1
00:00:01,771 --> 00:00:03,855
Beautiful morning, isn't it?

2
00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:07,233
It's a shame you
have to work, huh? Yeah.

3
00:00:07,317 --> 00:00:09,569
Anyway, I'd like a large
sausage and pepperoni-

4
00:00:09,653 --> 00:00:11,821
It's my stuff, okay?

5
00:00:11,947 --> 00:00:13,614
Just keep your hands
off my stuff!
Hey!

6
00:00:13,699 --> 00:00:15,908
I didn't put my hands
on your stuff.

7
00:00:15,993 --> 00:00:19,162
Hey! Just a second, Derek.
What is the problem?

8
00:00:19,246 --> 00:00:21,414
Alex read my journal.
I did not!

9
00:00:21,498 --> 00:00:23,875
Why would I even want to
read your stupid journal?

10
00:00:23,959 --> 00:00:27,503
Because it contains
the details of a life,
and you don't have one!

11
00:00:27,629 --> 00:00:29,964
Oh!
Alex, don't read
Haley's journal.

12
00:00:30,049 --> 00:00:32,008
Sorry. My daughters.

13
00:00:32,092 --> 00:00:34,218
You got kids?

14
00:00:34,344 --> 00:00:36,012
Oh. What grade are you in?
Phil!

15
00:00:36,096 --> 00:00:37,722
Oh, that's my wife, Claire.

16
00:00:37,806 --> 00:00:41,893
Luke was using my computer for this.

17
00:00:41,977 --> 00:00:44,562
I'm gonna have to,
uh, call you back.

18
00:00:44,646 --> 00:00:47,857
He told me he needed it to do homework,
and then I find this, a-a picture...

19
00:00:47,941 --> 00:00:52,820
of a topless woman,
with the biggest boobs I have
ever seen, driving a tractor.

20
00:00:54,740 --> 00:00:59,160
Okay. Um- Uh, first of all,
that's a combine, not a tractor.
Phil!

21
00:00:59,244 --> 00:01:01,788
Phil! It is smut,
and our 10-year-old
is looking at smut!

22
00:01:01,914 --> 00:01:04,999
It's disgusting!
Completely unacceptable.

23
00:01:05,084 --> 00:01:07,335
Here's the thing.
That was my picture.

24
00:01:07,419 --> 00:01:09,796
Well, not really mine.
There's this guy at work
who sends out these links.

25
00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:12,006
Doesn't matter who.
Gil Thorpe.

26
00:01:12,091 --> 00:01:15,468
He sent out another one
of the same woman dressed
as a battleship.

27
00:01:15,552 --> 00:01:17,470
You know, the-
You get- Yeah.

28
00:01:17,554 --> 00:01:20,640
And then one of the Transformers-
And then it-

29
00:01:20,724 --> 00:01:24,268
Anyway, I had every intention
of telling Claire.

30
00:01:24,353 --> 00:01:27,105
I just wanted her
to calm down first.

31
00:01:27,231 --> 00:01:29,899
Where are you going?
I'm going to pick up Luke
from his sleepover.

32
00:01:29,983 --> 00:01:32,110
We need to talk to him
about this now.

33
00:01:32,236 --> 00:01:34,570
Claire, this is a very
delicate situation.
Mm-hmm.

34
00:01:34,655 --> 00:01:38,157
If we don't handle it right,
Luke might end up having an
unhealthy attitude about sex...

35
00:01:38,242 --> 00:01:40,159
or agribusiness.

36
00:01:40,244 --> 00:01:43,287
We'll talk about it
when he gets home.

37
00:01:43,372 --> 00:01:44,997
Okay, fine.

38
00:01:45,082 --> 00:01:49,335
But I am telling him
that every time he looks
at porn, God kills a puppy.

39
00:01:49,419 --> 00:01:51,379
Maybe I should be the one
to talk to him.

40
00:01:51,463 --> 00:01:53,714
[Gloria]
I am a very lucky woman.

41
00:01:53,799 --> 00:01:55,716
I have a wonderful family,

42
00:01:55,801 --> 00:01:57,802
a beautiful home.

43
00:01:57,886 --> 00:01:59,887
There's nothing
that I would change.

44
00:02:03,475 --> 00:02:05,601
I hate the dog butler.

45
00:02:05,686 --> 00:02:07,436
[Humming, Yelps]

46
00:02:07,521 --> 00:02:09,522
I keep forgetting it's there.
And every time it happens,

47
00:02:09,606 --> 00:02:11,440
it scares me all over again.

48
00:02:11,525 --> 00:02:15,695
Sometimes, at night,
I think it's the devil.

49
00:02:15,779 --> 00:02:17,947
[Whispers]
El diablo.

50
00:02:18,031 --> 00:02:20,241
Barkley?
He's hilarious.

51
00:02:20,367 --> 00:02:24,579
I was in Vegas last month
and I was winning.
[Laughs]

52
00:02:24,663 --> 00:02:27,915
And I thought, I could do
the usual, be a chump, give
the money back to the casino,

53
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:32,712
or I could do something smart
and buy something for myself
at the casino store.

