[AUDlENCE CHEERlNG]
DALLAS: Let's fucking get it on right now. Let's go.
Come on. Come on.
Here. Here.
Now, l want to go over a few rules with y'all tonight.
Ain't that all right? Don't worry about it. Rule number one.
This is the "What can you touch and not touch" rules.
Can you touch this?
No, no, no.
Second touch.
Can you touch this?
No, no, no.
And finally....
[WOMEN WHOOPlNG]
Last one, ladies. Can you touch this?
Can you ever touch this?
Well, that's who the law says that you cannot touch.
[WOMEN GROAN]
But l think l see a lot of lawbreakers up in this house tonight.
[AUDlENCE WHOOPlNG AND CHEERlNG]
And l don't see a cop in sight.
All right?
Oh.
[SNlFFS]
[TRlMMER WHlRRlNG]
You know, l gotta go commando today because someone...
...ripped off my favorite pair of panties last night.
[CHUCKLES]
-Hey. lt's not funny. -Heh, oh, sorry, heh.
-They were my grandma's. -They were not your grandma's.
They could have been.
Can you throw me, uh, that shirt right there?
Hey, what are we gonna do about her?
MlKE [WHlSPERlNG]: l don't know.
What was her name again?
What? l don't--
l'm sorry. What's her name?
[WHlSPERS] Uh.
You don't even know.
-l do. -You found her. You have to remember her.
-l know her name. -What is it, then?
lt's....
[SHOUTS] Penelope.
[MlKE CHUCKLES]
Whatever her name was, she was fun.
JOANNA: That's a cool table. Where'd you get it?
MlKE: That's just some old shit that blew up on a beach after the last hurricane.
-You made that? -Hmm?
You should sell these things.
Tsk, thank you. That's actually the idea. Mike's Custom Furniture Concepts.
But the market hasn't really hit the sweet spot yet.
Hm, l'm waiting for the bank to make the competitive loans l'm looking for...
...and then l'll swoop in.
Cool.
l'm going to get out of here. You guys are good?
What? You're just gonna leave us?
Yeah. What, are you gonna steal a bunch of my shit or something?
Probably. That's what strangers do.
-Don't do that...maybe? -Okay.
MlKE: Okay. -Okay.
So l'm going to see you again?
Tsk, uh, yeah, probably. l don't know. l'll, uh, call you.
Bye.
MlKE: Where's George and the guys?
SAL: They fucked me and took another gig last minute. So l got these guys.
MlKE: Where'd you get them?
Uh, you know, ah, industry referrals.
MlKE: My dick. You got them off Craigslist? SAL: Heh.
l can't have fucking union guys around here...
...barking about benefits and shit. Give me a break.
So, what am l supposed to do in there?
-Hey, you Sol? Sal. Adam. -Sal.
Oh, Adam, how you doing? This is Mike. You guys are gonna be working together.
Give me a minute? l want to straighten something out there.
You can hop up there.
-You gotta be fucking kidding me. -What?
He's wearing fucking tennis shoes. He doesn't know--
Ah, heh, do me a favor, go up there and do it for 14 bucks an hour.
l'm gonna do it for 20 bucks an hour.
[SAL SlGHS]
-l'll give you 1 8. -Mm-mm.
Don't fuck with me. You're like my son.
The son which you're gonna pay $20 an hour.
MlKE: What's up?
You ever, uh, tiled a roof before?
-No. -Fuck.
How'd you get this job, anyways?
Craigslist.
And you put on your post that you'd tiled houses before?
Yeah.
Right, ugh.
So, what do you got in your bag?
[CLEARS THROAT]
SAL: Why don't you open it up? ADAM: There's nothing in it.
Why don't you open the fucking bag before l open your fucking head up?
l got a nice ham, cheese sandwich....
You know how to read, huh?
One Pepsi a day. Read the cooler.
l'm gonna do my inventory. lf l come up short, l'm coming right to you.
[CAR ALARM CHlRPlNG]
ls it dead?
ADAM: What's that?
l can try to jump you off if you want, but it's not the battery.
l think you're probably fucked.
MlKE: Just tell them if they want to get into this...
...be up there. l'll see you at the Amp. All right. Later.
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG ON CAR RADlO]
What are you doing? Stop. What the fuck are you doing, man?
[MlKE SlGHS]
Sorry.
lt's new. lt's gonna stay new if you don't rip off the damn plastic.
ADAM: Why do you have that?
Because it protects it. l'm going to rip it off when l'm ready to sell it.
lt'll be like brand-new.
Where are you from?
Citrus Springs.
Did you play ball?
ADAM: Uh, yeah. Strong safety.
You don't look like a strong safety.
l gave that, uh, college thing the college try. Didn't quite work out.
Couldn't resist the lure of the roofing business?
Yeah, that and the lure of my sister's couch.
ADAM: Can you do me a favor and drop me off at my car tonight?
BROOKE: No, l'm sorry. l'm going to dinner.
l can take you tomorrow morning, though. What time do you have to be at work?
l need to talk to you about that, heh. The foreman, uh...
...he accused me of stealing. So l fucking quit.
-What? -Yeah, but l have....
Well, l had that interview at T-Mobile.
So, uh, yeah. They asked me to wear a fucking tie.
You know how l feel about wearing a fucking tie.
Why don't you just wear a tie?
Sorry. You know what my rules are.
BROOKE: Oh, God, brother.
[BROOKE SlGHS]
What? l also...
[SNlFFS]
...could do....
[MUMBLES]
-What? -What?
-What did you say? -What did you hear?
You're doing that thing. You're doing that game.
-What game? -No. You do that all the time.
lt's not working anymore.
-Talking about games, l could be a gamer. -Oh, yeah.
-And l could sell it to people. -You'll make so much money.
-l could be the voice of the game. -Even more money.
l have a very good voice. l do great impressions.
You do do good impressions. What was the one you did last night?
-l'm not going to do it now. -Heh, do it again. Do it again.
-No. -Come on.
[lMlTATlNG ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER] Listen to me.
[BROOKE LAUGHlNG]
These are my tortillas.
Get in the chopper. John Connor, come with me.
-Argh! -Okay. All right.
ln case that doesn't work out, why don't you come to dinner with me...
...and Paul tonight?
You can ask him if any of his friends have any job openings.
PAUL: But sometimes people want to, you know...
...they think they're owed a lot more than, uh, they deserve. So too bad. Bummer.
Uh, but, uh, you know, whatever. Sucks.
l just don't have to be the guy that tells them, uh, you know...
...that they're, uh, not going to be able to rebuild their houses. Um, anyway....
Uh, let's talk about something else, you know.
You're right. l'm sick of talking about Medicaid...
...and processing insurance forms as well. l get it.
PAUL: Right. -l get it.
Right. l mean, it's slightly different when you're doing Medicaid claims...
...and when you're doing huge property damage claims...
-...but l guess it's a similar kind of thing. -Yeah.
Oh, wait, wait.
-Remember what l said? -Hmm, l'm so sorry.
l just can't drive tonight. l've been driving all weekend.
l'm sorry.
-No worries. -l just forgot.
Someone will finish it, l think.
-There you go. There's a taker. ADAM: l will.
-Tsk. -Good?
Where are you going?
[ALL CHATTERlNG]
Uh, hey, do you know who's spinning tonight?
Heh, uh....
-No. Sorry. -All right.
[GlRL CHUCKLES]
Hey, Mike.
Mike.
Sorry, bro.
Hey, Mike.
-Hey, man. MlKE: Yo.
-Heh, what's going on? -What's going on, bro?
-Are you going in? -Yeah, we're going.
Can l come with you?
Uh....
Pfft, dude, they're never gonna let you in like that.
Come on. l'd do anything.
Heh, it's not my fault. l'm just saying they're not gonna do it.
l would do it, but-- l don't think they're going to do it, bro.
All right.
All right?
Fuck. Okay, dude. Hey.
Um....
You're going to owe me.
-l promise, man-- -l mean, owe me.
No questions asked, owe me.
Anything.
Take your hood off. Try to look a little more-- Tuck your fucking shirt in.
You got to not wear tennis shoes, bro.
George, dude, l got one. l'm sorry. l know, l know.
Thanks, bro. l owe you.
ADAM: Sorry, man. These are the only shoes l got.
[POP MUSlC PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKER]
Hey, baby, mwah. Can we borrow one of these?
Thank you. Grab one.
ADAM: ls it free?
Don't worry, man, you're gonna earn your keep.
So l got us a new recruit.
Ladies, meet the Kid. Portia, Ruby.
GlRLS: Hey.
ADAM: Heh, hey.
What are we thinking? Yes, no, maybe?
-Oh, yeah. The cougars will eat him up. -Yeah?
That's a quality endorsement, my friend.
What do you guys do?
[GlRLS CHUCKLE]
-What? -Come here. Come here.
Any time a girl tells you her name starts with a flower...
...a car or a stone, don't bother asking what she does.
You know what l'm saying?
All right, l ain't got that much time, so l'm calling in my favor, all right?
Okay.
You see the girl with the tiara thing and the sash?
[GlRLS TALKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY]
ADAM: Yeah. MlKE: Go talk to her.
What do you want me to say?
l don't care. Have you never talked to a girl before? Just go talk to her.
Be creative.
She does not look like she wants to be bothered.
Look at what she's wearing. She came here tonight to be bothered.
Go bother her. You want to be inside or outside?
lnside.
l'll come save you in a minute. Get out of here.
l'm getting wasted tonight if we could get a drink.
GlRL: l know.
She's, like, ignoring the whole side of this bar.
-Hey. -Hey, Carla.
Um, oh....
Yo, man. Watch out, you're going to knock my girlfriend.
-Oh, yeah? -Yeah, what the fuck are you gonna do?
-Uh, hi. Do l know you? -Hi.
Uh, no. l'm, uh...
l didn't know that l had a boyfriend, but thank you for that.
Um, all the guys here are fucking obnoxious.
-Thanks for that. -Heh.
Who do we have to fuck to get a fucking drink?
Uh, me, please?
-You'd like that, wouldn't you? -Uh, yes, l would.
We've been standing around here for quite a while, and l'm 21 .
-lt's true. -And l can't get drunk.
-You're 21 ? -Yes.
Happy 21st. l'd buy you guys a shot if l--
-Don't worry about it. -lt's fine.
Oh, Adam.
-Hi. -Hi.
-l'm Liz. Hi. -Hi, Liz.
What do you say, baby boy? You want one?
l can't find anybody to take these. Y'all want them?
-Perfect. We can't drink them all ourselves. -Whoo.
Uh, here's to, um, our children. May they have rich fucking parents, heh.
Heh, absolutely.
[COUGHS]
MlKE: Yes. Okay. -Whoo.
-What, you guys go to USF? -Yeah.
-Mm-hm. -So it's summer break, correct?
-That's right. -Whoo.
And if l'm not mistaken, that says "21 ," right?
l am 21 , yes.
-Then why the fuck isn't she throwing up? -Whoo.
-We can't get drinks. LlZ: Ha, ha.
You can't get drinks? That's no excuse. That's a bad friend you got.
l'm not a bad friend.
-You are a bad friend. -l'm trying.
CARLA: You are a bad friend.
See? You heard it from her. l'm just saying.
-What are you guys planning on doing tonight? -Ha, ha.
Wouldn't you like to know?
MlKE: Actually, l would, to be totally honest. -Ha, ha.
lf you like to get a wee bit crazy, why don't you come down and see the show?
CARLA: Are you serious? Wow. MlKE: As a fucking heart attack.
We have a lot of friends here. Can they come too?
MlKE: How many? CARLA: Eight or nine?
MlKE: That's perfect, actually.
Hand them these. Tell them they get in free at the door.
Okay. Maybe we'll come.
No. That's not a commitment.
Maybe we'll come, if your little friend here comes too.
ADAM: Me? -Oh, "little friend."
That's an easy if, because he will be there.
-He's absolutely gonna be there. -l will?
LlZ: Then we'll be there too.
All right. The show starts in 45 minutes. You can make it in 45 minutes?
-You're going to come. You swear? -Yeah, we promise.
ADAM: Dude. You're a fucking stripper? MlKE: Ha-ha-ha.
l swear, l thought you were going to shit the bed, but you, heh, actually did it.
Ah, l feel like l owe you. l can throw you 1 00 bucks...
