Another beautiful day in the swamp.
Yeah, it's beginning to bloom, and it's hot and sticky.
Traffic update. Take Alligator Alley. Make it snappy.
This bug is faster than the eye I guess I'm one super fly
Maestro, some traveling music.
Come on, head on down the road.
Watch me now I'm fast, I'm cool
Ain't nothin' gonna stop me
My great-grandma's faster than that, and she got a walker.
Way too slow, way too slow.
I got plenty of time. I'll just rest here.
Nice try, but, well, I'm just too hip to flip.
Let me out your mouth. You don't know where I been.
All right, all right, you win.
- You used to be much faster, Kermit. - And you used to be thinner, Horace.
I know. I gotta lay off those pupu platters.
- I'll see you at the swamp. - Okay.
- Oh, by the way, Kermit... - Yeah?
Welcome home.
Home.
Yep, that's where I'm headed, back home to the swamp.
There's something magic about going back to the place where you grew up.
Every lily pad and moss-covered tree seems to bring back memories.
Even this old dirt road.
It doesn't look like much, but I remember the first time I saw it.
I was 12, and I didn't know it then, but my friends and l...
...were about to go on the biggest adventure of our lives.
Me and my buddies Croaker and Goggles had dropped our tails...
...but grown-ups still treated us like we were tadpoles.
So every day we'd go looking for new ways...
...to show the world how big and brave we were.
I'm gonna go! I'm gonna do it now!
Come on, Kerm. We ain't got all day.
- This looks dangerous. - What are you waiting for? Come on.
Okay, guys. I'm gonna do it now. Watch.
- Ready, set, go. - Go.
- Come on in, Goggles. The water's fine. - Oh, I don't know, Kermit.
We toads don't actually like water all that much.
- Come on, it's fun. - Okay, if you say so.
Help, I'm drowning!
My whole life is flashing before my big, bulgy eyes.
Excuse me, Goggles. Goggles.
The water's only 3 inches deep.
Hey.
- Are you okay? - Yeah, that was fun. I think.
Out of the way, tadpoles. Here comes Croaker.
Way to go, Croaker!
That was his highest hop.
- And his splashiest landing. - Yeah.
- Way to go, Croaker. - Yay, Croaker.
- Croaker? - Croaker, where are you?
- Croaker? - Croaker!
Croaker!
A frog can't drown. It's oxymoronic.
- Croaker! - Croaker, where are you?
Croaker! Croaker!
- That was a good one. - Thanks.
- Come on, guys. - Come on, you guys.
Yeah. Now, this is the good life, huh, fellas?
- Yeah. - Hanging with your best buddies.
Breathing in that stanky swamp air.
I don't know.
What's the matter, Kerm?
You don't like hanging out with us no more?
It's because I'm a toad, right? You don't like warty toads.
You guys are the best. It's just that, I don't know...
...haven't you ever wondered if there's something out there?
You know, something beyond the swamp?
No. Should I have?
- Am I abnormal? - Yes.
I think you're onto something here, Kerm.
Yeah. Maybe. You know, it's just that, I don't know...
...sometimes if I listen real close...
...I swear I can hear a voice calling my name.
Yeah? Voices, huh?
Yeah. Yeah, well, sort of like this:
Kermit. Kermit.
Who's Herman?
The voice says "Kermit."
Anyway, so you hear voices, and...?
- Forget it, you guys. This is silly. - No, no, no.
If you're hearing voices telling you that you should go out of the swamp...
...then you should listen.
- Hey, hey, where are you going? - Out of the swamp.
- What? -l must have water in my ears.
I could've swore you said you were going out of the swamp.
No, I'm not going out of the swamp. Yeah, no.
- We're going out of the swamp. - What?
I'm having palpitations here.
Row.
- Row. - I'm rowing, sir. I'm rowing.
Halt.
You know, Mary, sometimes I think this is where I truly belong.
- In a boat? - No. In the swamp.
Waiting for the sunrise, matching wits with nature.
Wearing rubber pants.
Yes, well, nature takes some strange turns.
- It does? - Yes.
When you're young, you think you're going one way...
...and you end up heading in the opposite direction.
We're lost?
No, we're not lost. I know exactly where we're going.
Right over there, where the frogs should be.
Come on, put your back into it, Mary. Row.
- Yes, sir. - Row.
Croaker! Croaker, stop. We're never supposed to leave the swamp.
Are you out of your mind?
If we wanna know what's out there, then I think we have to go out there.
I don't want to know.
I'm not even comfortable with what's in here.
Well, then maybe you guys shouldn't come.
Kermit, we gotta stop him. This is a sin against nature.
Come on. Maybe we can talk some sense into him.
- Croaker, wait up. - Come on.
Okay.
Well, fellas, here it is. This is it.
Just beyond this marsh grass here is the outside world.
Oh, wow, we're really here.
- I think I feel a rash coming on. - I've never been this close before.
- Am I breaking out? - Take it easy, Sweaty McSweatycutty.
- It'll be an adventure. - But adventures make me gassy.
Goggles, come on. You can't be afraid all of your life.
Sure, I can.
How about we take a quick peek and come right back?
No, no, no, I can't.
- Sure, you can. -l can't.
