1
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生活大爆炸
第三季第十六集

2
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[《星球大战V 克隆人战争》插曲]
"The Imperial March"

3
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您能行行好把衬衫给关了吗
Would you please turn your shirt off?

4
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那怎么行
What?

5
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我的闪亮出场需要恢宏的背景音乐
I'm giving myself dramatic entrance music.

6
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这样人们才会崇拜并畏惧我
People will know I'm awesome and to be feared.

7
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确实
Right.

8
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世上最惊悚的事莫过于
There's nothing more awesome and frightening than a man

9
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有音乐从一个男人的咪咪间喷薄而出
who's got music blasting from between his nipples.

10
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斯图亚特  忙啥呢
Hey, Stuart, what's going on?

11
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你可能需要在谷歌日历上记下了
Well, you might want to mark your Google calendars.

12
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斯坦·李周四来这里开签名会
Stan Lee is coming to do a signing on Thursday.

13
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他的自传出续集了吗
Did he finally write a sequel to his autobiography?

14
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我就知道80来岁的人照样老当益壮
I'm sure ages 79 through 87 were just action-packed.

15
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没  就是普通的漫画签名罢了
No, just a regular comic signing.

16
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我叔叔是他的皮肤科医生 斯坦·李因此卖个面子给他
My uncle is his dermatologist and Stan's doing him a favor.

17
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你告诉我这些干嘛啊你
Oh, I don't want to know that!

18
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这下好了  我怎么可能一边和斯坦·李讨论
How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee

19
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用银质冲浪板
the scientific foundations for interstellar flight

20
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来星际飞行的科学依据
on a silver surfboard

21
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一边逐行扫描他的脸
when part of my brain will be scanning his face

22
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以寻找皮肤传染病的蛛丝马迹
for signs of contagious skin disease?

23
00:01:13,630 --> 00:01:17,090
斯坦·李没有皮肤传染病
Stan Lee does not have a contagious skin disease.

24
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一边去  你又不是斯图亚特的叔叔
Well, look who thinks he's Stuart's uncle now.

25
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难以置信  我们要见到斯坦·李了
Can't believe it. We're going to meet Stan Lee!

26
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[《变形金刚》中大黄蜂播放过的歌曲]
"I'm So Excited"

27
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我错了  我不该教他跳这舞的
I'm sad to say I taught him those moves.

28
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我实在无法取舍 究竟让斯坦·李把名字签在
I can't decicide whether I want Stan Lee to autograph

29
00:02:07,150 --> 00:02:10,090
托尔第一次出场的《神秘之旅》83期上
my Journey into Mystery 83, first appearance of Thor

30
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还是签在《神奇四侠》第五本上 死亡博士的处女秀
or my Fantastic Four number five, first appearance of Dr. Doom.

31
00:02:14,330 --> 00:02:18,040
[Jeopardy智力竞赛节目  思考时的音乐  节目的主题曲]
(Jeopardy theme song playing)

32
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阿莱克斯 (Jeopardy的主持)  我选的答案是
Alex, I'm going to go with what is...

33
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你是个傻帽
you're a dumbass?

34
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我决定让斯坦·李把名签在
I've decided I'm going to have Mr. Lee sign my copy

35
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这个月的《蝙蝠侠》上
of this month's Batman.

36
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有病吧你
That's crazy.

37
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蝙蝠侠又不是斯坦·李的作品[竞争对手]
Stan Lee had nothing to do with Batman.

38
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对啊  所以其他人不会让他签这个
Yes, which is why no one else will ask him to sign one,

39
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于是我就会拥有一件
and I will be the possessor of

40
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虽然怪异但独一无二的稀世珍宝
a unique, albeit confusing, artifact,

41
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我从此就和那群芸芸
which will set me apart

42
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漫画迷不再是一个级别的了
from hoi polloi of comic book fandom.

43
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这点子不错
That's a great idea.

44
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我也让他签《蝙蝠侠》去
I'm going to get him to sign a Batman as well.

45
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你对独一无二这个词很难理解么
What is it about the word "unique" you don't understand?

46
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靠  手被纸片划破了
Damn, paper cut.

47
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被纸割伤最痛苦了
Nothing worse than a paper cut.

48
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你忘了割礼吧[犹太儿童切除包皮的仪式]
Well, obviously you don't remember your circumcision.

49
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上面抽屉里有新孢霉素和创口贴
There's Neosporin and Band-Aids in my top desk drawer.

50
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这些东西不是该放在卫生间里吗
Why don't you keep that stuff in the bathroom?

51
00:03:15,810 --> 00:03:17,230
卫生间里有  还有厨房里
He does. And in the kitchen.

52
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还有车里  再加上他口袋里
And in the car. And in his pocket.

53
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没错  但我口袋里的可不给别人用
Yeah, but the ones in my pocket are mine.

54
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-嗨  -嘿
- Hi!  - Hey.

55
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猜猜看
Guess who's going to be

56
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周四谁会去漫画店
at the comic bookstore on Thursday?

57
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呃  给点提示吧
Um... can you give me a hint?

58
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斯坦·李
Stan Lee.

59
00:03:30,740 --> 00:03:32,700
噢  斯坦利
Um... Stanley...

60
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斯坦利·图奇?[著名演员]
Stanley... Stanley Tucci?

61
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不是
No.

62
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是斯坦·李
No, Stan... Lee.

63
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哦  斯坦·李嘛
Oh, oh, Stan Lee!

64
00:03:41,310 --> 00:03:44,170
不错嘛
Cool!

65
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你根本不知道他是谁吧
You have no idea who he is, do you?

