That's the way she wants it. She likes to be wet. Right, Miss Gordon?
Bobby, I want you to fix these packages. They sound like sandpaper rubbing together.
Want me to wet 'em down? Okay.
- You have enough water on your hair? - Perfect.
Would you like a little drink while you're preparing, a little bourbon?
I'd love that.
- What are you thinking about? - Oh, you're home?
Am I home?
- Oh, God. I'm - - What do you mean am I home?
Soaking.
It's raining out there. My feet are chunks of ice.
You know, a funny thing, in Los Angeles almost everybody has cold feet.
- Oh. No jokes, please. - No jokes? Really?
How about gentle humor? Like to hear an anecdote?
How about an anecdote? Did you see my kid?
- Isn't she beautiful? - Oh, that's nice, Marty.
Yeah, I'm giving up older people.
Can't photograph them without their clothes on.
- I love you. - Where were you?
Oh, I was out - I don't know.
You know, shopping and -
Then I stopped for a drink.
Went into a bar. Shouldn't have done that.
Ah. A lot of people? Men?
Yeah, but they were all talking about their children, so I figured it was okay.
I don't trust people that -
that talk about their children.
- Oh? - They're perverted.
But I tell you, I do love older people.
Look at this dame.
- You know why I love older people? - Why?
'Cause they know everything.
But they don't show that they know everything.
I can stand here, I can look at this woman, this old lady...
and I can count every wrinkle on her face.
And for every wrinkle, there's a pain.
And for every pain, there's a year.
And for every year, there's a person, there's a death...
there's a history, and there's a kindness.
Now, you look at this kid over here. She's not kind, see?
What am I holding you up for? Go on, get upstairs. Get warm.
I love you.
- Virginia? - What?
- Can you hear me? - What?
- Thank you. - For what?
For coming home.
They want to be loved.
They have to be loved.
The whole world.
Everybody wants to be loved.
When I was 17, I- I could do anything.
It was so easy. My emotions were so close to the surface.
I'm finding it...
harder and harder to stay in touch.
Think about it, will you?
I'm not mad at you.
You could hit me.
I'm not mad at you.
Think about it. You can hit me.
- How you feel? - Fine.
- Had a good night tonight. - Yep.
- Give me your hat. - Kelly, get me a bottle. I need a drink.
- A little one or a big one? - A big one.
- It's nice to be loved. - I'm entitled.
Bobby, you got a bottle?
Come on, let's put the towel on.
Does she need a little bit more water on the hair?
You can do it on the way in. You've got plenty of time. Hurry up and wait.
- Okay, let's do it. - You got everything?
Come on. One autograph?
- No. - Sign the damned thing.
- Who belongs to this? - Thank you.
I'm gonna get a cab. I'll meet you at the restaurant.
Miss Sarah Goode? I've seen every one of your plays here in New Haven.
Would you please? I think they're wonderful.
How interesting. You've seen every one of my plays in New Haven.
He's seen every one of my plays in New Haven.
Well, that's remarkable. Thank you very much.
- May I have your autograph? - I'm just the producer.
Sign it, David.
- Thank you. How did you like my show? - I loved the show.
Yeah, thank you.
- I'm not the star of the show. - I know about them.
Myrtle is the star of the show. Myrtle Gordon.
Miss Gordon!
- I love you! I love you! - Come on, cool it.
Back up. Everybody will get their moment.
Just back up. Hold it a second.
- I love you. - Sweetheart.
Sweetheart. Off your knees, darling.
- What's your name? - Miss Gordon, would you please sign -
- What's your name? - Nancy.
Nancy? How old are you?
Seventeen.
- Oh, my God. - All right, thank you.
Thank you. Let's go. Please, people, let us through, huh?
I'm - I'm sorry.
I love you. I love you!
Darling, let go of her, please!
Come on. Let's go.
- All right. - Get in the car. Get in.
- You all right? - Yeah, fine.
Manny, roll the window down, will ya? There's something wrong with that kid.
Get out of the rain, will ya? You're gonna get pneumonia.
Come see me tomorrow, okay?
Oh, my God.
I think it's that kid.
It's that - I think she's -
Stop the car! What are we doing?
Bring the umbrella! Get an ambulance! Get an ambulance!
Hurry up! Hurry up!
- Open the door, Manny. I've gotta get out. - Let me handle it, will ya?
- Hello? Hello? - Can I help you?
Listen, there's been an accident in front of the theater.
I want you to call the police and be sure that they know it.
- We've gotta eat. - The Orpheum Theater.
- We gotta eat. - What?
The last restaurant's gonna close.
You're gonna be hungry later.
Maurice, will you come up with me, please? I feel a little shaky.
Thanks.
- I'm not staying. - Have one drink.
Come in.
Oh, God.
Don't be so distant, Maurice. Come on, have a drink.
I'm hungry.
There are people waiting downstairs in the car.
What's the matter with us?
We lose sight of everything. There was a girl killed tonight.
All we can think about is dinner.
I gotta go.
You're not a woman to me anymore.
You're a professional.
You don't care about anything, do you?
You don't care about personal relationships...
love, sex, affection.
- Okay. - I have a small part.
It's unsympathetic. The audience doesn't like me.
I can't afford to be in love with you.
Good night.
Yeah, good night.
- She coming? - She doesn't wanna eat.
She'll beat herself into the ground.
Let's go. My wife is waiting at the restaurant.
I don't want any more trouble. Let's go.
I need your help, Dorothy.
I'm not talking to you as your husband. I don't count.
But I'm gonna go crazy if you don't tell me what it's like...
to be alone as a woman.
What do you do? Okay, that's it.
Will you make me another drink, please? I am gonna get drunk.
- Ah - - If you want to get hostile, go ahead.
My goddamn life depends on this play.
And you should go to all the rehearsals. You should watch everything.
You should sit with Myrtle, fill her in on yourself and be part of it.
Do I get paid for this?
If you understudy, I'll pay you.
Hmm.
That's right.
'Cause I tell you, my life is getting boring. I'm getting somber.
- My own tricks bore me. - Do you want ice?
Yeah.
There's no humor anymore, and all the glamour's dead.
- You notice that? - Mm-mmm.
I can't even stand how they come to rehearsal.
They come to rehearsal dressed in terrible clothes.
- Ah. - Manny, I'm dying.
I'm dying.
I know I'm dying, 'cause I'm getting tired.
It's always the same.
You talk. I sleep.
If I had known what a boring man you were when I married you...
I wouldn't have gone through all those emotional crises.
Hello?
Oh, Myrtle.
No, sweetheart. I'm still up.
I'm sorry you're not feeling well.
Do you have a fever?
What?
What girl?
A young girl got killed in front of the theater tonight.
- All right, sweetheart. - It's 4:30 in the morning.
Yes, I know. It is lonely.
Oh! I hate out of town too.
Of course I love you.
Hold it, will you, please?
It's nothing. Just my wife.
Right.
Of course I'll leave the phone open.
Yeah. She doesn't mind at all.
- Tell her you'll talk to her in the morning. - I don't sleep anyway.
- Right. - Right?
- Right. - There's no one I love more than you at this moment.
You know I love you.
What?
Yes, sweetheart. Okay.
What's wrong with being slapped?
Cut it out. Cut it out. Just a second, darling.
Cut it out, will you, please?
There's nothing humiliating about it.
You're on the stage, for Christ's sake.
