嘿 明天五年级又要开学了 Hey. You know the 5th grade starts tomorrow again.
什么？意思是我们要早上八点起床？ What?! Does that mean we have to get up at 8:00?
-冷静 Oh, calm down.
暑假大多时候 你都在睡大觉 -是啊 You slept 95% of the summer. Yeah.
蜥蜴伯伯里奥
♪ 小学最后一年 即将挥别孩童时代 ♪ ♪ Last year of elementary school Last year of bein' a kid ♪
♪ 不再是高年级学生 ♪ ♪ Being on top ♪
♪ 我要出去痛快挥棒 ♪ ♪ I'm gonna go out swingin' ♪
♪ 玩具士兵、迪品多滋 小包装巧克力棒 ♪ ♪ Toy soldiers Dippin' Dots, fun-size bars ♪
♪ 溜滑梯、放响屁、豪吃星形炸鸡块 ♪ ♪ Slip 'N slides Fart noises, chicken stars ♪
♪ 直到他们叫我停下 ♪ ♪ Until they tell me to stop ♪
♪ 小学最后一年 校园里个子最大的孩子 ♪ ♪ Last year of elementary school Biggest kid on campus ♪
♪ 我成功了 ♪ ♪ I got it made ♪
♪ 坐下 小子！ 你们这些笨蛋都要听我的 ♪ ♪ Sit down, son! I own all you dorks ♪
♪ 我好开心 三年级时留级了 ♪ ♪ I'm so stoked I was held back in third grade ♪
♪ 好吧 那我们就不邀请卡拉 ♪ ♪ Okay, okay So we will not invite Cara ♪
♪ 我的天 我讨厌她 ♪ ♪ Oh my God, I hate her ♪
♪ 萨布丽娜有点酷 ♪ ♪ Sabrina's kind of cool ♪
♪ 我们不跟四年级学生玩 ♪ ♪ We do not do 4th graders ♪
♪ 那我们列个朋友名单？对 名单上不准有怪咖 ♪ ♪ So we make a list of friends? ♪ ♪ Yes, with no weirdos on it ♪
-小夏怎么样？ -她人很好 -What about Summer? -Yeah, she's nice.
恶心 Uh, vomit.
小夏 妈妈呢？今晚我哄你睡 凯拉 -Summer, where's Mommy? -I'll put you to bed tonight, Kayla.
我们长大了 妈妈总有一天会离开 We're getting older. Mom'll be gone someday.
我要上五年级了 是时候长大了 It's 5th grade. Time to be a grown-up.
-去哪里… -我不会喝咖啡 也不会喜欢男生 -Where did she-- -I won't drink coffee or like boys.
-但我要自己给水壶装水 留刘海 -她要… -I'll fill my own water bottle, get bangs. -Is she still gonna--
我知道去年大家都留刘海 但我脑门太大 Everyone got bangs, but my forehead's getting bigger.
我不想看起来像游行花车 或漫画书里的外星人 被人八卦… I don't wanna look like a parade float or an alien and be the talk--
♪ 再睡五分钟 ♪ ♪ Five more minutes ♪
♪ 柯尔 今年你得自己起床 ♪ ♪ Cole, this year You have to get up on your own ♪
♪ 再睡五分钟 ♪ ♪ Five more minutes ♪
♪ -好 再睡五分钟 ♪ ♪ Okay, five more minutes ♪
你可真强硬 老爸 Way to be strong, Dad.
（伊莱的过敏食物表）
♪ 减轻了 ♪ ♪ Lessening ♪
♪ 他们说我的坚果过敏症状减轻了 ♪ ♪ They say my nut allergies Are lessening ♪
♪ 等免疫增强剂起作用 我就可以吃宫保鸡丁了 ♪ ♪ Once the immune boosters kick in I can try the kung pao chicken ♪
♪ 欢迎五年级学生 直接从这道门进去 ♪ ♪ Welcome, 5th graders Go right through this door ♪
♪ 因为今年你们的教室在二楼 ♪ ♪ 'Cause this year, your homerooms Are on the second floor ♪
高光时刻！ The big time!
♪ 请不要踩到幼儿园的小朋友 ♪ ♪ Please don't step on The kindergartners ♪
明年去韦斯特莱克吗？ Going to Westlake next year?
我表哥说那里有个小孩抽烟 My cousin said there's a kid who smokes there.
-你看到什么了吗？ -没 咿哩哇啦吵死了 拜托 You see anything? No. A lot of yappin'. Come on.
这就对了 好吧 Ah, there we go. -All right.
新学年 又是一批五年级的小魔头 Another year, another batch of 5th grade head cases.
卡比尔、安东尼 欢迎 Kabir, Anthony, welcome.
你是纽约来的 新来的家伙？ 爱国者队逊毙了！ You from New York, new guy? Patriots suck!
爱国者队是新英格兰的 That's New England.
-你的上衣好像穿反了 -拜托！ -I think your shirt's on backwards. -Come on!
-瞧瞧 一群话多鬼 -是啊 老样子 -Look at this. Bunch of motormouths. -Yep. Same old, same old.
我看到卡拉穿着金宝贝的毛衣 I saw Cara in a sweater from Gymboree.
-一群势利眼 -美少女队 -There's the snotty clique. -Tween Queens.
-假惺惺小队 -11岁就是人生巅峰 -The Facade Squad. -Peaking at 11.
当然了 永远“病恹恹、应该待在家”的小孩 永远有这样的小孩 -The "sick and should've stayed home" kid. -Always one.
暗地里鄙视自己的班级小丑 There's the class clown who secretly despises himself.
太搞笑了 柯尔！ That's hysterical, Cole!
-多谢 柯尔！ -哎呀 今年有几个柯尔？ -Thanks, Cole! -Jeez, how many Coles this year?
这让我想起了 1991年的“贾斯汀大风潮” Reminds me of the Justin avalanche of 1991.
但愿别又流行叫“里奇”这个名字 God forbid we ever see a Richie again.
哥们 不会吧 你现在比我高？ Bro, no way, are you taller than me now?
绝对会有一个爱吃奶酪泡芙的小孩 The inevitable Cheez Doodle kid.
不 手指的颜色看起来像多力多滋条 No, those look like Dorito fingers.
-我们刚从布朗克斯搬来 -你是新来的？哇 -We just moved from the Bronx. -You're new? Wow.
太难了 我从来没离开过朋友 除了我们去年去默特尔比奇 That's hard. Never had to leave friends, except when we went to Myrtle Beach.
回家的飞机上 坐我旁边的老太太有关节炎 On the flight home, the old lady next to me had arthritis.
我不得不帮她打开芥末包 I opened her mustard packet.
-第一个孩子 -口无遮拦 First child. -No filter.
从不知道什么时候该闭嘴 Never heard the word "enough."
好了 同学们！你们开心吗？ Okay, guys. Are you excited?
大多数同学在本校就读五年了 Most of you have been going to this school for five years.
有的是七年 你们现在是大孩子了！ Some of you, seven. And now you're the big kids.
希望大家都见过了我们的班级宠物 里奥纳多和杰尼龟！ I hope everyone's met our class pets, Leonardo and Squirtle.
我才不要碰它们 I'm not touching those things.
它们不是在同一个地方吃喝拉撒吗？ Don't they eat, sleep and poo in the same place?
嘿！我在它睡觉的地方拉便便 Hey! I poo where he sleeps.
现在如果我告诉大家 Now what if I told you
本学年末 表现优异的学生 会获得大大的奖励 怎么样？ there's a big reward at the end of this year if you do well in class?
学术马拉松竞赛？ The Academicathalon thing?
看她管教这些孩子 萨莉娜丝不愧是专家 Look at her work these kids. Salinas, what a pro.
自1960年代的毕乐姬老师之后 她是最棒的 Best since Ms. Bielecky in the '60s.
如果我告诉大家 今年获胜的班级 And what if I told you this year's winning class
可以去一个特别的地方搞户外教学 玩一整天 怎么样？ gets a field trip to somewhere special for a whole day?
好耶！ Yeah!
（伊莱）
-萨莉娜丝怀孕了？ -孕肚出来了 -Salinas havin' a baby? -The belly's poppin' a little.
赞恩 不可以带零食进教室 Oh, Zane, I'm afraid you can't bring snacks into the class.
我暂时替你保管 I'll hold those, just for now.
奇多 真没料到 Cheetos. Wow, didn't see that coming.
本学年结束时 我们五年级的其中三个班 At the end of the year, our three 5th grade classes
将进行美术、辩论、科学和历史竞赛 compete in art, debating, science, and history.
如果我们班赢 就可以去魔幻乐园！ And if our class wins, we get a trip to Magic Land Park!
那里有飞龙过山车 我听说它之前着过火！ Don't they have the Dragon Coaster? I heard it caught fire once!
对 在欧洲被禁了！对 但佛州没禁！ -Yeah, it was banned in Europe. -Yes, but not in Florida.
好 有宝宝了 Yep, havin' a baby.
好 来看看你们学会了什么 Okay. Let's see how much you guys already know.
谁知道植物把光转换成食物的过程 Who knows what you call it when a plant…
叫什么？ …converts light to food?
-那种转换叫… -光合作用 The conversion's photosynthesis… Photosynthesis.
…会把水和二氧化碳转换成葡萄糖 -变成葡萄糖 …turning H2O and CO2 into glucose. Into glucose.
好极了 米娅！ Ah. Excellent job, Mia.
那么… Oh. So…
老天 父母离异的小孩 Oh, boy. Divorced parents.
好了 宝贝 谢谢 Okay, honey. Thank you.
你没事 真贴心 You're okay. So sweet.
好了 Okay.
来看看本学年要读哪些书 Let's look at some of the books we're gonna read in class this year.
谁听说过《夏洛特的网》？ Who's heard of Charlotte's Web?
不！孩子们到最后都会哭 Oh no. The kids always cry at the end.
但孩子们哭得还不够吗？ 我们要引发水灾吗？ Like kids don't cry enough? We gotta trigger the garden hoses?
-弱者才哭！ -对 -Crying's for weaklings. -Right.
我们会认识芬和她的小猪韦伯 We'll meet Fern and her pig, Wilbur.
反正是一本破书 It's a stupid book anyway.
对 动物才不会跟人类说话 而且 谁都吃不到夏洛特 -Right. Animals never talk to people. -Plus, no one gets to eat Charlotte.
只能日复一日地听说蜘蛛很美味 You just have to hear about this delicious spider for days
想想都馋到不行 and get hungry thinkin' about it.
…这就是你们今年要学的知识 …like you'll learn this year.
不好意思 柯尔？你有什么要跟大家分享的吗？ Sorry, Cole? Is there something you wanna share?
好恶心！ That's so gross!
你居然那样！ I can't believe you did that!
抱歉 同学们 Sorry, guys.
闻起来好香 Man, that smells good.
下次送一些给我们！吃腻生菜了！ Send some of that our way next time. Gettin' sick of the lettuce.
（欢迎家长莅临！）
你好 萨莉娜丝老师！ Hi, Mrs. Salinas!
-你好 我是柯尔·威斯基的妈妈 -你好 -Hi, I'm Cole Wiseki's mom. -Oh, hi.
我能…很快就好？要发脸书？ Can I-- Real quick? For Facebook?
谢谢 Thanks.
-柯尔非常… -看起来肯定很棒 谢谢！ -Cole is a very-- -That's gonna look great. Thank you.
从什么时候起 大家喜欢噘嘴拍照了？ Since when do people wanna look like ducks?
孩子们一晃眼长大了 真是不可思议 Isn't that something, how they've grown?
你会发现 到了五年级后 孩子们就想要自己做选择了 And in 5th grade, you'll find your kids wanting to make their own choices.
欣然接受吧 让他们去犯错 Embrace it. Let them make their own mistakes.
这种情况会持续多久？ How long does this go?
不会很久 温格医生 Not terribly long, Dr. Wenger.
你们中有些人可能已听说 萨莉娜丝老师在课堂上的小插曲了 Now, some of you may have heard about Mrs. Salinas', uh, incident in class.
首先 我想确认一下 这跟她在食堂吃的东西完全无关 I want to confirm it has nothing to do with anything she ate in the cafeteria.
她会休息一段时间 应该说是休假 She's just gonna be taking some time off. A leave, let's say.
等等 要多久？ Wait. For how long?
重磅消息来了 Here comes the bomb.
要到…等她生完宝宝 For, uh… Till she has the baby, let's say.
什么？生宝宝？ What?! Having a baby?
确定吗？她有没有征求其他意见？ Are you sure? Did she get a second opinion?
开什么玩笑？三年级时也这样！ Are you kidding me? This is what happened in 3rd grade!
代课老师糟透了！ The substitute was awful!
我这就给女儿发信息！ 她会伤心死的！ I'm texting my daughter right now! She'll be devastated!
老天 我们要整死代课老师！
自由自在一整年！
我们不想赢取户外教学的机会吗？
拜托 我们可以告诉代课老师 课间休息时间是三小时
我们可以用橡皮筋弹她！ 朝她扔口香糖！ 把她粘在椅子上！
请把我移出群聊
柯尔 我们可以互换名字 别告诉她！
太棒了 柯尔
整天看电影！
比如那部 一个小孩见到一台预言机
结果变成汤姆·汉克斯
还有在钢琴上跳舞 我忘记片名了 真奇怪
片名很短 海报上…
《长大》
请把我移出群聊
这也太突然了吧！ You can't just say that!
看看这两只懒洋洋的班级宠物 它们会动吗？ Look at these lazy class pets. Do they even move?
-我喜欢这份工作 -这只蜥蜴看起来很老 -I'd like that job. -That lizard looks pretty old.
我看起来很老吗？ Do I look old?
谢谢 Thank you.
那是一只喙头蜥 寿命很长 可以活到大概75岁 It's a Tuatara. They live a long time. Till about 75.
闻所未闻 认命吧 仓鼠们 Hmm. Never knew that. Suck on that, hamsters.
它看起来快到75岁了 Wow. Looks like he's gettin' close to that.
再见！很高兴见到你- Bye. Nice seeing you.
这人疯了吧 Ah, he's nuts.
你确实很老、脾气暴躁 还懒洋洋的 但那绝不能表明你75岁了 I mean, you're old, cranky, lazy, but no way does that make you 75.
75岁 Seventy-five. Seventy-five. Seventy-five.
下面写着： Underneath it says,
“我们是来自地球的人类 首次踏足月球 "Here men from the planet Earth first set foot upon the Moon."
我们为和平而来…” We came in peace--
1949年 1949.
-什么意思？ -我是那年出生的 -What about it? -I was born around then.
1949年到现在是多少年了？ How many years has it been since 1949?
不知道 要做加法 No idea. That's addition.
加法是二年级的课程 我们只学分数 They learn that in 2nd grade. We're all about fractions.
好极了 为什么不让我们四处走走 能多学点东西？ Great. Why can't they move us around a little, so we can know more?
好 十六分之四等于四分之几？ Okay, four sixteenths equals how many fourths?
-她要走了 同学们什么都听不进去 -1967年… -She's leaving. They don't hear a word. -1966, 1967…
-你在干什么？ -数我几岁 -What're you doin'? -Trying to count how many years old I am.
1968、1969、1970… 1968, 1969, 1970…
我脚趾和手指都用完了！ 还能用什么数？ I'm out of toes and fingers. What else can I count with?
我可以告诉你 但儿童不宜 I'd tell you, but there's kids around.
我是说它的尾巴 I was talkin' about his tail.