54
00:02:32,796 --> 00:02:34,213
He's already
a family favorite.

55
00:02:34,298 --> 00:02:36,382
Rub his chin, a little
under there. He likes that.

56
00:02:36,466 --> 00:02:39,719
There you go. Beautiful.
There you go.
[Laughs]

57
00:02:39,803 --> 00:02:43,973
He's a dog and a butler.
I mean, who couldn't love him?

58
00:02:46,018 --> 00:02:48,311
Ya me cansé.

59
00:02:48,395 --> 00:02:51,147
Come.

60
00:02:57,070 --> 00:02:59,071
[Clattering]
Dog.

61
00:03:02,784 --> 00:03:04,785
[Man]
♪ Hey, hey ♪

62
00:03:04,870 --> 00:03:08,873
♪ Hey, hey
Hey, hey ♪

63
00:03:08,957 --> 00:03:11,959
♪ Hey, hey
Hey ♪♪

64
00:03:13,795 --> 00:03:16,839
- [Cameron]
Okay, ready to go.
- Make sure you pee first.

65
00:03:16,924 --> 00:03:19,884
- What am I, seven years old?
- No. You do not want
to go during the show.

66
00:03:19,968 --> 00:03:22,970
The marionettes stop what
they're doing, march to the edge
of the stage and point at you.

67
00:03:23,096 --> 00:03:25,932
Okay, that sounds terrifying.
No, it's really funny.

68
00:03:26,016 --> 00:03:31,395
Oh, one of my favorite
childhood memories was attending
the Moscow Marionette Theater.

69
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:34,482
I grew up one mile away from
Missouri's largest waterslide.

70
00:03:34,566 --> 00:03:36,484
And third largest
in the country.

71
00:03:36,568 --> 00:03:38,694
Oh, really, Cam. You never
mentioned that before.

72
00:03:38,820 --> 00:03:41,322
You feel like-
Feel like a torpedo.

73
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,284
Hey, Cam, does the gardener
usually work on Saturdays?

74
00:03:45,369 --> 00:03:47,036
I don't know. He comes
when we need him.

75
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:48,704
He's like Batman
but straight.

76
00:03:48,830 --> 00:03:51,749
[Sobbing]
[Cameron]
Is he crying?

77
00:03:51,833 --> 00:03:55,878
Oh, yeah. We should probably
go out the back, huh?

78
00:03:55,963 --> 00:04:00,132
He's clearly in pain.
How can you just turn your back
on a friend like that?

79
00:04:00,217 --> 00:04:02,343
A friend? Really?
Yeah? What's his name?

80
00:04:02,427 --> 00:04:04,971
Caesar Salazar.

81
00:04:05,055 --> 00:04:08,432
You made that up. You were
gonna say "Caesar Salad."

82
00:04:08,517 --> 00:04:11,769
Was not.
Cam. Come on. Really?

83
00:04:11,895 --> 00:04:13,813
Oh.
[Door Closes]

84
00:04:13,897 --> 00:04:16,691
All right, don't worry, Lily.
I'm sure we'll get to
the show on time.

85
00:04:16,775 --> 00:04:20,778
I'm sure Dad is just gonna
go out and give an encouraging
word to the gardener,

86
00:04:20,862 --> 00:04:22,989
hopefully mention
the snail problem,

87
00:04:23,073 --> 00:04:25,950
and then we are
gonna be on- No.

88
00:04:26,034 --> 00:04:28,828
No, no. Cam, no-

89
00:04:30,372 --> 00:04:32,707
- Hello.
- I don't think he speaks English.

90
00:04:32,791 --> 00:04:34,667
Okay, this might be a good time
to mention to you...

91
00:04:34,751 --> 00:04:36,585
that the marionettes
are not kind to latecomers.

92
00:04:36,670 --> 00:04:38,587
They bend over
and show their bloomers.

93
00:04:38,672 --> 00:04:41,382
Okay, I speak
a little Spanish. Señor-

94
00:04:48,181 --> 00:04:51,183
Gracias.
[Sobbing]

95
00:04:51,310 --> 00:04:54,478
What was that?
I just asked him if he wanted
to have a glass of water...

96
00:04:54,563 --> 00:04:57,940
and sit down for a minute,
like any kind person would.

97
00:04:58,025 --> 00:04:59,734
[Sobbing]

98
00:05:06,908 --> 00:05:10,369
[Wailing]

99
00:05:16,376 --> 00:05:19,337
Okay, I checked the rest
of the computers in the house.
I didn't find any more porn.

100
00:05:19,421 --> 00:05:21,922
That was hardly porn.
It was a topless woman
on a tractor.

101
00:05:22,007 --> 00:05:25,426
You know what they call
that in Europe?
A cereal commercial.

102
00:05:25,552 --> 00:05:29,180
I should go talk to him.
Honey, honey, honey.
I got this. I got this.