- You can. -l can't.
- Can. Can. Can. - Can't. Can't. Can't.
- Mary, did you hear that? - The birds?
- No. - The crickets?
- Can. Can. Can. - Can't. Can't. Can't.
The frogs?
Oh, the wind whistling softly through the tall marsh grass?
We're not looking for whistling grass. We're looking for frogs.
- Sorry, Mr. Krassman. - That's Dr. Krassman.
- Can't. Can't. - You can. Can.
Cut the "cancan." Look.
Frogs. I knew I'd find them here.
I'm a genius.
Well, sir, this is their ecosystem.
Ecosystem, schmecosystem.
- Come on. - Right, sir.
- What kind of creatures are those? -l don't know.
Yes, sir. Dr. Sir.
Kerm, where are we going?
What are you pushing for?
Just keep moving. Just keep moving.
Kermit.
- Sorry. - You stepped on my gland.
- Your poison gland? - Guys, guys, guys.
I'm gonna find you and catch you...
...and you can't do a thing about it.
Sir, are you talking to the frogs?
Me? No, no, of course not.
No, I was talking-- Well, I wasn't talking--
I think I saw them over here.
- I got poison on my foot. -l can't help it.
- It's a toad's only defense mechanism. - Guys, guys, guys, be quiet.
- Stay hidden. Stay hidden. - It's itching bad.
Oh, it's on my foot. Oh, it's on my foot.
Croaker, no.
Don't leave me. I have abandonment issues.
Oh, sweet relief. Oh, that's nice.
There they are!
Oh, the horror.
I nearly caught you. You can't escape. Nothing can save you now.
- Except possibly that. - What?
Thank you, Arnie.
Oh, anytime, Kerm. So tell me...
...what were you boys doing down there by the edge of the swamp?
Edge of the swamp? We weren't at the edge of the swamp.
We were right here, tasting pond scum.
- Pond scum, yeah. - Oh, really?
Well, no, no, no.
Actually, we were just bobbing for stinkbugs.
- That's-- Yeah. - Bobbing for stinkbugs.
Yeah. Would you believe we were studying ophthalmology?
No. No.
Okay, Arnie, we were at the swamp's edge.
But only because we're curious about what's beyond the swamp.
Ain't nothing out there but trouble.
Shiny wheeled beasts and rubber-pant-wearing human beings.
Them humans don't scare me.
If you didn't come along, I would've hopped on their heads and said:
- "Get out of here, you humans, you." - Don't you ever talk to humans.
Animals that talk to humans get killed...
...and cooked...
...and eaten alive.
- Oh, how unpleasant. - Wait a second.
How could you be eaten alive if you were already killed?
Oh, they have their ways.
For the rest of the day...
...Goggles and Croaker and I talked about what Arnie said...
...that we should never leave the swamp and never, ever talk to humans.
We knew Arnie was probably right...
...but sometimes knowing you shouldn't do something...
...makes you wanna do it even more.
Oh, the fireflies are on. We'd better head home, guys.
Light yet filling.
Hey, guys, do you think Arnie's right about what's outside the swamp?
- No, he's just trying to scare us. - Well, he did a very good job.
Imagine getting killed and cooked.
And eaten alive.
Centipede-and-barley soup. My favorite.
Kermit, can you set the table for your brothers and sisters?
Sure, Ma.
Dinner, guys!
Bath time!
Bedtime!
I forgot about potty time.
You've got to follow
Follow your star
You've got to follow
No matter how far
- Kermit. Kermit. - What--?
You--?
- You heard me? - Kermit.
- You called my name. - Kermit.
Oh, yes, O distant beckoning star.
Star? It's your mother.
- Hi, Mom. - It's very late. You should be in bed.
Hey, Mom?
You remember how you told me once...
...that there was a star with my name on it?
That's right.
Well, what if I...? What if I can't reach my star from here?
This is a big swamp. You can reach any star from here.
- Yeah, yeah, but, Mom-- - Kermit.
It's time for bed, sweetheart.
Okay, Mom. I'll be right in.
- All night long, I had terrible dreams. - Yeah?
I was stepped on by rubber boots. I was grabbed by human claws.
And I was dipped in bread crumb and eggs.
Oh, that sounds awful.
Actually, the eggs felt quite soothing on my buttocks.
- Oh, yeah? - Well, I ain't scared of no dreams.
I ain't scared of nothing.
Blotch.
Well, well, well. If it isn't the Soggy Pants Brothers.
Oh, yeah? Well, we ain't brothers, see?
And we don't even wear pants. Look.
See?
- Easy. - Did you just moon me, wart-face?
No, I was just showing you my pantless behind.
Well, let's see you moon a knucklehead sandwich.
- Oh, yeah? Well, we ain't sandwiches. - Duck!
Duck? I don't see no duck.
Hey.
Come on, fellas.
- Just let me take him. - It's not worth it. It's not worth it.
- I got youse now, frog. - I'm a toad!
I can see my house from here.
Quick, guys, into the marsh grass. Come on!
Hey. We're outside the swamp.
It's so big and beautiful and--
Blotch!
That hurts.
Look. It's the shiny wheeled beast. Arnie was right.
Look out!
