您好 斯图亚特·普莱斯医生诊所 (voice-mail) Hi, you've reached the office of Dr. Stuart Price.
诊所将停业至本月24日 敬请留意 Please note the office will be closed until the 24th.
如果病情紧急 请… If this is an emergency, please try...
嗨！我是斯图亚特·普莱斯医生 我要结婚了 (voice-mail) Hi! This is Dr. Stu Price. I'm getting married.
所以我要出国两周 So I'll be out of the country for 2 weeks.
我不确定到时手机有没有信号 I'm not sure if I'll have cell service.
如果有牙科急症… If this is a dental emergency...
没人接 Nothing.
(泰语) (speaking in Thai)
爸 别再抱怨了 有用吗？！ Daddy, please! You're not helping!
我看着斯图的眼睛 他一点儿也不像个男人 I looked into his eyes. Not the eyes of a man.
他就是个懦夫 The eyes of a coward.
(泰语) (speaking in Thai again)
不好意思！ Excuse me!
- 菲尔 - 特蕾西！ - Bill! - Tracy!
- 对不起！ - 你们他妈的死哪儿去了? - I'm sorry! - Where the hell are you?
我们又喝高了！ It happened again!
别吓我！ Don't say that, please!
不 这次我们真的搞砸了 No this time we really fucked up.
说真格的 你们几个是不是脑子进水了？ Seriously! What is wrong with you three?
对不起 特蕾西 我不知从何说起 So much Trace, I don't even know where to begin.
天哪！到底有多糟糕？ Oh god! How bad?
- 难道 要取消婚礼？ - 差不多… - Like, no wedding bad? - Yeah...
可能更糟一些 a little worse than that.
《宿醉 2》 THE HANGOVER PART II
（一周前） ONE WEEK EARLIER
嗯哼 Uh, huh.
- 你真得多用用牙线了 - 去你的 我要是愿意用牙线 还跑你这儿干嘛 - You really need to floss more. - Fuck that! That's why I come here.
- 那你来勤点啊 两年一次也忒儿少了 - 干嘛？你想榨光我的钱啊 - Then you should come more than once every two years! - Why? So you can bleed me of all my money?
菲尔 我从你那儿一个子儿也没收过 I never charge you a dime, Phil!
- 嘿 你这麻醉的玩意怎么用？ - 呃 别乱碰 - Hey, how do I work the nitrous? - Ah, you don't actually.
拜托 就试一下！ Come on! Just one hit!
你的补牙正常 还哪儿有问题？ Fillings look pretty good. Any other problems?
有问题 你非要到泰国结婚 Yeah, actually. You're getting married in Thailand.
首先 我们得坐飞机 光路费 就得2000美元 For starters, that's flights for me and Steph. That's two grand right there.
孩子得我岳母看着 我心里怕怕的 Then my mother in laws watching the kids. So now she's got this whole new thing over my head.
再说了 光路上就需要5天时间 Plus, takes five days to get there.
你就扯吧 是16个小时 再说那地方挺美的 It's a 16 hour flight. And it's beautiful when you get there.
- 有够麻烦的 - 是有点远 - Whatever, it's a hassle! - It is kinda far.
劳拉用了一周也没倒过时差来 Lauren's been there a week and she's still jet lagged.
但那是她父母的故乡 这对他们很重要 But it's where her parents are from and it means a lot to them.
谁他妈的管她父母！ 何况他爸那么烦你 Who gives a shit about her parents! Her dad hates you!
他不烦我 他只是没跟我说过话… He doesn't hate me! He's just never spoken to me...
…文化差异嘛 ...I think it's a cultural thing.
你干嘛不能像上次一样 在拉斯维加斯结婚 麻烦少多了 Why can't you just get married in Vegas like you did the last time. It's so much easier.
你干嘛就不能替我高兴呢？ Why can't you just be excited for me?
我要结婚了！ This is my wedding!
- 你很高兴 是吗？ - 当然 - You're really happy, huh? - I really am.
好吧… Alright...
…我也替你高兴 ...I'm happy too.
- 谢谢！ - 应该挺有趣的 - Thank you! - Gonna be fun.
菲尔 把处方本还给我 Phil. Put the prescription pad back.
- 谢了 你知道这是犯罪 嗯？ - 滚犊子 - Thank you. You know that's a felony right? - Fuck you, man!
- 你是不是把它放你裤裆里了？ - 是 - Was this right up against your scrotum? - Yep.
- 噢 老天 我刚发现 - 什么? - Oh my god, I just realized. - What?
- 我忘了更新我的护照了 - 哦 不… - I forgot to renew my passport! - Oh no...
好消息是 我上周已经帮你更新了 就放在厨房的抽屉里 Good thing I did it last week. It's in the kitchen drawer.
- 你真好！ - 嘿！谁让咱俩是两口子呢 - You're the best! - Hey! We're a team!
你是个好人 一个纯粹的好人！ You're a good guy. Like a really good guy!
谢谢 Thank you!
- 所以 我求你件事 你别生气啊 - 生气？是什么事？ - So I know you're not gonna get mad. - Mad? What, mad at what?
艾伦知道我们要去泰国 参加斯图的婚礼了 Alan found out that we're going to Thailand for Stu's wedding.
- 然后? - 他伤透心了 你们几个就像他的家人一样 - So? - So he's heart broken Doug. You guys are like his family!
不 不 你家人才是他的家人 No. Your family is like his family.
艾伦每天嘴里都是你们三个 All Alan talks about is the three of you.
- 还有维加斯的那个周末 - 等等… - And that weekend. - Wait a second...
- 是不是他给我电话 打了又挂 挂了又打 不说话 - 他难过的时候会这么做 - Is he the one who keeps calling and hanging up? - He does that when he's upset.
他不明白为什么斯图没请他 He doesn't understand why he's not invited.
你能跟斯图说说吗？就当为了我 Could you just run it by Stu? Just run it by him.
行不… For me...
死都不行 绝对不行 No fucking way! Absolutely not!
拜托 斯图 艾伦很想去 Come on Stu, it's killing him.
说实话 你们俩我都不想请 Honestly, the two of you were barely invited.
我理解 真的 但是 你要知道 I get it. I really do. It's just, you know what...
艾伦把你当他最好的朋友之一 Alan considers you to be one of his best friends.
我把艾伦当疯子 I consider Alan to be insane.
斯图 你就让他去吧！ 说好了他捅了篓子由他赔 Stu, throw him a bone! We've already said he's got to pay for everything he eats and everything he breaks.
我们想法让你未来岳父掏钱搞单身汉派对 You know what. We should see if we can squeeze the old man to cover the bachelor party.
- 这主意不错 - 我很高兴你提起这事儿 - That's good. - I'm glad you brought that up.
- 因为 这顿饭就是我的单身派对 - 什么？ - Because... this is the bachelor party! - What?
- 你说什么? - 是的 这就是我单身早午餐派对！ - What are you talking about? - Yeah, it's my bachelor brunch!
伙计们 放开点儿 多来点儿碎巧克力煎饼… …再让服务员来个膝舞… Go crazy. Get some chocolate chip pancakes... a lap dance from the waitress...
纯属扯淡！斯图 你不能连单身派对都不搞 That's bullshit! You can't just skip out of a bachelor party, Stu.
看见没 我在橘子汁上盖了纸巾 You see that? That's orange juice with a napkin on top.
知道为什么吗？就是为了防止有人给我下药 Do you know why? So nobody roofies me.
我怎么会拒绝在单身派对上吃香瓜呢？ Why I refuse to eat fucking cantaloupe at a bachelor party?
- 斯图 你是不是有点反应过度？ - 不 没有 - C'mon Stu. Don't you think you're over reacting? - No, I don't.
拉斯维加斯那次 我还没缓过来呢 I'm still putting the pieces of my broken psyche back together.
是劳拉的出现才让我逐渐恢复过来 为了劳拉 我不能再搞砸了 And you know what the glue is? Lauren! I'm not doing anything to screw that up.
- 切 要不是因为我们 你能和劳拉在一起嘛 - 那又怎么样 - Oh, please. You wouldn't even be with her if it wasn't for us. - Oh, this'll be good.
斯图 仔细想想吧 Stu, think about it!
因此你才甩了梅丽莎, 两年后 遇到你的真命天女 You ended up ditching Melissa, and two years later you met your true soul mate.
如果不是因为拉斯维加斯那次 你就跟那个婊子结婚了 You take Vegas out of that equation, you would have married a cunt.
别大惊小怪的 这是个单身派对 Oh that's ok. I'm allowed to say it. It's a bachelor party.
干杯 各位 Drink up everybody.
噢 等等 我忘了这儿没有酒！ 因为这是他妈的茶餐厅！ Oh wait, there's no alcohol! I forgot we're at a fuckin IHOP!
不管怎样 这是我的最终决定 所以…说句祝词吧？ Well it's my decision and it's final, so... how bout a toast?
滚犊子的 我走了 This sucks. I'm gonna wait in the car.
- 拜托 菲尔 你去哪儿？ - 道格 我真是不知道他怎么想的 - C'mon Phil, where you going? - Doug, Doug, I just don't get it!
他要去泰国结婚 好极了！ 他考虑过我们吗？ He's getting married in Thailand! That's great for him, but what about us?
你太自私了 我们走 宝贝… You're selfish! Come on, sweetheart...
我都替你害臊！ Shame on you!
别担心 斯图 你的决定我支持 Don't worry Stu. I will stand up for you no matter what.
谢谢 Thank you.
求你让艾伦参加你的婚礼吧 But you gotta help me out with this Alan thing.
伙计们 你们能来 我真高兴… Guys, I can't tell you how much this means...
自从听说婚礼这事儿 艾伦一直在等着 Alan's been waiting for the invite ever since he got word of the wedding.
- 我相信 - 是啊 - I'm sure he has. - Yeah.
他整日整日地站在邮箱旁边 Been standing outside by the mailbox every day.
- 难为他了 - 是啊 - Well that's tough. - Yeah.
我想他对上次维加斯之行还念念不忘 I uh, I'm not sure he ever left Vegas.
参加婚礼对他很重要 He really needs this.
什么事? What?
宝贝 是我 爸爸！ 斯图他们来了！慢慢走进去 Sweetie, papa! You have visitors! Go in slowly.
给他点儿时间去适应 Give him a chance to acclimate.
- 嘿 艾伦！ - 嘿 伙计们！嘿 菲尔！ - Hey, Alan! - Hey, guys! Hey, Phil!
嘿 伙计！ Hey, bud!
- 你们要进来吗? - 好 当然 - You guys wanna come in? - Sure. Absolutely.
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey.
- 嘿 斯图 - 好啦 那我们中场休息时再见… - Hey, Stu! - Ok. See you on the court in half...
- 艾伦 你的房间很有品嘛！ - 谢谢 菲尔！我老爸帮我付房租 - Pretty cool room, Alan! - Thanks, Phil! My dad pays my rent.
艾伦 搞什么！你怎么能留着这些照片 Alan, what the fuck! You were supposed to delete these!
你发过誓要删掉的！ You made a promise!
哇哦 哇哦！ Whoa, whoa, whoa!
见鬼的？这让我很不爽 你不能留着这些照片 What the hell? I'm not cool with this at all. You can't have these.
放轻松 斯图！不会有人来我这儿的 Relax, Stu! Nobody ever comes in here.
- 你践踏了我对你的信任！ - 妈 午餐我不吃了 你来拿走！ - A total violation of trust! - Mother I'm done with my lunch. It's just sitting here!
对不起 宝贝 我马上来 I'm sorry, honey. I'll be right up.
- 真不敢相信 你们来看我 棒极了 - 等等！ - I can't believe you guys stopped by. This is really cool. - Wait a second!
- 艾伦 这个是周先生? - 是啊 我们还有联系呢 - Al, is that Mr. Chow? - Yeah. We still keep in touch.
斯图 看 Stu!
周 那个绑架我们的周？ Chow, the guy that kidnapped us?
他没绑架我们 他绑架了黑人道格 He didn't kidnap us. He kidnapped Black Doug.
想起来没？那只不过是个误会 Remember? It was a whole big misunderstanding.
他挺不错的 He's actually quite charming.
- 艾伦 他是个罪犯 - 抱歉打扰你们！ - Alan, he's a criminal. - Excuse me, boys!
- 嗨 琳达！ - 嗨 道格！ - Hi, Linda! - Hi, Dougie!
我是不是不能吃甜点了 怎么我没接到通知 I guess we don't do desert anymore. I didn't get that memo.
对不起 宝贝 我马上去拿 I'm sorry, darling. I'll be right back.
拿个蛋糕你能死啊？ Would a cupcake kill you?
- 我觉得 这真不是个好主意 - 艾伦 我们有个惊喜带给你 - You know, I don't think this was a good idea. - Alan, we have a little surprise for you.
斯图想邀请你参加他的婚礼 Stu would like to invite you to his wedding.
