OLDER DOUG: The end of my innocence and childhood began in 1957.
It's remarkable to me now just how little I knew then about the people around me.
It took me years to figure out exactly what the truth was…
…especially given my brother's knack at inventing facts.
My mother once told me that if the Abbotts didn't exist…
…my brother would have had to invent them.
Lloyd Abbott wasn't the richest man in town, but it seemed like he was…
…because he had three beautiful daughters: Alice, Eleanor and Pamela.
Twice a year, you'd see the big tent go up on their tennis court…
…and everyone could see that one of the Abbott girls was having a birthday…
…or graduating or going away to college.
– Here we go. Another party. – Shut up.
Every time an Abbott girl gets her period, there's a party.
Kotex parties, Kotex party hats…
OLDER DOUG: My brother and I were born strangers.
Same last name, same address…
…but everything else about us was different.
Back then, Jacey was a complete mystery to me.
And I was a constant source of embarrassment to him.
[DOUG HUMS «HEARTBREAK HOTEL»]
Oh, Christ.
JACEY: Mom!
[HUMS «HEARTBREAK HOTEL»]
JACEY: Mom, he has to wash that off. – Why?
You can't let him go to the party until he does.
It'll look worse if I wash it. It's India ink. It'll turn gray.
You look like a clown! He looks like a clown and he doesn't know it.
– I thought you weren't even going. – I changed my mind.
Doug, you do understand that you may be the only person at this party…
– …with artificial sideburns? – Yeah?
You do understand that they don't look real?
Yeah.
That they look really as if you'd drawn them on?
– Yeah. – It does seem that he understands…
…so just go to the party and ignore Doug.
– Have a good time. Pretend you don't-- – You've got…!
HELEN: Bye.
[DOOR CLOSES]
OLDER DOUG: Lloyd Abbott had power in our town…
…and he didn't have to twist arms to get what he wanted.
He had a much more effective way of exercising influence.
He gave lavish parties with real Chicago musicians and fresh shrimp cocktail.
There wasn't anyone who wouldn't do almost anything to be invited.
Especially my brother.
We're going out to the lake tomorrow.
Sandy wants to show off her dad's new boat.
Why don't you come?
JACEY: I--
I have to work.
I guess you'll have to write me a letter then.
JACEY: What do you mean?
I'll be right back.
– Hi! – Hi!
PAMELA: Nice tie. – Thanks.
– Can I borrow a Kleenex? – Greaser.
Got any smokes around here?
[DRUM ROLL]
[CLAPPING]
Ladies and gentlemen…
…I'd like to propose a toast in honor of our cause for celebration tonight:
The engagement of our daughter Alice to Mr. Peter Vanlaningham.
[CLAPPING]
So is this Peter guy Alice is gonna marry rich?
Of course. He's one of the Atlas Steel Vanlaninghams. Pittsburgh.
– He's a bully. – So how come Alice is marrying him?
Because my parents want her to. And Alice is afraid of my parents.
It's practically an arranged marriage.
They think Alice has peanut shells for brains or something.
So they sort of suggested it that it was time to tie the old knot.
Then they sort of suggested that Peter was the one to do it with.
Jeez. No one could be that much of a pushover.
Look, Alice is the good daughter, Eleanor is the bad one…
…and I'm the one that sort of gets off the hook. That's just the way it works.
– Which one are you? – You mean which kind of brother am I?
You got me. The little brother, I guess.
– I like your sideburns. – Thank you.
OLDER DOUG: You never really knew what was going on with the Abbotts.
And what the guests at the party that night didn't know…
…was that they were celebrating a very expensive shotgun wedding.
Alice Abbott was already two months pregnant.
– I'll see you later, okay? – Okay.
PAMELA: Thanks for coming.
[DOUG HUMS]
OLDER DOUG: Everything Jacey wanted in life the Abbotts already had:
Cars, money, country clubs.
But in the beginning, more than anything else, he wanted Eleanor Abbott.
I'd witnessed enough of my brother's social agony to resolve early on…
…that I would never let the Abbotts matter to me.