...tip you out at the end of the night...
-...if you really want to host. ADAM: Host what?
MlKE: Yeah. No, for sure.
-l hope you're ready for this shit. -Ha, ha.
[WOMEN WHOOPlNG]
WOMAN: Who's your friend, Mike?
[WOMEN LAUGHlNG]
MlKE: This is the owner. Jesus. DALLAS: Whoo.
Fucking Valhalla shit, man, mwah.
You see that shit, Mike?
Chicks are gonna go fucking crazy over this, man.
l'm thinking of giving this routine to Tarzan, unless you want it.
MlKE: No. lt's not my style, but, uh, somebody should do it. lt's cool.
-Oh, it's fucking really good, heh. MlKE: Mm-hm.
Ah, who's this?
This is the Kid. Uh, he wrangled, like, nine sorority girls for us tonight...
...so l figured he could help out around here tonight.
DALLAS: How old are you?
-Uh, nineteen. DALLAS: Nineteen.
-The fuck am l supposed to do with that? MlKE: Oh, come on. He don't look 1 9.
l can't have him host.
Can't have a 1 9-year-old on the fucking street.
Then he can do props, can't he?
-l can do anything. -We're setting up our own shit as it is.
All right. Props.
You're on props tonight.
Do whatever Mikey tells you, any of the guys tell you.
Clean the fucking toilets, whatever.
Tonight. And listen up.
-This is not a fucking joke. -Heh.
DALLAS: All right? lt's not a fucking hobby. This is a serious business l'm running.
So the last thing l need is a teenage liability fucking my future up.
-Don't try it. Yeah. DALLAS: Capiche?
TARZAN: One thing about Waffle House pussy is you got to worry about the teeth.
Waffle House pussy? l hate Waffle House pussy, heh.
[ALL CHUCKLlNG]
Everybody, this is the Kid. Y'all can thank me later.
He's going to help us out tonight.
This is Big Dick Richie, Ken, Tito and Tarzan.
TARZAN: Whoa, l get it.
Just tell him what props you need. l'll help him set them up later.
And, uh, yeah. Have fun. Make yourself at home, Kid.
There you go, bro.
[MEN GlBBERlNG]
-No, thanks, man. -No?
-No. l'm good. -Suit yourself.
You handed it to me like the Hindenburg.
-How long you been on the force? -What?
The police. How long you been a cop?
l'm not a cop, man.
RlCHlE: Ha, ha, just fucking with you. Sit down.
Come on, man, sit down.
[SlGHS]
TARZAN: So how do you know Mike?
Uh, ahem.
We, uh, worked together on construction.
[KEN AND TlTO TALKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY]
What kind of cash you make at that?
You all right, man?
What kind of cash you make?
Like 1 0 bucks an hour.
Under the table?
Yeah.
Hmm, not bad.
So you're here to help us out?
Yes, l am.
All right, so we got your first little piece of business...bam.
That look ashy to you?
-What's that, man? -That look ashy?
Heads up.
Just give it a little-- Just a little spray on that calf there.
Oh, come on.
Come on.
Dude, l don't want to spray your leg.
Just do it.
We all had to do it, man.
lt's like the initiation. Lord of the Flies. Come on.
Come on, Kid. lt's all right.
We'll tip you out good at the end of the night. You'll be a happy man.
-Uh. -Make sure you massage it in good.
-Are you serious? -Yeah.
[TARZAN CHUCKLES]
He fucking did it too.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
Oh, you're all right, man. You're all right.
DALLAS: Take this front-row table right here, ladies.
You got your lD on you?
You got your lD? Heh. You're not drinking a Shirley Temple tonight, are you?
No. We've already had a few drinks, so....
No Roy Rogers, no Shirley Temples. Y'all have a great time.
We do a group act first, then we do our solos, then we do hot seats.
lf everything goes well and we get these girls jacked up...
...then we jack up the price of the hot seats, so don't fuck it up.
Dude, it's easy. All you got to do is hand us...
...our props before we go out on-stage.
All right? That's it. That's all you got to do.
You bring out whatever props and everything-- There he is.
[SPEAKlNG lN SPANlSH]
This is Tobias. He is our resident DJ.
Tobias, the Kid. He's gonna be the one...
...giving you the cue before each act.
-Pre-game. That's what l'm talking about. -lt's the love potion.
-What is this? Strawberry? -What is that?
lt's a little mixture. ln, uh, Miami, we call it Hey Juice.
Hey Juice. Because if you drink the whole bottle, "Hey." You'll like it, man.
[MlKE COUGHS]
Give it a sample.
You can't drink, so you want half a cap?
[ADAM STAMMERS]
ADAM: l don't know what the fuck it is.
MlKE: lt's just G. lt's basically like getting drunk without all the calories.
-All right. -You sure?
[SPEAKlNG lN SPANlSH]
DALLAS: All right, all right, all right.
[AUDlENCE CHEERlNG]
DALLAS: Whoo!
Yeah.
How are we feeling tonight, ladies? Let me hear it one more time. Come on.
lt's gonna rain. Rain gonna come down and cleanse our soul and wash away the ash.
So get out your purses and get ready to spend some motherfucking cash.
Welcome to the stage, the one, the only...
...the Cock-rocking Kings of Tampa.
[THE WEATHER GlRLS' "lT'S RAlNlNG MEN" PLAYlNG ON SPEAKERS]
[WOMEN CHEERlNG]
[ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS]
[DRUMBEAT]
Ooh, aah. Ooh, aah.
Ooh, aah.
[YELLS]
DALLAS: Tarzan.
[TARZAN WHOOPlNG]
Tarzan?
DALLAS: Where the fuck is he?
[ALL SPEAKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY]
DALLAS: Motherfucker. What the fuck, man? Tarzan.
Fuck, man.
Motherfucker. How many fucking times, huh?
[DALLAS SlGHS]
Ken, S&M routine. You up on that? Can you do that?
l'm not putting that out there. Negative energy.
Not putting what out there?
The negative energy. lt's bad. lt comes back.
You're kidding me.
Richie, the, uh, fire-breathing gig, huh? You up for that?
No. l got the fire-phobia issue.
[SlGHS]
Tito. Anything, man. South of the border fucking shit...
...you've been doing at home.
l'm working on something, but it's not ready yet. lt's not ready.
All right.
We got to do something. Mikey, what you got?
-l just came off-stage. l can't. -An idea. Give me something.
-You go out then. -l'm not hitting the fucking floor. Come on.
-You want me to come up with something? -Fuck, yeah.
l hope you can dance. You still owe me. Come on.
[AUDlENCE CHEERlNG]
[BOTH WHOOPlNG]
MlKE: Just start taking your clothes off. Walk out there.
What are you looking at Dallas for? Don't. Look at them.
[MADONNA'S "LlKE A VlRGlN" PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS]
MlKE: Just start, bro.
Yeah, perfect, perfect. Go, go, go.
There you go.
[AUDlENCE SCREAMlNG AND CHEERlNG]
Whoo!
All right, all right, all right.
Let's give it up for the Kid. Popped his cherry on-stage tonight.
You know what time it is. lt's time for the hot seat.
You know what that means, the orgy's over, ladies.
Time for some one-on-one time with the man of your dreams.
-Five dollars a pop. -Come here.
That's good. Welcome to the crazy club, Kid.
DALLAS: Come on. Everybody. Line up, line up, line up.
RlCHlE: Yeah, man. Whose big dick is that?
TlTO: Whoo.
MlKE: l love it. TlTO: Hey, where's the Kid? Kid. Kid.
MlKE: Look at this saggy underwearing, all-star right here.
Go buy yourself fresh drawers.
He put that kiss on her and pouring money out of their hands.
DALLAS: Aaah!
Never kiss the girls, Kid. That's Performer 1 01 .
You gotta watch out for herpes.
That too.
But tonight you took a chance and it paid off. l like that.
Fucking worked.
l got you your money.
That ain't my money, big boy. That's your money.
Every man keeps every dollar he makes on that stage.
Plus the 50 that l owe you. All right?
Look, get ready to work, big boy. lt ain't gonna be that easy every time.
-Yes, sir. -Fucking worked, whoo!
MlKE: Ho!
DALLAS: Ken, nice fucking robot.
Mike lays it out. Tito bringing in the south side with some brown skin.
Big Dick, they are still devastated by your cock.
RICHIE: It was loke 25 percent dancong, 50 percent marketing.
-What--? -Eh, Mike sold it up real nice.
How about you're forgetting 25 percent more genius?
-Genius, Kid. -How we do tonight, Mikey?
Uh, it's a little under $2500. Uh, that's 400 better than last week.
That'll work.
-And my, uh, cut of the door. -Yes, sir.
That was dangerous shit you pulled tonight...
...throwing that kid out on the plank like that.
[MlKE CHUCKLES]
lt worked though, didn't it?
Shit. l didn't know if it was, till he hit the floor.
[lNDlSTlNCT DlALOGUE]
MlKE: He pulled it out. DALLAS: Yeah. What's his story?
l don't know. l mean, l met him at the site today.
Ran into him at Ybor. Those two little pretty ones over there...
...were all hot and bothered, so l figured l'd bring him along.
lt was a good move, heh.
He may have something, brother. He's young, good-looking....
-He can't dance for shit. -Cannot dance for shit, that is teachable.
We could use some more youth on the team.
Why don't you bring him to practice tomorrow and we'll see what he's got?
So, what the fuck is going on with Miami?
Miami, ah, is looking good.
l got a couple loopholes l got to get through...
...with the, uh, real-estate attorneys.
But after that it's gonna be all green lights.
-What you need from me? What's my side? -Just keep doing what you're doing.
l love where your head's at. You're focused.
You're like a big brother to this team.
Keep that up, you could be making a lot more than door money.
l guarantee you that.
Both ways this time, though, right?
-Two-way street. -l want to hear you say the word: Equity.
DALLAS: E-Q-... -Say it.
DALLAS: ...-U-l-T-Y. -Say it.
[lNDlSTlNCT DlALOGUE]
[GASPS]
[MlKE LAUGHS]
[ADAM COUGHS]
ADAM: Oh.
-Hey, Mike. -Huh?
l think, uh....
l think we should be best friends.
Okay, heh.
Let's go, heh.
MlKE: So how pregnant did you get that girl's mouth?
ADAM: Uh, wet? Heh.
Fucking great.
Good morning.
ADAM: Hi, sis. -Hi.
-Brooke, this is Mike, uh.... -Oh, thank you. Mike, this is Brooke.
-Brooke. Absolute pleasure. Hi. -Mike.
MlKE: Are you a nurse?
l'm a medical assistant. l process nurses' paperwork.
MlKE: Way cooler.
Sure. Sure.
Oh, nice, dude. ls this one of those retro Wakefield, or is this a Russel Wright?
Oh, it's a knock-off. That's cool, though. Where did you get this?
Uh, apparently the knock-off place.
MlKE: Heh, right.
-So how do you know my brother? MlKE: Uh, he's on my roofing crew.
But l'm, uh, an entrepreneur, though. l, uh, manage a few businesses.
Sure.
Sure, cool. Cool.
So the Kid said something about breakfast.
Uh, well, he must be fucking drunk because l don't cook no fucking breakfast.
l wasn't talking about you cooking it. He just said you like breakfast food.
We were going to swing by lHOP on the way--
Okay uh, good talk.
Um, l'll be outside with the rest of the breakfast lovers of the world.
[CHUCKLES]
All right, Kid.
DALLAS: Virgin dance the other night. No more.
You only have a cherry pop one time.
Now look, you walked out on-stage, you looked like shit, all right?
When l saw something is when you got off-stage.
Pulled a one-on-one with that chick.
l'll show you what you're gonna do. Now, let's go to the basics.
Take your clothes off.
-Right now? -Right now. Take them off.
Every fucking one of them. Let's go.
Let's go. Take them off.
-Heh. -Hang on. What the fuck are you doing?
Heh, what are you, a 12-year-old in the locker room?
No.
-Then what are you doing? -Heh, taking off my clothes.
You're taking off your clothes like a 12-year-old.
But you're not a 12-year-old in the locker room. You are the man.
On the stage. Thousands of women.
Eyes on you. You are their vision. So, what do you do?
You don't just fucking throw your clothes off. You fucking make it count, baby.