- 当然 如果你有事儿就算了 - 斯图！ - Well only if you're not busy. - Stu!
也许乔纳斯兄弟巡演到这里呢 Well maybe the Jonas Brothers are in town.
不 那个周末恰好他们在罗利 （北卡罗那州首府） Nope. They're in Raleigh-Durham that weekend.
你真愿意让我去 斯图？ 真的吗？ Are you really being serious, Stu? You're inviting me?
是 干嘛不呢？应该挺有趣的 是吧？ Yeah why not? It's gonna be fun, right?
- 菲尔 你去吗? - 当然了！ - Phil, are you going? - Of course!
那我们全体归队了 Then it will be fun.
你疯了吗？ What the fuck are you doing, man?
这是我的疫苗 最后一支 It's my immunizations. It's the last day I can do it.
这必须由有执照的护士来做 That's supposed to be done by a registered nurse.
我是护士 无照而已 I'm a nurse. Just not registered.
斯图 看这个！ 因为你我才买的！ Stu, look at this! I bought this cause I thought of you!
(曼谷） - Hey, there he is! - Hey, Stu!
- 嘿 他在那儿！ - 嘿 斯图！ - Teddy! What's up? How are ya? - Hey Stu.
- 泰迪 怎么样？最近好吗？ - 挺好 - Alright. Who's this guy, Stu? - This is Teddy. Lauren's little brother.
- 喂 他是谁 斯图？ - 这位是泰迪 劳拉的弟弟 Goes to Stanford. Pre-med. This is Phil, Alan and Doug.
斯坦福大学的 医学预科 这是菲尔 艾伦和道格 Hey, nice to meet you, man!
嘿 很高兴认识你 Wow, Stanford? How old are you?
哇哦 斯坦福？你多大？ - He's 17. Kind of a genius. - Actually, I'm 16.
- 17 天才儿童 - 其实是16 I'm not a genius. My dad just had me take the entrance exams early.
我不是天才 只是我老爸 让我参加入学考试比较早而已 Because you're a genius.
因为你是天才嘛 - So what are you, a doctor? - No, not yet. I'm premed.
- 那你现在已经是医生了？ - 不 还不是 预科而已 - Ever heard of that guy Doogie Howser? - Yeah.
- 你听说过《天才小医生》吗？（美剧） - 嗯 - Well, he turned out to be a gay. - Alan.
- 原来他是个“同志” - 艾伦 It's true, I read it in Teen People.
是真的 我在青少年杂志上读到的 Right, ok... well I'm gonna grab a book or something for the plane. You guys want anything?
好了…我要去买本书之类的 你们需要什么吗？ - No, thanks. I'm good. - I would actually love a small water.
- 不 谢谢 - 能帮我带一小瓶水吗？ Cool.
没问题 - What's the matter with you. He's 16 years old. - Yeah, Alan. Take it easy!
- 你发什么疯 他才16岁而已 - 就是 艾伦 你正常点 I'm a little confused. Is he here just to see us off or what. How does this work?
我不太明白 他是送了我们就离开 还是怎样？ - How does what work? - Is that person coming to the wedding?
- 什么怎样？ - 他要跟我们一起去参加婚礼？ Yes Alan. My brides little brother is coming to the wedding. Is that ok with you?
是的 我新娘的弟弟去参加婚礼 你有问题吗？ Well, it's the first time I've heard of it. You could have paged me.
有 你就不能提前告诉我一下嘛 Don't over react. It's gonna be fine.
别大惊小怪 没事的 - Hey. Mind if I sit? - Wolf pack only. Find another chair.
- 嘿 我能坐这儿吗？ - 只有狼群能坐 你找其他位置吧 - There's no wolfpack, Alan. C'mon. - It's no problem. I'll find...
- 什么狼群 艾伦 别闹了 - 没关系 我找其他… - Teddy, don't be ridiculous! You're sitting here! - Careful, that's a Louis...
- 泰迪 别听他的 你就坐这里 - 小心点 这是我的… That is a Louis Vuitton!
LV包！ - That's a nice neck roll! - Thanks! You can use it if you want.
- 这个颈枕不错！ - 谢谢！你要用可以借你 Ok.
好 The Downeaster 'Alexa'" by Billy Joel playing
宝贝！ Baby!
这里真是布置得太好了！ 谢谢您！ This is so absolutely beautiful! Thank you much!
当然 Of course.
你一定挺高兴的 不久你家里就有2个医生了 Between Teddy and me, you must be pretty excited. Pretty soon you'll have 2 doctors in the family.
你得知道 在我的国家 看牙的可算不上医生 You have to realize that in my country we don't consider dentists to be real doctors.
爸… Dad...
哦 Ok.
我要去找泰迪了 谈谈今晚他的独奏 Anyway I have to go and talk to Teddy about his cello performance tonight.
哎哟！ Ouch!
对不起… I'm so sorry...
你老爸未免太宠你弟弟了 Your dad's kind of obsessed with your brother, isn't he?
泰迪是我老爸最宝贵的财产了 一直这样 Teddy is my dad's prize possession. It's always been that way.
他慢慢会喜欢你的 好吧? He'll warm up, I promise! Okay?
爸爸 你可以发传真到酒店 我到礼宾部去取 You can just fax it over to me. I'll pick it up at the concierge.
谢谢 爸爸！再见！ Thanks, papa! Bye bye!
我老爸电话 我是个啃老族 That was my dad. I'm a stay at home son.
我们刚才在讨论结婚礼物 他会送份大礼 We were discussing your wedding gift. He's sparing no expense.
噢…不必那么破费了 Oh... That's so unnecessary.
我一直在打听 既然这里是个渔村 I've been meaning to ask someone. I notice this is a fishing village.
那岛上有没有“海滋客” （美国连锁海鲜快餐店） Is there a Long John Silver's on the island?
对不起 这里没有 You know. No, I don't think so. I'm so sorry.
但是 我们这里有非常新鲜的海鲜 But, we are actually serving some great fresh seafood.
- 比“海滋客”还好? - 当然 - Better than Long John's? - Yes.
- 我得亲自去评判一下 你们好好享受 - 你也是 - I'll be the judge of that. Enjoy your evening. - You too. Ok.
哇哦！ All right!
谢谢 泰迪！ Thank you, Teddy!
才华横溢的音乐家！ The hands of a brilliant musician!
未来出色的外科医生 And one day, a great surgeon.
我承认… I admit it...
当我第一次见到斯图 我不太满意 When I first met Stu, I was not quite sold.
他缺乏魅力 智力平庸 没有想像力 He seemed unattractive. He lacked intelligence and imagination.
他没有男人身上的火花 He was missing the spark you look for in a man.
但是 当我注视他的双眼 But then I looked into Stu's eyes.
他让我想起了我的弟弟 常勇 It reminded me of my sweet brother, Chai Yo.
在座的各位也许不知道 常勇在学习帆船 住在痴呆老人院 For those who do not know, Chai Yo is learning the sailboat and lives in a group home.
常勇喜欢“Khao”(泰语） But Chai Yo loves "khao" .
我就意识到 斯图就是“Khao” And that's when I realized, Stu is "khao".
什么是“Khao”？ What is "khao"?
“Khao”是一种泡在温水里的软白米 "Khao" is soft white rice in luke warm water.
没有味道 It has no taste.
我们用它喂婴儿和非常老的老人 We feed it to small baby and uh, very old people.
谁吃了都能消化 It is nourishment that everyone can digest.
这个世界需要“khao” 就像这个世界需要斯图 The world needs "khao", just as the world needs people like Stu.
敬我的宝贝女儿和斯图！ 恭喜你们！ To my sweet daughter and Stu! Congratulations!
干杯！ Cheers!
下面 泰迪你来说几句 And now I believe that Teddy has something to say.
你坐下 我来 坐下 听见没！ Sit down! I got this. Sit down, boy!
先生 你…你刚才讲得很好 That was a.. a great speech, sir!
我喜欢你把斯图比做米饭 I like the comparison between Stu and rice.
我也有几句话要讲 I've also prepared a few words.
嘿 大家好 给大家讲几个有趣的事实 Hey everybody. Here's some fun facts.
泰国的人口是6300万 The population in Thailand is 63 million people.
是怀俄明州的两倍 It is twice the size of Wyoming.
主要出口物是纺织品 鞋子和大米 It's chief exports are textiles, footwear and rice.
每年大约有13000人死于车祸 Each year approximately 13,000 people are killed in car accidents in Thailand.
- 泰国的气候是… - 艾伦！ - The climate in Thailand... - Alan!
- 你干嘛不直接读最后一张 - 好的！ - Why don't you skip to the last card there, buddy. - Okay. Sorry!
你们没有人比我更了解斯图 None of you know Stu like I do.
不是你…不是你…不是你… Not you... not you... not you...
没人比我更了解斯图 Not nobody knows Stu like I do.
没有人！ No one!
我不能告诉你们我跟斯图经历了些什么 因为我们有君子协议 I can't even tell you what we've been through cause we made a pact.
歃血之盟 More important than blood.
但是我能告诉你们 这不是斯图的头婚 What I can tell you is this. This is not Stu's first marriage.
在几年前 有个拉斯维加斯的妓女 There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple of years ago.
你给我坐下… Sit down...
- 够了！那些都会过去的！ - 好的 谢谢 菲尔！ - Enough! He'll get over it! - Okay. Thanks, Phil!
傻脸了吧！ In your face!
就料到你爸爸会那样挖苦我 Well that was exactly as painful as I expected it to be.
对不起… Sorry...
- 哦 大米布丁！干嘛呢？ - 哈哈 很搞笑吗？！ - Oh, rice pudding! What are you doing? - HaHa. Very funny!
乖一点 菲尔！他今晚特别感性 Be nice, Phil! He's extra sensitive tonight.
有什么呢！你抢走了他女儿 他恨你很正常 Get over it! He's your father in law. He's supposed to hate you.
走 咱们老爷们儿出去喝一杯 Come have a drink with me and the guys.
不了…我累了 我们打算上楼休息去了 You know... I'm really exhausted. We're just gonna go upstairs and crash.
别扫兴 我刚求了那个经理 他允许我们在海滩上生个火 C'mon, I just spoke with the manager. He's gonna let us have a bonfire on the beach.
听起来不错！ That sounds fun!
- 嗯…我还是算了 - 人家累了！ - Nyah... I'm good. - He's tired!
斯图 你就去陪他们喝几杯了 Stu, one drink with your friends who came all this way.
- 我只想跟你多待会儿！ - 去吧！带上泰迪 - I just wanna hang out with you! - Oh c'mon. Just go! And do me a favor.
就当是帮我的忙 他一直挺闷的 Take Teddy with you. He never gets to have any fun.
好主意 带上泰迪 That is a great idea. Bring the kid.
- 好吧 只喝一杯！ - 棒极了 - Alright. One drink! - Perfect.
- 再见 - 好好玩！ - See you later. - Have fun!
- 你带钥匙了吗? - 带了！ - You have the key? - Yep, got it right here!
我20分钟后就上去！ I'll see you in 20 minutes!
我叔叔罗杰告诉我 他见过一只得白化病的北极熊 My uncle Roger said that he once saw an albino polar bear.
是吗？北极熊本来就是白的 他怎么知道它得白化病了？ Really? Polar bears are white. How would he know if it's an albino?
那只北极熊原来是黑的 This one was black.
你有没有想过那不是北极熊 就是只黑熊？ Did you ever think maybe it was just a black bear?
随便了… Whatever...
来一瓶 美国啤酒 Ok. Here we go. American beer.
- 原装的！ - 谢谢 不错！ - Sealed bottle! - Thank you. Alright!
- 我还没到饮酒的年龄 - 没错 这违法 - I'm not really old enough to drink. - Yeah, it's illegal.
要是有人举报 你就惨了 Would be a shame if somebody reported you.
谁举报啊 别理他 喝一瓶 泰迪 Nobody's reporting anybody. It's fine Teddy. Have a little fun.
小心！ Careful!
这是什么？棉花糖？ 想法不错！ What is this? Instant marshmallows? Nice touch!
- 艾伦拿来的 - 好主意 艾伦！ - That was Alan's idea. - Good thinking, Al!
我得向你坦白… 这地方真是天堂 斯图！ You know... I gotta hand it to you, Stu! This place is paradise.
不错 是吧? Not bad, right?
我真不敢相信自己这么说 不过 我还真有点嫉妒你 And I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually jealous of you.
- 劳拉是个天使 - 嗯 她确实很棒 - I mean, Lauren is an angel. - Yeah, she really is amazing.
哇 你们什么时候嘴这么甜 Wow, you guys are sweet.
咪咪虽然不大 但是 很挺 Not big breasts on her. But still, solid rack for an Asian.
- 不好意思让你听见 泰迪 这是事实 - 没关系 - Sorry, Teddy, but it's true. - That's ok.
这么说哥们的媳妇 太不合适了 That is just wildly inappropriate.
