INSPIRED BY ACTUAL EVENTS
My hip hurts, take me to the hospital.
Don't let them examine you; they might find something
Stay home, mom, you'll be ok. I'll make you some herbal tea.
Hold onto me.
Hey, moron.
I'll give you fucking moron.
Sonny.
Mom kicked the fucking bucket.
Oh fuck, daddy.
I guess we drink today.
Daniela, Darek, your dad went in the street and was hit by a car.
Dad?
Dad.
Please don't shake him. Lay him flat and stabilize his head.
Fuck off, faggot.
Let's cover him up.
He's got the fucking shakes.
Darek, bend his head back.
Give me your phone. I need to make a call.
Not like that, you'll choke him.
What's the emergency number?
999, I guess
- Hello. - He's dead.
No, nothing now.
We almost saved him.
Maybe I could be a paramedic.
Crew number 3 to 21 Arbuzowa Str.
I can't open it, help me.
Because?
I can't move. Come through the window, hurry.
Hold onto that doggie.
We got it on, and I clamped.
You need to go to the hospital with that clamped vulva.
Get the stretcher, doc.
Ania?
Darek, you're a doctor? You barely graduated.
Medicine's like the movies. I bought my degree.
You wouldn't show it to me in high school, so I'll see it now.
Don't let my father in here, please. He'll kill me.
- What's going on here? - Don't go in, your daughter's ill.
- Ania, what's going on? - Leave dad, they can't examine me.
What's this?
Ok, hold her boyfriend down. We have to put them on a stretcher.
Fuck!
I've heard that now they can sew fingers back on.
I'm not looking for it. Fuck it, four are enough.
Ask her boyfriend to cough it back up.
Got a guy with a head injury, not making contact.
Repeat, no contact.
No contact? What the fuck?
What happened to him?
They beat the shit out of him, stole his phone, so we can't contact him.
The guy's hopped the twig.
Here's the hangman.
Fuck, look at these hot shoes.
My size, I'm taking them.
Got a child that fell off a second-story balcony.
- What's his name? - Sylwus.
Sylwus, look. Sylwus.
Bam, bam, bam...
A Matchbox car.
Look, bam, look...
It's ok, look a Matchbox car.
Come on.
He's all right.
The dude shoved a four meter phone cable up his dick into his bladder.
A fucking champ.
Did you want to contact the phone company?
Give me some Pavulon.
This must be the worst day of your life, huh?
Because I met that bitch.
A woman reports her husband and son have drowned in a lake.
You have to certify the deaths.
Gone to St. Peter.
She's in fucking despair, but I'm running out of fucking Dizol.
Ok, we've confirmed the deaths of Pawel and Marcin.
Marcin's right here alive.
That's Maciek.
I'm sorry, kid.
Some queer shoved a bottle of shampoo up his ass.
It's out.
- Where's the bathroom? - There.
Fuck, it's still foaming.
Rotavirus.
The ambulance crew, completely drunk.
- Stop them! - Hey!
Stop! Stop!
I'm pregnant with Arek.
I'm moving in with him and starting over fresh.
That really ticks me off.
Darek, hon, we'll invite you over.
That's not our uncle. Daddy told you a bunch of shit.
5 months later
Arek doesn't want me.
I take up too much room.
I'm not going back to live in that dive with my brother.
I guess I have to change my life.
My neighbour's going to England to look after her grandchild.
I'll ask if I can rent her flat cheaply.
Five flowerpots in every corridor.
And after the inspection, sir?
Throw them out.
I don't want to see patients in such condition during the visit.
What should we do with them?
Put them in a locked ward.
We'll let them out after we get ISO accreditation.
Let's look at a typical room.
Good morning, good morning.
We'll be examining you soon, ma'am.
Sir...
it's me, Stasia.
Good, Stasia, let's have a look at you.
Stasia the orderly.
Sir, do we air out the operating room, too?
I want everything beautiful, fresh, and sweet-smelling.
Our operating rooms.
Was that a sparrow?
There's our cafeteria.
Where are they running to?
The toilet. Unfortunately, one out of ten patients.
But we're the only hospital that has no problems with abortions
and stands by the woman for better or worse.
Down's syndrome doesn't fit us, I don't want such a child.
Do something to make it go away.
How far along are you?
Five and half months.
The law says 12 weeks.
But if genetic tests show defects
you can legally abort to 21 weeks.
Bring your test results and a psychologist's ok and we'll do it.
But I'm 22 weeks now.
We had to wait for the test results.
Up to 21 weeks it's a foetus. Starting at 22 it's a child.
But there's a way around it.
We count pregnancy from the date of your last period,
which can be falsified in the system.
Then we can do the procedure.
Now I'll give you a drug vaginally to relax your cervix.
Why?
You'll have contractions, bleeding, and then give birth to the baby.
Will it be alive?
Rather.
Do you want to say goodbye?
Take it away from me. I want to go home.
What'll you do with it?
Wait till it dies.
- How long will that take? - A few hours.
I said there was a sparrow in here.
Maybe they're waiting till it shits on a patient.
Push.
Hi.
- Why the face? - I'm tired.
