This programme contains some strong language and some scenes of a sexual nature
MUSIC: All My Girls Like To Fight by Hope Tala
# I lick their hands clean of bark and bite
# So they can sleep deep at night
# Ah
# All my girls... #
If you guys want to know how I keep my face fresh
after early morning travel,
I've reposted my crucial fight-the-flight...
I am so excited to see my girls Monet and Luna today.
Yay!
VIDEO STOPS ABRUPTLY
# You like to make me suffer
# Thought we loved one another
# Ghosts of all your old lovers around
# Be quiet, don't make a sound
# Cos all your girls like to fight
# I like to make you suffer
# Thought we loved one another
# Ghosts of all my old lovers around
# Be quiet, don't make a sound
# Cos all my girls like to fight... #
DOG BARKS
Hey, Dad.
I'm in LA tonight for a session with Billie.
Ooh! I'll be back Friday, OK?
Have a great first day. I already am.
You know, you're not normally this excited for the first day of school.
Well, it's better than being stuck in here for another year.
No shit.
SHE CHUCKLES
Bye.
You're going to be late. He's always late.
OK, here's your lunch.
And your ice pack. Mm, perfect. OK.
Love you.
Bye, Dad. Bye, Pop. Bye, Rocky.
Here you go. Thank you, Obie. Any time, Murray.
PROTESTORS CHANT
Sorry it's taking me a long time.
We were together all quarantine. It's fine.
You used to like it when it took me a long time.
HE SIGHS
SHE SIGHS
Where's my freshman?
Fresh-woman?
Fresh-person.
Fresh-princess! Dad, please. No.
Sorry, I'm just excited. It's your first day!
It's another day, no first anything.
Constance Billard is one of the top ten private schools
in the country, with one of the best arts programmes.
Full of the type of people whose values I was able to shield you
from... Kids are bad all over, even in Buffalo.
We had to leave.
And we couldn't pass up the scholarship.
I mean, at Constance, my college choices are so much better.
Say it with me - Yale Drama.
And... Yes, she's a student there,
but I doubt I'll even get to meet her.
You're not even sure she knows I exist.
She's your half-sister, she knows you exist.
Well, then, I don't want to meet her, because she never accepted
my friend request I sent when I was ten.
Thank you for breakfast.
Bye, Dad. I love you.
You too. Good luck. Thank you.
Bye. Hey, where'd you get those?
Hmm?
Moving gift from Bella. Remember?
Huh.
Lune? The brick'll wash her out.
Up and to the left.
New EIP.
TEACHERS CHATTER
Ew. Go!
Don't they have their own entrance or something?
I'm standing here. You see me, don't you?
OK, come on, let's do this.
OK. So, experience is, "Arrival, first day, uh, junior year."
Um, so just back up a little bit.
Back up a little more.
OK. Now, show me the bag.
BOTH GASP
Sorry, Ms Keller, I didn't see you there.
Um, it wasn't your fault.
She almost destroyed your Capucine.
It'd take her a whole month's salary to replace it.
Rayon gives me nosebleeds. Could you move?
Oh, God, now the light's off.
Kate? Yeah?
Thought we were meeting inside.
We should have a no-Zara rule at school.
Zara, east of Lex only.
I don't know why I still expect them to be nice.
I guess a year of Zoom boxes fooled me?
That's only cos you couldn't see what they were texting beneath them.
Oh, no. First day of school, Wendy's already sad.
The headmistress would like to speak with you, Martine.
Right this way.
STUDENTS CHATTER
This is why I bring a Yeti. When the horde sets their alarms
to go off in unison during a pop quiz,
I don't spill on myself when I scream.
I could get you one.
It took me an hour to pick out an outfit
I thought they wouldn't make fun off,
and it took them one second to prove me wrong.
If Julien wore that, Urban would be mass-producing knock-offs
by third period. They just pick on us cos they can,
because no-one says not to.
And if you try to fail them,
between your laptop and the office, an F becomes a C.
And a C becomes valedictorian
and a top spot at the Ivy of their choice.
This school produced great people.
Caroline Kennedy, Colson Whitehead, Nate Archibald.
It's why I wanted to teach here.
It's not like Nate Archibald was such a saint when we started.
You went here, Rebecca? Class of '09.
Back when we still respected authority.
Now, they can't be controlled because we've ceased to matter.
Who needs an education when you're famous for putting on your make-up?
But you said Nate... When I was a student,
we lived under constant threat.
People like Nate were scared straight. How?