不过…真的很感谢你们能来 艾伦你也是 And yet... I'm really glad you're here. All you guys. Even you Alan.
这对我很重要 谢谢 It means a lot that you made the trip. Thank you.
- 我们一直都挺你 - 是的！ - Wouldn't have missed it buddy. - Great!
现在来干一杯? Now. Can we have our one fucking beer, dad?
来 站起来！干一杯 Alright. Toast! C'mon stand up guys.
凑过来 艾伦！ Come over here, Alan!
敬劳拉和斯图！ To Lauren and Stu!
- 兄弟 你终于结婚了 - 没错 - You did it, buddy. - Sure did.
干杯！ Cheers!
见鬼… What the hell...
什么? What?
菲尔… Phil...
上次拉斯维加斯的状况重现了 I think it happened again.
- 艾伦 你他妈都干什么了? - 我发誓 我什么都没干 - Alan, what the fuck did you do? - I didn't do anything. I swear to god.
你头发没了 Your hair is gone.
不是这儿…往上摸 No, no... up.
我们这是在哪儿? Where the fuck are we?
菲尔 我好怕 Phil, I'm scared.
斯图 快起来！出大事了 Stu, c'mon get up! We got a situation.
- 噢！ 他娘的！ - 这是哪儿? - Oh, holy shit! - Where are we?
- 老天 艾伦 你的头 - 不 你的头！ - Oh my god, Alan. Your head. - No your head!
- 我也秃了? - 斯图 你别抓狂 一切都会好的 - Is it bald? - Stu, you're gonna freak out, but it's gonna be ok.
- 怎么？我牙又没了？ - 不 不是你的牙 - Why? Was it my teeth? - Nope, it's not your teeth.
- 你确定? - 是的 - Are you sure? - Yep.
你能看见我牙根吗? Can you see the bottom?
噢 老天 靠！ Oh my god! What the fu...ck
对 试试 看能不能洗掉 That's good. Why don't you try to wash it off.
洗不掉 靠 这是真纹身！ It's not coming off. This is a real tattoo!
- 艾伦 你干什么了！你又给我下药了？ - 我什么也没干啊！ - Alan, what did you do! Did you Roofie me? - I didn't do anything!
斯图 他真没干！ Stu, he swore to god!
到底咋回事? What happened?
快把它赶走！ Get it off of me!
- 靠? - 是只猴子 - What the hell? - It's a monkey.
小脸真可爱 嗨 小猴子 What a cute little mask. Hi little monkey.
艾伦… Alan...
电话！艾伦 接电话！ Phone! Alan, go find the phone!
我接！ I got it!
- 道格 你在哪? - 我在泳池边吃早饭 - Doug, where the hell are you? - I'm at breakfast. By the pool.
- 你们下来吗? - 哦 谢天谢天 道格没事 - You guys coming down or what? - Oh Jesus. Thank god. Doug's fine.
- 斯图 道格没事 在酒店 - 那我们怎么在这鬼地方 - Stu, Doug's fine. He's at the resort. - Why aren't we at the resort.
怎么了？你们在哪儿？ What's going on? Where are you guys?
不知道哪个城市的破旅馆里 I do not know, man! We woke up in some shit hole room in some city.
- 老天 到底哪个城市？ - 我不知道 道格！ - Oh god. What city? - I don't know, Doug!
反正没出亚洲 Fuckin Asia-town.
- 我说了我不知道 - 这到底是哪儿? - I do not know, I told you. - Where are we?
- 嘿 斯图 - 干嘛? - Hey Stu. - What?
你来看 Check this out.
你见过这玩意儿吗？ Ever seen anything like this?
- 啥玩意儿？ - 小心 可能是蜘蛛网 - What is that? - Careful. Might be a spiders nest.
我被蜘蛛网粘住过 I've tangled with those before.
我不明白 兄弟 我们昨天不是一起喝酒嘛？你也喝了！ I don't get it man. We each had one beer last night, right? I mean you too!
- 是 但我提早离开了 有印象没? - 我什么也不记得了 - Yeah but I left early, remember? - I don't remember shit!
特蕾西不太舒服 我回去陪她了 Tracy wasn't feeling well. She came down to get me.
- 等下 泰迪和你们在一起吗？ - 什么泰迪？你指啥？ - Wait and second. Is Teddy with you guys? - Teddy? What? What are you talking about?
他不在房间 他们找他一早晨了 He wasn't in his room. They've been looking for him all morning.
- 泰迪在斯坦福读书 对吧? - 是 咋啦? - Teddy went to Stanford, right? - Yeah. Why?
靠！ Fuck!
- 我刚找到他的手指头啦！ - 啥? - I just found his finger! - What?
- 我他妈的刚找到他的手指头 道格！ - 菲尔 到底咋回事? - I just found his fucking finger, Doug! - Phil, what is going on?
行 行 行…我们先这么着 Alright. Alright, alright... this is what we're gonna do.
你告诉大家 我们早起钓鱼去了 You tell the girls that we woke up early and went on a fishing trip, ok. And that's where we are.
- 好 - 好 随时再联络！ - Right. - Right, stay by the phone!
靠！ Shit!
我们有点小麻烦 Uh, we got a little bit of a problem.
你们看什么呢? What is that?
不知道 We don't know.
- 是条虫子吗? - 是个蘑菇 - Is it a worm? - It's a mushroom.
是香菇 Yeah, shiitake.
小猴 尝尝！是香菇吗？ Monkey, taste it! Is it shiitake?
- 他不明白你说啥的 - 你真尝了 - He can't understand you. - He just did.
- 它为啥要扯它呢? - 可能饿了 - Why is he pulling on it? - He's probably hungry.
等等 这是不是… Wait a second. Is that...
搞什么搞 让猴子别扯我耳朵 What the fuck man. Tell that gay monkey to leave my shit alone.
周? Chow?
你们这群疯子 You're fucking crazy.
这儿真他妈亮！艾伦 快把我太阳镜拿来！ It's so fucking light in here! Alan, grab me my sunglasses!
- 见到你真好 莱斯利！ - 你也好 小宝宝 - It's great to see you, Leslie! - Nice to see you too my little popo.
周 你他妈咋会在这儿？ Chow, what the fuck are you doing here?
艾伦几天前打电话约我来参加婚礼 Alan called me a few days ago and invited me to the wedding.
- 什么? - 怎么了 我有权带一客人来 - Excuse me? - What, he's my plus one.
不 你没有 一个人餐费要200美元呢 You don't have plus one. It's $200 a plate.
哥们 别扯远了 周 发生什么事了？ Guys, guys. Just focus, ok. Chow, what happened?
你们发短信给我 说想开心一下 You guys texted me, said you're fucked up and looking to party.
我就开了船 带你们到了曼谷 I picked you up on my boat and I brought you here to Bangkok.
贱人们 我们昨天可疯狂了 But we had a sick night, bitches!
等一下 周 我们在曼谷? Wait a second Chow, we're in Bangkok?
哈哈 是啊 “上帝之城” Holler, city of squalor.
- 你知道我怎么有这个纹身的吗? - 当然是从纹身专业人士那里纹的啦！ - Do you know how I got this tattoo? - Uh, yeah from a fucking tattoo guy!
拜托 斯图 用用你犹太人的大脑 Come on Stu, use that big Jewish brain.
猴子拿的是什么？ What's the monkey holding?
- 是根手指头！ - 斯图 我有个坏消息 - That's a finger! - Stu, I got some bad news.
泰迪昨天和我们在一起 这是他的指头 Teddy was with us last night. That's his finger.
- 泰迪死了? - 泰迪没死！他昨晚和我们一起疯呢！ - Teddy's dead? - Teddy's not dead! He partied with us all night!
- 那他在哪儿? - 你们什么都不记得了? - Well then where is he? - Don't you remember anything?
- 不！ - 什么都不记得 周 - No! - No, nothing, Chow.
那我给你们讲讲 好吧? Ok I explain it all, ok?
让我先爽一爽 清醒下 Just let me do one bump, get my head straight. Come to papa.
太多了吧… That's a big...
你们准备好听有史以来最疯狂的故事… You ready for craziest fucking story ever...
周！ Chow!
周 你没事吧? Hey Chow, you okay?
真是扯淡 You gotta be kidding me.
靠 他死了！ Fuck, he's dead!
- 救命！ - 斯图！ - Help! - Stu!
- 救命！ - 斯图 闭嘴！ - Help! - Stu, shut up!
- 快叫救护车！ - 闭嘴！他已经死了！ - Call an ambulance! - Shut up! He's dead!
如果有人来了 发现一具死尸和一堆毒品… Look if someone comes and finds a dead body and a pile of cocaine...
我们就等着在泰国把牢底坐穿吧 We're gonna spend the rest of our fucking lives in a Thai prison.
艾伦！求你别哭了！ Alan! Please don't cry!
行了 行了 容我考虑几分钟 Alright. Alright. I just need a second to figure this out.
（制冰机在15楼） ICE MACHINE LOCATED ON 15TH FLOOR.
这是个蠢主意！ Look, this is the worst idea, ever.
这是什么鬼地方? What the fuck is this place?
曼谷是泰国的首都 人口1200万… Bangkok is the capital of Thailand. Its population is 12 million people...
艾伦 帮把手！ Alan, will you help!
- 电梯！ - 我来按！ - The elevator! - I'll get the button!
- 这猴子跟来干嘛? - 猴子可聪明着呢！ - What the fuck is the deal with this monkey? - That monkey gets it!
- 快啊！ - 靠 不是吧 - Come on! - Fuck no!
停电了 我们走楼梯 The powers out. We gotta take the stairs.
- 靠！ - 走吧！ - Oh fuck! - Come on!
到了！ Here it is!
先放脚 我以前干过 Feet first. I've done this before.
小心！ Careful!
- 斯图！ - 什么？ - Stu! - What?
- 我们还得找泰迪！ - 老天 - We still have to find Teddy! - Oh god.
屋顶！ （参见第一部 他们最终在屋顶找到失踪的道格） The roof!
泰迪！ Teddy!
- 你们找到他没? - 没有！ - You guys see him? - No!
他没在这儿 He's not here.
我真不敢相信 又来一次 I can't believe this is happening again.
我们留下来找泰迪 你先回去吧 Ok, look. We'll handle this. You get back there.
你告诉他们 我们三个喝多了 还在派对呢 You tell them that Alan and I got drunk with him, we're still partying.
- 明天就要婚礼了！ - 不！没有泰迪我不回去！ - You gotta go get married! - No! Not going back without Teddy!
他是劳拉的弟弟 他丢了 而且受伤了 He's Lauren's little brother. He's lost, he's injured.
如果我搞砸了 我什么都没了 If I fuck this up, I lose everything.
好吧 Ok.
好 Alright.
- 艾伦 翻翻你的口袋！ - 干嘛? - Alan, check your pockets! - What?
你知道的 可能会有昨晚的线索 You know the drill. C'mon there might be clues.
- 看看你的电话！通话记录 短信 - 好主意！ - Check your phones! Numbers, texts. - That's a good idea!
- 我毫无线索 靠！ - 我有一条周的短信 - I got nothing. Fuck! - I got an text from Chow.
- 什么时候? - 昨晚10点 - What time? - Uh, 10 o'clock last night.
- 他说什么? - “同志们 我就到了” - What's it say? - "On my way, Niggahs"
哦 弟兄们… 嗯…很复古 Oh, Niggahs... ok... hip hop.
我们死定了！ We are so... fucked!
嘿 菲尔！看后面是什么！ Hey Phil! Look who's back!
我们得离开这儿了 你快晒傻了 We gotta get you out of the sun. You're too hot.
菲尔 我真觉得我们应该去美国领事馆 Phil, I really think we should go to the American Consulate.
去干吗？说我们把一具死尸放到制冰机里去了？ For what? To report a dead body we shoved into an ice machine?
那我们怎么办？在这儿绕圈子？ 这难道有用？ What are we gonna do? Keep walking around in circles? Cause that's real productive.
我一直都在想办法 你跟我这是什么态度 You know I'm trying to figure this thing out here and your attitude is not helping.
对不住了 这儿有100度 除了给他买帽子和苏打水 I'm sorry. It's a 100 degrees and we don't have a plan.
我们什么也没干 And all we've done is buy him hats and sodas.
- 不 这是芬达！ - 好 那你想怎么干 斯图? -What, it's a bag of Fanta! - Alright, what do you want to do, Stu?
我不知道！ I don't know!
那你就别唧唧歪歪了 好像这全是我的错 Well then stop yelling at me like it's my fuckin fault.
就是你的错！ It is your fault!
我都说那个早午餐就当是单身派对算了 All I wanted was a bachelor brunch.
靠！闭嘴！是道格！说话！ Shit! Shut up! It's Doug! Talk to me!
我刚和曼谷警察局通过电话了 他们找到泰迪了 他没事 I just got off the phone with Bangkok PD. They've got him. He's ok.