He's not slapping you for real.
Myrtle.
Ugh! Myrtle!
Myrtle, it has nothing to do with being a woman.
You're not a woman anyway.
No, no. You're a beautiful woman.
You are. I was kidding.
Now, you see? You have no sense of humor. I told you that.
I don't want to argue with it, darling. We'll rehearse it.
Well, how - If we don't rehearse it...
we -we won't get it.
But it's not humiliating. There's nothing humiliating about it.
Uh, you know, it's a tradition. Actresses get slapped.
It's a tradition. Do you want to be a, uh, uh...
a star or do you want to be unsympathetic?
It's mandatory you get hit. That's it.
Now go to sleep. Right.
A young girl got killed by the theater tonight.
Let's forget it. Let's not phony it up anymore.
Myrtle, honest to God, he's not gonna hurt you.
Now, look. You do it to me.
Come on. Do it to me.
Here, loosen the hand. Ready?
You hear that? One more time.
Okay, now hit Maurice.
Good! Good!
All right, we could do it, but...
you know, he could swing at you and miss...
but then we wouldn't hear the slap.
So, try it one more time.
Hit her in the face. With the fingers, not the palm.
- Go ahead. - No!
Myrtle, Myrtle, Myrtle.
- Hit me - - Myrtle, Myrtle, Myrtle.
Take it easy, will ya?
What's the matter with you?
- Look, do I love you? - Yes.
- Do I want you to be good? - Yes.
- Would I hurt you? - No.
Then you're gonna have to let me slap you.
- Okay. - It won't work if you don't.
All right?
Okay.
Let's go. From, uh...
where, Sarah?
Uh, start with "You don't get to me."
- Okay. - Places, please.
You don't get to me.
You want to get to me? You don't get to me.
There's no way for you to get to me.
You want to go out and get drunk?
You want to take dope?
You want to go out with some guy at 4:00 in the afternoon...
and be with him?
Go ahead. That's you're problem.
What a mess I am.
I'm begging again.
What are we fighting about?
You want to be young again, is that it?
Oh, Marty.
Ahh!
Oh, that was - Oh, wow.
Uh, that was good. That was good.
A few lines back.
No! No more!
No!
Bravo!
No! No! No more!
No! No!
- You all right? - No!
- I didn't hit her. - Walk away.
I didn't hit her, David, really.
- You all right, Myrtle? - Do we need a doctor?
Yeah, you'd better get a doctor and get me a cold compress...
and maybe you'll have a little brandy back there.
David, would you please leave the stage so we can go on?
Will you get off the stage?
There's nothing the matter with Myrtle. She's, uh, tired, that's all.
I've been tired a lot of times in my life.
You stay up all night, you get tired!
All right, Myrtle. Time to get up. Have to rehearse now.
Uh, let's take it from a few lines back.
- You want me to try this again? - Yeah.
Well, how can I start again when she's lying half-dead on the floor?
Myrtle!
Are we rehearsing here or not?
Want to call it a day?
Myrtle!
I was very much in love with you, Virginia.
When was that?
No, I really want to know. When?
You don't get to me.
You want to get to me? You don't get to me.
There is no way for you to get to me.
You want to go out and take dope? You want to get drunk? Go ahead.
You want to -
Oh!
Pow!
Do you expect to be funny in this scene?
I'm sorry. I, uh -
Perhaps I could write a funny line for you.
She's very alien to me.
And I would pray that I could have something to say...
that would make sense.
So that I could make sense.
I somehow -
I seem to have lost the, uh, the reality of-
of the, uh -
reality.
I -
I dream funny dreams too.
I'm not myself.
This woman you're playing...
is as helpless as you are...
and as helpless as I am.
She has no weapons.
She wants to fall in love, but...
her time has passed.
It's too late. It's as simple as that.
You understand that part of it, don't you?
How old are you, Myrtle?
You see? It's too late.
You understand that, don't you?
Just please tell me what this play doesn't express.
Hope.
All right, uh, we'll, uh -
Pick this up later. Let's start with Act I, Scene One.
All right, Jimmy.
Let's get set here.
Bring it down! Come on.
That's it. That's it.
Come on, places, please. Let's go.
Put it on the money. Bring it in. - Bring it down!
Would you shut the door on your way out, please?
Sure.
What's up?
Be nice.
May I sit down?
There's no sense in us being enemies.
But I can't be your friend...
if I have to contend with your retirement.
Oh, I don't think we'll ever be friends.
Well, we'll just have to live with that.
You know, that was a very good point you made about hope.
Made me realize that you're not completely stupid.
People change... physically.
There's a hell of a lot of pressure one puts on oneself...
by demanding to stay competitive.
I'm gonna hit you.
You're calling me fat?
Beautiful day.
What do you want to do? You want to walk?
- You want to ride? - I don't care.
Oh, I hate actresses.
She tried to talk to me about age.
Now I ask you. Really.
Come on, walk with us.
All right, we're gonna walk.
I think it - that went very well.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
So.
- Well. - Do you want to have a drink?
- You guys? - Yeah. Good idea.
Hold on. Wait for me.
- Myrtle? - Myrtle?
- Come on. Have a drink, sweetheart. - Manny, I just can't.
- Are these all the local newspapers? - Yes, ma'am.
- Are you all right? - Sure.
- These are today's, aren't they? - Yes, these are the morning...
- and those are the afternoon. - Okay.
Would you put those on my bill, please?
Certainly, Miss Gordon.
- What's wrong? - Five, please.
- Do I have any mail? - One moment, please.
Nothing. Would you like a key?
- Baruch. - Baruch.
- Atah. - Atah.
- Adonai. - Adonai.
- Eloheinu. - Eloheinu.
- Melech. - Melech.
- Ha'olam. - Ha'olam.
- Dayan. - Dayan.
- Ha'emet. - Ha'emet.
- Praise be thou, O God. - Praise be, O God.
- Righteous judge. - Righteous judge.
- Amen. - Amen.
All right. It'll be all right.
I'm Myrtle Gordon.
- Eddie, I'm so sorry. - Excuse me, but this happens to be...
a very, very bad time for us.
Please be quiet. Take it easy.
I lost my daughter today. You must forgive us.
I know who you are.
At another time, this house would've been bedlam had you paid a visit.
Come in.
She was trying to see you. That's how it happened.
Yes, she was very beautiful. I did see her.
- She had extraordinary eyes. - You don't have children.
If you had, you wouldn't have come here.
No, I don't. I don't have children.
Can I freshen you up a little bit, Miss Gordon?
Uh, yeah, but just one more. I've got a show to do tonight.
Listen, I don't want to impose upon you, but this joker's been begging me to get a couple autographs for his kids.
Would you mind terribly?
- No, that's fine. - Fantastic. There you are.
- I told you she was a fantastic broad. - Great. Thank you, Miss Gordon.
Thanks.
- How are you, Kelly? - Workin'. Hangin'up clothes.
You're looking good.
Well, we all have to please.
We have to please our audiences. Isn't that right, Mr. Victor?
That's right, that's right. Very intelligent.
Hey.
You're not funny anymore.
It's a serious play, Manny.
Look at that. Isn't that wonderful? She knows it's a serious play.
I mean it. You're not funny anymore.
You used to break me up.
That's right. I'd just have to look at you. I'd fall on the floor laughing.
But you've changed.
Your whole countenance has changed.
