Yellow Lemon and Red Lemon
are the outstanding killers
They appear in front of a big moon
The moon is like a lemon
It hangs in the sky
Yellow Lemon
do you know why you're invited here?
It's so simple
since I am a special killer
A killer who kills hands
I want you to go to Messy Temple
get the hand of Master Min-pik
What will you pay?
I promise, you'll have as many lemons as you want
Deal
Who did it?
I did
I haven't heard the name of this killer
A big hole
Help me
Alright
Sew it, hold on
You want me to mend this new cloth for you?
Don't think that I'd buy any new cloth for you
The sun rises
Open the eyes, lie in bed
The sun rises
Get up early
What're you doing?
Please lend me your teeth
No
Alright
Ok, I will lend it to you
You'd have lent me earlier
It's your turn
Your turn
It's fixed
Waxen't it
Master, it's alright
Damn it, I want to break it
Shit
I don't want you to say such things
Hurry up, clean it quickly
Who taught you to clean like this? You lazy bone
Take it. Clean the floor
Good morning, Master
You shouldn't fool around early in the morning
Cut the plant
It's fixed, Master, it's done
Who let you be that lazy?
You deserve to be punished
You shouldn't do this
What a beautiful moon!
I'd like to teach you the Wonderful Air Stance
Senior, it's going to be 5 am go to sleep
Shit! I am in good mood
don't spoil my mood
Breathe in
Fart
It stinks
The theory of Air Stance is based on respiration
The fresh air rises
the polluted air descends
When you reach the top standard
you can break through 2 valves
Senior, which 2 valves?
Nostril and asshole
When they are through
you breathe with nose and fart through asshole
Breathe and fart so a great force is created
This is so call 'Essence Absorption Stance'
Breathe in
Fart
It stinks
Breathe again
If we practise such stance
why don't we go to sleep?
Go to sleep
Do you have a good sleep?
What a poor student
I am just sitting here to repent
I wanna fool you
Asshole, you have improved
You are great
Wonderful
Siu-long, it's your turn
What's the matter?
Senior, you can do this?
Something is added, eat this
Come and eat
So thin, I don't want to eat this
Why? Come on, eat it...
Don't move
Eat this
This is better
Wait
Nothing. Eat now
Wait
Nothing, my fart doesn't stink
Come and eat
It stinks!
Let's go for donation
Great
Let's go for donation
Don't move
Two swordsmen are fighting
in the forest ahead
Can you hear that?
One in black suit and the other in blue suit
You can hear the color too?
I won't believe in you...
It's so simple
Open your eyes, and look ahead
Who is nice and who is nasty?
The one in blue is a good man
How do you know that?
He is Adam Cheng he's acted as good man for 20 years
He has never acted as nasty guy
You're right
Alright, I am going to beat the nasty guy
What are you doing?
I just want to beat the nasty guy
Damn you! We are making movie!
Movie?
Right! What are you doing? We are making movie
Do you know how much
we need to take a movie? Damn it
Why do you scold us? We know nothing
Actor, I didn't act well in the previous shot
let's take another one
Yes, sorry, take a rest
You're so lucky
the main character is helping you
Or, you can't afford to pay our loss
Damn it, get lost!
Disappear now
Damn it, I want this film
to get the Oscar Award, damn it
Have some tea
Thank you
You come out for donation?
Yes...
King yee, give them $2,000
You are very smart
Give them $2,000 more
Thank you, master, thank you...
Master said, woman is trouble
Wine is poison
fish and meat are the enemies of us
Delicious
So, we should go against them
Well, let's destroy them
Great. Yeah
Master, thank you
See you
I tell you, we'll eat whenever we see them again
Be careful, don't wake Master up
Get up
Senior, where are you?
I am here
Where?
Under your feet
What's the matter?
Sorry...
Don't you look underneath?
You stepped on me
Why don't you go through the door?
What's up? Do you se a ghost?
Come back
Master...
So naughty!
You are not obedient enough!
You monkeys
You always mess up
Please be merciful
I love you
Be merciful
You are senior
Got it? I said, I love you
then he is not going to beat me
You should learn from...
I want to take good care of you
What is love? Why does love drive men crazy?
