你在哪
你们好呀 亲爱的们
[亲吻的声音]
你们想我了吗
爸爸，对于这个问题我思考了很久……
我认为既然黛米恩和拉尔夫都有自己的房间
那他们就没理由把他们不要的东西丢到我的房间
Well, how does that sound, Helen? 海伦，这么说行吗
- [声音被吞没] - [门开了]
- Out of the way, stick boy! - Hand & Foot is here to stay. -别挡道，小火柴棍 -手&脚（一种桥牌游戏）要开始啦
- Oops, kicked your baby monkey. - Get out of here, Ralph! -哎哟，踢到了你的宝贝猴子 -离开这儿，拉尔夫！
- Here, take this. - Go away, Damien. This is my room. -拿着这个 -滚开，黛米恩，这是我的房间
Was. Now it's also the world headquarters of Hand & Foot, Incorporated. 曾经是。但现在它被合并成为手&脚的世界总部
- Hand & Foot all the way! - Hand & Foot, Hand & Foot, Hand & Foot! -手&脚，进行到底！ -手&脚，手&脚，手&脚！
- Hand & Foot? You guys aren't gonna make a dime. - Okay, we'll use this. -手&脚？你们赚不到一分钱 -好吧，我们要用这个
- Yeah! - Hey, that's my life savings! -耶！ -嘿，那是我的毕生积蓄！
- Consider yourself our silent partner. - Yeah, say something and you're dead. -安静点 -是的，再说一个字你就死定了
- Yeah. - How's the big move going? -没错 -怎么样了？
- Great. - Good. -棒极了 -那就好
Come on, Ralph. Gotta get to work. 来吧，拉尔夫 要去工作了
Dad? [Clears Throat] 爸爸？ [清了清嗓子]
Dad... 爸比……
well, I've given this a lot of thought, 我为此思考很久了
and I've decided that... 我觉得……
- s-s-since Damien and Ralph have their own room... - Preston, -既…既…既然黛米恩和拉尔夫都有自己的房间……
they need the space for their business. 他们需要工作空间
- Not my space. - Young man, in this family, industry gets rewarded. -那也不应该在我的房间啊 -小朋友，在我们家，工作才能得到奖赏
While you're in here playing, your brothers are hard at work. 当你在这玩的时候 你的哥哥们正在努力工作
- Yeah, kissin' butt for money. - [Ralph] Well, you know the golden rule. -是啊，为钱亲别人的屁屁 -[拉尔夫]你知道黄金规则的
- He who has the gold makes the rules. - One day you'll have a job. -有钱的人才有权制定规则 -将来你会有一份工作的
- When I was your age, I had my own business cleaning wheels. - [Mimicking Dad] -我在你这个年纪的时候就洗车赚钱了 -[模仿爸爸]
I was pulling down 100 bucks a week polishing cars. 给汽车抛光的工作让我每周能赚100刀
- You used to say 75. - Well, you gotta think big, Preston. -你上次说是75刀 -好吧，普雷斯顿，你得把它想多点
- Surprise. - [Brothers] Whoa, check it out. -很意外 -[兄弟们]哇噢，查清楚一下
Yeah, it's for your business. We had a spare at the office. 是啊，那是对于你的生意 我们在办公室还有备用
- Damien, the speakers are out in the hall. - How does it work? -黛米恩，说话的人在外面走廊里 -它运行起来怎么样？
It imitates human intelligence, like you guys. 它像你们一样，模仿人工智能
- Preston, maybe you could teach your brothers how to use it. - Not possible. -普雷斯顿，或许你能教教你的哥哥们怎样使用它 -才不呢
[Dad] The software will teach you how to do everything but make love to a woman. [爸爸]这个软件除了和女人做爱之外，能够教会你一切
- Now I know what programme to get your father for Christmas. - Mom! -现在我知道圣诞节要送给你爸爸什么礼物了 -当然是妈妈！
- Oops! Uh, here. Let me help you with that. - Preston, you're gonna be late... -哇噢！来吧，让我帮帮你 -普雷斯顿，你会迟到的……
- for Butch's birthday party. - Who wants to celebrate Butch's birth? -为了巴奇的生日聚会 -谁想要为巴奇庆生？
- [Dad] It's important to get out of your room more. - [Brothers] Our room. -[爸爸]别总呆在你房间里 -[哥哥们]是我们的房间
Well, good luck, guys. 孩子们，祝你们好运
[Computer Beeps, Talks] Damien and Ralph sleep... [计算机哔哔声 交谈声] 黛米恩和拉尔夫在睡觉……
butt to face, butt to face, 屁屁贴着脸蛋，屁屁贴着脸蛋
- butt to face, - Huh? - Who said that? -屁屁贴着脸蛋 -什么？谁说的？
- Butt to face, butt to face, - Type "Quit." Hit "Delete." -屁屁贴着脸蛋 -退出，点“删除”
- Butt to face, butt to face, butt to face... - Turn it off! Pull the plug! -屁屁贴着脸蛋，屁屁贴着脸蛋，屁屁贴着脸蛋…… -把它关掉！拔掉插头！
- Ow! - Don't rub it. Be a man. -噢 -别恼怒，好好的
- [Moaning] Ouch! - Little wimp. -[抱怨声]哎！ -小懦夫
[Dad] Come on, Preston. You don't want to be late for Butch's birthday party. [爸爸]普雷斯顿，快点，巴奇的生日聚会你不想迟到吧
- Are you gonna have fun today? - [Preston] How can I, Dad? -你今天会过得愉快吗？ -[普雷斯顿]怎么可能愉快啊，爸爸
- I don't have any money. - Now, look. Here's a couple of bucks. -我没钱 -看着，这儿有些钱
Ah, heck, you can have fun all day on that. 靠它们你就能一整天都玩得愉快啦
You don't get out much, do you, Dad? -爸爸你不经常出门不是吗
[P.A.] Welcome to Fun Land. Fun, fun, fun for everyone. [广播]欢迎来到乐园 让每个人快乐的乐园！
Welcome to Fun Land. Fun, fun, fun for everyone. 欢迎来到乐园 让每个人快乐的乐园！
- Hey. Hey, man. - Hey, Butch. -嗨，你好 -你好，巴奇
Hey, man. Yeah! Hey, what's up? 嘿，你好，耶！ 嘿，你好吗？
Oh, look. It's Presto the Pesto. 看啊 那是普雷斯托的（浇在面条或通心粉等上的）香蒜沙司
- Hello, Butch. - [Kids Laughing] -你好，巴奇 -[孩子在笑]
Oh! 噢！
- Tokens! - [Kids Cheering] -游戏币！ -[孩子们欢呼]
- Give me 50. It's my birthday. - Fifty. -给我50刀的币，今天是我生日 -50刀
- Twenty-five, please. - Twenty-five. -请给我25刀的币 -25刀
- Twenty-seven. - Twenty-seven. -27 -27
- Six, please. - Six. -6刀 -6刀
Six. 6刀
- Coming? - I don't know. -玩这个吗？ -我不知道
[Screaming] [尖叫声]
- [Shouting] - It's gonna be awesome! -[大叫] -太棒啦！
- Yeah, let's go over here! - This one! - Hurry! -没错，让我们玩这个吧！ -这个！赶紧的！
[Butch] Hey, Preston! Hey, over here! [巴奇] 嘿，普雷斯顿！嘿，这边！
- Hey, Preston, how's your ostrich? - Watch out! -嘿，普雷斯顿，你的鸵鸟怎么样了？ -当心！
Preston has an ostrich! 普雷斯顿有只鸵鸟！
Hey, Preston, come with us! 嘿，普雷斯顿，和我们一起吧！
- Just kidding! - [Laughing] -开玩笑而已！ -[笑声]
[Groaning] [抱怨声]
[Dad] Did you have fun at Butch's birthday party? [爸爸]在巴奇生日聚会玩的开心吗？
I have a question. Are we broke? 我有个问题想问 我们破产了吗？
- No, we just have to watch our spending habits. - That's right. -没有。但我们必须注意自己的消费习惯 -没错
Like when your mother calls her sister back East and talks for 97 minutes. 就像当你妈妈给东部的妹妹回了97分钟的电话
So if we're not poverty-stricken, 那如果我们不贫困的话
there must be some other reason I'm so deprived. 一定有些别的什么原因让我感到如此贫困
- We're outta here! Whoo! - Goin' to the ball game. -我们在这儿！呜呼 -要去看球赛
- Can I go? - We bought tickets, toad. -我能一起去吗 -小癞蛤蟆，我们买票啦
- [Mother] Damien! - You need some cash? -[妈妈]黛米恩！ -你需要些钱吗？
- Nah, we got a bunch of change. - Later, Preston. -不用，我们有一大堆零钱 -再见，普雷斯顿
It's not fair. Why can't I have anything? 不公平 为什么我什么都没有
Well, Preston, they have jobs, and they've learned to save. 普雷斯顿，他们有工作也知道该怎么省钱
How can I save money if I don't have any? 我都没有一分钱怎么省钱啊？