加法…我得去找二年级的宠物问问 Addition… I… I gotta talk to some 2nd grade pets.
算了吧 我们只有在消防演习时 才能见到那些宠物 Forget it. We only see those pets at fire drills.
要到11月份才行呢 They don't happen until November.
搞什么… What the--
怎么了？这是消防演习吗？ Huh? What? -Is this a fire drill?
应该没事 不过我们去看看 安东尼 带上宠物 It's probably nothing, but let's go. Anthony, why don't you grab the pets?
全员撤离！停、躺、滚！ Everyone evacuate! Stop, drop and roll!
我好像着火了！ I think I'm on fire!
老天 我们刚刚重新布置过！ Jeez, we just redecorated!
迟早有一天 警察会把那小孩抓走 Someday, cops are gonna carry that kid off a plane. Huh?
我把你俩放在这里吧 伙计们 I'll park ya right over here, fellas.
好了 可以了 All right, here we go.
嘿 各位 暑假过得如何？ 做了什么好玩的事吗？ Hey, guys, how was your summer? Do anything fun?
-睡觉 -睡觉 -Sleep. -Sleep.
-吃东西 -拉了很多便便 -Eat. -Lot of poopin'.
太棒了 话说谁是二年级的宠物？ Terrific. Say, who's 2nd grade again?
-是我 你好吗 利兹？ -很好 -That's me. How ya doin', Lizzy? -Great.
我其实叫里奥纳多 利兹是马库利亚老师班上的 美洲鬣蜥 你是… I'm actually Leonardo. Lizzy's the iguana in Mr. Marculia's homeroom. You're…
我叫肉桂兔 我知道 太俗了 他们又给我换名字了 I'm Cinnabun. I know. So corny. Just got renamed again.
那也比叫“桑普”强 Oh. Well, beats "Thumper."
大概吧 最糟糕的就是谐音梗 无脑兔、假发兔、哈利波兔 I guess. What's bad are the Hare ones. Hare Brain, Hare Piece, Hare-y Potter…
对 二年级学加法 对吧？ Right, right. Hey, the 2nd graders, you guys do addition, right?
…兔唇、男子美发俱乐兔 …Hare Lip, Hare Club For Men.
对 还有减法 加减都学 Yes, and subtraction. We do both.
太好了 好 听着 如果我是1949年来这里的 Great, okay, look. If I got here in 1949,
现在是2023年 那我是什么玩意？ and it's 2023, what does that make me?
我知道 你是爬行动物 Oh. Uh, I know this one. A reptile.
笨蛋 Shmuck.
好了 各位 虚惊一场 Okay, it was a false alarm.
学校没着火 The school is not on fire.
不 我多大了？ No, how old would I be?
不！对 要用减法 好吧 掐指一算 74岁 No. Right, subtraction. Okay, um, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, 74.
-74 那岂不是快… -举高高喽 Seventy-four. Isn't that right before-- Upsy-daisies.
等等！等一下！ Wait, wait! Hold on!
74之后就是75 对吧？ That's the number before 75, isn't it?
怎么回事？你好像不开心 What's the matter? You look upset.
肉桂兔！ Cinnabun!
安静 Settle down.
我是一只蜥蜴 I'm a lizard. Ooh.
很好 别在乎！ That's good. Don't dignify it.
没关系 我死定了 Doesn't matter. I'm doomed.
我74岁了 75岁就会死 I'm 74 seventy-fifths dead.
什么？班级宠物不会的 What? That's not for class pets.
被圈养的动物 75岁跟70岁差不多 When you're in captivity, 75 is the new 70.
你想长命百岁 不妨做点运动吧 And, hey, you wanna live so bad, a little exercise wouldn't kill ya.
-比如什么？ -眨眼不错 就从眨眼开始吧 -Like what? -Blinking's good. That'd be a start.
-我会眨眼！ -很少 I blink. Barely.
好吧 Fine.
好吧 你不用马上就做 Okay. You didn't have to dive right in.
何必自欺欺人呢？ Who am I kiddin'?
这把年纪才开始努力健身根本行不通 I can't start this rigorous workin' out at this point in my life.
为时已晚 我搞砸了 It's too late. I blew it.
我浪费了生命！ I wasted my life!
现在快走到尽头了 And now, it's almost over.
♪ 死亡将至 ♪ ♪ When a man has to face ♪
♪ 不得不面对 ♪ ♪ That he's about to die ♪
♪ 从未做过的各种事 浮现在脑中 ♪ ♪ He thinks of all the things He'd never done ♪
♪ 我从未吃过蜗牛 ♪ ♪ I never ate a snail ♪
♪ 从未捉过苍蝇 ♪ ♪ Never got to hunt a fly ♪
♪ 总是有人捉来喂给我吃 ♪ ♪ Just had them fed to me by everyone ♪
♪ 从未直接从海里吃过海藻 ♪ ♪ Never ate algae straight from the sea ♪
♪ 除了生菜 什么都没吃过 生菜还总是沾到杰尼龟的尿 ♪ ♪ Never got nothin' but lettuce Always lands in Squirtle's pee ♪
♪ 我从未偷过鸟蛋 ♪ ♪ I never stole a bird's eggs ♪
♪ 从未追过松鼠 ♪ ♪ Never chased a squirrel ♪
♪ 从来没机会跟女生 ♪ ♪ Never got to show my slick moves ♪
♪ 跳过求偶舞 ♪ ♪ To a girl ♪
去忙你的事吧 Go about your business.
同学们 这位是你们的新老师 Everyone, meet your new teacher.
（麦金老师）
她就是代课老师？ This is our substitute?
你非得这么快就走吗？ You have to leave? So soon?
医生认为 我整个孕期都得休息 Well, my doctor thinks I need to rest through my pregnancy.
在我回来前 麦金老师会教你们 So until I'm back, you'll have Ms. Malkin.
又不是脑部手术 各位 It's not brain surgery, gang.
同学们 不用害怕改变 Guys, you don't have to be afraid of change.
改变是人生中美好的一部分 Change is a beautiful part of life.
♪ 树木生长 ♪ ♪ There's a time for trees ♪
♪ 叶落有时 ♪ ♪ To lose their leaves ♪
♪ 新叶长出亦有时 ♪ ♪ And a time those leaves return ♪
-我不会唱歌 -好吧 -Oh, I don't sing. -Oh, okay.
继续上课吧 我今天会跟麦金老师一起上课… How about we continue with the class. I'm gonna teach with Ms. Malkin today--
请别丢下我们 萨莉娜丝老师！ -Please don't leave us, Mrs. Salinas! -Oh.
下去！马上下去！ Agh! Down! Now! Down!
不许拥抱！坐好！ No hug! Sit!
在课堂上 要坐直 专心听讲 我们要怎样？你回答！ In class, we sit up straight, pay attention, and we are what? You!
什么？我的天！保持安静？ What? Oh, my God. Um, we're quiet?
你认真听讲 萝根 奖励你一颗爱心 That's very good listening, Logan. That's a heart for you.
（成绩榜）
用心听讲的孩子会获得爱心奖励 这样可以激励良好的… The hearts are for when the kids listen. To motivate good--
专心听讲是分内之事 Listening is not a favor.
专心听讲能获得知识 不是奖励！ When you listen, you get knowledge, not a carnival prize.
事实上 我们有机会去魔… We have a chance to go to Magic--
真恶心 那是什么？ Ew. What was that?
花生酱火腿三明治 我老爸睡过头了 Peanut butter and ham. My dad overslept.
好 没时间了 祝萨莉娜丝老师一切安好 再见 Okay, well, we're out of time, so let's wish Mrs. Salinas well. Bye-bye.
-可是我…这个班… -不 我知道 走吧 -But, I-- The class is-- -No, no. I know. Out we go.
-祝你生宝宝顺利 -好了 同学们 再见… -Better luck with your own kid. -Okay, guys, see you in--
继续上课 今天是周五 也就是说 一名同学将带一只班级宠物回家 Moving on. It's Friday. That means one student has to take home a class pet.
-什么情况？ -我们没有这条规定 -What's this now? -Uh, we don't do that here.
别又来这套！不要！ Not anymore. No way.
在我的课上 你们要学会责任担当 In my classroom, you will learn responsibility.
你们要好好喂宠物 让它健健康康地 You will feed it properly and return it in healthy condition.
活着回来 Alive.
有人自愿带宠物回家吗？ Do we have a volunteer?
-拜托 谁举个手 -什么？ -Come on. Somebody raise your hand. -What?
记得在小孩子家会发生什么事吗？要么忘记喂食 要么虐待你 Remember what happens at the kids' houses? They forget to feed you or abuse you.
会长回来的 It'll grow back.
（专业纹身室）
（天生骑手）
-天哪 -在1990年代很酷的 -Yeesh. -Hey, it looked cool in the '90s.
我在等着呢 谁自愿带宠物回家？ I'm waiting. Volunteer, please.
你不明白吗？这是我的机会 Don't you get it? This is my shot.
我跟一位小孩回家 找到家里没关的窗户 So I go with one of these kids, case the house for open windows,
没人的时候 我就火速逃走！ then when I'm alone, zip! I escape.
你20来岁的时候都跑不动 我要火速逃走 然后享受真正的人生 -Ha. You couldn't zip when you were 20. -I'm zipping. And then I really live.
或许去爬爬树 去下水道游泳 去看看大沼泽地 Maybe climb a tree. Swim in a sewer. See the Everglades.
大沼泽地？那种地方有野兽 你疯了吗？ The Everglades? With those untamed animals? Are you nuts?
它们连名字都没有 对吧？ 那里乱糟糟的 You know they don't even have names, right? It's anarchy.
你这种懒虫去那里能活吗？ You think a rock potato like you can survive there?
-你会躲在啤酒罐里度过余生 -快点 Your last days will be in a beer can. Let's go.
谁要做个有担当的人？ Who's gonna take on some responsibility?
非要我点名吗？没有人愿意的话 那我来 -Or do I have to pick? -Well, if no one else will…
我不希望宠物们感觉被嫌弃 人人都想融入 I don't want them to feel not wanted. Everybody wants to fit in
不该因外貌、种族或前额大小 而遭人评头论足 and shouldn't be judged on looks, species, foreheads.
我明天要去室内跳伞 I have to go indoor skydiving tomorrow,
但我爸会在家 所以如果可以… but my father'll be home, so if it's okay to--
-挑一只！ -好 蜥蜴！ -Pick one! -Okay, the lizard!
听着 到野外后 那些动物会追杀你 Listen, when you're out there in the wild and those animals come after you,
记得要变色 与周围环境融为一体！ remember to change your colors and blend in!
变色龙才会那样 我不是变色龙 那你死定了 -That's chameleons. I'm not a chameleon. -Oh, well, then you're a dead man.
明天去玩室内跳伞 我们很期待 但得做好准备 Tomorrow's indoor skydiving. We have to get ready.
跟跳伞差不多 只是不会受伤 It's exactly like skydiving, except you can't get hurt.
好吧 周末有得忙了 Okay, we have a busy weekend.
一定要穿裙子去奶奶家吗？星期天的天气适合穿裤子 Do I have to wear a dress to Grandma's? It'll be pants weather on Sunday.
洁妲说“呕吐” 我说那是骂人的话 她说不是 是吗？ Jayda said the word "puke". She said it wasn’t a curse word. Is it?
我不想把它留在这里 没人希望它靠近餐桌 I feel bad leaving him. Nobody wants him near the dinner table.
它有水喝就行了 我很快就回来！ He's good with his water. Back soon!
凯拉！别一副怕它的样子 很过分！ Kayla, don't look scared of him. That's being mean.
开始行动 It's on.
好啊 Yeah.
新来的卡比尔 不错 但他话不多 He's nice, the new kid Kabir, but he doesn't talk a lot,
起码不怎么跟我说 他可能很腼腆 既然… at least not with me. Maybe he's shy since…
然后我烫到舌头 不是完全烫伤 Then I burned my tongue. It didn't, like, burn off completely,
不然我就没法告诉你 我怎么吃马苏里拉奶酪条了 or I couldn't tell you how I ate my mozzarella sticks.
嘿 里奥纳多 你错过了一部精彩的电影 明天我带你下楼去吃早餐 Hey, Leonardo. You missed a great movie. Tomorrow I'll take you down for breakfast.
希望店里还有全味贝果 搞不懂我们为何会买芝麻贝果 I hope they have everything bagels left. I don't know why we get sesame bagels.
妈妈让我尝 我说 “为什么要去掉罂粟籽 Mom asked me to try one, I was like, "Why would you take off the poppy seeds
还有盐…” and the salt…"
慢着 你去哪儿了？ Wait, where are you?
这简直是噩梦！以后不管我做什么 This is a nightmare! I'll be the kid who killed the lizard,
都会被人说是蜥蜴杀手 no matter what I do in my life.
无论是演戏、当医生… 我永远当不了医生 Whether I do drama, be a doctor-- I'll never be a doctor now.
我可以去车管所工作 希望是奎兹诺斯快餐店旁边那里 I could work at the DMV. Hopefully, the one next to Quiznos.
我可不想远离父母 I don't wanna go far from my parents.
老天爷！ Mother of Godzilla!
怎么回事？ What was that?
嗯？刚刚是谁说话？ Well? Who said that?
墙壁？墙壁不会说话 墙壁为什么会说话？ The wall? Walls don't talk. Why would a wall say anything?
为什么指着墙壁？ 人们常说：“要是墙壁能说话该多好” Why point to it? They say, "If these walls could talk,"
-就是因为墙壁不会说话… because they can't talk--
-奖杯？ The trophy!
你说话了！你刚刚说话了！妈妈！ You said something! You just spoke! Mom!
-不！ -你说话了！ -No! -You talked!
你会说话！ You're talking!
我要告诉妈妈 不然别人会以为我疯了 I'm telling Mom, or people will think I'm crazy.
我就得去上坦帕那所 专收问题小孩的学校！ I'll have to go to that school in Tampa for kids with issues! I--
不能让人知道！ But please, people can't know!
-你的手怎么湿湿的？ -天生就是湿的 -Why are your hands wet? -They're naturally moist.
我求你别说出去 Please, I'm begging you to keep quiet.
要是人们知道我会说话 If people know I talk,
会把我送去科学家那里 they'll send me to a scientist or something.
但我得把这事儿跟人分享 求求你 -But I have to tell someone. -Please.
只有你能听到我讲话 You're the only one who can hear me.
那你为何这么小声？ Oh. Then why are you whispering?
因为你说话很小声 听起来很好玩 Because you were, and it sounded fun.
所有的蜥蜴都会说话吗？ Do all lizards talk?
我不知道 我没见过所有蜥蜴 但我们从来不跟人类说话 I don't know. I never met them all, but we never talk to humans.
-那你为何跟我说话？ -我没有… Why are you talking to me? -Well, I didn't…
因为我想跟你说 我觉得你很好 Because I want to. I think you're nice.
真的吗？谢谢 Really? Thanks.
我都不知道大家是否觉得我很好 学校里的人很难懂 I don't know if people think I'm nice. It's so hard to read people at school.
大家出于好心说你好 还是在扮酷？ People say you're nice to be nice,
如果他们说你很好 你会觉得他们很酷… and if they say you're nice, you'll think they're cool--
我懂 I get it.
你经常说“我懂” You say "I get it" a lot.
那是因为我懂很多事 就这样 “我懂” 我经验丰富 That's 'cause I understand things. That's all. "I get it." I've been around.
-好 我以为还有别的原因 -比如什么？ -Okay. I thought it was something else. -Like what?
