我意思是, 當你長到我這把年紀 你根本不? 覺得自己老,你? ...
你從哪里學? 彈鋼琴的?
- 哦... 他們在夏令營教我的. - 五周內就彈得這麼好...
現在你能停下嗎?
- 當然. - 專心.
我想隨便聊聊關於...
你覺得我們讓薇琪成為我們家庭一員如何?
- 我們家庭一員? - 啊哈.
- 我想那是個絕妙的主意. - 你真的?
我當然真的. 我一直想有個姐妹.
- 不, 寶貝. 你誤? 了. - 你想收養她真是太甜蜜了.
不, 寶貝. 我不想收養她. 我想娶她.
娶她? 哦, 爸爸! 你一定在開玩笑!
你不能娶她. 她只是個孩子.
- 她是個女人! 不准叫她孩子. - 什麼都是相對的(愛因斯坦名言). 你不明白嗎?
- 與她相比, 你是個老頭子. - 我不老!
你就是老! 這是我曾聽過的 最令人噁心的事!
我不? 再討論它了,除非你停止大喊大叫.
- 但是爸爸! - 打住.
好吧. 我不尖叫了.
我? 非常冷靜理性的談這事.
你不能結婚! 你? 毀了每件事! 毀了我們所有的計畫!
- 你在說什麼? - 你還毀了我的頭髮! 看我的頭髮.
我為你剪了它. 我為你啃掉了我的指甲!
為了天下妄自尊大的爸爸們中的一個!
所有那些日日月月, 我什麼也不做，就是努力做你女兒!
還有記名字，還有... 哦!
我試圖跟她談，但她變得歇斯底里. 她還沒有講通.
讓我跟她講一講, 親愛的. 你先躲開.
- 你好, 親愛的. - 他正在讓自己變成傻瓜.
看起來你吃驚不小. 男人辦事真差.
你我就不能像成熟女人一樣 一起冷靜的討論一下這事?
我肯定我們能. 你不怕跟我談, 你怕嗎?
我不怕跟任何人談.
你長得夠大了,該明白 發生在男女之間的
奇妙奧秘了.
我知道爸爸在你身上 看到了什麼奇妙奧秘...
我也不能指責他. 你被組裝得非常好.
我想,你爸爸低估你了.
我肯定你不? 低估我, 薇琪.
蘇珊, 親愛的...
你總是佔有他,
我能理解你把他身邊 另一個女人視為入侵.
但我這一輩子, 都在期盼和等待 某個像他這樣的人 -
溫文爾雅,成熟穩重, 粗獷硬朗, 但又幽默風趣,
通情達理,精明睿智.
我熱愛珍視他身上的一切.
- 好啊, 真新鮮. - 為什麼, 親愛的?
大多數女孩追老頭 是因為他很有錢.
- 你認為我為了他的錢才跟他結婚?! - 如果鞋合腳, 穿上它走人.
我已經試過友好了, 但我? 和你爸爸結婚的,所以你認命吧.
想打賭嗎?
寶貝, 難道你想跟 大女孩玩不成.玩死你.
接線員.
請給我接西聯電匯公司.
莎倫的? 她這種年紀的孩子也有電報?
讓她看. 是她的.
誰? 發電報給她?
莎倫?
"亞歷山大 格拉漢姆. 早晨三點鐘"
- 加州. - 在加州她能認識誰?
貝莎 沃特伯裏. 我野營時遇見的女孩. 妙極了的女孩.
好神秘的電報. 它是什麼意思?
她瘋狂的愛上了這個男孩, 亞歷山大.
他與她約? 一直到早晨三點鐘.
- 小小年紀的孩子就這樣! - 媽媽...
喂?
- 蘇珊 埃文斯? - 是的.
- 接吧. - 我又打來了.
我知道. 我好不容易 才解釋了你的電報.
外婆發了一通如何帶孩子的演講!
你得相信我. 我麻煩大了.
- 別誇張. - 我沒有. 事態嚴重.
- 更糟? 了. - 走得這麼遠了?
媽媽應該來這兒.
好的. 明早我就引爆炸彈.
媽媽怎麼樣? 為我親親她, 還有外公.
好. 拜拜.
哦! 嗨, 外公.
嗨... 蘇珊.
- 蘇珊? - 對. 坐下.
我想你和我應該聊一聊.
我們? 點鐘要去看 畢卡索展覽, 瑪格麗特.
- 你來嗎, 查理斯? - 不, 謝謝你.
然後赴桑德斯夫人的茶? . 卡洛琳的女兒來了.
- 真的? - 莎倫, 你十點半要跳舞.
然後直接上音樂欣賞課.
- 史丹斯能用你的車送她嗎, 查理斯? - 可以.
- 三點鐘... - 今天我不能做那些事.
- 你說什麼? - 莎倫, 你打斷了你外婆說話.
我有重要的事要告訴你們.
媽媽... 我認為你和爸爸 對我們孩子很差勁! 我認為糟透了!
莎倫!
我不是莎倫, 我是蘇珊. 莎倫去加州跟爸爸了.
- 不可能. - 你不可能是蘇珊.
但我就是蘇珊! 莎倫和我在夏令營相遇了, 於是我們決定互換身份.
她啃掉她的指甲，我剪掉她的頭髮.
她去加州跟爸爸了, 游泳，還騎我的馬,
我卻被音樂課陷住了， 我討厭!
蘇珊...
對不起, 媽媽.
但我想見你, 我沒能有個媽媽.
我非常愛你,
我想知道是否你能象愛我一樣愛我， 而不是象愛莎倫一樣愛我... 求你了?
哦, 蘇珊.
哦, 我的寶貝. 為什麼你不讓我知道? 為什麼你不告訴我?
我忍不住. 我想知道 擁有媽媽和一切是什麼感覺.
我的寶寶.
- 蘇珊, 寶貝! - 哦, 外婆.
- 她真像莎倫. - 我知道.
- 路易絲? - 什麼事?
路易絲.
- 什麼事? - 最重要的事.
什麼事?
- 他們應該單獨相處一? . - 就這個?
從她一歲起瑪格麗特就沒見過她.
我是她外婆!
路易絲, 我就反對這一次. 讓她們單獨相處.
我已經試過了, 媽媽, 真的, 但我不明白.
它不意味著你爸爸和我不彼此相愛,
但有時人們就是合不來.
所以你不得不把我們再換回去?
法律上, 你屬於你爸爸， 莎倫屬於我.
他的和她的. 讓我感覺像分浴室毛巾一樣.
很差勁, 不是嗎?
別擔心. 我們? 找到辦法的.
每人六個月. 那就是最終的辦法.
夏令營裏許多孩子有那種問題.
跟這個六個月, 跟那個六個月-- 象溜溜球一樣.
我跟你一樣不喜歡, 但我不? 馬上失去你.
- 貝蒂娜, 你能把這個裝進箱子嗎? - 是, 夫人.
- 我可以進來嗎? - 當然可以.
- 我給你訂了中午的飛機. - 沒多少時間了.
- 事發倉促，我盡力而為. - 謝謝你.
現在交通非常擁擠. 你穿那件衣服去旅行?
- 它怎麼了? - 它很體面.
當你見到米奇代我向他問好.
- 我想知道他有了什麼樣的夫人. - 誰說他結婚了?
像米奇這樣朝氣蓬勃，浪漫多情的人, 找個年輕漂亮的妻子是必然的.
我希望她喜歡很多的戶外運動， 還? 刮魚鱗.
- 別如今吃不到葡萄就說葡萄酸. - 貝蒂娜, 你能找到我的藍色襯衫嗎?
是, 夫人.
瑪格麗特, 我得佩服你,
風骨奇偉，不追隨服裝時? 新趨勢.
你在暗示什麼?
我只是說... 換換髮型...
- 我的髮型不對嗎? - 這正是我的意思.
女人正流行把頭髮弄松一點...
- 你想打架嗎? - 和我最喜歡的女兒? 不.
別誤? 我. 我的天, 你愛怎樣怎樣.
- 我決不? 改變你的. - 誰? 改變?
- 你保持原樣吧. - 我當然打算如此.
一個體面的，可靠的, 穩重的，自在的女人，
接受了優雅高貴時代的來臨.
這是有人能說出的最討厭的事!
你正在失態，我只是來 親你並祝你好運的.
再見, 女兒.
再見.
代我向米奇問好.
不過再想一想, 那件衣服看起來很適合你.
我都打包好了. 我們什麼時候走?
中午的飛機. 給莎倫的東西都帶了嗎?
- 你覺得我們在紐約逗留一下怎麼樣? - 耶! 為什麼?
我們能在西行前購購物.
我們有了一頭漂亮的小牛.
你在愁什麼?
你有過某事就要發生的預感嗎? 就象風暴正在醞釀?
不. 走吧.
沃貝娜!
沃貝娜, 我們來了! 莎倫!
沃貝娜! 我們來了!
來, 媽媽.
- 親愛的! - 沃貝娜.
埃文斯太太! 你看起來好美. 讓我幫你拿東西.
- 我? 把它們拿進屋. 哦, 親愛的! - 沃貝娜. 你還好嗎?
我很好. 我們好想你.
- 謝謝你. 不用找零了. - 謝謝您.
我等不及要給你看 家裏樣樣是多麼可愛.
- 房子美極了. - 很好.
媽媽! 我好高興你來了!
你看上去好美! 你做什麼了?
- 你喜歡它? - 我好喜歡它.
哦, 親愛的!
最後, 你們終於相聚了.
- 你們彼此覺得怎麼樣? - 很好.
我們彼此相愛.
- 嗨, 蘇. - 嗨.
- 只是看看你. 短頭髮. - 我剪了它, 媽媽.
- 我喜歡它! - 我也喜歡你的, 媽媽.
- 你爸爸在哪兒? - 在外面騎馬.
我們沒來遲吧?
- 來遲? - 難道你沒告訴她嗎?
告訴我什麼?
- 好... - 爸爸要結婚了.
好...
- 什麼時候? 行? - 據說是星期六.
她潤物細無聲, 媽媽, 爸爸不知不覺, 就上鉤了.
埃文斯先生悄悄進入第二春.
他一把年紀了，該知道自己在幹什麼.
我們打開行李好嗎? 我想沖個熱水澡.
- 來杯啤酒嗎? - 好. 馬上就來.
你知道我一言不發, 但那個女人薇琪所作所為...
真的?