Come back here. I ain't done with youse yet.
Not there.
Must be my lucky day.
Oh, no.
There you go.
Nice and cozy.
- We have to do something. Come on. - Yeah.
Come on, Bertha. I know you can do it.
Stop! Come back!
- Kerm, Kerm. You all right? - Yes.
But we have to catch that shiny wheeled thing.
Don't worry, Kerm.
Nothing gets past me.
Come to Papa.
That was a close one. Are you okay, Croaker?
Croaker? Croaker! Cro--
Croaker, are you all right? Are you okay?
Yeah. I'm just a little tired.
Kermit!
I feel so sick and nauseous.
You barf on me, you die.
That was amazing, Kerm.
My entire life passed right before my very eyes.
And boy, do I got some issues.
They're gone, and it's all my fault.
What are you talking about?
If I hadn't made us leave the swamp, none of this would have happened.
Yeah, but we're here now, so, what do you wanna do?
- We gotta help Goggles. - Yeah, yeah, help Goggles, that's right.
Even if it means that the humans kill us...
...and they cook us, and they eat us alive.
Of course, we could just go back and tell our folks what happened.
That's probably a better idea. Let's try that first.
Wait a minute. What am I thinking?
I don't care what danger is out there. I'm not going back till I find my friends.
- Are you with me? - Are you kidding me?
- Then let's go. - Come on.
I've been kicking frog behind for years. Nothing like this has ever happened.
- Actually, I'm a toad. - Don't wise-mouth me, bug breath.
Please stop yelling.
Next time I go to smoosh youse, you just stand still.
You're still yelling.
Youse better figure a way to get me out of this, you hear me?
- Can't talk. Hyperventilating. - Cut it out.
Vision spinning.
Breath shortening. Going through the tunnel.
Bye-bye, Mommy.
You pass out on me, and I'll put out your lights.
Paper bag. Paper bag.
Oh, here.
- Better? - Oh, much better. Thank you.
Good. Now get me out of here!
We are so lost.
I'll just hop up in the air and see which way they went.
- Okay. - All right.
Forgot to warm up there.
- Yeah, yeah. Okay. - Yeah, all right, then.
- Oh, no. - What's the matter?
- I lost my hop, I think. - What?
- This never happened to me before. - Croaker, calm down.
You couldn't have lost your hop. You're the best hopper I've seen.
- The best hopper, right? - Yeah.
- You're right. What was I thinking? - Try again.
- Go ahead. - Okay. I'm gonna do that.
Look at me here, lying in the dirt.
Can't hop.
Tire track across my chest.
I'm useless, Kerm.
No, you're not. Look.
The tire track on your chest matches the tire tracks on this road.
- So? - So...
...that must mean they went that way.
Oh, yeah.
- Here, here. - Thanks.
- Here you go. - Hey. Hey, Kerm.
I'm a walking road map.
- Come on. - Who'd have thunk it, huh?
You're turned on and tuned in to WART...
...with music that will drive you wild.
What you doing, playing hide-and-seek?
Don't worry. I won't tell them where you are.
Okay, you two, here's your new home.
- Hi, Joey. - Hi, Mr. Wilson.
I'm glad you stopped by. I wanna give Ralph his new toy.
Oh, thanks, Mr. Wilson.
Hey, why don't you have a dog?
One thing I learned about dogs is you have to wait for the right one.
Like Ralph?
Exactly, like Ralph.
- What do youse freaky frogs want? - Freaky frogs? Where?
I don't see anybody. Oh, no! I'm blind!
Help! Help! Help!
I can see. It's a miracle.
Excuse me. Hi. Hello. I'm Roy.
I'd like to welcome you to our little pet store, if you know what I mean.
Hey, stop touching me, or I'll swat you like a sick mosquito.
Oh, I get it. Personal-space issue.
- Hey. - Okay.
- We'll all remember that, right, gang? - Hey.
Chill, man. Our tank is your tank, okay?
Thank you. ls there a restroom nearby?
It was a very long ride, and we toads have such small bladders.
Shut up, toad-brain.
Listen up, youse gilled geeks.
I want out of here, and I want out of here now.
- Stop making fun of me. -l think you're under a lot of stress.
- Am I right about that? I bet I am. - That's it.
I'm gonna slug you so bad, even your hurt's gonna get hurt.
- Why do you have to be so mean? - What did you say to me?
- Nothing. - That's what I thought.
Now, where was I?
You were gonna hurt my hurts, I believe is what it was.
Oh, yeah.
I'm gonna stomp you, mortarize you, pulverate you, and then I'm gonna--
I did say something.
- I said you're mean. - What?
You're a mean, stinky bully-head. Nobody likes mean, stinky bully-heads.
- What are you gonna do about it? - This:
Stand still. Why, I ought to...
Look, the frogs are fighting.
I hope they're fighting. I shelled out a lot for this skybox.
I told you to stand still when I goes to smoosh you.
- I'll put $5 on the fat one. - I'll take that action.
Hey, what's going on here?
My, my. You two should be on the Nature Channel.
Boy, I never walked this much in my entire life.
Me neither.
- Watch your step there. - Thank you.
- I don't wanna rest or anything. - Me neither.
- Because I ain't tired. No. - No, me neither.
