——行动。——设计。 -Action. -Design.
♬叮，咚，叮♬
♬有一个冬青快乐的圣诞节♬
这是一年中最好的时光
♬我不知道会不会下雪
♪但是，来一杯快乐吧♪
♬有一个冬青快乐的圣诞节♬
♬当你走在街上…♪
另一个吗? -Another one?
我还是垂直的，所以我想改变一下。 Well, I'm still vertical, so I'd like to change that.
♬哦，哦，槲寄生♬
♬挂在你能看到的地方♬
♬有人在等你…♪
Ho Ho)。 : Ho, ho.
苦了。品脱。 MAN: Bitter. Pint.
你就这么下车了? You just get off?
♪如果你没听见♪
♬哦，天哪，有一个冬青树…♪
我要休息一下。 I'm taking a break.
我猜你可以这么说。 Between shifts, I guess you could say.
——嗯。-你不会开车吧? -Hmm. -You ain't driving, are you?
我只会一点点掌舵，但大部分工作都是驯鹿干的。 I steer a little, but the reindeer do most of the work.
嗯哼。 Mm-hmm.
这是我第四年当圣诞老人了。 This is my, uh, fourth year as a Santa.
啊。 Ah.
你呢? How about you?
数不清了。 Lost count.
我忘了我一开始为什么要做这件事。 I forget why I started doing it in the first place.
和任何人做任何事的理由一样。 Same reason anybody does anything.
这笔钱。 The money.
钱。钱。 : Money. Money.
这个星球是靠贪婪运转的。 This whole planet runs on greed.
是孩子们脸上的表情，对吧? It's the look on the kiddies' faces, innit?
这对我来说很重要。 That's what does it for me.
啊，这表情。是啊，那个表情。 -Ah, the look. Yeah, that look.
持续大约两秒。 Lasts about two seconds.
一旦他们打开包装，他们就想要下一个礼物，他们想要下一个很酷的东西。 As soon as they're finished unwrapping,
they want the next present,
they want the next cool thing.
这就是这个世界的运作方式。 That's how this world works.
和孩子……孩子们都变成什么样子了。 And kids-- what kids have become.
他们就像小瘾君子。 They're just like little junkies.
他们是一群小混蛋。他们只是要求。 They're little shits. They just demand.
他们不相信。 They don't believe.
他们只是想要、渴望、消费。 They just want, crave, consume.
也许今年是我的最后一年了。 Maybe this is my last year.
去年圣诞节。 The last Christmas.
我不想再看到一个圣诞老人陷入困境。 Well, I can't stand seeing another Santa in distress.
把他的饮料记在我的账上。 Put his drinks on my tab.
——好吗?-是的。 -Okay? -Yeah.
哦，你真高兴。好的。 Oh, very merry of you. Okay.
我得走了。 I better get going.
礼物不会自己送来的。 Presents aren't gonna deliver themselves.
哦,嗯…给你孙子的。省得我跑一趟。 Oh, uh...
For your grandson. Save me a trip.
是那个新的电子游戏。 It's, uh, that new video game.
是Astro Blaster, Blaster Astro。 It's Astro Blaster, Blaster Astro.
我不知道。 I-I don't know.
圣诞快乐。 Merry Christmas.
他怎么知道我孙子的名字? How'd he know my grandson's name?
他怎么知道我有孙子?——Oi !那扇门通向屋顶。 -How'd he know I have a grandson? -
Oi! That door leads to the roof.
尿的头。 Piss head.
对他宽容点。这是圣诞节。 Go easy on him. It's Christmas.
嘿!你不能上来。 Hey! You can't be up here.
如果你摔断了脖子，我就是那个… If you break your neck, I'm the one...
我的上帝。 My God.
这是…… It's...
美丽女孩…… ...beauti...
你好。嗨，嗨，嗨。 Hi. Hi, hi, hi.
她来了。你好,松饼。 There she is. Hello, muffin.
我们去看奶奶吧。 Let's go see Grandma.
哦。 Ooh.
圣诞快乐。 Merry Christmas.
圣诞快乐，特鲁迪。 Merry Christmas, Trudy.
快乐……呜，呜，呜，呜，呜! Merry... Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah!
圣诞快乐，爸爸，你这个肮脏的动物。 Merry Christmas, Daddy, ya filthy animal.
她得熬夜看《小鬼当家》 She got to stay up late and watch Home Alone.
啊哈。 Uh-huh.
太有趣了。 It was so funny.
——是的。- - - - - -……这很伤我的心。 -Yep. -That... that hurts.
-整个上午。-好吧，嗯…谢谢你！ -All morning. -Okay, um...
Thank you.
谢谢你这么做。 For doing this.
我这么做不是为了你。 I'm not doing it for you.
-圣诞节到了!——是的! -It's Christmas! -Yeah!
圣诞快乐，艾尔。 Merry Christmas, Al.
嗨,琳达。圣诞快乐。 Hi, Linda. Merry Christmas.
-莱特斯通先生。-嘿，艾尔。 -Mr. Lightstone. -Hey, Al.
你在后面吗，特鲁? Hey, you back there, Tru?
是啊，我猜你一定对圣诞节很兴奋。 Yeah, I bet you're excited for Christmas.
你向圣诞老人要什么? What did you ask Santa for?
不要在平安夜工作。 -Not to work on Christmas Eve.
我今年一定很淘气-因为我来了。——嗯。 Must've been naughty this year,
-'cause here I am. -Mm-hmm.
待会儿一定要让圣诞老人进来，艾尔。 Just make sure you let Santa through the gates later, Al.
-是的。-现在祝你愉快。 -Yeah. -Have a merry one, now.
-圣诞快乐。-圣诞快乐，艾尔。 -Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas, Al.
圣诞快乐，特鲁。 Merry Christmas, Tru.
-谢谢你，艾尔-不客气 -Thank you, Al. -Yeah.
我不记得第二个在哪了。 I can't remember where the second one is.
呵，呵，呵，呵。 MALE VOICE : Ho, ho, ho, ho.
圣诞快乐。 Merry Christmas.
希望你在名单上。 Hope you're on the nice list.
它不在那里。 WOMAN: That doesn't go over there.
原谅我。 WOMAN: Excuse me.
这是什么鬼东西? What the hell is this?
你们是世界上最差劲的餐饮公司。 You are the worst catering company on the planet.
这是纵向的，不是宽度的。 It's lengthwise, not width.
难以置信。 Unbelievable.
好的。 Okay.
你好。嗨,伙计们。圣诞快乐。 Hi. Hi, guys. Merry Christmas.
-嗨。-我没事。非常感谢。 -Hi. -I'm fine. Thank you so much.
我永远都无法接受你是这样长大的。 I'll never get over the fact that you grew up like this.
我的心理医生说，我也永远无法克服。 My therapist says I'll never get over it, either.
我要喝一杯。 I need a drink.
♬两只斑鸠♬
梨树上的鹧鸪……♪
嘿，看那个。 -Hey, look at that.
嗨,琳达。 Hi, Linda.
-嗨。-最近怎么样，阿尔瓦? -Hey. -How's it going, Alva?
嗯哼。你胖了。 Mm-hmm. You gained weight.
不过你穿起来很好看。 -Looks good on you, though.
-谢谢。——嗯。 -Thank you. -Mm-hmm.
怎么了，软鸡巴? 'Sup, limp dick?
我对这个圣诞节有很棒的感觉。 I got great feelings about this Christmas.
-你想知道为什么吗?-是的。 -You want to know why? -Yeah.
因为我觉得今年妈妈会自怨自艾地爬上楼梯然后从我们俩中挑一个来掌管大局。 'Cause I think this is the year
that Mom's gonna kick herself upstairs
and choose one of us to start running the show.
我得告诉你，杰森，我要杀了你。 And I got to tell you, Jason, that I'm gunning for your ass.
如果没有低声下气和明争暗斗，光石家族的圣诞节该怎么过? What would a Lightstone family Christmas be
without groveling and infighting?
您的rose，女士。 SERVER: Your rosé, ma'am.
亲爱的,微笑。这是圣诞节。 Honey, smile. It's Christmas.
Mm.
很好。好姑娘。 Good. Good girl.
我为我妹妹的事感到遗憾。 I am sorry about my sister.
♪让灵魂明亮♪
♬骑车和唱歌是多么有趣啊……♪
很高兴见到你。 It is really nice to see you.
有你在这里。 To have you here.
♬铃儿一路响…♪
好吧，我落后了。告诉我所有的热门消息。 Okay, I'm behind. Catch me up on all the hot goss.
热戈斯。好的。 Hot goss. Okay.
你还记得伯特吗，我妹妹的骄傲和快乐。 Um, well, you remember Bert, my sister's pride and joy.
哟，哟，哟。这是伯特·洛克在平安夜过着奢华的生活。 Yo, yo, yo. This is the Bert Locker
living that bling life on Christmas Eve.
标签「祝福」。 Hashtag "blessed."
我猜这是他第一次被指控性骚扰。 He just got what I can only assume
will be his first of many sexual harassment accusations.
妈妈还清了学校的学费，现在体育馆以我们的名字命名。 Mom paid off the school,
and now the gymnasium is named after us.
当然了。 Of course she did.
那悲剧迈克呢? What about Tragic Mike?
我想说的是，如果我在其中一架飞机上，911就会以一群恐怖分子不带降落伞在康涅狄格州跳伞而告终。 All I'm saying is,
if I was on one of those planes,
9/11 would've ended with a bunch of terrorists
skydiving over Connecticut without their parachutes.
-是的。你喜欢吗?——是的。是的。 -Yeah. You like that? -Yes. Yes.
-是的，我很喜欢。——哦。 -Yeah, I do like it. -Ooh.
-当着我儿子的面吻我-现在呢? -Kiss me in front of my son. -Now, huh?
…他可能真的是个不错的演员。 -Mm...
He might actually be a decent actor.
嗯。-他一直在假装觉得我妹妹很有吸引力，这工作简直堪比奥斯卡。-现在他想让妈妈为他投资一部电影。 -Hmm. -He's been doing an Oscar-worthy job
-of pretending to find my sister appealing. -
Now he wants Mom to fund a film for him.
-是格特鲁德!-是妈妈。 -It's Gertrude! -It's Mom.
-好吧，开始吧。-好的，好的。来吧。 -Okay, let's do this. -Okay, okay. Come on.
-来吧。伯特，过来。——没有。妈妈。妈妈! -Come on. Bert, get over here. -No. Mom. Mom!
——职位。-游戏时间到了，伙计。 -Positions. -Game time, buddy.
——好的。好的。-这是我好的一面。 -Okay. Okay. -This is my good side.
我很忙。我们已经讨论过了!来吧! -I'm busy. -ALVA: We've gone over this! Come on!
天啊。好的。 MORGAN: Gosh. Okay.
伯特，到中间去。 ALVA: Bert, get in the middle.
故事开始了。 : So it begins.
说真的,来了。你知道这意味着什么。 Seriously, come. You know what that means.
我们骑马向前好吗? Shall we jockey forward?
不。 No.
不，我们可以留在后面。 No, we can hang back.
是的。 Yeah.
特鲁迪,亲爱的? Trudy, honey?
到这儿来。 Come on over here.
只是,喜欢……威胁他们或者贿赂他们。 Just, like...
GERTRUDE: Threaten 'em or bribe 'em.
这不是火箭科学。 This isn't rocket science.
和以前一样。 Same shit we always do.
这是什么? That's what?
这就是你能做的最好的? That's the best you can do?
见到奶奶很兴奋吗? Excited to see your grandma?
听着，你这个混蛋。 Listen, you cocksucker.
现在是圣诞节，你为什么不接受你最好的提议，把它包装起来，塞进你的盒子里。 It's Christmas, so why don't you take
your best offer, gift wrap it,
and ram it up your fucking box.
也许你不知道我是谁。 Maybe you don't realize who I am.
这是奶奶说的话。你知道，忘掉他们吧。 Those were Grandma words. You know, forget them.
哦,男孩。看看这位酷先生。 Oh, boy. Look at Mr. Cool back here.