A penny saved is a penny earned. 省到一分就等于赚到一分
- What do you want for your birthday? - Money... -你生日礼物想要什么 -钱……
so I can pay to have Ralph and Damien knocked off. 那样我就能付钱让拉尔夫和黛米恩给我工作
Anything else? 没别的了吗
Well, maybe we'll give him one of his birthday presents early. 好吧，或许我们可以提早给他一部分生日礼物
A gift came from Grandma today. 今天外婆给的礼物
Hmm. What a rip-off! It's a cheque for nothing! 怎么能这样对我！ 这是一张空白支票！
I'm having a bad day. 我今天过得很糟
Oh, your grandma just forgot to fill in how much it was for, 你外婆忘记填上数额了
but she signed it at the bottom, see? 但是你看，她在底下签名了
It's a blank cheque. 这是一张空白支票
- We'll just fill in the amount. - How much did you get last year, honey? -我们马上填上数额 -亲爱的，你去年得到多少钱？
A thousand. 一千刀
- Ten dollars. - Wait, Dad. What about inflation? -10刀 -等等，爸爸，通货膨胀要算进去啊
- Oh, make it 11. - [Muttering] -好吧，那就11刀 -[咕哝]
You'd be surprised how fast... 当你发现11刀随着利息增加的速度之快时
eleven dollars can grow with interest. 会吃惊的
Preston? Preston? 普雷斯顿？ 普雷斯顿？
[Preston] Eleven dollars... [普雷斯顿] 11刀……
at 3.45 interest. 按照3.45%的利息来算
[Computer] Your account will reach... [计算机] 你的账户将会达到……
one million dollars... 1000万刀……
in 342,506 years. 在34506年之后
I'm stuck here forever. 那样我必须永远活在这世上
- [Dad] Lights out up there. - Why? -把灯关了 -为什么？
My house, my rules. 我的房子由我做主
"My house, my rules." “我的房子由我做主”
My own house. 我自己的房子
[Yawning] [打哈欠]
[Engine Stops, Car Door Shutting] [引擎停止，车门关上]
[Man] Dave, who needs assets? I'm your asset. [男人] 戴夫，谁需要资产？我是你的资产
- I'm a big asset. Oh, c... - [Man On Phone] I can't believe you. -我资产巨大…… -[电话另一端的男人]我不相信你
Dave, Dave. Come on, come on. Why only borrow 150,000? 戴夫，戴夫，拜托 为什么只借15万刀？
Our money is your money. Round it off to two. 我们的钱就是你的钱 四舍五入到2万刀
- Do I qualify? - Of course you qualify for the loan, Dave. -我是否有资格？ -你当然有资格贷款啦，戴夫
We're golf partners. 我们是高尔夫搭档
- You don't look happy to see me. - Quig... -见到我你好像不开心 -奎……
- Quigley. - Quigley. -奎格利 -奎格利
That's funny. I don't remember you stuttering on the witness stand. 真有趣。我不记得你在证人席上也这么口吃
- You just sang like a bird, didn't you? - I had no choice, Carl. -你刚才说话轻快嘹亮不是吗？ -我没办法，卡尔
- I mean, lying in court... - You also pointed at me. -我指的是，在法庭上说谎…… -你还指着我
- That hurt. - Well, I was under oath. -那真让我受伤 -我发誓了
- I mean... - Come here. -我的意思是…… -过来
The only reason you're alive, Biderman, 你活着的唯一原因，拜德曼
is I knew I might need you again someday... like today. 是我知道将来的某一天会像今天这样需要你
Oh, sure. You need a loan? The rates are great now. 当然啊。你需要贷款？ 现在的利率不错
- And you get a toaster. - I don't need a toaster. -你有抵押物吗 -我不需要抵押物
Before I went away, I put aside a little nest egg. 在我离开之前，我储备了一点储备金
[Gasping] These bills, they're marked consecutively. [喘气]这些钞票是连号的
- They'd trace these in a minute. - That's right. -他们立即就能追踪到 -没错
- [Coughing] - That's where you come in, old buddy. I want new bills. -[咳嗽] -伙计，那就是你进来的地方。我要新钞票
- We're back in the S&L business, Biderman. - Ah, money laundering... -拜德曼，我们是在储蓄贷款机构 -洗钱……
- is very difficult these days, Carl. - You still do it though, don't you? -这些天非常困难，卡尔 -但你仍然这么做不是吗
That's a good-looking family right there. 那个家庭看起来真不错
You're not gonna hurt them, are you? 你不会伤害他们的对吗
- Hate to have to. - All right. -真不好意思我不得不这么做 -好吧
How do you want to do this? 你打算怎么做
- I'll send my guy in tomorrow with a cheque for a million. - Tomorrow? -明天我会派人带着一百万的支票过来 -明天吗？
Yep, just like the old days. You give him the cash, unmarked, send him on his way. 是的。就像从前一样 你把无记号的现金交给他，让他带回来
- Whom should I expect? - Whom should... -我要等的是谁 -谁应该……
Whom should you expect? His name is Juice. 你要见谁？ 他的名字叫果汁
- Juice? - Mmm, he'll be here in exactly 24 hours. -果汁？ -嗯。他会在24小时之内到这儿
Let's call it 1:00. 1点钟
Come on. Walk me out. Show a little respect. 拜托。陪我出去走走 尊重我一下
Whoa. 哇
I know how you feel. 我明白你的感受
- Hi. - Hi. Can you see okay? -你好 -你好，你能看到吗
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, sure. 是的，可以 那就好
I would like to open an account, please. 我想要开一个账户
Eleven dollars. 11刀
Do you have any other money you'd like to deposit, Mr Waters? 没有更多钱要存吗，沃特斯先生？
Oh, uh, I could, 喔，我可以存更多
but it's sort of hard to save around my house; that's why I'm here. 但在我的房子附近存钱很困难 这就是我到这儿的原因
I'm afraid we have a minimum balance. It's $200. 恐怕我们开户的最低限额是200刀
Two hundred dollars? 200刀？
That could take a million years. 那要100万年才能有那么多钱啊
Well, whenever you're ready, please come back and see me. 那么，当你钱够了的时候再来找我吧
My name's Shay Stanley. 我叫夏伊·史丹利
- Ask for me. - Okay, I'll do that. -来找我 -好，我会照做的
- Thanks. - Bye-bye. -谢谢 -拜拜
- I-I'll see you next time. - I hope it's not in a million years. -下次再见 -希望不是在100万年后
B-Bye-bye. 拜…拜拜
[Biderman] Excuse me. Carl, Carl! [拜德曼] 打扰了，卡尔，卡尔！
Here. You can use these cheques. They're temporary. 拿去，你可以先用这些临时支票
- Thank you, Edward. - Like our relationship. -谢谢你，爱德华 -谁让我们关系这么铁呢
- Sucker! - Give me that! -大傻瓜！ -还给我！
- [Laughing] - Give it to me! -[笑声] -快还给我！
Butch, give it to me! 巴奇，把它还给我！
- Preston, come on! - Butch! -普雷斯顿，来追我啊！ -巴奇！
- Give it back! Whoa! - If you can catch me! -还给我，喔！ -来抓我啊！
Come on, Butch! 巴奇拜托…
[Control Panel Dings, Engine Revs] [控制面板叮，引擎发动]
[Preston Screams] [普雷斯顿尖叫]
- [Screaming] - [Tyres Screeching] -[尖叫] -[轮胎发出刺耳的声音]
Perfect. 好险
What the hell do you think you're doing? 你他妈的在干什么
L... l... 我…
- Huh? - [Butch] I saw the whole thing. -什么？ -[巴奇]我目睹了整个经过
- I can be a witness if the price is decent. - Get outta here. -如果价钱合适我可以当目击证人 -给我滚
He's perfectly all right, aren't you? Aren't you? 他完好无损，难道不是吗
- Yes. - Good. Get that thing out from underneath my car. -是的 -那就好。把那个从我车下面拿走
What about my bike? 我的自行车怎么办？
- Kid, was I the one that parked there... - Oh, my word! -天啊
- Are you all right? - He's fine. It was just a little accident. He's okay. -你还好吗 -他很好。只是点小事故，他没受伤