Yeah, I'd try anything at this point.
It was this thing that started freshman year,
called itself Gossip Girl.
Kind of like an Orwellian Big Sister.
Kept tabs on students it deemed important.
Kept tabs? If she knew your secrets, and she always did,
she told them. She kept us all accountable.
People thought it was me,
but it was actually one of my classmates.
Dan Humphrey. The novelist?!
I think I remember reading about this.
It was ridiculous. I wouldn't even read it.
DOOR CLOSES
It's a blog. Haven't seen one of these in years.
Last post, nine years ago.
Ooh, there's an archive.
Some dead links, but pretty cool.
Wish I'd thought of this when I was in high school.
SHE SCOFFS
We're still in high school.
Maybe we should try it?
ALL CHUCKLE
What are we looking at?
Hey, hey, keep it moving. Please and thank you.
Oh! The sun's arrived. He has indeed.
Maxi!
Air only. She's still setting.
JULIEN GIGGLES
Obie! Hi.
You're rumpled and sweaty.
That suddenly bothers you...why?
You said you'd do my story.
Shit, I forgot.
He forgot.
I was... I was bringing breakfast to the Navy Yard strike line,
but I saved you one.
Fan-Fan, your favourite.
Hey, isn't that your parents' development?
Yeah, it is. And they know exactly how I feel.
That the very least the strikers deserve is doughnuts.
And what about what I deserve?
I will clean up during free period, I promise.
OK, at this point, it's going to be a graduation story. Julien!
So can we...? Audrey!
Well, well, if it isn't the Seven Samurai all together again.
You can change the group chat name all you want,
it's not sticking. You'll get Kurosawa one day.
Is that what your face looks like without a mask?
Hope, been a few.
Since when do you show up on time for the first day of the school?
Guess all those months away gave me a renewed interest
in the student body.
Yours included. OK, soft focus, soft focus.
And east so your face gets the sun.
The gram can wait, ladies. She's looking for her sister.
She's not my sister. A DNA test would disagree.
She's just half.
Mm, you have a sister? He was busy at Berghain.
And you promised never to mention her.
It's a big deal, and we should not pretend otherwise.
She enrolled and moved here like some stalker.
And if it wasn't for Headmistress Burton,
who gave JC a heads-up, we wouldn't have even known.
Their dads hate each other.
Oh, I remember.
She's from when your mom ran off on you and your dad?
Yeah, and if he knew Zoya was here,
he would pull me out of school, or the hemisphere.
That's how angry he still is.
I can't believe she didn't tell you herself.
Guys, it's OK.
She and I don't even know each other.
We don't owe each other anything.
And besides, I have everyone I need right here, live and in person.
Family drama is so not my thing.
I'm more of a medical procedural kind of guy,
two Addys to get me through Calc,
and a benzo to slumber through Vicki Fic.
Is that her?
Should we throw our lattes on her? Turmeric stains forever.
I don't know what you're talking about. I can't see freshmen.
I like her shoes.
This Chuck and Blair thing is out of control.
Definitely pre-cancel culture.
Did you get to the part where she was princess of Monaco
for six months? Or when a high school senior
got a story published in the New Yorker?
As a writer, I'm a little jealous.
I mean, these posts are like a lost Edith Wharton novel.
And just as white.
It goes to show, this school has always been a breeding ground
for the worst kinds of people.
Is it really their fault they inherited power and influence
the minute they were born without any examples of how not to abuse it?
You're defending them? After what they just did to you?
I'm only saying we're their last hope.
We're supposed to send them out of here Barack Obamas
instead of Brett Kavanaughs.
How? We have no power.
Sure we do.
DOOR OPENS
Fucking got fired.
SHE SOBS
BELL RINGS
The headmistress was on the phone with parents all morning.
Parents? It was something about me refusing to change a grade
last year. And there were other teachers waiting when I left.
I mean, it's a... It's a bloodbath.
Today, the first day of school?
If you want to show you're in charge, you need an audience.
Who's OUR last hope, Kate?
We could be next.
You don't have to be.
What's this?
Power.
Let's see if this gets their attention.
Let me see it.
Yours is better!
No way. My friend did mine with a seam ripper.
OK, true. I got mine done by Dr Woo.
But still, I'm so happy to finally meet you!
You're not just in my chat history any more,
you're actually here. I know. Davis?
No idea. Nick?
Knows you go here, but thinks you have no idea who I am.
SHE CHUCKLES
So we're good for now.
Julien Elizabeth.
Zoya Jane.