You walk out. You own it.
You look around. You tease.
You seduce.
Clock eyes, but don't lock in on any of them.
You got to believe that you are inside every single one of them.
And when the time's right, then you'll know it.
Foom!
Stick it. That right there is like hitting the G-spot, every single time.
Now get up there, move around.
You see, baby, you're not just stripping.
You are fulfilling every woman's wildest fantasies. All right?
You are the husband that they never had.
You are that dreamboat guy that never came along.
You are the one-night stand, that free fling of a fuck...
...they get to have, tonight, with you on-stage, still go home to their hubby...
...and not get in trouble...
...because you, baby, you made it legal. You are the liberation.
Own it. Who's got the cock? You do, they don't.
Get right here. Move slow. Around.
Fucking concentrate.
Round, round, round. Make this shit count.
Ain't time for a fucking fag joke in here, boy. l'm talking about money.
Move around, round, round. Get the movements. Breathe.
All right. Easy, rattlesnake.
On three, you're going to stick it.
One, two, three, stick.
That's the hook, baby. That's the fucking hook.
That's what l'm talking about. All right?
[ADAM EXHALES]
You can do this, because l know you can.
-l can do it. -Now, take a breath.
[ADAM EXHALES]
Fuck that mirror like you mean it.
MlKE: "All right, all right, all right.
Heh, we got the Kid coming up on the main stage." Hi, Beatrice.
Are you ready? Dallas gave me the go-ahead on getting you suited up. You ready?
Yeah.
Why do you look scared for?
You already lost your virginity. All you got to do now is get good at it.
We got to get you an American flag Star-Spangled Banner...
...for Fourth of July summertime.
Dude. This has no back.
MlKE: Yeah. That's the point. lt's a thong.
What the fuck is this?
[SQUEAKS]
Stay away from the elephant socks, bro. That's Dallas shit.
You don't want to look like him, do you?
What's Dallas's deal, man? ls he, uh, a good guy?
MlKE: Yeah. Dallas is.... Dallas is Dallas.
l mean, it's pretty cool that he let me in.
MlKE: Yeah. lt's cool that he let you in.
Look, we think you got something.
l'm not exactly sure what that is just yet...
...but, uh, all we know is you got a lot of work to do. So don't quit your day job yet.
[KNOCKlNG ON DOOR]
BROOKE: Adam.
-Get out here. l need to talk to you. -What do you want?
BROOKE: l want to talk to you, man. Get the fuck out.
-Get out, Adam. -l'll be out in a minute, please. One sec.
BROOKE: Adam, l need to fucking talk to you.
What about?
Um, About this box. l need to talk to you about this box...
[WHlSPERS] Oh, fuck me.
...of boots and thongs and sailor hats and tube socks. And l am fucking--
lt's for work.
BROOKE: For work? Adam, don't fucking lie to me, man.
l'm your sister. l love you. l don't judge you.
You're my brother. Just please come out here so l can talk to you.
l don't care what your preferences are.
-Preferences? BROOKE: l just want to talk to you about--
Whoa, hey.
lt is not what it looks like.
BROOKE: ls that my razor?
Yeah.
Are you shaving your fucking legs?
Yeah, l'm shaving my legs.
Why are you shaving your legs?
lt's for work. Okay?
What do you mean, it's for work? How could it possibly be for work?
[MEN HUMMlNG]
[HOOFBEATS APPROACHlNG]
[HORSES NElGH]
[AUDlENCE CHEERlNG]
[NATlVE AMERlCAN THEMES PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS]
[GUNSHOTS OVER SPEAKERS]
[BlG & RlCH'S "SAVE A HORSE (RlDE A COWBOY)" PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS]
Ma'am, excuse me. You're going to have to move it down.
This is the breakfast lovers' section. Here we go.
Hi, Mike.
-Hi. -Hi.
Entrepreneur/stripper? Stripper/entrepreneur?
Either one. lt's fine.
You really just came down to see little brother?
No, l was hoping this was all a joke.
lt is pretty funny.
You better take care of him, Mike.
Okay, Mom.
l'll take care of him. You should stick around, though.
DALLAS: All right, all right. Let's give it up for the Kid, huh?
Bang. A six-shooter for you. There we go.
This next performer who's coming out...
...he's one of a kind, ladies.
[ALL SCREAMlNG]
l saw this young man walking down the street about six years ago...
...and l knew when l saw him, l just knew l had to bring him in.
Bring him in and have his talents be shown to the universe.
And tonight, he's going to be right here on this stage...
...so you can see with your very own eyes.
Our feature presentation, the one and only...
...the star of the show, Mr. Magic Mike.
[AUDlENCE CHEERlNG]
[GlNUWlNE'S "PONY" PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
Did you see your sister tonight?
ADAM: See my sister? What do you mean? -Yeah.
Your sister was there.
No, she wasn't.
Yeah, she was there during your act.
You talked to my sister?
l talked to your sister as you were dry-humping a girl, yes.
My sister saw me dance?
Heh, yeah, we were actually laughing. l had a pretty good laugh about it.
-Oh, heh, wow. Fuck. -Ha, ha.
She did not look happy. Did you tell her to come?
l told her. l didn't think she'd fucking come. Jeez.
Well, she did. l don't know how long she stayed for, but it was, uh....
-She, ha, ha, looked pissed. -Ha, ha, oof.
How much money did you make tonight?
-How much money? -Yeah.
Like 230.
Two-thirty? That's good, man.
Oh, by the way, l got this for you. Uh, just for gas and shit.
-Get the-- -Ha, ha.
Are you kidding me? Keep your money. lt's fine.
-You drive me around. -l can pay for my own gas.
lt's fine. Thank you, though. lt was a really sweet gesture. l appreciate it.
Thank you.
MlKE: That's a beautiful necklace.
-ls that vintage? -Oh, l, um....
No, it's.... No, it's, heh....
My sister got it for me, ha, ha from Target, l think.
Um, tsk, SBA, yes, uh....
Name and Social.
Absolutely. Michael Lane.
038-00-7128. And l, uh...
...brought the funds for my down payment.
-Yes. Yeah, heh. -Heh.
Okay.
All right.
We seem to have a credit issue, Mr. Lane. Your score is--
Right. l, uh, actually...
-...heh, l talked to Mr. Rodriguez last week. -Oh.
As l was explaining to him, the businesses that l manage deal exclusively in cash.
He said you would forego the credit check if l brought in a healthy down payment.
lt should be noted in there. He said he was going to put it in.
Absolutely.
Um, you are currently the manager of an automotive accessories business?
Mm-hm, absolutely. And an event-management company, a roofing firm, heh.
Honestly, the list goes on.
-Wow, you're a busy guy. -Ha, ha. Yeah.
Lucky to be.
So, what kind of rates am l looking at?
There are ways to clear these credit issues up over time, but--
Oh, my God, l haven't even told you, heh, what l'm here for. l really apologize.
This is what l do.
Right here. Michael Lane Custom Furniture Concepts.
lt's competitive pricing. Low overhead.
l mean, really, who wants to buy that crap when it falls apart in a year...
...when you can get hand-crafted furniture for a bargain?
-You know what l mean? -Yeah.
Unfortunately, Mr. Lane, my hands are tied.
The company has a policy that we cannot issue loans...
...to clients who score below our credit threshold.
l can absolutely understand where you're coming from.
Uh, you know, you hit buttons and you think that you know something about me.
l get it. That's okay. lt's okay.
All, uh, l'm asking for is a good deal.
Please, can you help me with that?
l mean, we do offer relief programs...
...for our qualified distressed clients, so that--
l'm sorry. What?
lt's a relief program, so--
Distressed? l'm distressed?
WOMAN: No. No, not like that. -Heh.
Sweetheart, listen. lt's okay. lt's fine. Does this look distressed?
l don't think so, one. Two, l read the papers, okay?
The only thing's that distressed is y'all.
[DOOR BELL RlNGlNG]
[BROOKE SlGHS]
BROOKE: You can't get the door?
[SlNGlNG "HAPPY BlRTHDAY" AS MARlLYN MONROE]
Happy birthday
Mrs. Pres--
[TOOTS HORN]
BROOKE: Oh.
Adam, it's for you.
Happy, heh, Birthday, heh, pfft.
Ha, ha. Come on. Let's go. Sandbar party.
Fourth of July, nuts-on-your-head wake-up call, let's go. Come on.
No, no, no. You are coming too. Don't even try.
l'm going to go to bed. lt's 7 in the morning.
"Oh, it's 7 in the morning. l hate fun."
Jesus Christ, you better have some epic plans...
...if you're gonna turn your back on a sandbar party.
What did l tell you?
-Paradise. -Heh.
Yeah. Paradise. Marooned on an island with all the strippers in Tampa.
How did l get so lucky? The best Fourth of July ever, heh.
l literally was just thinking...
-...that in my head, like just now. -Ha, ha.
Get out of my head.
MlKE: Oh, shit. Yo. -Hey.
-What are you doing here? -You know me. Always making new friends.
-Good to see you. -You too. How are you?
l'm good. Uh, this is, um, Brooke.
-Hi. -Oh, hey.
Brooke, uh, Joanna.
-Nice to meet you. -You too. l like your bikini.
Thank you. You too.
-ls that a tattoo? -Yeah.
What does it say?
-Oh, uh, it just says l was 1 7, and.... JOANNA: Ha, ha.
Yeah.
lt's crazy.
Yeah. Uh, so l know, uh, Joanna from the club. Uh, she came up--
She studied psychology and she came up to do, uh....
What's the thing you came up to do?
Behavior analysis.
Right. She was analysizing our behavior, apparently.
That must have been, uh, really enlightening.
lt actually was. You know, l go a few times a week, if you want to come with us.
She is actually the Kid's brother.
l mean, sister.
-Yeah, heh. Ha, ha. -Right. Ahem.
-ls that a tattoo over there too? -Yeah.
She has tattoos. You want a drink?
-Yeah, yeah. -Yeah?
-lt was nice to meet you. -lt was nice to meet you too.
She's cute. What? l don't normally like blonds, but she's really cute.
Yeah, but she's not really our type. You know what l'm saying?
You're not into her?
No, that's not what l'm saying. l'm saying she's a little uptight.
We're fucking her, not taking her to dinner.
lt's not gonna happen.
-She's a dinner type, is what l'm trying to say. -Oh.
Okay, if you decide you want to share...
...and change your mind and put some effort into it, you know my number.
Besides, you know how much l love to eat.
Yes, l will. Obviously you don't like head.
[ALL CHATTERlNG]
l started cheating in the seventh grade just to entertain myself.
Finished high school, but if l could do it all over again...
...l wouldn't have even gone. No way.
BROOKE: You don't believe in school at all?
l think fuck school altogether.
When l have a kid, l'm going to set him in front of the TV...
...and make him watch Mad Money all day. Teach him about the stock market.
Get him into Ameritrade and shit like that.
l guarantee you by the time he's 1 8, that little fucker's gonna be flush in cash.
RlCHlE: Boo-yah! -Heh.
-l don't know why more people don't do that... DALLAS: Hm?
...just from an investment standpoint.
That's the state of the country, man.
America. People. Stupid.
l hope l get to meet your kids someday.
DALLAS: Tsk, Oh, no problem.
Come visit anytime in one of our three cool houses, dear.
[CHUCKLES]
MlKE: Hey, if you want, l could probably get Dallas' number for you.
He's starting this new life-coaching business...
[BROOKE LAUGHlNG]
...that l really do think you might benefit from personally.
l mean, l saw the connection between the two of you.
What? l'm sorry.
Right? So you felt it too? What? Just, what?
What would his kids even look like?
They'd be running around in little rattlesnake diapers and shit.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Look, don't, uh, they just say stupid shit sometimes. Don't let them bother you.
Oh, no, it didn't bother me.
l'm just trying to wrap my mind around Adam and this whole mess.
l get it. l don't know how l fit into this whole mix, either.
No. You-- When you're on-stage, it all makes sense.
l mean, the way you dance and the way the women respond to you....
Wait a minute. So that means someone might have stuck around.
That's good to know.
Yeah.
That feeling.... That must be a really crazy feeling to be on-stage...
...like that. l see why you've been doing it for so long. l get it.
-But Adam's different. He's.... -Why is that?
Well, he had a football scholarship.
A year ago, he basically ruined it by getting...
