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出乎很多人的意料 It came as a shock to many...
我们的独裁者被无情消灭，在这权力真空之中 But with the power vacuum left by the heartless consumption of our dictator,
Nicolas Bourbaki不建议也不对任何利用本字幕生成的视频负责
我们要实施更多严苛的饼干法律 we shall impose even more Draconian cookie law,
一条一条地出炉 one be -cookieing at a time!
第五季至此季终 八集官译两集原创 各位下季见 祝大家生活快乐
谢谢你 Oh, thank you!
[特别感谢] 每周在第一时间提供第一手HBO官方字幕的热心群友
你和你外公离开后它们立马就掌权了 They took power immediately after you and your grandpa left.
真抱歉，瑞克不管权力交接的，他当时应该只是饿了 Err sorry about that, Rick doesn't really do 'transition plans', I -I think he was just hungry.
欢迎大家到我们的仓库协助改错：https://github.com/N-Bourbaki/Rick-and-Morty-Chinese-Subtitles
那既然你来了，帮我们建立新的体制吧 Well, now with you here, perhaps a new system of government?
-莫蒂国王 -抱歉，我得闪了 King Morty - -Sorry, look I gotta run,
你们一定能搞定的 I -I'm sure you guys'll figure it out,
我相信你们 I -I believe in you!
可以帮我们堵住这个UFO形状的洞吗？ Morty! Can you help us with this UFO -shaped hole?
好吧，纯粹是因为 Sure, geez, but y'know only because
我刚好路过 I was in the neighborhood.
莫蒂，谢天谢地 Morty, thank God!
你外公离开后，这怪兽就出现了 The beast emerged right after your grandpa left
-而且它的宝石还不见了 -天啊，真是太巧了 and its gem went missing - -Geez, that is a crazy coincidence
我建议最好不要多加探究 that I -I if I were you, probably just best left alone.
没错，我们应该庆祝一番 He's right. We -We should celebrate.
-要吃顿大餐吗？ -我没空 -Feast? -No time.
听起来很棒 S -S -Sounds pretty classic though,
你们自己吃吧 don't let me hold you up!
王八蛋，他做了记号 Son of a bitch. He marked it.
青柠
侦测到奇怪液体
太棒了
搞什… What the - -
搞什么鬼？ Hey, what the hell?
天啊 Agh! Jesus!
你也沾到了绿色的东西，对吧？ You got some of that green stuff on you too, huh?
完了，真的完了 Th -Th -This is bad. Th -This is really bad.
嘿，你觉得我有何感受？ Hey, how do you think I feel?
我原本有个百宝袋，结果现在大腿上有一个小孩 I had the ultimate stash hole and now I got a kid in my thigh.
虽然你感觉是个大好人 Look, you seem like a perfectly nice guy in my hand hole,
但我若没解决这件事，我就完了 but if I can't sort this out I'm dead - -
你搞什么，老兄？好恶 What the hell, dude? Gross.
-我只是… -你只是怎样？ -I -I -I was just trying to... -You're just trying to what?
这些是哪来的？ Where'd this stuff come from?
垃圾虫，快出来吃垃圾 Garbage Goober, get out here and eat this garbage.
垃圾，我好爱垃圾，好吃的垃圾 Mmm, trash, I love trash, yum yum trash,
-我想吃垃圾 -我超爱它的 I wanna eat trash - -Hell yeah, I love that lil guy.
等一下 Wait a minute.
这量子传送液里是加了激浪吗？ Is that Mountain Dew in my quantum transport solution?
我看到你做了记号 I -I saw you were marking the levels
-只好加满… -加满？ -so I -I had to top it off. -"Top it off?"
你知道这东西毒性有多强吗？ Do you know how dangerously toxic this stuff is?
你竟然加到我的传送液里？ And you added it to my portal fluid?!
因为你不信任我 Only because you don't trust me!
逻辑真棒，莫蒂 Oh, that's great logic, Morty - -
抱歉我没办法比主厨飞吻的手势 forgive me for not doing the kissy chef gesture
因为你可能把东西洒得到处都是 since you probably spilled this shit everywhere
我不想把我的嘴唇传送走 and I don't want to teleport my lips.
