艾莉 我担心你的人身安全 Ally
真是谢谢你啊汤米 Gee
这个心形混蛋杀了多少人？ How many people has this heart-shaped asshole killed?
应该挺多的 I think
挺多？ A lot?
你们策划全国宣传活动时 把浪漫和死亡挂钩？
是你批准的 Well
因为我相信你 Because I trusted you.
我需要新方案 I'm gonna need a new campaign.
- 好的 没问题 我... - 杰 进来 - Okay. Um
杰？谁是杰？ Jay? Who's Jay?
多谢配合 Thank you very much.
不可能 No way.
就是那个你在咖啡店... That's the guy whose nose you smashed
- 把他鼻子顶爆的人 - 莫妮 坐下
各位 杰·西蒙兹 隆重登场 Jay Simmonds
谁是杰·西蒙兹？让我告诉你们 Who is Jay Simmonds? Well
他曾是纽约BMY的首席创意总监 Jay Simmonds is the former
最年轻自由职业者赢得克里奥奖 He is the youngest freelancer to win a Clio Award
靠一系列爆款浪漫营销案例 for his viral romantic campaigns.
从豪车到奢侈巧克力应有尽有 Everything from fancy cars to luxury chocolates.
还赢得了一个响亮称号 And
"消费者丘比特" a nice little moniker of "Consumer Cupid."
这就是杰·西蒙兹 That is Jay Simmonds
重点来了 and I'll tell you what.
当发现这个傻妞把我们 When I realized how far up shit's creek
坑得有多惨之后 Ally here had paddled us
我知道必须找救兵 I knew I needed some reinforcements.
感谢上帝 And thank Baby Jesus.
他明天就要飞去别处 Now
时间紧张 现在开始倒计时 and skedaddle
杰！大家看杰！ Jay. Everybody
多谢抬举 克里斯托 Thank you for the lovely flattery
不过先说正事 I appreciate it. Um...
据我所知 Listen
最近公司遇到点挫折 we've experienced some turbulence as of late
但重要的是让飞机安全降落 but it's all about how you land the plane that matters
我们会渡过难关... we will get through this...
齐心协力 together.
- 这他妈什么玩意？ - 配对成功了 - What the hell was that? - I got a match.
见鬼了 Oh
我们会结婚的 我有预感 We're gonna get married. I can feel it.
这是你男友？ That's your boyfriend?
会是 Yeah
真实消防员 还喜欢小狗 He's an actual firefighter who loves puppies.
看见没？所以你一直单身 You see? That's why you're still single.
肖恩 知道你需要什么吗 You know what you need
你需要真男人 You need a real man.
主动出击的那种 One that's willing to make the first move.
快来 警探们 保证你们喜欢 Come on
看这个 Check it out.
婚戒？ What is that
是受害者的吗？ Could it be one of the victim's?
不像 Unlikely.
内圈刻着JS缩写 The initials engraved on the inside... JS.
和死者姓名都不符 Doesn't match either of the deceased.
什么畜生干得出这种事？ What kind of an animal would do this?
大概是住老妈地下室的 处男反社会分子
假设是男性的话 Assuming it's a man.
没被邀请参加毕业舞会的女生呢？ What about the girl who never got asked to prom?
情伤累累的女人 The-- The love-scorned woman
被劈腿太多次 who got cheated on one too many times
彻底爆发了 and just snapped.
靠 Oh
快看 他回消息了 Oh. Yes. He replied.
那个同志消防员？ The gay fireman?
不 是搞科技的这个 No
- 肖恩就好暖男这口 - 没有的事 - Shaw's got a fetish for betas. - I don't have a fetish.
是人都有癖好 Everybody's got a fetish.
先生们 这不是普通谋杀 Gentlemen
这是... It's a...
...特殊性癖 ...kink.
堪称本世纪最轻描淡写的结论 That's the understatement of the fucking year.
怎么确定是HEK干的？ How do you know for sure it's HEK?
请看这个 警探 Here you go
这是婚礼摄影师 'Cause this is the last thing
生前最后拍到的画面 the wedding photographer ever saw.
心魔杀手来我们城市了 Heart Eyes has come to our city
现在距情人节结束 And they've got another ten hours
还有十小时杀人档期 of Valentine's Day left to kill.
搞什么鬼？你干什么？ Excuse me. What in hell are you doing?
不是当众开除我了吗？ What do you mean? You just fired me in front of the whole team.
开除？合约还有半年才到期 Fired you? I got six more months on your contract.
我要榨干你最后一丝剩余价值 I intend to squeeze every single last drop out of you.
那我现在该做什么？ Okay. Great. So what am I supposed to do?
给他端咖啡看人家力挽狂澜？ Get him coffee while he lands the plane?
不 你要提案惊艳的 No. You're gonna turn in a sizzling
性感迷人的爆款广告 sexy
水晶拐杖宣传案 Crystal Cane campaign.
搞不定就弄死你 And if you don't
开玩笑 不会杀你 会封杀你 I'm kidding. I won't. I'll blacklist you
不一定是物理消灭 I won't kill you.
但谁知道呢 I mean
尽量别让我失控 But no.
不过很难说 But would I?
"这广告的策划者最好先被杀再社死" "Whoever made this
"顺序不能换" "murdered and canceled. Not in that order."
"进步空间很大" "Hashtag do better."
"作为一个总有一天会死的人" "As someone who may die someday
"我发现这个广告" "I find this commercial
"比策划者残存的脑细胞都多" "to be tone-deaf and borderline ableist."
网民傻逼得太震撼了 Wow
"比这个广告里的情侣 更'死气沉沉'的东西只有一样了"
"是由创造的人的脑细胞决定的" "is the brain cell of the person who created it."
这个视频尬的抠脚 "The level of cringe in this video is off the charts.
别再发话题标签了 "Hashtag just stop."
嗨 艾莉 Hey
- 嗯 -你好 - Yeah? - Howdy.
杰你... Jay? Wha--
这是女厕所 不能进来 This is the women's bathroom
严格来说是无性别厕所... Technically
可以谈谈吗？ can we talk?
- 嗨 - 嗯 - Hi. - Hi.
那个... I'm...
刚才的事很抱歉 I am really sorry about earlier.
哦 没事的 Oh
抱歉打扰你又突然要走 Sorry to stalk and run
但我要赶着去参加一个瑜伽课 but I'm trying to make this yoga class
大概一小时后开始 that starts in
认真的吗？瑜伽？ You serious? Yoga?
嗯嗯 Mmm-hmm.
我们不是应该拯救公司吗？ Aren't we supposed to be saving the company?
是的 练完瑜伽就去 Yes
我在白鹅餐厅订了位置 I booked us a table at L'oie.
我们可以边吃边聊广告创意 We get inspired
你知道今天是情人节吧？ You realize that it's Valentine's Day
对哦 Oh
你有约会计划对吧？ You probably got plans
- 没 - 太好了！ - No. - Well
那正好做市场调研 It'll be a great place for some field research.
浪漫氛围 鲜花 蜡烛... Romance
我们能不能改到明天？ Do you think that maybe we could just do this tomorrow?
我也想啊 Uh
但是我明早要赶飞机 I just have to take the first flight
参加最好朋友的婚礼 out in the morning for my best friend's wedding.
所以八点准时见 So
等不及了 一定很棒 and I'll see you there. Yeah? I'm excited.
- 等等 我... - 会很精彩的！ - No
谢谢 Oh
莫 我来买单吧 你还背着十万债务呢 Uh
早就还清了 Not anymore.
我没有跟踪 I'm not stalking him.
是算法在跟踪我 The algorithm is stalking me
- 怪算法咯？ - 亚瑟是心动杀手吗？ - It's the algorithm? - Hey
所以从不让我见他？ Is that why
这不好笑 That's not fucking funny.
当然不是亚瑟 Of course
那个关节炎患者根本跑不动 That guy has so much arthritis
- 应该是克莉丝特 - 没错 - Honestly
她总这样... You know when she does that
- 那种做作样... - 嗯 - like
肉毒打太多脸僵不自然？ ...when her Botox doesn't sit right and it gets stuck?
突发新闻 第七频道报道 Breaking news. Our Channel 7 affiliate
市中心水疗馆又发现两对情侣遇害 is reporting that two more couples have been found murdered
导播切西雅图现场 at a downtown spa.
今晚本台持续跟踪报道... We go live to the scene in Seattle.
别看了 Can't watch this.
记者已经确认现场... Thanks
艾莉 Ally.
- 艾莉 嘿 - 莫妮卡！ - Ally
干嘛这么折磨自己？ Oh
是你甩了他 You're the one who ended things.
但他这么快就另结新欢 I know. He just moved on so fast.
那女的做什么的？ I mean
看她动态全是旅游照 Look at her feed. It's all vacation pics.
还不是富二代 我查过了 And she doesn't even have rich parents. I checked.