66
00:03:46,580 --> 00:03:48,600
谁说的  我当然知道
Of course I do.

67
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你是我生命中的重要的一部分
You're an important part of my life

68
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我自然会爱屋及乌啦
and I pay attention to the things you are interested in.

69
00:03:52,940 --> 00:03:54,600
是嘛  好啊
Oh, good.

70
00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:56,000
好极了
Good.

71
00:03:56,010 --> 00:03:57,200
那你说说  斯坦·李是谁
So, who's Stan Lee?

72
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星际迷航里的
Um... he was on Star Trek.

73
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猜错了
Nope.

74
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-那就星球大战  -又错
- Star Wars?  - No.

75
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呃  斯坦·李
Um... uh, Stan Lee.

76
00:04:09,110 --> 00:04:10,260
我知道了
Ooh, he was in those

77
00:04:10,270 --> 00:04:12,570
是你喜欢的傻帽功夫片里的
goofy kung fu movies you love so much?

78
00:04:12,580 --> 00:04:15,170
那是李小龙
That's Bruce Lee.

79
00:04:15,180 --> 00:04:16,370
啊哦
Oh.

80
00:04:16,380 --> 00:04:19,580
那这是小龙的书呆子哥哥斯坦?
So, is this Bruce Lee's nerdy brother, Stan?

81
00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,900
谢尔顿  你抽屉怎么有那么多
Sheldon, why do you have all these unopened

82
00:04:22,910 --> 00:04:24,670
没拆封的薪水支票
paychecks in your desk?

83
00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:26,700
因为我想买的东西
Because most of the things I'm planning to buy

84
00:04:26,710 --> 00:04:29,300
市面上基本上都没有
haven't been invented yet.

85
00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:32,030
这儿得有好几千块了吧
There-there must be thousands of dollars here.

86
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:33,700
你干嘛不存银行里
Why don't you put it in the bank?

87
00:04:33,710 --> 00:04:35,200
鬼才相信银行
I don't trust banks.

88
00:04:35,210 --> 00:04:37,000
我坚信如果有一天机器人奋起反抗了
I believe that when the robots rise up,

89
00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:40,010
自动取款机肯定是起义军领袖
ATMs will lead the charge.

90
00:04:40,510 --> 00:04:44,300
这儿还有一封 帕萨迪纳市法院寄来的东西
You've also got something from the Pasadena Municipal Court.

91
00:04:44,310 --> 00:04:48,800
肯定又是回信来鄙视我 之前寄去的几封信里
Undoubtedly another snide response to my repeated letters complaining

92
00:04:48,810 --> 00:04:51,830
投诉了法院门口的旗子 次序是错误的
that the flags in front of the courthouse are flying in the wrong order.

93
00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:54,760
按照从左到右的顺序 应该先是联邦旗  州旗
From left to right, it's supposed to be federal, state,

94
00:04:54,770 --> 00:04:56,070
最后才轮到帕萨迪纳市旗
and then city of Pasadena.

95
00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:59,580
打断一下  你为此寄了好几封信过去
I'm sorry. You sent more than one letter about that?

96
00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:03,140
它们看着太碍眼了
It bothers me.

97
00:05:04,340 --> 00:05:05,700
谢尔顿  这是封传票
Sheldon, this is a summons.

98
00:05:05,710 --> 00:05:07,370
什么的传票
A summons for what?

99
00:05:07,380 --> 00:05:10,870
信上说你在玛格大道闯了红灯
Looks like you ran a red light M Margo Avenue

100
00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:14,300
时间是11月16号晚上9点半
at 9:30 p.m. on November 16.

101
00:05:14,310 --> 00:05:15,530
你被路边的摄像头拍下来了
They got you on a traffic camera.

102
00:05:15,540 --> 00:05:18,980
挺上镜嘛
Nice picture.

103
00:05:21,910 --> 00:05:24,200
11月16号
November 16?

104
00:05:24,210 --> 00:05:26,700
佩妮  那不就是你在浴缸里摔倒
Penny, that's the evening you fell in your bathtub

105
00:05:26,710 --> 00:05:28,800
然后我不得不带你去看急诊的那晚吗
and I had to drive you to the emergency room.

106
00:05:28,810 --> 00:05:30,200
不是
No, it isn't.

107
00:05:30,210 --> 00:05:31,900
就是
Yes, it is.

108
00:05:31,910 --> 00:05:33,530
就不是
No, it isn't.

109
00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:35,130
佩妮  我记得很清楚
Penny, I have an eidetic memory.

110
00:05:35,140 --> 00:05:37,270
而且摄像头也拍下了你在副驾驶位置上
Also, that's a picture of you in the passenger seat

111
00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:38,830
托着你那脱臼的肩膀
holding your dislocated shoulder.

112
00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:41,680
才不是呢
Mmm, no, it isn't.

113
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:46,330
好吧  那为啥传票上违反交规的
Okay, then why is a summons for a traffic violation

114
00:05:46,340 --> 00:05:48,830
是你的车  而且挂着你的车牌
committed in your car, bearing your license plates,

115
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:51,110
却寄来我这儿了
coming to me?

116
00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:57,300
好吧  他们给我发了传票
Okay, look, they sent me the ticket.

117
00:05:57,310 --> 00:05:58,530
我告诉他们当时并不是我开的车
I told them I wasn't driving

118
00:05:58,540 --> 00:06:00,370
然后他们逼问我"除了你还有谁"
and they were all, "If it wasn't you, who was it?"

119
00:06:00,380 --> 00:06:02,400
于是你就把我出卖了
So you betrayed me?

120
00:06:02,410 --> 00:06:03,570
才没有
No!

