so we can include you in our prayers?
Tell me, how long have you lived in this District?
All my life.
And you stay informed of the local events...
the news...and the gossip?
Yes, señor.
Ah, good!, Well then ...
You recognize that famous sign, huh?
Oh, yes, sir. It is the number 2.
That is not a 2. That is a Z!
Ohhh! If you say so señor.
But in the school that is how they teach my granddaughter to draw a 2.
But I say it is a Z, That of "Zorro"!
Zorro! Oh, Zorro!
That is a little more like it!
Praise be to God you're back!
Spread the news.
that he is back.
To help the helpless! To defend the friendless!
And to defeat -!
a, the defeatless.
El Zorro rides again!
This is the people's money.
It should be spent on schools and hospitals.
That's the sweat of your brow they're wearing on their backs!
The sweat of your brow...
Okay, lady, we asked you nicely to leave once...
And now we are going to ask -
Ask her nicely again.
Who are you?, Her bodyguard?
No. I am certain the lady can protect herself.
I am here merely to put my sword at her disposal.
And if she wishes -
To escort her inside.
I'm a Charlotte Taylor Wilson.
I'm with the People's Independence Committee.
And you?
What is a name?
A label or brand. Worth nothing except in the fashion world.
Ah, ah, ah. Where is your invitation, señor bear?
Señora, May I present Señorita Charlotte Taylor Wilson.
People's Independence Committee.
Here... Read all about how to fight against the tyrants ...
and "tiranitas"
Thank you!
Now do you mind telling me why you are
at my costume party without a costume!
I don't believe in playing dress-up when people are starving.
I hope you don't mind...
Why should I mind you spoiling my party!?
Making me a laughing stock in front of my friends!
Mind! Don't be silly. I don't mind.
Men! Take this woman upstairs at once
to put on a costume and a mask!
A really big mask!
Are you aware that your husband
is responsible for making thousands of people miserable?
Really?
And I thought he was just irritating me.
Lucky you.
You tall, handsome, gorgious person.
You get to dance with the hostess.
Now since you know who I am,
Perhaps you could give me a teeny, tiny hint who you are? Hmmm?
Everyone! He has come back...
He has come back.
- He has returned to help us. - Who?
Zorro.
The Zorro!
He said his name was ... "zero"
He was dressed all in black,
and was accompanied by a hideous dog!
Someone dares to commit a crime on my first night as mayor.
You know, as the Mayor's wife,
I must play many, many many roles.
But the people only see the part, I play in public.
Only a few select friends
know my private parts.
This man must be made an example of...
You hear me?
You will find him! You will bring him to me immediately!
Yes, Captain!
There he is!
The man in the black sombrero?
This is him. I am certain!
And the hideous dog you referred to must be my wife, huh.
Halt!
May I cut in?
I think that I have arrived just in the nick of time.
Esteban!
You're going to ruin my party!
Do you agree, sir that I have a point?
Indeed, it must difficult to find a hat that fits it properly.
Aaaah! Señor Zero...
Is your blade as sharp as your tongue?
Is yours as dull as your wit?
- Would you mind holding this, please. - Not at all!
Would you mind holding this, please.
Muchos Gracias!
Ah, well!
You are a little clumsy, are you not, my friend?
To be your friend, I would have to be more than clumsy,
I would have to be stupid!
Zorro! Zorro! Zorro!
Now it is my turn to parry...
I can see that your pockets are lined with the money you have stolen.
And your shoulders are padded with false epaulettes.
And pants bulge with greed.
Get that man!
He has stolen the people's taxes!
Get him!
How is my party going?
Guards!
It seems we are destined to meet again...
I'm sorry we did not get a chance to dance.
Perhaps next time...
But, who are you?!
Zorro! Zorro! Zorro!
- Zorro! - Zorro!
I fear I must take my leave!
Shit!
Ah! He has injured his foot, excellency.
Now he will be easy to find.
And now I must take my leave.
