- We're tiny. - We're toon-y.
ALL: We're all a little loony.
And in this cartoon-y We're invading your TV.
BOTH: We're comic dispensers.
We crack up all the censors.
ALL: On Tiny Toon Adventures Get a dose of comedy.
So here's Acme Acres It's a whole wide world apart.
Our home sweet home It stands alone.
A cartoon work of art.
The scripts were rejected Expect the unexpected.
ALL: On Tiny Toon Adventures It's about ta start.
PLUCKY: They're furry. They're funny.
BOTH: They're Babs and Buster Bunny.
ALL: Montana Max has money Elmyra is a pain.
BUSTER: Here's Hamton. - And Plucky.
BA BS: Dizzy Devil's yucky.
ALL: Furrba/Vs unlucky And Gaga is insane.
At Acme Looniversity We earn our toon degree.
The teaching staff's been getting laughs Since 1933.
We're tiny We're toon-y.
We're all a little loony.
R's Tiny Toon Adventures Come and join the fun.
BOTH: And now our song is done.
BABS: You're traveling through that loony middle ground...
mhetween pratfalls and double takes.
You have unwittingly stumbled into The Return n! The Acme Acres Zone.
BUSTER: This is Acme Acres...
a vast metropolis of 12 million bio-units and 6 million droids.
R's a nice place to live if you like smog.
I'm a private eye.
It's a tough job. Lousy hours and little pay. But it's a cool way to meet babes.
Get the door. Hamtoid.
[HAMTOID WHIHRING]
I'm looking 10! Buster Bunny. The gumshoe.
You found him. Make YOUISGH at home.
Thank you. So you're a detective.
A sharnus, a sleuth, a Pl, a peeper.
And you must be a thesaurus.
What can I do 10! You?
My droid is missing. I want you to find it.
Okay. I'll take your case.
-And the job? BUSTER: Ditto.
Pull yourself together, Harntoid, and get the door for the lady.
BUSTER: My first move was to check the word on the street.
Druids all over town were disappearing.
I figured I could pick up some info at the hologram arcade.
The place was packed with the dregs of society.
Losers. Guys with a hanging curve hall.
Plucky was a stool pigeon who always had his ear to the ground...
for hot tips to sell.
Hi. Plucky. I need some leads on the runaway droid caper.
Know anything?
Yeah. Yeah. The droid thing. Sure.
But it'll cost you the price o1 a game. Just one. Man.
BUSTER: A hundred simoleons seems fail.
So any idea who's behind this fiendish plot?
PLUCKY 2 Min-mm. Min-mm.
Any clues to where they went?
Le Club Acme.
Now. Let me play!
[CRASH]
ROBOT: Game over. You lose.
Thanks. Plucky. Have one on me.
[BELL RINGS]
[SCREAMS]
[ROBOT GROWLING]
I'll never play video games again.
I've learned my lesson. Aah!
BUSTER: In happier times. The Club Le Acme was a favorite watering hole...
".10! Acme Acres' elite."
These days, it's way past its prime.
A home for cyber punks and lambada junkies.
The bodyguards were pushovers.
I gave the joint the once-over.
This place was hotter than Chernobyl on a Saturday night.
I was looking for info...
and found a prospect that looked promising.
I slyly nudged my way over.
Too, uh, bad about those missing druids, huh?
BUSTER: She shyly chewed on a sprig of broccoli from he! Condiment plate...
and asked me to dance.
I've always been like catnip to the ladies.
She couldn't resist my charms.
I tried not to take advantage of her.
Simple lass that she was.
I was dancing on air.
But suddenly. I had an overpowering urge to take a nap.
When I came to. An angel was standing over me.
Hi. Buster. Say. You've had a tough night.
Hey. What's going on?
- What's the gag? - It's no gag. Buster.
All the druids came back.
You can quit the case now.
BUSTER: I noticed something was amiss.
Here's your money, sharnus. The droids are all okay.
Well. I guess it takes one to know one.
