WELL, ANOTHER SATURDAY NIGHT
AND WE'RE OFF TO CHEER OUR
B-BALL TEAM TO VICTORY 'CAUSE Both:
WE'RE WINNERS!
AND THEN AFTERWARDS, WE ALL GO TO OUR FAVORITE HANGOUT
WHERE LATELY IT SEEMS LIKE
EVERYBODY HAS DATES BUT US 'CAUSE... Both:
WE'RE LOSERS.
YEP, THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE THINK IF YOU GO TWO
SATURDAYS IN A ROW WITHOUT A DATE.
ONE MORE, THEN IT'S THREE STRIKES, WE'RE OUT.
WAIT A MINUTE, TAMERA.
WHY SHOULD WE CARE SO MUCH WHAT PEOPLE THINK?
IT'S DEMEANING.
IT'S HUMILIATING.
Both: IT'S HIGH SCHOOL.
( laughing )
LOOK, EVERYBODY, IT'S DATELESS AND HOPELESS.
Both: WE GOT TO GET A DATE.
♪ SISTER ♪
♪ TALK ABOUT A TWO-WAY TWISTER ♪
♪ SHAKIN' UP THE FAMILY TREE WITH SIBLING SYNCHRONICITY ♪
♪ SISTER ♪
♪ NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH I MISSED YA ♪
♪ NOW THAT EVERYBODY KNOWS ♪
♪ I AIN'T EVER GONNA LET YOU GO! ♪
♪ SISTER ♪
♪ OH-OH-OH-OH ♪
♪ OH-OH-OH-OH-OH ♪
♪ OH-OH-OH-OH ♪
♪ WHOO-HOO-HOO ♪
♪ SISTER ♪
♪ NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH I MISSED YA ♪
♪ NOW THAT EVERYBODY KNOWS ♪
♪ I AIN'T EVER GONNA LET YOU GO ♪
♪ SISTER, SISTER. ♪
RAY, SURPRISE.
OH, WHAT IS IT?
JUST A LITTLE SOMETHIN' SOMETHIN' TO SAY THANK YOU
YOU KNOW, FOR LETTING ME
ADVERTISE MY BUSINESS ON THAT BILLBOARD
YOU RENTED.
OH, LISA, THIS IS... MY WATCH.
UH-HUH. I GOT IT FIXED FOR YOU.
WHEN DID IT BREAK?
ANYWAY, I'll BE RIGHT UP THERE.
ON THAT BILLBOARD FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE
WEARING ONE OF MY FIERCEST FASHIONS BY LISA, INC.
THIS IS GOING TO REALLY JUMP-START MY CAREER.
I CAN'T GUARANTEE YOU THE AD SPACE IS GOING TO WORK.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I BETTER PUT A BIG OL'
COMFY CUSHION BY THE PHONE 'CAUSE I'M GOING
TO GET MORE CALLS THAN THE PIGGLY WIGGLY
ON TURKEY GIVEAWAY DAY.
Tia: WHOO-HOO!
♪ I'M SO HAPPY ♪
♪ I'M SO HAPPY. ♪
ABOUT WHAT?
UH, THE MOON WENT DOWN, THE SUN CAME UP?
OKAY.
TIA, WHO CARES IF WE DON'T HAVE DATES SATURDAY NIGHT?
WE CAN HANG OUT WITH EACH OTHER AND STILL HAVE A GOOD TIME.
WELL, TAMERA, THAT'S...
LIKE WE CAN CUT THE MOUTHS OUT OF MAGAZINE PICTURES
AND MAKE THEM TALK.
HELLO THERE, LITTLE LADY.
WHAT'S ON YOUR DANGEROUS MIND?
WELL, COOLIO... YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
UH, I GOT A DATE FOR SATURDAY.
YOU WHAT?
TAMERA, SIT DOWN.
YOU SEE, I MET THIS REALLY CUTE GUY, KYLE
AND HE ASKED ME OUT.
AND SINCE I'M NOT COMPLETELY CRAZY
I SAID YES.
AW, MAN.