What are you... stupid?
I could have told you, you were not going to make that jump?
But no, you gotta be a hero.
Diego
Can you hear me?
I know you're up there.
Paradise!
Diego! Diego! I'm coming up.
You're a bad, bad, bad boy.
Why weren't you at my party tonight?
I thought it was ... tomorrow night.
No!, Tonight.
Guess who showed up. You'll never guess...
Zorro!
- Zorro?! - Yes!
But Zorro, he must be 85 years old by now...
Well he looked marvelous. And he made a complete fool out of Esteban.
Well, with Esteban there is so much material to work with!
That's exactly what Zorro would have said...
it's a very "Zorroesque" remark!
So... Huh!
Ah, this is your bedroom?
And this... must be your bed.
Don't you get awful lonely up here in this bed all by yourself?
Sometimes, Paco has nightmares and I let him sleep with me.
My life... is a nightmare.
Please let me sleep with you!
Why are you making that face?
Is the thought of making love to me that distasteful to you?
No, you're sitting on my foot!
Oooh! God!
My life is miserable!
I have nothing. Nothing!
Nonsense, you have everything!
You are married to the Mayor, the Prince of the people?
Don't be ridiculous.
I am married to Esteban, King of the Beasts.
A beast!
Do you realize... That we only make love 12 times a year?
Once a month is not too bad!
I mean, Twelve times in one night?
And then for the rest of the year ...
Nothing!
Tell me. On that one night...
Does he eat anything special? Oysters, raw eggs?
Garlic. A lot of garlic.
Diego, Darling.
Why didn't I marry you instead of him?
Perhaps because he asked you and I did not.
Oh, but I forgive you.
I forgive you, my darling. There is still time to start our life anew together.
Take me! Take me! Take me now, quickly!
What's wrong? I hear hoofbeats!
- It's my heart, listen.
I sounds like it is coming closer!
- Who is it? - The Mayor.
Who?
The Mayor.
We paid on Thursday.
Paid on Thursday...
- His men are here!
Decrepid old crone...
It's too late, What about under your bed?
No, no, no, no. In the box.
Inside the fencing dummy!
Who is it?
Please! Do not get up!
Forgive me for this late visit, my friend.
But something most unusual occured tonight.
And I need, from my heart to talk to you.
Of course, my friend. Whatever I can do for you.
Remember Zorro?
He re-appeared tonight.
- The Zorro. - Yes!
He robbed one of my tax collectors,
and then he had the audacity to show up at my inauguratory ball.
What nerve!
Nerve? YAAAAAAAAAH!
Of course I routed him.
He got is one or two lucky thrusts, but in the end, he saw it was hopeless.
Zorro, back after all these years!
It's hard to believe!
Yes, but I'm not so sure that this man is the real Zorro.
A fake Zorro?
What did he look like?
Well, he was ...
your height ...
your weight ...
your color.
By the way, my friend.
Why were you not at my party tonight?
I wasn't feeling too good.
This is what's curious.
Because when this Zorro tried to make his escape, he injured his foot.
Perhaps even broke it.
I fail to see the curiosity in that.
Maybe it's just a coincidence, perhaps.
But my friend, would you be so kind as to get to your feet and walk for me?
Walk for you?
But why? You've seen me walk before.
Yes, but you always do it with such ...
manliness, that I never tire of watching you.
Excuse me, Excellency. This Mayor business has gone to your head.
- Walk for you? - AHHHHHHHHHH!
I'm walking, I'm walking, I'm walking!
- Hurry, hurry, Walk! Walk! - I'm walking, I'm walking.
- Jump! - Jump!
- Now, running in place!
Walking and jumping and running in place! Walking and jumping and running in place!
STOOOOOP!
My apologies, my friend.
This Zorro business has upset me.
If you had only seen,
the way that man taunted me!
No, no, no!
- What is the matter? - This uh...
This is a rare antique that belonged to my father.
Aye! My apologies again, my friend.
