1
00:02:04,226 --> 00:02:05,558
Damn.

2
00:02:05,936 --> 00:02:07,347
It's your turn, Heather.

3
00:02:11,108 --> 00:02:12,724
No, Heather. It's Heather's turn.

4
00:02:14,695 --> 00:02:15,731
Heather.

5
00:02:17,406 --> 00:02:19,898
Sorry, Heather.

6
00:02:55,611 --> 00:02:56,977
Ow.

7
00:03:04,077 --> 00:03:05,409
Dear Diary.

8
00:03:06,121 --> 00:03:09,489
'Heather told me
she teaches people real life.

9
00:03:09,625 --> 00:03:13,335
'She said, "Real life sucks losers dry.

10
00:03:13,462 --> 00:03:16,421
"'If you wanna fuck with the eagles,
you have to learn to fly."

11
00:03:17,216 --> 00:03:21,005
'I said, "So, you teach people
how to spread their wings and fly?"

12
00:03:22,137 --> 00:03:23,924
'She said, "Yes."

13
00:03:24,056 --> 00:03:26,343
'I said, "You're beautiful."'

14
00:03:26,475 --> 00:03:28,262
God, come on, Veronica.

15
00:03:29,353 --> 00:03:31,140
What is your damage, Heather?

16
00:03:31,271 --> 00:03:32,557
Don't blame me, blame Heather.

17
00:03:32,689 --> 00:03:35,682
She told me to haul your ass
into the caff pronto.

18
00:03:36,193 --> 00:03:37,229
Back me up, Heather.

19
00:03:38,070 --> 00:03:39,982
She really wants to talk to you, Veronica.

20
00:03:41,073 --> 00:03:43,565
OK, I'm going. Jesus Christ.

21
00:03:53,961 --> 00:03:55,202
Hello, Heather.

22
00:03:56,088 --> 00:03:58,000
Veronica. Finally.

23
00:03:58,632 --> 00:04:00,339
I got a note of Kurt Kelly's.

24
00:04:00,801 --> 00:04:02,008
I need you to forge a hot and horny,

25
00:04:02,135 --> 00:04:04,969
but realistically low-key note
in Kurt's handwriting.

26
00:04:05,097 --> 00:04:07,430
We'll slip it onto
Martha Dumptruck's lunch tray.

27
00:04:07,558 --> 00:04:10,517
Shit, Heather. I don't have
anything against Martha Dunnstock.

28
00:04:11,061 --> 00:04:12,768
You don't have anything for her either.

29
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:14,891
Come on. It'll be very.

30
00:04:15,399 --> 00:04:19,268
The note will give her shower nozzle
masturbation material for weeks.

31
00:04:22,364 --> 00:04:23,571
I'll think about it.

32
00:04:24,408 --> 00:04:25,524
Don't think.

33
00:04:32,332 --> 00:04:34,415
Veronica needs something to write on.
Bend over.

34
00:04:41,550 --> 00:04:44,338
"Dear Martha, you're so sweet..."

35
00:04:44,469 --> 00:04:46,802
I'm telling you, man,
it would so be righteous

36
00:04:46,930 --> 00:04:49,764
to be in a Veronica Sawyer-
Heather Chandler sandwich.

37
00:04:49,892 --> 00:04:51,554
Oh, hell, yes.

38
00:04:51,685 --> 00:04:53,426
I wanna get a Heather
and put her on my johnson

39
00:04:53,562 --> 00:04:55,895
and just spin her around
like a goddamn pinwheel!

40
00:04:56,023 --> 00:04:57,514
Punch it in.

41
00:05:27,429 --> 00:05:29,637
Westerburg feeds the world.
Come on, people.

42
00:05:29,765 --> 00:05:32,803
Give that leftover lunch money
to people who don't have lunches.

43
00:05:34,061 --> 00:05:35,677
God, aren't they fed, yet?

44
00:05:36,855 --> 00:05:38,847
Do they even have
Thanksgiving in Africa?

45
00:05:38,982 --> 00:05:42,566
Oh, sure. Pilgrims, Indians, Tater Tots.

46
00:05:42,694 --> 00:05:44,060
It's a real party continent.

47
00:05:44,196 --> 00:05:46,279
Sawyer, guess what today is.

48
00:05:47,282 --> 00:05:49,274
Ouch. Lunchtime poll?

49
00:05:49,952 --> 00:05:52,239
- So, what's the question?
- Yeah, what's the question?

50
00:05:53,246 --> 00:05:56,205
Goddamn, you were with me in study hall
when I thought of it.

51
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,116
I forgot.

52
00:05:59,503 --> 00:06:01,165
Such a pillowcase.

53
00:06:03,131 --> 00:06:04,372
This wouldn't be that bizarro thing

54
00:06:04,508 --> 00:06:07,342
you were babbling about over
the phone last night, would it?

55
00:06:07,469 --> 00:06:08,880
Of course it is.

56
00:06:10,722 --> 00:06:15,342
I told Dennis if he gives me another
political topic, I'd spew burrito chunks.

57
00:06:22,609 --> 00:06:25,272
Oh, Veronica, I'm sorry.

58
00:06:25,404 --> 00:06:27,020
Betty Finn. Gosh.

59
00:06:27,572 --> 00:06:30,155
Sorry I couldn't make it
to your birthday party last month.

60
00:06:31,076 --> 00:06:33,568
It's OK. Your mom said
you had a big date.

61
00:06:33,704 --> 00:06:36,287
I think I'd probably miss
my own birthday for a date.

62
00:06:36,415 --> 00:06:38,327
- Don't say that.
- You know what?

63
00:06:38,458 --> 00:06:42,623
I was looking around the other day,
and I dug up, uh, these old photographs.

64
00:06:44,798 --> 00:06:46,505
Oh. They're great.

65
00:06:47,634 --> 00:06:50,377
- Come on, Veronica.
- I was talking to somebody!

66
00:06:58,145 --> 00:06:59,807
Great. Here comes Heather.

67
00:07:00,397 --> 00:07:01,763
Oh, shit.

68
00:07:03,066 --> 00:07:05,353
Hi, Courtney. Love your cardigan.

69
00:07:05,485 --> 00:07:07,772
Thanks.
I just got it last night at The Limited.

70
00:07:08,572 --> 00:07:11,189
Like, totally blew my allowance.

71
00:07:12,242 --> 00:07:13,449
Check this out.

72
00:07:13,577 --> 00:07:16,240
You win $5 million
from the Publisher Sweepstakes,

73
00:07:16,371 --> 00:07:18,704
and the same day
that Big Ed guy gives you the check,

74
00:07:19,875 --> 00:07:22,959
aliens land on the earth and say
they'll blow up the world in two days.

75
00:07:23,420 --> 00:07:24,501
What do you do?

76
00:07:25,297 --> 00:07:26,413
That's easy.

77
00:07:27,549 --> 00:07:30,212
I'd just slide that wad over to my father,

78
00:07:30,343 --> 00:07:32,676
because he is, like,
one of the top brokers in the state.

79
00:07:32,804 --> 00:07:36,673
If I got that money,
I'd give it all to the homeless.

80
00:07:37,350 --> 00:07:38,591
Every cent.

81
00:07:39,644 --> 00:07:40,976
You're beautiful.

82
00:07:44,441 --> 00:07:46,649
If you're gonna openly be a bitch...

83
00:07:46,777 --> 00:07:49,815
Heather, why can't we talk
to different kinds of people?

84
00:07:49,946 --> 00:07:51,903
Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.

85
00:07:52,032 --> 00:07:53,648
Do I look like Mother Teresa?

86
00:07:53,784 --> 00:07:56,777
If I did, I probably wouldn't mind
talking to the geek squad.

87
00:07:59,331 --> 00:08:01,948
Huh. Did you see that?

88
00:08:02,084 --> 00:08:04,576
Heather number one
just looked right at me.

89
00:08:05,087 --> 00:08:08,706
Does it not bother you that everybody
in this school thinks you're a piranha?

90
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:10,172
Like I give a shit.

91
00:08:10,801 --> 00:08:12,758
They all want me as a friend or a fuck.

92
00:08:13,553 --> 00:08:16,717
I'm worshipped at Westerburg,
and I'm only a junior.

93
00:08:26,775 --> 00:08:28,107
I can't believe this.

94
00:08:28,235 --> 00:08:30,818
We're going to a party
at Remington University tonight,

95
00:08:30,946 --> 00:08:33,484
and we're brushing up
on our conversational skills

96
00:08:33,615 --> 00:08:35,197
with the scum of the school.

97
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,328
- Hey.
- Hi.

98
00:08:42,249 --> 00:08:45,162
So this is
what's called a lunchtime poll.

99
00:08:45,293 --> 00:08:48,286
You win $5 million
in the Publisher Sweepstakes.

100
00:08:48,421 --> 00:08:51,255
And the same day that what's-his-face
gives you the cheque...

101
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:53,041
Aliens land on earth...

102
00:08:53,176 --> 00:08:54,963
And say they're gonna
blow up the world in two days.

103
00:08:55,679 --> 00:08:57,511
What are you gonna do with the money?

104
00:08:57,639 --> 00:09:00,803
I'd go to Egypt. With a girl.

105
00:09:01,309 --> 00:09:04,302
I'd use the money
for an end-of-the-world get-together.

106
00:09:04,437 --> 00:09:07,100
I'd pay Madonna a million bucks
to sit on my face,

107
00:09:07,232 --> 00:09:09,224
and have a ride like the Kentucky Derby.

108
00:09:09,359 --> 00:09:12,397
That's gotta be the most
spooky-assed question I ever heard.

109
00:09:12,529 --> 00:09:15,363
All right, this is important.
After taxes, I'll only be getting...

110
00:09:16,032 --> 00:09:17,239
She should pay me, though.

111
00:09:17,367 --> 00:09:19,450
You go to the zoo and get a lion,

112
00:09:19,578 --> 00:09:21,991
and then, put a remote control bomb
up its butt.

113
00:09:22,122 --> 00:09:24,739
Then there's social security, legal fees.

114
00:09:24,875 --> 00:09:28,835
You push the button on the bomb,
and you and the lion die like one.

115
00:09:30,380 --> 00:09:31,496
What?

116
00:09:36,761 --> 00:09:39,174
Oh, my God. Here we go.

117
00:09:54,237 --> 00:09:55,569
Oh.

118
00:09:56,364 --> 00:09:58,481
Oh, my God.

119
00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:23,297
Hi, Veronica. Five keeps an infant alive.

120
00:10:27,479 --> 00:10:30,392
You wanted to be a member
of the most powerful clique in school.

121
00:10:31,024 --> 00:10:33,516
If I wasn't already the head of it,
I'd want the same thing.

122
00:10:33,652 --> 00:10:36,019
Come on, Veronica.

123
00:10:36,488 --> 00:10:38,275
You used to have a sense of humour.

124
00:10:42,077 --> 00:10:44,535
Veronica, could you
come back here a minute?

125
00:10:45,705 --> 00:10:47,867
A true friend's work is never done.

126
00:10:47,999 --> 00:10:49,331
Gross.

127
00:10:50,168 --> 00:10:53,707
Grow up, Heather. Bulimia is so '87.

128
00:10:53,838 --> 00:10:57,002
- You know, maybe you should see a doctor.
- Yeah, maybe.

129
00:10:58,510 --> 00:11:01,093
Come on, Heather,
let's take another look at today's lunch.

130
00:11:16,069 --> 00:11:17,776
God, Veronica, drool much?

131
00:11:19,197 --> 00:11:21,234
His name's Jason Dean.

132
00:11:21,366 --> 00:11:22,902
He's in my "American History".

133
00:11:33,628 --> 00:11:35,290
Hello, Jason Dean.

134
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,621
Greetings and salutations.

135
00:11:39,634 --> 00:11:41,170
Are you a Heather?

136
00:11:41,303 --> 00:11:43,795
No. I'm a Veronica.

137
00:11:44,264 --> 00:11:45,596
Sawyer.

138
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:50,013
This may seem
like a really stupid question.

139
00:11:50,145 --> 00:11:52,262
There are no stupid questions.

140
00:11:54,649 --> 00:11:56,606
You inherit $5 million.

141
00:11:56,735 --> 00:12:00,319
The same day aliens land on the earth and
say they're gonna blow it up in two days.

142
00:12:01,406 --> 00:12:02,567
What do you do?

143
00:12:05,076 --> 00:12:07,568
Well, that's the stupidest question
I've ever heard.

144
00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:11,367
Who's that guy in the coat
think he is anyways?

145
00:12:11,499 --> 00:12:13,161
Bo Diddley?

146
00:12:13,293 --> 00:12:15,626
Veronica's into his act, no doubt.

147
00:12:15,754 --> 00:12:18,747
I don't know. Probably row out
to the middle of a lake somewhere.

148
00:12:18,882 --> 00:12:20,748
Bring along a bottle of tequila,

149
00:12:21,426 --> 00:12:24,294
my sax and some Bach.

150
00:12:26,139 --> 00:12:27,425
How very.

151
00:12:30,310 --> 00:12:31,767
Come on, Veronica.

152
00:12:34,356 --> 00:12:36,598
- Later.
- Definitely.

153
00:12:40,820 --> 00:12:44,188
- Let's kick his ass.
- Shit, Ram. We're seniors, man.

154
00:12:44,657 --> 00:12:46,398
We're too old
for kind of that kind of crap.

155
00:12:47,744 --> 00:12:49,280
Let's give him a good scare though.

156
00:12:56,419 --> 00:12:57,751
You gonna eat this?

157
00:12:57,879 --> 00:13:01,543
What did your boyfriend say when you told
him you were moving to Sherwood, Ohio?

158
00:13:02,967 --> 00:13:04,424
Answer him, dick.

159
00:13:04,552 --> 00:13:08,171
Hey, Ram, doesn't this cafeteria
have a "no fags allowed" rule?

160
00:13:09,140 --> 00:13:13,384
They seem to have an open-door policy
for assholes though, don't they?

161
00:13:16,731 --> 00:13:18,267
What did you say, dickhead?

162
00:13:18,942 --> 00:13:20,774
I'll repeat myself.

163
00:13:25,407 --> 00:13:27,148
God, they won't expel him.

