Stay back!
[GROWLING]
[MAN SCREAMS]
[GRUNTING]
[SNIFFING]
He should've said "heel."
[LAUGHING]
[GRUNTS]
Slag it!
[BOTH SHOUTING]
-He's got a delicate touch, Dee Dee. -Delicate like a moose, Dee Dee.
I hate ripping this heavy junk. Give me cash cards any day.
CHUCKO: Zip it, Bonk. Plan is get in and get out fast.
Huh?
It's a school night, kids. I'm gonna have to call your folks.
BOTH: Whoa!
[BOTH SHOUTING]
[GRUNTING]
Bonk! Don't!
Yeah, Bonk. Don't.
[SHOUTS]
Huh? Aah!
[GRUNTING]
[GROWLING]
[GROANING]
[BATMAN GRUNTING]
[SHOUTS]
Let's go! Dee Dee, open the door.
[IN UNISON] On the double.
[BOTH GROANING]
Incoming!
[BOTH GRUNTING]
Bonk! You moron! Get back here!
[SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING]
You got a death wish, Bats!
And I thought I was just being a good citizen.
[SHOUTS]
Got you, sis!
Flagpole.
What did you say?
Flagpole.
CHUCKO: Come on!
[AMBULANCE SIRENS WAILING]
That ain't coming out of my allowance.
Still got it.
How did it go with the Jokerz?
I broke up the robbery, but it was weird.
Third time this month that gang intercepted high-tech machinery.
Jokerz don't use that stuff.
They're probably fencing it. Corporate espionage is big business.
I’ll sit tight until I can get another shot at them.
-Hey, lookie here. WOMAN [ON TV]: That's right, Tom.
Today, billionaire Bruce Wayne stunned the financial world...
...with plans to resume active leadership of Wayne Enterprises.
While most shareholders have welcomed Wayne's return...
...support from key members of the Wayne board has been lukewarm.
Company operations manager Jordan Pryce offered this comment:
I join the rest of our Wayne Enterprises family...
...in welcoming back our most valuable senior resource, Bruce Wayne.
I'm sure we'll all profit from his years of experience.
Still, the rigors of running a vast, multinational conglomerate...
...would be stressful, even for a young man.
I hope he's up to the challenge.
He's not bitter, much.
Pryce was next in line for the top spot.
My return torpedoed any dreams he had of succession.
-You gonna keep him around? -If he'll stay on my terms.
I've worked long and hard to regain control of my family’s company.
I won't hand it over again.
Pryce can either get with that program or start e-mailing his résumé.
With the long hours you’ll put in at the office...
...does this mean you’ll have less time for....
Who sleeps anymore?
[GROANING]
You okay?
The Jokerz are going in for splicing now.
Crazy hyena-boy nearly bit me. No way I could explain that to Dana.
You're not going out now?
The night is young and so am I.
A good night's rest might be more beneficial.
Like you said, who sleeps anymore?
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
Up and at them, Terry.
You can doze on Bruce Wayne's time, not mine.
Sorry, Dane.
-Great song, huh? -Huh.
Did you see the squid Blade's with? P.U.!
Ter, my head's on fire.
You look good.
McGinnis!
[CHUCKLES]
Sorry, babe. Guess the day was longer than I thought.
Let's sit this one out.
Coffee. And leave the pot.
CHUCKO: Batman showed up and we had to ditch.
We were able to save this: the console's memory board.
I know it's not much, but--
JOKER: It's not much? It's nothing.
[ALL GASPING]
Losers.
All of you.
A disgrace to the name Joker. Why, in my day--
In your day?!
Ever since you came into this gang...
...it's been "your day" this and "your day" that.
CHUCKO: Bonk.
Your day is over, old man.
Even if you are who you say you are. And personally, I think you're a fake.
Oh, brave new world....
It has such putzes in it.
He's got us running around ripping a lot of geek junk, but no cash!
He won't tell us what his plan is, if he even has one.
I want out!
If you insist.
[ALL GASPING]
Hey, man. Take it easy. I was just kidding.
-Aah! -So was I.
[LAUGHING]
[SHOUTS]
Oops. No, I wasn't.
That's also how we did it in my day.
You know, kids, a lot has changed while your Uncle Joker's been away.
New Gotham, new rules...
...even a new Batman.
But now I'm tanned, I'm rested...