Get up
What are you doing?
I can't sleep?
Do you want to infect me?
I am in love
I know a girl, she wrote to me
What is this?
This is me, this is my lover
she wants to meet me
So childish!
What'll I do?
Reply her letter
I don't know writing letter
Let me help you
What's this?
This is OK
You're more childish
What's up?
What are you doing?
I want to meet my lover today
I am afraid she would not like me after knowing I am a monk
It's easy, just make up before going
How?
Prepare the ink for me
You're like Elvis Presley
So smart
Really?
I am sorry to be late
Go and say hello
I dare not
You can tell he is up to no good
be careful
Don't panic, I will be with you
It's going to rain
He is so smart
You trust your sister
I've seen so many wolves just wait and see
Take her inside, if it rains
your hair will be over
It's going to rain let the kids play inside
Look, he is going to disclose his evil heart
That's good, once a man is staying alone with a girl
he will show their real character
Be generous, and be smart
no girls like chicken. Go
If there is anything happens shout for help
It's going to rain, hurry up...
It's going to rain
Wolf!
He is a wolf!
I've warned you
Are you alright?
I've hurt my hand
Am I like Elvis Presley now?
You're like a wolf
Oh my God!
Senior, why do we see lightning
Before hearing thunder?
So stupid! Because eyes...
are in front of ears
No
Our nose is in front of ears
but why do we hear you farting
before smelling it
That's because...
The ass is behind the ears
and the smell goes forward
So you hear the noise and
then smell it. Understand?
Why the broken hearts love staying in the rain?
Since he wants to wash away the ink
with rain
You have so any questions
Man, come in...
Clear your head
Don't cry...
Broken heart is no big deal
you're so young, you still have chance
Be good
I'll introduce Queen Elizabeth to you later
Man, what're you doing?
He is a broken heart
Cut the crap, go on eating
None of my business
What is love? Why love drives men crazy?
I experienced that, so I understand Very well about his feeling
I see, you were once a broken heart
No, I mean your uncle Master Min-pik
He went crazy
because of love
Master, will Man be crazy?
So you have committed a serious fault
You can't mention broken heart
in front of a broken heart
And can't mention love, woman
affection, or anything about love
These will remind him the pain of love
understand?
Look, so many doggies
So cute
I love watching dog feeding doggies
it's so warm
What dog?
Bitch
What is it doing?
To feed the doggie?
What's wrong?
It reminds him of woman
That's why he is so sad I can't stand it either
Are you crazy?
Master, we have a new born son
and we have a name for him
Please check whether this name is good or not
It's easy, what's his name?
Our surname is Fall
His given is in Love
Fall In-love!
Fall in love?
What is he doing?
Master, fall in love!
Who is it?
Fall In-love is not a good name
Why not call him Fall Ling-down?
Falling down? Does this sound good?
Falling down? My heart is falling down
Well, what good suggestion do you have in mind?
How about Rain Fall? Fallow
any Fall as you like
but not Fall in-love, right?
See you
Thank you
I am leaving
Nuts
how can he suggest such name?
Fall Lo-up! So weird!
Don't cry...
Why not name you Alan Tam?
Man doesn't eat and sleep
He be suffered from Psychological
Mo-sie Tu-lo-si-see sickness
You're cultured
What kind of sickness is it?
Reply speaking, it's a sickness created after being brushed off
How to cure it?
To make him laugh
once he laughs, he is cured
Man, no prayer, no practice and no lesson today
Let's play happily together
So ridiculous
So cheap!
I will do it myself
You will laugh happily
Just go ahead
London bridge is falling down...
Man, please smile
Please, or the head will break
Who is it?
An assassinator
Freeze
Don't go
Do you still want to go?
Whose beads?
It's mine
Whose hair is it?
It's mine
Whose diaper?
Bastard
He smiles
This is the end of your life
I think you are gifted
so I don't want to kill you
If you follow me, you'll be rich
Cut, OK, ask the double to take his place
Your turn
I am coming
Bite tightly, go
Come on, vomit it
Don't panic, just think that it's painless
then it's painless
Right, isn't it painless?