...in a fistfight with his coach in the first hour of the first day.
-Yeah. l think he said something about that. -Yeah.
So l just don't-- l'm just trying to figure out...
...why he's stripping.
-"Why" is easy. -What do you mean, it's easy?
-You want some stripper wisdom? -Okay.
-You ready? -Yeah.
He's 1 9 years old.
lt's women, money and a good time.
l guess. l guess.
l got him.
Okay?
Okay.
-You gonna come to the show tonight? -No.
-You're gonna come. -No.
-You just said you liked the show. -Doesn't mean l'm gonna go again.
-But you said-- -l'm not, heh, going. l've seen it.
MlKE: Does that mean you were lying? BROOKE: l'm not lying.
[AUDlENCE CHEERlNG]
[DRUMS PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS]
[SlNGlNG] l do know and l've been told
ALL: l do know and l've been told
Big Dick Richie got a cock of gold
ALL: Big Dick Richie got a cock of gold
Now, let's give it up for the Virgin Kid
ALL: Let's give it up for the Virgin Kid
Anything you want, he won't forbid
ALL: Anything you want, he won't forbid
Now, Mikey got a pipe you gonna love
ALL: Mikey's got a cock you know you gonna love
What he got down low fits like a glove
ALL: What he got down low fits like a glove
Soldiers, sound off
ALL: One, two
-Sound off ALL: Three, four
ALL: One, two, three, four, one, two...three, four
[HlGH-TEMPO MUSlC PLAYlNG]
ALL: Ho, ho, ho, ho.
[GUNFlRE ON SPEAKERS]
[DRUMBEATS ON SPEAKERS]
[ADAM CLEARS THROAT]
[MlKE CHUCKLES]
MlKE: Oh, don't do that. Don't do that.
l didn't-- He did that himself.
l'm bringing him home.
BROOKE: Hey, brother bear.
[MlKE GRUNTS]
BROOKE: Thank you. MlKE: He's just stoned out of his mind.
Heh, yeah, um, um....
MlKE: Hi.
MlKE: What's up, dude? Yeah, we, we-- My bad. We, uh....
BROOKE: Yeah. MlKE: All right. l'll see you later.
What's up, dude?
[WHlSPERlNG] ls that Paul?
BROKE [WHlSPERlNG]: Yeah. lt's-- Yeah. MlKE: lt is?
[lNAUDlBLE]
MlKE: lt's going good? BROOKE: Yeah, it's good. Just, heh, go on.
Hey, l-- uh, thanks. Thanks for bringing him back.
l told you l was going to take care of him, didn't l?
BROOKE: Watch yourself. MlKE: All right, heh.
[SlGHS]
So, uh, l don't know, how's school or whatever?
Um.... lt's good. lt's good.
[JOANNA CLEARS THROAT]
l'm sorry, what the fuck do you study again?
Social studies, or sociology or....
JOANNA: Heh, did you say "social studies"?
MlKE: Social science, heh?
What, am l in middle school or something, heh?
JOANNA: No. No.
MlKE: No? JOANNA: Psychology.
So how much longer you got in, uh, psychology?
Uh, l have, uh, six weeks until l'm....
MlKE: For real? Six weeks? -Yeah.
And then l'm a certified shrink. Six weeks. That's right.
MlKE: Wow. -l know. People have to pay me now, heh.
-That's huge. JOANNA: lt is, yeah.
l'm not paying you. Not for these little visits, at least.
l'd feel bad taking money from you.
Heh, l'm too fucked up anyway, so....
Oh, you're not so bad.
[JOANNA CLEARS THROAT]
So are you going to open up--?
You ask a lot of questions, don't you? Little Chatty Cathy tonight, huh?
-Chatty Cathy. -Chatty Cathy.
And questions are off-limits, l guess?
-They're always off-limits. -Really?
You don't need to talk. Just look pretty.
What was your name? l can't remember. What was it?
[CHUCKLES]
Look, l'm going to go, okay? Um, but l'll give you a call?
MlKE: Mm-hm. -Mm-hm.
MlKE: Mm-hm. -Okay.
-Mm-hm. MlKE: Mm-hm, muah.
Get out of here.
[JOANNA CLEARS THROAT]
[GRUNTS]
[RlNGSlDE'S "MONEY" PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS]
TlTO: That's what l'm saying. l'm....
l'm looking at longevity. This is fun for now, l'm not gonna be...
...this young and beautiful forever. Strip malls, l think l got a good idea.
You know, and l watch all these people, Carleton Sheets and these guys on TV.
And l read this book called Rich Dad, Poor Dad.
GlRL: That's a great book. TlTO: You read that?
GlRL: l went to the convention. TlTO: Yeah, uh, Robert Kiyosaki.
GlRL: Kiyosaki. TlTO: Yeah, that's the guy.
GlRL: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
DALLAS: Heeey-ah!
All right, all right, all right, hey, ah.
DALLAS: lf everybody can quiet down a second here.
Quiet down a sec?
RlCHlE: Hey, everybody. Shut the fuck up.
DALLAS: Richie, that's fucking microsuede, man.
RlCHlE: Aw, shit. Sorry, bro. DALLAS: lt's all right. Thanks.
All right, now l got an announcement to make.
DALLAS: Now, that means you too, Tarzan. Come on, big boy...
...out of the shadows, into the light. Come on, baby.
l've been telling y'all this is going to be a special night for a long time.
Now l'm going to tell you why.
Despite the hurricane that has soiled our rather bountiful...
...Saturday afternoon...
...the good Lord has blessed the Kings of Tampa this summer.
Can l get an "amen" on that?
ALL: Yes. RlCHlE: Amen.
DALLAS: Mm.
We've been talking a lot about the markets.
Waiting for the sweet spot.
Waiting for our time to make our move, take our show global.
Well, as of September 1 st...
...we will no longer be the Cock-rocking Kings of Tampa.
No, sir, no, ma'am.
We will be the Cock-rocking Kings...
...of 4000 square feet...
...of Miami prime-time beachfront real estate, motherfuckers.
[ALL CHEERlNG]
Ah, Big Dick, keep it fucking hanging low.
-Tito, call them Cubano cousins, huh? TlTO: They on their way, baby.
Kid, you ready for the big time, huh? You ready for the big time?
Tobias, you ready to take yourself to the beach?
l'm ready, man. l'm ready, huh.
Ken, the housewives are gonna love you down there.
KEN: We are blessed. -They're gonna love you.
Huh, Tarzan. Did you know they made trees tall enough to swing from Tampa...
...to motherfucking Miami, huh? Unh!
Yeah. My main man.
The moon is just a chip shot away, brother, heh.
A chip shot away. Fuck, yeah.
l got to let it sink in, man. We're really doing this?
Oh, fuck, yeah, we're doing this, man. This is our time.
All right. All right.
Listen, man. l couldn't even have dreamed all this shit up without you.
We're gonna do it together, we're gonna do it just like we always said.
-Seven-point-five across the board-- -You meant to say 1 0, didn't you?
Congrats, Kid.
Thanks, man.
Heh, you know, if you ever want to go in on a pack with me....
Mike's not interested, but we can go halfsies.
l could make it worth your while.
Yeah, sure.
[TOBlAS LAUGHS]
-l'll talk to you later about it, okay? -Yeah.
ADAM: Who is that?
MlKE: Nora.
l don't think you need that in your life, bro.
Heh, hey, baby girl, what are you doing?
Huh?
No, l'm at, uh-- l don't know, l'm at this party.
lt's getting lame. l want to get out of here.
How about l, uh, come scoop you up? l can bring you a present.
What?
-What thing? DALLAS: Boom!
l got a thing.
Come on, you ain't--
All right.
Okay. All right, l'll call you later.
This is Herman.
ADAM: Hi, Herman.
He likes you.
KEN: Hey, y'all. lt's all right.
ADAM: Hey, man.
NORA: We'd like to order.
KEN: All right.
[KEN CLEARS THROAT]
-That pig is so fucking cute. WOMAN: Heh.
KEN: Angels or demons?
NORA: Angels. KEN: Angels. Okay.
KEN: lf you chew it, it'll hit you quicker. WOMAN: Heh.
KEN: You're gonna fucking love this one. ADAM: Yeah.
Yeah, fucking Miami, man. Heh, fucking Miami.
[ADAM SlGH]
[KEN SlGHS]
KEN: How you kids doing tonight?
WOMAN: That storm is crazy, huh?
KEN: Beautiful. NORA: Mmm....
[SlGHS]
KEN: My wife's tits are awesome, right?
ADAM: What?
KEN: l said my wife's tits are awesome.
Yeah.
Check them out, man.
ADAM: You fucking joking? -l'm not fucking joking. Check them out.
Feel them. They're so fucking, heh, amazing.
[KEN'S WlFE CHUCKLES]
Come on.
[CHUCKLES]
KEN: lt's okay. Go ahead, man.
-They're real, l swear. ADAM: Yeah, l bet they are.
[CHUCKLES]
See?
-Heh. -This is okay?
lt's okay with me, man. She loves it.
ADAM: l fucking love you.
No, man, l love you.
ADAM: You don't understand. -l love you.
No, l fucking....
l fucking love you, man.
KEN: l love you, man. You're such a fucking special soul.
ADAM: l love you.
KEN'S WlFE: l love you too.
[TYPlNG ON KEYBOARD]
[ADAM WHlSTLES]
[CAR HORN HONKlNG]
MlKE: ls she even home?
ADAM: Brooke!
MlKE: Hi.
ADAM: What do you think?
BROOKE: ls it yours?
ADAM: ls it mine? Fuck, yeah, it's mine.
BROOKE: lt's very you.
Come on. Let's go. We're going to celebrate.
Come on.
-Come on. -Come on.
Come on. Come here. Come on.
-Are you calling me like a dog? MlKE: What, huh?
-Are you calling me like a dog? ADAM: Who did that?
You want me to say something to him?
-Ha, ha. MlKE: l'll say something to him.
-Okay, so l've seen the stripping. -Yup.
Tell me about being an entrepreneur.
lt's "entrepreneur" actually. lt's, uh, French.
You know about the roofing, and l got a mobile-detailing thing.
But the whole endgame is the custom furniture business l'm trying to start.
Custom furniture? So you must be really good with your hands.
-l did not say that. -Yes, l did.
But l'm glad you made that point. lt's very insightful, actually.
-That's a lot of stuff. -Yes, it is.
lf you could wake up and do the one thing that would make you the happiest....
-The happiest? -Yeah, money aside.
l would wake up on the beach somewhere just making stuff every day.
-Really? -Yeah.
Really? Tables and chairs, that kind of thing?
Anything. Everything. But custom, one-of-a-kind stuff.
Not the knock-off stuff you see in people's kitchens from time to time.
Hey. l don't have a custom furniture-maker man.
-Well, now you do. -Okay? Heh.
-So are you in business? Why aren't you? -Heh.
l will be as soon as the banks start making the competitive rates and loans.
Look, l've been saving for six years.
Why do you think l'm doing all these stupid businesses...
...and the stripping? l've saved about 1 3 grand. lt's gonna happen eventually.
-Wow, 1 3. That's a lot of ones. -Heh.
There were some fives in there.
No 20s?
You don't want to know what l have to do for 20s.
-l don't. -Let's drink these and l'll show you.
-BROOKE: No, that's okay, heh. MlKE: Heh.
So, Miami, huh?
Mm-hm.
-Don't be mad. -l'm not mad.
l'm not trying to tell him what to do. l just don't like it.
Did you just...? l want to clear something up. Did you just take my advice?
By not telling him what to do? No. l just don't have a choice.
-l think that was something l said to you. -What, you want some credit?
-Are we fighting? -Ha, ha.
ls this our first fight?
Come on. Let's make up.
-l don't like being mad at you. -Look at that face.
-l really don't like being mad at you. -You guys are going to have fun in Miami.
[CHUCKLES]
Just try not to forget about the normal people.
Like the people who exist in the daylight. The non-vampires.
-So you're not a vampire? -No, l'm not a vampire.
Well, this is not going to work out at all between you and l.
[BROOKE LAUGHS]
-A thing for vampires, heh? -Yeah. Got a bit of a thing.
You want to get something to eat sometime?
l don't know, just like get some food?
What do you mean, like a date?
No. lf you don't want to call it that, no.
l don't know.