You're like some proud queen.
I think you're in line for a few bad habits.
So I'm gonna take you out after the show.
Then I'm gonna take off all my clothes...
and show you this beautiful body.
Hey.
You're the most exciting woman that I've ever known.
And the greatest actress.
- But you're no fun anymore. - It's a sad play. She didn't write it.
Sit down, will ya, please?
Look in the mirror. Am I beginning to look like Humphrey Bogart to you?
- Now, wait a minute. Let's discuss that. - No, answer the question.
- Am I or am I not Humphrey Bogart? - You're upsetting her, Manny.
- Shut up, please, Kelly. - She doesn't sleep at night.
There's no time. She has to go on.
I'm not funny because I can't take myself seriously anymore.
I'm just so struck by...
the cruelty in this damn play.
Miss Gordon?
You're on.
Houselights down. Places, please!
Curtain!
Hey! There's a woman here!
Hey, and she ain't bad-looking either.
Hey, she left.
- Virginia! Hey. - Tony!
- Tony! What are you doing? - Look.
I'm married. Give me a break.
- I'm gonna have a heart attack. - Me too.
- Are you kidding? You're wonderful. - You're wonderful.
Tony doesn't like me to interfere.
Charlie, get away from the door.
Maybe she's a house detective from the noise.
I'm sorry. I'm going out there.
What happened? - They're near the staircase. They're talking.
- Do you think he knows her? - Yes, it's the first wife.
You've got to understand. It's a shock for me to see you.
I'm not seeing you alone on a street corner. I didn't bump into you in a crowd.
Hello.
What the hell is going on here? Who's this dame?
This is Virginia.
Wait a minute, Virginia!
Wait a minute.
I expect you to say hello to my family.
- Hello. - Hello.
This is, uh - This is my ex-wife from 15 years ago.
And this is my new wife.
Wait a minute, Virginia.
- Listen, I'm really awfully sorry to just come in like this. - This is my sister-in-law, Carla.
- I want you to meet Charlie Spikes. - I should've given some -
- This is Charlie Spikes. - I got a letter from home that said Tony was gonna be here.
- My daughter, Leona. - Hi.
My wife, Lena. This is Virginia. Say hello to Virginia.
- Shake hands. Come on. - I feel I'm intruding.
You haven't met my son Vito! Goddamn it, no!
- You haven't met my son Vito. - What's going on?
- Get away from me! - Charlie, leave him alone. He's an ass.
And you shut up too!
This is my wife.
She's a princess.
See my kids? I got a lot of kids.
I got three here, and I got two back home.
My wife hates the population explosion too...
but she don't mind having them, because she has easy babies, that's right.
- Ease off, Tony. - Get away from me!
She goes in, and 15 minutes later, pop! They come out.
- All right, Tony. What are you doing, Tony? - That right?
Lena, listen. You don't understand what I'm saying.
I'm saying that because Virginia doesn't like kids. I don't want my kids near her.
- You're out of line, Tony! - Tony, just leave him alone!
Just leave him alone, you bully son of a bitch!
How dare you? Who do you think you are?
- You have no right! - All right, I'm sorry.
This is Carla. I'm not afraid of you! I'll kick you right where it hurts!
- All right, I'm sorry. - What do you want?
What kind of woman are you?
Lena, come here. Come here!
Just sit down.
- Tony-- - Just sit down.
Listen, you son of a bitch! Keep away from me!
Goddamn it, I'll kill ya!
- Stop it! - Stay the hell away from me!
- Will you cool it! - Keep him away from me!
- Just get him away from me! - Can't you just stop it?
I mean, you're hurting your wife! You're hurting your kids!
I'm so sorry.
I'm- I'm so sorry.
See this?
I wore this veil because he used to be so crazy about veils.
I'm sorry. I'm a stupid woman, and I -
This is very embarrassing, and I'm just sorry.
It's just that there's such a difference between what you dream about...
and what's really there, isn't there?
What's the matter?
Come on, now. Stop that. Stop being a pissant.
Go out there and play the shit out of it.
Come on now.
You got it.
Go on.
I'm sore at you. I don't know why.
What are you doing, talking to your pictures?
Where were you? I've been home all afternoon.
I've been home for a couple of hours.
Hey.
Marty, I want to tell you something.
Is it the end of the world? You want a drink?
No, it's not the end of the world.
What is it?
I'm not good enough for you.
- You're not good enough for me? - No.
Well, I don't want to hear that.
I really don't want to hear that. You're my inspiration.
Before I met you, I was -
I was a bum. I was a drunk. I was a drunk with a pad.
I was W.C. Fields without a nose.
I was Dean Martin without any charm.
I was no good, really.
I -
I thought that small talk was too small.
I thought big talk was too pretentious.
I thought music was noise...
and I thought art was bullshit.
That's what I thought.
I know you're no good, Virginia.
You're just a girl, two legs. I know that.
But I love you.
You see, I'm not too secure. I'm step by step.
But I know you, you see.
I know you because I look at you while you sleep.
Did you know that you sleep with half your eyes open? Did you know that?
I went to see my first husband today.
Oh. Well. Really?
How was he?
Was he interesting?
Was he good-looking? Still?
Was he...
disappointing?
No, I guess not. Well, that's normal, you know.
Listen, I promised I'd never double-cross you.
I told you as long as I was here, I'd be straight with you.
I was very much in love with you, Virginia.
When was that?
No, come on, really. I would like to know.
You don't get to me.
You want to get to me? You don't get to me.
There's no way for you to get to me.
You want to take dope? Go ahead. You want to get drunk? Go ahead.
You want to go out with some guy, 4:00 in the afternoon?
Be with some guy? Go ahead. That's your problem.
What a mess I am. I'm begging again.
You want to be young again, is that it?
Oh, Marty.
All right, get up.
Sweetheart, get - Sweetheart, did I hurt you?
Virginia, I didn't hit you that hard.
For Christ's sakes, get up!
I'll -
Are you all right? I was gonna call a doctor.
Don't be afraid.
I - I love you.
You're a wonderful actor, Maurice.
We must never forget this is only a play.
Well...
I think it's wonderful how you told everyone Maurice is an actor.
I mean, no one would have known if you hadn't told 'em.
And I think it's marvelous...
how accurately you described to the audience...
a play.
- Bravo. - You're being sarcastic.
Then you understand something.
- Myrtle, do you like the part? - No!
- You feel she's confused? - She's not confused, no.
You feel she's happy? You feel she's sad? What is it you feel?
Manny, excuse me a minute.
But does she - does she wreck you?
Does she distress you so much you can't sleep at night?
David, I know you're trying to help, but--
How can you represent someone if you have no respect for her?
I mean, we all know you changed all the lines tonight.
Doesn't that tell you something? Don't you say to yourself...
"Myrtle, maybe I'm not so smart."
"Maybe Sarah's play has something to say."
"Maybe I haven't loved anything in my life."
Maybe I should've gotten married. Maybe I should've had children."
Did that ever occur to you?
Years ago.
I don't want any smart answers!
I don't know what the hell this is.
What is it? You want to be loved on the stage?
- No. - You feel this woman is sick?
- No. - You feel she's confused?
She's not confused.
You feel she's happy? You feel she's sad? What is it you feel about her?
Nothing.
Listen, every word that Myrtle says...
is on paper.
Here we're sitting around talking like she has to manufacture the words.