与其在这儿自虐 You need to stop hate-fucking yourself
不如出去觅食 and get out there and actually find someone
找个人好好享受床笫之欢 to actually fuck-fuck yourself
- 不要 - 那个男生如何？ - No. - Oh
好可爱 He's so cute.
洗手间男孩 你的跟踪狂？ The-- The bathroom boy. You know? Your little stalker?
你是说想顶替我职位的那个？ You mean the guy trying to take my job?
天呐 Oh
帅到让人腿软 He is so hot
地下室发大水了 My basement just flooded.
他还行 He's okay.
约会穿什么？ Wait
不是约会 It's not a date.
是工作 这身怎么了？ We're working. And what's wrong with my clothes?
- 像减肥前对比照 - 太伤人了吧！
餐厅什么档次？ Okay
正式场合？ Is it
- 高档餐厅 怎么？ - 跟我来 - Yeah
去哪？ Where are we going?
帮你刷爆信用卡 We're gonna go fuck up a credit card.
- 美翻了 - 太露骨 - It's gorgeous. - So much skin.
- 再抬高些 - 这露太多了 - Hike it up a little bit. - It's so much skin.
- 可以更短 - 莫妮卡 真的不用！ - It can go shorter. - Monica
不行 No.
你好 预定人西蒙兹 Hi. Uh
AJ预订？ Of course. AJ?
请展开双臂 Arms out
- 搞什么 - 那个心魔杀手 - What gives? - Heart Eyes.
安全起见 Can't be too careful.
我这叫环保意识 I'm environmentally conscious.
准时个鬼 Sharp
亲爱的今晚好美 You look so beautiful tonight
情人节快乐 我说真的 Happy Valentine's. I really mean that.
客人几位？ Good evening
还有一位朋友 Uh
同事 A colleague.
这是...这是工作晚餐 It's a-- It's a work dinner.
等您约会对象到了 Well
我再过来介绍特色菜 once your date arrives.
不不不 他不是我约会对象 Oh
非常抱歉我迟到了 我一直在叫车 I am so sorry that I am late. I tried to get a car.
顺便说句实话 我没想到这家餐厅 And for what it's worth
会这么高档 不过... was gonna be this nice
- 你看起来美极了 - 谢谢 - You look amazing. - Thank you.
欢迎光临洛鹅餐厅 Welcome to L'oie.
需要喝点什么吗？ May I offer you a beverage?
- 不用了谢谢 - 请给我们 - Um
来瓶香槟 配两个杯子？ a bottle of champagne
不不 抱歉 Oh
- 无意冒犯 我们在工作 - 理解 - No offense
马上回来 I'll be right back.
你老家哪里？ So
菲尼克斯 Uh
有兄弟姐妹吗？ Do you have siblings?
没有 No.
父母还在一起吗？ Are your parents still together?
嗯哼 Mmm-hmm.
真不错 Well
是啊 我也想和某人白头偕老 Yeah
帮对方换成人尿布？ Change their Depends?
知道吗 You know
谈到爱情我第一反应不是排泄物 I don't immediately go to poop when I think about love
不过没错 如果是为了爱情 but yeah. I would change an adult diaper
我愿意换成人尿布 if it was in the name of love.
请慢用 Here we are.
- 谢谢 - 谢谢 - Thank you. - Thank you.
- 小姐？ - 嗯 - Miss? - Yeah.
不用了谢谢 Didn't want any
先生您呢？ And for you
- 非常感谢 - 请享用 - Thank you very much. - Enjoy.
想说点什么？ What do you say?
为爱情干杯？ To love?
好吧 Okay.
- 听着 这些都很可爱 - 嗯哼 - Listen
- 你也很会撩 - 谢了 - And you're smooth. - Oh
但我只想挽救我岌岌可危的事业 But I'm just trying to salvage whatever's left
能不能跳过这些环节 of my career here
直接开始策划广告方案？ whatever this is and get to cracking this campaign?
- 悉听尊便 - 好 - By all means. - Okay.
我这里有几个创意 I have a couple ideas in here.
可能有些很烂 但肯定有可取之处... Some probably suck
你最近刚失恋吧 You've had your heart broken recently.
- 你说什么？ - 我觉得 - I'm sorry
自己对这种事有直觉... I'm intuitive with these things and...
噫 不 我最近没有 Ew. Yeah
- 被谁伤过心 - 嗯哼 - broken recently. - Mmm-hmm.
这不关你的事 And it's really none of your business.
你说得对 确实不关我事 Oh
- 绝对不关 - 没错 - Definitely not. Okay. - Nope.
- 呃... - 只是你的方案 - Um... - It's just your campaign.
"苦命鸳鸯"？这跟浪漫完全不沾边 Doomed lovers? I mean
史上最浪漫的故事都是悲剧 The most romantic stories of all time are doomed.
丈夫妻子 You got husbands
伴侣 双生火焰 灵魂伴侣 partners
不管怎么称呼 终将结束 Whatever you wanna call it
只是时间问题 总有人会 It's just a matter of time before
出轨 逃跑 或者死亡 someone cheats
那小鹿乱撞的感觉呢？ What about butterflies in your stomach?
心如雷击的悸动呢？ A lightning bolt to the heart?
周日依偎床榻的温馨呢？ Cozy Sundays in bed?
接下来是不是要占星算命和海滩漫步？ What's next
我喜欢这些 但理解 不是谁都喜欢 I like those things
想知道我怎么看待浪漫吗？ You wanna know how I feel about romance?
想 Yeah.
都是骗局 It's a farce.
谎言 A lie.
不是对所有人 我知道有些人... Not to everyone
足够幸运能遇到真实永恒的感情 really lucky and stumble into something real and forever.
但剩下99%的人 But the other 99% of us
只是从一个失败尝试跳进另一个 are just bouncing from one failed experiment to the next
追逐着从小被灌输的 chasing the same regurgitated fairy-tale bullshit
那些陈词滥调的童话垃圾 that's been stuffed into our brains since we were kids.
白马王子？直到发现他睡了你妹妹 Prince Charming? Till you catch him fucking your sister.
你不是独生女吗 I thought you were an only child.
- 这是比喻 天 - 好吧 - It's a metaphor. Jesus. - Right.
我的意思是 这不是真实的 My point is
而我却要传播幻想来销售 And somehow
用第三世界奴工血汗 a fantasy in order to sell blood diamonds
开采的血钻 harvested from third-world slave labor
所以请原谅我没有被你的 so please forgive me if I'm not swept away
浪漫幻想冲昏头脑 杰 by your magical notions of romance
哇 Wow.
这可真是... That's really...
什么？ What?
...可悲 ...sad.
你为什么单身？ Why are you single?
- 你说什么？ - 认真的 浪漫先生 - Excuse me? - No
天真无邪 初恋至上 doe-eyed
沉迷埃丝特·佩雷尔理论的 妈宝男 你为什么单身？
- 这个... - 你究竟在寻找真爱 - Well... - Are you really looking for love
还是又一个穿着西装 or are you just another fake-ass
- 戴脚链的猎艳混蛋？ - 天啊 - ankle-cuff prick in a suit? - Oh
你根本不了解我 You know
没资格因为观点不同 And you don't get to cast judgment
就对我妄加评判 just because I don't think like you
那个... Yeah
你说得对 今晚不该约你出来 I think you were right. Tonight's a bad night.
应该让你好好冷静下... Should've just let you clear your head. Um...
别担心香槟钱 克里斯托请客 Don't worry about the champagne. It's on Crystal.
杰！杰！我错了还不行吗？你赢了 Jay! Jay! I'm sorry
听着 我说过没事就是真心的 一切都好 Listen
不 我今天过得很糟糕... No
还把气撒在你身上 这太差劲太不应该了 and I took it out on you and that was shitty and wrong and--
杰 求你了 我不能失去这份工作 Jay
艾莉 我不会抢你工作的 Ally
不过看起来 Although it does seem like
你似乎并不想要这份工作 但是... you don't really want this job
这就是我 所以... This is me
我要回酒店开个头脑风暴会 I'm gonna go back to the hotel
看看还能抢救些什么 哦！ see what we can salvage from-- Oh!
艾莉？ Ally?
柯林！你怎么在这儿？ Collin! What are you doing here?
嗯 其实我和西耶娜在约会晚餐 Um
- 久仰大名 - 真的吗？ - I've heard so much about you. - Really?
为什么？ Why?
那么 你是？ And
哦 杰 我是艾莉的... Oh
- 他是我朋友 男朋友 - ...男朋友 - He's my friend-- Boyfriend. - ...Boyfriend.
朋友 男朋友 Friend. Boyfriend.
我不知道你有男朋友 I didn't know you had a boyfriend.
- 是啊！没错 - 是的 - Yeah! Yeah. - Yeah.
是啊 你当然不知道 Yeah
我又不会在社交媒体上大肆宣扬 It's not like I publicize it on social media or anything.