Here you go, you two. Give you a little privacy.
Nice. A little tacky, but with some fresh-cut flowers...
...perhaps a throw pillow...
Get away from me, toadstool.
Blotch.
I said get lost.
Mama!
--Hoedown, only on WART.
Getting late. No frogs. Tick-tock.
Tick-tock. No frogs.
Okay, so why don't we just call the pet store?
Pet store?
In all my years of science, I've never had to pay for it.
I mean, a frog, that is.
Well, sir, if it's about money, I can loan you a few dollars.
- Stop. - Don't worry. It's my mad money.
- I have no plans to go mad soon. - Just stop the car.
I'm gonna get you now, froggies.
- Croaker, Croaker, wake up. Wake up. - What is it?
You're as good as got.
Start the car.
All right, you. I'm warning you.
- I got a green belt in hop fu. - He does too.
Stupid hop. What's going on here?
All right, you! You back away from my friend, or I'll--
Oh, is that a stick? I love sticks. I love them so much.
- Are we gonna play fetch? Are we? - What?
Fetch. You throw the stick, I catch the stick. It'll be great.
It's fun. Come on. Please? Throw the stick. Come on, throw it.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
You see? Wasn't that fun?
That was fun, right? That was enjoyable.
Thank you so much. My name's Pilgrim.
- Hi, Pilgrim. My name is Kermit. -l lost my hop, I think.
And this here is Croaker.
It was nice to meet you. Thanks for everything. We gotta go.
- Wait, hold up. Can I be your dog? - Well...
Gee, we really don't need a dog.
Come on, you can be my brand-new beloved owners.
- What happened to your old owner? - We were in the car...
...my head out, wind in my fur.
Next thing you know, I'm a stray.
Gee, that's too bad.
- Well, see you around, sister. - Bye.
Wait. If you're my owners, we can take walks, you can groom me...
...feed me, and when I go number two, you can pick it up with a scooper.
- Gee, that really sounds nice. - Yeah, yeah, except for the last part.
Yeah, but, you know, right now, we really just gotta find our friends.
- Come on, let's go. - Okay.
- What? A friend? - See you.
Why didn't you say so?
Did I mention I'm part bloodhound? I can track down anyone.
Looking for a frog. Looking for a frog. Looking for a frog. Come on.
- What do you know? I found a frog. - She's pretty good there.
Yeah, and your nose is cold too.
So, what do you say? Can I be your dog?
- Excuse us, Pilgrim, for a moment. - Oh, yeah.
Listen, we sure could use the help.
You know, Pilgrim, frogs don't usually own dogs...
- ...but if you'd like to come along... - Okay. All right.
Well, here we go. So tell me, about these friends of yours...
...do you have any clothing that might have their scent?
They're amphibians. They don't wear any clothes.
All right. Whatever you're into.
So when did you last see them?
They were taken away by a shiny wheeled red beast.
- What? - Shiny wheeled red beast?
- Yeah. - Yeah, yeah.
And it had two evil eyes and big evil teeth...
...and it left this mark across my otherwise unsullied midsection.
Okay.
Hey, okay, all right. Use a tissue, please.
Okay, see, that was no shiny wheeled red beast. No.
That was a truck, a red truck with an eight-cylinder engine...
...a five-speed transmission, AM/FM radio, leather seats and...
- ...a cup holder. - Cup holder?
- Are you sure? - I'm positive.
And I know just where to look for it too. Come on.
- Hey, this could work out. - Let's go.
We're back with more from Harry and the Hitmakers.
I'll get those frogs, and their little dog too.
It wasn't a little dog. It was medium-sized.
I think it was a schnauzer. Oh, maybe a spaniel.
- Mary. - Yes, sir. Dr. Sir.
You don't want to be an assistant scientist forever, do you?
- You want to be a real scientist like me. - Yes.
Since I saw The Wizard of Oz, I wanted to be a scientist.
What does The Wizard of Oz have to do with science?
- Nothing. - Good.
- Just listen to me, my little Dorothy. - Mary.
I'd like to tell you something special you should do now...
...to become a real scientist.
Pearl of wisdom. Let me get my notebook.
- Okay, I'm ready. Go ahead. - Drive the car.
Oh, that is good. "Drive..."
- Just drive the car! - Sorry. Driving, sir. Driving.
- Snakes is icky. - No. lcky?
No, Vicki not icky.
I show you icky.
- Let him go. - Help. Help.
I am choking life out of him. Why should I be letting go?
So you can choke the life out of me, if you're snake enough.
Vicki loves a challenge.
Hey, choke a little quieter over there.
- I thought you lost your hearing. - Of course, I'd love some herring.
But who could eat with all that noise?
- What are youse doing? -l can do this, I hope.
Come on, glands, do your stuff.
Oh, that itches.
- Well? - This game's over.
Great. Let's eat.
It's itching. It itches so. It's hideous itching.
I must scratch. I must scratch.
Oh, why was I cursed with no hands? I'm scratching.
- Why did youse do that? -l was helping a friend.
Thanks.
Pilgrim, you said going this way was gonna be dangerous.
Yeah. You call this dangerous? I'll tell you about dangerous.