Three out of five?
Two out of three. You serve.
JACEY: You wanna go get a beer?
– What, a «beer» beer? – No, a root beer. Yeah, a «beer» beer.
– Where are we gonna get beer? – The bait shop.
If you go in alone and nobody else is there, Ernie will sell you a couple bottles.
Yeah.
Jacey, remember that time I got my dick caught in my zipper?
Remember, in school? In the first grade?
Mrs. Hurley came to help, but I wouldn't let her…
…so she got Mom out of her classroom…
…but I wouldn't let her help me either. So I made her go get you. Remember?
Yeah. I remember.
[TRUCK APPROACHING]
We should own that company.
What do you mean?
Midwest Steel Desk…
…Dad's file cabinet drawer.
Lloyd Abbott screwed Mom out of the patent after Dad died.
Says who?
It's absolutely true.
– Mom's not stupid. – I didn't say she was stupid.
Lloyd's pretty smooth. That's why he owns the company.
– No. He married the boss's daughter. – He owns the company…
…because Dad's patent saved the company's ass…
…after the war, when all the war contracts dried up.
Maybe Mom sold it because we needed the money.
What money?
We never had any money. Money had nothing to do with it.
And that's why we're driving this car instead of that one.
Hi!
Congratulations.
– For what? – I heard you got accepted to Penn.
Yeah.
Thanks.
How'd you swing an Ivy League school like that?
JACEY: My grandfather went there and I had the grades, so…
– It really stinks in here. – Yeah. I dropped something.
Yeah.
Me.
I just thought you and Steve…
Well, that's what you thought.
I think Steve is…
I don't know. I don't know what I think about Steve.
I never think about him.
I just do things. I let other people figure them out.
That's what parents are for. They're really good at doing all the thinking…
…so why should I?
I think this is called the silent treatment.
I get enough of it from my father. I don't need it from you.
So good luck at Penn.
Eleanor.
Come on. Dad's waiting.
ATTENDANT: Thank you, Mr. Abbott.
Stay away from him.
Who?
Jacey.
Why?
Because I said so.
We should have a party out at the boathouse. That's what we should do.
Sure.
– You know, invite some girls… – Right, right.
…get some beer, go swimming, look up a few words in the dictionary…
– Yeah, like «boring» or «eunuch.» – Eunuch?
– What's that? – It's Latin for busboy.
Business is a little light today. Too damn hot.
Which one of you knuckleheads wants to get off early?
– Oh, me. – I do.
Call it in the air.
Tails.
Hi, Doug.
Get out!
OLDER DOUG: I had always thought of Eleanor Abbott…
…as just another stuck-up rich girl, a flirt, a tease.
She proved to be a bigger rebel than I ever was.
Write to us when you get there, okay?
OLDER DOUG: Jacey and I never talked about that thing…
…between he and Eleanor in the garage.
But Jacey never bragged about his conquests.
When he went off to college that fall, I didn't feel particularly sad.
I felt free.
– How's your chin? – Drop dead.
– You want a ride? – Nope.
You can drive.
– I don't have my license yet. – I don't care.
– How come you never ask me out? – What for?
– For a date, blockhead. – Because I see you all the time.
– I don't mean just hanging out. – Come on.
– Scared of me? – Hell, no.
I got a job. I got school. I don't have time for dates and all that stuff.
Forget it.
– It's not like I'm your boyfriend. – I said forget it, so forget it.
OLDER DOUG: My brother was more successful…
…at reinventing himself than I was.
Just as the Abbott parties were the place to be in Haley, Jacey's parties at Penn…
…were the hippest ones around.
And even though he had a major in architecture…
…he seriously minored in beautiful coeds.
Bridges…
…skyscrapers…
…bras, hooked bras…
…all utilize the same fundamental principles of structural design.
You know, I'm engaged.
– So am I. – You are?
Sure.
I'm engaged in conversation with you.
OLDER DOUG: I was in awe of his success with women.
The thought of Eleanor conjured images of absolute debauchery in my mind.