No, it really hurts
Don't panic, it's hard to make money
Think something happy
We'll be paid later
so we can buy birthday cake
Today is the birthday of master it's so happy
Be happy, wipe the sweat
I havejust taught you a small lesson
Be smart, think over it
Cut, get the double here
Again?
Right away...
Uncle, be careful
Beat him, beat him to death
Push him aside
Great
Double, get lost. Brothers please come...
Be good, lie down and don't move, right
Brother ming, here comes your line
Those who go against me will be killed
that's alright
Prepare for the next shot
Be good and lie still pretend to be dead
It's great, no more fighting
Then, job is over
Then, you are still very angry
Open your eyes look angry
Sweating, hold your fists and breathe deeply
Then you shout loudly
I want to whip the corpse
Man, are you OK? Cheer up...
The corpse, come on
He is coming...
Open your eyes
Coming...
We are rich
So many cakes
Do you like cakes?
You like it? That's alright
In fact, I don't want you to be beaten
But if you didn't do so we would have no money to buy cakes
When Master blows the candles off
you'll get the biggest piece
Great, yeah!
I want to buy all
It's too much! What are you doing?
Why do you mask my face? I will fall down
Walk slowly, sit down, be careful
Open...
Happy birthday
Master, happy birthday
Happy birthday
Birthday Cake
Happy birthday
Thank you...
Pal, my master is 87 years' old
but you have one more extra
Hurry up
Master doesn't allow us to go out for food
so we've to fish
What a big fish
It comes more difficult to get fish
You're great
How about your side?
Siu-long always catches fish for you
If you can't catch your own fish
you won't have any bite
Let's eat
I will fish my own
Fish, here comes delicious earth-worm
come on
It's delicious
We can eat soon
Let's eat
My dick hurts
Crab is delicious
I want to catch lobster next time
Miss, do you want to fish or
want to catch crab?
I want to die
Hurry up, a pretty girl has come
Really? Let's go for a look
I am so poor! So ill-fated!
When I was three, I was sold to be other's adopted daughter
When I was seven, I was raped by my adopted father
When I was twelve, I was sold to be other's wife
When I was fifteen my husband died
When I was sixteen, my adopted father took me home
And he wanted to sell me to the brothel
Cut the onion later
it stimulates eyes
Thank you, it's better now
Although you are poor
we haven't accepted any females
to stay in our temple
Since you can't let me stay
why did you save my life?
Let me die
Miss, wait...
Master
What's the matter?
Master, Buddha said we'd said we'd save other's life
how can you let her die?
I'll let her stay here for a week
You shouldn't fool around in this holy place
Miss, please stay in the store room
Yeah! Thank God
Miss, this way please
Mother is so nice...
Miss, come in
Sit here
I will fix the bed for you wait a minute
Thank you for saving my life and let me stay
I don't know how to thank you
Don't say such words
Will you marry me?
If you are willing to do so I won't mind
I am just kidding, just kidding
You are so sweet
You're so nice to me I can't repay, but...
Kou-tou to you
No, please stop...
I didn't believe that
when two lovers get in touch
it's like being electrified
Now, I believe it
You are stepping on the wire
What? I mistook that...
In fact it is...
Don't panic, it's alright...
I will take the bed for you
It's time to eat, Miss
Thank you
Eat
This is for you
You bothered me! What a trouble!
Senior, Master is coming, look
Take it
Good morning
A hard time?
Wait a minute
And
So disgusting
How dare you fool me? Don't go
Stop
Master, help...
I wanna throw you to death
Don't go
Master, throw him counter attack
I wanna throw you to death
Lower the head
Raise the head
My God
Lower the head
Turn back
You should go to hell, damn it
I wanna beat you to death
You are a monk, how dare you fall in love?
I want to teach you a lesson
Take off your pants
No, I won't
Take it off
I am afraid it would scare you
Come on
I don't want to
Really?
No
It's alright
OK, I am going to take it off
Don't peep at me
It's torn, you'd mend it
Miss Siu-hung, you'll leave two days later
What are you going to do then?
I've made up my mind I can't do anything
I will go back to my adopted father's home
Do whatever he like
No
I can afford your living
I can, if only you accept it
I don't want to drag you down
I've heard about your master's story
He fell for a woman
so he was locked up and starved to death
You mean Master Min-pik?
