Okay here is this week's scheduled Monday is max's soccer game 好了，这是本周安排的周一Max的足球比赛
Tuesday is carmen's dance class 星期二是卡门的舞蹈课
Wednesday is my birthday 星期三是我的生日
Thursday's the day 星期四就是那一天
after my birthday Day is two days after my birthday and 生日之后，天是我生日后两天
saturday If we have not celebrated my birthday by then I'll be known as the widow lopez 星期六 如果到那时我们还没庆祝我的生日，我就被称为寡妇洛佩兹
Angie i know wednesday is your birthday 安吉，我知道星期三是你的生日
Yeah i know it is too 是的，我也知道
I saw a bunch of empty boxes of hair dye in the trash 我看到垃圾桶里有一堆空的染发盒
Kids notice how it feeding time the old 孩子们注意到老人是喂食时间
dominant chim challenges that young beautiful one 主导的Chim向那个年轻美丽的家伙发起挑战
You know what 你知道吗
Call me whatever you want 随你怎么叫我
I'm eating your food I'm drinking your beer I'm watching your television 我在吃你的饭，我在喝你的啤酒，我在看你的电视
Yeah i'm the monkey 是的，我是猴子
So 所以
do you have anything planned for my birthday Angie please i don't say i got this 安吉，你生日有什么计划吗？拜托，我没说我有这个
I will do my best to get this 我会尽力做到这一点
What are you gonna get her dad I have no idea 你打算给她送什么，爸爸，我不知道
George That was a great birthday dinner 乔治，那真是一顿很棒的生日晚餐
But i still think you spent way too much 但我还是觉得你花得太多了
money Come on that place was a big rip off 钱，拜托，那地方是大坑
The whole steak is stuck right here my tooth 整块牛排都卡在我牙齿上了
Grandma You finished your steak then what's in the swan 奶奶，你把牛排吃完了，那天鹅里有什么？
I don't know 我不知道
some lady was dumb enough to leave it on the bathroom sink 有个女士傻到把它放在浴室水槽上
You're just a big mexican hill billy aren't you 你就是个大墨西哥乡巴佬，不是吗
Angie Why don't you come over to the couch My love 安吉，为什么不过来沙发呢，我的爱
it's time to open gifts Your birthday is not 是时候拆礼物了，你的生日还没到
over who's first I'll go I'll go 谁先来，我要走，我要走
Ha ha ha happy birthday mom 哈哈哈，生日快乐，妈妈
Ah 啊
oh you wrote me a poem Oh 哦，你给我写了首诗，哦
a single space 一个空格
Thirty pace poem 三十步诗
Hey all right good stuff Who's next 嘿，好样的，好东西，下一个是谁
I'll go last okay I'll go get my gift 我最后去，好吗？我去拿礼物
mom Why don't you give angie yours 妈妈，你为什么不把你的给安吉？
whatever it is it's still warm happy birthday 不管是什么，还是温热的，生日快乐
Happy birthday baby What is that it's a homemade video 生日快乐，宝贝，怎么了？这是自制视频
George is that our trip to the lake Because the kids can't see that 乔治，那是我们去湖边的旅行，因为孩子们看不到那个
Just 就这样
watch ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha happy 看哈哈哈哈哈，快乐
birthday may hh Oh it's daddy Your mother wanted to say happy birthday too 生日梅 HH 哦，是爸爸，妈也想说生日快乐
But she's volunteering are the demythology clinic and watermala 但她在去神话诊所和水面镇做志愿者
There are somebody else here though 不过这里还有别人
Hey is 嘿，是
happy birthday Oh my god my sister 生日快乐，天哪，我的妹妹
How did you get her to do this We're not even talking 你怎么让她这么做的？我们根本不谈话
If we were i tell her those bangs were a bad idea 如果我们在一起，我会告诉她那些刘海是个坏主意
Oh yeah 哦，是的
Hey how do you think your dad looks 嘿，你觉得你爸爸长什么样
Well if that moustache were any bigger He could smuffle cubans didn't it 要是那胡子再大一点，他能把古巴人都打得死死，不是吗？
Oh i know we had that 哦，我知道我们之前有过这个
spat at my wedding But 在我的婚礼上吐口水，但是
this no talking is ridiculous 这种不说话太荒谬了
I miss you and 我想你了，还有