你的目的是什么，伙计?嗯? Yeah, what's your angle, man? Hmm?
没有角。我什么都没做。 No angle. I'm not doing anything.
哦,是的。 : Oh, yeah.
不，不，不。不，不，不，不。不! No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. No!
别在我嘴里拉屎还说那是巧克力蛋糕。 Don't shit in my mouth and tell me it's chocolate cake.
奶奶很酷。 Grandma's cool.
我可以让那个故事消失我觉得你哥哥在谋划什么。 GERTRUDE: I can make that story go away...
I think your brother's up to something.
不，我只是决定让你们来享受今天拍妈妈马屁的乐趣。 No, I just decided to let you guys
have all the fun sucking up to Mom today.
请。你是马屁精。 Please. You are King Suck-up.
你给孩子起名叫格特鲁德。 You named your kid Gertrude.
阿尔瓦，你给你儿子取名伯特鲁德。 Alva, you named your son Bertrude.
好的。 Okay.
抱歉，伯特，那不是真名。 Sorry, Bert, but that's not a real name.
对不起,琳达。我们不可能都幸运地有女儿。 Sorry, Linda. We can't all be lucky enough to have daughters.
妈妈，我能听到你说话。 Mom, I can hear you.
你知道一些我们不知道的事。是什么? You know something we don't. What is it?
不，我不喜欢。我不喜欢。 No, I don't. I don't.
我明白了。宾果。 I got it. Bingo.
我发现你了，伙计。来吧! I'm onto you, man. Come on!
-我们只是…-快，快，快，快。 -We were just... -Come on,
come on, come on, come on.
-你这个大混蛋。——哦。 -You big sack of shit. -Ooh.
难怪你丈夫离开了你。 No wonder your husband left you.
嗯哼。嗯哼。 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
参议员，也祝你圣诞快乐。 Merry Christmas to you, too, Senator.
-圣诞快乐，妈妈。-圣诞快乐。 -Merry Christmas, Mommy. -Merry Christmas.
圣诞快乐。 LINDA: Merry Christmas.
你为什么还站在后面? Why in the hell are you standing all the way back there?
圣诞快乐，奶奶! Merry Christmas, Grandma!
——哦。-小贱人。 -Aw. -Little bitch.
小格特鲁德。我最爱的孙女怎么样了? Little Gertrude. And how is my favorite granddaughter?
现在大家都叫我特鲁迪。 Everybody calls me Trudy now.
特鲁迪? Trudy?
这让她听起来像个妓女。-好的。 -Well, that makes her sound like a whore. -Okay.
她都不知道这个词是什么意思。 Oh, she doesn't even know the meaning of the word.
我饿死了。让我们吃。 I'm starving. Let's eat.
太好了。 ALVA: Great.
妈妈，我觉得格特鲁德是个好听的名字。 And, Mom, I think Gertrude is a beautiful name.
嗯哼。我只叫她格特鲁德。 Mm-hmm. I only call her Gertrude.
-圣诞快乐，葛楚德。-来吧，伯特鲁德。 -Merry Christmas, Gertrude. -Come on, Bertrude.
当孩子们熟睡的时候
♬我们慢慢地爬下楼梯♬
然后我们会锁上所有的门
♬只有你，我和圣诞老人
♪我们会尽量安静♪
♬在树下种植玩具♬
♬我们会爬在所有的四
♬只有你和我
♬和圣诞老人♬
♪因为很快就会♪
♬那段神奇的时光
♬当我们听到午夜的钟声♬
♬当那飞翔的雪橇♬
♬终于飞走了♬
♬我们会有一个非常快乐的圣诞节
♬我们要为最优秀的队伍干杯
♬曾经是最好的♬
♬你，我和圣诞老人…♪
又是一个该死的圣诞节。 Another fucking Christmas.
这些都是我自己做的。 TRUDY: I made these all by myself.
-不可能。——嗯。 -JASON: No way. -LINDA: Mm-hmm.
我甚至做了一个和圣诞老人一模一样的。 I even made one that looks exactly like Santa.
——没错。-是的。 -Exactly. -Yeah.
圣诞老人也有拐杖糖吗? Santa gets a candy cane, too?
是的。 Yeah.
嗯,好吧。 Mm, okay.
它是完美的。 It's perfect.
没有偷看。 No peeking.
这房子有这么多烟囱。 This house has so many chimneys.
圣诞老人怎么知道该下来哪一个呢? How will Santa know which one to come down?
哦，圣诞老人就是知道。 Oh, Santa just knows.
圣诞节的魔力。 Christmas magic.
亲爱的，怎么了? Honey, what's wrong?
爸爸今年没带我去商场看圣诞老人。 Daddy never took me to see Santa at the mall this year.
他没有。 LINDA: He didn't.
我很抱歉。 I am so sorry.
今年很奇怪。 This year has been weird.
我从没告诉过圣诞老人我想要什么圣诞礼物。 I never got to tell Santa what I wanted for Christmas.
哦,亲爱的。到这里来。 Oh, honey. Come here.
你知道吗? You know what?
你去把睡衣穿上，我两分钟后回来。 You go put your pj's on,
and I will be two minutes.
是的! : Yes!
好吧…… Okay...
是的。 : Yes.
是的! Yes!
因为你今年对我和妈妈这么好，我们决定给你一件礼物…早期的! Because you have been so good to me and Mommy this year,
we decided that you could have one gift...
early!
真的吗? -Really?
是什么? What is it?
那是一个很特别的对讲机。 That is a very special walkie-talkie.
它的魔法。 It's magic.
——魔法?——嗯。 -Magic? -Mm-hmm.
你得到的是一条直通圣诞老人本人的热线。 What you got right there
is a direct hotline to Santa Claus himself.
-我可以和圣诞老人说话?-是啊。 -I can talk to Santa? -Oh, yeah.
这就像给他写信一样……但更好。 It's just like writing him a letter... but better.
嗯哼。 Mm-hmm.
现在唯一的问题是，他可能没时间回答你。 Now, the only thing is,
he might not have time to answer you.
他今晚要送很多礼物。 He's delivering a lot of presents tonight.
嗯哼。 Mm-hmm.
但他会听到你想对他说的一切。 But he'll hear everything you want to say to him.
你好,圣诞老人? Hello, Santa?
我是特鲁迪·莱特斯通。 This is Trudy Lightstone.
希望你今晚过得愉快。 I hope you're having a nice night.
JASON: Mm.
今晚真的很冷，所以别忘了你的手套。 It's really cold tonight, so don't forget your mittens.
所以，我想告诉你，圣诞老人，我今年特别乖，所以我给你写了一个很大的清单，上面都是我想要的东西。 So, I wanted to tell you, Santa,
I was extra good this year,
so I wrote a big list for you with all the stuff I wanted.
但后来…然后我意识到我不需要这些。 But then...
then I realized I don't need any of that.
我真的只想要一件圣诞礼物。 I really only want one present for Christmas.
我希望爸爸妈妈和好，这样我们就能再次成为一家人。 I want Mommy and Daddy to make up
so we can be a family again.
好的。 Okay.
晚安，圣诞老人。 Good night, Santa.
晚安，兔子先生。 Good night, Mr. Bunny.
你们谁干的? Which one of you did that?
你就不能像一群鸽子一样在屋顶上拉屎吗? You can't go two seconds without
crapping on the roof like a bunch of pigeons?
所以不专业。 So unprofessional.
鲁道夫永远不会做这种事。 You know, Rudolph will never do this crap.
嗯。 Hmm.
嗯。 Mmm.
嗯,嗯。 Mmm, mmm.
自制的。 Homemade.
嗯。 Mmm.
啊。 Ugh.
脱脂。 Skim.
哦,是的。 Oh, yeah.
就是这些东西。 That's the stuff.
嗯。 Mmm.
DuBoi……那是战前的东西。-太好了。 DuBoi...
-On some prewar shit right there. -
-Good shit.
嗯。 Mmm.
那很般配。 That pairs well.
这是什么? What do we have here?
哦,是的。 Oh, yeah.
就是这些东西。 That's the stuff.
你知道，呃…圣诞节很好，但你们美国人不庆祝我最喜欢的节日。 -You know, uh...
Christmas is all right,
but you Americans don't celebrate my favorite holiday.
噢,是吗?什么? Oh, yeah? What?
节礼日。 Boxing Day.
哟,哟。我是Lightstone，直播梦想。 Yo, yo. B. Lightstone here,
live streaming the dream, you know.
据说最富有的人…说再见。 They say the richest man...
Say goodbye.
如果你…奶奶!你的Wi-Fi太烂了。 And if you...
Grandma! Your Wi-Fi sucks dick.
该死的! Damn it!
他小的时候，我求你揍他。 When he was small, I begged you to beat him.
嘿。圣诞快乐。 Hey. Merry Christmas.
或者我现在该说「节日快乐」了? Or should I say "happy holidays" now?
对吧?我的意思是，大家都下定决心吧。 Right? I mean, it's like, people, make up your minds.
-你懂我的意思吗?-我能帮你吗? -You know what I'm saying? -Can I help you?
哦,是的。我当然希望如此。我的车出了点毛病…在这里吗?这是一条私人道路。 Oh, yeah. I sure hope so. See, uh,
my car broke down a little ways...
Out here? This is a private road.
这还用你说。 You're telling me.
这是我几英里外第一个见到的地方。 It's the first place I've seen for miles.
我想我冻伤了。 I think I got frostbite.
我到底在哪里? Where the hell am I, anyway?
G.T.莱特斯通家族大院。 G.T. Lightstone family compound.
我帮你叫拖车。 I'll call you a tow.
好了，狂欢者们。 All right, revelers.
是时候偷走圣诞节了。 : Time to steal Christmas.
声音。 Sound off.
叮当。检查。 Jingle. Check.
薄荷。检查。 Peppermint. Check.
甜言蜜语。检查。 Sugarplum. Check.
Krampus。准备把事情搞砸。 Krampus. Ready to fuck shit up.
糖果手杖。检查。 Candy Cane. Check.
-去找Frosty。-去找金属丝。 -Go for Frosty. -Go for Tinsel.
吃姜饼吧。 Go for Gingerbread.
我们要整晚都用这些愚蠢的代号吗? Are we gonna use these stupid code names all night?
现在正是季节。 : 'Tis the season.
欢迎来到你最糟糕的圣诞节。 Welcome to your worst Christmas ever.
特鲁迪喜欢在商场里看到圣诞老人。 Trudy loves seeing Santa at the mall.
她喜欢和她爸爸一起去。 She loves going with her father.
你昨天就该带她去的，就像你每个圣诞节都做的那样，但我们连你的消息都没有。 And you should've taken her yesterday,
like you do every Christmas,
but we didn't even hear from you.
妈妈给我安排了一个特别的项目。 Mom put me on a special project.
-这很复杂。-但事实并非如此，因为这样的事情不断发生。 -It's complicated. -But it's not,
because it keeps happening over and over.
你母亲硬挤在我们中间。你是对的。 -Your mother forcing herself between us. -You're right.
如果我们能帮特鲁迪实现她的圣诞愿望呢? What if we could give Trudy her Christmas wish?
你想在你妈妈家共度浪漫周末来赢回我吗? You're trying to win me back
with a romantic weekend at your mother's?
如果这次事情真的变了呢? What if things really changed this time?
我们摆脱了我母亲的控制。 We got out from under my mother's thumb.
我们会走开的。 We'll walk away.
来自公司，来自家庭。 From the company, the family.
今晚。 Tonight.
你在忙什么? What are you up to?
我们走吧。 Let's go.
我们得带你离开这里。 We need to get you out of here.
妈妈，你要去哪里? Mommy, where are you going?
-她去安全屋了!——什么? -She's going for the panic room! -What?
——是的。去,Bertrude。-没有我们? -Yes. Go, Bertrude. -Without us?
操，操，操，操，操，操。 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
这里容不下我们所有人。 GERTRUDE: There isn't room for all of us.
她至少装得下我们两个人。妈妈，带我去。 She can fit at least two of us. Mom, take me.