- I think this guy's been drinking vodka. - I have not been drink... -我觉得这家伙酒驾了 -我没有喝…
[Laughs] I don't drink at all. Seriously, seriously. [笑声]我从不喝酒 真的，是真的
Kid, talk to me. How much you want for the bike? 孩子，和我商量一下 你想让我赔给你多少钱
- A thousand bucks. - I'm not talking to you! -1000刀 -我没在和你说话！
Bye, kid. Go on. Walk away. 小鬼，再见 让开
What do you want, kid? Name a figure, we'll discuss it. 小鬼，你想要多少 说个数，我们商量一下
Give this to your dad. He'll know what to do with it. I gotta go. 把这个给你爸爸 他知道该怎么做 我得走了
[Tyres Screeching] [轮胎尖锐的声音]
[Tyre Squeaking] [轮胎尖锐的声音]
Oh, man. 噢，天啊
I thought we understood about taking care of our valuables. 我觉得你明白要保护好自己珍贵的东西的
Valuable? It was a piece of junk. 珍贵的东西？ 这只不过是一堆垃圾
If that's how you feel about a gift from your parents, 如果那就是你对于父母送你的礼物的感受的话
I don't see giving you a new one for your birthday. 我不会在你生日那天给你买辆新的了
I don't want a new bike. I want my own room. 我不想要新自行车 我想要属于自己的房间
I'm warning you. You're on thin ice as it is about the bike. 我警告你。你在自行车这件事情上如履薄冰
You know what I want? 你知道我想要什么吗
What I want is my own house. 我想要自己的房子
My rules, my money. 我自己的规则，我的钱
Listen, young man, until further notice, you're grounded. 听着，小朋友 没有另外的通知之前，你被禁足了
What'd I do wrong? 我做错了什么？
[Sighs] Fred. [叹气] 弗雷德
Hmm. 嗯
It's a blank cheque. 这是张空白支票
"[Computer Start-Up Tone] [电脑启动]
Preston Waters. 普雷斯顿·沃特斯
Two hundred. 200刀
Hmm. 嗯…
A thousand. 1000刀
Hmm. 嗯…
One million dollars. 100万刀
Cash. 现金
Whoa! 哇！
One million dollars. 100万刀
[Electronic Zooming] [打印机嗡嗡作响]
Hey, sonny. 你好，小弟弟
Cashin' a big one today? 取一大笔钱吗？
Uh, sort of. 嗯，算是吧
Yoo-hoo. Over here, young man. 到这儿来，小朋友
- Well? - I-I-I'd like to... -需要办什么业务？ -我…我…我想要…
cash this cheque, please. 请把这张支票兑现
Oh, a comedian. [Laughing] 噢，一位喜剧演员 [笑声]
- N-No, ma'am. - Okay, then we better take it to Mr Biderman. Come on! -不…不是的，女士 -好吧，我们最好把它拿给拜德曼先生，跟我来
- [Ticking] - [Door Opening] -[滴答声] -[开门]
Excuse me, Mr Biderman. We have a little problem here. 打扰了，拜德曼先生 我们遇到了一些麻烦
What is it, Mrs Udowitz? 什么事，奥德维斯女士？
- Someone thinks this is some kind of game. - What? -有人把这当做游戏了 -什么？
Let me see that. 让我瞧瞧
I see. 明白了
Is there much of a line out there, Mrs Udowitz? 我们钱有多吗
- Yes, we're swamped. - Then what are you doing here? -是的，我们是大土豪 -那你还站在这干什么？
Please. 请
[Door Closes] [门关上了]
- Juice? - No, thanks, I'm not thirsty. -是果汁吗？ -（误认为问他喝不喝果汁）不，谢谢，我不渴
Not thirsty. 不渴
Mr Quigley give you this cheque? 奎格利把这张支票交给你的？
He did. 是的
He did. 他给的
How did you run into Mr Quigley? 你是怎么遇见奎格利先生的
I didn't. He ran into me. 不是我 是他撞到了我（run into也有与某人发生碰撞的意思）
Aha. 这样
[Snickering] [窃笑]
[Laughing] Brilliant. Brilliant! [笑声] 棒极了，棒极了！
- [Groans] - I suppose you want big bills. -[嘎吱声] -你应该想要大面额钞票
Actually, regular size would be okay. 正常票面的就行
Regular. Hmm. 常规的 嗯
That's cute. 真可爱啊
Put your backpack on the table. 把你的背包放到桌子上
Hey, hey. 嘿，嘿
I assume you know what to do with this. 我保证你肯定知道该做些什么
- Uh-huh. Yeah. - Uh-huh. -啊哈，是的 -啊哈
Next! 下一个
Look here, sweetheart. Mmm, you're lookin' kind of good there. 这边，小心肝， 嗯，你站在那看起来真美
You got your pearls and everything on. 你把你所有珍珠财宝都戴上了
Hate for something to have to happen to 'em. 真不想看到它们发生意外
Look here, my name is Juice... 我叫果汁
and I got something right here, and I wondered... 我这有样东西， 我想知道…
if you'd be so kind enough as to cash it for me. 好心肠的你能否帮我把它兑现
What do you want? A million bucks? 你要什么？ 一百万刀？
Well, as a matter of fact, I do. 好吧，事实上 是这样的
[Sighs] Go see Biderman. [叹了口气] 去见拜德曼吧
Mm-mm. Oh, my goodness gracious. 噢我的天啊
Here we go. Here we go. 往这边走 这边走
You tell Mr Quigley that he hasn't lost his touch. 告诉奎格利先生要保持联系
- Uh-huh. - All right. You can go now. -啊哈 -好的，你可以走了
Hey, kid! 嘿，孩子
- Stay away from the racetrack. - Yes, sir. -离跑道远点儿 -好的，先生
Good one, man. Looking good. 看起来真不错啊
Mmm. Oh! Excuse me, sweetie. 抱歉，亲爱的
[Gasps] [拉门]
- What's wrong with you, little boy? - [Preston] I'm sorry. -怎么了，小朋友 -[普雷斯顿]对不起
Don't be messin' up a view as good as all that. -别横冲直撞
- I-I'm sorry. - What you doin' out of school anyway, huh? -对…对不起 -你不在学校在这干什么？
You know you oughta be in school. 你知道你该呆在学校的
Go on and get up outta here before I start to get upset. 在我发火之前赶紧站起来离开
Hurry up. 快点
How, uh... How may I help you, sir? 怎么…呃… 我能帮你吗，先生
I'm big Juice, man. Quigley sent me. 我是大果汁 奎格利派我来的
Everything is fine. 一切都正常
- Not to worry. - Uh-huh. 不必担心
Yeah! 是的
- The Eagle has landed. - Hmm? -老鹰已经登陆 -啥？
The horse is in the barn. 马在谷仓里
The chicken... is in the pot. 鸡在锅里
Look here, man, I don't know nothin' about no eagles landin' and all of that. 是这样的，我对于老鹰着陆一无所知
I don't know nothin' about no horse runnin' through the barn. 我也不知道马在谷仓跑
And I certainly don't know nothin' about no... chickens bein' in the pot. 当然我也不知道锅里的神马鸡
You understand? 你明白吗？
But if you do me a favour... 但如果你帮我…
as to be so kind as to cash this cheque right there, 好心地把这张支票兑现
- I could be on my way. - Wait. -我就能离开了 -等等
- Quigley sent you? - That's right. -奎格利派你来的？ -是的
- What about the kid? - What kid? Man... -那那个小孩呢？ -什么小孩啊，兄弟？
The kid! The kid with the backpack! 就是那个小孩啊！ 背背包的小孩！
Look here, man. I'm tired of tellin' you this. 听着，兄弟 我不想再说第二遍
But if you don't give me the money for that cheque, 但如果你不把这张支票兑现
I guarantee there's a bullet with your name on it in this chamber. 我保证在这个房间里会有一颗写着你名字的子弹
[Moaning] The kid with the backpack. [呻吟] 那个背背包的孩子
The kid with the backpack! The backpack! 那个背背包的孩子！ 背包！
The backpack! Shit! Oh, my god! 背包！ 妈的，噢天啊！
[Quigley] 150 grand, cash. [奎格利] 15万刀现金
- It's my last offer, guys. - [Woman] You're our Realtor. -我的最终报价 -[女人]你是我们的房屋中介
You tell us. This offer is so much less than our asking price. 这个价格比我们要的价格少太多
Well, Mrs Appleton, it really is a buyer's market. 爱普顿女士，
Do you mind if we take a minute to think about it?