...and I'm ready to give this old town a wedgie again!
I have to know you're with me. Will you say it for me one time?
[IN UNISON] We're with you.
Little louder.
[IN UNISON] We're with you!
-Dee Dee? BOTH: We're with you!
Boys?
BOTH: We're with you!
Bonk?
Oh, right.
Dead.
Dee Dee, be a lamb and sweep out the trash.
There's a good girls.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
Your renewed faith puts a smile in my heart.
What say we forget tonight's mishap and start over?
CHUCKO: Great, boss.
Ghoul, my boy, we're going to need another systems scanner.
Who's got one they'd be willing to donate?
GHOUL: Checking.
What we're after is cutting-edge.
These are the only other places we'd find one.
JOKER: Nope. Uh-uh.
No. Ah!
What, there? Security's gonna be tight!
Oh, yes. But think of the fun.
Good evening, Mr. Wayne.
Ms. Carr. You remember my assistant, Terry McGinnis?
Of course. I'm glad you could join us, Terry.
Everyone is here. Well, everyone except Mr. Pryce, unfortunately.
That's no surprise.
CARR: May I have your attention, please?
It's my pleasure to welcome back the guiding light of this company:
Bruce Wayne.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Thank you, Joyce.
It's a pleasure to see you all again. In the future, I hope to--
[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]
[CROWD GROANING]
--spend time getting to know each member of our company...
...learning about you individually.
[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]
[JOKER LAUGHING NEARBY]
[SCREAMING]
Security! Emergency on terrace level.
MAN: Hey! Look out!
[GUARDS COUGHING]
[GROWLING]
-You gonna be okay? -Go to work.
Well, if it isn't old Mr. Wayne.
So debonair.
So dapper.
So decrepit.
Hello, Gotham!
Joker's back in town!
[JOKER LAUGHING]
It can't be.
Oh, no, your old eyes do not deceive you, Brucie!
After all, who'd know me better than you?
BATMAN: Back off, gruesome.
Oh, the new boy.
Ears are too long and I miss the cape...
...but not too shabby. Not too shabby at all.
Woof!
JOKER: How's it coming, boys? CHUCKO: We're home free.
JOKER: Then I'll see you there.
Time to go, Dee Dee.
[GRUNTS]
[JOKER WHISTLES]
[CROWD SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]
Well? What's it gonna be, Batfake?
[BOTH SCREAMING]
I know what you're thinking. I messed up.
I let the clown go to save those people.
You did the right thing.
So the Joker, huh?
Looks pretty spry for a guy who's gotta be, what, mid-80s?
Any theories on that?
Clone?
Robot?
Suspended animation due to floating around frozen in a block of ice?
Shut up and drive.
Yes, sir.
MAN [ON TV]: This was the scene three hours ago...
...as a man claiming to be the Joker...
...disrupted a ceremony at the new Wayne Enterprises building.
WOMAN: Honey, what're you watching?
MAN: Adding to the drama was another legendary Gotham icon, the Batman...
...who engaged his one-time foe in a stunning aerial battle.
WOMAN: Honey?
It's nothing, sweetheart.
Nothing.
[DOOR OPENS]
Go away.
Morning, commish.
You understand English, McGinnis? Scram.
Love to. But first, what can you tell me about clowns?
BARBARA: In this town they're never funny.
TERRY: I noticed that.
-Now, this Joker-- -Drop it, kid.
-That's what the old man's been saying. -Listen to him.
Look, I know this fruitcake was a big, bad guy from the cape and cowl days.
He was more than that.
What? A wacko who threatened people...
...with whoopee cushions and squirting flowers?
-Big deal. I'm shaking. -McGinnis!
The real Joker was unlike anyone you've ever faced.
For your sake, I hope you never do.
If Bruce wants you to drop it, then drop it.
WOMAN [OVER INTERCOM]: Commissioner, your 9:00 is here.
Send him in.
You were leaving?
Figure I was.
DRAKE: Thanks for seeing me, Barb. -That's what I'm here for.
--a countdown of victims that will end at midnight...
...unless our dear Dark Knight stops me first!
[LAUGHING]
Hello, Gotham. Joker's back in town!
[JOKER LAUGHING]
TERRY: It's funny.
I know about all of your other enemies, but you never mention him.
-He was the biggest, wasn't he? -It wasn't a popularity contest.