I am different, I am not an official monk
I can quit any time
He is the successor of Shaolin
He fell for a woman of the Evil Sect
it's against our regulations
Don't try to comfort me
I know if you fall for a woman
your only punishment is death
No, my uncle isn't dead
He is locked up in a cave
I send him food everyday
He is fatter than me
If you don't believe it, I will take you there for a look
I do
But my adopted father will pick me up anytime
How much does he want? I will think something
You can't afford it
How much?
$100,000
OK, I'll try. Wait for me
Are you Chan Kar-lok of the Red Flower Society?
Cut the crap, go back to Japan
Great, senior, cheer up
Cut, OK
How are you? Are you alright?
Are you alright?
I am fine
Senior, are you alright?
Great
Am I?
Cut!
Is the shot over?
Is that OK? Is another one needed?
Director, never mind...
OK...
Cut!
Do you want another one?
How is it? Are you alright?
I am fine
Take the medicine box here
Wait
Are you OK?
How is it? Are you alright?
How are you? Are you hurt?
I am fine
Really fine?
Cut, first aid!
Director, is that OK?
It's fixed, this is yours
Thank you
Thank you, I will call you next time
Fine...
You've known it already
Your greatest hint to me is that...
you want to marry with my student
Only two kinds of people will marry with him
Either she is blind
or she's something nasty in mind
You're pretty, you won't be blind
Although you're old
you are quite smart
Red Lemon, the killer of the Evil Sect!
You're great, you could recognize me
My God, about Evil Sect's hatred against Shaolin
just let them go with the wind
When master wanted to suicide with Min-pik
you were the middle man
At last, my masterjumped down from the cliff
and Min-pik didn't follow
Luckily our master didn't die
So she wanted his right hand to
pay for his unfaithful deed
Everyone knows
Shi-shui Sutra of Shaolin
is branded on the right arm of the successor of Shaolin Temple
Min-pik was chosen to be
successor once
you want his right hand
in fact, you aim at the sutra
What a pity that Min-pik died already
I am sure that after kidnapping you
Min-pik will show up
My God...
Good morning
Siu-hung, I've got enough money for you...
I've got enough money
The sun rises
What a sound sleep
Who's shouting early in the morning?
Why didn't master wake us up?
Right
Siu-hung... l've got enough money
Siu-hung
She disappears
Master disappears too
They must have run away for love
Cut the crap
Why are you here?
Letter sent by a pigeon
See you again
Let me do it
It flies over there
Get lost, I will handle it
Dear pigeon, you're surrounded
Surrender now
Be frank and you'll receive less punishment
So disgusting, I will give you a fart
No, don't be that impulsive
let me handle it
Don't be impulsive
It's fixed...
What is written?
Location: Old Castle of the Evil Sect
Time: Within 7 days
Result: Your master will be killed
Siu-hong is the killer of
the Evil Sect
These 15 years, the story between Min-pik &
Evil Sect isn't over
How to save Master?
Think something
Virgin's stance
Great!
I've got it at last
Great, you've got the Steel head stance
Congratulations
Stop
What's up?
Fire
I've got it, I've got it
Man, come and help...
Break it
No problem
Your Steel head is so powerful
Siu-hung
Senior, you're drunk, it's me
Why do you drink this? Is it delicious?
You know nothing!
Wine can make you forget
trouble and pain
And it will make you feel excited
So amazing?
If you fight after drinking
will you be more powerful?
Reasonable
Get drunk, so you don't feel pain and have more guts
Come on, try this
Drink
Drink more
Drunken Fist
It's really drunken fist
No, it should be drunken chicken
Why do you bring us here?
Isn't this place prohibited for us?
Master said
If you want to leave Shaolin Temple you'd come here first
To worship our ancestors
Ancestors, we leave Shaolin Temple...
in order to save our Master
Please bless us...
so that we could save our master
A copper-men's position!
What'll we do?
Just try our best to go through it
If we can't defeat them
we have to die here
this is our regulation
Well...
Go ahead
Take a seat, I'm so tired
Take a rest first
Sorry for offending
Try hard!