121
00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:05,030
这哪是出卖
It wasn't a betrayal.

122
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,730
我只不过表示"我的驾照已经没分好扣了"
It was more of a "I can't afford any more points on my license."

123
00:06:07,740 --> 00:06:09,070
我已经不得不
I already have to buy my insurance

124
00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:11,530
去开曼群岛上买车险了
from this place in the Cayman Islands.

125
00:06:11,540 --> 00:06:14,070
但我之所以开你的车还不是因为
But the only reason I was driving your car

126
00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:16,880
你当时可怜兮兮的我才伸出援手
was because you were in distress and I was rescuing you.

127
00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:21,780
你有张照片记录英勇的一天
Yes,you have a photo to remember that heroic day.

128
00:06:21,790 --> 00:06:24,010
没什么大不了的
It's not that big a deal.

129
00:06:24,020 --> 00:06:26,240
你只要周四去法院
You just go down to the court on Thursday

130
00:06:26,250 --> 00:06:27,440
交罚金就行
and you pay the fine.

131
00:06:27,450 --> 00:06:29,280
我才不去交罚金
I'm not going to pay a fine.

132
00:06:29,290 --> 00:06:30,680
那就说明我有罪
That would imply I'm guilty.

133
00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:33,240
你确实有罪
You are guilty.

134
00:06:33,250 --> 00:06:36,250
[《法律与秩序》的主题曲]

135
00:06:36,790 --> 00:06:40,090
这个我喜欢
That one I liked.

136
00:06:41,690 --> 00:06:43,040
我是无罪的
I am not guilty.

137
00:06:43,050 --> 00:06:44,340
我只有实习驾照
I only have a learner's permit.

138
00:06:44,350 --> 00:06:45,780
佩妮教我的
Penny was the teacher.

139
00:06:45,790 --> 00:06:47,710
转黄灯时  她就说"快快快"
When the light turned yellow she said "Go, go, go."

140
00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,410
于是我就"开开开"
So I went, went, went.

141
00:06:50,420 --> 00:06:51,540
谢尔顿  对不起
Sheldon, I'm sorry.

142
00:06:51,550 --> 00:06:53,440
我会还你罚金的钱
I'll be happy to reimburse you for the fine.

143
00:06:53,450 --> 00:06:57,280
只要我能参演一部电影 或者自己拍个电视剧
You know, as soon as I get a part in a movie or my own TV series.

144
00:06:57,290 --> 00:06:59,710
不用你还  因为我不会交的
You don't need to reimburse me because I'm not paying.

145
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:03,780
周四那天  我会去法院 正义会得到伸张
On Thursday, I will have my day in court and justice will be done.

146
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:07,290
我现在就着手准备辩护
In fact, I'm going to begin preparing my defense right now.

147
00:07:08,590 --> 00:07:11,080
他坐定牢了
Okay, he's going to jail.

148
00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:15,890
对哦 周四是斯坦·李签名日
Oh, that's right. Thursday is Stan Lee Day.

149
00:07:17,420 --> 00:07:19,890
看到你做的好事了吧
Now you see what you've done?

150
00:07:20,420 --> 00:07:24,350
就因为你  我们都见不到斯坦·李了
Because of you, we're all going to miss Stan Lee.

151
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:28,780
你说"都"是什么意思
What do you mean "all?"

152
00:07:28,790 --> 00:07:30,610
你们是我朋友啊
Well, you're my friends.

153
00:07:30,620 --> 00:07:34,610
你们要站在我旁边  支持我 为我提供案例
You'll be standing by my side, supporting me, feeding me legal precedents,

154
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:36,280
你们上身要是够壮
and if you had the upper body strength,

155
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:39,950
我胜诉时  可以把我搁肩膀上扛出去
carrying me out on your shoulders when I'm victorious.

156
00:07:40,490 --> 00:07:42,910
这个嘛  不行
Yeah, okay. No.

157
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,980
你是说我为自己辩护时
Are you saying that you will not stand beside me

158
00:07:44,990 --> 00:07:46,440
你不会来站在我身边吗
as I plead my case?

159
00:07:46,450 --> 00:07:48,480
是这个意思
That's what I'm saying.

160
00:07:48,490 --> 00:07:50,390
霍华德
Howard?

161
00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,940
斯坦·李  法庭上的你
Uh, Stan Lee, or you in court.

162
00:07:53,950 --> 00:07:56,010
要是《苏菲的选择》有这么简单
Uh, if this was Sophie's Choice

163
00:07:56,020 --> 00:07:58,010
电影就不会那么长了  不行
it would've been a much shorter movie. No.

164
00:07:58,020 --> 00:08:01,750
拉杰 你会来吧
Raj? You'll be there, won't you?

165
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:08,910
那好吧 我所谓的朋友都抛弃了我
All right, then. My so-called friends have forsaken me.

166
00:08:08,910 --> 00:08:12,340
看来只剩我和目击证人了
So, I guess it'll just be me and my eyewitness.

167
00:08:12,350 --> 00:08:15,840
晕死
Oh, balls.

168
00:08:15,850 --> 00:08:17,080
请着装得体一点
Please try to wear something appropriate.

169
00:08:17,090 --> 00:08:18,610
要是法官只顾着想
It won't help my case

170
00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:20,310
你屁股上'美味多汁'的意思
if the judge is busy trying to read the word "Juicy"

171
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,350
对我的案子没好处
scrawled across your buttocks.

172
00:08:28,250 --> 00:08:29,780
佩妮
Penny.

173
00:08:29,790 --> 00:08:31,140
佩妮
Penny.

174
00:08:31,150 --> 00:08:33,650
佩妮
Penny.