164
00:13:27,283 --> 00:13:29,570
They'll just suspend him
for a week or something.

165
00:13:29,702 --> 00:13:31,739
He used a real gun.

166
00:13:31,871 --> 00:13:33,908
They should throw his ass in jail.

167
00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,123
No way. He used blanks.

168
00:13:36,584 --> 00:13:39,122
All JD really did
was ruin two pairs of pants.

169
00:13:39,963 --> 00:13:41,374
Maybe not even that.

170
00:13:41,506 --> 00:13:44,169
Can you bleach out urine stains?

171
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,212
You seem pretty amused.

172
00:13:47,178 --> 00:13:49,591
I thought you had given up
on high school guys.

173
00:13:49,722 --> 00:13:51,008
Never say never.

174
00:13:54,602 --> 00:13:56,264
What are you gonna do, Heather?

175
00:13:56,396 --> 00:13:58,058
Take the two shots or send me out?

176
00:14:01,359 --> 00:14:03,351
Did you have a brain tumour
for breakfast?

177
00:14:04,112 --> 00:14:05,978
First you ask if you can be red,

178
00:14:06,656 --> 00:14:08,272
knowing that I'm always red.

179
00:14:12,787 --> 00:14:14,153
Shit.

180
00:14:16,249 --> 00:14:17,706
It's your turn, Heather.

181
00:14:23,590 --> 00:14:25,047
Easy shot, Heather.

182
00:14:25,758 --> 00:14:27,590
No way, no day.

183
00:14:27,719 --> 00:14:29,176
Give it up, girl.

184
00:14:38,104 --> 00:14:40,221
- Holy shit.
- God, that was incredible!

185
00:14:40,356 --> 00:14:42,222
Whoo!

186
00:14:43,359 --> 00:14:45,817
So tonight's the night.
Are you two excited?

187
00:14:47,405 --> 00:14:49,021
I'm giving Veronica her shot.

188
00:14:49,699 --> 00:14:51,315
Her first Remington party.

189
00:14:52,243 --> 00:14:56,237
You blow it tonight, girl,
and it's keggers with kids all next year.

190
00:15:09,219 --> 00:15:11,677
- Why?
- Why not?

191
00:15:12,931 --> 00:15:14,672
Heather, your mother's here.

192
00:15:15,308 --> 00:15:16,890
Come on, whoever wants a ride.

193
00:15:19,646 --> 00:15:21,308
- Bye. Thank you.
- Bye-bye.

194
00:15:21,439 --> 00:15:23,146
- Bye.
- Bye, girls.

195
00:15:23,733 --> 00:15:25,645
Hey, take a break, Veronica. Sit down.

196
00:15:27,654 --> 00:15:32,149
So, what was the first week
of, uh, spring vacation withdrawal like?

197
00:15:32,825 --> 00:15:34,191
I don't know. It was OK, I guess.

198
00:15:35,203 --> 00:15:37,160
Hey, kid, isn't the prom coming up?

199
00:15:38,456 --> 00:15:39,788
I guess.

200
00:15:39,916 --> 00:15:41,908
Any contestants
worth mentioning?

201
00:15:42,710 --> 00:15:46,875
Maybe. There's
kind of a dark horse in the running.

202
00:15:48,258 --> 00:15:51,501
Goddamn, will somebody tell me
why I read these spy novels?

203
00:15:52,845 --> 00:15:53,926
Because you're an idiot.

204
00:15:54,889 --> 00:15:56,380
Oh, yeah, that's it.

205
00:15:57,183 --> 00:15:58,765
You two.

206
00:15:58,893 --> 00:16:02,887
Great pâté, but I gotta motor
if I wanna be ready for that party tonight.

207
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:10,103
- Corn nuts!
- BQ or plain?

208
00:16:10,238 --> 00:16:11,649
BQ!

209
00:16:15,201 --> 00:16:17,318
You gonna pull
a Super Chug with that?

210
00:16:19,747 --> 00:16:22,535
No, but if you're nice,
I'll let you buy me a slushie.

211
00:16:24,377 --> 00:16:27,040
I see you know
your convenience speak pretty well.

212
00:16:28,214 --> 00:16:31,173
Yeah, well, uh,
I've been moved around all my life.

213
00:16:32,176 --> 00:16:35,214
Dallas, Baton Rouge, Vegas.

214
00:16:36,139 --> 00:16:37,630
Sherwood, Ohio.

215
00:16:38,349 --> 00:16:40,682
There's always been
a Snappy Snack Shack.

216
00:16:41,144 --> 00:16:42,851
Any town, any time,

217
00:16:42,979 --> 00:16:46,689
pop a ham and cheese in the microwave,
and feast on a Turbo Dog.

218
00:16:47,775 --> 00:16:49,107
Keeps me sane.

219
00:16:50,778 --> 00:16:51,814
Really?

220
00:16:54,449 --> 00:16:57,487
That thing you pulled in the caff today
was pretty severe.

221
00:16:58,786 --> 00:17:02,871
Yeah, well, the extreme
always seems to make an impression.

222
00:17:06,961 --> 00:17:08,918
Did you say a cherry or Coke slushie?

223
00:17:09,922 --> 00:17:11,333
I didn't.

224
00:17:11,466 --> 00:17:12,707
Cherry.

225
00:17:19,223 --> 00:17:20,805
Great bike.

226
00:17:20,933 --> 00:17:25,519
Yeah. Just a humble perk
from my dad's construction company.

227
00:17:26,439 --> 00:17:29,932
Seen the commercial, right?
"Bringing every state to a higher state."

228
00:17:30,526 --> 00:17:34,736
Wait a minute. Jason Dean,
your pop's Big Bud Dean Construction?

229
00:17:35,948 --> 00:17:38,156
It must be rough moving place to place.

230
00:17:38,618 --> 00:17:42,362
Well, everybody's life has got static.
Is your life perfect?

231
00:17:42,497 --> 00:17:45,581
Oh, yeah. I'm on my way to a party
at Remington University.

232
00:17:45,708 --> 00:17:47,040
Hmm.

233
00:17:49,879 --> 00:17:51,541
No, my life's not perfect.

234
00:17:52,715 --> 00:17:54,126
I don't really like my friends.

235
00:17:54,676 --> 00:17:57,919
Yeah, I, uh... I don't really like
your friends, either.

236
00:18:01,015 --> 00:18:03,348
It's just, like,
they're people I work with,

237
00:18:03,476 --> 00:18:05,593
and our job is being popular and shit.

238
00:18:08,106 --> 00:18:10,018
Maybe it's time to take a vacation.

239
00:18:20,326 --> 00:18:22,534
Hello, ladies.
Throw your coats on the floor.

240
00:18:24,163 --> 00:18:27,156
- Uh, Veronica, this is Brad.
- Excellent.

241
00:18:28,209 --> 00:18:30,576
Did you girls bring
your partying slippers, huh?

242
00:18:30,712 --> 00:18:31,873
Let's party.

243
00:18:32,463 --> 00:18:34,500
She loves to party.

244
00:18:39,637 --> 00:18:41,924
'Dear Diary, I want to kill,

245
00:18:42,056 --> 00:18:45,345
'and you have to believe
it's for more than just selfish reasons.

246
00:18:45,476 --> 00:18:48,435
'More than just a spoke
in my menstrual cycle.

247
00:18:48,563 --> 00:18:49,929
'You have to believe me.'

248
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:54,354
It's so great to be able to talk to a girl
and not have to ask, "What's your major?"

249
00:18:54,485 --> 00:18:55,726
I hate that.

250
00:19:02,785 --> 00:19:06,745
So when you go to college,
what subjects do you think you'll study?

251
00:19:10,585 --> 00:19:13,168
Come on, David.
Shouldn't we get back to the party?

252
00:19:13,296 --> 00:19:14,457
We will.

253
00:19:15,256 --> 00:19:16,872
It's just you're so hot tonight.

254
00:19:18,551 --> 00:19:20,087
I can't control myself.

255
00:19:31,022 --> 00:19:34,390
'Oh, Christ, I can't explain it,
but I'm allowed an understanding

256
00:19:34,525 --> 00:19:38,895
'that my parents and these Remington
University assholes have chosen to ignore.

257
00:19:39,030 --> 00:19:41,568
'I understand that I must stop Heather.'

258
00:20:16,317 --> 00:20:18,479
How's my little cheerleader, huh?

259
00:20:20,321 --> 00:20:25,817
Oh, I know everyone
at your high school isn't so uptight.

260
00:20:25,952 --> 00:20:28,535
- Come on.
- C'mon, look, I don't feel so good, OK?

261
00:20:28,663 --> 00:20:30,780
Let's do it on the coats.
It'll be excellent, huh?

262
00:20:32,083 --> 00:20:34,621
You know, I have a little prepared speech
I tell my suitor

263
00:20:34,752 --> 00:20:36,960
when he wants more
than I'd like to give him.

264
00:20:37,088 --> 00:20:38,499
"Gee, blank, I had a really nice..."

265
00:20:38,631 --> 00:20:40,964
Save the speeches for Malcolm X.

266
00:20:43,427 --> 00:20:45,259
I just wanna get laid.

267
00:20:47,306 --> 00:20:49,764
You don't deserve my fucking speech!

268
00:20:51,227 --> 00:20:53,640
'Betty Finn was a true friend,
and I sold her out

269
00:20:53,771 --> 00:20:56,639
'for a bunch of Swatch dogs
and Diet Coke heads'.

270
00:20:56,774 --> 00:20:59,642
'Killing Heather would be like offing
the "Wicked Witch of the West".

271
00:21:00,236 --> 00:21:02,649
'Wait, East. West!
God, I sound like a fucking psycho.'

272
00:21:15,209 --> 00:21:18,327
What's your damage?
Brad says you're being a cooze.

273
00:21:18,462 --> 00:21:20,545
Heather, I feel really sick, like,
I'm gonna throw up.

274
00:21:20,673 --> 00:21:22,039
So, can we please jam now?

275
00:21:22,174 --> 00:21:24,131
No. Hell, no.

276
00:21:35,897 --> 00:21:38,890
'Tomorrow I'll be kissing
her aerobicised ass,

277
00:21:39,025 --> 00:21:42,484
'but tonight let me dream
of a world without Heather.

278
00:21:42,612 --> 00:21:45,025
'A world where I am free.'

279
00:21:51,621 --> 00:21:53,704
You stupid fuck.

280
00:21:54,332 --> 00:21:56,244
You goddamn bitch.

281
00:21:56,375 --> 00:21:58,537
You were nothing before you met me.

282
00:21:58,669 --> 00:22:00,911
You were playing Barbies
with Betty Finn.

283
00:22:01,714 --> 00:22:04,457
You were a Bluebird.
You were a Brownie.

284
00:22:05,092 --> 00:22:06,924
You were a Girl Scout cookie.

285
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:09,837
I got you into a Remington party.

286
00:22:09,972 --> 00:22:11,258
What's my thanks?

287
00:22:11,933 --> 00:22:13,674
It's on the hallway carpet!

288
00:22:13,809 --> 00:22:15,596
I got paid in puke.

289
00:22:16,103 --> 00:22:19,016
Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up.

290
00:22:20,858 --> 00:22:22,315
Monday morning you're history.

291
00:22:23,235 --> 00:22:24,851
I'll tell everyone about tonight.

292
00:22:25,321 --> 00:22:28,359
Transfer to Washington.
Transfer to Jefferson.

293
00:22:29,158 --> 00:22:32,367
No one at Westerburg's
gonna let you play their reindeer games.

294
00:22:42,129 --> 00:22:44,371
Dreadful etiquette. I apologise.

295
00:22:46,133 --> 00:22:47,214
That's OK.

296
00:22:49,345 --> 00:22:52,759
I saw the croquet set up in the back.
You up for a match?

297
00:23:03,776 --> 00:23:05,893
Hmm. Thank you.

298
00:23:06,028 --> 00:23:10,398
That was my, uh,
first game of strip croquet.

299
00:23:10,533 --> 00:23:12,240
Oh, you're welcome.

300
00:23:12,368 --> 00:23:15,861
It's a lot more interesting
than just flinging off your clothes,

301
00:23:15,997 --> 00:23:18,455
and boning away
on a neighbour's swing set.

302
00:23:18,582 --> 00:23:21,199
I don't know. There's a lot
to be said for throwing off...

303
00:23:21,335 --> 00:23:22,746
Ow!

304
00:23:24,755 --> 00:23:26,417
What a night.

305
00:23:28,050 --> 00:23:29,382
What a life.

306
00:23:30,011 --> 00:23:32,845
They wanted to move me
into high school out of the sixth grade.

307
00:23:32,972 --> 00:23:35,806
- I was supposed to be this big genius.
- Hmm.

308
00:23:35,933 --> 00:23:37,424
Then we decided to chuck the idea

309
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:40,348
because I'd have trouble
making friends, blah-blah-blah.

310
00:23:41,522 --> 00:23:43,639
Now blah-blah-blah is all I do.

311
00:23:43,774 --> 00:23:46,767
I use my grand IQ
to decide what colour gloss to wear

312
00:23:46,902 --> 00:23:49,440
and how to hit three keggers
before curfew.

313
00:23:57,913 --> 00:24:02,578
Heather Chandler is one bitch
that deserves to die.

314
00:24:03,210 --> 00:24:07,250
- Killing her won't solve anything.
- Hmm.

315
00:24:07,381 --> 00:24:10,294
I say we just grow up, be adults and die.

316
00:24:13,012 --> 00:24:15,129
- But before that...
- Hmm.

317
00:24:15,264 --> 00:24:18,052
...I'd love to see Heather Chandler
puke her guts out.

318
00:24:23,189 --> 00:24:26,432
Trust me, she skips
the Saturday morning trip to Grandma's,

319
00:24:26,567 --> 00:24:28,274
even when she's not hungover.

320
00:24:30,946 --> 00:24:33,780
We'll just concoct ourselves
a little hangover cure

321
00:24:33,908 --> 00:24:37,572
that'll, uh, induce her
to spew red, white and blue then.

322
00:24:39,914 --> 00:24:43,407
And what about, like, milk and orange juice?
What's the up-chuck factor on that?