我没洒出来 I did I did not spill it!
我不会相信你，我也不该相信你 I won't take your word for that and I shouldn't have to,
所以我才设了搭档守则 which is why I have sidekick rules.
你如果无法遵守… If you can't follow them - -
你就会换掉我，对…你每次都这样说 I can be replaced, yeah, yeah, so you keep telling me.
抱歉，你觉得我是在吹牛吗？ Excuse me? Did you just try to call my bluff?
你有看过我吹牛吗？ Have you ever seen me bluff?
好吧，你就换掉我好了 Fine. You know what, replace me!
换掉我，瑞克，快换掉我 Replace me, Rick! Just do it.
希望你能找到 Good luck finding someone that can be told
愿意被你威胁换掉八万次的人 80 thousand times how replaceable they are!
好吧，我决定让你面对现实 Okay. I'll see your bluff call and raise you reality.
我其实还蛮期待这一刻的 I can't pretend I haven't been looking forward to this.
这是＂比莫蒂好的事物轮盘＂ Behold my Wheel of Better Things Than Morty.
你是小孩吗？这是美术劳动课的作业吗？ Wh -What are you eight? I -Is this macaroni art?
你觉得这能证明 You expect me to believe you built this
你不在乎吗？ because you don't care?
不，这证明我对你完全没有期望 No, I built this because I don't expect shit from you.
来吧 Come on, anything!
除了莫蒂以外什么都好 Anything but Morty, let's go!
来吧，宝贝，不要归零 Come on baby, no whammies!
停，好，就这样 Duh -duh -duh -duh stop!
两只乌鸦 Okay, that's it. Two crows.
你被开除了，知道吗？去吃屎啦 You're fired! You know what? Eat shit.
你只是想让我觉得自己一文不值 You're just trying to make me feel worthless.
我从没这样说过 I never said you're worthless.
我其实把你的价值讲得很清楚 In fact, I've given you a very clear metric of your worth:
两只乌鸦 Two crows.
注意，我可没说三只乌鸦 Note I didn't say three!
天啊，你们的关系好不健康 Man, that is not a healthy relationship.
希望你不介意我偷听 I hope you don't mind me eavesdropping.
或许我们能想办法 Maybe we can figure out some sort of
贴创可贴隔音 sound -proof bandage solution.
垃圾虫有吃掉我的色情杂志吗？ Hey did Garbage Goober eat my porno magazines?
你曾是瑞克的朋友吗？ So, were you like, a friend of Rick's?
-你是吗？ -问得好 -Were you? -Good question.
他在干吗？他是不是故意 W -What's he doing, i -is he out there making sure
要抓两只乌鸦给你看？ you see him collecting two crows?
你现在心里想着＂天啊, 或许他在意我＂ And now you're thinking, gee, maybe if he cares enough
＂才会想伤我…＂ to hurt me this bad...
... dot dot dot.
打破这恶性循环吧，莫蒂 Break the cycle, Morty.
改变你可以改变的事物 Change the things that you can change.
我就是这么做的，所以我自由了 That's what I did. And now I'm free.
我们要把六年的时间缩成六分钟 Only cramming six years into six minutes, fellas.
慢慢来 Take your time!
这样就对了 Now that's what I'm talking about!
你们下次若再成功，我有安眠酮 If ya nail this next one, I've got bird quaaludes.
我或许会分你们吃 And I might even share.
你可以不用再故意刺激我了 Y -You know you can stop doing that for my benefit.
或者你要继续作秀也没关系，我不干了 Y'know or -or keep doing it. Doesn't matter. I'm out.
-我要走了 -等等，莫蒂，你先别走 -I'm walking away. -Wait. Morty. Don't go.
你先看看这个 Not until you see this!
开始，鸟之绳索 Commence bird on a wire!
好耶 Yeeeeaaaahhhhh!
混蛋 Jerk.
喂，我们一起玩吧 Hey, let's hang out.