Sometimes ...
I get so angry... AHHHHHHH!
Its my terrible temper!
My wife says,
it will be the death of her.
She could be right.
It's getting late?!
Ah, thank you, my friend.
And thank you for your council.
But I know from my heart what I must do.
I must show the people that their Mayor will never
under any circumstances, be intimidated!
Starting tomorrow, more taxes!
- Good! - Public Flogging!
- Good! - Look! - What?
The dawn is breaking....
It is going to be a perfect day!
For a reign of terror! Hurray for the Mayor!
Florinda, you're not hurt!
Thank God for small favors!
Do not touch me!
Zorro may not be able to ride.
But he can still fight.
On Guard!
Don't hold back, now.
REIGN OF TERROR ENTERS THIRD WEEK
NO RELIEF IN SIGHT
FUTURE FLOGGINGS FORECAST
Esteban has gone quite mad with power.
He has proclamed now that all the firstborn males be named after him!
Even the little pets.
There is nothing I can do about it.
My father would be very ashamed of me now.
To come all this distance and miss my destiny by a ... foot.
No, no, no. I don't wanna play no charades.
Are you yelling at me?
What?
I say! I'd like my little soldier doll with dad?
The little one?
Oh come, come. You remember the doll perfectly well.
Blue button eyes. Tall hat. The golden kennel puff-puff.
Kennel puff-puff?
I know you!
Know me? Certainly!
We were once womb-mates.
Womb-mates?
Ramon!, Ramon!, Ramon, my brother's back!
Incredible! Ramon
Yes, I rather like that womb-mates joke.
After 20 years, I can't believe it! Ramon!
Well, I was Ramon twenty years ago, but
when father decided that I wasn't quite masculine enough...
so he shipped me off to sea in a British frigate.
They say the Navy makes men.
Well, I'm living proof, They made me...
Paco, take the horse from my brother, Pronto!
You say you were Ramon, But you're not Ramon any more?
No, no. I've discontinued that Latin tradition.
I'm Bunny Wigglesworth, now.
I can't believe you're my brother. You're so different!
Yes, but you're still the same, aren't you?
- Still, tanned, bland and uh... - Romantic, huh?
No, no, no. I was about to say randy.
How did you hit your foot then? Falling off a Tavern Maid?
No, I broke it fighting against ... tyrannies and injustices.
for the trodden down peasants and little babies -
Well, I'm sure it's all quite an amusing little story, but ...
I have to go freshen up to say Hi-Ho to the old gent.
Tell me...Is he as loud as ever?
No. For the last month he's been very...quiet.
This sword...with which to fight injustice,
this mask with which to deceive totally
this hat which needs reblocking
Wear them with honor
because in time of need
the destiny of the Vega to become Zorro.
Zorro!
Our father was a very great leader of the people.
Leader of the what?
The people. The poor and trodden down people.
It is my destiny.
At this point it will be another month before I can walk or ride.
And by then I'm afraid there is not going to be much of the people left to lead.
Yes, yes well that is far cheese, old boy. I wish I could lend a hand.
That letter ...
is made for both of us.
I cannot be Zorro.
But you can!
Me?
Do you wish me to be Zorro?
Huh! You mean wear that drab little costume? And charge about picking fights with total strangers?
It is our destiny.
Yes, it's all very well for you to say! But I don't fight!
- Surely you fence? - I never learned.
- In the show?! - I'm a big grouse, I'm afraid.
How do you defend yourself?!
Well, actually I'm not all that bad with a whip...hmmm.
Yes, I can just imagine being Zorro.
Ramon! No need! No need.
Very well then. You may look now.
Well, what do you think?
I am speechless!
Don't you think it's a trifle...plain.
No, it's very classic.
But there... there is something that is...not right.
All I know is that these whale bones are. absolutely excruciating.
How do you keep your boy's figure then, hmmm?.
I think I know what the problem is.
There is something wrong with his vowels.
My what?