323
00:24:43,542 --> 00:24:46,751
Yeah, I'm a no-rust-build-up man, myself.

324
00:24:48,047 --> 00:24:50,915
Don't be a dick. That stuff will kill her.

325
00:24:58,015 --> 00:25:01,554
I know. We can cook up some soup,
and put it in a Coke.

326
00:25:02,812 --> 00:25:04,895
That's-that's pretty sick, hey?

327
00:25:05,022 --> 00:25:07,890
Now should it be chicken noodle,
or bean with bacon?

328
00:25:09,193 --> 00:25:12,231
Put a lid on that stuff.
I say we go with big blue here.

329
00:25:13,531 --> 00:25:17,275
What are you talking about? She'd never
drink anything that looked like that, anyway.

330
00:25:18,035 --> 00:25:20,869
Yeah, so we'll, uh...

331
00:25:22,081 --> 00:25:24,915
...put it in this. She won't be able
to see what she's drinking.

332
00:25:25,793 --> 00:25:27,375
Let me get a cup, jerk.

333
00:25:31,674 --> 00:25:33,131
OK.

334
00:25:34,593 --> 00:25:36,255
Milk and orange juice.

335
00:25:36,387 --> 00:25:40,802
Hm. Maybe we could, like, cough up
a phlegm globber in it or something.

336
00:25:41,433 --> 00:25:42,765
Mm.

337
00:25:52,653 --> 00:25:53,985
- No?
- Nothing.

338
00:25:55,030 --> 00:25:57,818
Oh, well. Milk and orange juice
will do quite nicely.

339
00:25:58,284 --> 00:25:59,946
Hm. You're chicken.

340
00:26:01,495 --> 00:26:02,827
You're not funny.

341
00:26:10,713 --> 00:26:12,045
I'm sorry.

342
00:26:27,855 --> 00:26:29,346
Uh, Veronica?

343
00:26:29,481 --> 00:26:31,268
- What?
- Uh...

344
00:26:32,401 --> 00:26:34,393
Never mind. I'll-I'll carry the cup.

345
00:26:39,074 --> 00:26:40,531
Morning, Heather.

346
00:26:43,078 --> 00:26:44,239
Veronica.

347
00:26:45,206 --> 00:26:46,788
And Jesse James.

348
00:26:47,249 --> 00:26:48,581
<i>Quelle surprise.</i>

349
00:26:49,585 --> 00:26:52,623
Hear about Veronica's affection
for regurgitation?

350
00:26:52,755 --> 00:26:55,748
Heather, I think last night we both said
a lot of stuff we didn't mean.

351
00:26:56,550 --> 00:26:59,463
Did we? How the hell did you get in here?

352
00:27:00,346 --> 00:27:03,805
Um... Veronica knew you'd have a hangover,

353
00:27:03,933 --> 00:27:06,095
so, uh, I whipped this up for you.

354
00:27:06,227 --> 00:27:08,014
It's a family recipe.

355
00:27:08,145 --> 00:27:10,307
What did you do?
Put a phlegm globber in it?

356
00:27:11,065 --> 00:27:12,556
I'm not gonna drink that piss.

357
00:27:13,692 --> 00:27:15,934
I knew this stuff
would be too intense for her.

358
00:27:17,738 --> 00:27:19,229
Intense.

359
00:27:20,366 --> 00:27:21,573
Grow up.

360
00:27:22,076 --> 00:27:24,284
You think I'll drink it
just because you call me chicken?

361
00:27:29,792 --> 00:27:31,283
Just give me the cup, jerk.

362
00:27:49,478 --> 00:27:51,094
Corn nuts.

363
00:28:07,705 --> 00:28:09,037
Oh, my God.

364
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:11,451
I can't believe it.

365
00:28:12,626 --> 00:28:14,709
I just killed my best friend.

366
00:28:14,837 --> 00:28:16,248
And your Worst enemy.

367
00:28:16,714 --> 00:28:17,955
Same difference.

368
00:28:25,431 --> 00:28:26,547
Oh.

369
00:28:27,725 --> 00:28:29,387
What are we gonna tell the cops?

370
00:28:31,353 --> 00:28:34,312
"Fuck it if she can't take a joke, Sarge."

371
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:35,806
The cops.

372
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:39,191
I can't believe this is my life.

373
00:28:39,737 --> 00:28:41,569
Oh, my God.

374
00:28:43,073 --> 00:28:47,283
I'm gonna have to send my SAT scores
to San Quentin instead of Stanford.

375
00:28:48,037 --> 00:28:50,029
Uh...

376
00:28:50,789 --> 00:28:53,247
All right, just a little freaked here.

377
00:28:54,918 --> 00:28:56,784
At least you got what you wanted,
you know?

378
00:28:57,921 --> 00:28:59,457
Got what I wanted?

379
00:28:59,965 --> 00:29:02,173
It is one thing to want
somebody out of your life,

380
00:29:02,301 --> 00:29:05,385
it is another thing to serve them
a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer.

381
00:29:06,889 --> 00:29:08,425
Uh...

382
00:29:18,609 --> 00:29:19,645
Uh...

383
00:29:29,244 --> 00:29:30,280
Yeah.

384
00:29:30,829 --> 00:29:34,413
All right, we-we-we did a murder,
and that's a crime.

385
00:29:35,250 --> 00:29:36,582
But, uh...

386
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:40,162
...if this were like a suicide thing,
you know?

387
00:29:43,342 --> 00:29:44,753
Like a suicide thing?

388
00:29:45,260 --> 00:29:47,252
Yeah, yeah.

389
00:29:48,180 --> 00:29:51,969
I mean, uh, you can do Heather's
handwriting, as well as your own, right?

390
00:29:53,477 --> 00:29:54,638
Right?

391
00:30:01,527 --> 00:30:02,734
Yeah.

392
00:30:02,861 --> 00:30:04,193
All right.

393
00:30:06,156 --> 00:30:08,148
"You might think
what I've done is shocking."

394
00:30:08,617 --> 00:30:09,824
Yeah.

395
00:30:12,955 --> 00:30:13,991
Um...

396
00:30:15,958 --> 00:30:18,200
"To me, though,
suicide is the natural answer

397
00:30:18,335 --> 00:30:20,793
"to the myriad of problems
life has given me."

398
00:30:22,506 --> 00:30:25,169
That's good, but Heather
would never use the word "myriad".

399
00:30:25,676 --> 00:30:27,167
This is the last thing she'll ever write.

400
00:30:27,302 --> 00:30:30,921
She's gonna wanna cash in
on as many 50-cent words as possible.

401
00:30:31,056 --> 00:30:33,844
Yeah, but she missed "myriad"
on the vocab test two weeks ago.

402
00:30:33,976 --> 00:30:35,342
That only proves my point more.

403
00:30:35,477 --> 00:30:37,935
The word is a badge
for her failures at school.

404
00:30:39,606 --> 00:30:42,394
Oh. OK, you're probably right.

405
00:30:42,526 --> 00:30:43,607
Uh...

406
00:30:45,028 --> 00:30:50,945
"People think just because
you're beautiful and popular,

407
00:30:51,410 --> 00:30:54,869
"life is easy and fun."

408
00:30:54,997 --> 00:30:56,363
- Yeah.
- Uh...

409
00:30:57,624 --> 00:31:02,915
"No one understood I had feelings, too."

410
00:31:03,922 --> 00:31:05,083
Huh?

411
00:31:05,757 --> 00:31:08,374
"I die knowing no one knew the real me."

412
00:31:09,428 --> 00:31:11,090
- Huh.
- Hmm.

413
00:31:11,221 --> 00:31:12,553
That's good.

414
00:31:13,891 --> 00:31:15,348
Have you done this before?

415
00:31:20,022 --> 00:31:22,355
Any other principal
would take the same position.

416
00:31:22,483 --> 00:31:24,190
Keep things business as usual.

417
00:31:24,318 --> 00:31:26,685
Heather Chandler's
not your everyday suicide.

418
00:31:26,820 --> 00:31:29,483
- She was very popular.
- Come on, Paul.

419
00:31:29,615 --> 00:31:31,151
If I let the kids out before lunch,

420
00:31:31,283 --> 00:31:33,525
the sWitchboard
would light up like a Christmas tree.

421
00:31:33,660 --> 00:31:35,572
I must say I was impressed to see

422
00:31:35,704 --> 00:31:39,323
that she made proper use
of the word "myriad" in her suicide note.

423
00:31:39,458 --> 00:31:42,792
I find it profoundly disturbing

424
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:46,004
that we're told of
the tragic destruction of youth,

425
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:50,504
and all we can think to talk about
is adequate mourning times

426
00:31:50,636 --> 00:31:52,343
and misused vocabulary words?

427
00:31:52,804 --> 00:31:54,215
Oh, Christ!

428
00:31:54,890 --> 00:31:57,473
We must revel in this revealing moment!

429
00:31:58,352 --> 00:32:01,186
Look, I suggest
that we get everybody together,

430
00:32:01,647 --> 00:32:04,139
both students and teachers,
in the cafeteria,

431
00:32:04,274 --> 00:32:07,608
and just talk and feel.

432
00:32:08,529 --> 00:32:09,610
Together.

433
00:32:10,405 --> 00:32:13,022
Thank you, Ms Fleming.
You call me when the shuttle lands.

434
00:32:13,742 --> 00:32:16,325
Now, is this Heather the... cheerleader?

435
00:32:16,453 --> 00:32:18,490
That would be
Heather McNamara.

436
00:32:18,622 --> 00:32:20,079
Oh, damn.

437
00:32:20,207 --> 00:32:22,665
I'd be willing to go half a day
for a cheerleader.

438
00:32:23,418 --> 00:32:25,455
God, it's unfair.

439
00:32:25,587 --> 00:32:27,419
It's just so unfair.

440
00:32:27,548 --> 00:32:30,291
We should get off a whole week,
not just an hour.

441
00:32:30,425 --> 00:32:31,586
Write the school board.

442
00:32:32,386 --> 00:32:35,094
Watch it, Heather.
You might be digesting food there.

443
00:32:35,222 --> 00:32:38,056
- Yeah, where is your urge to purge?
- Fuck it.

444
00:32:38,767 --> 00:32:39,803
Look.

445
00:32:42,271 --> 00:32:44,308
Heather left behind one of her Swatches.

446
00:32:47,985 --> 00:32:49,317
She'd want you to have it.

447
00:32:50,696 --> 00:32:52,983
She always said
you couldn't accessorise for shit.

448
00:32:54,533 --> 00:32:56,274
Sorry to hear about your friend.

449
00:32:56,410 --> 00:32:58,743
I thought she was
your usual airhead bitch.

450
00:32:59,454 --> 00:33:01,070
Guess I was wrong.

451
00:33:01,206 --> 00:33:02,617
We all were.

452
00:33:05,961 --> 00:33:07,168
What a waste.

453
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:10,166
Oh, the humanity.

454
00:33:17,973 --> 00:33:19,054
Veronica?

455
00:33:27,524 --> 00:33:29,982
Veronica, what are you doing?

456
00:33:41,788 --> 00:33:45,623
I'm just so thrilled...

457
00:33:46,710 --> 00:33:49,498
...to finally have an example
of the profound sensitivity

458
00:33:49,630 --> 00:33:51,542
of which a human animal is capable.

459
00:33:52,466 --> 00:33:54,833
That example is Heather Chandler.

460
00:33:55,969 --> 00:33:58,757
- I have her note.
- Ooh!

461
00:33:59,264 --> 00:34:02,007
Now, I'm gonna pass this note
around the class,

462
00:34:02,142 --> 00:34:05,101
so you can all feel
its pathetic beauty for yourself.

463
00:34:07,522 --> 00:34:11,015
And while we do this, I think
it's a good opportunity to share the...

464
00:34:12,569 --> 00:34:16,028
...feelings that this suicide
has spurred in all of us.

465
00:34:16,156 --> 00:34:18,569
Now, who would like to begin?

466
00:34:19,076 --> 00:34:20,908
I heard it was really gnarly.

467
00:34:21,036 --> 00:34:24,529
She sucked down a bowl
of multi-purpose deodorising disinfectant,

468
00:34:24,665 --> 00:34:25,997
and then smash!

469
00:34:26,124 --> 00:34:29,242
Uh, now, Tracy, let's not rehash
the coroner's report.

470
00:34:29,836 --> 00:34:31,168
Let's talk emotions.

471
00:34:32,547 --> 00:34:34,664
Um, Heather and I used to go out,

472
00:34:35,300 --> 00:34:36,757
but she said I was boring.

473
00:34:37,219 --> 00:34:39,302
But now I realise I really wasn't boring.

474
00:34:40,097 --> 00:34:42,510
It's just that she was
dissatisfied with her life.

475
00:34:45,769 --> 00:34:47,635
That's very good, Peter.

476
00:34:55,737 --> 00:34:57,228
Are we gonna be tested on this?

477
00:34:59,074 --> 00:35:02,943
'We were the same size, so we could borrow
each other's clothes and mix it up.

478
00:35:03,078 --> 00:35:04,319
'It was fun.'

479
00:35:04,454 --> 00:35:08,915
'I remember I won her a rhino
at the 4-H Club.'

480
00:35:09,042 --> 00:35:10,624
You're an asshole. Mute him.

481
00:35:12,295 --> 00:35:13,831
'You know, we liked the same clothes.'

482
00:35:13,964 --> 00:35:16,502
Heather, how many networks
did you run to?

483
00:35:17,217 --> 00:35:19,004
'It's just not gonna be the same
without her.'

484
00:35:19,136 --> 00:35:22,345
What are you talking about?
You hated her. She hated you.

485
00:35:22,472 --> 00:35:25,135
'Every English class
I looked forward to seeing her.'

486
00:35:26,143 --> 00:35:28,851
Heather Chandler's
more popular than ever now.

487
00:35:30,856 --> 00:35:33,189
- Scary stuff.
- Yeah.

488
00:35:35,318 --> 00:35:37,435
Hey, son, I didn't hear you come in.

489
00:35:38,071 --> 00:35:40,984
Hey, dad, how was work today?

490
00:35:45,203 --> 00:35:46,569
It was miserable.