Why the fuck are you tired when all you do at work is make coffee?
I twisted my ankle at the track.
Let me see.
Ow. Delicately.
Maternity ward. Hello?
Majka speaking.
What is it?
I've got a patient here.
Doctor, the baby's still breathing. It's been 17 hours. What do I do?
Fucking suffocate it with a pillow.
What a stupid question.
Do like this with your lips.
Now spread your legs and do the same thing with your vagina.
You know, the way hookers pick quarters up with their vaginas.
Hello. What's this about?
- I'm not going to assist you. - Why not?
- The pregnancy isn't 37 weeks. - How far along is it?
36 and 6 days.
It's my right as a midwife.
Ok, what are your expectations?
That it won't hurt, that my crotch isn't cut, and that it's pleasant.
This isn't a request show, and it won't be pleasant.
Push hard.
It's turning.
Push. I've got the head.
Push.
Push hard.
Fucking push like the lady said.
Get out of here.
- Push it out. - I can't do it.
You're standing here with us, so when I say push it out do it.
I broke her rib.
- I can't feel anything. - Push.
I've got dislocated shoulders. Run get the doctor on call.
From this moment on everything is recorded for the prosecutor.
What? Now I'm getting scared.
The shoulder's wider than the head, and the baby's wedged in the pelvis...
The head's turning blue, and the baby's starting to suffocate.
Ok, change position. On your left side.
Push.
All right, now on your right.
Push.
Change position to all fours.
Push. Lower on your hands and push.
Harder and push.
Push. Lie on your back again.
I have to break the shoulders. Don't push now.
That's one.
That's the other. Push.
- I can't do it. - Move, let me see.
Push.
Stop, you'll rip the spinal cord.
- What's your name? - Daniela.
Daniela, we've got one minute.
If you don't help me, I leave the baby inside you and it dies there.
To get it out I'll have to cut off its head.
Oh please, no.
I'm so ugly.
I figured if I got knocked up I'd have someone to love me.
Daniela, look at me.
Then push with all the love you have for your baby.
Push.
Push... Now.
Good.
One point.
One point?
Oxytocin please.
Three points.
Six points. We're taking it.
Is that good?
Very good after what happened.
Now you'll expel the placenta.
What have we got here?
I see a baby's head.
Mine?
It's not mine.
- But I had an ultrasound. - Where the fuck was it done?
A clinic in Ostrow. How'd they miss a second baby?
What'll I tell the father?
That's not important now. Push.
- No, I won't live through it again. - Now push.
It'll go more easily now. Push.
All right.
- Hey. - Hi.
Excuse me, are you a doctor?
You guessed correctly, sir.
I was here 10 years ago and I had a beautiful doctor named Beata.
That's me.
Time sure does fly.
Doctor!
- We've got a stiff. - Please show some respect.
The old lady with the cast died.
All right, I'll take off the cast.
She won't need it in the coffin.
- Right? - Yeah.
Don't scare the patients.
Just a minute now, Hania.
Everything is fine.
I'll give first aid. Send an ambulance.
- I'll take over, I'm a doctor. - So am I.
Do you work in Mokotow?
Beata, it's not good. We have to amputate your leg.
But it won't show. You can wear slacks.
You've got a damaged liver and a ruptured spleen.
We'll pray for you.
But leave your body to science.
You'll serve the new generation of doctors.
They mixed up the legs during the amputation.
When they realized their error they decided to do everything
they could to save the first one.
Quadriplegia. We had to put him in a coma.
His pneumothorax isn't healing well.
Beata, what's wrong?
Beata?
I can't control my body, I have momentary blackouts.
I don't know what's going on for a few seconds then I get a cramp.
A pain in my neck.
I'll give you something to ease the pain and relax your muscles.
I feel as if I'm floating.
Not losing consciousness, but a progressive...
paresis.
With every second I feel...
worse.
Hello, can you hear me?
Hello. How do you feel? Hello.
Can you hear me? Hello.
She really fucking overdosed.
Thank you so much for coming by.
- See you in 2 weeks, doctor. - Of course.
Goodbye.
Excuse me.
What do you do to look like that?
Where do you work?
GLASBE Pharmaceuticals.
Look how fucked up she is. Zero reaction.
I bet they'll pump her stomach.
He... help.
That's him.
The patient claims you groped and tried to rape her.
What?
As you see, we don't have the tools to verify what you've described.
I'm very sorry.
- Know why I want to kill myself? - Why?
Know why? Do you know, huh?
Because I can't get the taste of your cum off my lips.
Did you see that?
It wasn't the first time; he'll do it again.
The next one will be because of you.
17-year-old with pulmonary edema.
Testicular cancer with widespread metastases.
- Shall I call his parents? - No.
- I'd want to be with my dying child. - Light a candle for him.
Oh fuck...
You have to look at this, his parents don't. Now call.
- Where were you when he got ill? - Where? With you all the time.
- I was all alone with him! - Stop yelling.
Stop yelling and calm down.
I'd like to make a toast to my best friend, Eliza.
When the whole world turns away from you I'll be by your side.
When the one you trust betrays you, I'll be by your side.
When the one with whom you share your thoughts forgets your birthday
I'll be by your side.