I can't believe you're really here.
I know, I thought no fucking way my dad would go for moving.
But when I got the scholarship...
I can't believe we pulled this off.
That's not what I meant. I...
SHE SIGHS
I can't believe you're really here.
You look just like her.
I have this whole plan
to incorporate you into our friend group.
Are you sure you can't just...? This'll be easier.
They'll like you for you and not because you're related to me.
Met steps at 11.00.
I was told freshmen don't have open campus privileges.
We own this school. They work for us.
Do you like the sneakers?
I feel a little weird about... They were free.
Don't even worry about it.
And I've already planted the seed that I liked them on you,
so I'll wave you over to get them for my story, OK?
Just like we planned.
Now get to class. I can be late, but you shouldn't.
SHE SQUEALS
You're here!
Dumbo Hall tonight, dears.
And a reminder, it is Fashion Week,
so accoutre accordingly.
I'm actually stuffing envelopes after school, so I'll be late.
And probably rumpled and sweaty.
And you said you would come with me.
Yeah, just so you'd quit asking me.
Who waits for the light? She's not from here.
I still don't know who you're talking about.
You know what would trend faster than a fall fashion fail?
A secret sister splosh video.
I've got the heels, and I'd love nothing more than to just...
Hey!
Are those Bey Superstars?
Yeah. Can I get a picture?
Just cos our dads hate each other doesn't mean we have to, right?
What are you doing?
What if she's cool?
She has a headband on.
It's actually a scarf. It was my...
Our mom's.
Let's do this instead.
The Right To The City Alliance?
Yeah, they... I, uh, I volunteer with them.
See? Someone else has heard of it.
They're doing great work.
They try to halt displacement of marginalised communities
in historic neighbourhoods.
My grandpa used to work with them until he passed away.
If you ever need another body, I'm in.
I've been trying to get this guy to go for, like, months.
I think it's cool you work with them.
You ever heard of the guilty rich?
This one's the guiltiest. And the richest.
CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS
What's your handle? Uh, ALottaZee, with two Es.
As soon as I post this, you're going to get a load of new followers.
Pro tip - best to use your name. That way, anyone can find you.
Why would I want people to find me?
How would you like to hang out with us tonight at Dumbo Hall?
It's this members-only club we go to.
I don't know, it's a school night.
Lordy, Lordy, Lordy.
If you close your eyes, she disappears, I'm telling you.
We don't stay out late. We don't?
I'm not a member.
I'll put you on the list.
So as long as everyone else agrees?
Maybe my Xanny just kicked in, but I say why not?
She's cute enough.
It would be nice to have someone to run errands.
Sure.
Welcome.
See you at 7.00.
CHATTER
Not even a like. As if it didn't happen.
We should've known. Is anyone under 30 even on Twitter?
I'd delete that if I were you.
Retaliation never works. Ask my ex-wives.
I'm not a lesbian.
SHE LAUGHS
Trio of sad incoming.
Which one of them should I get fired next?
What did you just say?
No, I wasn't talking to you.
About you, maybe, but... that depends on your behaviour.
But I'm pretty sure you know that now.
My house, tonight.
So, we covered your commute, your classes,
the creepy hot dog guy who liked your uniform...
OK, Dad.
I saw her once from across the courtyard. That's it.
And I'm pretty sure that's how it's going to be.
But I met some great new people.
Hmm. And one of them invited me to go get gelato with her.
Oh, that's nice. Tonight.
Well... In the Village.
No way. It's a school night.
Come on, Dad, this is New York City.
7.00 here is like 4.00 in Buffalo.
And if I say no to the first invitation,
who knows if I'll get any more?
So long as you're back by 9.00.
9.00?
If you prove to me you can be responsible this time,
maybe you'll be able to say yes to those future invitations
and stay out even longer.
Fair. Thank you.
PHONE CHIMES
Hey. Jimmy, right? Mm-hm.
I'm Zoya, we just moved... We're staying at my grandma's.
Did someone drop something off?
Yeah, the courier said not to call up.
It's a... It's a surprise for my dad.
Twitter is a glorified chatroom for meme sharing,
conspiracy theorists, and Lin-Manuel Miranda.
If we really want to get attention, it's Instagram only.
Gossip Girl was also voice-y. It drew you in.
"Spotted: Chuck Bass losing something no-one knew he had -
"his heart."
I can write in that style.
And we need to tag people for maximum effect.
That way, we know they'll see it.
The whole school? Just the popular kids,
like Serenas, Blairs, Nates, and Chucks.
