There's a battle on the boards with both teams really digging for the puck.
Now it squirts loose, and the Ice Wolves have it.
And here they come!
What a hit!
Come on, boys, use the body!
-Take him wide, take him wide! -Rapton's flying up the ice.
Take him to the outside! Here we go.
He shoots! Nice save by Drah.
What a hit!
What action, eh, Hank?
-The Ice Wolves are just getting hammered. -Oh, no.
Tooth, Tooth, Tooth!
-There's a familiar chant, Jim. -Thompson.
And the coach is calling for the big defenseman, Derek Thompson.
And here comes the Tooth Fairy.
Find a dark jersey and hit it!
Tooth, Tooth, Tooth!
That is an incisor!
I got the tooth. I got the tooth, baby! Yeah!
And the Tooth Fairy, Derek Thompson, has struck again.
You can't handle the tooth. And that's the tooth...
...the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
I pledge allegiance to the tooth.
Open the door for the Tooth Fairy.
Penalty on number 14, Derek Thompson.
-Five-minute major for boarding. -Yeah!
Who's the Tooth Fairy? Am I the Tooth...? I'm the Tooth Fairy!
Stop it. Stop it.
Yeah, no, I'm not scared, you know. I play hockey.
We'll go out, have a good time, see what we make of it.
-What's going on out here? -Come here.
I want you to meet the future of our franchise.
-New kid. -Yeah.
He's not gonna be here long till he gets snapped up by the Kings.
But listen, while he is here, your job on the ice is to take care of him.
-Okay. All right. -Nothing else matters, right?
-Mick? -Yeah.
Derek, Mick Donnelly, our first-line center. Mick, Derek. He's your bodyguard.
-What's up? -Welcome to pro hockey.
Yeah, is there an old-timers' game today?
I didn't realize you were even still playing, man. I used to be a big fan.
All right. See you later, man.
So I guess that's my bodyguard.
-Crazy. -He's a big one.
Yeah, he's a big guy.
-Hello, Mr. Thompson! -Mr. Thompson.
Tooth Fairy!
Can I have your autograph?
Yeah, sure. Absolutely. What's your name, buddy?
Gabe. I'm the third-leading scorer in my hockey league.
Our team won the Mighty Mite's Championship.
Wow, that's fantastic. Good for you, Gabe.
One day, I'm gonna play hockey in the big leagues just like you used to.
-You work pretty hard at hockey, do you? -I play almost every day.
And I drive him almost every day.
-How old are you? -I'm 8.
You're 8. You're 8. Okay, well, here's the deal, Gabe.
You're 8 and you're the third-leading scorer in your league behind two other 8-year-olds.
Well, one's 9.
Okay. Well, see, Gabe, somewhere in this country, there's a 7-year-old...
...playing against 12-year-olds, and he's outscoring them.
He's killing them, making them wanna get run over by a Zamboni and die.
There are a bunch like that kid in every rink. When the time's right...
...those kids will battle it out and only a handful of them will get signed.
Now let's say you do make the NHL.
You won't...
...but let's say you do. You hit the show right out of college.
The show hits you right back. Before you say "slap shot"...
...you're down to the minors with a blown-out shoulder and nowhere to go.
Listen, lower your expectations.
That's how you're gonna be happy.
There you go, Gabe.
I want to suck your blood.
What? What are you looking at?
And laughing at? Why aren't you afraid?
-Because those are french fries. -No.
I can't eat french fries.
French fries are fatal to vampires.
-Hey, I have an idea. -Can't talk. Still dead.
-Mommy, my tooth came out. -Hey. Yay!
Oh, congrats.
-The tooth fairy's gonna visit me tonight. -You bet. Let's see.
You are such a big girl.
Hey, hey, hey, I'm the Tooth Fairy.
I thought you said you were a vampire.
You got some inconsistent mythology.
I have a lot of homework. Can I be excused?
Yeah.
Mommy, it's time for you to go now so Derek can start babysitting.
Not just yet. Wanna go put your jammies on?
I wonder if it would help if Randy and you had some one-on-one time.
Sure, I could do that. So long as I don't have to be alone with him.
Well, Rene's here. Oh, a little ketchup.