After a while, I didn't see my brother beneath her on the sofa in the garage…
…I saw me.
Doug, dinner!
I wish you wouldn't smoke in the garage, honey.
I don't smoke in the garage.
There's a lot of old stuff out there. I don't want anything to catch on fire.
I don't smoke. Mom.
Just the same, I'd prefer it if you'd smoke in the backyard.
Yes, ma'am.
I gotta get ready.
Where are you going?
I kind of have a date.
Well, you know, Friday nights…
– You can leave that. – Thanks.
– Have fun. – You too.
– Hi! – Hi!
What do you want?
What are you doing tonight? You wanna go out?
I don't believe you. I can't.
My folks went out to dinner with Peter and Alice…
…and I got tricked into watching the baby.
Where's Eleanor?
– I thought you came over to ask me out. – I did.
Good, because she's not here.
– Can I come in? – No.
– Why not? – Because my parents aren't here.
Maybe some other time?
[BABY CRYING]
Okay. But just for a little while.
You're not like Jacey.
Why not?
He's so trig and polished.
What does «trig» mean?
You know, handsome, sexy, sophisticated…
…like a pipe smoker.
I don't think Jacey smokes a pipe.
You don't have to smoke a pipe to be trig.
ANNOUNCER: Call it a Dodge!
Look…
…either you're mad at me because you're mad at me…
…or you're mad at me because you like me. That's how girls act.
I don't know much, but I know that.
So I…
Which is it?
Both.
ACTOR 1: We better take a look at her. Let's puff alongside.
ACTOR 2: Hello?
ACTOR 1: Anybody aboard?
NARRATOR: Lieutenant Dawson boarded the boat.
ACTOR 2: Anyone down there?
NARRATOR: As he looked around he noticed a deck full of strange equipment.
Skin diving lungs…
…complicated instruments…
…seismographs…
…magnetic detecting devices and a cabinet of jars…
…filled with sediment.
Do you love me, Doug?
Stop it.
DOUG: Pam.
Pam!
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
I'm not Eleanor.
I can't go so fast.
PETER: Every time we go out, you gonna tell the same goddamn story?
ALICE: Brushing your teeth with Brylcreem. That's funny--
PETER: Will you shut up? ALICE: «Comes in a red-and-white tube--»
[BABY CRYING]
The baby's crying.
LLOYD: Just stay out of it.
JOAN: She meant no harm, she thinks it's funny.
– So do I. LLOYD: It doesn't matter what you think.
It's their business. Alice is a spoiled brat, but she's Peter's problem now.
Why don't you just take one of your pills and watch The Jack Paar Show…
…and see what he's crying about tonight?
[BANGING ON DOOR]
All right, Alice. Open the goddamn door right now.
Open the goddamn door, right now!
If you don't open the door right now, you're gonna pay up.
Open the goddamn door…
OLDER DOUG: Although I shared Jacey's avid interest in the opposite sex…
…I obviously lacked his consummate skills.
DRIVER: Next. – Thank you.
[HONKING]
– Hi, Jacey. JACEY: Hey.
Hey, get my case, will you?
OLDER DOUG: When he came home that summer, he picked right up with Eleanor.
And she was more than eager to pick right up where she left off with him.
Hi, Daddy.
What are you doing out here?
Fucking Jacey.
Get in the car.
Good night.
HELEN: Oh!
I'll get it, honey.
Joan?
– How are you? – May I have a word with you, Helen?
HELEN: Of course. Won't you come in?
No, I don't have time. Please…
OLDER DOUG: My mother never had many visitors.
In fact, before that day I'd never seen her and Joan Abbott speak to each other.
Joan was the pinnacle of high society. My mom had no social fife to speak of.
She was the only mom I knew who worked for a living.
I assumed that was why she never got out much.
There was a reason, but being a schoolteacher had nothing to do with it.
JOAN: Jacey needs to be disciplined. – I don't think that's necessary.
– If I were you, I'd talk to him and-- – I'm not going to do that.
If you have something to say to my son, you'll have to say it to him yourself.
I just thought you'd like to know what your son has done.