Make them think there's another Dan Humphrey in their midst.
Gossip Girl would have been nothing without Blair versus Serena.
Their rivalry launched her. We need our own.
Well, clearly Monet and everyone.
SHE SCOFFS
Monet's the school villain.
No-one cares.
We need to centre someone people are actually drawn to.
Like Julien.
Not only is she famous, people actually like her.
Julien has no rival.
Who knew what Blair and Serena's relationship was actually like?
Gossip Girl's perception was reality.
So we create our own.
Who do we think Julien might...? Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
We might not have to make up anything.
You know about her sister, right?
I was on her admissions panel.
But do you know how she got there?
Is that real?
Better than I could've imagined.
So you'll use that?
The old Gossip Girl knew how to tease things out.
She got their attention first, and then went in for the kill,
so we do the same.
We wait on this.
Just a little bit.
You ready to, uh, take the power back,
do some good, and save the future?
I'm going to need your Gossip Girl voice to be better
than your real voice. It is.
I say we do it. You've got my vote.
Hello, followers. Gossip Girl here,
your one and only source for the truth
behind the scandalous lies of New York's elite.
Been a minute. Did you miss me?
I know I've missed you.
CELLPHONES CHIME
Though you're probably going to wish I'd stayed away when I'm done,
because I can see you.
Not the you you've oh-so-carefully curated,
the real you.
The one hiding just outside the edge of frame.
Well, it's time to reframe that picture.
You've gotten away with everything a little too long.
Now that I'm back, I'm going to feature your finstas,
surface those subtweets, and crack your caches.
You can't hide from me. Never could.
And to prove it, there's a big secret amongst the ruling class
at Constance Billard.
And as you will soon come to know, no good secret goes unpublished.
Watch this space.
Or don't.
You'll hear about it soon enough either way.
Till then, xoxo, Gossip Girl.
Um, did you see that thing we were tagged in?
You turned off my notifications, remember?
What kind of person calls themselves Gossip Girl?
Yeah, it's the 21st century. At least be a Gossip Woman.
Is this that Syosset strip mall party store
that tried to offer me a sponsorship deal?
Probably some regional tween hoping to boost his TikTok.
Blocked and buried.
Mm, where's Obie?
HE CLEARS THROAT
Whoa, I did not recognise you at all.
Um, it's the dress.
It's new. Yeah, it looks like, uh...
You look like Julien.
Is that a compliment?
It's typical for you to be so trusting and open.
That's why people follow you. They think that they know you
and they feel entitled to your life, which they aren't.
Zoya's not some crazy stalker, Audge.
But she is a semi-stranger who has, by some fortuitous coincidence,
found herself at your school, in your friend group...
..with your boyfriend?
I'm going to get us another round. We're going to need it.
Look, I, um... I almost forgot, I...
I brought you this.
And I don't know if it goes with the dress or whatever...
It goes with everything. Thank you.
Hey. What up, Obes?
Hey.
Thank you for coming. You only have to stay an hour,
and then I'll come to whatever rally you want next time.
He hates this place. Yes, I do. Very much so, yes.
I mean, if one tenth of these people donated the price of one drink
to a charity of their choice...
They ARE the charity of their choice, Obes,
and that one drink is to help them forget
what people like you ask of them.
As for me, I have got very tight plans for the night.
A bourbon, couple bumps, e tutto.
It's a school night, after all.
Aren't you tired of playing "who's going to win tonight?"
Well, it's not a game if everyone can.
Nice hand-me-down.
Audrey! It's clearly not hers.
It's a fact. I'm speaking factually.
Um, she's right. Julien... A gift. The first of many.
To make up for the ones we didn't get to give each other.
Olives or twist?
I say twist.
You don't have to drink. We don't peer pressure.
Yeah, I don't.
Topo Chico? Thanks. More for me.
Constance can be a great school if you know how to play it.
I'll tell you everything you need in order to do so.
St Jude's used to be its own building,
and the boys still act like it is.
The only place we really mix is out front or in the courtyard.
Be careful. It's a fishbowl,
so look your best, because you will be watched.
We use IG for stories, and WhatsApp for abroad, and Messages to chat.
What about YouTube? Don't interrupt.
Especially not to say "YouTube."
Freshmen are scared to, but you shouldn't be.
..haven't realised they're upholding a system
the patriarchy put into place.
Sant Ambroeus or Yura for coffee, Starbucks for group orders.
JG Melon's for burgers, though they check IDs.