-Oh, tooth fairy. -You know what? I got it.
Look, I put on my pajamas.
Dracula's back from the dead.
And your french fries are not powerful enough.
-What do you guys think of Donnelly? -Man, that kid is fast.
-You mean the next Gretzky. -I love him already, like a long-lost brother.
-Can we just play? -It's to you.
-I'm a little short. -He's a little short.
But this autograph that says "The Tooth Fairy"...
...is worth 10 bucks on eBay. Ten of these is 100 bucks, so I'm in.
-No, you gotta pay. -It's not a socialist game, Castro.
Hey, it's me. I'm good for it.
I'll be right back.
-He took his cards. -Is this guy serious?
-Just fold so we can play. -Who takes the cards?
Don't the kids have, like, a piggy bank or something?
-I'm home! -Hello, gorgeous.
-Hey. -Hi, guys.
-Hey, Vinnie's? Some brews? -Let's do it, boys. Come on.
All we have is juice box here.
Know what, I'm a little tired. I'm gonna hang out, but I'll walk you guys out.
Mommy! Mommy!
Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
-What happened, honey? -My tooth is gone.
Well, that's because the tooth fairy took it.
But there's no money. I looked.
Let's look together. I'm sure it's here somewhere.
-The vampire has returned. -Not a vampire moment.
-It's not anywhere. -Well...
I bet they took it to weigh it...
...on the toothometer to see what it's worth...
...before they bring the money. Right?
Sure. That's how the whole tooth thing works.
No. That's not how it works.
You put the tooth under your pillow, the tooth fairy flies into your room...
...when you're sleeping, takes the tooth...
...and leaves a dollar. Where is it?
Okay. You tell me when to stop when the tooth fairy has been here.
-Because I have 5, 10. I even got a 20. -Derek.
Stop.
Okay, Tess, you're a big girl now.
You're 6. Let's get this out of the way.
There's no such thing as a too...
-Here it is. -How did it get down there?
Oh, you must have rolled over in your sleep and it fell on the floor.
I forgot. People forget.
So your big idea to handle it was to tell Tess there is no tooth fairy?
Come on. The reason why there are so many unhappy people in the world:
They're clinging to some version of what if.
Okay, so dreams are bad?
If they lead to unrealistic expectations, then yes.
-This is ridiculous. -I know.
-I'm going to bed. -No. Carly.
And you...
...are leaving.
-Don't get all dramatic. -I'm her mother.
I get to say when her childhood fantasies end, not you.
What?
"Disbelief in fairy. Summons."
What? What?
Yes.
Thompson? Derek Thompson?
Yes. Yes, God. It's me. Is that you, God?
You're Thompson?
You're God?
No, I'm Tracy. I'm your caseworker. What is this?
How disappointing.
Come with me, please.
No, thank you. Thank you. Fairy Krishnas.
What are you wearing?
L... I don't know what I'm wearing. What are you wearing?
-Who is this guy? -Dream killer. I don't like your sort.
What'd I do? Why am I here?
-Where am I? -No one likes your kind here.
No one likes your attitude. The way you show up acting strange. "Why am I here?
-What are these giant wings?" -Hey, hey! Do we have a problem?
Yeah, we have a problem. You just said, "Do we have a problem"...
...which has given us a problem. -Right.
-Tracy, right? -Yeah.
-What a pretty girl's name you have. -Don't laugh at that.
That's strike two. You don't wanna get to strike three.
-Oh, yeah? What happens after strike three? -Strike four.
Yeah.
We'll get your uniform sorted out and then we can get you registered...
...and begin your training. -Training for what?
"Training for what?" You, Mr. Thompson, are gonna spend some time...
...as a tooth fairy.
Yeah.
"As a tooth fairy."
Someone get him, please. Calm down, everyone.
He's relatively harmless.
-Everyone all right? -Really? What are you, fairy patrol?
I'm 230 pounds of man. It's gonna take more than eight fairies to get me.
Get your fairy hands off me. Is this fairy etiquette?
All right. Okay.
-Where were we? -Help! Wake me up!
I'm in a nightmare! Please! Please, help me!
The nightmare's just beginning, buddy.
You want a shot at the title?