——妈妈!——哦。是的。 -Mom! -Oh. Yeah.
妈妈，伯特也能来吗? M-Mom, can Bert come, too?
好的。要么动，要么死，孩子。 Okay. Move it or lose it, son.
-快走!-哇，哇，哇。 -Move it! -Whoa, whoa, whoa.
你应该保护我们的。 You're supposed to protect us.
我们保护主要资产。 We protect the primary asset.
你到底是谁? Who the hell are you?
你可以叫我斯克鲁奇先生。 You can call me Mr. Scrooge.
搞笑。 Hilarious.
得到他。 Get him.
该死的骗子，混蛋。 Bah humbug, motherfucker.
嘿。下台。 SCROOGE: Hey. Step aside.
金属丝，薄荷，上楼。 Tinsel, Peppermint, sweep upstairs.
我要所有的lightstone在一起。 I want all the Lightstones together.
杀了你找到的所有人。 Kill anybody else you find.
他妈的。他妈的,他妈的。 Fuck. Fuck, fuck.
特鲁迪，亲爱的，我们得走了。 LINDA: Trudy, honey, we got to go.
醒醒，亲爱的。醒来。 JASON: Wake up, honey. Wake up.
也许我们可以从后面仆人的楼梯出去。 Maybe we can get out the back by the servants' stairs.
哦，得了吧。不是现在。不是现在。 Oh, come on. Not now. Not now.
他妈的!他妈的! Fuck! Fuck!
槲寄生,姜饼。 Mistletoe, gingerbread.
嘿! Hey!
哦。哦。 Oh. Oh.
嗨。 : Hi.
你难倒我了。 You got me.
我不想惹麻烦，好吗? I don't want any trouble, okay?
在楼下。现在。 Downstairs. Now.
听着，先生，我不想卷进来。 Look, mister, I don't want to get involved.
我只是…我只是有工作要做。 I just... I just have a job to do.
好吧?就是这样。 Okay? That's it.
我要拿着我的包，爬上烟囱。 I'm just gonna take my bag,
and I'm just gonna scooch up that chimney.
足够的讨论。我们走吧。 Enough talk. Let's go.
你不会想这么做的。 You don't want to do this.
什么?这个吗? What? This?
现在,移动! Now, move!
你聋了吗? -Are you deaf?
他妈的动! Fucking move!
不，不，不。 No, no, no.
不!等等! No! Wait!
等待。 Wait.
等等!不要去! Wait! Don't go!
回来! Come back!
哦,他妈的! Oh, fuck!
哦,狗屎。 Oh, shit.
该死的驯鹿把我丢在这里等死。 Damn chickenshit reindeer leave me here to die.
♬暴力的夜晚♬ :
♬血淋淋的夜晚♬
♬一切都很平静
如果所有人都不想被爆头的话。♪
可爱。 GERTRUDE: Cute.
你知道你在惹谁吗? Do you have any idea who you're fucking with?
我很清楚我在惹谁。 I know exactly who I'm fucking with.
哦，等等，等等。你真的以为我花了几个月的时间策划了一场复杂的闯入全国最安全的私人住宅而我不知道谁住在这里吗? Oh, wait, wait. Did you actually think
that I spent months
planning a complex break-in to the most secure
private residence in the country
and I didn't know who lived here?
你错了。 Well, you're wrong.
因为你的员工都死了。 'Cause your staff are dead.
你的安保已经死了。 -Your security are dead.
现在给我坐下，给我闭嘴! Now, sit down and shut the fuck up!
哦,他妈的。 Oh, fuck.
我们计划好的。没关系。 We planned it. It's all right.
几分钟就能解决了。 It'll be solved in a couple minutes.
最好能解决。 Better be solved.
真像我电影《黑暗赎金》里的场景。 So much like a scene from my movie Dark Ransom.
我的天啊。 Oh, my God.
如果他们没有枪，我可以干掉三到四个人。 If they didn't have guns,
I could take out three, maybe four of them.
都试一试。 ALVA: Try all of them.
妈妈。讨厌的东西。 Ew, Mom. Yuck.
如果你真做过调查，你就会知道我弟弟罗里在70年代被绑架过。 If you'd really done your research, you'd know
that my brother Rory was kidnapped in the '70s.
但我父亲从未报警。 But my father never called the police.
爸爸派了我们的私人救援队，一周后罗里就安全到家了。 Dad sent in our own private extraction team,
and Rory was home safe and sound a week later.
绑匪也一直没被找到。 And the kidnappers were never found.
如果你懂我的话。 If you get me.
我知道。 I know.
我知道你们的撤离小组你们亲切地称之为"杀人小队" I know all about your extraction team
that you affectionately call "the Kill Squad"
关起门来。 behind closed doors.
我也知道他们已经在路上了，也知道他们要花多长时间才能到这里。 I also know that they're on their way
and how long it's gonna take 'em to get here.
我甚至知道他们的信用评级和鸡巴大小。 I even know their credit ratings and their dick sizes.
如果你懂我的话。 If you get me.
那你也该知道你已经死了。 Then you should also know you're already dead.
我们不收赎金。 We don't do ransoms.
再说一次，我知道。我知道。 Again, I know. I know.
你看，我知道很多，格特鲁德。 See, I know a lot, Gertrude.
真的。 I really do.
比如你楼下的私人金库里有三亿美元。 Like the fact that you have 300 million in U.S. dollars
sitting in your personal vault downstairs.
-操?-没错。 -The fuck? -That's right.
美国政府给了Lightstone三亿美元让他悄悄分发到中东给那些最坏的人，让他们的生意顺利进行。 300 million that the U.S. government
gave Lightstone to quietly distribute in the Middle East
to all the worst people,
to grease the wheels and keep that sweet oil flowing.
3亿……哎呀……消失在战争的迷雾中。 300 million that-- oops-- disappeared in the fog of war.
但它并没有真的消失，对吧，柯里? Except it didn't really disappear, did it, Gerty?
因为是你偷的。 'Cause you stole it.
你知道这件事吗? Did you know about this?
天啊，这个家。 SCROOGE: Man, this family.
这个贪财的家庭。 This moneygrubbing family.
当你可怜的员工连温暖小提姆的煤都没有的时候，你却死死抓住你的财富不放。 Clinging desperately to your wealth,
when your poor employees don't even have enough coal
to keep Tiny Tim warm.
你到底是怎么回事，都是圣诞节的鬼话? What is it with you and all this Christmas shit?
你想说什么就说什么。 Talk all you want.
你永远进不了金库。 You'll never get in the vault.
因为你一按紧急按钮，密码就会重置吗? Oh, oh, oh, because when you-you hit the panic button,
it reset the combination?
我一直在告诉你，我知道。 I keep telling you, I know.
这就是闯入金库的后果吗? This is what breaking into a vault has turned into?
还记得你以前只需要钻洞炸东西吗? Remember when you just had to drill holes and blow shit up?
我不知道，也许是我老了，但那确实很浪漫。 I don't know, maybe I'm getting old,
but there was something romantic about that.
头儿，收到了吗? CANDY CANE : Boss, you copy?
我现在有点忙。 I'm kind of busy here.
你会想看看这个的。 You're gonna want to see this.
也许他摔倒了。 Maybe he fell.
你和他一起从高楼上滑下来。 You rappel down buildings with him.
你是要告诉我他只是从窗户掉下去了吗? You gonna tell me he just fell out a window?
好了，活泼点，伙计们。 All right, look lively, gang.
我们有一只地鼠。 We got a gopher.
你知道吗? LINDA: You know what?
我觉得兔子先生想睡觉了。 Um, I think Mr. Bunny wants to go to sleep.
所以，让我们给他盖好被子。 So, let's tuck him in.
好吗? Okay?
会没事的。 It's gonna be okay.
喂?圣诞老人? Hello? Santa?
你在吗? Are you there?
大便。 Shit.
我是三号检查站的坎迪·坎。 This is Candy Cane at checkpoint three.
哦,狗屎。 Oh, shit.
大便。大便。大便。 Shit. Shit. Shit.
视频游戏。 Video game.
难道没人要球棒，剑或者燃烧弹吗? Didn't anybody ask for a bat or a sword
-or Molotov cocktails?
等待。 : Wait.
妈妈，我爱你。 CHILD'S VOICE : Mommy, I love you.
诗歌的书。 Poetry book.
蓝光版《虎胆龙威》。他妈的! Die Hard on Blu-ray. Fuck!
-♬妈妈塔♬-♬妈妈塔，啊-哦♬
-♬¿Donde esta圣诞老人?♬-♬Mamacita♬
♬啊-哦♬
-♬¿Donde esta圣诞老人?♬-♬妈妈，啊-哦…♪
打开保险，笨蛋。 Safety's on, dipshit.
-♬妈妈塔♬-♬妈妈塔，啊-哦♬
♬哦，圣诞老人在哪里?♪
♬妈妈，啊-哦
♬我寻找他是因为♬
等待。坚持下去。坚持下去。 Wait. Hang on. Hang on.
这是圣诞夜…♪
等等，等等，等等，等等。看。 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Look.
我不想杀你。 I don't want to kill you.
哇，一个大胖子，灰胡子。 Wow, a big fat guy, gray beard.
是吗? Eh?
圣诞老人…我要把你的蛋蛋扯下来。 Santa...
I'm gonna rip your fucking balls off.
♬我希望他别忘了敲响他的响板
♬对他的驯鹿说
♬「哦，潘乔，哦，雌狐，哦，佩德罗，哦，闪电战……」♪
哦,狗屎。 Oh, shit.
-♬妈妈塔♬-♬妈妈塔，啊-哦♬
♬¿Donde esta圣诞老人?♪
♬哦，圣诞老人在哪里?♪
♬妈妈，啊-哦
♬这是平安夜
♬平安夜♬
♬我希望他不会忘记♬
♬敲开响板♬
♬对他的驯鹿说
♬「哦，潘乔，哦，雌狐，哦，佩德罗，哦，闪电战♬
♬Ole， ole， ole
-♬妈妈塔♬-♬妈妈塔，啊-哦♬
♬¿Donde esta圣诞老人?♪
♬妈妈，啊-哦
♬哦，圣诞老人在哪里?♪
♬妈妈，啊-哦
-♬这是圣诞夜♬-♬圣诞夜
♬这是平安夜
♬妈妈♬
-♬这是圣诞夜♬-♬妈妈。♪
啊,上帝。 Ah, God.
唷。 Whew.
唷。唷。 Whew. Whew.
我是Candy Cane。 : This is Candy Cane checking in.
大院已经安全了。 Compound is clear and secured.
副本。敢死队的情况如何? Copy. What's the status on the Kill Squad?
敢死队两小时后才到。 Kill Squad won't be here for two hours.
所以我们做得很好。外面的封印已经被打破了。 So we're doing good. The outer seal's already been breached.
这上面有报警信息吗? Is there a 911 thing on here?
我的…我做的对吗? My...
Am I doing that correct?
喂? Hello?
喂，有人能听到我说话吗? Hello, can anybody hear me?
圣诞老人，你能听到我说话吗? TRUDY: Can you hear me, Santa?
喂? Hello?
圣诞老人? Santa?
是的，这是圣诞老人。 Yeah, this is Santa.
我希望我没有打扰你。 I hope I'm not bothering you.
爸爸说你今晚很忙。 Daddy said you were very busy tonight.
我…我在休息。 I'm...
I'm on a break.
你是谁? Who-who am I speaking to?
我叫特鲁迪·莱特斯通，今年我表现很好。 My name is Trudy Lightstone,
and I've been very good this year.
特鲁迪…… Trudy...
特鲁迪Lightstone。 Trudy Lightstone.
是的,特鲁迪。 Yeah, Trudy.
你在我的名单上。 You're on my nice list.
你今年一直是个好女孩。 You've been a very good girl this year.
你现在在哪，特鲁迪? Where are you now, Trudy?
我和我所有的亲戚都在一个大房间里。 I'm in a big room with all my relatives.
有两个坏人拿着枪盯着我们。 There's two bad men with guns watching us.
