- Wa-cha! Hiya!
Male announcer: And now, dreamworks' kung fu panda:
Legends of awesomeness.
[gong rings]
¶ hear the legends of the kung fu panda ¶
[scatting]
¶ raised in a noodle shop ¶
¶ never seeking glory or fame ¶
¶ he climbed the mountaintop ¶
¶ and earned the dragon warrior name ¶
Ooh! Ahh! Yah!
¶ kung fu panda
[scatting]
¶ master shifu saw the warrior blossom ¶
¶ and master the skills
¶ of bodacious and awesome
¶ kung fu panda
[scatting]
¶ he lives and he trains and he fights ¶
¶ with the furious five
¶ protect the valley something something ¶
¶ something something alive ¶
¶ kung fu panda
¶ legends of awesomeness sweet!
[traditional chinese music]
¶
- I need your full attention.
The iron samara is a move
That requires focus and concentration.
So if you don't want to get hurt, pay attention.
Crane. Po.
- Be right with ya, stepped on a dumpling.
[slurping]
- [sighs] you two will go last.
[neck cracking]
- Very good.
Excellent.
- [sighs]
- [grunting]
Ooh, no--
Ouch! [grunting, groaning]
- Crane, if you'd done that in combat,
Someone could have gotten hurt!
- [distant] someone did!
- Someone always gets hurt.
Kung fu isn't safe.
It's just like my--
Like someone said.
I have to go.
- What? Where?
- [grunting]
- I'm resigning from the furious five.
- Ow!
- Good-bye, everyone.
Forever.
- What's--
Did he just--
Crane!
Hello.
- [sighs]
- Why do you want to leave the furious five, buddy?
- I don't want to talk about it.
- Come on, you can tell me.
- I said no.
- [inhales deeply]
Tell me. - No.
- Tell me. - No.
- Tell me. - No--no!
- [gulping]
I could do this forever.
Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?
- [sighing]
It's my mother.
She's always been kind of overprotective.
She made me wear a full suit of armor
Till I was six years old.
I wasn't allowed to run or play, and she tied pillows
To all the sharp corners in the house.
She just didn't believe I could take care of myself.
But one day, I snuck out and went to...
A kung fu class.
It was amazing.
I knew right then it was
What I wanted to do with my life.
Of course, the class may have been
A wee bit advanced for me.
[crashes, glass breaking]
I don't know how my mom found out,
But ever since then, she's hated kung fu.
The slightest hint of it gives her
Dangerous heart palpitations.
So I had to promise I would never, ever, ever
Have anything to do with kung fu.
- Whoa.
- Po, my mom has a weak heart.
If she knew I was a kung fu master,
It would kill her.
- Are you sure she doesn't know?
- Yes, 'cause she's not dead!
In my letters, I've been telling her that I-I--
[sighing]
Manage an inn.
It's what she always wanted.
- Not, like, you own an inn?
Or you own a bunch of inns,
Or you invented inns?
- No.
Mother believes in keeping her expectations low.
Anyway, I figured I could get away with it
'cause she hates traveling.
So I thought she'd never come to visit.
And now she's coming to visit!
- Huh?
- Oh, po. What am I gonna do?
- Got it! You don't have to quit.
We'll just pretend you're an inn manager.
How long is she staying?
- Just for the day. But it gets worse.
I told her my inn is the jade palace.
And that you and the five work for me.
And that shifu is a poor, underprivileged simpleton
Who cleans the toilets!
- What?
- ¶ yoo-hoo!
¶ son!
- Aah!
- Just keep her busy.
Go.
- ¶ where are you?
Oh, my baby!
[laughing] let me look at you.
- [grunts] - stand up straight.
Oh.
- [giggling]
Mom.
- What is that, straw?
- Mom--
- You need protection.
You've always had such a very fragile skull.
I think I have some shin guards in here.
- My shins are fine.
- Listen, it's not your fault
You're weak and delicate and brittle like your father,
Rest his soul.
[screams]
Watch where you're going!
You nearly took my son's head off.
Oh, it's a good thing I'm here to look out for you.
So let's see this inn of yours.
- Oh, uh, how about lunch first?
- Okay.
Open wide.
[gulping, gurgling]
- Mom! I'm not a baby anymore.
- [gulping] oh.
So suddenly someone's too good to eat regurgitated food
Out of his mother's mouth?
- Oh, mom.
- [gurgling]
- The lin kuei.
- [growling]
- Get down!