You see, there's Act I, Act II, Act III.
All you have to do is say the lines clearly...
and with a degree of feeling.
And then the - Virginia will appear.
Oh.
Now the goddamn tears.
Keep me up all night.
I have to tell you I love you in front of my wife.
Now we get your goddamn tears.
Aw, come on, Manny. That's too strong.
All right.
David, I want to talk to her.
Wait outside, will ya?
Okay.
I'm not sore at you.
Come on in.
I have a bar set up. How about a drink?
- No, thanks. - Oh, come on.
Loosen up a little. Have a drink.
No, thank you. I don't want one.
Sit down.
Should we call room service?
- You're not hungry? - No, thanks.
How old are you really?
I'm trying to be patient. How old are you, hmm?
I'm 65.
How old are you?
Well, if you can't say your age, then you can't accept my play.
I accept my age.
- Why can't you read my lines? - Listen, Sarah.
Every playwright writes a play about herself.
You've written a play about aging.
- I'm not your age. - What is your age?
I am aware that, uh, playing an older woman is part of my problem.
I have no illusions about being a teenager.
But on stage, you have Virginia having hot flashes.
I don't have hot flashes. I'm not going through menopause.
I'm not ready to play grandmothers yet. You know, you're very clever.
If I'm good at this part, my career is severely limited.
- Limited to what? - Once you're convincing in a part...
- the audience accepts you as that. - As what?
As old, that's what. Old.
- Are you gonna quit? - No.
I'm looking for a way to play this part where age doesn't make any difference.
Age isn't interesting. Age is depressing. Age is dull.
Age doesn't have anything to do with anything.
Listen, Sarah, I don't have a husband.
I don't have a family. This is it for me.
I mean, I get my kicks out of acting.
If I can reach a woman sitting in the audience...
who thinks that nobody understands anything...
and my character goes through everything that she's going through...
I feel like I've done a good job.
You think that anyone who's old can't be vulnerable?
That's not what I'm saying.
Well, what are you saying?
When I was 18, I could do anything.
My emotions were so close to the surface...
I could feel everything easily.
But now -
This is years later-
Plays later. Years later.
So, what's the answer?
I have this dead girl.
You know. You remember that kid that was in the accident.
She's, uh -
She's so open. She's -
She's really-
She's really just on top of everything emotionally.
She's -
She reminds me -
You said you have this dead girl.
What does "have" mean?
Is she here now? In this room?
Good night, Sarah.
David?
- I've been waiting for you. - Oh, I've been with Sarah.
I thought I'd buy you a drink.
I'm so tired, David.
Hello?
No, I - I can't see you now.
I don't want to see you. I'm with someone.
I'm very concerned.
Well, as long as somebody's going to be with you...
I'll say good night.
- Good night. - Good night, David.
Myrtle, for Christ's sake!
- What the hell are you trying to prove? - Give me.
What are you trying to prove? You're acting like some grade school theatrical kid, for Christ's sake!
Everybody loves you.
- You're a super, high-priced professional. - I'm what?
- Now, calm down. - Huh? I'm what?
- Calm down, will you? - What am I?
I don't know what the hell it is.
What is she? Apolitical fantasy?
A - A frustrated vision of Sarah's own inability?
I don't know anything about this play. I don't know anything about this woman.
I told my wife tonight. I said, "Dorothy, I don't know what this play is about."
- I don't know what this woman is about. - Manny, Manny.
She's not even like some bum. You know? She's not even a bum.
She's not a bitch. She's nothing.
I mean, if I play her the way everybody wants me to play her...
like some little over-the-hill matron...
my career is over.
I'm sick to death of hearing how old this woman is.
Who gives a damn how old this woman is?
- Does she win, or does she lose? That's what I want to know. - I know.
- Is that such a lousy question? - I know, I know.
I'm beginning to feel guilty for asking, for God's sakes.
I like the music.
It's a nice, soothing sound.
I used to play it on my stereo.
I was always alone.
Waiting for time to pass.
Waiting for night to come.
The movies don't start till 6:00.
I'd dream with the music...
until dinner.
Go to a movie...
or a concert.
Boys.
And men...
older men.
And boys...
always picked me up.
I don't want to hear about your sex life.
What the hell are you doing?
- If I could rid myself of you-- - Are you going over your lines?
If only I didn't have to think about what's gonna happen to you.
If I could rid myself of the thought of being your wife.
Oh, my God.
I know you're frightened that I'm going to go too far in the wrong direction.
- You're afraid I'm going to make a fool of myself, aren't you? - No.
You're afraid that somehow my behavior...
- is going to undermine you. - Don't, Myrtle.
- Here we go. Come on, Myrtle. - Please, one autograph!
All right, people.
Miss Gordon's late. Would you let us through, please?
She'll sign all your autographs after the performance.
- Could you just sign one? - We're late, darling.
Now, be sweet, sweetheart.
Let us through, huh? Would you please let us through, darling?
- Miss Gordon, please. - I promise you -
- I've waited so long to see you. - If you're patient...
right after the performance, Miss Gordon will sign all your autographs.
- Let us through now. Let us through. - Thank you.
One more. - Right after the show, she'll sign all your autographs, really. That's right.
Believe me, believe me. Right after the show, she'll sign every one.
We're late.
Oh, my God, it's--
Be careful, Manny.
Kelly, you've gotta talk to Jimmy for me about the props in the second act.
That cigarette lighter has to work. And tell him to leave some matches on the bar in case.
I'm going.
I'll be at the Beverly Hills Hotel.
The number is Crestview 6-2251.
If you need me, that's where I'll be.
If you change your mind, you call me.
No smoking, Mr. Victor.
Hello?
Hello, Sophie.
Oh, yes, I'm sorry. I didn't - didn't mean to hold you up.
I just forgot to get back.
Listen, I'm kind of busy right now. Can I call you back?
Okay.
Can I have a match, please?
What the hell is she up to now?
Can I have a match, please?
Thanks, Frankie.
I think she's all right.
Shh! Never mind now.
- Hello? - I'm gonna kill that Jimmy.
No, Esther isn't here either. Call back, will you?
- Hello. - Hello.
I couldn't find the place. It took me two hours to get here.
I'm sorry I was so crude to you today.
You shocked me.
I'd have never expected to see you again.
I've thought about you.
I, uh...
expected you to be a great big fat dame by now.
This is just like it was on our wedding night, you know?
Why is she making an exit? - It's the same way it was for me that night.
I mean, I, uh--
I felt the same way that night.
Are you all right up there?
This is ridiculous.
You haven't got a back door, or some way...
you're gonna get out, are you?
These, uh--
These big living rooms always turn me on.
- Is everything all right, Miss Gordon? - Sure.
I think you better get out there. Gus is on stage alone.
You all right up there?
Get the curtain down. I said bring the curtain down!
- Which one is it? - It's up there, Mr., uh...
Victor. Thank you.
How come you got your shirt off? Hey! Hey! Hey!
Wait! Get that damn curtain up right this minute! Get it up!
Get that curtain up right now! No argument! Get it up!
Up! Up!
Up!
Humiliating!
Okay.
I've changed, haven't I?
You have.
- I've aged, haven't I? - No.
Oh, you can't say that I'm still the same baby I was when you first knew me.
Not the same skin, not the same eyes.
Do you know how old I am?
I don't want to know. You look terrific.