哦,不。六个了。 SANTA: Oh, no. Six left.
你会帮我们吗，圣诞老人? TRUDY: Are you gonna help us, Santa?
是的。我当然会帮你。 Yeah. Of course I'm gonna help you.
我要…我会把你救出来的。 I'm gonna... I'm gonna get you out of there.
把我淘气名单上的这些坏人都拿出来…我要拿一块煤，每一块，然后把它直接塞进去……驴。 Take all these bad guys on my naughty list...
I'm gonna take a lump of coal,
each and every one of them, and shove it straight up...
The ass.
我是说，拜托，亲爱的。 Well, I mean, come on, sweetie.
我们想把你留在好名单上。 We want to keep you on the nice list, you know.
对不起。那我能说"屁眼"吗? Sorry. Can I say "butthole," then?
我的意思是，这是一个边缘。 I mean, it's borderline.
那"肛门"呢? How about "anus"?
严格来说，是的，"肛门"是技术…好吧，听着，特鲁…特鲁迪。 Technically, yes, uh, "anus" is the tech...
Okay, look, uh, Tru... uh, Trudy.
我得打电话求救，但电话线断了。 I got to call for help, and the phone lines are down.
你可能比任何人都了解这房子。 You probably know this house better than anybody.
你有什么建议吗? You got any suggestions?
我有个主意。 I have an idea.
好吧，你是说这里有个该死的圣诞老人吗? All right, you're telling me there's a goddamn Santa Claus
running around here?
好吧，他看起来很开心，但他到底是谁? Okay, well, he looks jolly as fuck,
but who the hell is he?
员工名单上没有圣诞老人。 There's no Santa listed on the employee manifest.
是的，还有更多。 Yeah, there's more.
霜冻还没来报到。我联系不上他。 Frosty hasn't checked in. I can't reach him.
好吧，继续试。 All right, keep trying.
好吧，这是正式的。 All right, it's official.
有只地鼠在逃，它很危险。 We got a gopher on the loose, and he's dangerous.
小心点。 Watch your backs.
艾尔?艾尔? Al? Al?
哦,狗屎。 Oh, shit.
哦,狗屎! Oh, shit!
Frosty，你情况如何? SCROOGE : Frosty, what's your status?
Frosty，说出来。 Frosty, sound off.
呃,冷淡的? Uh, Frosty?
那是不是…那是我在地下室遇到的那个淘气的家伙吗? Is-is that, uh...
is that the naughty guy I met in the basement?
你的朋友死了。 Your-your friend is dead.
他脸上有颗星星，然后他的头着火了。 Uh, he got a star in his face, then his head caught on fire.
说来话长。 It's a long story.
哦。 Oh.
这是……这是我们的圣诞老人吗? Is this... is this our Santy?
这是我们的…我们的圣诞老人? Is this our... our Santy Claus?
是的，它是。 Yeah, it is.
请问您是哪位? To whom am I speaking?
今晚，我是斯克罗吉先生。 Well, for tonight, I'm Mr. Scrooge.
你到底想要什么，圣诞老人? Now, what is it that you want exactly, Santa?
我要你们放下武器，我要你们放了这个家庭，然后我要找到我的驯鹿，我要继续送我的礼物。 I want you to put down your weapons,
I want you to let this family go,
and then I want to find my reindeer,
and I want to continue delivering my presents.
你在耍我吗? Are you fucking with me?
好吧，你到底是谁? All right, who the hell are you really, huh?
某个看了太多动作片的保安? Some security guard who's watched too many action flicks?
一个被困在商场里玩变装游戏的废柴前警察和在你腿上撒尿的胖孩子? Some loser ex-cop stuck in a mall
playing dress-up with fat kids pissing on your lap?
等我做对了再阻止我。 Stop me when I get it right.
实际情况要复杂一些。 It's a little more complicated than that.
对我来说不是。 Not to me, it's not.
因为我想把它作为我的个人使命，我的假期任务清单，找到你，结束你，用你和整个该死的假期来擦屁股。 'Cause I want to make it my personal mission,
my holiday to-do list, to find you and to end you
and to wipe my ass with you and this whole fucking holiday.
这就是我想要的圣诞礼物，圣诞老人。 That's what I want for Christmas, Santa.
想要这样的圣诞礼物真是太糟糕了。 That is a terrible thing to want for Christmas.
但也许我们应该当面谈谈。 But maybe you and I should discuss that in person.
圣诞老人要进城了。 Santa Claus is coming to town.
大便。 Shit.
好吧，你雇了谁在你的圣诞派对上扮演圣诞老人? All right, who did you hire
to play Santa at your Christmas party, huh?
我说，谁在你的圣诞派对上扮演圣诞老人? -I said, who's playing Santa
at your fucked-up Christmas party?
我没有雇圣诞老人。 : I didn't hire a Santa.
我从来没有圣诞老人。这是俗气的。 I never have a Santa. It's tacky.
那么，他是谁? SCROOGE: So, who is he?
♬哦，骑车是多么有趣啊……♪
嗯?他是谁? Huh? Who is he?
最好有人开口，不然我就用这个打烂她的脑袋…该死,格特鲁德。你还真喜欢胡桃夹子啊? Somebody better start talking,
or I'm gonna bash her brains in with this...
Damn, Gertrude. You really got a thing for nutcrackers, huh?
所以我要折磨你家里的每个人直到你告诉我是谁在你的豪宅里扮圣诞老人乱搞我的东西。 So, I'm gonna torture everyone in your family
until you tell me who's running around your mansion
playing Santa and fucking with my shit.
我应该先选谁呢? And who should I pick first?
我应该按年龄分类吗? Should I go by age?
嘘。 -Shh.
或者我应该用智商? Or should I go by IQ?
杰森。他是我妈妈的最爱。 Pick Jason. He's my mom's favorite.
——是的。他。-穿毛衣的那个 -Yep. Him. -The one in the sweater.
好的。是杰森·莱特斯通。 All right. Jason Lightstone it is.
-头号儿子。——没有。 -The number one son. -No.
等等，等等，等等。不，我们不需要…我们不需要这么做。不，没关系。 Wait, wait, wait. No, we don't need...
We don't need to do that. No, it's okay.
不。不，不，不。我们不需要这样做。 No. No, no, no. We don't need to do this.
不。不，不，不。 No. No, no, no, no.
不要，不要，不要。 Don't, don't, don't.
不,不要……把它…不要……不。-不，不，不，不。不,不。-把这个给我… -No, don't... Put it... Don't... No. -
-No, no, no, no. No, no. -Give me this fucking...
我告诉你，没人雇圣诞老人。 I'm telling you, no one hired a Santa.
好吧，好吧，好吧你是对的。 All right, all right, all right. You're right.
你是对的。让我们停止吧。让我们停止吧。 You're right. Let's stop it. Let's stop it.
我们在这里做什么?来吧。 What are we doing here? Come on.
我们是什么，外行吗?我们做了一半。 What are we, amateurs? We're half-assing this.
来吧。那不叫手指夹。 Come on. It's not called a finger cracker.
好吧，棒棒糖。 Okay, Candy Cane.
把他的枪插进去。 Stick one of his bozaks in there.
我不会碰他的蛋蛋。 I'm not touching his balls.
怎么，你突然变成公主了吗? What, are you a princess all of a sudden?
我以前见过你挖脑子。 I've seen you scoop out brains before.
你想让我挖出他的脑袋，我现在就挖，但我不会碰他的鸡鸡。 You want me to scoop his brains out,
I'll scoop his brains out right now,
but I'm not touching his junk.
我不在乎是谁干的。 I don't care who does it.
我最好能在三秒内看到平球。 I better be looking at flat balls,
like, in three seconds.
我会做的。 I'll do it.
Krampus。完美的。 Krampus. Perfect.
哦，不是那个人。不是那个人。 Oh, not that guy. Not that guy.
这就是我喜欢反社会者的原因。 That's what I love about sociopaths.
总是乐于尝试新事物。 Always up for trying new things.
你不需要这么做，好吗? You don't need to do this, okay?
不，没关系。嗯…哦,不。 No, it's all right. Um... Oh, no.
不，不，不，不，不。我的天啊。我的天啊。 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
哦,上帝。我的天啊。 : Oh, God. Oh, my God.
把蛋蛋放进去。 KRAMPUS: Put your nuts in.
美味,美味。 Yummy, yummy.
别再伤害我爸爸了…不然圣诞老人会生气的。 Stop hurting my daddy...
or Santa will get mad.
啊，好可爱。 Ah, what a cutie.
我们对圣诞老人了解多少，小家伙? So, what do we know about Santa, little one?
她对圣诞老人一无所知。 She doesn't know anything about Santa.
他不是在问你。 He wasn't asking you.
她在假装。 She's playing make-believe.
她假装在和圣诞老人说话。 She's pretending to talk to Santa.
这不是假装。圣诞老人是我的朋友，他说他会拯救我们。 It's not pretend. Santa's my friend,
and he said he's going to save us.
不。 JASON: No.
-还揍了你一顿。-是吗? -And beat you up. -Oh, is he?
我打赌只要你让他出来，他就会出来的? I bet he'd come out of hiding if you asked him to, huh?
你跟我来，跟他玩个小游戏怎么样?不，不，不。 What do you say you come with me
-and we play a little game with him, huh? -No, no, no.
特鲁迪，来吧。现在就告诉他真相。 Trudy, come on. Tell him the truth now.
-你不是在和圣诞老人说话。-是的，我是。 -You aren't talking to Santa. -Yes, I am.
不，你不是。来吧，现在。 No, you're not. Come on, now.
是的，我是。-该死，特鲁迪，圣诞老人不是真的! -Yes, I am. -Damn it, Trudy, Santa isn't real!
对不起，亲爱的。 I'm sorry, honey.
圣诞老人只是大人为了让孩子们感觉好一点而告诉他们的? Santa's just a thing adults tell kids
to make them feel better, okay?
你妈妈和我给你礼物，我们说它们是圣诞老人送的。 Your mommy and I give you the presents,
and we say they're from Santa.
他不是来救我们的。 He's not coming to save us.
他根本不存在。 He doesn't exist.
都是瞎编的。 It's all made-up.
——真的吗?——哦。 -Really? -Aw.
怎么知道圣诞老人根本不存在。 What a way to find out that there's no Santa.
嘿，我们复活节回来，把她的复活节兔子也毁了，好吗? Hey, let's come back Easter and ruin the Easter Bunny
-for her, too, huh?
——特鲁迪!-给我回来! -Trudy! -Come back here!
-阻止她!——特鲁迪!-嘿! -Stop her! -Trudy! -Hey!
你们这些白痴，待在岗位上。 CANDY CANE: You idiots, stay at your posts.
特鲁迪! LINDA: Trudy!
我会找到这个小顽童的。 I'll find this little brat.
好的。 Okay.
圣诞老人。圣诞老人。 TRUDY : Santa. Santa.
圣诞老人! -Santa!
这是特鲁迪。 This is Trudy.
你还好吗，圣诞老人? -Are you okay, Santa?
你好。嘿。 Hi. Hey.
你还好吗? Are you okay?
我很好。嗯…我只是在收拾东西。 I'm good. Uh...
I was just wrapping something up.
我跑开躲进了阁楼。 I ran away and hid in the attic.
好的。如果你是安全的…待在那里，别出声，好吗? Okay. If you're safe...
uh, just stay there and, uh, stay quiet, all right?
好的。我可以设置陷阱，就像《小鬼当家》里那样。 Okay. I can set up booby traps, like in Home Alone.
好吧，我不知道那是什么意思，不过，你去吧。 Okay, I don't know what that means,
but, uh, yeah, do that.
安静地做就好。 Just do it quietly.
你真的是圣诞老人吗? Are you really Santa?
当然了，亲爱的。 Of course I am, sweetheart.
我爸爸说根本没有圣诞老人。 My daddy says there isn't any Santa.
他说，父母只是告诉他们的孩子圣诞老人是真的，让他们感觉更好。 He says parents just tell their kids that Santa's real
to make them feel better.