Is that it? You feeling lucky...
...punk? -Hey.
Maybe I am. Hold these, baby.
I can't see anything, give them back. That... It was a stupid idea.
Oh, yeah. You want a piece of this, huh? I'm ready to go.
Hey.
You just made a big mistake.
No.
Please. You got a magic wand.
You gonna pull a rabbit out of the hat?
Fairy fight!
-Let's not get carried away. -Now I got one too.
I'm gonna introduce you to the Hammer brothers, Sledge and Jack.
Who do you want? Who do you wanna meet?
-I can't see. Can't see. -Oh, dear.
It looks like you picked on the wrong fairy.
I can see. Oh, magic wand.
Oh, my gosh, the magic wand go bang-bang.
What is going on here?
-I'll tell you what's going on. -The sugar-dumb fairy showed up.
He was gonna introduce me...
...to the Hammer brothers. -They're still in town.
Stop it! You're behaving like leprechauns.
He has got such a major attitude problem.
Oh, I'm well aware of his attitude, believe me.
-Hello, Mr. Thompson. -Hi.
Sorry about the foul-up with your outfit.
Budget problems. Tracy will take care of it.
Who, him? Yeah, sure. Great.
You, sir, are guilty of disseminating disbelief.
Killing dreams.
Committing first-degree murder of fantasy...
...which by fairy law... -Wait, is this because...
...of what happened with Tess? Listen... -Excuse me.
I hadn't finished speaking. Did I look as though I had finished speaking?
Don't know. Everybody's got British accents.
You just interrupted me again while I was admonishing you for interrupting me.
Do I not look official enough?
I don't understand...
...why policemen or firemen don't get interrupted...
...but you add a pair of wings and suddenly all manners go out the window.
Shouldn't you be more in awe of somebody with wings than without?
You have no idea what I'm capable of.
I could just fly up into the air and do something crazy.
Maybe I breathe fire.
You don't know.
I'm sorry for interrupting you. I didn't mean it.
That is better.
In order to pay your debt to humanity...
...you are hereby ordered to serve time as a tooth fairy.
The normal sentence is one week...
...but because you have the nerve, the unmitigated gall...
...to actually call yourself a tooth fairy...
...thus make a mockery of everything we stand for...
...l'm sentencing you to two weeks' tooth-fairy duty.
No, no, no. It's unfair. No.
-Interrupting. -Interrupting again. Unbelievable.
Take him away. See that he's properly outfitted and get him into flying school.
I'm sorry, what?
Oh, but first, you get to meet Jerry.
Excuse me, Fairy Godmother? I have one last question.
Does this tutu make my butt look big?
Yes.
Huge.
Egg on the face.
-No, don't. No. -Come on.
-All right. -Good. You got the male version.
-Give us a spin so I can see. -How about I give you a spin with my fist?
-What does that mean? -It's a threat.
-It sounds like you're gonna... -I'll punch you in the nose.
-You should have said that. Clearer. -What's that?
That is just pathetic. Just like a child.
Chicken is fine.
I don't hate your chicken.
I like your chicken. I hate your brisket.
Yeah, I'm coming. Goodbye.
Never marry a leprechaun. Oh, the dream-popper.
Hey. Did it make you feel good to lie to that kid?
-I didn't lie. -You told the kid there was no tooth fairy.
-Right. -Liar.
-Look, I'm sorry l... -"Sorry" is a beginning.
Now, if you're gonna be a fairy, you gotta be ready.
Although...
Yeah.
Dude, there is a pill.
I mean, an amazing pill.
You take this pill, you don't have to do any of this.
-Really? -No, I was just kidding.
You're mad. You believed, then I took it away.
Be mad at me, I don't care. I have tenure. Come on, walk with Jerry.
Okay, here's your tool pouch. Waterproof. A lot of compartments.
You can get a lot of stuff in there. You dig?
-Yeah. -Okay. This...
This is your wand. Tooth detector, radar jammer. Keeps picking up Radio Caliente.
-I don't know what that's about. -What's that?
Magic generator button.
Does whatever you want it to do. But you have to believe or it won't work.
So it's pretty much useless to humans. And this.
You don't ever wanna lose this.