Remember this? This one time, I put a wasp's nest on my head...
...and started dancing the hokey-pokey just to see what would happen.
- Now, that's dangerous. - Yeah.
All right, simmer down, Happy Feet. We're not out of the woods yet.
What do you mean? What?
Oh, no!
- What was that? - That's called a pig.
A pig, huh?
I hope I never see another one of those in my entire life.
- Come on, Blotch. You can do it. - Why ain't youse pushing?
Because you have the strength of 10 bullfrogs...
...while I have the strength of one small paramecium, with a groin pull.
Oh, strong.
Come on.
And just where are you two gentlemen off to?
We're busting out, blowing this joint, flying the coop, taking a powder.
- I thought we were leaving. - That too.
That don't make sense. Why would you do something silly?
Because we're going home, back to the swamp. Come on.
Wait. But-- Wait a second.
But you boys is pets now. Why, you've got nothing to worry about.
Of course I have to worry. I could get hit by a falling tree.
I could get snatched up by a vicious hawk.
I could eat an overripe palmetto bug.
When you're a toad, danger lurks around every corner.
Au contraire, not if you are a pet toad.
You see, Mon Ami, when you're a pet, humans take care of you.
They feed you. They play with you.
Why, they even clean up your poo-poo.
- Poo-poo? - Oui, oui, poo-poo.
Why, you have not lived life until you have lived life as a pet.
What good is sitting alone like this?
You can live a life in perpetual bliss
No more hunger
No more pain
Only 1 in 47 chance Of being flushed down the drain
No more worries
No more strife
Leap into a whole new leash on life
No chilly nights
No more frets
You can ferret for yourself With no regrets
- You'll be a star on your own stage - Even though it is a cage
It's great to live and laugh And love life as a pet
- Life as a pet - Life as a pet
Well, now, you might lose your freedom But look what you will get
- Fancy collars, fancy house - And every day, fat little mouse
It's great to live and laugh And love life as a pet
- Life as a pet - Life as a pet
When you're petrified Warm, fuzzy hugs
Are what you're gonna get
- No more slimy things to catch - Will I get my belly scratched?
- Every day, baby. - Oh, that sounds nice.
It's great to live and laugh And love life as a pet
No getting squished On a bumpy road
- All the flies you wish - Sounds good
But what's in it for a toad?
No more being a vagabond You gotta think outside the pond
It's great to live and laugh And love life as a pet
- Life as a pet - Life as a pet
When you're petrified Warm, fuzzy hugs
Are what you're gonna get
- I see a lily pad etched in gold - Man, you got me, now I'm sold
It's great to live and laugh And love life as a pet
Hey, rabbit, where do we sign up?
It's great to live and laugh And love life as a pet
Life as a pet
Even me.
Life as a pet
- Where youse going? - Back in the tank.
- I thought we was going to escape. - You heard the singing animals.
Being a pet is everything I always wanted in life.
Safety, security and generous health benefits.
But what about the swamp? Frogs belong in the swamp.
I'm a toad.
Hey, I know. You could come with me.
We could be pets together. It'll be swell.
If you say so, but I'm not so sure about this.
So are we there yet?
- Are you sure we're not lost? - Oh, no, we're not lost, fellas.
This is it.
I tell you, that red truck is as good as got.
- Hey, there it is. - Hey.
I got it, I got it, I got it.
Here, let me give you a hand.
- Hey, what happened? What happened? - Oh, I lost the red truck.
- Where's Kermit? - He's right behind me.
Red truck!
Red truck. Right, right. I'm on it, I'm on it.
Believe me, this was a vicious mongrel. Rabid, covered with fleas.
- It was a horrible, bloodthirsty stray. - With cute floppy little ears. Tell him.
Will you please shut up?
I thought that was a very important point of identification.
- They were rigid in attack mode. - They were floppy.
This was a dangerous animal.
That's the dog! Get him.
See? Floppy ears, just like I said.
- Get him now! - Run, doggy.
Come on, guys, hop on.
- All right. - Let's hide in there.
What is this place, huh?
It's a movie theater. They show moving pictures up there.
This stuff is good...
...even though it sticks to my teeth.
You don't have teeth.
Oh, yeah.
- Let me try some of that. - Go ahead, help yourself.
You're to obtain this property for me.
Kermit, you want some of this?
He suddenly snatched a dagger from the table and killed him.
Get the girl.
I guess that dogcatcher's gonna be gone by now.
- Capture him. - All right, Kerm, let's go.
I wanna do that.
Hit each other with sticks? I've done that. It ain't great.
No, no, no. I mean, I wanna be in the movies.
You'd never make it.
- What do you mean? - Shoot him.
Well, look at them. They're 15 foot tall and flat.
The movies is no place for a frog. Now, come on.
Okay.
Don't let him get away.
Hey, Statler, I'm sure glad the frog put us in his movie.
Why? So people can see how young we look?
No, so we don't have to watch it.
Boy, it's late. I didn't realize we were in there so long.
Oh, I'm afraid this is gonna make it more difficult to find that red truck.
- Let's not give up now. We can do it. - Yeah, nothing can stand in our way.
That's it. That's it. I can't walk straight. We're never gonna find Goggles.
Yes, we are.