- 嗨, 爸爸. - 哦, 嗨.
- 看誰在跟我說話. - 為什麼我就不該跟你說話?
得了吧! 我想什麼時候結婚就什麼時候結婚!
你像個木乃伊一樣都 繞著房子走了兩天了.
你, 我, 兩天 -- 不理不睬!
- 記得嗎? - 哦, 你是說...
我猜那是我在表演生悶氣.
生悶氣? 輕描淡寫.
生悶氣? 你十足的讓人難以忍受. 你像個怪物!
撅嘴孩子氣. 你演這個太大了.
因為你惱火他倆就不跟他說話簡直...
- 女裏女氣. - 對. 女裏女氣最糟? 的部分.
- 門鈴響了. - 對.
是牧師和羅賓遜小姐， 你要對他們禮貌.
過來.
你好.
蜜雪兒, 我想讓你見見莫斯比博士.
莫斯比博士, 蜜雪兒 埃文斯, 新郎.
好漂亮! 難道這不可愛嗎? 好陽剛.
米奇, 它需要一個女人點石成金.
房子裏又有了天使般的生物.
- 你今天好嗎, 蘇珊? - 很好, 謝謝你.
這是莫斯比牧師. 他主持婚禮.
- 你好. - 你好.
我得換衣服. 能原諒我嗎?
你當女主人如何?
要有禮貌.
- 嗨, 爸爸. - 嗨, 寶貝.
- 樓下有幾個人. - 我知道.
你外公送上他的愛. 你外婆也送了.
- 她在樓下. - 誰, 薇琪?
- 我看見她了. - 好, 我沒有.
- 蘇西... - 想要什麼?
不, 寶貝. 別管了.
媽媽, 這是我的婚禮. 你已經有? 次了.
- 你們為什麼不調幾杯飲料喝? - 我們在等你.
- 埃德娜? - 隨便.
- 和平常一樣, 親愛的. - 牧師, 我猜你不沾酒吧?
也許為了婚禮要幹幾杯.
- 好. - 波旁酒, 雙份, 用威士卡杯.
好的, 先生.
薇琪, 想想戶外婚禮報紙? 怎麼大書特書.
我傾向于贊成, 羅賓遜夫人.
馬可鄧尼斯夫婦在條紋帳篷下結婚.
上個月結的.
環境很理想 --
鬼使神差定在樹下? 行. 謝謝你.
謝謝你.
- 米奇! - 起來沒事了, 親愛的.
我覺得你在戶外? 行婚禮的主意好極了.
薇琪能走下...
不要緊, 我抓住他了.
把你的手給我.
米奇, 親愛的!
- 你還好嗎? - 是的, 我很好!
我馬上回來.
- 米奇. - 瑪姬.
- 你好嗎? - 很好, 謝謝. 你呢?
我很好. 呃, 你看起來...
- 外面我有客人! - 別大喊大叫. 讓我解釋.
- 如果你保持安靜, 我就告訴你! - 你在這裏幹什麼?
如果你停止大叫, 她? 解釋!
驚喜.
那就是我試圖告訴你的.
她們兩個?
她們兩個相聚了. 瑪姬, 這是怎麼發生的?
我們在夏令營相遇了， 然後好戲開始了.
- 他們對我們互換身份. - 他們什麼?
蘇來波士頓跟我.
你意思是說這是莎倫? 這幾天我帶的是莎倫?
你是莎倫?
我想知道你像什麼， 蘇珊想見媽媽.
你是莎倫.
- 你當時還是個小寶寶... - 你沒有生氣吧, 有嗎?
沒有, 甜心. 我只是不敢相信是你.
- 你讓我好辛苦. - 爸爸, 真的!
不. 我是說真的. 我晚上跟你走上走下. 兩點鐘喂飼料...
- 我就不辛苦了? - 好, 半斤八兩.
你用的尿布比十個小孩的還多.
- 爸爸, 尿布! - 對, 尿布.
- 現在看看你. 看看她. - 我完全長大了.
- 完全沒有一個爸爸. - 哦, 寶貝...
- 我完全沒有一個媽媽. - 噓!
姑娘們, 我們等? 再討論這個. 我現在想和你們爸爸談談.
走吧, 莎倫. 他們想單獨相處.
爸爸... 爸爸, 請別和那女人結婚.
沒關係, 莎倫. 現在走吧.
你想看那張照片嗎? 我不敢相信.
那是我最後一次看到她們在一起, 她們那麼點大，你正在推她們.
你怎麼這時現身! 我就要結婚了!
我不知道. 我來了莎倫才告訴我.
- 那女孩是我的新娘. - 我知道. 我看見她了.
好. 讓我們談談她.
- 我覺得她可愛極了! - 你當然覺得.
- 除此之外呢? - 我想她夢幻般完美.
當然, 她眼睛有點靠的太近了.
瑪姬, 這些詭計沒用了. 你能去穿件體面衣服嗎?
我很體面.
穿著我的浴袍到處跑!
她一進屋， 看起來就象我們剛剛...
- 就象我們什麼? - 快去穿點衣服!
別用那種腔調. 我不再是你老婆!
這是我的房子， 你不准亂逛...
別開始對我指手畫腳!
瑪姬, 去樓上， 穿點衣服或...
不要逼我. 我打過你一次，我還能打...
- 退後. - 瑪姬, 別那樣.
- 來吧. - 把你的手拿開. 我警告你.
- 你非得打我嗎? - 對不起. 我不是真想打.
為什麼你非得這麼兇悍?
我不能跟你有話好好說. 你總是試圖打我.
- 好狠毒. - 不至於吧.
- 太壞了! - 讓我看看.
- 別管我. 受夠你了. - 讓我看看.
別... 噢!
米奇, 別演得像個大寶寶. 我沒看見.
- 我要醫生. - 別傻了.
埃文斯先生? 女士們想知道... 哦, 打擾了.
牧師?
等一等, 先生. 沒亂來.
根本沒亂來. 很容易解釋. 你看...
- 這是我妻子. - 你好.
- 你好.
但那怎麼回事?
哦, 不. 前妻.
她來這 - 很意外 -
來討論弄混孩子的事,
我只不過建議她穿體面點， 因為你...
為什麼我要告訴你? 這不關你的事.
他又沒要你解釋.
你含糊其辭好像... 有什麼不可告人似的.
莫斯比博士看我穿這樣根本不驚訝.
當然他驚訝. 穿成那樣到處跑...
我不驚訝. 我看你妻子衣服無可指摘.
- 前妻. - 她非常漂亮.
你瞧, 我知道我喜歡你.
你? 發現我並非沒有幽默感.
我發現這情境充滿了幽默.
正如我們說的，非比尋常.
抱歉你能給我們一分鐘嗎?
瑪姬, 儘量通情達理一點, 好嗎?
我得解釋為什麼你在這. 這可不容易.
我猜他們? 想見我的.
只是正常來往. 我想光明正大.
很好. 我? 穿得讓你更自在.
很風趣.
- 莫斯比博士, 別逃走. - 我? 在這兒.
- 我馬上回來. - 我好期待.
令人愉快的女人, 埃文斯先生. 你到底怎麼讓她溜走的?
她非常令人愉快.
- 她為什麼不去旅店? - 我沒邀請她.
- 我就知道不對頭. - 沒什麼不對頭的.
- 沒什麼不對頭的? - 她在打開行李.
- 她要過夜? - 我不答應!
你? 錯意了...
- 你想去花園享受美景嗎? - 不. 這讓我非常享受.
- 真的? - 有趣的情境.
非比尋常.
對. 的確是.
埃德娜, 我保證明天早上，她就? ...
米奇, 我不准讓她過夜.
薇琪, 她不是那種女人.
她是個女人, 那就足夠了.
埃德娜, 她根本不是你想的那樣.
首先, 她來自波士頓.
她更老, 更成熟. 她有兩個孩子. 她是媽媽類型的.
薇琪, 我發誓你不用...
對不起讓你們久等了. 我是瑪格麗特 麥肯德里克.
- 你好, 你好, 你好. - 你好你好.
這一定是薇琪.
米奇跟我什麼都說了.
- 我是羅賓遜夫人. - 哎喲!
- 對不起, 米奇. - 誰都難免犯錯.
薇琪?
哦, 你美若天仙.
她好驚豔.
- 我也這麼想你. - 在我這把年紀?
你真是個嘴甜的孩子.
- 米奇形容你有些不同. - 他當然了.
請原諒.
你知道丈夫怎麼看前妻們--
扔在壁櫥裏的一隻舒適的老舊鞋.
好, 棄舊迎新,嗯? 我必須說, 你正當妙齡.
- 難道米奇不走運嗎? - 沒錯.
我聽說你要委身老米奇好激動.
我們一定要慶祝慶祝. 米奇, 開幾瓶香檳.
告訴我你的一切. 我們一定要成為莫逆之交.
不! 我不想你們做朋友. 這不是好主意.
- 我們必須告辭了. - 也許你最好...
天下沒有不散的筵席.
多可惜. 我們正在相互熟悉呢.
見到你真高興.
我知道你不? 來婚禮, 但報紙社? 專欄? 登的.
- 我從不看報. - 太可惜了.
我從不參加葬禮或婚禮. 我更喜歡私奔. 更浪漫.
太可惜了， 你們能留下來和我們共進晚餐的.
對了. 薇琪和我有一大堆事要做-- 買配件、零碎東西和最後部分.
算在米奇賬上. 他很闊.
- 哦? 我不知道. - 你不知道?
再見, 見到你真高興.
再見, 薇琪.你好可愛.
再見.
令人愉快的, 魅力迷人的女人. 奇怪他是怎麼讓她溜走的.
你想讓我失去工作嗎? 你爸爸? 解雇我.
- 求你, 海克. - 我們明天就離開了. 求你?
不. 我不參與這種事.
他? 的, 要不下個月 他就得自己飯自己煮.
當個吉普賽人?
晚餐出什麼事了?
- 晚餐要在露臺上吃. - 那是誰的主意?
- 它決不是我的主意. 我決不... - 我知道. 你不發一言.
我只管自己的事. 我已經奉行很多年了.
沃貝娜! 這都是什麼?
去坐下, 爸爸. 別毀了它.
- 毀了什麼? - 去坐下. 晚餐準備好了.
好! 這都是什麼?
別問我. 我剛到.這是我的房子. 卻沒人告訴我.
晚餐在露臺吃. 這是你的主意嗎, 米奇?