He was a psychopath. A monster.
So how could he still be around after all this time?
It's not possible.
He died years ago.
You're sure?
I was there.
You killed him, didn't you?
He was gonna do something so terrible, you had no choice.
-Terry-- -That was it, wasn't it?
I want you to give back the Batman suit.
What? Why?
There is no reason for you to continue.
You've avenged your father's murder...
...then put your needs aside to help the city when it most needed a hero.
You've honored the reputation of Batman many times and I thank you.
Then why?
I had no right to force this life on you or anyone else.
I was the one who broke in and swiped the suit, remember?
Yes, there was my dad's murder, but we come from two different worlds.
I wasn't like you or the kids you took in.
I was a pretty bad kid once.
Ran with a rough crowd, broke a lot of laws and my folks' hearts.
The kind of punk you wouldn't have wasted a second punch on.
Your point?
I'm trying to make up for past sins.
The state says juvie wiped me clean, but my soul tells me different.
Every time I put on that suit, I help people who are in trouble.
I guess on a personal level...
...it's a chance to look like a worthwhile human being again.
In my eyes, if no one else's.
It's what I want, Bruce.
Stupid kid.
You don't know what you want. None of you ever did.
Mom, come quick! Some weirdo broke into our house!
-Matty? What are you yelling about? -A stranger's sitting at our table!
-Ha, ha. -That's your brother.
I've never seen him before in my life.
It is rare that you're up before noon, what with your job and all.
I'm not working for Mr. Wayne anymore.
It will be nice to have you home for a change. Right, Matt?
Sure. Great. Just when I was getting used to being an only child.
Mom!
[SIGHS]
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
Once in a while, we have to do it. Ditch the guys and go out by ourselves.
It may be a change for you. I don't see enough of Terry as it is.
Terry's sweet, but who says you can't make friends with someone new?
Not a chance.
Terry!
I thought you'd be working as usual.
The bad news is, for now, I'm not gonna have much money.
The good news is, you have me all to yourself.
I can live with that.
Cutting in.
Hey!
[GROANING]
Dana?
[BARKING]
What is it?
Ace.
Ace!
[COUGHING]
JOKER: Don't get up, Bruce. It's just an old friend come by to say hello.
[COUGHING]
Hello...
...Batman.
[JOKER LAUGHING]
Dana!
[TERRY SHOUTS]
It was her.
[GRUNTING]
CHUCKO: Don't know why the boss wants you out of the way...
...but, hey, as long as it's fun.
-Hey! -Terry!
Dana!
-Let me go! -Sure, cutes.
[SCREAMING]
CHUCKO: Slag him!
[CROWD SCREAMING]
-Dana? -Stay out of sight!
[GRUNTING]
There!
What's he doing?
You got me.
CHUCKO: Just finish him!
[GROANING]
[SHOUTING]
CHUCKO: Aw, you made a mess, dreg.
Huh?
Dana!
She's got a bad bump and some cuts, but she's gonna be okay.
-Why were those guys after you? -I don't know.
I'm gonna talk to the cops. Stay with her, okay?
-I'll come as soon as I can. -Sure.
[TIRES SQUEALING]
WAYNE [ON RECORDING]: Leave a message.
TERRY: The Joker's little playmates were after me tonight.
Me, not Batman.
This whole thing stinks and you know why.
I need some straight answers from-- Wait, it's night. Where does he go?
Wayne?
Wayne!
Ace.
[WHIMPERING]
Please, God, no.
[GASPS]
[LAUGHING]
Floor...
[LAUGHING]
...under...
...table.
[LAUGHING]
[GASPS]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
How is he?
The anti-toxin's done all it can. It's up to him now.
Thanks for coming. Uh, I didn't know who to call.
Who else is there?
That reminds me. I'd better check on our other patient.
What have I done?
I killed the little rabbit.
I don't deserve to live!
How you doing, killer?
Yeah, rough night for me too.
Sad news from the financial world this morning.
The return of Bruce Wayne has been delayed due to an accident.
Wayne Enterprises' Jordan Pryce had this to say:
We received a call from Mr. Wayne's houseboy this morning...
...saying Mr. Wayne had taken a bad fall.
Everyone at Wayne Enterprises sends their prayers and good wishes...
...to our senior member for his speedy recovery.