-What is it? -Well, it looks like an iPod adapter.
-Right, so, what is it? -It's an iPod adapter.
What's it for?
Listening to your iPod.
You get a free iPod. Did you not ask for your free iPod?
-No. Really? -I'm just kidding.
Yeah, why do you keep doing that?
I'm not well. I actually just have a few months to live.
-Oh, you're kidding. -Of course. Would I share that with you?
I just met you. Plus, you lie to kids. Come on, we got business to do.
Invisibility spray.
Use it, nobody can see you except other fairies.
And this, dude, trust me.
Shrinking paste. You put a little on your tongue...
...you shrink down to about 6 inches tall.
You wanna do it? Come on, let's do it together.
Come on, we'll jump into each other's hands.
-I don't wanna jump into your hands. -Really? Come on. Let's get small.
Sometimes when I'm home with the wife, right...
...l'll take a double hit.
I get down to that big. My feet dangle in the inkwell.
Then when she's out, I walk all over her body.
When she wakes up, there's footprints all over. She goes, "What is this?"
I go, "Hey, I don't know." See, when you're married a long time...
...you do stuff like this.
All right, let's see. What else?
Would you like a mint? I made them myself. Here.
Taste them. Come on. Really good.
Go ahead. Taste it.
-Yeah, sure. Great. -Help yourself.
These are good.
Yeah, these are good.
-Dog-bark mints. Comes in very handy. -For what?
Cats, mailmen, dogs that come up behind you.
-Or if a kid you lied to comes after you. -How many times...
...I gotta say I'm sorry about that? -Six times.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm...
I'm sorry, I was just kidding. I can't believe you did this.
Did you play without a helmet or something? What is with you?
It's like your brain is in a penalty box, I'm telling you. And you got...
...the eyes of a shark, but, like...
...deader. All right, listen.
Cat Away. Important. If you're not a cat person...
...this thing will come in very handy. Yeah.
I almost had a senior fairy moment. Don't you move.
This is my greatest invention ever.
Amnesia dust. Throw a pinch, the kid forgets everything for the last few seconds.
Yeah, right. Come on.
-That's how it works. -How what works?
Amnesia dust. Throw a pinch, the kid forgets everything for the last few seconds.
-That's how it works. -How what works?
Amnesia dust. Throw a pinch, the kid forgets everything for the last few seconds.
-That's how it works. -How what works?
Never gets old.
You wanna fly, you gotta believe. But you gotta learn to use your wings.
"Use my wings." You know how ridiculous you sound right now?
Who's your hobbit friend over here?
Wait. You stay here, okay? You have to learn from the best.
And some dang fool accused this guy of being the best.
Me and flying is just not gonna happen. I've got an old hockey injury...
...so I probably got a bad wing.
-That's one I never heard before. -How's it going?
What's up, man? Want me to turn He-Man into Peter Pan?
-Don't get me started, homey. -What is that? Your secret fairy jiving?
Maybe you didn't hear me. I said I've got a bad wing. I can't fly.
-Put me down! -D.O. D?
-Yeah. -I'm cranking this baby up.
Put me down.
I think you're ready to practice the F.O. A!
F.O. A?
What's F.O. A?
Flying object avoidance.
I throw something at you, you get out of the way, okay?
You better not throw anything at...
-You wanna get in on this, Tracy? -Put me down!
Lmagine these are your responsibilities and you're avoiding them.
-Bring it on! -Wimbledon!
It's Hammer brother...
Raise your right hand, repeat after me. I, fill in your name.
-I, Derek Thompson. -Swear to uphold and perform.
Swear to uphold and perform.
The duties, responsibilities and obligations.
Of a tooth fairy.
-Of a tooth fairy. -And that I will not drink and fly.
Drink and fly?
Okay, no, that's serious. That's serious.
That I will not drink and fly.
Welcome aboard. These coupons are redeemable at the gift shop.
Maybe I could have a fairy bumper sticker.
All right, I concede. It's real.
-Fairies do exist. -It's too late.
-Your sentence begins tomorrow. -No, no, no.
No. There's gotta be a way to postpone this, like jury duty.
I'm sure up here you have fairy duty or whatever it is you have.