呃 很高兴认识你 杰 Uh
幸会 所以 约会晚餐？ Pleasure. So
对 本来是四人约会 Yeah. Uh
不过可惜... uh
- 哦 - 什么意思？ - Ooh. - What does that mean?
知道酒庄被杀的那对夫妇吗？ You know the couple that got murdered up at the winery?
- 你认识他们？ - 我们共事过 - What
- 打过壁球 - 壁球 - Played racquetball. - Racquetball.
真是悲剧 It's tragic
- 还留着预约？ - 你们还来吃饭？ - Still kept the reservation? - And you still came to dinner?
当然 为了纪念他们 Of course. In their honor.
- 哇 - 哼 里面菜挺多 - Wow. - Huh. Well
味道不错 eat in there and it's good.
我们该走了 再见艾莉 还有... We should go. See you
你这身西装真性感 You have such a sexy suit.
- 你的裙子也很性感 - 是啊 - Oh
- 用餐愉快 - 情人节快乐！ - You guys have a good dinner. - Happy Valentine's Day!
- 节日快乐！ - 注意安全别被杀了啊 - Happy V-Day! - Don't get killed
- 他什么意思 - 为什么这么说？ - What was-- - Why would he say that?
真奇怪 哦 你跟我来 That was weird. Oh
太尴尬了 That was so embarrassing.
谢谢 Thank you.
没...没事 Not a-- Not a problem.
是因为口音吗？就因为这个？ So is it the accent? Is that what it is?
女人就爱死这种口音了 Women love that fucking accent.
天 我现在听着就烦 God
- 英国人都这么冷漠 - 嗯 - Brits are so unemotional. - Mmm.
难怪死人朋友的预约还留着 Well
爱情真美好不是吗？ Love is a beautiful thing
- 我们只是同事 - 我们不是情侣 - Oh
- 可你们刚接吻了？ - 不 - But you just kissed
那是表演 that was a performance
谢谢 Thank you.
好的好的 Okey dokey.
搞什么... What the...
不！ No!
下一站西湖大道南2640号 先生？ Next stop
稍等 她好像把自己锁外面了 Hey
知道该怎么做吗？ You know what you should do?
你应该去找她 You should go to her
说爱她 然后永远别放手 tell her you love her
对 对 继续打表吧 Right. Right. Yeah
嗨 没事吧？ Howdy. Everything okay?
不好 No.
我把钥匙落在试衣间了 No
哦 Oh.
天啊 没有比这更糟的夜晚了 Oh
有备用钥匙吗？ You have a spare hidden?
楼上门垫下有把备用 Yeah
算了 我直接砸窗户 It's okay. I'll just break the window.
别 说什么砸窗户 不行 No. What are you talking about
房东很喜欢我的 No
真要砸的话 Well
让我来 maybe you just
- 我会砸 - 知道你会 - I can break a window. - No
但要是割伤自己我会... break a window
不会割伤的 I'm not gonna cut myself.
随你便 Knock yourself out.
声明我不赞成 担心你的安全 Just know I don't condone this. I'm worried for your safety.
而且你握拳姿势不对 And you're punching with your thumb inside your hand
拇指不该包在里面 which is not a good thing.
行 你来吧 Okay. Yeah. You're gonna do it.
拿着这个 早有准备 Yeah. Why don't you hold that? Came prepared.
啊 不算太糟 Ah
这可糟了 That's bad.
真的很抱歉 都是我的错 I'm so sorry. This is all my fault.
抱歉把你的地板弄得到处是血 I'm sorry I'm bleeding all over your floor.
来 先把伤口放到水下冲洗 Here. Okay. Let's run it under some water.
- 谢谢 - 你暂时就在这儿 - Thanks. - Okay
简单处理下吧 in here for a sec.
天啊 Oh
家里太乱了真不好意思 Sorry it's so messy.
之前请的家政阿姨 I had a house cleaner
上周中了彩票就把我解雇了 but she won the lottery last week and fired me.
真的吗？中了多少钱？ Really? How much did she win?
大概一百万美元 Like
哇 希望你早点找到新阿姨 Damn. Well
可爱 Cute.
我万圣节也扮过皮卡丘 I was Pikachu for Halloween too.
- 是吗 - 那天可不是万圣节 - 那是？ - Yeah. That wasn't Halloween. - What was it?
就是普通的周二 那时候我可迷这个了 It was Tuesday. Yeah
到哪都穿着这身 Wore that shit everywhere.
- 给我吧 - 这照片就摆在架子上 - I'll take that. - It was on your shelf.
我真没料到会有人来 No
永远不打算招待客人？ Ever?
你先坐会儿 Why don't you just take a seat
我去找急救箱 while I look for the first aid kit?
找到了！ Found it!
杰？ Jay?
失礼了 Excuse you.
抱歉 我不想弄脏你的高档衣服 I'm sorry. I didn't wanna sit on your nice clothes.
嘶 Ow.
别这么紧张 Would you relax?
这可是超贵的夹克 It's just a very expensive jacket.
让我看看你的手 Let's see your hand.
- 哇 - 当心点 - Ooh. - Careful now.
疼吗？ Does it hurt?
完全不疼 你包扎得真好 No
你读过医学院吗？ Did you go to med school or something?
其实我退学了 I dropped out actually.
我见血就晕 I really can't do blood.
- 不是吧 - 真是这样 - No way. - Mmm
嗯 Hmm.
不过你现在处理得挺专业的 Well
我亲身体验可以作证 if I do say so myself.
- 呃 - 哦 - Uh-- - Oh.
这就是为什么我从医学院退学 This is why we dropped out of med school
转行做广告的原因 and pivoted to advertising.
你挺幽默的 You're funny.
- 是吗？ - 我觉得是 - Am I? - I think so
能帮我捋下头发吗？老是垂到脸上 Would you mind? My hair
- 当然 - 谢谢 - Oh
- 好了 搞定 - 哇 - Okay. There we go. - Oh
方便问下你当年 So
打算专攻哪个医学领域吗？ what kind of medicine you were planning on going into?
肾脏科 Uh
那是研究肝脏的 That's the liver.
是肾脏 Kidneys.
- 答对了 厉害 - 是啊 - Nailed it. Damn. - Yeah.
为什么选这个？ Well
我家有亲人得过重病 I had a family member that was pretty sick.
嗯 Mmm-hmm.
可能... 想通过学医来拯救别人吧 Guess I-- I don't know
结果现在成了恐血症患者 Anyway
这样啊 Oh.
- 没想到你还是个偏执狂 - 哇 - I didn't take you for a bigot. - Okay
加上之前的咖啡梗 你的冷笑话真是绝了
我开玩笑的 你的笑话其实老土得...
该死！ Fuck!
艾莉！艾莉！ Ally! Ally!
糟了！ Oh
去死吧！不不不！ Fuck you! No
快跑！ Run!
等等！停下！你在干什么？ Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! What are you doing?
别想歪了！ Get your mind out of the gutter!
对对对 Yep
快走 快走快走 快啊！ Come on. Come on
快点快点！ Come on
- 绑好了？ - 嗯！ - You got it? - Yes!
干得漂亮 Good job.
谢谢 Thanks.
你还好吗？ Hey
没事 Yeah.
- 救命！他要杀我们！ - 哦 小情侣在这儿 - Help! He's trying to kill us! - Oh
不！你们搞错了 No! No
- 嘿！干什么？ - 他只杀情侣对吧？ - Hey! What are you doing? - He only kills couples
我们不是情侣 刚认识而已 We're not a couple. We barely know each other.
赶紧滚开！ So back the fuck off!
这里是911 有什么紧急情况？ 911
快跑！ Run!
救命！救命！ Help! Help!
救救我们！ Help us!
等等等等 Wait
怎么了？ What?
听到什么了吗？ Did you hear that?
没声音啊 I don't hear anything.
糟了！ Oh
艾莉！ Ally!
放开她！ Get off of her!
嘿！住手！ Hey
不！不要！住手！ No! No! No!
救命！他就在后... Help! He's right behind...
- 这里！ - ...面 - Here! - ...me.
他刚才...明明在这儿的 He was-- He was right here.
我去查看 I'll go check it out.
天啊 杰 Oh
- 杰还好吗？ - 我不认识 - Jay
- 你说谁？ - 杰·西蒙斯 - you're talking about. - Jay Simmonds.
我们整晚都在一起 We-- We were with each other all night
后来遇袭就失散了 and-- and we got attacked and we got separated back there.
- 你抛下他了？ - 我没有！ - You just left him? - No
全体注意 全体注意 All units. All units
心魔凶手已落网 We have Heart Eyes.