- [gasps]
[all growling]
- [grunts]
- Hey, guys-- wahh!
- [growling]
- [grunting] do-over?
You guys can't be fighting in here.
I gotta turn this place into an inn.
Wa-yah!
Whoa. You're fast.
But flimsy.
[groaning]
Seriously, family emergency.
You guys really need to leave.
[growling]
- Who were they?
- The lin kuei,
A band of nomadic wolves.
Thieves and assassins, trained from birth
In the arts of stealth and combat.
- Cool. What did they want?
- I don't know, but they'll be back.
They don't give up easily.
- Well, since we're gonna be around
Guarding the jade palace anyway,
We can all help out crane, too!
'cause, uh... [laughs]
You'll never believe... [laughs]
What he told his mom.
- He told her what? [echoing]
- Did you really not hear me, or are you just surprised?
- The second one.
- You want us to pretend that the jade palace is an inn?
And we work here?
- And I'm a-- a wh--
- An underprivileged simpleton.
- I won't do it.
- Huh?
- I don't know, po.
- Does it have to be today? - Sounds like a pain.
- Well, either we do it or crane quits the furious five.
Come on, guys.
He needs us.
- Absolutely not.
The jade palace is built on complete honesty.
- What about when you made up that "challenge day" thing?
Or when you told me my kung fu would improve
If I wore a bucket on my head?
- The first one was to teach you a lesson.
And the second one
Was hilarious.
- Master shifu, crane's mother has a weak heart.
If she finds out the truth,
It could kill her.
- [sighs]
- And over here, uh, we have the tailor's shop.
Uh, they do really excellent work there--
- Oh, when am I going to see your inn?
- Wha--oh, the inn, right.
You know, the thi-- it's being cleaned,
And, uh, I-I don't know when it's gonna be done--
- We're going there. Right now!
- What? Mom--
No! Wait!
Mom!
No, no, no, no, no, no-- you can't go in.
The floor could be wet.
Uh, from mopping.
Unsafe.
- Oh, that's nonsense.
Hmm!
- Huh?
- Howdy, boss.
- Right this way, mrs. Crane.
- Ohh.
Well, look at that.
Oh! This place is wonderful!
- Afternoon, sir.
- This must be your beautiful--
- [screams]
Oh, crane.
I'm so very proud of you.
Of course, I'd be proud of you no matter what you did--
As long as it wasn't kung fu!
[chuckling] but that's ridiculous.
[laughs]
Because you're so frail.
- I'm not really that frail, mom.
- Oh, everybody is just how you described them.
[whispering] except, I thought you said
The tiger was a girl.
And you must be little shy-fu!
[loud, deliberate] hello, shy-fu!
I am crane's mommy.
[whispering loudly] does he understand words?
He's so cute.
Look at him.
You just want to eat him up.
Would you like some bean paste?
- Ooh.
You carry bean paste with you?
Are you some kind of super-mom?
- I thought I better bring some.
Crane gets a little whiny when his blood sugar's low.
- [whining] I do not!
- Ahh. A guy could get used to a smell like that.
- Oh, you're all so nice.
Since you insist, I'll stay one more day.
All: What?
- I, uh, I didn't-- uh, that's not what I--
- No! You can't!
Where would you stay?
- Here in the inn, of course.
I mean, it's an inn, isn't it?
All: [dejected] yes.
- Well, take my bag.
[clears throat] take. Bag.
[low, droning] take. Bag.
So, where's my room?
- Uh--
What are we gonna do?
We can't put her in the barracks.
- But there's no beds in the jade palace.
- There's one.
Uh, shifu's room.
Let me show you to your room, ma'am.
- This way, little fellow.
Chop-chop.
- [chuckles uneasily]
Eh-uh...
- Idiots!
A few kung fu masters
Should be no match for you.
- It was the one who calls himself
The dragon warrior, sir.
He was just too strong.
- Too strong for you, maybe.
But not too strong for heilang!
- This is where the shadow crowns are kept.
Whoever wears these crowns will become invisible.
They were once the source of the lin kuei's power,
But they were stolen from us centuries ago.
- Wahh! [grunts]
I will have them back.
With them, we will be unseen.
And unbeatable.
And we will have our vengeance against those who stole them.
[laughing triumphantly]
- Oh, this place is wonderful.
Thank you, son.
This is lovely, just lovely.
- Great. Well, if you need anything,
Just let me know.
- [chuckles] I'm just, uh,
Making sure the beans are still
Uh, pasty.
