律师事务所 Law offices.
你知道当我长大后想要做什么吗 You know what I want to be when I grow up?
-什么 -渔夫 -What? -A fisherman.
我要天天去钓鱼直到我变成高富帅 I want to go fishing every day till I'm rich
这样我才可以把家搬到监狱隔壁 so I can move right next door to the jailhouse,
就可以离妈妈近一点 so I can be close to my mommy.
她又因为毒品而被捕入狱了 She got arrested for drugs again, so she has to go back.
我很抱歉听到这个消息 I'm sorry to hear that.
我妈妈的口气闻起来简直糟透了 My mommy's breath smells so bad
因为她嗨太多毒了 cause she smokes so much crack.
你觉得呢 What do you think?
我觉得? 你是指哪方面 What do I think? About what?
我妈妈的口臭 My mommy's bad breath.
说不定会好转些 Maybe it'll get better.
谢谢 希望如此 Thank you. That helps.
是 没错 不谢 Derek Yeah. Yeah! Thanks for nothing, Derek.
Kimmie 你到底是怎么了 What is the matter with you, Kimmie?
好了 走吧 我们得去看你的爷爷 All right, come on. We got to go see your grandpa.
不是爷爷 他是个疯子 Not Grandpa. He's a kook!
喔 我的天啊 你个小骚货 Oh, my goodness. You are limber!
嗯 嗯 嗯 Mmm, mmm, mmm.
唷 Phew.
-谢谢 -谢谢 -Thank you. -Thank you.
喔 太赞了 我觉得我认识她 Ooh, well, hello! I think I know her.
嗯... Mmm...
Zisman先生 Mr. Zisman?
Zisman先生 Mr. Zisman.
-Zisman先生 -嗯 -Mr. Zisman! -Hmm?
你好 Hi.
抱歉 我有些坏消息要告诉你 I'm, uh, afraid I have some bad news.
你的妻子 她因病情恶化 Your wife, she took a turn for the worse last night
在昨晚去世了 and, um, she passed away.
对此我感到十分抱歉 I'm so sorry.
噢 Oh!
我以为她永远都不会死耶 I thought she'd never die.
我还有点事先走开一下 I'm going to let you process this,
你先缓缓心情 我待会再过来 好吗 and, uh, I'll be back in just a moment, okay?
谢谢 谢谢你 医生 Thank you. Thank you, Doc!
别误会 我很伤心 但她确实是个脾气暴躁的老太婆 Don't get me wrong, I'm upset, but she was a crabby old bat.
好吧 请节哀顺变 Well, I'm sorry for your loss.
从上世纪90年代起 她就再也没跟我嘿咻过了 She hadn't given me any nookie since the '90s.
所以只是为了发泄怨恨而已 And then it was only out of spite.
我想她是去了一个更好的世界 She's in a much better place.
我也有了一个更好的世界 And I'm in a much better place.
Leroy你听到了吗 我们自由了 Did you hear that, Leroy? We're free!
我自由了 I'm free.
你好 女士 Hello, lady.
太感谢了 Thanks a lot.
噢 Ooh.
好嘞 All right.
妈的 Shit!
噢 Oh.
呃喔 不不不... Uh-oh. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.
女士 Miss.
先生 能帮帮忙吗 能帮帮我吗 先生 Sir, can you help me? Can you help me, sir?
我不期望你能理解这事 I don't expect you to understand,
但是我的小伙伴卡在自动贩卖机里了 but I have my penis stuck to the soda machine.
Gabriel 我被卡住了 Gabriel! I'm stuck.
你怎么了 What's wrong?
我的小伙伴卡在自动贩卖机里了 My penis is stuck in the machine!
Gabriel(替上帝传递好消息给人类的天使的名字) 帮帮我！ Gabriel! Help me!
帮帮我 Gabriel Help me! Ah! Gabriel!
Gabriel!
先生 你能帮我吗 先生 Sir. Could you help me, sir?
这老兄的小伙伴卡在自动贩卖机里了 This nigga's dick's stuck in the machine, yo!
请不要大声宣扬 Please don't announce it!
这太他妈的丢人了 It's fucking embarrassing!
能不能别这样大声宣扬 Can you help me instead of announcing?
拜托 这一点都不好笑 Please! It's not funny!
这一点都不好笑 It's not funny!
救命啊 帮我一把 Help! Give me a hand!
-你能帮我吗 -怎么帮 -Could you help me? -What you want?
我现在的情况很糟糕 I'm in a bad situation.
我想把它拔出来 I gotta get unstuck!
能帮个忙吗 Can you help?
轻轻的摇我的肩膀 Jiggle my shoulders.
轻轻的摇我的肩膀 嗷 嗷 Jiggle my shoulders. Ow! Ow!
-我帮不到你 -轻轻的摇我的... -Nothing I can do. -Jiggle my...
轻点摇 嗷 嗷 Jiggle! Ow! Ow.
喔 我的天 Oh, my God.
喔喔 他在试图把他的小伙伴拽出来 Oh. Oh! He's trying to rip that dick out!
喔 出不来 Oh, no!
-停下 -快停下 老兄 -Stop! -Stop, man!
先生 Sir?
别... 它是拽不出来的 Don't... It's not going to come out.
操 Fuck!
不要这样 别拉它了 Don't! Quit pulling on it.
我要把它... 喔 天啊 I got to get...Oh, God!
啊! Ah!
推我 推我 Push! Push!
天啊 快推我 God! Push! Push!
喔 天啊 喔 天啊 Oh, God! Oh, God!
你在找什么吗 You looking for something?
是的 我想要一套西装 Yes, ma'am, I'm looking for a suit.
好的 Okay.
哇 怎么称呼你 Wow, what's your name?
-Judy. -Judy...
-很高兴认识你 -你真漂亮 -Nice to meet you. -you are so beautiful.
-谢谢 -哇 美爆了 -Thank you. -Oh, my goodness.
我妻子刚刚去世 My wife just passed away.
真抱歉 I'm sorry.
没关系 这并不是一场美好的婚姻 Judy That's all right. It wasn't the greatest marriage anyway, Judy.
所以我要从现在开始享受我剩下的时光 That's why I'm gonna take a little me time now, Judy.
-找点乐子 -嗯哼 怎么样 -And have some fun. -Uh-huh. See?
开玩笑的 我是说敲响警钟 By fun, I mean banging the gong.
我可能老了 做不好饭菜 I might be too old to fry the rice,
不过我还能做蔬菜沙拉 肯定可以 but I can still chop the suey, that's for sure.
西装的裁剪需要多久时间 How long does it take to do alterations?
嗯... 你急着要吗 Um... Do you need a hurry?
嗯 葬礼在明天进行 Uh, the funeral's tomorrow.
喔 你要领带吗 Oh. Do you need a tie?
要的 夫人 Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.
好的 你喜欢什么颜色的领带 Okay, what color the tie you likey?
嗯 各种颜色都喜欢 你选一条给我就行 Uh, I likey any color. You pick one out for me.
呃... 那边那条不错 Well... How about that one right there?
嗯 哪一条? 你是指这条吗 Uh... Which one? You mean this one?
-对 就是那条 -这条看起来像绿色的 -Right there. Yes. -That looks like it's green.
-嗯 很好 -是吗 确定要这条吗 -Oh, that's very nice. -Yeah. Okay?
-这件衬衫多少钱 -65刀 -How much is that shirt? -Sixty-five.
-这件有很多刮痕啊 -给你六折 -That's a lot of scratch. -Forty per cent.
-六折 -这件有很多刮痕啊 -Forty per cent. -That's a lot of scratch.
-给你打六折 -那好 -So, forty per cent. -Yeah.
那里是不是有只松鼠 Is that a squirrel right there?
喔喔喔喔... 对不起 对不起 对不起 对不起 Oh, oh, oh, oh. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
-你抓到我了 -是的 被我抓个正着 -You got me, you got me. -Yup, I got you good.
-你抓到我了 -是的 有你好看的 -You got me. -Yup, I got you over a felony.
-喔 老天 -坐下 -Oh, God. -Have a seat.
遵命 Yes, sir.
-不准离开这张椅子 -遵命 -Do not get up out of that chair. -Yes, sir.
我错了 I apologize.
把你身上穿的给我脱了 Get my shit off.
脱掉? Get your shit off?
把衬衫 外套 裤子给我脱了 Get my shirt off. Get my coat off. Get my pants off.
裤子也要脱啊 I gotta take your pants off?
-你最好给我照做 -好吧 总感觉这样不太好 -You better believe it. -Well, that sounds a little weird.
进里面去 然后把那该死的裤子脱了 Go in here and get the damn pants off.
连裤子都脱 太不可思议了 You want me to take your pants off, that seems a little weird.
非常感谢各位今天能够莅临 Thank you, kind people, for being here today.
我从没想过我妻子的丧礼会有这么多陌生人来参加 I never thought my wife's funeral would be filled with complete strangers
不过我们都比我们的朋友活得长久 but we've outlived all our friends.
我希望我的女儿和孙子能过来 但是... I was hoping my daughter and grandson could make it but...
她们没来 They didn't.
所以 我特别感谢唱诗班和膳食供应方 So, I would especially like to thank the choir and caterers
还有在座的各位好人们 and all the nice people sitting before me.
谢谢你们 Thank you.
我多么希望各位能够看到年轻时的Ellie I wished you could have seen the young Ellie,
那个让我坠入爱河的女人 the woman I fell in love with.
她就像我生命中的一道闪耀的光芒 She was like a flash of bright light.
一个能吸引众多目光有着匀称的臀部线条的公主 A callipygian princess who drew people to her like a magnet.
如果你们不知道匀称的臀部线条是什么意思的话 And for those of you who don't know what callipygian means,
那我就告诉你们 意思是她的臀部非常漂亮 it means she has a nice bottom.
-哇 -真的很棒 -Ooh. -She did.
真希望我有更多的时间陪伴着她 I wish I had more time with her.
真希望我们没有在争吵中浪费那么多的美好时光 I wish so much of our time had not been consumed by combat.
真希望我之前能努力不让争吵发生 I wish I'd tried a little harder to make that happen.
但现在她已离去 Because she's gone now.
我们已共同书写了活在这世上的篇章 And our history on this earth has been written...
宝贝 Baby.
嗨 亲爱的 Hi, sweetie.
-嗨 老弟 -嗨 -Hi, buddy. -Hi.
坐吧 Sit.
这是我的女儿和孙子 This is my daughter and grandson.
我可以和你说几句吗 Can I have a word with you?
可以啊 但是丧礼才进行到一半 Yeah, I'm in the middle of something.
Billy 先在那边坐一会 Billy, just stay there for a second.
我要跟你爷爷到外面谈点事 I just want to talk to your granddad outside.
好的 妈咪 Okay, Mom.
抱歉 失陪一会 I'm sorry. Excuse me.
嗨 Billy Hi, Billy.
什么事这么重要 What's so important?
关于妈妈去世和所有的事情我感到很抱歉 Listen, I'm sorry that she's dead and everything,
但是我真的有很紧急的事要和你说 but I'm in some serious shit, okay?
-这次又怎么了 -你得告诉他麦克风没关 -What is it this time? -You tell him about the microphone.
别一上来就跟我那么说 至少不是现在 Don't even start that with me! Not now!
好吗 这不是我的错 Okay? It wasn't even my fault!
那个警察 他给他装了一个窃听器 This cop, he's got a bug up his ass,
然后他们给我找了个公诉辩护律师 and then they give me this public defender
结果那律师是个蠢货 然后... who's a fucking idiot! And...
先生 打扰一下 麦克风还开着 Sir, excuse me. The microphone is on.
拜托给我一点时间 就一点时间 Please, just give me a moment. Just give me a moment.
听着 我违法了我假释时说的话 Look, I violated my parole
现在条子要把我送进监狱 and now they're gonna send me to jail.
我只需要你带着Billy过境 I just need you to take Billy across the country
这样他就可以暂时待在他爸爸身边了 好吗 so he can be with his dad for a while. Okay?
什么 What?
我现在不能带着Bobby 我还在服丧啊 I can't have Bobby with me now. I'm in mourning!
他叫Billy Billy It's Billy. Billy!
我怎么知道他叫什么名字 How am I supposed to know what his name is?
你从来没有带他来看过我 You never brought him around!
就算你把他带来了 他会尿在家里的每一张床上 And when you did bring him around, he pissed every bed in the house.
我没有尿床 I don't pee my bed anymore.
我现在不能带着Billy I cannot have Billy with me now.
46年来我第一获得自由 I am a free man for the first time in 46 years
我不能让这小子再次毁了我的自由 and I can't be saddled with that cockblock!
那好 That's just fine.
我小的时候你从来都不在我身边 You were never there for me when I was little,
所以我猜现在也没差别 对不对 so I guess it's no different now, is it?
我要去和我妈妈说几句 I'm going to talk to my mom.
非常抱歉 I am very sorry. Um...
现在我们的情绪都十分激动 Everyone's very emotional right now.
现在对我们家来说是个非常艰难的时期 It's a very difficult time for the family.
呃... 我不知道该说什么 Uh... I don't know what to say.
宝贝 过来 那是你妈妈的... Sweetie, come here. That's your mother's.
她告诉我 现在这个东西归我了 She told me I could have it.
把它给我... 给我... Give me the... Give it...
不要在大家的面前这样子 不要在这时候做这种事 Don't do this in front of them! Don't do this right now!
别闹了 Just stop...
-喔 不 -喔 我的老天爷啊 -Oh, no! -Oh, God! Jesus!
喔 不 Oh, no.
奶奶 Grandma?
-我爱你 -喔 宝贝 -I love you. -Oh, baby.
对不起 爸爸 Sorry, Daddy.
喔 宝贝 Oh, baby!
喔 我的天啊 Oh, my God!
快唱歌 拜托 唱诗班快唱点什么 谁来帮帮忙 Sing! Please, choir, sing something. Somebody help.