As you have been for half my life.
To you, Eliza.
- Who was that message from? - It's gone.
- Why? - I didn't want you to read it.
It was from Eliza.
She was lying in bed and wrote me.
Tell me what's going on.
I guess I don't love you anymore.
I'll pack my stuff. Will you drive me to mom's?
Why are you having an affair with her?
- I won't tell you. - Tell me.
You've got an ugly pussy.
What?
You're disgusting down there. All loose and flabby.
I didn't want kids with you, and I can't live with that.
Hello, I'd like to order a cab.
If you walk out, I'll run you down.
With the car.
Hi Patrycja. Jurek told me.
- What? - That you're mentally ill.
I'm sure he did, but your wife and my husband are having an affair.
Fuck me, you really are nuts. Get some treatment.
Did you hear that?
- It's true. - What?
It's your fault.
If you'd been a good wife, your husband wouldn't be fucking mine.
I put off med school for him, sold shit at the bazaar,
and now he tells me he doesn't like my pussy.
What sort of argument is that?
He's ruined my life.
- What? - And bags under my eyes.
- Hello. - Hello.
I'm looking for the head of urology.
Yes?
You're the department head? So young?
You're very kind, but I'm no spring chicken.
I'd like to find out if I'm fertile.
All right.
Hello.
Doctor, will we have a C-section?
First you need to make a baby.
Exactly. How?
- By engaging in sex. - I don't engage in anything.
Do you have sex with your wife or partner?
- It depends. - On what?
On whether I'm cheating on my wife.
- Are you his wife? - Yes.
- Have you betrayed her? - Yes.
- More than once? - Yes.
And cheating on a woman is ok?
- I don't understand. - Do you feel good about it?
What does this have to do with the test?
We'll do the test now.
- All right, what do I do? - Give me a semen sample.
- Where? - Here.
- When? - Now.
- You want me to stand and... - And start masturbating.
Do I get some sort of container?
Can you let me in? My card's not working.
Kasia, where's my computer?
They took it, and the medical director wants to see you.
- Hello. - Stop it.
Good morning, sir.
Did you order a patient to beat off in front of you and his wife?
That's why you took my computer?
Hania from HR will oversee the confrontation.
Please come in.
Did the doctor order you to...
masturbate in front of her and your wife?
Yes, but I have no problem with it.
I was a patient, I confided in her, and I still can't get over it.
You weren't her patient, but we have enough.
Please come with me.
Goodbye.
You are dismissed effective immediately.
You won't fire me; I'm the best surgeon in this hospital.
For me a real surgeon pisses in the sink.
Fuck! Take me to the emergency room. I think I've injured my spine.
How?
FOR SALE
- What's going on here? - We're selling this house.
Are you interested?
So, the prick changed the locks?
He said to sell it ASAP and for the lowest price.
Know what...
I'll find a job and buy this house. I live here and it's mine.
I'm the only person who will buy it.
Now get the fuck out of here.
What do you want?
Nothing now.
My spine's fucking killing me. Just tell me what you want.
My kids' dad has split.
I earn 1700 and I need money for my kids therapy
I have to find a new job. I've got an interview today.
Where?
GLASBE Pharmaceuticals.
They're French. How do I look?
Like a dick dressed like a duck. You can't wear fucking leggings.
Let's find something else.
Fuck, let's check my stuff. What size do you wear?
How should I know?
That's the best we can hope for.
Next, please.
Hello.
So, you want to sell our drugs?
Yeah, all over town.
Take off your shoes.
Get up on the desk.
Now dance.
Dance for me, seduce me.
You won't sell a thing.
But, ma'am...
I really need this job. I'm a single mother of twins.
Do you want to move me?
I lost my family in an accident.
Please give me a chance, as woman to woman.
We hire only women at GLASBE.
Know why?
Because they have looks that make every doctor want to fuck them.
I'll sell more.
I'm not a Miss America.
No, you're not.
But I worked as a paramedic.
I know half the doctors in Warsaw.
COPENHAGEN
- Could we use my comb and brush? - Of course.
Doctor, we've got a patient who shoved a rectangular bottle
of perfume up his anus.
Crazy asshole.
Don't worry Arek, next time we'll use something smaller.
Good morning.
What brings you here today?
Can't you see?
I don't intend to look.
But you will be of service to a new generation of doctors.
- What? - Right this way, students.
Come in. We begin our medical lesson.
This man bought his wife perfume, and she told him
to shove it up his ass.
I accidentally sat down on the bottle.
Fine.
What can we propose for the patient? Jacek.
Perhaps the patient could excrete it himself.
You think it's that simple?
Marek, what's going on?
Mom, why'd you come here?
- What's wrong with you? - Nothing.
Don't lie.
Mom, unfortunately Marek has a foreign body in his body.
How'd he manage to swallow that?
Objects in vaginas and anuses will be the most common cases
you will have in your careers.
Why does this look like the zoo at feeding time?
Jadzia inserted seven tangerines in her vagina.
Jadzia.
Why'd you put seven tangerines in your vagina?
A perverted feeling came over me.
All right.
Each of you takes out one.