Your Vowels!
The way you say your "R", your "E" and "U"s, I don't think you realize it,
But you have a very bad accent.
And I do not think the people will believe that he is really Zorro.
What if I talk very slow.
And make my voice sound like...this?
Now will the people believe me?
I think I heard you.
Help, help, the Mayor's got all my money.
Don't you fear, El Zorro is here!
But I'm afraid this costume is not to my taste.
If I'm going to be this Zorro chappie, I want to make more of a...statement.
I want the world to recognize
Zorro, the Gay Blade!
The tax is 10 pesos.
Next.
You are next, señor.
Not you again?
And now, it is time for you to pay your taxes.
Everything. All of it!
Peasants! Poor people! Peasants!
Do not despair! Tax relief is on it's way!
I spell relief...
Z. ..
O. ..
R. ..
O!
Zorro!
- And he wore plum? - Plum.
He wore a fruit?
No excellency. He was dressed entirely in plum.
Everything matched.
And he talked differently from the first time he robbed me.
- But... - He sounded like a...
Poof!
Excellency! I've been robbed by Zorro.
He was dressed in yellow like a big banana!
Aha, I think he's trying to tell me something.
First a plum, then a banana.
- Mayor! - Yes!
- Something terrible has happened. - I know, just tell me what he wore.
- Green! - Like a Lime?
Like an Avocado!
Aha! Two fruits and now a vegetable.
Actually, the avocado is a fruit Excellency.
Oh, no, you are right two fruits and one vegetable.
- Excellency! - What did he wear... tell me?!
Red.
Red like an apple or red like a raddish.
Red, like a rose.
Aha! Two fruits, one vegetable and one flower.
- Mayor! Mayor! - Yes!
I've been robbed, by the bandit.
- He dressed...like a salad. - Salad? With tomato?
and bell peppers and cucumbers -
Of course if it's a message I'm unable to come up with the.
Quiet! Quiet!
Silence!
One salad, three fruits, two ... one
Gentlemen!
I promise you from my heart
that I will cut off his terrible culprit!
In the meanwhile, any landowner who's taxes are stolen
MUST...MAKE UP.. THE DIFFERENCE!...
from his own pocket.
Silence!
Señor Obispo, you have a motion to make?
I move we elect a new Mayor.
Charge!
Zorro RETURNS PLEDGES PEASANT PROTECTION
COLORFUL COSTUMES CAPTIVATE CROWD
MAYOR ANGRY LANDHOLDERS DISGUSTED
Silence!
And remember my people there is no shame in being poor,
only dressing poorly!
Viva el Zorro! Viva!
Zorro!
A small donation to your cause.
Thank you.
I know it must be very boring for you to hear all the time...
how wonderful you are.
But I must tell you that I admire you too.
Your style, your daring.
And you seem so much.. freer than most men.
So...comfortable with yourself.
It's the way these pants are cut... you don't feel so constrained.
And even though we've hardly ever spoken...
I feel that we are partners in this great revolution.
And anything that you ask me to do -
I will do gladly.
Anything.
I know! We can go shopping together!
There's a new shipment of satins from Spain ...
colognes from Cologne, and Corsets from Corsica.
- You can trust me. - Indeed?
Can you trust me?
A man who wears a mask?
I know I sound absurd.
And I am absurd.
And ridiculous.
But that is what love does to a woman.
It makes her comical! Extravagant!
Willing to say or do anything... to please her man.
Pergrande.
Perhaps next time.
Well, did you, ah... see her?
Oh, yes!
What do you think?
Well...
She is intelligent, and...
Sensitive.
Dedicated, in short... to you...
I can not help it.
She is the woman of my dreams.
Yes, why don't you look at it this way,
In 50 years, she'll be just another toothless old hag.
50 years with her will be a lifetime with anyone else.
Yes, well...She is... Awfully sweet!
And it was terribly nice of her to offer herself to me.
She...offered herself? You're sure?
