French for Beginners
SENIOR CLASS PARTY
The music's too loud! - Can't hear you!
The music's too loud!
I'm going to speak to her today. - Sure.
Really. - Of course.
The times before were all... like... badly planned.
I know. Today you'll do it.
I know what I'm gonna say. - Sure.
"Hello. We're having a party. The party!
Hello. - Hi.
Would you like... All of you... - Morning.
We're having a party. It'd be great..." - That's her.
Go over and give her a flyer.
Ciao!
Hi.
Hello.
Hi. - Hi.
We're having a party and I'd really like you to come.
The flyerthing is too obvious. Like saying, "I'm in love with you."
It'd increase the probability of making first contact.
Same to you. - Oh!
Sorry about that.
Thanks.
Think she's coming? - She's got enough flyers. - Johannes!
Too good to bother listening? - He was explaining something to me.
Chalk please, M. Nouvelleville? - Non! Out!
You'll need the chalk to share
your new pearls of wisdom with us.
Please explain to us the possessive adjective.
The what? - The possessive adjective.
Okay... - En français, s'il vous plaît.
Oui.
The pos... ses... sive adjective is...
You know what? I can't even eat as much as I'd like to puke up right now.
Three years of French and you make me ashamed of my language and my country
when they are mutilated by your pathetic mumblings.
Excuse me, I just... - Not yet. Wait until I'm done!
And you, my friend... Stay here and listen to me. Compris?
All together: "Mon..." - Mon! - Ton! - Ton!
Son! - Son...
Were those flyers for the class party this weekend?
Cool! Have any more?
Thank you.
- I thought you couldn't talk.
"My uncle's garden is larger than my father's apple."
Whoa. French is so boring.
"Bonjour. Life is full of meaning."
Super imitation!
And the French! Arrogant baguette munchers.
I guess you wouldn't like my mom. - No. - No.
She's French.
So, Valerie. What do you need?
Hi! Like last year, we are organizing an exchange with the village
St. Symphorien-sur-Coise... - A French exchange?
...interested come to our meeting. - Shit!
"Some people detest hunters."
It's bullshit! - Main thing is she's coming. White lies are okay.
Should we beat it?
Hi, I'm Babsi. What're you doing here? - Valerie invited us.
She loves the exchange. And the French.
The French are boring, selfish and arrogant.
Only the accent, imitated by Germans.
It's like a bad remix of a classic. - Oh?
Suddenly a Francophile? - I've read everything by Jules Verne.
In German.
"There are some people who really detest hunters, but maybe they have a point."
Okay! Here's Niklas! And we're almost 'en route' already!
Here are your party people, so you can do some 'pre-mélanging! '
What is that? - I'm coming, like every year.
Hello, I'm Lupo. This year's my first time. Ciao.
Salût, je suis Lena.
I loved our conversations last year, like the one about nuclear power,
and I'm glad to be here again.
Salût, I'm Valerie. You know me already, but here are two new participants!
Um... I probably can't go anyway. Switch that off.
At least say hi to our French friends. Your French is so good!
Alors...
Big up from Ammersee!
Yo!
Okay. Thanks. - Yo!
Ready for your surprise dance, Valerie. - We're dancing it for the French.
Great. I'm afraid we have to go. - Dancing too boring, too?
No, I really like dancing. - Dancer and Francophile. - How about
you talk about it at the party? - Party? - You coming? - With dancing
and everything? - Why else would they say "party?"
It's actually a senior class party...
But hey... come anyway! - It'll be fun, for sure.
We'll see. Okay, start with the right.
Five, six, seven, eight...
Oh man! At least we know what we're not doing during summer vacation.
Two beers and a coke.
Beer's almost out. - I'll get some.
Is she here? - No idea. - Yo, bro!
Hi! - You're not on the dance floor?
No one's asked me yet. - That's the boy's job. - Hi, Niklas.
A beer and a cola?
Dance? - Love to.
Be right back.
Dance? - Okay!
You're a good dancer. Maybe we can have another dance.
Okay! - In France? Our favorite country?
In game theory that's insane!
Even if she doesn't notice you can't speak French, it'll be torture.
The singing, no one you know there... - Except you! - No way!
Hey, I went with you to Britney Spears! - Hey.