Jacek.
This one's shot, it's in pieces and had contact with vaginal fluids.
But this one can still be eaten.
Doctor...
A kid took legal highs and then cut his abdomen open because
he heard squirrels inside.
- He needs to be washed as he rolled in the grass. - Know what?
Cleanliness is next to godliness, but it shortens life. Sorry.
I don't have the manpower.
What's that?
Fentanyl.
An intranasal opioid for pain relief for palliative patients.
Nice, huh?
How does this collaboration work?
Our pharmaceutical company opens a bank account
for each doctor we work with.
Here's your debit card.
And here's your PIN.
When you prescribe a GLASBE drug, the company pays you 5%
of every prescription filled.
Oh yeah?
And just how do you check that?
You prescribe the drug.
I recommend this GLASBE drug.
You must stamp it with, "NO THERAPEUTIC SUBSTITUTION."
Direct patients to one pharmacy. Easier for us to settle up then.
Know what? Go to the hospital pharmacy, it's cheaper.
A company rep will come to the pharmacy and count it all up.
How many GLASBE prescriptions have you filled this month?
270.
How many were Dr. Beata Winkler's?
GLASBE pays 5% from each sale, and you get your money at an ATM.
Help me. It's no difference what you prescribe, and I'll have work.
The debit card isn't everything.
Each quarter you'll get a nice gift from our company.
We'll send you to symposia.
For those doctors
who attain the highest sales
our firm organizes exotic vacations.
Come on, Jarek.
That's only ten weeks old?
You abort babies like this at your hospital??
We gave the patient Mettotrecat as we suspected an ectopic pregnancy
but it turned out she's got a live pregnancy in her uterus.
We can tell her the truth and have the prosecutor on our ass.
Or keep using the chemotherapeutic and wait till she miscarries.
Adam, I'm making coffee. Want some?
A nurse that slept with a doctor, used to kiss his hand in thanks.
Now she becomes his pal.
Only those who do nothing make no mistakes.
You can't admit to it or they'll tear you apart.
You must have her miscarry.
She won't know a thing when she leaves the hospital.
Every doctor has his own cemetery?
That's a crime.
Questioning my decision?
That's my last word, dear. I'm fucking out of here.
Look, what a cute embryo.
I need a job. I'm a urologist and I've worked as a general surgeon.
For me a woman surgeon is like a guinea pig.
Neither a guinea nor a pig.
I'll give you 300.
For what?
For holding pricks.
If a guy's got a crooked dick, I have to straighten it.
You'll get 300 for each prick.
All you'll do is hold it.
Of course, each one moves a bit.
A labiaplasty for my daughter. Her labia are too big.
She even has problems working out during Phys. Ed.
I like it when a woman has a handful in her drawers.
If you want, you'll be as pretty down there as my little girl.
Move onto my finger.
Does that feel good?
What are you doing? You're rubber her clitoris.
Sunshine, I operate, you assist. You don't tell me what to do. Bye.
Fuck, what a perv.
He's like that.
Fuck this job. I'm turning him in.
Come in.
You don't mind if I let a few other doctors learn, do you?
Man, that's ugly.
Asia's mom wants to talk to you.
Hello. What's going on?
Let's go to the bathroom.
Let me see.
Jesus, it was supposed to be a simple labiaplasty.
He said he'd fix it if she lets him do her breasts.
What a prick.
I checked. He's laryngologist and knows nothing about plastic surgery.
Could you do it instead? I'm begging you.
My daughter wants to kill herself.
Give me a couple of days.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Will you help me? - With what?
I need a nip and tuck on my pussy.
Hi, mom.
Could I use one of your rooms for a few hours?
I want it shorter.
A little lower.
Slice away.
How do you feel?
Like a gang of niggers with horse cocks just fucked me.
I'll help your daughter.
You'll rent me the room permanently.
I'm going to specialize in plastic surgery.
I've got the hots for this guy. What should I do so he fucks me?
Something for yourself.
Fix your mug.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Why'd you leave? Know how I feel?
Fix my face.
Botoks in my neck.
My breasts
Belly.
Vagina.
And my fucking teeth.
Your vagina's sensational.
Hello.
Know a good plastic surgeon?
He took fat from your thighs and injected it into your breasts?
Fuck, that surgeon's a disaster.
He fucked up your pussy, too.
What didn't you like about it?
- Nothing. - Why you have it done then?
I wanted to have an orgasm.
- What? - She wanted to have an orgasm.
I was looking for the G-spot.
There's one at the end of shopping. There is no such thing.
- There isn't? - No, there isn't.
I'll do liposuction on your thighs to shape them.
Liposuction on your belly, too.
You'll need breast implants.
I'll use anatomic silicone ones.
I'll give you Hyaluronidase for your lips.
I'll inject acid on the right side.
Fix your forehead with Botoks.
Have you really never had an orgasm?
Maybe I could give you a PRP-shot in the area of your clitoris.
In the front part of the vagina.
Increased blood flow could give you an orgasm. Know what I mean?
I can give you a turbo pussy. Want one?
Why'd you bring me here?
We're celebrating your promotion.
All OTC meds are bullshit.
Yeah.