Cheer up
Cheer up...
Try hard...
Come on
My God
I've made it
You've fallen asleep, haven't you?
Not yet!
Not yet
We'll set out tomorrow
But I have to tell you one thing
or I won't feel comfortable
You know, for the money you earned from the movie
I've got a big share by deceiving you
I couldn't sleep well
and I don't feelat ease
I hope you will forgive
my despice
We know it
Do you know why you always have
stomach ache?
I shitted over 10 times today and...
I see, you...
I put some cathartics in your food
I am more despicable
I put some chili powder on your underpants
Can you forgive me?
Wait for me
Great! I am glad to see you
Master
I'll handle it
I've brought him along
Set our master free
He is a fake
He is the original Min-pik
Min-pik
Who is it?
Block it
Shit, it's a world war
Go to hell
Even my mom dares not beat me like this
He can't beat me
Virgin's stance?
Invincible Virgin
Wonderful
It's you?
Isn't it?
No
It's you, it must be you
I recognise your voice
Why don't you counter attack?
I love you
You liar
I love you
I've heavy burden do you still love me?
I love you more
Pal, what does that mean?
Go to hell
Are you lonesome tonight?
Do you miss me tonight?
Master, I am coming to save you
Master, is there anything wrong with your eyes?
Someone is around
It's alright, I just want to check
whether it's tight or not
So, see you
Don't come over, I...
I don't know Kung-fu
Senior, help me
Help
Man
Senior, take revenge for me
Master, he bullied me
Don't be afraid
You, come
Drink the milk, drink
No milk! What'll we do?
Siu-long, here comes the milk
Take as much as you can Don't give me face
Isn't it absurd?
He gets drunk
How are you?
Drunken Fist
Lam Choi-wo's stance
So comfortable
Han's stance
Lui's invincible fist
Useless
Master
You called me master? Have you had enough kiss?
No. If not were my lips
I couldn't have fixed her
You liar
No... Stop messing
How dare you!
Prepare the funeral for the old man!
Don't kill Master
Master
Don't kill Master
Isn't he Min-pik?
You asshole!
Why didn't you come earlier?
Always come in last minute
I was almost scared to death
King
You appear at last
King, please let him go
This is not his business
How can you say so?
Pay my daughter's life
King
She was dead
Horrible Angel wants to seduce Min-pik
to show up by her body
Master, save Uncle Min-pik
My Kung-fu is lost
So what'll we do?
You know what to do? Take care
Are you alright?
Shit, Master, think something
What to do?
Why do you stare at me?
Master, does the urine of a virgin work?
Sure, the urine of a virgin is an antidote to any poison
Don't look, piss now
Why isn't he killed?
Here comes the urine of a virgin
Go to hell
It stinks
Don't panic, please
Once more
More drops, more drops
Come and help, be good
More, please
Urine of an virgin?
He is afraid of virgin's urine attack him with your urine
Siu-long, come here
Senior, is the urine of a virgin powerful?
It's sweet, beware of diabetes
You bluffer! I won't trust you
Min-pik, you've thought for 3 days
have you made up your mind?
I decided to tour around the world
Why don't you stay here
to be a monk?
Vision is emptiness!
I was a monk
But I couldn't help falling in love
So I want to tour around the world
to live and die with nature
Freeze
Your Kung-fu was better 15 years ago
& you couldn't stop me
You lost your Kung-fu now
how can you stop me?
I just want to take one more glance at you
Promise me
don't come back to see me I n another 15 years
I can't wait another 15 years
I promise
See you
What a hero
He signed 10 autographs for me
So what? I've fifty
Why are you so greedy?
Don't you know that?
I can change it with
one Jimmy Lin's shinning card
Hi, honey!
Darling!
What is love?
It drives people crazy
I am coming
Will you leave here for another 15 years
as Min-pik did?
No, he left for 15 years
but I need only 10 minutes to fix her up
Thank God
Why? Why 10 minutes?
Just three words
What?
I don't know
Damn clock
Help
Don't worry
I've covered his stin king mouth, it's alright
Go back to your seat
It's great
I didn't say anything
If the clock drops it's none of my business
You said it would be alright
Go now!