不, 不是. 你在看什麼?
米奇, 那眼睛看上去很糟? . 你必須敷點東西.
- 不麻煩你了. - 你踩到耙子了?
不. 一個非常有教養的,賢淑的 波士頓夫人釘上去的.
是我認識的人嗎? 哦, 沃貝娜!
- 為今晚特別製作. - 聞起來好香.
- 你叫它什麼? - 義大利小牛肉.
小牛肉? 我恨那種食材. 她知道的.
- 你認為你正在幹什麼? - 我想出去自殺.
海克, 時間到了!
請原諒, 米奇. 好的!
- 米奇, 請別笑. - 怎麼回事?
- 你沒看見嗎? - 女士們先生們...
店方為你們提供了娛樂節目.
現在開始, 女士們先生們,
我樂意介紹, 來自波士頓的,
用鋼琴演奏貝多芬第五交響樂的 莎倫 麥肯德里克小姐.
這都是什麼噪音?
你能離開舞臺嗎? 我在開音樂? .
音樂? ? 你在讓付了錢的觀眾昏昏入睡.
你應該彈點新的.
我們讓一讓. 你彈一點, 我彈一點. 我們一起彈.
就這樣!
讓我們相聚, 耶, 耶, 耶 為什麼你我不共處?
讓我們相聚, 你說出? 多姿多彩時光能同度.
我們是瘋狂二人組.
為什麼我們不演出?
同度
哦 哦 哦 哦 讓我們相聚, 耶, 耶, 耶
想想我們能共用全部
讓我們時時相聚 無論何時 無論何處
雖然我們並不富裕
我們能共用我們全部
同度
哦! 我真想你跟我
啊哈! 你真的說動我
哦耶! 如果你跟著我
再好也不過 說嘿, 短吻鱷!
讓我們相聚, 耶, 耶, 耶
兩人相聚 兩倍益處
讓我們馬上相聚 我們將有兩倍歡愉
你永遠能依靠我
我們是可怕二人組
讓我們相聚, 耶, 耶, 耶!
棒極了, 姑娘們!
- 太好了! - 妙極了!
- 過來吃晚餐. - 我們有義大利麵條和濃湯.
沒關係. 我們已經在廚房吃了晚餐.
對. 祝你們玩得高興.我們睡覺去了. 晚安, 媽媽. 晚安, 爸爸.
晚安, 媽媽. 玩得開心.
- 晚安, 姑娘們. - 晚安, 孩子們.
那兩個小猴子一起表演的怎麼樣?
- 他們做的還不止那個. - 你指的是什麼?
你不明白嗎? 滴落的蠟燭, 小提琴音樂, 義大利小牛肉.
馬丁內利餐廳. 你記得嗎?
- 哦... - 我們的第一次約? . 她們再現了它.
瘋狂甜蜜的孩子們.
什麼?
沒什麼.
我們該為他們做什麼?
我們肯定不能分開他們.
對,我們肯定不能那樣做.
我猜我們唯一合理能做的就是共用她們.
你帶她們六個月,然後我帶她們六個月.
那樣她們在一起.
- 我想那最好不過了. 你呢? - 對, 我猜是這樣.
"每人六個月". 蘇珊這樣叫它.
我們只能做這麼多.
你知道, 米奇, 突然, 我非常沮喪.
如果我們呆在一起它? 變得更糟 --想想所有那些打架.
- 想想你的愛爾蘭脾氣. - 你就是難相處.
確實. 我承認. 一開始就錯了.
- 是嗎? - 很明顯, 不是嗎?
你沒有變多少. 歲月饒了你, 米奇.
嗯? 難道你不反過來恭維我嗎?
是. 事實上, 瑪姬, 你看起來很好.
不要結結巴巴. 你不是非說不可!
我是說真的. 總之你是怎麼駐顏有術的?
駐顏有術?!
16次塑形手術 ,一次重建手術, 我的臉才拿得出來!
你想我是爬出樹林來拜訪你的怪物嗎?
我沒那個釣上你的 傻笑的娃娃臉的白金美人年輕.
- 不要開始談論薇琪. - 不要說有關寶貝薇琪的任何事!
那個長著佩洛茲臉的孩子新娘 和她的電臀!
- 對不起, 米奇. - 總是如此, 不是嗎?
是的.
再也不? 發生了. 我明早帶莎倫走.
我說真的,米奇.我祝願 你與薇琪萬事如意.
天哪! 他們搞砸了.
所有我們的計畫都泡湯了. 媽媽和我明天? 離開.
不要放棄. 我們有一整晚可以想辦法.
比如說什麼辦法?
我不知道.
但有辦法.
- 莎倫! 計程車在等. - 我來了!
- 蘇珊, 難道你不說再見嗎? - 馬上來, 媽媽!
莎倫! 蘇珊!
我? 在耶誕節送蘇珊回去.
我? 讓莎倫來這過復活節.
我猜那是最好的辦法.
我猜也是.
你們這身打扮做什麼?
莎倫, 這是怎麼回事?
我們反復考慮作出決定.
- 我們決定偷天換日. - 對.
你們什麼意思?
我們決定一起共用露營生活.
- 所以無論我們誰是莎倫... - 我們都不? 說出來.
無論我們誰是莎倫都不? 去波士頓.
別跟我耍花樣, 姑娘們.
莎倫, 上樓穿上套裝.
- 你肯定她是莎倫嗎? - 當然她是.
你不是嗎?
- 很難分辨, 不是嗎? - 不是嗎?
不是嗎! 別玩了. 我們要趕不上飛機了.
就是要這樣.
- 米奇, 做點什麼! - 蘇珊...
- 哎, 爸爸? - 哎, 爸爸?
- 這不好玩. - 這不好玩.
- 這個是蘇珊 --精明的亞力克.
- 你肯定? - 我知道我的親女兒們, 不是嗎?
你不是真的肯定, 是吧, 爸爸?
- 我不肯定. - 我想他們準備聽了.
這有個交易. 我們立即去露營 --我們所有人.
你們星期五帶我們回來, 我們就告訴你們誰是莎倫誰是蘇珊.
就是這交易. 成不成交.
這三天我該幹些什麼? 呆在家裏打毛衣?
不是我的錯. 我分不出她倆.
- 打她們一頓屁股讓她們開口! - 你不? 打13歲孩子的屁股吧.
- 她來了? - 那是交易的一部分.
- 我不答應. - 早上好, 薇琪.
- 我不? 讓你和她鑽進林子裏去. - 你說得對.
- 瑪姬, 別捲進來. - 你不能丟下她整整三天.
- 人們? 怎麼說? - 沒錯. 你有什麼建議?
- 我想你應該跟我們去. - 也許我? 的.
這是上策. 我們得給你另找一身衣服.
我知道米奇把襯衫擱哪兒， 我們能幫你找些靴子...
- 她們都跟我們來嗎? - 是的.
- 海克, 這還有些東西. - 嗨, 爸爸.
這裏.
為什麼我們不出發?
腰帶再系緊一點.
- 她想去哪里? - 她也來了.
- 你在開玩笑? - 沒有.
- 我們來了, 米奇. 都準備好了. - 但她不能來!
姑娘們, 別粗? .
你爸爸不可能整整三天讓薇琪獨守空閨.
- 我們上路吧. - 薇琪, 你坐在米奇身邊.
- 如果你不介意. - 我很樂意.
- 你和薇琪應該在那裏單獨相處. - 你在說什麼?
- 瑪姬, 進不進來? - 如果你不去, 我...
你那漂亮的小腦袋不用擔心我. 我只? 在湖邊到處躺躺.
你能熟悉熟悉姑娘們.
你每年要帶她們六個月. 再見. 小心蛇.
- 感激不盡! - 再見, 姑娘們. 玩得痛快.
- 你還好嗎? - 我很好. 有點意思.
- 怎麼了? - 薇琪不習慣. 我們休息吧.
離湖只有一小時路了.
看. 我把它放上面, 好嗎?
- 哎, 熱不熱? - 有什麼了不起的?
我想你願意喝點我的水.
感激不盡.
哦! 上面有只東西!
- 他是什麼? - 只是一條小老樹蜥蜴.
不? 傷害任何人. 看.
- 讓它離我遠點! - 停下!
讓它離我遠點. 我恨她們. 她們太可惡了.
- 你們兩個呆在這幫薇琪, 好嗎? - 當然. 我們? 幫她的.
當然你們? 幫我 -- 在懸崖正對面.
我們做了什麼?
別一臉無辜的樣子. 狐狸精我一眼就看得出來.
記牢了.
你們再讓我不痛快 我就讓你們今後一輩子不痛快.
明白我的意思嗎, 寶貝們?
看見了嗎? 美洲豹足跡.
- 它是一種山獅. - 沒開玩笑吧? 獅子?
當然. 這裏有幾百頭. 它們真的攻擊你.
他們? 抓掉你的眼睛, 吃掉你.
有個老印第安嚮導教給我一個詭計.
拿兩根樹枝相互敲打，噪音就? 嚇跑它們.
- 像這樣? - 對. 那? 讓它們遠遠的.
走吧.
快.
- 玩得開心嗎? - 簡直好極了.
我的腳痛死了.
把它們浸在湖水裏涼一涼.
你覺得呢? 我? 試一試.
- 下來. 水不深. - 你們確定?
看, 我站著.
米奇!
海克, 你所作所為值得驕傲.
謝謝. 你確定你不改變主意嗎, 小姐?
我討厭鱒魚! 我告訴你多少次了? 我? 在早上吃東西.
- 我們早餐吃什麼? - 鱒魚.
我們在這總是吃不尋常的東西. 那是樂趣的一部分.
樂趣的一部分? 你們還玩什麼? 往湖裏扔石頭?
你堅持要來. 盡力而為吧.
我被騙來的. 她騙了我.
她當然騙了你.
海克能帶你下山.
當然. 我樂意陪你下山坐車.
我? 堅持到底, 謝謝.
它們把我當血庫了! 我想它們喜歡這東西.
- 你在塗什麼? - 驅蚊劑.
它聞起來一點也不象.
- 不過是糖水. - 什麼?
那只? 把蚊子引過來. 你從哪里拿的?
一個老印第安偵察兵給我的. 說它能趕走蚊子.
海克, 我還要點鱒魚.
好的.
我要睡覺了.
- 晚安. - 晚安.
- 晚安, 薇琪. - 晚安, 薇琪.