- What is he talking about? - Who kno--? Kno--
Knows.
I'm gonna go up really, really high and look for the red truck.
- That's crazy. -l should've thought of that.
I've never been up this high before.
I feel like a bird or a cloud...
...or a star.
So this is what it's like to see the whole world.
I wish I could just stay up here forever and just sail along...
...until I reach the--
The red truck! I'm coming for you, Goggles!
Oh, no.
Oh, no. I'm coming for you right now!
Don't worry, Goggles. I'll get you out of there.
You're not Goggles.
Goggles!
- Wilson's Pet Shop. - Wilson, it's Krassman.
Hey, Mr. Krassman. Oh, pardon me. Dr. Mr. Krassman.
How are things at George Washington?
Cut the small talk. I need frogs, lots of frogs.
- You got frogs? I want frogs. - Let me get this straight.
- You want frogs. - Yes.
- Yes. How many do you have? - Let me check.
Let me see. One, two, three...
Oh, no. Somebody wants a pet, and he's choosing those frogs.
I guess nobody's ever gonna want a pet toad.
Hey, thought I forgot about you two, huh?
Everyone's going to George Washington.
- Who's George Washington? - Probably our new owner.
Oh, boy, Blotch. We're gonna be pets.
- Well, Mr. Dr. Krassman. - Yes.
- I've got a dozen frogs and one toad. - Oh, joy. Marvelous.
Bring them over tonight. We'll be working late.
Alrighty.
Well, looks like it's just me and you, pal.
I don't know, I--
I only wish you could help me find my friends.
- Oh, Kermit. - A squeaky toy?
You have a squeaky toy.
A squeaky toy. That's a squeaky toy.
- May I? - Sure. Be my guest.
Croaker, you gotta try this.
This squeaky toy is so good. You're gonna love this. Here.
- Fun, huh? - Oh, yeah, boy, that's just great there.
Okay. So, Kermit, did you find that red truck?
- Yeah, I found it. I even got in it. - Yeah?
But Blotch and Goggles weren't there.
I'm starting to think you're right. I don't think we'll ever find them.
Yeah, but what if--?
- Excuse me? -l think I know where they are.
You do?
- They're at the pet store. - Oh, okay.
WART.
So long, pet store. Hello, good life.
I can smell it now. Flea collars, leather leashes.
To be a pet again, taken care of by my very own humans.
I thought she didn't like humans.
Anyway, squeaky toys come from the pet store.
And this building is a pet store.
So Goggles and Blotch must be in there.
Right.
Hey.
What is it, Pilgrim? Did you find something?
What is she sniffing for now, huh? Pilgrim, what are you--?
- Will you look at that? - What?
Somebody threw away a perfectly good piece of rawhide.
Rawhide?
I can't believe it. Listen--
Come on, Croaker, let's go in and get them.
Yeah, sure, but how?
If we could get to that window up there...
Come on, it's way too high.
- Not for the best hopper I know. - Oh, yeah? Who's--?
No, no, I don't think so. Remember? I lost my hop.
Come on, you're still the best hopper in the swamp.
In the swamp, maybe, but here, no.
Swamp, here, what's the difference?
This. See? Right here.
- Look, that's exactly why you can do it. - The tire tracks?
No, no, what's inside. That's what makes you a great hopper.
- You really think so? -l know so.
- All right. I'll give it a shot. - Okay.
- I'll try it. - Oh, goody.
- Guess I ought to go back here. - Okay.
You can do it.
I need to get my bearings here.
I believe in you.
You did it, Croaker.
I still got it, baby.
Okay, Pilgrim, give me a boost.
Hey, Croaker, how'd you get up there?
I got my hop back.
- Okay, get on. - Here, Kerm, give me your hand.
- Okay, a little higher, Pilgrim. - All right.
Easy.
Now pull.
- Okay. - Come on.
- Easy. -l gotcha.
- I gotcha. - I'll guard the alley.
We did it. We're in.
- Are you okay? - Yeah. You?
I think so.
Goggles?
Blotch?
- Goggles. - Come on out, you guys.
Did--? Did you hear a sound?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I did.
Are you two ugly frogs looking for other ugly frogs?
Yeah, we're looking for a little toad and a great big bullfrog.
Oh, yes, I know these two.
I was very close with these two.
- Wait a second. "Was" very close? - What have you done with our friends?
Vicki has done nothing.
All frogs were taken to George Washington.
Oh, yeah? Well, who's he?
That I do not know. But this I do know:
Once you go to George Washington...
...you never come back.
But-- Hey. Hey, wait. What--?
Well, I don't believe it, Croaker. They're gone.
Forever.
Kerm? Wait a second.
- What are we gonna do? - We go home.
Wait a second. Home?
Yeah, look, we don't belong here. This place is too big for us.
- We should have never left the swamp. - Wait a second.
Look. Listen, Kerm.
I'm just...
I'm just thinking out loud here...
...but, you know, maybe we ought to take a deep breath...
...and, you know, sleep on it tonight, huh?
- Who could sleep at a time like this? - Yeah, that's true.
I mean, I'm wide-awake sitting on this little cushy kitty bed here...
...with the nice pillow and the...
Oh, yes. Oh, thank goodness.