快乐 快乐 快乐 乐在我心 Joy, joy, joy Down in my heart
乐在我心 乐在我心 Down in my heart, down in my heart
我有快乐 快乐 快乐 快乐 I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy
快乐在我心中长存 Down in my heart to stay
我有上帝的爱在心中长存 I've got the love of Jesus down in my heart
爱在我心 爱在我心 Down in my heart, down in my heart
我有上帝的爱在心中长存 I've got the love of Jesus down in my heart
爱在我心 爱在我心 Down in my heart to stay
我有快乐 快乐 快乐 快乐 I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy
快乐在我心中长存 Down in my heart to stay
操 Fuck.
我们要去哪 Where are we going?
我们来这用电脑和你老爹谈点事 We're going here to get on a computer call with your dad
问他什么时候来把你这熊孩子接走 to see when he's gonna pick your little ass up.
然后我找了个人来帮我们 And I got someone meeting us
和你老爹进行沟通 to help me and your father communicate,
让他们看看我们相处得有多么糟糕 seeing how we don't get along.
你是Zisman先生吗 Are you Mr. Zisman?
-嗨 -我是Shirley Kreska -Hi. -Shirley Kreska.
-很高兴见到你 Shirley -很高兴见到你 -Nice to meet you, Shirley. -Nice to meet you.
你来找我有什么事吗 Well, tell me the purpose of the call.
他妈妈蹲号子去了 His mother is going to jail.
但她要我把他送去他爸爸那里 But she wanted me to get him to his father.
关于他爸爸 我们之间有很多的问题 We've had lots of problems out of the father.
他是个很难沟通的人 He's nearly impossible to communicate with.
是要带他去他爸爸那里吗 But is your goal to get him to his dad?
是的 是的 Yes, yes.
我现在就去用电脑连线他 I got him up on the computer now.
好了Chuck 这位是Shirley All right, Chuck. This is Shirley.
嗨Chuck 我是这里的顾问 Hi, Chuck. I'm a local counselor,
我在这里帮助你们双方 and I'm just here to help the two of you
谈谈你们要达成的目标 reach whatever goals you want to reach
以及帮助你们双方进行沟通 and just help the two of you talk together.
好的 Okay.
是这样的 So, uh, Kimmie
Kimmie又挨蹲号子了 知道吗 is going to jail again, all right?
一点也不意外 Doesn't surprise me.
所以 我要你来我这里把Billy接回去 So I need you to come get Billy, like, from me.
你摇什么头 Why are you shaking your head?
因为现在对我来说是困难时期 Cause this is real bad timing right now for me.
我的生意上现在有很多问题 I'm having some problems with my business right now.
-好 -你的生意? -Okay. -Oh, your business, huh?
是什么样的生意 What business is that?
我是卖电脑的 I sell computers.
还卖电脑... 他连在载满兵佬的火车上拉皮条都做不到 Sell... He couldn't sell pussy on a troop train.
喔 你说的实在是太没下限了 Oh, that's a disgusting thing to say.
行了 这样是解决不了问题的 Okay, but that doesn't help. That doesn't help.
没错 你说得对 You're right. You're right.
对不起 我辱骂了你 I'm sorry for insulting you.
你认真点行吗 Are you serious?
糟透了 This is a disaster.
好了 Chuck All right, Chuck.
如果你不来林肯市 If you can't come to Lincoln,
那我就带着他到北卡罗莱纳州去找你 then I'll just bring him to you in North Carolina.
别 我可没钱照顾那孩子 No. 'Cause I don't have money to take care of a kid.
我表第 他刚刚领了一个女儿 My cousin, he just had to take his baby girl,
然后国家每个月会给他600刀的抚养补助 and the state's paying him $600 a month for free.
你确定要把他带到他父亲身边吗 Are you sure you want him to go to him?
-他拿得到600刀? -一个月 -He's getting 600 bucks? -A month.
等等 他们在说啥 Wait, what are they saying?
她说 他可能因为抚养孩子而得到那些钱 She's saying possibly he could get money for keeping him.
我想我可能有办法了 I think I can work something out.
我觉得如果Irving带那孩子 I think that if Irving was to
来罗利市的话 我也许能照顾他 bring him here to Raleigh, I could take the kid.
如果不行的话呢 And then if it didn't work out...
只要每个月有600刀 那就没问题了 600 bucks a month will make it work for me.
那... 你能保证 So... And that isn't guaranteed,
她说的都是真的吗 what she just said. It's something
-这件事你得去调查一下 -不 不用 保证没问题 -you would have to investigate. -No, no, it's guaranteed.
她说的不会有错的 She's always right.
就这么愉快的决定了 老兄 把他带过来吧 It's a done deal, man. Drop him off.
好 那就星期天2点 All right, 2:00 on Sunday.
星期天下午2点 2:00 p.m. Sunday.
给力 兄弟 你真给力 Great, man. Great. Great.
那些可是我一半的身家 There goes like half my inventory.
你的生意真是碉堡了 What a wonderful business you have.
好的 Chuck 你姓什么 Okay. Chuck, what's your last name?
Muskie.
-M-U-S-K-I-E -嗯 好的 -M-U-S-K-I-E. -M... Okay.
D-O-U-C-H-E(傻逼) 这样拼才对 D-O-U-C-H-E is how you spell it.
耶 没错 F-A-G-O-T(娘炮) 这是你的姓 Yeah. That's right. F-A-G-O-T is your last name.
你儿子就在这里 请你注意下 Your son's right here, if you don't mind.
再见 A-S-S-O-L-E(白痴) Bye, A-S-S-O-L-E.
鸟屎 蠢蛋 Shitbird, dummy butt.
走吧... 我们走吧 Let's just... Let's just walk away.
食大屌 Suck it.
"食大屌" 棒极了 "Suck it," that's nice.
食我大屌 Suck a bowl of dicks.
拜拜 老爸 Bye, Dad.
拜拜 Billy Bye, Billy!
拜拜 Bye.
嘿 Billy 如果有人拿刀威胁你的话 Hey, Billy, let me show you what you're going to do
我教你该怎么制伏他 if somebody comes at you with a knife.
过来 Come here.
外面的那些篮子你还要吗 Have any of those baskets down here that you have outside?
我想还是算了 I don't think so.
你不要了? You don't think so. You don't know?
别打搅我 老头 我正忙着 Don't interrupt, grandpa, I'm busy.
如果有人拿刀威胁你的话 So if a guy comes at you with a knife...
你不在乎这些值多少钱吗 You don't care about a sale?
我在乎啊 Yeah, I care about a sale.
但是我现在正在教我孙子怎么制伏歹徒 But I'm trying to teach my grandson about knife fights.
而你却在这喋喋不休 And you keep yapping. Jesus.
-你那什么态度 -耶 你请自便 老头 -Good attitude to have. -Yeah, keep walking, gramps.
好了 假设现在有个家伙拿着刀威胁你 Okay, now, if a guy comes at you in a knife fight.
来 我教该怎么做 就像这样 Like, come at me, I'll show you what you do.
你这样做就行了 That's all you gotta do.
你抢过他的刀 然后捅他的大腿 You take it and you stick it right in their thigh.
这样他就没办法追你了 And then they can't run after you.
美女们需要买舒适的床吗 You young ladies in the market for a nice bed?
-不了 -只需75刀 -No. -Seventy-five dollars.
这床有什么特别之处吗 What's special about it?
它带有特别的振动功能 It's got that special vibrating feature.
你们懂的 You know what I'm saying?
你们想看一下它是怎么运作的吗 You want to see how it works?
不用了 No, thanks, honey.
在我妻子去住院之前 这床我们只用了两个星期 My wife and I only had it two weeks before she went in the hospital.
喔 我很抱歉 Oh, I'm so sorry.
没关系 没关系 这床没怎么用过 That's okay, that's okay. It's barely been used.
-是吗 -然后她就去世了 -Yeah. -And she passed away.
-喔 亲爱的 这太让人伤心了 -是啊 -Oh, dear. That's very sad. -Yeah.
其实也不是那么伤心 她就是个婊子 但是... Well, it's not so sad, she was kind of a bitch, but...
天啊 Jeez!
我的老天爷啊 My goodness!
我只是实话实说 Well, gotta call a spade a spade.
那边好像有人找麻烦 Well, there goes the troublemaker.
喂 你这是什么态度 Well, what kind of attitude is that?
-跟你态度一样 -你待我如何我待你如何 -Same type you have. -Same kind of 'tude you got.
哇 Wow.
先生们女士们 购物愉快 Mr. and Mrs. Happy.
这个怎么卖 How much is this?
上面不是标有价格了吗 Is there a price tag on it?
我没看见... 有一个... I don't... There's a...
那是我妻子最爱的台灯之一 That's one of my wife's favorite lamps.
-它非常漂亮 -是的 -It's very pretty. -Yes.
她去世了 呃... She died of, uh...
死于阴道癌 Vagitosis.
就像是口臭一样 不过是下面的 It's kind of like bad breath, but the vagina.
这不是主要的原因 但... It wasn't the main cause, but...
-也没起到好的作用 -嗯 -It didn't help. -Yeah.
真抱歉听到这个消息 That's... I'm sorry to hear about that.
女士 你会买那个吗 Ma'am, will you buy that please?
不用了 谢谢 我已经有一个了 No, thank you. I don't need it, I have one.
女士 你怎么对一个8岁的孩子解释"cockblock"是什么意思 Ma'am, how do you explain what a cockblock is to an eight-year-old?
你能帮我解释一下吗 因为坐在那边的就是个小"cockblock" Can you help me explain that? 'Cause that's what's sitting there is a little cockblock.
你是个好孩子 知道吗 You are... You are good boy, remeber?
不 他不是 别听她的 No, he's not. Don't listen to her.
他是个好孩子 He's a good boy.
如果你这么喜欢他 那你就带他回家 If you like him so damn much, you take him.
你喜欢这张椅子吗 Do you like this chair?
还蛮酷的 That is pretty cool.
只卖25刀而已 It's only $25.
哇 真棒 Wow. That's nice.
这张床的价格也相当实惠哦 This bed's going for a pretty good price.
我都想躺下小睡一会了 I'd like to lay down and take a nap myself.
-我总是觉得疲惫 -嗯 -I'm tired all the time. -Yeah.
这是调节开关吗 Is it one of those ones that adjusts?
是的 女士 它真的很棒 Yes, ma'am, it's really good.
当你在看电视的时候 It's one of those that kind of
可以调成坐立的模式 sit up while you're watching TV.
来 试一试 我要... Here, try, uh... I'll, uh...
试着调节一点点就好 Try to adjust it a little.
哇 Whoa!
哇 停下 Whoa, stop!
喔 我的天啊 Oh, my God!
哇 停下 我的老天啊 Whoa, stop. Oh, my God!
停下 快停下 哇 快停下 Stop, stop! Whoa, stop!
拔掉插头 Unplug it!
喔 我的天啊 你想要了我的老命吗 Oh, my God! What are you trying to do to me?
我只是推了一下这个小的按钮 All I did was push the little button!
喔 天啊 关掉它 关掉... 我的老腰啊 Oh, God! Put it down! Put it... Cramp! Cramp!
啊 Ah!
拔掉了 It's unplugged!
喔 Oh.
拔掉了 我已经把插头拔掉了 It's unplugged, I pulled the plug.
喔 我的天啊 Oh, my God.
把那边那个插头也拔掉 Unplug that thing over there, please.
我要下来 I'm getting off.
喔 天啊 Oh. Oh, God.
-让我坐会儿 -我按了这个按钮 -Let Grandpa sit. -I pushed the little button.
是他要我按这个按钮的 He told me to push the button.
让我坐会儿 Let Grandpa sit.
我觉得我的心脏病要发作了 我说真的 I think I'm going to have a heart attack. I really do.
好了 宝贝 这不全都怪你 Well, let's not make this all about you, honey.
喔 不 我是想说我不是故意的 Oh, no, no, I'm telling her. I'm not making it...
听着... Look...
冷静点 放松 没事的 Just calm down. It's okay.
吓屎我了 My breathing won't come back.
只要50刀 这床就归你了 You can have the bed for $50.
不 我才不想要这床 No, I don't want that bed.
来了 Coming!
嘿 先生 你好吗 Hey, sir, how are you?
是你这里有张床需要我们搬走吗 Do you have a bed we're supposed to pick up?
-是的 到里边来 -好的 -Right this way. -Alrighty.
我叫Irving 你是? My name's Irving, what's your name?
Tom.
Tom你好 到里面来吧 Tom. How are you, Tom? Come on in.
这是我的孙子Billy This is my grandson, Billy.
-嗨 Billy 你好吗 -嗨 -Hi, Billy. How are you? -Hi.
-怎么称呼你 先生 -我叫 James -What's your name, sir? -I'm James.
James你好吗 快进来 到里面来 James. How are you, James? Come on in. We're back here.
我妻子前几天刚刚过世 And, um... My wife just passed away a couple days ago
然后在该死的殡仪馆出了点小差错 and the damn funeral home had a little misunderstanding.
你知道怎么样吗 他们又把她送了回来 Like, you know what, "We'll just take her right back."
我想要把她装进我的后车厢 因为我想要把她 We want to get her in my trunk, because we're gonna
葬在南边的公路边上 如果二位能够帮我把她搬到车上 bury her down south a ways. If you could help me to my car
我会非常感谢你们 I would really appreciate it.
让我... Let me just...
好吧... Okay, um...
先把她包起来 Just wrap her up.
我想那样的话你就能很轻易的把她拉起来 I think it'll be easiest if you just pull like that.
我们结婚以后 她就像我菊花里的淡淡哀伤 Yeah. She was a pain in my ass when we were married
而现在她走了却还依旧如此 and she passed away, she's still being a pain in my ass.
把那边抓好了 Just grab that right there.
James 能过来托住她的头吗 James, will you get the head?
对她绅士一点 Be gentle with her.
抓着这里 James Here you go, James.
-抓好了 -上帝保佑 -Here you go. -Lord have mercy. Jesus.