Why? Because of what's-his-name that moved to Orlando?
Paul?
-Yeah. Paul and l are figuring things out. -Hmm.
How's that going, heh?
-Are you going to weigh in on that too? -No.
Plus, l don't exactly sport-fuck my brother's stripper friends.
l'm sorry, who said anything about that?
l was just talking about talking and being friends.
lf you want to talk, my door is always open, Mike.
ADAM: Are you trying to hit on my sister?
MlKE: No. l'm sorry, and if l was, what the hell are you going to do about it?
Whoa, brother.
[ADAM LAUGHS]
-Not me. Her. BROOKE: Heh.
Oh, my God. Come on, let's do one more. One more, come on.
Dude, l would love to, but we can't. You get Dallas' text?
We got a sorority in like a half hour.
BROOKE: A sorority?
Five hundred bones to rub our nuts...
-...on some girl's chest. -Adam, l see what's happening here.
MlKE: l ate a Kappa just like this. l ate a Kappa. l ate a Kappa.
You guys are really.... Have a great time.
MlKE: Come on. We gotta stop fighting like this.
BROOKE: Heh. MlKE: We gotta stop fighting.
Just find your own way back. l got the keys, right?
You do not have the keys. Oh, shit, you do.
BROOKE: l have the keys. MlKE: She's got the keys. We got to go.
[POP MUSlC PLAYlNG ON SPEAKERS]
MlKE: Good evening. You live here? KlM: Yeah.
-Yeah? What's your name? -Kim.
Kim, can you move back for me, please?
We keep getting complaints of noise and underage drinking.
Gentlemen? Everybody's 21 here?
l might need to check some lDs, unfortunately.
Can you accompany me in here, please?
Ladies, everybody's 21 here?
-Yeah. -Yes?
She is definitely not 21 , l'm sorry. What's your birthday?
SORORlTY GlRL: Uh, May 20th, 1 9....
That's what l thought. Put your hands on the wall. Everybody sit.
We're going to be here for a while.
Can you please spread your legs for me, ma'am?
You don't have anything sharp on you that l can stick myself with, do you?
SORORlTY GlRL: No. -Good.
Because l do.
[ALL SCREAMlNG AND CHEERlNG]
Did you see it?
Hey!
Did you give some Ecstasy to my girl?
No.
l said, did you give some Ecstasy to my chick?
Hey, fuck off.
Okay. Cool.
[ALL SCREAM]
[BOTH GRUNTlNG]
Hey!
MlKE: Hey, back the fuck up. We got to go. Let's go. Adam, let's go.
All right, back the fuck up.
Let's go. Let's go.
MlKE: Oh, what are you doing, man? What the fuck are you doing...
...giving pills to girls that you don't know?
ADAM: Shit, dude. MlKE: You're lucky we got out of there.
ADAM: My backpack. We have to go back. MlKE: Fuck your backpack.
ADAM: No, you don't understand. lt has my fucking pills.
MlKE: Fuck your pills. You're going to have to eat it.
Tobias fronted me pills. Sell them off for some extra cash.
What the fuck are you doing taking--? Front from Tobias?
Why is he giving you pills? How many?
Heh, l don't know, man. Fucking like a hundred.
"Like a hundred," or a hundred? That's a grand.
Have to pay every one of those back.
Fuck, dude. Fuck that. Guess what?
MlKE: What do you mean, "fuck that"? ADAM: l got that equity, baby.
ADAM: Dallas gave me that cut in Miami, whoo!
l don't even fucking care about a fucking grand. Who cares?
Fuck. Damn, that was crazy shit.
Fuck.
[PEOPLE lN RESTAURANT CHATTERlNG]
ADAM: You bailing on me? MlKE: Nope, not at all.
-Oh, my God. What are you doing here? JOANNA: Hey.
l thought you were out of town, like, forever.
Yeah, l decided to stay in town.
-Great. What's up, man? Mike. -Ryan.
MlKE: Nice to meet you, sir. -Nice to meet you.
Uh, Ryan, um, is my fiancé.
What?
Are you fucking with me right now?
l'm gonna go hit the bathroom.
No. You guys sound like you got a lot to talk about.
lt's time for me to go stare in the mirror anyway.
-Nice meeting you. See you, babe. -Yes, sir.
JOANNA: Okay.
MlKE: Hmm....
Okay. All right, l'm not exactly....
Okay. All right.
lt was good to see you.
DALLAS: Well, lookie here what the cat dragged in.
TOBlAS; Coño, what happened?
MlKE: Uh....
lt was nothing. lt was fucked up. Sorry.
DALLAS: "lt was fucked up"? "Sorry"?
MlKE: Mm-hm. DALLAS: That's all you got to say?
l don't know. You really want to discuss it?
l take it you didn't collect.
Yeah, l'm sorry. l forgot to ask for the money...
...as they were throwing beer bottles at our heads.
lt's the last thing l need for my reputation...
...before we make the big move, Mike.
l'm sorry. Are we fucking your reputation up?
DALLAS: Hmm.
The last time l checked, l think it's the Kid and l's reputation...
...that's "making the big move" for you, isn't it?
What the fuck did you say, buddy?
l don't know, you were standing six feet away from me. You heard me.
Hey, you might want to check yourself, old friend.
Nobody walks on water on my team.
Except for you, right?
Old friend.
Ah.
What are you thinking about?
Biting the hand that feeds you, big dog, huh?
You don't fucking feed me, Dallas.
l can walk right out that door. Right now.
And do a fuck of a lot better than 7.5 percent.
l'm sorry, that used to be 1 0.
But you don't.
You didn't. And you won't.
Because you can't.
l can't? Okay.
DALLAS: So you got to deal with what you got.
TOBlAS: Hey, what's going on?
ADAM: That pack you gave me? TOBlAS: Mm.
ADAM: lt's gone. -That's great.
Gone.
ADAM: lt's "gone" gone.
-You lost it? -l'm sorry, man.
Fuck sorry. You got to take care of this.
ADAM: We'll figure it out. lt's fine.
No, you need to figure it out.
ADAM: Get the fuck off me.
Seniority don't mean shit around here, man.
You are worth the cash you pry out of their fucking purses.
You know that better than anybody.
You want a bigger piece? Come up with some fresher shit, man.
You're not getting any younger.
What the fuck are you doing?
l need you doing the sailor routine tonight. l got four tables of Navy wives stageside.
-Get changed. -Oh, no. l'm taking your advice.
Bringing you some fresher shit. Seeing as l'm getting equity and all.
[ALL CHEERlNG]
[EXClSlON AND DATSlK'S "CALYPSO" PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS]
TlTO: Perfect date time.
TARZAN: Give me the astronaut thing.
RlCHlE: l met this guy....
KEN: You got them going out there, Mike.
KEN: Good job, man.
RlCHlE: He's met just about every single Russian and American astronaut...
...that's ever been in outer space, living or dead.
The first man in outer space...
...Russian. Yuri Gagarin.
TARZAN: Cosmonaut. RlCHlE: He's the second one.
The first one died on reentry.
MlKE: We're gonna get fucked up tonight, right?
BROOKE: Mike.
BROOKE: Mike, hello.
[BANGlNG ON DOOR]
BROOKE: Open up.
BROOKE: Mike. -All right. Hold on.
-Hey. -Hey.
You have fun last night?
-What? -Did you have fun last night?
Yeah, uh, what's up?
ls Adam here?
He left me weird-sounding voice messages, sounded fucked up.
And now l can't reach him.
-Yeah, he's in here. -Okay. Cool.
BROOKE: Where is he?
MlKE: Uh, he should be upstairs.
He's with somebody, though, so, you know, l'd call out.
Kid.
Adam?
Adam. Adam.
MlKE: Fuck. BROOKE: Adam.
MlKE: Hey. Come here.
[ADAM GASPS]
MlKE: Stop. He's fine, he's breathing.
Oh, my God, Adam. What the fuck did he take?
Uh, probably just some G. Open your eyes, dude.
-What the fuck did you do to my brother? MlKE: Relax. Yo, Brooke.
He's breathing. He's fine.
Get the fuck off me, Mike. l'll fucking kill you. l will fucking kill you.
-He's going to be fine, heh. -He's not okay.
-Calm down. -No, shut up. Shut up!
Shut up. l see you, Mike. l fucking see you.
You think you have your shit all figured out, but l fucking see you.
You just need to relax. You're acting fucking crazy. And l get it.
You are a bullshit, 30-year-old male stripper.
-Okay. How about just get the fuck out? -No problem.
Done. Adam, wake the fuck up. Adam, please.
[WHlMPERlNG] Adam, let's go. Come on, Adam.
BROOKE: Adam. God.
Adam. Wake up. Adam, we have to go.
-Stop. -No, Mike, this is my brother.
Brooke, let me please carry him out. Stop.
[SOBBlNG]
l can't do this anymore, Adam.
You hear me?
TOBlAS: Come on, let's go.
You guys need to stop already.
MlKE: Motherfucker.
[ALL GRUNTlNG]
TOBlAS: Mike? Get off of him. Hey.
Hey!
[ALL GRUNTlNG]
MlKE: Fuck off. TOBlAS: l'm so sorry, primo.
Sorry? Fuck you, man.
What are you doing breaking into my house?
TOBlAS: l tried calling your cell, man.
My cell? Fuck my cell. What are you fucking doing, man?
l told them not to break shit, but they don't work for me.
That did a good job, didn't it?
TOBlAS: Look, man, l'm sorry. We're looking for the Kid, okay?
Uh, so you brought them here?
-What are you looking for him for? -He's late on his front.
And as you can see, he was due today.
lt's 1 00 pills. That's 1 000 bucks. l think he's good for that, don't you?
No, no, no. ls that what he told you? A hundred?
We went in on a whole pack, hombre. A whole pack.
-What's his half? -Ten grand.
MlKE: What? TOBlAS: Ten grand.
l don't know if he lost it, or if he's just being a fucking kid.
Either way, it doesn't matter anymore. Okay?
Look, you got to--
What am l--?
l don't know, l can maybe sign over the van...
...until he can figure out something out.
Fuck, l don't know, man.
Come on, primo. The guys l'm rolling with, they ain't about fucking paperwork, man.
TOBlAS: lf you want, l can talk to my guys and we can try to get him another day.
And what the fuck would that do? He doesn't have it.
Hey, look-- l just hate to see you doing this.
MlKE: Just don't give him any more shit to sell.
No, that's fine. He's starting to act like a real punk.
-One of us should talk to him. -Well, you've done enough, haven't you?
l'll talk to him. lt's fine.
[GATE OPENlNG THEN CLOSlNG]
[KNOCKlNG ON DOOR]
[MlKE SlGHS]
Hey.
Um....
l'm looking for Adam. He's not picking up his phone.
-ls he all right? -Yeah, he's okay.
l mean, he doesn't live here anymore.
MlKE: Where is he?
l'm not sure. l think he's with Nora.
Okay, cool. Just, uh, let him know that l'm looking for him if you see him.
Ha, this is so much bullshit.
You know that, right?
This is really how we're going to end this? Are you fucking serious?
-l said everything l needed to say. -You had a lot to say yesterday.
You don't have anything else to say? You want to add onto that?
You damn sure didn't let me talk, so let me talk now.
l'm sorry that l fucked it up.
l didn't mean to do that. l didn't want to fuck it up. l promised...
...that l would take care of him, and l didn't, and l'm sorry about that.
You're the last person that l--
Yeah, l believe you...
...and l know you're basically a good person.
Adam was...
...going to do whatever Adam wanted to do.
l just can't be around your lifestyle.
You can't be around my--? l'm not my lifestyle.
That's who you think--? That isn't fucking--
l'm not-- Am l Magic, uh--?
Am l Magic Mike right now talking to you?
l'm not my goddamn job. That's not who--
That's not what l do. That's not me. lt is what l do, but it's not who l am.
l'm not just--
That's why l want to go to Miami.
l don't want to fucking be some 40-year-old stripper.
l want to own something. l want to actually--
l've been trying to, this whole time--
So you don't believe anything that l've said to you?
You don't-- Right now. Nothing. l'm just--
You don't believe any of it?
Mike, l think the question is, do you believe it?
l just think that Miami is going to be a bigger, badder version of this.
But good luck to you.
lf you believe it, good luck to you.