I was worried we wouldn't get any frogs this year.
Well, you don't have to worry anymore.
True. It's the frogs' turn to worry.
- Frogs don't worry. - Good night, Wilson.
Frogs are peaceable creatures. When I was young...
- Good night. - ...I pretended I was a frog.
- I never worried at all. - Good night, Wilson.
Good night there, Dr. Mr. Krassman.
Do you smell that, Mary?
Pond scum?
Victory.
The frogs...
...are mine!
- Yes. - Who's that?
That must be our new owner, George Washington.
He seems so happy. He has such a melodious laugh.
My star.
Kermit.
- Is that you, Mom? - No, Kermit.
It's me, your star from the swamp.
Tell me, star, what should I do?
Do what's in your heart.
But I'm so small, and this place is so big.
- I'll never find Goggles and Blotch. - I know you will, Kermit.
I believe in you.
You do?
Well, thanks, star.
Anytime, Herman.
That's Kermit.
- Kermit. - Kermit. Yeah, Kermit.
Kermit?
- Who you talking to, Kerm? -l was just talking to my star.
You were talking to your star?
- You mean, the voices? - Yeah.
And...?
And we're not giving up.
I must be hearing things.
I could have sworn I delivered all the frogs last night.
Hey, what are we doing here, anyway?
We're volunteering to go to George Washington.
But you heard the snake.
When you go to George Washington, you never come back.
- Well, don't worry, Croaker. - Oh, I'm not worried. I'm psyched.
There you are.
Okay, I got this part of the plan, but how do we get out?
There's nothing here but you and me and a bunch of sticks.
You'll see.
I love it when I don't know what's going on.
Froggies?
- Let's find Goggles and Blotch. - Look at this place.
That George Washington sure has a big house, huh?
- What was that? -l don't know.
Lots of kids too.
- Hey. How'd you find us? - You know what?
All those years of car chasing finally paid off.
Yeah.
Books?
Sloppy joes?
Pimple cream?
Wait. What are we doing at a high school?
What's the matter, Pilgrim?
There's only one thing that frogs do at a high school:
They croak.
What are you talking about? We frogs croak all the time.
No, no, no. I mean "croak" croak.
Forever croak? Your friends are in trouble.
- We gotta help them. - Yeah.
Lousy form, but he sure nailed that landing.
It's me.
- That was close. - Yeah. Thanks, Pilgrim. Come on.
- What now, fellas? - We just gotta find Blotch and Goggles.
Gotcha.
I'll put a collar on you and take your friend here to biology class.
Biology class?
A very good specimen indeed.
I was against a toad at first, but I think he'll make a nice addition.
Very nice indeed. Yes, yes, yes.
He likes me. I bet I'll get my own room.
Well, class, today is one of my favorite days...
...of the entire school year.
Because today we're going to find out...
...what makes those little amphibious creatures there tick.
You know how we're going to do it? By taking them apart.
Gross.
- What's that mean? - Maybe he's taking us to a party.
- I love parties. - Yes, class...
...it's time to dissect a frog.
- Gross. - Oh, gross.
Gross.
- What's "dissect" mean? -l don't know, but I bet it's delicious.
To begin, I shall have my teaching assistant, Mary...
...explain the dissection procedure. Mary.
- Mary! - Sorry, sir.
Dissection. Would you kindly explain the procedure?
Right, sir.
- Okay. - Here.
The initial incision begins right here at the neck.
Then you drag your scalpel down through the sternum...
...and across here at an angle right past--
You see the stomach.
Oh, I get it.
Dissection must be some kind of full-body massage.
No, it's not a massage. It's a full-body massacre-ization.
--The stomach cavity.
They're of course ignorant of the fact that it's just had its last meal.
They're gonna cut us apart.
What? But we're his pets. He can't do that.
That was not in the brochure. Oh, this is bad.
- I'm late for Krassman's class. - Oh, biology, your favorite.
Yeah, right.
And then the dissection is complete, and you dispose of the little body...
- Mary. - ...once and for all...
...tramping out its dreams of ever having a full and happy froggy life.
- Mary. - Yes, sir?
That will be all.
Now, let's try the real thing.
I shall do the first dissection myself...
...and then each of you will get to dissect your own frog.
- Gross. - Gross.
If you spare me, I'll be good...
...and never use my poison gland in an unkind manner again.
Amen.
- What are you doing? - Helping a friend.
Mary, could you help me here?
Oh, bother.
Wilson. What are you doing with that mad dog in here?
Get that vicious beast away.
- I got you another frog. - Mary, go get the frog. I'll take this one.
Out. Wilson, get that dog out of here now.
- Come on, girl. - Put it in the tank.
Wait a minute. I've got a better idea. I'm getting rid of this one.
Come, my little buddy.
This may hurt you more than it hurts me.
Croaker.
Oh, this is bad.
Any last words, frog?
Miss Segland, I'd like to thank you for finally joining us.
- Would you see me after class, please? - Yes, sir.
To show you how easy this is...
...I believe I'll have Mary do the dissection.
- Sir? - Do the dissection.
- Sir. - What now?
I can't do it.
But I thought you wanted to be a real scientist.
I'm sorry, sir, I won't do it. I just won't do it.