就这样 There you go.
别让她摔下来 James Don't let her fall out of there, James.
好好把她抓牢了 Get a good hold on her.
喔 老兄 我们... Oh, man. We're, uh...
我得把这熊孩子送到他爸爸那儿去 We got to get this little boy to his father.
他的妈妈刚被抓去蹲号子 His mom just got thrown in jail.
我妈妈是个瘾君子 My mom's on drugs.
主啊 保佑我 Lord have mercy!
感谢你们 我自己是不可能搬动她的 Thank you, boys. I couldn't carry her myself.
把她塞进里面去 Just put her right in there.
我们用毛毯给她保暖 And, uh, we got blankets to keep her warm.
好的 小心点 All right, be careful with her.
好了 All right.
谢谢 谢谢你 James Thank you. Thank you, James.
过来 Billy Come here, Billy.
握着他的手 我们来念祷词吧 Grab his hand. Can we say a prayer?
主啊 在这趟载着Ellie的旅途中 Lord, please look after Billy and I
请保佑Billy和我一路顺风 on our journey with Ellie.
主啊 请关照这些人 And Lord, please look after these men because
因为他们十分的善良 they were very sweet
他们也许是某个犯罪团伙的 and they're also accomplices to probably what was
共犯 但是... technically a crime, but...
我们什么都不会说的 We're not gonna say anything.
拜托 老兄你是在逗我吗 Come on, man! Are you serious?
以你之名 阿门 In your name we pray. Amen.
阿门 Amen.
好了 All right.
我想问你一个问题 那床你还要不要搬走 Let me ask you a question, is the bed really going?
不 不是 我只是想找人帮忙搬她而已 No, no. I just needed help with her.
是吗 Oh.
但是没有人愿意过来帮忙 But no one's going to come out...
如果你说的是"你能来和我一起干犯罪的事吗" No one's going to come out to help if you say,
会有人肯帮你那才叫见鬼 "Can you come help me commit a crime?"
因为没人愿意帮忙 所以咯... No one's gonna help. So...
这就是为什么我不得不撒个小谎的原因 We, uh... That's why we had to tell a little fib.
我当然非常感激你们 我保证会守口如瓶的 But we surely appreciate it. And our lips are sealed.
-再会 -谢了 老兄 -Later. -Thank the men.
再见 Billy See you, Billy.
-谢谢 -伙计 谢谢你们 -Thank you. -Thank you, fellas!
再见 See you later.
愿真主保佑你们 James 谢谢 God bless you. God bless you, James. Thank you!
谢谢犯罪分子 Thanks for the crime!
去收拾你的行李 我们得上路了 Now get your crap. We got to hit the road.
好嘞 All right.
爷爷 你觉得我们有时间去钓鱼吗 Grandpa, do you think we'll have time to go fishing?
别烦我 快给我滚车里去 Don't worry me with that. Just get in the damn car.
希望你已经上过厕所了 I hope you went to the bathroom already.
-没有 -没有? -Nope. -"Nope"?
好吧 那你得憋住了 Well, you're gonna have to hold it.
我可以开空调吗 Can I turn on the AC?
不行 No.
我可以听广播吗 Can I turn on the radio?
不行 No!
我们来玩比谁最安静的游戏 Let's just play the quiet game.
我们可以去吃些东西吗 Can we get something to eat?
你已经在吃住了 You're already eating.
但我还是很饿 But I'm hungry!
关我屁事 Whatever.
真想把你这个拖油瓶踢出车外 Anything to get out of this car.
哈喽 美女 我得喂饱这个小混球 Hola, gorgeous! I gotta feed this little prick.
哇 她真是个小骚货 对吧 我的老天啊 Ooh, she is muy bonita, huh? My goodness!
爷爷 看那个玩具 我可以骑它吗 Grandpa, look at that ride! Can I go ride it?
-什么 -我可以骑那个吗 -What? -Can I go ride that?
可以 见鬼 Yes. Shit.
滚去骑吧 Scram.
谢谢 Thank you.
你叫什么名 Ah. What's your name?
Gloria.
我的西班牙名叫El Mucho Ding-Dong(超级性变态) My Spanish name is El Mucho Ding-Dong.
它不动 It doesn't work!
喔 天啊 Oh, God.
-爷爷 -干嘛 -Grandpa! -What?
这玩意不能启动啊 This thing doesn't work!
那你想要我怎么办 What do you want me to do about it?
修好它 Fix it!
你没看见我正在跟美女说话吗 Can't you see I was talking to a lady?
有啊 但是 Yes, but look!
你有投币吗 Did you put money in there? God.
你试试看 它不动 Try it. It doesn't work.
喔 天啊 Oh, God!
神啊 God!
嗷 Ow.
动啊 伙计 Oh, man.
这该死东西坏了 Damn thing's broke.
-动起来啊 -你放了50美分硬币 -Come on. -You put in 50 cents.
没有 Nothing!
喔 哇 啊 Oh! Ow! Ah!
坐下 坐下 Sit down, sit down.
啊 Ah!
-喔 我没事 -先坐下 先生 -Oh, I'm all right! -Sit down, sir.
坐 坐 坐 Sit, sit, sit!
爷爷 你没事吧 Are you okay, Grandpa?
你看看都发生了什么鸟事 Look what happened!
我的神啊 Jesus!
它就是不动啊 It didn't work!
你为什么要叫我坐上去 Why'd you tell me to get in there?
你把商店毁了 You ruined the store.
你为什么要叫我坐上去 Why'd you tell me to get in there?
因为我想让你把它修好 'Cause I wanted you to fix it.
好吧 现在可修好了 Well, it's fixed!
先生 你能听我说几句吗 Sir, would you please listen to me?
我希望你能先坐下来休息一会 I want you to sit down on a cushion until...
我会叫救护车来给你做个检查 I want the ambulance to check you out.
听着 这并不是你的错 Listen, it is not your fault.
你没有超过它的限重 你明白吗 You are not over that weight limit. Do you understand?
什么超重限制 What weight limit?
那个东西是没有超重限制的 There's no weight limit on that thing.
嘿 我也没有重量限制 如果你能明白我的意思的话 Hey, I don't have a weight limit either. If you know what I mean.
真不敢相信 你差点害我摔断脖子 Unbelievable! You could have broke my neck!
我什么也没有做啊 I didn't do anything!
我不干了 我不干了 I can't do it. I can't do it.
-不干什么 -这件事 -Do what? -This!
我实在是受够了 I can't do this.
我是说过把你送去熊爹那里 I said I'd get you to your father's,
但我没说怎么送 but I didn't say how.
爷爷 我的脚麻了 Grandpa, my leg's falling asleep!
听着 你个小混蛋 我不想开车载你了 Look, you little shitbird, I'm not driving you
而你年纪又太小不能自己搭长途巴士 and you're too young to ride the bus,
所以你给我闭嘴 so you keep quiet in there!
你需要帮忙吗 You need some help?
-我自己可以 -好的 -I think I got it. -Okay.
-喔 我的天啊 -好了 -Oh, my goodness. -Okay.
-就这样 -可以了 -Here we go. -Okay.
我想把这东西寄到北卡罗莱纳州罗利市 I'm going to send this to Raleigh, North Carolina.
罗利市 好的 Raleigh? Okay.
宽18 Eighteen width.
呃... Uh...
-高47? -高47 -Forty-seven? -Forty-seven.
-高47 -嗯 -Forty-seven. -Yeah.
-该死 -好的 -Damn it. -Okay.
里面是不是有什么东西在动 Oh, there's something moving around in there.
真的吗 Really?
-不 没有 -没有 -No. No. -No?
有什么东西在箱子里 There's something in that box!
没有 No.
没什么东西在里面? 但听起来就是有的啊 There's nothing in the box? It sounds like it!
我是听到有奇怪的声音 但不是从箱子里传出来的 I do hear stuff in here, but it's not coming from there.
-好吧 我们可以拆开它吗 -你介意我们拆开它吗 -Okay. Can we unstrap it? -You mind if we unstrap it?
是的... 不介意 拆开它吧 Yes... No, let's unstrap it.
好的 Okay.
爷爷 我想嘘嘘 Grandpa, I got to pee.
操 What...
别出声 Keep it down.
这是一尊雕像 我在里面放了尊雕像 It's a statue. I have a statue in there.
它还带有电或什么的吗 It still has batteries in it or something?
是的 它是还剩一点电 Yes, it has the batteries in it still.
好的 好的 Okay. Okay.
嗯 刚才可能是 Yeah, it's just one of those kind
你们撞到了其中一个按钮 所以它... that you hit a button and it...
因为我们摇了一下是吧 So we shook it.
是的 没错 Yeah, yeah.
爷爷 我憋不住了 要尿出来了 Grandpa, I got to pee real bad.
它只是一尊雕像 It's a statue.
你确定吗 Are you sure?
它被设置成那样 它被设置成那样 It was settling. It was settling.
好吧 没事 Okay. All right.
我们能赶紧称一下重吗 因为我得... Can we get it weighed? Because I gotta...
你要走了? You gotta get out?
是的 我会感谢你们的 Yes, and I appreciate you girls...
你... Would you...
天啊 你在做什么 God, what are you doing?
我们差点寄了一个大活人 We were shipping a human being!
喔 我的天啊 Oh, my.
天啊 Oh, my!
我们不能寄活人 We can't ship humans.
我试着把他送到他爸爸那里去 I'm trying to get him to his father,
但是我不想再开车载他了 and I don't want to drive him.
喔 我的老天爷 Oh, my goodness!
-你叫什么名 -Billy -What's your name? -Billy.
-你在Billy上学的时候接到他? -不是 不是 -You've had Billy for the school year? -No, no.
-他夏天的时候会回来吗 -我今天才刚刚接到他 -And he's going back for the summer? -I just got him today.
你今天刚接到就想把他送回去? -你今天刚接到他!? -And you already want to send him back? -You got him today!
是的 我的妻子刚刚去世 Yeah, my wife passed.
-啊 很抱歉听到这个 -你奶奶? -Aw! I'm sorry to hear it. -Your grandmother?
他爱你奶奶吗 Did he love Grandma?
-不爱 -他不爱? -No. -He didn't?
如果你有见过生前的她 你就能理解我的感受了 If you'd have met her, you'd have felt the same way.
你觉得她是因为伤心而死的吗 You think she died of a broken heart?
-心脏病发作 -我可以告诉你们她是死于... -Heart attack. -Well, I can tell you what she didn't die of.
喔 天啊 Oh, my.
到那边会耗掉我一整晚时间 It'll get there overnight.
你知道吗 You know that they're just gonna be
他是要把你当作货物寄出去 throwing you around and everything, don't you?
行了 给我一支笔 我在上面标明"易碎的"就好了 Well, give me a pen and we'll write "fragile" on it.
你确定要这样做吗 Are you sure you want to do this?
你需要一张毛毯子吗 You need a blanket?
-我们不能运送活人 -给我一张 -We can't ship a human! -I'll take one.
你们就当作不知道这事 You can if you didn't know this happened.
我不能把你当货物运送 因...因为你是个活人 I can't ship you. You're... You're living!
我们该叫警察过来看看吗 Should we call the police on them?
喔 不! 不要报警 Oh, no! No police.
帮我把他从箱子里弄出来 我带他去就是了 Just help me get him out of the box. I'll take him.
该死的 出来 Shit! Come on.
该死的 一整天都耗在这车子上了 Been in this car all damn day!
我需要休息一下 I need a break.
我们要去哪里 Where are we going?
爷爷要去bingo里面玩一会 Grandpa's going to play a little bingo.
-我可以去吗 -不行 -Can I come? -No!
他们不准让小孩进去 Look. They don't allow kids
还有我想和妹子们聊天 and I'm going to be talking to ladies in there.
我不需要你来当电灯泡 And I don't need you cockblocking.
G-51.
N-42.
G-60.
我已经玩了好一会儿了 It's been a while since I've played.
很高兴认识你 女士 祝你好运 Nice to meet you, ma'am. Good luck.
-祝你好运 -谢谢 -Good luck. -Thank you.
-我叫O.Z -O.Z -My name is O.Z. -O.Z.!
-O.Z -好的 -O.Z. -All right!
我可以作弊吗 Can I cheat off you?
B-2.
G-46.
O.Z 不如我们不要玩这个了 O.Z., what do you say we blow this joint
去外面食我的大屌怎么样 and go play strip bingo outside?
算了吧 Stop it.
这该死的涂鸦笔...喔 That damn dauber's not... Oh.
该死 漏得我满手都是墨 God damn it. Done spilled everywhere.
N-62.
停止比赛 停止 Stop the game. Stop!
喔 天啊 Oh, my gosh!
喔 Oh.
我觉得这墨汁有点难喝 I think this shit's done gone bad.
喔 天啊 Oh, my God!
他刚刚喝了涂鸦笔的墨汁 He just drunk the dauber shit.
喔 老兄 你不能这样做 Oh, man! You can't do that!
见鬼 不要喝 Hell, no!
好恶心 Yuck.
停下 Stop.
停下 Stop!
别停 见鬼 继续! Stop? Hell, keep going!
你弄得大家都范恶心了 You're making everybody sick.
别这样 别这样 No, come on, come on!
让我们继续这该死的游戏 好吗 Let's go back to the damn game, all right?
天刹的 你们这些家伙搞得我想喝一杯了 God damn! You guys are driving me to drink!
我要来一杯 I need a drink.
我这儿有玛格丽特(一种鸡尾酒) 谁想来一杯玛格丽特 I got a damn margarita! Who wants a margarita?
O.Z 一半是给你的 O.Z., half of this is for you.
来点馀兴节目怎么样 How about a little fun, people?
不好意思 先生 能帮我系个鞋带吗 Excuse me? Sir? Can you tie my shoe, please?
好的 当然可以 Yeah, sure.
-你结婚了吗 -嗯 -Are you married? -Yeah.
你的婚姻幸福吗 Are you happily married?
嗯 应该还行吧 Yeah, I guess so.