103
00:05:29,264 --> 00:05:32,016
No, no, no, no.
I got this. I got this.
I was his age once.

104
00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:36,270
Breasts are like these
scary, mystical things...

105
00:05:36,355 --> 00:05:39,857
that he's drawn to
like Frodo to Mordor.

106
00:05:39,983 --> 00:05:41,650
Okay, I'm definitely going-
No, no, no, no, no.

107
00:05:41,735 --> 00:05:43,903
Boys don't want their moms
talking to 'em about sex...

108
00:05:43,987 --> 00:05:47,823
any more than girls want
their dads talking to 'em
about periods,

109
00:05:47,908 --> 00:05:49,909
bras and girdles
and all that stuff.

110
00:05:49,993 --> 00:05:53,120
You do know that women
stopped wearing girdles,
like, 30 years ago?

111
00:05:53,205 --> 00:05:57,541
Honey, I know, I know.
That-That-That is exactly
the kind of sexual revolution...

112
00:05:57,626 --> 00:05:59,627
that our son is going
through right now.

113
00:05:59,711 --> 00:06:03,381
So, just-
Let's just- just trust it.

114
00:06:03,465 --> 00:06:05,883
Fix that step.
Just know,

115
00:06:05,967 --> 00:06:08,844
I will handle this, okay?

116
00:06:12,849 --> 00:06:15,601
[Gasps]
El diablo.

117
00:06:15,685 --> 00:06:19,021
Hey, Gloria, do you
have any idea why Barkley
was in the guest room?

118
00:06:19,106 --> 00:06:21,941
I was just doing
a little redecorating.

119
00:06:22,025 --> 00:06:25,194
Sometimes it's good
to move things around
just to see how they look.

120
00:06:25,278 --> 00:06:27,196
Yeah, but the guest room?
That's crazy.

121
00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:29,532
He's not a guest.
He works for us.

122
00:06:29,616 --> 00:06:31,409
Hey, give me a hand here,
will you?

123
00:06:31,493 --> 00:06:34,036
- I think his jacket shifted
while I was moving him.
- Ay, cómo no.

124
00:06:34,121 --> 00:06:38,332
We can't have you untucked,
our little butler. That doesn't
make any sense, does it, boy?

125
00:06:38,458 --> 00:06:39,542
[Fabric Rips]
¡Ay!

126
00:06:39,626 --> 00:06:41,335
"Ay"? What was that?
Is he all right?

127
00:06:41,420 --> 00:06:43,796
- Ay, no. My bracelet
got caught a little bit here.
- Well, don't panic.

128
00:06:43,922 --> 00:06:46,507
I'm not panicking.
All right, try to relax.

129
00:06:46,591 --> 00:06:49,343
We can fix him.
Let me take a better look.
Come here, boy.

130
00:06:50,470 --> 00:06:52,430
Luke?
Hey, Dad.

131
00:06:52,514 --> 00:06:56,142
Hey, buddy.
Um, look.

132
00:06:56,226 --> 00:06:58,853
- [Door Closes]
- You and I need to have a little talk.

133
00:06:58,937 --> 00:07:03,607
- About what?
- Well, it's about computer stuff.

134
00:07:03,692 --> 00:07:05,693
Um- [Clears Throat]

135
00:07:09,364 --> 00:07:12,533
How do you make sure
you've deleted something
after you read it?

136
00:07:15,078 --> 00:07:16,996
Sorry, Jay.
It was an accident.

137
00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:19,582
You know,
I'm beginning to think you
don't like Barkley that much.

138
00:07:19,666 --> 00:07:22,334
I mean, first you hide him
in the guest room,
and now this.

139
00:07:22,419 --> 00:07:24,962
It's ridiculous.
I didn't mean to hurt it.

140
00:07:25,046 --> 00:07:27,465
First of all,
let's cut the "it"s.
He is a he.

141
00:07:27,549 --> 00:07:31,427
And you can pretend to be
innocent all you want, but action
speaks louder than words.

142
00:07:31,511 --> 00:07:34,472
Yeah. They can be
very revealing.

143
00:07:34,556 --> 00:07:37,224
What are you
trying to say?

144
00:07:37,309 --> 00:07:42,104
Nothing. But you have to
admit that the dog butler
is a little ridiculous.

145
00:07:42,189 --> 00:07:45,149
You know what else I think
is ridiculous? That mountain
of pillows you have on our bed.

146
00:07:45,233 --> 00:07:48,277
I feel like I'm working on
a loading dock just trying
to get under the covers.

147
00:07:48,403 --> 00:07:51,197
[Gloria]
They're pretty.
They're a damn nuisance.

148
00:07:51,281 --> 00:07:53,741
Okay, forgive me for trying
to make our home beautiful.

149
00:07:53,825 --> 00:07:56,994
You know, if I can put up
with those, you can put up
with a piece of art.

150
00:07:57,078 --> 00:08:01,624
This is not art.
This is an unholy mix
between man and beast.