175
00:08:34,190 --> 00:08:36,610
节奏不对
That's just wrong.

176
00:08:36,620 --> 00:08:38,340
好了  走吧
All right, let's go.

177
00:08:38,350 --> 00:08:41,080
等一下 去法院之前
Wait, hold on. Before we get to the courthouse,

178
00:08:41,090 --> 00:08:44,040
我想看一下你的演技
I'd like to call on your skills as an actress.

179
00:08:44,050 --> 00:08:45,340
这是什么
What is this?

180
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:46,510
我冒昧地
I've taken the liberty

181
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,480
为你起草了出庭作证的剧本
of scripting your appearance on the witness stand

182
00:08:48,490 --> 00:08:50,880
面对现实  你有点我行我素
because, let's face it, you're somewhat of a loose cannon.

183
00:08:50,890 --> 00:08:53,340
别担心  都是用你的方言写的
Now, don't worry; it's written in your vernacular.

184
00:08:53,350 --> 00:08:54,810
我们排练一下如何
So shall we rehearse?

185
00:08:54,820 --> 00:08:55,980
我有得选吗
Do I have a choice?

186
00:08:55,990 --> 00:08:57,640
你当然有选择权
Well, of course you have a choice.

187
00:08:57,650 --> 00:09:00,140
虽然我们生活在宿命里
Although we live in a deterministic universe,

188
00:09:00,150 --> 00:09:01,580
但每个人都有自由选择的权力
each individual has free will.

189
00:09:01,590 --> 00:09:03,610
给我坐下
Now, sit down.

190
00:09:03,620 --> 00:09:08,410
请你回忆下 11月16日发生的事
I call your attention to the events of November 16.

191
00:09:08,420 --> 00:09:09,880
你记得那天吗
Do you remember that date?

192
00:09:09,890 --> 00:09:13,850
废话  我记得
"Darn tootin', I do.

193
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,110
请法官原谅我家乡内布拉斯加
"If the court will excuse my homespun,

194
00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,840
粗俗简朴的语言
corn-fed Nebraskan turn of phrase."

195
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:22,010
很好  继续
Excellent. Go on.

196
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,540
我记得那天
"The reason that date is, like,

197
00:09:24,550 --> 00:09:27,080
而且铭记在我的脑子里
"so totally fixed in my memory

198
00:09:27,090 --> 00:09:28,910
是因为我有幸目睹了
"is that I had the privilege to be witness

199
00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:32,950
毕生从未见过的英勇行为
to one of the most heroic acts I've ever seen in, like, ever."

200
00:09:34,420 --> 00:09:37,610
谁的英勇行为
"And who performed that heroic act?"

201
00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:39,280
您的啊  阁下
"Why, you did, sir.

202
00:09:39,290 --> 00:09:41,610
您  谢尔顿·库珀博士
"You. Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

203
00:09:41,620 --> 00:09:45,120
而且我想说  我很荣幸认识您
And may I add, it is a privilege to know you."

204
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:47,810
不必称赞我
"There's no need for compliments.

205
00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:49,840
法庭只看重事实
This court is only interested in the facts."

206
00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:53,640
但感觉很荣幸能认识您啊也是个事实啊
"But it is a fact that it's a privilege to know you.

207
00:09:53,650 --> 00:09:56,150
真的
Totally."

208
00:09:57,020 --> 00:10:00,510
一滴泪从我面颊流下
A teardrop rolls down my cheek?!

209
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,010
纯属建议
Only a suggestion.

210
00:10:02,020 --> 00:10:04,950
喉咙哽咽一下也可以
A catch in your throat would work just as well.

211
00:10:06,450 --> 00:10:08,510
但我感觉
"But it is a fact

212
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:11,140
很荣幸能认识您啊也是个事实啊
"that it's a privilege to know you.

213
00:10:11,150 --> 00:10:13,650
真的
Totally."

214
00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:19,850
你还是穿"美味多汁"的裤子吧
Maybe you should put on your "Juicy" pants again.

215
00:10:22,050 --> 00:10:23,510
去交罚金
Pay the cashier.

216
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,790
谢尔顿·库珀
Sheldon Cooper.

217
00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:30,640
早上好  法官大人
Good morning, Your Honor.

218
00:10:30,650 --> 00:10:34,010
我是谢尔顿·库珀博士 自我辩护
Dr. Sheldon Cooper appearing in pro se.

219
00:10:34,020 --> 00:10:36,210
也就是说  代表我自己
That is to say, representing himself.

220
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:37,610
我知道什么意思
I know what it means.

221
00:10:37,620 --> 00:10:38,980
我读过法律学校
I went to law school.

222
00:10:38,990 --> 00:10:41,920
结果却在审理交通法庭
And yet you wound up in traffic court.

223
00:10:42,650 --> 00:10:44,210
不管怎样
Anyway,

224
00:10:44,220 --> 00:10:45,680
法官允许的话
if it would please the court,

225
00:10:45,690 --> 00:10:47,010
我想做个开庭陈述
I'd like to begin with an opening statement.

226
00:10:47,020 --> 00:10:49,740
法官会建议你简短点
The court would advise you to make it quick,

227
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:52,480
因为法官早上吃了可能馊了的玉米煎饼
as the court had a dicey-looking breakfast burrito this morning

228
00:10:52,490 --> 00:10:54,720
而且刚吃了易蒙停(止泻药)
and just took an Imodium.

229
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,780
快速的开场陈述
A quick opening statement.

230
00:10:58,790 --> 00:11:03,740
如同一个挤奶凳 本案有三个 立足点
Like a milking stool, my case rests on three legs.

