Summer of Animation Theme
Vic: You ever have a song stuck in your head?
Yeah, me too.
Over 5000 to be exact
Agent Florida downloaded his entire music library to my hard drives
before kicking the aspirin-filled bucket.
Dude was really big into Bare Naked Ladies
but for me, my heart goes out to the classics,
hip-hop, tejano folk fusion , and...
musical theatre.
Simmons: ♪ Hey ♪
Grif: ♪ Yeah? ♪
Simmons: ♪ You ever wonder why we're here? ♪
Grif: ♪ It's one of life's mysteries ♪
♪ Why are we standing here? ♪
♪ Is there a plan? ♪
♪ Is there a God? ♪
Simmons: What?
No, I mean, why are we out here, singing?
Sarge: ♪ To kill them dirty Blues ♪
Jazz hands.
Simmons: Oh Sarge, we didn't see you there.
Sarge: Boys, I've got some news that's gonna blow your minds
and those dirty Blues into teeny tiny pieces.
Grif: *sarcastically* I can hardly contain myself.
Sarge: We've just received a new shipment of weaponry from command
that fills my heart with some sort of new emotion I've never felt before
It makes me feel warm, and want to smile.
Simmons: Um sir, I think that's called happiness.
Sarge: It's disgusting.
Grif: So what the hell is it?
Sarge: Ladies, allow me to introduce you to...
The M41 surface-to-surface rocket medium anti-vehicle assault weapon.
I like to call it "The Spanker".
Grif: "The Spanker"?
Why the hell would you call it that?
Sarge: I'm glad you asked
♪ Well these letters on the side here ♪
♪ The big SPNKR ♪
♪ Stand for: ♪
♪ Sayonara ♪
♪ See ya' later ♪
♪ Au revoir ♪
♪ See, the Blues have had it coming ♪
♪ With their fancy Ghosts and Tanks ♪
♪ But with this gun, our battle's won ♪
♪ 'Cause it don't just kill, it spanks! ♪
Donut: Ooh!
Grif: ♪ Sarge, that name sounds really stupid ♪
Sarge: What!?
Simmons: ♪ Yeah, it's really not that great... ♪
Sarge: *Growling* Simmons
Donut: ♪ Oh come on, I kind of liked that one. ♪
Sarge: ♪ This is not up for debate. ♪
Simmons: ♪ Well if we put our heads together ♪
♪ We can find the perfect name ♪
Donut: ♪ Oh, can I go first? My head's fit to burst ♪
Grif: Oh God this is so lame...
Sarge: ♪ It's an RPG, a Master Key, a projectile wreckin' ball ♪
♪ A big surprise, a little friend, Old Betsy and The Law ♪
♪ This Lazy Boy's my favorite toy, and I'll tell you fellas why ♪
♪ You lock, you load ♪
♪ It shoots; explodes! ♪
♪ And you blow them Blues sky high ♪
*laughs*
Grif: Um, yeah, no, those all suck.
Sarge: Well, what would you suggest Grif?
Grif: Something cool, like: "The Equalizer"
Simmons: "The Equalizer"?
Grif: What? You got any better ideas?
Donut: I do!
All: No one cares.
Simmons: ♪ Now based on the range of impact ♪
♪ I'd call it: ♪
♪ "Simmons' Blaster" ♪
Grif: ♪ Why not: "Blue-be-gone"? ♪
♪ or "Air Torpedo"? ♪
Donut: ♪ Or why not: ♪
♪ "ASS DISASTER" ♪
Simmons: ♪ Those names are total garbage ♪
Grif: Oh right, as if you'd know?
Simmons: ♪ How 'bout "8T4", or "Gjallarhorn"? ♪
Lopez: Te odio pendejos
All: ♪ It's a B.F.G., Blue Destiny, Heat Seeking Dead-Man's-Bomb ♪
♪ Where Death begins, and their life ends, it's a hand held wrath of God ♪
♪ Call it what you will, we got her set to kill ♪
♪ Time to paint this canyon red ♪
'Cause this
Nuke Tube
Jack Hammer
Compensator?
Gut Slammer?
Pez Dispenser
Boom Stick
Chupa-thingy
Huge Prick
♪ Iron Churro Assembled Gun ♪
♪ Heavy Metal Big Bazooka ♪
Sarge: ♪ Means the no-good Blues are dead. Ha! ♪
Grif: But I mean, why can't we just call it: "The Rocket Launcher"?
Sarge: Because nothing rhymes with "launcher"
Grif: oh.
Sarge: Now come on, we've got a whole crate full of these babies
It's time to devise our plan of attack!
Church: Oh. That is just great.
Tucker: What it it?
Church: What is it?
Didn't you just see the song and dance number?
Tucker: Uh, no, I can't see shit from up here.
Church: The Reds got a bunch of rocket launchers, and they're gonna attack Blue Base
Tucker: Oh ho ho, I've got an idea!
Chruch: You do?
Tucker: Yeah, how 'bout you let me use the god damn sniper rifle that that I don't always have to ask you to explain shit. (Never!)
Church: *sigh*
♪ Another day I'm stuck here ♪
♪ Another day goes by ♪
♪ Another day I ask myself: ♪
♪ "Why do I even try?" ♪
♪ These shitheads all around me ♪
♪ They poke and prod and pry... ♪
♪ Sometimes I wish that I'd just... ♪
♪ DIE ♪
Tucker: Oh, come on Church, your life's not that bad.