And why on earth should I believe anything you say, Joan?
OLDER DOUG: That visit not only marked the end of Jacey's affair with Eleanor…
…but also the end of Eleanor Abbott herself.
She disappeared from Haley, vanished or banished.
No one knew for certain.
But life at the Abbotts' went on without her.
PAMELA: Hey!
How come you're going to summer school?
I got an incomplete in U.S. history.
Mrs. Bates caught me drawing boobs on a picture of Mamie Eisenhower.
– Why do you always do things like that? – I wish I knew.
Just can't seem to help it sometimes.
Are you coming to the party?
It's my birthday, you know.
Everybody's gonna be there. It should be fun.
I don't know. Maybe.
Just come, okay?
Please.
JACEY: Hey!
DOUG: Fill her up.
Nice tie.
Mind if I borrow it?
I thought you didn't like those parties at the Abbotts'.
I don't.
Then why are you going?
Just doing someone a favor, I guess.
How come you're not going?
I'm persona non grata.
– What do you mean? – You know what I mean.
Jacey, what happened with you and Eleanor?
Eleanor was just looking for a way out of the whole Abbott world.
And it turns out it takes a lot to get away.
It's not enough to sleep around with the boys from your world…
…you have to fuck the boys from the wrong side of the tracks.
– You mean like guys from Fountain Park? – No. I mean me.
She was fucking me.
Yeah, but we're not from the wrong side of the tracks.
I wouldn't go to that party if I were you.
Well, you're not me. We're just as good as the Abbotts.
What?
– What? – You don't have any idea, do you?
About what?
After Dad died…
…Mom had an affair with Lloyd Abbott. That's how he got Dad's patent from her.
I don't believe you.
Believe it or not, I don't care.
Tell you what, why don't you go ask Mom?
Why don't you ask her what happened…
…why she doesn't have any friends or get invited to the Abbotts'?
Ask her which side of the tracks we live on.
[MUSIC PLAYS]
– How long have you been here? – A while.
– Are you okay? – Fine.
Having fun?
Come dance with me.
Hi.
So is Jacey just home for a visit or is he here for the summer?
Home for the summer. It's cheaper if he comes home.
He can save money for school because he doesn't have to pay rent.
– Money's tight. We're sort of poor. PAMELA: You're not poor.
Are you kidding? Even with Jacey working…
…my mom had to borrow against the house for him to go to Penn.
DOUG: So where's Eleanor tonight? PAMELA: Eleanor's just not here.
– Is she pregnant? – No. Who said that?
Everyone says something different.
That she got knocked up, she ran away…
…your old man kicked her out. Which is it?
– Fuck off. – Why do you hate me?
Fuck you, asshole.
[KNOCKING]
– You asleep? – No.
OLDER DOUG: I became a social pariah after Pam's birthday party.
It was a long, lonely winter.
[HELEN COUGHS]
You okay. Mom?
I'm fine.
You sure?
– You look a little tired. – It's just a cold.
I do wish Jacey was home for Christmas. Maybe that's what's wrong with me.
I guess that freelance drafting job was too good for him to turn down.
I don't think that's why he didn't come home.
No?
– When did you start drinking beer? – I bought those for you, honey.
I had them out in the garage all this time. I keep forgetting to bring them in.
Good heavens, I know you drink beer.
– Have one with me. – No, no. I bought those for you.
– It's not good to drink alone. – Don't be silly.
DOUG: Come on.
Sit down.
Have a beer.
– Merry Christmas. – Merry Christmas.
Well, it's beer.
Charlie was always trying to get me to drink beer.
– Why do you always call him Charlie? – That was his name.
I know. But why don't you ever say «your father»?
Sometimes I do, don't I?
I don't know. When I think of him, I just think of Charlie.
Did you ever meet anybody else?
I had a friend. I used to go see him in Chicago…
…when I went to visit Bea during summer vacations. Do you remember?
– How long did this go on for? – Eight years or so.
That's a long time.
– Did you think about marrying him? – He proposed, but obviously I said no.