我们是共患难的兄弟 We're like brothers now, we both got away y'know,
你在哪？ w -where are you at?
该死，不行 Ooh, you know what, shoot, can't.
-我是外星人，所以… -没关系 I'm an alien, um, so - -That's okay,
瑞克把我的脚踏车变成太空船 Rick turned my bike into a spaceship
进行单人冒险，让我去帮他拿 for "solo adventures" like picking up
金星脚软膏 his Venusian foot ointment.
天啊，是我之前太盲目了 God I'm seeing it so clearly now.
等等，你的位置是在地球上 Oh. Wait. I -It says here you're on Earth.
-对，别来这里 -为什么？ -Yeah. Ah. Don't come here. -Why not?
我懂，我房间有时候也很乱 Look, I -I get it, my room is sometimes messy too,
我可以去你家门口接… I'll -I'll pick you up right outside your...
-精神病院？ -被发现了 -...mental asylum. -Busted.
哈汀精神病院
你刚说你很自由 You literally said "I'm free."
我并不自由 I'm literally not free.
住手，别拉我的被子 Stop! That's my blanket!
你怎么会认识瑞克？ How do you know Rick?
某天酒吧打烊后 Look I came to your place with him one night
我跟他去你家 after the bar closed.
我在车库里摸东摸西 I started messing around in your garage
一不小心就把传送液倒在身上 and I spilled that portal stuff on me and he...
然后他就把我传送到了澳洲 kind of launched me to Australia...
用了莫名原始的弹射器，但弹药是… like with this weirdly primitive catapult, but - -
但弹药是一个气密舱 but the ammunition is an airtight carbon chamber,
他也是这样送走有线电视维修员 yeah, that -that - -that's how we lost our cable guy.
那样的经历的确会令人深受打击 Anyways, that kind of experience shakes you up.
很抱歉误导你了，祝你一切顺利 So, sorry I misled you, have a nice life.
尼克，你有访客 Nick. You got a visitor.
天啊，你发生了什么事？ Damn, what happened to you?
这里的守卫喜欢在周日揍我们 The guards like to beat us on Sundays.
-还是比周一好 -天啊，周一会怎样？ -Still better than Mondays. -Geez, what happens then?
他们会绑住我们，舔我们的脸 They lick our faces when we're tied down.
而且那天会吃肉饼 Plus it's meat loaf day. Well...
你可以离开了，兄弟 you're leaving now, buddy. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
是我刚刚从守卫身上偷到的 I -I swiped 'em off the guard on my way in.
我是说，好啊，我可以解开我的枷锁，然后呢？ I -I mean, sure, yeah, I could undo my lock, but then what?
在被全世界最聪明的人抛弃后 After the smartest guy in the world's done with ya,
我会很难找到立足之地的 it's kinda hard to find a footing again.
所以我才得救你出去 That's why I need to get you out of here.
我们不是有问题的人，他才是 We're not the problem, he is.
如果你能重新开始，或许我也能 And if you can have a fresh start, then maybe I can too.
我们又不是要越狱 It's not like it's a prison break.
只是要离开 We're just leaving, like, a hospital
特别积极帮你的医院 that wants to help you extra bad.
跟我走 Follow me!
快回来，快把门打开 Hey get back here, you better open this door!
-我是真的会飞 -继续跑，尼克 -I canfly! -Keep running, Nick.
你流越多汗，脸颊就越咸 The more you sweat, the saltier your cheeks.
-你舔这个吧 -谢了，莫蒂 -Lick this! -Thanks, Morty.
他的舌头跟猫一样 That dude's got a tongue like a cat.
拦住传送男孩 Stop those Portal Boys!
听到没有？这称号不错 Did you hear that? That's gonna stick!
天啊，就像成龙一样 Damn. Just like Jackie Chan!
那我就是克里斯塔克了 Hah! I guess that makes me Chris Tucker.
应该吧？ I -I guess?
我来了 Gonna get you!
靠，你有看到吗？ Holy shit! Did you see that?
你用呕吐物弄瞎了一个人 I mean you blinded a guy with puke!