151
00:08:01,708 --> 00:08:06,795
But, fine, if you love it so much,
put it wherever you want.

152
00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:09,215
Thank you. Where you going?
To get some more pillows?

153
00:08:09,341 --> 00:08:14,553
No, don't worry.
It'll be a long time before
I bother you again with my pillows.

154
00:08:17,724 --> 00:08:19,975
Why is Dad in Luke's room
with the door closed?

155
00:08:20,101 --> 00:08:22,937
They are having
a little talk.
Is Luke being punished?

156
00:08:23,021 --> 00:08:25,981
Is that just your favorite thing,
when your brother or sister
gets into trouble?

157
00:08:26,066 --> 00:08:28,651
My favorite is when
they're both in trouble.

158
00:08:28,735 --> 00:08:31,362
So, what'd he do?
Did he cheat on a test?
He's a cheater.

159
00:08:31,446 --> 00:08:33,113
He did not cheat on a test.

160
00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:35,282
Did he lie?
He lies all the time.
Alex.

161
00:08:35,408 --> 00:08:39,370
Alex.
Sorry. I'm just
worried about Luke.

162
00:08:39,496 --> 00:08:42,748
A lot of parents are hitting again.
I appreciate your concern,

163
00:08:42,832 --> 00:08:44,625
but your father
has it under control.

164
00:08:44,751 --> 00:08:47,878
[Chuckles]
Twenty-four.

165
00:08:47,963 --> 00:08:50,089
Twenty-five.

166
00:08:50,173 --> 00:08:54,343
Flincher! Free slap.
Bring it up.

167
00:08:54,427 --> 00:08:56,720
[Slap]
[Luke]
Ow!

168
00:08:59,599 --> 00:09:01,183
Ow!
Twenty-nine.

169
00:09:01,309 --> 00:09:03,102
Can I be on the bottom now?
Yep.

170
00:09:03,186 --> 00:09:05,437
[Taps Spoon On Mug]

171
00:09:07,148 --> 00:09:09,608
- [Sighs]
- Mmm. How'd it go?

172
00:09:09,734 --> 00:09:13,404
Well, he was really embarrassed,
but everything's-
everything's fine now.

173
00:09:13,530 --> 00:09:16,240
What'd you say?
Well, you know,

174
00:09:16,324 --> 00:09:19,577
- I kinda promised him we'd
keep everything between us.
- Mm-hmm.

175
00:09:19,661 --> 00:09:23,289
Matter of fact, he'd be
mortified if you brought
it up with him... ever.

176
00:09:23,373 --> 00:09:25,791
- Oh, God, really?
- Yeah.

177
00:09:25,875 --> 00:09:28,377
That actually makes me
feel kinda bad.

178
00:09:28,461 --> 00:09:34,300
Well, you're probably just
feeling a little tense
from all this.

179
00:09:34,384 --> 00:09:37,261
I know I am.

180
00:09:37,345 --> 00:09:39,680
You know what might
help the situation?

181
00:09:41,808 --> 00:09:43,809
Really? Right now?

182
00:09:46,229 --> 00:09:49,773
I meant going out
for a few pizzas.

183
00:09:49,858 --> 00:09:53,193
Where's your mind?

184
00:09:53,278 --> 00:09:55,779
I guess I live in a house
full of sex maniacs.

185
00:09:55,864 --> 00:09:57,990
[Clears Throat]

186
00:09:58,074 --> 00:09:59,992
[Cameron]
Amigo?

187
00:10:00,076 --> 00:10:02,620
We can't help you
if you won't come out.

188
00:10:02,704 --> 00:10:06,248
[Man]
Gracias por invitarme a su casa
y apiadarse de mis lágrimas.

189
00:10:06,374 --> 00:10:09,043
What'd he say?
Something "house"
something.

190
00:10:09,127 --> 00:10:12,087
Come on. The show starts
in a half hour, and we still
have to pick up Manny.

191
00:10:12,172 --> 00:10:13,797
Can we just-
Come on. Move this thing along!

192
00:10:13,882 --> 00:10:15,758
Okay, this man is in crisis.

193
00:10:15,884 --> 00:10:20,346
He could have a family health issue
or a personal health issue
or a financial matter.

194
00:10:20,430 --> 00:10:22,765
Stop. You're getting all this from
"something house something"?

195
00:10:22,849 --> 00:10:26,268
Let's just call Gloria and
have her deal with it, okay?

196
00:10:26,353 --> 00:10:28,354
"Lt" is a human being, Mitchell.

197
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:30,356
Named Caesar Salad.
Okay.

198
00:10:30,482 --> 00:10:33,609
What's going on with you?
Cam, you-
you always do this.

199
00:10:33,693 --> 00:10:36,445
It's like you're
incapable of hearing
anyone's sad story...

200
00:10:36,529 --> 00:10:38,405
without making it
your job to fix it.

201
00:10:38,531 --> 00:10:42,451
And then, my needs-
my needs come second.
Your needs right now...