你想让我闭嘴？哇 -That you want me to stop talking. -Oh. Wow.
真的吗？你觉得这很扯？ Really? Like, "Wow, that's crazy"?
不 我没想到你这么有自知之明 No, more like, "Wow, I didn't think you were that self-aware."
我看得出来 大家都太友善了 不说我话太多 I can tell. People are too nice to say I talk too much,
但我从他们的表情中看得出来 我话太多了 but I can tell from their faces that I'm talking too much.
老人会做出这副表情 宝宝就是瞌睡的样子 Like, old people make this face. And babies kind of look sleepy.
公交车司机是这种表情 “别说了” 但我停不下来 我… And the bus driver's face is like, "Stop." But I can't stop and I…
不好意思 我在听 请继续 Sorry, I'm listening. Please, go ahead.
♪ 我总是心直口快 ♪ ♪ I always just come out And say whatever's on my mind ♪
♪ 别人貌似没意见 但他们或许只是不想说出来 ♪ ♪ People look okay with it But maybe they're resigned ♪
♪ 但我忍不住说更多 别人微笑着 一副爱听的样子 ♪ ♪ I can't help saying more They smile like they're enjoying ♪
♪ 我说话惹人烦 我却不知道 ♪ ♪ You've no idea How stressful it is to not know ♪
♪ 你不知道这样压力有多大 ♪ ♪ When my talking gets annoying ♪
我见过不少爱说话的小孩 他们好像… I've seen a lot of kids who talk a lot. They seem--
♪ 所以我继续说个不停 感觉一切还好 ♪ ♪ I just continue talking And it feels like things are fine ♪
♪ 看到那副表情 我终于释怀 那可能是告诉我 ♪ ♪ Then I relax until I see that look I take it as a sign ♪
♪ 我说个不停让人生气 还是我太吵太烦人 ♪ ♪ They're mad I'm still talking Or I'm loud or a bore ♪
♪ 我担心失去他们 心中害怕 于是开始说更多 ♪ ♪ So I worry that I've lost them I'm scared, so I start talking even more ♪
对 这很正常 很多小孩… Right. This is normal. A bunch of kids--
♪ 我好像缺乏判断力 ♪ ♪ I feel like I lack the ability to tell ♪
♪ 不给别人说话的机会 ♪ ♪ When I'm not giving someone A chance to speak ♪
♪ 正因如此 我觉得害怕 ♪ ♪ And because of that, I get scared ♪
♪ 然后相信我真的没给人说话的机会 ♪ ♪ Then believe that I am Not giving anyone else a chance to speak ♪
我说了“我懂”！ I said, "I get it!"
我知道我又说“我懂”了 抱歉 I know I said "I get it" again. I'm sorry.
只是最后一句根本不押韵 只是重复而已 It's just that last one wasn't even a rhyme, it was a repeat.
♪ 你好像很乐于分享 ♪ ♪ So, like You're comfortable in sharing ♪
♪ 因为父母让你闲扯 ♪ ♪ 'Cause your parents let you prattle ♪
他们真的不喜欢… They don't really like--
♪ 但你不用难为情 像是打了败战 ♪ ♪ But you shouldn't feel self-conscious Like you're in a losing battle ♪
但我怎么会… -Okay, but then how am I gonna--
♪ 要不试试提问吧 ♪ ♪ Maybe try to ask a question ♪
提问？ Ask a question?
♪ 像眨眼一样累 ♪ ♪ It's exhausting Like a blink ♪
♪ 可人气最高的孩子 ♪ ♪ But the kids who are most popular ♪
♪ 希望知道其他孩子的看法 ♪ ♪ Are the kids who want to know What other kids think ♪
哇 我不在乎其他孩子… Wow. It's not like I don't care about the other kids--
我知道 听着你擅长谈论自己 这样很棒 I know. It's great you're good at talking about yourself.
分享的时候 感觉会很好 When people share stuff, they feel better.
如果你能让其他孩子谈论自己 So if you get other kids talking about themselves,
他们会喜欢和你在一起 比现在更喜欢你 they'll like being with you. More than they do already, I mean.
五秒法则 Five-second rule.
刚刚真的很棒 谢谢你 Well, that was really nice. Thank you.
不客气 荣幸之至 Oh, yeah. Glad to do it.
嘿 记住 绝不能告诉其他人 Hey, remember, you can't tell anyone, ever.
否则我们就不能再聊天了 Or we won't be able to talk again.
所以我是你的特别秘密好友？ 我在提问哦 Okay. So I'm your special, secret friend? That was a question.
对 当然是 问得好 Uh, yeah. Sure. And good question.
-谢谢 里奥纳多 -叫我“里奥” 少一点“忍者神龟”风 -Thanks, Leonardo. -Call me Leo. Less Ninja Turtley.
小夏！你得上床睡觉了 亲爱的 Summer. You need to get to bed, sweetie.
妈妈 91的平方根是多少？ Mom, what's the square root of 91?
什么？快去睡觉 What? Please just get to bed.
我不是说叫你随口乱问 I don't mean just any question.
好吧 对 懂了 Okay. Right. Got it.
找到自己的新座位 Find your new seats.
（二战前线）
就回来了？ 一个周末就看遍全世界了？ Oh, back already? You saw the whole world in one weekend?
哇 大沼泽地怎么样？ 埃菲尔铁塔有多高？ Wow. Hey, how were the Everglades? How high was the Eiffel Tower?
教皇是什么样的人？能别在我枕头上那样做吗？ What was the Pope like? -Could you not do that on my pillow?
你们可以把电脑收起来了 我们不用靠这种玩具来上课 Put those computers away. We will not be studying our curriculum on toys.
俄罗斯裁判 超级龟毛 Russian judge.
慢点 别跑 Slow down. No running.
不许吃书！ No eating the books!
木村教练 Oh, Coach Kimura.
抱歉 我帮你清理一下 Oh, I apologize. Let me… Let me clean that for you.
好了 There we go.
太不公平了 她要累死我们 This is so unfair. Ugh! She'll work us till we have no energy.
我们最后只能去毒虫多多的学校 Then we'll only get into schools with drug problems.
赢得户外教学的事就算了吧 这简直是噩梦 Forget about winning the trip. This is a nightmare.
比我弄丢手机还糟糕 It's worse than when I lost my phone.
比我爸穿自行车短裤还糟糕！ Worse than when my dad wore bike shorts.
比我在飞机上迷路还糟 就很离谱 但很恐怖 Worse than when I got lost on a plane, which is hard to do, but really scary.
跟恐怖片似的 虽然爸妈不让我看恐怖片 Like a horror movie, though my parents won't let me watch them,
除非《玩具总动员3》里 焚化炉那段也算 不过… unless you count the furnace in Toy Story 3, but that--
我们该怎么办 洁妲？ Oh. What should we do about it, Jayda?
我会把这事告诉我爸妈 我爸很厉害的 I'm totally telling my parents about it. My dad has a lot of pull,
因为他会送老师免费的痘痘膏 because he gives the teachers free zit cream,
你也应该告诉爸妈 but you should tell yours too.
你为何要跟小夏说？ Why are you talking to Summer?
-我现在喜欢她了 -我知道 我也是 -I like her now. -Uh, I know. I do too.
-那是怎么回事？ -怎么？她喜欢我 她觉得我很好玩 -What was that all about? -She likes me. She thought I was fun.
你好玩？你做了什么？ 转头超过一次？ You fun? What'd you do, turn your head more than once?
真爱现 Oh, what a showman.
你尽管说笑话讽刺我 Get all your mean jokes in now,
因为下次跟小孩回家后 我就不回来了 'cause the next kid who takes me home is the last kid.
是啊 “没种远走高飞”先生 Sure they are, Mr. Chicken-to-leave.
随便你说什么 “想被咬”先生 Whatever you say, Mr. Wants-to-get-bitten.
我好害怕 “几乎跟史酷比一样勇敢”先生 Oh, I'm shaking, Mr. Almost-as-brave-as-Scooby Doo.
鸭子、鸭子、鸭子、鹅！ Duck, duck, duck, goose!
好！ 好了！不是这样玩的 孩子们！ Ow! Okay. Okay. All right! That's not the game. Kids!
…印花税法 眼睛看这里！课前预习过的人… …the Stamp Act. Eyes up here! For those of you who did the reading…
-萨莉娜丝老师从来不教这些东西 -对 印花是什么玩意？ -Salinas never taught this stuff. -Yeah. What's a stamp?
…是英国议会直接向美洲殖民者 …the first tax levied directly
征收的第一种项税 on American colonists by the British Parliament.
丝凯乐 你刚刚说什么？ Skyler, what did I just say?
（话真多）
回答！殖民地的人作何反应？ Answer! How did the colonists react?
记过！ Demerits!
最好不要被记过 You do not want demerits.
记过是什么？好像是洛杉矶快船队的球员吧 -What's a demerit? -I think he played for the Clippers.
五年级过后 你们要学会遵守纪律 You're going to leave 5th grade with discipline,
否则就留级！ or you are never going to leave 5th grade.
谁要遵守纪律 这周末带班级宠物回家？ Who has the discipline to take a class pet home this weekend?
我来 我还要带里奥回去 I'll do it. I'll take Leo again.
“里奥”？ "Leo"?
又带？谁想两次带它回家？ Again? Who would want it twice?
（要放响屁了！）
你们全都不够格上中学！对吗？ Not one of you is man enough for middle school, are you?
现在不行！我带蜥蜴回家！ Ugh. Not now. I'll take the lizard.
你会跟里奥玩得很开心的 伊莱 我可以去你家玩吗？ Oh, you'll have so much fun with Leo, Eli. You think, maybe, I can visit?
真的吗？太好了！赞恩要来 不过我们可以一起… Really? That'd be great. Zane's coming, but we can all hang--
大家玩得开心吗？ You kids having a fun play date?
当然了 Sure.
（原材料可能内含坚果）
抱歉毁了薯片 不过小心为妙 Sorry about those chips, Zaney. Can't be too careful.
吃个羽衣甘蓝纸杯蛋糕吧 Have a kale cupcake.
我整个周末都得穿着防护服吗？ Do I have to wear the safety suit all weekend?
蜥蜴携带疾病 亲爱的 Lizards carry disease, honey.
孩子和狗狗最容易被传染 Kids and dogs are especially vulnerable.
（我准备好了）
（妈妈：好的）
我妈妈要来接我了 Um, I think my mom wants to pick me up.
谢谢你 朱莉！他们玩得很开心 Thank you, Julie! -They had the best time.
（第二名）
你可以帮他把鸡肉切成小块 不会让人噎到？ Could you go cut his chicken into non-chokeable pieces?
怎么了？会长回来的 What? It'll grow back.
你穿得像1950年代的宇航员 还说我奇怪？ You're dressed like a 1950s astronaut and I'm the weird one?
你在威胁我吗 贵宾犬？那样… Oh, now you're threatening me, Doodlepoo? Do that--
怎么回事？ What?
-怎么… -吃晚餐了 伊莱 What-- Dinnertime, Eli!
伊莱 快点！食物消化三小时后 才能上床睡觉 Eli, now! You need three hours to digest your food before bed.
这太扯了！-你会说话？ This is totally crazy. You talk?
-只跟你说而言！ Just to you.
-因为… -我很特别？ -'Cause, uh… -I'm special?
对 没错 Uh, yeah, that's right.
好吧 Oh. Okay.
你不能告诉别人 不然他们会宰了我 像对付外星人那样 But you can't tell anyone. They'll try to kill me like E.T.
可我爸妈说 如果有人说“不能告诉别人” But my parents told me when someone says, "Don't tell anyone,"
我一定得告诉他们 that's when I have to tell.
他们说得对 但人类就是很奇怪 Well, your parents are right, but that's with strange humans.
我只是一只奇怪的蜥蜴 好吗？ I'm just a strange lizard. Okay?
-拜托你别说出去 尤其是对它 -无人机？ Please don't tell. Especially him. The drone?
肯定不会 你看到它怎样对待奇多薯片了 No way. You saw what it did to the Cheetos out there.
它很忠心 这样挺好 I mean, it's nice that it's loyal.
拜托 我六岁时 孩子们觉得它很酷 Come on. When I was six, kids thought it was cool.
或许你应该说点什么 我不想伤害它的感情 -Maybe you should say something about it. -I don't want to hurt its feelings.
我有办法 多年来 我见过很多小孩跟同伴绝交 I know a way. I've seen kids break up over the years.
你写下跟人绝交的原因 You write down why you're dumping them,
这样对方才有时间去消化 不会突然发怒 and it gives the other person time to soak it in and not snap.
给无人机写封绝交信 It's a "Dear Drone" letter.
去拿纸笔来 Get a pen and paper.
亲爱的无人机
不是你的错 是我的问题
可是
♪ 当你整天在我头上盘旋 ♪ ♪ When you hover over me all day ♪
♪ 我有安全感 但也感到我的社交生活越来越糟 ♪ ♪ I feel safe, but also feel My social life melting away ♪
♪ 你关心我 我不怪你 ♪ ♪ I'm not saying That your caring is a crime ♪
♪ 我只想偶尔自己擦屁屁 ♪ ♪ I'd just like to wipe my own butt From time to time ♪
♪ 你也可以交交新朋友 ♪ ♪ And I think that you could Make new friends ♪
♪ 比如搞平面设计的三维打印机 ♪ ♪ Like the 3-D printer in graphic arts ♪
♪ 或赛锐康按摩椅 或黄色美膳雅料理机 ♪ ♪ Or the Theragun massager Or the yellow Cuisinart ♪
♪ 我并不是不喜欢你 无人机先生 ♪ ♪ I'm not saying I don't like you, Mr. Drone ♪
♪ 我只是有个小小希望 小得不能再小 ♪ ♪ I just want to have the smallest hope Just visible in a microscope ♪
♪ 不管怎么着 ♪ ♪ Of somehow ♪
♪ 不要孤零零地死去 ♪ ♪ Not dying alone ♪
不是你的错 是我的问题
它只是做做样子而已 瞧见没？ He's just doing it for show. See?
它知道自己可回收 He knows he's recyclable.
让它静一静吧 Let's just give him some space.
没人会像它一样喜欢我 Nobody's ever gonna like me like he does.
孩子 他们都不了解你 现在你可以展示自己的才华了 Kid, they don't even know you. Now you can finally show your stuff.
我没才华 Uh, I don't have any stuff.
你只需要找到自己的天赋 Ah, you just gotta find your gimmick.
1998年 有个叫迈克·德约科维奇的小男孩 There was a boy in 1998, Mike Djokovic.
他把《在太阳上行走》的歌词 全部记下来了 He memorized all the words to "Walkin' on the Sun."
破嘴合唱团？没听说过？ 听我说 那首歌歌词很长 Smash Mouth? No? Look, it's got a lot of words.
重点是 很多小孩都有天赋 The point is, plenty of kids have a gimmick.
没关系 我也有几手绝招 It's okay. I got a few.
-给我一只毛毛虫 -真的吗？ -Uh, get me a caterpillar. -For real?
相信我 Trust me.
太好了 Oh, that's perfect.
好 开始了 Okay, here we go.
好恶心！ So gross!
等等 Wait.
搞什么… What the--
来 我给你露一手 Here, let me show you something.
伊莱 你的防护服呢？ Eli, where's your safety suit?
试试这样做 Try doing this.
非常好 Very good.
小心！ Fore!
你打得真准 那是什么？负鼠吗？ You nailed that thing. What was it? A possum?