491
00:35:47,456 --> 00:35:49,288
Some damn tribe of withered old bitches

492
00:35:49,416 --> 00:35:52,250
doesn't want us to terminate
that fleabag hotel.

493
00:35:52,711 --> 00:35:56,125
Huh. All because Glen Miller and his band
once took a shit there.

494
00:35:56,256 --> 00:35:58,373
- Hm.
- Just like Kansas.

495
00:35:58,884 --> 00:36:00,796
Do you remember fucking Kansas?

496
00:36:00,927 --> 00:36:02,919
Yeah, that was the one
with the wheat, right?

497
00:36:03,597 --> 00:36:06,840
Yeah. Save the Memorial Oak Tree Society.

498
00:36:06,975 --> 00:36:09,592
Showed those fucks.

499
00:36:09,728 --> 00:36:13,267
Yeah, 30 of those 4th July fireworks
attached to the trunk.

500
00:36:13,982 --> 00:36:15,769
Arraigned, but acquitted.

501
00:36:15,901 --> 00:36:17,187
Gosh, pop.

502
00:36:17,319 --> 00:36:19,652
I almost forgot
to introduce my girlfriend.

503
00:36:19,780 --> 00:36:22,864
Oh. Veronica, this is my dad.

504
00:36:22,991 --> 00:36:24,948
- Dad, Veronica.
- Hi.

505
00:36:27,370 --> 00:36:29,862
Son, why don't you ask
your little friend to stay for dinner?

506
00:36:31,541 --> 00:36:35,535
I can't. My mom's making
my favourite meal tonight. Spaghetti.

507
00:36:36,129 --> 00:36:38,166
- Lots of oregano.
- How nice.

508
00:36:39,007 --> 00:36:43,377
The last time I saw my mom she was waving
from a library window in Texas.

509
00:36:44,054 --> 00:36:45,090
All right, dad?

510
00:36:46,681 --> 00:36:48,673
Right...

511
00:36:49,226 --> 00:36:51,058
...son.

512
00:36:52,646 --> 00:36:53,853
Right.

513
00:36:57,067 --> 00:36:58,979
Take a break, Veronica. Sit down.

514
00:37:01,905 --> 00:37:05,273
So, what was the first day
after Heather's suicide like?

515
00:37:05,867 --> 00:37:07,608
Well, it was OK, I guess.

516
00:37:08,995 --> 00:37:10,327
Terrible thing.

517
00:37:11,456 --> 00:37:14,620
So, will we get to meet
this dark horse prom contender?

518
00:37:15,710 --> 00:37:16,871
Maybe.

519
00:37:17,629 --> 00:37:20,918
Goddamn, will somebody tell me
why I smoke these damn things?

520
00:37:22,008 --> 00:37:23,294
'Cos you're an idiot.

521
00:37:25,011 --> 00:37:26,218
Oh, yeah. That's it.

522
00:37:26,930 --> 00:37:28,216
You two.

523
00:37:28,932 --> 00:37:32,471
Great pâté, but I'm gonna have to motor
if wanna be ready for that funeral.

524
00:37:38,233 --> 00:37:39,815
I blame not Heather,

525
00:37:40,777 --> 00:37:45,442
but rather a society that tells its youth

526
00:37:45,574 --> 00:37:50,694
that the answers can be found
in the MTV video games.

527
00:37:52,122 --> 00:37:56,366
We must pray that the other teenagers
of Sherwood, Ohio,

528
00:37:56,501 --> 00:37:59,869
know the name of that righteous dude,

529
00:38:00,005 --> 00:38:02,418
who can solve their problems.

530
00:38:03,508 --> 00:38:06,876
It's Jesus Christ and he's in the book.

531
00:38:08,763 --> 00:38:10,254
Amen.

532
00:38:15,979 --> 00:38:17,936
'Oh, God, this is a tragic thing

533
00:38:18,064 --> 00:38:21,148
'and sometimes I have a hard time
dealing with it and stuff.

534
00:38:21,276 --> 00:38:23,108
'Please send Heather
to heaven and all that.'

535
00:38:23,612 --> 00:38:26,355
'Dear God, please make sure
this never happens to me,

536
00:38:26,489 --> 00:38:28,697
'cos I don't think I can handle suicide.

537
00:38:28,825 --> 00:38:30,782
'Fast early acceptance
into an Ivy League school.

538
00:38:30,911 --> 00:38:32,903
'Please let it be Harvard. Amen.'

539
00:38:33,413 --> 00:38:37,783
'Jesus God in heaven,
why did you have to kill such hot snatch?

540
00:38:37,918 --> 00:38:39,625
'Yeah. It's a joke, man.

541
00:38:40,253 --> 00:38:42,290
'Jeez, people are so serious.

542
00:38:42,422 --> 00:38:44,163
'Hail Mary, who aren't in heaven,

543
00:38:44,299 --> 00:38:47,383
'pray for all us sinners
so we don't get caught.

544
00:38:47,510 --> 00:38:48,842
'Another joke, man.'

545
00:38:49,804 --> 00:38:52,763
'I prayed for the death
of Heather Chandler many times.

546
00:38:52,891 --> 00:38:55,679
'I felt bad every time I did it,
but I kept doing it anyway.

547
00:38:56,645 --> 00:38:58,602
'Now I know you understood everything.

548
00:38:59,230 --> 00:39:01,973
'Praise Jesus. Hallelujah.'

549
00:39:03,151 --> 00:39:05,234
'Hi. I'm sorry.

550
00:39:05,362 --> 00:39:08,230
'Technically,
I did not kill Heather Chandler,

551
00:39:08,365 --> 00:39:10,231
'but, hey, who am I trying to kid, right?

552
00:39:11,534 --> 00:39:14,072
'I just want my high school
to be a nice place.

553
00:39:14,955 --> 00:39:15,991
'Amen.

554
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:18,326
'Did that sound bitchy?'

555
00:39:23,296 --> 00:39:26,414
Veronica... what are you doing tonight?

556
00:39:27,592 --> 00:39:29,424
I don't knoW. Mourning.

557
00:39:29,552 --> 00:39:31,839
Maybe watch some TV. Why?

558
00:39:33,723 --> 00:39:36,386
Well, Ram asked me out tonight,

559
00:39:37,060 --> 00:39:39,222
but he wants to double with Kurt,

560
00:39:40,105 --> 00:39:41,721
and Kurt doesn't have a date.

561
00:39:42,607 --> 00:39:45,020
Heather,
I have something going with JD.

562
00:39:45,151 --> 00:39:47,985
Please, Veronica.
Put Billy the Kid on hold tonight.

563
00:39:48,113 --> 00:39:49,320
I'll be your best friend.

564
00:39:53,785 --> 00:39:55,367
So we on tonight, man, or what?

565
00:39:56,579 --> 00:39:57,660
I don't know.

566
00:39:58,957 --> 00:40:00,573
I still got to talk to Heather, dude.

567
00:40:01,334 --> 00:40:02,495
Weird funeral, huh?

568
00:40:04,254 --> 00:40:06,712
That pudwapper just stepped on my foot.

569
00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:08,752
- Let's kick his ass.
- Cool off.

570
00:40:09,718 --> 00:40:12,301
- We're seniors.
- Goddamn geek!

571
00:40:13,430 --> 00:40:14,841
Ah, well.

572
00:40:15,432 --> 00:40:17,139
Sit and spin.

573
00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:18,716
That little prick.

574
00:40:26,317 --> 00:40:27,899
Oh!

575
00:40:31,489 --> 00:40:33,856
You piece of shit fag.
You like to suck big dicks?

576
00:40:33,992 --> 00:40:37,156
- Cut it out.
- Say, "I like to suck big dicks."

577
00:40:37,287 --> 00:40:39,244
Leave him alone, Ram.

578
00:40:40,707 --> 00:40:41,868
Ow.

579
00:40:42,917 --> 00:40:44,124
Say it.

580
00:40:47,464 --> 00:40:48,500
Say it!

581
00:40:49,007 --> 00:40:50,168
OK, OK.

582
00:40:52,177 --> 00:40:54,590
You like to suck big dicks. Ow!

583
00:40:54,721 --> 00:40:55,928
Ow!

584
00:40:58,850 --> 00:41:00,762
I like to suck big dicks.

585
00:41:00,894 --> 00:41:03,807
Oh, hmm! Hmm!

586
00:41:03,938 --> 00:41:06,601
I can't get enough of 'em.
Are you satisfied?

587
00:41:06,733 --> 00:41:10,852
Don't worry. Ram's been so sweet lately,
consoling me and stuff.

588
00:41:11,613 --> 00:41:12,945
It'll be really very.

589
00:41:13,990 --> 00:41:15,071
Promise.

590
00:41:15,700 --> 00:41:17,908
OK, just as long as
it won't be one of those nights

591
00:41:18,036 --> 00:41:21,529
where they get shit-faced,
and take us to a pasture to tip cows.

592
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:31,338
- Is it sleeping, dude?
- I think so, man.

593
00:41:32,717 --> 00:41:34,208
Shh!

594
00:41:34,761 --> 00:41:35,797
Come here.

595
00:41:36,262 --> 00:41:39,005
Oh, shit.
Cow tipping is the fucking greatest!

596
00:41:39,140 --> 00:41:40,676
Punch it in.

597
00:41:41,559 --> 00:41:42,891
Ow!

598
00:41:43,645 --> 00:41:46,308
Shit. OK, on the count
of three, guy.

599
00:41:47,941 --> 00:41:51,560
One. Two. Three.

600
00:42:01,496 --> 00:42:03,112
When I get that feeling,

601
00:42:03,623 --> 00:42:05,489
I need sexual healing.

602
00:42:05,625 --> 00:42:07,207
Yeah, right, asshole.

603
00:42:14,551 --> 00:42:15,917
What is this shit?

604
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:24,307
Doing a favour for Heather.

605
00:42:25,019 --> 00:42:27,887
Double date. I tried to tell you
at the funeral, but you rode off.

606
00:42:28,565 --> 00:42:29,976
Another fucking Heather.

607
00:42:32,068 --> 00:42:34,185
I'm sorry.

608
00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:37,154
I'm, uh, just feeling
a little superior tonight.

609
00:42:38,825 --> 00:42:40,782
Seven schools in seven states,

610
00:42:40,910 --> 00:42:43,744
and the only thing different
is my locker combination.

611
00:42:47,292 --> 00:42:48,578
Our love is God.

612
00:42:50,545 --> 00:42:52,377
Let's go get a slushie.

613
00:43:02,765 --> 00:43:04,927
I'm not belittling
the foodless fund, Peter.

614
00:43:05,059 --> 00:43:07,346
It's just w-we're talking
teen suicide here.

615
00:43:07,478 --> 00:43:12,564
The number one song in America today
is "Teenage Suicide, Don't Do It" by Big Fun.

616
00:43:12,692 --> 00:43:15,275
Good Jesus, man, Westerburg
finally got one of these things,

617
00:43:15,403 --> 00:43:16,644
and I'm not gonna blow it.

618
00:43:16,779 --> 00:43:20,648
Great. So Heather gets the front page and
I get crammed in by the Taco Bell coupon.

619
00:43:22,076 --> 00:43:26,787
Hi, guys. I came to check up
on this week's lunchtime poll topic.

620
00:43:26,915 --> 00:43:29,157
Hey, don't worry about it, Veronica.
Sit down, huh?

621
00:43:29,959 --> 00:43:33,748
Th-that funeral yesterday
must have really been rough, huh?

622
00:43:34,839 --> 00:43:37,206
Oh, yeah, yeah.

623
00:43:37,342 --> 00:43:41,177
W-we were wondering
if you had any poems, artwork

624
00:43:41,304 --> 00:43:44,263
that Heather did that we can put in
the Heather Chandler yearbook spread?

625
00:43:44,974 --> 00:43:47,512
- The what?
- Oh, but, take a look.

626
00:43:48,186 --> 00:43:51,600
It's a two-page layout with her
suicide note right up here in the corner.

627
00:43:53,566 --> 00:43:56,274
It's more tasteful than it sounds.

628
00:43:57,695 --> 00:44:00,608
I don't know, Dennis.
This stuff leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

629
00:44:01,199 --> 00:44:04,158
Like last night, Veronica?

630
00:44:06,996 --> 00:44:08,203
Excuse me?

631
00:44:08,706 --> 00:44:09,742
I don't get it.

632
00:44:09,874 --> 00:44:11,331
Oh, you did last night.

633
00:44:11,834 --> 00:44:13,746
Kurt told us of your little date.

634
00:44:13,878 --> 00:44:17,622
Yeah, and? I left him drunk,
and flailing in cow shit.

635
00:44:17,757 --> 00:44:20,374
Well, I don't know.
He was really detailed.

636
00:44:20,510 --> 00:44:21,842
Shh.

637
00:44:21,970 --> 00:44:23,836
- Shut up, Courtney.
- No, don't shut up.

638
00:44:23,972 --> 00:44:26,009
I'd like to knoW exactly what I did.

639
00:44:26,140 --> 00:44:28,302
Come on, Veronica.

640
00:44:28,434 --> 00:44:30,175
I'll show you the lunchtime poll topic.

641
00:44:34,190 --> 00:44:35,226
What the fuck?

642
00:44:35,358 --> 00:44:38,396
OK, I rarely listen to Neanderthals
like Kurt Kelly,

643
00:44:38,528 --> 00:44:40,110
but he said that he and Ram

644
00:44:40,238 --> 00:44:42,730
had a nice little sword fight
in your mouth last night.

645
00:44:42,865 --> 00:44:44,322
You know what I mean, hm?

646
00:44:44,450 --> 00:44:47,067
Eew!

647
00:44:47,203 --> 00:44:48,819
That son of a bitch!

648
00:44:50,665 --> 00:44:52,201
Hi, Kurt?

649
00:44:52,333 --> 00:44:54,165
Hi. This is Veronica Sawyer.

650
00:44:55,253 --> 00:44:57,290
I didn't expect to be calling, either.

651
00:44:57,422 --> 00:44:59,379
I guess my emotions took over.

652
00:45:00,425 --> 00:45:04,044
I was wondering if you wanted those things
you've been saying to really happen.

653
00:45:05,054 --> 00:45:08,263
It's always been a fantasy of mine
to have two guys at once.