231
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,210
我要论证的是
I will demonstrate

232
00:11:05,220 --> 00:11:07,040
我在驾驶过程中  受到一个女人的误导
that I was improperly instructed in driving

233
00:11:07,050 --> 00:11:09,410
这个女人缺乏社会上
by a woman whose lack of respect for society

234
00:11:09,420 --> 00:11:10,840
对反社会界定的基本认识
borders on the sociopathic.

235
00:11:10,850 --> 00:11:12,840
我要争辩的是
I will argue

236
00:11:12,850 --> 00:11:15,310
紧急情况下的法律原理
that the emergency met the legal doctrine

237
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:17,310
是需要即合法[拉丁文]
of quod est necessarium est licitum--

238
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,510
也就是需要即合法
that which is necessary is legal.

239
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:20,780
但首先
But first,

240
00:11:20,790 --> 00:11:22,740
我要提出第六条修正案[美国权利法案]
I will raise a Sixth Amendment issue.

241
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:25,180
我无法与控方对峙
I'm unable to confront my accuser,

242
00:11:25,190 --> 00:11:27,140
因为控方是一台非人类机器
a non-human entity, to wit,

243
00:11:27,150 --> 00:11:28,510
也就是摄像机
a camera.

244
00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:29,840
所以  综上所述
So, to sum up:

245
00:11:29,850 --> 00:11:31,010
错误指导
improper instruction;

246
00:11:31,020 --> 00:11:32,880
加上"需要即合法"的原理
quod est necessarium est licitum;

247
00:11:32,890 --> 00:11:34,110
还有第六条修正案
Sixth Amendment.

248
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,040
我的挤奶凳辨述完毕
My milk stool is complete.

249
00:11:36,050 --> 00:11:37,280
佩服佩服
Impressive.

250
00:11:37,290 --> 00:11:37,940
谢谢
Thank you.

251
00:11:37,950 --> 00:11:38,840
罪名成立
Guilty.

252
00:11:38,850 --> 00:11:40,880
去付钱吧
Pay the cashier.

253
00:11:40,890 --> 00:11:42,280
我反对
I object.

254
00:11:42,290 --> 00:11:44,040
你这是在无视法律
You're completely ignoring the law.

255
00:11:44,050 --> 00:11:45,780
不  我遵守法律
No, I'm following the law.

256
00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:47,540
只是在无视你
I'm ignoring you.

257
00:11:47,550 --> 00:11:49,140
是吗
Really?

258
00:11:49,150 --> 00:11:52,340
提醒你一下  我可是业内顶尖人士
I would point out that I am at the top of my profession,

259
00:11:52,350 --> 00:11:55,520
你却坐在桌子后面过家家
while you preside over the kiddy table of yours.

260
00:11:56,250 --> 00:11:58,340
库珀博士  我给你个机会为你最后的言论道歉
Dr. Cooper, before I find you in contempt

261
00:11:58,350 --> 00:12:01,440
不然我要视你为蔑视法庭
and throw you in jail, I'm going to give you a chance

262
00:12:01,450 --> 00:12:03,210
把你扔进监狱
to apologize for that last remark.

263
00:12:03,220 --> 00:12:04,880
我可是个科学家
I am a scientist.

264
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:07,620
我才不会为陈述事实而道歉
I never apologize for the truth.

265
00:12:13,750 --> 00:12:16,250
那是我的位置
That's my spot.

266
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,420
我等不及要问斯坦·李
I can't wait to ask Stan Lee

267
00:12:25,430 --> 00:12:28,690
为什么他笔下每个角色的姓和名
why he insists on giving all his characters first and last names

268
00:12:28,700 --> 00:12:30,420
开头字母都是一样的
that start with the same letter.

269
00:12:30,430 --> 00:12:32,750
得了  你真是十万个为什么[以下均为惊奇漫画人物]
Oh, come on. Why would you do that?

270
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:34,820
布鲁斯·班纳  里德·理查
Bruce Banner, Reed Richards,

271
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:34,820
（分别出自《绿巨人》和《神奇四侠》）

272
00:12:34,830 --> 00:12:36,490
苏珊·斯汤  斯蒂芬·史催博士
Sue Storm, Stephen Strange,

273
00:12:34,830 --> 00:12:36,490
（分别出自《神奇四侠》和《怪谈故事》
后者为惊奇的系列漫画）

274
00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:38,190
奥拓·八爪博士和银影侠
Otto Octavius, Silver Surfer,

275
00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:38,190
（分别出自《蜘蛛侠》和《神奇四侠》）

276
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,350
彼得·帕克  还有最夸张的
Peter Parker, oh, and worst of all,

277
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,350
（出自《蜘蛛侠》）

278
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:45,120
小约翰·约拿·詹姆森
J. Jonah Jameson, Jr.

279
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:45,120
（出自《神奇的蜘蛛侠》）

280
00:12:45,130 --> 00:12:46,990
好吧  我要插在你前面
Okay, I'm cutting.

281
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,720
免得斯坦·李被你惹毛了我遭殃
I'm not gonna talk to Stan Lee after you cheese him off.

282
00:12:50,730 --> 00:12:53,360
《蜘蛛侠》的主题音乐铃声
"Spider-Man" theme ringtone playing

283
00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:56,550
嗨
Hey.

284
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:57,950
谢尔顿进了监狱
Sheldon's in jail.

285
00:12:57,960 --> 00:12:59,250
啥  谢尔顿进了监狱?!
Sheldon's in jail?!

286
00:12:59,260 --> 00:13:02,690
被你说中了
You called it.

287
00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:04,290
-怎么搞的  -你觉得呢
- For what?  - What do you think?