- Okay. Good night, mom.
- Good night, son.
- [sighs]
- Whoa.
- And where's the simpleton supposed to sleep?
- You can bunk with me.
We'll tell ghost stories.
- I'm not bunking with anyone.
I'm taking your room.
No, I'm taking crane's room.
It's cleaner.
- [sniffles]
[coughs]
Water.
- [snoring softly]
- Aww, he's all tuckered out.
My poor, feeble baby.
Well, I'll just find some water myself.
Agh. That pool should really have a fence around it.
- [growling]
- Ahem.
[all growling]
Oh, you must be the night porters.
- Yes?
- I'm thirsty.
Water. My room.
- Um...
Yes?
Uh, would you mind staying right there
With the light for one moment?
Thank you, ma'am.
We'll bring that water to your room right away.
- Well, see that you do.
- [chuckling]
[laughing triumphantly]
- Huh? Wha--
Mom, why are you up?
- Don't worry.
That nice wolf is going to bring me some water.
- Oh, nice wolf. That's good.
[gasps]
- Did you guys hear something?
- I think the lin kuei are back.
- You're right.
- They've stolen the shadow crowns.
- Excellent deduction. - [grunts]
- Hello?
Where's my water--
- Get out! We're under attack!
- Crane--crane!
Ohh, my heart!
- It--uh, it's okay, mom!
Uh, I-I just, um--
- Um, little shifu is playing kung fu master again!
- Oh, right!
And, uh, we should play along.
So as not to tax his simple mind.
- Rahh!
Look! I'm, uh,
Pretending to hit the bad guy. - [grunting]
- Hit, hit-- - [grunting] stop that--
- Now he's, uh-- [grunting] kicking me--
In the tenders! Ow, ow, ow--
- Oh!
- Idiots!
Don't use your chain hammers,
They give away your position!
- Who said that?
- Oh, it was, uh, me. [laughs] uh--
[mimicking heilang] not now, my minions!
We must show these, uh, inn employees
The error of their ways!
[grunts]
Pretend concussion--
- What's going on?
- Shifu's pretending to fight invisible bad guys
And we're playing along.
- Uh--wait, what?
- Iron samara!
[grunts]
Missed.
- This doesn't look so...
Uh, pretend.
- [grunting]
- You must be the dragon warrior.
- And you must be
Not a fan of brushing your teeth.
Ugh--seriously, what's the point of being invisible
If I can find you by smell?
[grunts]
- So,
No one left but the birds.
- Son!
Is this really happening?
- Yes.
- [choked scream]
- And I suggest you tell your son to surrender.
- [grunting]
- Mom!
Let go of her!
- [laughs]
Or what?
You can't fight what you can't see!
- Huh?
[rapid heartbeat] ohh...
- Uh...
But you can fight what you can see!
[grunts]
- Chain hammers!
- Get out.
- [laughs]
I just defeated your dragon warrior.
Why would you think you can beat me?
- Because nobody's mean to my mommy!
- [grunts loudly]
- Crane! You--
You're a kung fu master!
- I'm sorry! I couldn't tell you!
I'm sorry! I'll never do kung fu again, ever!
Ever! I promise!
- Nonsense!
You were incredible!
And...
You saved my life.
- So you're not having a heart attack?
- What, this?
This is pride.
- But you said you never wanted me to do kung fu.
- Because I thought you'd get hurt.
But look at you.
Who knew you were gonna get so good?
For so many years I thought you were weak and fragile.
Can you ever forgive me?
- Of course, mom.
- Thank you all for making me feel so welcome.
- Take care. - Great to meet you.
- Have a safe trip. - Come again!
- Good-bye, crane's mom.
- It was so kind of you to visit us, ma'am.
[kiss] - aww.
[loud, deliberate] thank you, little shy-fu!
Good-bye, son.
Come visit me.
- I will.
Good-bye, mom.
- Well, that could have been worse.
Sort of.
- Master shifu, I am sorry things got so out of control.
If it's okay, I'd like to un-quit the furious five.
- Very well.
- Let that be a lesson to you, crane.
[scoffing] honesty is always the best policy.
- Wasn't pretending the jade palace was an inn
Your brilliant idea, po?
- [chuckling] well, I don't know if it was
A brilliant idea.
Cunning maybe, but I dunno...
- Good, you'll have plenty of time
To figure it out while you two run up and down
The jade palace stairs 100 times as punishment.
- Not a brilliant idea.
- Definitely not.