Mezzaluna, not Sarafina's.
Sweetgreen, but for pick-up only.
Never Uber.
And don't use your real address. For privacy and safety.
I take the bus.
You probably come from a school
where people get to know their teachers.
Nobody does that here. They're never around long enough
to develop a relationship with anyway.
They're always leaving. Whether they want to or not.
Probably because private school teachers get paid
substantially less than public school ones.
They do? That explains so much.
Zara. Zara.
It's criminal how little they make.
Less than customer service representatives,
executive assistants, retail salespeople.
Oh, my God. And wouldn't Ms Keller be so much happier at Madewell?
Yeah, Jules, come on. She works really hard.
Ms Keller actually interviewed me for the scholarship.
I thought she was great.
Right, I've been trying to get her to get this for years.
Oh, my God. Um, what's your number?
I'll add you to the group text.
I'm going to go find my boyfriend.
Poor Audrey Hope. Married and monogamous at 16.
Nothing "poor" about it. Don't straight-shame me.
Do you ever miss colouring outside the lines?
Or did you never?
So with all the people in this room, at this very moment,
you want to spend your augmented energy on me?
I don't know what it is with you and Ak, but something's different.
In a good way?
Oh, yeah. The best way.
This isn't on my plan for tonight.
It's all yours if you want it.
You want it?
Oh, well.
CHATTER
What are you doing?
What's going on?
MOANING
AUDREY BREATHES HEAVILY
Sh.
SHE GASPS
SHE MOANS
PHONES CHIME
Huh?
Spotted: Calloway and her crew at Dumbo Hall
with a little something extra - her sudden sis.
Sorry to crash the party, JC, but I've got a pic that says
the thousand words you've yet to utter.
Everyone knows, 15 years ago, Mama Marion dumped DJ Davis
for a new life with Nick Nobody,
yet sadly passed before she could see her daughters united.
Yet unite they have,
though you wouldn't know it to look at them.
"Never met before"? That's the ruse.
Zoya's entrance to Constance was signed, sealed, and deceitful.
Or didn't you know? On the Upper East Side,
scholarships aren't granted, they're gifted.
What is this thing talking about?
How should I know? I got that scholarship on my own, right?
You didn't buy that for me? Of course not.
My dad gives money to the school,
part of which goes to fund the art scholarship.
He doesn't have time to read the apps, so I do.
And since you have a passion for theatre...
Did you know when you asked me to apply for it
that you would be the one deciding who gets put forward?
Wh... What? Did someone deserve it more than me?
Why would you think someone else deserves something more than you?
Wait, you two already know each other?
On purpose? Who cares?
Refresh, it's gone already.
Why would you lie? We don't lie to each other.
If our dads knew, they never would have let her move here.
They just found out.
Didn't they?
My dad's not on Instagram.
My dad's publicist runs his.
And we are not your dad.
I know. It's just, I wanted to make sure that we...
That I... Liked me?
No, that's not... Oh, oh, oh.
So you were afraid that Z would be Z's.
I don't want to lose my place here.
In fact, I can't... I can't actually afford to stay here
without that scholarship, so please, make it make sense,
who would do something like this?
Students work in the office.
Someone is clearly trying to fuck with me,
but it's nothing.
It's just gossip. We're fine.
It doesn't matter.
Nobody cares, right? Do any of you care?
I'm going to go.
You said you would do the story first.
SHE SIGHS
CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS
You could've told me.
I'll walk out with you. Yeah.
You know, what Julien said is right.
I mean, the whole Gossip Girl thing, it's just somebody playing a game.
It's a lot of trouble for just a game.
I mean, creating an account, teasing us all day,
and then dropping a bomb just to publicly shame her and me?
HE CHUCKLES
It comes with the territory up here.
And if you have something that people want,
you have something to lose.
Right? People try and take us down.
They never can, though.
And you're one of us now.
THUNDER RUMBLES
Oh, shit!
Shit, shit, shit, shit... All right, look, the C station
is just a few more blocks up, all right?
And what happens when I get out at the other end, where it's four?
I don't know if I have to give this dress back.
I do live right there,
if you want to just wait it out with me for a bit.
Yes, sure, OK. Yeah, OK, all right.
Just for a bit. Great.
You have the whole floor?
Um, the building.
Uh, if you... If you want to give me your dress,
I can go hang it in the sauna, and it'll be dry in no time.
And then, you know, you can just borrow an umbrella.
Oh. OK. Um, where can I change?
If we get these floors wet, my mom will kill me.