george called with this fabulous idea for your birthday So 乔治打电话给你，给你生日带来了一个绝妙的主意，所以
turn around and you'll see your present 转过身，你就能看到你的礼物
Turn around 转过身
Just turn around and kiss your hairy father 转过身去亲你那多毛的爸爸吧
Oh boy 天哪
Gloria Oh 格洛丽亚·吴
I can't believe you're here Yeah george flew out 我简直不敢相信你来了，是的，乔治飞过来了
coach 教练生涯
Don't anybody move i'm gonna get my camera 谁都别动，我去拿相机
Okay 好的
This is kind of a combined birthday slash let's make up gifts so 这算是生日兼礼物的结合，我们来做礼物吧
happy birthday ANCH 生日快乐，ANCH
气哼哼哼哼 气哼哼哼哼
Oh 哦
my god 我的天哪
It's beautiful It's chanel I can't wear it again 真漂亮，是香奈儿，我不能再穿了
I i weren't had a benefit i was photographed in 我没有参加任何福利活动，我被拍照
Are you show up on film now 你现在出现在电影里了吗
listen 听着
What i said about richard i'm really 我说的关于理查德的事，我真的
sorry angie No let me say this I never should have tried to stop you from marrying him 抱歉，安吉，不让我说，我根本不该阻止你嫁给他
And i wish he was here so i could apologize to him too 我真希望他在这里，这样我也能向他道歉
Well he would have been here But uh he's kind of busy 他本来会来的，但呃，他有点忙
divorcing me what oh 离婚，哦
All my 我所有的
friends know the lowrider 朋友们都知道低底盘车
the low 低谷
rider 骑手
is a little higher 稍微高一点
I don't get it It was 我不明白，是的
only two years 仅两年
Richard was perfect 理查德是完美的
professional wealthy handsome 职业富翁帅气
and stupefied 并被迷惑
how can you and richard be getting 你和理查德怎么会有关系
a divorce when these two are still together 两人还在一起时离婚
go go ahead and complain but i'm all you got left poppy 尽管抱怨吧，但我是你唯一剩下的，波比
There must have been some way 一定有办法
you could have worked this out 你本可以解决这个问题
How do you work it out when your husband's never 当你丈夫从未出现过时，你怎么解决的
home How do you work it out 首页，你怎么算的？
when you feel like there's a stranger in your bed 当你感觉床上有陌生人时
How do you work it out when you're changing the sheets and you find the strangers panties 换床单时发现陌生人内裤时，你怎么算清楚
But i'm a little confused here were they hits pennies 但我有点困惑，他们到底是从哪里打到的
You keep going for these hots sexy rich guys when you should be gone for a guy like george 你一直追求这些帅气又有钱的男人，而你应该为像乔治这样的男人离开
That's right cosmos says boring and hard working is the new hot and rich show 没错，Cosmos说无聊又勤奋是新的热门节目
It is for me 对我来说是
Hey my mom hey yeah don't stop it 嘿，我妈，嘿，是的，别停下来
But your sister has a broken heart 但你妹妹心碎了
Come on gloria every cloud has a silver 加油，格洛丽亚，每朵云都有银色
lining Remember what dad said to us when he walked us down the aisle 衬里 记得爸爸陪我们走过红毯时对我们说的话
Hold on to this one and never let him go 紧紧抓住这个，永远别放手
You said to me When you make waffles you always throw out the first one 你跟我说做华夫饼的时候，你总是把第一个扔掉
I tailor my message to the moment 我会根据当下调整我的讯息
Well dad got it wrong I'd be happy to have you on marriage 嗯，爸爸搞错了，我很乐意娶你结婚
I'm sorry i i gotta stop this 对不起，我得停下来
this this is angie's day Let's all go outside and make this a party 这是安吉的日子，我们都出去，把这场聚会办得开个大欢呼
Dad help me with the plates 爸爸，帮我拿盘子
George Can you bring out the rest of cake 乔治，你能把剩下的蛋糕拿出来吗？
Sure i'll be right out Okay 当然，我马上出来，好的
George you have a little icing there 乔治，你那儿有点糖霜
Where 其中
right there 就在那儿
What 什么
the hell was that all about 那到底是怎么回事