288
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:06,390
就是他平时一贯的找抽风格
For doing the same crap he always does,

289
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:07,790
只不过法官不吃这一套
except to a judge.

290
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:10,650
他不道歉就出不来
He has to stay in there until he apologizes.

291
00:13:10,660 --> 00:13:12,690
那就让他道歉啊
So tell him to apologize.

292
00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:15,920
多谢提醒  莱纳德 你以为我没想过吗
Oh, gee, thanks, Leonard. That didn't occur to me.

293
00:13:15,930 --> 00:13:17,590
如果他五点前还不道歉
If he doesn't apologize by 5:00,

294
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,520
就得在监狱里过夜了
he is going to spend the night in jail.

295
00:13:19,530 --> 00:13:21,990
哦不  真是糟糕
Oh, no, that's terrible.

296
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,230
哇  队伍动了  挂了  回见
Ooh, the line's moving. Got to go. Bye.

297
00:13:33,530 --> 00:13:35,590
有人吗
Excuse me?

298
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,330
狱卒在吗
Excuse me, jailor?

299
00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:39,250
咋了
What?

300
00:13:39,260 --> 00:13:41,020
我要上厕所
I need to use the restroom.

301
00:13:41,030 --> 00:13:43,160
在那边  自便
Knock yourself out.

302
00:13:45,460 --> 00:13:47,890
这算是马桶?
That's the toilet?

303
00:13:47,900 --> 00:13:50,330
不然你以为是许愿池吗
Well, it ain't a wishing well.

304
00:13:51,460 --> 00:13:54,730
请转告法官  我准备向他道歉
Please tell the judge I'm ready to apologize.

305
00:13:57,130 --> 00:13:58,950
看啊
Look at that.

306
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,020
"致吾友  莱纳德
"To my friend, Leonard.

307
00:14:01,030 --> 00:14:04,300
独行侠  斯坦·李"
From Stan Lee, Excelsior!"

308
00:14:01,030 --> 00:14:04,300
（惊奇漫画的一个系列  后改称Loners）

309
00:14:05,330 --> 00:14:05,490
牛逼
Awesome.

310
00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:08,520
我上面写的是  "致吾友  霍华德"
Mine says, "To my friend, Howard.

311
00:14:08,530 --> 00:14:11,600
独行侠  斯坦·李
From Stan Lee, Excelsior!"

312
00:14:12,730 --> 00:14:16,060
我上面写的是  "致拉杰  斯坦·李"
Mine says, "To Raj, from Stan Lee."

313
00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:22,220
因为你纠结他的角色名  把他惹毛了
That's 'cause you pissed him off about his character names.

314
00:14:22,230 --> 00:14:23,620
搞毛
Hey,

315
00:14:23,620 --> 00:14:26,490
我还没提达姆弹头杜甘和绿魔
I didn't even mention Dum Dum Dugan or Green Goblin,

316
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:26,490
（前者是惊奇漫画虚拟组织S.H.I.E.L.D成员  后者出自《蜘蛛侠》）

317
00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:28,150
马特·默多克和小辣椒波兹
Matt Murdock, Pepper Potts,

318
00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:28,150
（分别出自《夜魔侠》和《钢铁侠》）

319
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:29,720
末日博士[出自《神奇四侠》]
Victor Von Doom,

320
00:14:29,730 --> 00:14:31,720
还有最夸张的
oh, and worst of all,

321
00:14:31,730 --> 00:14:34,190
米莉模特(惊奇漫画的长篇幽默系列)
Millie the Model.

322
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,050
我们回来了
We're home.

323
00:14:36,060 --> 00:14:37,890
伙计  情况如何
Oh, hey, buddy. How'd it go?

324
00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:39,890
你明明都知道了还问个屁
You know very well how it went.

325
00:14:39,900 --> 00:14:43,360
是啊  但我们想听你亲口说
Yeah, but we all want to hear it from you.

326
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:47,920
我被判有罪  还被罚了533美元
I was found guilty and fined $533.

327
00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:50,290
我会写张支票给你
I'm going to write you a check for that.

328
00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:52,290
只要你答应我藏在抽屉里
As long as you promise to put it in your drawer

329
00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:55,960
别去兑换  就和其他那些东西一样
and never cash it, like the others.

330
00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:59,090
我还没有驾照
I also now have three points

331
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:01,650
但上面已经被扣了三点
on a driver's license I do not yet possess,

332
00:15:01,660 --> 00:15:04,050
还被迫道了个冤枉歉
and I was forced to issue an undeserved apology,

333
00:15:04,060 --> 00:15:06,050
只因为我拒绝在一群犯人面前
simply because I refuse to urinate

334
00:15:06,060 --> 00:15:10,190
就着个不锈钢尿盆排尿
in a stainless steel bowl in front of criminals.

335
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:13,060
再加上  你错过了和斯坦·李见面
Plus, you didn't get to meet Stan Lee.

336
00:15:13,630 --> 00:15:15,350
好了  别刺激他了  霍华德
Okay, that's enough, Howard.

337
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,350
这可怜虫够难受的了
The poor guy's had a tough time.

338
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:19,750
一个下午都待在监狱
He had to spend the entire afternoon in jail

339
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:21,950
还穿成这幅德行
wearing that suit.

340
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,850
说得对
You're right,

341
00:15:24,860 --> 00:15:26,420
所以我们也别提在亲笔签名后
so it would be cruel to mention

342
00:15:26,430 --> 00:15:27,720
他带斯图尔特和咱一起去吃了意式冰淇淋
that after he finished signing autographs,

343
00:15:27,730 --> 00:15:31,600
这就太残酷了
Stanley took Stuart and us out for gelato.