Well ...perhaps offered isn't quite the right phrase.
Shall we say that she...
She threw herself...threw herself? Yes, that's right. Threw herself at me.
Oh, my brother! How lucky you are!
If only I could have one night in your boots.
Oh my! You think?
Diego, wake up!
Esteban!
Out, out!
- Don Diego. - Captain Esteban!
Sorry, your excellency.
My humble home is honored by your presence.
- Thank you. - My tables, my chairs,
my rugs, and uh ...
Your cane?
Mi Amigo!
You have injured yourself?
Oh, no, no, no, do not concern yourself.
One cannot be too careful with this Zorro fellow
running about.
- Yes! - I am prepared
Very prepared.
My old compadre, my heart is heavy to tell you...you are meek.
As always, my childhood playmate,
You are ... correct.
Forgive me for this late visit, my friend.
Please, please!
I have to talk to you.
About?
I have come up with a plan.
A plan? Tell me.
To smoke out Zorro... once and for all.
I'm going to shoot one peasant a day until he gives himself up.
Don't you think it's cruel and heartless, even for you, your Excellency?
What if I just wounded one peasant a day.
I am not thinking clearly. This Zorro has me crazy.
- Fruit? - No!
Here is the latest "Wanted" poster.
FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO THE CAPTURE OF ZORRO.
A REWARD OF TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND PESOS
For the first time... We have a drawing of this...
red swishbuckler!
It's very good.
Saint Mary!
What is it?
This drawing... Does it not remind you of anyone?
- Zorro. - Of course it's Zorro.
I meant...anyone else!
No, who does it remind you of?
The shallow eyes... the shape of the head.
The arrogant expression I'm sorry to say, my friend...
It reminds me of you.
No, no. I do not see that.
My eyes are much deeper
and my expression much more arrogant.
I'm not so sure.
Say something like a sissy boy.
- Something like a sissy boy? - You know what I mean.
Lisp...!
like thisssssssss.
Swing your hips. Go!
Swing your hips? Like that?!
Good. Now flop your wrist.
Flop your wrists!
And now say: You're a naughty, evil Mayor, say it!
You're a naughty, evil, Mayor?
- I'm going to do some.... - I'm going to do some....
- terrible things.. - terrible things...
to you!.
AAAHHH!
What am I saying?
My friend.
You know, you're the only friend I have.
I know this Zorro is somewhere close.
I can almost smell him.
- Who is this? - Who is what?
- This man in the orange cape. - I do not see nobody.
- Halt! Stop! - Stop!
Halt! Stop!
Don't run.
He's right here!
Stop!
Stop, in the name of the law! I said to stop!
Who are you? Who is this man?
That is brother Ramon, a humble priest who has stopped here to rest.
A priest? Tell me father ...
What order commands its priests to wear such strange clothes.
We are followers of Peter, the dress maker.
He, who is Christ's taylor.
A dress maker? Is that so?
But father, I have heard that many of your brethren in the church...
are actually... sissy boys.
And I've heard that the Mayor is actually a trained gorilla,
but who believes such nonsense!
Well, it's late father, and we do not wish to detain you any further.
- So, good night. - Most kind of you, son.
Father!
Pray for me.
Pray that soon ...
I will be face to face with Zorro.
Please, father.
Thank you.
Thank you, father.
Oh, heavenly Peter.
He, who sews on high.
He who sews in the highest!
so that they may follow in his fashion.
so that we may follow in his fashion...
let this simple, innane man ...
find what he seeks...
Thank you very much.
Now if you'll be so kind,
- as to pray for ten seconds. - I will pray ten seconds.
One, two, three,
four, five, six,
- Seven, eight ... - Eight and a half.
- Nine. - Nine and a half.
Ten.
Father, with your permission.
I'd like to give you
a small donation.
If I may, to your Order.
Your horse and your gold are not gifts.
The people thank you, Mayor.
Now you mock the church!
Now you have me and God against you!
Me too!