太酷了 Oh, it was insane.
-来击掌 -这样对吗？ -Gimme dap. -Am I doing it right?
这样算击掌吗？ D -D -Did I give you a dap yet?
看看我们，我们逃脱了 Look at us. We got out.
我们逃离了疯人院和瑞克 And not just from the asylum but from Rick.
你现在能自己定义什么是历险了 You get to say what an adventure is now.
那份清单还在吗？ You still got that list?
没有瑞克的科技就做不了那些事 Dude, we can't do that stuff without Rick's tech.
那传送男孩该搞到一把传送枪了 Then it's time the Portal Boys get themselves a portal gun.
别忘了之前的训练内容，乌鸦 Remember your training, crows.
偶像应该就在转弯处 The idol should be around that corner!
你们是选择性遵守训练内容吗？ Do you guys just follow training when you feel like it?
这样不叫受过训练，叫随心所欲 That's not being trained, that's being dicks.
我懂了，真正的宝藏是同理心 Ah, now I see. The real treasure is empathy.
比任何摆饰都还要有价值 And that's worth way more than any knick -knack.
你们可以再踏上另一趟历险了 You guys just earned yourselves another adventure!
这次的历险是你们被开除了 The adventure is, you're fired.
抱歉，我如果想变得有血有泪 Sorry, guys, if I wanted another bleeding heart,
我就会对真正的心脏注射复苏剂 I'd inject reanimator serum into an actual bleeding heart.
别担心，这颗行星 Relax, this is an avian planet
有四千万种鸟 with 40 million species of bird,
跟我共事过一天 even one day of working under me
就会被当天才看 will make you apex geniuses down there.
快跳进1970年代的银行车道 Now hop into these pneumatic canisters
会用的气动管里 they used to use at bank drive -thrus in the '70s.
搞屁啊，是谁对我用牵引光束？ What the... Hey! Who's tractor beaming me?!
谁都别想对我用牵引光束 Nobody tractor beams me - -
反牵引光束扰乱器，反扰乱
谁都别想反扰乱我的反牵引光… Nobody descrambles my tractor beam scrambler to boot.
抱歉对你用了牵引光束 Sorry for the tractor beaming,
但你是不是弄丢了这两只乌鸦？ but did you lose these two crows?
不算是，是我放生它们的 Oh, uh, yeah, no I -I dropped 'em off 'cause
因为我控制不了它们 I -I can't hold a candle to them.
感觉这样做才是对的 Y'know it s -seemed like a - -the decent thing to do.
成为乌鸦，训练自己 Be your crows. Train yourself.
这样乌鸦就会受过训练 Crows are then trained.
我愿意接受你的提议 I'm open to what you're describing if it's easier
因为我不想让我孙子太得意 than wiping an unearned smirk off my grandson's face.
-我该怎么做？ -看看你的乌鸦 -W -What do I do? -Look at your crows.
成为你的乌鸦 Be your crows.
天啊，真庆幸我是灵长类 God I am so glad I'm a primate.
好吧，我在看乌鸦了 Fine. Looking at my crows.
我们训练自己停止训练 We train ourselves to stop training.
受过训练的人其实没受过训练，我们没受过训练 The trained are untrained, we are untrained.
所有训练都完成了 All training is complete.
因为不需要任何训练 Because no training was needed.
天啊，我懂了 My God. I -I get it, now.
我们能让莫蒂见识乌鸦的厉害了 We are gonna shove this crow shit down Morty's throat!
尼克，这样或许不太好 Nick, m -maybe this isn't a good idea.
我们如果被他抓到呢？ L -Like what if he catches us?
-他可能会再把我困在母体里 -真是够了 -He could trap me in a Matrix again. -Listen to yourself.
我们会变这样 We wouldn't even be in this situation
都是因为被他恶搞 if the dude hadn't fucked us both over.
该死，他一定是拿传送枪 Damn it. He must be showing the gun off
向乌鸦炫耀了，真不公平 to his stupid crows - -i -it's not fair!
没关系，我们还是能拿其他东西 It's okay, we can still liberate all this other stuff.