What what she just did you get eing name 她刚才做了什么，你得到了她的名字
Dude That's my sister in law 哥们，那是我嫂子
Oh yeah rain 哦，是的，下雨了
hey gloria 哈哈哈哈哈 嘿，格洛丽亚 哈哈哈哈哈
Why are uncle richard and aunt gloria getting 为什么理查德叔叔和格洛丽亚阿姨要拿走
a divorce Oh oh well max is complicated 离婚，哦哦，好吧，马克斯很复杂
Maybe sometimes people love each other But it just doesn't work out 也许有时候人们会相爱，但就是行不通
That's sad 真让人难过
Hey could also be pretty funny 嘿，也可以挺有趣的
Like that time misses or take a chase mister Or take it down the street with the plunger 就像那个时间错过了，或者追着走，先生，或者用马桶盖把它带到街上去
That was my first mega lady 那是我第一个超级女士
Yeah i'm sorry about that max 是的，抱歉你给了最大限制
At least her breast covered most of her body 至少她的胸部覆盖了大部分身体
All right it's getting late We'll finish this tomorrow so get up to bed 好了，天色不早了，我们明天再说，快去睡觉吧
i'm in here 我就在这里
oh hey hey luxury e 哦，嘿嘿，奢华E
I'm sorry i i just came out for a smoke And i saw the light was on 抱歉，我只是出来抽根烟，看到灯亮着
I thought you quit smoking i thought richard quit secretaries 我以为你戒烟了，我以为理查德戒了，秘书们
this this gary 这就是加里
Since we're here 既然我们都来了
Can i confess something 我能坦白一件事吗
You wore the chanel dress more than once 你穿过不止一次那件香奈儿裙
Didn't you a man knows Ha ha When angie first brought you home 你难道不是男人知道吗？哈哈，当安吉第一次把你带回家时
I thought you were a huge loser 我还以为你是个大失败者呢
Okay i'll confess something too 好吧，我也得坦白一件事
I was in the kitchen and i heard you say angie This guy is a huge loser 我在厨房听到你说，Angie，这家伙是个大失败者
Well 嗯
i just want to say i was mostly wrong 我只想说我大部分是错的
Thanks 谢谢
I'm a 我是
I'm actually a little jealous of her 其实我有点嫉妒她
You want to know something 你想知道点什么
I think she's actually a little jealous of you too 我觉得她其实也有点嫉妒你
Are you insane you're right I should turn off the light no 你疯了吗？你说得对，我应该关灯，不
What the lights on no You want me up on the bench no 灯开着吗？不，你想让我上长椅吗？不
i want you to remember i'm married to your sister 我想让你记住，我是你妹妹的妻子
oh alling not you too 哦，Alling，难道你也来了
Mom i need to talk to somebody 妈妈，我需要找人谈谈
But since you're here look 但既然你来了，看
Something happened last night oh just flipped the mattress over and no one knows 昨晚发生了点事，哦，我把床垫翻了，没人知道
Angie's sister came on to me 安吉的妹妹对我示好
What i'm serious gloria tried to kiss me last night 说真的，格洛丽亚昨晚试图吻我
Oh my god 天哪
I don't believe this 我简直不敢相信
You're saying my gloria tried to kiss you 你是说我的格洛丽亚试图吻你
I don't even understand how you got one permeta woman 我甚至不明白你怎么会遇到一个女人
And you think two were after you 你觉得有两个人在追你
Where's my wife Hey it's in your pants 我老婆在哪儿？嘿，在你裤子里
Just keep your little fantasito yourself 你自己也好好享受你的小幻想吧
Hey i don't want my girls fighting 嘿，我不想让我的女孩们吵架
because your ego is so big 因为你的自尊心太大了
You think everyone's trying to kiss you 你以为大家都在想亲你
at these cases Uh is this good for you 在这种情况下，呃，这适合你吗？
i think maybe you should buy me dinner now because we are kissing 我觉得你现在应该请我吃饭，因为我们正在接吻
imagine 想象一下
there's an island of people just like them 岛上有一群和他们一模一样的人
You believe gloria kissed me right 你相信格洛丽亚吻我是对的
Oh yeah I believe you She flirts with everybody 哦，是的，我相信你，她对每个人都调情
She would tongue a cow for cream and her coffee 她会用舌头舔牛换奶和咖啡