HOW PATHETIC IS THIS?
I CAN'T EVEN GET A DATE WITH MY OWN SISTER.
TAMERA, ARE YOU GOING TO BE OKAY?
OH, YEAH.
I'M OKAY.
I'M GOING TO RISE ABOVE THIS.
MAYBE I WON'T HAVE A GUY ON MY ARM SATURDAY NIGHT
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M GOING TO HAVE A BREAKDOWN.
GOT TO GET A GUY.
GOT TO GET A GUY!
LOOK THERE'S ONE.
OKAY, LOOK AVAILABLE.
NO, THAT'S NEEDY.
YOU WANT A DATE OR A QUARTER?
UH, LOOK A LITTLE MORE HARD TO GET.
GREAT.
YOU SCARED HIM OFF, YOU BIG DOPE.
WHY CAN'T I GET A GUY TO TALK TO ME?
WELL, FOR ONE THING, YOU TALK TO YOURSELF.
NO MAN WANTS TO DATE A WHACKED-OUT BABE.
ROGER, I JUST HAVE TO FIND A DATE
FOR SATURDAY NIGHT.
WHAT? YOU DON'T HAVE A DATE?
WELL, IT'S A FINE TIME TO TELL ME.
I JUST SAID YES TO VICKI KARMAZIAN.
YOU MEAN THAT EXCHANGE STUDENT WITH THE CROSSED EYES?
HEY, AS LONG AS SHE KEEPS HER SHADES ON
AND HIDES THAT BIG OLD SNAGGLE TOOTH
WHO'S THE WISER?
EVERYBODY'S GOT A HOOK-UP BUT ME.
OH, BUCK UP, BONEY.
YOU WANT A MAN?
I GOT THE ANSWER.
CALCULUS?
PRECISELY.
A COOL YOUNG DUDE PASSES BY.
YOU DROP THIS AT HIS FEET.
"OH, MY, HOW CLUMSY OF ME, COOL YOUNG DUDE."
HE HANDS IT BACK TO YOU.
THEN YOU GAZE INTO HIS EYES AND YOU REEL THAT SUCKER IN.
IT'S AS EASY AS SHOOTING PIGEONS IN THE PARK.
REALLY? GIVE ME THAT BOOK.
TAMERA CAMPBELL, MY OFFICE, NOW.
I TOLD YOU YOU'D GET A MAN.
( Phone rings )
FASHIONS BY LISA. GOOD AFTER... WHO?
WHAT'S WRONG?
OH... YEAH.
YEAH!
YEAH, THAT'LL BE FINE.
OH.
HOW MANY DESIGNS YOU...?
YES, I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE VERY BUSY, BUT...
( click )
( Dial tone )
RAY... OH, RAY... THAT WAS CALVIN KLEIN.
HE SAW MY BILLBOARD AND HE WANTS TO MEET ME
ON MONDAY.
OH, NO.
DON'T YOU GET IT?
SOMEBODY'S OBVIOUSLY PLAYING A CRUEL JOKE ON YOU.
OH, CALVIN KLEIN COULDN'T POSSIBLY CALL ME.
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?
WELL... YEAH.
IT'S A BIG BILLBOARD BUT HE CAN'T SEE IT
FROM NEW YORK.
WELL, IF YOU READ THE FASHION SECTION
WHICH YOU DON'T YOU'D KNOW THAT
HE'S IN TOWN THIS WEEK WHICH HE IS
AND VERY WELL COULD SEE MY BILLBOARD, WHICH HE DID.
SO HA!
( Falling whistle )
( Splat )
LISA, SINCE YOU'RE MAKING PHONE CALLS
COULD YOU CALL THE ACME TOOL COMPANY
TO SEE IF THEY'D DROP AN ANVIL ON MY HEAD?
OH, HONEY.
YOU'RE NOT HAVING A REAL GOOD SATURDAY NIGHT ARE YOU?
OH, TAMERA, NOT HAVING A DATE
DOESN'T MEAN THAT THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU.
IT DOESN'T?