- Because? - Because they don't work.
We want to bring a new fake med to market.
Problems getting pregnant?
Use Viramen before having sex.
Viramen for her, Viramen for him.
Makes getting pregnant 68% more effective.
When do we launch it?
When you find a doctor who will lie about the 68% improvement.
How am I to do that?
Normally.
Know what the difference is between the pharma and the Mafia?
The Mafia has a smaller budget.
A pharmaceutical company can't corrupt doctors, but you can.
Best if he's an authority in the world of medicine.
Like the guy at that table.
Senior Registrar at the hospital in Mokotow.
He's going to the toilet. Go after him.
How? I can't do it.
I'll fire you.
The fuck you will.
You mixed up the toilets.
Ah... Excuse me.
I thought I was a whiz at geometry.
Man, I am so mixed-up.
It's because of the tough case I have at work.
Yes? Where do you work?
GLASBE.
Are you also in the business?
Senior Registrar of the maternity ward in Mokotow hospital.
Well I'll be.
Daniela.
We won't make a biblical pair. Adam.
There are no accidents in life. It must mean something that we met.
Maybe I could...
Invite you for coffee by way of apology, huh?
After you use the bathroom, of course.
Let God's will be done. We must never question it.
Fuck me. Look at that eye.
I want you to come with me.
What the fuck is this?
The fucking miracle of life.
The mystery of birth. This is just slow killing.
The baby lies in a pan dying for up to 20 hours.
- How do you know when it dies? - Fuck, I don't know!
I don't know! I don't come in here and watch.
Fuck, you're a bit right. We can't let this be.
Madzia, come with me please.
Starting today they won't lie in a pan.
I've decided we'll put foetuses in a bassinet and wrap them
in a terrycloth diaper.
That'll be a dignified farewell.
Stasia, what the fuck is that fern for?
To make it pleasant.
Fuck it's hard working in this hospital.
You do so much for others. Do something for yourself.
Get some rest.
I'm running a symposium in Africa for top doctors. Just say the word.
Think I should go with him?
Why would I do that?
Welcome to the conference.
In these huts made of dried shit?
- Where are the other doctors? - There aren't any.
Today's subject is the modern world versus natural medicine.
You just took part in a symposium with shamans in Kenya.
I couldn't take you on a vacation,
so I made it a business trip.
Sign here.
Why'd you bring me here?
To seduce you.
I had five orgasms.
I wrote an article about you. I'm sending it out to scientific journals.
- What's wrong? - Nothing.
- Was it that bad? - No.
Then what's this about?
I'm going to be fired.
Why?
GLASBE is launching a new drug to treat infertility.
If I don't get an opinion by tomorrow that it acts selectively
and improves efficacy by 68%, they'll fire me.
The professor who was to do it for me had a stroke, and I'm in...
some hellhole at the other end of the world.
But I can give you an opinion like that.
What about clinical trials?
In this heart of darkness
I'll sit under a baobab and use all of me expertness.
- Fallen in love? - Crazy about me.
Want to spend the rest of your life making peanuts here or...
start earning real money?
Walentyna, come out and tell me.
I'll give you shares in a chain of drugstores.
If?
If you start selling bogus meds in them.
Pharmacies can't import drugs.
Private healthcare facilities can.
You'll buy some shack in the boonies...
and register it as a private healthcare facility.
You'll import GLASBE products from France.
First a million packages of Viramen.
I'm to import a million packages to some shithole?
It'll give you the legal cover for making phony drugs.
You'll pack another million doses of fake Viramen into bottles.
And sell it all in your pharmacies.
What'll the meds be made of?
Who the fuck knows?
Powdered sugar.
You want me to sell people powdered sugar?
The real thing doesn't work either.
I guess you're right.
But in those pharmacies...
use someone you trust.
Want a lick of this?
Fucking awesome.
A slug of Ethanol?
Darek, this is a pharmacy.
If I see you high even once, you'll be gone.
Go, you've got a customer.
Keep suppositories in the fridge or they'll melt I think.
What should I drink?
Don't fucking drink anything when you take them.
If it were my baby I don't know if I'd abort if it had a missing eye.
Maybe it feels with that eye.
How many abortions have you done?
What's that got to do with it?
Isn't it too late for crocodile tears?
No, because now I'm pregnant.
Our hospital offers help to all women.
You spout that crap on TV, but I'm the one who has to do it.
I don't give a shit what other women do.
They can do what they want. I'm not doing any more abortions.
Madzia, what's wrong?
I'm afraid I'll have a defective baby as punishment.
If you don't like it, then fucking leave.
You can't fire me when I'm pregnant.
Then get back to work.
What the fuck you looking at, you goddamn queer?
I'll knock your fucking head off.
- Fucking queers. - Not so loud, dude.
Still live where you used to?
What?
You still take the same bus.
Do we know each other?
- Don't you recognize me? - No.
We worked emergency 3 years ago.
I'm going back to work. I've got a double shift.
Shoot me, I don't remember.
Remember a nurse named Gosia?
Yeah, I remember Gosia.
I'm her.
You fucking changed your sex?
Yeah.
In the Czech Republic.