654
00:45:09,434 --> 00:45:11,426
Oh, sure,
you can write to Penthouse Forum.

655
00:45:13,896 --> 00:45:15,979
Yeah, in the woods behind the school.

656
00:45:16,649 --> 00:45:17,981
At dawn.

657
00:45:18,609 --> 00:45:19,975
Don't forget Ram.

658
00:45:28,161 --> 00:45:30,323
I don't get the point of me
writing a suicide note

659
00:45:30,455 --> 00:45:32,492
when we're gonna
be shooting them with blanks.

660
00:45:33,333 --> 00:45:35,541
We're not gonna be using
blanks this time.

661
00:45:37,795 --> 00:45:39,457
You can't be serious?

662
00:45:40,006 --> 00:45:41,213
I am.

663
00:45:42,050 --> 00:45:44,633
Listen, my Bonnie and Clyde days are over.

664
00:45:44,761 --> 00:45:46,252
Wait a second, wait a second.

665
00:45:46,387 --> 00:45:48,003
Do you take German?

666
00:45:48,139 --> 00:45:49,471
French.

667
00:45:49,599 --> 00:45:52,091
All right. These are Ich Lüge bullets.

668
00:45:52,226 --> 00:45:55,469
My grandfather snared
a shitload of them back in WWII.

669
00:45:56,230 --> 00:45:57,937
They're like tranquillisers,

670
00:45:58,066 --> 00:46:01,730
only they break the skin's surface enough
to cause a little blood,

671
00:46:01,861 --> 00:46:03,193
but no real damage.

672
00:46:03,905 --> 00:46:06,318
So it looks like the person's
been shot and killed,

673
00:46:06,783 --> 00:46:09,696
and really they're just lying there
unconscious and bleeding?

674
00:46:10,620 --> 00:46:12,156
- Oh.
- Right.

675
00:46:13,915 --> 00:46:15,781
See, we shoot Kurt and Ram,

676
00:46:15,917 --> 00:46:17,624
make it look like they shot each other,

677
00:46:17,752 --> 00:46:19,618
and by the time
they regain consciousness,

678
00:46:19,754 --> 00:46:21,916
they'll be the laughing stock
of the whole school.

679
00:46:22,757 --> 00:46:24,419
Uh, the note's the punch line.

680
00:46:24,550 --> 00:46:25,961
How'd that turn out?

681
00:46:26,094 --> 00:46:29,258
First tell me the similarity
is not incredible.

682
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:32,427
It's incredible similarity.

683
00:46:32,558 --> 00:46:33,594
Mm.

684
00:46:35,019 --> 00:46:36,305
OK

685
00:46:38,564 --> 00:46:42,478
"Ram and I died the day we realised
we could never reveal our forbidden love

686
00:46:42,610 --> 00:46:44,977
"to an uncaring
and un-understanding world.

687
00:46:45,530 --> 00:46:49,149
"The joy we shared in each other's arms
was greater than any touchdown,

688
00:46:49,283 --> 00:46:53,869
"yet, we were forced to live the lie
of sexist, beer-guzzling, jock assholes."

689
00:46:54,789 --> 00:46:55,950
That's perfect.

690
00:46:57,792 --> 00:47:00,626
Uh, let's take a look
at some of the homosexual artefacts

691
00:47:00,753 --> 00:47:02,870
I dug up to plant at the scene.

692
00:47:04,424 --> 00:47:05,540
All right.

693
00:47:06,008 --> 00:47:07,874
An issue of Stud Puppy.

694
00:47:08,010 --> 00:47:09,717
It's great!

695
00:47:09,846 --> 00:47:11,212
A candy dish.

696
00:47:12,432 --> 00:47:13,968
A Joan Crawford postcard.

697
00:47:14,851 --> 00:47:16,058
Good.

698
00:47:16,185 --> 00:47:17,767
Some, uh, mascara.

699
00:47:19,772 --> 00:47:22,856
<i>All right, now,
here's the one perfecto thing I picked up.</i>

700
00:47:24,152 --> 00:47:25,188
Mineral water.

701
00:47:25,987 --> 00:47:28,730
Oh, come on, a lot of people
drink mineral water.

702
00:47:28,865 --> 00:47:30,276
It's come a long way.

703
00:47:30,408 --> 00:47:31,740
Yeah, but this is Ohio.

704
00:47:31,868 --> 00:47:35,612
If you don't have a brewski in your hand,
you might as well be wearing a dress.

705
00:47:35,746 --> 00:47:37,282
Oh, you're so smart.

706
00:47:48,384 --> 00:47:49,420
Hi, Veronica.

707
00:47:50,845 --> 00:47:52,086
Hi, guys.

708
00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:55,881
Glad you could make it.

709
00:48:05,067 --> 00:48:06,854
So should I just whip it out or...?

710
00:48:07,403 --> 00:48:10,316
Well, I-I-I've made a circle
on each side of the clearing.

711
00:48:10,907 --> 00:48:12,489
Ram, you come over here.

712
00:48:14,327 --> 00:48:15,408
Kurt...

713
00:48:17,121 --> 00:48:20,034
When you get to the circle, strip.

714
00:48:21,209 --> 00:48:22,325
What about you?

715
00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:25,748
I was kinda hoping
you could rip my clothes off me, sport.

716
00:48:27,256 --> 00:48:29,339
Oh... good idea.

717
00:48:38,726 --> 00:48:39,842
OK.

718
00:48:40,645 --> 00:48:41,726
Count of three, guys.

719
00:48:43,981 --> 00:48:45,097
One.

720
00:48:48,110 --> 00:48:49,226
Two.

721
00:48:50,696 --> 00:48:52,312
Three.

722
00:48:56,827 --> 00:48:58,318
You missed him completely?

723
00:48:58,454 --> 00:49:00,411
Yeah, but don't worry.
It was worth it to see the look...

724
00:49:00,915 --> 00:49:03,157
All right, don't move.
I'll, uh, I'll get him back.

725
00:49:39,745 --> 00:49:41,702
- Ha-ha!
- Oh, fuck!

726
00:50:09,358 --> 00:50:11,315
- No.
- Now!

727
00:50:22,455 --> 00:50:24,492
Hey, I heard it that time.

728
00:50:24,624 --> 00:50:26,832
- What?
- Another gunshot from the woods.

729
00:50:26,959 --> 00:50:28,825
Oh, shit. Let's roll!

730
00:50:29,378 --> 00:50:31,119
Kurt doesn't look too good.

731
00:50:31,631 --> 00:50:33,338
Just remember he's left-handed.

732
00:50:33,466 --> 00:50:35,583
Keep going till you hit the clearing.

733
00:50:36,844 --> 00:50:37,880
Come on.

734
00:50:42,892 --> 00:50:45,259
- Mother of shit!
- Call in.

735
00:50:46,937 --> 00:50:48,678
Hey, I heard something out there.

736
00:50:49,982 --> 00:50:51,143
I'm checking it out.

737
00:50:51,984 --> 00:50:53,646
Yeah, this is, uh, Officer McCord.

738
00:50:53,778 --> 00:50:57,317
I've got two dead bodies in the woods
behind Westerburg High.

739
00:51:43,577 --> 00:51:46,035
'Milner, can you hear me?

740
00:51:46,163 --> 00:51:48,075
- 'What's going down?'
- Uh, yeah, yeah.

741
00:51:49,375 --> 00:51:51,162
I think what I heard was a bunny rabbit.

742
00:51:51,293 --> 00:51:54,627
All I've got here is a couple of kids
making out in a station wagon.

743
00:51:54,755 --> 00:51:57,873
- 'Should I pry them apart?'
- Oh, no. Forget it.

744
00:51:58,008 --> 00:52:00,466
I got all the answers back here.

745
00:52:00,594 --> 00:52:01,755
'Hey...'

746
00:52:03,305 --> 00:52:04,341
Are they naked?

747
00:52:16,110 --> 00:52:18,477
Yeah, so, uh, what's the deal?

748
00:52:18,612 --> 00:52:20,274
Suicide. Double-suicide.

749
00:52:20,406 --> 00:52:21,613
They shot each other.

750
00:52:22,658 --> 00:52:24,365
Hey, that's Kurt Kelly.

751
00:52:24,493 --> 00:52:26,701
Yeah, and the line-backer,
Ram Sweeney.

752
00:52:28,664 --> 00:52:32,283
My God, suicide. Why?

753
00:52:33,627 --> 00:52:35,584
Does this answer your question?

754
00:52:36,964 --> 00:52:38,876
Oh, man. They were fags.

755
00:52:39,675 --> 00:52:41,007
Listen up.

756
00:52:41,135 --> 00:52:43,923
"We realised we could never
reveal our forbidden love

757
00:52:44,054 --> 00:52:47,047
"to an uncaring
and un-understanding world."

758
00:52:48,100 --> 00:52:49,762
Jesus H. Christ!

759
00:52:50,394 --> 00:52:52,681
The quarterback
buggering the line-backer.

760
00:52:53,522 --> 00:52:55,184
What a waste.

761
00:52:56,025 --> 00:52:57,436
Oh, the humanity.

762
00:53:18,005 --> 00:53:19,291
But...

763
00:53:29,975 --> 00:53:32,934
- Hm.
- So we killed them, didn't we?

764
00:53:34,188 --> 00:53:36,145
Yeah. Of course.

765
00:54:01,423 --> 00:54:04,541
Ich Lüge bullets...
I'm such an idiot!

766
00:54:07,805 --> 00:54:11,389
Look, you believed it
because you wanted to believe it.

767
00:54:12,726 --> 00:54:16,185
Your true feelings
were too gross and icky for you to face.

768
00:54:17,940 --> 00:54:20,603
I did not want them dead!

769
00:54:21,902 --> 00:54:25,111
- You did, too.
- I did not!

770
00:54:25,656 --> 00:54:27,113
- Did, too.
- I did not!

771
00:54:27,241 --> 00:54:28,732
- Did, too.
- I did not!

772
00:54:28,868 --> 00:54:30,279
- Did, too.
- Did not!

773
00:54:30,411 --> 00:54:32,073
- Did, too!
- Did not! Did not!

774
00:54:32,204 --> 00:54:33,911
Shut up! I did not want them dead!

775
00:54:39,420 --> 00:54:41,286
- Yes, you did.
- I did not!

776
00:54:41,422 --> 00:54:43,414
Young love!

777
00:54:44,383 --> 00:54:47,376
Did you hear school's cancelled today
because Kurt and Ram killed themselves

778
00:54:47,511 --> 00:54:49,878
in a repressed homosexual suicide pact?

779
00:54:50,014 --> 00:54:51,175
No way.

780
00:54:54,310 --> 00:54:55,471
God!

781
00:54:56,520 --> 00:54:59,854
The football season is over, Veronica.

782
00:55:00,983 --> 00:55:03,350
Kurt and Ram
had nothing to offer the school,

783
00:55:03,485 --> 00:55:05,647
but date rapes and AIDS jokes.

784
00:55:07,239 --> 00:55:09,105
Sure.

785
00:55:10,701 --> 00:55:13,284
Can we make an ice run
before the funeral?

786
00:55:20,336 --> 00:55:22,453
If there's any way
you can hear me, Kurt buddy.

787
00:55:25,674 --> 00:55:28,712
I don't care
that you really were some... pansy.

788
00:55:30,554 --> 00:55:33,638
You're my own flesh and blood,
and you made me proud.

789
00:55:37,353 --> 00:55:40,016
My son's a homosexual and I love him.

790
00:55:42,441 --> 00:55:44,103
I love my dead, gay son.

791
00:55:46,028 --> 00:55:49,647
How do you think he'd react to a son
that had a limp wrist with a pulse?

792
00:56:06,632 --> 00:56:08,168
'Dear Diary,

793
00:56:08,300 --> 00:56:11,509
'my teen angst bullshit has a body count.

794
00:56:12,221 --> 00:56:14,679
'The most popular people
in school are dead.

795
00:56:15,307 --> 00:56:19,221
'Everybody's sad,
but it's a weird kind of sad.

796
00:56:20,020 --> 00:56:25,232
'Suicide gave Heather depth,
Kurt a soul, Ram a brain.

797
00:56:26,360 --> 00:56:28,022
'I don't know what it's given me but,

798
00:56:28,696 --> 00:56:31,734
'I've got no control over myself
when I'm with JD.

799
00:56:32,408 --> 00:56:35,116
'Are we going to prom or to hell?'

800
00:56:36,745 --> 00:56:41,080
Now, it seems we were
in a similar position on Monday

801
00:56:41,208 --> 00:56:42,665
when I thoughtfully suggested

802
00:56:42,793 --> 00:56:47,128
we get together for an unadulterated
emotional outpouring, but no.

803
00:56:48,215 --> 00:56:50,423
You took this as an opportunity

804
00:56:50,551 --> 00:56:53,385
to play yet another round
of let's laugh at the hippy.

805
00:56:54,096 --> 00:56:56,338
- Pauline, if you want...
- Shut up, Paul.

806
00:56:57,182 --> 00:56:58,798
I've seen a lot of bullshit.

807
00:56:59,351 --> 00:57:01,593
Angel dust, switchblades,

808
00:57:02,688 --> 00:57:05,897
sexually perverse photography exhibits
involving tennis rackets,

809
00:57:06,442 --> 00:57:08,024
but this suicide thing...

810
00:57:09,862 --> 00:57:12,775
...guess that's more
on Pauline's wavelength.

811
00:57:13,824 --> 00:57:15,781
Well, we're just gonna write off today,

812
00:57:16,869 --> 00:57:21,660
and on Friday she can hold
her little love-in or whatever.

813
00:57:23,292 --> 00:57:24,328
Whatever.

814
00:57:30,841 --> 00:57:31,877
Attention!

815
00:57:33,343 --> 00:57:34,925
May I have your attention, please?

816
00:57:36,805 --> 00:57:39,798
This school has been
torn apart by tragedy.

817
00:57:40,559 --> 00:57:43,597
I'm here today to fuse it back again
through togetherness.

818
00:57:44,146 --> 00:57:45,978
I want everyone to clasp hands.

819
00:57:47,691 --> 00:57:51,025
We need to connect this cafeteria
into one mighty circuit!