NO, AT LEAST NOT UNTIL YOU HIT THE BIG 3-0.
OH, NO, HONEY.
YOU'RE PRETTY AND YOU GOT A GOOD
SENSE OF HUMOR AND A REALLY
BEAUTIFUL VOICE.
NOW, SWEETHEART, YOU'LL BE FINE.
IF YOU NEED A LITTLE PICK-ME-UP
ONE OF MY BED PILLOWS IS FULL OF TOOTSIE ROLLS.
NOT ANYMORE.
( Doorbell rings )
Tia: I GOT IT!
IT FIGURES.
YOU GET THE DATE, YOU GET THE DOOR.
WHAT'S LEFT FOR ME?
TAMERA...
OH! KYLE? WAIT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WE WERE SUPPOSED TO MEET AT HOT ROD'S AFTER THE GAME.
TIA, MY BROTHER JUST DROPPED IN FROM OUT OF TOWN.
HE GOES TO BRONSON ACADEMY.
THAT'S A REALLY GOOD SCHOOL.
HE LOVES IT, ESPECIALLY THE BASKETBALL PROGRAM.
HE'S THE STAR CENTER ON THE HOOP TEAM.
I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM TOO OFTEN
AND I'M KIND OF FEELING GUILTY ABOUT THAT.
SO I NEED TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH HIM.
SORRY, BUT I GOT TO CANCEL OUR DATE.
WHAT?!
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
PLEASE, PLEASE, YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
WHY DON'T YOU JUST BRING HIM ALONG?
REALLY? I DON'T KNOW.
IT WOULDN'T BE MUCH FUN FOR YOU.
OH, SURE IT WOULD.
LISTEN, UM, I COULD BRING MY SISTER.
YOU GOT A SISTER?
YEAH, AND I'VE BEEN FEELING GUILTY MYSELF
ABOUT LEAVING HER HOME ALONE.
BUT MAYBE WE OUGHT TO GET THESE TWO TOGETHER FIRST
AND MAKE SURE THEY GET ALONG.
JUST TELL ME ONE THING: IS YOUR BROTHER CUTE?
OH, YEAH, HE'S REAL CUTE.
THEN THEY'LL DEFINITELY GET ALONG.
I'll SEE YOU AFTER THE GAME.
SEE YA.
BYE.
YES!
OH, TAMERA, I GOT YOU A DATE WITH A COLLEGE GUY!
HEY, CAN YOU BE READY IN FIVE MIN...?
SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG.
HI.
UH, WE'RE NOT TOGETHER.
WE'RE WAITING FOR OUR DATES.
THANK YOU.
EXCUSE ME!
WE'LL NEED FOUR GLASSES OF WATER!
WE'RE WAITING FOR OUR DATES!
YOU MADE YOUR POINT.
NO, I'M JUST WARMING UP.
OOH, I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM
TO CHECK MY MAKEUP... FOR MY DATE!
HI, TIA.
OH, HI, KYLE.
MY SISTER JUST RAN INTO THE LITTLE GIRLS' ROOM
BUT SHE'S JUST DYING TO MEET YOUR BROTHER.
WHERE IS HE?
RIGHT HERE.
CLAYTON, COME SAY HI TO TIA.
YO.
THIS LITTLE BOY'S YOUR BROTHER?
HEY, I AIN'T SO LITTLE.
ON THE PLAYGROUND, THEY CALL ME "STRETCH."
SO, UH... WHERE'S YOUR LITTLE SISTER AT?
BRING HER ON.
KYLE, COULD WE TALK FOR A MINUTE?
SURE.
SAY, CLAY, WHY DON'T YOU GO AHEAD AND PLAY
THE JUKEBOX, MAN?
COOL, MAN. NOW I CAN GET MY FUGEES ON
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
WHAT'S UP, TIA?
UH... YOU SAID YOUR BROTHER
WENT TO BRONSON ACADEMY.
IT'S A PRIVATE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.
YOU SAID YOU KNEW.
I WAS FLIRTING.
OH.
WELL, HE'S A GREAT KID.
HE'LL BEHAVE.