I've got a coach breathing down my neck. I gotta patch things up with my girlfriend.
The interrupting thing. I'm sorry.
Any assignment you miss, you get another week.
And if you fail your terms of service...
...or tell anyone you're a tooth fairy, your time will be extended indefinitely.
-Oh, really? I'm not leaving. -Goodbye, Mr. Thompson.
No.
I'm sorry.
For what?
What I said last night.
Which part?
All the parts that deeply offended you.
Okay? Everything I've ever said...
...or thought. Even before I met you.
-Wanna come in? -Oh, yeah.
You can spend that one-on-one time with Randy.
Yeah.
Let me go to my car and get something, and I'll be right back.
Me and Randy.
All right. Yeah.
-I didn't know you could shred. -What do you want?
I brought you a present. Guess what it is.
Is it a puppy?
No, wise guy, it's not a puppy. It's one of my hockey sticks.
And now, after signed, "Your pal...
...the Tooth Fairy"...
...now it's worth a lot of money. There you go.
Okay. I'm just gonna leave it right here.
I bet you get a lot of chicks with that guitar.
-Can we stop this now? -Stop what?
You're just like my mom's past boyfriends.
-Pretending to be nice to me to impress her. -No, you're wrong.
I'm much better-looking than your mom's past boyfriends.
Big-boy pound for trying to break the ice.
-No? It's going away. -I have to get back to practice.
How about you come over to my place, I could break out my old drum kit...
...you could bring your guitar, and we could have a jam session.
How about I just go tell my mom you're actually pretty cool...
...and you stop trying to bond with me? -I'll take that deal.
So you'll never believe what Randy said about you after you left.
He said that you were actually pretty cool.
Well, I am pretty cool.
I'll say.
Well, whatever you're doing is working. So why don't you keep it up?
-Who's "T"? -I have no idea. I don't know.
What I do know is I would love for you to close your eyes...
...because I have an amazing surprise.
-Really? Okay. -Oh, yeah.
-Close your eyes. -Okay.
All right. Be right back.
Is my surprise 6-foot-3 with dark-brown eyes?
-Oh, you'll find out shortly. -I love surprises.
Get ready.
Oh, I know you're right in front of me.
-Keep your eyes closed. -Okay.
Don't look. Everything's okay.
-Don't peek. -Okay.
-I need some air. -What?
-I'm not feeling well. -Should I come...?
No! No.
-Can you give me some Pepto? -Of course, where is it?
It's upstairs in the bathroom. It's way...
...upstairs. -Oh, my gosh.
-Hello? -Hello.
-Who is this? -It's me. It's Tracy.
-Tracy who? -Tracy, your caseworker.
Your first assignment has just fallen asleep...
...so get yourself over quick to 663 Shelter Cove.
-I thought that was a dream. -Think again.
-Derek? -Oh, no! No.
-Where are you? -Bushes. Don't come any closer.
You can't see me like this. It'll ruin your romantic image of me.
Oh, honey. You are so sick.
-Yeah. -I checked the entire bathroom.
I couldn't find anything.
Look underneath the sink. Underneath the sink.
Way back deep underneath the sink.
-Okay. -Hello?
You heard the rules. You can't miss an assignment.
Plus those wings will stay until you get that tooth.
Oh, man.
You could clean up a little.
My wing.
-Delicate. Well done. -I can't believe this is happening.
It is happening, so get in the house and fetch the tooth.
No, no. I'm not going anywhere.
-Why don't you go in? -It's not my job.
That doesn't make sense. You're a fairy. You go in and get the tooth.
I'm not a winged fairy. I'm a caseworker fairy...
...which involves more responsibility.
There's a lot of filing and putting stuff in envelopes. It's tricky.
So you're saying you're not good enough.
-I'm not. -And they stuck you behind a desk.
No, I'll tell you what they did.
There's a lot of wing discrimination in the workplace. Very funny.
-How you gonna get the tooth? -Maybe I'll wing it.
-Brilliant. How are you gonna get in? -On a wing and a prayer.
-This is very funny stuff. -Which wing of the house...
...should I start with? -Want another week?
No. No, no. I don't want another minute of this.
So, what do you suggest, Einstein? I can't fly, so do what?