So our disguises did not fool you.
Now you will have to be deleted.
We're taking over. People will be our slaves.
[SCREAMS]
[CHAIN SAW BUZZING]
You don't think I came unarmed.
Human weapons cannot hurt druids.
That's why I pack a computer virus.
[ALL SCREAM]
Hope I didn't bug you.
So there's your droid. Miss Bunny.
But how did you know they were druids in disguise?
Easy. Real kids don't eat broccoli.
What is life?
What lies beyond this life?
And where are the people who are supposed to tell me...
when I'm on camera?
Perhaps Hamton and Plucky will discover the answers...
in The Acme Acres Zone.
Gosh. I'm soaked.
Can't we stop. Plucky?
Sure. Ham brain.
We'll just use the phone in that quaint country inn...
and have our iolks come get us.
That looks like the office under those cobwebs.
[YAWNS]
Another night, another dollar.
[BELL RINGS]
It's a union job. No health plan.
But who needs a health plan when you're already dead?
Gosh. The old inn's been quiet lately.
I'd love to scale up some business.
[BELL RINGING]
Yes?
We just need to use your phone to call home 10! A ride.
[COUGHING]
I'm afraid our phone is dead.
[SCREAMS]
You boys can't go back into that dleadiul storm.
Why not stay the night?
Sure. Why not?
The bellboy will take your bags.
This way. Please.
HAMTON: Now. Which amusement park have I seen this in?
[BANGING ON DOORS]
[SCHEAMS IN DISTANCE]
GHOST: You guys are lucky. You get the presidential suite.
HAMTON: Huh?
Ew.
Got any threes?
Go fish.
All right. Break it up, fellas. I need the room.
I've got a couple of live ones here.
Well. Come on. Abe. I heal there's a party over at Grant's tomb.
[GHOWLING]
[SCREAMS]
Anything wrong?
[STAMMERS] HeY. Look.
[GHOWLING]
Aha. Keep the change. My good man.
[HAMTON WHIMPERING]
Just calm down and get ready 10! Bed. Hammy.
[HAMTON SIGHS]
You're light, Plucky. I'm probably imagining things.
Uh. No. Plucky. Wait...
See? It's just the maid.
[GHOWLING]
I'll tum down your bed then.
[GHOST GROANS]
GHOST: I hate it when this happens.
[GARGLES]
[HAMTON SPITS]
[GHUNTING]
[GHOWLS]
Wait a sec.
Something is seriously wrong here.
There. That's better.
[HATTLING]
Boo.
[PLUCKY SCREAMS]
Oh. That tickles.
[LAUGHS]
[BOTH SCHEAMING]
[GHOWLS]
Wake me when it's over.
[CLOCK CHIMING]
[BOTH SCREAM]
Oh. It's quitting time.
Well. It's been a scream. Guys.
No hard feelings, I hope.
HAMTON [STAMMERS]: You're leaving?
Oh. Yeah. My night is over.
You see, I don't work the graveyard shift here.
That's an entirely different union.
Aw. I'll be a nice guy. Just this once.
Hop in. Guys. I'll take you home.
[TIRES SQUEAL]
HAMTON: Gee. When he said he'd take us home...
I didn't think he meant his home.
Submitted 10! Your perusal.
A young duckling on the verge of mallard-hood.
BABS: The boundaries of his universe are limited only by his imagination.
But even he can't imagine a future written in the stars...
of the Acme Acres Zone.
[ENGINE SPUTTERING]
NARRATOR: This is the future.
In some ways. The year 2350 is quite a bit different from our world today.
And yet. There are things that time cannot change...
msuch as the need for great heroes.
And in the future, there is nu hem greater than...
Duck Dodgers of the Z-fl-th-and-a-half century.
Oh. You're my hero.
I'm so glad you're letting me go on a mission with you.
Oh. To think that I. Me. Am gonna be Duck Dodgers' eager. Young space cadet.
You won't be sorry. You'll see.
I'll shine your space boots. I'll wash and wax your locket...