THEN, WHY IS HE TAKING THE TIP
OFF THAT TABLE?
CLAYTON, PUT THAT BACK!
HEY, IT AIN'T GOT NOBODY NAME ON IT.
CLAY!
WELL, WELL, WELL... IF IT ISN'T S.W.D...
"SISTER WITHOUT DATE"!
YEAH!
( Forced laugh )
OH, LOOK. IT'S J.W.C...
"JERK WITHOUT CLUE."
WHOO... IT JUST SO HAPPENS
THAT TIA AND I BOTH HAVE DATES.
MINE GOES TO BRONSON ACADEMY.
HE'S THEIR STAR CENTER.
TIA, I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THE MIX-UP
BUT WOULD YOU MIND KEEPING YOUR EYES ON CLAY?
I DOUBLE-PARKED.
I GOT TO MOVE MY CAR.
WAIT, KYLE, YOU CAN'T...
AND IF HE GETS OUT OF LINE, PUT HIM RIGHT IN A TIME-OUT.
( Imitating engine revving )
( Uproarious laughter )
TAMERA, YOU KNOW WHAT?
THEY'RE EVACUATING THE RESTAURANT.
DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST HEAD RIGHT
FOR THE CAR.
COME ON.
AW, WHAT'S THE MATTER, TIA?
YOU AFRAID I MIGHT FIND OUT YOU'RE BOTH HERE ALONE?
YOU KNOW WHAT WHY DON'T YOU JUST
GIVE IT UP, SOURDOUGH?
WE BOTH HAVE DATES, AND I DON'T MEAN EACH OTHER.
WE'RE TALKING BASKETBALL STAR, BUDDY BOY.
WE'RE TALKING... NO, TAMERA.
I'M TALKING!
WE'RE TALKING SO FINE AND ALL MINE.
BUT HEY, WHY BELIEVE ME?
WHY DON'T YOU MEET HIM FOR YOURSELF?
HEY, TIA, WHERE'S MY DATE?
RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
WHERE?
LOOK DOWN.
( Screams )
WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
TUH-WINS!
BABY MACK JUST HIT THE JACKPOT.
KA-KA-KA-KA-KA-CHING!
TIA... IF THIS IS A JOKE I'M NOT LAUGHING.
TAMERA, I'M SO SORRY.
I HAD NO IDEA.
( laughing )
OH, OH, THIS IS TOO GOOD.
THIS IS YOUR DATE?
( laughs )
WELL... HEY, THERE, LITTLE FELLA.
SO YOU'RE A BASKETBALL STAR, HUH?
WHO DO YOU PLAY FOR... BURP U?
( laughs )
YOU EVER BEEN BIT IN THE KNEECAP?
( Fake shuddering )
I'M SO SCARED.
PLEASE, GIRLS DON'T LET YOUR BIG, BAD
BOYFRIEND BEAT ME UP!
( laughs )
( laughs harder )
PUNK!
OKAY, SO, UH... WHICH ONE OF YOU HOTTIES
GOT THE URGE TO HOOK A BROTHER UP
WITH SOME CHILI CHEESE FRIES?
SLEEP WITH YOUR EYES OPEN.
TAMERA, IT WAS EMBARRASSING FOR ME TOO.
I MEAN, I DIDN'T ASK HIM
TO BELCH "BABY'S GOT BACK" WITH HIS PEPSI.
BESIDES, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GAVE HIM THOSE
TWO STRAWS, REMEMBER?
HOW DID I KNOW HE'D STICK THEM UP HIS NOSE AND GO:
( honking like a walrus )
OKAY, OKAY.
IT WAS HORRIBLE, BUT IT'S OVER.
OKAY, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT
BUT MARLON AND HIS FRIENDS.
HAD A PRETTY GOOD LAUGH BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHY DON'T WE TRY TO PUT THIS NIGHTMARE BEHIND US?
MARLON!
HEY, DOUBLE DIP I FOUND SOMETHING
I THINK BELONGS TO YOU.
YOU!