We agreed not to talk about that. - You scratch my back...
If you think our friendship is strong enough
for me to get on a bus with 20 chanson- singing pseudo-hippies, forget it!
The horror.
Do you make the first move when you really like a girl?
Um... what?
"Depends on him/her," "probably not," "probably yes"? - Um...
Yes. Probably...
not. What is that?
"Lover or Loser?"
"One-night-stands: "A: Good practice," "B: Not my thing," or "C:
Standing room at rock concerts."
"A: Good practice."
Joke! B, of course.
What's your sign? - Cancer.
Oh... - Is that bad? - I don't know.
I don't believe in that crap anyway. - Okay.
What's it say?
Cancer-Virgo...
Are you pleased? - Bullshit!
So why are you smiling? - I'm not smiling.
Do you know any Virgos? - I'm Virgo!
Oh, great!
Do you know what her star sign is?
If she's Virgo, it looks good for us.
Isn't it enough that you're a virgin?
You have to kiss her later.
Are you crazy? I'm in love with her!
The amorous culmination curve looks like this:
You meet, you bond,
and everything culminates here, at the perfect moment in time.
You kiss, you're together. I go home. - And that's...
today? - We're only in Paris today.
If you miss this chance, it's bad. You'll just be "good friends."
Mustard? - In France you get the best mustard.
In the jars with the black label and white writing.
Where do you want to live? Paris?
Over there is the best ice cream in the city.
Hello! - Hello!
Right.
Hey, why aren't you singing?
Not my kind of song. - No? I think it's great.
As a thank you to your host. - Oh, sure. It's great for that.
I get it.
Hey, Valerie, you got any gum? - Yes.
Romantic, isn't it?
Yes. - Why would you "probably not"
make the first move?
Not sure.
How do I know if she wants me to? - You can tell. - Yeah?
What about you? Would you make the first move?
No way.
That's the boy's job?
I'm too shy.
And...
I don't want him to lose interest in me right away.
Because you kissed him? - Yes.
Aren't the hard-to-get ones always more interesting?
Show time! - Hello!
Hello, my friends!
I missed you.
WELCOME
Hi! - Oh...
Charlotte!
Henrik.
How's it hanging?
Sebastian! - Henrik!
Cool! Enchanté!
Okay.
Melange... is all you need. If the mood's good,
and the people are...
English?
French?
Bye!
Without any adults? - I'm an adult.
We organize everything. If you've done it once, you know how it goes.
Sylvianne, the French "directrice." Henrik, Sylvianne. - Hello, Henrik.
We're one of the oldest couples.
Four years already! - "Couples"? - A couple.
You're my honey pie! My sweet patootie, my...
Henriké?
Aha. Great. Super. - Super.
What did he say? - He's your exchange partner.
You're living with him the next 2 weeks.
Cyril.
Henrik.
Cool.
Hey! - Niklas.
Careful! - What is it? - The Holy Grail.
Just be careful with it, okay? It's always the new guys' job.
We're having a party at our place tomorrow. You're coming, aren't you?
See you. Hey...
Party tomorrow at our place.
You? Your place?
Yes... Mathieu, Henrik.
Henrik, this is Mathieu.
My...
exchange partner.
Nice to meet you.
Whatever.
We going? - Okay.
Sleep well.
See you tomorrow.
Is your father Dracula?
What?
Bathroom!
Bath-room?
Night.
Welcome to the middle of nowhere.
Shit.
Non, merci. Um... Müsli.
Dégusta...
What?
Non, merci.
How should I know that means "wine tasting"?
So she holds the bottle out and looks at me.
I didn't want to be rude. I said, "Okay, a little."
Maybe that's normal here. Nothing would surprise me. Anyway,
since I'd said yes, I had to go through with it.
So I take the wine bottle and...
Cheers!
Oui... - Bien? - Delicious.
Cannonball!
"Fritz Fischer..." - Fritz Fischer...
"Fritz Fischer fishes fresh fish!"
MATHIEU WINS ATHLETIC CUP
DIPLOMA OF PHILOSOPHY MATHIEU BROMME-DECHAMPS
And? How do you like it?
The music? - Everything. France.
So-so.
And you? - Great. Really great.
Just like last year.