Oh, but I feel so different.
Okay, let's go.
Time is a killer, isn't it, folks?
All those lonely nights. You know about lonely nights?
You bet you do.
How about those lonely days?
How about them, hmm?
How you doing?
How about you? You know about those lonely nights?
- I know what you mean. - You do?
I really enjoyed it.
- Wonderful. - Very, very funny.
Someone said you're the producer. Are you?
- Yes, ma'am. - Oh, it was good.
Oh, thanks. That's very nice.
I like the leading parts, but there were too many old-age parts.
- Old-age? - Yeah.
- She's always good. - Oh, she's marvelous.
Henry liked it. Henry!
Come here, tell him. He's the producer.
- It's a very serious play. - That means you didn't like it.
What was wrong tonight? The play seemed so mixed up.
- Really? - Excuse me.
Mr. Samuels, I talked to five people.
- Yeah? - Three of them thought it was "yecch."
Two of them hated it. The other one didn't know what was going on at all.
- It's a disaster, a disaster. - It's not a disaster.
Listen, I want you to get Zeitz up here first thing in the morning. The first thing!
Get out of my way. Don't stand there. Go do what you're told.
I can open the door. Beat it.
Okay, so I got a few laughs tonight.
Listen, I've seen worse nights than that, babies.
I've seen-seen drunks in the audience...
heart attacks, lines screwed up...
nerves, dope, theaters burning.
- What are we talking about here? - All right, Myrtle, listen to me.
Half the audience loved the play.
The other half hated it.
- But you're still my favorite star. - That's not what I was talking about. You know that!
What are they, blind?
What are we gonna do?
Look, it's Myrtle's problem.
It's up to you, Myrtle, if you wanna straighten yourself out.
She's the only one that can solve it.
Listen, you liar, you just shut up and don't talk to me anymore.
- Hey, I'm on the stage with you. - What do you think is going wrong?
- Nothing. - She doesn't think anything's going wrong.
- Is it the girl that was killed? - What girl? - No.
- The autograph hound. - The girl that was killed?
Have you, uh -
- Have you seen her since she died? - Oh, Sarah, please.
- No. - Uh, now -
Sarah, I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
The problem is here with us. Let's not complicate it with never never land.
Look, the name of this play is The Second Woman.
The girl dies, and Myrtle can't cope with it.
Who is this girl?
Did you see her?
All right. Okay, I have seen her, but not like you think.
I mean, I made her up.
She's mine. She's my fantasy.
I wanted to see how it would feel like to be, uh -
To be young again.
Whatever. If that makes you happy.
Was she on the stage with you again tonight?
No!
Look, would I let anybody go on stage for me? Are you crazy?
- Do you know what's going on? - No.
Can I take Myrtle to my spiritualist?
- Oh! Wait a minute. - Spiritualist?
Wait a minute.
Myrtle, you were never in it tonight, not for a moment.
Now, I don't know whether it's because you don't want to, because you can't...
because you're nuts, I don't know.
Or because, uh, the play's about aging and, uh...
you're repulsed by it.
I don't know.
But I think it's an important play.
And, uh, if you don't put yourself out -
I mean, if you don't feel the pain of the losing of, uh...
passion and, uh -
Look, if I put a call in to New York, we'll be there in less than two hours.
I'll take her to my spiritualist, and we'll be back in time for rehearsal tomorrow.
I don't want anybody to misunderstand this lunacy.
It's made up. I can control it.
It's- It's- I- I just let my imagination go a little bit.
Are you sure it's just your imagination?
I can make her appear or disappear at will!
Please come and sit down.
Hello, Sarah. How are you?
- Oh, and you must be Miss Gordon. - Yes. How are you?
- Fine. Please sit down. - Thank you.
Sarah.
- Is it okay if I join the seance? - Please do.
Thanks.
Doris, get the candles.
Can't see in the pitch black, you know.
And bring Frank in.
We need a fan. When we close the doors, it gets stuffy in here, you know.
Now, Sarah...
from what you've told me on the phone...
this could be a misplaced phenomenon...
looking for a way to cause trouble.
Well, I believe that Nancy exists...
but, uh, only in my mind.
I'm an actress...
and the play that we're doing right now...
is about the gradual lessening...
of my power as a woman...
as I... mature.
Uh...
at some time in life youth dies...
and the second woman in us takes over.
I believe that Nancy is the first woman in my own life.
Nancy. The girl who got killed?
- Yes. - I see.
Actresses create characters.
I created Nancy because I thought there were...
certain scenes in the play where I was having trouble...
uh, visualizing my own life.
I'll do anything.
I drink, I--
I stay up all night, I--
You're so right.
I'll do just about anything...
to make my character more authentic.
I always have.
I see.
Well...
let's turn up our hands, everyone, and put them flat on the table.
I'd like to see your palms, um, darling.
Doris, get a pan of water and a wash rag, please.
Your hands were smudged.
Must have brushed against you.
This, uh, Nancy of yours, Myrtle, is a bad girl.
She's very tough.
I feel she's very near to us now.
Well, what do you want me to do?
Lower the lights, and, Frank, light the candles, please.
I'm sorry. I - It's, uh -
You want to protect this kid, honey?
I-I just don't know how to explain it.
It's, uh - It's like when you were a child...
and you had an imaginary friend.
You know, someone that you made up? She doesn't exist.
Well, at least now you know.
At least I know what?
A lot of people think the young girl in us is important.
Not too many years ago...
I went around pretending I was 18.
But I wasn't.
I was 60.
Take a snooze, huh?
Night.
Well, uh, listen, thank you. You know? That was -
Oh, that's all right. Get some sleep, will ya.
- Go on. Sleep. - You too.
Where are you?
You know it's not your fault.
You're only 18.
It's not my fault either.
I'm an actress.
I have to...
I -
Ohh!
Hello!
Hello.
- Listen, you know who I am, don't you? - Mm-hmm.
Well, the door to Miss Goode's suite is locked.
- Mm-hmm? - Well, I'm locked out.
Oh. You're from up in the penthouse, aren't you?
I - I need to get in.
- Have you got the key? - I have some keys.
I don't know if I have the key to Miss Goode's room.
Would you try one, please? I'm sure you can get me in.
I haven't seen you in the movies in a while.
- I'm doing a play. - Oh, I heard that.
Let's see if this one works.
No, that doesn't.
Let's try this one.
- Thank you. - That's too much.
That's really too much.
You're just great. Thank you.
Oh, my God. What are you doing?
Don't worry, Sarah.
I'm doing this to myself.
I'm a little shook.
Use your bathroom?
I'm a little shook up.
Be all right with you if I spent the night?
- Were you with her last night? - Yes.
Manny, she's crazy.
- Sarah, we've been waiting for two hours. - I've never seen behavior like this.
- Two precious hours of rehearsal. - She's got to be replaced.
Oh, you want me to replace her now? One day before New York?
Thank you very much.
- Let's go. - Yes, sir.
- Leo, tell everyone to take a break. We'll be back in a half hour. - Right.
I had an affair a couple of years ago. You know about it.
Nineteen-year-old girl.
You don't think I was making a fool of myself?
Think every time I took my shirt off I didn't...
wanna be younger?
I had my nails done, my face massaged.
Had a container of breath spray in my pocket at all times.
I left my wife, I left my children...
and I had to suffer the humiliation of going back...
after a scene with the kid where she very politely told me I was too old for her.