他说他们给我们礼物，还说是圣诞老人送的。 He said they give us presents
and say they're from Santa.
是的。 Yeah.
是啊，很多家长都这么说。 Yeah, a lot of parents say that.
但我还是会给需要我的孩子带礼物。 But I still bring presents to kids that need me.
孩子们真的相信。 Kids who really believe.
你怎么知道谁真正需要你? How do you know who really needs you?
圣诞节的魔力。 Christmas magic.
我不太清楚这是怎么回事。 I'm not really sure how it works.
但是,呃… But, uh...
我记得，嗯…特鲁迪·莱特斯通给我写信的时候 I remember, um...
when Trudy Lightstone wrote to me.
她大概六岁左右，她说她有时会感到孤独。 She must have been about six years old,
and she said that she felt lonely sometimes.
她想念有一个最好的朋友。 She missed having a best friend.
所以我给她买了一只漂亮的毛绒兔子。 And so I brought her a beautiful little stuffed rabbit.
兔子先生。 Mr. Bunny.
然后我记得第二年，你说你做了一个很棒的梦，之后，你想做的就是…飞! And then I remember the next year,
and you said you had this amazing dream
and that, afterwards, all you wanted to do was...
To fly!
飞行。飞行。 : To fly. To fly.
我是说，圣诞老人也许有魔力，但是…让小女孩飞起来? I mean, Santa might have some magic, but...
making a little girl fly?
但给你一个风筝，让它漂浮在云下，这已经是最好的结果了。 But giving you a kite,
floating just beneath the clouds,
well, it's about as good as it gets.
我就知道。 I knew it.
我知道你是真的，圣诞老人。 I knew you were real, Santa.
别对你父母太苛刻了，好吗? Don't be too hard on your parents, all right?
成年人很难相信事情。 Grown-ups have a hard time believing things.
你能用你的圣诞魔法让他们重新相爱吗? Can you use your Christmas magic
to make them love each other again?
真希望我也有这种能力。 I wish I had that kind of power.
圣诞老奶奶和我在一起已经有1100年了成年人的关系很复杂。 Mrs. Claus and I have been going on year, uh,
1,100, and...
Grown-up relationships are complicated.
这需要工作。 It takes work.
工作量很大。 A lot of work.
你还爱她吗? Do you still love her?
是的，我喜欢。 Yeah, I do.
有时候，即使你想让某人开心……魔力就这样消失了。 And sometimes, even if you want to make somebody happy...
...the magic just goes away.
嘿。 Hey.
我有个主意。 I've got an idea.
这会很有趣的。 This will be fun.
你们为什么不打开礼物呢? Why don't you guys open your presents?
我想看看你们这些有钱的混蛋能得到什么。 I want to see what you rich assholes get each other.
有些人可能撑不到明天早上，所以这可能是你们唯一的机会。 And some of you might not make it till tomorrow morning,
so this could be your only chance.
来吧。 Come on.
圣诞精神在哪里? Where's the Christmas spirit?
嗯…格特鲁德，我给你准备了很特别的东西。 Uh...
Gertrude, uh, I got you something pretty special.
你听到了吗，格特鲁德? KRAMPUS: Did you hear that, Gertrude?
他给你买了很棒的东西。 He got you something amazing.
哦，会是什么呢? : Oh, what could it be?
天啊，太激动人心了。 Oh, my God, this is exciting.
妈妈。 Mom.
我可以叫你妈妈吗? Can I call you Mom?
Lightstone太太。 Mrs. Lightstone.
好吧，在生意上，他们称之为…一个推销平台。 Okay, so in the business, they call this...
...a pitch deck.
- Pitch deck。-是的。 -Pitch deck. -Yeah.
这叫做爆发力。 It's called Explosive Force.
由我主演。 Starring me.
如果你看后面，有财务数据。 And if you look in the back,
there are the financial numbers.
我在亚洲算是个大人物。 I'm kind of a big deal in Asia.
至少在亚洲部分地区是这样。 Parts of Asia, at least.
我们曾经去过亚洲的一些地方，我们甚至不能去餐馆吃饭。 We were in parts of Asia once, and, like,
we couldn't even go to a restaurant.
啊，还有什么礼物比……黄金机会的礼物? Ah, what is there a better gift than...
gift of a golden opportunity?
哦,不。 KRAMPUS : Oh, no.
奶奶不喜欢它。 Granny doesn't like it.
妈妈，我给你准备了特别的礼物。 Mother, I got you something really special.
这是我出生那天的一张感伤照片。 It's a sentimental photo of the day I was born.
我记得。 I remember.
我当时在场。 I was there.
她根本不在乎。 KRAMPUS: She doesn't give a shit.
挥杆又打偏了! -Swing and miss again!
这太有趣了。 This is so fun.
妈妈，再来一个怎么样? ALVA: Mommy, how about another one?
我给你买了很多好东西。 I got you a lot of good things.
-我去拿一个。-阿尔瓦，阿尔瓦，坐下 -I'll grab one. -Alva, Alva, sit down.
你已经给过我一个了。这是……轮到杰森了。 You've already given me one. It's...
It's Jason's turn.
嗯…我th……我好像落在车里了。 JASON: Uh...
I th... I-I think I left it in the car.
不，我看到你之前在树下放了一个。 No, I-I saw you put one under the tree earlier.
——没有。它在…-是的，我说了。 -No. It's in the... -Yeah, I did.
我发誓。你知道吗，这…你不…你不…你不…你……是这个，对吧?我懂你了，兄弟。 I could've sworn. You know what, it's, uh...
Y-You don't... you don't... you don't... you...
It's this one, right? Yeah, I got you, bro.
来吧。 Come on.
谢谢你！ Thank you.
这是我最喜欢的威士忌。 It's my favorite whiskey.
你可以跳过注释。 You can skip the note.
谢谢你，杰森。 Thank you, Jason.
卡片上写着什么? What's the card say?
这事我和杰森就知道了。 I think I'll just keep that between Jason and I.
没有人真的需要知道。杰森? No one really needs to know. Right, Jason?
正确的。 Right.
你有爸爸妈妈吗? TRUDY: Did you ever have a mommy and daddy?
是啊，我当然有爸爸妈妈。 Yeah, of course I had a mommy and daddy.
我不是……我并不总是圣诞老人。 I wasn't... I wasn't always Santa Claus.
在这之前我有自己的生活。 I had a life before this.
很久很久很久以前。 A long, long, long time ago.
他们以前叫我，呃…Nicomund。 They used to call me, uh...
Nicomund.
红色的尼可蒙德。 SANTA: Nicomund the Red.
那时候你有不同的工作? TRUDY: You had a different job then?
是的，可以这么说。 SANTA: Yeah, you could say that.
我是个战士。 I was a warrior.
掠袭者。一个小偷。 A raider. A thief.
如果有人挡了我的路，我和Skullcrusher就会……Skullcrusher是谁? -And if somebody got in my way,
me and Skullcrusher would...
TRUDY: Who's Skullcrusher?
Skullcrusher是我的…我的锤子。 Skullcrusher's my, uh...
my hammer.
我最喜欢的锤子。 My favorite hammer.
我曾经是个外科医生。 I was a surgeon with that thing.
以前可以拿三个人头，把他们排成一排…但是为什么呢? Used to be able to take three heads, line 'em up...
But why?
什么? What?
你为什么要做那些事? Why'd you do those things?
因为我很刻薄。 Because I was mean.
我很贪婪。 And I was greedy.
我想要金子，珠宝。 And I wanted gold, jewels.
是啊，如果那时候有个淘气榜的话，我肯定是老大。 Yeah, I mean, if there was a naughty list back then,
I'd be top dog.
好吧,也许……什么? Well, maybe...
What?
也许你以前做过的那些坏事…也许你可以用它们来做好事。 Maybe all those bad things you used to do...
...maybe you can use them to do good things instead.
帮助。 To help.
什么意思? What do you mean?
兔子先生，他不仅仅是个玩具。 Mr. Bunny, he wasn't just a toy.
那晚，你满足了我的愿望。 That night, you gave me what I wished for.
最好的朋友。 A best friend.
因为你善良善良。 'Cause you're good and kind.
你的意义不仅仅是你带来的礼物。 And you mean more than just the presents you bring.
所以我才相信你，圣诞老人。 That's why I believe in you, Santa.
这就是我相信的原因。 That's why I believe.
谢谢你！ Thank you.
你躲起来，特鲁迪，直到我来接你。 You stay hidden, Trudy, till I come get you.
保持安全。 Stay safe.
好的，卫星确认了。 All right, we got satellite confirmation.
撤离队已经出发了。 Extraction team's on the go.
30分钟。 ETA: 30 minutes.
我们正按计划进行。 We're on schedule.
一切都很好。 Everything's good.
好了，伙计们。 -All right, fellas.
精神点，精神点。 Look alive, look alive.
你们都知道我的计划，我喜欢我的行动就像我喜欢做爱一样 You all know the plan,
and I like my operations like I like to fuck:
简单而快速的清理。 hard and fast with minimal cleanup.
现在，有个白痴挡了你的路，你会怎么做? Now, some idiot gets in your way, what do you do?
让他们见鬼去吧! ALL: Fuck their shit up right!
该死的正确的。 Damn right.
是时候润滑一下了。 -Time to lube up.
走吧，混蛋!我们走吧! Let's go, motherfuckers! Let's go!
这个该死的家庭。 : This fucking family.
呵，呵，呵，呵。 MALE VOICE : Ho, ho, ho, ho.
圣诞快乐。 -Merry Christmas.
节日快乐。 Happy holidays.
叛徒。 Traitor.
我在东翼抓到他了。 I got him in the east wing.
好了，我们马上就到。住他。 All right, we're on our way. Hold him.
下台。 Step aside.
这个又累又老又肥的混蛋是怎么打败我们的? SCROOGE : Now, how did this tired, old,
fat piece of shit get the drop on us?
我不知道。 GINGERBREAD: I don't know.
他连武器都没有。 CANDY CANE: He's not even armed.
这个包是他身上唯一的东西。 This bag is the only thing he had on him.
里面是什么? SCROOGE: What's in there?
什么也看不见。 Can't see anything.
给，给我。 SCROOGE: Here, give it to me.
真是个白痴……带着一副国际象棋? What kind of moron...
carries a chess set with him?
搞什么鬼? What the fuck?
没道理啊。看看这些烂东西。 Doesn't make any sense. Look at all this shit.
你要告诉我们这个包的噱头是什么吗? So, you're gonna tell us what's the gimmick with the bag?
它的魔法。 It's magic.
你把手伸进去，拿出来一份礼物。 You put your hand in, out comes a present.
我也不太明白这是怎么回事。 I don't really understand how it works, either.
你是斯克罗吉先生。 So, you're Mr. Scrooge.
这是正确的。 That's right.
但你是谁? But who are you?
Weihnachtsmann。 Weihnachtsmann.
装扮。 Julenissen.
Shengdan Laoren。 Shèngdàn Laorén.
Babbo Natale, Pere Noel, Kris Kringle。 Babbo Natale, Père Noel, Kris Kringle.
快乐的圣诞老人。 Jolly old Saint Nick.
人们有很多称呼我的词。 People call me a lot of things.
哈哈哈。很有趣。 SCROOGE: Ha, ha, ha. Very funny.
或者我该说"吼，吼，吼" Or should I say, "Ho, ho, ho"?
如果你是圣诞老人，你的驯鹿呢? If you're Santa, where's your reindeer?
他们本来在屋顶上，后来我把那个人变成了冰烤串… They were on the roof
until that guy I turned into an ice kebab just...
你不相信我? You don't believe me?
去检查。 Go check.
普兰瑟在上面留下了一根美味的木头。 Prancer left a tasty log up there.
这个该死的家伙。 SCROOGE: This fucking guy.
你不认为…我知道你是个白痴，但别大声说出来。 You don't think...
Now, I know you're an idiot, but don't be an idiot out loud.
拜托，他只是在圣诞老人里，带着一个恶作剧袋。 Come on, he's just in Santy Claus
with a fucking trick bag.