202
00:10:42,535 --> 00:10:44,453
are a puppet show.

203
00:10:44,537 --> 00:10:46,914
This man could have lost his brother
in a cable car accident.

204
00:10:46,998 --> 00:10:49,249
You understood "casa."

205
00:10:49,334 --> 00:10:51,251
Okay, fine.
If it'll prove to you...

206
00:10:51,336 --> 00:10:53,837
that I'm not the obsessive helpaholic
that you make me out to be,

207
00:10:53,922 --> 00:10:55,923
let's go to the puppet show.

208
00:10:56,007 --> 00:10:58,842
- Cam.
- Let's go.

209
00:10:58,927 --> 00:11:02,346
Ay. ¿Dónde está mi novio?
Su camión está parqueado afuera.

210
00:11:02,430 --> 00:11:05,474
- I think this has something
to do with the gardener.
- You think?

211
00:11:05,558 --> 00:11:09,478
- Just down the hall to the right.
- Ay. Gracias, gracias.

212
00:11:09,604 --> 00:11:12,272
Perdón.
In there. Okay.

213
00:11:12,357 --> 00:11:14,525
- Okay, let's go.
- No, please.

214
00:11:14,609 --> 00:11:17,277
I know it's killing you
not to get back there
in the middle of that.

215
00:11:17,362 --> 00:11:20,906
Oh, no, no, no, no. We are
going. These folks can find
their own way out.

216
00:11:20,990 --> 00:11:25,285
And now you'll know that I'm
not a manic Mother Teresa out
there collecting lost souls.

217
00:11:25,370 --> 00:11:27,371
Oh, come on.

218
00:11:32,502 --> 00:11:34,336
[Mitchell]
Dad?
[Jay] Back here.

219
00:11:34,421 --> 00:11:37,297
- Is Manny ready?
- Didn't you get the message?
He's not going.

220
00:11:37,382 --> 00:11:41,385
- What?
- Ah, some mandatory
cleanup at school.

221
00:11:41,469 --> 00:11:44,722
- What's the real reason?
- It's a puppet show, Mitch.

222
00:11:44,806 --> 00:11:48,100
Perfect. All right, it's just
you and me then, Lily.

223
00:11:48,226 --> 00:11:51,562
How's the little fortune cookie?
Ah, she-she's good.
She's good.

224
00:11:51,688 --> 00:11:55,065
Where's Cam?
We got into a fight.

225
00:11:55,150 --> 00:11:57,484
Because of him, I have
a house full of Latinos.

226
00:11:57,569 --> 00:12:00,988
Welcome to my world.
So, trouble in gay paradise, huh?

227
00:12:01,072 --> 00:12:03,699
He just can't say no
to anybody who needs help.

228
00:12:03,783 --> 00:12:06,535
And why do you have to
always add the word "gay"
where it doesn't belong?

229
00:12:06,619 --> 00:12:09,621
Hey, hey, you're not mad at me.
You're mad at
the old balls and chain.

230
00:12:09,706 --> 00:12:11,623
Okay, Dad, good talk.
See you later.

231
00:12:11,708 --> 00:12:14,960
Come on, I didn't mean it.
Hey, I didn't mean it.
I'm a little cranky.

232
00:12:15,086 --> 00:12:17,755
I got into it with
Gloria a little bit.
Oh, no. What happened?

233
00:12:17,839 --> 00:12:22,259
Ah, she hates Barkley.
It's the same stuff I went over
with your mom all the time.

234
00:12:22,343 --> 00:12:26,430
"Get rid of the boat."
"Get rid of the motorcycle."
You know, I liked those things.

235
00:12:26,514 --> 00:12:28,807
Why do you have to
get rid of it then?

236
00:12:29,851 --> 00:12:32,603
You know, actually, I don't.

237
00:12:32,687 --> 00:12:36,106
Anyway, I'm gluing
his hand on over here.
His hand came off.

238
00:12:36,191 --> 00:12:39,401
Rough day, Dad.
Your hot, young wife
doesn't like your doll.

239
00:12:39,486 --> 00:12:43,113
Yeah, unlike your big problem,
"My boyfriend's too nice to people."

240
00:12:43,198 --> 00:12:45,574
No, see- mmm-
that's not all it is.

241
00:12:45,658 --> 00:12:49,787
He helps animals.
He's always volunteering
for things. Trust me.

242
00:12:49,871 --> 00:12:51,789
It-lt's worse
than it sounds.

243
00:12:51,873 --> 00:12:54,458
Who are we kidding?
We both got it pretty good.

244
00:12:54,542 --> 00:12:58,045
Hell, I'm probably fighting with
your mom more than I'm fighting
with Gloria on this thing.

245
00:12:58,129 --> 00:13:01,006
A bird fell out of a tree and
he fed it with an eyedropper.

246
00:13:01,090 --> 00:13:04,051
Just drop it, kid.
We're both with people
different from us,

247
00:13:04,135 --> 00:13:06,970
and that's gonna create stuff,
but you want different.