薇琪?
寶貝, 你在幹什麼?
- 我在趕走山獅. - 山獅?
是的. 這噪音...
- 這噪音嚇不跑山獅. - 對.
晚安!
- 為什麼你們那麼做? - 我發誓那...
別說了. 這樣做令人討厭. 不是嗎?
確實令人討厭.
我不想再發生這種事. 明白嗎?
- 是的, 爸爸. - 你們兩個.
- 是的, 爸爸 . - 這就好.
趕它們出去! 趕它們出去!
讓它們離我遠點! 讓那些野生動物出去!
讓它們離我遠點!
我恨這個亂糟糟，臭烘烘，髒兮兮的地方!
你在喊什麼, 小姐? 那些小熊不? 傷害一隻蒼蠅.
閉嘴，給我靴子!
是, 女士.
我恨這地方! 我來這不是好主意!
我恨樹枝! 我恨湖! 我恨髒蟲子!
- 我不能呆在這地方! - 你究竟在幹什麼?
- 出了什麼事? - 你這個雜草叢生的傻瓜! 跟你結婚不值!
你想要你的衣服嗎, 薇琪?
非常感謝. 你們是雙胞胎. 你們分享每件東西嗎?
- 每件東西. 每件東西. - 把一半分給你的姐妹吧!
等等. 她們沒有對你做什麼.
你從來不? 知道她們對我做了什麼, 你這個大呆子!
讓我離開這討厭的新鮮空氣!
- 媽媽, 你在哪里? - 嗨!
- 你早早回來了. 你是哪個? - 莎倫.
- 你玩得開心嗎? - 妙極了.
- 我們開心, 但我想莎倫不開心. - 出什麼事了?
- 嗨, 媽媽. - 嗨.
- 你好嗎? - 好極了.
- 你好. - 晚安.
- 你們吃了晚飯嗎? - 我們不餓.
那麼去洗澡. 你們看起來髒兮兮的.
然後我們跟你講薇琪的事, 但要在他不在場的時候.
你玩得很棒吧. 出了什麼事?
不要對我那樣. 你明知? 發生很麼.
發生什麼?
你提議，它發生. 結果一團糟. 高興了?
這是最後一次我帶女人進山.
去哪里? 她叫什麼名字?
- 薇琪? - 對.
她象鵜? 一樣飛走了.
她現在可能在公園大街或第57街, 祝她好運.
- 好? - 我們談過了...
...我們覺得我們要向你道歉.
我們覺得我們對薇琪做的事有罪.
- 你們對她做什麼了? - 好...
我們暗算了她.
你想和誰結婚不關我們的事, 我們卻毀了它.
好...
現在過去了,所以我們別提了.
對不起, 爸爸. 你能原諒我們嗎?
上床睡覺去, 你們這兩個怪物.
你能做什麼?
- 想吃點什麼嗎? - 你確定你做了足夠的飯?
當然. 我為你和蘇珊 做了足夠的飯當明天的晚餐.
莎倫和我早上離開.
- 對. - 洗手.
對. 我最好洗手.
沃貝娜在哪里?
我沒想到你回來. 她只為我上班講不通,
所以我讓她晚上放假.
我去樓上洗洗. 幾分鐘後回來.
我不知道他看上她什麼了. 她根本沒有氣質.
哇!
- 你去聚? ? - 不關你們的事.
晚安, 女士們. 睡個好覺.
嗨.
我以為你只是去洗手.
我想我幹得不錯.
- 噓! - 為什麼?
你聽見音樂了嗎? 我告訴孩子們去洗澡的!
那是音響. 我想晚餐來點音樂更有情調.
而且, 我想紅酒配燉菜很棒.
敬我孩子們的媽媽-- 最漂亮的有兩個孩子的媽媽.
- 你是最氣死人的男人. - 此話怎講?
等到這時候才說, 我們在廚房裏並且我光著腳.
- 我喜歡你光著腳. - 這讓女人處於不利地位.
好. 敬你的不利地位.
坐下吃你的燉菜. 別灑了.
- 見鬼! - 怎麼了?
圍裙解不下了. 幫我解開.
瑪姬, 既然人人都道歉, 我想我最好也道歉.
抱歉那天晚上. 我不是有意讓我的話聽起來象那樣.
我不太? 恭維, 我與牛群一起長大...
不要來老一套. 你好多年前手就那樣動過了.
- 我沒有. - 你當然做過.
它起作用, 不是嗎? 你喜歡它.
瑪姬, 你是這麼美麗.
不. 我說真的.
我知道我說不出你愛聽的話, 但我一直想起你.
想起我們, 想起過去的事.
- 你知道我最想念什麼嗎? - 米奇...
燉菜沾到你身上了.
- 我不在乎. - 去洗掉.
你想念什麼?
好...
我不在乎是否它聽起來很傻.
我想念你過去常常 掛在浴室周圍的濕長筒襪.
我想念我的剃鬚刀變鈍了, 因為你用它美腿.
我想念在我的釣具盒裏 髮夾和魚鉤混在一起.
一個人用衣櫥不好玩.
賭咒發誓不好玩, 因為你不在身邊假裝震驚.
沒有你什麼事都不如意, 瑪姬. 我想念很多事情.
我真的想你.
為什麼你過這麼久才告訴我?
我不知道.
好, 因為... 我猜 我希望你某個時候? 回來.
瑪姬, 我是個極品傻瓜. 我們都是.
如果我們不做點什麼, 我們就要變成一對孤獨老人了.
- 我知道. - 你不想那樣, 是嗎?
不想, 米奇.
哦, 米奇. 太久了. 太久太久了.
別哭. 你什麼時候想揍我眼睛都可以.
好的.
- 怎麼了? - 我剛剛做了個最瘋狂的夢.
- 哦, 天哪. - 什麼夢?
你和我正在慢慢前進, 象小丑一樣, 穿著薄棉紗布衣服.
有音樂 鮮花和人群.
我的愛註定
天賜給現在
給永遠
給你!
I mean, when you get older. That is, when you get to be my age, it won't seem old to you.
And then you'll probably--
- Hey, where'd you learn how to play the piano? - ?? [ Stops ]
Oh. [ Chuckles ] They taught us at camp.
- Gee, that's awfully good. Five weeks-- - ?? [ ''Chopsticks'' ]
- Could you stop now for just a minute, please? - ?? [ Stops ]
- Yeah, sure. - Pay attention.
See, I've been wanting to have this little talk with you about--
What would you think about our making Vicky... a part of our family?
- A part of the family? - Uh-huh.
- Um-- Oh, I think that's a wonderful idea. - You do?
Well, I most certainly do. I've always wanted to have a sister.
No, no, honey. You see. [ Laughs ] You're missing the whole point.
- And how sweet of you to want to adopt Vicky. - No, baby.
I don't want to adopt her. I wanna marry her.
- Marry her? - Mm-hmm.
Oh, Dad!
You've just got to be kidding!
[ Sighs ] You can't marry her. She's just a child!
She's not a child, She's a woman, Will you please stop referring to her as a child?
It's all relative, Dad. Don't you see? Compared to her, you're an old man.
- I am not an old man! - You are too! It's absolutely revolting!
- Revolting? - It's the most revolting thing I ever heard of!. A man of--
- I'm not even gonna discuss it with you if you don't stop shouting. - But, Dad--
Just stop it!
All right. I'm not screaming.
- And we'll talk about this perfectly calmly and rationally. - Fine.
You ''ca-un't'' get married! You'll ruin everything. All the plans we made!
- What are you talking about? - The scheming and the diagrams!
And my hair! Look at my hair! I cut it just for you!
And my fingernails, I bit them all off just because of you!
Of all the thick-headed fathers!
- Oh, for days and weeks and weeks! - Come here.
Nothing but work...
and boys and names and hair and-- [ Groans ]
I don't know what's the matter with her? I try to talk to her and she gets hysterical.
- [M Sharon Yelling ] - Not even making any sense now.
Let me speak to her for a minute. Women understand these things better.
Make yourself scarce.
- Hello, darling. - He's making an absolute ninny of himself.
Oh, it came as quite a shock to you the way he told you, didn't it?
Men put things so badly.
Can't you and I discuss this calmly and rationally together like grown-up women?
Oh, I'm sure we can. You're not afraid to come over here and talk to me, are you?
I'm not afraid to talk to anybody.
You're a big girl now, Susan. You're old enough to understand...
that wonderful, delicate mystery that happens sometimes between a man and a woman.
I know what wonderful, delicate mystery Daddy sees in you.
And I can't say I blame him there, either. You're very nicely put together.
Your father underestimates you, I think.
I'm sure you won't, will you, Vicky?
[ Chuckles ]
Susan, dear, you've had him to yourself all this time...
and I can understand that suddenly to have another woman around,
well, it's a tremendous intrusion.
But all my life it seemed I've hoped and waited for someone like him.
Someone gentle and mature, rough-edged but quick to laugh,
someone understanding and wise,
All the things that I've come to love and cherish in him.
- Well, that's very refreshing. - Why, dear?
Most girls just run after Daddy because he's so wealthy.
Are you inferring that I'd marry your father for his money?
If the shoe fits, wear it.
Look, pet, I've tried to be friendly,
but I'm gonna marry your father, so you get used to the idea.
You wanna bet?
Oh, honey, don't you play with the big girls.
You'll be in way over your head.
[M Walking Up The Stairs ]
- Operator. - Gimme Western Union, please.
For Sharon? A child of her age getting a telegram?
Well, don't stand there, daughter. Let her read it. It belongs to her.
- But who would possibly be sending her a telegram? - [ Groans ]
[ Chuckles Nervously ]
[ Clears Throat ]
- [ Chuckles ] - [M Margaret ] Sharon?
''Alexander Graham 3 a,m, ''
California.
Who could she possibly know in California?
Uh... Bertha Watterbury. This girl I met at camp. Sensational girl.
It's a rather cryptic message. What does it mean?
Well, she's crazy about this boy AleXander.
And he took her on a very important date till three a.m.
- I've never heard of such a thing. A child of that age. - Oh, Louise.
- [M Grandfather ] We're living in a modern age, - [M Louise Ranting ]
[ Sighs ]
- [M Phone Ringing ] - [M Susan ] Hello?
- Miss Susan Evers? - Speaking.
- Go ahead please. - It's me again.
I know. Boy, did I have a time eXplaining your telegram, coo-coo-pig.