Listen, I got all the time in the world, sweetheart.
Too bad I can't say the same for you two.
Applesauce, what's with the long face, my man?
I bought your pad. You've got some cash. It's a beautiful thing.
Su casa is soon to be mi casa. You know what I'm saying?
- Groovin' thing, man. - Yeah, well...
[Dial Tone]
- " [Start-Up Tone] - [Sighs]
[Phone Ringing]
- Hello. - [Computer] Good afternoon.
...your house. - [Computer Beeps]
I'd like to make a cash offer on your house.
Someone else wants to make an offer.
What? On this dump?
- Uh, hello, sir. Can you hear me? - Who is this yo-yo?
[Typing]
- [Computer] One-sixty. - What kind of hustle is this?
And what's with your voice, pal?
Sore throat-itis. [Computer Coughs]
Yeah. I'll tell you what. One-seventy right now, cash, and I walk away.
- You take it or leave it right now. - Ask the box.
One-eighty, plus closing costs.
- One-eighty, - [Preston] Top that, sucker.
Plus closing costs.
- One-ninety, darlin'. Top that. - Preston, honey?
I have a few errands to run. I'll be back by 2:00.
Okay. Bye, Mom.
- [Computer] Two hundred. - Two-ten.
- Just to be safe, make that 3:00. - [Laughs]
- Three hundred? - Ma, you're killin' me on this deal.
Come on. Are you tellin' me we're gonna sit here and listen...
to some talking box with a robot voice? What is this?
Uh, 300 it is. Are you prepared to top 300?
No, I don't think I'm prepared to top 300! Are you out of your mind?
We had a deal here! Are you Realtors just a bunch of crooks? Is that it?
What's going on with you people?
Well, I am sorry you feel that way,
but I have an offer on the table of 300.
- [Computer] Thousand. - Uh, we'll take it.
- Sold. - Yeah.
You probably won't live to enjoy the cash.
[Realtor] Just one thing, sir. What is your name?
My name is Preston...
Bingo.
Macintosh.
My name is Macintosh.
Well, congratulations, Mr Macintosh.
- You have a house. - Yes!
I'm rich!
Yeah!
Whoo, yes!
Yeah!
Money! Money!
- You did what with my money? - [Juice] You're not gonna believe this.
He gave all your money to a little old bitty boy.
That was my nest egg. That's all I had to start a new life.
I worked hard to steal that money, Biderman!
You gave it to some zit-faced little kid?
Now wait a minute. I seen the kid.
- His skin looked pretty smooth. - The boy had a cheque signed by you.
I didn't write a cheque to anybody except for this genius here.
Now hold on a minute.
I'm not the one who cashed a cheque for a million dollars.
- That was this man right here. - Had your signature.
I said I didn't write it! You gave me the cheque-book,
I put it in my pocket, I got in my car, l...
l... I can't feel my legs.
Uh, l... Oh, oh, oh.
Calm down. I've got a surveillance photo of the boy.
[Stammering] We'll find him in no time.
- Oh, yeah, that's him. - I can't see a thing.
I recognize him. I'd know him anywhere.
It's upside-down.
All right. So where are you gonna find the kid, Mr Family Man?
- Newspapers. - You want me to advertise, is that it?
No, no, no. They have listings.
Uh, family activities where, where... You know, things where kids go. See?
Fine. You're gonna help me find him.
- You understand? Dead or alive. - Uh-huh.
Let's get out of here.
- Oh, don't think you ain't comin' with us. - [Gasping]
Somebody's in there with Biderman now.
A couple of guys I've never seen before. They've just left.
The money laundering is definitely on again.
We've got to notify the Bureau right away.
[Man] Hello, Limousines Unlimited.
- You have the car keys? - No, you have the car keys.
- Oh, yeah. You make sure you-know-who stays grounded. - And he goes to bed early.
- You got it, Pops. - Don't call me that.
Uh, excuse me.
Sorry, kid. Nobody famous inside.
Do you want to take your mitts off the car, please?
- I'm waitin' for a client here. - But I'm your client.
Oh, right, yeah. And I'm Madonna.
Sorry, kid. The boss doesn't like me taking baseball cards as payment.
So if you want to ride in this, you need some buckaroos, buckarinis,
some moola, some dinero, some money, some frogskins,
much similar to the money you've given me...
In fact, identical to the money you've given me right now.
I was just kiddin' about bein' Madonna.
- My name's Henry. - Hi, Henry. I'm Preston.
- Preston, good to see ya. - Preston Waters.
Yes, nice to meet ya. Hop in.
Go ahead.
I didn't actually mean hop in, but...
So, where to, boss?
- Well, Harry, we're gonna go buy some stuff. - Yes, sir.
[Tyres Screeching]
"Hey, yeah"
"Ow, whoo"
"The best things in life are free"
"But you can keep them for the birds and bees"
- "Now give me money" - "That's what I want"
- "That's what I want, yeah" - "That's what I want"
- "That's what I want Yeah" - "That's what I want"
"That's what I want"
"Baby, your lovin' gives me a thrill"
"But your lovin' never paid my bills"
- "Now give me money" - "That's what I want"
- "That's what I want"
- "That's"
"What I want"
"That's what I want"
"Give it to me, baby Uh-huh"
- "Oh" - "Money"
"I want m-m-m-m-money Yeah"
"I got to have some money"
- " I want to have the money Uh-huh, hey, hey" - "Money"
"Hey, yeah"
"Money don't get everything it's true"
"What it don't get now I can't use"
- "I want m-m-m-money, hey" - "That's what I want"
- "That's what I want"
"That's what I want Hey, yeah"
- "I want some money" - "That's what I want"
- "Hey, yeah"
"That's what I want"
- "Money" - "That's what I want"
- "Ow, hey"
- Ice cream! Turn around, Henry. - Oh, right on.
"I need some money, baby I need some money"
"I just need a few"
- Hey, thanks a lot for the great watch. - You're welcome.
- Hey, this guy, uh... What is it? Mclntyre? - Macintosh.
Uh, Macintosh. Yeah, yeah.
If you don't mind me askin', where does he get his money?
Well, he doesn't get it, he just has it.
Why does he get a kid like you to go out and buy all this stuff for him?
He... He never had a real childhood.
So now that he's really, really rich,
he can have all the fun that he couldn't have when he was a kid.
- Oh. Oh, I see. - You know.
So he didn't have any fun when he was a kid,
but now he's old and he's got money.
You're a kid having the fun for him now...
that he couldn't have when he was a kid.
- Okay, sure. - Stop! Pull over, Henry! It's Shay!
- Stop! Hey! - [Shay Screams] You scared me!
- Sorry. - Preston, right?
- You've got a good memory. - Thanks.
- Great, kid. Very nice. - Nice wheels.
Oh, this? Ah, it's my boss, Mr Macintosh.
- Do you want a ride? - No, thanks. I'm outta shape.
Not from where I'm sittin' you aren't.
So, uh, I'm thinkin' about comin' into the bank tomorrow...
- and opening my account. - Wow, you got the $200 already?
- Just about. - All right. Well, see you tomorrow.
- Bye. - Bye.
Was that him? Was that Biderman?
- No, some kid who came into the bank today. - Nice wheels for a kid.
Yeah. Says it belongs to his boss, a guy named Macintosh.
Macintosh. When are we gonna see Biderman?
[Man] It looks like a circus.
Hey. Hey, hey, move it. I've got work to do too, you know.
Where am I supposed to go? You see an opening? Huh?
Hey, what's the holdup here?
- Yeah, same to you, buddy. - Hey, move it!
What is all this?
What a mess.
This is absolute madness!
Yo, who's in charge here?
[Preston Over Speaker] You with the race car, put it in the backyard.
Uh, the water slide goes back by the pool.
You guys with the TVs, put them in the living room.
Hey, you with the Cadillac, out by the pool.
You in the green jumpsuits, bring that around the back.
- Preston? - Hi, Dad.
- What's going on here? - Movin' in.
- Who is moving in? - Macintosh.
- Who's Macintosh? - I'll be right with you, Dad.
Come on, boys. I don't have all day.
Okay, Mr Waters, the security system is all in place.
Excuse me. This is the remote.
Here are the instructions. All right?