820
00:57:51,153 --> 00:57:54,021
- Excuse me, please.
- Hey look, here comes the TV crew!

821
00:57:54,490 --> 00:57:55,651
Lock your paws!

822
00:57:56,784 --> 00:57:58,571
- We're ready when you are.
- Hi, there.

823
00:57:59,787 --> 00:58:01,153
Come on. Come on.

824
00:58:01,663 --> 00:58:03,529
Let's go. Up here.

825
00:58:03,665 --> 00:58:06,624
Yes, this will be on TV.
Let's show them how you feel!

826
00:58:06,752 --> 00:58:09,745
Looks like Miss Phlegm's
on another one of her crusades.

827
00:58:09,880 --> 00:58:11,587
With usual success, of course.

828
00:58:12,633 --> 00:58:14,670
Come on, freshmen! Get up!

829
00:58:14,802 --> 00:58:17,636
- Hi. What's your name?
- Hi. I'm Heather Duke.

830
00:58:23,310 --> 00:58:25,643
Is this as good for you as it is for me?

831
00:58:27,064 --> 00:58:29,056
Those fish sticks can wait. Let's go.

832
00:58:29,983 --> 00:58:31,440
Come on, kids!

833
00:58:33,278 --> 00:58:35,110
The whole World is watching!

834
00:58:37,741 --> 00:58:39,357
Show them that you care!

835
00:58:41,411 --> 00:58:43,323
Greetings and salutations.

836
00:58:44,039 --> 00:58:47,407
I'm gonna need a VHS copy of all this
by Monday for my Princeton application.

837
00:58:47,543 --> 00:58:48,579
Uh-huh.

838
00:58:50,462 --> 00:58:53,455
You can beat this.
Don't let suicide get you down.

839
00:58:55,217 --> 00:58:58,335
That thing this afternoon,
I'm so angry.

840
00:58:58,470 --> 00:59:00,177
It was chaos, fucking chaos.

841
00:59:01,932 --> 00:59:03,468
What are you talking about, huh?

842
00:59:04,309 --> 00:59:05,720
I mean, today was great.

843
00:59:05,853 --> 00:59:07,389
Chaos was great.

844
00:59:07,855 --> 00:59:10,643
Chaos is what killed
the dinosaurs, darling.

845
00:59:12,192 --> 00:59:14,024
Face it. Our way is the way.

846
00:59:14,153 --> 00:59:16,611
We scare people
into not being assholes.

847
00:59:17,447 --> 00:59:19,530
Our way is not our way.

848
00:59:19,658 --> 00:59:22,150
Oh, yeah?
Tell that to the judge, all right?

849
00:59:22,286 --> 00:59:24,073
Tell it to Kurt Kelly.

850
00:59:24,204 --> 00:59:26,537
- Oh, God!
- I'm telling it to you!

851
00:59:29,501 --> 00:59:31,618
God, you can be so immature!

852
00:59:31,753 --> 00:59:34,791
Oh! You kids are making
too much damn noise!

853
00:59:34,923 --> 00:59:37,381
We beat the bitches.

854
00:59:37,509 --> 00:59:39,717
Oh, beautiful. The beaver's home.

855
00:59:41,013 --> 00:59:43,926
Judge told them to slurp shit and die.

856
00:59:45,142 --> 00:59:47,509
I put a Norwegian in the boiler room.

857
00:59:47,644 --> 00:59:49,931
Masterful.

858
00:59:51,815 --> 00:59:53,306
And then When that blew,

859
00:59:54,067 --> 00:59:56,229
it set off a pack of thermals
I stuck upstairs.

860
01:00:06,163 --> 01:00:08,120
Some days it's great to be alive.

861
01:00:11,043 --> 01:00:13,035
Stick it to those goddamn...

862
01:00:13,170 --> 01:00:14,627
Do you like your father?

863
01:00:16,673 --> 01:00:18,539
Never given the matter much thought.

864
01:00:21,220 --> 01:00:22,882
Liked my mother.

865
01:00:25,432 --> 01:00:27,674
Yeah, they said her death
was an accident,

866
01:00:27,809 --> 01:00:29,926
but, uh, she kneW what she was doing.

867
01:00:30,854 --> 01:00:34,473
She walked into the building two minutes
before my dad blew the place up.

868
01:00:35,817 --> 01:00:37,683
She waved at me and then...

869
01:00:38,987 --> 01:00:40,319
...boom.

870
01:00:41,615 --> 01:00:44,949
'Dudes, if I get
one more request for that Big Fun song,

871
01:00:45,077 --> 01:00:46,238
'I'm gonna commit suicide.'

872
01:00:46,370 --> 01:00:47,531
Playing our song.

873
01:00:47,663 --> 01:00:51,077
'Here it is,
"Teenage Suicide, Don't Do It."'

874
01:01:04,680 --> 01:01:06,342
That's it. We're breaking up.

875
01:01:06,473 --> 01:01:10,012
What? You can't bring them back.
You must know that.

876
01:01:10,143 --> 01:01:13,511
I am not trying to bring anybody back,
except maybe myself.

877
01:01:24,574 --> 01:01:25,735
No!

878
01:01:28,036 --> 01:01:30,779
And to think there was a time
when I actually thought you were cool!

879
01:01:31,623 --> 01:01:35,458
Man, if you can't deal with me now
then just stay home and shoot your TV.

880
01:01:35,585 --> 01:01:37,542
Blow up a couple toasters or something.

881
01:01:38,046 --> 01:01:41,130
Just don't come to school,
and don't mess with me.

882
01:01:45,012 --> 01:01:46,423
You'll be back.

883
01:01:58,358 --> 01:02:00,475
Me and Martha Dumptruck?

884
01:02:01,403 --> 01:02:02,564
Where did you get this?

885
01:02:03,697 --> 01:02:08,192
Oh, I just had the nicest little chat
with Ms Dumptruck.

886
01:02:08,327 --> 01:02:09,738
Got along famously.

887
01:02:10,662 --> 01:02:13,530
It's kinda scary how everybody's got
a little story to tell.

888
01:02:14,374 --> 01:02:16,331
Uh, wanna see the canoeing shots?

889
01:02:16,460 --> 01:02:18,076
What is this? Blackmail?

890
01:02:22,591 --> 01:02:24,207
I'll give you a Week's lunch money.

891
01:02:24,760 --> 01:02:28,003
I don't want your money.

892
01:02:28,638 --> 01:02:30,174
I want your strength.

893
01:02:30,682 --> 01:02:33,174
Westerburg does not need
mushy togetherness.

894
01:02:33,310 --> 01:02:35,017
It needs a strong leader.

895
01:02:35,645 --> 01:02:37,807
Heather Chandler was that leader, but...

896
01:02:38,940 --> 01:02:40,351
But she couldn't handle it.

897
01:02:41,610 --> 01:02:42,976
I think you can.

898
01:02:44,446 --> 01:02:46,153
Moby Dick is dunked.

899
01:02:46,782 --> 01:02:49,115
The white whale
drank some bad plankton,

900
01:02:49,242 --> 01:02:51,029
and splashed through a coffee table,

901
01:02:51,161 --> 01:02:53,699
and now it's your turn to take the helm.

902
01:02:54,164 --> 01:02:57,123
- What about the photographs?
- Oh, don't worry.

903
01:02:57,709 --> 01:03:01,248
I'll ask you to do me a favour,
and it'll be one you'll enjoy.

904
01:03:01,963 --> 01:03:04,296
You'll get the negatives
and everything back then.

905
01:03:06,802 --> 01:03:10,011
But in the meantime, strength.

906
01:03:11,932 --> 01:03:13,173
Here's a little gift.

907
01:03:15,227 --> 01:03:16,638
From Heather to Heather.

908
01:03:57,227 --> 01:03:58,593
- Guess who?
- Heather?

909
01:04:17,622 --> 01:04:20,205
- 'Hello?'
- Hello, Betty? This is Veronica.

910
01:04:23,628 --> 01:04:25,369
I don't believe it! I'm winning!

911
01:04:27,299 --> 01:04:29,666
Don't you start
getting cocky on me now, girl.

912
01:04:31,761 --> 01:04:33,127
I really missed you.

913
01:04:34,473 --> 01:04:37,056
I know I'm not as exciting
as your other friends.

914
01:04:37,517 --> 01:04:39,224
That is bullshit.

915
01:04:39,352 --> 01:04:40,388
Shoot.

916
01:04:41,605 --> 01:04:43,096
Do you know I'm still a virgin?

917
01:04:43,815 --> 01:04:46,853
OK, I... I French kissed
Al Springer once.

918
01:04:47,402 --> 01:04:49,064
It was a total disaster.

919
01:04:49,196 --> 01:04:50,903
Shoot the ball.

920
01:04:55,118 --> 01:04:59,408
You know, Betty, your daydreams are a lot
better than my realities, believe me.

921
01:05:00,999 --> 01:05:04,743
But now, prepare to die.

922
01:05:04,878 --> 01:05:06,210
Ronnie!

923
01:05:22,270 --> 01:05:24,102
You're not gonna go for those two shots.

924
01:05:24,231 --> 01:05:26,974
I mean, uh, go ahead, knock me out.

925
01:05:27,108 --> 01:05:28,519
It's the only way to win.

926
01:05:29,861 --> 01:05:31,397
It's not my style.

927
01:05:33,240 --> 01:05:35,983
Nice guys finish last. I should know.

928
01:05:44,793 --> 01:05:46,159
Bravo.

929
01:05:47,546 --> 01:05:48,912
Brav-o.

930
01:05:51,049 --> 01:05:52,585
Listen, I-I got to get home, OK?

931
01:05:53,927 --> 01:05:55,919
- OK.
- Thanks.

932
01:05:56,972 --> 01:05:58,634
Bye, Betty.

933
01:05:59,516 --> 01:06:00,848
Bye.

934
01:06:00,976 --> 01:06:02,638
Betty, leaving so soon?

935
01:06:03,478 --> 01:06:04,810
I'm red.

936
01:06:32,591 --> 01:06:35,925
'The Westerburg suicides
were tough on all of us,

937
01:06:36,052 --> 01:06:40,262
'but we shared the pain
of losing three very popular students.

938
01:06:40,724 --> 01:06:43,842
'I came into the cafeteria,
asked them to hold hands...'

939
01:06:44,811 --> 01:06:47,599
Isn't that that flake
we met at the open house?

940
01:06:47,731 --> 01:06:49,848
'...burst of cleansing synchronicity,

941
01:06:49,983 --> 01:06:53,647
'TV cameras happened
onto our path and captured...'

942
01:06:53,778 --> 01:06:55,314
Cleansing synchronicity?

943
01:06:55,447 --> 01:06:57,439
'...an emotional outpouring of emotion.'

944
01:06:57,574 --> 01:06:59,361
Outpouring of emotion?

945
01:07:01,036 --> 01:07:02,368
Ha! Look! There's Heather.

946
01:07:02,495 --> 01:07:04,828
There's Heather.

947
01:07:04,956 --> 01:07:06,572
Where are you, Veronica?

948
01:07:06,708 --> 01:07:08,791
'Before a teenager
decides to kill himself,

949
01:07:08,918 --> 01:07:10,875
'there are certain facts
that he should know.

950
01:07:11,379 --> 01:07:15,123
'After all, this is a decision
that affects all of us,

951
01:07:15,258 --> 01:07:17,716
'and there's only one chance
to get it right.'

952
01:07:30,857 --> 01:07:32,223
'Getting some supervi...'

953
01:07:33,318 --> 01:07:34,900
Turn that back on.

954
01:07:35,028 --> 01:07:38,066
Can't you see these programmes
are eating suicide up with a spoon?

955
01:07:38,198 --> 01:07:40,030
They're making it sound like
a cool thing to do.

956
01:07:40,158 --> 01:07:44,118
Are you trying to tell me it's not a time
for troubled youth? Stand up straight.

957
01:07:44,245 --> 01:07:46,703
All we want is to be
treated like human beings,

958
01:07:46,831 --> 01:07:49,198
not to be experimented on
like guinea pigs,

959
01:07:49,334 --> 01:07:51,166
or patronised like bunny rabbits.

960
01:07:51,294 --> 01:07:53,035
I don't patronise bunny rabbits.

961
01:07:53,171 --> 01:07:54,503
Treated like human beings?

962
01:07:55,548 --> 01:07:58,507
Is that what you said,
little "Miss Voice-of-a-Generation"?

963
01:07:59,135 --> 01:08:02,378
Just how do you think
adults act with other adults?

964
01:08:02,514 --> 01:08:05,177
You think it's all just
a game of doubles tennis?

965
01:08:05,308 --> 01:08:08,722
When teenagers complain that
they want to be treated like human beings,

966
01:08:08,853 --> 01:08:11,561
it's usually because they are
being treated like human beings.

967
01:08:13,149 --> 01:08:16,187
Yeah, well, I guess I picked
the wrong time to be a human being.

968
01:08:16,903 --> 01:08:18,269
Well, you'll live.

969
01:08:25,036 --> 01:08:26,368
Want some pâté?

970
01:08:28,498 --> 01:08:30,114
Hi, everybody. Door was open.

971
01:08:31,376 --> 01:08:33,288
Veronica, have you heard?

972
01:08:33,420 --> 01:08:36,288
We were doing Chinese at the food fair
when it comes over the radio

973
01:08:36,423 --> 01:08:38,665
that Martha Dumptruck
tried to buy the farm.

974
01:08:38,800 --> 01:08:42,009
She belly-flopped in front of
a car wearing a suicide note.

975
01:08:43,888 --> 01:08:46,096
Well, is she dead?

976
01:08:46,224 --> 01:08:47,886
No. That's the punch line.

977
01:08:48,017 --> 01:08:50,430
She's alive and in stable condition.

978
01:08:50,562 --> 01:08:51,928
Just another case of a geek

979
01:08:52,063 --> 01:08:54,726
trying to imitate the popular people
and failing miserably.

980
01:08:55,525 --> 01:08:56,606
Is that pâté?

981
01:09:01,156 --> 01:09:02,738
I said I was sorry.

982
01:09:02,866 --> 01:09:04,232
You were out of control.