So what am i do If i tell angie i ruin a relationship with her sister And if i don't 那我该怎么办？如果我告诉安吉我毁了和她妹妹的关系;如果我不说
tell her and she finds out from gloria 告诉她，她从格洛丽亚那里得知真相
Then it looks like i was trying to hide something 那看起来我是在试图隐藏什么
I say don't tell her Sometimes you have to lie in order to protect someone 我说别告诉她，有时候为了保护别人你得撒谎
Okay Remember that little dog musky you had And one 好，记得你养过的那条小狗，马斯基，还有一个
day it was gone And i told you that he got hit by a car 那天他走了，我告诉过你他被车撞了
Yeah Okay Well that was not true 是的，好吧，那不是真的
He ran away 他逃跑了
so he could still be alive 这样他才能还活着
Well he came back But um i had to take him to the pound 他回来了，但是，嗯，我得把他送到收容所
Because i didn't want you to think that your 因为我不想让你觉得你的
mother was a liar 哈哈哈哈哈 母亲是个骗子哈哈哈
Gloria is not down here yet 格洛丽亚还没下来
Me And you cannot get that girl out of bed No kidding 我和你都拉不走那个女孩，真的没错
Look angie about your sister I know 听着，安吉，关于你妹妹的事，我知道
she's got her problems 她有自己的问题
Last night after you went to bed 昨晚你睡觉后
We stayed up talking 我们聊了很晚
for the first time And i don't know how long 第一次 我不知道要多久
I felt like i had a sister again 我感觉自己又有了个妹妹
And i have you to thank for that 这都要感谢你
So you're happy 所以你很开心
I'm really happy 我真的很开心
Well that's the most important thing 这才是最重要的
I'll go get maxine We'll finish your skateboard 我去叫Maxine，我们把你的滑板做完
George can you do something for me 乔治，你能帮我个忙吗
Sure 当然
While glory is out here 当荣耀还在这里时
I really want you to to get to know each other better 我真的希望你们能更好地了解彼此
i think that's happening angie i really do 我觉得这正在发生，安吉，我真的这么认为
Dude ready to finish that skateboard 哥们，准备把滑板完成了
I don't care about the skateboard anymore 我已经不在乎滑板了
The skateboard's gonna go forty miles an hour 滑板要以每小时四十英里的速度滑行
The guys from jackass wouldn't even write it Jackass的那些人甚至都不愿意写
why were you kissing and gloria 你为什么和格洛丽亚接吻
what i saw you 我看到的你
I wasn't kissing angloria She kissed me 我没亲安格洛丽亚，是她亲了我
I love your mother and this family is everything to me And i wouldn't do 我爱妈，这个家对我来说就是一切，我不会那样做
anything to hurt you guys Okay 只要能伤害你们，什么都行，好吗？
Okay good now come on Let's go down and work on your skateboard 好了，好，来吧，我们下去练你的滑板
Are you and mom gonna get a divorce 你和妈妈会离婚吗？
No 不
You 你
know what Wait right here 知道吗？就在这里等着
Oh 哦
don't you ever wear clothes 你别穿衣服
Did you knock on my door to find out 你敲我门是为了了解情况吗
And max saw you kissed me last night 马克斯昨晚看到你吻了我
He wants to know van je i get a divorce 他想知道我离婚了
Oh my god george i'm sorry i'm Not let you mess up my family 天哪，乔治，对不起，我不会让你毁了我的家人
So put on all the clothes you have Until it resembles a 所以穿上你所有的衣服，直到它看起来像
tasteful pants suit and go down and talk to max now 穿着得体的裤子，现在就下去和马克斯谈谈
Hey can i come in 嘿，我能进来吗？
You don't have to talk to me 你不用跟我说话
my dad already did 我爸已经说过了
Okay 好的
You're mad at me 你生我的气
Why did you kiss them I don't know what did i marry charlie sheen for a week 你为什么吻他们？我不知道，我和查理·辛结婚一周了
You have to ask my therapist 你得问我的治疗师
a a
Hey max 嘿，马克斯
I wasn't trying to take your dad away or hurt your mom 我不是想带走你爸爸，也不是想伤害妈
I just broke up with my husband And 我刚和丈夫分手了，然后