248
00:13:07,055 --> 00:13:10,891
Your mom and I were perfect on paper
and you know how that ended.

249
00:13:10,975 --> 00:13:14,812
What I got now
is a lot better.

250
00:13:14,938 --> 00:13:18,482
Sure, people look at us sometimes.
And sometimes even
I can't believe we're together.

251
00:13:18,566 --> 00:13:21,318
- But we're happy.
At the end of the day-
- [Footsteps Approaching]

252
00:13:21,402 --> 00:13:24,488
There's no one I'd rather
come home to.

253
00:13:27,492 --> 00:13:30,911
[Footsteps Receding]
You mean Gloria.

254
00:13:32,497 --> 00:13:34,414
Who else?

255
00:13:34,499 --> 00:13:38,168
No one.
I'll see you later.

256
00:13:38,253 --> 00:13:40,754
See you, kid.

257
00:13:42,215 --> 00:13:44,675
Did you draw on my poster?

258
00:13:44,759 --> 00:13:48,804
Yeah, I did. Maybe you'll
think about that the next time
you read my journal.

259
00:13:48,930 --> 00:13:53,350
I didn't read your stupid journal,
and I waited in line to get this signed,
Haley.

260
00:13:53,434 --> 00:13:56,812
Oh, don't be such a baby.
It's just some dude
with weird hair.

261
00:13:56,896 --> 00:14:00,858
That's Maya Angelou, you idiot.

262
00:14:00,942 --> 00:14:03,193
Oh, sorry.
I don't follow the WNBA.

263
00:14:03,319 --> 00:14:08,699
You know what? This is the worst
thing you've ever done,
and I'll never forgive you!

264
00:14:08,783 --> 00:14:10,909
You started it!

265
00:14:11,035 --> 00:14:14,788
What are you looking at?
Well, I just heard-

266
00:14:14,873 --> 00:14:17,291
I was the one
who read Haley's diary.

267
00:14:17,375 --> 00:14:19,918
I was playing on her computer
and it just opened.

268
00:14:21,963 --> 00:14:26,091
Okay, I opened it.
But I didn't mean
for anyone to fight.

269
00:14:27,135 --> 00:14:30,262
Oh, home already.
Mitchell, hi. Hi.

270
00:14:30,388 --> 00:14:33,307
Hi, Cam. Hi.
Did you forget the tickets?

271
00:14:33,391 --> 00:14:35,934
No. You know,
I was never gonna enjoy
the show without you, so-

272
00:14:36,019 --> 00:14:39,104
Oh. But you were
so excited to take Lily to
see the Russian marionettes.

273
00:14:39,188 --> 00:14:40,856
Oh, she's probably
a little young anyway.

274
00:14:40,940 --> 00:14:43,442
We can just prop her
in front of the dryer
for a half hour.

275
00:14:43,526 --> 00:14:46,820
Listen, Cam, I-I love that
you try and help the world,

276
00:14:46,946 --> 00:14:51,074
and I'm very lucky
to have you in my life.
Oh, Mitchell.

277
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,660
How'd everything work out
with the gardener?
Uh, great. Great.

278
00:14:53,745 --> 00:14:55,954
Turned out it was his wedding day,
and he was a little nervous.

279
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:58,373
Oh-
But you know what?
There's no need to apologize.

280
00:14:58,458 --> 00:15:00,083
No, I need to.
I've been very selfish.

281
00:15:00,168 --> 00:15:02,419
No, no. Sometimes
I take things too far.

282
00:15:02,545 --> 00:15:06,298
Okay. If that ever happens,
I will let you know.
Okay.

283
00:15:10,219 --> 00:15:13,639
Is there a reason
I can't go inside?
No. No, no. No.

284
00:15:14,807 --> 00:15:18,143
[Man]
Y ahora te pronuncio
hombre y esposa.

285
00:15:18,227 --> 00:15:21,063
La puedes besar.
[All Cheering, Applauding]

286
00:15:27,737 --> 00:15:31,448
- Mom, can I talk to you?
- Sure, honey. What's going on?

287
00:15:31,532 --> 00:15:34,242
I feel bad
about something I did.

288
00:15:34,327 --> 00:15:37,829
Oh, sweetie.
Is this about the computer?

289
00:15:37,956 --> 00:15:40,290
Yeah.
Something you shouldn't
have been looking at?

290
00:15:40,375 --> 00:15:43,502
Yeah. It was just so freaky.

291
00:15:43,628 --> 00:15:45,963
I couldn't stop looking.
I know, sweet pea.

292
00:15:46,089 --> 00:15:49,508
But the important thing is
you did stop looking.
Yeah.

293
00:15:49,592 --> 00:15:51,635
After about an hour.

294
00:15:51,719 --> 00:15:56,390
Okay. Well,
it's perfectly normal to be
curious about these things.

295
00:15:56,516 --> 00:15:58,433
Some parts were funny.
Mm-hmm.