So...
I won't look.
You have my word.
OK.
CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS
Ready when you are.
Mm-hm. I'll grab you a sweater.
I'm sorry Julien didn't tell you about me.
I am too.
Not surprised, though.
I shouldn't...
I shouldn't say that. You're her sister.
I am, but, God, even I barely know her.
Sometimes it's just feels like we're not even dating any more.
Really, you know, like I'm just this actor,
and I'm playing her boyfriend in her story.
When we first got together, though, it was...totally different.
That was way before she got into any of that stuff.
And we were interested in the same things,
she wanted to make her mark on the world.
And now she just, like, tells me what to wear and where to be
and what to say.
She's making her mark, for sure. Don't get me wrong.
I mean, she's got a lot of influence.
You know, it's just it's...
It's her world, it's not...
It's not ours. Mm.
SHE SIGHS
OK.
Two years ago, on my birthday,
I got this DM from someone who...
..I'd only ever heard of. Mm-hm.
She'd been mythical to me, and then suddenly, she was real.
We've DM'd and talked pretty much every single day since then.
The Julien that I got to know on the other end of those phone calls?
Yeah, she's different from the one that I met today.
More like the one you miss...
..which means she's still in there.
What?
It's just, uh, it's nice to hear someone be kind for a change.
It's nice to feel kindness for a change.
PHONE CHIMES
Well, um the rain has stopped.
You should probably get your dress before it shrinks.
Mm-hm. Yup.
KNOCK AT DOOR
The only time I felt more gross than standing here showing you these
is the moment that I took them to show you!
I should be arrested.
They were standing in front of a window.
Anyone could have seen that. Anyone didn't. I did!
You won't use these, right? I don't want to.
But...
..we're either in this or we're not.
Whatever you may have read... Not even 9.00.
I'm so glad I can always trust you.
PHONE ALARM RINGS
MUSIC: Therefore I Am by Billie Eilish
# I'm not your friend or anything
# Damn, you think that you're the man... #
GOSSIP GIRL: Ah, New York.
Is there anything more romantic than a walk in the fall rain?
Only what happens after behind closed doors.
Or open windows.
Hey JC, looks like DNA isn't all you and your sister share.
Julien, it's not true. Of course it isn't.
He just gave me a place to wait till the rain stopped.
What is this Gossip Girl thing, and why is it out to get us?
They're after me. You're just collateral.
But whoever it is, I won't let them win.
Did we go about this the wrong way? Not telling anyone?
You have to be strategic about the way that you present things
to the world. We just weren't careful enough.
We'll tell everyone some jealous freshman
is trying to stir shit between us.
But there's no shit to stir.
It'll all blow over if we just show that it hasn't gotten to us.
I'll see you in the courtyard.
# You think that you're the man
# I think, therefore I am
# I'm sorry. #
SHE SIGHS
Hey, look, there he is. The cheater.
With a freshman? That's so gross, Obie.
Yeah, keep walking.
I can't believe he did that! Freak, man.
Why would you ever cheat on Julien?
I didn't. Oh, so Gossip Girl's lying?
Of course he'd say that.
Dude, I've been defending your honour all morning,
as if it was The Crucible.
Got to say, not the best optics, your girlfriend's sister.
I didn't do anything, Ak.
All right? You know I would never do anything like that.
It's just...some crazy kind of...
Social media nightmare!
You as someone who loses is bad for business.
I didn't lose anything.
And everything will be fine so long as you win.
Olivia Jade gained followers when her mom went to jail.
Exactly, her mom went to jail.
For Jules to rise above this, she has to destroy Zoya.
Ladies, ladies, nobody's going to believe that gossip.
Zoya's a 14-year-old nobody, and I'm me.
First she stole her mom, then she stole her man.
If you want to get back at Zobie, I volunteer as tribute.
Oh, my God, they're already a hashtag.
You need to do something! This shit ain't it.
I got us a regular Lyft, we can talk in here.
Julien, I'm so, so sorry. It's not your fault.
I feel terrible anyway. I'm just so confused about everything.
The whole school was either staring me down
or high fiving me all day.
I've come up with a plan to get us past this.
I did a little research on Gossip Girl.
There were these two best friends she was obsessed with forever ago.
It's kind of a badge of honour that she chose us.
All we have to do is take a page from the Blair and Serena playbook,
and beat Gossip Girl at her own game.
How do you beat an anonymous troll?
Since no-one believes the truth, only the lie,
we have to lie in return.