- 重复 心魔凶手已被抓获 - 太好了！抓住那混蛋了！
西雅图警局牛逼！太棒了！ Seattle PD
我代表西雅图警局 只想说…… On behalf of Seattle PD
对 恭喜 Yeah
难以置信的团队合作 是吧？ Incredible teamwork
嘿！嘿 你得退后！ Hey! Hey
- 真是怪胎 - 我做什么了？ - Fucking weirdos. - What did I do?
警探们 Detectives.
她来了 Here she is.
泽克·霍布斯警探 Detective Zeke Hobbs.
这是我的搭档 珍妮·肖警探 This is my partner
霍布斯和肖？ Hobbs and Shaw?
像那部电影吗？ Like the movie?
- 我没听说过 - 我没看过 - I haven't heard of it. - I haven't seen it.
- 我们是来指认凶手的 - 天哪 杰？ - We're here to ID a murderer. - Oh
杰！ Jay!
- 杰 你还好吗？ - 嗯…… - Jay
- 杰！ - 不 - Jay! - Nope.
杰 你还好吗？ Jay
呃 不好 艾莉 我不好 Uh
谢谢你关心 你抛弃了我 Thank you for asking. You ditched me.
什么？我没有抛弃你！ What? I did not ditch you!
哦 是的 你抛弃了！ 你绝对抛弃了我 我们是一个团队
我被一个该死的连环杀手追杀！ I was being chased by a fucking serial killer!
我知道！我也被一个连环杀手追杀 I know! I also was being chased by a serial killer.
- 这是什么意思？ - 杰 你又高又壮 - What the fuck does that mean? - Jay
而且完全有能力保护自己 and-- and perfectly capable of defending yourself.
艾莉 我真的很感谢你的赞美 Ally
尤其是来自你 especially coming from you
但现在不是时候 好吗？ but right now is not the time
这些肌肉不是用来打架的！ These muscles were not made for violence!
它们是用来拥抱的！ They're for cuddling!
- 好吧 - 嘿 我们在这儿谈话呢！ - Okay. - Hey
伙计们 不是他 我们整晚都在一起 Guys
心魔在追我们俩 Heart Eyes was after both of us.
女士…… 我们在公园里发现这个人穿着这个 Ma'am... We found this man in the park wearing this
还带着这个 and in possession of this.
拜托！ Come on!
不 这 这不可能 No
杰没有做这事 Jay didn't do this.
也许吧 Maybe.
也许杰不是单独行动 Maybe Jay wasn't acting alone.
- 什么？ - 什么？ - What? - What?
我们得带上你这位 We're gonna have to take your
又高又壮的朋友回去问话 tall
哦！ Oh!
嘿 干得好 真不错 Hey
警局见吧 我想 See you at the station
该死 Fuck.
这是什么？ What is this?
那是戒指 That's a ring.
- 读一下 - 读什么？ - Read it. - Read what?
让我帮你 让我帮你 Let me help you out. Let me help you out.
上面写着 “JS” It says
- 指的是“杰·西蒙斯” - “杰·西蒙斯” - As in "Jay Simmonds." - "Jay Simmonds."
你真厉害 You are really good.
你真的很擅长侦探工作 You're really good at detective work.
这真的 太令人印象深刻了 That was really--
这是讽刺吗？ That sarcasm?
A 我没结婚 A
B 为什么我要把结婚戒指留在犯罪现场？ B
还有C And C
谁会把自己名字的首字母 who gets their own initials
刻在自己的结婚戒指上？ engraved in their own fucking wedding band?
还有 D Also
是的 那是讽刺 yes
- 嘿 嘿 嘿！霍布斯 - 嘿 放松 放松！ - Hey
休息五分钟 去吧 去吧 Take five. Go. Go.
冷静一下 Cool down.
拜托 Come on.
抱歉 他有时会有点急躁 I'm sorry. He can get a little hot under the collar.
是啊 不夸张 Yeah. No kidding.
你需要什么吗？水 咖啡？ Do you need anything? Water
- 我很好 非常感谢 - 好吧 - I am fine
就你和我 Just you and me.
我要你看着我的眼睛 I want you to look me in the eyes
告诉我真相 and tell me the truth.
好吧 All right.
你认识艾莉多久了？ How long have you known Ally?
十四个小时 Fourteen hours.
你似乎很关心她 You seem to care about her.
是啊 也许吧 Yeah. Maybe I do.
但那枚戒指 那……不是你的 对吧？ But that ring. That's... It's not yours
不是 再说一遍 我没结婚 No. Again
你没结婚 You're not married.
我的意思是 这并不是我的选择 I mean
我 我只是还没遇到合适的人 I--I just haven't met the right person.
你是在跟我说吗？ You're telling me.
- 你是 - 单身 真让人震惊 - You're-- - Single. Shocker.
算是吧 Kind of.
不 你真的 嗯…… No-- You really
好吧 嗯…… Okay
女士 我在这里等了一个多小时了 Lady
首先 应该叫“警官” First of all
其次 我已经告诉过你了 Second
他们正在审问嫌疑人 they're interrogating the suspect.
我已经告诉过你 他们审错了人
你能不能回去 Can you please just go back there
给我一些信息？ and give me some sort of information?
抱歉 弗兰 网线都磨损了 Sorry
- 现在应该能用了 - 谢谢 大卫 - Should be working now. - Thanks
一个5个字母的单词 以H结尾的狗？
婊子？ Bitch?
你说什么？ Excuse me?
母狗 Female dog.
哦 是的 谢谢 Oh
你现在能不能回去给我一些最新消息？ Can you please go back there now and give me some sort of update?
- 好吧 - 谢谢 - Fine. - Thank you.
嘿 我们认识吗？ Hey. Do we know each other?
不 我不这么认为 No
探探 Bumble.
不不 我...我没在用交友软件 Yeah
反正也是浪费时间 Oh. It's a waste of time anyway.
哼 Hmm.
那我直说吧 Just shooting my shot here.
嗯 改天能请你喝咖啡吗？ Um
我请客 I'll pay for it.
我今晚差点被杀 I almost got murdered tonight.
- 真抱歉 呃... - 是啊 - I am so sorry. Um... - Yeah.
注意安全 晚安 Stay safe. Have a good night.
谢谢 Thank you.
人都死哪去了？ Where the hell is everybody?
庆祝呢 Celebrating.
他们抓到心魔杀手了 They caught Heart Eyes.
还有什么想说的吗？ So
我不是连环杀手 I'm not a serial killer.
这能证明些吧 So there's that.
你2023年2月在波士顿 Were you in Boston in February of '23
2024年2月在费城待过？ and Philadelphia in February of '24?
我... I...
换个方式问 你确实去过这两个城市 Let me rephrase. You were in Boston and Philly.
时间地点都和之前 Same dates and locations
HEK的两次杀戮狂欢完全吻合 as HEK's two prior killing sprees.
杰 我必须承认... Jay
这看起来非常可疑 that doesn't look very good.
我...我不知道该说什么 I-- I don't know what you want me to say.
我是自由职业者 确实会为工作出差
出差时会不会觉得寂寞？ Do you ever get lonely on the road?
我觉得总有办法充实自己 I like to think that I can keep myself busy.
哦？怎么充实？ Yeah? How?
当你独处思考时 How do you blow off steam
如何排解压力呢 杰？ when you're alone with your thoughts
去葡萄园散心？ Do you go to a vineyard?
还是做水疗？ Maybe a spa?
天啊...谁... Holy... Who--
HEK突然横空出世 So
谴责情人节及其象征的一切... and denounce Valentine's Day and all it stands for...
喂？ Hello?
...手段是将情侣们大卸八块 ...by cutting these couples down to size.
以我的专业角度来看... In my professional opinion
警探 Detective.
门外有个HWW We got an HWW out front.
怎么处理？ What do you want me to do with her?
HWW？ An HWW?
"歇斯底里的白种女人" "Hysterical white woman."
我去应付 I'll handle her.
老实待着 You sit tight.
还没结束 We're not done yet.
我等着 I'll be here.
他突然发狂 He just snapped.
然后持续不断地杀人 And he makes it a point to kill again and again
直到这个专门为情侣和浪漫 until the very concept of an entire day
而设立的节日彻底消失 dedicated to couples and romance is eradicated.
他潜入你家躲在暗处 He sneaks into your house and waits in the dark.
像尸体般诡秘安静 Cunning and quiet as a corpse.
然后趁你最不设防时... And then
掏出他工具箱里的一件 he pulls out one of the many
致命凶器 from his tools.
- 你在干什么？ - 天佑... - What the hell are you doing? - God...
美利坚 bless the USA.
- 早说了 - 是啊 - Told ya. - Yeah.
真抱歉 I'm so sorry.
- 要放了他？ - 暂时不放 - Are you letting him go? - Not yet.
凭什么？他是无辜的！ Why the hell not? He's innocent!
嗯 那请你解释 Mmm-hmm. Well
为什么心魔杀手要追杀他？ Why is the Heart Eyes Killer after him?
- 你们不是情侣 - 我不知道 - You're not a couple. - I don't know.