296
00:15:58,518 --> 00:16:00,978
And some parts
just seemed crazy.

297
00:16:01,062 --> 00:16:04,439
Well, I hope you realize
that some of those parts
weren't real.

298
00:16:04,524 --> 00:16:06,191
Obviously.
[Chuckles]

299
00:16:06,317 --> 00:16:08,777
But they can be
totally real, right?
Hmm.

300
00:16:08,903 --> 00:16:11,405
Like Anne Frank's?
What?

301
00:16:11,489 --> 00:16:13,365
All I know is it really
made me wonder about Haley.

302
00:16:13,491 --> 00:16:17,160
That's disturbing, sweetie.
Why Haley?
[Footsteps Approaching]

303
00:16:17,245 --> 00:16:18,912
It was her journal.

304
00:16:18,997 --> 00:16:20,789
You read my journal?
You little creep!

305
00:16:20,873 --> 00:16:22,582
I'm sorry!
I couldn't help it.

306
00:16:22,667 --> 00:16:24,292
Wait. Haley's journal too?

307
00:16:24,419 --> 00:16:26,712
Luke, you are now banned
from the computer.
What?

308
00:16:26,796 --> 00:16:28,422
What happened?
Who's in trouble?

309
00:16:28,506 --> 00:16:31,133
- Luke read my journal!
- I told you it wasn't me!

310
00:16:31,217 --> 00:16:33,427
- You know, I'm gonna kill you.
- Haley, calm down.

311
00:16:33,511 --> 00:16:35,846
Wait, you're not even gonna
yell at him? That was private.

312
00:16:35,930 --> 00:16:38,223
Oh, please.
The most shocking thing
in there was your spelling.

313
00:16:38,307 --> 00:16:39,808
You read it too?

314
00:16:39,892 --> 00:16:41,643
Am I the only one
who hasn't read it?

315
00:16:41,728 --> 00:16:44,646
I was looking through
the computers in the house
for pornography.

316
00:16:44,731 --> 00:16:48,358
- Sick.
- Not for me. I wanted to see
what you guys are looking at.

317
00:16:48,443 --> 00:16:50,193
So you're violating our privacy.

318
00:16:50,278 --> 00:16:51,945
When I find out that my children...

319
00:16:52,030 --> 00:16:55,282
are looking
at a naked picture online,
they don't have any privacy.

320
00:16:55,366 --> 00:16:58,118
- Who was looking
at naked pictures?
- That doesn't matter.

321
00:16:58,202 --> 00:16:59,911
I wasn't.

322
00:16:59,996 --> 00:17:02,831
Wasn't me.
That's gross. I'm 10!

323
00:17:02,957 --> 00:17:04,624
Wait a minute.
What's wrong
with you people?

324
00:17:04,709 --> 00:17:06,501
If it wasn't you,
who was it?
[Door Opens]

325
00:17:07,670 --> 00:17:09,171
Mangia!

326
00:17:12,216 --> 00:17:14,009
Rosa, thank you
for coming.
Gracias.

327
00:17:14,093 --> 00:17:17,304
Carlos, let me know how it
works out with that dentist.
Victor, you owe me a dance.

328
00:17:17,388 --> 00:17:19,306
[Cameron]
Yes, I'm a caring person.

329
00:17:19,390 --> 00:17:22,559
And without Mitchell,
I would just keep giving
and giving and giving.

330
00:17:22,685 --> 00:17:28,106
I'm like a big runaway charity truck
and Mitchell is my off-ramp
full of safety gravel.

331
00:17:28,191 --> 00:17:32,069
He knows how to say no.
He always can put himself first.

332
00:17:32,153 --> 00:17:36,364
He certainly can turn his back
on someone suffering. Um-

333
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,827
No, really. Keep going.

334
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:45,123
- He-
- Don't keep going!

335
00:17:45,208 --> 00:17:47,959
Muchas gracias.
Hey, good-bye.

336
00:17:48,044 --> 00:17:50,837
- That was nice.
- [Knocking]

337
00:17:52,215 --> 00:17:55,634
- Oh, God. Dad.
- Looks like I missed
the party, huh?

338
00:17:55,718 --> 00:17:57,344
What is-
What is that doing here?

339
00:17:57,470 --> 00:18:00,680
He is a gift
for you and Cam.
Thank you.

340
00:18:00,765 --> 00:18:04,017
He lost his monocle on the drive.
Head was out the window.

341
00:18:04,143 --> 00:18:07,312
Well, they love that.
Let's put him here for now.

342
00:18:07,396 --> 00:18:09,147
- [Mitchell]
I don't want that.
- I think he's cute.

343
00:18:09,273 --> 00:18:11,858
Let's give him a chance.
I came as soon
as I heard your message.

344
00:18:11,943 --> 00:18:13,860
You said that somebody
was getting married?

345
00:18:13,945 --> 00:18:17,364
Gloria, there you are.
I've got good news.