Fruitcake!
Oh! Esteban. Please!
Can we have a masked ball?
I want a new masked ball...
- For my pretty new necklace. - What, are you crazy?!
The peons are starving!
The Landowners are yelling for my blood!
Yaaah?
If I have a masked ball to show off your necklace ...
geez ...
- To show....Hah...Aha! - Ha haha!
Zorro could not possibly resist trying to steal it!
- Exactly...exactly - A brilliant way...
to catch a flaming phantom!
Esteban, I promise. It will be so wonderful...
It will be the social event of the season.
Enough!
Do you know that little thing ...
we do...
one night...
every year?
Yes! Oooh, yes!
We still have three months to go!
You Beast!
- At your service! - You look ridiculous!
Alright!
Listen to me!
We all know that Zorro is tricky, si?
But we have one advantage!
We have the necklace.
So!
He must! Under any circumstances... come to us. Now...
What I want is four soldiers
surrounding my wife!
All all times!
Understood?!
Good!
What are you waiting for? There she is.
- Esteban! - Yes!
I don't like this!
Good ...
Now remember... stay alert.
It's cunning, he is crafty...
He is not just going to walk in here and say "Here I am!"
Here I am!
Aaaaaah! Santa Maria!
What are you waiting for? Here he is! Arrest him! Pronto!
What's happening here?
I tell you something! I am almost disappointed.
I had anticipated a greater game of cat and mouse.
Come here! Hurry, Pronto!
At last, to expose you... You pilfering pansy!
Don Diego!
Oooh, but he can't be Zorro.
Diego, tell him you're not Zorro.
Don't be silly. I'm wearing this costume at your request.
What do you mean, my request? I do not understand.
Yesterday at my house a servant came and said
that it would be your pleasure that I come to your party dressed as Zorro.
Of course, I thought that it was in slightly bad taste,
but after all... You are the Mayor!
Diego, I made no such request.
Then who?
Here I am.
There he is.... you rouge renegade!
- What's the meaning of this? - Don Jose, you are Zorro?
- Of course not! I got a message at ... - Here I am!
Here he is!, Aaahh ..! You pompous plum.
Don Francisco, You are Zorro?
Here I am!
Here he is! Ahhhhhh! Luis! I know you.
Here!
Now this... is what i call a Zorro!
This is not Zorro.
I want Zorro!
Don't you dare.. Oh!
Stop turning like idiots! Hello, how are you?
Go.
I know he will be here.
- Zorro would not miss this opportunity to hum... - humiliate me.
I hope you are right, excellency.
- Your Excellency? - Yes!
May I introduce my cousin,
Marguerita Wigglesworth from Santa Barbara.
Marguerita, our esteemed Mayor.
A great honor, Señor ... Mayor.
Or may i call you??
"Al"
You can call me anything you wish,
My large blonde dove.
Come ...
Let us dance!
Señorita Wigglesworth,
May I call you "Maria"?
You can call me anything you like, as long as you adore me.
I tell you something Wiggie, It is not easy being the mayor.
Even in the best of times.
And especially with this... Zorro.
Oh, yes! Zorro. We've heard about him in St. Barbara.
Someone's even wrote the nastiest little poem about him!
Well if it's nasty, I'll tell you something...Wiggie!
I'd love to hear it?
- Well now, If you insist. - I do.
It is called, "Ode to a Bandit".
His clothes are bold, his mind, uncanny,
give him your gold, or he'll whip your fanny!
People may laugh... But I will laugh last.
Soon I will have him.
I tell you Wiggie, I will be as close to him as I am to you.
And when that time comes, my petunia,
I will crush him in my mighty arms!
You take my breath away! Whatever did I say?
This is ridiculous!
I'm so embarrased!
Calm yourselves!
Oh, Diego.
Put away those swords!
How are you enjoying the party?
I'm having a miserable time!
With these buffoons surrounding me at all times.
Nobody can get close enough
to see my new necklace. Isn't it beautiful!