Sorry, I didn't know.
Darek.
Are you a homophobe?
No. I just hate queers.
Our stop.
What the fuck kind of emergency room is this?
A surgeon runs around like Batman.
Hi, what going on here?
I brought some brochures.
What about me?
Just fucking sit there. You'll be all right.
Well?
Not marrying the doctor?
Doctor's wife is almost as good as doctor.
Of course.
Earned her degree using her ass, not her head.
Coffee?
Fuck.
Who called the paramedics?
Are you fucking nuts?
Calling an ambulance to the hospital?
Sure since you weren't taking care of me.
See me and I'll cancel it.
How long do I have to wait, you old cunt?
Sorry, too much testosterone.
He pissed himself.
Strap him down and give him the biggest catheter we have.
Save me!
Help!
Someone!
They're killing me!
Save me!
He... He... lp.
- What's that? - Chaliperdol.
Aren't you afraid he might die?
Oh stop it. Know how many people I've killed?
They ran the article and we're invited to present it in Paris.
Fuck but it's great here.
How much time do we have?
As much as we want. The show's tomorrow.
Good, then tell him to drive around and show us Paris.
- Ask him if he's holding. - Stop it.
Go ahead and ask him. I feel like getting high.
Ask him if he'd like to do a threesome.
No.
Do you like this?
- I'm good. - Ever been with a woman?
What about a mulatto?
- No. - Then ask him.
Let's live a little. Look how hot he is.
No, no, no.
I'll show you my orgasms.
See there, a bit of fun in life.
I'm going to get a tattoo, too.
Are all these people going to look at my pussy?
Beamed in from the next room. Come on.
What a cunt.
Don't touch that.
Sit down.
Oh fuck, hide me.
Give me your phone number.
If you don't,
I'll find out anyway.
Go ahead and write.
His brain damage is irreversible, given that we've used every therapy.
The passage of time.
The lack of nervous response and spontaneous breathing.
The respirator is ventilating a corpse.
This is my divorce petition.
I've left my wife.
I want to say that I can marry you.
And if we happen to have a child, great.
How about first telling me about yourself?
What were you doing in Paris?
- I transport cheese. - You're a truck driver?
I have a company.
I sell cheese.
I have no outstanding debts.
Here's my bank statement.
What about that cheese?
My biggest nightmares are refugees.
You sell them cheese?
If a refugee jumps into the van on the border, the whole load
has to be thrown out.
Quarantine
Would you like to eat cheese with a refugee?
I don't know.
Exactly.
- I'd like to stick you. - What?
Nothing.
I've decided I like you.
I'm 37 and I've decided to get pregnant using IVF.
It might be too late, but I want to try. I'm looking for a father.
I don't have any sperm.
I'm looking for a guy who will take on the role of a father.
No one will accept a single woman without a man to sign the papers.
I've got a problem with that.
It's just on paper. I'm not going to demand you pay child support.
I've got a problem as a Catholic.
You converted your pussy into a prick and you've got a problem?
The Church has already issued a fatwa on you.
Because the Church has given me the finger, doesn't mean God has.
In vitro fertilization means the killing of millions.
Not with me, I've put hundreds Of my eggs into a bank.
- You must be kidding. - No.
That's awful, Beata, just awful.
Fuck off.
Michal?
There's milk.
I collect nettles.
Grind them up in a blender.
It strengthens me.
I want to show you a music video.
How do you interpret this?
The sex act.
You interpret it very badly. No, you oversimplified it.
Want to come in?
To take a shower or something.
No, thank you.
No, no, no, wait, stop.
I need emotion. The right mood.
You beat off in front of me.
Take a cold shower and calm down.
All right
Thanks for our run together.
I know it wasn't easy, but...
I think we did it well.
Hi.
Hi. I've got your documents and test results. See if they're good.
An abortion patient's waiting in #2.
Doctor, what's going on?
Doctor?
Hush, hush.
Stay calm, breathe deeply.
How's the baby?
Good, the baby's just fine
But I...
I thought the pregnancy would change him...
I keep puking, my hands shake.
I can't hear, my vision blurs, and my ears are numb.
I inject myself with Klekson, I'm scared of deep vein thrombosis
and a heart attack.
I fitted myself with a holter monitor.
It's normal; you've lost it.
What?
A doctors' illness. You're fried by the incredible level of stress.
What should I do?
Take time off, exercise, rest, family suppers. Calm your mind.
I can't decide between the Scot
and the Brazilian.
Why such extremes?
Listen to his voice.
Queer.
You can even see a sample of his handwriting.
But the Brazilian is expensive.
A thousand.
Fuck, you mean they have different prices?
From 400 euro to 1000.
The bigger the family, the more expensive the sperm.
No, don't take the redhead.
It'll be hell for him in school.
Take the Brazilian.
If he's too dark, he'll also be screwed.
Then pick some Italian.
He's nice.
No, don't confuse me. The Brazilian.
We administered drugs to stimulate your follicles and retrieved 9 eggs.
We fertilized only 6 and of those only one developed into an embryo,
and it's a very weak one.
Then don't give it to me.
We have to. It's the law.
What if I get pregnant with such a child?