I’ll bet. Not every creep in Gotham wears a purple suit.
It'd make my job simpler if they did.
The Joker knew about Bruce, about me, probably about you too.
Someone knows, I'll give you that.
But it's not the Joker. Not the real one.
Bruce said he was dead.
-And? -That's it.
I know there's more.
I'm part of this. I need the answers Bruce can't give me.
I deserve them.
BARBARA: I thought talking about it would get easier over time...
...but some hurts never go away.
Dick Grayson, Nightwing, had left...
...to establish himself in another city.
There were three of us then: Bruce, myself and Robin, Tim Drake.
Robin was alone when he came upon a woman in trouble.
WOMAN: Help! Help!
Somebody, please, help!
Hero time.
[BOTH SHOUTING]
-That evens things up a little. -Not really, bird-boy!
Ha, ha. A bird in the hand....
BARBARA: We soon realized Tim was missing.
Night after night we scoured the city, running down every lead...
...pressing every underworld connection.
But no one had seen any sign of Robin.
For three agonizing weeks there was nothing.
Then one night, we were sent an invitation.
Arkham.
BARBARA: The asylum had been moved to a newer, high-security building.
The old building had been partially demolished...
...and hung open like a rotting wound.
QUINN: Hush, little baby, don't say a word
Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird
And if that mockingbird don't sing
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring
And if that diamond ring turns brass
Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass
And if that looking glass gets broke
Pudding, company!
Hello there! Welcome to our happy home.
Where's Robin?
Robin?
There's no Robin here.
Maybe he means our little Jay.
Of course! That's it!
Aah!
Uh-uh. No peeking.
Mommy's little helper.
You know, Bats, we've been doing this little runaround of ours for years.
It's been loads of laughs, but the sad fact is...
...none of us are getting any younger.
That old clock's a-ticking.
Quite right, pooh.
And Harley and I were thinking it was time to start a family.
Add a Joker Junior to our merry brood.
But rather than go through all the joy of childbirth...
...we decided to adopt.
We couldn't do it legally...
...but then we remembered you always had a few spare kids hanging around.
So we borrowed one.
No.
My God!
He needed a little molding of course. What kid doesn't?
But in time we came to love him as our own.
Say hello, J.J.
[LAUGHING]
[GROANING]
[LAUGHING]
[GASPS]
Robin! Robin!
[LAUGHING]
Tim, it's Barbara. Can you hear me?
Robin! Stop!
Hands off, Brat-girl!
Sweetie, get Mommy's bazooka.
BATGIRL: How could you help Joker do it?
Okay, so he roughed the kid up a little, but I’ll make it right.
Yeah, you're mother of the stinking year.
QUINN: Ha. You’ll see.
We’ll be one big, happy family.
[ROBIN WHISTLES]
Good boy!
Ha!
[GASPS]
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[GROANING]
[QUINN SCREAMING]
JOKER: What's the matter, Batman?
No witty comeback? No threat?
Then I'll provide the narration.
I’ll begin with how I peeled back the layers of the boy's mind.
Well, he bravely tried to fight it at first.
You would have been proud to see him so strong!
But all too soon, the serums and the shocks took their toll...
...and the dear lad began to share such secrets with me.
Secrets that are mine alone to know...
...Bruce.
It's true, Batsy. I know everything.
And like the kid who peeks at his Christmas presents...
...I must admit, it's sadly anticlimactic.
Behind all the Sturm and batarangs...
...you're just a little boy in a playsuit, crying for Mommy and Daddy.
It'd be funny, if it weren't so pathetic.
Oh, what the heck! I'll laugh anyway.
[LAUGHING]
[GRUNTING]
If you don't like the movie, I've got slides.
I’ll break you in two.
Oh, Batman.
If you had the guts for that kind of fun, you'd have done it years ago.
I, on the other hand....
[BATMAN SHOUTING]
You've lost, Batman.
Robin is mine.
The last sound you hear will be our laughter.
Here you go, sonny-boy.
Make Daddy proud.
Deliver the punch line.
[LAUGHING]
Tim.
Do it!
That's not funny.
That's not....
[GASPING]
[LAUGHING]
[CRYING]
It's okay, Tim. It's okay.
BARBARA: We buried the Joker deep beneath Arkham.
The only other person who knew what happened that night was my father.
He promised to keep our secret.