I can see it.
It looks like it would buy the people a lot of houses.
Maybe even some schools or roads ...
Roads!
What do the people need roads for? They never go anywhere.
Thank you.
- What may I serve you, sir? - By Margarita.
Four Margueritas.
Dear cousin??
I would like you to meet the Mayor's lovely wife and her beautiful necklace.
You clumsy cow!
Look what you've done?
- A thousand pardons, Señora. - Don't you touch me!
Get out of my way!
- Ruining my dress! - Let me help you!
This is one place... you can't go with me!
But I can!
Oh my God! Not you again!
Stay away from me You've done enough damage.
I don't think it will stain but if it does, cheap is cheap!
- You horrid, wretched woman! - Oh, what lovely skin you've got.
You must stay out of the sun.
If you don't stop touching me, I shall have you...destroyed!
- Stop it! - Calm down!
Your cousin is not a woman.
She is a goddess.
- Oh, I feel faint. - Well, sit down and get some air.
I hate masked balls. Don't you hate masked balls?
The masks are so uncomfortable.
Let me!
Sit down! Now take deep breaths!
Deep, deep breaths, that's it, deep breaths.
That's it....
I don't know how someone could let themselves get so large!
It's disgusting!
Where is Wigglesworth - Your neck!
Did that woman bruise me?! She's got hands like a gorilla!
Neck! Neck! Neck! Necklace!
Zorro!
Santa Maria! How could I have been so decieved.
You?
I promised to take him on a picnic.
Well done, my brother. Now what?
In two days, my ship sails for England.
Tell Esteban he can write Wiggie care of the Royal Navy, Portsmouth.
But only if he's serious.
My brother, you are like nobody else.
What am I going to do without you.
Well now that your foot's healed,
Why don't you deliver this bauble to Charlotte Taylor Wilson?
And give her... my love.
Or better yet... Yours.
But ... It's you that she loves.
No!. It's Zorro she loves.
I'll never forget the look in her eyes when she said:
Love ... A bit absurd, ridiculous, comical.
A woman willing to do anything to please her man.
She said that to you?
Said it??! Sink me! She almost sang it!
I must go to her. You... You've done more than - Thank you brother!
I must try that line myself some time.
I am absurd, ridiculous, comical! Extravagent!
No. Who'd ever believe that of me?
This is your revolution... Your independence.
I can't do it for you.
Some nights are better for romance...
than revolution.
It's very sultry tonight.
I've never seen -
This isn't for me.
It's beaut..
It looks better on you.
After all, you are a person too.
And ... a woman.
You're hot!
Have a little water? don't feel too good?
Oh, Diego.
Diego?
- You knew it was me? - Yes
- How long have you known? - Since the start, I think.
At first I thought there were two of you.
Well ... you see ... At the beginning, I had...
But then I realized it was just two sides of one man, who was changing.
You are the reason for the change.
Now I know it is permitted for a man to be...
Bulnerable.
It's Vul-ne-ra-bel. Vulnerable.
Vul-ne-ra-bel.
oh my...
I love you.
I love you jealously, always, even if you're a little crazy.
And I love you, Don Diego Vega. Even if you are a little rich.
Señor Zorro! The soldiers!
Soldiers! You must go.
- Go. - Not for long.
And when I return...
We will not have to worry about how to pronounce "Brigen"
Virgin!
Halt!
And with my own eyes, I saw Zorro gave her your wife's necklace.
If you arrest the blonde señorita Then Zorro will come to you.
I should have thought of that myself.
- Thank you. - It is an honor.
- to be a servant to his Excellency. - I'm not paying a reward.
Of course I would not expect a reward until he is captured.
A reward?
Si. Meanwhile, your Excellency,
I live with my mother, three sisters and three brothers.
Your Excellency, I have prayed for a small room of my own.
Your prayers are answered. Lock him up inside the barracks!
Excellency, excellency! I want no reward!