We appreciate Mr Macintosh's business. Here you go, pal.
What's with all the security?
Mr Macintosh says you can never be too paranoid, Dad.
- Well, who is Macintosh? - I work for him. He's paying me.
Yeah, but who is he? I never met him.
- You mean you haven't met him? - No, I haven't met him.
- He's heard about you. - Really?
Yeah, about work and stuff. Really good things.
- Well... His stuff is blocking our driveway. - Dad.
Boys!
Could you clear a path, please?
Get a move on it!
All set, Dad.
"I knew a guy who was tough but sweet"
[Henry] Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
"He's the one He can't be beat"
"He's got everything that I desire"
- "Sets the summer sun on fire" - Brake, brake!
"I want candy"
- "I want candy" - Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip!
- "Yeah" - [Game] Body blow. Uppercut.
- Body blow. Left hook. Uppercut. Body blow. - Ow.
- Uppercut. - Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!
Body blow. Ten, nine...
- "I want candy" - Yeah! Yes!
"I want candy"
"Go to see him when the sun goes down"
- Come on, Henry! Come on! - "Ain't no finer boy in town"
- Hey! Whoa! - "I want candy"
- Oh, Henry! - "I want candy"
- The blood rushed to my head. - "Hey"
"Hey"
"Hey, hey"
[Woman] Is something wrong?
No. I was wondering who could spend cash like that these days.
Oh, yeah. The man's name is Macintosh.
- Macintosh? - Mm-hmm. He just moved here.
- Apparently loaded. - Apparently.
I don't feel good about being here. People may get the wrong idea.
Really? You don't feel good?
How do you think I felt when you gave away my million dollars, huh?
Juice. See anybody that looks like him?
Oh, yeah. He looks like him. Uh, she looks like him right there.
Way back over there, uh, there goes his little twin brother.
You give me one picture and expect me to find him out of all these kids?
You must be crazy. I'm gonna get on the water slide. I'm startin' to sweat.
Hey, mister, you know where the refreshment stands are?
- [Pops Balloon] - No.
[Girl Crying]
Boom, boom, boom! I got you!
Boom, boom, boom, boom!
[Electronic Gunfire]
- [Butch Whimpering] - He says he knows you, boss.
Oh, well, just throw him out.
[Screaming] Ow! Ow!
- Banzai! - "I want candy"
- [Preston Screaming] - "I want candy"
"Hey"
- "Hey" - Hiya.
I didn't expect to see you here.
- Oh, what you doin' here? - I came by to see Mr Macintosh.
- Oh, no, he's in a meeting. - That's okay, I'll wait. I just really need to see him.
- He's in meetings all day. - All day?
- Swamped. - Hey, I missed you at the bank.
I thought you were gonna come by and see me about opening up an account.
- Oh, I had to work. - Wow. This is where you work?
- Not too shabby. - Comfortable. - I brought an application.
- Do you still want to open up an account with me? - Yeah.
- Okay. Do you have your deposit? - I'll go get it.
Okay. Great.
[Preston Screaming]
- Whoa! - That's amazing!
Sorry, just printed it.
Two hundred dollars. Looks like you fell into some money, huh?
- I make a living. - Yeah, well, I guess Mr Macintosh...
He knows a good man when he sees one.
- Will he be opening up an account with us? - Uh, maybe.
Yeah? Great. You know, I'd love to meet him. How's tonight?
- Uh, tonight. What's tonight? - Tonight's Wednesday.
Wednesday.
I'm sorry, he's busy.
- Too bad. - Uh, but I'm not.
Oh, I handle all his financial affairs.
- You do? - Not all of them,
but I can tell you a lot about him, sort of like a pre-meeting.
- And he wouldn't mind? - Hasn't complained yet.
Okay. I'll come by around 8:00.
Okay. Wait, I could send a car for you.
Okay. Cool. It's a date then. Bye-bye.
A date?
I've never been on a date.
You know what they call me downtown? The Babe-Meister.
Think about it.
Okay, I'm gonna tell you about the real deal on dating, which I know.
First of all, women love a great body. They love... Look at this bod.
- Whoa. See? - Yeah, yeah.
Of course, you've got a bod now that's of a Greek god. Really. Think about it.
Women like you to have a good bod because they want to feel they're protected.
You might have to fight some guy, you know? But not with those arms.
You don't want to hit a guy with those arms 'cause those pythons would take a guy's head off.
Seriously. You're buff, but we're gonna get you chiseled.
Okay? Oh, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm having a vision here of a date.
- The perfect date for you guys. - Uh, Steak Heaven!
Ho, ho! My little friend, you really have the hots for this one, huh?
You know, if you really want to go upscale,
that all-you-can-eat salad bar... women love that.
And take some with you. You know, line your pockets with plastic bags.
Put the food in there. 'Cause it doesn't say "All you can eat here."
Does it say "here" on the sign? I don't think so.
So you take something back for later. A little snackaroo.
Oh, women love that. You get home and you got a pocketful of hot wings.
There's nothing more that impresses a woman.
Get yourself some flowers. Get yourself a great body,
some nice hair, some good clothes, a car,
and learn to say words like "noncommittal."
You are a date and a half, pal.
"There he is Some Tiny Tim"
"There he is Six foot and risin'"
"Ooh, there he is He's a knockout machine"
- "He's number one He's double cool" - Yeah!
"He's the naked truth in magazines"
- "I believe in him" - "Wonderman"
- "He is a Mr Wonderman" - "Wonderman"
"He is a Mr Wonderman"
"Ah, yes"
- "Wonderman" - Ew.
- "Wonderman" - One more! Yes, yes, yes!
Ah!
[Preston] Hey, I'm gonna get you!
[Henry] You are little sushi man. Sushi man down. Big boy throw.
Then they chase around. Come around other way, fall down. Splat.
- [Preston Screaming] - " Here comes the wonderman He'd like to say bye-bye"
- Why are you dressed like a game show host? - I'm going out tonight.
Just a minute, young man. You're still grounded.
- But it's for Mr Macintosh. - I don't care.
Macintosh may have a pile of money, but he doesn't decide...
when my son is or isn't grounded.
- But it's for my job. - Your job is to be grounded.
- [Both] Grounded. - So much for Plan 442.
What do you know about Plan 442?
Well, it's the investment plan you've been working on, your "prespectus."
Prospectus. What are you doing going through my work?
Well, I didn't want to say it, but I told Mr Macintosh...
about your Plan 442, and he was very, very interested.
Yep, I promised him I'd bring a copy of it tonight and show it to him.
But I didn't want to tell you just in case you got your hopes all up and...
No, no, no, no, no, of course not.
Let me get you a fresh copy of the "prespectus."
- I'll get a copy of it, sweetheart. - Prospectus.
Yeah.
- Here. You're welcome. - Oh, thank you.
Hurry up. Go. Go! You want the car keys?
Nah, that's okay, Dad.
I don't drive yet.
- [Dad] You want me to drive you? - [Preston] No, it's okay.
You know, I still haven't met Macintosh. Maybe I should go over and...
- No! You'll ruin everything. - Why not?
He has a date tonight and he's very nervous about it.
- I guess I can see him first thing in the morning. - Oh, I don't know, Dad.
I mean, he might be up pretty late with this woman.
[Chuckles] Lucky dog.
Later, toads.
- [Groaning] - Thank you. That's enough.
- Oh! - Sorry.
I can't believe Mr Macintosh went to all this trouble.
- This place is great. - Mr Macintosh has been eating here for years.
Oh, yeah? I thought he just moved here.
There was a Tangerino where I used to live.
Oh.
[Gargling]
Compliments of the chef for Mr Waters...
and his lovely guest.
Th-They look like lobsters,
only weenie.
Oh.
Mr Macintosh wanted you to have this too.
Oh, thanks.
Oh, wow.
This is beautiful. Oh.
But I can't accept this from you.
But it's from Mr Macintosh.
- Why? - Just a little business gift.
I mean, it's deductible, isn't it?
I'm not really sure, but it's way too expensive.
Mr Macintosh has a million dollars.
A million dollars doesn't buy all that much these days.
Do you think he should have asked for more?
What exactly does he do anyway?
Oh, a little of this, a little of that.
- You know. - No, I'm afraid I don't.
- Oh, well... - Is he an entrepreneur?
No, he's American. Very secretive.
He has some questions for you too.
Okay. Shoot.
- "Are you married?" - No.
"What's the shortest guy you ever dated?"
Mmm. I'm not really sure.
- "The youngest?" - You know,
these are pretty personal questions.