And Adam too.
But l'm going to be here.
Hey.
l, uh....
l want to say thank you about the money.
l know how much that shit meant to you...
...especially because of that furniture crap you wanted to do.
[ADAM CHUCKLES]
l, uh....
l'm gonna pay you back every last cent. l want you to know that.
All right.
Man, we're gonna look back in 20 years. You're gonna be dead, probably...
...but l can look back in 20 years and look at the shit that we've done together, man.
Fuck. Look where l was three months ago.
Three months ago.
Look at where l am now.
l can't thank you enough.
Fuck, man. l was nowhere.
l have money.
l can fuck who l want to fuck.
l have freedom, thanks to you.
And l'm having a fucking ball.
And we're going to have a fucking ball in Miami, man.
So can you smile? Can you look at me?
l only have one thing to say.
And that is: To my best friend.
A guy who has given me more in this lifetime than l could ever ask for.
And to bright futures.
DALLAS [SlNGlNG]: Ladies of Tampa
[CROWD WHOOPS]
The first time that you ever walked into my life
ln oh many ways you all became my wife
[CROWD CHEERlNG]
Ladies, yeah, I'm talkin' to you
[SPEAKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY]
Ladies of Tampa
Even though we gotta go
There's one thing you gotta know
Ain't no matter How much you love me for sure
Ooh, ooh, ooh
I'll always love you more
[CROWD CHEERlNG]
I'll always love you more than you know
You got me tied to a chain I'm just a slave to your soul
And there ain't nothin' l can do about it That's fo' sho
[CHEERlNG CONTlNUES]
Ladies of Tampa
[KlSS'S "CALLlNG DR. LOVE" PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS]
DlCK: l could be a friend to you. TARZAN: Ha, ha.
What about romance?
TlTO: Hit them with the long arm of love, baby.
DlCK: My good friend, Andy. TlTO: Ha, ha.
TARZAN: l'm just saying you always put up a fight.
TlTO: l know what we could do: Anaconda Part 3.
ADAM: Hey, uh, what about--?
[CHEERlNG CONTlNUES]
DALLAS: Whoo!
TlTO: Yeah. -Motherfucker.
Dallas be riding again.
Whoo! lt's a fucking revival.
Huh!
Hot damn. lt feels good to be back on that fucking horse again.
TlTO: That was the old stuff. -Oh, shit.
TlTO: Still got it.
Y'all ready to rock a little and fucking rein them in?
ALL: Yeah.
DALLAS: Yeah.
Where's Mike?
He's gone.
DALLAS: Mikey?
TlTO: He went back to take a piss. He should be back any second.
Mikey's gone.
DALLAS: What do you mean, he's gone?
l thought he was going to go take a piss and he went out the back door.
TlTO: Hey, Mike, yo.
TlTO: Let's go, we're up.
He's coming back, man.
All right, come here.
You ready to be the man?
-Are you ready to be the man? -Yes, l'm ready.
-l've been waiting for this for a long time. -lt's all yours. Come here.
[DALLAS GRUNTS]
Start right fucking now. Let's make it fucking count.
All the way. Let's go. Kid's in, Mike's out.
Let's bring this motherfucker down all the way to Miami. Let's go. Hey.
DALLAS: All right, ladies. So we know we made fire.
We know we got fire, now we got to make it rain.
Can you make it rain, ladies? Can you make it rain?
Let's give it up for the last time on this stage.
The one, the only, your very own, the Cock-rocking Kings of Tampa.
[CROWD CHEERlNG]
BROOKE: Hey.
What are you doing here?
MlKE: Um....
Aren't you supposed to be at the show?
Can l, uh, um...?
l just need to talk.
Yeah, okay.
Come on in.
[CLEARS THROAT]
MlKE: Um....
l, uh-- l just came by to--
Look, before you say anything...
...l just need you to know that...
...when you came by this morning, Adam hadn't told me what you did for him.
And that was really a lot of money.
-You did not have to do that. -l didn't do it for him.
Look, that's not even why l came by. l just--
Ah, um, look, l'm not going to Miami.
-Really? -Yeah. l think you're right. l'm done.
Wow.
What are you gonna do?
Heh, l don't know. l guess l need a new plan.
Do you want to get some food and talk about it?
What, like a date?
Well....
What would Tall Paul say, huh?
Tall Paul can't say anything anymore. l broke up with him.
He didn't like breakfast food?
Not as much as l do.
This is a good thing. ln that case, l would love to get some breakfast.
Okay.
Let's go get something to eat.
The thing is l only go to one place. lt's my favorite place.
They have the best omelets. They know my order. l walk in...
...the food's basically on the table. They'd help you out too.
Get some waffles for you, pancakes, whatever you want.
l love waffles. Let's go there.
The problem is it doesn't open until 6 a.m.
That's like seven hours from now.
Mm-hm.
Yeah.
What could we do with seven hours?
[English - US - SDH]
TLF字幕組榮譽出品 本字幕僅供學習交流，嚴禁用於商業途徑
翻譯：kmdangdangli 校對：血槽清空的草白勺
馬上就他媽開始啦 準備嘍
來吧，來吧
看這裏，看這裏
先說說規矩
大伙都好嗎？別著急 規矩一
關於「什麼能摸什麼不能摸」
這裏能摸嗎？
千萬不要哦
接下來
這裏能摸嗎？
千萬不要哦
最後…
最後一處，女士們 這裏能摸嗎？
你們能摸這兒嗎？
規矩就是規矩，就是不能摸
可今晚來了很多不遵紀守法的人哦
一個條子都沒見
六月
哦
知道嗎？今天我得真空上陣 因為某人…
昨晚把我最愛的小褲褲給撕了
- 嘿，不開玩笑 - 呵呵，抱歉，呵呵
- 那可是我祖母的 - 那絕不是你祖母的
沒準就是
把那件襯衫扔給我好嗎？
嘿…我們拿她怎麼辦？
不知道
她叫什麼來著？
你問我？我不知…
對不起，她叫啥？
呃…
你還不是不知道
- 我知道 - 人是你帶來的，總該記得名字吧
- 我知道她叫什麼 - 叫什麼呀？
叫…
彭妮洛佩 【希臘神話裏的貞婦】
不管她叫啥，她是個神人
這桌子不錯，哪弄的？
上次颶風之後，我撿了些沙灘上的破爛
- 然後親手做的？ - 是啊
你應該拿去賣啊
多謝誇獎，我正有此打算 就叫「麥克傢俱定制公司」
但現在還不是最佳時機
嗯…要是銀行能給一筆可觀的貸款
我立馬開業
想法很酷
我得出門了 你們在這兒沒問題吧？
什麼？你就這麼走啦？
還能怎樣？ 難道還想偷點東西不成？
有可能哦，我們又不熟
- 千萬…別哦 - 知道啦
- 好嗎？ - 好的
還能再見你嗎？
或許會吧，我不知道 我會…呃…給你電話的
拜
喬治和其他人呢？
他們放我鴿子，找了新活 我只有重新找人
從哪找來的？
呃…就是中介網站
- 我靠，你在山寨招聘網上找人？ - 呵呵
我不想工會那幫狗日到這來…
天天吼著要福利待遇 讓我消停消停
要我來做什麼？
- 嘿，你是索爾？是薩爾，亞當 - 薩爾
- 你好，亞當，這是麥克，一會兒你們一塊幹活 - 什麼？
稍等，有些事我得去搞定一下
你們在那邊等等
- 你他媽沒開玩笑吧？ - 怎麼啦？
他穿著球鞋，見鬼，他根本不懂…
嘿…就算幫我，去吧 時薪14塊
20塊我才幹
- 那就18塊 - 不干
別為難我啦 我可把你當兒子
那就給你兒子20塊
嘿…哥們
你…鋪過屋頂嗎？
- 沒 - 操
那你是怎麼來這兒的？
求職網
你在上面填你會鋪房頂？
嗯呢
很好
你還會些什麼？
- 把包打開 - 裏面什麼都沒有
不想腦袋開花，就他媽把包打開
就是塊火腿芝士三明治，好美味…
你不識字啊？
一天一瓶百事，冰箱上寫著的
我要把庫存都記下來，要是少了東西 就算在你賬上
車子死火了？
怎麼啦？
我幫你瞧瞧，不是電瓶的問題
估計你的車玩完啦
告訴她們，想去就到那兒
一會我在夜店見你，拜
你在幹嘛？快住手 你他媽在幹什麼？
對不起
是輛新車 只要不撕塑料膜，它就是輛新車
你為什麼要貼這玩意兒？
保護內設 想賣的話撕掉就行
和新車一樣
你是哪裏人？
柑橘泉
打球嗎？
呃…打呀，打強衛【橄欖球】
你不像打強衛的樣子呀
上大學有打過 沒多久就綴學了
抵抗不住修屋頂的誘惑？
是啊，還有我姐家的沙發太好睡了
晚上能載我去拿我的車嗎？
抱歉，不行，晚上我有飯局
不過明早我送你 你幾點上班？
這事兒我得和你談談 工頭兒他，呃…
他說我偷東西 所以我他媽的不幹了
- 什麼？ - 是啊，但我…
之前我參加了移動公司的面試
結果…他們要我打他媽的領帶
你也知道 我他媽最恨的就是打領帶
不就是打條領帶呀
對不起 你知道我有我的規矩
噢…天哪，我的老弟啊
怎麼啦？ 我還…
還…
@#%&*!