可能他看见我们以为是一对 I assume he saw us and thought we were together.
为什么？ Why?
我们... We...
接吻了 kissed.
当时...当时有...必须要接吻 We had-- We had-- We had--
因为...因为我前男友... We had to kiss because... because my ex...
在场 我嫉妒了 he was there
- 我知道很蠢 - 明白 - It's really stupid
理解的 I get it.
嗯 I do.
所以你对他是没恋爱兴趣的？ So you're not interested in him romantically?
这有关系吗？ Why is that relevant?
姐妹闲聊嘛 Just girl talk.
他挺帅的 有份... I mean
体面工作 really good job.
简直是你这种小姑娘的完美人选 Perfect candidate for a little girl like yourself.
我这种小姑娘？ A little girl like myself?
哎 Ay.
别紧张 估计是跳闸了 Oh
电影里被捅死的人都是这么说的 That's what people say before they get stabbed to death.
你怎么知道？ How would you know?
看好她 Watch her.
不不 她让你看着我 No
别慌 我去拿手电 给我点空间？ Calm down
你都快贴我身上了 Any closer
抱歉 我太害怕了 I'm sorry. I'm just scared.
小心点 杀手会躲在衣柜里 No
这里没杀手 No killers in here.
救命！ Help!
嘿！怎么回事？ Hey! Hey! What--
- 他来了 - 谁？ - He's here. - Who?
后退！快退后！ Go! Get back! Get back!
喂 站住！快停下！ Hey. Hey. Hey
你要去哪？快给我解开 Where are you going? Uncuff me.
别怕 甜心 Don't worry
我会保护你 I'll protect you.
不 不行！ No. No. No.
见鬼！ God! Damn it!
肖恩？ Shaw?
肖恩！ Shaw!
杰？ Jay?
帕特里克 Patrick.
阿德琳 Adeline.
这将是有史以来最棒的情人节！ This is going to be the best
这地方... This place...
太奢华了 it's just so gorge.
当然啦亲爱的 Of course it is
- 你选的啊！- 是我选的！ - You picked it! - I picked it!
哦 Oh.
嗯 嗯 Mmm. Mmm.
嗯 Mmm.
嗯？ Mmm?
搞什么鬼？ What the hell?
我说过别放我食物里 I told you not to put it in my food.
- 糟了 对不起 我... - 没事 继续
阿德琳·黛丽拉·加勒特 Adeline Delilah Garrett.
你很聪明 You're smart.
你很美丽 You're beautiful.
最重要的是 And perhaps most important of all
你能启发我的思考 you make me think.
你是我的真命天女 我无法想象没有你的人生
你愿意嫁给我吗？ Will you marry me?
愿意！千千万万次愿意！ Yes. A million times
你这时候打电话干什么？ Why are you calling me right now?
我没拍到 I didn't get it.
你他妈说没拍到是什么意思？ What the fuck do you mean you didn't get it?
对不住啊兄弟 Yeah
刚才有几道太阳耀斑干扰... There was a couple of sun flares and like...
要不你们再求一次婚？或者... Um
当然好啊 Why
让我重新向未婚妻求个婚 Let me re-propose to my fucking girlfriend
好让你完成分内工作？ so you can do your job right.
- 严格说现在是未婚妻 - 少跟我耍嘴皮子
这次再拍不好 我就亲手弄死你...
- 在点评网写差评 - 好的 多谢
回头聊 我可没开通点评服务 白痴 I'll talk to you later. I'm not even on Yelp
呃...甜言蜜语 说些肉麻的 Uh... Speech
然后... And...
你愿意嫁给我吗？ Will you marry me?
愿意！千千万万次愿意 Yes. A million times
稍等一下 Just one second.
给我 喂？ Give me that. Hello?
我是摄影师尼可 请留言 Nico the Photo Guy. Leave a message.
你他妈在耍我吗？ Are you fucking kidding... me?
不！ No!
喂？ Hello?
听着 混蛋 You listen here
我花了一辈子策划今天... I have been planning this day my whole life...
你居然杀了他！ and you fucking killed him!
你惹错新娘了 You messed with the wrong bride.
听到没有？ You hear me?
你惹错... You messed with the wrong fu--
女士 这里是禁区 你在干什么？ Whoa
- 他要杀我！- 请冷静 - He's trying to kill me! - Please
伙计 解释下怎么回事？ Hey
站住！放下刀 混蛋！ Wait. Stop! Drop the knife
救命啊！谁来帮帮我！ Somebody! Please!
妈妈咪呀 Shoot.
去死吧 狗杂种！ Take that
滚开！ Go away!
你滚开！ You go away!
不 No.
不 不 不... No
不要啊 求求你！ No
喂！喂！ Hey! Hey!
不！ No!
（法语：一、二） No!
腥心眼 （情人节大逃杀//心眼杀手）
今天是情人节 It's Valentine's Day
全国再次进入高度警戒状态 and the nation is once again on high alert.
过去两年来 一名戴面具的狂徒 For the past two years
被称为"心魔杀手"(HEK)... known as the Heart Eyes Killer...
...这是官方使用的简写代号 ...or HEK
每逢这个浪漫的节日就会出现 has emerged on a day meant for romance
专门猎杀情侣并残忍行凶 to target
作案城市似乎随机选择 HEK seems to target cities at random.
两年前波士顿地区的... From a blood-soaked rampage
血腥屠杀... in the Boston area two years ago...
以及去年在费城 ...as well as a second killing spree
再次犯下的连环命案 which left several dead in Philadelphia just last year.
虽然主要针对热恋中的情侣 Even though he's after couples in love
但必须明确强调... let me be perfectly clear about this...
他会对任何挡他路的人痛下杀手 He will kill anyone who gets in his way.
...这使美国民众再次深陷恐慌 ...leaving Americans once again plagued with anxiety
在爱神节日里不禁要问... on Cupid's holiday asking the question...
心魔杀手下次会出现在哪里？ Where will the Heart Eyes Killer strike next?
你们害怕心魔杀手破坏 Do you expect the Heart Eyes Killer
你们的情人节计划吗？ to kill your
谁会制定情人节计划啊？ Who the hell makes Valentine's Day plans?
这节日糟透了兄弟 Yeah
- 说真的 - 去他妈的情人节... - Literally. - Fuck Valentine...
心魔算个鸟 我根本没在怕 I ain't even low-key scared.
心魔杀手丫拿我没辙 因为我...... The HEK ain't got nothin' on me. You know
闭嘴迪伦 你连黑都怕 Shut up
不 我没有 No
心魔杀手..........还好我是单身 - The Heart Eyes Killer-- - So glad I'm single.
-我打算在室内庆祝 -那家伙在追杀你啊
把你们恶心的恩爱晒到我们脸上... （PDA=Public Display of Affection）
我认为他只杀异性恋 He only kills straight people
无论你是已经有了伴侣 还是正在寻觅爱情
请在情人节保持警惕 stay vigilant this Valentine's Day.
该死！ Shit!
- 真行啊蠢货 - 卡布奇诺好了 - Nice one
愿爱神射爆你的蛋蛋 Hope Cupid shoots you in the dick.
莫妮卡的大豆焦糖拿铁！ Caramel soy latte for Monica!
- 我的 - 好的 给您 - Oh
怎么这么紧张兮兮的？ Why do you look so stressed?
是因为你情人节又单身了吗？ Is it 'cause you're single again on Valentine's Day?
不 我是...我紧张是 因为克里斯特尔刚通知
要开全员会议 她邮件主题里 an all-hands meeting and the subject of her email
直接写着"艾莉的宣传活动" literally says
- 嗯 我看到了 - 所以我完蛋了 - Hmm. I saw that. - So
最坏的情况 Okay
你被解雇然后这辈子都不用再工作 you get fired and you never work another day in your life.
最坏情况是克里斯特尔 会扒我的皮做裤装
不过你皮肤确实不错 Best-case scenario
啵 Boop.
知道吗 无所谓了 You know what? Whatever.
你要是倒霉 我会陪你一起 好吗？ If you go down
咱们就像《末路狂花》那样大干一场 We'll Thelma and Louise this shit.
大杯冰摇美式 Large iced blended Americano
加燕麦奶 两份蜂蜜 一份糖 with oat milk
抱歉 你确定这是你的吗？ Sorry
没错 这绝对是我的 Yes
没人会点大杯冰摇美式加燕麦奶 No one else would order a large iced blended Americano
两份蜂蜜 一份糖 with oat milk
糖 哇 看看 真厉害 Sugar. Yeah. Look at that. Wow.
看来我们是咖啡搭子 Guess we're coffee mates.
- 老爸式冷笑话不错 - 谢了 - Nice dad joke. - Thanks.
我以为全世界只有我 I thought I was the only one in the world
会点这么讨人嫌的咖啡 with the most obnoxious coffee order.