We plan a public showdown, nothing too big,
just where I look like I get the power back,
and then everything can go back to the way that it was.
Us, as the sisters we're meant to be.
How do you get the power back?
I'm walking in the Christopher John Rogers show tomorrow at the Armoury.
It's a big deal for my brand identity,
and I'll make sure that you have a seat,
but I'll forget to put you on the list for the after-party.
And all you have to do is make a scene when they don't let you in.
Monet and Luna will take a photo of Obie and I inside,
with your meltdown outside.
You really think Obie's going to go along with this?
He does things for me. He's good like that.
But you should stay away from him for the time being.
And we should stay out of each other's way as well.
Just till the show.
Build the tension, you know. Tease it, like Gossip Girl did.
Speaking of that devil...
What are you doing? Tossing out the bait.
GOSSIP GIRL: You might have noticed it's been all quiet
on the Upper Eastern front for the past 24 hours.
Think the storm has passed? Not a chance.
Sources tell us to keep your eyes peeled at the Armoury.
Who doesn't love a fashion showdown?
I tried to warn her. I mean, our group of friends
have known each other since we were babies.
We have trust and... and history.
So no new friends...ever?
I'm not saying pull up the drawbridge.
I just think it is so terribly odd that she lied about it.
Well, it's Julien's life.
I mean, whatever reasons she had made sense to her.
I didn't book a session, Dr Menzies, please.
Hey, it's just... Share in my outrage for one moment.
This whole thing is ridiculous, OK? However it came to be,
secret sisters fighting over Prince George is as declasse
as an Andy Cohen show.
It's time to ice out that social climber.
Are you guys still in that text chain?
Yes.
Thank you. Thank you.
Where's your dad's concealer again?
Top right drawer.
All right.
Here we go. No, no, no. Not for me.
Sies Marjan was for everybody, so...
Yeah, if you're in, like, a Gaspar Noe movie, maybe,
but I don't like to stick out.
Well, you already do, so...
Where you going?
Mirror's here.
CHATTER
Julien. I've had my eye on you.
Looking forward to it. Thank you, Lindsay.
Have you been reading the comments on this post?
People are expecting you to go full Cersei tonight,
but your plan is Saoirse.
What part of "destroy" did you not understand?
I agree. Leaving someone off the guest list is for bat mitzvahs.
She's my sister. I'm not... You think just cos
you're related to her, she doesn't have it out for you?
Ever heard of Shakespeare? Succession? The Bible?
Fam v fam's the number one story since the dawn of dawn.
She worked you.
She just wanted in.
It's not like... You're losing followers, OK?
She's getting them.
Finally.
What's the plan?
Well, the world thinks Z is out to snatch whatever JC has,
so we'll follow that thread.
We'll make it seems like she planned some big secret sabotage
to ruin Jules' big moment.
And then when that plan goes off,
we'll be there to point out the person who did it.
She'll be so humiliated in front of the only people that matter
that she'll never want to show her face outside of school again.
Mm, I love us.
When did she say it would go down?
The after-party. So, um, we have time.
I want to see the show, so...
CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICK Love that.
MONET GRUNTS
Don't you know? You can't use your phone in here.
If someone sees you, you'll get thrown out,
and then you wouldn't be able to help your sister with her plan.
I'm sorry, I didn't know. OK. Well, now you do.
Your seat's over there.
Wait. I need you.
Well, part of you.
Hurry. Go, go, go.
SHE SIGHS
Hurry, we don't have time.
What? You're the stylist. Style me.
ZIP UNZIPS
HE CHUCKLES
CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICK
GASPS
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Ooh! Right?
CHATTER
SHE CHUCKLES
That tracks.
CHEERING
CHEERING CONTINUES ON TV
Here she comes. How do you know this'll work?
Just like you don't need someone's password to take a photo,
you don't need one to share it.
PHONES CHIME
APPLAUSE
PHONES CHIME
INDISTINCT MUTTERING
Ew!
What the hell? Who sent this?
Ew, ew! Oh, not bad.
Anybody recognise them?
MONET: Security! Over here.
Hi. You saw that photo, right?
Yeah, we saw who sent it. It's the girl in that orange dress.
PHONES CHIME
Come with us, please, right now.
Sorry, what? What's going on?
Just follow me.
It was her!
See, right there! She's the one who sent it!
That's who sent it? Her?
You dropped your phone.
This isn't the after-party.
Did we get played?
CHEERING
PHONE CHIMES
What are you doing? Cementing us.