How about you shrink yourself down and slide under the door?
Just shrink and slide in. Yeah, that's what anybody would do.
It is, actually, okay?
-Is this gonna hurt? -Let's hope so.
-Come on. -And how do I get big again?
It's automatic. From the moment you shrink, you start to regrow.
It normally takes about an hour. Come on.
I can't believe this.
-Eat it. -Shut up.
Down the hatch.
Yum, yum, in Derek's tum.
Nice?
Oh, no, no! Wait, wait, wait!
Not so brave now, little wee man.
No, no, no!
Wing jokes aren't so funny now. The shoe's on the other foot.
-Okay. Okay. -You should shoe me some respect.
I'll shoe you some respect.
When I get bigger, I'm gonna slap the glasses off your face!
-You "shoe-dn't" upset me. -Is that the best you got?
Just take the money.
Hey, watch it! Don't throw money!
My wing. My wing.
Money's heavy. Money's heavy.
I hate this. I can't believe... Oh, my wing. My wing.
Okay.
No, no.
I'm the tooth fairy.
The tooth fairy. No, no, no.
It's okay, buddy, we're coming. Don't worry, sweetheart.
What's going on? What is it? Darling, we're coming.
What's going on? Are you okay?
-Honey, what's the matter? -I saw something.
-What did you see? -It was a little tiny man.
Hope you're not hungry.
Nice kitty. Don't hurt me, kitty.
I'm the tooth fairy!
Disappear! Kitty, be gone!
Derek?
-Carly? -Come cuddle with me.
-No. -What?
-Going to bed. Still not well. -Hey.
I'll call you when I'm bigger. I mean better.
Hello, fans. I'm Steve Levy coming to you from the wolf den...
...here in Lansing, Michigan, home of the Lansing Ice Wolves.
We are about to see the potentially historic debut...
...of an 18-year-old phenom.
Mick Donnelly is just about set to take the ice for the first time.
You pumped up for your first game?
Yeah, pops, I'm super pumped.
It means one less game until I'm out and into the bigs.
I'm done being generous.
This is my kingdom. You're in my kingdom.
I'm the king. You know what you are?
You're like one of those little guys in tights who run around the court in a poofy wig.
Mick the Stick! Mick the Stick! Mick the Stick!
Looks like you've been dethroned.
This is it. Final minute regulation time.
The Ice Wolves lead the Roughnecks two to one...
...and the kid Donnelly has lived up to the hype.
He's still working on that hat trick.
The puck comes back to the Roughnecks.
There's a quick shot. Nice save.
The puck goes into the corner, and Donnelly's picked it up.
Now he puts on the brakes and spins out of trouble.
Look at him fly, Jim.
He fakes another defender, and here he comes.
Donnelly's rushing up the ice. Look at those moves.
He's going through the Roughnecks like they're a bunch of rented mules.
Donnelly circles around the Roughneck goal.
He looks out front to pass. Now he kicks it off the board.
Now Donnelly clears himself off the boards and takes a pass in the slot.
He looks to shoot!
No, not now.
What a bone-crushing open-ice hit to Donnelly. And he's down.
Thompson was gonna clear Lembeck out...
...and suddenly instead, he just dropped to the ice. No one even touched him.
Hey, Thompson. You cost me a hat trick and an interview on ESPN.
Hey! Get over here. I wanna talk to you.
Hey! What are you doing? Get out here.
No, no, I'm very busy right now. No autographs. I'm busy.
Fine. I'll wait.
What are you guys talking about?
What the heck?
-What's he wearing? -Check out Thompson's feet, boys.
Derek.
-He looks like a little girl hockey player. -Disappear.
No, no, no. Either you come out or we're coming in.
Yeah.
-One. -This is not good.
Two.
Three!
What happened? Why are you late? Where have you been?
-Don't talk to me. Shut up. -Why are you wet?
-And I hate this job. -What's that smell? That's intense.
I can't breathe. That's too much.
It's making my eyes hurt.
-Hello. -Hi.
-What the...? -Mom, I'm home.
Where's the kid?
-Be nice. Be respectful. -I just came out of a toilet.
Do you think I care? Mama fairy. There is your tooth.
