Now on BBC News, Our World.
In August 1996, can end roof Pohler, an American couple from Michigan,
arrived in China. -- can end roof. They adopted a baby girl from a
social welfare home. They called her Kati. -- Ken and Ruth.
Doesn't she look like a picture! Money is pretty... I can. It is
obvious that you are different, from day one.She was just beautiful. But
seeing that picture and seeing her in life was, yes. Very happy, very
emotional, just tears running down my face.I grew up in a place that
was very white, very Caucasian. But for me, my community was so close
and so tight. I saw myself as different but I was actually really
accepted. But then things started to become different when I went outside
the community, and everyone knew me and you my story, and they expected
me to act certain ways.Kati was probably five years old. And she
came up to me, we were at a meeting at church, she asked me his tummy
she came from. Did I come from your tummy? And I said no, you didn't
come from my tummy. You came from a lady's tummy in China. But you came
from my heart. You were born of my heart. And she was off running,
doing something else. That was all she needed to know, and she was
happy with that.Looking back at it now, I thought the right thing to do
was to not really pursue that and think about that. I guess part of
the reason I didn't pursue it more too was because I knew, especially
from my mum, it was hard to her. When Ken and Ruth receive their baby
can they were given an unexpected piece of paper. It was a note, and
it was written by Kati's both parents. -- birth parents.
For the last 15 years, the couple have been visiting the Broken Bridge
in Hangzhou, hoping to find their daughter. Their story was picked up
either Chinese media.
Finally, through a contact, they discovered their daughter had been
adopted by a couple in the United States.
But Kati's adopted family didn't think a reunion would be in her best
interests. Until now.I guess meeting my birth parents is
something that I never had a really strong desire to do. But I don't
think I ever considered it as something that could ever even
happened. So now that is happening, it is a to think about. The
dominating emotion is properly excitement. We should have brought
our bags to make us look better! Kati's adopted parents told her
about the full story of her adoption when she turned 20.She is mature
and she made that decision, and so we are here tobacco completely -- to
back her completely and Matt Shaw that it is a good experience for
her. -- and make sure. And that her trip over there will be a blessing
to her birth parents.How are you, I'm good. How are you?We were just
wondering where you were? In a way I see it as a loss, but also a game.
It's just a change in the relationship.... We pray that Kati
will go well and she will have safe travel to China, and that you return
safely back to us.After finding out about her birth parents, Kati
decided to fly to China, to meet them herself.I think my biggest
fear in meeting my biological family is that somehow I will disappoint
them, I mean, in a lot of ways, obviously they feel they have let me
down. But I also know how much pain they have gone through.
Is so large. I see that!Ahead of the big reunion, Kati spent some
time getting to know the country of her birth.The meeting under strain
to try and take it as it comes, and try to be in the moment as much as
possible. And make the best decision to me at that time.This is Kati.
Higher. Hello.The big day has arrived. Kati and her birth family
are travelling to the Broken Bridge where they will meet for the first
time.
I am excited. I feel pretty ready. I feel like there has been a lot of
build-up to this point, so I feel like... Feel like it is time. I'm
generally not a very symbolic person. Like, I think it is nice,
but I'm not early one fall, like, sentimental things. But it was my
biological's Father's idea. I respect that, and I do see the
beauty and out. So yes, I think meeting on the bridge is definitely
the logical choice, and I think it will be good. The legendary Broken
Bridge in Hangzhou is famous in Chinese folklore. It is the
inspiration for an ancient love story. And millions of people visit
each year.
It was a beautiful afternoon, and so it was definitely kind of surreal,
walking across the bridge, just looking at the people, like, this is
it. I am only going to do this once. You only meet your biological family
once in your life.
I don't get super emotional and those types of situations, but for
my birth mother, I think she was just... She was actually really sad,
in a lot of ways. She just kind of helped me and sold for about a
half-hour. And that is another time when I was, like, you know what? I'm
glad I can't speak Chinese, because I have no idea what I would say
otherwise.
So, after the meeting, like, my biological family really wanted me
to, like, stay with them for the night. And I was, like, no. I have
met so many people today, I haven't been sleeping a lot, so I just want
some time to myself. So I think, yes, that first night, yes, I didn't
stay with them. And then after that, the day after that, I hung out with,
yes, my parents.
They have brought Kati back to their family home in Hangzhou.I am Kati's
biological mother. Hello. Thank you very much. For taking care of Kati.
We are also very thankful to you for giving her to us.That night they
Skype chat with Kati's adoptive family in the US. It is the first
time that two families have left. Can you tell us a little bit how the
Bridge reunion went?I haven't really tried to talk about it yet,
because I don't know how to talk about it well. Because...OK.I
don't know how to capture what it was. I don't know.We love her
dearly, and she knows that, and we haven't lost anything today. We
haven't lost anything at all. We are just happy for her.I am just happy
that she has come to this point. I just hope there is a sense of peace
and contentment with her, and that, you know, if it means developing a
relationship with them, but that's OK. Because that is good.
One thing I realised, going on this trip, that I almost did it more for
my biological family than myself. Obviously it was both, but in a lot
of ways it was a lot more meaningful to them. Just because it was a lot
more traumatic for them, and they have been living with a lot more
emotion about it for so many years. But for me, also, it was good. It
was... Yes, it was good in different ways, I think, for us. But for me,
it was definitely fulfilling. What is it?Chicken wing.Sure.My oldest
daughter, she is already 25, but she never went into the kitchen once.I
will teach her how to cook. I guess having two sets of parents, it is...
It's hard, because it's a lot of family ties, and that is, like, how
much to communicate, and I'm not really good at communicating with my
family in the first place, and I have a whole other family.
The next morning, Kati's dad wants to take her to the place where he
abandoned her.
But it is difficult to find the exact spot.
He really just wanted my forgiveness, which is... It was just
really interesting, because, like I understand from him why he needed
forgiveness, but for me, I didn't feel like I needed to forgive them
for anything. Like, from my perspective, I understand their
situation, as much as I think I can. And, like... Yes, they were stuck.
They were stuck in a system that was so can.Six hours from Hangzhou is
this town. It is the original family home, and it is where Kati's
grandmother lives.
I think another really cool moment was, like Tom meeting my grandma. I
think she was on the boat and I was born, so, like, she has been also
thinking about me a lot through the years.Earlier this year, her
grandmother nearly died after suffering a stroke.
Just seeing her, and seeing my extended family, I am just like...
It really made it feel more like family. I don't know, just seeing
how much that I was there, and she really wanted to see me before she
died, and that was kind of... It was a powerful moment.It is time to say
goodbye. All the family are at the airport to see Kati off.
Don't cry, OK?
Hello.Back in Michigan, a new chapter is beginning in Kati's life,
as she prepares for her final year of university.I guess, for like,
for other adoptees who are pursuing reunion or searching, I think it is
important to just, like, be very aware of, like, your feelings. And,
like, there is not really a right and wrong way to feel during any
part of the process. No matter how much you know about your adoption,
or why you were given up, or how much you feel about it, and how much
it hurts, or no matter what the circumstance, I don't think it's
good to suppress those feelings that might be hard to deal with.