不知道 不过你打中它的蛋蛋了 伙计 I don't know, but you hit it in the jellybeans.
想认输吗？没办法超越 Wanna quit and go home? Can't top that.
有些人没收到请柬 Not everyone's invited.
（洁妲的派对 请勿外传！）
对 我回来了 Yes, I'm back.
你的尾巴呢？ 你每次要断掉一个部位才能逃跑吗？ Where's your tail? You escaping one limb at a time?
让我静一静 我的蛋蛋被击中了 Just give me some space. I got hit in the jellybeans.
我都忘了还有这玩意 I forgot that was there.
萨莉娜丝是年度最佳教师！ 真受不了那个代课老师 Salinas was teacher of the year! That substitute lady's unacceptable.
我送的护肤霜样品 对你们来说毫无意义吗？ Do the skin cream samples I give out mean nothing to you people?
我要怎样做 才能把那个可怕的女人换掉？ How do I get that horrible woman replaced?
温格医生 拜托 她就坐在这里 Dr. Wenger, please. She's sitting right here.
-所以呢？ -杰 这样很失礼 -So? -Jay, it's not polite.
好吧 Fine.
我可以畅所欲言 当你不存在吗？ May I speak about you as if you're not here?
（权贵人士驱除剂）
听着 我家小孩 明年要上韦斯特莱克中学 Listen, my kid was on track to get into Westlake next year,
三年后要上兰利预科 七年后上达特茅斯学院 Langley Prep in three years, Dartmouth in seven years,
14年后踏入还算幸福的婚姻 then a moderately happy marriage in 14 years.
我赞助买了智能白板和电灯开关 I paid for that smart board and this light switch.
（捐助人：温格夫妇）
要是你想继续留住这个禽兽当老师 If I'm letting you keep this animal as her teacher,
就得想办法补偿 you're gonna do something for me to fix this.
四秒钟！三、二、一 Four seconds. Three, two, one.
放下铅笔 Pencils down.
洁妲除外 Except Jayda,
她有永久性时差反应 who will now be getting two more minutes
还剩两分钟 due to her permanent jet lag.
安静 不许讨论 Quiet. No discussion.
好了 一位同学 要带一只班级宠物回家 Now, one of you has to take home a class pet.
要么自告奋勇 要么我指定 Volunteer or be assigned.
我还要带里奥回去 I'll take Leo again.
什么情况？里奥？又来？你说不能两次 带同一只宠物回家 对吧？ -What is the deal? Leo? Again? -You can't take a pet twice, right?
因为我想…你为何又想带它回家？ Because I would-- I mean, why do you want him again?
因为它很棒 Um, 'cause he was awesome.
-你为何想带它回家？ -一样的理由 -Why do you want him? -Uh, same reason. Awesome.
慢着 它很棒的话 那我想带它回家 Wait. If it's awesome, I want it.
应该写“皮肤医生” It's supposed to say, "Dr. Skin,"
不是“匹夫医生” not "Dr. Skid."
皮肤 不是匹夫 S-K-I-N. No D's.
洁妲 我把猫咪染成绿色了 Jayda, I dyed the cat green.
太没创意了 So unoriginal.
爸爸给你的惊喜很棒吧？ Isn't that great, what I got for you?
德雷克要来我的派对？我还在想办法 -Drake's coming to my party? -Eh, I'm still on it.
我是说随堂小测验 你多出两分钟 I meant the pop quiz, the two more minutes.
-谁罩着你？ -爸爸做了什么？ -Who takes care of you? -What did Daddy do?
班吉 洁妲的代课老师很可恶… Well, Benji, Jayda's substitute teacher is a horror show…
让孩子们读很厚的书 Making the kids read big books.
不！ No!
所以爸爸帮洁妲争取到了 其他同学没有的东西 So Daddy got Jayda something no other kid gets.
是什么 爸爸？ What, Daddy?
♪ 额外的时间 其他同学急得冒汗 ♪ ♪ Extra time The other kids are sweatin' ♪
♪ 答案全部忘光光 我家孩子不一样 ♪ ♪ All the answers they're forgettin' All except for mine ♪
♪ 因为我家孩子有额外的时间 ♪ ♪ 'Cause my kid's got extra time… ♪
妈妈 可以把蜥蜴放到我房间吗？ 马上要办生日派对了… Should we put the lizard in my room? The birthday party's coming up--
现在不行 亲爱的 爸爸还在吹嘘 Not now. Daddy's bragging.
♪ 超爱额外的时间 ♪ ♪ Lovin' that extra time ♪
简直是我这辈子最糟糕的一天 没人关心我的派对 Ugh. It's like the worst day of my life. Nobody's focusing on my party.
肯定会一塌糊涂 其他小孩肯定会欢呼雀跃 It's going to totally suck, and the other kids will be happy about it.
他们为什么会欢呼雀跃？ What? Why would they be happy?
因为他们都嫉妒我 慢着 什么？谁说的？ Because they're all jealous. Wait. What? Who said that?
是我 That was me.
-我的天！你会说话？ -不安全 -Oh my God! You talk? -No, it's not safe.
-只有你能听见我说话 -我的天！爸爸 我们的蜥蜴会说话！ -You're the only one who can hear me. -So awesome! We have a talking lizard!
-我的天！ -我只能跟你说话 爸爸！ -I can only talk to you! -Oh my God! Daddy!
♪ 跟皮肤医生一起混 堪称真正的贵宾 ♪ ♪ When you roll with Dr. Skin You're a true VIP ♪
♪ 凡事皆可破例 ♪ ♪ 'Cause rules do not apply to me ♪
♪ 给我额外的时间 ♪ ♪ Gimme that extra time…
♪ 因为我特别 你只能跟我说话？ ♪ ♪ -You only talk to me 'cause I'm special?
当然 Uh, sure.
有道理 不过你会在派对上变戏法吗？ That makes sense. But can you do tricks at the party?
你可以说唱边 边用舌头弹钢琴吗？ Can you rap and play the piano with your tongue?
不行 这是咱俩之间的秘密 我跟你说话 只是想给你建议 Nah, this is just between us. I'm talking to you to give advice.
-我不需要建议 我很棒 -不 你很痛苦 -I don't need advice. I'm awesome. -Nah, you're miserable.
慢着 什么？ Wait, what?
就像2003年的艾玛·劳伦斯 还有1955年的尼娜·梅耶斯 Just like Emma Lawrence in '03, Nina Myers in '55,
漂亮多金 前途光明 all pretty, all rich, all bright.
-所以呢？ -没说完呢 -So? -Not done.
目中无人 暗地里惹人恨 All snotty, all secretly hated.
-人们就是喜欢嫉妒 -目中无人没什么好嫉妒的 -People were jealous. -Not of the snottiness.
我这种人压力很大 别人不会懂 Look, people don't realize the pressure someone like me is under.
我的家人很出色 对我有很多期望 My family is so amazing, so I have a lot more to live up to.
我得上最好的中学 办最棒的派对 I have to get into the best middle school and have the best party
只能结交精英人物 and, yeah, only the best people around me.
不 不是这样 No, you don't.
你不懂什么身为出色之人是何滋味 Ugh, you don't get what being awesome's like.
因为你并不出色 But you're not.
我什么？ I'm what?
接受自己吧 Brace yourself.
♪ 没那么出色 ♪ ♪ Not that great ♪
♪ 我知道你们很骄傲 但你家有点吵 ♪ ♪ I know you guys are proud But your house is kinda loud ♪
♪ 你爸爸混得一般般 ♪ ♪ And your dad's a middleweight ♪
♪ 你一家人没那么出色 ♪ ♪ Your family's not that great ♪
一般般？ A middleweight?
♪ 传单上都印着他 -你家住在麦尔兹堡 ♪ ♪ He's the face on these flyers ♪ ♪ You live in Fort Myers ♪
♪ 我家台面都是石英石 他靠除疣赚钱 ♪ ♪ Our countertops are quartz ♪ ♪ He gets paid to burn off warts ♪
♪ 妈妈像小甜甜布兰妮 ♪ ♪ Mom's like Britney Spears ♪
♪ 如果你说的是醉话 我不是有意贬低你 ♪ ♪ If you've had six or seven beers I don't mean to denigrate ♪
♪ 我们没那么… ♪ ♪ We're not that… ♪
出色？ Great?
你很出色 但人无完人 You're great, but no one's that great.
我们只不过是人类和蜥蜴 We're all just people and lizards.
♪ 如果退一步看 ♪ ♪ If you can take a step back ♪
♪ 看清真正的自己 ♪ ♪ See yourself for what you are ♪
♪ 你会发现自己更加闪亮 ♪ ♪ You'll find that You're an even brighter star ♪
♪ 所以我没那么出色 ♪ ♪ So then, I'm not that great ♪
这就对了 There you go.
♪ 但我如释重负 ♪ ♪ But I can feel that weight ♪
♪ 像是卸下了沉重的枷锁 ♪ ♪ Coming off like heavy gear ♪
♪ 11年来 压在心头 ♪ ♪ After 11 stressful years ♪
♪ 我终于能理解 ♪ ♪ To my fellow average peers ♪
♪ 普普通通的伙伴们 ♪ ♪ I can finally relate ♪
♪ 不那么出色 -不那么出色 ♪ ♪ It's not bad at all to be ♪
♪ 也不要紧 -也不要紧 ♪ ♪ Not that great ♪
-太棒了 Bravo.
-谢谢 -好样的 各位 -谢谢 Thank you. Great job, guys. Thanks.
亲爱的 给小费吧 什么？那些表？ -Honey, maybe you wanna tip them? -What? The watches?
-各位 要喝水吗？有人要喝吗？ -不用了 -Guys, you want some water? Anybody? -No, that's okay.
-好 那就谢谢了 -不客气 -谢了 皮肤先生 Okay. Well, thank you. Yep. Thanks, Mr. Skin.
-是“皮肤医生” It's "doctor." "Dr. Skin." Uh-huh.
爸爸 妈妈 我们还有请柬吗？ Mom, Dad, do we have any more invitations?
还要？你不想请的人 我们都排除在外了 More? I thought we excluded everyone you wanted.
对 但我们还要邀请一些人 Yeah, but we made a bigger list.
（生日快乐 洁妲！皮肤医生赞助）
-大家好 很高兴你们能来 -谢谢你邀请我们 -Hi, guys. I'm so glad you came. -Thanks for inviting us.
不客气 你们好吗？ Of course. How are you?
等等 我知道答案 我们很好 Uh, wait. I know this one. We're fine.
（皮肤医生 皮肤病学）
它的叫声好像柯尔 That thing sounded like Cole.
哇 赞恩现在也会说笑了？ Wow. Zane is funny now?
赞恩一向很搞笑的 Zane was always funny.
二年级的时候 Like in 2nd grade,
他告诉莱莫斯老师 超人来自面包丁星球？ when he told Mrs. Lemos that Superman came from planet Crouton?
-你们去找泡泡人了吗？ -我们会去的 -Hey. You kids try the bubble guy yet? -Dad, we'll get to the bubbles.
这家伙太厉害了 能做泡泡动物 This guy's next level. He makes bubble animals.
给 下一位！你没拿对 Here you go. Next. You're not holding it right!
洁妲汉堡 洁妲薯球 Jayda burgers. Jayda taters.
洁妲蔬菜 Jayda vegetables.
请别这样 Please don't do this.
你在看什么？ What're you looking at, boss?
对短腿有意见吗？ Got a problem with compact legs?
什么？ What?
你在外面很厉害吗？ 待在箱子里做什么？ You think you got it so great out there? What do you do in the box?
我在蜕皮 Uh, I molt.
偶尔眨眨眼 Occasional blinking.
好吧 抱歉 兄弟 我们同病相怜 All right. I'm sorry, brother. We're fighting the same fight.
我唯一的乐趣就是咬掉那家伙的手指 I mean, the only fun I've ever had was biting some of that guy's fingers off.
我叫你五次了 从这个圈圈跳过去 I've asked you five times to jump through this hoop.
我年纪大了 知道吗？ I'm just, uh… I'm getting old, you know?
是否觉得时日不多 我们一辈子就这点见识？ Ever feel like time's running out, and this is all we're ever gonna know?
你刚刚跟那匹马说话吗？它开心吗？ Were you just talking to that horse? Is he having a good time?
我得告诉你 I gotta tell you,
事实上 动物根本不想被关起来… the truth is, no animal wants to be locked inside--
洁妲 里奥 你们好 真不敢相信这有多酷… Hey, Jayda. Hey, Leo. I can't believe how much cool…
我只是跟洁妲打招呼 你玩得开心吗？ Uh, I mean, hey, just Jayda, are you having a good time?
谢谢你这么问 我爸妈从来不问 Thanks for asking me. My parents never ask.
他们以为我很开心 They just assume I'm having a good time,
因为他们还是没意识到 自己没那么出色 'cause they still don't realize they aren't that great.
-你要怎样才会更开心？ -问得好 -What would make you have a better time? -Good question.
♪ If you're The Supreme Then I'm Diana Ross… ♪
♪ Drop it down low and take it back high ♪
♪ No, I don't need introduction ♪
♪ Follow my simple instruction Wind to the left, sway to the right… ♪
-跨接电缆 气球 -给 -Jumper cables. Balloon. -Right here.
♪ Yo… ♪
♪ Wind to the left, sway to the right… ♪
太好玩了！ This is so fun!
我特意交代过“不准乱来！” I specifically said "no mayhem!"
♪ Sway to the right… ♪
♪ No, I don't need introduction… ♪
♪ True feeling… ♪
-谢了 PJ -是TJ -Thanks, PJ. -Uh, TJ.
-不好意思 -没事 我喜欢眼神交流 -Oh, I'm sorry. -It's cool. Jacked about the eye contact.
♪ True feeling… ♪
拦住秒表 我的钱包被抢了 Stop that stopwatch. He's got my wallet.
♪ And I still remember that night In September ♪
你成功了 老大 有史以来最棒的一天 You made it happen, boss. Greatest day ever.
嘿！里奥！里奥在哪里？ Hey, hey, hey. Leo! Where's Leo?
有人把它带走了吗？拜托 快去找它 里奥！ Did someone take him? -Please, somebody find him. Leo!
里奥！ Leo! Leo! Leo!
你没拿对！ You're not holding it right!
里奥！里奥在哪里？ Leo! Leo! Where is he?
里奥！ Leo!
你们真的很喜欢那只蜥蜴 You guys are really into that lizard.
它超棒的 He's just awesome.
“茄子”！ Cheese!
-我昨天在派对上玩得很爽 都睡不着 -你拿到泡泡动物了吗？ -I had so much fun at the party. -Did you get a bubble animal?
骆驼也玩起了水上滑梯 Camel went on the waterslide.
-又回来了？不是要逃走吗？ -等我逃走 你会知道的 -Again? Whatever happened to zipping? -Oh, you'll know when I zip.
我要去大沼泽地 饱餐一顿蛆虫 I'll be in the Everglades dining on maggots
你只能白日做梦 you can only dream about.
你太有趣了 里奥 我会想你的 You were fun, Leo. I'll miss you.
如果圣诞老人有39位精灵 If Santa Claus has 39 elves
每小时制作1981件玩具… making 1,981 toys an hour…
这里冷死了 把龟壳借我挤一挤 Freezing here. How about giving a guy some shell?
等等 人气先生 你现在想进来跟我挤在一起？ Wait. Ho, ho, Mr. Popular, now you wanna come in here with me?
今天的气温是18摄氏度 It's 65 degrees.