真太好了！道格找到泰迪了 Oh thank god! Doug found him.
- 怎么回事? - 他被拘留了 - What happened? - He got arrested.
- 拘留? 因为什么? - 违反公共秩序 - Arrested? For what? - Disorderly conduct.
- 真的? - 嗯！他没事就行 - Seriously? - Yeah! He's ok though.
他们会放了他 你们什么也别问 就当没这回事 They'll release him to you. No questions asked. No one has to know.
他被关在RATRA Wang警察局 He's at the Ratra Wang police station.
好 我们到那了再给你电话 Ok. I'll call you when we get there.
泰迪在局子里 没啥事 我们赶快找个出租 Teddy's in jail, but he's fine. We gotta get a cab.
- 好！ - 好！ - Ok! - Alright!
- 是 我这儿有他的记录 - 好的 - Yes, I have his paperwork here. - Okay.
- 手续都办好了 - 听起来不错 - He has been treated. - Sounds good.
好了 他们已经去带他了 We're good. They've processed him for release.
他们把他跟喝多的人关在一起 所以没啥事 They put him in the drunk tank. He's fine.
16岁就在局子里蹲一夜 你能想像吗？ Sixteen years old and spent a night in jail. Can you imagine?
哈哈！我们爱派对 Haha! We love to party.
来了！ Here we go!
- 这老头儿是谁? - 泰迪啊 - Wait who's this fuckin guy? - Teddy Sisay.
不 不 长官 人不对！ No, no, no, no. That's the wrong guy! Sir!
不好意思 长官 你们带来的人不对 这不是泰迪！ Excuse me.. I'm sorry. Officer. You brought the wrong guy. That's not Teddy!
他就是泰迪！ 我们有他的身份证 钱包啥的！ Of course it is! We have his ID's and everything!
我们逮捕他的时候 在他口袋里发现的 These were in his pocket when we made the arrest.
在他口袋里? They were in his pocket?
对不起 先生！这些东西怎么在您这儿？ Excuse me, sir! How did you get this stuff?
听见了吗? Hello?
泰迪是哑巴 我们跟他说英语 泰语 中文…他啥也不说 Teddy doesn't speak. We tried English, Thai, Chinese... Nothing.
我来问你件事 Let me ask you something.
你看这老头像是在加州倍力健身俱乐部健过身的吗？ Does he look like he works out at Bally Total Fitness in Palo Alto, California?
听着 老子拘人无数 不可能什么都验 Look. We arrest a lot of people. We cannot analyze everything.
- 那你让我们怎么处理这老头儿？ - 不关我事儿！ - What do you expect us to do with this guy? - Not my problem!
嘿 兄弟们 我觉得他认识我们 你好啊 Hey guys, I think he knows us. Hi. Hello.
你知道我们的朋友泰迪在哪吗？ 他不见了！ You know where our friend is, Teddy? He's missing!
- 斯图 别费劲儿了 没用 - 他一定知道些什么！ - Stu, forget it. The guys worthless. - He knows something!
他穿着泰迪的卫衣呢 He's wearing Teddy's sweatshirt.
也许他只是不明白 我来表演给你看 就像猜字谜 看 Maybe he just doesn't understand. I'll act it out. Yeah, like charades. Watch.
- 两个词 - 是电影吗? - Two words. - Is it a movie?
不是让你猜 艾伦！ This is not for you, Alan!
- 美国少年…在亚洲 - 贾登·史密斯的《功夫梦》 - American teenager... in Asia. - Karate Kid, with Jaden Smith.
你都说出来了 太简单了 It's easy cause you're talking to him.
斯图 你这是浪费时间！ 我们就把他搁这儿吧 Stu, it's a waste of time! Just leave this fucking guy here.
我有发现 在泰国有50万僧侣 Here's something. There are 500 thousand monks living in Thailand.
其中会有不少人 从八岁开始禁言 It is not uncommon for some monks to take a vow of silence, at the age of eight.
原来如此 There you go.
- 信封里还有什么? - 没了 空了 - Anything else in that envelope? - Nah, it's empty.
哇 等下 曼谷白狮子酒吧的卡片？ Woah, hang on. A drink card from White Lion bar in Bangkok?
值得跑一趟 Worth a shot.
老天爷！我们来对地方了吗？ Jesus christ! Is this the right street?
上面是这么写的 That's what it says.
- 哇哦！就是这儿 白狮子酒吧！ - 靠 这地方怎么了? - Whoa! This is the White Lion! - What the fuck happened here?
见鬼！ Holy shit!
(泰语) (yelling in Thai)
- 走… - 我们应该… - Let's... - We should probably...
小心 That's ok.
他们干嘛这么对我们? What the fuck is going on here?
- 哇哦 兄弟们 看！ - 见鬼！你看 斯图！ - Whoa, guys. Check it out! - Holy shit! Stu, look!
那是我 进去 进去！ 眼力不错 艾伦！ That's my face. Go, go go! Nice work, Alan!
- 有人吗? - 马上就来！ - Hello? - Be with you in a minute!
- 打扰了 - 哦 真是贵客啊！ - Excuse me. - Oh, look who it is!
- 你感觉如何? - 什么感觉如何? - So what do ya think? - What, I'm sorry?
- 纹身 你喜欢吗? - 呃 我恨这个纹身 - The tattoo. You love it? - Uh, no. Actually, I hate it.
- 恕不退款 快滚吧！ - 等一下！ - No refunds. Get the fuck out! - Wait a second!
看店内提示！ Read the sign!
恕不退款 快滚吧 NO REFUNDS. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
我们没想退款 就想问几个问题 We don't want any refunds. We just have a couple of questions.
我们想知道昨天发生什么事了 We're trying to figure out what went down last night.
发生什么？你们去外面看看 外面塌了一半 What went down? Take a look at what you did outside. Half the neighborhood went down.
- 那是我们干的? - 你们几个不记得昨晚在白狮子酒吧斗殴？ - We did that? - You don't remember getting into a bar fight at the White Lion?
- 引起了一场大暴动？ - 兄弟 我们什么都不记得了 - Starting a full on fuckin riot? - Sir, we don't remember anything.
苍天啊… Oh boy...
你们看看！ Check this out!
见鬼！ Oh shit!
警察去死！ Fuck the Police!
是泰迪！他跟我们在一起！ There's Teddy! He was with us!
老天！ Jesus christ!
那时警察就来了 不少人头破血流 That's when the cops arrived and started cracking skulls.
我让你们藏到这里 I took you guys and hid you in the shop here.
然后你就决定弄个纹身 哭得像个娘们儿 Then you decided to get a tattoo. You cried like a little bitch.
这小孩才他妈的9岁 蛋蛋是你的两倍 This kid is fucking nine years old. He's got balls twice your size.
- 让他们看看, 桡！ - 不 不 我们不看了 - Show him your balls, Nao! - No, no, no. That's ok.
听着 我们想找我们的朋友泰迪 你看见他了吗？ Listen, we're looking for our friend Teddy. Have you seen him?
昨晚后就没见了 怎么了？ Not since last night. Why? What happened?
我明天就要和他姐结婚 可我把他弄丢了 Yeah, I'm supposed to marry his sister tomorrow and we kinda lost him.
- 哦 那我没辙 你认命吧！ - 什么认命? - Oh well. Then fuck it! - What do you mean, fuck it?
在曼谷丢了的人 是找不到的 Bangkok has him now and she'll never let him go.
听到了吗？这就是你想要的？ 你高兴了吧？ - You hear that, huh? Is this what you wanted? You happy now?
你这是浪费时间 僧侣对他们的誓言是非常认真的 You're wasting your time. These monks take their vow shit seriously.
看这个 这是清迈寺的标志 没准那儿的人能问出点什么 Look at this. That's the sign of the Chang Mai Monastery, just outside of town.
出城你们就能找到 Maybe somebody over there can get him to talk.
好 我们再来回顾一下？ 你从哪拿的啤酒？ - Ok, can we just go over this one more time? You got the beer from...
- 从酒店的酒吧 他们给了我一箱 - 对 - The hotel bar. They gave me a sealed case. - Right.
- 那是谁给你的? - 酒吧服务员 - But, who gave it to you? - The bartender.
然后你拿出来 我打开的 And then you brought em out and I opened them.
而且道格喝了也没事 所以不是酒的问题 Yeah and Doug had one and he was fine so it's not the beer.
- 那到底是怎么回事? - 不知道啊！ - So what the hell happened? - I have no idea!
嘿 兄弟们 快看 他下面有反应了 Hey guys. Check it out. He's got a Chinese boner.
艾伦 别闹了！停下来！ Alan, come on! Cut it out!
- 疯子！ - 别停下来 小猴 继续 - That is so wrong! - Don't stop monkey, keep doing it.
黄段子 不分国界！ When a monkey nibbles on a penis it's funny in any language!
继续！ Keep doing it!
好了 谢谢！ Alright, thank you!
再见香农！ 再见小韦恩！ Bye Shannon! Bye Little Wayne!
哇 真美！ Wow! So beautiful!
这是哪儿 PF Chang's? （美国连锁中餐馆） What is this, a PF Chang's?
哦 他们在沉思 Ah, they're meditating.
- 真是宁静的人们！ - 可不 - Such a peaceful people! - Yeah.
- 敲门了！你们好！ - 艾伦！讲点礼貌！ - Knock, knock! Hello! - Alan! Show some respect!
- 不必起来 兄弟们 - 我们把你们同伴带回来了 - Don't get up guys. - We brought one of your guys back.
他很不错 很酷 He's really funny. He's really nice and cool.
嗨 你好 你是管事的？ Hi, how you doing. You the one in charge?
- 抱歉…哇…等等！ - 别打了！冷静点！ - Excuse me... ow... Wait! - Stop it! Calm down!
对了 我们是因为说话才挨打的 Hold on. It's because we're talking.
混蛋！啊！住手！ God damn it! Oh! Stop!
是我！ Wait it's me!
我知道了 Oh I get it.
不说话！不说话！好吧… No talk! No talk! Shh.. Ok...
好吧 Ok.
昨天晚上 你们爬墙进到我们寺里 Late last night, you climbed the walls of our monastery.
大声嚷嚷着什么爱情 婚姻 生命的意义 Shouting out questions about love, marriage and the meaning of life.
可怜的韩长老正一个人在花园里沉思 Poor brother Han was meditating alone in the garden.
- 你们劫持了他 - 喔 老天！ - And you took him. - Oh my god!
- 我们绑架了一个僧人 - 我们昨晚在另一个世界里 - We kidnapped a monk. - We live an alternative life style.
我们很抱歉 我们昨天喝得找不着北了 We are so sorry about that, but we weren't ourselves last night.
是啊 昨天发生的事情确实失控了 现在我们的朋友受伤了而且不见了 Yep, things kinda spun outta control a little bit. But there's a boy who's missing and hurt.
你能帮忙问问我朋友在哪儿吗？ Can you find out if he knows where our friend is?
韩长老很多年前就发誓禁言了 Brother Han took a vow of silence many years ago.
我也没有办法 It would be useless to try.
那是不是能让他拿笔写下来？ Well maybe he can write down what happened, on a piece of paper?
不 菲尔 这样做会被认为是作弊 对不对 住持大人 Actually Phil, that would be cheating. Isn't that right, Grand Wizard.
- 艾伦！ - 这位胖施主说的对 - Alan! - I'm afraid fatty is right.
听到了吧?…你叫我啥? See?... What?
我们没有人知道韩长老在想什么 None of us will ever know what brother Han knows.
哦 好吧 说的这么虔诚 不过就是群秃驴 走 我们走 Oh, alright. Well, so much for holy people. Bunch of bald assholes. C'mon, let's go.
嘿 知道吗？！顺便说一下！ 在你们放孙悟空出来打人之前… Hey you know what! FYI! You may want to put some signs up that say no talking...
- …不如贴个禁止说话的招牌 - 是 我们被打惨了 - ...before you unleash your dragon. - Yeah, that was a little rough.
不用“谢谢”我们把他送回来了 And "your welcome" for bringing him back safe.
- 我们可是把他从局子里搞出来的 - 我们先前是挟持了他嘛 - You know we found him in the drunk tank. - Yeah well we did take him in the first place.
- 兄弟们 我们走 - 等等！ - C'mon guys, let's go. - Wait!
佛语有云：汝所经之诸事 必深藏于记忆 The Buddha teach, every memory lives somewhere deep within.
也许你们几个可以试试静思 Perhaps you should bring your question to the Garden of Meditation.
- 你听懂他说什么了吗? - 嗯 大概三分之二 - Did you understand a word he just said? - Yeah, yeah. About two thirds.
他说沉思什么的？ He said something about the Garden of Meditation?
不 他就是沉思太多 所以在这儿放屁 No, he said he's farting because of his medication.
看什么看 I get that.
这是浪费时间 我什么都不记得 你呢？ It's a waste of time. I don't remember anything. Do you?