It'll die inside you.
Have one.
No, I have to go to work in the morning.
Darek.
- One. - Darek, baby, just one.
Two.
One and that's it.
It's all good, but we could use a piece of ass.
No problem.
Kazik, come help me.
How about a drink, a smoke?
Oh fuck me, give me another.
Hello.
Where are you?
With a girl.
Are you drunk?
Nope, sober as a judge.
I don't believe you. Don't bother coming to work ever again.
Fuck.
I had to pick her up. Look how fucked up she is.
I can't get a word out of her. I'll take her home and come back.
Patrycja.
Tell me. Where's the nearest pharmacy?
On Baleja Street.
Thank you.
Hello. I'd like to buy some condoms.
With a loony?
- What's a loony? - A thingy on the end.
- No, without. - Flavor?
- They come in flavors? - For the past ten years.
What kind?
We've got strawberry, banana, pear, blueberry, and apple.
Banana.
- Here you are. - Or no, blueberry.
Here.
Or, know what? Make it strawberry.
Are you planning to fuck or put up jam for the winter?
I'm ready.
Michal, I've got an IUD. Why don't you come in?
Patrycja, this is FYI.
What is it?
Test results for HIV, syphilis and other venereal diseases.
Patrycja, you know I had these tests done especially for you.
Thank you very much, Michal, but I haven't done such tests.
Patrycja, can I trust you?
Are you gay?
What's your personal hygiene like?
Pretty good I guess. I'm a doctor.
Ok, I'll get undressed.
Do I embarrass you?
Nudity doesn't terrify me; I'm used to the sight of the human body.
Ok.
Spiteful people call it a bribe.
L, too, at first thought it's my job, that it isn't necessary.
But today I know it's the one way you have of saying "thank you."
I want to thank you for agreeing to do a C-section.
I don't want my wife to give birth naturally.
I'm afraid they'll cut, sew, and disfigure her down there.
Of course, I understand.
For this much I can lend you the instruments to do it.
One new message.
I know you're due soon, but nobody wants to work over the long weekend.
The senior registrar has something to do and left us with
a patient to cut ASAP.
If she wants to operate, she has to sign it.
What is this?
A statement that if you give birth early in the hospital,
it'll be your fault.
The patient's in #2. Make sure you do a C-section.
Hello, my name's Magda.
Halina.
I want to give birth naturally, but the senior registrar said
that with my diabetes I couldn't.
Halina.
I'm telling you that you can. You'll give birth normally.
But my husband's already paid him.
He'll have to refund it.
Please give the patient Oxytocin.
How's the C-section?
I'll help her give birth.
I'm worried about mommy.
We've been waiting a long time. Why didn't you want to operate?
The baby's pulse is dropping. Looks like the placenta's detached.
Let's go to the operating room.
Prepare the OR! C-section with iodine.
What's going on?
I think the placenta's completely detached. Look how she's bleeding.
Suction.
I'm cutting the uterus.
The uterus keeps loosening.
I think she's in death throes. Oxitocin please.
We've got a clot or DIC.
Order 4 units of blood, plasma, and Factor 7.
She's stopped. We have to defib.
Clear!
Give her adrenaline.
Alright, once again.
Clear!
It's been an hour.
What do we do?
Please let the lady die.
Where is my mommy?
Doctor?
Doctor?!
Well fuck, we are a bit to blame.
All right, cause of death is amniotic fluid embolism.
What?
The procurator won't know and won't be able to determine the real cause.
It's a bit fishy, but only we we know the placenta was squishy.
Let's not lose our sense of humour. We must tame the demons.
I don't know what to write.
Write what we do when a birth is fucked up and somebody dies.
The patient was difficult, uncooperative,
didn't follow orders, and didn't come on time.
She did not consent to the treatment we proposed.
But I don't agree.
Then you'll lose your baby.
You can't take it with you when you go to prison.
You'll get through this.
Good thing you didn't let him hound you.
We're with you.
12 weeks, the heart isn't beating. The baby's dead.
My advice is to carry it another week.
Why?
You should spontaneously miscarry.
That way it'll be easier for you to get pregnant again.
What should I do with it?
I want to cuddle it.
Do you want to be alone with it?
Yes.
What should we do, use it for testing, call the funeral parlour,
or do you want to bury it yourself?
I want to bury it myself.
I bribed the funeral parlour. I'm taking my baby home with me.
I want to cremate it.
You look pretty.
You've lost weight.
Miscarriage suits you.
I'm not a doctor, just a woman now, all right?
Relax, the baby was ill.
Know what?
You don't know what I fucking feel.
I know.
I'm very sorry.
You went through it.
Yes.
When will I be able to forget?
Never.
I don't want to be alone today.
What'd they use to make it?
My labia and clitoris.
Do you ejaculate?
Orgasm?
I've got this button in my testicle.
When you press it...
The corpora cavernosa fill and I get an erection.
They did a good job.
My wife's been asking me what kind of birth control we use.
She asks you about what?
I told her about your IUD; she's also ECO friendly.
She told me that an IUD is unethical because it causes early miscarriage.
In such cases I listen to her.
The thing is I told my wife about the condom option.