佛罗里达中部的冬天真要命 These Central Florida winters are brutal.
几分钟就好 Just a couple of minutes.
嘿 起码先请我吃顿晚餐 Hey, hey! At least buy me dinner first.
等等！那些是我的棒球卡吗？ Wait. Are those my baseball cards?
打给我 Call me.
你跟他们说话 You're talking to them.
所以才不停地回来 什么？才没有 -That's why you keep coming back. -What? No.
一点点而已 Just a little bit.
不 一点点也不行 不可以跟人类说话 No, no, no, no. There is no little bit. We don't talk to them.
在我见上帝之前 我的真知烁见能造福这些孩子 These kids are all benefiting from my insights before I drop dead.
-好吧 是你的自尊心在作祟 -才不是这样 Okay, so it's about your ego. That's not what this is.
我只是分享74年来积累的智慧 帮助孩子们解决烦恼 It's about sharing my 74 years of wisdom to help these kids with their issues.
无论是跟无人机绝交 还是穿二手裤 Whether it's breaking up with the drone or having hand-me-down pants.
没啥大不了 Oh, boo-freakin'-hoo.
我16岁之前都戴我姐姐的龟壳 I had to wear my sister's shell till I was 16.
我对TJ那孩子帮助很大 I made a huge difference with that TJ kid.
怎么？我不明白 这很正常 What? I don't understand. That's normal.
第一根？通常长在前面 不过没事 说明你在长身体 First one? Usually, it's in the front, but very nice. You're growing up.
不 是我爸爸 No, no, no. It's my dad.
有什么好笑的？ 我告诉他 1974年时 What's so funny? I told him that Dave Connaire,
戴夫·康奈尔突然长出一个大鼻子 像他爸一样 in 1974, all of a sudden, grew a nose the size of a Buick just like his dad's.
大家依然喜欢他 因为他跟你一样 是个酷小孩 And everybody still loved him, 'cause he was a cool kid, like you.
接下来一周 柯尔的烦恼更棘手了 And the next week, Cole's problem was even tougher.
你会说梦话 所以不去别人家过夜？ You won't do sleepovers, 'cause you say things in your sleep?
你跟我说话 如果我不告诉别人 Well, if I'm not gonna tell anyone about you talking to me,
-你可以答应不告诉别人吗？ do you promise not to tell anyone?
-当然了 Yeah. Of course.
这不是我真正的声音 This isn't my real voice.
我的声音其实是这样的 但我不能让他们知道 我的声音很可笑 I really talk like this. I can't let them know. I sound ridiculous.
太搞笑了 This is priceless.
我帮他解决了 我告诉他… Well, I fixed it. I told him…
-你的声音很像当年吉斯乐队的歌手 -什么？ -You sound like a young Bee Gee. -A what?
威肯呢？你认识他吗？ How 'bout The Weeknd? Know him?
对 就是这样 Yeah, like that.
上周他在冬季演奏会上献唱 Last week, he sang at the winter recital,
我听说大家都为之疯狂 and I heard they went nuts.
好样的 麦金老师 Nice job, Ms. Malkin.
不好意思 你刚刚是夸我吗？ I'm sorry, was that praise?
继续加油 我们可能会继续请你过来 Keep it up, and we may see more of you here.
全班同学表现都很棒 -他们赢了吗？ The class did great. Did they win?
-没有 向来都是幼儿园胜出 他们是无敌小可爱 Nah, kindergarten always wins. Way too cute.
你该看看我上周和米娅在一起的情景 And you should've seen me last week with Mia.
那个爱抱抱的黏人精？ You mean Huggy? The human cling wrap?
不好意思 她有名字 Excuse me. She has a name.
如你所知 她父母最近离婚了 As you know, her parents were recently divorced.
今天只迟到了两小时 真体贴 Only two hours late today. Very considerate.
你现在要让他自己剪头发吗？ Are you letting him cut his own hair now?
下周末 你不能看孩子 让我和奥萝拉 You can't watch the kids next weekend, so me and Aurora can have
一起过情人节吗？我想请你帮个忙 Valentine's Day together? I'm asking you one favor!
因为我知道你没有安排 You don't have any plans. Because I know.
抱歉 但蜥蜴不会说话 I'm sorry, but lizards do not talk.
鹦鹉、金刚鹦鹉、鸣禽 还有某些虎鲸会说话 Parrots, macaws, songbirds, and certain killer whales.
网上的东西别全信 Don't believe everything you read on the Internet.
你为什么只跟我说话？ Why would you only talk to me?
因为你很好 你在学校表现好 总是回答问题 'Cause you're nice. You're great at school, answering all the questions.
-我喜欢学习 -你跟家人在一起安静多了 -I love to learn things. -You're a lot quieter around your family.
你不想让他们见识一下 你有多聪明吗？ Don't you ever wanna let 'em see how big that brain of yours is?
我的兄弟姐妹觉得我是怪人 My brother and sister think I'm weird.
真的吗？ Really?
你长得真像我爷爷 是吗？这是好事？ -You just looked like my grandpa. -Yeah? Is that a good thing?
我爷爷以前常常陪我聊天 My grandpa used to talk to me.
他真的很喜欢科学 会问我问题 He really liked science, and he would ask me questions,
虽然他知道答案 even if he knew the answer.
什么？他听起来是个好人 What? He sounds like a great guy.
他曾经是我最好的朋友 He was my best friend.
不 我不是故意要惹你哭 Oh, no, no, no, no. I didn't mean to get that going.
拜托 孩子 我不想这样 Please, kid, I hate that.
-抱歉 -没事 不用抱歉 I'm sorry. -Oh, no, no. Don't be sorry.
别哭了 我受不了 Just stop. I… I can't handle it.
但我妈妈说哭一哭没事的 But my mom says it's good to cry.
我可不这么认为 我来让你冷静下来吧 Not where I come from. Here. Let me calm you down.
我给你唱首摇篮曲 你好好睡觉 I'll sing you a lullaby, and you'll go to sleep.
♪ 别哭 ♪ ♪ Don't cry ♪
♪ 弱者才哭 ♪ ♪ Crying's for weaklings ♪
♪ 别哭 ♪ ♪ Don't cry ♪
♪ 显得又懒又蠢 ♪ ♪ It's lazy and dumb ♪
♪ 擦干眼泪 ♪ ♪ Dry those tears ♪
♪ 哭就不漂亮了 ♪ ♪ They make you look ugly ♪
♪ 忍一忍 ♪ ♪ Suck it up ♪
♪ 不要屈服 ♪ ♪ You mustn't succumb ♪
♪ 人人都有 ♪ ♪ Everyone's stuck ♪
♪ 自己的烦心事 ♪ ♪ With something they're stuck with ♪
♪ 人人都受困于自己厌烦的东西 ♪ ♪ Everyone's trapped In something they hate ♪
♪ 哭哭啼啼 ♪ ♪ What does it solve ♪
♪ 能解决什么问题？ ♪ ♪ To blubber and… ♪
♪ 不如坚强一点 ♪ ♪ Why not be strong? ♪
♪ 好好掌握你的命运 ♪ ♪ Make the best of your fate ♪
♪ 别哭 ♪ ♪ Don't cry ♪
♪ 真恼人 ♪ ♪ It's really annoying ♪
♪ 别哭 哭起来 ♪ ♪ Turn off the faucet ♪
♪ 很难看 ♪ ♪ It looks bad on you ♪
♪ 我知道很难 ♪ ♪ I know it's hard ♪
♪ 我知道你心烦意乱 ♪ ♪ I know you're troubled ♪
♪ 但我们都有烦恼 ♪ ♪ But we've all got problems ♪
♪ 所以没什么 ♪ ♪ So boo-freaking… ♪
♪ 大不了 ♪ ♪ Hoo… ♪
你吓死我了 Whoa. You scared me.
♪ 没啥大不了 ♪ ♪ Boo-freaking-hoo ♪
我爷爷以前也会这样安慰我 You're just doing what my grandpa did,
假装不知道答案 好让我来说出正确答案 pretending not to know something, so I can tell you what's right.
来 科学研究显示 Here. Scientific research has established
哭泣会释放催产素和内啡肽 that crying releases oxytocin and endorphins.
这些化学物质让人感觉良好 有助于缓解生理和心理痛苦 These feel-good chemicals help ease both physical and emotional pain.
我不知道怎么帮她 所以就倾听 这就帮到她了 I didn't know how to help her, so I just listened. And that helped.
你还胡扯出外星人骗局 Wow. So you got this E.T. scam going.
让每个小孩都以为自己是埃利奥特 后果不堪设想 Got every kid thinking he's Elliott? This will end badly.
我只知道这些小孩会记住我 All I know is these kids'll remember me.
你听说上周三号仓鼠的葬礼了吗？ Did you hear about Hammy #3's funeral last week?
-三号仓鼠死了？我不知道 -没错 -Hammy #3 died? Didn't know that. -Exactly.
他们说葬礼超级无聊 大家都很沉默 They say the funeral was a snooze. No one had anything to say.
我喜欢它耳朵上的白点 I liked that white spot over his ear.
我喜欢它呼吸的样子 I liked the way he breathed.
它害我得红眼病 He gave me pinkeye.
我的葬礼将充满美好的回忆和趣事 My funeral is gonna be packed with fond remembrances and anecdotes.
好 不错 上周的单词你都记住了 Yeah, good for you and your last week's vocabulary words.
哥们 说不定突然就翘辫子了 And, buddy, that funeral could come sooner than you think.
轮到我带壁虎回家了！ Me! Me! -My turn with the Geico thing!
玩得开心 安东尼！里奥很棒的！ Have fun, Anthony! Leo's awesome!
这玩意的脑袋能长回来吗？ 还是只有尾巴？算了 我会搞清楚 These things heads grow back too? Or just their tails? I'll figure it out.
糟了 快打给我的直系亲属 我要安排遗产分割的事 Oh, no. Call my next of kin. This is how I want to divide my estate.
救命啊！ Help me!
-什么？ -我会挺你 哥们 What? I got your back.
-不能让你独自面对 -你打算怎么办？ -I couldn't let you do this one alone. -What are you gonna do?
你放轻松 他很难伤到我 我有龟壳 You lay back. It's harder to hurt me. I got the shell.
那提建议的事呢？ What about giving advice?
难道我什么都不懂？ 你能行的 我也能行 Oh, like I don't know anything? I can do what you do.
好 这招绝了！好棒的策略！ That was an incredible move! What strategy!
嘿！…开始让他的… Hey! …starting to let his…
直击对方的脑袋 Go straight to his head.
嘿 过来 Hey, over here.
什么？ What? -Ah!
-拜托！ -别管了 我会说话 -Oh, come on! -Forget that. I talk.
-我的天 奶奶！ Oh my God. Grandma!
-不 别叫 别那样做 不然我们死定了 No, no, no. Stop, stop. Can't do that or we'll all die.
-什么？为什么？ -我不知道 我告诉你 -What? Why? -I don't know. I… I'm telling you.
-你会死的 闭嘴 淡定 -好吧 -You… You'll die. Just shut up. Calm down. -Oh, okay.
回头再修手机 我是只会说话的乌龟 我选你 是因为… Fix your phone later. I'm a talking turtle. I picked you 'cause…
“我喜欢你的风格” "I like your style."
-放轻松 -我能搞定 跟我说说你的烦恼 -Take it down a notch. -I got this. Now, tell me your problems.
什么？我可以帮你解决烦恼 -What? -I… I can fix your problems. I… I… I…
我看到五年级班里有各种问题 I seen a lot of things in that 5th grade room,
我可以帮忙 说说看 and I can help. So come on.
我没有烦恼 除了手机摔坏了 I don't have any problems. Other than I broke my phone.
恶霸 我懂 Ah-ha. Bully. I get it.
你没安全感 对吧？班级小霸王都这样 Come on. You're insecure, right? Every class bully is.
才没有 我不知道 No. I don't know.
你很难过 内心无比痛苦 You're sad, you got something tearing you up inside.
说说看 我是会说话的乌龟 我不会告诉别人 Just say it. I'm a talking turtle. I can't tell anyone else.
我当然是小霸王 我不知道自己还能干什么 Of course I'm a bully. I don't know what else to do.
-我跟别人不一样 我不聪明 -不 每个人都有自己的聪明之处 -I'm just different. I'm not smart. -Nah. Everyone's smart in some way.
你只是害怕尝试 长着一副不聪明的面孔 这很典型 You're just afraid of trying and looking not smart. That's textbook.
-什么是“典型”？ -知道吗？算了 -What's a textbook? -You know what? Never mind.
-我在其他方面也不一样 -这就对了 来吧 说出来 -I'm different in other ways too. -There you go. Come on. Out with it.
-你不会说出去？ -不会 什么事？为什么难过？ -You won't say anything? -No. What is it? What's the sadness?
我不知道小宝宝是怎么来的 I don't know how babies are made.
非常好 非常典型的班级小霸王 Perfect. That's very class bully.
外表强悍 Tough on the outside,
内心自怨自艾 a self-hating pile of cottage cheese on the inside.
你可以告诉我吗？小宝宝的事？当然 是这样 -Can you just tell me? -Oh. About babies? Sure. Here we go.
首先 爸爸趁妈妈在水里游泳时 爬到她的背上 First, the daddy climbs on the mommy's back while she's swimming.
然后触碰妈妈身下的泄殖腔 He reaches under the mommy to find her cloaca.
这会持续24小时 This goes on for about 24 hours.
妈妈上岸筑巢 在沙子里下蛋 Then the mommy comes ashore, makes a nest, and deposits eggs in the sand.
我妈妈在沙子里下蛋？ My mom made eggs in the sand?
对 这样蛋就不会被鱼吃掉 Yes. So the fish don't eat 'em.
我成功了 完美解决了那孩子的烦恼 I crushed it. Totally fixed the kid's problem.
他用胶带把我绑起来 可能是因为想把我留下 The taping me up, maybe it's 'cause he wants to keep me.
住手！ Stop!
你留级了 怀念以前的朋友吗？ You miss your friends from being held back.
担心被落下？ Worried about being behind?
这段时期很艰难 也是最美好的时光 相信我 This is a tough time, but these are the best years. Believe me.
无知是福 Enjoy not knowing everything.
好好享受当孩子的滋味 你是个好孩子 Enjoy being a kid. You're a good one.
你想念童年时光吗？ Do you miss being a kid?
我还活着就很开心了 I'm just glad I'm still here.
好了 每个人 都带过里奥回家过周末了 Okay, every one of you has had a weekend with Leo here.
接下来 你们要带… 那只乌龟叫什么来着？ So from here on, you'll be taking home… What's the turtle's name again?
杰尼龟 我叫杰尼龟 Squirtle. My name is Squirtle.
好像是杰尼龟 I think it's Squirtle.
杰尼龟逊毙了 Squirtle sucks.
你说什么？为什么？ I beg your pardon? Why?
不知道 它就是很逊 I don't know. He just sucks.
-不过我喜欢里奥 它很好 -最好了 -I like Leo, though. He's nice. -The best.
-对！拜托… -里奥比那只小乌龟好多了 Yeah! Come on… Leo's better than that turtle.
别吵 够了！ 这只爬行动物有什么特别的？ Oh, stop that noise. Stop it! What is so special about this reptile?
我喜欢它的皮肤 I like his skin.
很像我奶奶的手肘 His skin is like my grandma's elbows.
我也一样 Uh, same.
-我也一样 -我也一样 -Same. -Same.
-手肘 -我也一样 Elbows. Same.