为什么这么问 Why do you ask?
我想找个新爸爸 I want a new dad.
是吗 真抱歉 Oh, do you? Yeah, sorry.
你叫什么名字 What's your name?
Dan.
嘿Dan 我有个主意 Hey, Dan, I got an idea.
我来当你的新孩子怎么样 How about me being your new kid?
呃... Um...
我不知道耶 这真是一个不简单的问题啊 I don't know if it's really quite that simple.
知道吗 你真的不能... You know, you can't really, uh...
为什么 Why?
你不能随随便便的就说要当别人家的孩子 知道吗 You can't really trade kids between families, can you?
你当然可以啊 老爸 Sure you can, Dad.
知道吗 当我在国外 You know, when I was overseas,
想叫鸡的时候 她们会 when you would sleep with a prostitute, they would
在你的老二上面滴几滴柠檬汁 squeeze lime juice on your schmeckle
以此来检查你是否有性病 to see if you had any diseases.
如果你┗|｀O′|┛ 嗷~~ 的大叫 And if you went, "Ow!"
就表示你有性病 因为伤口会很疼 It means you got something, 'cause the cuts burn.
我从来没有┗|｀O′|┛ 嗷~~ 过 但是中过一次标... I never went, "Ow!" But one time.
当然现在已经解除警报了 It's all cleared up now, though.
女士 已经解除警报了 Ma'am, it's all cleared up.
-好 -好的 -Oh, okay. -All right.
为了向你们证明我的清白 Just to prove to you I don't have anything, ladies,
我现在要在我的老二上面 I'm gonna squeeze this lime juice
来几滴柠檬汁 on my schmeckle right now.
喔 我的天啊 Oh, my God!
好的 Okay.
为什么不看过来 要来咯 要来咯 Why resist? Watch this. Here it goes. Here it goes!
啥状况都没 啥状况都没 Nothing. Nothing.
我啥病都没 这就是免费的广告 I got nothing. That is free advertising right there.
如果我的老二有一丁点的刺痛感的话 It did sting a little when it got to my bunghole though,
我会告诉你们的 I'll tell you that.
这是我们之间的小秘密 That's just between us girls.
我必须这么证明 I'm gonna have to have that checked out.
G-37.
中了 Bingo!
哈哈 我中了 Ha ha! Bingo!
我中了 Bingo!
谁能过去检查一下是不是真中了 Can someone check that bingo for me, please?
你安静点 你安静点 You hush. You hush.
你也安静点 You hush, too.
不 我不会 我是年长者 我可以说话 No, I won't. I'm a grown man. I can talk. I can talk.
我可以说话 I can talk.
搬弄是非的家伙 Tattletales.
不可能会中的 因为我们没有N 那么游戏继续 The bingo is not possible because we have no N, so we will keep playing.
操蛋 Well, shit!
G-53.
你爸爸怎么了 What happened to your dad?
嘿 老爸 Hey, Dad.
嗯 你爸爸怎么了 Yeah, what happened to him?
-不 你才是我老爸 -嗯哼 -No, you're my dad. -Hmm?
来击个掌 老爸 High five, Dad.
下面 太慢了 Down low. Too slow.
你是跟谁来这里的 Who are you here with?
你啊 我的新爸爸 You. My new dad.
呃 我不是你的新爸爸 但是... Well, I'm not your new dad. But...
你挺逗的 You're funny.
呃... Um...
嘿 老爸 看着我的眼睛 Hey, Dad, look at me in the eye.
看着呢... Like...
我爱你 I love you.
算了 我得走了 Anyway, I need to, uh...
我还有点事要做 所以 你自己小心 I got stuff I have to do, so, uh... Be safe.
爱你唷 老爸 Love you, Dad!
喔 她来了 Oh, here she is!
我在这儿 你要买些22吗 Here I am. You want to buy some 22s?
-22是什么 -你想要的22 -What are 22s? -You wish you was 22.
在我看来有36D了 They look like 36Ds to me.
没有 No.
没有? 那也有36C了 No? 36 full Cs.
哪位需要一些22 22s, that's what they are!
我可以借笔用用吗 Can I use your pen?
可以啊 小甜心 Yes, you may, sweetheart.
你好吗 All right! How you doing?
还好 Okay.
知道吗 你很性感 You know, you're pretty sexy.
谢谢 Thank you.
我是说真的很性感 I mean really sexy.
我... I...
我得把这个拿去那边 I have to take this up there.
好吧 All right.
你叫什么名字 甜心 What's your name, sweetheart?
喔 A.T.Field全开(被无视了) Oh, I'm getting froze out.
你在bingo里有赢到钱吗 Did you win any money at bingo?
没有 No.
你不应该喝那么多 You shouldn't drink so much.
闭嘴 Pipe down!
喔 天啊 Oh, God.
你知道你到底有多重吗 Do you have any idea how heavy you are?
你知道我根本就不想鸟你吗 Do you have any idea how I don't give a shit?
我们要去哪里 Where are we going?
就这样一直往前走就对了 Just keep going straight.
-你累了吗 -嗯 -You getting tired? -Yeah.
你是个酒鬼吗 Are you an alcoholic?
不 我不是酒鬼 No, I'm not an alcoholic.
就算你是我也不会感到意外 I wouldn't be surprised if you are.
你的废话太多了 Just had a couple too many.
前进 前进 Onward! Onward!
喔 我们去吃点东西 Oh, let's get something to eat.
左转 Make a left.
好了 去那边 不对 Billy Okay. Go here! No, Billy!
你太重了 It's heavy.
把我推到那边去 推那边去 No, push me this way. Push me this way.
Lisa 过来看这个 Lisa! Lisa, come look at this.
他醉了还在喝啤酒 He's drunk, and he's drinking beer.
喔 他带的是6支装的 Oh, he got a six-pack.
推我 Push me.
哈喽 Hello?
我们想买些吃的 We'd like some food.
好的 你需要点什么 Okay, what you need?
鸡肉 Chickens.
鸡胸肉 Chicken breast.
只要是胸部就行 Any kind of breast.
先生 你需要帮忙吗 Sir, you need some help?
是的 我需要些服务 Yes, I need some service!
好的 那你得...我们会帮你 Okay, well, you got to...We'll get you served,
我得把你推到那边 我会把食物拿出来给你 I need to push you over here. We'll bring it out to you.
你必须先得离开这里 Need to get you away from here.
让我把你推到旁边去 好吗 Let me push you over to the side, okay?
你可以松开手吗 Can you let go of the thing there?
我要把你推到旁边去 I'll push you over to the side.
-好的 但是... -你还想要什么 -Okay, but... -What do you want?
你们这有啤酒卖吗 Do you guys serve beers?
没有 我们不卖啤酒 No, we don't serve beer.
那有威士忌吗 How about whiskey?
呃 没有 我们也不卖威士忌 Um, no, we don't have whiskey, either.
先生 你们有什么东西可以醒酒的吗 Sir, what do you have that's good in there for a hangover?
吃的吗 我觉得吃点油腻的食物还不错 To eat? I mean, greasy food is always good.
要醒酒 你得让他睡一觉 But a hangover? Sleep. He got to sleep it off.
老兄 窗户边上的那个女孩 Man, that girl working the window,
她看起来很骚耶 she was nice-looking.
-她看起来很骚? -嗯 -She's nice-looking? -Yeah.
好吧 你在这里休息一会儿 Well, you just chill out here for a minute.
我去问问看有没有人能帮你 We're gonna see if we can get you some help.
好的 我需要一只鸡 Okay, we need some chickens
然后好好的爽上一发 and a big side of poontang.
鸡? 里面有好几只 The poontang? There's some inside.
好啊 我要一只 去帮我钓一个过来 Well, I want some to go. Go hook that up.
他缠上Lisa了 He's stuck on Lisa.
这就是他想要的 That's what he want.
-黑美人吗 -Lisa -Black bush gal? -Lisa!
他说他想要来一发 He said he wanted poontang.
他看上你了 He'll hook you up!
什么 不 不行 What? No, he don't.
不好意思 甜心 Excuse me, honey.
他在那里发春 That's what he's hollering.
他想要操你 Lisa That's what he wants, Lisa.
说真的 让我死掉算了 Honest to God, strike me dead.
Lisa 那家伙应该有80岁了吧 Lisa, that man is 80 years old.
我转过身后在心里暗想 I turned around and I said,
"他说的和我心里想的是同一件事吗" "Did he say what I thought he just said?"
你最好出去一下 You better go out there.
他可是个卡在购物车上的80岁骚老头耶 He is 80 years old in a shopping cart.
让他休息一会吧 Cut the man a break.
你知道"Siempre avante"是什么意思吗 Siempre avante. Know what that means?
不知道 No.
万丈高楼平地起 Onward and forward.
你知道 车轮上的橡胶比鞋跟上的橡胶跑得快 You know, rubber on wheel is faster than rubber on heel.
那是Lightnin' Hopkins说的 That's what Lightnin' Hopkins says.
你知道谁是Lightnin' Hopkins吗 You know who Lightnin' Hopkins is?
不知道 No.
那科莫多巨蜥呢 你知道那是啥吗 What about Komodo dragons? You know what those are?
不知道 No.
你知道Johnny Cash是谁吗 You don't know who Johnny Cash is?
不知道 No.
那你问我什么是喜剧的秘诀 Ask me what the secret of comedy is.
什么是... What is...
时机 懂不 Timing! Get it?
啥 What?
不好笑吗 That's not funny?
不觉得 No.
呃 真难搞 Ugh. Tough room.
我喜欢这首歌 I love this song!
你好像有点... Uh, you're kind of...
癫癫的 Weird.
狗杂种 Dirty bastard!
喔... Oh...
你还好吗 You okay?
喔 天啊 Oh, God.
喔... Oh...
你没事吧 爷爷 You all right, Grandpa?
嗯 我没事 Yeah, I'm all right.
我被颜射了 Caught me right in the puss!
你需要冰敷吗 You want some ice?
需要我去弄些冰块给你吗 You need me to get some ice for you?
嗯 也许有冰块会好些 Yeah, maybe some ice.
我那该死的妻子躺在... My damn wife put these in here and it...
嗷 Ow!
你有看到她的"三角州"吗 Did you see the tuchas on that one?
嗷 Ow!
要我拿个购物篮子吗 Should I get a basket?
不用 我们才不需要那东西 No. We ain't gonna need one.
你想吃这面包吗 You like white bread?
嗯 Yep.
好 Good.
唔... 你在做什么 Um... What are you doing?
拿点这个 Just go with it.
我们会因为这样而惹上麻烦吗 Are we going to get in trouble for this?
不会 如果有人说了啥的话 你就告诉他 No. If someone says anything, just tell them
你爷爷老年痴呆了 that your grandpa's old and doesn't know what he's doing.
你要火鸡肉还是火腿 Ooh. You want turkey or ham?
火腿 Ham.
火腿 Ham?
好的 All right.
给你 Here.
一大包 Get you a lot.
我们去弄些该死的芥末 Let's get some damn mustard.
来 Here.
-一大坨芥末 -吃掉它 -That's a lot of mustard. -Eat it!
唔 Mmm.
吃快点 这样我们就不会被抓了 So I eat it quick, so we don't get caught.
先生 Sir.
怎么了 What's going on?
-怎么了? -对啊 -What's going on? -Yes.
你在这到处乱吃 You eating everything here.
-你还没付钱耶 -什么 -You don't pay yet. -Huh?
你在店里乱吃东西 可是你还没付钱 You eating things here in the store and don't pay yet.
-他拿了这个 -请别生气 -So he took that one. -Please don't get mad.
什么 Huh?
他拿了这个 He took this.
-而你把它放在那里 -没有 -And you put it there. -No.
有 我看到了 监控也拍到了 Yes, I saw. It's in the camera.
没有 No.
那好 Okay.
请别生我爷爷的气 Please don't get mad at my grandpa.
他老年痴呆 他不知道自己在做什么 He's old and he doesn't know what he's doing.
怎么了 What's going on?
我这是在哪 Where am I?
你知道他在做什么 You know what he's doing, baby.
你不但知道他在做什么而且还有样学样 You know what he doing and you doing it with him.
有时候他把翔拉在自己身上 Sometimes he shits himself.
不 你拿了这个 No. You took that one.
有时候他坐着就像个婴儿似的 And sometimes he sits in it like a baby.
我没有把翔拉在身上 你个小混球 I don't shit myself, you little prick.
-有时候他还会尿床 -你把这些东西给拆封了 -Sometimes he pisses the bed. -Okay, you opened these...
-我没有 -你有 -Do not! -Do, too!
-我没有 -你拆开了火腿包装袋 -Do not! -You opened the ham
而你又没付钱 and you don't pay.
-可以把他的... -关门放狗 -Can I have his... -Close the doors.
我要去报警了 I'm gonna call the police.
可以把他的巧克力牛奶拿回来吗 拜托了 女士 Can he have his chocolate milk back, please, ma'am?
呃 Ugh.
他们不会注意到的 They won't notice a thing.
反正它平时也是这个状态 走 That's how it looks most of the time anyway. Come on.
我们走 Come on.
走快点 走快点 Let's go quick. Let's go quick.
过来 走这边 Come on. Let's go this way.
喂... Oh! Uh...
谢谢惠顾 下次还来 Thank you!
戴那帽子 戴那帽子 Get the hats! Get the hats!
快点 快点 Come on, come on!
快点 Come on!
-你们在做什么 -哇 哇 -What are y'all doing? -Whoa, whoa!
哇 哇 哇 哇 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
-这个3.99刀 -站住 -It was $3.99! -Stop!
别这样 Yeah. Come on!
你们哪都不能去 You're not going anywhere!
别跟着我们 别跟着我们 Leave us alone! Leave us alone!
不行 你们哪都不能去 No. You're not going anywhere.
嘿Billy 上车 快启动引擎 Hey, Billy, get in! Start it up!
警察不会把小孩从你身边带走的 They're going to take that child away from you.