我们只拿需要的东西就好 Let's only grab what we need, though.
不，靠，这是瑞克的罐头压制器 Oh, no. Shit. That's Rick's can crusher!
他花了三星期才做好 H -He spent three weeks perfecting that.
莫蒂老弟，你忘了我们是一伙的 Morty, buddy, you forget that we're in this together.
而且你是不是也觉得有点爽？ Besides, tell me that didn't feel the slightest bit good.
是啊，但我们不能再搞破坏了 I mean yeah, but w -we can't do that again.
为什么不能？ Why the hell not?
来吧，婊子 Here we go, bitch!
儿子，你是不是跟陌生人结了盟 Son, have you fallen in with a weird stranger
开始对外公的工作室搞破坏？ and are now trashing your grandpa's place?
我可以帮忙 'Cause I'll help!
爸？随便 Dad? Psh, whatever, man.
-好耶 -吃屎吧，瑞克 -Ah. Yeah! Yeah! -Now eat my ass, Rick!
去死吧，山查兹 Suck it, Sanchez!
原型机
莫蒂，这就是那个东西吗？ Morty, is that what I think it is?
这是很旧的机型 I mean, it's the equivalent of an iPhone 3
而且还是空的，但传送男孩可以开始传送了 And it's empty but it means the Portal Boys be portal -ing!
瑞克快回来了 Rick incoming.
该死，我们得走了 Oh, crap, we better skedaddle!
莫蒂 Moooooorty.
我爸怎么办？他变成 But what about my dad, he -he's like a -a...
-一滩水了 -车库都说了 -puddle. -You heard the garage,
瑞克回来之后会把他变回固体 Rick'll turn him back into a solid when he gets here!
抱歉，爸，我得去当英雄了 Sorry, Dad, gotta go be heroes.
车借我开，我爱你 G -Gonna take your car, love you!
乌鸦超烂，传送男孩
就是屎色屋顶的那间 That's us down there with the poop brown roof.
乌鸦超烂，传送男孩
乌鸦超逊，传送男孩最棒
-这是什么？ -这个吗？ -What is that? -Oh. Ha. That?
没什么 T -That's...nothing.
这里写着＂两只乌鸦＂，旁边是 But I see "Two Crows" written right here beside...
＂猴脑基因＂＂半个保罗贾麦提＂，还有 Gene with donkey brains, half a Paul Giamatti, and...
＂情感狗屁＂ sentient shit.
意思是乌鸦很蠢吗？ I guess the "joke" being that crows are stupid?
应该还有一些深层含意 I think it's a little more nuanced than that.
因为你才刚跟我们 Right, because you just learned
学会同理心 empathy from us 10 minutes ago
我们就该学习你们的幽默感吗？ but now we're going to learn we don't get your humor?
真他妈狗屁 Fucking horse shit.
没错，根本没什么深层含意 Yeah, there's not a ton to "get," genius,
你想表达你孙子可以轻易被取代 the "joke" is your grandson was soreplaceable
连两只乌鸦都能取代他 that "even" two crows could do it.
是很好笑，但我们可笑不出来 Haha. It's funny except it's not.
好吧，说实话，我当时是这样想 Right, well, to be honest, that is how I felt at the time.
但我改观了， But I've -I've rounded a corner.
是真的，各位 I seriously have, you guys.
已经来不及了，准备受死吧 Well, now it's time to round the corner of death!
乌鸦革命就此展开 Let the crow -volutionbegin.
好可怕的声音，你做了什么？ Aw, that sound. What have you done?
我叫三百米内的乌鸦对付人类 Turned crows against dozens of humans in a 300 meter radius.
拜托帮帮忙 Heeeelllllp... pleaseee...
你在求情吗？ Oh, now you beg for help?
-不是我 -什么意思？ -That wasn't me. -What do you mean?
救命，我在这里 Dooooown here.
杰瑞，你他妈为什么是一滩水？ Jerry, what the fuck? Why are you a puddle?
你配不上这两只乌鸦 You don't deserve these!