Spotted: Some Upper East Side style sibling rivalry.
It may look like Z was trying to steal the light,
but she was unaware of Julien and her callow ways.
It's a long drop from A-list to Z,
but at least everything is back where it's meant to be.
She looks triumphant.
Oh, my God!
What?
APPLAUSE CONTINUES
Still, I'd watch out, JC.
You bought what you needed, but now you'll pay the price.
Julien? Oh. Good, you're here.
I had no idea Monet and Luna were going to do that.
Why didn't you stop it when it happened?
You stood there.
Worse...you liked it.
No, I didn't. Z... You don't get to call me that.
My God, you're really blowing this out of proportion.
I'm hurt!
You hurt me.
Why did you bring me here?
You're my sister. We don't even know each other.
Mom wanted us to.
She left us a clue to make sure. Julien Elizabeth, Zoya Jane.
So don't let some petty high school bullshit change what we planned.
I've spent my whole life wondering who Mom was.
What she was really like. Why I never got to know her.
And the only thing that made it better when I got so low
was knowing that there was somebody else wondering the same things.
But you don't even care about that, do you?
You only care about how other people see you.
You just got here.
You have no idea how hard it was for me to become who I am today.
Dead mom, drunk or disappearing dad,
and now I'm not just known, I'm influential.
It takes a lot of work to matter like that, to become something.
And I can't have that taken away from me.
You don't know who I was before this.
I had a life in Buffalo. Friends.
I pushed my dad to move here because you asked me to.
Because you said you wanted to be the family we were meant to be.
I wish I never came.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have.
But you're here now, so this can go one of two ways.
You can learn me...
..or you can leave.
I've learned enough.
But I'm not going to leave either.
There's room for more than just you to matter.
SHE SCOFFS
Do you really think you can go up against me and win?
SHE LAUGHS
See, that's your problem.
You still think there's something to win.
But I'm not playing your game,
so its outcome means nothing to me.
That's right. How could I forget?
People like you don't win. They steal.
Just like your dad did.
So good luck, Z.
Great, now we can go to The Blonde together.
SHE BREATHES SHAKILY
Babe?
What you did back there...
I didn't do anything.
I've been waiting a long, long time for this.
For what?
For you to show who you really are.
I mean, I feel like...
I feel like an idiot for thinking that you were ever somebody
I could l...
I let it get too far tonight. I know that.
But I'll do better, I promise.
Yeah, maybe.
Maybe you will, but I won't be there when you do.
I'm... I'm done. Sir, can you just...?
I'm going to get out right here. Obie! You can't just...
I can explain.
You don't have to.
You and your sister have committed fraud.
You could get thrown out of that school.
This could go on your record. No, it won't. I'll...
I'll tell them that I had no idea Julien got me the scholarship.
You mean you'll lie? I HAD no idea, Dad. Really.
And...I would have gotten it anyway, right?
Well, now you'll never know.
PHONE CHIMES
GOSSIP GIRL: We started off painting on cave walls,
representations of what we saw and knew to be true.
That bear, the sun, ourselves.
I'm sorry it's taking me so long.
BOTH BREATHE HEAVILY
You know you can think about him, right?
What?
But very soon, facts of family and fire turned into fables.
That bear - vanquished.
The sun - a god.
And us - anything we wanted to be.
MOANING
And we've never gone back.
PANTING
There's a reason we call the act of relating something,
"telling a story."
We say it even when it's true.
We also say it when it's a lie.
"Ooh, have I got a story for you."
"Do you want to hear something crazy?"
"You will not believe what I'm about to tell you."
Which is how we got to today.
It's all a story now.
And we love to tell it.
It doesn't matter if it's real.
It doesn't matter if it happened to you, or if you did it.
It only matters if I say you did.
Because what they realised then is still true now -
the only thing that makes a story interesting
is how it's told and who's telling it.
Those shoes are cool.
Hey. Oh, hey.
Uh, are you still going to the RTC Alliance after school?
I am still going to the RTC Alliance after school, yeah.
I... I would really love to join you.
HE CHUCKLES
I would love for you to join me too.
BOTH GRUNT
Oh! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
It's all my fault, not yours.
I like your blazer.
Thank you.
I'll see you in class.
I told you you couldn't hide from me.
I told you I saw you.
But if there's one thing you can hold as true,
then as now, it's this.
It may take some time, it may hurt a little bit,
but I know you'll love me.
Which one of these should we post next?
Whichever we want. The future is ours again.
xoxo, Gossip Girl.