There's no place like home. There's no place like home.
If she only had a brain.
- Calm down. - Hey. Calm down. Good girl. It's okay.
- Hey, you're good with animals. - It's okay. Thanks.
I wonder why she's all riled up.
Maybe the frogs in there are her friends, huh?
Well, I guess I'll have to do this myself.
First you take the scalpel in your hand and hold it firmly--
Kermit's trying to save Croaker. He needs our help.
--Between your thumb and index finger.
And then, beginning just below the neck...
...you will make an incision approximately 3 inches in length.
- I'll handle this. Give me a lift. - Okay.
I'm not meant for this heavy lifting.
There's nothing like a good dissection.
Oh, don't be scared. This is going to be fun.
You.
I guess it doesn't matter which frog I dissect.
What do you think this is, the movies?
You little rapscallion.
You can't outsmart me.
I'm a ninth-grade science teacher, for heaven's sake.
My little green buddy, I think it's time for your biology lesson.
Stop!
What did you say?
I said stop.
You-- You spoke.
That's right. I can talk. We all can.
I don't believe it.
Well, everyone says we shouldn't talk to humans, but I think the problem is...
...that we haven't talked, or listened to each other.
So you might not even listen now, but these are all my friends.
And I'm gonna ask you, please, let the frogs go.
Let the frogs go. Let the frogs go. Let the frogs go.
- What's going on? - Let's let her in. Hurry.
Let the frogs go. Let the frogs go. Let the frogs go.
Stop!
It's true.
Frogs can talk.
When I was a boy, in biology class...
...I had to dissect my first frog.
- Stop. - What did you say?
- I said stop. - You spoke?
Hugo Krassman, dissect your frog.
But I can't. It spoke to me.
Froggy-pants. Froggy-pants.
It's true. Tell them what you told me.
Speak to me.
I'm not a froggy-pants.
- Please. No! - Krassman is a froggy-pants.
You see, for years I had to prove to them that I wasn't a froggy-pants.
But I'm not. I'm not a froggy-pants.
Frogs do talk.
Just talk to me. Just say something, anything.
- You are a certifiable nut-ball. - Thank you.
All right, back it up. Okay, all right.
I understand.
They talked to me. They talked to me.
Class dismissed. I'm not a froggy-pants!
Come here, friend.
It was only two days since we left the swamp...
...and first traveled down this road, but it seemed like a lifetime.
Are youse tough or a hero? Gotta know which
When you feel the need Gotta scratch the itch
But nothing comes off Without a hitch
No way
You gotta follow
Follow your star
Yeah, you follow
No matter how far
And now we know Wherever we roam
We'll never find a place Like home
I sure wish I had a home.
- Thanks for the ride. - Yeah, thanks. We appreciate it.
Hey, Pilgrim. How would you like to be my dog?
Kermit. Hey, Kermit.
I've got an owner again. I'm going home.
We all are, Pilgrim. Come on, guys.
- Okay, bye. - Bye.
Oh, boy, that was so exciting.
Okay, guys, this is the way.
I tell you, I can't wait to get back to the swamp.
- Yeah. - Oh, to once again bathe...
...in the stagnant ooze.
Yeah, but, you know, guys...
...I kind of liked all the craziness out here, you know?
I mean, it was scary, but, I don't know, I think I'll miss it.
Well, who knows, Kermit? Maybe you'll come back again someday.
- Yeah? - Hey, stranger things have happened.
Yeah, and that was just today.
- Come on, guys, let's go home. - Yeah.
One thing didn't change:
Goggles and Croaker and Blotch and Pilgrim and I are still buddies.
You know, I've made a lot of great friends in my life.
But there's something special about the friends from back home. Yep.
You know, the ones you knew when you were a young frog...
...just reaching for your star.
Hey, welcome home, Kermit.
See you.
- Hey. - Welcome home.
Now, where are those pupu platters at?
Another beautiful day in the swamp.
That's gotta hurt.
Oh, that's busted. That's busted.
Kermit.
Oh, for God's sakes. How did we do that?
- I don't know. - How'd I get in here?
You're my best friend.
I'm break-dancing.
Everybody dance now
He said without Blotch. Just knock it off.
- Don't touch me. Hey, don't touch me. - Knock it off.
Don't touch me!
Oh, my knee. Oh, my bad knee.
Mr. Director, sir, I don't feel I should go back into Kermit's mouth again.
Last time I was in there, it was just a bit stinky.
Can't we use CG in this scene?
Where the heck are we? You got us lost, you loser.
Whoa, look out for the power lines.
Why did I ever agree to do my own stunts?
It's all right. It's all right. We'll do another take.
- Just get it out. - Can I have the nurse?
Okay, okay, you broke me. I'm lying.
I'm a bad, bad toad. I need a spanking.
Spank me. Spank me.
This kid should've had a nice Italian cuff put on these trousers.
Wait a minute. Every scene's a nude scene.
- You know that cat bed? - Yeah.
- That's a cat litter box. - Oh, for God's sakes.
How was that?
Thank you, everyone. Thank you.
Thank you. Yes, yes, I'm incredible. Thank you. Thank you.
Great tunes from WART.
All swamp, all the time.