我还真希望他们这么做 I wish they would!
-给我进里面去 -对不起 -Get back inside! -I'm sorry.
你他妈给我进里面去 Get your ass inside!
女士 真的非常对不起 Ma'am, I'm sorry.
真是对不起 对不起你个鬼啊 You are sorry! You're sorry as hell!
不 我并不是... No, I'm not gonna...
你在吃你偷来的东西 You're eating what you stole!
那你要我怎么办 What am I supposed to do with it?
付钱 You buy it!
-你快付钱 -如果我有钱的话我会付的 -You pay for it. -If I had money, I would.
你有足够的钱来到这里 You had enough money to come in here
还光天化日之下大胆行窃 and the audacity to try to steal from me.
话说 这东西还蛮好吃的 These are pretty good, by the way.
我才懒得鸟你 I don't give a shit.
你他妈吃掉的那些东西是我的 I ought to stuff it down your damn throat.
你生气的样子真是漂亮 You're very pretty when you're mad.
你惹毛姐了 后果很严重 You're pissing me off!
你生气的样子真是可爱 You're very lovely when you're mad.
你惹毛姐了 后果很严重 You're pissing me off.
好了 下车 All right, come on.
嗨 Hi.
好了 All right.
-好重 -嗷 -Okay. -Ow!
我抓稳了 I got her.
啊 上帝... Ah, Jesus...
走吧 我的神啊 Here we go. Oh! Jesus.
没事 她已经死了 It's all right. She's already dead.
什么 What?
是的 她死了好几天了 Yeah, she died a few days ago.
我们把她搬到房间里 这样对死人尊敬点 We're just bringing her in 'cause it's respectful.
我不想把她留在后车厢 Don't want to leave her in the trunk.
好了 All right.
把她丢那边去 Oh! Get in there!
喔 妈的 Oh, shit.
爷爷要出去散散步 你乖乖待在房间里 Grandpa's going out for a walk. You stay in the room.
待会见 骚老头 See you later, old man.
给我乖乖待好了 该死的 Stay in there, damn it.
那是我孙子 My grandson.
嘿 你知道这附近有没有 呃... Hey, you don't know where any, uh,
类似脱衣舞俱乐部之类的地方 like, dance clubs or anything like that are?
比如 有很多黑美人之类的 Like, with lots of, uh, black ladies.
是有那么一家 叫... Oh, there's one on, um...
Richard Boulevard.
-真的吗 -嗯 -Yeah? -Yeah.
我真的超爱 I'm really fond
-黑美人 -嗯 -of the black ladies. -Yeah.
在我还年轻气盛的时候 Yeah. They used to call me Jizzy Gillespie
-她们称呼我为Jizzy Gillespie -喔 是吗 -when I was younger. -Oh, yeah?
嘿 你给我滚回房间里 Hey, get in the room!
一丝不挂 寂寞女士狂欢夜 春宵一夜值千金 NO COVER, Ladies Night!! One night only
哈喽 你好吗 Hello. How are you?
哈喽 妹子们 Hello, ladies!
嘿 老爷爷你个骚货 Hey, grandpa, how you doing?
你好吗 宝贝 Good! How you doing, baby?
好耶 All right!
哇 Wow.
嗨 甜心 哇 你看起来好骚耶 Hi, sweetheart. Wow, you are nice-looking!
谢谢 Thank you!
给我来杯Colt45啤酒 谢谢 Can I get a Colt 45, please?
他把他的黑长直拿出来玩耶 He's got his jim dog out.
那玩意就该这样玩 That thing's about like that!
嘿 老兄 这是其中一种脱衣舞秀吗 Hey, big boy! Is this one of them stripteaser shows?
是的 他是男的 Yeah, it's males.
太赞了 That's perfect,
因为我想要在她们饥肠辘辘的时候伸出援助之手 because I like to catch these women when they're soggy.
所以 你们今晚做了件好事 So you boys do a good job tonight,
-知道吗 -好的 -all right? -Okay.
让她们都欲火焚身 Get them all hot and bothered,
这样我就可以趁虚而入 and I'm gonna try to swoop in
-得到我想要的了 -好 好 -and get me a little. -Okay, okay.
你也是舞者吗 Are you one of them dancers?
是的 Yeah, I am.
我敢打赌你的棒棒糖也挺大的 对不 I bet you got a pretty big Tootsie Roll, huh?
老兄 你在说啥 Man, what the fuck?
什么 What?
你他妈离我远点 飞机佬 Get the fuck away from me, man.
我是说 如果你是一名舞者... But I mean, if you're a dancer...
真抱歉 我只是... 对不起 抱歉 I'm sorry, I was just... I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
妹子们 你们在这里玩得开心吗 How are you ladies doing down here?
还不错 你呢 Fine. How are you?
好 好 我是自个儿来的 Good, good. I came here alone,
如果我有打扰到你们的话我很抱歉 so I'm sorry if I'm bothering you.
你来这里做什么 What made you come in here?
不知道 我散步散到这里来了 I don't know. I was walking,
-呃 从街上... -散步 -uh, down the street... -Walking?
你这散步略屌啊 You weren't walking nowhere!
你想做什么 看秀还是看我们 What you gonna do, watch it or watch us?
我当然是来看妹子们的 I came to watch you girls.
当你们变得欲火焚身时 You ladies are gonna get all worked up,
你们会希望骚爷爷Irving来帮你们 and then hopefully old Irving can swoop in there.
你叫什么名 What's your name?
Irving.
说不定有些小姐会想服务一下Irving Maybe some of these ladies will want a serving of Irving,
你懂我说的是什么意思不 if you know what I'm saying.
这样就对了 谢谢 谢谢你们 么么哒 That's right. Thank you. Thank you, mama!
下一个猛男即将登场 If you're ready for the next entertainer,
一起和我大声说"我要" everybody say, "I am!"
我要 I am!
我爱黑巧克力 I love chocolate!
他那条比马蹄铁还硬 He's harder than a horseshoe!
那你的有多硬 How hard are you?
我可能略失雄风 I'm pretty loose right now,
但我或许可以唤醒沉睡的雄狮 but I could probably get it going.
我们想看看你的小伙伴 我们想看你在红毯表演 We want to see yours. We want you to walk the red carpet.
你们想看我的小伙伴? You want to see mine?
到红毯上去吧 Walk the red carpet.
现在我要让她看看我的小伙伴 I'll show her mine right now!
到红毯上去吧 我们会给你撒钱的 We're gonna make it rain. Walk the red carpet.
我这就去 我这就上红毯去 I'm gonna go... I'm going to walk the red carpet.
耶 我要摇摇我的小伙伴 Yeah, I'm gonna shake it!
我根本不知道发生了什么鸟事 I don't know what the fuck is going on.
喔 喔... Oh, oh...
什么 What?
你好 你有看到我的爷爷吗 Excuse me? Have you seen my grandpa?
你的爷爷 Your grandpa?
我觉得他迷路了 他有点脑残 I think he's lost. He's kind of an idiot.
他为什么脑残 Why is he an idiot?
因为他迷路了啊 'Cause he's lost, duh.
他带有手机吗 Does he have a cell phone?
他现在可能喝醉了 He's probably drunk right now.
他昨晚去了脱衣舞俱乐部 He went to a strip club last night.
小朋友 我不知道该对你说什么 喔 天啊 I don't know what to tell you, son. Oh, gosh.
你好 你好 Excuse me? Excuse me?
去你的 Screw you.
你找谁 Who you looking for?
我找我的爷爷 I'm looking for my grandpa.
你爷爷不在这里 Your grandpa's not here.
他在包厢里吗 Is he in the Champagne Room?
那里没有任何人 There's nobody in there.
-让我看一下 -不行 -Let me check. -No.
就让我看一下嘛 Let me just go check.
我说了没人 I told you.
这孩子有点毛病 他说他想要进里面去 He's like, persistent. He wants to go in there.
他说得挺上道的 And he's talking about having a great time
他有点早熟 in the Champagne Room like, he's like, 21.
怎么了 What's up?
-这里是间成人书店吗 -是的 -Is this an adult bookstore? -Yeah.
我的爷爷在里面吗 Is my grandpa in here?
不在 No.
你有没有... Is there somebody, like...
你有没有监护人 Is somebody, like, watching you or something?
没有 No.
你那件衣服是在Tramps R买的吗 Did you get that shirt at Tramps R Us?
什么 What?
你那件衣服是在Tramps R买的吗 Did you get that shirt at Tramps R Us?
-不是 -喔 -No. -Oh.
-你几岁了 -8岁 -How old are you? -Eight.
你叫什么名字 What's your name?
Billy.
你是什么时候到这里的 When did you get here?
你这脱衣舞娘问了好多问题喔 You're asking a lot of questions for a stripper.
-你的艺名叫什么 -什么 -What's your stage name? -What?
你跳脱衣舞时的艺名叫什么 What's your stripper stage name?
我没有艺名 我也不是脱衣舞娘 I don't have a stage name. I'm not a stripper.
那我叫你"小肉桂"好了 I'll just call you Cinnamon.
-小肉桂 -哈哈 -Cinnamon? -What?
我看起来像个脱衣舞娘吗 I look like a stripper?
是的 天生跳脱衣舞的料 Yeah. In a good way.
-天生跳脱衣舞的料? -喔 我的天 -In a good way? -Oh, my...
不如你先在这等我 Why don't you wait on me and I'm gonna come, like,
等下我带你去你住的旅馆 take you to whatever hotel you're at?
你不能独自一个人在大街上瞎转 You don't need to be out here by yourself.
这样你可能会遇到麻烦 You're gonna, like, get hurt.
要知道 大街上的都是一群疯子 There's a bunch of crazy people out here.
显然 你爷爷也是个疯子 Apparently, your grandpa's one of them.
拜拜 小肉桂 我得走了 Bye, Cinnamon. I got to go.
不 还有我不是小肉桂 No. And I'm not Cinnamon!
你好吗 How you doing?
煎熬的一夜 Rough night.
爷爷 你到哪里鬼混去了 Grandpa! Where have you been?
别提了 Not now.
我好惊啊 I've been worried!
奶奶的尸体要怎么办 What're we gonna do with Grandma's body?
鬼才知道 I don't know, buddy.
我们之前有讨论过这事 We met with someone to discuss that,
但是你奶奶 but your grandma,
她在那天不是很合作 she wasn't very cooperative that day.
她说了一些废话 Just said some nonsense about
说什么要把她从桥上丢下去之类的蠢话 throw her off a bridge for all she cares.
你知道女人喜欢什么吗 You know what a woman likes?
一条新钓竿 A new fishing rod?
不对 No.
是魔术 Magic!
我可以证明给你看 你想看吗 I can prove it. You want to see?
-想 -好的 -Sure. -All right.
哈喽 女士 你愿意让一个老人 Hello, ma'am. You wouldn't flatter an old man
表演个魔术给你看吗 by watching him do a magic trick, would you?
很好 仔细看好了 Oh... That's good. All right, keep your eye on the...
我会让它消失 I'm going to make it disappear.
免费的表演 No charge, either.
好的 Okay.
因为我也没有钱 'Cause I don't have any money.
就这样 它消失去哪了 There we go! Where'd it go?
-在你的袖子里吗 -不在 -In your sleeve? -No.
-有什么东西在你的大拇指里 -什么 -What's that on your thumb? -What?
看 Look.
把它给我 Will you give me that?
哈哈 Ah.
你为什么不闪边去 Why don't you beat it?
但我想待在你旁边 But I want to stay with you.
你为什么不闪边去 Why don't you beat it?
爷爷我要把妹啊 Grandpa's got to talk to some tail.
他... He's...
他就是个烦人的小屁孩 He's a little cooter stretcher is what he is.
你是本地人吗 You, uh... You from this town?
是啊 本地土著 Yeah. Born and raised.
本地土著啊 你真是美瞎了我的24K钛合金狗眼了 我的神啊 Born and raised. You're awful pretty. My goodness!
谢谢 Thank you.
像你这样年轻漂亮又可爱的小姐 A beautiful young lady like yourself,
我有些东西要送给你 I have something for you.
喔 老天爷 Oh, Lordy.
来咯 你人真好 Here we go. You're, uh, so kind.
-这给你 -谢谢 -There you go. -Oh, thank you.
这送给你了 它带有我独特的香味 Those are for you. They're specially scented.
我也这么觉得 I bet.
你有时间陪陪像我这样的老人吗 You got time for an old man like me, maybe?
我们可以谈天说地或到处逛逛 We can blow this garmooshky and go chase around a little.
今晚我不行 Not tonight I don't.
-今晚不行? -是的 -Not tonight? -No.
你现在是在午休吗 You on a lunch break?
是的 Yeah.
你结婚了吗 You married?
嗯 Oh, yeah.
喔哇 是真的"结婚"吗 Oh, boy. "Married" married?
真的结婚了 嫁给了一个佩枪的警察 "Married" married to a gun-toting police officer.
-喔 天啊 你运气太好了 -再会 -Oh, God! Of all the luck. -There you go.
-好吧 祝你愉快 -再会 -All right, good times. -See ya.
拜拜 Bye.
我在女人身上花的钱要是都存下来的话 If I had all the money I spent on poontang,
你知道我会怎么花吗 you know what I'd do with it?
怎么花 What?
还是花在女人身上 Spend it on poontang.
一 二 三 四 准备开始拇指大战 One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war.
一 二 三 One, two, three,
四 五 六 four, five, six,
七 八... seven, eight...
拜托 你是个左撇子 Come on, you're a lefty.
你应该能赢我的 You can be stronger than that.
我试试看 我试试看 我试试看 I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying.
因为按着我的手指太靠前了 我使不上劲 It's because you're holding it so close to the edge.
-哈喽 -嗨 -Hello. -Hi.
我看到你和我的孙子在玩 I see you have met my grandson.
嗯 Yeah.
我是Irving Oh. My name is Irving. Oh.
我是Lisa I'm Lisa.
你叫什么名... What was your name...