With his last act of cruelty...
...the Joker had tainted us all with compromise and deception.
I suppose he had the last laugh after all.
His girlfriend bought it too?
We never found her body, but I doubt she'd be starting trouble now.
And Tim?
We had a trusted friend, Dr. Leslie Thompkins.
It took her a year, but she was able to help Tim back to sanity.
Still, things were never really the same.
Bruce forbade Tim to be Robin again.
He blamed himself and swore he'd never endanger another young partner.
Tim left us soon after that, determined to make it on his own.
Did they patch it up?
Tim tried once or twice, but you know Bruce. I check up on Tim.
He's a top-level communications engineer, married, couple kids.
Not too bad, all things concerned.
He deserved a happy ending.
But he still has the most likely connection to that night.
It looks okay on this side. I'm going up to the dish.
You might as well show yourself. I heard you a mile away.
I'm no Boy Wonder anymore, but that old training never goes away.
Even at my age.
Tim Drake.
You heard about Bruce?
Barbara told me. That was too bad.
You're not too broken up.
I had nothing to do with it, despite what you think.
When the Joker reappeared, I was as surprised as anyone.
Barb told you the gory details?
More or less.
Look, it's been almost 40 years.
It wasn't easy, but I managed to put it to bed and go on with my life.
You’ll have to do it yourself one day. We all did.
We gave our best, but that wasn't good enough for the old man.
Regrets, Mr. Drake?
When I was younger, part of me thought I would go on and on and someday....
Ah, capes, costumes, playing hero. It was kids' stuff.
Bruce probably did me a favor.
I was so sick of it, I never wanted to see that Robin suit again.
Some things never change.
Were all of you bitter when you left?
BARBARA: Comes with the territory.
Look up Nightwing. Has he got stories.
Drake's clean. I've got one more lead to check out.
Someone with a definite grudge against Bruce.
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
Caviar, soft music and charming company.
Amy, I can't think of any better way...
...to celebrate my ascension to CEO of Wayne Enterprises.
Me neither.
DEIDRE: Me neither.
You? Where's Amy?
Missed the boat, I'm afraid.
Turn the yacht around!
CHUCKO: Detox, boss man. We're here to talk business.
We’ll be quick. Woof gets seasick easy.
Our business is concluded.
You've got the equipment.
I gave you the security codes so you could ransack the lab...
...while those bunglers tried to kill Wayne.
CHUCKO: Word is Wayne's terminal anyhow.
That means you get to stay top dog.
And everyone's happy.
So why are you here?
CHUCKO: The big guy who originally put us in contact...
...decided you're a loose end.
And loose ends should be tied up.
[GROANING]
Let me go!
Got him.
Then amscray pronto, kiddies.
Things are going to start popping.
CHUCKO: Let's go!
No one's leaving until I get answers.
CHUCKO: No, you idiot! Not now!
[ALL LAUGHING]
They're getting away!
I think they've got a good reason!
-What's happening? -Hang on!
[SCREAMING]
We saw the explosion.
You can ask Mr. Pryce about that.
Me? I had nothing to do with it.
That right?
PRYCE [ON RECORDING]: I gave you the security codes...
...so you could ransack the lab while those bunglers tried to kill Wayne.
I want my Lawyer.
I think the commissioner would like to hear this too. Night.
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
TERRY: I'm spent.
Every lead I had has gone face-down, and the Joker's still out there.
What have you got?
I don't know, pup.
If I was the Batman I was supposed to be, I'd have cracked this...
...would have punched the right data into the computer...
...or remembered that one clue everyone else overlooked.
WAYNE: It's rarely that simple.
[BARKING]
-How are you feeling? -Lousy.
Gordon told me about Tim Drake.
That's why I didn't want you going up against the Joker...
...imposter or not.
Nothing against your old partners, but I'm a different Batman.
I was never a Robin, I never--
Wait.
Joker smashed up the cases...
...but why was this the only costume he destroyed?
Robin did shoot him.
A ghost out for revenge? I don't buy it. I talked to Drake.
He's got less love for that costume than the Joker.
I think somehow he's behind this.
That's crazy.
So was Drake, once.
Here's the readout of everything we know the Jokerz have stolen.
Combine those into something used by a communications expert.
Someone of Tim Drake's caliber.
Satellite jamming system.
Whoever uses this can access satellite defense systems...