CLAYTON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
HEY, CAN'T A MAN COME SEE HIS WOMEN
WITHOUT GETTING SOME GRIEF HERE?
ROGER, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US?!
I FELT FOR THE POOR KID WANDERING THE HALLS
MOURNFULLY CALLING YOUR NAMES.
THAT WAS ME ONCE.
CARRY ON, LITTLE MAN.
I PASS THE TORCH TO YOU BUT DON'T EXPECT
MUCH OF ANYTHING.
GO AWAY, ROGER.
EXCEPT THAT.
CLAYTON, WE'VE GOT TO GO TO CLASS.
NOW? BUT I GOT A LITTLE SOMETHING
FOR YOU... KIND OF A PRESENT.
OKAY.
WELL, UH, GIVE US OUR PRESENT
BUT THEN, WE REALLY HAVE TO GO, OKAY?
COOL. COME ON.
CHECK IT OUT.
( Sighs )
( Crowd laughing )
YOU LIKE IT?
"LIKE IT"?
CLAYTON, THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.
YEAH. EVERYBODY'S LAUGHING AT US.
( Crowd laughing )
GO AWAY.
( laughter continues )
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
SOMEBODY LIKE CALVIN KLEIN WOULD BE STAYING
IN A FANCY HOTEL.
SOMETHING SMELLS FUNNY.
PROBABLY ME.
I GOT ON C.K. COLOGNE FROM THE NECK UP
AND OBSESSION FROM THE NECK DOWN.
( Chuckles )
I FIGURE WHICHEVER WAY THE WIND BLOWS
HE'LL BE IMPRESSED.
CALVIN!
YOO-HOO, MR. KLEIN!
LISA ON THE STOOP.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
MAKE IT FAST.
I'M MISSING KIRK.
UM, I'M-I'M SORRY.
I'M FASHIONS BY LISA, INC.
I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT TO SEE MR. CALVIN KLEIN.
OH, NO.
LET ME GUESS:
THAT'S YOUR AD DOWN THE BLOCK?
WHY, YES.
YOU SEE, THERE, RAY?
HE SAW MY BILLBOARD FROM THIS VERY HOUSE.
EXCUSE ME.
DELMAR, YOU BIG DUMB MOOSE!
YOU BEEN AT THE PHONE AGAIN?!
Man: NO, MA, I SWEAR.
OW, MY EAR!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
I WAS JUST HAVING SOME FUN.
DELMAR, YOU'RE 42 YEARS OLD.
GET OUT OF THOSE PAJAMAS AND GET A JOB!
( Sighs )
LISA... THIS WAS JUST A... A JOKE.
CALVIN NEVER CALLED ME.
GO AHEAD, JUST SAY IT.
SAY WHAT?
"I TOLD YOU SO."
I WAS JUST CRAZY TO THINK
THAT CALVIN KLEIN WOULD CALL SOMEBODY LIKE ME.
OH, NO, YOU WEREN'T.
LISA, LISTEN I BELIEVE IN YOU
BUT BIG BUSINESS CAN BE FULL OF DISAPPOINTMENTS
AND I WAS WORRIED THAT YOU WEREN'T READY FOR THAT.
I CAN'T BEAR TO SEE YOU HURT.
OH, RAY.
I'M GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT.
I DON'T NEED CALVIN KLEIN TO TELL ME HOW GOOD I AM.
I KNOW IT AND ONE DAY, I'M GOING.
TO SEE MY NAME IN LIGHTS.
MAYBE SOONER THAN YOU THINK.
WHAT'S IT SAY UP THERE?
"CHUN KING TAKEOUT."
( Sniffs )
I COULD USE AN EGG ROLL.
NO, I MEAN THE BILLBOARD NEXT TO THAT ONE
THE ONE THAT'S ALL LIT UP.
"FASHIONS BY LISA... INC."
AH... YEAH.
( Doorbell ringing )
OH, NO.
DON'T GET UP.
I'll GET IT.
HI, MS. LANDRY.
UH, IS MY BROTHER HERE?
WHY, NO.
COME IN, KYLE.