She loves me. She loves me. She loves me.
Paco, where have you been?
Calm down Paco. I cannot see what you are saying.
Esteban ... Esteban's men.
have gone to arrest...
Charlotte Taylor Wilson! Santa Maria!
So this is what you've stooped to, murdering innocent women.
Look!, Just between us...
There is not going to be any woman shot. This is just a plan of mine to get Zorro.
Idiot!
Do you really think Zorro is going to sacrifice his own life
just to save that blonde, skinny whore.
I know from my heart he will...
How romantic. Do you would sacrifice your life for me?
Please! Don't make me laugh. My stomach is upset already.
Do you wish... Stop!
Do you wish for a blindfold?
No.
The eyes of freedom ...
will always see through the blindfolds of tyranny.
The bonds of oppression...
will always be broken
by the muscles of Liberty.
The people are very restless, your excellency.
I would not wait too much longer.
Lady killer!
Attention!
Father, please pray that Zorro is delivered to me, pronto. Si?
Your prayers are answered, Excellency.
I knew it!
Ready!
Stop them.
No. I know you would not kill an innocent man.
Or me either, for that matter.
Aim!
- Release her, and I am yours. - Halt!
I've always depended on people being nicer than me.
And I have never, in my life, been disappointed.
Guards! Untie her!
Hear me!
Your Mayor has promised you Zorro!
No!
The Mayor has brought you Zorro!
Ahhh, Muchos Gracias!
And now ... for the unmasking.
I ask the Mayor for one condition!
The requests are mine now, Zorro! Not yours!
Out of respect for my family!
I do not wish to be unmasked publically!
The say that the mayor is heartless and cruel!
But he respects the last wish of a gallant adversary!
NO!
Bring down the girl!
Tie him up.
Go.
You are bravest man I have ever met.
I am impressed with myself too...
- Isn't he marvelous? - He wears clothes well.
I could never get into his pants.
I bet I could.
Sergeant! Read the charges.
Zorro, the bandit. For crimes against the people,
And against the country and against the state, the city, and the villiage.
you are sentenced to be executed ...
until you are dead.
NOOOO!
I have only one regret!
One? I have one for every day I'm not going to live.
That you will not live to see the glorious revolution...
that you have brought about!
Ready!
Why doesn't she say something like...
I'm going to love you forever? Why doesn't she say that?
Aim!
I will love you forever!
Two Bits... four bits...
Six bits. A peso!
All for Zorro,
Stand up and say so!
Zorro! Zorro! Zorro! Zorro!!
I knew would never be able to do this by yourself.
What are you talking about? I was doing fine!
Fine? Silly boy, another second and you'd have had 5 bullets in you.
Admit it. You just love the attention.
Actually, I had this outfit and I thought to myself...
"Where might I possibly wear it?".
Shoot them both!
Zorro
Where is he getting all these men!
I say, I rather like that myself!
You do? You must be betting on them!
How can there be two of you?
You will understand when the revolution makes Zorros of everyone!
Soldiers! Soldiers!
Guards!
I want the names of everyone who has a stick.
Tell the lady I want her name!
Guards! Arrest everybody!
Guards!
Florinda.
At least I know you will not desert me.
Right?
Wow, I'm glad to see
you're finally developing a sense of humor, Esteban.
Excuse me.
Well, now you have had your revolution. And now?
Now, I thought maybe I'd do something
about increasing the number of voters in this country.
It means you will do much travel, no?
No.
I thought maybe I'd do it by settling down, getting married and having...
a bunch of kids.
I'm going to give you the biggest wedding you have ever had!
What would you like for a wedding present?
For myself? Nothing.
But I thought, for the people, you might donate your land.
If I give my land to the people?
If we give away my land Where do you think we are gonna live?
- Boston. - Boston?!
It is really the only civilized city. The best food,
the best art, and the best music.
The best music? You got to be joking!
I spent a week Boston once,
and I don't think I heard a decent mariachi player in the city!