...and fire them at will.
Someone already has.
I suspected Pryce might be the Joker...
...but the Jokerz were on your yacht trying to slag him.
I got him off before it was blasted to splinters.
I think your little Robin's turned into a bitter old crow.
He's the brains behind this new Joker.
It's harsh, but who else is there?
Suit up.
Take the car and check it out. I’ll monitor you from here.
What happened to leaving it to the cops?
Not their game.
There's something else I want to take.
Drake, I know you're the connection to the Joker.
Don't pretend you didn't hear me.
Hologram.
You guessed it, Batfake!
The disgruntled Mr. Drake is indeed in my employ.
Took him a few years, but he figured out who ran the real winning team.
This is one of Uncle Sam's orbiting defense satellites.
Hyperion class, laser-armed.
Handy gadget for shooting down unfriendly missiles...
...or giving someone a world-class hotfoot.
Think of it as urban tagging on a grand scale...
...reminding all and sundry that this is Joker territory.
You're welcome to try and stop us...
...but I'm not taking bets on that happening anytime soon. Toodles.
[GRUNTS]
Miss me?
[BARKS]
Computer, search for the name Jolly Jack.
Abandoned candy factory. Just his style.
I think I've got something.
Download this and tell Gordon to have her men at that address.
-I'm gonna-- -Aren't you the nasty tattletale?
Ratting me out before I have my fun.
Papa spank.
[BARKING]
Yeah, I know!
[LAUGHING]
I'd better sit down before l bust a gut!
Catch you later, kiddo!
It's stopped. I'm going after him.
CHUCKO: Gotcha!
Uh-oh.
[CHUCKO SCREAMING]
[GROWLING]
[LAUGHING]
Ace.
[GROWLS THEN BARKS]
Good bad dog.
Where'd he go?
Ow!
Watch it!
You watch it!
[BOTH GRUNT]
It's him!
[BOTH SHOUTING]
[BOTH GROANING]
Double down.
Lovely playroom. You getting this, Wayne?
I see it. You keep your eyes open for the Joker.
Tim.
Get up, Drake.
What? Who is it?
Where's the Joker?
Joker?
Drop the act. I know you're working with him.
No, Joker's gone. I don't know where he is, really.
WAYNE: Suit sensors aren't picking up any pulse fluctuations.
It's the truth.
DRAKE: I don't do this anymore. I have a home and family.
I gave this up years ago. Kids' stuff. That's all it was.
It may be the truth, but he's still whacked.
Fun and games. Boy Wonder playing the hero.
Fighting the bad guys and no one ever gets....
Oh, God.
I killed him.
I didn't mean to.
I tried so hard to forget.
But l still hear the shot, still see his dead smile.
Every night the dreams get stronger.
He's there when I sleep, whispering, laughing...
...telling me I'm as bad as he is, we're both the same.
I'm calling an ambulance.
No, I'm all right. Forgive me, Terry.
Old, nasty memories twisting inside me like bad oysters.
Nothing really.
I'm perfectly fine now.
How do you know my name?
There's nothing about you I don't know, Batfake.
[SHOUTING]
Terry!
Have a time-out, kid.
Can't let you spoil the party too soon.
And, Bruce, I'm sure you've got your monkey-boy wired somehow.
That's just peachy, because I want you to see every minute of this.
It's a killer.
[DRAKE LAUGHING]
My God.
Oh, I never get tired of that!
Drake?
You're the Joker?
That flabby oaf doesn't even realize I'm using him as a time-share.
Beneath this puckish exterior lies the mind of a genius...
...years ahead of my time.
In the weeks young Robin was under my tutelage...
...I used him as the subject of my greatest experiment.
Utilizing cutting-edge genetics technology...
...which I had pinched here and there...
...I encoded my DNA on a microchip...
...and set it into bird-boy's birdbrain.
Here.
Everything that was me has been a-sleeping all comfy and cozy...
...inside Tim Drake's subconscious.
At first, I had to Limit the time I spent in Drake's body.
He's not aware of what I do...
...chalking up any lingering memories to bad dreams.
If his family misses him, I simply call wifey and tell her:
[AS DRAKE] "I'm working late, honey."
[IN NORMAL VOICE] The changes come at will now...
...and soon I’ll be strong enough to live in this body permanently.