You do whatever it is you do here in fairy world with your teeth.
Mr. Thompson, according to your caseworker...
...you're not exactly embracing the tooth-fairy spirit.
-Really? Is that what my caseworker said? -No.
You called her. Let me tell you something. My caseworker here has wing envy.
-Not true. -It is true.
I am a giant fan of all the administrating.
-You hate this job. -I live for it.
-No, you don't. You hate this. -Will you two stop it?
Just look at what you have done to this family.
-Who are you? -Who are you?
-I don't know. -Am I home yet?
-It's not funny. -See the dog? His eyes were like that:
-You overdid it. -Fairy Godmother, who is your supervisor?
Who's above you? Gandhi? Who do I talk to?
-I wanna file a complaint now. -You have another assignment.
-Are you kidding me? -Sometimes there's a double-header.
Tell me where the tooth is so I can get it and go home.
Oh, no, not until the child falls asleep. Till then, I'm afraid you have to wait.
-Come on. I saved you a seat. -Okay.
One kid falls asleep in the afternoon. Another kid's up all night.
Oh, I love a cup of tea.
-Good tea? -Refreshing.
Oh, bull...
Hi. You feeling any better?
Yeah, a little bit. How about you guys come on up?
-Hi, Derek. -Hi, gorgeous.
Actually, I have a really big favor to ask.
Tess and I just got a last-minute invitation...
-To a beauty makeover party! -Nice.
A beauty makeover party.
I was wondering, because you're getting along so well now...
...if Randy can hang out with you for a little while.
Please?
Yeah. Yes. Of course.
Super, thank you. I'll make it up to you.
-Be good. Have fun. -Bye.
That's awesome.
I can see hockey's been really good to you.
Do you wanna hang with me or do you wanna go get a beauty makeover?
-Pretty cool stuff in here, huh? -Yeah. Whatever.
Why don't you take one down, see how it sounds?
I don't want to.
No, here. Give it a shot.
-Please. Don't. -Give it a shot.
Let's see how it sounds. Go ahead.
That sounds great. I'm gonna go check out the drums and the sticks.
In the meantime, you just keep practicing because all that is just awesome.
-Hi, Randy. -Hey, what's up?
-You sound pretty good. -Thanks.
-You gonna play in the talent show? -Kelly!
There you are.
Why you talking to emo boy?
-Don't be a jerk, Ben. -Your dad's waiting. We have to go.
-Bye, Randy. -Bye.
Don't think about talking to her. You got it, loser?
-Okay. -You should put this away...
...because you stink.
-What are you doing with Randy's guitar? -I don't know.
-So you should give it back to him. -Okay.
Now you can get out of here. Beat it.
-You are in trouble now. -We'll see.
Oh, I know we'll see. Can you beat two pair?
Call me and find out.
Big boy puts in all his big-boy Doodles.
Look at that. Me too. I'm not scared because it's aces over kings.
-Flush. -No.
Yes. Look at all these Doodles, and they're all mine.
-Nice. -Yeah.
-I'm gonna enjoy these. -Don't rub it in.
Can I ask you something?
It's about your body and how it's changing, isn't it?
-What? -Everything that's happening to you...
...and your body now is natural.
-Are you growing...? -No. No.
-Do you have a funny feeling...? -Stop.
-You'll start to grow... -No. Stop talking.
-Okay, okay. Well, you... -That wasn't what I was gonna ask at all.
-Okay. -It wasn't even close.
Okay. All right. Big-boy pound for not wanting to talk about puberty.
Right? Yes, thank goodness. Believe me, I don't wanna talk about it either.
All right. What's up, seriously?
All right. Well...
...there's this talent show coming up at my school and...
Okay.
My mom thinks I should play in it, and I'm kind of...
I don't know.
Well, maybe you should play in it.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
Yeah, you will be great. I heard you play. You're really good, man.
And the chicks, they love guitar players.
-We're back! -Hey, baby. We're up here.
Don't tell your mom I said that about girls.
-Hi, boys. How'd it go? -Hi.
-Well, your son cheats. -Does not.
-He absolutely does, and you look... -Gorgeous!
You took the words right out of my mouth.
You guys hungry? How about we get supper?