346
00:18:21,994 --> 00:18:24,037
What's the matter?

347
00:18:26,666 --> 00:18:29,835
Honey? Hey.

348
00:18:29,919 --> 00:18:32,045
I'm really sorry.

349
00:18:32,130 --> 00:18:34,631
That picture
was just something
that someone sent me.

350
00:18:34,715 --> 00:18:38,135
Doesn't matter who.
Gil Thorpe.

351
00:18:38,219 --> 00:18:41,763
Anyway,
I don't do that stuff.

352
00:18:41,889 --> 00:18:43,974
You're all the porn I need.
That's-
Uh-

353
00:18:44,058 --> 00:18:45,976
Honey, it's fine.

354
00:18:46,060 --> 00:18:48,687
It's fine. Mmm.

355
00:18:50,148 --> 00:18:52,107
Now, it's fine.

356
00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:55,443
[Claire]
I couldn't care less
about the picture.

357
00:18:55,528 --> 00:18:58,822
I was just upset
when I thought it was Luke.

358
00:18:58,906 --> 00:19:02,033
Haley, honey,
I really wish you would give me
a hand with all this laundry.

359
00:19:02,118 --> 00:19:04,035
You never, ever-

360
00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:06,496
[Claire]
Haley's off in her own world.

361
00:19:06,581 --> 00:19:09,166
Alex has never
really been a kid.

362
00:19:09,250 --> 00:19:11,918
But Luke is my baby.

363
00:19:12,003 --> 00:19:17,174
Is it really too much
to ask that he stay
a sweet, innocent kid...

364
00:19:17,258 --> 00:19:19,259
forever?

365
00:19:19,343 --> 00:19:22,220
[Door Opens, Closes]

366
00:19:23,681 --> 00:19:27,309
Hey, buddy.
Um- Here. Sorry.

367
00:19:27,393 --> 00:19:29,311
We'II dribble later.

368
00:19:29,395 --> 00:19:33,190
Um, I just, uh-
I just want to say I'm sorry.

369
00:19:33,274 --> 00:19:36,651
I never meant to blame you
for that whole picture thing.

370
00:19:36,736 --> 00:19:41,615
Your mom sort of thought it
was yours and I should have
stopped it, but I didn't.

371
00:19:41,699 --> 00:19:43,575
So what was the picture of?

372
00:19:44,994 --> 00:19:49,581
Well, it was
a woman on a tractor
and she had her shirt off.

373
00:19:49,665 --> 00:19:52,626
Was it hot?

374
00:19:52,710 --> 00:19:54,753
Okay, we're being
honest here.

375
00:19:54,837 --> 00:19:58,506
Um, this particular woman-

376
00:19:58,591 --> 00:20:01,051
Well, my tastes
do run to the curvy,

377
00:20:01,135 --> 00:20:03,595
and the cowboy hat
did not hurt one bit.

378
00:20:03,721 --> 00:20:07,057
Couple that with the cutoff jeans-
And you were asking about
the weather, weren't you?

379
00:20:07,141 --> 00:20:09,476
Yeah.

380
00:20:10,770 --> 00:20:13,939
Well, this is good.
This is good.

381
00:20:14,023 --> 00:20:16,399
You're gonna be going
through some changes soon.

382
00:20:16,484 --> 00:20:19,861
And I think now you can
feel safe talking to me
about whatever.

383
00:20:30,665 --> 00:20:32,499
[Cameron]
And so it ends.

384
00:20:32,583 --> 00:20:38,255
Sadly, I've been summarily
dismissed from the employ of
Masters Cameron and Mitchell.

385
00:20:38,339 --> 00:20:40,423
The former being
an utter delight,

386
00:20:40,508 --> 00:20:42,634
and the latter
being a humorless snoot.

387
00:20:42,718 --> 00:20:44,886
Just come on.
Get him in the car.
The thrift shop's closing.

388
00:20:44,971 --> 00:20:47,347
What is this exciting thrift
shop you speak of?

389
00:20:47,431 --> 00:20:50,183
Many of my relatives were
taken out of their homes...

390
00:20:50,268 --> 00:20:52,894
to be released into the green
pastures in their maturity-

391
00:20:53,020 --> 00:20:55,814
Did you just say "matoority?"
Unhand me, you brute!

392
00:20:55,898 --> 00:20:57,816
I regret nothing!

393
00:20:57,900 --> 00:21:00,026
I'll pay you.
I'm a comfortable man.

394
00:21:00,111 --> 00:21:02,237
I've been stealing from
your father for days.

395
00:21:02,321 --> 00:21:06,992
Oh, is there any better feeling
in the world than having
your ears flap in the wind?

396
00:21:07,118 --> 00:21:09,494
You know what?
Get out.
You mean it? Sweet freedom?

397
00:21:09,578 --> 00:21:11,997
No, not you, Barkley.
Cameron, out.
Oh.

398
00:21:16,752 --> 00:21:17,752
ENGLISH - US - PSDH