Well, Mr Macintosh is very interested in you.
- He is? - He's, uh, never met anybody like you before.
He's never met me before, period.
Technically no, but he's been thinking a lot about you lately.
- He has? - Yep. Whoa!
Preston! Are you okay?
- [Screaming] - [Gasps]
Do you like hamburgers?
I love hamburgers.
Never saw this kid before in my life.
This is a waste of time. Come on.
What's so special about this place?
- You'll see. - Mmm, come on. Tell me.
- Okay. - You gonna tell me?
- Come with me. - All right.
- Where are you taking me? - You'll see.
- See what? - Okay, get in the middle.
- Okay, ready? Five, four, three, - Here?
Two, one.
[Shay Laughing] Holy smokes!
Okay! Okay, now, come here, Shay!
- Okay, okay, now! - Preston, I don't believe this!
Okay, now, let's run around!
- Don't get wet! - Get us out!
Run! [Screams]
- Okay, okay, okay! - Watch out!
- No, we're gonna get soaked! - No, no, no. Now come...
Come around here! Come around here! Come on!
- Okay, hold onto me. - [Screaming] Hey, where are you?
[Screaming] Yeah! Yes!
- Whoo, yeah! - Preston!
[Clapping, Cheering]
This is a great idea, Biderman. Where's all the kids, huh?
Carl, it's late at night.
All the little boys and girls are tucked in bed. What do you expect?
What I expect is when I give someone a million dollars, and I come back a day later,
I find the million dollars. That's what I expect.
- Carl, I'm not a magician. - You can make it disappear,
- you just can't get it back, right? - I'm telling you...
If y'all want a kid so bad, there go one over there.
[Biderman] That's the little boy from the bank!
Shh.
- [Preston Screams] - Go get him!
- Oh, I'll race ya to the limo! I'll race ya to the limo! - What? Okay, I'll race ya!
[Shouting]
[Screaming]
- I got the door for ya! - Open the door. It's freezing!
Go, Henry! Go, Henry, go!
- [Henry] Here we go! - [Groaning]
He got away again! I don't believe this! He got away again!
[Screaming]
[Shay] This was the most fun.
- I haven't done anything like this since I was a little kid. - Me neither.
Thank you so much.
When can I see you again?
Well, I really have to spend some time with my job right now.
Well, uh, I'm having a party.
On Friday.
Can you come?
It's for Mr Macintosh.
Um, it could be for your business, sort of.
Mr Macintosh will really be there?
Uh-huh. It's his birthday.
Okay. Well, great.
It's a date then.
Oh, I'm getting out up here.
It was really fun.
And, uh,
- I had such a good time. - Me too.
- Good night, Preston. - Good night, Shay.
- See you later. - Bye-bye.
- Good night, ma'am. Bye now. It's been a pleasure. - Thank you.
[Henry] So you're having a party Friday?
[Preston] Oh, yeah, it's Mr Macintosh's birthday.
Oh, I thought you said it was your birthday Friday.
Well, we're gonna have a joint party for the both of us.
Oh. Well, it's a good thing it worked out your birthdays are around the same time.
Hey, you wanna move that horse? Come on. What is this, Bonanza? Let's go!
Well, here we are. Home at last.
- Thanks, Henry. - My pleasure.
Hey! Preston Waters!
- Good night. - You know what you got, pal?
- What? - S-T-Y-L-E.
- Style. Good night, Henry. - Style. Good night.
Take it easy, man. Good night.
Macintosh and I are having the biggest birthday party ever.
- Honey, where's Preston? - He's working for Macintosh.
Oh. Where's Damien and Ralph?
They're working for Macintosh too.
Oh.
- Have you met Macintosh? - No, I thought you met him.
- No, I haven't met him. - Well, I haven't met him either.
[Machine Humming]
Keep 'em comin'. Mr Macintosh wants me to get plenty of practise.
[Screams] Watch where you're hittin' those!
Quit messin' around. Macintosh is watching.
Where? We've still never seen him.
Just get back to work. He's watching.
- " [Loud Rock] - [Man]... coming out of the garage.
Ruining the neighbourhood.
"[Continues]
[Shooting Noises]
[Henry] Hey, Preston!
Your party planner's here again.
[Woman] Piston! Piston! Piston!
Turn off this contraption. I have wonderful news.
Mr Macintosh's birthday is going to be the event of the century.
We gonna make the front page from coast to coast.
Oh, we are so lucky, lucky, lucky!
Now what kind of food does Mr Macintosh like?
- I don't know. - And who are his friends?
- Do you have a guest list? - Uh, I don't think so.
You know, dewdrop, I think I should meet him because...
I'm gonna need a little cash deposit.
Oh. Uh, here. Let me get you some cash.
Ooh, yes, you do have money, don't you?
- Wait, wait, wait. - Careful walking around with this much money, darling.
Somebody could just rip you right off.
Now, this first $10,000 is going to be the deposit.
Now, of course, I'll get the balance at the party,
and Mr Macintosh is good for it?
I am just so looking forward to meeting him.
- Who isn't? - Waiters, security,
- guest list, paparazzi... - Oh, and Yvonne?
- Yes? - Remember, it's Preston.
Whatever!
Hey, uh, hey, Henry.
[Grunting, Laughing] It's attack of the 50-foot chauffeur from hell!
I was just wondering if you wanted to play some video games.
Oh, man, I wish you'd have said something.
I can't. I promised some friends I was gonna meet 'em in a while.
Oh, okay. No problem.
I'll tell you what. I'll drop you over at one of your friend's place...
on the way over, and you can have some fun there.
Nah. Maybe I'll go to the park.
All right. It's up to you. Hey, Preston,
- is my tie straight? - Well, it looks perfect.
All right. Later.
- Over here. - Over here!
There it is. That's the park up ahead.
Where did all these kids come from?
Keep driving and maybe someday I'll tell you.
- How could you hit a kid? - I didn't hit a kid. I ran over his bicycle.
I had a dog once that got hit by a train.
- Thanks for sharing, Juice. - Old King Cole we called him.
- He was a merry old soul. - It's him.
- Boy with the backpack. - Go! Go! Go!
- The sign says "No Cars Allowed"! - Just drive!
Quigley!
- You're gonna pay for this! - Just drive!
- Carl, this isn't a good idea. - Shut up! Whoa!
Let go, man. What's goin' on?
- Oooh! - Oooh!
- I'm gonna get him. - We're gonna tear him up!
- Reach over there and get him! - Your butt is mine, kid!
I've been wantin' this little punk.
I own you! I own you, kid!
Come here! He's got my money!
Aaaah!
- Follow him on foot! Go! - Follow him on foot?
- Do I look like a bloodhound, a professional tracker? - Juicy, listen.
If we don't get that kid, nobody gets paid.
[Groaning]
- I want cash benefits, dental, everything. - Not a problem.
Insurance! Here, kiddie, kiddie!
Oh, there you go. Come here, boy. I'm gonna get you now.
I've been lookin' for you!
Huh? Oh, no.
There he goes. Yes. Come here, boy!
I'm gonna get you now! Aaaah!
Don't believe this! Kill that kid when I find him. I'm not gettin' paid for this.
- Where are we going now? My hands are over my eyes. - Shut up!
- Get out... - [Screaming]
There he is! Stick with it! I got ya!
[Juice] I'll get you!
Hang on, hang on.
- Okay, there he is! - Come here! Come here!
- Juice! Run after him. - You must be crazy. You run after him.
- Just ran through this whole entire park. - Fine, get in the car.
- [Coughing] - Don't blow chunks in my car. I just had it detailed.
- I'm cool! - Are you sure? Are you sure?
- I'm not gonna mess up your priceless detail. - Come on.
- [Retching] - Hey!
[Boy] Wow, what's this?
- Let's go! - After him!
- Hey, dude! - [Juice] Move outta the way.
Sorry!
- Get 'im! - Your butt is mine!
I want this kid... What are you doing?
- Yeah! - No! Carl, watch out!
[Juice] Oh, no!
Whoa!
- Aah! No! - Oh, man!
Yes!
Now that's a display of fine driving right there.
You know, Carl, it might be easier just to steal another million dollars.
Hello, Mr Jackson.
Well, well, well, if it isn't the world's youngest personal injury attorney.
You know, you're in a lot of trouble today, little man.
Yeah, 'cause today I have been drinking vodka.
- Take a hike, butt-brain. - What?
- Take a... - Never mind, never mind. Never mind, never mind!