不 我也没有 艾伦？ No. I got nothing. Alan?
艾伦！ Alan!
“汝所经之诸事 必深藏于记忆” "Every memory lives somewhere deep within"
- 宝贝 - 什么事? - Sweetie. - What?
斯图他们来了！ You have visitors.
- 嘿 艾伦！ - 嘿 伙计们！ - Hey, Alan! - Hey, guys!
- 嘿 菲尔 - 嘿 伙计！ - Hey, Phil. - Hey buddy!
斯图想邀请你参加他的婚礼 Stu would like to invite you to his wedding.
- 你真愿意让我去 斯图？ - 是 干嘛不呢？应该挺有趣的 - Is this true, Stuart? - Yeah, why not. It'll be fun.
你疯了吗！ Fuck!
- 敬劳拉和斯图！ - 干杯！ - For Lauren and Stu! - Cheers!
- 周！ - 贱人们 我们昨天可疯狂了！ - Chow! - We had a sick night bitches!
靠 艾伦你干啥！ Alan, what the fuck!
那个人要来参加婚礼？ Is that person coming to the wedding?
- 什么狼群 - 艾伦 艾伦 别闹了！ - There is no wolfpack. - Alan, Alan, don't do that!
最后… And finally...
三个最要好的朋友 The three best friends anyone could have.
警察去死！ Fuck the Police!
我知道我们该去哪儿啦 I know where to go.
- 是这地方吗 艾伦? - 就是这儿 - What do you think, Alan? - This is the place.
走 我们进去 C'mon. Let's go.
我怎么不记得来过这里！ I don't remember any of this!
- 我也不记得 艾伦 你确定是这地方吗 ？ - 没错 就是这儿 - Yeah Alan, you sure this is the place? - Yeah, pretty sure.
罗丝！海茉莉！ Rose! Harmony!
他到底来不来？我已经等了他一天了 Is he coming or what? I've been waiting all day for him.
- 对不起 等谁？ - 周 那个贱人！ - I'm sorry. Waiting for who? - Chow, that dick ass fuck!
- 什么?出什么事了？ - 没事 没事 - Why? What's wrong? - Nothings wrong.
好 来 你们看 我给他带了什么 哈 Ok, good. Look at this. Look what I bring for him. Check it out, huh.
- 不 不！ - 6000美元 - No, no! - $ 6,000 American.
哇 看起来好像真家伙！ Wow looks so real!
对不起！ Sorry!
- 艾伦 你他妈搞什么！ - 没事儿 这枪比较灵敏 - Alan, what the fuck! - It's ok. The gun, it's very sensitive.
没人受伤吧? Everybody ok?
没事就赶快开始干活！ 来 音乐！ Ok, then get the fuck back to work! Come on. Music, please!
我的6000块钱呢？ Where is my 6,000 dollars?
6,000块? 不 不 不 这是周要的 跟我们没关系 6,000? No, no, no. This is Chow's deal. We got nothing to do with that.
真他妈不敢相信 Un-fucking believable.
那个贱人 要是让我再看见他 让他好好尝尝这枪的味道 This guy, if he backs out again, the shits gonna catch up with him.
他在这里结了不少梁子 你们也别想划清关系 He's made a lot of enemies in this town, and now they're gonna be your enemies.
这不公平！ That's not fair!
听着 我们在找个孩子 Ok listen. We're just looking for a little kid.
- 2000美元 - 什么！ - 2,000 dollars. - What!
我不知道 这可能还不够 你想要多大的孩子？ I don't know, maybe more. How young you want this kid to be?
不 不！你没听明白 我们在找我们的朋友…16岁 No, no! Sorry, you misunderstood. We're looking for our friend... 16 years old.
- 泰迪 - 泰迪? - Teddy. - Teddy?
- 他昨晚不是还和你们在一起 - 是吗? - Yeah he was here with you guys last night. - He was?
那你知道他有没有和我们一起走？ Do you know if he left with us?
我不知道 你们昨天整晚都在那个角落 和卡米在一起 I don't know. You were in the corner all night with Kimmy.
- 我没看见你们离开 - 卡米? - I didn't see you leave. - Kimmy?
- 她在吗? - 她刚来上班 在后台呢 - Is she here? - Yes, she's in the back. She just came for her shit.
你们去找她吧 Go and talk to her.
听着 我们为所发生的一切表示抱歉 Alright, listen. I'm sorry about everything that happened.
你听好了 记住我跟你说的话 Listen to me, ok? Pay attention to what I'm going to talk to you know.
当你看见周 告诉他 萨米尔跟他说“你好” When you see Chow, you tell him Samir says "Hello".
好！ Okay!
记住 说的要像这样！ “你好”像是讽刺 恐吓 But do it like that, ok! "Hello" like threatening. Like, ironic.
- “你好” - 好！ - "Hellooo" - Okay!
滚开！快滚开！ Go away! Go away!
我当然记得泰迪 他请所有人喝酒 Of course I remember him. He was buying shots for everyone.
好孩子！他父母一定特骄傲 Nice kid! His parents must be so proud.
可不是 You have no idea.
好 你记得我们离开时他有没有一起？ Ok, so do you remember if he left with us?
是啊 你们一起离开的 怎么你怎么好像连我都不记得了 Yeah, you were all leaving together, but you almost forgot this one right here.
是不是 超级明星？ Right, super star?
你昨晚一直跟着我 像个哈巴狗 This one was following me around like a little puppy dog. All night.
说你爱上我了 要我跟你结婚 Saying he'd fallen in love with me. Asked me to marry him.
经典款的斯图！ Classic Stu!
- 我们没结婚吧? - 当然没有！ - We didn't get married, did we? - Course not!
我们只是在酒窖里寻了些乐子 We just had some fun in the Chardonnay room.
- 寻什么乐子? - 我们还是先打听泰迪的事吧 - What happens in the Chardonnay room? - Let's just stay on task.
我为他跳舞 他挑逗我 我们做爱了 I danced for him. He tickled me. We had sex.
- 靠！ - 没关系 你还没结婚呢 - Fuck! - It's ok. You're not married yet.
- 不是大事 - 这是背叛！ - No big deal. - It's cheating!
没有冒犯你的意思 你是一个可爱的女士 No offense to you. You're a lovely woman.
这是对我道德准则的践踏 It's a violation of my moral code.
别难过 斯图 你挺享受的 你哭着 说你有多喜欢 Don't be sad. Stu you loved it. You were crying, saying how special it was.
- 等等 你说 他哭了? - 真是个小宝宝 还哭呢 - Wait! I'm sorry. He was crying? - What a baby. He was crying.
你们应该看看他当时的样子 屁股扭扭的 性感极了 You should have seen him. He was so sexy. The way he moved around.
我不得不让他悠着点 让我别那么快泄了 I had to ask him to slow down so I didn't drop my load too quick.
- 泄了？什么泄了? - 哦 你知道的 我的精液 - Load? What load? - Oh, you know... My sperms.
你英文也太差了 我想你是指我的精液吧！ I think your English is off. You're talking about my sperm!
- 你从哪来的精液? - 从我的那地方啊！ - Where would your sperm come from? - From my balls!
- 等等！你说什么！ - 等等…难道你是… - Hold on! Back up! - Wait... Are you...
嘿 亲爱的 这可是曼谷 Hey. You're in Bangkok, sweetie.
- 曼谷可不是个名字 - 噢！ - There's a reason they don't call it "Bang-cunt". - Oh!
- 老天啊！ - 哇 - Oh god! - Wow.
我不明白 这是魔术表演吗？ I don't get it. Is this a magic show?
别纠结了 斯图 我们都很开心 同时到了高潮 Come on, Stu, it was beautiful. We climaxed at the same time.
那怎么可能? How's that work?
我射到你身体里 你射到了地上 Shoot my load into you. Shoot your load on the floor.
- 是啊！ - 你毁了我 毁了我的菊花 - Ok! - You ruined me. Ruined bottom.
老天啊！ Oh god!
- 斯图！这也不是世界末日 - 对不起 到底怎么回事 - Stu! It's not the end of the world. - Sorry, but I'm so confused.
我跟一个有胸部的男人…做爱了 I made love to a man... with boobies.
听着 我发誓 没人会发现这事的 Listen. I promise you no ones ever gonna find out about this.
但是我们几个不都发现了 But we found out about it.
那就都忘了 就这么办！ And then we forget. That's what we do!
我干过那么多蠢事 我还不是都忘了 I do so much fucked up shit. And I just forget about it.
- 是吗? - 是啊！忘了 就什么事都没有了 - Yeah? - Yeah! Just forget! It goes away!
可能有点难 但是总会过去的 That might be harder to go away, but in time it'll happen.
行 那我就忘了它 I certainly do. Just gonna forget about it.
- 从没发生过 - 好极了！ - Never happened. - Great!
电话！电话！谁的电话？接啊！ Phone! Phone! Who is it? Answer!
劳拉的爸爸 他又来逼我了… Lauren's dad. He just reminded me...
- 接啊！ - 我做不到 - Answer it! - I can't.
等等！他可能知道泰迪的下落 我们可以试试 What! He might know something about Teddy. C'mon we still have a shot here.
整理头绪 面对现实 斯图！ Get your head back into the fucking game, Stu!
你好? Hello?
谁会在婚礼前花整天去钓鱼呢？ Who takes an all day fishing trip the day before a wedding?
- 嗯 确实有点傻 - 让泰迪接电话 - Yeah, I guess that is kinda stupid. - Put Teddy on the phone.
- 泰迪晕船了 - 晕船? - Teddy's seasick actually. - Seasick?
- 泰迪从9岁起就是候补海军了 - 那还真奇怪了 他吐的到处都是 - Teddy's been a Maritime cadet since he was nine. - That's weird, cause he's puking everywhere.
我要告诉你些你不知道的事情 I'm gonna tell you something that you do not know.
- 我不喜欢你 - 哦 这我早知道了 - I don't like you. - Yeah,I knew that already.
我女儿选择你 那是她的事 If my daughter chooses you, that's her problem.
您是？？ 嘿 我是菲尔·维尼克 This is ??. Hey it's Phil Winnick!
对不起 我们一直在跟马林鱼周旋 我想说… Listen, I apologize. We've been reelin in some crazy Marlin and I just wanna say...
菲尔！ Phil!
- 老天！ - 菲尔！ - Jesus! - Phil!
靠！ Fuck me!
- 把猴子还给我们！ - 什么猴子？找你们自己的猴子去！ - Give us back our monkey! - What monkey? Get your own monkey!
别装了 贱人 就是你抱的那只！ Come on, you asshole, the fucking monkey!
还给我！ Come on!
艾伦 你干嘛！他可拿枪对着我们呢！ Anytime, Alan. He's pointing a gun at us!
这是我们的猴子！ This is our monkey!
没有人会为了一只猴子去死！ No one's getting shot over a fucking monkey!
快还给他 现在！ Hand him over, now!
老天 我才不想还呢 God, I've never given him no monkeys.
来 来… No, no ...
菲尔 你看 猴子的头盔上有个香蕉 我想他们确实是主人 Hey Phil, check it out. He's got a banana on his helmet. He's the real deal.
你们知道发生什么事情了吗? What the fuck's happening?
等等！这是怎么回事？ 你们知道我朋友在哪儿吗？ Hold on! How did this happen? Do you know where our friend is?
- 16岁的 亚洲男孩 - (俄语) - Yeah. Sixteen years old. Asian kid. - (says something in Russian?)
不 我不明白你说什么 我不明白！ No, I don't understand what you said! No, I didn't understand!
他说什么? What'd he say?
他说操你和你的问题！ He said fuck you and your questions!
- 哦 我的胳膊！ - 菲尔 你没事吧? - Oh, my arm! - Philip, are you okay?
我中枪了！靠！靠！ Oh I got shot! Fuck! Fuck this!
没事 菲尔！没事的！ It's alright, Phil! It's alright!
我们会搞明白怎么回事 而且把猴子追回来 We'll figure this out and get the monkey back, I promise.
谁他妈的关心那只猴子！ Who gives a fuck about the monkey!
- 到底他妈的发生什么事情了? - 斯图 我会不会死？你是个医生 - What the fuck is going on? - Stu, am I gonna be ok? You're a doctor.
我不知道 让我看看！ I don't know, let me look!
怎么了? What?
别看！ Don't look at it!
斯图尔特·普莱斯！ 你给我滚回来 Stuart Price! Get your ass back over here!
- 你中枪了！ - 我知道！ - You got shot! - I know!
- 哇 你出来了? - 是 我没事 - Whoa, you all right? - Yeah, I'm ok.
子弹只是擦过我的胳膊 缝了8针 Actually, bullet just grazed my arm. Eight stitches.
只花了6块钱 不可思议吧？ Only cost six dollars. How is that even possible?
发生的所有一切都不可思议呢 How's any of this even possible?
要是当时往左站一英尺 我就死了 If I was a foot to my left, Stu, I'd be dead.