Grandmother went into a five-minute lecture on raising children? What's wrong now?
I told you what to do,
You've got to believe me, it's an emergency. I'm in this horrible trouble.
- Now, don't dramatize it. - I'm not, stupid. This time it's serious.
- It's the worst thing that could happen. - You mean it's gone that far?
- At a time like this, I think Mother ought to be here. - Okay.
- Tomorrow morning I'll break the bomb. See ya soon? - How's Mother?
- Fine. - Kiss her for me and Grandpa.
Okay, bye.
Oh! Hi, Grandpa.
Hi... Susan.
- Susan? - Yeah-- [ Stammering ]
Sit down. Sit down.
I think you and I ought to have a little chat.
Don't you?
[ Chuckles Nervously ]
Oh, and we've got the Picasso eXhibition at 4:00, Margaret. We don't wanna miss that.
- Oh, no. - Are you coming, Charles?
- No, thank you. - Then we should get out in time for Mrs. Saunders' tea.
- Oh, Caroline's daughter's coming. - Oh, really?
Now, Sharon, you've got your dancing lesson at 1 0:30.
Then you can go straight on to the musical appreciation at the Leonardo Hall,
- Oh, Staimes can drive her in your car, Charles? - Yes, yes. [ Stammering ]
- Now at 3::00-- - I don't think I'll be able to do any of those today.
What did you say?
Sharon, you interrupted your grandmother.
Well, I have something important to tell you.
Mother-- Mother, I think what you and Daddy did to us children is lousy!
- In fact, I think it stinks! - Sharon!
And let's get this straight. I'm not Sharon, I'm Susan!
- Sharon, your Sharon, is out at California with Daddy. - But it's impossible!
- You can't be Susan. - But I am Susan!
Sharon and I met at camp, so we decided to switch places.
She bit off her fingernails and I cut her hair.
And now she's out at California with Dad swimming and riding my horse and having a keen time,
and I'm stuck here with these lousy music lessons and I hate them!
Susan!
Oh, I'm sorry, Mother.
But I wanted to see you, and I miss not having a mother.
I love you very much, and I wondered...
if you could love me as me and not as Sharon, please?
Oh, Susan.
Oh, my darling.
Why didn't you let me know? Why didn't you tell me?
I couldn't help it.
I mean, I wanted to be near you and to know what it was like to have a mother and everything.
Oh, baby.
Susan, darling.
Oh, dear, let me look at-- She's eXactly--
- I know. I can't believe it. - Oh, baby. Louise?
- What is it? - It's wonderful. Oh, darling.
-[M Susan ] We talked about it at camp and decided it would be the best thing, - Louise?
- What is it? - It's most important.
- Well, what is it? - I just thought they ought to be alone for a minute, that's all.
She's Margaret's child. She hasn't seen her since she was one year old.
- Well, I'm her grandmother! I have a right to-- - L-L-Louise.
For once I'm putting my foot down. Let them alone.
I've tried, Mother. Honestly, I have, but I don't understand.
Darling, it doesn't mean that your father and I didn't love each other.
But sometimes even when people think a lot about each other,
they sometimes just don't get on together.
So you're gonna have to switch us back again, huh?
Well, legally, you belong to your father and Sharon belongs to me.
His and hers. Makes me feel like a bathroom towel.
[ Sighs ] It's lousy, isn't it?
But don't worry. We'll find a way.
- A siX-month split. That's how it's gonna end up. - A what?
Oh, a lot of kids in camp have that problem too.
SiX months with one parent. SiX months with the other.
[ Chuckles ] Like a yo-yo.
Oh, I don't like it anymore than you do, darling.
But don't worry. I'm not gonna lose you now.
- Oh, Bettina, would you put this in your case? - May I come in?
- Of course, Dad. - Well, I have you and Susan on the noon plane.
- That doesn't give us very much time. - Best I can do on short notice.
- Well, thank you. - Traffic's pretty heavy these days.
Are you, uh-- Are you wearing that dress on the trip, are you?
- What's wrong with it? - Oh, it's very nice. Very nice.
Give my best to Mitch when you see him. I wonder what kind of a wife he has now.
- Oh, who said he's married? - Well, a vital romantic fellow like Mitch,
it's a cinch he'd find himself a nice young wife.
Well, I certainly hope that she likes to sleep in the great outdoors and scale fish.
Yeah, now, no sour grapes now.
- Oh, Bettina, would you see if you can find my blue skirt? - Yes, ma'am.
You know, Margaret, I've got to hand it to you for one thing. I've got to give you credit.
It certainly shows strength of character not to go with the new fashion trends in clothes.
All right, Dad, now what are you trying to get at?
Oh, no, I was just saying, you know-- I'm just saying that. And take your hairstyle.
- What's wrong with my hair? - That's what I mean.
Women nowadays are wearing their hair a little differently. A little fuller, maybe.
All right, Dad, are you looking for a fight?
With my favorite daughter? Not on your life. Now, now, don't get me wrong.
My goodness. Well, you know, you are what you are.
Now, God love you, I wouldn't want to change you for the world.
- Who said anything about changing? - That's what I say.
- Stay the way you are. - Well, I certainly intend to.
A nice, reliable, settled, comfortable woman...
who accepts the coming of age with grace and dignity.
Why, that's the most horrible thing that anybody could possibly say!
There you are, you're flying off the handle.
And all I came in here for was to kiss you good-bye and wish you good luck.
[ Chuckles ] Good-bye, daughter, huh.
- Good-bye! - Give my regards to Mitch, huh?
You know, come to think of it, that dress seems just perfect for you.
- Hi, Mother. I'm all packed. What time do we go? - On the noon plane.
We haven't got very much time. Have you got everything we wanted for Sharon?
Mm-hmm,
Um, how'd you like to stop over in New York for a few days?
Oh,yeah! Why?
Well, I thought that we might do some shopping before we head West.
Hey, we got a nice little calf there, Mitch.
[M Cows Mooing ]
What's eatin' you?
Ya ever get that funny feeling like something's gonna happen?
Like a storm brewin'?
No. Come on.
Verbena! Verbena, we're here! Sharon!
Verbena, we're here!
Come on, Mother. Shall I help you with--
- Oh, darling. - Verbena. How are you?
Mrs. Evers. You just look wonderful. Here, let me take your things.
- Let me take 'em inside. Hello, darling. - Hello, Verbena. How are you?
- Oh, I'm fine. But we've missed you. - How's Andromeda and Schotzli?
- That's $3.25. - Thank you very much. Keep the change.
Come on, Mother.
Can't wait to get you inside and show you how lovely everything is.
- Oh, it was just wonderful. - Oh, fine.
- Mother! Oh, I'm so glad you came. - Sharon! Oh, darling.
Oh! You look wonderful! What'd you do to yourself?
- Do you like it? - Oh, I love it.
Oh, darling. Oh.
Finally, both of you together at last.
- What do you think of each other? - Fine.
- We love each other. - Hi, Sue.
- Hi, - [ Laughing ]
Oh, and just look at you. That short hair.
- I cut it, Mother. - You know, I like it.
Oh, and I love yours, Mother.
- Where's your father? - Oh, he's out somewhere on a horse.
Are we in time?
- Time? - Didn't you tell her?
Tell me what?
- Well-- - Dad's getting married.
Well-- When is all this taking place?
Saturday, supposedly.
She just sort of infiltrated, Mother.
And before you knew it, Dad was hooked.
If you ask me, Mr. Evers is slipping into his second childhood.
Oh, your father is old enough to know what he's doing. Shall we go upstairs and get unpacked?
- I'm just dying to get into a hot shower after that long plane trip. - [ Chattering ]
- Want a beer? - Yeah, I'll be in in a minute.
You know, I don't say a word, not a single word.
But the things that Vicky woman has been up to, well, really-- Oh, well, I--
- ?? [ Whistling ] - Hi, Dad!
Oh, well. Hi. Look who's talking to me?
- Why shouldn't I talk to you? - Oh, come on, do--
- I can get married anytime I want to, you got that? - Yeah.
Don't stand there and pretend you don't know what I'm talking about...
after you've been walking around like a mummy for two days.
Yes, you, me, two days, nothing.
- Remember? - Oh.
Oh, yeah, you and-- [ Sighs ]
I guess I have been acting sort of sulky lately.
Sulky? Ha! Well, that's the understatement of the year.
Sulky? You haven't been sulky.
You've been plain impossible! You've been monstrous!
Now, pouting is childish. You're much too old for that.
And not speaking to someone because you're mad at them is just plain-- it's, uh--
- Feminine. - Yes, feminine. And she's absolutely right.
- And that's the worst part of being feminine too. - [M Doorbell Rings ]
The doorbell's ringing.
Yeah, well. Oh, listen, now.
That's the minister and Miss Robinson and you're to be polite to them, understand?
Here. Come here.
- Hello. - Hello, darling.
Oh, Mitch. Mitchell, I want you to meet Dr. Mosby.
- Dr, Mosby, Mitchell Evers, the groom, -[M Dr, Mosby ] How do you do?
Oh, how beautiful!
Isn't this lovely? So masculine.
Mitch, it needs a woman's touch.
[ Gasps ] There's that angelic creature again.
- [M Vicky ] Hello, Susan? How are you today? - Fine. Thank you.
This is the Reverend Mosby, dear. He's going to conduct the marriage ceremony.
- How do you do? - How do you do, my dear?
- I gotta go up and change. EXcuse me for just a minute, please. - Certainly.
Say, how'd you like to be hostess for a few minutes?
[ Whispering ] And be polite.
?? [ Whistling ]
- Hi, Dad. - Hi, honey.
- There's some people downstairs. Did you know? - Yeah, I know.
?? [ Whistling ]
?? [ Stops ]
Your grandfather sends his love. And your grandmother does too and she's fine.
- She's downstairs. Do you wanna see her? - Who, Vicky?
- Mm-hmm. - No, thanks. I've seen her.
Well, I haven't.
-Hey, Susie, uh-- -Did you want something, Daddy?
No, honey, never mind.
Mother, this is my wedding. You've had four.
- Why didn't you make some drinks, Vicky? - We were waiting for you.
- Let's have something, huh, Edna? - Anything you have.
- The usual, darling. - Reverend, I don't suppose you indulge?
Oh. Well, uh, perhaps a little something by way of a nuptial toast.
Good.
Bourbon, double, on the rocks.