哦,不! SANTA: Oh, no!
那个袋子里装满了孩子们的梦想! That bag was full of kids' dreams!
哦，得了吧。 SCROOGE: Oh, come on.
每个人都知道圣诞梦都是扯淡。 Everybody knows that Christmas dreams are bullshit.
我父亲以前每年圣诞节都会把这件事搞得很隆重。 My father used to make a big deal out of it
every Christmas.
每个该死的圣诞节都有礼物，糖果，装饰品，圣诞颂歌和所有的屁话。 Every freaking Christmas with the presents
and the candy and the decorations
and the Christmas caroling and all that bullshit.
然后当我…我不知道，10岁，11岁，他被解雇了，那年圣诞节，他甚至买不起一棵圣诞树。 And then when I was...
I don't know, ten, 11,
he got laid off, and that Christmas,
couldn't even afford a tree.
没有圣诞晚餐，没有礼物。 No Christmas dinner, no gifts.
什么都没有，迪克。 Nothing, nada, culo, dick.
但是我们的邻居…我们的邻居，他们什么都有。 But our neighbors...
our neighbors, oh, they had it all.
我能透过他们的窗户看到所有圣诞节的欢乐在嘲笑我。 I could see all that yuletide cheer
through their window mocking me.
平安夜来了，然后…我等着大家都上床睡觉。 So Christmas Eve rolls around, and...
I waited for everybody to go to bed.
然后我就溜进去把它全拿走了。 And then I snuck in there to take it all.
唯一的问题是爷爷们起来撒尿我们俩吓得屁滚尿流。 Only problem was that the gramps got up to take a piss
and the two of us scared the shit out of each other.
然后他从楼梯上摔下来摔断了脖子，死在了医院。 And, um, he fell down the stairs
and-and broke his neck, and he died in the hospital.
每个人都认为是我干的，每次我想告诉他们的时候，我都想告诉他们……不管怎样，也许是我做的。 Everybody thought that I did it,
and every time I tried to tell them,
I tried to tell them that...
Anyway, maybe I did do it.
也许我确实推了他。 Maybe I did push him.
可怜的老家伙。 Poor old fucker.
你看，圣诞节毁了我的生活。 So, you see, Christmas ruined my life.
好吧?但你知道吗? Okay? But you know what?
它让我走上了人生的道路，让我成为了今天的伟人。 It set me on the path
and made me the great man that I am today.
对不起，吉米。 I'm sorry, Jimmy.
真的。 I really am.
但我做礼物。我做圣诞欢呼。 But I do gifts. I do Christmas cheer.
我不干涉别人的生活。 I don't get involved in people's lives.
噢,是吗?是啊，也许你他妈应该! Oh, yeah? Yeah, well, maybe you fucking should!
他怎么知道你的名字? Um, how did he know your name?
哦,比约恩。 Oh, Bjorn.
你的借口是什么? What's your excuse?
嗯? Huh?
82年你想要的那辆赫菲自行车不是我给你买的吗? Didn't I get you that Huffy bike you wanted back in '82?
你给我写了50次信! One you wrote me 50 times about!
你呢，基拉? What about you, Kira?
你让你弟弟吃虫子。 Well, you made your brother eat worms.
太调皮了! That's naughty!
好吧，他怎么知道我自行车的事? Okay, how does he know about my bike?
这是一个幸运的猜测，比如:「嘿，你喜欢大奶子吗?」 It's a lucky guess, like: "Hey, do you like big tits?"
得了吧，每个孩子都想要辆自行车。 Come on, every kid wants a fucking bike.
你要告诉我你为谁工作哦,基督。不。 -You're gonna tell me who you work for... -Oh, Christ. No.
然后给你五秒钟告诉我你到底是谁。 ...then you've got five seconds to tell me who you really are.
五、四、三、二……我是圣诞老人! Five, four, three, two...
I'm Santa Claus!
现在不是了。 Well, not anymore.
下雪了吗? GINGERBREAD: Is it snowing?
他是在用圣诞老人的魔法吗? Is he doing this with Santa magic?
下雪吧! Let it snow!
这不是雪。 It's not snow.
聚苯乙烯泡沫塑料。 It's Styrofoam.
我告诉过你这家伙是个大骗子。 I told you this guy's a big phony.
他去哪儿了? Where'd he go?
他爬上了烟囱。 GINGERBREAD: He went up the chimney.
-我看到了。-我不知道，他有一个钻机或滑轮系统-把他拉了起来。-你坐不进去。 -I saw it. -I don't know,
he had a rig or some pulley system
-that just yanked him up. -You can't fit up there.
-不可能。-你看到一件奇怪的事，就以为自己在童话里? -It's impossible. -Oh, you see one weird thing,
and then you think you're in a fairy tale?
传入的。 KRAMPUS : Incoming.
雪橇铃正在靠近。 We've got sleigh bells approaching.
我的天啊。 Oh, my God.
这是他的驯鹿。 It's his reindeer.
是撤离队。 -It's the extraction team.
振作起来! Pull yourselves together!
这就是我的敢死队的声音。 And that is the sound of my Kill Squad.
哦，你现在完蛋了。 Oh, you're fizzity-fucked now.
嗯?你打算怎么办?你这个小妖精婊子。 Huh? What are you gonna do? You little elf bitch.
傅……伯蒂。 Fu...
Bertie.
标签「祝福」。 Hashtag "blessed."
是啊! Yeah!
跑酷。 Parkour.
杀了他，宝贝! Kill him, babe!
哦! -Oh!
摩根会救我们的。 Morgan's gonna save us.
尚格·范·迪普什刚把我们甩了，亲爱的。 Jean-Claude Van Dipshit just ditched us, sweetie.
不要开火。 Hold your fire.
桶滚! Barrel roll!
放松。 Easy, easy.
——是的!——简单。 -Yeah! -Easy.
确定自己。 Identify yourself.
我是人质之一。 I'm one of the hostages.
演员摩根·斯蒂尔。 Morgan Steel, the actor.
在我的职业生涯中扮演过很多士兵。 Played a lot of soldiers in my career.
我想说，谢谢你为国效力。永远忠诚。 Can I just say, thank you for your service. Semper fi.
里面是什么情况? What's the situation inside?
一群退伍军人，但我得警告你，他们知道你要来。 Bunch of ex-military guys,
but I got to warn you, they know you're coming.
我想他们已经准备好了。 I think they're ready for you.
最好是这样。 They better be.
我们的时间很紧。 We're on a tight schedule.
大便。 Shit.
哦,f…-好了，我们走吧。-我们出去吧。 Oh, f...
-All right, let's move out. -Let's move out.
来吧。 Come on.
你在跟我开玩笑吧。 You got to be kidding me.
索普，你迟到了十分钟。 Hey, Thorp, you're ten minutes late.
什么事耽搁了你? What kept you?
在我看来，你的网上有个洞。 Looks to me like your net's got a hole in it.
还是说你只是放人质出去锻炼? Or are you just letting your hostages out for some exercise?
不，不，不。我们有一只野地鼠跑来跑去，把事情复杂化，制造麻烦。 No, no, no. We got a wild gopher running around
complicating shit and causing problems.
谁?Lightstone安全? Who? Lightstone security?
不，我不这么认为。某个装扮成圣诞老人的闯入者。 Nah, I don't think so. Some intruder dressed as Santa.
但我告诉你，我告诉你，他有点奇怪。 But I'm telling you, I'm telling you,
there's something weird about him.
可能是真正的圣诞老人。 Might be the real Santa.
-她说什么?-没什么，没什么。 -The fuck did she just say? -Nothing, nothing.
她是在开玩笑。 She's joking.
我的小队会处理的。 My squad will take care of it.
贝塔小队，去找这个混蛋。 Beta Team, go find this asshole.
走了。 Go.
现在，让我们打开我们的礼物，好吗? Now, let's unwrap our present, shall we?
好吧，你听到他说的了。 All right, you heard the man.
是时候杀死圣诞老人了。 Time to kill Santa.
我抓住他了。他在屋顶上。 I've got him. He's on the roof.
罗杰。我看到他了。 Roger that. I got eyes on him.
对的,甜言蜜语。按那个按钮。 Right, Sugarplum. Hit that button.
开始吧。 Here we go.
万能钥匙。 Our skeleton key.
「打开」的魔法棒。 The "open" magic stick.
这他妈最好管用。 This better fucking work.
我的职业生涯，我的名声都因此而毁了。 I'm flushing my career for this, my reputation.
好吧，那你可以给自己买个新代表。 Yeah, well, then you can buy yourself a new rep.
当我还是个孩子的时候，我非常喜欢拆圣诞礼物，所以我妈妈会为我包装空盒子。 THORP: As a kid, I loved
unwrapping Christmas presents so much
that my mom would wrap empty boxes for me.
我不在乎里面什么都没有。 I didn't care that nothing was inside.
这他妈是在开玩笑吗? Is this a fucking joke?
不。 No.
你他妈说过会在这里的! You said it would fucking be here!
我告诉你，我的情报绝对可靠。 I'm telling you, my intel was rock solid.
我在里面安插了人 I had guys on the inside.
昨天有三亿现金被送到了这该死的豪宅。 300 million in cash was delivered here yesterday
to this fucking mansion.
一定是有人拦截了。 Somebody must've intercepted it.
婊子养的。 Son of a bitch.
哦,狗屎。 Oh, shit.
圣诞老人，你还好吗? Santa, you okay?
圣诞老人。 : Santa.
一群新的坏人出现了。 A bunch of new bad guys showed up.
他们在淘气名单上。 They're on the naughty list.
他们带着他们的小玩意和小发明。 They got their gadgets and their gizmos on them.
我很抱歉。我想就是这样了，孩子。 I'm sorry. I think this is it, kid.
不，不，别这么说。 No, no, don't say that.
淘气榜…就这么长啊长。 The naughty list...
just grows and grows.
他就在那个结构里。开启身体摄像头。 He's in that structure. Body cams on.
不要放弃。 TRUDY: Don't give up.
这次你许个愿吧，圣诞老人。 You make a wish this time, Santa.
就这一次。 Just this once.
如果在这个世界上你可以拥有任何东西，你想要什么? If you could have anything in this world,
what would it be?
我希望能再见到圣诞老奶奶，告诉她我有多爱她。 I wish I could see Mrs. Claus again,
tell her how much I love her.
那你就实现你的愿望。 Then you make that wish come true.
哦,狗屎。 -Oh, shit.
不，不，不。不,不。 No, no, no, no. No, no.
哦,上帝。 Oh, God.
不。 No.
你说这些家伙，他们很淘气。 You said these guys, they're naughty.
你会对淘气的孩子做什么? And what do you do to the naughty ones?
我给他们一块煤。 I give them a lump of coal.
是的。给他们点颜色看看。 Yeah. Give them their lumps.
把煤直接塞进他们的…——菊花。——是的! Take that coal and shove it straight up their...
-Anuses. -Yeah!
他们就在外面。 They're right outside.
圣诞老人会像吃一盘饼干一样吃掉他们的。 Santa's gonna eat through these guys
like a plate full of cookies.
移动,移动。 Move, move.
嘿，把它锁起来。 Hey, lock it up.
灯下。 Lights down.
跟在我后面。 Stay at my back.
好了，我们能行，伙计们。 All right, we got this, boys.
好了，我的钱呢! All right, where the fuck is my money?!
钱在哪里?! Where's the money?!
好吧，到目前为止我一直都很体贴。 All right, I've been a sweetheart up to now.
但这一切都结束了。 But that's all over.
别他妈玩游戏了! No more fucking games!
钱在哪里? Where's the money?
不然我就一枪崩了你们，好好享受。 Or I will shoot every last one of you and enjoy it.
-在保险库里。-我刚看了保险库 -It's in the vault. -I just looked in the vault.
如果钱在里面，我脸上的表情就不一样了。 Had the money been in there,
I'd have a different expression on my face.
不可能的。 Impossible.
要花好几天才能进去。 Takes days to get into that thing.
如果我们有钥匙就不会，Lightstone夫人。 Not if we have the key, Mrs. Lightstone.