Hold on.
You talk to your ex-wife about how we screw?
She's not my ex-wife yet.
What's the difference?
Patrycja, do I sense that you are somehow biased against Sandra?
I am biased as hell against Sandra because I'm fucking jealous of her.
I am very disappointed in you, Patrycja. Very disappointed.
I have to cool off.
I don't feel well. Give me a CTG.
But this is a textbook record.
That, what you're hearing?
The transducer must've slid down. This is a good CTG.
What are fucking talking about? My baby's suffocating.
Calm down, you're just another patient here, not a doctor.
Go get the senior registrar.
Wait.
Something's happening. Examine me
What?
Umbilical cord prolapse.
We've got 3 minutes. Otherwise we'll pull out a corpse.
To the operating room.
The OR has to be readied for a C-section. Where's the doctor?
Out having a smoke.
We need someone to save this baby. We don't have much time.
- What's your speciality? - Surgeon.
You have to pull this baby. You've got two minutes.
C-section with iodine. Prepare the operating room.
28, 27, 26...
24, 23, 22, 21...
17, 16, 15...
10 seconds, 9, 8, 7...
6 points, that's all I can give. Sorry.
Come here you homeless bitch.
Just wait till I hit you.
Oy, take this bitch out...
Not here.
This bitch out of this room...
- or I'll kill her. - Calm down.
We'll take you to post-op.
I can't breathe.
All right, someone will be with you soon.
Hey...
Help.
Get a doctor, I want out. I can't breathe.
Calm down. No one can breathe in here.
The air-con is broken. I can open a window for you.
I'm leaving this hospital on an AMA discharge.
What about the jaundice?
Fuck it. I'll rent a light and treat it at home.
What are you doing here?
I baked you an apple pie and bought some potting soil.
Why potting soil?
To show you that you can grow a new world with me.
Patrycja, Sandra's a psychologist
and I had a Hellinger Constellation.
It turns out I love my wife, with whom I split up a few months ago.
But I took out my IUD for you,
cleaned the upstairs, and bought a fucking blender.
Patrycja.
The constellations say that you were only an element
in the game between my wife and me.
My wife and I have been divorcing for five years, and you knew what
you were getting into. You knew.
Can I get you a broom or a mop?
My notice. I'm quitting after I finish my maternity leave.
Sit down.
Will you adopt Down's Syndrome babies?
Most mothers don't want to carry them to term.
Adopt them, and I'll urge them not to abort.
I don't know what other women do. You asked how many abortions I did.
Sit down.
712. But when I became pregnant I also became certain of one thing.
What's that?
I can't do it. I will never do it again.
Sit down.
Come to the event of the season this Saturday on the bank of the Vistula.
The burial of my last life stage, a time of emotional extremes.
I loved madly and experienced joy in a fucking ecological dimension.
Passive participants in my annihilation will drink champagne
on the day I mark as the date my failed love died.
It lasted 153 days. The funeral will be held on the beach.
Stricken in grief and sorrow, that's me. RIP.
You fucking prick! I'll bury you, you son of a bitch.
Fuck you and your broom and mop!
Can I get you a fucking broom?
What a prick.
Listen, I have a request. Starting today we no longer say "prick."
What do we call it then?
Miroslaw, and call pussies Grazyna.
Come on, Patrycja, let's try.
Patrycja, how's your Grazyna?
Grazyna hasn't seen Miroslaw for a long time.
She sits in silence suffering, but doesn't give a shit.
Maybe she could find a Miroslaw who just comes around.
If he knew how to come around.
Daniela, has your Grazyna seen Miroslaw today?
The Miroslaw from the safari was only this big.
No like in Paris, huh?
That was a big boy.
Welcome to the jungle.
Speak of the devil.
I'm throwing a party today. Nothing but high muckamucks.
What the fuck does muckamucks mean?
Why don't you drop by? Kisses, Adam.
What if we gave him a fucking surprise?
What time's the party?
It's already started.
Where's everyone else?
No one else is coming.
Then why'd you ask me to come?
I wanted to see you alone.
Cheers.
Senior Registrar, Adam P. knows how to party.
Those whatsits.
Those whatsits?
These whatsits?
These whatsits. Baby yes, baby no.
One pregnancy test.
Darek.
I've done well in life. You've always dreamed of a hot car.
I bought you a present.
I'm fucking driving to Ostrow.
Most limiting in life was waiting for someone to complete me.
I will no longer seek confirmation of my worth in the eyes of a man.
No one was born to give my life meaning.
Only I can do that.
Unfortunately, we were unable to harvest a single egg cell.
Not one?
We'll try again in three months.
Beata, we'll find someone else. This guy's a queer.
No.
I'm done.
- Where to? - Over there, gents.
We design babies, we extend life, we increase the size of our clitoris.
Yet we're less happy.
I came up with a fucking great idea.
Yes?
Pharma companies are mistaken with drugs for existing illnesses.
Because?
You should discover a new illness and a new drug to treat it.
What illness?
AH37.
FATIGUE, SADNESS, INSOMNIA
WE'VE DISCOVERED THE CAUSE OF DEPRESSION.
Call me partner.