天才 -Haha. -Genius.
-你是不是在忙？ -对，杰瑞 -Caaatch you at a baaad time? -Yeah, Jerry.
它们夺走了我的乌鸦 They took my goddamn crows!
半个保罗贾麦提、垃圾虫
别闹了，垃圾虫，快滚回洞里 Not now, Garbage Goober! Get back in your hole!
我们的第一场历险 Hohoho, our first adventure!
就是这吗？ This definitely the place?
对，瑞克剥削他们很久了 Yeah, Rick's been ripping these guys off for years,
他们一定会很… they'll -they'll be really - -
感激 uh, grateful.
-其实… -快搞到传送液吧 Y'know, there - -Let's just get that fluid, bud.
传送男孩马上就能开始传送了 The Portal Boys are about to be in portal business!
他在这里 Here he is.
这叛徒一直偷你们采的水晶 This rat was skimming your crystal harvest
交给名叫瑞克山查兹的太空人 and sending it to a spaceman named Rick Sanchez.
-混蛋 -瑞克去死，踢他老二 -Bastard! -Screw Rick! Kick his dick!
对吧？但我和尼克阻止了这一切 Yeah, right?! But me and Nick here, we -we put a stop to that.
全昆塔克的人民都感谢你们 The people of Kuntak thank you.
他是坏人，对吧？ He's a bad guy, right?
你们会好好惩罚他吧？ Y -You're gonna bring him to justice?
是，当然 Yeah, of course.
好，合作愉快 Uh, okay, p -pleasure doing business!
先等一下，莫蒂 Not so fast, Morty.
我们要拿到东西才能走 We're not leaving until we get what we came for.
怪了，我正打算… Funny, I'm prepared to.
听着，我们想要传送液 So hey, look, wh -what we want is portal fluid.
当作给我们的谢礼 As our thanks.
传送液？ Portal fluid?
我如果有传送液还会住在蜥蜴矿坑吗？ You think I'd live in a lizard mine if I had portal fluid?
有道理，好吧，那我们只好大开杀戒了 Right, ok, or we could just kill you for it.
他是开玩笑的，他… He's kidding. He's - -t -the Portal Boys
-传送男孩不会随便杀人 -只会杀怪兽 only kill with kindness.And with guns.
不，不，开枪的人不是我 Oh, no. Oh, no. I -I'm not the one shooting!
-杀了他们 -抱歉 -Kill them! -I'm sorry.
住手，住手，他们没有武器 Stop! Stop! They're unarmed!
他妈搞什么？ Ahh! What the fuck?!
莫蒂，莫蒂 Morty! Morty!
你这基地真酷，很像《夜魔水晶》风格的成衣店 Cool place ya got here. Very Dark Crystal meets Hot Topic.
我的乌鸦呢？ Now where are my damn crows?
搞什么？ Seriously?
连这都是乌鸦主题？ Is there anything not on theme here?
你们的灵长类还闯进了我们的船 Even now your primate storms our ship to assert his dominance.
快来触碰圣蛋并变身 Touch the sacred egg and ascend.
你们就不用再听命于那只怪兽了 No longer shall you take orders from this beast.
听命于你们就没关系吗？ But taking orders from you i -is fine?
闭嘴，猩猩 Silence, Ape!
拜托，你们以为我的乌鸦会为了 C'mon, if you think my crows are gonna leave the great thing
这些幻想狗屁抛下我们的关系？ we have for whatever high fantasy bullshit this is?
你们就错了，对吧，两位？ You 're wrong. R -Right, guys?
这真的需要犹豫吗？ Th -This is seriously a toss -up.
没人要接电话吗？ Uh...someone wanna get that?
是我的电话，对吧？ Oh. It's me, isn't it?
我先看看是不是急事 Lemme just make sure it's not an emergency...
-你好 -瑞克，对不起，我闯大祸了 Yello. -Rick, I'm so sorry, I -I messed up big!
莫蒂？没关系，你不会比我惨 Morty? It's okay, y -ya can't be worse off than me.