I made her uncomfortable.
But I understood that.
All the work I'd ever done...
she went to bed with, very passionately.
That's why I thought you'd like the play.
It has so much of you in it.
You mean I shouldn't...
fool myself anymore...
to keep holding on.
No.
Then what? What do you mean, Manny?
What I'm trying to say is that you're a...
delicate, experienced...
exciting woman...
who I find attractive beyond comprehension...
a woman who amazes me with her lack of belief in herself.
Manny...
- Jesus Christ. - I'm in trouble.
I'm not acting.
You know the last day before New York I'm always nervous.
But I always win. I-I-I'm a strong person.
I'm not some -
But this... age thing...
it just has me coming off the wall!
- What's the line, Leo? - "Vito, go in the John."
Come on, boys, pick up your cues. This scene has to bounce. It has to pop!
- What do you think I'm here for? - What need is that?
She needs loving. Every woman needs that.
- Manny, what is this scene about? - Good scene! It's about you!
You lock your kid in the bathroom! Is that it?
- Let's take a break. - Sarah!
No, I wanna see the fight by the numbers.
- You've gotta help me. You've got - Sarah. - No. Let go of me.
Stop it. I'm not going anywhere -
- Sarah! Come on! - No, I don't want to!
- Quiet! - Come on!
Oh, shut up, David!
Hey! Leave me alone! - Where are the Bobbsey Twins going? I don't want another disappearing act.
I'm out of control.
- You mustn't be out of control. - You've gotta get me somebody else.
- Somebody else. Not that first dame. That first dame did something crazy! - What did she do?
- I don't know. It was like - - Myrtle. Myrtle.
- We'll get a car. We'll find somebody. - Don't you understand Manny is concerned?
- With all this trouble, we wanna be sure everything is all right. - I don't care about Manny!
Everything is not all right. Don't you understand?
I don't like the way that son of a bitch is treating me!
He treats me like I'm some over-the-hill matron. I don't like being spied on either!
I can't go to the bathroom around here without somebody thinking I'm having a breakdown!
A-Are you all right?
Am I all right? Am I all right?
- David, please let me talk to her alone. - Sarah -
- Please. Please. - All right, go ahead.
Let's get out of here. Don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about.
You got me into this. You're gonna get me out of it.
- Well, you can do it. - You understand me?
What do you want me to do with your clothes? Go to the hotel and pack?
- I don't care! - Yes, would you, Kelly, please?
- After rehearsal I'll take her into town. - Okay, sweetie.
You're going to call somebody, right?
- Six dollars, lady. How long you gonna be? - Five minutes.
All right. Hey, Mack! Get going. Thank you. Come on, get going.
Are you sure you don't want me to stay with you?
No.
You just introduce me to her.
That's all I want.
Miss Gordon, you are looking completely charming today.
- Thank you. - Can I get something for you? Ah!
Hurry.
Nice to see you again, Miss Gordon.
Thank you.
That little bitch!
Oh, there you are!
Now... Mmm, don't be worried. Promise?
And don't be nervous. I'll call you. Okay?
Good-bye, Sarah. I'll call you.
Maurice.
Can I take your order now, Miss Gordon?
- Uh, nothing for me. - Miss Drake?
Could we - Could we do this thing now?
Oh, I think we'd better go to my room.
Grand Marnier? A little apricot brandy?
Nothing. Nothing at all. Thank you.
Sit in that comfortable chair.
I like this old one. It creaks.
Now -
Now, uh...
Nancy is her name?
There you are.
- Oh. - You are something!
- What does that mean? - It means I'm no fucking spirit!
- What does that mean? - I have never bothered you.
You want to kill me.
I devoted my life to you...
to movies, to music...
the theater.
I'm 17 years old.
I like sex.
I like to turn people on.
And that's what the theater is - it's sex.
It's like getting laid.
Um, what did you do to her?
I'm not afraid of you.
You're an older woman.
You're frightened, and you're a coward.
Listen, I have a -
I have this play. You know that.
I have to do it.
If you hurt me...
I won't be able to act.
Make friends.
Really, I'm sorry.
- No, don't do this. - Stand still!
I just wanna shake your hand.
Don't - Don't do this.
- Don't you wanna touch me? - No -
Miss Gordon.
Is she dead?
Listen, Miss Gordon, why don't you sit in the lobby here and have a drink?
- No. - I'll get you a nice glass of wine.
- No, thank you. Good-bye. - You sure?
- Do you want me to call someone? - No. Thank you. Thank you both.
Uh, excu - Could I - Could I have a - Do you have a light?
- Yes, miss? - Hello, Wally.
You don't remember me.
Miss Gordon, by God!
It's so good to see you back. I didn't know who you were, looking like a frump.
Well, welcome back.
Is he, uh - Is he upstairs, Wally?
Yeah, it's been about, oh, half an hour or so.
Is he by himself?
- You know, I really missed you. - I missed you too.
Open up, you son of a bitch.
Hello. How are you?
- Fine. How are you? - Fine. How are you?
- Fine. - It's really you.
It really is.
The big star pays the little actor a visit.
You know what I was thinking about? I was thinking about my life.
I was thinking about the opening.
Now, I wanna get some sleep.
Do you love me?
I'm gonna close this door now.
What am I asking? What am I asking? Come on, take a chance.
Listen, look, let's take this play, let's dump it upside down...
and see if we can't find something human in it.
I mean, there has to be more...
when two people have cared for each other for a long time...
besides agony.
Heh?
Are you with me?
I'm not bitter at you.
Ah, this is not right. No.
- You are a - - It's because I know you.
I know you very well. I know you want me to make an ass of myself on that stage.
Well, they don't pay me enough to make an ass of myself. Do you understand?
Well, look at this.
You don't invite me in. You don't -
don't offer me a cup of coffee, a cigarette.
Well?
Well...
love moves at a hell of a rate of speed, doesn't it?
What -Where - Leo? Leo!
Where the hell's he going?
Two hundred thousand dollar advance! I gotta give that money back!
The situation remains the same.
The ads have been bought. The money-
Wait! The money's been spent. They're in.
I don't care if the theater's burning down. Not now.
It's Miss Gordon. She's on the phone.
From, uh, Miss Gordon.
What phone? What phone?
The other phone.
Backstage, upstairs.
- It's the phone you got the call from Philadelphia on. - All right, all right, all right.
Manny, I'm going out of my mind!
Be with you in a minute!
This wall here, right?
Hello. Myrtle. Myrtle?
That son of a bitch!
- Jimmy, come here. - Is she all right?
Is she coming?
Did you talk to her?
What did she say?
- Was she sober? - I don't think so.
Did you tell her we had search parties out for her, the police, everybody?
- Yeah, but is she all right? - She said she was fine.
- What else did she say? - Nothing.
She said she'd be here in time to get dressed on opening night.
- Hey, what's happening? - Well -
- Anything else? - No.
What happened?
Quarter of 7:00.
So what if it is?
Where the hell can she be?
What difference does it make?
Either she'll be here, or she won't.
She'll be ready, or she won't.
Can't say I'm not depressed, but it's not the end of my life.
What are we gonna do?
Say she was hit by a car?
Got pneumonia?
What do you wanna do, Sarah?
We'll just have to wait.
- Anyone? - What the hell's the point of drinking now?
We're calm.
Depressed.