我们到底怎么办？ What are we gonna do?
对不起 兄弟们 这不是计划范围内的 I'm sorry guys. This wasn't part of the plan.
- 什么计划 艾伦? - 我已经说太多了 - What plan, Alan? - I've said too much already.
艾伦！什么计划? Alan! What plan?
- 都是泰迪的错 - 你到底说什么 艾伦? - It's all Teddy's fault. - What are you talking about, Alan?
他为什么非和我们在一起！ 他不是我们狼群的成员！ Why is he even here? He's not part of the wolf pack!
- 艾伦 你到底干了什么? - 不是我的错！ - Alan, what did you do? - It's not my fault!
泰迪不该把他那包拿出来和大家分享 Teddy shouldn't have been sharing from his bag.
- 那一包什么? - 棉花糖 - What bag? - The marshmallows.
我给泰迪特地准备了一包 I had a separate bag just for Teddy.
但是晚上太黑 本来就分不太清楚了 But it was dark and it was hard to keep track.
然后 你又差点儿坐上去 我就完全分不清楚了 And then, you almost sat on em. I couldn't tell which was which.
- 这是犯罪！ - 你对那些棉花糖做了什么 艾伦？ - It was mayhem! - What did you do to the marshmallows, Alan?
艾伦 说话？ Alan, what did you do?
不是很明显的吗? Isn't it obvious?
我往里面加了肌肉松弛剂和我的多动症药 I spiked them with muscle relaxers. And plus my ADHD medication.
- 什么? - 你又给我们下药?！ - What? - You drugged us again?!
不是你们！我只是想把泰迪麻翻 让我们四个好好玩儿 756 Not you! I just wanted to knock out Teddy for a little while so we could finally enjoy the weekend.
好好玩？艾伦 你告诉我你什么都没做的！ Enjoy the weekend? Alan, you told me that you didn't do anything!
艾伦 你可是发了誓的！ Alan, you swore to god!
我只是想我们几个在一起 就像以前一样 I just wanted things to stay the same.
你看看我的脸！你毁了我一生！ Like at my face! You ruined my life!
你不是我朋友！ You're not my friend!
别这么说 菲尔！你是认真的？ 回美国也不是？ Don't say that, Phil! You're serious? Even in America?
- 是的！ - 老天啊！别这么说 菲尔！ - Yes! - Oh God! Don't say that, Phil!
- 别哭 艾伦！ - 你是魔鬼！ - Don't start crying, Alan! - You're the bearded devil!
你很喜欢的！我把棉花糖给你时 你还冲着我笑 You liked it! You smiled at me when I handed you the bag with marshmallows.
那是因为我喜欢棉花糖 你这个疯子！ Because I like marshmallows, you fucking psycho!
嘿！哇哦！别打了！ Hey! Whoa! Hold on!
够了！ Enough!
- 为什么 艾伦？为什么？ - 斯图！ - Why, Alan? Why? - Stu!
因为我们三个是最好的朋友 记得吗？ Because we're the three best friends, remember?
记得吗？ Remember?
斯图 算了… Stu, that's enough...
兄弟们 现在不是内讧的时候 我们要团结 Guys, we can't fall apart now. We gotta stick together.
- 艾伦 你肚子上写了什么? - 什么？嗯？ - Alan, what's that written on your belly? - What? Huh?
乐华酒店 周六下午6点 Lebua Hotel, Saturday six pm.
- 你自己写的? - 不是！ - You write that? - No!
靠 就差20分钟6点了 Shit, that's in 20 minutes.
英国怎么样 菲尔？在那儿我们是朋友吗？ What about England, Phil? Will we still be friends there?
艾伦 我告诉你了 我是一时气急了 我们还是朋友 到哪儿都是 Alan, I already told you. It was in the heat of the moment. We're still friends. All over the world.
- 即使在大英帝国? - 是的 - Even Great Britain? - Yeah.
你呢 斯图? What about you, Stu?
再说吧 We'll see.
先生们 跟我走 Gentlemen, follow me.
他们来了 Here you go.
哇 来的正是时候！坐吧 Well. About time! Sit down.
来 坐吧 Come on, sit.
哇 你们看起来跟狗屎一样 Wow, you guys look like shit.
- 嗯 我们认识你吗? - 嘿！ - Uh, do we know you? - Hey!
摘掉你的帽子 看在上帝的份上 你是在酒店里呢 快 Take off your fuckin hat. You're in a restaurant for christs sake. C'mon.
好 听着 我们对为什么来这里一无所知 Ok, listen. We have no clue what's going on here.
知道吗 他们这里卖的威士忌是假的 You know, they sell a Plum whiskey here, it's fuckin unreal.
真的 喝起来像狗屎一样 不过你们已经像狗屎一样了 Seriously, it will absolutely fuck you up! Oh, I'm sorry. You guys already got fucked up, didn't you.
- 嗯 听着 我有点迷惑 你怎么… - 你知道吗？我也有点迷惑！ - Uh, listen, I'm a little confused. How did you... - You know what? I am a little fuckin confused!
周在哪里？账号和密码在哪儿？ Where's Chow? With the fuckin account code and the fuckin password!
我们不知道什么密码 我们只是来找个朋友 We don't know anything about any codes. We're just trying to find our friend.
- 泰迪? - 是的！泰迪！你看见他了吗？ - Teddy? - Yes! Teddy! Have you seen?
嗯 让我看看… Hmm, let's see...
这是泰迪！ There's Teddy!
狗屎的！是昨天晚上照的 Holy shit! It's from last night.
- 你是谁? - 我是个商人 - Who are you? - I'm a businessman.
我给你的朋友周投资了一大笔钱 And I've invested a large chunk of capital in your friend Chow.
作为回报 他应该在5分钟前 And in return, he was supposed to transfer my profits electronically.
把我的钱打给我 About five fuckin minutes ago.
所以昨晚 我们绑了泰迪作为保证 So last night, we took Teddy as insurance.
- 噢 上帝 他没事吧? - 噢 上帝 我还没说完话呢 - Oh my god! Is he okay? - Oh my god, I wasn't done talking.
你告诉周 明早8点 在这个酒店的天台… You tell Chow, that we are having breakfast on the roof of this hotel...
…和我一起吃早饭 ...tomorrow morning at eight am.
如果他完成交易 你们就得到泰迪 Or if he makes the transfer, you will get Teddy.
如果没有 你知道… 这可是曼谷 If not well then hey, you know... it's Bangkok.
赶快滚吧 That's your cue to get the fuck out of here.
嘿 知道吗？把你的帽子留下 Hey, you know what? Leave the hat.
艾伦 放下帽子 Alan leave the hat.
好孩子 Atta boy.
我们死定了！周死了 我们怎么办？ We're fucked! Chow's dead. What do we do now?
这人才不管周是死是活 斯图 他只想知道账号和密码 The guy doesn't give a shit about Chow, Stu. This whole things about a fucking bank account.
我们先回酒店 在周的尸体上找找 Let's just go back to the hotel. We'll search Chow's body.
希望密码在他的钱包里或其它地方 Hopefully the password's in his wallet or something.
- 如果找不到呢? - 他会杀了泰迪 - And what if it isn't? - He's gonna kill Teddy.
放松点 到明早8点还有很长时间 我们能想到办法的 Just relax. We have until 8am tomorrow to figure it out.
先抢我猴子 又抢我帽子 今天可真糟糕 First the monkey and now my hat. How much worse can this day get.
上帝啊！ Jesus christ!
我们住在艾伦的小镇里 他让我们的生活跌到了谷底 Well we're livin here in Alan town. And he's drivin our lives into the ground.
我们起来的时候 又醉又废柴 When we woke up we were wasted and drunk.
菲尔中了枪 我们被和尚打 Phil got shot. We got beaten by a monk.
我以前的生活很好 很开心 I was happy, and my life was good.
像一名普通牙医那样准备结婚 Getting married like a dentist should.
用竹签烤棉花糖吃 Roasting marshmallows on a stick.
被一个有鸡鸡的女孩爆菊… I got fucked in the ass... by a girl with a dick.
欧耶 我记得这个 Oh yeah, remember that.
我们住在艾伦的小镇里 And we're livin in Alan town.
到处都是水 There's water everywhere.
没电 冰都化了嘛 Yeah it's cause it melted, Stu. The fuckin powers out.
因为供电不足 With an inadequate electrical grid, serving millions of people
曼谷每年停电1500小时 Bangkok experiences 1500 power outages per year.
真格的 艾伦 闭嘴！ Seriously, Alan. That's enough!
闪开！ Out of the way!
我们来打开 We got it.
哦 上帝！ Oh my god!
周 冷静点！ Chow, calm down!
- 你们想冻死我? - 不 不！ - You put the chill on me? - No, no!
没事了 It's okay.
放轻松！ Relax!
是我们 别激动 深呼吸！ It's just us. Breathe!
我好冷啊 It was so cold.
- 我们想法让你暖和起来 - 我好冷啊！ - We're gonna warm you up. - I was so cold!
- 你挺过来了 哥们 你挺过来了 - 我挺过来了 - You did good, buddy. You did good. - I did good.
感觉好点了吗? Feelin better?
- 怎样 你暖和些了吗？ - 我不知道 - Alright, you warm enough? - I don't know.
你来摸摸我的五脏六腑然后告诉我 Come feel my bowels and tell me.
我被关在制冰机里一整天！ I've been locked in a fuckin ice box all day!
嘿 艾伦 如果你想要我的太阳镜… Hey Alan, if you want my sunglasses...
…跟我说就行 没必要杀了我 ...just ask Chow. You don't have to kill me.
周 没人想杀你 你当时已经死了 没有脉搏 Chow, nobody killed you. You were already dead. You didn't have a pulse.
哦 你以前没吸过毒？ Oh, you never do blow before?
有时候你的心脏停跳了…然后又开始跳了 Sometimes your heart stop... start up again.
- 好好学习吧！ - 听着 真对不起 我们这一天 也过得很糟糕 - Read a book! - Look I'm sorry. We're having a bad day.
哦 你过得糟糕！你死了吗？ Oh, you're having a bad day! Did you die?
- 我中枪了！ - 那你死了吗? - I got shot! - But did you die?
周 有人告诉我们 你有银行密码什么的… Chow, some guy told us that you got a bank code or something...
…如果我们明早不给他 ...and if we don't bring it to him first think in the morning...
…他就杀了泰迪 ...he's gonna kill Teddy.
谁 金斯利？他无害的 别担心 我有他要的东西 Who, Kingsley? He harmless. Don't worry. I got the bank codes.
好！那我们就明早8点给他 他到底他妈的是谁啊？ Great! Alright, we gotta meet him at 8am. Who is that fuckin guy, anyway?
- 我的一个投资商了 - 嗯 投资什么生意？ - An investor in my business. - Yeah, what business is that?
这个生意就是“关你屁事” 知道了吧！ It's called "not your business" ok!
- 哦 猴子在哪里? - 猴子… - Oh, where's the monkey? - The monkey...
我把银行账号和密码都放在它马甲里了 它在哪？ Yeah I put the account number and password in his vest. Where is he?
- 你为什么放那儿? - 小白脸 为了安全啊 - Why would you do that? - Safe keeping, pretty boy.
你知道多少人盯着我吗 美国联邦调查局 曼谷警察局 国际刑警组织 哥伦比亚电视台… I got a lotta heat on my ass. I got FBI, Bangkok PD, Interpol, MSNBC...
那只小猴子昨晚和我一起吸毒… That little monkey snorting coke with me all night...
当我看斯图和那个人妖亲热时 帮我脱衣服 Jerkin me off while I watched Stu make fuckin lady boy.
- 它能去哪儿 - 周 猴子不在我们这里 - He not going anywhere. - We don't have the monkey, Chow.
嗯 俄罗斯歹徒抢走了它 Oh, some Russian thugs took him from us.
你们这些白痴！ Oh you fucking guys!
好了 没问题 我们只要把它抢回来就行了 Okay. No problem. We just have to get him back.
- 去哪儿抢? - 从我们刚开始抢它的地方抢 - From where? - From the same place we took him from.
它不是只普通的猴子 This monkey isn't just normal monkey.
夜里 他就是猴子跑腿 Every night, monkey drug mule.
他送毒品给买家… He take coke to buyer...
然后拿钱给毒贩子 它就是个中间人 And deliver cash to dealer. He middle man.
毒贩子不用直接交易 Dealer never handle drug directly.
就没什么把柄 He clean.
- 糟糕透了 - 什么糟糕 你懂什么 这主意太天才了 - That's terrible. - Not terrible. What he talking about. Fucking genius.
你见过猴子坐牢的吗？ You ever see monkey go to jail?
我们招呼猴子过来做生意 等它过来了 抢了它的马甲 就这样 We just take the monkey for deal, he come close, we take his vest. That's that.
- 顺便也买点毒品, 你知道的…爽一爽 - 不 别再爽了 周 - We get some blow too, you know... bump. - No, no more bumps, Chow.