好吧 既然你们 都这么想再次带那只蜥蜴回家 All right. If you all so desperately want to take home that lizard again,
就得努力争取 you'll just have to earn it.
我真想被选中！ I wanna get picked!
我们会好好做作业 保证带回来 We'll do our homework and promise to bring it in.
你们要成为模范班级 You will all make my class a model of excellence,
还要赢得学术马拉松竞赛冠军 否则只能带乌龟回家 and even win that Academicathalon, or it's the turtle for all of you.
好！非常感谢 Yes! Thank you so much.
这是你的遗愿吗？ 让一群小鬼头嫌弃我？ Was this your dying wish? To turn a bunch of brats against me?
重点不是我们 是孩子们 It's not about us. It's about the kids.
他们动力十足 They're motivated.
会完美拿下这个学年 They're gonna finish the year strong.
（阅读伙伴）
（那里 他们的 和他们是）
（伙伴长凳）
太好了！ Yes!
（隐私！日记）
没错 路易·巴斯德是微生物学之父 Yeah, Louis Pasteur is the father of microbiology.
他发现危险的微生物 可以在开阔水域中滋生 He discovered that dangerous microorganisms could grow in open water.
（麦金神奇宝贝称霸艺术展）
（科学展）
（蜥蜴对乌龟 乌龟有壳又很笨）
（天气）
哇！真了不起 Wow! Well, now, that's impressive.
五年级C班 仅一步之遥 你们就能去魔法乐园了！ Class 5-C, you're one step away from going to Magic Land Park!
我们的代课老师太棒了 How great a job has our teacher done?
真不错 麦金老师 Bravo, Ms. Malkin.
我刚请你来时 很多家长很不满 I know a lot of parents weren't happy when I first brought you in,
你令人无法忍受 名声在外 due to your rep as a miserable person.
但如果这个班 在周六的历史展上胜出 我们就… But if you win the History Fair on Saturday, we'll--
你就能证明那些质疑你的人大错特错 You'll prove all the doubters wrong.
这个嘛 斯潘校长 有时候 管理班级还是老办法最管用 Well, Principal Spahn, in the classroom, sometimes the old ways are the best ways.
真不敢相信 I can't believe it.
回座位上去 不准击掌 Back to your posts. No five-highing.
-这张照片太酷了 -谢谢 Oh, that pic is fire. Thank you.
怎么回事？我等你玩叠叠乐 足足等了30分钟 Hey, what is the deal? I've been waiting for your next Jenga move for 30 minutes.
服装是你自己做的 还是你妈妈做的？ Now did you make the costume or did your mom?
说实话 你知道我不会告诉别人 Tell the truth. You know I won't tell anyone.
我只跟你说话 I only talk to you.
-什么？ -还有一部手机？ What? Is that another phone?
不知道 可能是麦金桌上的 Uh, I don't know. Uh, must be on Malkin's desk or something.
（稍后回电）
-喂？ -拜托 Hello? -Come on.
里奥 你去哪儿了？ Leo, where'd you go?
我马上过去 I… I'll be right there.
里奥？ Leo?
-喂？ -哥们 丢过来 我来处理 Hello? -Hey, pal, toss it here. I'll handle it.
你能听到吗？ Can you hear me?
-里奥？ Leo?
-嗯 麦金肯定还有一部手机 Yeah, I think Malkin must have an extra phone.
不管了 小夏怎么说？ Anywho, what did Summer say?
我的天 不能每个人都扮杰奎琳·肯尼迪 Oh my God, you can't all play Jackie Kennedy.
我们想一举拿下这次历史展 And, like, we so wanna slay this History Fair.
我知道！魔法乐园之旅肯定会很棒 I know. That Magic Land Park trip would be awesome.
嘿 你很棒 因为你尽力了 Hey, you're awesome because you tried your best.
所以我是你的特别好友？ That's why I'm your special friend?
对 Yeah.
你也跟丝凯乐说话？ You talk to Skyler too?
我只是…只是因为她… I… I just… Only because she--
那是小夏的手机 就在你们的后面 That's Summer's phone in there, right behind yours.
你毁了这一切 现在开心了？ 我不知道怎么回事 -You happy now? For ruining this? -I don't know what happened.
肯定是屁股按到的 I… I must've butt-dialed ya. I mean, butt-shot ya.
你没屁股 You don't even have a butt.
你竟敢如此？ How dare you?
你跟我们所有人说话？你说只跟我一个人说话 -You talk to all of us? -You said I was the only one.
你说只跟我一个人说话 You said I was the only one.
-我还以为自己很特别呢 -你们都很特别 我… -I thought I was special. -You're all special. I--
抱歉！我只是… I'm sorry! I just…
看到你们相处融洽 在课堂上表现良好 Seeing you guys getting along and doing great in class,
我感觉自己带来了改变 it felt like I was actually making a difference.
的确如此 要不是有你帮忙 我今年肯定过得惨不忍睹 You did. This year would've been a nightmare without you helping me.
麦金老师凶巴巴的 跟你聊天我才能上课 Ms. Malkin's so mean. Talking to you made the class bearable.
对 我还担心如果你们全知道了 I was just worried if you all knew…
其他人会发现 …other people would find out.
你叫我不要告诉别人 我没说出去 You told me not to tell anyone, and I didn't.
-大家都没说 因为我们可以保守秘密 -对 Nobody did. Because we can keep a secret. Yeah.
你告诉所有人我刮一字眉了吗？ What, did you tell everyone I shave my unibrow?
因为我并没有 Because I don't.
你刮一字眉 Hey, the only one he told about your unibrow,
还有吃鼻屎的事 它只告诉过我 or that you still eat your boogers, was me.
-我都没笑 -什么？ -And I barely chuckled. -What?
我要走了 I'm leaving.
我尽力了 I tried.
慢着 今天是周五 Wait, it's Friday.
你们没人带我回家吗？ Aren't you gonna take me home?
小夏 轮到你了 Summer, it's your turn.
拜托 我很抱歉 Please, I'm so sorry.
我们现在怎么能信任你？这是个问题 How can we trust you now? That was a question.
好了 大家在这里干什么？ All right, what's everyone doing here?
你们要走了 很好！放假一天 Oh, you're leaving. Good. Take the whole day off.
明天有历史展 你们得好好休息 回家去吧 You need to rest up for the history fair tomorrow. Go home.
快走吧 快走 Go. Shoo. Come on, out you go.
咱俩得好好聊聊 You and I have a lot to talk about.
我不明白 I don't understand.
我知道我骗了孩子们 我对你做什么了吗？ I… I know I lied to the kids. What did I do to you?
不好意思 背着我跟学生说话？ 还给他们提建议？ Excuse me, talking to my students behind my back? Advising them?
好吧 我感觉很糟糕 但我只是想… Okay. I feel terrible, but I was just trying to--
破坏我的教学方式！ Undermine my methods!
他们的成就让我很有满足感 都是被你给骗的 Cheat me out of feeling any satisfaction from their success.
怎么？你想教的知识 他们都学会了 你还有什么不开心的？ What? They learned everything you wanted. Why wouldn't that make you happy?
别以为你可以分析我 我是成年人 Don't think you can analyze me. I'm an adult.
不是尖叫的小鬼头 读不下去《坎特伯雷故事集》 Not a shrieking brat who thinks reading Canterbury Tales is torture.
那本书读得下去吗？ It's not torture?
闭嘴！ Quiet!
我家徒四壁 居然叫我开心 Asking me to be happy when I have nothing but these four walls.
你的家人呢？不好意思 你看到我有家人吗？ -What about your family? -Excuse me, do you see any family?
除非你跟这位健身教练是亲戚 Oh. Uh, not unless you're related to the gym coach.
-这些照片不关你的事 -了解 当我没见过 -Those pictures are none of your business. -Gotcha. Never saw 'em.
我一辈子献身教学 却只能当代课教师 I put my whole life into teaching just to be a mere substitute.
从来不带自己名下的班级 从未获得任何尊重 Never had my own class, never got any respect.
♪ 开心？ ♪ ♪ Happy? ♪
♪ 你希望我开心？ ♪ ♪ You want me to be happy? ♪
听着 我也有过从未实现过的梦想 Look, I also had dreams that never happened.
比如去看大沼泽 或传播沙门氏菌 Like seeing the Everglades, or spreading Salmonella.
但今年 我遇到了更好的事 But this year, I fell into something even better.
我跟这些孩子真的很合拍 I really clicked with these kids.
多少是因为你是一只会说话的动物？ Uh, maybe it helped, just a little, that you're a talking animal?
对 但或许也有你的功劳 Yeah, but also, maybe it's you.
因为我在这所学校 见过孩子们喜欢的代课老师 'Cause I've seen subs come through this school that kids love.
♪ 奈特老师如何？ ♪ ♪ What about Mrs. Knight? ♪
♪ 对孩子们很好 但身上有怪味 ♪ ♪ Nice to the kids Didn't smell quite right ♪
♪ 还记得蒙克老师吗？ ♪ ♪ Remember Mr. Monk? ♪
♪ 他超爱喝酒 还死不承认 ♪ ♪ He was a closet drunk ♪
♪ 这位老师可能比你还年长 ♪ ♪ This may have been before your time ♪
♪ 洛琪老师？ ♪ ♪ Miss Losch? ♪
她是一位好老师 A fine teacher.
♪ 她是我的老师 ♪ ♪ She was mine ♪
慢着 你曾经是这里的学生？ Wait, you were a student here?
你不记得我了？我那时候很不一样 You don't remember me? I was a lot different.
我当时 I was…
♪ 很开心 ♪ ♪ Happy ♪
（拼字大赛冠军）
哇 对 Oh, wow. Yeah.
你当时很贴心 You were very sweet.
那时候的我很可爱 她… I was adorable. And she…
♪ 她让你 ♪ ♪ She made you… ♪
♪ 开心 ♪ ♪ Happy ♪
是的 确实 Yes, she did.
她让我觉得自己无所不能 She made me feel like I could do anything.
告诉我 你觉得她当时 And tell me, do you think she was…
♪ 开心吗？ ♪ ♪ Happy? ♪
她把你当成家人 She made you her family.
好老师就是这样的 哪怕是代课老师 That's what great teachers do. Even substitutes.
哪怕时间不多 他们也会努力带来改变 With the little time they have, they try to make a difference.
所以他们才会开心 And that's what keeps them happy.
♪ 你可以感受到爱 这不是终点 ♪ ♪ You can feel love It's not the end ♪
♪ 你可以找回曾经的笑容 ♪ ♪ That smile you had can come back again ♪
♪ 别那么紧张 向前辈学习 ♪ ♪ Just pull that stick out your tush And take a cue ♪
♪ 在你之前的那些老师 ♪ ♪ From teachers that preceded you ♪
♪ 你并不孤单 ♪ ♪ You're not alone ♪
♪ 尽心呵护学生 ♪ ♪ Make a home for them ♪
♪ 悦纳自己的重要角色 ♪ ♪ And embrace your important role ♪
♪ 塑造人才 -塑造人才 ♪ ♪ In shaping them ♪
♪ 全面成长 -全面成长 ♪ ♪ Body and soul ♪
♪ 你就会 -我就会 ♪ ♪ And you'll be ♪ ♪ And I'll be ♪
♪ 开心 -开心 ♪ ♪ Happy ♪
感觉真棒 我知道你有能力 -Well, that felt wonderful. -I know you got it in you.
明天你一定能带领孩子们拿到第一名 You're gonna get those kids first place tomorrow.
你得陪我去 不了 拜托 他们很生气 -Oh, you're coming with me. -No, please. They're mad.
让他们专心取胜吧 Let… Let them focus on winning.
我还是要带你去 Well, I'm still taking you.
你为他们尽心尽力 After they win,
等他们赢了 一定要好好感谢你 we'll make sure they appreciate all you were doing for them.
知道吗？你很特别 You know what? You are special.
（历史展）
我昨晚睡不着 I couldn't sleep last night.
我一直在想里奥对我们做的事 I couldn't stop thinking about what Leo did to us.
别再说里奥 我们不理里奥了 Let's just not talk about Leo. We're done with Leo.
我们准备好了 可以靠自己获胜！ We're ready. We can win this thing ourselves.
早上好 亲爱的同学们 Good morning, my dear students.
-他们看起来信心满满 -你的声音和蔼又温暖 -They look confident. -You sounded nice. Real warm.
谢谢 我会尽量把赛况告诉你 Thank you. I'll keep you posted when I can.
我叫贝特西·罗斯 I'm Betsy Ross.
我于1776年设计了第一面美国国旗 I designed the first American Flag in 1776.
对于美国国旗应该是什么样子 我不仅说出了自己的想法 But I didn't just say what I thought the flag should look like,
也倾听了其他人的看法 I listened to others to see what they thought.
最后设计出如今这面卓越的旗帜 The result was the superior design we have today,
人们也更加喜欢我 and also, people liking me more.
我是苏珊·B·安东尼 I'm Susan B. Anthony.
我在女权选举权运动中 I played a pivotal role in the women's suffrage movement
发挥了核心作用 in the 19th century.
但我没那么特别 没那么伟大 我的家人亦如此 But I'm not that special or great. And neither is my family.
所以我能理解1920年之前 没有投票权的普通女性 So I can relate to average women who couldn't vote until 1920.
我是温斯顿·丘吉尔 “我们将在沙滩上战斗 I'm Winston Churchill. "We shall fight on the beaches."
我们将在田野和街道间战斗 "We shall fight them in the fields and in the streets."
我们绝不投降 "We shall never surrender,
但我们可以写封漂亮的书信 让他们甘愿投降 but we shall let them down easy, with a nice letter."
-这样他们才不至失去理智” -太精彩了 -"So they don't lose their minds." -This is wonderful.
你教会了他们人生教训 You've taught them life lessons.
我什么都听不到 可以打开口袋吗？ I… I can't hear anything. Can you open your pocket?
我是圣女贞德 他们把我在火刑柱上烧死 但我无所畏惧 They burned me, Joan of Arc, at the stake, but I am not afraid.
没啥大不了！每个人都有烦恼 Boo-freaking-hoo! Everyone's got problems.
我跟朋友聊过后 感觉好多了 I talked about it to a friend and felt a lot better.
我觉得她口中的朋友是你 Aw, I think that friend is you.
麦金神奇宝贝 你们会去魔法乐园！ Malkin's Marvels, you're going to Magic Land Park!
恭喜 同学们！ Congratulations, class!
好耶！ Yeah!
也恭喜首位获得 “年度最佳教师”称号的代课老师！ And to the first substitute to ever win Teacher of the Year!
麦金老师和木村教练 将陪同各位前往 You'll be chaperoned by Ms. Malkin and Coach Kimura.
结束了吗？我们赢了？ 我什么时候能出去？ Is it over? We win? When do I come out?
怎么回事？ What's happening?
麦金老师 我们可以去看里奥吗？ Ms. Malkin, can we go see Leo?
-宝贝 就要下雨了 -我们不能去教室一会儿吗？ -Honey, it's about to rain. -We can't go to our class for one second?
你知道雨水会破坏我的接发 You know what the rain does to my extensions.
我得承认 我还以为你性格扭曲 I gotta say, I thought you were some kind of a twisted animal.
会让人疯疯癫癫、口吐白沫的樟脑丸 A rabid, bitter bag of mothballs foaming at the mouth.
但我之前从没见过洁妲那样讲话 她讲得很好？ But I've never seen my Jayda speak like that. It's like she's, uh, nice?