983
01:09:04,367 --> 01:09:07,360
I mean, Heather and Kurt were a shock,
but Martha Dumptruck?

984
01:09:07,495 --> 01:09:10,579
Get crucial. She dialled
suicide hotlines in her diapers.

985
01:09:10,707 --> 01:09:12,824
You're not funny.

986
01:09:13,501 --> 01:09:17,085
Look, Martha couldn't take the heat,

987
01:09:17,213 --> 01:09:18,670
so she got out of the kitchen.

988
01:09:19,132 --> 01:09:22,876
Just think what a better place this world
would be if every nimrod followed her cue.

989
01:09:23,762 --> 01:09:25,754
Just shut up. "Hot Probs" is on.

990
01:09:25,889 --> 01:09:27,346
Oh, shit. Yeah.

991
01:09:27,474 --> 01:09:31,434
'Skipper's OK, but still sometimes
I feel like-like I'm on that island,

992
01:09:31,561 --> 01:09:33,848
'and-and Gilligan
can be so stupid sometimes.'

993
01:09:33,980 --> 01:09:36,393
Yeah, well, dude,
just remember, you know,

994
01:09:36,524 --> 01:09:39,232
if it wasn't for the courage
of the fearless crew,

995
01:09:39,360 --> 01:09:41,727
the Minnow would be lost
and you are, too.

996
01:09:42,822 --> 01:09:43,858
Next call.

997
01:09:43,990 --> 01:09:45,276
That sounded like a good one.

998
01:09:45,408 --> 01:09:47,365
'Hey, you've got the dog catcher.'

999
01:09:47,994 --> 01:09:52,284
'My name is Heather.
No, i-it's not Heather.'

1000
01:09:53,249 --> 01:09:54,285
'No, it...'

1001
01:09:57,128 --> 01:09:58,460
It's Madonna.

1002
01:09:59,380 --> 01:10:00,996
Jeez. No, not that.

1003
01:10:01,132 --> 01:10:02,168
'Hey, babe.'

1004
01:10:02,675 --> 01:10:03,756
I need a name.

1005
01:10:10,517 --> 01:10:11,928
My name is Tweety.

1006
01:10:13,394 --> 01:10:16,853
'Tweety? Ooh, tweet!'

1007
01:10:16,981 --> 01:10:18,768
God has cursed me, I think.

1008
01:10:20,485 --> 01:10:24,320
The last guy I had sex with
killed himself the next day.

1009
01:10:27,575 --> 01:10:28,907
I'm failing math.

1010
01:10:29,410 --> 01:10:30,946
My whole life is a mess.

1011
01:10:31,913 --> 01:10:33,905
I was supposed to be captain
of the cheerleading team.

1012
01:10:35,041 --> 01:10:37,203
Man, she knows We listen to this show.

1013
01:10:37,919 --> 01:10:40,411
Holy shit! We'll crucify her!

1014
01:10:41,089 --> 01:10:43,081
'But my parents are divorced and stuff.'

1015
01:10:47,178 --> 01:10:49,465
'Heather told everyone about Heather.

1016
01:10:51,057 --> 01:10:54,676
'Yes, dear Diary,
I've cut off Heather Chandler's head,

1017
01:10:54,811 --> 01:10:57,599
'and Heather Duke's head
has sprouted back in its place

1018
01:10:57,730 --> 01:11:00,188
'like some mythological thing

1019
01:11:00,316 --> 01:11:02,854
'my eighth-grade boyfriend
would have known about.

1020
01:11:05,071 --> 01:11:07,188
'Heather's even doing the old note trick.'

1021
01:11:09,701 --> 01:11:12,535
'I've seen JD's way.

1022
01:11:12,662 --> 01:11:15,746
'I've seen Miss Pauline Fleming's way,

1023
01:11:15,874 --> 01:11:17,786
'and nothing has changed.

1024
01:11:18,501 --> 01:11:20,083
'I guess that's Heather's way.

1025
01:11:21,129 --> 01:11:23,291
'And, Jesus, what about JD?

1026
01:11:23,423 --> 01:11:25,380
'I can't get him out of my head.

1027
01:11:25,925 --> 01:11:28,008
'Wait. Where's Heather going?'

1028
01:11:29,137 --> 01:11:30,378
Where's Heather going?

1029
01:11:30,972 --> 01:11:32,804
She's going to cry.

1030
01:11:37,145 --> 01:11:39,011
Fucking child protector caps.

1031
01:11:43,484 --> 01:11:44,941
Now where is she going?

1032
01:11:49,490 --> 01:11:50,822
Heather!

1033
01:11:52,994 --> 01:11:54,451
What are you trying to do? Kill me?

1034
01:11:54,579 --> 01:11:56,616
What are you trying to do? Sleep?

1035
01:11:58,583 --> 01:12:01,451
Suicide is a private thing.

1036
01:12:01,586 --> 01:12:03,703
Heather, you're throwing your life away

1037
01:12:03,838 --> 01:12:06,501
to become a statistic
in the "US-fucking-A Today".

1038
01:12:06,633 --> 01:12:09,592
Now that is the least private thing
I can think of.

1039
01:12:10,762 --> 01:12:12,628
What about Heather and Kurt and Ram?

1040
01:12:16,392 --> 01:12:18,975
If everyone jumped off a bridge,
would you?

1041
01:12:22,357 --> 01:12:23,598
Probably.

1042
01:12:25,610 --> 01:12:28,774
Hey now, if you were happy
every day of your life,

1043
01:12:28,905 --> 01:12:31,648
you wouldn't be a human being,
you'd be a game-show host.

1044
01:12:33,242 --> 01:12:36,952
What do you say we knock off early,
buy some shoes, something lame like that?

1045
01:12:38,456 --> 01:12:39,663
OK.

1046
01:12:46,339 --> 01:12:48,080
So it's, uh, come to this.

1047
01:12:48,216 --> 01:12:49,832
Heather Chandler did polls.

1048
01:12:49,968 --> 01:12:53,257
I want you to do a petition,
as a favour,

1049
01:12:53,388 --> 01:12:54,799
as the favour.

1050
01:12:54,931 --> 01:12:57,799
You've, uh, heard
of the group Big Fun, right?

1051
01:12:57,934 --> 01:13:00,847
That's right.
"Teenage Suicide, Don't Do It".

1052
01:13:00,979 --> 01:13:05,849
All right. Some teenybopper rag says
that, uh, they want to play a prom.

1053
01:13:06,567 --> 01:13:09,776
Now, it could be Westerburg's
if we get everybody's John Hancock.

1054
01:13:09,904 --> 01:13:11,520
I'll get right on it, coach.

1055
01:13:12,073 --> 01:13:14,941
Oh, little gift for you.
I won't be needing it.

1056
01:13:48,651 --> 01:13:49,892
Heather?

1057
01:13:50,028 --> 01:13:51,144
Veronica.

1058
01:13:52,363 --> 01:13:53,854
Colour me stoked, girl.

1059
01:13:54,407 --> 01:13:56,820
I've gotten everyone
to sign this petition,

1060
01:13:56,951 --> 01:13:59,318
even the ones who think Big Fun
are tuneless Eurofags.

1061
01:13:59,454 --> 01:14:00,911
People love me.

1062
01:14:01,581 --> 01:14:03,197
You know, you haven't signed, yet.

1063
01:14:03,332 --> 01:14:06,200
People love you but I know you.

1064
01:14:06,836 --> 01:14:09,169
Jennifer Forbes
told me the petition she signed

1065
01:14:09,297 --> 01:14:12,790
was to put a hot tub in the cafeteria,
and Doug Hilton said...

1066
01:14:12,925 --> 01:14:15,633
Some people need different kinds
of convincing than others.

1067
01:14:16,471 --> 01:14:18,212
Look, just sign the petition, OK?

1068
01:14:18,347 --> 01:14:20,259
Don't talk to me like that, OK?

1069
01:14:21,142 --> 01:14:22,678
Look, it was JD's idea.

1070
01:14:23,269 --> 01:14:26,558
He made out the signature sheet
and everything so why don't you just sign it?

1071
01:14:27,815 --> 01:14:28,851
No.

1072
01:14:31,360 --> 01:14:32,441
Jealous much?

1073
01:14:36,657 --> 01:14:38,865
Heather, why can't you just be a friend?

1074
01:14:38,993 --> 01:14:40,859
Why are you such a megabitch?

1075
01:14:41,621 --> 01:14:43,453
Because I can be.

1076
01:14:45,583 --> 01:14:47,495
Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?

1077
01:14:48,377 --> 01:14:50,118
Do you think, I mean, do you really think,

1078
01:14:50,254 --> 01:14:52,541
if Betty Finn's fairy godmother
made her cool,

1079
01:14:52,673 --> 01:14:54,960
she would still hang out
with her dweebette friends?

1080
01:14:55,468 --> 01:14:57,084
No way, Veronica.

1081
01:14:57,678 --> 01:14:58,714
Uh-uh.

1082
01:15:09,107 --> 01:15:10,473
Wanna go out tonight?

1083
01:15:11,776 --> 01:15:14,268
Catch a movie? Some miniature golf?

1084
01:15:16,239 --> 01:15:19,607
I was thinking more along the lines
of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open,

1085
01:15:19,742 --> 01:15:21,449
making it look like a suicide.

1086
01:15:21,577 --> 01:15:23,159
Ah! Now you're talking.

1087
01:15:23,287 --> 01:15:24,949
I could be up for that.

1088
01:15:25,081 --> 01:15:27,744
I've already started underlining
meaningful passages

1089
01:15:27,875 --> 01:15:29,241
in her copy of "Moby Dick",

1090
01:15:29,377 --> 01:15:30,584
if you know what I mean.

1091
01:15:33,297 --> 01:15:34,959
I knew you'd be back, Veronica.

1092
01:15:36,342 --> 01:15:39,380
I knew it. I was positive, sure.

1093
01:15:43,683 --> 01:15:47,302
It's over, JD. Over.
Grow up!

1094
01:15:48,104 --> 01:15:49,265
I don't get it.

1095
01:15:49,397 --> 01:15:51,389
I mean, you were wrong. I was right!

1096
01:15:53,943 --> 01:15:55,684
Strength, damn it!

1097
01:15:57,697 --> 01:15:59,108
Come on. Come back!

1098
01:16:08,583 --> 01:16:09,744
Yes?

1099
01:16:10,376 --> 01:16:12,743
Y-your friend Jason Dean stopped by.

1100
01:16:12,879 --> 01:16:14,586
He seemed very concerned about you.

1101
01:16:14,714 --> 01:16:18,048
He said that he thought
you might try to kill yourself.

1102
01:16:18,509 --> 01:16:20,341
You have been depressed lately.

1103
01:16:20,469 --> 01:16:22,005
Oh, he left this for you.

1104
01:16:28,227 --> 01:16:30,844
Oh, my God.

1105
01:16:33,524 --> 01:16:36,392
He said that we should
keep you away from sharp objects,

1106
01:16:36,527 --> 01:16:39,816
uh, closed garage doors,
chemical, uh, substances.

1107
01:16:39,947 --> 01:16:42,064
- Prescription drugs.
- Prescription drugs.

1108
01:17:20,780 --> 01:17:24,273
"To neither love
nor reverence wilt thou be kind.

1109
01:17:25,743 --> 01:17:29,032
"And even for hate thou canst but kill,

1110
01:17:30,414 --> 01:17:31,996
"and all are killed."

1111
01:17:34,335 --> 01:17:35,792
I like it.

1112
01:17:35,920 --> 01:17:40,460
It's got that "what a cruel world
so let's toss ourselves in the abyss"

1113
01:17:40,591 --> 01:17:42,127
type of ambiance, huh?

1114
01:17:44,929 --> 01:17:47,262
Come on.
It's Heather's copy of "Moby Dick".

1115
01:17:50,309 --> 01:17:52,892
Why don't you give it a try, huh?
Underline something.

1116
01:17:54,939 --> 01:17:57,477
Get off of my bed, you fucking psycho!

1117
01:17:58,526 --> 01:18:01,394
You think you're a rebel?
Do you actually think you're a rebel?

1118
01:18:01,529 --> 01:18:04,442
You're not a rebel.
You're fucking psychotic!

1119
01:18:06,325 --> 01:18:08,658
You say "tom-ay-to", I say "tom-ah-to".

1120
01:18:09,328 --> 01:18:10,660
Hold it.

1121
01:18:11,831 --> 01:18:13,868
Eskimo. Look at that.

1122
01:18:15,084 --> 01:18:16,541
That's one word.

1123
01:18:17,003 --> 01:18:19,336
I love it! I usually go
for the whole sentence myself.

1124
01:18:19,463 --> 01:18:21,705
<i>But this is perfecto.</i>

1125
01:18:22,425 --> 01:18:25,918
Eskimo, you know, it's so,
uh, mysterious.

1126
01:18:27,722 --> 01:18:29,588
Es-ki-mo.

1127
01:18:35,313 --> 01:18:36,645
Come on.

1128
01:18:38,941 --> 01:18:41,058
JD, you are not even listening to me!

1129
01:18:42,028 --> 01:18:44,645
Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag!

1130
01:18:46,907 --> 01:18:48,694
T-t-that knife is filthy!

1131
01:18:49,910 --> 01:18:52,277
What do you think I'm gonna do with it?
Take out her tonsils?

1132
01:18:52,413 --> 01:18:55,656
Excuse me, I think I know Heather
a little better than you do.

1133
01:18:55,791 --> 01:18:58,499
If she was gonna slit her wrists,
the knife would be spotless.

1134
01:19:01,297 --> 01:19:04,040
All right, how's this? Can you see
your fucking reflection in the thing?

1135
01:19:07,345 --> 01:19:10,053
Tomorrow someone else
is just gonna move into her place.

1136
01:19:11,724 --> 01:19:13,260
That person could be me.

1137
01:19:17,688 --> 01:19:20,806
Ha! There's only one of us
who knows how to do Heather's handwriting.

1138
01:19:20,941 --> 01:19:24,480
And if you think I'm gonna write
another suicide note, you're wrong!

1139
01:19:24,612 --> 01:19:26,444
You don't get it, do you?