HI. ARE YOU LOOKING FOR CLAYTON?
WHO'S CLAYTON?
MY BROTHER. HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?
HOW WOULD I KNOW?
I'M ONLY SEEING YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME.
CLAYTON'S THE LITTLE EIGHT-YEAR-OLD BOY
THE GIRLS WENT OUT WITH.
WAIT... YOU GIRLS WENT OUT WITH AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD?
RAY, PLEASE, GO MAKE A SANDWICH OR SOMETHING.
WE'LL TALK LATER.
NOBODY TELLS ME ANYTHING.
Tia:
SORRY, KYLE BUT WE HAVEN'T SEEN HIM
SINCE WE CHASED HIM OUT OF OUR SCHOOL THIS AFTERNOON.
YOU WHAT?!
YEAH, DAD.
HE EMBARRASSED US IN FRONT OF OUR FRIENDS.
WE HAD TO TELL HIM TO LEAVE US ALONE.
YOU SAID THAT?
OH, MAN.
HE PROBABLY RAN AWAY AGAIN.
"AGAIN"?! THAT CHILD HAS RUN AWAY BEFORE?
WHO, CLAYTON?
YEAH, FROM OUR GRANDMA, FROM SCHOOL.
SINCE OUR MOM DIED, HE FEELS LIKE NOBODY WANTS HIM
AND THAT'S JUST NOT TRUE.
OH, WE'RE SORRY.
BUT YOU SEE, YOU GUYS, PEOPLE WERE LAUGHING AT US.
OH... SO YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT WHAT YOUR FRIENDS WERE THINKING.
I MEAN, THE FACT THAT YOU HURT
A LITTLE CHILD THAT DIDN'T MATTER
AS LONG AS YOU LOOK GOOD IN FRONT
OF YOUR FRIENDS.
GIRLS, DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT ALL THAT
REALLY MATTERS IS WHAT YOU THINK
OF YOURSELVES?
SO, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING:
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOURSELVES RIGHT NOW?
LET'S GO HELP LOOK FOR HIM.
I KNEW IT.
THERE HE IS.
HI, CLAY. WHAT DO YOU SAY?
UM, HOW'D YOU TWO FIND ME?
WELL, WHEN YOU WEREN'T LOOKING
WE SLIPPED A LOJACK IN YOUR POCKET.
TRUTH?
WELL... WE FIGURED YOU'D GO
TO THE SAME PLACE WE DID WHEN WE RAN AWAY.
YOU RAN AWAY?
OH, WE BOLTED, ALL RIGHT BUT WE DIDN'T GO
THROUGH WITH IT AND WE'RE REALLY GLAD
WE CAUGHT YOU BEFORE YOU CAUGHT.
THAT GREYHOUND.
WHY?
YOU TOLD ME TO GO AWAY AND LEAVE YOU ALONE.
OH, OH, COME ON, MAN.
WE SAY THAT TO ALL OUR FRIENDS.
YEAH. SOMETIMES TO PEOPLE WE DON'T EVEN KNOW.
HEY, YOU!
GO AWAY AND LEAVE US ALONE!
SEE?
SO YOU SAYING WE'RE FRIENDS?
WELL, THAT'S UP TO YOU, CLAYTON.
LOOK... WE HURT YOUR FEELINGS
AND WE'RE SORRY.
WE'D LIKE TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.
IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO?
WELL... ( surf music playing )
TAMERA, PEOPLE ARE LAUGHING AT US.
OH, YEAH?
LET'S GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO LAUGH AT.
YEAH, THIS IS FUN.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE BEST DATE NIGHT
WE HAD IN WEEKS.
TOO BAD KYLE COULDN'T MAKE IT.
BUT MY OTHER TWO BROTHERS ARE GOING TO LOVE YOU.
UH... OTHER BROTHERS?
YEAH. BOBBIE AND TIMMY.
HERE THEY ARE.
HI THERE.
HI.
( Upbeat dance music playing )
( Crowd cheering )
DO "THE FISH", DO "THE FISH".
HE'S SO CUTE!
( Cheering )