- 做什麼 - 什麼？
- 你說什麼？ - 你聽我說了什麼？
你在忽悠人 你又在玩花樣
- 什麼花樣？ - 別抵賴，你經常都在玩花樣
這招不靈啦
- 說到玩，我本可成為玩家 - 噢…少來啦
- 我賣啥，人就買啥 - 你還會賺大錢
- 我還可以用我這付聲音 - 賺更多的錢
我有付好嗓音 聽過就難以忘懷
你的確會給人留下不錯的印象 昨天晚上你說什麼來著？
- 就別讓我說啦 - 嘿…在說一次嘛，就一次
- 不要 - 來嘛
聽著 【模仿阿諾德·施瓦辛格】
這是我滴玉米餅
上飛機 約翰·康納，跟我走
- 啊呀呀！ - 好啦，這樣吧
如果你這招不管用的話 何不跟我一起去吃晚飯…
保羅買單
你讓他幫你打聽打聽 他那些朋友要不要人
總有一些人想…騙保單
他們覺得世界對自己不公平 真是可悲又可憐
呃…但是…還是不說了 說起來就不爽
我沒必要自作多情 勸他們…
呃…別異想天開 嗯…總之…
呃…咱們換個話題吧
同意 聽到醫保二字我就想吐
還有處理醫保單的事 我懂你感受
- 好的 - 我懂你感受
是啊，索要醫保費和財產損失費的程序
還是有點不同
- 但在我看來，都是一回事 - 是啊
喂…等等，別喝
- 我說的話，你忘記啦？ - 嗯…真對不起
今晚我開不了車 這個週末我都在開車
對不起
- 沒事 - 剛才我忘了
我想總有人會把它喝了
- 好樣的，拿去喝吧 - 我就喝啦
- 嘖嘖 - 好喝嗎？
你去哪？
呃…嗨 今晚DJ是誰？
呃…
- 不知道，抱歉 - 沒關係
嗨…麥克
麥克
不好意思，哥們
嗨…麥克
- 嘿…哥們 - 呦
- 呃…你好嗎？ - 我很好，哥們
- 你這是要進去嗎？ - 是啊，我們正要進去
能帶我進去嗎？
呃…
我說兄弟，你這個樣子 他們是不會讓進的
別介，讓我做什麼都行
呃…不是我不讓 我剛剛說了，是他們不讓
我沒問題，可是… 我覺得他們不會讓你進去，哥們
那好吧
你沒事吧？
操 好吧，兄弟，嘿
嗯…
你欠我的
- 哥們，我對天發誓… - 記住啦，欠我的
什麼都別說了，算你欠我的
我什麼都願意
把帽子拿掉，讓自己有點人樣… 把你那該死的襯衫系進去
別再穿那雙球鞋啦，兄弟
喬治，兄弟，我還有一位 對不起，我知道，我知道
謝啦，哥們，我欠你個人情
不好意思，我就這麼一雙鞋
【圓形劇場—娛樂中心】
嗨…寶貝兒 能賞我一杯嗎？
多謝，拿起喝吧
是免費的嗎？
別擔心，兄弟 不會讓你白喝的
又招到一名新成員
女士們，就這位小哥 鮑西婭，璐比【紅寶石】
嗨
呃…嗨
他人怎樣？ 好，中，差？
- 哦耶，美洲豹一口就能把他吃掉 - 是嗎？
在表揚你呢，老友
你們是做什麼的？
- 什麼？ - 過來，過來
下次再遇到名字中有花…
帶名車或寶石的妞 別問她是做什麼的
我說的，你可記住啦？
好啦，我的時間寶貴 你報答我的時候到啦，好嗎？
好的
瞧見那個 頭戴冕冠，身披肩帶的妞了吧？
- 看見了 - 去和她搭訕
那我說什麼？
什麼都行，你這輩子沒跟女孩說過話嗎？ 你就過去和她搭個訕
有點創意
似乎她不想被人打擾
她今晚那身打扮 就是想被人打擾的意思
去打擾她吧 你想在裏面，還是想出去？
在裏面
一分鐘之後我會過來解圍 過去吧
要是能要到酒 我們一定喝得超爽
是啊
我們在吧檯這邊要酒 她根本就視而不見
- 嘿 - 嘿，卡拉
噢…喔
喲，哥們 看著點，你撞到我女朋友了
- 哦，是嗎？ - 對，你他媽想幹嘛？
- 呃…嗨，我認識你嗎？ - 嗨
呃…不認識，我是…呃…
我不知道我還有個男朋友 但剛才的事，還是謝謝你
呃…這些男的都好可惡
- 多謝誇獎 - 哈哈
我們要找他媽的誰 才能喝上他媽一杯酒？
呃…我呀
- 你也想要酒吧？ - 呃…是啊
我們被晾在這已經好久了 我21了
- 真的 - 我現在能喝酒了
- 你21了？ - 是呀
21歲生日快樂 我想請你們喝一杯…
- 不用啦 - 沒關係的
喔，亞當
- 嗨 - 嗨
- 我叫莉斯，嗨 - 嗨，莉斯
怎麼，小伙子？ 你想來一杯？
我手裏這些沒人喝 你們都想喝嗎？
- 好極了，那我們就把它干了 - 喔
呃…敬我們的孩子 願他們個個都是他娘的富二代，哈哈
哈哈，沒錯
- 對，沒錯 - 喔
- 你們是南福羅裏達州大學的？ - 是啊
- 嗯… - 放暑假啦？
- 沒錯 - 喔
沒猜錯的話 你21啦？
對，我21歲了
- 那她為什麼還沒吐？ - 喔
- 我們要不到酒 - 哈哈
要不到酒？這不是借口 你這個朋友當得也太遜了
我可不遜
- 你太遜了 - 我很努力啦
你這個朋友沒當好哦
聽聽，這可是她說的哦 我可沒說
- 你們今晚打算幹嘛？ - 哈哈
你不會想知道吧？
- 我還真想知道，說真的 - 哈哈
要是想來點刺激的話 何不上這看看演出？
- 你是認真的？哇哦 - 絕對讓人心跳加速
我們還有好多朋友 能帶她們去嗎？
- 有多少？ - 八到九個
沒問題
把這些拿給她們看 告訴她們不收門票
Ok，看情況
不用勉強，不來也沒關係
要是你這位小朋友也去 我們也許會考慮哦
- 我？ - 噢，「小朋友」
這算什麼條件 他會去
- 他肯定會去 - 我嗎？
那我們也會去
好吧，演出45分鐘後開始 45分鐘能到嗎？
- 你們一定要來哦，發誓？ - 好的，我們發誓
- 兄弟，你他媽原來是個脫衣舞男？ - 哈哈哈
說實話，我當時想你準沒戲 可結果你卻做到了
噢…感覺我欠你個人情 真想砸100塊小費給你…
作為今晚的獎賞…
- 要是你願意主持 - 主持什麼？
是，不用，我敢肯定
- 希望你做好心理準備 - 哈哈
這位朋友是誰啊，麥克？
每週四、五、六晚 提前訂票：$15 現場售票：$20
- 這位是老闆，我的天 - 喔
這東西真他媽威猛
剛才你看見了嗎，麥克
小妞們一定會為之瘋狂
我想讓泰山來演這節目 你不介意的話
不用了，這不是我的范 但總要有人演，很酷的
- 噢…這真他媽棒，是吧？ - 嗯
啊，他是誰？
就是這小子 呃…今晚他一下就兜攬了九個正妹
所以我想讓他來這幫忙
多大了？
- 呃…19 - 19
- 你這不是他媽的為難我嗎？ - 別介啊，他不像19歲
我不能讓他主持
這小子才19歲 根本就上不了台
那就擺擺道具，這總行吧？
- 我什麼都能做 - 咱們不也是從擺道具做起的
那好吧，擺道具
你今晚負責道具
小麥和其他人 讓你幹嘛你就幹嘛
掃廁所，任何事
今晚，聽好了
這不是鬧著玩的
聽好了嗎？這不是什麼興趣愛好 我做的是一門正經生意
我決不允許毛頭小子 把我的場子給砸了
- 想都別想 - 你丫聽清楚了嗎？
華夫餅屋的小妞要小心她們的牙齒 【以環境骯髒著稱的快餐店】
華夫餅屋的小妞？ 我對她們有嚴重陰影
大傢伙，就是這小子 你們都等著謝我吧
今晚他過來幫忙的
大J仔裏奇，肯，蒂托，還有泰山
哇哦，好極啦
要什麼道具，只管跟他說 我會幫著他把一切都佈置好
然後就是…呃…開心最重要 不用拘束，小子
哥們，整一口
- 不用，謝啦 - 不用嗎？
- 不用，我不抽 - 隨你便
怎麼就跟遞顆炸彈一樣？
- 入行多久了？ - 什麼？
當警察呀，幹了多久了？
我不是條子，大哥
哈哈，逗你玩呢，坐吧
來吧，兄弟，坐啊
你怎麼認識麥克的？
呃…嗯
我們…呃…在工地上班
能掙多少錢？
你還好吧，兄弟？
給你多少錢？
10塊一小時
打黑工吧？
是啊
嗯…還不賴
你來這兒是幫忙的？
是的
好吧，那就接好你第一件差事…砰
是不是很乾燥？
- 什麼，哥們？ - 是不是很干？
聽好嘍
噴一點…就一小點在小腿上
噢…快點啊
快噴啊
哥們，我可不想弄你的腿
按我說的做
大家都得這麼做，哥們
就當是啟蒙教育 真見鬼，快點呀
快呀，小子，這沒什麼大不了的
晚上事成之後，我們大大地賞你小費 你就等著樂吧
- 嗯 - 然後好好地按摩按摩
- 開玩笑吧？ - 快按
他還真他媽幫我按啦
噢…不錯，兄弟，不錯
請到前排就坐，女士們
你們帶身份證了嗎？
帶身份證啦？好… 那就不能只喝兒童汽水啦
不會的 來之前我們就喝了幾杯酒了
甜水，汽水都不能喝哦 祝你們玩得開心
先是群舞，然後是獨舞 最後是熱辣椅
要是進展順利 這些小妞就會變得如癡如狂
到熱辣椅的時候，我們就能瘋狂掙錢 所以千萬別搞砸了
兄弟，很簡單 你只用負責…
提前把我們的道具放到台上就行
好嗎？就這樣 你要做的就這些
你把需要的道具拿好… 你總算來啦
【西班牙語】
這位是托拜西，我們的常駐DJ
見見托拜西，小子 一會兒他負責…
在每一幕開始前給你提示
- 熱身酒，還是你最了我 - 愛的迷幻酒
- 什麼味的？草莓嗎？ - 是什麼東西？
自己兌的酒 呃…在邁阿密，我們都管它叫「嗨汁」
「嗨汁」是說 整瓶喝下去，讓你嗨上天的汁
喝喝看
你不能喝，給你小半口？
這到底是他媽的什麼玩意兒？
就是摻了點G【大麻提取物】 即使喝得少，也有醉的感覺
- 來點 - 你確定？
【西班牙語】
好啦，好啦，好啦
喔！
耶
晚上好呀，美女麼 再來一次，大點聲
天要下雨娘要嫁人
掏出錢包，準備給我他娘的花錢吧
現在有請 坦帕城獨一無二的…
「搖滾戰鬥雞」
【歌曲：It's rarining men】
泰山
泰山？
他娘的人呢？
我大爺的，你他媽怎麼啦？ 泰山
我靠
這他媽是第幾次啦，嗯？
肯，性虐SM，你能演吧？ 你去演吧？
我可不想這麼對自己 會產生負能量
會什麼？
負能量，對人有害 會倒霉的
什麼亂七八糟的
裏奇，呃…噴火特技，如何？ 你行嗎？
不行 我天生怕火
蒂托，演什麼都成 你們南方邊境的那套玩意兒…
你在家裏做過的
我還在練習，還不是時候，不是時候
那就算了
總得演點什麼吧 小麥，你出點招吧
- 我才演完，不行 - 出點主意吧，什麼都行
- 那你上啊 - 我他媽才不上去呢，快啊
- 你要我出主意？ - 靠，是啊
但願你會跳舞 你欠我的，去吧
上去只管脫衣服 去吧
看著達拉斯幹嘛？ 別看他，看著她們
【歌曲：Like a Virgin】
開脫，兄弟
耶，不錯，不錯，去，去，去
做得好
喔！
好啦，好啦，好啦
掌聲送給傻小子 今晚他第一次露屁屁哦
接下來是你們最愛的熱辣椅時段
這表示群歡結束了，各位美女
準備好，和你們夢中的男子 一對一互動吧
- 5塊錢一次 - 來吧
幹得好，歡迎加入瘋狂派對
大家都來吧，排隊，排隊，排好隊
哦耶，今晚誰是老大？
喔
- 真帶勁 - 嘿…那小子呢？小子過來
看你那條鬆鬆的褲衩 真是有夠萌啊
趕緊去買點新衣服吧
他親她的時候，還不忘大把抓錢
啊！
不能去親人家，小子 這可是「演員須知」第一條哦
有些性病會通過口腔傳染的
這也要記住哦
但今晚你在關鍵時刻出馬，效果還不錯 我喜歡
還真他媽有用
幫你掙的錢
這可不是我的錢，傻小子 這是你的錢
台上掙多少就拿多少
還有我欠你的50塊，開心吧？
聽著，過來上班吧，小子 下次可沒那麼輕鬆嘍
- 是，長官 - 真他媽不錯，喔！
噢！
肯，機器人舞跳得真他媽帶勁
麥克演得很成功 蒂托還搞了點南美拉丁風
大J仔，你的擎天柱還是讓人欲罷不能
總收入25%是跳舞，50%是宣傳
- 什麼…？ - 呃…主要靠麥克做市場
那還有25%呢？