这其实是很常见的点单 It's a pretty common order actually.
能别挡路吗？我们很忙 Can you guys move? We're busy.
好的 Yes.
他好帅！ He's hot!
要试试这种吸管吗？ Hey
不用了谢谢 我自带了 Oh
- 金属吸管啊 - 我讨厌纸吸管 - Oh. Metal straw. - I hate paper straws.
三秒钟就软成一坨 They just turn into mush in
完全理解你的感受 Yeah
亚瑟帮我还的 卡还可以继续用 Arthur paid it off. And I get to keep the card.
- 认真的？ - 嗯 - Are you serious? - Mmm-hmm.
天 有人喜欢和"老"爸甜甜蜜蜜呢 Damn. Someone likes a little sugar with their daddy.
注意称呼 艾莉 我没有糖爹 A-ha. Excuse me
这个词很成问题 That term is very problematic.
我有赞助人 I have a sponsor.
你爱的是人还是债务清零？ And do you love your sponsor
都爱 爱他 也爱免债 Yes
什么时候让我见神秘休·海夫纳？ So
约个晚饭如何？ Shall we all get dinner soon?
要不四点半喝粥？ What do you say
真幽默 审判官小姐 Ha-ha. Real clever
你倒是在线跟踪前男友 while you're literally stalking your ex online.
为了在她前任面前显得 更有魅力 少些可怜相
- 哦 你喜欢Spotify？ （Spotify：流媒体音乐平台）
我有《终极性感》歌单 I have Ultimate Sexies playlist and--
- 我爱Spotify - 不用了 - I love Spotify. - Yeah
谢谢 we're okay. Thank you.
能加个停靠点吗？ Can we add a stop?
再次为今晚的事道歉 Again
我发誓我不是疯子 I swear I'm not a lunatic.
这话听着就像疯子会说的 That's exactly what I think a lunatic would say.
好吧 Okay.
祝你闺蜜婚礼玩得开心 Have fun at your best friend's wedding.
转弯 Turn.
这里 In here.
嗯？ Hmm?
把衣服穿上 有杀手在追我们 Put a fucking shirt on. There's a killer after us.
哦 怎么了？ Mmm. Oh
是心魔杀手 The Heart Eyes Killer.
他现在就在外面 保持安静 He's out there right now. We need to be quiet.
哇 哥们这太刺激了 靠 Oh! Dude
- 我们最爱角色扮演 - 没错 - We love role-play. - Yeah.
- 天呐他来了 - 我们要死了 - Oh
他那么吓人又高大 Oh
- 不能待在这 - 对 - We can't stay here. - No.
- ...不寒而栗 - 沃尔特... - ...without shuddering. - Walter...
我把你培养成了优秀记者 I made a great reporter out of you.
在其他报社你连现在一半水准都没有 You won't be half as good on another paper.
我们是团队 We're a team.
你需要我 我需要你 报社需要我们！ You need me
成交！ Sold
就是没成功 沃尔特 It just didn't work out
哦该死 Oh
要是你当时满足的话... It would've worked out if you'd been satisfied...
也许我们该躲会儿 Maybe we lay low for a little bit.
好 Yeah.
我当时不满足 I wasn't satisfied.
难道是我求的婚？ I suppose I proposed to you?
用塑料杯装咖啡却指望纸吸管 Let's put all the coffee in a plastic cup
拯救地球 真是可笑 but
地球得救了 Planet saved.
- 要糖吗？ - 来点 - Uh
给胰腺来点慢性毒药 A little slow poison
- 哦 - 哈 - for the pancreas. Oh. - Oh.
- 哇！ - 天！ - Ooh! - Oh!
- 抱歉 不好意思 抱歉 - I'm sorry. No
- 我来 没事 - 不 完全是我的... - I got it. It's okay. - No
- 见鬼了！ - 糟糕！ - Fucking Jesus Murphy! - Oh
天啊 你没事吧？ Oh
- 嗯 我没事吗？ - 天 你流血了！ - Yeah. Am I? - Oh
- 给 该死... - 谢谢啊 - Here. Shit. Uh-- - Oh-- Thank you for that.
再见 我先走了 公司见 莫妮卡 Bye. Um
抱歉 她今天要被炒了 Sorry. She's getting fired today.
就在情人节大屠杀事件 一周年之际
波士顿三对情侣遇害 left three couples dead in Boston
费城四对情侣丧生后 and four couples dead in Philadelphia
心魔杀手已现身西雅图 the Heart Eyes Killer has come to Seattle.
某酒庄发现四名新受害者 Four victims have now been claimed at a winery
一场美梦般的订婚 ending one dream engagement
终成噩梦 in a nightmare.
哈特利警长 这是心魔杀手所为吗？
目前尚未确认 That's not confirmed at this point
但鉴于凶手专挑情人节情侣下手 but given the pattern of targeting couples
我们怀疑是HEK心魔杀手所为 on Valentine's Day
对那些计划庆祝情人节的情侣们 What do you have to say to all those couples out there
您有什么建议？ planning to celebrate
待在家里 Stay home.
好吧 Well.
这下棘手了 This is quite a pickle.
你们当中... Why didn't a single one of you
为什么没有一个人... tell me that there is a maniac
告诉我这两年有个疯子... running around slaughtering people
在情人节期间到处杀人？ on Valentine's Day these last couple years?
汤米? Tommy?
居然没一个人提醒 Not a single one of you.
这个宣传活动的时机确实糟糕 This campaign is certainly ill-timed.
你说呢 小姑娘？ Wouldn't you say so
呃...这个... Uh... Um...
- 我是说... - 克里斯特尔 你知道
你总强调提案要贴近时事 how you always tell us
这种相关性在我们的研究中 确实非常重要
我个人认为 艾莉的宣传活动非常"应景"
莫妮卡 我谢谢你一家门 Monica
如果你能帮我个大忙的话 就请你闭上你的臭嘴
汤米？ Tommy?
（至死不渝，生死相随） Tommy?
（某某珠宝） Tommy?
"哇 靠情侣惨死来卖戒指" "Wow. Profiting off the death of couples to sell rings."
"无语" "Speechless."
- "太恶心了" - 确实 - "This is disgusting." - I'll say.
"我看了什么鬼？" "What did I just watch?"
"土到掉渣" "Straight-up tacky."
"快人肉这个蠢货制作方" "Someone find out who made this and dox their ignorant ass."
- 后面还有好多 - 可想而知 - I mean
杰！ Jay!
能听见吗？ Jay
艾莉 我在 Yes
快去找钥匙 Ally
霍布斯拿着钥匙 知道吗？ 你得找到霍布斯
因为这混蛋把我锁在这儿了 'cause he locked me in here like a fucking asshole.
艾莉？ Ally?
她丢下我了 She ditched me.
没事的 That's okay.
艾莉？ Ally?
嘿 Hey.
快点 Come on.
嘿 快走 Hey
这不公平！ This is not fair!
该死！ Shit!
去死吧 Die.
艾莉！艾莉！ Ally! Ally!
见鬼！我在这儿！ Goddamn! I'm right here!
杰！ Jay!
当心！当心 Careful! Careful.
- 嗨 - 嗨 - Hi. - Hi.
你没事吧？ Are you okay?
顺便说 你枪法真烂 You're a terrible shot
别得寸进尺 罗密欧 Don't fucking push it
- 不！嘿！ - 艾莉！ - No! Hey! - Ally!
- 住手！ - 不不不！艾莉！ - Stop! - No
该死的混蛋！ Fucking assholes!
你救了我的命 You saved my life.
你也救了我的 You saved mine.
我欠你的 I owed you one.
我们不是情侣！ We're not together!
去杀别人吧！ Go kill somebody else!
- 起来 快起来 - 他来了 他来了 - Get up. Get up. Get up. - He's coming. He's coming.
见鬼 知道我们刚才做了什么吗？ Oh
嗯 我们把专杀情侣的疯子引到了... Yeah. We led a couples-killing maniac to a...
- 无限量屠杀自助餐厅 - 快走 - To an all-you-can-kill buffet. - Come on.
你这大块头居然雇飞机在天上写字 A big fat lummox like you hiring an aeroplane to write
"希尔蒂别冲动 记得我的酒窝 沃尔特" "Hildy
让我们的离婚推迟了20分钟 Delayed our divorce 20 minutes
法官跑出去看热闹了 while the judge went out to watch it.
开玩笑吧？ Are you kidding me?
哦该死！ Oh
你这造型真带劲 Yo
我不喜欢这样 I don't like that.
那不是他吧？ That's not him
搞什么鬼？ What the fuck?
就是他！ It is him!
是我的错吗？ Was it my fault?
我难道知道煤矿会再次塌方？ Did I know that coal mine was gonna have another cave-in?
我本想陪你去度蜜月 希尔蒂 I intended to be with you on our honeymoon
怎么了老兄？ 'Sup
我和约翰·克鲁普茨基在煤矿待了两周 I spent two weeks in a coal mine with John Kruptzky.