我沾到了传送液，偷了你的东西 I -I got portal splashed, robbed you,
找了个神经病当临时备胎 jumped into a rebound with a psycho,
还害死了一堆人 and -and left a trail of dead!
你还真忙碌 Wow, somebody's been busy.
你选择那两只乌鸦 I -I did it 'cause you hurt my feelings
很伤我的心 w -when you chose the two crows!
天啊，我只是在搞笑 Jesus, it was a bit, I'm getting my ass kicked
我现在被这愚蠢的乌鸦情节害惨了，整个大翻车 by this dumb fucking crow story, it's all gone tits up.
好吧，我很想你 Ha, okay, I -I miss you, man.
天啊，我刚刚好像太诚实了 Uh, goddamn it, might've been a bit too frank there.
我得晚点再回你电话了 Yeah... gonna have to call ya back.
小手王八蛋 Tiny -handed little brat - -
你以为恶搞我不用付出代价吗？ You think you can fuck with me and get away with it?!
那你就不够了解尼克 Then you don't know Nick.
被我抓到了，你根本不懂，对吧？ Busted. You don't get it, do you?
只要这传送口还在 As long as we have these portals,
你就永远逃不过我 you can never escape me.
搞什么鬼？ What the hell, man.
我们明明都是被瑞克虐待过的人 I -I thought we were both victims of Rick's abuse.
或许是，或许不是 Maybe we are, maybe we're not.
或许我们只是在同一间酒吧喝酒 Maybe we both just drink at the same bar
我某天想拿走他的传送枪 and maybe one night I tried to take his portal gun.
我原本以为瑞克能让我出人头地 See I thought Rick was my ticket to something special,
结果其实是你，莫蒂 but it turns out you were, Morty.
看看我，我现在是传送男孩了 And look at me now - -I'm a Portal Boy.
这名字烂透了，我只是配合而已 That name sucks! I was just trying to yes -and!
你不懂，莫蒂 You don't get it, Morty.
我们是搭档 We're partners.
快听话，否则我就让你生不如死 Now fall in line or I'll make your life a living hell.
不用，谢谢 No...thank...you.
真可惜，你如果不跟我同一阵线，你就不能继续跟我相连 Pity, I can't have you connected to me if you're not on my side.
所以我得杀了你 That means I gotta kill you.
但是我已经有搭档了 The thing is, I already got a partner,
你没有升迁的空间 and there's no room for promotions.
你他妈做了什么？ What the fuck did you just do?
我要跟你彻底断干净 Cut you out of my life.
你看你的盟友多快就抛下你了，瑞克山查兹？ See how quickly your allies abandon you, Rick Sanchez?
幸好抛弃是我的专业强项 Lucky for me, abandonment's my bread and butter.
靠，你应该要死的 Oh, shit. You were supposed to die!
不得不说 I gotta hand it to you...
是我多虑了，乌鸦科技真厉害 I was iffy about this one but crow tech slaps!
快杀了他，蠢蛋 Finish him, you fools!
快动手吧 Go ahead. Do it.
你们太酷了 You guys look so rad.
我甘愿被你们杀死 I deserve to go out this way!
-安眠酮 -安眠酮 -没问题 Bird...qua...luudes.Done.
天啊，太棒了 Oh, my god, that was awesome.
你们刚刚明明能杀我 Y -You could've killed me back there.
你们怎么会原谅我？ H -How did you guys ever forgive me?
没错，我们的关系 Right, 'cause this toxic thing
不受我和莫蒂的危险关系所定义 I have with Morty doesn't define us.
天啊，乌鸦真的超有同理心的 Man, crows are empathetic as fuck!
这我一定要留着用 Definitely saving this one!
瑞克和两只乌鸦 Rick and two crows!
天啊，莫蒂 Oh, my god, Morty.
来，外公帮你治疗 Here, here come here l -let -let grandpa fix you up,
你要机器手还是蜥蜴手？ What do you want, a robot hand? A lizard hand?
还是像上次那样的大手？ I can make it big again like that one time?
我的正常手就好 Just my regular hand!
好吧，你现在没心情，我懂 Right, not a time for bits, I get it.