Love to.
Where's your coat, hon?
Oh, no.
-You guys gotta go. -Is someone hurt?
No, not hurt in a way that you have to be worried.
Both of you look beautiful. I'll call later. I'm sorry.
-Okay... -Bye.
Shrinking paste? Nope, not that again. Amnesia dust? No.
Flying? Bad wing, forget it.
Oh, hey, and by the way, your all-purpose magic generator button.
It doesn't work. It's broken.
Here's an idea, brain-box. Why don't you...?
-Don't touch my pouch. -All right. That was too much.
-What do you want? -Get out the magical invisibility spray.
Okay? That's relatively idiot-proof.
Yeah, I know that.
Ignore my last comment.
Hey, what a surprise. It doesn't work. Your stuff stinks.
Nice.
Shame it wears off.
Earthquake.
-Did you hear that? -Yes!
Ghosts!
Are you lost? Can we help you?
How would you like a little amnesia dust?
-Where am I? -Just go to the white light, my friend.
Just go to the white light.
Nice doggy.
Don't hurt me, doggy.
What is this?
-It's a long and delightful story. -Where's the tooth?
Can I get a little help here?
That'll be all.
You might just be the worst tooth fairy ever.
-By the way, I need some more stuff. -Stuff?
Stuff. The magic powder, the gunk. I need some. Notify Q.
-No. No more stuff. -Well, that's brilliant.
I have a week and a half left. How am I supposed to do that?
Sorry, we're running very low on funding. And would you like to know why?
No, not really.
Because children aren't believing as they used to.
Oh, it's not just us.
It's unicorns, leprechauns, dragons, all those departments. Completely gone.
If this trend continues...
...Tooth Fairyland will cease to exist.
No child will ever again receive a visit from a tooth fairy.
-Ever. -No more visit from the tooth fairy.
So what?
You really don't get it, do you?
You don't see that children's fantasies...
...their abilities to imagine, are important?
Why, it nourishes their very souls.
It's the foundation that allows them to dream.
Dreams are bad. They're bad.
They're useless.
-You're done. -For the week.
No, for the night.
Unless you wish to stay for fairyoke.
Oh, my. No.
Fairyoke. Like karaoke isn't bad enough.
Me?
I got what you need.
-What's that? -The goods...
...the stuff, package...
...the bag, the bomb...
...the juice, the bing, the bang, the Frisco special...
...pink lady, little drummer boy...
-Who are you? -Ziggy.
You can call me whatever you want. Zigman, Zigmeister...
-Please stop talking. -You know, they want you to fail.
-What? -Think about it.
You fail, they tack on more time.
It's like credit-card debt, man. They just wanna keep you paying forever.
-Yeah? -You really wanna play that game?
-So? -A thousand bucks.
-Thousand bucks? You're killing me, Ziggy. -How bad do you want this to end?
Can I write you a check?
Oh, my goodness.
You can see me?
Oh, man. This better work.
Oh, no. What is that?
What are you doing?
What did Ziggy give me?
Big head! Really big head!
-911? 911? -Just stay calm. -911? 911?
-I just need the tooth. -There's an alien on my porch.
You are amazing.
Lily is ticked off because she had to send another fairy to clean up your mess.
I learned my lesson. Never buy black-market stuff.
-I can't go another two weeks without it. -Yes, you can, friend.
You just have to surrender to a higher power...
...and take it one day at a time. -Hello?
Caseworkers decide who can see us and who can't.
Which you'd know, if you ever paid any attention...
...ever listened to anything I say, but no. You're always:
-Shut up. -Hey. My friend.
You really need to get yourself cleaned up.
If you want, I can give you a pamphlet.
And FYI, your sentence has been extended.
Lily tacked on another week, so well done.
-Great. Just what I need. -I think it is what you need, friend.
Listen, I can give you fresh supplies right now.
On one condition: From now on, you follow the rules.
You embrace the fairy spirit. And you start listening to old muggins here.
Fine. I'll be the best tooth fairy ever.
You keep running out on me to see l-don't-even-know-who.
And then you never call, and when I do finally hear from you...
...it's to bail you out of jail. What's going on with you?
I wanna tell you, but I