- Yes, sir. - [M Edna ] Vicky, I know this is your wedding,
but think how an outdoor ceremony will look in the newspapers,
I'm inclined to agree with you, Mrs. Robinson.
You know, the Marco-Dennisons had their wedding...
- under a striped awning tent, - Ohh.
last month it was, and the atmosphere was ideally apropos,
there in God's natural setting, under the trees.
Thank you.
[ Chuckles ]
Thank you.
- Oh, Mitchy-- - Upsa-daisy, darling.
[ All Chattering At Once ]
Upsa-daisy.
Edna, I think your idea about having the wedding outside is wonderful.
- I forgot about the beautiful trees we have out there. - [ Chattering ]
The procession starts from the house. Vicky comes down the walk.
Now, Dr, Mosby and I could be right here and we could put lights out over the lake,
Nothing could be more perfect.
Look at all those trees just waiting for--
- Hurry. - Get hold of him. Grab him.
- All right, I've got him. - Mitchell, don't drown! We're gonna be married!
- Pull him up! - Gimme your hand, quick!
- Mitch, darling. [ Shouting ] - Yes, I'm all right.
- You're all wet, for Pete's sake. - Yes, I'm all right!
- I'll be back in just a minute. - [M Vicky ] No need to shout,
- We were only worried, - That way I can get out of the-- Well,just, wait--
- Mitch. - Maggie.
- How are you? - Oh, fine, thanks. How are you?
Oh, I'm fine. Gee, you look-- You look--
- I got a flock of people out there! - Don't start yelling!
- Will you tell me what you're doing here? - Let me explain!
[M Mitch ] What in the world if she sees you?
Will you just keep quiet a minute, I'll tell you!
Well, what are you doin' here?
If you'll just stop screaming at her, she'll eXplain, Dad.
[ Together] Surprise.
That's what I was trying to tell you.
Well-- Both of'em?
Mm-hmm.
The two of them together? I can't-- Maggie, how'd it happen?
We met at camp, and then the whole thing just sort of came out.
- They switched places on us. - [M Mitch ] They what?
Sue came to Boston to be with me.
- You mean this is Sharon? - [M Margaret ] Uh-huh,
- I had Sharon all this time? - Yeah,
- Well-- - You're Sharon?
I wanted to know what you were like and Susan wanted to meet Mother.
You are Sharon. [ Laughing ]
- You were only a tiny little baby when I-- - You're not mad, are you, Daddy?
No, no, sweetheart. I just can't believe it's you. That's all.
- Oh, my gosh, the trouble I had burping you. - Oh, Daddy, really!
No, I mean it. I spent most of my nights walking the floor up and down with you.
- Two o'clock feedings, - And where was I?
Well, it was half and half.
Oh, you used up more diapers than any ten kids.
- Daddy, diapers! - Yes, diapers!
Look at you now. Look at her.
Quite grown up.
- And quite without a father. - Ah, honey--
- And I'm quite without a mother. - Shh.
Now, girls, we'll discuss this later on.
I want to talk to your father now.
Come on, Sharon. They wanna be alone.
Oh, Sharon.
Daddy-- Daddy, please don't marry that woman.
All right, Sharon, run along now.
Will you look at that?
I can't believe it. You know, the last time I saw them together they were that big,
and you had 'em in that thing and you were pushing them through the park.
Oh, what a time for you to show up,just when I'm gonna get married.
I didn't know, Mitch, honest. Sharon told me when I got here.
That girl is my fiancee and--
I know. I saw her.
All right... let's have it.
I think she's adorable.
Well, sure you do. EXcept for what?
I think she's a perfect dream.
Of course, her eyes are a little too close together, if you don't mind that.
Maggie, don't try those old, worn-out tricks on me. They don't work anymore.
Now, will you just go on upstairs and put on something decent?
- I'm perfectly decent. - Oh, sure, running around in my bathrobe!
That looks great. She's liable to come in and see you in that. It looks like we just--
- Like we what? - You just go upstairs and put on some clothes, that's all!
Don't you use that tone of voice with me. We're not married anymore, remember?
But this is my house! You're not gonna go running around in it dressed in that thing!
I'll do anything that I please and don't start ordering me around!
Maggie, I'm warning you for the last time, now go upstairs and put on some clothes--
Don't try force on me. I lammed you once and I can do it--
- Now, stand back. - Now, Maggie. Maggie.
Don't start that, will you? Come on.
- Mitch, take your hands off me. Now let me alone. - [ Groaning ]
- I'm warning you! - [ Moans ]
- [ Gasps ] Oh. - Ow! Why did you have to do that?
Oh, Mitch, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.
Why do you have to get so physical?
Can't even talk to you about anything. You're always trying to belt me with something.
- That's the most vicious thing. - Oh, Mitch, now it can't be that bad.
- It's typical of you. It is too that bad. It hurts. - Let me see it.
- Leave it alone. You've done enough. - Help me here. Open up.
- Let me see. - Don't-- Don't hand open it.
- Ow! Oh, now you did it. - Oh, Mitch.
Stop acting like a big baby. Now, I didn't get a good look at it.
- I want a doctor to look at it. - Don't be ridiculous. You're worse than the twins.
Mr. Evers? Mr. Evers? The ladies were wondering--
Oh, eXcuse me.
- Oh! - Reverend.
Now, wait just a minute, sir. There's nothing wrong here.
Listen-- Listen.
Nothing wrong at all. It's not anything like you were thinking.
It's very easy to eXplain. You see, sir, this is my wife.
Hello.
- How do you, madam? - Rev. Mosby, my wife.
How do you do?
- Then what about-- - Oh, no. EX-wife.
She came out here all of a sudden, very uneXpectedly...
to discuss some little miX-up that we had about the children.
While we were discussing it, I merely suggested she go and put on something decent because--
What am I telling you all this for? It's none of your darn business.
Well, don't snap at him so. He didn't ask for an eXplanation.
You're the one who's babbling on as if there were... something to hide.
- Dr. Mosby isn't at all shocked seeing me like this, are you? - Of course he's shocked.
He walks in here and you're running around in that get-up, climbing over me on the couch.
On the contrary, I'm not at all shocked. I see nothing wrong with your wife's attire.
- EX-wife. - She's very beautiful, in fact.
Ah-ho-ho.
You see, I knew I liked you.
Also, Mr. Evers, you'll find that I'm not without a sense of humor.
- I find this situation fraught with humor. - [ Chuckles ]
- Quite out of the everyday, as we say, eh? - [ Laughing ]
Could you eXcuse us for just a moment, Dr. Mosby?
Listen, Maggie, for once in your life try to be a little understanding, please?
I've got to go outside and eXplain why you're here.
Now that-- that's not gonna be easy.
- And I suppose they'll want to meet me. - I suppose that's natural.
Besides, I wanna keep this thing honest and above board.
Very well, then. I'll just run upstairs and slip into something more comfortable.
Ha-ha. Very funny.
- Oh, Dr. Mosby, don't you run away now. - I'll be here.
- I'll be back in just a few minutes. - I'll look forward to that.
A delightful woman, Mr. Evers. However did you let her slip away from you?
- She's simply delightful. - [ Chuckles ]
[M Groans ]
- Why couldn't she have checked in into a hotel? - I told you, I didn't invite her.
- I knew something would go wrong. - Nothing has gone wrong.
- Nothing's gone wrong? - She was home when I got here. She had already unpacked.
- [M Edna ] She's going to spend the night? - [M Vicky ] I won't have that!
Wait a minute. You're reading implications--
Wouldn't you like to go out and look at the garden?
- No, no, indeed. I'm enjoying this immensely. - You are?
Very interesting situation. Quite out of the everyday, you know.
- [ Chuckles ] - Yes, it sure is.
Edna, listen, I guarantee you, by tomorrow morning--
Mitch, I will not have her spending the night in this house. You get rid of her.
Vicky, will you try to be a little understanding. Now, she is not that kind of a woman.
She's a woman. That's enough.
Edna, she's not what you think at all. In the first place, she's from Boston.
- [ Chuckles ] - She's older. She's more mature.
- Oh, yes, of course. - She's already had two children. She's really the motherly type.
- Vicky, I swear to you on a stack of bibles, you've got nothing-- - [M Footsteps On Stairs ]
Hello, everybody. Sorry to keep you waiting. I'm Margaret McKendrick.
- Hello, hello, hello. - Oh, hello, again,
And this must be Vicky.
Oh, you are adorable. I'd know you anywhere from Mitch's description.
I'm Mrs. Robinson.
Oops! Sorry, Mitch.
It could happen to anybody. [ Chuckling ]
Vicky?
Oh, you are divine. Oh, Mitch, she's simply breathtaking.
I was just thinking the same thing about you, dear.
At my age?
Oh, you are a sweet child.
- Mitch described you somewhat differently. - He certainly did.
[M Laughing ] Uh-- Excuse me,
Of course you know what husbands think about ex-wives,:
like an old, comfortable, worn-out shoe cast in the closet,
Well, off with the old...
and on with the new, eh?
I must say, you are young.
- Isn't that lucky for Mitch? - Yes,
I was so thrilled when I heard you were going to take the plunge with old Mitch,
- Maggie. - We really must celebrate this occasion.
Mitch, darling, be a good boy and run along and open up some champagne.
Now, tell me all about yourself. We really must get to be very good friends.
No! I don't want you to get to be very good friends! Now, that's not the idea!
- [ Mumbling ] - We have to be running anyway.
- Well, perhaps you'd better. - All good things have to come to an end, you know.
Oh, dear, what a pity. Just as we were getting to know each other.
So nice to have met you.
I know you won't be coming to the wedding, but you'll see it in the society columns.
- Never read them. - Oh, really. What a shame. You miss so much.
Actually, I never go to funerals or weddings.
I prefer elopements. They're much more romantic.
What a shame you can't stay and have dinner with Mitch and me and the children.
Yes, Vicky and I have a million things to do.
You know, fittings and odds and ends to buy.
Just charge it to good old Mitch. [ Whispering ] He's loaded.
- Oh? I didn't... really know. - Oh, didn't you?
Well, good-bye, It was so nice to have met you,
Good-bye, Vicky, darling. You're just as cute as you can be.
[ Laughs ]
Bye.
Delightful, charming woman.
It's amazing how he ever let her slip away from him.
You want me to lose my job? Your pa'll fire me for sure.
- Oh, go on, Hecky, please? - We're leaving tomorrow and I've only got tonight.