你不会否认吧 沃尔特？ You don't deny that
否认？我为此骄傲 Deny it? I'm proud of it.
我们抢到了独家新闻 We beat the whole country on that story.
就算这样 这也不是我结婚的目的！ Suppose we did. That isn't what I got married for!
失陪 Excuse us.
真恶心 What a creep.
左边 左边 Left. Left.
不 右边 快走 快走 No. Right. Go. Go
差不多就是 You practically did.
两年里不断对我抛媚眼 Making goo-goo eyes at me for two years.
"哦沃尔特" 我现在还是... "Oh
其实我有点喜欢这电影 I actually kind of like this movie.
- 是吗？喜欢吗？ - 嗯 - Yeah
真的？ Really?
是啊 很意外吗？ Yeah. Are you surprised?
有点吧 Little bit
我确实抛下你了 I did ditch you.
没 抛下我？ No. Ditch me?
这是我的专长 It's what I'm best at.
- 抛弃别人？ - 逃跑 - Ditching people? - Running.
嘿 我刚才很勇猛 你没看见吗？ Hey
他吓得小皮靴都在抖 He was shaking in his little leather boots.
杰 晚餐时我没完全说实话 Jay
我父母曾经有过... My parents had this
童话般的爱情 storybook romance.
他们真是天造地设的一对 They were literally perfect together.
后来爸爸去世了 And then my dad died.
我觉得妈妈再也没有恢复过来 I don't think my mom ever fully recovered.
抱歉 I'm sorry.
知道吗 我小时候 You know
父母...简直恨透对方 my parents just... hated each other.
他们无时无刻不在争吵 I mean
所以我才... I think that...
变成这种... is why I'm just this...
无可救药的浪漫主义者 hapless romantic.
总把每个心仪女孩捧上神坛 Just putting every girl
结果心碎了一次... only to have my heart broken over...
- 又一次 - 又一次... - More. - and over...
还要吗？ More?
...继续啊 ...and over.
别停 Keep going.
就因为他们... All because they...
他们就是...喘不过气 they just can't... breathe
我那令人窒息的执念 my suffocating attempt
想证明爸妈是错的 to prove Mom and Dad wrong.
你知道吗 我觉得... You know
今晚本该是人生中最糟的 I think tonight should've been
一夜 the worst night of my life.
但事实并非如此 But it isn't.
我也是 Ditto.
宝贝 你湿透了 Baby
天 你好硬！疼！ God
至少他们玩得挺嗨 At least they're having fun.
哦靠！ Oh
有点吵 It's kinda loud.
是啊太吵了 Yeah
他妈的闭嘴！ Shut the fuck up!
- 闭嘴！给老子安静！- 小点声！ - Shut up! Shut the fuck up. - Quiet down!
- 萨姆！我要来了！- 天呐！ - Samm! I'm coming! - Oh
- 我要来了！- 闭嘴！闭嘴！ - I'm coming! - Shut up! Shut up!
我操！快打911！ Holy shit. Someone call 911!
妈的！ Fuck!
求你别！ Please
你干嘛 嘿 艾莉 What are you-- Hey
- 你在干什么？- 等等 - What are you doing? - Wait.
等什么？他会杀了我们 Wait for what? He's gonna kill us.
如果他不杀我们 And if he doesn't kill us
就会继续杀人 he's gonna keep killing people.
是我们引他来的 We brought him here
就在这做个了断 we end it here.
- 我们 - 来吧 - We-- - Come on.
不是说好并肩作战吗？ I thought we were a team.
嘿 红眼怪！ Hey
等等等等 Wait
得找个武器 We need a weapon.
我有这个 I have this.
这算哪门子武器 That is not a weapon.
或许能行 That could work.
- 我觉得我做不到 - 什么？嘿... - I don't think I can do that. - What? Hey...
你可以的 Yes
来吧 Come on.
快跑！ Run!
艾莉！ Ally!
哦靠！ Oh
多谢了 杰 Thanks a lot
怎么？ What?
溅我嘴里了 You got it in my mouth.
我刚救了你的命 I just saved your life.
天 我要吐了 Oh
别 嘿 No. Hey.
不不不 Oh
早说了我见不得血 I told you
可不是嘛 Yeah
呃 那货谁啊？ Uh
不认识 I have no idea.
他流了好多血 He's lost a lot of blood here.
确认受害者身份了吗？ Do you have an ID on the victim?
你俩要出名了 You two
阻止心魔的情侣 我 The couple that stopped Heart Eyes. I--
挺登对的 It's very cute.
谢谢...... Thank-- Thank-- Thank you.
- 谢谢 - 多谢 - Thank you. - Thank you.
不打扰你们了 I'm gonna leave you alone now.
冒昧问一句 Shot in the dark here.
要不要回我酒店 Wanna come back to my hotel
在我登机前搞定这个方案？ and try and crack this campaign before my flight?
正经吃顿晚饭 Just actually eat some dinner.
叫全套客房服务 Order a whole bunch of room service.
呃... Um...
杰 不行 Jay
嘿 二位 Hey
确认下你们安全到家 Just wanted to make sure you both got home safe.
需要送你们吗？ Either of you need a lift?
嗯...其实... Um... Actually...
能借用下电话..... I don't suppose you have a phone
叫部出租车吗？ just so I can call a cab?
别傻了 我送你回家 No
至少这是我能做的 Least I can do.
你的专车等着呐 Your chariot awaits.
好 Okay.
晚点工作电话？ Work call later?
没问题 Sounds like a plan.
嘿 有笔吗？ Hey
- 我有 - 好 - I got you
给我看看？ Can I see that?
这是我 That's me.
专车候着 Your chariot awaits.
她不是我的菜 She's not my type.
又有电话 Hey
得接一下 so I'm just gonna have to take that
还有这个 and that too.
要搭车吗？ Hey
嘿 Hey.
有话要对我说吗？ Um
你绝对想不到发生了什么 Oh
心魔的事？认真的？ Hello
等等 你没事吧？ But wait. Are you okay?
说实话 要过来住吗？ Tell me the truth. Do you need to come over?
可以睡亚瑟的安全屋 You can sleep in Arthur's panic room.
不 我 我讨厌这种感觉 No
什么感觉？ What feeling?
喜欢一个人 Liking someone.
天 我搞砸了 God
彻底搞砸了 莫尼 I fucked up
遇到了个特别棒的人 I met a really
现在他走了 and now he's gone.
他在哪？ Where is he?
机场 At the airport.
很好 那就快去机场追啊 Oh. Okay
莫尼 我.......... Mon
听着 艾莉 听我说 Hey
你值得幸福 You deserve to be happy.
你值得被爱 You deserve to have someone love you
爱这个美丽又神经质的你 for the beautiful
你有时候真是 迟钝得让人抓狂
说真的 这是我讨厌你的 十大理由之一
你不能让杰去参加 他最好朋友的婚礼
和一群伴娘勾搭上 and hook up with a bunch of bridesmaids
然后搬去诺丁山 绝对不行 and move to Notting Hill. No.
这就是爱啊 老妈 This is love
某种奇妙、 Some kind of wonderful
疯狂又愚蠢的爱 crazy
去追他 抓住那个 完美的深肤色男人
- 好！- 他帅炸了！ - Okay! - He's gorgeous!
- 天啊 - 艾莉快去！ - Oh
- 立刻去追他！- 知道了 这就去 - You go get him right now! - Okay. I'm going.
我爱你！你是最棒的！ I love you! You're beautiful!
乘坐403航班前往波士顿的旅客 This is your final call for all passengers
最后一次登机广播 on flight 403 to Boston.
谢谢 Thank you.
杰？ Jay?
请准备好登机牌... Please have your boarding pass...
- 杰！- ...和身份证件 - Jay! - ...and identification ready.
谢谢 Thank you.
杰？ Jay?
- 杰！- 靠！ - Jay! - Fuck!
抱歉 Sorry.
杰！ Jay!
天啊真对不起 Oh
我认错人了 I thought you were somebody else.
琼斯夫妇请速至 Paging passengers
前往丹佛的273航班... flying to Denver...
- 抱歉 - ...登机口 - Sorry. - ...on flight 273.
航班即将关闭舱门 Your flight is boarded and ready for departure.
请立即前往 Please make your way
11号登机口 to gate lounge 11 immediately.
- 喂？- 玫瑰红艳 - Hello? - Roses are red
紫罗兰墨黑 violets are black.
可知谁伴我 Guess who's with me
永不再归来？ and not coming back?
你是谁？ Who is this?
我们见过面 We've met before.
勿忘我 Forget me not.
艾莉！艾莉！别！ Ally! Ally! No!
别 千万别 Don't-- Do not--
圣瓦伦丁教堂 St. Valentine's Chapel.