– Why? – Because I'm in love with…
I'm in love with your father…
…with my memory of him.
He was the one for me. I don't know.
There's different kinds of love. Some people you love no matter what.
And others you love if the situation is right.
To me, the best kind of love is the «no matter what» kind.
Well, I'm a cheap drunk, aren't I?
DOUG: Mom, what's scenic design? – In what context?
Wait a minute, it's theater.
«The Howard Lambert Scholarship in Scenic Design for the Theater.»
It's a full ride. Four years. It pays everything, almost.
– I could do that. – Sure, you could.
Once I figure out what scenic design is.
– Mom? I'll wait for you outside, okay? – Okay.
Have you got this in pink? I bought this before. I was very happy with it.
Pamela Louise Abbott.
Daniel G. Holbrook.
Sharon Druck.
Douglas Lee Holt.
David Nabors.
Maxine Tudor.
Helen Schuster.
Mark Murphy.
Meredith Weir.
– Thank you. – You're welcome.
– Congratulations, Helen. HELEN: Thank you, Lloyd. Same to you.
Where is Pam going to school?
Christ, I forgot.
Wait, Bryn Mawr. I should remember, it costs enough.
She'll do very well there. She's a very bright girl.
– And Doug's going to…? – Doug got a scholarship…
…to the University of Pennsylvania in scenic design. Theater.
– That's the same school as… – As Jacey.
– Pam's school is right nearby. – Right.
– Well, congratulations. – Thank you, Lloyd. Same to you.
[ENGINE STARTS]
Ping-Pong?
It's too hot.
Wanna get some beers and go to the lake?
No, I don't wanna get some--
Goddamn it.
Listen, I don't want you in Philadelphia.
I don't need you around to remind me and everybody else…
…that I come from fucking Hicksville, U.S.A.
So if you're gonna go to Penn, you're on your own, dipshit.
I don't need you riding my coattails.
Why don't you live your own life and stop being my fucking shadow?
Screw you.
[GROANING]
HELEN: Jacey, Doug.
[GASPS]
JACEY: Come on, Doug. I'm just gonna kick your little ass.
What's going on? Who's out here?
Stop that, you two!
Doug, you've been painting that same spot for five minutes.
[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
[DOOR CLOSES]
– Could I get change for a dollar? – Just a minute, hon.
OLDER DOUG: When Alice Abbott filed for a divorce from Peter…
…Jacey wrongly thought she was escaping more than an unhappy marriage.
He didn't really understand what mattered to her.
– Can I help you? – Yes, I need change--
– You don't work here, do you? – No, no.
I was just thinking about you. I was gonna call you tonight.
– Why? – There's a picnic on Sunday…
…at River Point. I wanted to invite you.
– I couldn't. – You can bring Susan.
– Kids love picnics. – I just need change for the meter.
Here.
– Thank you. – How about an iced tea?
My mother's in the car waiting so we don't get a ticket.
– Maybe she'd like an iced tea. – No.
– No harm asking. – No. Don't do that.
Why not?
You know why.
Then I'll make you a deal: Come to the picnic…
…and I'll wait here and let you leave first so your mother doesn't see me.
I don't care if my mother sees you.
Then you won't mind if I ask her if she'd like to join us for an iced tea.
No, wait.
I don't know if I can. I'll try. It just depends.
Sunday, River Point, around noon.
OLDER DOUG: My brother and I had more in common than we knew.
That summer it seemed for both of us that all roads led to an Abbott girl.
HELEN: Is that Pamela Abbott?
That is Pam. Let's pull over here.
Pamela, are you all right?
It's so darn hot that the stupid jack keeps sinking into the pavement.
Maybe Doug can give you a hand.
Go on, Doug, help her out.
DOUG: Where's the thing that goes on the bottom of the jack?
PAMELA: What thing?
DOUG: The base of the jack. PAMELA: I didn't see anything.
This.
I thought that was just the spare-tire holder.
– Read your manual. – Pam! Can you run Doug home for me?
– I've gotta get to the bank. – Sure, I'll drive him home.