- Please? - No. I won't be any part of a conspiracy like this.
He'll do it, or else he'll cook his own meals for the neXt month.
A gypsy? [ Moans ]
[ Groans ]
Hey, uh, what happened to dinner?
Oh, dinner's being served on the patio tonight.
- Oh, whose idea is that? - It's none of my never mind. I don't say a word.
- I know, you never say a word. - People who talk too much talk too much.
So I don't say anything, I mind my own business, I've been doing that for years,
Hey, Verbena, what the heck's all this? What--
- Don't ask questions. Go sit. You wanna ruin everything? - Ruin what?
- You gonna tell fortunes-- - Go sit down. Dinner's all ready to serve.
[M Crickets Chirping ]
- [ Chuckles ] - [M Footsteps ]
Well, what's all this?
I don't know, Don't ask me, I just got here, This is just my house,
- Nobody ever tells me anything about what's going on. - And dinner on the patio.
Was this your idea, Mitch?
No, it was not my idea. What are you looking at?
Oh, Mitch, that eye, it just looks dreadful. Now, really, you must put something on it.
- Don't you concern yourself. - What did you do, step on a rake?
No. Actually, a very well-bred ladylike Bostonian matron pinned it on me...
if you want the Associated Press release on it.
Anybody I know? Oh, Verbena.
- Sort of special for tonight. I think you'll like it. - [ Sniffs ]
- Smells delicious. - Now what do you call that?
- Veal parmigiana. - Veal--
- I hate that kind of stuff. She knows that. - ????[M Violin ]
What do you think you're doing?
Mitch, please, I may go out and kill myself, I don't know.
[M Susan ] Hecky, come on! It's time!
- [ Laughing ] - EXcuse me, Mitch. All right.
[M Laughter Continues ]
Mitch, please don't laugh at this.
- What's the matter with you? - Well, don't you see?
Ladies and gentlemen, the management has gotten together some entertainment for you,
Well, without... further ado, ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to introduce direct from Boston...
playing Beethoven's ''Fifth Symphony'' on the piano,
Miss Sharon McKendrick.
[M Applause Stops ]
Hey, what's all this noise?
Would you kindly get off the stage? I'm in the middle of a concert.
A concert! Honey, you're going to put the paying customers to sleep with all this jazz.
You gotta get the new sounds.
?? [ Strumming ]
Come on, now, let's compromise.
You give a little. I'll give a little. Come on, let's get together.
That's it!
? Let's get together Yeah, yeah, yeah ?
? Why don't you and I combine ?
? Let's get together What do ya say?
? We could have a swingin' time ?
[ Together] ? We'd be a crazy team ?
? Why don't we beg to see ?
? Together Oh, oh, oh, oh ?
? Let's get together Yeah, yeah, yeah ?
?? Think of all that we could share??
? Let's get together every day?
? Every way and everywhere ?
? And though we haven't got a lot ?
? We could be sharing all we've got ?
? Together?
? Oh, I really think you're swell ?
? Uh-huh, we really ring the bell ?
? Ooo-we, and if you stick with me ?
? Nothin' could be greater Say, hey, alligator?
- ??Let's get together Yeah,yeah,yeah?? - [ Laughing ]
? Two is twice as nice as one ?
? Let's get together right away?
? We'll be having twice the fun ?
? And you can always count on me ?
? A gruesome twosome we will be ?
? Let's get together Yeah, yeah, yeah ??
[ Laughs ] Oh, that was wonderful, girls!
[M Mitch Laughs ]
- Great! Great! - Wonderful, girls, Marvelous!
- Come on down and have dinner. - Yeah, come on, we got spaghetti, all kinds of glop.
Oh, no, it's all right, thank you. We've already had dinner in the kitchen.
Yes. You go ahead and enjoy yourselves. We're going to bed.
Good night, Mom. Good night, Dad.
Mm-hmm. Good night, Mom. Have fun.
- Good night, girls. - Good night, kids.
How about those two monkeys, huh? Imagine them putting together a thing like that.
- Oh, they've put much more than that together, Mitch. - What do you mean?
Well, don't you understand? The drippy candles,
the violin music, the veal parmigiana,
- ????[M''For Now, For Always''] - Martinelli's. Don't you remember?
- Oh. - Our first date. They tried to recreate it.
Crazy, sweet kids.
What?
Nothing.
[ Sighs ] Well, what are we going to do about them?
Now that they've met, we certainly can't keep them apart.
No, we sure can't do that, can we?
Well, I guess the only logical thing we can do is...
try to share them.
You could take them both for siX months and then I could have them for the rest of the year.
That way at least they'd be together.
I think that's the best way, don't you?
Yes, I guess it is.
- ''SiX-month split.'' That's what Susan calls it. - Yeah.
That's about all we can do.
You know, Mitch, all of a sudden, I'm-- I'm very depressed.
Ah, Maggie, it would have been worse if we'd stayed together, you know that.
All that fighting and squabbling. You with that Irish temper.
- You were just as difficult and hard to get along with. - Oh, sure, I know. I admit it.
- It was a mistake in the beginning. - Was it, Mitch?
Well, it's pretty obvious, isn't it?
You know, you haven't changed much. The years have been good to you, Mitch.
Yeah.
Well...
aren't you going to return the compliment?
Oh, yeah. You know, as a matter of fact, Maggie, you look... pretty good.
Well, don't stumble over the words. You know, you don't have to say them.
No, really, I mean it. Uh-- What did you do to yourself anyway?
Do to myself?
SiXteen plastic surgeons, a major reconstruction job on my face so I could be presentable.
- Aw, Maggie-- - Well, who do you think I am?
Some troll who crawled out of the woods to come calling on you?
Oh, I admit, I'm not as young as that simpering, baby-faced,
- platinum doll who's got her hooks in you! - Now, don't get started on Vicky,
Oh, that's right, don't say anything about that dear, sweet, precious Vicky.
That plotz-faced child bride and her electric hips!
Oh, I-I'm sorry, Mitch.
It always happens, doesn't it?
Yeah.
Well, it won't happen anymore.
I'm leaving in the morning with Sharon.
I really do mean this, Mitch,
I wish you the best of everything with Vicky.
Holy smokes! What a lousy mess they made of that.
All our plans, and Mother and I will be leaving tomorrow.
[ Sighs ] Well, don't give up. We've got all night to think of something.
- Like what? - Well, I don't know.
But something.
- Sharon, taXi's waiting. - I'm coming,
- Susan, aren't you coming down to say good-bye to me? - Be right there, Mother,
Sharon. Susan.
I'll-- I'll send Susan back for Christmas.
I'll see that... Sharon comes out here for Easter.
Well, I suppose that's the best way.
I suppose so.
What are you doing in those clothes?
Sharon, what is this?
Well, I'll tell you. We've thought it over and we've come to a decision.
- Yep. We decided we were getting gypped. - Yeah, gypped.
- Oh-- - Now what do you mean, gypped?
Well, we decided that we wanted to spend our-- our camp out together.
- So, whichever one of us is Sharon-- - And we won't tell.
- Whichever one of us is Sharon, we're not going to Boston. - [M Mitch ] Ha!
Now, don't get smart with me, girls.
Sharon, go right upstairs and put your suit on. Now, go on.
Are you sure she's Sharon?
Of course she is!
- Aren't you? - [M Susan Laughs ]
- Tough to tell, ain't it? - Ain't it?
Isn't it? Now, stop all of this foolishness. We're going to miss the plane.
- That's the whole idea. - [ Gasps ]
- Mitch, do something! - Susan, go--
- Yes, Daddy? - Yes, Daddy?
- That's not funny! - That's not funny.
- Oh, this one is Susan. The smart aleck here.
- Are you sure? - Of course I'm sure. I know my own daughter, don't I?
You're not really sure, are you, Daddy?
- You know, I'm not. - I think they're ready to listen.
Right, here's the deal.
We leave for the camp out immediately, all of us.
And when you bring us back on Friday, then we'll tell you who's Sharon and who's Susan.
That's the deal. Take it or leave it.
What am I to do for three days while you're off on some crazy trip into the woods?
- Stay home and knit? - It's not my fault. I can't tell them apart.
- What do you want me to do? - Give them a good spanking and make them tell.
Oh, you don't spank 1 3 year olds, especially for something like this.
- Is she coming along? - That's part of the deal.
- Mitch, I will not have it. - Good morning, Vicky.
I will not sit while you're off prowling through the woods with her.
- You're absolutely right. - Will you keep out of this?
Oh, Mitch, you just can't go off and leave your fiancee alone for three whole days.
- What on earth would people say? - Sure, all right, group activity leader, what do you suggest?
- I think that you ought to come along with us. - Fine.
- Maybe I just will. - It's the only decent thing to do.
- Sure. - Of course, we're going to have to get you another outfit,
but I know where Mitch keeps his old shirts.
We can find you some boots, and very quickly we will have you all fiXed up.
Are they all comin' with us?
Yep.
- Hecky, here's some more stuff. - All right, keep your shirt on.
- Hi, Dad. - Hi.
- Here. - Everything's almost packed.
- When do we get going? - Have you got enough?
-Just fasten the belt a little bit tighter. - [M Vicky ] Yes,
- Where does she think she's going? - She's gonna come along, honey.
- Are you kidding? - Nope,
Besides, it's waterproof. Oh, here we are, Mitch. All ready to go.
- But she can't come along! - [M Margaret ] Now, girls, don't be rude,
We decided that your father couldn't possibly leave Vicky alone for three whole days.
Well, let's get the show on the road, huh?
- You first. You'll want to sit beside Mitch, won't you? - If you don't mind?
My pleasure. The way things have worked out, I think you and Vicky ought to be there alone.
What are you saying?
Maggie, in or out. Come on, will ya?
- If you're not going, I-- - Now, Vicky, don't worry your pretty little head about me.
I'll just lie around the lake and soak up plenty of sun.
Besides, it'll give you a chance to get to know the girls.
You're going to have them for siX months out of the year.
- Bye, Vicky. Watch out for snakes. - Thanks a lot!
Bye, girls. Have a good time. Bye.
?? [ Whistling ]
- Oo-oh. - You all right?
Oh, I'm just dandy. Some fun.
- What's the matter? - Vicky's not used to this, honey. We'll rest a minute.
[ Sighs, Groans ]
Lake's not far now. Just about another hour's all.
Look, I'll put it on it. Yes?
- Gee, is it hot? - What of it?