[Chattering]
[Yvonne] Antoine, get that truck thing off the stage. Thank you!
Get those golden gloves off! Thank you!
Love, love, love, love! What do you think?
Ta-da! Is this to die, or what?
Uh, yeah, sure, it's, uh, to die.
I can't wait to show it to Mr Macintosh.
Come on, honey, let's see what they did with that...
"Is it to die for or what?" [Laughing]
Where did you find her? Oh, man.
- What does this cost? - I don't know.
- What do you think it should cost? - Lots, lots.
Kid, why don't you just tell me what I need to know. I'm a good guy.
Okay, how good are you going to be to me?
In round numbers.
I don't think you get the picture, sonny.
- Maybe you need a better view. - [Screaming]
[Screaming] Preston Waters, 1508 Oak Street, Hillsdale, Indiana!
- Thank you. - [Crying]
- You all right? - Aaah! Aaah!
- Is something wrong? - No, not at all.
- Is Mr Macintosh around? - Uh, no.
- But he will be here tonight? - Yeah.
- In person? - In person.
- Okay. I'll see you tonight? - Okay.
Okay. You're looking good. Bye.
- I'll be calling. - What a babe.
Baby brother comes into his own.
For a little weasel, he sure knows how to get a girlfriend.
- Too bad he picked a fortune hunter. - Little love pilot...
shot down in flames by a gold digger.
By a what?
Gold digger, someone who is only after money. I know women,
and that one is after Macintosh's cold, hard cash.
For your information, me and Shay already went on a date...
and she had one fantastic time, boys.
Oh, yes, every second she was getting closer...
- and closer to Mr Macintosh. - [Laughing]
- Shut up! - Just answer me this.
Did she ever, ever just once, come by without saying,
"Meanwhile, I wonder if I could see Mr Macintosh?"
She's a gold digger, man. She just wants Macintosh's money.
- Yeah! Ow! - Don't rub it. Be a man.
- Don't rub it. - I'll rub it if I want to.
- She wants a guy with money, not some little kid with an empty piggy bank. - Yeah.
"Well, I'll wait by the windows I'll wait by the door"
"To make sure you don't come home"
- You ever known any gold diggers? - Man, have I.
I hate 'em. They're the worst.
Anybody who is your friend because you have money is not your friend at all.
You know what they say about gold?
"He who has the gold makes the rules"?
No, no, no. "A fool and his gold are soon parted."
What does that mean?
"A fool and his gold are soon parted." Those old sayings, man,
I don't get 'em. I don't even know really what that means.
You ever heard: "More than one way to skin a cat"?
Who skins cats? Why would you skin a cat?
And there is not more than one way to skin a cat. There is only one way.
You grab the cat, you rip the skin off the cat.
What is the number two way? You put a hose up the cat's butt?
He gets so bloated that he skins himself?
Does he have a piece of Velcro under his butt? No.
"Kill two birds with one stone." You heard that one?
You know anyone who has even killed one bird with one stone?
Kids try it all the time. You can't hit a bird with a stone.
Unless you got a huge stone and they're tiny baby birds.
Then... [lmitating Crash] Beep, beep! Dead.
[Sighing] "A fool and his gold are soon parted."
I guess it means that if you're a fool,
your gold or your money is soon gone.
Once it's gone, it is outta there. It is history.
It is dust. It is vapour. It is no more. You are living in Brokesville.
- Unless you have Macintosh's kind of money. - What if you don't?
I guess then you find out who your real friends are.
Man, we look good.
- Is everybody having a good time? - [Woman Laughing]
- Good, you are. - "Yes, we are, darling." Wow, look at the balloons.
- This is great. Look at the ice sculpture. - Presents!
Hey, hey, hey, kid, no touching. Those are Mr Macintosh's.
Go find your parents. Go on, get outta here.
Go on!
- I just want to see Mr Macintosh. - I just want to pig out.
[Chuckling] Hey, look at that.
Excuse me.
- Sorry! - Exactly who are you looking for, Preston?
- Have you seen Shay? - I haven't seen her, but she'll be around.
Come on... Oh, man, look at all this food!
Macintosh doesn't show, we bring the kid in, agreed?
If Preston says Macintosh is gonna be there, Macintosh will be there.
But you don't make a move, until I give you the signal, understood?
We got eight men ready to go in and nail him the second he shows up!
We close this deal tonight!
Where's the pizza and the ice cream? What's going on here?
This could have been a pizza before it got run over by a couple of trucks.
Oh, that looks tasty. Looks like something you'd find between your toes.
Ah, ah, ah! It's sucking the life outta me!
- Shut up! Everybody's looking. - So what? Who cares?
Relax, have a good time. She'll show up. Oh, there's Shay now. Ha!
Just kidding. I was kidding ya! Would you just relax?
She'll be here. It's not at all what you thought it'd be like?
Hate being rich, huh? Preston? Preston?
Ice cream, ice cream.
Yoo-hoo, Preston!
Now, where is our mystery man? It's time for Mr Macintosh to make his appearance.
I like to give my employers their bills directly.
That way if they have any questions or heart attacks or something...
- I'll give it to him. - Fine.
Be quick about it.
$100,000?
Sweetheart, I know this seems like a whole lot of money to normal people like me and you,
but to a man like Macintosh this is just pennies.
- Now, you get up there and get me my money! - Ow! I'll get your money.
[Computer Beeping]
Party: $100,000.
Not a problem. You can leave it.
This is fine. I'll be right back. Thank you.
[Computer] Transaction not possible.
Insufficient funds.
Current balance: $332.17.
- Transaction not possible. - Three hundred dollars?
- Insufficient funds. Transaction not possible. - Oh, no!
- No, please, God. - Insufficient funds.
This can't be right.
One, two, three, four...
[Chattering]
It's gone. It's all gone.
[Knocking]
Mr Macintosh? Oh, sorry to bother you.
It's Fred Waters, Preston's dad.
I know you got a bash going on here, so I'll make it brief.
But, uh,
I wanted to ask you a favour.
You see, today is Preston's birthday and if you see him,
if you could send him home a little early.
Lately he's been working so hard.
All of a sudden money's become so important to him.
I guess that's mostly my fault.
You don't have kids, do you, Mr Macintosh?
I'll tell you, it's very easy to make mistakes with them.
I haven't always paid enough attention to my kids.
I pushed them too hard... maybe.
Especially Preston.
I guess I expect more from him.
He reminds me of myself at that age. I couldn't wait to grow up.
I'm afraid he's missing out on his childhood.
So am I.
Well, thanks. I won't take up any more of your time.
And we appreciate you sending Preston home early.
If... If he wants to come, that is.
- [Whispering] I want to come home. - Thanks.
Dad. Dad?
Dad?
Dad! Dad!
Dad!
Dad, wait!
Daddy! Henry?
Henry! Wait a minute, where's Henry?
Your driver? He left a little while ago.
H-He left? You sure it was Henry?
Big guy, white limo.
He's gone.
Thanks.
Now I know who my friends are.
Excuse me. Sorry.
- [Door Opening] - [Shay] Preston?
Mr Macintosh?
- Mr Macintosh? - It's just me.
- Which one of us did you want? - I was looking for you.
- Oh, good. - And Mr Macintosh.
Look, it's very, very important that I find Mr Macintosh right now.
- Do you understand? - He's nowhere.
- He's gone. I think you'd better leave too. - Preston...
- you could be in danger. - Just go, okay?
You got your necklace. Just take it and leave.
"Give it back There's no time to lose"
"So give it back Give it back"
Riggs? Riggs? Riggs?
Looks like no one's home.
- Shut up, Wienerman. - Biderman.
- Where is he? - I don't know, but he might be down the street...
at Mr Macintosh's, that's his boss.
- Macintosh. Come on! - [Whimpering]
You know, I do like what they have done with this colour.
There you are, puppy-butt. Did you get me my money?
- Uh, Macintosh has disappeared. - What?
Now, I am warning you, Tom Thumb, don't you trifle with me.
If I don't get paid, I will sue Mr Macintosh...
for every dime he is worth!
Well, be sure and tell me when you find him.
Okay, little Mr Man, this party is over!
Quiet! Stop that playing! Stop that music! Quiet! Attention! Attention!
Everybody, this party is over!
Our host... can't pay his bills!
- Mr Macintosh is a fraud! - [Woman] What?
[Crowd Murmuring] Who's that kid?
She's right. Hate to tell you this,
but there's been a terrible mistake.
Nobody s-should have been invited.
Macintosh is... is gone.
And he's not coming back.