太荒唐了 This is ridiculous.
斯图 周先生不会吹口哨 你来 Stu, Mr. Chow can't whistle. Shake your monkey.
好 他听见了 Alright, here we go.
来了！ Come on!
我们昨晚为什么把猴子偷走？ How did we wind up with the monkey last night anyway?
我需要买些毒品 艾伦又觉得它很可爱… I needed some blow and Alan thought he was cute...
…所以了！ ...so we stole him!
真笨！ So stupid!
斯图 准备抢它的马甲了? Stu, ready to grab vest?
- 好的 我就直接抓住它就行? - 是 快 快 - Okay. I just grab it? - Yeah, just do it. Just do it.
- 嘿 小猴子 - 艾伦 安静点 897 - Hey, little monkey. - Alan, be quiet.
- 靠！ - 我们得快跑 现在！ - Fuck! - We gotta go, right now!
- 把猴子拉进车里！ - 我在用力！ - Pull that fuckin monkey in! - I'm trying!
妈的！ Shit!
- 斯图 快把猴子弄到车里！ - 它不放手啊！ - Get that monkey in here, Stu! - He won't let go!
斯图 快进到车里！快！ Stu, get back in the car! Right now!
慢一点！我在尽力！ I'm trying! Slow down!
它太有劲儿了！ He's so strong!
放手 你这该死的猴子！ Let go you fuckin monkey!
- 小心！ - 哦 靠！恰好挤过去！ - Look out! - Oh shit! Tight squeeze!
我抓住它了！ I got him!
- 密码在哪儿 周？ - 找找它的小马甲 - Where's the code, Chow? - Check his little vest.
- 找到没 艾伦? - 嗯 我找到个… - Got it, Alan? - Yes, I got a .
- 开慢点 周！ - 坐稳了 伙计们 - Slow down Chow! - Hold on, J-Birds.
他妈的！ Holy Shit!
别担心 哥擅长这个！ Don't worry. I got this shit!
猪啊！ Pig!
哦 上帝 Oh, my word.
对不起 斯图！我的错！ Sorry, Stu! My bad!
噢 该死的！ Oh, shit!
卧倒！ Get down!
靠！ What the fuck!
哦 不 他打中了猴子 Oh no! He shot the monkey!
他们打中了猴子 They shot the monkey.
我束手无策了 I'm at my wits end.
他从后面追上来了 He's coming back around.
小心！ Look out!
- 靠！ - 哦 不… - Holy fuck! - Oh no...
- 大家都没事吧? - 没事 - Everyone alright? - Yeah.
我现在“鸡动”了！ I have such an erection right now!
你说真的? Are you for real?
他们会好好照顾你的 好吧 They're gonna take good care of you here, ok.
什么意思? What's that?
哦 香烟 我这儿有 给你 Oh, yeah. Cigarettes. Got em right here. Here you go.
给你点上 Right here.
深吸一口 好的 Deep breathe. Good.
吸进去 Soak it in.
把烟吸到你的小肺里 就这样 Breathe the smoke into your tiny little lungs. There you go.
有趣的是 我一直对抽烟不感冒 但是… It's funny. I've never been much of a smoker, but...
你抽烟的样子可真酷啊 Boy does it look cool on you.
艾伦 快！我们要走了！ Alan, c'mon! Let's go!
我会想你的 小猴 I'll miss you, monkey.
你要是会用Skype就好了 （Skype：聊天软件） I wish monkeys could Skype.
也许有一天… Maybe one day...
快！上车！ Come on! Get in!
你们就这么镇静？ Are you guys seriously this calm?
放轻松 斯图 只是个普通交易罢了 Relax, Stuart. It's classic switcheroo.
我给钱 他交人 I give him money, he gives us Teddy.
你就从没遇到过事情不这么顺利的 周？ You ever do anything that doesn't end up in a standoff, Chow?
我是个国际罪犯 事情都是这么发展的 I'm an international criminal. It always ends like this.
我就是在这过程中遇到我老婆的 I met my wife at one of these things.
- 你有老婆? - 是啊 我们结婚15年了 - You got a wife? - Yeah, we married 15 years.
怎么了 我长得不够帅？连老婆都讨不上？ What, I not good looking enough for woman?
不 你挺好的 No, that's cool.
上阵了！ Let's do this!
- 欢迎光临塔俱乐部 - 唧唧歪歪的 谁在乎 - Welcome to the Tower Club. - Blah blah blah, who cares.
停下来！让我先过 Stop! Chow crossing.
- 嘿 金斯利！ - 哦 哦 - Hey, Kingsley! - Well, well.
你的光头还那么亮啊！ Propecia looking nice!
你最近一直在健身吗? You been hitting the gym?
是啊 你连这都注意到了 周 Yes I am actually. Thank you for noticing, Chow.
嘿 伙计们 来坐吧 Hey, guys. Have a seat.
- 泰迪在哪里? - 他在楼下我车里等着 - Where's Teddy? - He's waiting downstairs in my car.
交易完我就让人带他上来 Send him up when the transfer is complete.
跟你说吧 你再给我5万 泰迪我就不要了 Tell you what. Give me extra 50 grand, you keep Teddy.
我还把那个胖子免费送给你 And I throw in this other fat fuck for free.
- 周…周… - 我们能快点嘛！ - Chow.. Chow... - Could we move this along!
艾伦 账号 给我 Alan, account number. Come on, come on.
8-1-4, K, 2-3-9-8. 8-1-4, K as in knife, 2-3-9-8.
- 密码? - “胡扯1” - Password? - "baloney1"
你的密码是 “胡扯1”? Your password is "baloney1" ?
我以前只是用“胡扯” 但银行非让加个数字 Well it used to be just "baloney" but now they make you add number.
烦死人了 Fuckin annoying.
- 就这么简单 - 塔哒！ - And it's that easy. - Ta dah!
哦 看 你赚了 Oh look. You sunk my battleship.
- 好了吧 能把泰迪带来了吗？ - 好 把他带上来 - Great, now can we please have Teddy? - Yeah. Bring him up.
看见了吧 我们去参加你的婚礼 开心一下 我去玩女人 See. We go to your wedding. We have fun. I bust a nut.
我们把人找回来了 斯图 终于结束了！ We did it, Stu. It's over!
曼谷警察！所有人都趴下！ This is Bangkok police! Everybody down!
哦 混蛋！ Oh, nuts!
金斯利 你他妈的是警察？ Kingsley, you're fucking Five-O?
抓住你了 莱斯利！ Gotcha, Leslie!
把他带走 Get him outta here.
走 快走吧！ Go! Just do it! Go!
怎么搞的… How the fuck...
萨米尔 你就因为6000块钱出卖我？ 你这个阿拉伯土人！ Samir, you fucked me over six grand? You camel jockey!
你吐我? You spit on me?
这次6000 上次8000 这不是钱的问题 这是原则！ Six grand this time, eight grand last time. It's not the money, man, it's the principle!
原则？黑鬼 拜托了！别装得像个正经人 Principle? Nigga, please! We both dead inside.
敢叫我黑鬼…少叫我黑鬼！ Call me nigga... don't call me "nigga"!
- 把他们抓起来 混球！ - 他就是个人渣 - Put em in, motherfucker! - He's an asshole, man.
你们没事吧? You guys ok?
- 到底怎么回事? - 国际刑警 彼得森警探 - What the fucks going on? - Detective Inspector Peters, Interpol.
- 你是个警察? - 是的 - You're a cop? - Yes.
这个行动计划已经好几周了 This sting operation has been in place for weeks.
萨米尔告诉我们 你们的朋友失踪了… When Samir told us that your friend was lost...
我们就利用这个信息引周出来 对不起 We took advantage of that information. I'm sorry.
- 那现在能让泰迪上来了吗? - 不 艾伦 他不知道泰迪在哪里！ - So can Teddy come out of the car now? - No, Alan, Teddy's not in the fuckin car!
他们没有抓住泰迪 一直都没有 They don't have him. They never had him.
他们只是利用我们找周 泰迪只是他们的饵 They just needed us to bring them Chow. They used Teddy as bait.
- 你们完全都没有线索吗? - 没有 我们能找的地方都找过了 - Do you have any leads at all? - No. We've checked everywhere.
没人看见他 对不起 No one has seen him. I'm sorry.
如果你们到现在还没找到他 我怕是凶多吉少了 If you haven't found him by now, I'm afraid Bangkok has him.
为什么他们老这么说？ Why do people keep saying that?
斯图…不能再拖下去了 Stu... It's time.
艾伦… Alan...
- 对不起 - 求你别说这个 -I'm sorry. - Don't say that. Please.
- 不 这次我们真的搞砸了 - 天哪！到底有多糟糕？ - No this time we really fucked up. - Oh god! How bad?
难道 要取消婚礼？ Like, no wedding bad?
差不多…可能更糟一些！ Yeah... a little worse than that!
你看 这么说怎么样？ 他掉下渔船 溺水了 Ok, how about this? He fell off the fishing boat and drowned.
不行 No.
好 那说他被车给撞了 Ok, I got it. Teddy was hit by a truck.
- 艾伦！ - 干嘛啊 菲尔 我正忙着呢 ！ - Alan! - Not a good time, Phil. Kinda busy!
这里每年多少人被车撞死？ How many people get run over here?
- 一年1200以上 菲尔 - 好极了！ - Over 1200 a year, Phil. - Perfect!
他的尸体被撞得无法辨认 就这么定了 His body was too mangled to recover. Case closed.
能给我加点冰吗？ Can I get more ice, please?
我不打算对劳拉撒谎 I'm not gonna lie to Lauren.
- 斯图 你想结婚还是不想？ - 看看我都干了些什么啊 菲尔 - Stu, do you want this or not? - Look at what I've done, Phil. What I do.
很明显 我对所有种类的妓女缺乏免疫力 I have a weakness for prostitutes. All kinds, apparently.
- 我内心有个魔鬼！ - 那又怎样? - I have a demon in me! - So what?
泰迪死了 我仍然可以救劳拉 Teddy's gone, but I can still save Lauren.
就是让她摆脱我这个魔鬼 Just let her live her life without me.
斯图！ Stu!
我要给道格打电话 告诉他我不回去了 I want you to call Doug and tell him I'm never coming back.
远离这失败的人生 Gettin off the hamster wheel.
我以后就呆在曼谷了 我想我是属于这里的 Gonna stay here in Bangkok. I think I belong here.
开一个小牙医诊所 Open up a little dentists office.
洗洗牙 安心过日子 Deep cleanings, with a happy ending.
你确定? You sure about this?
嘿 搞什么鬼！ Hey, what the crud!
停电了 艾伦 Powers out, Alan.
- 菲尔！ - 道格 - Phil! - Doug.
- 我需要答案 哥们 - 我知道… - I need answers, man. - I know...
道格 你在和谁说话？ Doug, who are you talking to?
- 什么? - 给我电话！ - What? - Give me the phone!
劳拉 不！这是私人电话… Lauren, no! That's a private...
是谁? Who is this?
- 劳拉? - 菲尔？告诉我怎么回事 马上！ - Lauren? - Phil? Tell me what's going on, right now!
我们把你弟弟丢了 We lost your little brother.
- 什么? - 他在曼谷下落不明 - What? - Bangkok has him now.
得走楼梯 You gotta take the stairs.
你们在曼谷? You're in Bangkok?
呃 是个指头！ Ooh, that's a finger!
让斯图接电话！ Put Stu on the phone!
曼谷每年停电1500小时 Bangkok experiences 1500 power outages per year.
斯图现在不想和任何人说话 Stu really doesn't want to talk to anybody.
到处是水 停电了 - Water everywhere. Powers out.
拜托 斯图 用用你犹太人的大脑 Come on, Stu, use that big Jewish brain
菲尔！给我电话！ Phil! Give me the phone!
- 劳拉的电话！没事！我来搞定！ - 我知道是劳拉！ - It's Lauren! I got it! I'm handling it! - I know.!
- 给我电话… - 我能搞定 斯图！ - Give me the fuckin... - I can handle it, Stu!
她会伤透你的心的！ She's gonna break your heart!
亲爱的 宝贝 是我 对不起啊！ Honey, sweetheart, it's me! I'm so sorry!
斯图？到底怎么回事？泰迪丢了？ Stu? What the hell is going on? What does he mean you lost Teddy?
什么？菲尔这么告诉你的？ 不 不 我们跟泰迪约错地方了 What? Is that what Phil said? No no no. We misplaced, Teddy.
但是没事 我们正往酒店赶 很快就能见到你了！ But we're all good now. We heading back to the hotel. We're gonna see you soon!
我爱你！我得挂了 马上回去 再见 I love you so much! And I gotta go, but I'll see you soon. Bye.
斯图！ Stu!
- 斯图！ - 上帝！ - Stu! - God!
出租车！ Taxi!
跟上 艾伦！ Come on, Alan!