Henrik?
Wanna hear something else?
Hey, that's not what I meant. - Not everyone likes classical music.
I've got nothing against it.
Wasn't I good enough for Sir? - It wasn't against you.
You almost pierced my eardrum! - I said I'm sorry.
I thought your tastes would go beyond Radio NRJ. - Not everyone is so refined
as you and your Frogs. - So France is crap, too?
No, but some guys are. I'm not too stupid to see it! - And I am?
Ask your perfect French Superman.
Um... je voudrais...
Um...
...glue.
Um...
Um, no...
Um...
Glue.
Here! - No... um...
Glue!
(Kleber = Glue)
No, uh...
Whatever.
Leave me alone.
It's not so simple. - Yes or no.
Yes.
Yes... Wait, I can explain!
Valerie!
Mind if I sit here?
Here. For you. - Nice of you.
Thanks.
Don't you want to watch the shooting stars with the others?
And make a wish?
I already made a wish.
Something about boys?
No.
About my exams.
At least I know where I stand with them.
There are nice boys, too.
I only get hit on by stupid assholes.
Maybe the others are too shy.
Should I wear a sign around my neck? "Don't be shy."
As a rational utility maximizer, it would increase the probability
of making first contact. - What? - Private joke.
Would you go to bed with someone if you weren't in love? Just for fun?
"Yes, probably yes, probably not?"
Tell me.
No way.
You?
No way.
Didn't we want to dance again? - Now? Tomorrow?
At the party? - Pick me up?
Okay. - At eight? - Sure.
May I have the pleasure? They're playing our song.
Hey, wanna dance with me?
Henrik? - On y go? - Non, non, not now.
Dinnertime.
Mais je n'ai pas... hungry.
Baptiste, stop staring at our guest.
I want to see if it's true that the Germans tilt their plates.
I knew it!
Merci. C'était très...
yummy.
Thank you, I'm really full.
Merci. On y go?
Hey! - Hey!
Valerie?
- Non!
How are you?
What? - How are you? - What?
Sorry, we had to eat.
It's okay. Eating is important.
I hope it was good.
Ricard? - Yes. - No thanks.
I already have one.
They seem to be getting along.
Maybe she's teaching him French.
French lessons...
Henrik speaks French. He's read everything by Jules Verne.
Sure!
He speaks French! The best joke of the evening!
Jean-Luc?
Merci.
Did you know the Germans always organize the Soirée Cabaret?
To thank their host families.
50 guests. Parents, former participants, friends. Food, sketches, decorations...
Cool, right?
Very cool.
You could join the cooking group or the sketch group.
No?
Hey.
She's 15. Girls are like that at this age.
Not Valerie.
Not really.
Other mothers have pretty daughters. What about the French girl?
Charlotte? - Yes.
She looks experienced.
I don't want to be a French nymphomaniac's toy-boy!
I'm not here to fuck. I'm here because of Valerie.
Come! Come! Come! Come! Come!
She threw up by the toilet.
What did he say?
Valerie, you okay?
I'm okay.
Come on. We'll take you home.
But sweetie, we wanted to dance...
I'll get Cyril's car. - Okay. - I'm the only sober person here.
Which way? Where are we? - Don't wobble so much!
You have to help me find it. - I feel sick.
That's a really nice dress. Where did you buy it?
I'll see if I can find a bucket.
Valerie, don't you want to put on another top?
Hey...
You can't sleep like that.
Yes, I can.
Come on.
Valerie, stop that.
Stay with me. - You're drunk.
Come back.
Stop that.
I'm not like Niklas.
Pity.
I thought you were different, too.
Glue!
Colle? - Glue!
Cool!
Doesn't look bad at all.
Right. Looks like shit.
Oui, we got lucky.
Henrik!
Hi!
Hi.
How are you? - Alright. And you?
Me, too.
We're going to Lyon today. Shopping.
Nice.
Do you...
Um...
Do you still have my purse?
Oh. Wait.
Thanks.
What are you up to today?
Busy. In the kitchen. Making something.
I see.
Pity.
Well, see you.
Salût!
Salût.
Amateur!
What?
Nice view.
What's with your voice? - Temporary laryngitis.
Oh.
It'd be cool if you could give the thank you speech tomorrow.