There's a difference between being calm and being depressed.
You know, with all the pressure the whole time we were in New Haven...
even when she went wrong, she made me laugh.
In some crazy way, with all of her craziness and all of her nuttiness...
it was more real for me being up than being in it.
In some nutty way, it seemed like something real.
I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
Where the hell is she?
I feel rotten. Don't you?
Yeah. I don't think I'm gonna celebrate or anything.
- You know, we've got reputations and - - Yeah.
- Well... - I don't know.
you know about reputations.
As a good friend of mine once said, reputations are money.
Yeah, Dave, I know, but I don't know what'll cut out this lousy feeling...
of embarrassment and shame.
We -
Do you know there are people out there waiting to see -
And you've backed many a fine play...
and I've written a lot of good ones, you know.
Ohh!
Manny!
- Kelly, she's here! - Oh, thank God!
- What's up? - That's all right.
Sarah! Sarah!
Christ!
Manny. Thank God. She's here.
- What? - She's here.
All right, get everybody out of the hallway. Now.
- Everybody? - Now. Out.
- All right, out of the hallway, please. - What's up?
Uh, everything's fine. She's here. Get ready. Get your clothes on.
Manny?
I'm late.
Just walk away.
Go up front. Do whatever it is you do.
All right.
I'm late.
We'll get some coffee in you. Then we'll see.
Buddy.
- Ow. - Leave her alone, Leo. She'll get up.
Leave her alone.
Don't help her, Leo. I said don't help her, goddamn it!
- Manny- - Leave her alone!
Oh, horseshit!
- Get up. - Leave her, goddamn it!
- You stay away! - I don't wanna hear it!
What does it prove?
All right, walk.
Walk.
Come on.
Come on, hon.
You can make it. Come on.
All right, Leo, let her go.
Walk away, Leo!
She can't make it!
She's out.
Come on. Come on.
- All right, leave us. - All right, Kelly, let's go.
Want me to leave?
No, no.
You're part of the family.
What the hell's the difference?
I can't believe she'd walk in this drunk.
- Manny? - I'm closing the show. We're closing.
- She's here. She's here! Places! - All right!
Where's Jimmy? Jimmy! Get the cast on.
She's here. Come on! Quickly!
Go around back!
She's here! Uh, all right, everybody!
We'll be going on in a few minutes! Five, ten, I'm not sure.
Now, get your clothes on, come downstage! We'll be going! All right!
Everything is fine! We'll be going out! Thank you!
Thank you!
Makeup?
Yes.
Sweetheart, drink this.
Hey.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a foolish woman.
Yeah, well, I'll bet you six-to-five you don't make it out of this dressing room.
You make it to your second entrance, you know who's gonna be waiting for you?
Maurice.
Embarrassing.
Now, David, I know this is crazy, merely conjecture...
but she's drunk enough -
- I'm alone. - I bet the audience is gonna love her.
No, I'm not alone. I'm not alone.
- I've been married. - Leo.
- You should tell Mr. Victor, Mr. Samuels... - I been with this guy three years.
Miss Goode, that I don't know what to do about the audience.
- Five minutes, Jimmy. We'll be there. - They're rowdy. The catcalls.
- Out! - I don't think we can hold them.
- Leave! Out! - After that, I was just floating.
I, uh, think, uh...
we'll have to make some kind of announcement.
I would always think of Tony.
Leo.
Five minutes, Manny?
Perhaps she can do it.
I think of Tony.
I never had any children. I don't care about 'em.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Our producer, Mr. David Samuels, would like to say a few words to you.
Mr. Samuels.
Thank you. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
May I - May I really apologize for this long wait...
and, uh, thank you for your patience.
We've had a, uh, a small disturbance and a problem backstage...
and the curtain will go up in a minute.
Thank you.
Okay, props in place? Everybody ready?
Curtain going up. Places.
House lights down. Places, please.
Curtain!
Son, come here. Vito.
Son, take this $20...
and take these people to the movies.
Come on, let's go! Let's move it! Let's move it, let's move it!
Go! Let's go! Come on!
Vito! Son, come here. Vito.
Take this $20 and take these people--
Hey, there's a woman here!
Hi. My name is Vito.
Virginia! Hey, wait a minute! Hold it!
What the hell are you doing, Tony?
Okay. Okay.
You find out what the hell is going on around here!
- I'm okay. - Come back in the room!
Damn him! Been married to a nut for 15 years!
- Charlie, get away from that door! - It's your show now.
If it becomes too impossible, you ring down the curtain. Understand?
All right, Manny.
Keep pumping coffee into her. Black coffee.
I don't know. I don't care.
- Do you think he knows her? - Yeah, he knows her.
- It's the first wife. - Wife?
- He had her by the wrist. - Did he hurt her?
You think I'm gonna interfere in that kind of bullshit? - You sure?
It's a shock for me to see you. I'm not seeing you on a street corner somewhere.
I didn't bump into you in a crowd.
What the hell is going on here? Who is this dame?
This is Virginia.
This is, uh, my, uh, ex-wife from 15 years ago.
And this is my new wife. Say hello to Carla.
- Hello. - That's Carla.
Charlie Spikes, my brother-in-law. Charlie Spikes.
Wait a minute!
Goddamn it, no! No!
No!
I've gotta get a glass of water. I can't -
Never mind the water. I said, what do you want?
Dad's gonna hit you again.
What kind of woman are you?
Hey. Come here. Sit down.
- Sit down. - Let go of my arm.
- I said sit down! - Stop it, Dad.
- Sit down. - Take it easy. You're bigger than she is.
Hey, Tony, leave my house!
Goddamn it, leave my house!
- How dare you act like this? - Leave him alone! How dare you!
Look, I - I even wore this veil because...
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I -
I'm a very foolish woman, and I-- This is very embarrassing.
It's just that...
I'm alone.
No, I'm not alone. I've been living with this guy for- for several years...
and-and I was married to someone else before Tony...
and I don't-- I don't even know where he is.
I was just--
I was just floating around...
and I--
- Go on. - You were married, you and him.
- Right, honey? - Yeah, but it didn't mean anything.
It was just for a little - little bit of time. It didn't mean anything.
- You have any kids? - No. No.
I don't have any kids.
Virginia. Virginia!
- Come on. - Tony.
- Hey, Tony. - In the bedroom.
- Put her down, Tony. - Leave me alone, will ya, Lena?
This woman is hurt.
I'm not gonna do anything.
- Put her down, Tony. - I'm gonna lay her down on the bed.
Come on, we all love you, Tony.
You wanna hit me? Go ahead and hit me.
Tony? Tony?
Come on, Tony. We all love you, Tony.
You wanna hit me? Go ahead and hit me.
You're my friend. You're my best friend.
Everybody loves you. Your kids love you.
Come on.
Come on, baby, it's coffee time. Let's go.
- A double scotch, please! - Double scotch.
Do you love me?
Honey, you better get her dressed.
- Better hurry. We don't have much time. - Okay.
Come on. Here we go.
It's going to be fine.
Easy. Easy does it.
Oh, yeah, you're gonna be fine now.
You were really good.
Yeah, you were just -just fine. If we can just get over this -
Okay, straighten up. Here we go.
You're gonna make it.
- You all right? - Terrific.
Places, please.
The show's going well.
We'll all have some champagne later.
Or whatever.
You're terrific.
I'm gonna bury that bastard.