i don't know maybe i'm sad 我不知道，也许我很难过
And see how happy your dad makes your mom I guess i wanted some of that 看看你爸爸让妈多开心，我想我也想尝尝这些
happiness 幸福
哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈嘿 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈嘿
someone could see 有人能看到
I'm sorry max i couldn't help myself 对不起，Max，我忍不住了
You are so cute 你真可爱
My dad says it's the hair 我爸说是头发的问题
How to go 如何前往
good 很好
But i think i should leave 但我觉得我应该离开
yeah i think you should 是的，我觉得你应该这么做
oh god 天哪
she walked right by you 她从你身边走过
max i get it nothing happened 马克斯，我明白，什么都没发生
I just want you to know 我只是想让你知道
You never have to worry about your mom to me getting a divorce 你永远不用担心妈离婚，我也不必担心
Okay i group without a dad and 好吧，我是一个没有爸爸的小组
would never let that happen to you 绝不会让那种事发生在你身上
Are we gonna tell mom 我们要告诉妈妈吗
Yeah i think we should 是的，我觉得我们应该这样做
Okay Let's go 好，走吧
Wow ho ho 哇哈哈
I didn't finish 我没读完
And i think it'd be better to wait till ungloria leaves 我觉得最好等到Ungloria离开
You know 你知道的
she tried to kiss me too 她还试图亲我
Should i tell mom that 我应该告诉妈妈吗
No 不
But what's you tell grandpa vick 但你跟维克爷爷说什么
I think you might get a kick out of it 我觉得你可能会觉得有趣
I wish you didn't have to go We were having 我真希望你不用走，我们正在
such a good time i know But the police want me to file a report 我知道，真是个好时机，但警察要我报案
on the break in it's a big hassle But 破门时很麻烦，但
i need to be there yep gotta go a big emergency 我得去，是的，我得去，有个大紧急情况
Carbon max Come say goodbye 碳极限，来说再见吧
That was a kiss goodbye here's a hug I 那是个告别的吻，给你一个拥抱，我
come on d 快点，D
And gloria kids dad 还有格洛丽亚，孩子们，爸爸
That's how people say goodbye Max no in the garage last night 昨晚车库里人们就是这样和马克斯说再见的
what in a nightgown the right i'm not the black one 睡衣里有什么，对吧？我不是黑的那个
Dad said we should wait till she left to tell you 爸爸说我们应该等她走了再告诉你
Left the city man not the porch 离开了城市，男人，而不是门廊
Is this true 这是真的吗
Gloria 格洛丽亚
What's gonna happen 接下来会发生什么
Well the neighbors are gonna call the police And then 邻居们会报警的，然后
people are gonna walk by the house and say yep 人们路过我家时会说是的
That's where those people live 那些人就住在那里
Then the property values are gonna go 那么房产价值就会下降
down And eventually the cops are gonna recipe In the front yard with no shirt on 最后警察会在前院赤膊做菜
So i didn't hear a lot of yelling what happened out there 所以我没听到太多关于外面发生了什么的喊叫声
We talked 我们聊了
She confessed 她坦白了
She apologized and then i gave her her hair back 她道歉了，然后我把头发还给了她
哈哈哈哈哈You know it's gonna tell you as soon as she left george 哈哈哈哈哈哈，你知道她一离开乔治就会告诉你
If there's one thing i know 如果有一件事我知道的话
It's that i can trust you 而是我可以信任你
and jam So sorry your birthday turned out like this 还有果酱 很抱歉你的生日变成这样
Oh it's not your fault It's glorious 哦，这不是你的错，太美好了
She's so competitive It's disgusting 她太有竞争心了，真恶心
So 所以
who's a better kiser 谁吻得更好
Mr Needles 尼德尔斯先生
Once you get past that breath It's a wild ride 一旦你克服了那口气，那就是一场疯狂的旅程
Yeah get away 是的，远离
You know and i could go for some music 你知道的，我倒是想听点音乐
I'm feeling nostalgic How about a classic mine 我有点怀旧，要不要来个经典矿？
Iron man by black sabbath 黑色安息日的钢铁侠