索普。 GERTRUDE: Thorp.
这年头谁都不能信。 You can't trust anyone these days.
我不知道是怎么回事，但你或者你的白痴孩子转移了钱。 SCROOGE: I'm not sure how, but you
or one of your shithead kids moved the money.
这让我很不安。 And this upsets me.
这让我心烦意乱，让我想随便向人开枪。 It upsets me
in a way that makes me want to just randomly shoot at people.
等一等。只是…对不起。 Hold on. Just... Sorry.
——嗯…——什么?什么? -Um... -What? What?
如果你随机射杀了唯一知道它在哪里的人呢? Uh, what if you randomly shoot
the only person who knows where it is?
去你妈的! Oh, fuck you people!
我们等待了整整一年
♬等待那一天的到来
♪当我们可以在一起的时候
♬和谐♬
♬你知道总有一天会到来
♬地球上的每个人都和平
去死吧。 SANTA: Suck on this.
♪我们可以永生♪
在一个自由的世界里♬
♪让它为你我闪耀♪
♬关于圣诞节有些什么
♬关于圣诞节的一些事
那让你希望每天都是圣诞节……♪
我需要一些反馈，伙计们。 I need some feedback, guys.
伙计们，到底怎么回事? Guys, what the hell is going on?
♬老人们微笑的样子
♬说圣诞节永远不会离开♬
今晚我们是一体的
♬你是黑人还是白人都一样
因为我们可以一起唱歌♬
♬和谐♬
♬我知道还为时不晚♬
♬世界将会是♬
♪一个更好的地方♪
-那是什么?——嗯? -What's that? -Huh?
如果我们能保持精神
♬一年不止一天
♬发送一个响亮而清晰的信息♬
♬关于圣诞节有些什么
♬关于圣诞节的一些事
♬让你希望每天都是圣诞节♬
♬看到孩子们眼中的快乐
♬老人们微笑的样子
♬说圣诞节永远不会离开♬
这是一年中所有人都在一起的时候…♪
耶稣基督。 Jesus Christ.
没有。只是个快乐的圣诞老人。 Nope. Just jolly old Saint Nick.
♬在这里的圣诞节
♬当你爱的人还在那里
♬你能感受到空气中的魔力…♪
-天啊!-给你。 -Oh, God! -There you go.
一个小礼物。 A little stocking stuffer.
它在哪里?操，操，操，操。 Where is it? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
操，操，操。 Fuck, fuck, fuck.
-我得看着。——操! -I got to watch. -Fuck!
Ho-Ho-Holy大便。 Ho-Ho-Holy shit.
圣诞节永远不会离开。♪
格特鲁德绝不会把这种事告诉正常人。 Gertrude would never trust anybody
who wasn't blood with this kind of info.
所以…公婆什么都不知道，也就是说我可以开枪打她…除非你告诉我钱在哪里。 So...
the in-laws wouldn't know shit,
which means that I can shoot her...
...unless you tell me where the fucking money is.
请不要这样，好吗?这是圣诞节。 Please don't, okay? It's Christmas.
闭嘴! Shut up!
我发誓，我会打爆她的头除非你告诉我钱去哪了。 I swear, I'll blow her brains out
unless you tell me where the money went.
我做到了! I did it!
——什么?——好的。是的，我做到了。 -What? -Okay. Yeah, I did it.
-我转移了钱。-不，别傻了 -I moved the money. -No, d-don't-don't be an idiot.
——什么?-钱是我们唯一的筹码 -What? -The money's our only leverage.
我老婆被枪顶着脑袋，所以…是啊，你怎么知道我们要来的? Well, my wife has a fucking gun to her head, so...
Yeah, how did you find out that we were coming, huh?
我没有。我在偷它。 I didn't. I was stealing it.
-是啊，巧合。-我的天啊。 -Yeah, coincidence. -Oh, my God.
我本打算今晚带着我的妻子和女儿带着钱离开，再也不回来了。 I was planning to take the money
and leave with my wife and daughter tonight
and never come back here.
然后我妈就会，在早上喝威士忌的时候读那张纸条知道我做了什么。 Oh, and then my mom would, uh,
read the note with her whiskey in the morning
and know what I had done.
这么多年来，我一直告诉你别再在乎你妈的钱了! For years, I have been telling you
to stop caring about your mother's fucking money!
你觉得解决办法就是偷一堆。 And you think the solution was to steal a bunch of it.
嗯,这……是啊，你这么说确实很蠢。 Well, it... yeah, it does sound stupid
when you say it like that.
你现在怎么能这么做? ALVA: How can you do this right now?
很恶心。妈妈给了我们那么多? It's disgusting. After all that Mother has given us?
来吧，阿尔瓦。她给过你的一切，她都让我们知道她有能力收回。 Come on, Alva. Everything she ever gave you,
she made damn sure we knew
she had the power to take right back.
多年来我一直在向你卑躬屈膝。 I have spent years groveling to you.
与此同时，我正在摧毁我生命中唯一美好的东西。 In the meanwhile, I was destroying
the only good thing in my life.
我们在这里做什么? KRAMPUS: What are we doing here, huh?
家庭治疗还是抢劫? Family therapy or doing a heist?
是啊，别再分享了。-好吧。你把它放哪了? -Yeah, enough of this sharing bullshit. -
All right. Where'd you put it?
看看这个小傻瓜。 Look at this little idiot.
哦,不。 Oh, no.
什么? What?
-坏人找到我了。——好的。 -The bad guys found me. -Okay.
我来了。 I'm coming.
要知道，饵雷只有藏起来才管用。 You know, booby traps don't work unless you hide them.
你这个小白痴。 You little moron.
耶稣!狗屎! -Jesus! Shit!
帮帮我!帮帮我!的帮助! GINGERBREAD: Help me! Help me! Help!
你会…你会没事的。 You'll be f... You'll be fine.
静观其变。我马上就回来。 Sit tight. I'll be back in a sec.
我先杀了这混蛋! Right after I kill this little piece of shit!
你这该死的小屁孩。 You little fucking brat.
你死了! You're dead!
你死定了! You're so fucking dead!
他妈的一坨屎。 Fucking piece of shit.
你小… You little...
传入的! -Incoming!
他娘的… Son of a fucking...
他妈的。 Fuck.
我抓到你了，孩子。 I got you now, kid.
是吗?头了。 Yeah? Heads up.
你就知道这些?你他妈的… That's all you got? You fucking...
够了。 Enough of this shit.
圣诞老人! Santa!
嗨,特鲁迪。嗨。 Hi, Trudy. Hi.
我像电影里那样做了饵雷。太有趣了。 I made booby traps like in the movie. It was so funny.
呵，呵，呵。 : Ho, ho, ho.
特鲁迪，我想让你…帮我个忙。 Trudy, I want you to, uh... just do me a favor.
转过身，闭上眼睛。 Just turn around and close your eyes.
把你的手指塞进耳朵里然后，尽可能大声地唱《铃儿响叮当》 Maybe put your fingers in your ears and, uh,
sing "Jingle Bells" as loud as you can.
铃儿响叮当铃儿响叮当
♬铃儿一路响♬
哦，骑车是多么有趣啊……♪
你差点杀了一个无辜的孩子。 You were about to murder an innocent child.
叮叮当，叮叮当…♪
无辜的吗? Innocent?
这是淘气的。 -It's naughty.
淘气。 Naughty.
顽皮的! -Naughty!
这是光石遗产的一部分。 It's part of the Lightstone legacy.
我们是可怕的人。 We're horrible people.
所以我明白你为什么这么做了。 So I get why you did what you did.
当你祖父告诉我，我不可能管理公司，因为一个女孩不具备管理公司的能力时，我不得不从他那里抢过控制权。 When your grandfather told me I'd never run the company
because a girl doesn't have what it takes,
I had to snatch the reins away from him.
但重点是，光石夺走了他们的东西。 But the point is,
a Lightstone takes what's theirs.
我为你骄傲，儿子。 I'm proud of you, son.
好吧，它到底在哪里? All right, where the hell is it?
钱藏在里面。 The money's hidden inside.
三位贤士送给他乳香、没药…… And the Three Wise Men presented him with gifts
of frankincense, myrrh...
还有现金。 ...and cold hard cash.
装上子弹，伙计们。 Load it up, boys.
好吧，我们要确保钱的安全。 All right, we're securing the money.
杀了人质，在外面等我们。 Kill the hostages and meet us outside.
什么? What?
不。 No.
妈妈。 BERT: Mom.
没事的，伯特。 It's fine, Bert.
一切都很好。 Everything's fine.
好的。 Okay.
大家都起来。 Everybody, get up.
是时候杀人了。 : It's time for a murder.
来吧。来吧。你不会想杀我们的。 Come on. Come on. You don't want to kill us.
你真的不知道。 You really don't.
哦，是的，我喜欢。 Oh, yes, I do.
我真的，真的，真的。 I really, really, really do.
我要从你开始。 And I'm gonna start with you.
不，不，不，不，不。 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
等等，等等，等等，等等。 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
你得先杀了琳达阿姨。 You got to kill Aunt Linda first.
怎么回事，伯特? What the hell, Bert?
伯特鲁德，你想在死前挤出时间做个混蛋吗? You want to squeeze in being a little shit
before you die, Bertrude?
-我说先杀了他。——什么? -I say shoot him first. -What?
等待。不，不，不。别开枪打他。 Wait. No, no, no. Don't shoot him.
别先开枪。别叫他小混蛋，你个拜金女。 Don't shoot him first. And don't you call him
a little shit, you gold-digging bitch.
好的。我改变主意了。 Okay. I changed my mind.
先杀了那个酒鬼婊子别叫我妈酗酒的婊子-你妈妈是个酒鬼 -Shoot the alcoholic bitch first. -Don't call my mom
-an alcoholic bitch. -Your mom's an alcoholic.
-对不起。-你是个拜金婊。 -I'm sorry. -You're a gold-digging bitch.
我可是个拜金女啊，我可是有一份完美的事业啊? Oh, I'm a gold-digger, when I have a whole-ass career?
你他妈都不是这个家的一员。 You're not even part of the fucking family.
-她是个工程师。-你很清楚…闭嘴! -She's an engineer. -You know goddamn well...
Shut up!
就像桶里的老鼠。 Just like rats in a barrel.
你为什么不体面地死去呢? Why don't you die with some dignity?
放开我! Get off of me!
好吧,好吧。 ALVA: Okay, okay.
去你妈的! BERT: Fuck you!
这是你吼我孩子的惩罚! LINDA: This is for yelling at my child!
蠕变! ALVA: Creep!
这是你扇我的耳光，混蛋! That's for slapping me, motherfucker!
这是为了你那顶蠢帽子! This is for your dumb fucking hat!
他是……他死了吗? Is he...
Is he dead?
是的。 Yeah.
谢谢你,琳达。 Thanks, Linda.
一家人一起做点改变挺好的。 Well, it's nice to do something as a family for a change.
哦,狗屎! --Oh, shit!
我要… KRAMPUS: I'm gonna...
那是给摩根的。 ALVA: That was for Morgan.
他也许很蠢，但他非常非常性感。 He may have been stupid, but he was very, very hot.
哦。特鲁迪! Oh. Trudy!
妈妈! -Mommy!
感谢上帝，宝贝。 Thank God, baby.
你还好吗? Are you okay?
我没事，妈妈。 I'm okay, Mommy.
好的。 Okay.
这是我的朋友，圣诞老人。 This is my friend, Santa.
搞什么鬼? What the fuck?
真是太感谢你了，先生…老人。但是请叫我圣诞老人。 I can't thank you enough, Mister...
Claus. But please call me Santa.
嗯哼。 Mm-hmm.
你们该离开这里了。 SANTA: You guys should get out of here.
这是危险的。 It's dangerous.
他们带走了我丈夫和她祖母。 They took my husband and her grandmother.
有人知道怎么用这些小玩意儿吗? Anybody know how to work these gizmos?
我想是的。 I think so.
我以前和我爸一起打猎。 I used to hunt with my dad.