她是美国人 你不用鞠躬啦 She's American. You don't have to bow.
-什么 -你有个怪怪的爷爷 -What? -You have a weird grandpa.
你去哪了 Where'd you go?
是你叫我闪边去的 You told me to beat it
因为你要把妹 'cause you were gonna talk to some tail.
喔... Oh...
我是说我要... I said I was... To...
我是说我要去寄一些邮件 I was going to beat it to go deliver some mail.
喔 神啊 Oh, jeez.
你比波多黎哥人还要性感火辣 You are hotter than a Puerto Rican picnic.
喔 谢谢 Oh, my God, thank you!
-非常感谢 -喔 我的神啊 -Thank you so much. -Oh, my goodness!
你有照顾过大男孩吗 You babysit big boys?
有啊 I do, yeah.
我说的大男孩是指像我这样的 I mean big boys like me.
-喔 没有 -是吗 -Oh. No. -No?
当然没有 Definitely not.
喔 好吧 Oh, well.
孩子 你有失有得 You win some, you lose some, kid.
-很高兴认识你 -再见 拜拜 -Nice to meet you! -See you. Bye-bye.
-哇 -拜拜 -Wow! -Goodbye.
这个拒绝比往常来得慢 That was a slower no than I usually get.
你总算有点用了 You may be useful after all!
你还会玩猜谜游戏啊 You ever play charades?
喔 喔... Oh, oh...
不好意思 Excuse me?
我爷爷不太能说话 My grandpa can't talk that well,
但是他说你非常漂亮 but he says you're very beautiful.
谢谢 非常感谢 Thank you. Thank you so much.
唔 那个 我得走了 Uh... Okay. I need to go.
我得走了 我的天啊 I need to go. Oh, my God.
我爷爷想知道你结婚了没有 Grandpa wants to know if you're married!
不好意思 我爷爷想对你说点什么 Excuse me, my grandpa would like to say something.
他想知道你愿不愿意闻他的手指 He wants to know if you want to smell his finger.
不不不不不不不 No, no. No, no, no. No, no. No, no.
他想知道你等下有没有时间 He wants to know if you're doing anything later.
带只老母鸡去送货 Takes an old hen to deliver the goods.
我是被拒绝了吗 Is that a no?
-我是被拒绝了吗 -老母鸡汤滋阴补阳 -Is that a no? -Old chickens make good soup.
唔 Um.
我爷爷不太能说话 My grandpa can't talk that well,
但是他说你非常漂亮 but he says you're very beautiful.
嗯 Hmm.
你怎么知道他想说什么 How do you know that's what he said?
他说什么 What did he say?
他说你让他再次感到青春洋溢 He says you make him feel young again.
嗯 嗯 Mmm. Mmm.
你是真知道他想说什么呢 Do you know what he's saying,
还是说你在胡编乱造 or are you just making stuff up?
我知道他想说什么 I know what he's saying.
他是不是经常这样疯疯癫癫的 Does he seem crazy to you sometime?
是啊 Yeah.
不好意思 Excuse me!
你好 Okay.
他想知道这附近哪里可以买到英雄三文治 He wants to know where we can get a hoagie around here.
英雄三文治 A hoagie sandwich.
呃... Um...
英雄三文治 Hoagie sandwich.
不好意思 Excuse me.
他说你看起来是个漂亮的犹太人 He says you look like a nice Jew.
不不不不 No, no, no, no...
喔 他说你的鞋子很漂亮 Oh, he says you have very nice shoes.
-谢谢 -嗯 棒级了 -Oh, thank you. -Yeah, nice.
我们只是... Oh, we're just, uh...
我们只是在这附近逛逛 We're just, uh, clowning around. I'm trying to
我试着教他怎么搭讪女生 teach him how to hit on women.
好的 那我能理解刚刚是怎么一回事了 Oh, okay. I can kind of see what was going on.
-他的天赋怎么样 -你非常有天赋 -How'd he do? -You did very good.
-谢谢 -不客气 -Thank you. -You're welcome.
他很可爱 他是我的孙子 He's sweet. He's my grandson.
是吗 Okay.
是的 Yes.
他晚上8点就要洗洗睡了 所以... He goes to bed around 8:00 p.m. or so. So, uh...
在那之后 我还挺闲的 After that, I'm pretty much free.
不 不行 我现在已经不是单身了 No, I'm not... I'm not in the market right now.
你知道 我... You know, I...
我可能因为太老而硬不起来了 I might be too old to stir the gravy,
但是我还可以当个"小舔心" but I can still lick the spoon,
我确定以及肯定 that's for damn sure.
好吧 祝你好运 Well, good luck.
好吧 Oh. All right.
-我们就在这里 -好的 -We'll be right here. -Okay.
再见 甜心 All right, sweetie.
干得好 伙计 Good job, buddy.
你有亲过妹子吗 Have you kissed a girl yet?
有啊 Yeah.
她是你的马子吗 Was she your girlfriend?
是啊 Yeah.
你们交往多久了 How long did you go out with her?
一天 A day.
一天... A day...
一天? A day?
听起来很像你爷爷 That sounds like some of my relationships.
爷爷 Grandpa!
哇 Whoa!
真他妈的挡道 Get that damn thing out of the way!
我的耶稣啊 Jesus Christ!
你们为啥要把一只企鹅摆在我的车道上 Why would you put a penguin right in my driving spot?
挡你的路? 先生 这是绿化带啊 In your... Sir, there's a curb there.
车道在那里还有那里 The driveways are there and there.
听着 小姐 给我滚开 Look, lady, get off my back!
我是个老人 I'm an old man.
"顾客就是上帝"的道理你没听说过吗 What happened to "the customer's always right"?
听过 但你开车碾企鹅就是不对的啊 Yeah, but you ain't right about running over the penguin.
为啥有人要把一只企鹅摆着我的车道上 Why would they put the penguin in my spot?
你开车把企鹅给碾了 You ran over the penguin.
你把企鹅摆着我的车道上 You put a penguin in my spot!
你开车把企鹅给碾了! 你到底在说啥 You ran over the penguin! What are you talking about?
好吧 你也不用对我吼这么大声啊 Well, you don't have to yell at me.
我可以下车吗 Can I get out?
给我待在车里 Billy Stay in the car, Billy.
你待车里看好戏 And watch this.
你不能... 听着 老兄 你哪都不能去 You can't... Look, buddy. You're not going anywhere.
你得把那东西修好 其他的我不管 You're fixing the thing. That's all I'm telling you.
我要去吃东西了 Oh, I'm going to eat.
你哪都不能去 You're not going anywhere.
小心那只企鹅 先生 Watch out for the penguin, sir!
没关系 我有看到 No, I see it.
你撞坏企鹅了 You already hit the penguin.
听我说 你得把那只企鹅修好 老兄 Listen to me, you're going to fix that penguin, bro.
不管你愿不愿意 Whether you like it or not,
你必须把它修好 believe me, you're gonna fix it.
没门 Nope.
我意思是说 我愿意修的话我才修 但是... I mean, if I was fixing it, you'd see me fixing it, but...
我就是不想修 I'm not fixing it.
你有没有注意到我是有多不爽去修那企鹅(多大的仇?) Did you notice how I wasn't fixing it?
我要打爆你的菊花 I'm about to bust your ass.
企鹅的菊花吗 Over a penguin?
你他妈的离企鹅远点 老兄 Fucking leave the penguin alone, bro.
我真他妈想抽你 傻逼 I'm about to whip you, motherfucker. Up your ass, bro.
你知道我现在想做什么吗 You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get your doober.
喔 喔 我抓到了一只鲍鱼 Oh. Oh. I got your doober.
我抓到了一只鲍鱼 I got your doober.
-我把鲍鱼给吃了 -你他妈怎么拿到驾照的 -I ate your doober. -You shouldn't be fucking driving anyway.
-你个操蛋的八旬老头 -我抓着他的鲍鱼 -Your fucking 85 years old. -I got his doober.
上帝快告诉我他不是个人 Thank God that wasn't a human being.
我抓着他的鲍鱼 他很生气 I got his doober and he's mad.
我真他妈想... Okay, I'm gonna fucking...
喔 吃我一记重重的肘击 Oh! Atomic elbow! Atomic elbow!
我年轻的时候玩过摔跤 I did a little wrestling myself in my younger days.
你他妈在逗我吗 老兄 Are you fucking kidding me, bro?
什么? 打我? What? Atomic elbow!
你他妈在逗我吗 Are you kidding me?
我年轻的时候干过 I loved that duo with the butcher when I was younger.
你他妈在逗我吗 老兄 Are you fucking kidding me, man?
你没看见吗? 这是我的必杀技 Why? It's an atomic elbow.
哇 Wow.
这个看起来很像你双腿间的骆驼趾 That looks like the camel toe in your pants!
呼哈 Hoo-hah!
懂吗 我是说你有个逼 Get it? I said you had a vagina.
这个就是你的逼 That's a vagina reference.
你得把这该死的企鹅修好 You're gonna fix this fucking penguin,
我才不管你愿不愿意 你懂没 whether you like it or not. You understand?
等等 我要说的是... One second. I'm gonna say it...
不修 就是不修 Am not, am not!
你得把这该死的东西修好 You're gonna fix this fucking thing.
没门 没门 Nope, nope.
你得扪心自问"我有小伙伴吗" You gotta ask yourself, "What leverage do I have?"
没有 Not much!
你他妈就是个飞机佬 你知道吗 You're a fucking jerkoff, you know that?
"你得把企鹅修好" "You're gonna fix that penguin!"
"不 你才要把它修好" "No, you're gonna fix it!"
"你来修" "You're gonna fix it!"
"不 是你" "No, you're gonna!"
两位吗 Table for two?
是的 Yeah.
好的 这边请 Okay. Right this way.
我想把她的企鹅修好 I'd like to fix her penguin.
想知道我能把我的脸弄得多红吗 Want to see how red I can get my face?
嗯 Yeah.
喔 停 停 停 Oh, stop, stop, stop!
我的天 Oh, my God.
比猴子的屁股还红 That was redder than an ape's ass.
嘴巴放干净点 Watch your mouth.
抱歉 Oh, sorry.
比猴子的臀部还红 That was redder than an ape's tuchas.
你要多点牛奶吗 Do you like a lot of milk?
要啊 Oh, boy, do I!
有时候我想要巧克力牛奶 I like chocolate milk sometimes.
嗯 爷爷我也有相同的喜好 Yeah, Grandpa's got a taste for that, too.
嗯 Yeah.
他习惯来点重口味的 He used to have a big taste for it.
为什么我妈妈不喜欢我 Why doesn't my mom like me?
你妈妈喜欢你的 老弟 Your mom likes you, buddy.
那她为什么要离开我 Then why'd she run away from me?
呃... Well...
你妈妈只是有点事要做 不得不暂时离开你 Mom's got to go away for a little bit, and so...
所以我会带你去你爸爸那里 让他照顾你 I'm taking you to your dad so he can look after you.
但是我真心不喜欢我爸爸 But I don't really like my dad.
嗯 我也不怎么喜欢他 老弟 Yeah, I don't like him much either, buddy.
-美女 -什么事 -Angel. -Yes.
把耳朵堵住 Billy Earplugs, Billy.
把耳朵堵住 Earplugs.
你什么时候下班 What time do you get off?
-9点整 -好的 -9:00 o'clock. -All right.
-好的 -好的 -All right. -All right.
前凸后翘的太棒了 Check out the rear bumpers on that one.
-唔 饭菜如何 -还不错 -Mmm. How's your food? -Good.
你放了多少黄油在上面 How much butter you gonna put on that?
我吃这个 I'm eating this one.
-你生吃它? -嗯 不行吗 -You eat it raw? -Yeah, why not?
我的天啊 Dear God.
我觉得 I think
爷爷要来个响声炮了 all this bacon is getting to Grandpa.
刚刚是你放的屁吗 爷爷 Did you... Did you just toot, Grandpa?
那是壁虎的叫声啦 That was a church house creeper.
我想我也要来一发 I think I got one.
我觉得你把翔给喷裤子上了 I think you need to clean out your shorts.
真恶心 Beat that.
我有点闹肚子了 Grandpa's tummy's hurting.
别憋着了 Let it out.
我要来一发大的 Try this one on for size.
-天啊 -呃 爷爷 -Oh, God. -Ew, Grandpa,
你喷翔了 you sharted!
抱歉 I'm so sorry.
我的天... Oh, my...
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
抱歉 女士们 不要... I'm sorry, ladies. Don't...
不要往后看 真的很抱歉 Don't look back there. I'm so sorry.
天啊 那是... Oh, God, that's...
我们走 老弟 Let's go, buddy.
喔 不 Oh, no.
那老头子站在椅子上 That guy stood up on the chair part
然后翔就喷到墙上了 and pooped on the wall.
-他什么 -他把翔喷在墙上 -He what? -And he pooped on the wall.
投得好 很好 再来一次 Oh, good shot. Good... Take it again. Take it again.
太棒了 Oh, Jesus.
你想看看我的本事吗 All right. You want some of this?
为什么我就不能和你待在一起 而非要去我爸爸那 Why can't I just stay with you instead of my dad?
因为那是计划外的事 'Cause that's not the plan.
我们可以改变计划 We can change the plan.
这样如何 如果我投进了这球 How about this? If I make this shot,
我就待在你身边 不去我爸那里了 I get to stay with you instead of my dad.
好啊 All right.
滚蛋吧 Get that out of here!
我们要怎么样才能去 How about we become tuna fishermen
日本打金枪鱼 and then move to Japan?
喔 孩子 Oh, boy.
我们开个海鲜店 We'll get a fish market
然后把所有的金枪鱼卖了 这样我们就变成亿万富翁了 and then we sell all tuna and we'll be billionaires.
地球人都知道日本有好多的金枪鱼 There is lots of tuna in Japan, that's for sure!
这是我有生以来听过的最棒的主意 That's the best idea I heard in years, son.