What?
If it's not better by then.
To the parents and everybody? In French?
I'll take you out of the cooking group.
You can find someone else.
I'll write it out word for word.
Watch out! - It's not my fault!
Leave me alone! - With pleasure!
Stupid cow! - They look like really good friends.
Mathieu!
It was out of line. - What?
That Charlotte did it with Mathieu.
Fuck! Now you tell me? - Chill out. It's not your problem.
I've got something going on with Charlotte!
Fuck! Now you tell me?
Anyway. As long as you're happy.
Hey!
Valerie!
Will you write something in my songbook? - Yes.
Excuse me. I'm talking to Valerie.
Whatever. - Huh?
Are you kidding? Piss off, shithead!
Is there a problem here?
There's no problem as long as you keep your hands off my girl.
I'm not your girl! - Slut!
That's what happens when you love one and kiss the other. - You'd know.
What do you mean? - Don't touch me!
Stop the playschool stuff! - Don't touch me!
I told you to keep your hands off my girl!
Get it? Don't touch her!
I'm not your girl! Wake up, yeah?
Come here!
Pile on!
Welcome to the Soirée Cabaret.
Johannes, your voice isn't that bad. - Henrik, are you mental?
Now a word from our German friends.
Johannes! - Right away.
Have fun!
Hello?
Dear friends...
Louder!
...for this night beneath your roof, thank you.
For the place at your table and the wine in my glass,
for all that you have set before me
as if it were the most normal thing in the world...
Good night, friends,
it's time for me to go.
All that's left for me to say
lasts no longer than a cigarette...
And the time for a last glass...
The moment we've been waiting for!
The annual renewal of Franco-German friendship!
As is traditional,
a new beginning for next year!
Statement?
Hey...
Next year, we're doing more than just the Soirée.
I'm talking "Pimp my exchange!"
Us? - I can't let you go on your own!
Seen Valerie?
Lena, I gotta pee... so...
Come out. Go and kiss him.
But what if... - If you think he's the right one,
then grab him. Otherwise he'll be gone
and you'll be upset. - Really?
Johannes...
Seen Henrik? - Maybe he went home.
Any suggestions to optimize the strategy list?
But... stop! - Shh!
Ouch!
I don't fancy you. I like another girl.
You're cool and sexy and everything...
But I'm not in love with you. That's it. - "That's it?"
Yes sir, major!
Hi! - Oh...
Am I disturbing you? - No, I was halfway to...
Bed.
I just wanted to thank you.
For taking me home.
And...
Well...
That you were... are
a gentleman.
There aren't many like you around.
Here. - Jules Verne? - In French.
If you feel like learning it.
If not, it doesn't matter. French or not...
I like you the way you are.
Thanks.
Well then...
Can I walk you back somewhere?
No.
Should I go?
Maybe. It's a long ride tomorrow.
Yeah, sure.
Listen...
Can I ask you a stupid question?
Sure.
Is there something between you and Charlotte?
No.
Okay.
Salût.
Henrik...
Valerie!
Wait!
Valerie!
Valerie! Stop! Wait!
Don't touch me! - Valerie,
that thing with Charlotte... - Yes? Do tell...
I'd love to know how it was with her! How'd you do it?
She like liars?
Or does she just fuck the ones nobody else wants? - Like Niklas?
Fuck you, asshole!
Have you seen Valerie? - Nope.
Lena, do you know where Valerie is? - No idea.
Valerie? She's visiting her uncle in Brittany.
What? When?
Um... now.
Valerie!
Was that Valerie? - Yes.
Where's she going? - To the station.
Hey, my bus!
Henrik, not the bus!
Stop! Stop!
Quick! Out!
What?
Push the button!
What?
Stop where you are, you little bugger!
Stop where you are!
God damn it!
Barbarians!
STATION
I pictured this trip differently.
More... with you. - Oh yes?
Can't say I noticed.
Sometimes I'm a complete idiot.
I can't speak French. I like beer better than wine.
Classical music bores me. And I kissed Charlotte.
But it doesn't mean that I didn't want to hold you in my arms the whole time.
I don't want to spend a second without you. I'm only here because of you.
"Hey, I love you."
Je t'aime.
Will you give me a lift?
No!