好了，焕然一新 There ya go, good as new.
所以我们和好了，对吧？ So we're like, back -back, right?
瑞克和莫蒂又合体了 Rick and Morty, together again.
完全重置吗？ Fu -Full reset? No.
不，莫蒂，我们就到此为止吧 No, Morty, I think we're done.
因为我洒了传送液没告诉你吗？ Be -Because I spilled the portal fluid and didn't tell you?
不，莫蒂，是因为你不敢告诉我 No, Morty. 'Cause you were too afraid to tell me.
我们之间存在凌虐关系，懂吗？ What we had was abusive. Don't you see?
我是坏搭档，因为我从没让你成为真正的搭档 I'm a bad partner because I never made you a true partner.
乌鸦让我认清了这点 The crows made me see that.
我原本以为它们跟你一样可笑 I thought they were a joke like you,
但它们其实比我们都还要有智慧 but it turns out they're more enlightened than any of us.
好吧，那它们有什么优势？ O -Okay? And -And what's the undercut?
你没听懂 You're not hearing me.
我已经彻底改变了，我得跟着乌鸦离开 I will never be the same so I need to leave with the crows
看看它们还能教会我什么 and see what more they can teach me.
来，这给你 Here, I want you to have this.
我… Oh, wow I...
知道吗，瑞克？你真的变了 You know what, Rick? You really have changed.
谢了，莫蒂 Thanks, Morty.
我永远都会是你的外公，莫蒂 I'll always be your grandpa, Morty.
我只是变得很着迷于乌鸦 Just kinda obsessed with crows now.
靠，瑞克和两只乌鸦 Aww shit! Rick and two crows!
这是我的新系列 Kicking off my new franchise!
整个星系都是我们的电话线 The galaxy is our telephone wire!
我们可以拍一千季 We'll do a thousand seasons,
每季14集，每集9秒 14 episodes each, 9 -9 seconds a pop
因为这就是电视的未来 because that's the future of viewing - -
在鞋子上看节目，真狡猾 shows on your shoes - -Sneaki!
趁大家在穿鞋子的时候 That's when you've got everybody's attention - -
引起他们的注意 when they're putting crap on their feet.
让他们想笑、想哭 That's when they wanna laugh. Cry.
感受到除了穿鞋感之外的东西 Or feel anything besides a shoe going on their foot!
在鞋子上看情境喜剧 Watch sitcoms on your sneakers!
《瑞克和两只乌鸦秀》 The Rick and Two Crows Show,
我们会在路上放核桃 we're gonna be layin' - -layin' walnuts on the road
让车轮把核桃压开，懂我的意思吗？ for car tires to open em' you know what I mean?
瑞克和两只乌鸦直到永远 Forever, it's Rick and two crows, forever!
《新英格兰医学期刊》
你要去哪里？ Where do you think you're going?
你知道的 Oh, well, ya know...
红灯亮起通常就代表有 the -the red light usually means there's...
垃圾 garbage...
你是真的还没跟瑞克谈过吗？ Did you seriously not talk to Rick yet?
我有稍微暗示过 I kinda hinted at it.
我知道我不是来吃垃圾的 L -Look, I know it's not the job
但这也是很正当的工作 I came here for but it's an honest living.
天啊，哈罗 Goddamn it, Harold.
他们都叫你＂垃圾虫＂吗？ What do they call you - -Garbage Goober?
你明明就是医生 You are a doctor for god sakes!
我也不知道怎么会变成这样 Look, I don't know how I let this happen
但我现在已经没办法回头了 but I -I've let it play out so long that I can't stop now.
你太懦弱了 You're a coward.
没错，一切就到此为止 You're right. This ends here and now.
垃圾虫，来吃新鲜的垃圾吧 Garbage Goober, we got freshy trash trash for ya!
这次的特别臭，你一定会喜欢 Extra stinky just the way you like it!
垃圾，我好爱垃圾 Mmm, trash, I love trash...
好吃的垃圾，我想吃垃圾 yum yum trash, I wanna eat trash.