So I think you should all leave too, so go. Go on.
Close down the bar! Come on, let's get outta here.
Come on, Antoine. Move it!
Come on, move it!
Come back with those glasses! Give me that!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
[Knocking]
Henry?
Henry! I knew you'd come back!
Henry... [Gasping]
Happy birthday. I'm here to blow out your candles.
- Oh! Let me go! - What's your hurry, kid? Got a big cheque to cash?
- Let me go! - I like this pad. What do you think, Juice?
Oh, yeah, I like the pad. It looks real nice.
- Can you handle it? Got the TV, drums. - Oh, I like this.
- TV, drums. - All kinds of toys.
- He's got a little taste, a little flavour. - What's this thing here?
- I don't think I've seen one of those before. - How do you work this?
Well, you turn the knob...
You really shouldn't let him in such a nice house as this.
All your stuff could get broken.
Kid, where's Macintosh?
N-Nowhere.
He's nowhere. I'm going to ask you one more time.
Where is he? Huh!
There is no Macintosh.
- I made him up. It was me the whole time. - Don't give me that.
- Who bought this house? - I-I did.
You? You outbid me?
Wait a minute. You tryin' to tell me that this little boy here...
outbid you with your own money?
Be a fly on the wall, okay, Juice?
Listen, kid, you know it's illegal to take things that don't belong to you.
I know. I feel awful. Take me to the police.
- Carl, don't do it. It's a trick. - Get outta here.
Son, I don't want to take you to the police. Just tell me, okay?
Where's my money?
I-I spent it.
- All of it? - All of it.
How could you spend...
a million dollars in six days?
You must not have been shopping lately.
Carl, Carl, wait a minute.
Maybe we're thinking about this Macintosh thing in the wrong way.
- What are you talking about? - You needed a new house, a new identity.
This kid, he's done it for you.
I mean, Macintosh could run for mayor here.
Yeah, I kind of like the idea of that... Mayor Quigley.
No, no, Mayor Macintosh. I like it.
Look, there's only one problem with that. The... Aaah!
- Hey! - Come back here!
- Wait for me! I'm coming! - He's upstairs, man!
Break it down! Break it down!
There he is!
- Where is he? Where is he? - He went down there!
- Juice, go after him! - I ain't goin' down there.
- Go on! Now! - You're crazy. I ain't goin' down there.
- Watch your head. - What is it, about 230... Whoa!
- Aaah! - I'm not goin' in there.
- Oh, no, he didn't. - Did you see him?
- Oh, no, you did just push me in the pool! - Get out, we gotta find him!
What?
What happened?
Act like you got a purpose in life. Go.
[Biderman] I think I'm experiencing chest pains.
[Indistinct Noise]
Carl? Juice?
Huh? Oh.
Little boy? Little boy from the bank?
Ha, ha.
Oh! [Groaning, Grunting]
Where am I? Oh-oh!
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
[Sheep Bleating, Cow Mooing]
[Muttering]
[Rooster Crowing]
- Hey, hey! - [Cow Mooing]
Got ya! Uh-huh!
- Hey! - Got him.
It's time for a little batting practise.
Here we go!
Hey! What's happening? Whoa! Hey!
Just outside. Let's try a sinker. A sinker!
Another! Another! Let's try a screwball!
- Turn, turn, turn! - Be cool! Ow!
Hey! Ho! Come on, boy!
Screwball! Boom!
Whoa! Oooh!
- That must have hurt! - My god!
Fastball, fastball! Just inside!
- Oooh! Ow! - What's next, Juice? How about tennis?
It's over, kid. Ow! Ow!
Preston, come out, come out, wherever you are.
None of this would have happened, you know,
if you hadn't been a bad boy!
Tell me something, did you think you were going to get away with it?
Spending somebody else's hard-earned money? Huh!
We need to have a chat.
Preston... I'm not mad any more.
I know you're sorry.
Come on, buddy.
Pres? Come on out now!
Banzai!
Quigley, I'll be back in a minute.
Don't leave me here... Oh, where am I goin'?
- Whoa! Kid! - Don't you move.
Juice! Biderman! Get your useless butt over here!
[Motor Revving, Tyres Screeching]
Whoa! Oh! Oh! Kid! Kid!
What are you doin'? Oh! Oh!
Kid, kid, stop, please, please! Stop!
Oh! [Groaning]
Kid, please! Don't do that!
Ooooh! [Screaming]
Quigley? Are you okay?
Aaah! I got you now! Come get him!
I got him now. Come get him, you guys. All right, hold him.
- Baseballs! - You're not a very nice boy, you know that?
- Freeze! - Preston, are you okay?
What's this all about? What's happening here?
Stanley? What are you doing here?
- Let go! - As of this moment, you're fired from my bank!
F.B.I., Biderman. From this moment, you're fired from your bank.
- What? - You're with the F.B.I.?
- Yes, Preston, I am. - Okay, kid, finally, at long last, who's Macintosh?
Uh, uh, uh, uh,
uh, uh,
uh, uh...
- I'm Macintosh. - You're Macintosh?
I'm Macintosh! And I want you all off my property now!
- He's Macintosh. - You sure?
I tell ya, I'm Macintosh! Please tell these guys I'm Macintosh.
- Oh, he's Macintosh. Don't you know Papa Macintosh? - Mr Macintosh.
And Big Mama Macintosh be hangin' out with the brothers.
Mr Macintosh, you're under arrest for fraud, money laundering and grand theft.
- What are you talking about? - Bring in Biderman too.
- I'm a banker! - And take Mr Wise Guy too.
- Who? Me? I'm not wise. - Get your hands off me.
- Man, I flunked recess. - Take it easy, man.
- Take 'em out. - I'm not even from here, man. - I'm a banker.
- I was roaming down the street. Cat said, Hey, there's a party. - I own a bank!
Sir, stay behind the line there. Everyone, just calm down, okay?
Honey, I'm gonna check this out, make sure that Preston's okay.
- You take the boys home. - [Chattering]
- What's going on? - Something to do with Macintosh. The F.B.I. Is all over.
- Uh, have you seen my son, a little boy? - He's inside with the F.B.I.
- Excuse me, excuse me, please. Officer... - Whoa, whoa!
- Nobody gets in there without a badge, sir. - I'm looking for my son.
Kind of neat. Can I see your badge?
Shay Stanley, F.B.I.
Cool.
Wait a minute. So that means our date...
was just for your... just for your job?
Well, it started out like that.
I should have known.
Hey, you know, I wouldn't have traded that night for anything.
So when can I see you again, Shay?
Mmm, why don't you give me a call in, say, about ten years?
- Five. - Seven.
- Six. - Okay, it's a date.
Good night, Preston.
[Dad] Preston!
Preston? Oh, my god, he's in shock.
Oh, oh, I'm fine, Dad. I'm fine now. Oh, I'm glad to see you.
- What's going on here? - It's a long story.
- Well, why don't we go on home, you tell me all about it? - Okay.
I want to say goodbye to a friend, okay, Dad?
Wow, this is just great. I can't step out for a couple of seconds.
I miss all the action. Thanks.
- Are you okay? - I thought you left, man.
No, I didn't leave. What did we say the party needed? Ice cream, right?
I just went to get ice cream. I don't know if I got the exact recipe,
but I think I got it close.
- So? - Hey, it's pretty close.
Well, I guess Macintosh is no more, huh?
It's too bad, because, uh, I really enjoyed working for him.
- I had a good time too... - Do me a favour?
Next time you see him,
tell him, uh, that I'm really gonna miss him.
I'll miss you too, Henry.
You're gonna do just fine.
See ya.
- Hey, Henry. - Huh?
- Know what you have? - What?
- S-T-Y-L-E, style. - Style.
Hey, Preston, you're not gonna finish this ice cream, I guess, huh?
Well, no sense lettin' this go to waste.
So, what happened?
Oh, well, uh, Macintosh wasn't...
He... He wasn't who he thought he was.
- How do you mean? - Well, he shouldn't have done what he did.
He shouldn't have fooled everybody.
I think you're right.
It's been a long night. Better get on up to bed.
Yeah, I think I ought to get some sleep too, Dad.
And tomorrow, I'll tell you all about Mr Macintosh.
Sleep well, Preston.
[Group] Ta-da!
"Happy birthday to you"
"Happy birthday dear Preston"
"Happy birthday to you"
Make a wish.
You know what they say, "Be careful what you wish for."
Oh.
What else do I want? I mean, I got everything...
that I need right here.
On the other hand.