I think it's going very well.
Keys, please.
- House lights down. - See ya on stage.
- Okay. - Places, please!
Curtain!
Hello?
Oh. Hello. How are you?
No, your sister isn't here.
No. No.
No--
- Oh, she told you. - Come on, baby.
Well... there you are.
No, there's no-- there's no point.
- I said, there's no point. - Miss Gordon?
- Can I say something? - Sure.
I've seen a lot of drunks in my day...
but I never seen anybody as drunk as you and still be able to walk.
You're fantastic!
- Thank you, Bobby. - Okay.
That's right. That's right.
I'm not hostile. No.
No, I don't care.
Because I'm goddamned sick and tired of walking into this house...
and finding it empty, that's why.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Look, I can't talk now, all right? I'm gonna hang up.
Okay, well, listen, it'll either work out or it won't.
Great.
This is funny, you know.
It's very funny.
Hysterical.
You want to recap it?
All right, I run off...
to the Beverly Hills Hotel...
and I find myself a little, innocent girl...
and I sit there with her...
and all she can think about is my graying temples.
And you run off with -
Do you love me?
Listen, Marty...
you object to my going out, right?
Yes, I do.
- And my drinking? - Yes.
Somehow, a cocktail here and there is very destructive.
Yes, I think it is, very.
Well, I've heard your every point of view.
Every story you tell turns out the same way.
A constant, long-winded recital...
about what's wrong with everyone in the whole world.
I tell you what I think is important for you!
Well, I am not me.
I used to be me.
- I'm not me anymore. - What the hell do you want from me?
You want me to get down on my knees? What the hell do you want?
Everything you can't give me.
I want youth...
super strength...
dream building, happiness, fun, emotion.
- Babe. - Practically anything.
- Babe, I love you. - No, no, no.
I love you! I am Superman!
- Hey! - I am Superman!
Oh, you're weird! And you make me feel old.
I am so strong you can't believe it.
- Hey, M - - I am -Aaah! Aaah!
Aaah! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!
I am Superman!
- What - - We are not we!
- What are we fighting about, Marty? - We are--
What are we fighting about, Marty?
We are absolutely different people than we were.
When I look at my face in the mirror when I'm shaving in the morning...
you know what I see?
I can see it then in my face.
It's hard to cover it up.
- What? - There's something deeply cynical about my face.
It's hard to cover it up.
- Congratulations. - It's hard to cover it up.
It is very hard to cover it up!
My heart -
My heart pounds! Do you understand?
My heart pounds! It pounds!
Bah-bah-bah-bah-bum! Bah-bah-bah-bah-bum! Bah-bah-bah-bah-bum!
My stomach is empty...
and I feel like screaming.
I am restless...
with this pose.
Well, I am not me!
And I know that I am someone else!
- Do you think I am too? - Yes!
Okay, it's definite, then.
We've been invaded!
There's someone posing here as us.
And you're right. There is something definitely wrong with your smile.
There's one question I'd like answered.
- I've gotta go. - Yes? What is it?
What do you suppose they've done with us?
Do you think they killed us?
Do you think they murdered us?
Do you think we're dead?
Or do you think we're just losing our sense of humor?
Do you know I used to be very funny?
Whoa!
When were you ever funny?
- When was I ever funny? - I've never heard you tell one stinking joke!
- And you never laugh at anyone else's! Never! Never! - I used to be funny!
- I used to be very funny. - When?
When I was a kid.
- Marty, I've got it. - Good.
I've got the answer.
Good.
Marty, this is terrific. Terrific!
This is a wonderful idea. It's just so easy that it's silly.
It's, uh -
- Isn't it marvelous the way the mind works? - Yes.
I mean, it's, uh, it's sick...
the way the mind works.
Listen, it's easy. It's so easy.
The telephone rings. You answer it, right?
You get sick, you go to the doctor.
Your heart gets broken...
you get someone else.
We're grim, right? We're grim and we're depressed and we're "yecch."
We don't have to sit here and take this. We can turn on the lights.
We can dance a little. We can -
If we need touching, we can touch each other.
Hey, Marty, we have each other.
Virginia, for God's sake, I don't want to take -
Hey, no, honest, this is simple. It's simple.
Honest to God, this is the best idea. It's just so simple...
you don't see it.
It means I love you. That's what it means. I love you!
I don't care if you don't think I'm beautiful anymore.
- I do. - And you don't think I'm funny.
You're hysterical.
Well, you don't think I'm capable.
I don't think you're capable, no.
Because I swear to God, I never thought about if you were capable or not.
Yes, but now you will, see?
Now you'll think about it, and because you think about it, I'll be it.
Because that's what I wanna be. I wanna be capable.
Okay, you're capable!
You're capable and pretty and young and wonderful and great and outstanding and--
And I love you!
And you love me.
And if I get angry with you, I punch you right in the nose. Is that right?
No. If you get angry, you get over it.
- It's a lousy idea. - If you're depressed, you get over it.
If you're selfish - which you are, 90% of the time, Marty-
well, you give me a chance.
All right, angry- happy. Depressed - happy.
The other way- happy. Changing - happy.
Killing - happy. Depressed, angry- happy.
Everything is happy, right? That's the answer.
- This is so brilliant. - Worst idea I've ever heard in my entire life.
It's just so simple, you reject it.
I'm getting older.
What do we do about that?
- I do want to be your friend. - Yeah, well, I don't want to be your friend.
Oh, come on, let's be friends, Marty.
No.
Well, I sure would like to be friends.
Put 'er there.
Okay. Okay.
Stand up, please.
- Want to see something wonderful? - Yes!
Uh, how about if you stand over here?
All right.
Okay, then I'm standing over here, right?
- Now, could you do me a favor? - Certainly.
Could you raise your right leg?
The other way, please.
No. The other way, please.
No, seriously-
We will walk to each other...
- we will try to clasp hands... - Yes?
and we will grab each other's leg as we pass.
- Oh, that's wonderful! - This is an athlete's trick.
- Okay. - Instead of doing, "Hey, baby! Damn!"
Now?
Whenever you say. Ready?
Hey, baby! What do you say! Ohh! Ohh!
Yo! Yes! Ohh!
Okay!
Let's go! Here we go!
Bravo! Whoo!
Whoo!
Bravo!
You really did it this time! Here, have some coffee.
David?
Ah, Manny.
Fantastic! Fantastic!
Hey, Leo, how are you?
- Fantastic! - Have a little champagne!
- I'll take the ice! - Thank you very much.
- Please, please. - Thank you very much.
Just what I want!
- Did you love it? - Wonderful!
Bravo! Bravo!
Aww!
Bravo! Bravo!
Toast!
Hello! How are you? Yes.
How are you? Oh!
- Just wanted to say I just adored it. - Did you?
Myrtle is shaking.
Myrtle is shaking!
Hey, Bo was smashed backstage! He won't come out!
- Come over here. - Where is he?
Marvelous!
I am so drunk, I can hardly stand on these two feet.
- I wouldn't have known. - I will call you when I'm a little clearer.
- Promise? - Peter? You know Dorothy, my wife?
- Peter Bogdanovich. - Lady- Oh, hi.
Lady, it's a privilege.
- You liked it? - Oh!
I have so much admiration for you!
- Mary seemed to think it, uh-- - It was wonderful!
Wonderful! Wonderful!
Wonderful!
Bobby? Bobby!