那是我们的麦金老师！ That's our Ms. Malkin!
你真的很懂我们的孩子 You really got to know our kids.
真是个特别的女人！明年一定要让她全职当老师！ -What a special lady. -Get this woman a full-time job next year.
我们可以安排 Oh, I think we can arrange that.
她帮助小夏交了很多朋友 She's helped Summer make friends.
多亏了你 柯尔才以他的声音为荣 Cole's proud of his voice, thanks to you.
-你是如何做到的？ -这个… How'd you do it? -Well… You know…
这…我肚子不舒服 我得走了 That's, um… my stomach. I… I better go.
她撑不到厕所的 She's not gonna make it.
怎么回事？我什么都听不到 What happened? I couldn't hear nothing.
我们赢了吗？我还以为会见到孩子们 Did we win? I thought I was gonna see the kids.
我们要去个很特别的地方 We're going somewhere very special.
大家一起庆祝吗？ We're all going to celebrate?
什么 披萨派对？ What, a pizza party?
这家披萨店可真偏僻 Wow, this pizza's out in the boonies.
（大沼泽地国家公园 美国内政部）
怎么回事？你要把我扔在这里？ What's goin' on? You're leaving me here?
孩子们怎么办？ What about the kids?
他们输了 他们自取其辱 责怪你 They lost. The class embarrassed themselves and blamed you.
什么？刚刚的欢呼声是怎么回事？ What? What was all that cheering?
那是其他班的 抱歉 That was for the other class. I'm sorry.
我做了什么？感觉糟糕透顶 What did I do? I've never felt so bad.
别这么说 你说梦寐以求想看大沼泽地 Don't say that. You said the Everglades was your dream.
现在梦想成真 再也不会遇到小孩子 Now you can live it out, with no chance of ever running into the children.
也不会碰到他们的父母、校长 还有媒体 Or their parents. Or the principal. Or the media.
我说过这是我的梦想 I said it was my dream.
孩子们是我… The kids are what I--
-什么？ -它在哪里？ What? Where is he?
-它躲起来了吗？ -它没躲起来 Is he hiding? He's not hiding.
它之前还在这里 He was here.
-怎么回事？ -你见过它吗？ You seen him? What happened?
真可惜 它肯定逃走了 What a shame. He must've run away.
它离开我们了？看！ -He left us? -Oh, look.
好像有字条 There seems to be some kind of note.
-里奥会写字？ -当然 它会说话 -Leo could write? -Of course. He could talk.
哦！它也跟你们说话了吗？我还以为自己很特别呢！ Oh! He talked to you people too? Oh, I thought I was special.
“亲爱的同学们 "Dear class."
今年 我很开心能陪伴大家 "I've greatly enjoyed my time with you this year,
但我希望开启新篇章 终于可以去看大千世界 but I wish to move on and finally see the world."
我意识到我辜负了你们的信任 无法弥补 "I realize I broke your trust, and that can't be fixed."
但是拜托你们行行好 "But if you would be so kind,
切勿把我们的谈话说出去 这样我就不会受到骚扰 please keep our conversations secret, so that I'm not harassed,
像《E.T.外星人》 《钢铁巨人》、《美人鱼》 like E.T. or The Iron Giant, or Splash,
或经典电影《水形物语》里那样 or the classic, The Shape of Water."
你们的成功都要归功于麦金老师 "Simply attribute your success to Ms. Malkin,
她的职业操守无可非议 whose integrity is beyond reproach."
（购物清单）
此致 里奥” "Best Regards, Leo."
好吧 我们为里奥高兴吧 它去做自己梦寐以求的事了 Well, let's try and be happy for Leo. He's doing what he wanted most.
但我们还没来得及感谢它 But we never even got to thank him.
生活就是这样 孩子们 随着年岁增长 生活会变得更艰难 That's life, gang. Life gets more difficult the older we get.
这就叫成长 It's called growing up.
♪ 我十岁时 ♪ ♪ When I was ten ♪
♪ 无忧无虑 ♪ ♪ I didn't have a single care ♪
♪ 皮肤光滑无体毛 ♪ ♪ And not a single body hair ♪
♪ 生活很美好 ♪ ♪ And life was fine ♪
♪ 我九岁时 ♪ ♪ When I was nine ♪
♪ 还会给圣诞老人留牛奶 ♪ ♪ We still left milk for Santa Claus ♪
♪ 妈妈没有步入更年期 ♪ ♪ My mom was not in menopause ♪
♪ 生活很美好 ♪ ♪ And life was great ♪
♪ 我八岁时 ♪ ♪ When I was eight ♪
♪ 还穿得下一码的鞋 ♪ ♪ I still could wear a size one shoe ♪
♪ 我以为巨无霸对身体有好处 ♪ ♪ I thought Big Macs were good for you ♪
♪ 是的 生活宛如天堂 ♪ ♪ Yes, life was heaven ♪
♪ 我七岁时 ♪ ♪ When I was seven ♪
♪ 我学会了说脏话 但我以为 ♪ ♪ I knew some dirty words But thought ♪
♪ 宝宝是从妈妈的屁股里生出来 ♪ ♪ That babies came out of Mom's butt ♪
♪ 像小鸡一样 ♪ ♪ Like baby chicks ♪
♪ 我六岁时 ♪ ♪ When I was six ♪
♪ 我的家人会吵架 但我很冷静 ♪ ♪ My folks would fight But I was chill ♪
♪ 爷爷和我的沙鼠都还活着 ♪ ♪ My grandpa and my gerbils Were still alive ♪
♪ 我五岁时 ♪ ♪ When I was five ♪
♪ 我不在乎人会死 ♪ ♪ I didn't care that people die ♪
♪ 理发都能让我哭得稀里哗啦 ♪ ♪ A haircut used to make me cry way more ♪
♪ 我四岁时 ♪ ♪ When I was four ♪
♪ 我不需要手机 ♪ ♪ I didn't need to have a phone ♪
♪ 他们还没发明无人机来跟踪我 ♪ ♪ They hadn't yet invented drones To follow me ♪
♪ 我三岁时 ♪ ♪ When I was three ♪
♪ 我两岁时 听到别人说拉臭臭 ♪ ♪ I'd laugh for days when I was two ♪
♪ 我会笑上好几天 ♪ ♪ When someone said the word doo-doo ♪
♪ 我一岁时不需要守规矩 ♪ ♪ There were no rules when I was one ♪
♪ 除了不要摔倒 ♪ ♪ Except, don't fall ♪
♪ 我们玩得很开心 ♪ ♪ We just had fun ♪
♪ 但一切都过去了 ♪ ♪ But that was then ♪
♪ 我十岁时 ♪ ♪ When I was ten ♪
好了 各位 坐飞龙过山车时要小心 Okay, everybody. Be careful on the Dragon Coaster.
椅子和安全扶手都要擦干净 Wipe the chair and the safety bar.
别管老师怎么说 每半小时打给我们一次 Doesn't matter what the teacher says, you call us every half hour.
别舔任何东西 And don't lick anything.
卡比尔上场时 他们本想为难他 但猜猜怎么着？ They tried to put the shift on Kabir when he was up, but guess what?
他也能打到右外野！ -He can hit to right field too. -Oh!
真厉害 That is something.
-你觉得现在里奥在做什么？ -不知道 -What do you think Leo's doing right now? -I have no idea.
好啊 孩子们 出发前 何必把发霉的老乌龟翻过来？ Sure, kids, why flip over the musty old turtle before you leave?
即便我知道真相又如何？ 可是大家都走了 Even though he knows the truth? But no, everyone's gone!
只剩我和那个可悲的… Everyone but me and that pathetic…
慢着 那个过敏小孩的手机呢？ Wait. Where's the allergy kid's phone? Ah.
好了 Here we go.
嘿 无人机 我是乌龟
可以过来一趟吗？我正好在想你
不是这个意思 不过…
嗯 好吧 无所谓了 过来一趟
（爱心生菜）
没功夫吃生菜了 把我翻过来！ There's no time for lettuce. Flip me!
好 马上走！ Okay, we gotta move!
跟着那些小混蛋！ Follow those brats!
嘿 Hey.
别这样 伙计 你吓到大家了 Shake it off, man. You're freaking everyone out.
（寻找我的：手机 伊莱）
好 加速前进 Okay, let's hit it.
哎哟 Ouch.
这是我们最后一次 一起参加户外教学了 This is our last field trip together.
怎么感觉是最糟糕的一次？ Why does it feel like our worst?
什么？ What?
♪ Now watch me nae nae Okay ♪
♪ Now watch me whip… ♪
-后面在吵什么呢？ -是她干的！ -What is going on back here? -She did it!
什么？我全都看见了 -Excuse me? -I saw it. I saw the whole thing.
你们走后 她把蜥蜴从水族箱里拿了出来 She took him out of the terrarium after you guys left that day.
她把它带走了 我有话要说 She took him, and I wanted to say something,
但她用吸尘器对付我 but her and her vacuum,
还恶狠狠地瞪我 害我踩到别人的尿滑倒 they gave me the stink eye, and I slipped on, uh, somebody else's pee,
摔了个四仰八叉 这一切都是我的错 and I flipped on my back, and this whole thing is my fault
因为我嫉妒我的铁哥们 而不是替它开心 'cause I got jealous of my best friend instead of being happy for him.
我用拍照手机揭穿它 但现在我要揭穿你 记过婆！ I used the camera phone to bust him, but now I gotta bust you, Demeritface!
它骗人！这只乌龟不可信 它背叛了里奥 He's lying! This turtle can't be trusted. He turned on Leo.
拜托 你们都知道多亏了里奥 才有机会参加这次愚蠢的户外教学 Come on. You all know Leo's the reason you got this stupid trip.
它帮你们解决了 各种各样的小鬼头怪烦恼 He helped you with your weird kid problems.
所以你们才能获胜 That's why you won.
它时日不多 只想做点有意义的事 He wanted to do something meaningful with the rest of his pathetic time,
它成功了 and he did it.
你为什么说“它时日不多”？ Why did you say, "The rest of his time"?
-它快死了！ -什么？ He's dying! What?!
它快75岁了 蜥蜴到75岁就会死 He's gonna be 75. That's lights out for lizards.
-不！ -它快死了？ Oh, no! He's dying?
但“记过婆”在乎吗？才不！ But does Demeritface care? No!
她一心只想邀功 All Demeritface wants is all the credit!
又骗人！ Another lie!
那蜥蜴在哪里 悲惨老师？ Then where is he, Ms. Misery?
我的铁哥们在哪里 记过婆？ 它在哪里？ Where's my best friend, Demeritface? Where is he?
-快说 记过婆！ -它在哪里 记过婆！ Out with it, Demeritface! Where is he, Demeritface?
（蜥蜴在哪里 记过婆？）
♪ Watch me, watch me Ooh, watch me, watch me, ooh… ♪
-你干了什么好事？ -够了！别说了！ What did you do with him? -Stop it! Stop it! Stop it now!
我带走了它 开车把它送走了 I took him, and I drove him away.
简直疯了！你说真的吗？ -That's crazy! Seriously? -I can't believe you!
它说得对 我只想邀功 He's right, I wanted the credit.
我以为这样我就可以… I thought it would make me…
♪ 开心 ♪ ♪ Happy ♪
-它临死都会以为我们在生它的气！ -你把它带去哪里了？ -He's gonna die thinking we're mad at him. -Where did you take him?
大沼泽地 The Everglades.
你把它送到大沼泽地了？ 那一带很可怕！ You sent him to the Glades? That's a terrible neighborhood!
那些疯狂的动物会把它四分五裂！请帮我们找到它！ -Those crazy animals will rip him apart! -Ms. Malkin, please help us find him.
我们一定要再次见到它 We can't not see him again.
你好 Hey there.
我们得改变路线 去大沼泽地 We need to change course. We're going to the Everglades.
什么？我们要去魔法乐园！ What? We're going to Magic Land Park!
家长们认为孩子们会去那里 一定要去那里 That's what the parents expect, and that's where we're goin'.
老天 我们第一次吵架 Oh my, our first fight.
谢谢 我没事 Thank you. I'm fine.
孩子们 我们要去魔法乐园 Children, we're going to Magic Land Park.
谢谢 但我觉得太浑浊了点 附近有自来水吗？ Thanks, but a little too murky for me. How… How close are we to a drip tube?
说真的 微生物会致命 Seriously, the microorganisms will kill you.
有个小孩告诉我的 A kid told me that.
你们没听说过路易·巴斯德吗？ You guys never heard of Louis Pasteur?
（太慢了）
搞什么… What the…
-快来人 帮帮我 -老大 是你吗？ Someone help me out here. Boss, is that you?
什么？ Wha-- What?
就是这家伙在派对上放了我们 Hey, that's the guy! The guy who set us free at that party.
就是这家伙？ That's the guy?
就是这家伙？ That's the guy.
（魔法乐园 3.2公里）
听着 不知道老太婆怎么想 我们自己去救它 走吧 I don't know what Grandma's thinking. We'll save him on our own, let's go.
给这家伙来点藻类！ Get this guy some algae.
再来点虫子！ And some of you.
老大 你会爱上这里的 没有驯兽师发号施令 Boss, you're gonna love it here. No trainers telling you what to do,
没有小屁孩笑你腿短 no bratty kids joking about your compact legs.
但我很想那些孩子 But I miss those kids.
什么？ What?
他们不是小屁孩 你得了解他们 They're not bratty. You just gotta get to know them.
比如有个小孩 他爸的背体毛超多 就像大猩猩 Like this one kid whose father's back had a gorilla situation.
（大沼泽地）
这里交给我 你回去找孩子们 I got this. You go back to the kids.
有人看到我朋友了吗？ Hey, anybody see a buddy of mine?
它浑身绿油油的 长着疙瘩 有一条尾巴 是个丑八怪 He's green with bumps, got a tail, wicked ugly.
好吧 继续找 Okay, moving on.
-各位 我们到了！ -太好了！ We're here, y'all! Yes!
我饿了 And I'm hungry.
-我们去玩吧 -嗨 欢迎光临魔法乐园 -Let's do this. -Hi, welcome to Magic Land Park.
-我要… -巨龙棉花糖！ -Okay. Let me get-- -A Cotton Dragon!
-来些巫师泡芙？ -我也要！ -A Wizard Puffs, please? -Me too!
独角兽糖球！ -I'll take a Unicorn Balls. -Huh?
是硬球糖！拜托？ They're jawbreakers. Please?
好了 各位 都买好了吗？ Okay, gang. You getting all of this?
我要一顶喷火龙帽子 Oh, and I need one Fireblower hat.
好了 我们准备好了 对吗 孩子们？ Okie doke. Now we're ready, am I right, kids?
开什么玩笑？ Are you kidding me? Hey!
-走！快跑！ -快跑！ Go! Run fast! Come on. Move it!
快 Come on!
我的天！ Oh my God!
快点 麦金老师 赶快 Come on, Ms. Malkin. Hurry up. Faster!
-快点 -快走 别管我！ Just go. Go without me!
可是你得开车载我们！ But you have to drive us!
快点！ Come on!
快点 麦金老师！ Come on, Ms. Malkin!
普瑞来洗手液！ The Purell!
谁干的谁完蛋！救命啊！ Whoever did this will pay! Help!
他来了！ He's coming!
-我们得离开这里！ -交给我吧！ -We have to get out of here! -I got this!
-什么？ -我来自布朗克斯 -What? -I'm from the Bronx.
我从八岁起就会开车了 I've been driving since I was eight.