Caboose: Yeah, plus you already died once.
Church: And whose fault was that Caboose?
Caboose: Tucker did it.
Tucker: Sheila did it.
Sheila: I would rather not get involved in this.
Chruch: All of you shut up!
You want to know about my life?
I'll tell you.
♪ My 9 to 5 is filled with misery... ♪
♪ My girlfriend's always such a bitch to me... ♪
♪ I think my Death Count's pushing three... ♪
♪ I just don't get how this is hard to see ♪
♪ And as I lie awake at night... ♪
♪ I- just- want- to- ♪
♪ DIE ♪
Tucker : Oh please. ♪ You're overly dramatic ♪
Doc: ♪ You're clearly... asymptomatic ♪
Sheila: ♪ Your life is hardly... that traumatic ♪
Caboose: ♪ But, your girlfriend is half-aquatic ♪
Chruch: ♪ You know, I think I change my mind ♪
♪ I- wish- you'd- all- ♪
♪ DIE ♪
Doc: Come on buddy, you've gotta good thing going for ya'
Tucker: Is that anyway to talk to your team?
Caboose: Yea!
Caboose: Or your girlfriend?
Tucker: Man, How did we-
Church: No really guys.
Church: Shut up!
Church: I had a whole song planned. *incomprehensible*
Shut up!
SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!
♪ Living here's not going well ♪
♪ This canyon's my detention cell ♪
♪ I feel the need to scream and yell ♪
♪ I wish that you'd all BURN IN HELL ♪
Oh, oh and it gets worse!
I have been to jury duty 37 times!
I ALWAYS GET THE MIDDLE SEAT ON FLIGHTS!
Last year, no one wished me Happy Birthday!
FUCK ALL OF YOU. FUCK EVERYONE. AND FUCK THIS FUCKING SONG.
Tucker: Uh, hey, Church.
Church: What?
Tucker: The Reds are here.
Sarge: Attention Blue Team!
Prepare for your inevitable demise!
Church: *sigh*
Yep. Okay.
Grif: Um, stauncher, uh... sponser.
Simmons: Sponser doesn't rhyme with launcher.
Grif: Dude, just role with me on this, okay?
I refuse to call these things-
Sarge: Men! Prepare to fire your *Name-Pending-Approval* devices!
Grif: Just call them fucking Rocket Launchers!
Tucker: Okay Church, what's the plan here?
Church: At this point... I'm just thinking about letting them kill us all.
Sheila: You... have got to be kidding.
Church: I'm really, truly not.
Sarge: Ready... Aim...
Sheila: Church!
Church: Okay. I've got it.
Tucker: What?
Church: I'm definitely gonna let them shoot us.
Sarge: Fire!
*Clicking sounds*
Donut: Uh, Sarge?
Sarge: Yes Private Donut?
Donut: Do these Rocket Launchers feel a little light to you?
Sarge: Well I just assumed it was because I'm in peak physical condition.
Grif: Oh God... you've got to fucking kidding me.
Tucker: Holy shit! They don't have any ammo.
Church: God damn it...
Simmons: Why would command send us rocket launchers with no rockets?
Grif: Who is running this army!?
Sarge: Alright men. Initiate Plan B!
Let's bludgeon them to death!
Sheila: Bring it on, dead man.
Sarge: Hee-Ya!
Donut: Wait. Wait!
Sarge, why go with Plan B?
When we can go with Plan D!
Simmons: What the hell is that?
Plan Donut?
Donut: Nope! The D Stands for dance!
♪ Groove Music begins playing ♪
Grif: Uh, what is happening right now?
Church: I don't know- I just know that I hate it.
Sheila: Where is that music coming from?
Donut: Come on everybody; let's shake it out!
Doc: Well alright, a peaceful resolution.
Sheila: Set cannon to: Funk
♪ Groove Music continues ♪
Church: Tucker, what the hell are you doing?
Tucker: I can't help it, something's taking over.
Sheila: Oh yeah, move those treads.
*Groove Music continues playing*
Donut: Everybody do- do the Chupacabra!
♪ Groove Music continues playing ♪
Sheila: Groove thing initiated.
♪ Groove Music continues as the Reds and Blues dance ♪
Church: What the fuck is happening right now?
♪ Groove Music continues ♪
Donut: Do- do- do- do- do- do- do the Chupa!
Do- do- do- do- ah- ah- do the Chupa
Do the Chu- Do the Chu- Do the Chu...
Sarge: Donut!
Donut!
Donut: Huh?
Grif: What the hell was that?
Donut: Uh, I was telling the story of Blood Gulch.
Tucker: What kind of messed up world do you live in?
Epsilon: I don't know, I think he captured me pretty well.
Simmons: Donut, none of that shit ever happened.
Donut: Well, maybe not in YOUR version. I decided to spice things up.
Add a little pizzazz
The original version was so boring.
All we ever did the just stand around and talk.
Doyle: *clears throat*
Um, yes, so, did you actually have song and dance numbers or...
Donut: *sigh* Let's take it from the top.
All: NO!
♪ The same disco music ♪
Rooster Teeth Animation Outro Song