1140
01:19:26,572 --> 01:19:29,781
But society nods its head
at any horror the American teenager

1141
01:19:29,909 --> 01:19:32,242
can think
to bring upon itself!

1142
01:19:32,370 --> 01:19:36,705
Uh-uh... Nobody's gonna care about
exact handwriting. Help me. Quick.

1143
01:19:37,458 --> 01:19:38,619
Look.

1144
01:19:46,592 --> 01:19:48,424
"Life sucks."

1145
01:19:51,889 --> 01:19:53,801
<i>It's perfecto.</i>

1146
01:19:54,850 --> 01:19:58,594
Jesus, I've got
a meaningfully marked-up "Moby Dick".

1147
01:19:58,729 --> 01:20:00,595
What else does a suicide need, huh?

1148
01:20:01,148 --> 01:20:02,514
Now, if you'll excuse me.

1149
01:20:08,614 --> 01:20:09,946
No!

1150
01:20:15,871 --> 01:20:17,362
Open the door!

1151
01:20:26,132 --> 01:20:27,498
Eskimo.

1152
01:20:32,263 --> 01:20:36,758
Heather Duke underlined a lot of things
in this copy of "Moby Dick",

1153
01:20:37,476 --> 01:20:40,310
but I believe the word "Eskimo",

1154
01:20:40,938 --> 01:20:43,225
underlined all by itself,

1155
01:20:43,357 --> 01:20:46,600
is the key
to understanding Heather's pain.

1156
01:20:47,361 --> 01:20:51,196
On the surface, Heather Duke
was the vivacious young lady

1157
01:20:51,323 --> 01:20:52,859
we all knew her to be,

1158
01:20:53,951 --> 01:20:57,285
but her soul Was in Antarctica,

1159
01:20:57,955 --> 01:21:00,117
freezing with the knowledge

1160
01:21:00,249 --> 01:21:04,038
of the way fellow teenagers can be cruel.

1161
01:21:04,587 --> 01:21:08,331
The way that parents
can be unresponsive.

1162
01:21:09,550 --> 01:21:13,590
And as she writes so eloquently
in her suicide note,

1163
01:21:13,721 --> 01:21:16,179
the way that life can suck!

1164
01:21:18,726 --> 01:21:21,844
We'll all miss Sherwood's little Eskimo.

1165
01:21:24,064 --> 01:21:28,434
Let's just hope
she's rubbing noses with Jesus.

1166
01:21:28,569 --> 01:21:30,811
Is this turnout weak or what?

1167
01:21:32,156 --> 01:21:35,194
I had at least 70 more people
at my funeral.

1168
01:21:37,077 --> 01:21:38,113
Heather?

1169
01:21:42,291 --> 01:21:43,657
God, Veronica.

1170
01:21:44,168 --> 01:21:46,785
My afterlife is so boring.

1171
01:21:47,838 --> 01:21:50,751
If I have to sing
"Kumbaya" one more time...

1172
01:21:50,883 --> 01:21:52,090
What are you doing here?

1173
01:21:53,427 --> 01:21:54,759
I made your favourite.

1174
01:21:55,721 --> 01:21:57,178
Spaghetti.

1175
01:21:57,306 --> 01:21:58,547
Lots of oregano.

1176
01:22:01,602 --> 01:22:02,638
Dinner!

1177
01:22:05,272 --> 01:22:07,184
Veronica! Dinner!

1178
01:22:31,423 --> 01:22:34,006
'Dear Diary, last entry.

1179
01:22:34,677 --> 01:22:36,339
'No one can stop JD,

1180
01:22:36,470 --> 01:22:39,838
'not the FBI, the CIA or the PTA.

1181
01:22:40,516 --> 01:22:44,009
'He once told me that the extreme
always makes an impression.

1182
01:22:44,853 --> 01:22:46,970
'Well, noW it's my turn.

1183
01:22:47,106 --> 01:22:51,476
'Let's see how the son of a bitch reacts
to a suicide he didn't perform himself.'

1184
01:23:28,314 --> 01:23:29,680
I can't believe you did it.

1185
01:23:30,733 --> 01:23:32,190
I was teasing.

1186
01:23:33,319 --> 01:23:34,560
I loved you.

1187
01:23:35,988 --> 01:23:38,696
Sure, I Was... I was
coming up here to kill ya.

1188
01:23:41,201 --> 01:23:45,571
First, I was gonna try and get you back
with my amazing petition.

1189
01:23:49,376 --> 01:23:53,370
It's a shame you can't see what
our, uh, fellow students really signed.

1190
01:23:57,718 --> 01:23:59,050
All right, listen.

1191
01:24:02,806 --> 01:24:05,970
"We students
of Westerburg High will die.

1192
01:24:06,977 --> 01:24:12,063
"Today, our burning bodies
will be the ultimate protest

1193
01:24:12,191 --> 01:24:14,774
"to a society that degrades us.

1194
01:24:16,111 --> 01:24:17,397
"Fuck you all."

1195
01:24:19,448 --> 01:24:21,155
It's not very subtle,

1196
01:24:21,283 --> 01:24:24,697
but, uh, neither's blowing up
a whole school, now, is it?

1197
01:24:26,914 --> 01:24:29,122
Talk about your suicide pacts, huh?

1198
01:24:31,877 --> 01:24:34,915
When our school blows up tomorrow,

1199
01:24:35,047 --> 01:24:38,165
it's gonna be the kind of thing
to infect a generation!

1200
01:24:38,842 --> 01:24:41,129
I mean, it's gonna be
a Woodstock for the '80s!

1201
01:24:50,729 --> 01:24:52,061
Damn it, Veronica.

1202
01:24:54,983 --> 01:24:57,316
We could have toasted
some marshmallows together.

1203
01:25:00,989 --> 01:25:02,901
What does she want?
A written invitation?

1204
01:25:03,701 --> 01:25:05,693
Veronica! Dinner!

1205
01:25:06,704 --> 01:25:08,036
Sheesh.

1206
01:25:12,543 --> 01:25:13,875
Veronica, I...

1207
01:25:18,382 --> 01:25:22,001
Oh, I... I-I-I s-s-should have let you
take that job at the mall.

1208
01:25:22,136 --> 01:25:26,551
It was... it was just that I was afraid
of you coming home late at night and I...

1209
01:25:36,442 --> 01:25:38,479
Hey, mom, why so tense?

1210
01:25:44,032 --> 01:25:46,866
Hey, Pop,
I need some help with my homework.

1211
01:25:47,327 --> 01:25:50,365
Uh, not right now, tiger.
I'm a little busy.

1212
01:26:18,358 --> 01:26:19,690
Veronica!

1213
01:26:20,152 --> 01:26:22,565
JD told me
you committed suicide last night.

1214
01:26:22,696 --> 01:26:24,028
Where is he? Where's JD?

1215
01:26:25,157 --> 01:26:26,614
We have to talk.

1216
01:26:26,742 --> 01:26:28,199
Whether to kill yourself or not

1217
01:26:28,327 --> 01:26:30,819
is one of the most important decisions
a teenager can make.

1218
01:26:31,330 --> 01:26:32,696
Get a job.

1219
01:29:05,734 --> 01:29:07,976
Rodney, where's everybody going?

1220
01:29:09,154 --> 01:29:10,315
It's Friday.

1221
01:29:11,114 --> 01:29:13,071
Shit, another damn pep assembly.

1222
01:29:13,825 --> 01:29:17,034
Yeah, you know, these things,
they get pretty artificial,

1223
01:29:17,162 --> 01:29:19,279
but, you know,
at least you get out of class.

1224
01:29:21,249 --> 01:29:23,832
Rodney, what's underneath the gym?

1225
01:29:27,798 --> 01:29:28,959
The boiler room.

1226
01:29:35,889 --> 01:29:37,471
May I see your hall pass?

1227
01:29:43,146 --> 01:29:45,604
I knew that loose was too noose.

1228
01:29:46,900 --> 01:29:49,643
I mean, uh.. noose too loose.

1229
01:29:50,904 --> 01:29:52,361
Goddamn you, woman.

1230
01:29:53,782 --> 01:29:55,614
Like father, like son.

1231
01:29:56,243 --> 01:29:58,280
A serious-as-fuck bomb
in the boiler room

1232
01:29:58,412 --> 01:30:00,369
to set off a pack of thermals upstairs.

1233
01:30:03,250 --> 01:30:07,540
OK, let's start by putting
the bomb down on the ground.

1234
01:30:11,883 --> 01:30:12,919
I knew that.

1235
01:30:13,802 --> 01:30:14,918
I knew that.

1236
01:30:15,846 --> 01:30:18,509
OK, put your hands on your head.

1237
01:30:19,850 --> 01:30:21,887
You didn't say, "Simon says".

1238
01:30:39,786 --> 01:30:42,369
Let's go, Rottweilers, let's go!

1239
01:30:43,248 --> 01:30:45,581
Let's go, RottWeilers, let's go!

1240
01:30:46,418 --> 01:30:49,161
Let's go, RottWeilers, let's go!

1241
01:30:49,796 --> 01:30:52,254
Let's go, RottWeilers, let's go!

1242
01:30:53,175 --> 01:30:55,508
Let's go, RottWeilers, let's go!

1243
01:31:16,490 --> 01:31:18,777
- W-E-S!
- T-E-R!

1244
01:31:18,909 --> 01:31:20,775
- T-E-R!
- B-U-R!

1245
01:31:20,911 --> 01:31:22,868
B-U-R!

1246
01:31:22,996 --> 01:31:24,203
- G!
- G!

1247
01:31:24,331 --> 01:31:25,367
What does it spell?

1248
01:31:25,499 --> 01:31:27,661
- Westerburg!
- Again!

1249
01:31:27,793 --> 01:31:29,750
Westerburg!

1250
01:31:29,878 --> 01:31:31,961
Westerburg!

1251
01:32:03,578 --> 01:32:05,695
Lean to the left, lean to the right!

1252
01:32:05,831 --> 01:32:08,118
Stand up, sit down, fight, fight, fight!

1253
01:32:19,928 --> 01:32:21,840
Stop!

1254
01:32:45,370 --> 01:32:49,159
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

1255
01:33:00,135 --> 01:33:01,546
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

1256
01:33:23,575 --> 01:33:25,532
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

1257
01:33:33,168 --> 01:33:35,581
You think just because
you started this you can end it?

1258
01:33:36,213 --> 01:33:38,671
I'll kill, I'll fucking kill you,
I swear to God.

1259
01:33:38,798 --> 01:33:40,460
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

1260
01:33:40,592 --> 01:33:42,174
Yeah!

1261
01:33:42,302 --> 01:33:44,794
How do I turn off
the goddamn bomb, asshole?

1262
01:33:45,555 --> 01:33:46,716
Fuck you!

1263
01:33:55,440 --> 01:33:56,931
Shit!

1264
01:33:58,777 --> 01:34:01,235
It's all over, JD. Help me stop it.

1265
01:34:11,581 --> 01:34:13,743
You wanna clean the slate
as much as I do.

1266
01:34:14,834 --> 01:34:17,918
Right, so maybe I am
killing everyone in the school...

1267
01:34:19,089 --> 01:34:20,580
...because nobody loves me.

1268
01:34:22,467 --> 01:34:23,799
Let's face it, all right?

1269
01:34:24,261 --> 01:34:26,503
The only place different social types

1270
01:34:27,264 --> 01:34:29,722
can genuinely get along
with each other is in heaven.

1271
01:34:34,938 --> 01:34:37,021
Which button do I press to turn it off?

1272
01:34:37,148 --> 01:34:38,639
Try the red one, all right?

1273
01:34:42,070 --> 01:34:45,689
Seriously, people are going to look
at the ashes of Westerburg and say,

1274
01:34:45,824 --> 01:34:47,907
"Now there, it's a school
that self-destructed,

1275
01:34:48,034 --> 01:34:50,026
"not because society didn't care,

1276
01:34:50,161 --> 01:34:53,029
"but because the school was society!"

1277
01:34:55,667 --> 01:34:56,908
It's pretty deep, huh?

1278
01:34:57,377 --> 01:34:58,959
Which red button?

1279
01:35:01,589 --> 01:35:06,584
Press the middle one to turn it off,
if that's what you really want.

1280
01:35:07,971 --> 01:35:09,087
You know what I want, babe?

1281
01:35:10,473 --> 01:35:12,214
What?

1282
01:35:20,483 --> 01:35:22,975
Cool guys like you out of my life.

1283
01:36:10,617 --> 01:36:12,449
Colour me impressed.

1284
01:36:14,829 --> 01:36:17,446
You, uh...

1285
01:36:17,957 --> 01:36:20,495
You really fucked me up
pretty bad, Veronica.

1286
01:36:24,839 --> 01:36:26,171
You, um...

1287
01:36:27,008 --> 01:36:29,500
You got power.

1288
01:36:30,512 --> 01:36:33,471
Power I didn't think you had.

1289
01:36:38,978 --> 01:36:40,139
The slate is clean.

1290
01:37:03,545 --> 01:37:05,411
Pretend I did blow up the school.

1291
01:37:07,549 --> 01:37:09,040
All the schools.

1292
01:37:11,261 --> 01:37:12,923
Now that you're dead,

1293
01:37:13,555 --> 01:37:15,217
what are you gonna do with your life?

1294
01:38:42,727 --> 01:38:43,763
Veronica.

1295
01:38:44,562 --> 01:38:46,770
- You look like hell.
- Yeah?

1296
01:38:46,898 --> 01:38:48,264
I just got back.

1297
01:38:50,401 --> 01:38:51,733
Veronica, what are you doing?

1298
01:38:52,445 --> 01:38:55,688
Heather, my love,
there's a new sheriff in town.

1299
01:39:01,496 --> 01:39:02,737
Hey, Martha!

1300
01:39:03,665 --> 01:39:06,453
My date for the prom
kinda flaked out on me.

1301
01:39:06,584 --> 01:39:10,669
If you weren't doing anything that night,
maybe we could rent some new releases.

1302
01:39:11,422 --> 01:39:12,879
Pop some popcorn.

1303
01:39:16,219 --> 01:39:17,710
I'd like that.

1304
01:39:17,845 --> 01:39:20,303
Yeah. So would I.