Well, I just thought maybe you'd like some of my water.
Thanks a lot.
No, there's a thing on there! [M Screaming ]
- What is it? - It's only a little old tree lizard.
Look, Dad, it wouldn't hurt anybody. Look.
- Get that thing away from me! I hate it! - [ Laughing ]
Cut that out. [ Chuckles ] Honey, come on.
Oh, get that away from me. I hate them. They're just miserable.
[ Both Laughing ]
-Now, you two stay here and help Vicky, you understand? -Yeah, sure we'll help her, Dad.
Oh... sure you'll help me. Right over a cliff you'll help me.
What did we do?
Never you mind those angelic faces. I know viXen when I see 'em.
Just remember this, You start anything,
and I will make your lives just miserable for you later on.
You get me, pets?
See that? Cougar tracks.
- It's a form of mountain lion. - No kidding?
- Lions? - Oh, sure,
There are hundreds of'em up here, Ooh, they'll really mess you up,
They'll grab at your eyes. They'll eat ya, you know.
But there's a trick an old Indian guide showed me.
See? You hit two sticks like this and the noise frightens 'em and they won't eat you,
- [M Banging Sticks ] - Like that?
Yeah, that'll keep 'em away.
Come on.
[M Banging Continues ]
- [ Both Laughing ] - Quick.
- Hey! - [ Gasps ]
- Enjoying yourself? - Perfectly wonderful time.
- [M Girls Shouting, Laughing ] - My feet are killing me.
Oh, why don't you go down and soak 'em in the lake. That'll cool 'em off.
- You think? - Why, sure. Go on.
I'll try anything.
Come on in! It's not deep.
- You sure? - Sure I'm sure. Look, I'm standing.
- [ Screams ] - Mitch, come on!
[ Both Laughing ]
[ Panting ]
Ah! Hecky, you really did yourself proud.
Thanks, Mitch. You sure you, uh, won't change your mind, miss?
I detest trout! How many times do I have to tell you?
I'll wait and eat in the morning. What are we having for breakfast?
Trout.
We don't catch fish just to throw 'em away, We always eat off the trail up here,
- That's part of the fun. - Only part of the fun? Swell.
What do you do on Saturday nights? Go down and throw rocks in the lake?
You insisted on coming. The least you can do is make the best of it.
I was tricked into coming. She tricked me.
[ Chuckling ] She sure did, didn't she?
If you wanna go back, Hecky can always take you down.
Oh, why, sure, miss. I'd be happy to walk you down to the truck.
I'll stick it out, thanks.
Oh! What do they think I'm running, a free blood bank?
- I think they like this stuff. - What do you got?
Oh, mosquito repellant.
It doesn't even smell like anything.
[ Laughs ] For Pete's sake, that's nothing but sugar and water.
- What? - That'll bring every mosquito for 50 miles around.
Now, where'd you get that?
An old Indian scout gave it to me. Said it would keep the mosquitoes away.
Hecky, I think I'll have some more of that wonderful trout.
Oh, yeah.
I'm turning in.
- Good night. - Good night.
- Good night, Vicky. - Good night, Vicky.
Vicky!
Honey, what are you doing with the sticks?
Well, what do you think I'm doing? I'm keeping the mountain lions away.
- Mountain lions? - Well, yeah, the noise--
- The noise doesn't frighten mountain lions away? - Not a bit.
Good night!
?? [ Humming ''Let's Get Together'' ]
- Now,just why did you do that to Vicky? - Daddy, I swear that--
Never mind! It's a terrible thing to do,
Isn't it?
Just terrible.
Now, I don't want anymore of that from either of you, you understand?
Yes, Daddy.
- Both of you? - Yes, Daddy.
All right.
[ Loud Snoring ]
[ Snoring, Grumbles ]
[M Birds Twittering ]
[ Screams ] Oh, get me out of here! There are animals in here!
Let me out! [M Screaming ] Let me out of here!
Get them away from me! Get those wild animals out! Get 'em away! I hate 'em!
I hate them! Let me out! Get them away from me! [M Crying ]
I hate this place! I hate this filthy, stinking, dirty place!
What you yellin' about? They's just little bitty old bear cubs. They wouldn't hurt a fly.
You shut up and get me my boots!
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, I hate this place! This may be somebody's idea of fun, but it's not mine!
I hate the fish! I hate the lake! I hate the trees! I hate the filthy bugs!
What the heck are you doing to the food?
- I wanna go back to Central Park East! - What's happening?
You big overgrown jerk! It's not worth it.
Do you want your clothes, Vicky?
Thanks a heap. You, you're twins. Do you share everything?
- Everything. - Everything.
Well, you give your sister her half of this.
Hey, wait a minute. There's no cause for that. They didn't do anything to you.
You'll never know what they did to me, you big goon!
Get me outta this stinkin' fresh air!
- [M Sharon ] Mother, where are you? - Hi!
Oh. You're back early. Now, which one are you?
- Sharon. - Did you have a good time?
Oh, sensational! But... well, at least we did, but I don't think Vicky did.
- Well, what happened? - Hi, Mom.
- Well, hi. - How are you?
- Wonderful. Hello, there. - Good evening.
- Have you had your dinner? - Oh, we're not hungry.
Then you better go upstairs and have your baths. You both look filthy to me.
- Then we'll tell you about Vicky, but not while he's there, okay? - Shh. Okay.
So, you had a wonderful time. What happened?
Oh, now, don't you give me that with the big eyes, ''What happened?''
- You knew darn well what was gonna happen. - What happened?
All right, you name it and it happened. The whole thing was a shambles. Now you happy?
- Tsk-tsk-tsk. - It's the last time I'm gonna take a woman to the mountains.
Oh, uh, where's, um, uh, what's-her-name?
- Vicky? - Yeah,yeah, Vicky,
Yeah, yeah. Well, she took off like a pelican...
and she's probably at Park Avenue and 57 th Street by now, and good luck to her.
Ah. Well?
We've been talking...
and we feel that we owe you an apology.
Well, I mean, we feel sort of guilty about what we did to Vicky.
What did you do to her?
Well, um,,,
I guess you could say we submarined her.
Well, it's none of our business who you wanna marry, and we ruined it for you.
Well, um...
that's done with now, so we won't talk about it anymore,
We're really sorry, Dad. Will you forgive us?
Aw, go on to bed, you monsters.
What are you gonna do, huh?
-Do you want something to eat? -Well, uh, sure you got enough?
Oh, sure, I cooked enough for you and Susan for dinner tomorrow night,
Remember, Sharon and I are leaving in the morning.
- Oh, yeah, leaving. - Wash your hands.
Oh, yeah, I better.
?? [ Humming ]
?? [ Humming Stops ]
[ Clears Throat ] Where's Verbena, anyway?
I wasn't eXpecting you back, and it didn't make sense for her to stay around here just for me,
so I gave her the night off.
Say, you know, I-- I think I'll just go upstairs and wash up.
I'll be right back. I'll just be a minute.
I don't know what he saw in her. She had a horrid taste in clothes...
- and absolutely no personality at all. - [ Wolf Whistle ]
- Wow! - Where ya goin', to a party?
[ Chuckling ] That is none of your business.
Good night, ladies. Sleep tight.
????[M Waltz ]
- Hi. - Well! I thought you were just going to ''wash your hands''?
- Oh, well, I got started, I thought I might as well do a good job of it. - Shh.
- What? - Do you hear music?
Are those children looking at television when I told them to take a bath?
Oh, that's the hi-fi. I just snapped it on when I was coming downstairs.
I thought a little music would be nice with dinner.
Also, I thought a little red wine might be good with the stew, huh?
- Oh. [ Laughs ] - [ Laughs ]
To the mother of my children...
and the most beautiful mother any two kids ever had.
- Oh, Mitch, you can be the most eXasperating man. - What's the matter?
Waiting until we're here in the kitchen eating stew and-and me in my bare feet.
I like you in bare feet.
Well, it puts a woman at a disadvantage.
Good. Here's to your disadvantage.
Ha! [ Chuckles ]
????[M Continues ]
Here. Sit down and eat your stew.
- Yeah. - Don't spill it now.
- Oh, darn! - What's the matter?
Well, I've got a wet dishcloth on and I put some knots in it.
Open it for me.
Maggie, as long as everybody's, uh, apologizing,
I think maybe I better do mine too.
I mean, about the other night.
I didn't mean for it to sound like that.
I guess I'm not very good with the compliments, what, with growin' up out here with cows--
Oh, now, don't gimme that old ''growing up with the cows'' routine.
- You handed me that years ago. - I did not!
You certainly did!
[ Sniffles ] Well, it worked, didn't it?
- You liked it. - [ Chuckles ]
[ Sighs ]
- Ah, Maggie, you're so beautiful. - Oh.
No, I mean it. I know I don't say things like... you wanna hear 'em,
but I've been thinking a lot about you...
and us and the way things used to be,
- This might sound funny, but you know what I miss most of all? - Mitch.
Hmm?
You've got stew all over you.
- I don't care. - Go and wash it off.
What do you miss?
Well...
I don't care if it does sound silly,
I miss those wet stockings you used to have hanging around the bathroom.
And I miss my razor being dull because you used it to shave your legs with.
[ Low Gasp ]
And I miss the hairpins miXed up with the fishhooks in my tackle boX.
It's no fun having a clothes closet all to myself.
And it's no fun swearing because you're not around to...
make-believe you're shocked by it.
Well, nothing's any good without you, Maggie. I miss a lot of things.
I guess I just miss you.
Why did you take so long to tell me?
I don't know.
Well, because--
because I guess I was hoping that you'd come back sometime.
Oh, Maggie. I've been the prize chump of the world. We both have.
We're gonna grow up into a couple of old, lonely people...
if we don't do something about it.
- I know. - You don't want that, do you?
No, Mitch.
Oh, Mitch. It's been so long.
So very long. [ Crying ]
Are you crying? Listen.
You can slug me in the eye anytime you want?
Okay. [ Laughs ]
[ Gasping ]
- What's the matter? - Oh, my gosh!
I just had the craziest dream. Oh, my goodness!
- What is it? - You and I were marching along real slow,
sort of funny-like, in organdy dresses.
And there was music coming from someplace.
- ????[M''Wedding March''] - And there were flowers and people,
????[M''For Now, For Always'']
??For my love was meant for??
?? Was heaven sent??
??For now??
??For always??
??For you????