嘿 能给我们讲讲你想起什么了吗！ Hey, you mind filling us in!
好 记得我们醒来的时候 停电了 Ok, now when we woke up, the power was out.
你在哪里发现了泰迪的指头？ And you found Teddy's finger in what?
- 在一滩水里 - 但那刚开始并不是水 - In a pool of water. - But it didn't start out as water.
对啊 是冰 No, it was ice.
没错！泰迪是从制冰机里拿的冰… Exactly! Teddy got ice from the machine...
…然后回到房间 把指头放到冰里 然后睡着了 ...came back to the room. Put his finger on ice and fell asleep.
你试想一下 如果你醒来… Now what do you do if you wake up...
…发现你的指头飘在一碗水里 你会怎么做？ ...and you find your finger floating in a bowl of melted ice?
我会去取更多的冰 斯图…去15楼取冰！ I'd get more ice, Stu... on the 15th fuckin floor!
是的！泰迪坐上电梯 忽然停电了… Yes! Teddy goes up, the power goes out...
- 狗屎的！原来是这样！ - 他在制冰机里 - Holy shit! Of course! - He's at the ice machine.
艾伦 不对！ Alan, no!
电梯在10楼！ It's on ten!
先生 电梯是不是卡住了? - Sir, is the elevator stuck? - ??.
- 快！ - 跑 跑！ - C'mon! - Go, go, go!
嘿 泰迪！ Hey, Teddy!
小心 小心！ Look out, look out!
- 泰迪！ - 你没事吧！ - Teddy! - You're ok!
泰迪 你没事吧？你没事吧 哥们？ Teddy, you okay? You ok, man?
- 我在哪里? - 你在电梯里 曼谷的电梯里 - Where am I? - You're in an elevator, in the middle of Bangkok.
我们马上带你走 一切都会好的 But we're gonna get you outta here. It's gonna be fine.
嘿 斯图 纹身不错 Hey Stu, nice tattoo.
谢谢 哥们 Thanks, man.
好了 把他弄出来！快！ Alright, let's do this! C'mon, c'mon!
告诉他我们找到泰迪了 是 我知道 我们这就回去 好的 再见！ Tell him we found him. Yeah, I know. But we're on our way. Ok, bye!
好了 客人陆续都到了 人们开始问咋回事 但我们还能赶到！ Alright, guests are arriving, people starting to ask questions, but we can still pull this off!
- 怎么回去? - 我不知道 坐计程车? - How? - I don't know, with a taxi?
- 用周的快艇 - 什么? - Chow's speed boat. - What?
我最后记得的是 我们从周的快艇上下来 Last think I remember, was getting off Chow's speed boat.
- 周有个快艇? - 叫“完美人生” - Chow has a speed boat? - "The Perfect Life".
走！ C'mon!
斯图 把绳子解开 Stu, get that back line.
跳得好 菲尔！ Good jump, Phil!
- 你没问题吧? - 没问题 - You alright? - Yeah.
你确定你会开快艇？ - You sure you know how to drive this thing?
拜托 我可是行家 我当然知道 Please, I was raised in a yacht club. I know what I'm doing.
你知道我们往哪儿开吗？ You know where we're going?
交给船长我来解决吧！ Leave it to the Captain!
哦 别装逼了 艾伦！ Oh fuck you, Alan!
你到底知不知道往哪儿开 船长？ Do you know where we're going, Captain?
非常确定 菜鸟！ 我们向南行驶 Affirmative cadet! We're going south.
- 我们在泰国湾 - 好的 - We're in the Gulf of Thailand. - Good.
嘿！你没事吧？ Hey! You okay?
- 好一些了 - 那就好 - Feeling a little better. - Alright!
听着 泰迪 真的对不起！ 我们也不想发生这些事情 Listen Teddy. I'm really sorry! We didn't mean for any of this to happen.
挺有趣的 虽然我什么都不记得 但是… 我起来的时候 我觉得挺高兴的 It's funny. I can't remember anything But... when I woke up, I was kinda happy.
耶！ Yeah!
顺便问一句…你知道我的指头在哪儿吗？ By the way... Do you have any idea where my finger is?
知道 我们把它给了一只贩毒的猴子 Yeah, we gave it to a drug dealing monkey.
曼谷… Bangkok...
是啊…他妈的曼谷！ Yeah, right... fuckin Bangkok!
对不起 婚礼取消了！ I apologize. There will be no wedding!
他在路上了 很快就到… He is on his way. He will be here...
请大家去酒吧休息吧 我们要清理这个会场了 Please, if you will all move to the bar. We are going to clear this area.
谢谢！ Please!
我跟你说了 我跟他通了电话 他马上到 I'm telling you, I spoke to him. He's coming.
看！他们来了！ Look! There they are!
斯图！ Stu!
- 艾伦 那里没码头 - 坐稳了！ - Alan, there's no dock. - Just hang on!
- 艾伦 这一点都不好玩！转一下方向！ - 坐稳了！ - Alan, it's not funny! Turn the boat! - Hang on!
- 是艾伦在开船吗? - 什么? - Is that Alan driving the boat? - What?
呃 我们应该往后退几步 Uh, we should probably move back a little bit.
噢 上帝！ Oh my god!
转个弯！ Turn the boat!
大家都往后退 Everyone back up a little bit here.
先生 在事情变好之前 总有点糟糕 Sir, it's gonna get worse before it gets better.
嗨！大家好！ Hi! Hi everybody!
出场比我们预计的要火爆 不好意思弄坏了草坪 Came in a little hotter than we planned. I'm sorry we trenched the lawn here.
没事 都能修护 别担心 Totally fixable. A little bit of sod, it'll be fine.
- 宝贝！ - 哦 上帝！ - Baby! - Oh my god!
见到你我真高兴！ I'm so happy to see you!
- 泰迪！来爸爸这里 - 嗨 老爸！ - Teddy! Teddy here. - Hi, Dad!
- 你还好吗? - 嗯 我没事 - You alright? - Yeah, ok.
- 你的手！ - 我知道 - Your hand! - I know.
出了点小意外 我没事 We had an accident. I'm ok.
都是你的错！ This is your fault!
- 爸 - 他说得对 我不够坦诚 - Dad. - He's right. I have not been completely honest.
- 斯图？别说了 - 嗯? - Stu? Don't do this. -Yeah?
谢谢 菲尔 但我得说出来 Thanks, Phil, but gonna do it.
你说我是个笑柄 但我不是 You said I'm a joke.Well I'm not.
我不是什么怪怪的 乳状的 米做的 烂烂的 喂小孩和老人的东西! I'm not some weird, milky, ricy, watery that you feed to infants and old people, ok!
如果你加点辣椒粉的话我还有可能是！ Maybe I would be if you added some cayenne pepper!
我也希望我是个无聊的牙医… I wish I was a boring dentist...
…过着无聊的生活 有一堆无聊的朋友… ...who had a boring life and boring friends...
…但我不是 ... but I don't and I'm not.
我是这个怪异狼群的一员 I'm actually part of this weird wolf pack.
不是怪异 是酷！ 而且不收会费 It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fees.
我听够了 你给我过来 I've had enough of this. Come here.
哇哦！告诉你 Whoa! Here's the deal man.
我有黑暗的一面！ - I got a dark side!
我心里住着贞子！ There's a demon in me!
是真的 他身体里有精子 It's true, he has semen in him.
我说的是贞子 I said demon.
- 但你身体里确实有精子 不是吗？ - 不一回事 但是谢谢 艾伦 - But you also have semen in you, remember? - Not relevant, but thank you, Alan.
我要说的是 我身体里的贞子 把我带到了一些很危险的地方 The point is, this demon takes me to some pretty weird places.
我们在曼谷丢了泰迪两天 We lost Teddy for two days in Bangkok.
但是同样的贞子 让我们找到了他 把他带回来 But that same demon took us to hell and back to find him.
我们战胜了曼谷 我们赢了 We took on Bangkok and we won.
如果你问 我会说这感觉棒极了！ Now that's pretty fuckin cool if you ask me!
我爱你的女儿 我要和她结婚 I love your daughter, and I'm gonna marry her.
- 除非你不愿意? - 我愿意 - Unless you have any problem with that? - I'm good.
但是 如果我们可以得到你TMD祝福… But all that said, it would actually mean a great deal to both of us...
…将对我们意义重大！ ...if we could just get your mother fucking blessing!
嘿 艾伦… Hey, Alan...
- 你的光头挺酷的 - 谢谢你 菲尔 - That looks pretty cool shaved. - Thanks, Phil.
你也应该把你的剃了 You should shave your head too.
- 为什么我要那么做? - 那样我们看上去就像双胞胎 - Why would I do that? - Well than we would look exactly alike.
- 好好照顾我女儿 斯图 - 我会的 - Take good care of my daughter, Stu. - I will.
非常抱歉我们差点用那艘船撞死大家 I'm sorry we almost killed everyone with the boat.
只要你在这里就行了 Just happy you're here.
也别担心纹身 我一回洛杉矶就洗掉它 And don't worry about the tattoo. I'm gonna have it lasered as soon as we're home in LA.
- 没关系 我能适应它的 - 真的吗? - That's ok. I can get used to it. - Really?
但是现在 我们还是换个位置吧? But for now, let's switch sides?
- 哦 好吧 - 谢谢 - Yeah, ok. - Thank you.
好多了 Much better.
亲爱的家人和朋友 我代表斯图和劳拉… Dear family and friends. On behalf of Stu and Lauren...
…欢迎你们 来参加婚礼 ...I welcome all of you, to this marriage celebration.
今天我们在这里… We are here today to...
嘿 哥们 你能停一下吗 Hey buddy. Can you hold on for a second.
谢谢 Thank you.
大家好？各位 Hello? Hi everyone!
我叫艾伦·加纳 My name's Alan Garner.
我要感谢亚洲人民让我们站在你们的土地上 I want to thank the Asiatic people for allowing us in your land.
我想说的是 嗯 我真的很高兴在这里… I wanted to say that, um, I'm really happy to be here...
…我有一份结婚礼物要送给劳拉和斯图 ...and I have a wedding gift to present to Lauren and Stu.
它代表我此刻的心情… And um, a lot of thought has gone into this...
…我希望你们大家能和我一样喜欢 ...and I hope that you appreciate it as much as I did, or going to.
好了 大伙！ Okay, guys!
哦 靠！ Oh, fuck!
艾伦！ Alan!
这TMD是怎么回事? What the fuck?
- 你觉得怎么样? - 真是棒透了！你怎么做到的? - So what do ya think? - That's insane! How did you do that?
我爸打了很多电话 My dad had to make a lot of calls.
我告诉迈克（拳王泰森）你必须来 这是给我第三好的朋友 I told Mike that you gotta do it. It's for my third best friend.
艾伦 太棒了！ 我爱这个！太谢谢你了！ Alan, it's amazing! I love it! Thank you so much!
我们只有今晚能和他在一起 他不能一直和我们在一起的 We only have him for tonight. We don't have him permanently.
我理解！ Understood!
- 你总在公共场合演讲 艾伦? - 我哪有?? - You do a lot of public speaking, Alan? - I barely ??
迈克 你真是太棒了 真的 难以置信 Mike, you were great. It's true, that was incredible.
谢谢你们 这对我意义重大 真的！ Thanks, guys. That means a lot, really!
还有 你TMD必须把这纹身洗掉 By the way, you really need to remove that fuckin tattoo from your face!
是！当然！ Yeah! On it!
很抱歉在最后一刻改变了节目 迈克 Sorry about the last minute change up to the performance, Mike.
- 没关系 艾伦 - 你在说什么？ - Don't worry, Alan. - What are you talking about?
他原本应该唱乔纳斯兄弟的“烧起来”… Well he was originally supposed to sing "Burning Up" by the Jonas Brothers...
…可是我记得你不喜欢独立摇滚 ...but then I remembered you don't like indie rock.
嘿 兄弟们 说了你们也不信 Hey guys. You're not gonna believe this.
- 那是你的电话? - 是啊 - Is that your phone? - Yeah.
那你怎么没给我们打电话? How come you never tried calling us?
这两天都没电关机了 It's been dead for two days.
我充电后 发现了这些照片 But I recharged it and found all these photos.
什么? What?
- 嗯 有些可是很黄很暴力的 - TMD！ - Shit! - Yeah, some of it's pretty messed up.
- 棒极了 我们看看 - 哇哦 哇哦！ - Awesome, let's check em out. - Whoa, whoa, whoa!
这东西不需要看了！ No one needs to see this stuff!
别扯了！兄弟 我是迈克·泰森 我什么都见过！ C'mon man! I'm Mike Tyson. I've seen everything!
有什么关系 - It'll be fine. - (mumbles something)
- 好吧 我们只看一次 - 然后就删了 不会有事的 - Alright, we look at it once. - And then we delete them. It's gonna be ok.
- 噢 噢！ - 操蛋啊！ - Oh, ooh! - Mother fucker!