你喜欢钓鱼吗 老家伙 Do you like to fish, old man?
我以前也很喜欢钓鱼 但那是过去的事了 I used to like to fish a lot, but that was before.
什么过去 Before what?
那是一段黑历史 Before a dark day when
当时我抓到了我的大白鲸... I caught my very own Moby Dick.
哇 Whoa!
天啊 Jesus!
哇 Whoo!
操 Shit!
喔 老天爷啊 Oh, Lordy! Lordy!
谁来帮帮忙 A little help!
老兄 Oh, man!
来看看这只超级大屌鱼 Check out the nine iron on this one.
喔 Oh!
天啊 Oh, God.
喔 卧槽 Oh, shit.
那是啥 那是啥啊 What is that? What is that?
这是只超大号的屌鱼 It's a large-nose carpet croaker!
好吧 Yeah. Okay.
从那以后 我就再也不吃鱼了 After that, I never ate fish sticks again.
爷爷 我肚子饿了 Grandpa, I'm hungry.
你知道吗 我突然灵光一闪 You know what? I may have a solution.
你确定这是个好主意吗 Are you sure this is a good idea?
当然确定 Of course it is.
你会要什么有什么 You can get away with most anything,
你只需要 all you got to do is try.
听我的指挥 Follow my lead.
好了 各位 可以在这给大家来一张照片吗 Okay, folks, can we get a picture here with everyone?
大家可以往后退一点吗 Can everybody back up on this side a little bit?
往后退几步就行 Just kinda take a couple steps back.
继续退 再退一点就好了 Keep going, just a little bit more.
看看这个 Look at this.
真是漂亮 This is lovely!
哇 Wow.
看那个 Look at that.
-很漂亮 对吧 -嗯 -It's pretty, right? -Yeah.
先生 你可以站到旁边去吗 Sir, can you back up out of the way?
我正在拍照 I'm trying to take a picture.
哇 哇 哇 Oh, oh! Oh!
快帮帮他 Help him!
你还好吗 爷爷 Are you okay, Grandpa?
啊 Ow!
我的天啊 Oh, my God!
是谁补的刀 Who pushed me?
不知道 我觉得是你自己跌倒的 I don't know. I think you just fell.
唔 Mmm.
拿去 帮你买了点早餐 Here. Got you some breakfast.
真好 Sweet!
好了 All right.
唔 今天星期几 Hmm. What's today?
星期六 Saturday.
看来我们还能在多闹点事 Bet we could've stirred up some trouble here.
该死 我明天得把你丢到你爸爸那里去 Damn shame I got to drop you at your dad's tomorrow.
管他吖的 我们继续找乐子去 Oh, the hell with it! Let's go have some fun.
你想要看魔术表演吗 Would you like to see a magic trick?
我需要一张20刀纸币拿来当道具 I need a $20 bill as a prop.
我待会再把它还给你 And I'll give it right back to you.
天灵灵地灵灵... Allakazoo, allakastid...
拿钱跑路咯 孩子 Grab the stuff... Let's beat it, kid!
快点 快点 Come on! Come on!
你在做什么 你还傻愣着做什么 过来 What are you doing? What are you waiting on? Come on!
-爷爷 车子 -哇 哇 哇 哇 -Grandpa, the car! -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
和爷爷干一杯 Have a sip of beer with Grandpa.
哇 Whoa.
小孩不应该喝酒 'Cause he should not be drinking.
爷爷 我他妈喝醉了 Grandpa, I'm fucking wasted.
哎哟喂 Whoops!
你搞毛啊 What the hell was that?
你个熊孩子 You little cooter stretcher!
不要 No!
勒你的小鸡鸡 Wedgie, wedgie!
你衣服上的是什么 What's on your shirt?
该死的 Damn it. Ah...
好嘞 我的小伙伴 Okay, my little wingman,
今晚你去睡大床 why don't you take the big bed tonight?
-这是你应得的 -谢谢爷爷 -You deserve it. -Thank you, Grandpa!
安静点 我得睡个好觉 Settle down, now. We got to get some sleep.
我们明天得去罗利市 We got Raleigh tomorrow.
晚安 Billy Night, Billy.
爷爷 明天我们可以去钓鱼吗 Grandpa, can we go fishing tomorrow?
也许吧 Maybe.
保证喔? Promise?
是的 我保证是也许 Sure, I promise maybe.
我觉得我要放屁了 Oh, I think I hear a flock of geese!
我的天啊 我觉得我把翔拉在身上了 Oh, my God, I think I just shit myself.
晚安 老弟 Good night, buddy.
我一点也不想去我爸那里 I don't want to go to my dad, though.
呃 我... Well, I...
你得去 我不能... You got to. I can't...
留你在身边 Keep you.
我不能做任何事都带着你啊 I just can't do anything with you right now.
但是我确信你老爹可以做好这事 But I'm sure your father will, uh, do the right thing.
我儿子的爷爷要把他带到我这里来 My son's grandfather is dropping him off.
但我已经有三、四年没见过我儿子了 I ain't seen the boy in three or four years.
-所以 你懂的... -真的吗 -So, you know... Yeah. -Really?
是我老婆把他从我身边带走的 She took him away from me, okay,
因为她生我的气 所以她就带走了我儿子 'cause so she could get, you know, whatever, 'cause she got mad at me.
子女抚养费会要了你的老命 Child support. Child support'll kill you.
猜猜如何 现在我可以领抚养费了 Guess what? Now I'm getting the child support.
你明白我的意思吗 You got any speed?
-嗨 老兄 你好吗 -嗨 老兄 -Hey, man. How you doing? -Hey, man.
-我是Chuck -我是Patrick -I'm Chuck. -I'm Patrick.
-很高兴认识你 -很高兴认识你 -Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you.
嗨 那是啥 Hey, what's that...
-喔 干 -你说什么 老兄 -Oh, fuck, man. -What's that, man?
"GOC"是什么意思 那是啥 What's up with the "GOC," man? What's that, man?
儿童守护者 老兄 Guardians of the Children, man.
喔 Oh.
那就是G.O.C的意思 That's what G.O.C. stands for.
扯淡啊 那到底是什么意思 No shit. Well, what does that mean?
我们是... We're a...
车手协会 biker organization...
协会? Organization, huh?
我们为那些被虐待的儿童给予援助 and we, we help abused kids, man.
快点 Come on.
现在刚好有个老混蛋来了 There's the old prick right now.
终于来了啊 It's about time.
你迷路了吗 You get lost?
嗨 Chuck Hey, Chuck.
Irving.
嗨 小子 你还好吗 Hey, buddy. How you doing, billy goat?
要来个拥抱吗 You want to give me a hug?
-别怕我 -嘿 -Don't be afraid of me. -Hey.
我知道在过去我们彼此间有歧义 I know we had our differences in the past,
但现在我要拜托你 but I'm gonna ask you right now
照顾好这孩子 to please take care of this boy.
他是我最后的财富了 He's all I have left.
别这样说我... 别这样说我 Don't come at me... Don't come at me
搞得我好像是个混账东西似的 like I'm some kind of asshole.
我当然会照顾好这个小混球 Of course I'm gonna take care of the little shit.
-他可是我的孩子 -嘿 嘿 嘿 嘿 -He's my kid. -Hey, hey, hey, hey.
你冷静点 好吗 Just take it down, all right?
此时此刻别再像个笨蛋一样 好吗 Just surprise me and don't be a schmuck this time, okay?
我好得很 We're all good.
到这边来 老弟 Come here. Come here, buddy.
你会是个好孩子 知道吗 You be a good boy, okay? All right?
我会常来看望你的 I'm going to be checking in on you a lot.
我会向你妈妈汇报 And I'm gonna get word to your mom
我已经安全的把你送你到爸爸那里了 that you're with your father now.
我还会告诉她我们一路上的快乐时光 And I'm gonna tell her all the fun we had,
还有那些你做过的各种酷毙的蠢事 and all the cool things you showed me.
爷爷永远爱你 Grandpa loves you very much.
我也爱你 Love you, too.
拜拜 孩子 Good-bye, son.
拜拜 老家伙 Bye, old man.
过来 Billy Come on, Billy.
废话说完了吧 That's enough of that horseshit.
跳上来 对就这样 Hop up here. There you go.
坐到上面来 小朋友 Get up here, little man.
不好意思 Excuse me.
坐在这里 Just sit up here.
来 把背包脱掉 不用背着了 Here, take this bag off. You don't need this.
你还好吗 How ya doing?
是的 先生 Yes, sir.
我们是儿童守护者协会 We're the Guardians of the Children...
我们是专门照顾小孩的 and we take care of kids...
那太好了 That's good.
只要那孩子跟那个人还在那里 and as long as this boy and this feller's in there...
那孩子就会受到我们的关照 that child will be took care of.
-非常感谢你们 我... -你不用担心 -Thank you very much. I, uh... -Don't worry about that.
我是那孩子的爷爷 I'm his grandfather
不幸的是我不得不把他交回给他父亲 and unfortunately I have to hand him back now.
我可以理解你的心情 I can see the concern.
我不相信那家伙 I don't trust him.
他得照顾那孩子多久 How long does he get to keep the child?
直到他的妈妈出狱为止 Until his mom gets out of jail.
真抱歉 先生 我没办法再说下去了 I'm sorry, sir, I can't talk about it.
我明白了 祝你有美好的一天 I understand. Have a good day.
请照顾好他 Please watch him!
我们会照顾好他的 We'll take good care of him.
你叫什么名字 小朋友 What's your name, little feller?
你叫什么名字 What's your name?
Billy.
Billy 我是Rick Billy, I'm Rick.
-嗨 Rick -很高兴认识你 Billy -Hi, Rick. -Nice to meet you, Billy.
老爸 我们可以吃点东西吗 Dad, can we get some food?
我告诉你 你只可以喝水 I'll tell you what, you can have a water.
你想吃点鸡腿吗 Do you want a chicken wing for the road?
拜托 老爸 我肚子好饿 Please, Dad, I'm hungry.
你不要吃那个 You don't need to eat that. You're...
不 不要给他那个 No, don't give him that.
我觉得他得减减肥了 我是说真的 I mean, he needs to lose some weight. I mean, honestly.
一只鸡腿而已 又不会把他怎么样 A chicken leg ain't gonna hurt him.
谢谢 Thank you.
你可以帮我看着这个小胖子吗 Will you watch the little fat boy?
我去上个厕所 I gotta go take a piss.
别这样叫他 Don't call him that.
当有人不尊重我的时候 When someone disrespects me,
我会这么说"DT 拉他出去" I wanna be able to go, like, "DT, take him out."
不 我们不会这样 Yeah, no. We're not that.
"DT 看到..." "DT, see that..."
你看 那个家伙在瞪着我不怀好意 Look at that, that guy eyeballing me over there?
听着 如果我等下出了什么事的话 Listen, if I start some shit right now,
你会帮着我吗 will you guys back me up?
因为那家伙好像看我不爽 'Cause this guy's been eyeballing me all...
不 你得靠你自己 No, no, you're on your own.
我们正在这里开派对 We're here having a party.
就这样而已 That's all we are.
该死的 Yeah, damn.
我们要... That's what we're about, so...
Billy.
我们去钓鱼吧 Let's go fishing.
我们去钓鱼吧 老弟 Let's go fishing, buddy.
你又回来干嘛 What are you doing back here?
-他必须跟我走 -我可以跟你走吗 -He's going with me. -Can we?
嗯 你可以跟我走 Yeah, you're coming with me.
我不想你跟着他 Yeah, I don't want you with him,
-明白了吗 -喂 喂 喂 -all right? -Whoa, whoa, whoa...
别把你的脏手放在他身上 No, no. Don't put your hands on him.
这是我儿子 只要我想我当然可以把手放在他身上 That's my son. I can put my hand on him if I want to.
别碰他 你就是个... No, don't touch him. You are his...
-你个狗杂种 -我是他的家人 -You are a son of a bitch. -I am his family.
你从来就不是个合格的父亲 You've been no father.
-喔 是吗 -是啊 -Oh, yeah? Really? -Yeah.
来吧Billy 我们走 Come on, Billy. Let's go.
待在这里 别听他的 Just stay right there! Don't listen...
嘿 他得待在这里 Hey, he's staying right here.
-来吧 老弟 -不不不 他得待在这里 -Come here, buddy. -No, no, no. He's staying here.
-滚开 -你才滚开 -Back off! -You back off!
他不会跟着你的 他只会跟着我 He's not going with you. He's coming with me.
-你明白吗 -不 不 不 -Do you understand? -No, no, no.
-他会跟着我... -他可是我饭票 -He's coming with... -This is my meal ticket.
你没资格照顾他 You're not fit to have him.
我没资格? I'm not fit?
-是的 你没资格 -我没资格? -Yeah, you're not fit... -I'm not fit?
我要踢爆你的菊花 I'll fucking kick your ass!
-你给我滚一边去 -够了 够了 -Get out of my face! -All right, all right!
哇 哇 哇 Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-我要杀了你 -冷静 冷静 -I'll kill you! -Easy. Easy.
你他妈给我冷静点 老兄 Settle the hell down, man!
你哪都不能去 够了 住手 You ain't going nowhere, buddy. Stop it.
你最好放开我 伙计 You better let go of me, boy.
我孙子的背包在哪 把背包给我 Let me get his bag. Where's my grandson's backpack? Take your grandson.
没事 他没事 Okay. He's okay.
我不会放过你的 I can't hack it with you!
那是我的600刀 There goes my 600 bucks!
你到底在说什么啊 老兄 What are you talking about, man?
那孩子能让我每个月免费领到600刀 That kid is my 600 bucks a month!
给我回来 Come back here!
让我来告诉你 他比金钱重要 Let me tell you something, he's more than money.
他比金钱重要得多了 He's a hell of a lot more than money.
你有听见我说的吗 You hear what I'm saying?
-他在外边不会受到伤害的 -我听到了 -He's fixing to get hurt out there. -I hear you, man.