344
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:35,290
你们和斯坦·李共进意式冰淇淋?
You had gelato with Stan Lee?

345
00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:37,960
他还允许我们叫他斯坦
He said we could call him Stan.

346
00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:41,100
除了拉杰
Except for Raj.

347
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:47,720
你这下满意了吧  佩妮
Well, I hope you're satisfied, Penny.

348
00:15:47,730 --> 00:15:49,150
今天我所遭受的磨难
You are responsible

349
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:52,650
这全都是你的错
for all the evil that has be fallen me today.

350
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:54,350
-好吧  我知道...  -我还没说完呢
- Okay, I realize that...  - Not finished.

351
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:55,850
都是因为你
It is because of you

352
00:15:55,860 --> 00:15:57,550
害得我有了犯罪记录
that I now have a criminal record,

353
00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,920
还因为你  害得我
and it is because of you that I missed out

354
00:15:59,930 --> 00:16:01,720
错过了和斯坦·李共进意式冰淇淋
on having gelato with Stan Lee.

355
00:16:01,730 --> 00:16:03,920
-好吧  也许以后还有机会...  -不可能了
- Okay, maybe you'll have another chance to have... - No, no.

356
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:07,120
再也没有这种机会了
I will never have another chance to have gelato with Stan Lee

357
00:16:07,130 --> 00:16:08,650
因为和斯坦·李一起共进意式冰淇淋的机会
because opportunities to have

358
00:16:08,660 --> 00:16:11,790
一生只有一次
gelato with Stan Lee come but once in a lifetime.

359
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:13,790
手起笔落
The Moving Finger writes,

360
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,300
白纸黑字再难改[出自《鲁拜集》]
and having writ, moves on

361
00:16:20,830 --> 00:16:25,120
他刚是朝我竖中指了吗
Did he just somehow give me the finger?

362
00:16:25,130 --> 00:16:26,720
可不只是手指
Not just the finger.

363
00:16:26,730 --> 00:16:29,730
还挥起了小手
The moving finger.

364
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,650
你好  斯图尔特
Hey   Stuart.

365
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:37,800
你好  佩妮
Oh   hey   Penny.

366
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,020
-怎么了  -没什么
- What's going on?  - Nothing.

367
00:16:42,030 --> 00:16:45,960
我正准备打烊  然后出发
I'm just getting ready to close up and... head out.

368
00:16:46,860 --> 00:16:48,690
真好  晚上有安排
Cool. Got any fun plans?

369
00:16:48,700 --> 00:16:51,590
对  今晚有重大安排
Oh   yeah. Big night tonight.

370
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:56,520
跟只猫一起共享金枪鱼罐头
Gonna share a can of tuna with the cat.

371
00:16:56,530 --> 00:16:58,550
真好
Oh   nice.

372
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,020
那甚至不是我的猫
Not even my cat.

373
00:17:00,030 --> 00:17:01,890
我就喂喂它
I just feed it.

374
00:17:01,900 --> 00:17:04,950
有几晚它甚至都不会出现
Some nights it doesn't even show up.

375
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,390
好吧
Oh   okay.

376
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,750
我希望 你能帮我个忙
Well   I was hoping you could do me a favor.

377
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:11,190
义不容辞  说吧
Sure   yeah   name it.

378
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:13,490
这次谢尔顿没见上斯坦·李  我得负一定责任
Well   I'm kind of responsible for Sheldon missing Stan Lee

379
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:15,590
我真的很想弥补他
and I really want to make it up to him.

380
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,890
所以希望你能给我他的电话
So I was hoping you could give me his phone number

381
00:17:17,900 --> 00:17:19,750
也许我能安排他们见个面
so maybe I can arrange for them to meet.

382
00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:21,790
抱歉  我没他电话
Oh   I'm sorry   I don't have his phone number.

383
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,190
该死
Damn.

384
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,030
好吧  谢了
All right. Thank you.

385
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,720
等等
Wait.

386
00:17:28,730 --> 00:17:30,290
我有他地址
I have his address.

387
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:31,720
真的
Really?

388
00:17:31,730 --> 00:17:33,050
太好了
Great!

389
00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:36,120
但不能告诉你
But I can't give it to you.

390
00:17:36,130 --> 00:17:38,120
那你为什么要提这茬
Then why did you tell me you had it?

391
00:17:38,130 --> 00:17:41,200
我不知道  这不聊天嘛
I don't know. Just chatting.

392
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:43,090
别这样看着我
You're looking at a guy

393
00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:46,190
我已经可怜到  连流浪猫 都可能放我鸽子
who could very well get stood up by a stray cat tonight.

394
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:47,920
抱歉  斯图尔特
I'm sorry   Stuart.

395
00:17:47,930 --> 00:17:49,730
不管怎样  谢了
Thanks anyway.

396
00:17:51,060 --> 00:17:53,090
等等
Wait.

397
00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:54,950
怎么了
Yeah?

398
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:56,720
不如我们做笔交易
Maybe we can make a deal.

399
00:17:56,730 --> 00:17:58,790
什么交易
What kind of deal?

400
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,820
我告诉你地址
I will give you the address

401
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:03,920
你就陪我去参加我表妹的婚礼
if you go to my cousin's wedding with me.

402
00:18:03,930 --> 00:18:05,290
你这是在逼我跟你约会
You're extorting a date out of me?

403
00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:06,450
我没其他办法
I kind of have to.

404
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:07,990
这次要结婚的这个表妹
The cousin who's getting married

405
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,350
就是以前经常陪我参加别人婚礼的那个
is the cousin I usually go to weddings with.