噢。 Ow.
收到看起来怎么样? Copy that. How's that looking?
-我把它封锁了-头转过来，伙计们 -Yeah, I got it on lockdown. -Heads on a swivel, boys.
——输入!-小心! -Incoming! -Heads up!
哦,哦!射击是谁? -Oh, oh! Who's shooting?
是谁……-队长，趴下!-小心!小心! -Who's...
-Cap, get down! -Watch it! Watch it!
开枪打死他们。把它们全部砍倒。 Gun 'em down. Mow them all down.
好了，我们他妈快走吧。小的走了。 -All right, let's get the fuck out of here. -Let's go.
-去哪里?-快点，让开，你这老家伙 -Go where? -Come on, move, you old bat.
把你的臭手拿开。 Get your fucking hands off of me.
哦!哦,狗屎。 Oh! Oh, shit.
我的球!我的蛋蛋! My balls! My fucking balls!
我的蛋蛋!你为什么开枪打我的蛋蛋… Ow, my balls! Why did you shoot me in the ball...
哦,耶稣。 Oh, Jesus.
对不起。 Sorry.
别担心我们，圣诞老人。我们能行。 Don't worry about us, Mr. Claus. We got this.
那家伙是谁? JASON: Who is that guy?
他说他是圣诞老人。 He said he was Mr. Claus.
——操。特鲁迪。-不，不。 -Fuck. Trudy. -No, no.
她在房子里。她是好的。 She's in the house. She's okay.
她是安全的。 She's safe.
-谢天谢地。-是的。 -Oh, thank God. -Yeah.
不,不。 LINDA: No, no.
-哦…走，走，走，走，走。-不不不。等待,等待。 -Oh... go, go, go, go, go. -No, no, no. Wait, wait.
哦,狗屎! Oh, shit!
唔,唔! -Ho, ho!
他妈的! Fuck!
他妈的死。 -Fucking die.
来吧。来吧。来吧。 SCROOGE: Come on. Come on. Come on.
是的，在这里。在这里。 Yeah, over here. Over here.
圣诞老人! Santa!
来吧! Come on!
是的。 Yeah.
他妈的。 Fuck.
你是真实的吗? You're real?
你……他。 You're... him.
你是你。 You're you.
这就是我一直想告诉你的。 That's what I've been trying to tell you.
真正的圣诞老人。 The real goddamn Santa Claus.
今晚不属于你，伙计。 This is not your night, pal.
哦，我不知道。我认为你错了。 Oh, I don't know. I think you're wrong.
我觉得我的烂人生都是为了这一刻。 I think my whole shitty life's built up to this moment.
因为等我杀了你，这该死的假期就结束了。 Because when I kill you,
this whole goddamn holiday finally ends.
无论付出什么代价……圣诞节今晚就死了。 Whatever it takes...
...Christmas dies tonight.
哇! Whoa!
去年圣诞节。 The last Christmas.
如果你还相信，就不会。 Not if you still believe.
不! No!
我完全不知道这他妈的是怎么回事。 I have no idea what the fuck is going on here.
但现在结束了。 But this ends now.
当然了。 Damn right it does.
特鲁迪，小心点。 LINDA: Trudy, be careful.
圣诞老人! TRUDY: Santa!
哦,不。圣诞老人。 Oh, no. Santa.
哦,不。 Oh, no.
你救了我女儿。 You saved my daughter.
不。 SANTA: No.
她救了我。 She saved me.
帮助他。请帮帮他。 Help him. Please help him.
亲爱的，我觉得我们什么都做不了。 Honey, I don't think there's anything we can do.
没关系。没关系。 SANTA: It's okay. It's okay.
现在太晚了。 It's too late for that.
太迟了。 Too late.
我冷。 I'm cold.
我已经好几年没觉得冷了。 I haven't felt cold in years.
我们得给他保暖。 We need to keep him warm.
所有的火都要灭了。 All of the fires are going out.
我们得找点东西烧掉。 We need to find something to burn.
我有个主意。 I got an idea.
哇。 Whoa.
不。 No.
不，不，不。不，杰森，不。 No, no, no, no. No, Jason, no.
请圣诞老人。 TRUDY: Please, Santa.
我不想让你死。 I don't want you to die.
杰森，我们慢慢来。 ALVA: Jason, let's slow this down.
你在做什么? What are you doing?
我活得比任何人应该活的时间都长。 I've lived longer than any man should ever live.
他几乎已经死了。到底发生了什么? He's pretty much dead. What the hell is happening?
-你不需要烧钱。——好的。更多。是的。 -You don't need to burn money. -Okay. More. Yeah.
你不会死的，圣诞老人。你必须起来。 You can't die, Santa. You have to get up.
我想我的圣诞魔法都用完了。 I think I used up all my Christmas magic.
对不起。 Sorry.
我年代……很抱歉我不能给你你要的东西。 I'm s... I'm sorry I can't give you what you asked for.
把这。把这。 Take that. Take that.
但你做到了。 TRUDY: But you did.
圣诞老人，请不要死。 Santa, please don't die.
醒来。醒来。 Wake up. Wake up.
我们得让他靠近火堆。 We need to get him close to the fire.
杰森。 Jason.
醒醒吧。 : Just wake up.
拜托。 Please.
不。 No.
我真的非常非常抱歉。 Oh, I am so, so sorry.
这个男人……这个勇敢的人，不管他是谁…他是圣诞老人。 -This man...
This brave, brave man, whoever he was...
He's Santa.
真正的圣诞老人。他是。 The real Santa. He is.
我仍然相信他。 And I still believe in him.
我永远相信你，圣诞老人。 I'll always believe in you, Santa.
我也相信他。 I believe in him, too.
他救了特鲁迪。 He saved Trudy.
他拯救了我们的家庭。 He saved our family.
还有什么比这更真实的呢? What's realer than that?
那么…… Then maybe...
我也相信他。 I believe in him, too.
我也是。 So do I.
哦,狗屎。 Oh, shit.
我猜……我想我也是。 I guess...
I guess I do, too.
他妈的我。 ALVA: Fuck me.
我也相信。 I believe, too.
我的天啊。 Oh, my God.
圣诞老人! Santa!
你……你已经死了。 JASON: You...
You were dead.
圣诞节的魔力。 Christmas magic.
我还是不太明白……它是如何工作的。 I still don't really understand...
how it works.
谢谢你！ Thank you.
我不知道该怎么报答你。 I don't know how we can ever repay you.
你让我起死回生，我们扯平了。 Well, you brought me back from the dead,
so we'll call it even.
即使是吗? Even?
我们刚刚烧了50万美元。 We just burned half a million dollars.
-看，圣诞老人!——嗯? -Look, Santa! -Hmm?
看看谁来了。 Look who came.
现在你出现了? Now you show up, huh?
你把我丢在这里等死，等我活干完了再回来，是吧? You leave me here to die,
come back after all the work's done, huh?
你知道吗?我应该把你们炖成汤喂给精灵! You know what? I should make you guys into a stew
and feed you to the elves!
是的,曾!是的，我在跟你说话! Yes, Blitzen! Yes, I'm talking to you!
你也是，普兰瑟。 You, too, Prancer.
你拿走了我的袋子。 You got my sack.
我的备用…你回家拿了我的备用麻袋? My spare... You went home and you got my spare sack?
天啊，我没法一直生你们的气。 Oh, God, I can't stay mad at you guys.
我…哦。我不能。我不能。 I...
: Aw. I can't. I can't.
哦。 Aw.
你好,漂亮。 Hello, beautiful.
Skullcrusher ! Skullcrusher!
我想这就是再见了。 Guess this is goodbye.
我得走了。 I got to go.
你一定要这么做吗? Do you have to?
今天是平安夜，有很多…名单上的男孩女孩都想要礼物，你知道吗? It's Christmas Eve, and there's a lot of...
boys and girls on the nice list
that want their presents, you know?
谢谢你！ Thank you.
为了什么? For what?
谢谢你相信我。 For believing in me.
谢谢你提醒我圣诞节仍然很重要。 For reminding me that Christmas still matters.
我仍然……的事。 And that I still...
matter.
你把我的"吼吼吼"还给我了。 You gave me my "ho, ho, ho" back.
好的。滚出去。 All right. Get out of here.
圣诞快乐! Merry Christmas!
Hyah ! Hyah!
现在,气宇轩昂的男子!现在,舞者! Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer!
现在，跃进和雌狐! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
,彗星!,丘比特! On, Comet! On, Cupid!
Donner和Blitzen! On, Donner and Blitzen!
来吧，你们这些漂亮的混蛋! Come on, you beautiful bastards!
我们有工作要做! We've got some work to do!
Hyah ! Hyah!
呵，呵，呵! Ho, ho, ho!
圣诞快乐! Merry Christmas!
♬你在墙上挂你的袜子吗?♪
♬这是每个圣诞老人都有一个球的时间
♬他骑红鼻子驯鹿吗?♪
♬吨在他的雪橇上?♪
小僊女能让他清醒一天吗?♪
所以就在这里
♬圣诞快乐♬
♬每个人都很开心
♬现在就展望未来
♬一切才刚刚开始
♬你在等待家人的到来吗?♪
♬你确定你得到了♬
♬里面有多余的房间吗?♪
♬你奶奶总是告诉你♬
♬那些老歌是最好的?♪
♬然后她站起来，摇滚♬
♪和剩下的♪
嘿,你!古奇是什么，小队的家人? Hey, yo! What's Gucci, squad fam?
这是伯特·洛克，梦想成真。 It's the Bert Locker, living the dream.
你知道吗?看到这个人了吗?死透了。 You know what? See this guy? Dead as hell.
圣诞老人是真的，好吗? Santa's real, all right?
别上了淘气鬼名单。 Don't end up on the naughty list.
做得更好。 Do better.
伯特·莱特斯通出局。 Bert Lightstone out.
所以就在这里
♬圣诞快乐♬
♬每个人都很开心
♬现在就展望未来
♬一切才刚刚开始
所以就在这里
♬圣诞快乐♬
♬每个人都很开心
-♬圣诞节到了!♬-♬现在看看未来♬
♬一切才刚刚开始。♪
♬高高兴兴地叮咚
♬让我们做个好人♬
-这即将到来的圣诞♬-♬叮咚真的天空♬
♪或者你会看到♪
♬圣诞老人残忍的一面
♬圣诞老人越来越生气了，最好不是坏事♬
♬这个圣诞节我要准时睡觉♬
♬我们不想出现在那个名单上
-♬圣诞老人会不开心的!♪
♬他告诉你一次，他告诉你两次
♬调皮太多，善良不够
♬圣诞老人已经受够了圣诞节
爱情和快乐在哪里?♪
永远是现金，永远不是玩具
♬圣诞老人已经受够了圣诞节
♪啊……♪
♬圣诞老人越来越生气♬
-♬你不会让圣诞老人疯狂♬-♬最好别坏♬
♬这个圣诞节我要准时上床♬-♬宝贝
♬我们不想出现在那个名单上
-♬圣诞老人会得到♬-♬霍，霍，霍，霍
♪如果你不想♪
♬这个圣诞节煤炭♬
♬用冬青树枝装饰大厅♬
♬一定要让圣诞老人开心♬
♬别让他的驯鹿♬
给你带来痛苦，亲爱的
♬圣诞老人越来越生气了，最好不是坏事♬
♬这个圣诞节我要准时睡觉♬
♬我们不想出现在那个名单上
-♬圣诞老人会得到♬-♬哦哦…♪
♬哦-法-拉-拉，哦-法-拉
♬哦-法-拉-拉
♬别让他发疯♬
♬哦-法-拉-拉
♬哦-法-拉-拉，哦-法-拉
♬哦-法-拉-拉
听，天使在歌唱
♬在雪地里狂奔♬
♬在圣诞节的第一天
♬我的真爱给了我♬
♬好国王温塞斯拉斯看着♬
♬司提反的盛宴♬
叮当响。♪
♬高高兴兴地叮咚
在天堂，钟声在响
♬gloo -o-oria♬
♬和散那♬