你这样会受伤的 老兄 You'll freaking get hurt, brother.
你别想杀任何人 老兄 You ain't gonna kill nobody, brother.
除非你死了 你最好给我冷静下来 Unless you die your damn self then you better chill out.
好吧 好吧 All right, now, all right!
你现在看着的是个死亡天使 You looking at a death angel right now.
都听你的 好吗 You got me, all right?
-那孩子不是600刀就能衡量的 -我投降 -That boy ain't no 600 dollars. -I forfeit.
我投降 I forfeit.
你没听懂吗 You understand me?
我放弃 我投降了 I give up. I surrender.
好 好极了 你们想要保护那孩子是吗 Fine. Fine. You wanna guard that kid?
那你们就保护吧 You guard him.
他也是个监护人啊 He's got a guardian.
开车走吧 我们会把他拖在里面的 Go ahead and take off. We'll keep him inside.
谢谢你们 Thank you so much.
拜拜 宝贝 要玩得愉快喔 Bye, baby! Have fun, okay?
你还好吗 You okay?
嗯 你呢 Yeah. You?
我很好 I'm okay.
喔 Oh!
喔 不 Oh, no.
喔 草 Oh, shit!
抱歉撞到你们的摩托车 Sorry about the bikes!
你真的以为我会离开你吗 Did you really think I was going to leave you?
有点 Kind of.
不是吧 No way!
好吧 那你现在想做什么 Well, what do you want to do now?
我有个主意 I got an idea.
嘿 伙计们 Hey, guys.
-晚上好 -嗨 -Good evening. -Hi.
-你好吗 -很好 -How are you? -Good.
-好嘞 -等一下 -All right... -Wait.
待会我们会进去里面 Now, when we walk in that room,
你的名字是Lindsey Dill 知道了吗 your name is Lindsey Dill. Okay?
你是个可爱的男孩子 You're a pretty little girl,
所以别乱放屁别骂人 知道了吗 so no farting and no swearing, you got it?
让我们去赚些钱吧 Let's go win us some money.
那好 进去吧 All right. Come on.
嗨 我现在可以采访你们吗 Hi. Is it okay if I interview you guys?
我们在录制幕后花絮 Doing a behind-the-scenes video for the pageant.
当然 Sure.
你是谁 Who are you?
嗨 我是Jill Hi. My name's Jill.
我可以问你几个问题吗 Can I ask you some questions for our camera?
好呀 Yes.
说"好的 女士" 不要发嗲 Say, "Yes, ma'am" but don't baby-talk.
你参加过多少次这种选美比赛 So, how many pageants have you been in?
大概一千次了吧 I've probably been in a thousand pageants.
那你获得过几次冠军 And how many of them did you win?
我每次都得冠军 I won every single one!
-什么 -每次都得冠军 -What? -Every single one!
我应该多说说话 I'm supposed to talk.
这是一种竞选 一种比赛 It's competitive, it's a sport.
-和我的朋友们比... -妈妈们就可以... -And my friends... -And so moms get...
你知道她们参加这种竞选 You know, they get into this competition
如果你发挥得很好... and if you're going to do it and do it right...
你在做什么 What are you doing?
别闹 如果你发挥得很好... Stop, now. If you're going to do it and do it right...
我是指 你想要变得有竞争力 I mean, you've got to be willing to be competitive.
那会怎么样 能理解吗 And that's what happens, you know?
有时候我觉得这种竞选和其他种类的比赛很相似 Sometimes I think competition, just like any other sport,
比别人都好 gets the best of everybody.
非常感谢各位今晚能莅临 Well, thank you so much for being here tonight
卡罗莱纳州可爱妹妹选拔赛 at the Carolina Cutie Pies Young Miss Pageant.
在这特别的晚会上 And because this is such a special night,
我们要给大家特别的惊喜 we have a special surprise for you.
今晚 我们将为优胜选手 Tonight, for the winner,
颁发5000刀奖金 we're going to give away $5,000!
哇 Whoo!
5000刀 $5,000!
碉堡了 That's crazy!
现在 我们要进行服装展示秀 But now, we want to get into our beauty gown competition.
-各位兴奋吗 -我已兴奋不已 -Are you excited? -I know. I love it!
这太他妈逗了 This is so funny!
有请一号选手上台 Contestant number one, please come to the stage.
你今晚看起来很漂亮唷 Looking very beautiful tonight.
这位第十号选手 This is contestant number 10,
Lindsey Dill!
她有迷人的金发碧眼 Lindsey has blazing blonde hair and hazel eyes.
她的兴趣是橄榄球 钓鱼 Her hobbies are football, fishing
以及调戏她的袜子猴 and playing with her sock monkey!
那位一定是她引以骄傲的爷爷 That must be your proud grandpa.
女士们先生们 让我们感谢十号选手 Ladies and gentlemen, contestant number 10,
Lindsey Dill.
那个是我的孙女 That's my granddaughter.
嘿呀 Hi-ya!
让我们给她送上鼓掌 Let's give her a hand!
你的女儿实在是太可爱了 Your daughter's so precious.
她太棒了 她的表现真的很好 She's so precious... She did really good.
我不知道她在首轮的表现是不是够好 I don't know if it'll be good enough for first place,
但刚才的表现真的很赞 but she did really good.
...接下来请欣赏由Owl City和Carly Rae Jepsen带来的Good Time ...Good Time by Owl City and Carly Rae Jepsen.
你觉得你到目前为止的表现如何 So, how do you think the competition's going so far?
很好 Good.
你觉得这次的比赛有什么不一样的吗 Do you think you have any stiff competition?
有 其中一个女孩带她爷爷来这里 Some... one of these girls has her grandpa here.
觉得怪怪的吗 Is that weird?
我们只是没见过有带爷爷来的 所以觉得有点不太一样 We've just never seen it, so it's different.
接下来的是十号选手 And this is contestant number 10.
有请Lindsey Dill Everyone, Lindsey Dill!
我的爱人在大洋的彼岸 My Bonnie lies over the ocean
我的爱人在海角天边 My Bonnie lies over the sea
嗷... Aw...
我的爱人在大洋的彼岸 My Bonnie lies over the ocean
请将我的爱人带回我的身边 Please bring back my Bonnie to me
我们得把她关起来 We're locking it up.
快跑 Come on.
那是男生吗 That's a boy?
卧槽 快跑 Shit. Come on!
女士们先生们 刚刚是由Lindsey Dill Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it
为我们带来的表演 for Lindsey Dill.
爷爷 你觉得我跳得怎么样 Grandpa, what'd you think of my dancing?
迷得我神魂颠倒 Ha! I loved your dancing.
你的表现就像是Ginger Rogers和Fred Astaire的 You were Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire
两位一体 all rolled into one.
来击个掌 Gimme five.
爷爷 我星期二要开学了 Grandpa, school starts on Tuesday.
星期二? Tuesday?
见鬼 有个演出星期二开始 Hell, that's when the ponies start running.
星期五我载你去学校怎么样 What do you say I get you to school on Friday?
太棒了 All right!
好嘞 All right.
这里看起来是个不错的钓点 Does this look like a good spot?
这里跟其他钓点一样好啦 This looks like as good a spot as any.
来吧 Here we go!
喔 我的老天爷啊 Oh, my goodness!
谢啦 老弟 Oh, thanks, buddy.
你确定我们要这样做 You sure we should do this?
这是她的遗愿 This is what she wanted.
你最后还有什么想要和奶奶说的话吗 You got any final words for your grandma?
嗯 Yeah.
拜拜 奶奶 Bye, Grandma.
拜拜 Ellie Bye, Ellie.
哇 Whoo!
我们开始钓鱼吧 Let's start fishing.
钓鱼咯 Let's fish.
我要黑色那条 I call black one!
你想要黑色那条? 好 那我要红色的 You got the black one? Okay, I got the red one.
哇 Whoa.
爷爷 我想嘘嘘 Grandpa, I got to pee-pee.
你想嘘嘘? You got to pee-pee?
好吧 那把你的小伙伴穿过栏杆 Well, dangle that little thing through the railing
让奶奶安息吧 and let her rip.
但我想说这样做的话对你奶奶是大不敬唷 But point it that way out of respect for your grandmother.
老兄 你他妈给我滚远点 Man, get the fuck away from me.
我怎么了 What did I do?
可以抱抱我吗 老爸 Can I get a hug? Dad?
这可一点都不好玩 大胖小子 That wouldn't be appropriate, big guy.
他说你是只肥美的猫咪(pussy) He says you have a fat kitty cat.
好吧 Okay.
嗯? Hmm?
-摇摇我的背 -我在摇了 -Jiggle my shoulders! -I tried to do it!
摇摇我的... 嗷 摇啊 摇啊 Jiggle my... Ow! Jiggle! Jiggle!
他长什么样的 What does he look like?
他有胡子 He's got a moustache,
一个大脑袋 人高马大 唔 还有他闻起来像陈年老屁 big head, tall, um, and he smells like old farts.
听着 老东西 老子已经不是年轻小伙子了 Listen, old man. I ain't fucking young.
老子我45岁 老子绝逼会好好修理你一番的 懂吗 I'm 45 years old. I'll fucking tune you up. All right?
嗯哼 好啊 Mmm-hmm. Yep.
嘿嘿嘿嘿 都听着 都听着 Hey, hey, hey, hey! Listen up, listen up!
刚刚你们在这里看到的那老头是Johnny Knoxville先生 The gentleman you just saw in here was Mr. Johnny Knoxville
还有就是我们在秘密拍摄一部电影 and we are shooting a movie.
非常感谢大家 Thank you, everyone,
今晚能够放我一马 for putting up with me tonight,
感谢你们没有把我揍成熊猫人 and thank you for not beating me up.
-来击个掌 -来击个掌 -High five! -High five!
你为啥要戴罩罩啊 Why were you wearing a bra?
"你为啥要戴罩罩啊?" "Why were you wearing a bra?"
为了我的表演啊 For my dance.
好吧 这也太违和了吧 Well, that was inappropriate!
Doris 你是怎么想的 Doris, what did you think?
我妈妈应该不会喜欢这个的 My mother's not gonna like this!
我们其实在拍电影 We're shooting a movie.
不是吧 No way!
告诉我你是在逗我 You've got to be kidding me!
我的天啊 Oh, my God!
我刚刚做的那些都被... 我的天啊 I just did all of that and... Oh, my God!
给我爷爷一个生锈的长号 And a rusty trombone for my grandpa.
给你爷爷一个生锈的长号 是吧? A rusty trombone for your grandpa, huh?
是的 Yep.
我要给你拍张照 Well, I need to take your picture
以确认你是不是某地的失踪儿 to see if you're on a milk carton somewhere.
你觉得呢 What do you think?
别伤害我 Don't hurt me!
伤害你? 我可是个86岁的老头耶 Hurt you? I'm 86 years old.
别伤害我 Don't hurt me!
喔... Oh...
Billy! Billy!
嗷 Ow!
妓女是啥啊 What is a whore?
喔 孩子 这个... Oh, boy. Uh...
这个说来话长 Oh, boy, that's a tough one.
好嘞 好戏开始了 All right, here we go.
喔耶 我现在变身成个老混球了 Poof! I'm an old prick now.
喔耶 试试看这个 Oh, yeah? Get a load of this!
我妈咪喜欢嗨毒就像我喜欢钓鱼一样 My mommy loves crack almost as much as I love fishing.
什么 你刚刚说什么 I'm sorry, what did you just say?
有事吗? Can I help you?
说话再像个老头一点啦 Talk more like an old man.
-我吗 -是的 -Me? -Yes.
这声音听起来太像Johnny Knoxville了 Yeah, he sounds like Johnny Knoxville.
我恨这工作 我他妈恨死你们了 I hate this job. I fucking hate you!
那里藏着个摄影机 This is a camera, in there.
这边也有一个 That's a camera.
我觉得这角落里也有个摄影机 I think there's a camera here somewhere.
对着镜头说几句 Talk to that.
好 嗨 你好吗 Okay, and when... Hi, how are you?
喔 看看我 我看起来是不是很漂亮 Oh, look at me! I look beautiful!
刚刚那个是绿茶婊 That's one ugly bitch.
每次和这些家伙们共事 我都觉得很有意思 It's interesting. Every time I work with these guys,
不是我整你就是你整我 I'm either in a casket or around a casket.
我喜欢站这里 I like standing here.
我还喜欢站这里 And I like standing here.
但我最喜欢的是这里 But my favorite spot is here.
-别这么小气 -滚开 -Come on. -Get away.
我可能因为太老而硬不起来 I may be too old to stir the gumbo,
但是我敢肯定我还可以当个"小舔心" but I can still lick the ladle, that's for sure.
在我看来 In my opinion, ladle-licking
能舔比能插更重要 is more important than gumbo-stirring anyway.
我可以舔我的眉毛 Oh, I can lick my eyebrows.
滚一边去 Get out!
干 Fuck.
我的天啊 Oh, my God!
你没事吧 Are you all right?
-够了 -喔 老兄 -Okay. -Oh, man.
哇 Whoa.
好个大结局 Big finish.
这儿怎么了 What's going on here?
滚开 屎蛋 Get out of here, asshole.
我们来给你加个双重特效 We have to bring in your stunt double.
-谢谢 -你一定是在开玩笑吧 老兄 -Thank you. -You gotta be shittin' me, man!
我坐在那边看 然后我在想"这到底是怎么了" I'm sitting there looking, I'm like, "What is up with this?"
你是认真的吗 Are you serious?
你们照顾Billy实在是太贴心了 You guys are so sweet to look after Billy.
-我的天啊 -你好吗 -Oh, my God! -How are you?
啊 Ugh!
抱歉 Kelman Oh, I'm sorry, Kelman.
我的爱人在大洋的彼岸 My Bonnie lies over the ocean
我的爱人在海角天边 My Bonnie lies over the sea
我的爱人在大洋的彼岸 My Bonnie lies over the ocean
请将我的爱人带回我的身边 So bring back my Bonnie to me