耶！耶！ Yeah! Yeah! Do it! Woo-hoo!
（大沼泽地）
我的天！ Oh my God!
喂 小姐 选好车道！ Hey, pick a lane, lady!
我就知道 里奥？ I knew it. Leo?
嘿！不！我讨厌这里！ Hey! Whoa, whoa. No. No, no, no, no, no. I hate it out here!
我跟它们解释了 我只是怕有人会说出去 And I explained to them, I was just afraid someone would tell.
可现在他们全都生我的气 But now they're all mad at me,
我的葬礼肯定比三号仓鼠的还惨 and my funeral's gonna be even worse than Hammy #3's.
-三号仓鼠是谁？ -应该是阿比餐厅的三明治 -Who's Hammy #3? -I think it's a sandwich at Arby's.
你为何说起自己的葬礼？ Why you talking about your funeral?
因为我随时都会翘辫子！ 'Cause it's coming any day.
我快75岁了！ I'm almost 75 years old.
那又怎样？我们能活到110岁！ So what? We live to, like, 110.
什么？可是丝凯乐的爸爸说… What? But Skyler's dad said--
110岁？除非被短吻鳄吃掉 A hundred and ten, unless eaten by alligators.
我97岁了！ I'm 97.
我106了 它才74？还年轻着呢 A hundred six. He's 74? He's a tween.
看他眨眼多快！ Look how fast he blinks.
我会长命百岁！太不可思议了！ I'm gonna live! This is incredible!
这家伙会长命百岁！ The guy's gonna live!
这家伙会长命百岁！ The guy's gonna live! The guy's gonna live!
我要回去找孩子们 我可以将功补过 I gotta get back to those kids. I can redeem myself!
我们会帮你的 And we're gonna help you.
这家伙会长命百岁！这家伙会… The guy's gonna live! The--
我说了很抱歉！ I said I was sorry!
真希望我能横着走 I'd kill for lateral movement.
各位 在行动之前 先想想自己为何生气 好吗？ Guys, before you do anything, let's talk about why you're angry, okay?
有人的爸妈闹离婚吗？ Anyone's parents getting divorced?
-你不打算停车吗？ -我在努力！ -Aren't you gonna stop? -I'm trying.
但我才36公斤 这玩意需要上油！ But I weigh 80 pounds and this thing needs oil.
看起来好恐怖 我的天 This looks scary. Oh, my God.
快停下来！ Come on!
搞什么…那是真猛犸象吗？ What the… Is that some kind of woolly mammoth?
不知道 不过可能会杀死我们 对吧？ I don't know, but it could kill us, right?
肯定的 Uh, definitely.
我们到了 We're here.
后退 Get back.
-老天 -别过来 Oh, gosh. Oh, no, no, no.
这得记过 That's a demerit.
你需要冷静下来 You need to chill.
小夏 跟它说话 Summer, talk to him.
不知道你是否听过这个故事 但不要紧 So I don't know if you know, but it doesn't really matter.
我们本来要去魔法乐园 大家都说那里很好玩 We were supposed to go to Magic Land, which is cool.
我从来没去过 我不喜欢魔法 更不喜欢过山车 I've never been there. I don't like magic and roller coasters.
这些东西好像很无趣 我知道它们理应很恐怖 不是无趣 They just seem really boring. They're scary, which isn't boring,
但你什么都不用做 就只是坐上去 上下翻腾 but you're not doing anything, you're just sitting,
不如去踢足球、玩分类游戏或烤蛋糕 when you could be playing soccer or baking a cake.
我妈妈在节食… I mean, my mom's on a diet, so--
里奥在这种地方怎么活得下去？ How could Leo ever survive out here?
我们要从哪里开始找它？ How do we even start looking for him?
我不知道 I just don't know.
什么？里奥 不！ What? Leo, no!
-哦 不 里奥！ -里奥！ Oh, no. Leo! Leo!
里奥 我们只是想谢谢你 Leo, we just wanted to thank you.
很抱歉我生气了 我们都是 I'm so sorry I got mad. We all are.
我们赢得了户外教学机会 里奥 这都是你的功劳 We won the trip, Leo. All because of you.
你让我感觉自己无所不能 You made me feel like I could do anything.
你让我们再度聚到一起 You brought us all together.
从来没有一只蜥蜴教会我这么多东西 I never had a lizard that taught me so much.
其他动物也没有 Or any non-lizards either.
我不害怕 我想再抱你一次 I'm not scared. I wanna hug you one more time.
什么？它们吃了它的内脏！ What? They ate his insides!
我没… I'm not--
我没事 伙计 I'm okay, pal.
-真不敢相信 -你没事 I can't believe it. You're all right.
抱歉吓到你们 我紧张的时候就容易蜕皮 Sorry I scared you. When I get nervous, I tend to molt.
旧毛病 改不掉 Old habit.
太棒了！ Awesome!
刚刚是我此生最棒的葬礼！ That was the best funeral I could ever have.
等等 可是如果你们赢了 Wait, but if you guys won,
不是应该去魔法乐园庆祝吗？ shouldn't you be celebrating in Magic Land Park?
我们没办法庆祝 得赶在你死前来见你一面 We couldn't celebrate. We needed to see you before you die.
谁说我要死了？ Oh. Uh, who told you I was dying?
乌…杰尼龟告诉我们的 The turt-- Uh, Squirtle told us.
我也以为自己要死了 但后来发现自己还能活很久 Well, I thought I was, but I found out I'm not.
你不会死？ You're not? -You're not gonna die?
你们不生气了吗？ You're not still mad?
太不可思议了 This is incredible.
我们爱你 里奥 We love you, Leo. Are you crazy?
-太棒了！ This is amazing!
-我好开心！ I'm so happy!
关于内啡肽 你说得对 感觉确实很棒 You're right about the endorphins. It really feels awesome.
老天！ Ah. Oh, boy! Ah!
还跟着我 饶了我吧 Still coming. Give me a second.
嘿 很高兴你没事 抱歉之前揭穿你 Hey, glad you're okay. Sorry about busting you.
听着 我送你一样东西 I want you to have something.
-聊表歉意 -戴回去吧 -Least I could do. -It's okay. Put it back on.
你会被抓的 You're gonna get arrested.
你们都应该很自豪 今年我们收获满满 You should all be proud. We've all learned so much this year.
在我离开之前 我想完成另一件 Now, before I go, I want to finish something else
由萨莉娜丝老师发起的事 that Mrs. Salinas started.
我会读《夏洛特的网》剩余的部分 I'm going to read the rest of Charlotte's Web.
-开什么玩笑？ -坚持一下吧 -Ugh, is she kidding? -Let's just get through it.
“夏洛特奄奄一息 "Charlotte was dying."
她说：‘但我感觉很平静’ "'But I feel peaceful,' she said."
你在赛场上的成就 多少也算是我的成就 "'Your success in the ring was, to a small degree, my success.'"
韦伯问 ‘你为何为我做这一切？’ "'Why did you do all this for me?' Wilbur asked."
夏洛特回答说：‘我喜欢你’ "'Because I liked you,' replied Charlotte."
‘生活到底是什么？’ "'After all, what's life, anyway?'"
‘出生 度过短暂的一生 然后死去’ "'We're born, we live a little while, we die.'"
‘也许我只是想活得更有价值 "'Perhaps, I was trying to lift my life a trifle.'"
任何人的生命都是有价值的’” "'Anyone's life can stand a little of…'"
怎么？我错了 好吗？哭出来真好 What? I was wrong, okay? Crying's doin' so good for me.
还是希望我能吃到蜘蛛宝宝 没人会吃蜘蛛宝宝！ -Still wish I could eat spider babies. -Nobody's eating any spider babies!
同学们好！ Hi, guys!
萨莉娜丝老师 Mrs. Salinas.
-我想你们了 来认识一下柯尔！ -好！ I missed you. Come meet Cole! Yes!
我可以抱抱宝宝吗？他好小 Can I hold the baby? He's so tiny.
只有一个宝宝 Only one baby.
看来她没把其他蛋 在沙子里埋得足够深 I guess she didn't bury the other eggs deep enough in the sand.
♪ 小学最后一年 ♪ ♪ Last year of elementary school ♪
♪ 我不想继续当小毛孩 ♪ ♪ I'm, like, so over being a kid ♪
♪ 要照镜子 看看有没有胡茬 ♪ ♪ Gonna look in the mirror for stubble ♪
♪ 要喝橙汁汽水 ♪ ♪ Gonna drink orange juice With the bubbles ♪
♪ 我会说我不需要你 ♪ ♪ I'll say I don't need you ♪
♪ 我会稳步前行 ♪ ♪ I'll be keeping it steady ♪
♪ 我已经开始想你 ♪ ♪ I miss you already ♪
没有你的陪伴 我们怎么熬过中学？ How are we gonna get through middle school without you?
没事的 不是我的功劳 是你们自己努力赢得的 You'll be fine. It wasn't me. You did it.
你们信任他人 倾述自己的烦恼 我们都需要这样 You trusted someone to hear your problems. That's all we need.
记住 每个人都会害怕 不用藏着掖着 Remember, everyone's scared. So don't keep it to yourself.
找愿意倾听的“里奥”好好聊聊 Find your Leo to talk to.
可以是你们的老师、妈妈和朋友 It could be your teacher, your mom, your friend.
你们的乌龟 Your turtle.
他们愿意倾听 我保证 他们会让你们好受一些 They're ready to listen. I promise they'll make you feel better.
麦金老师！ Ms. Malkin!
不用说 你在这里已小有名气了 Needless to say, you've made your mark here.
我将信守承诺 新开一个班 让你明年当全职教师 And as I promised, I'm opening up a class for you to run full-time next year.
谢谢 斯潘校长 Well, thank you, Principal Spahn.
但我有一个条件 But I'll need one condition met.
无论我教哪个班 都要带着这两只宠物 Whatever class I teach, I want these two alongside me as pets.
好 这没问题 Well, okay. I don't see that being a problem.
-哇 瞧瞧 我们要跟麦金走了 -换换风景 应该不错 -Look at this. We're going with Malkin. -Change of scenery. Should be good.
恭喜 认识一下你的新学生 Congratulations, meet your new students.
-老天！ -别弄脏龟壳 保持清洁！ -Oh God! -Not in the shell! Keep it clean!
活力满满 Lot of energy.
这下好了 我们终于可以学字母表了！ This is good, we're finally gonna learn the alphabet!
-我的天！ -好耶！ Oh my God! Yeah!
（午睡时间）
蜥蜴伯伯里奥
♪ 小学最后一年 即将挥别孩童时代 ♪ ♪ Last year of elementary school Last year of bein' a kid ♪
♪ 不再是高年级学生 ♪ ♪ Being on top ♪
♪ 我要出去痛快挥棒 ♪ ♪ I'm gonna go out swingin' ♪
♪ 玩具士兵、迪品多滋 小包装巧克力棒 ♪ ♪ Toy soldiers Dippin' Dots, fun-size bars ♪
♪ 溜滑梯、放响屁、豪吃星形炸鸡块 ♪ ♪ Slip 'N slides Fart noises, chicken stars ♪
♪ 直到他们叫我停下 ♪ ♪ Until they tell me to stop ♪
♪ 小学最后一年 校园里个子最大的孩子 ♪ ♪ Last year of elementary school Biggest kid on campus, I got it made ♪
♪ 坐下 小子！ 你们这些笨蛋都要听我的 ♪ ♪ Sit down, son! I own all you dorks ♪
♪ 我好开心 三年级时留级了 ♪ ♪ I'm so stoked I was held back in third grade ♪
♪ 好吧 那我们就不邀请卡拉 ♪ ♪ Okay, okay So we will not invite Cara ♪
♪ 我的天 我讨厌她 ♪ ♪ Oh my God, I hate her ♪
♪ 萨布丽娜有点酷 我们不跟四年级学生玩 ♪ ♪ Sabrina's kind of cool ♪ ♪ We do not do fourth-graders ♪
♪ 那我们列个朋友名单？对 名单上不准有怪咖 ♪ ♪ We make a list of friends? ♪ ♪ Yes, with no weirdos on it ♪
-小夏怎么样？ -她人很好 What about Summer? She's nice.
恶心 Uh, vomit.
♪ 小学最后一年 ♪ ♪ Last year of elementary school ♪
♪ 别人会跟我说话的一年 ♪ ♪ This is the year people talk to me ♪
♪ 别人会问：“你好吗？” ♪ ♪ The year someone says, "How are you?" ♪
♪ 我已经上学三年了 ♪ ♪ It's been three years Since I joined the school ♪
♪ 该走了 我会说我该走了 ♪ ♪ I'm due I'd say I'm due ♪
♪ 我们也觉得你该走了 ♪ ♪ We think you're due too ♪
♪ 再睡五分钟 ♪ ♪ Five more minutes ♪
♪ 好 再睡五分钟 ♪ ♪ Okay, five more minutes ♪
♪ 我一心盼着回去 今天是开学日 ♪ ♪ I just can't wait to go back It's the first school day ♪
♪ 爸爸妈妈会送我入学 ♪ ♪ And both Mom and Dad are gonna take me there ♪
♪ 在家不许这样 律师如是说 ♪ ♪ That's not allowed in the house Is what the lawyers say ♪
♪ 但在前门的台阶上 他给我一个大大的拥抱 ♪ ♪ But he gives me a big hug Right on the front stairs ♪
♪ 再睡五分钟 ♪ ♪ Five more minutes ♪
♪ 柯尔 今年你得自己起床 ♪ ♪ Cole, you have to get up On your own this year ♪
♪ 再睡五分钟 好 再睡五分钟 ♪ ♪ Five more minutes ♪ ♪ Okay, five more minutes ♪
你可真强硬 老爸 Way to be strong, Dad.
♪ 他们说我的坚果过敏症状减轻了 ♪ ♪ Lessening They say my nut allergies are lessening ♪
♪ 等免疫增强剂起作用 我就可以吃宫保鸡丁了 ♪ ♪ Once the immune boosters kick in I can try the kung pao chicken ♪
♪ 欢迎五年级学生 直接从这道门进去 ♪ ♪ Welcome, fifth graders Go right through this door ♪
♪ 因为今年你们的教室在二楼 ♪ ♪ 'Cause this year your homerooms Are on the second floor ♪
高光时刻！ The big time!
♪ 请不要踩到幼儿园的小朋友 ♪ ♪ Please don't step On the kindergartners ♪
♪ 睡觉还能开夜灯的最后一年 ♪ ♪ Last year Of sleeping with a night light ♪
♪ 不会拼错“甜点”的最后一年 ♪ ♪ Last year Of not spelling "dessert" right ♪
♪ 能主宰下课时间的最后一年 ♪ ♪ Last year Of dominating recess ♪
♪ 穿有公主图案T恤的最后一年 ♪ ♪ Last year Of T-shirts with a princess ♪
♪ 能吃妈妈午餐的最后一年 -口袋里装满绿色黏液 ♪ ♪ Mom's food at lunchtime ♪ ♪ Pockets filled with slime ♪
♪ 用纹身贴纸的最后一年 把我的比熊犬染成蓝色的最后一年 ♪ ♪ Of temporary tattoos ♪ ♪ Of dyeing my Bichon blue ♪
♪ 最后一年 在五年级所做的一切 ♪ ♪ Last year And what we do in grade five ♪
♪ 将决定着我们的余生 ♪ ♪ Will decide the rest of our lives ♪
（谨以此片缅怀我们的好友兼同事 詹姆斯·科德罗）