Mr. J's on the rebound, baby!
My comeback party's gonna set the whole town on fire!
So where should I make ground zero?
Gotham General, where our hero's dear little Dana is recuperating?
Or here, in the happy garden of Mrs. Mary McGinnis?
I always think it adds resonance to a hero's mission...
...to have some defining element of tragedy in his background...
...don't you?
Ah, but the one and only kickoff point...
...must be stately Wayne Manor.
Gone in a flash...
...before Brucie can hobble to safety or mount a rescue.
Don't worry, though.
I’ll be hitting those other spots soon enough.
Adiós, Brucie.
I guess I should salute you as a worthy adversary and all that...
...but the truth is, I really did hate your guts.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
What about it, kid? Any last words for the old Batfart?
Yeah. Sic him.
[BARKING]
BATMAN: Ace, here!
Attaboy!
[WHIMPERING]
End of the line, Snoopy.
No!
[ALARM WAILING]
Oh, good.
The beam's headed here.
Now I’ll have to start all over again.
Thanks for wrecking everything, kid. See you around.
Hold it.
Oh, wise up, junior.
Game's over!
-I'm taking you in. -Right.
[GRUNTING]
You're out of your league, McGinnis.
I know every trick the original Batman and Robin knew at their peak.
Maybe, but you don't know a thing about me.
You?
What's to know? You're a punk.
A rank amateur.
A costumed errand boy taking orders from a senile old man.
Still, if it's a whooping you're wanting....
That's right. Better to run and save yourself.
That's about your speed.
Let's dance, bozo.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
He's tough. Any suggestions, boss?
WAYNE: Joker likes to talk and try to distract you, but don't listen.
Block it out and power through.
Wait.
I like to talk too.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
-What are you doing? -Fighting dirty.
The real Batman would never--
Told you, you didn't know me.
Funny guy.
Can't say the same for you.
Impudent brat. Who do you think you're talking to?
Not a comedian, I'll say that.
Shut your mouth!
The real Batman never talked to you much, did he?
That's why you were so fixated on him.
Aah! Don't play psychoanalyst with me, boy!
Oh, I don't need a degree to figure you out.
You kept coming back...
...because you never got a laugh out of the old man.
I'm not hearing this.
Get a clue, clownie. He's got no sense of humor.
He wouldn't know a good joke if it bit him in the cape.
-Not that you ever had a good joke. -Shut up. Shut up!
I mean, joy buzzers, squirting flowers? Lame!
Where's the "A" material? Make a face, drop your pants, something!
Show yourself!
You make me laugh, but only because I think you're kind of pathetic.
[BATMAN LAUGHING]
Stop that!
BATMAN: You fell in a tank of acid, got your skin bleached...
...then decided to become a super villain.
What? You couldn't get work as a rodeo clown?
[LAUGHING]
Don't you dare laugh at me!
Why? I thought the Joker always wanted to make Batman laugh.
You're not Batman!
[LAUGHING]
Come on, McGinnis!
Laugh it up now, you miserable little punk! Laugh!
I can't hear you!
Ha, ha.
[SCREAMING]
[DRAKE GROANING]
Easy, I've got you.
[BARKING]
Way ahead of you.
Delia and Deidre Dennis, your grandmother's paid your bail.
You're released to her custody, pending trial.
-Oh. -Joy.
You rotten little scamps!
I struggle to make a good home for you and this is the thanks I get!
-Ow! -Break a grandmother's heart!
-I hope they throw the book at you! DELIA: Oh, shut up, Nana Harley.
You didn't have to cover up for me.
The Joker's gone, Tim. You were just along for the ride.
How are you, Mr. Drake?
Tim, this is Terry McGinnis.
-We met the other night. -We did?
Oh. I owe you bigtime.
Forget it.
Bruce couldn't have chosen anyone better to put on the mask.
Coming from you, that means everything.
Sometimes the important things go unsaid.
I've learned you've got to appreciate the people in your life...
...while you have the chance.
Not everyone is capable of expressing that, Tim.
No matter how much they might feel it in their heart.
I know.
Why are you here?
It's where I should be.
Terry.
I've been thinking about what you once told me.
You were wrong.
It's not Batman that makes you worthwhile.
It's the other way around.
Never tell yourself anything different.
Thanks.
Hello, Tim.
Hi, old man.
[English - US - SDH]