I'll mix your powdered bleakiast drink.
All right, already. Knock it off.
How eager can you get?
Let's go. They're waiting for us at headquarters.
[WHIRRING]
SCIENTIST: Ah. Good o1 you to come, Dodgers.
We're facing a crisis.
Planets, rockets, stars, objects of every sort...
ale all disappearing without a trace.
We believe we have located the source o1 our problem...
"somewhere on {he Mane! Mars."
It's possible they have built a matter tlansmoglifiel...
and are using it to suck up the entire universe.
A machine that can suck up things without a trace?
Oh. Come now. That's impossible.
Yeah. It's impossible.
Okay. Okay. So it's possible.
I don't know how they do it in other galaxies...
but around here. We don't go around...
sucking up other peoples' universes. Or my name isn't...
Duck Dodgers of the Z-fl-th-and-a-half century.
And his eager young space caduck, Plucky.
Another three-point landing...
for Duck Dodgers of the Z-fl-th-and-a-half century.
[THUD]
And his eager. Young. Elementaly-school-educated sidekick.
Now. Let's survey the situation. Shall we?
Let's shall, D.D. Let's shall.
Hmm. I don't see anything.
Just a few rocks, some craters, a matter transrnogrifier.
A matter tlansmoglifiel?
Suffering succotash, it is.
[THANSMOGRIFIER POWERING UP]
[BELL RINGS]
MARVIN: Ah. Another successful transformation, yes.
Isn't that lovely. Marsha. Hmm?
MARSHA: Yeah. It's real gone, Daddy-o.
It's just what I needed.
So that's their little game. Is it?
When will that Martian ever learn that the universe is not his plaything?
Right. It's not his plaything.
This calls for a full frontal assault.
Bui. D.D.. Old hero oi mine. That machine oi theirs is mighty dangerous.
Yes. But their machine is no match 10! My Acme combat pack.
Observe.
On second thoughl. Maybe it'd be better ii I stripped 10! Action.
After all. I am none other than...
Duck Dodgers of the Z-fl-th-and-a-half century.
And his—— Ah, forget it.
[BELL RINGS]
Now he's really done it.
He's got my dander up.
You can bet your life this is not going to go unchallenged.
[SKIDDING]
DODGERS [ON LOUDSPEAKER]: I, Duck Dodgers...
whereby challenge you to one-on-one combat...
an the field of honor at dawn.
What do you say?
MARVIN [ON LOUDSPEAKER]: You gut it, Charley.
Anaboy. DD. Sock him a good one. Hay.
MARSHA: Yeah. Let him have it. Pop him one in the beak.
What are you waiting 101? Go on. Mash him in the mush.
MARSHA: Paste him in the pan, why don't you?
Bop him in the bread basket.
Belt him in the labonza.
All right. All right. Just give me a chance, will you? Sheesh.
Anyways. This is grown-up work.
So you kids scram. Huh?
MARVIN: Yes. Do please occupy yourselves in some manner, hmm?
Boy. How do you like that?
I come over a hundred million miles...
and I don't even get to stick around 10! The hay.
MARSHA: We should make the best of it.
Let's go Na'!-
Oh. All light. Lead the way.
Now. Where were we? Hmm.
Oh. Yeah. The challenge.
It's wrestling. Two falls out of three.
We play the Marquis of Fauntleroy rules.
No kicking. No hitting below the belt...
no biting. No scratching...
no stomping. No choking...
no injury to the eye...
and no lair pulling that old gag about my shoelace: being untied.
MARVIN: You didn't say I couldn't zap you.
[MARVIN CHUCKLES]
Ooh, you little stinker.
Wait till I get my hands on you.
[THANSMOGRIFIER POWERING UP]
MARVIN: Oh. My.
NARRATOR: Yes. There will always be a place for heroes...
like Duck Dodgers of the 24th-and-a-half century.
Huh?
Does anybody want to buy a slightly used universe?
[WOOFS]
[ENGLISH SDH]