单独来 否则他死 Come alone or he dies.
明白 Okay.
敢报警 他就死 Call for help
好的 千万别伤害他 Okay. Just please don't hurt him.
这取决于你 亲爱的 That's up to you
人说爱情盲目 They say love is blind
恋者目不能视 and lovers cannot see
甘犯痴愚 犹自不觉 the pretty follies that they themselves commit.
但爱并不盲目... But love isn't blind...
对吧？ is it?
等等 你是 Wait
是我 It's me.
大卫 David.
那个IT男 The IT guy.
那我们之前杀的是谁？ Wait
伊莱 Eli.
可怜又愚蠢的伊莱 Poor
你们是一对？ You guys were a couple?
一对？不不 Couple? No. No.
三人行 Throuple.
爱睁大双眼寻觅 Love looks with eyes wide open.
追寻内心最深渴望 Seeking what the heart desires the most.
伴侣 A partner.
灵魂的另一半 Its true companion.
十年前我在聊天室找到了他 I found mine ten years ago in a chat room.
大卫懂我 David saw me.
我亦懂他 He understood me
我们心意相通 and I understood him.
我们在这里结婚 We got married here.
没想到你们有宗教情结 You know
不 我们只是喜欢这个故事 No. We just like the story.
圣瓦伦丁... Saint Valentine...
是被斩首的 was beheaded.
你们杀害无辜 You murdered innocent people.
- 分享所爱 - 分享所爱 - Share what you love. - Share what you love.
我们爱狩猎、杀戮... And we love hunting
欺诈 Deceit.
轮流玩弄猎物 Taking turns on our victims.
虐杀情侣 Murdering couples.
- 这是我们的癖好 - 这是我们的癖好 - It's our kink. - It's our kink.
谁还没点特殊爱好 Everybody's got a fetish.
可惜在汽车影院浪费了你男友 Well
天 他才不是我们男友 Oh
伊莱只是个脑残粉 No
他对我们走火入魔 He was obsessed with us.
是痴迷于我 He was obsessed with me.
跟我学了不少把戏 Yeah. Learned a lot from me.
后来搞砸了 It just got messy.
该死！ Fuck!
差点在你家得手 I almost got you at home.
快追快追！ Go
- 我杀了你司机 - ...小情侣 - I killed your driver. - ...lovebirds.
不不不！你们找错人了 No
你们这是 What are you--
在酒庄干掉那群人渣真是痛快 And I had a blast wasting those vile dickheads at the winery.
哦对了 Ooh! That reminds me.
- 瞧 - 找到这个 - Huh. - Found this.
天 你简直完美 God
她是不是最棒的？ Isn't she the fucking best?
当然 Yeah
正巧 And as luck would have it
你姓名首字母吻合 your initials match.
J·肖 J. Shaw.
珍妮·肖 贱人 Jeanine Shaw
为什么是我们？我们根本不是情侣 Why us? We're not even a couple.
放了他！快放人！ Just let him go! Let him go!
说实话 Truth be told
我们本来要杀餐厅那对 we were gonna kill the other couple at the restaurant.
但后来... But then...
- 看到那个吻 - 那个吻！天！ - we saw that kiss. - That kiss! God!
你们的化学反应让人着迷 Your chemistry is undeniable.
好吧 我可不知道谋杀也是爱的语言 Well
试试看 Try it.
或许你会喜欢 Maybe you'll like it.
捡起来 Pick it up.
枪膛里只有一颗子弹 There's a single bullet in that chamber
一次生死抉择：他活还是你活 with one single choice
我们起初可能误以为你们是恋人 We may have mistaken you for lovers
但你们能用行动证明我们的判断吗？ at the beginning of the night
你是否愿意用自己的生命拯救他？ Could you save his life with yours
以此证明真爱能战胜一切？ thus proving that love really does conquer all?
如果不爱他 就杀了他 If you don't love him
然后你就能自由离开 And you're free to go.
哇 Wow.
你的执着精神真是令人佩服 You know
虽然他妈扭曲得离谱 It's twisted as fuck
杰 Jay.
我逃避爱情太久了 I've spent so long running from love.
总以为它会毁了我 Convinced it would destroy me.
我不想再做那样的人了 I don't wanna be that person anymore.
我想要童话般的爱情 I want the storybook thing.
虽然只有短暂一夜... It was just one single night...
但我已深深地爱上了你 杰 but I fell hard for you
不 不 不 别这么做 No
不！等等 No! No
住手 别这样 Hey. Hey
- 不要！艾莉！ - 原谅我 - No
宝贝 不要！ Baby
- 得了吧 - 你打中我了 - Come on. - Oh
抱歉 用力过猛了 Sorry
这枪真是他妈的走运 That's a lucky fucking shot.
艾莉 你刚才说的都是真心话吗？ Ally
快过来 Come on.
小甜心 Pookie.
把那个小白脸剁了 Chop that pretty boy up.
这个我要慢慢玩 I'm gonna have fun with this one.
- 不要 - 来吧妈咪 - No. No. - Oh
不！别碰他！给我住手！ No! No! Don't you fucking touch him! No!
不要！ No!
住手！ No!
贱人 你不该对我开枪的 You shouldn't have shot me
快看 快看 Hey
看她多带劲 Look at her go.
哦 这么精彩的可不能错过啊 Oh
她不是完美至极吗？ Isn't she perfect?
你废话太多了 You talk too much.
我要宰了你们这对狗男女 I'm gonna fucking kill you both.
看着吧 杰 You watching
我要你亲眼看着她死 I want you to see her die.
爱就是伤痛 贱人 Love hurts
今天真是糟糕透顶 Your day fucking sucks.
杰 Jay.
杰 醒醒 Jay. Hey.
嘿 Hey.
你醒啦 Hi
嗯 Hey.
看来你已经克服晕血症了 I think you got over your fear of blood.
我要杀了你 I'm gonna kill you.
我要宰了你 I'll fucking kill you.
老子要弄死你 I'm gonna fucking kill you.
拯救世界 Planet saved.
拯救成功 Planet saved.
一年之后 Planet saved.
要是一年前有人跟我说 Now
我要为水晶藤创下最高销量干杯 I'd be drinking to the highest recorded sales
我肯定骂他是个满嘴喷粪的骗子 in Crystal Cane history
但现在居然成真了 "Y'all just a lying sack of hot trash."
所以... But... here we are.
这一切都要归功于 这两位营销专家
就是这两位 Right here. These two.
说实话 艾莉 可能你不信 Now
但我真的有点难过 believe it or not
虽然今天是你在公司的最后一天 that this is your last day.
但你去追寻你的梦想 足以让我为你感到骄傲
回到医学院后... going back to doctor school.
希望你的医术比你的... All told
提案演讲水平高得多 than you are with a pitch deck!
为成功干杯！ To success!
- 为成功！ - 为成功 - To success! - To success.
等等 Wait.
为爱干杯 To love.
亲爱的 Hey
嗨 Hi.
错过什么了吗？ What did I miss?
在这里约会会不会有点怪？ Hey
毕竟之前发生那么多事 after everything that happened?
我觉得很合适 Nope. Not to me.
这里是我发现自己爱上你的地方 This is where I realized that I was in love with you.
所以特别有象征意义 So
象征意义？ Okay. Symbolic?
你觉得这象... You think it's symb--
先别慌 千万别慌 Listen
我知道这种事会让你紧张 但... I know stuff like this can freak you out
艾莉 今年是我人生中 最美好的一年
所以... So...
你愿意搬来和我同居吗？ will you move in with me?
杰 我... Jay
不知道该怎么回答 I don't know what to say.
等等 我知道你的意思了 Yeah
- 没关系 - 不是... - It's okay. - No
我不要钥匙 I don't want a key.
钥匙不能满足我 I don't want a key.
我要你的全部人生 I want you.
杰·西蒙兹... Jay Simmonds...
你愿意娶我吗？ will you marry me?
愿意 Yes.
- 真的？ - 真的 千真万确 - Yes? - Yes. Yes.
亿万次肯定 愿意至极 A million fucking times
（演示片） A million fucking times
（别走开，后面还有） A million fucking times
哪位？ Hello?
玫瑰红艳 Roses are red
紫罗兰墨黑 violets are blue.
猜猜谁手中有你的照片？ Guess who just took a picture of you?
你是谁？ Who is this?
淡定点 碧池 Relax
没吓到你吧？ Too soon?
莫妮卡 这不好笑！ Monica
你到底在哪儿？ Where even are you?
拿到了吗？ Did you get it?
当然拿到了！你以为呢？ Of course
你看上去超可爱 You look super cute.
我是说本来该去做个美甲 I mean
但我说过这事你也不介意 but I told you that
你就适合自然风格 美极了 You're a natural gal. You look great.
好啦 好好享受电影 未婚夫 爱你 Okay
艾莉？怎么了？ Ally? Hello?