406
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:12,790
我能带上莱纳德吗
Can I bring Leonard?

407
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,050
当然  随便吧
Sure. What the hell.

408
00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:16,490
成交
Deal.

409
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:18,860
告诉别人他是你表哥就行
We'll tell people he's your cousin.

410
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,090
这是斯坦·李家的大门
This is Stan Lee's front door.

411
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:24,790
越过斯坦·李家马路牙子
We were on Stan Lee's curb

412
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,450
走过斯坦·李经常走过的路
then we were on Stan Lee's walk

413
00:18:26,460 --> 00:18:29,090
终于来到了斯坦·李家大门外
and now we're at Stan Lee's front door.

414
00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:31,090
对
Yup.

415
00:18:31,100 --> 00:18:33,490
天哪  你按了斯坦·李家门铃
Oh   Lord   you just rang Stan Lee's doorbell.

416
00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:35,090
就站在斯坦·李家门外
At Stan Lee's house.

417
00:18:35,100 --> 00:18:37,690
我们就要进去  跟斯坦·李共享牛奶和点心
We're about to go in and have milk and cookies with Stan Lee.

418
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,750
亲爱的  我不确定他是否会招待我们点心
Okay   sweetie   I don't know if we're gonna have cookies

419
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:40,990
还是直接问候了事
or he's just gonna say hi

420
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,650
还是会怎么着  所以让我来跟他谈...
or really what's gonna happen   so just let me talk   and...

421
00:18:44,660 --> 00:18:47,160
哪位
Yeah?

422
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,390
你就是斯坦·李吗
Are you Stan Lee?

423
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,190
见鬼
Oh   damn.

424
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,290
你好  我叫佩妮  这位是我朋友谢尔顿
Hi. I'm Penny. This is my friend   Sheldon.

425
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,790
她现在不是我朋友
We're not friends at the moment.

426
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,050
鉴于此刻形势
Depends on how this goes.

427
00:18:58,060 --> 00:18:59,990
好吧  总之
Right   right. Anyway

428
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,050
谢尔顿是您的超级粉丝  他原打算
Sheldon here is a huge fan of yours   and he was supposed

429
00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:04,190
那天去漫画书店参加您的签名会
to meet you the other day at the comic book store

430
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:08,350
可惜最后进了监狱
but he kind of ended up in jail.

431
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:09,750
了解  你们真以为
I see. And you thought

432
00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,550
这样不请自来  就能随便敲我家门
you'd just come over to my house uninvited?

433
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:14,390
你说过我们是受邀来的
You said we were invited.

434
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,050
不不  我只说我邀请你
Oh   no   no   I said I'm inviting you

435
00:19:16,060 --> 00:19:18,260
跟我一起去斯坦·李家
to come with me to Stan Lee's house.

436
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,020
你们这些自称粉丝的  真是不可思议
You know   you fan boys are unbelievable.

437
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:25,850
真以为只要自己高兴  随时都能按我家门铃
Do you think you can just ring my doorbell any time you want?

438
00:19:25,860 --> 00:19:27,850
既然这样  干嘛不索性进门来
I mean   why don't you just come on in

439
00:19:27,860 --> 00:19:29,420
跟我一起看湖人队比赛好了
and watch the Lakers game with me?

440
00:19:29,430 --> 00:19:32,220
我不是很爱好体育
Well   I'm not much of a sports fan

441
00:19:32,230 --> 00:19:34,800
不过感谢邀请
but thank you.

442
00:19:35,500 --> 00:19:38,890
我很抱歉 他不是很懂什么叫讽刺
I'm sorry. He doesn't really understand sarcasm.

443
00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:41,320
好吧  我动点真格的  他就会懂了
Well   I'll give him something he'll understand.

444
00:19:41,330 --> 00:19:43,050
琼妮  快报警
Joanie   call the police!

445
00:19:43,060 --> 00:19:45,330
很高兴见到你
Nice to meet you.

446
00:19:50,830 --> 00:19:54,950
《神奇四侠》  《夜魔侠》 《无敌钢铁超人》
Fantastic Four  Daredevil invincible Iron Man

447
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,790
（分别为《钢铁侠》《蜘蛛侠》中角色）

448
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,790
快乐霍根  蜥蜴博士
Happy Hogan   Curt Connors...

449
00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:58,550
你能不能消停会
Would you just let it go?

450
00:19:58,560 --> 00:19:58,550
（Fin Fang Foom是《钢铁侠》中一条龙的形象）

451
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:03,260
还有最糟糕的  非凡龙
And worst of all   Fin Fang Foom.

452
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:07,420
你去哪了
Hey   where've you been?

453
00:20:07,430 --> 00:20:09,090
我告诉你们我去哪了
I'll tell you where I've been.

454
00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:12,220
你们或许跟斯坦·李一起吃了冰激凌
You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee

455
00:20:12,230 --> 00:20:13,720
还得了他亲笔签名的漫画
and gotten autographed comics

456
00:20:13,730 --> 00:20:15,790
我可是亲自进了他家
but I saw the inside of his house

457
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:21,020
还得到了他亲笔签名的禁制令申请状
and got an autographed application for a restraining order.

458
00:20:21,030 --> 00:20:24,450
赞
Sweet.

459
00:20:24,460 --> 00:20:28,130
还有  等听证会时  我还能再见到他
Plus   I get to hang out with him again at the hearing.

460
00:20:29,930 --> 00:20:32,360
挂在我那伦纳德·尼莫伊(史波克扮演者)签名的禁制令旁
This is going to look great hanging next

461
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:34,630
那一定会非常酷
to my restraining order from Leonard Nimoy.