- 你真是天才 - 小麥，今晚怎樣？
呃…差一點就2500了 呃…但比上周多賺了400塊
還行
- 還有入場費，我從裏面抽了 - 好的
你今晚膽子可真他媽大
就那樣把那小子趕上台
不過還沒演砸，是吧？
靠，他上台那一刻 我才知道這小子有戲
- 他沒令咱們失望 - 是啊，這小子什麼來頭？
不知道，今天我在工地認識的
然後又在夜店碰到他 那兩個正妹…
被他迷得神魂顛倒 我就琢磨著帶他過來
幹得漂亮
他有點戲，兄弟 人年輕，長得又俊
- 就是舞技還太他媽遜 - 實在太遜，不過可以學
現在團隊裏就缺點年輕人
明天就帶他來練習 看看這小哥有多少能耐
邁阿密那邊的事現在如何？
邁阿密…呃…形勢大好
我鑽了點空子，只要…
呃…找到合適的房地產代理人
之後便可一帆風順啦
- 需要我做什麼？我負責什麼？ - 做好現在手裏的事
我就喜歡你腦子好使，做事專注
你就像他們的大哥
好好幹，你以後的收入遠不止入場費
我對天發誓
其他人也能掙更多嗎？
- 都能 - 那你親口說「有錢一起賺」
- 有錢… - 說啊
- 一起賺 - 再說一遍
- 嗨，麥克 - 幹嘛？
我想…呃…
我想咱倆能成為死黨
好啊，呵呵
走吧
那女孩嘴上功夫如何？
嗯…出溜了，呵
真他媽棒
早上好
- 嗨，大姐 - 嗨
- 布魯克，這是麥克，呃… - 噢，謝謝，麥克，這是布魯克
- 布魯克，見到你榮幸之極，嗨 - 麥克
你是護士？
我是醫務助理，處理護士交來的單子
更酷
是啊，是啊
噢，好東西啊，大姐 是復古韋克菲爾德，還是羅素·萊德？
噢，是山寨貨，還是挺酷 哪弄的？
呃…當然是山寨貨一條街啦
呵呵，對啊
- 你怎麼認識我弟弟的？ - 嗯…他跟著我鋪屋頂
但我…呃…是個創業家 我…呃…還有幾處生意
是吧，酷
很酷
這小子剛才說什麼早餐的事
呃…他一定是他媽喝醉了 因為我他媽從不做早餐
不是說你做 他是說你喜歡吃早餐
我們本來還打算繞到去打包一份…
好啦，和你聊得很開心
嗯…那我走了 我要加入其他早餐達人的行列
保重，小子
那晚是你的處男作，一去不復返了
因為屁屁只能露一次
聽好啦，你台上的樣子實在很衰 知道嗎？
我看好你是因為你走下台
和那個小妞一對一互動的樣子
我得把要領交給你 現在先從基礎的開始學
把衣服脫了
- 現在嗎？ - 就現在，脫了
全都他媽的脫掉，脫吧
脫呀，脫衣服呀
- 呵呵 - 打住，你他媽在幹嘛？
嘿，你當自己還是小學生 在更衣室脫衣服啊？
不是
- 那你在幹嘛？ - 呃…脫衣服呀
你脫衣服的樣子就像個小學生
但你不是在更衣室換衣服的小學生 你是男人
舞台上，千萬個女人
盯著你，渴望你 你該怎麼做？
你不能就他媽一下子把衣服全脫掉 你得他媽的用心脫，乖乖
你走出來，這是你的地盤
你環顧四周，你挑逗一下
再引誘幾分
掃視全場，但不要和任何人對視
你要相信她們每一個 都臣服在你胯下
等醞釀的差不多了，你便知道時候到了
挺出來，就像命中G點，重複一次又一次
過來，動動看
知道了吧，乖乖，你不僅僅在跳脫衣舞
你在滿足每個女人最渴望的性幻想 懂嗎？
你是她們做夢都想嫁的如意郎君
你是她們期盼已久的夢中情人
你是她們一夜情，排解寂寞的最佳伴侶
今晚，是台上的你，滿足了她們的飢渴 回家後，她們還能面對自己的男人
就當什麼都沒發生過
因為你，乖乖，讓她們良心不再負罪 是你，解放了她們精神的枷鎖
要霸氣，誰是老大？ 是你，不是他們
動這裏，要慢，繞圈
你他媽專心點
扭，扭，扭 用心好好扭
現在不是他媽開玩笑的時候，兄弟 我說的可是謀生之道
繞圈，繞圈，繞圈 控制節奏，呼吸
很好，放鬆，像條蛇
數到三，就把它挺出來
一、二、三，挺
就像這樣，乖乖 就他媽像這樣
我說的都記住了嗎？
你能行，因為我知道你行
- 我能行 - 現在深呼吸
調戲這面鏡子，整個身心都要入戲
好啦，好啦，好啦
嘿，這小子要登台了，嗨，比特麗斯
準備好了嗎？達拉斯命我好好打扮你 準備好了嗎？
好了
怎麼看你怕怕的？
你第一次都獻出來了 就差熟能生巧了
得給你弄條褲衩，閃亮美國星條旗
為國慶節做準備
哥們，後面怎麼沒布？
是沒有啊，要得就是這種效果，這叫丁字褲
這他媽又是什麼玩意兒？
別穿這玩意兒，兄弟 大象是達拉斯的專利
你不想穿得和他一樣吧？
達拉斯他人怎樣？他…好嗎？
還行吧，達拉斯…達拉斯就那樣
我是說，他讓我入伙這事蠻酷的
是啊，是挺酷的
因為我們覺得你蠻有潛力
只是還不確定你到底有多少能耐
現在…呃…你要學的還很多 所以先別辭白天的工作
亞當
- 出來，我有話問你 - 你要問啥呀？
我就是有話問你，你他媽給我出來
- 出來，亞當 - 一分鐘，等等，馬上
亞當，我他媽有話問你
關於？
嗯…那箱東西 我想問你那箱東西…
噢，我靠
怎麼是些靴子、丁字褲、水手帽、筒襪 真他媽怪了
上班用的
上班用的？亞當，別他媽騙我了
我是你姐，我愛你，我不會評價你
你是我弟弟，求你出來，咱倆談談心
我不在乎你的取向
- 取向？ - 我只想和你聊聊這件事…
哇喔，嘿
事情並非你想像的那樣
這是我的刮毛刀嗎？
是
你他媽在刮腿毛？
是，我在刮腿毛
你為什麼把腿上的毛剃了？
為了工作，行了吧？
什麼意思，為工作？ 這是哪門子工作啊？
【歌曲：Save A Horse】
不好意思，這位女士 再往那邊讓讓
這邊是早餐達人區 又見面啦
嗨，麥克
- 嗨 - 嗨
個體脫衣戶，還是脫衣個體戶？
都是，都行
你就只是來看望你弟弟的？
不是，我原本以為他逗我玩呢
確實很搞笑
好好照顧他，麥克
是，老媽
我會照顧他的 你再多呆一會兒吧
好啦，好啦 掌聲送給這位「小朋友」，好嗎？
砰，我們的神槍手，真給力
接下來出場的是…
他獨一無二，天下無雙，女士們
六年前我在街上碰到這個年輕人
第一眼見他，我就告訴自己一定要把他帶來
讓他到這，讓全世界都知道他的才華
今晚，他就要來到這個舞台
你們便能親眼見證他有多厲害
今晚的特色菜，舉世無雙的
耀眼之星，「神奇的麥克先生」
【歌曲：Pony】
今晚見到你老姐了嗎？
- 我老姐？她來了？ - 是啊
你老姐來了
沒來，她沒來
來啦，就在你表演的時候
你和她說話啦？
我們說話的時候，你正和一個妹 爽得酣暢漓淋
我老姐看見我跳啦？
呵呵，是啊，我們邊看邊笑 我著實樂了一把
- 噢，呵呵，哇喔，靠 - 哈哈
她心情不大好，你有沒有讓她來？
我跟她說過的，只是沒想到她還真他媽來了，老天爺
她還真來了，我不知道她呆了多久 只是…呃…
- 她，哈哈，似乎有點不爽 - 哈哈
今晚掙了多少錢？
- 多少？ - 還行
230吧
230？真不賴啊，哥們
哦，對啦，這是還你的 呃，油錢什麼的
- 幹嘛呢？ - 哈哈
別逗我笑了，錢你拿著，不用
- 我搭你車了 - 油錢我付得起
真不用，不過還是多謝 你這樣做真窩心，心意我領了
多謝
這條項鏈真贊
- 是古董吧？ - 哦…我…嗯…
不是，這…不是，這…呃…
我姐姐送我的，哈哈，塔吉特百貨買的，我猜
嗯，小額商業貸款，對，呃…
名字和證件號
沒問題，邁克爾·萊恩
038-00-7128，我…呃…
我把首付的錢帶來了
- 好的，好，呵呵 - 呵
好的
似乎信譽方面有些問題，萊恩先生 你得分…
好的，我…呃…是這樣的…
- 呵…我和羅德裏格斯先生上周說過了 - 噢
我同他解釋過，我只做現金生意
他說只要我能付首付，信譽方面就不是問題
應該有記錄，他說他會在裏面做個說明
沒問題
嗯…你目前是家汽車內飾公司的經理？
沒錯，還有一家活動策劃公司，一家屋頂保養公司，呵
老實說，公司數還在增加
- 哇喔，你真是個大忙人 - 哈哈，是啊
樂此不倦
那我能貸多少錢？
有很多方法可以恢復信譽，但…
噢，我的天，我還沒告訴你，呵 我來的目的，真是抱歉
我是做這個的
就在這 「邁克爾·萊恩傢俱定制公司」
薄利但多銷
說真的，要是能買到便宜的手工傢俱…
誰還會去買那些不到一年就散架的歪貨？
- 你有同感嗎？ - 是啊
很不幸，萊恩先生，我無能為力
公司的政策規定我們不能貸款給…
信譽積分未達標的客戶
我完全理解你的處境
呃…你敲敲鍵盤就以為瞭解我了
這我理解，沒問題，沒問題
我…呃…我貸的不多
幫幫忙，你就幫個忙吧？
我們還有一些救濟方案…
針對那些手頭拮据客戶，要不…
不好意思，什麼？
救濟方案，要不…
拮据？我手頭拮据？
- 不不不，不是那樣的 - 呵
親愛的，聽我說，沒關係，真沒關係 我像手頭拮据的人嗎？
我覺得不像，這是其一 其二，我也看報，知道嗎？
真正手頭拮据的人是你們這幫人
七月
你能去開下門嗎？
生日快樂
布萊斯夫人…
喔
亞當，找你的
生日，呵，快樂，呵
哈哈，走吧，咱們走，沙灘派對
國慶7月4日，日頭高高照，起床啦 走吧，快點
不不不，你也得來，別想逃
我要睡覺，才早上7點
「噢，早上7點鐘，我不想玩」
我的親爹爹，你要不是另有計劃…
絕對不會推掉一場沙灘派對
我怎麼說來著？
- 天堂 - 呵
是啊，天堂，和坦帕市的一群脫衣舞男 囚禁在一座孤島上
我走了哪門子運？ 這是最棒的國慶節，呵呵
我正想說呢…
- 我就這麼想的，就剛剛 - 哈哈
不要偷窺人家心思
- 你來這幹嘛？ - 你懂的，隨時在交新朋友
- 很高興見到你 - 我也是，你好嗎？
很好，呃…這位是…嗯…布魯克
布魯克…呃…喬安娜
- 很高興認識你 - 我也是，我喜歡你這身比基尼
謝謝，你的也很好看
- 那是個紋身？ - 是啊
紋了什麼字？
- 噢…呃…就是我17了，然後… - 哈哈
是啊
太搞了
是啊…呃…我在俱樂部認識喬安娜的 呃…她來…
她學心理學的，她來是研究，呃…
你研究的是啥？
行為分析
對，她來是分析我們的行為的，很明顯
那一定非常的…呃…深受啟發吧？
還真是，我每周都有些空閒時間 你要是想加入我們
她其實是那個小子的哥哥
我是說，姐姐
- 是啊，呵，哈哈 - 對
- 那還有個紋身嗎？ - 是啊
她有紋身，喝點啥嗎？
- 好呀，好呀 - 好嗎？
- 認識你很高興 - 我也是
她很可耐，幹嘛？ 我一般對金髮沒興趣，但她真的很可耐
是啊，但她和我們不是一路人 懂我意思吧？
你不稀飯她？
我不是在說這事 我是說她有點點矜持
我們是玩三人行，又不是帶她去晚宴
絕對不可能
- 她是帶去晚宴的那一型，這就是我想表達的 - 噢
好吧，要是你改變主意…
決定好好分享她的話，你有我電話號碼
還有，你知道我還是個吃貨
知道了，會請你吃飯的 你個沒良心的
我初中就以作弊為樂
高中畢業，但要能重來一次的話…
我連學都不會上，沒門
你不相信學校那套？
學校那套都他媽扯淡
等我有了小孩，我就讓他坐到電視跟前…
天天看《有錢真好》 教他怎麼炒股
讓他去泛美交易控股之類的證券公司
等這臭小子18歲的時候，我敢保證他肯定富得流油
- 牛！ - 呵
- 那為什麼沒多少人這麼幹？ - 嗯？
從投入成本看也挺值啊
這是當前的國情，兄弟
美國和老百姓都蠢
希望有朝一日能見到你的孩子
嗨，噢，沒問題
我們的三棟豪宅隨時歡迎你，親愛的
嘿，你要是真有意的話 我把達拉斯的電話號碼告訴你
他要是改行做生活教練的話…
我真覺得你能從中受益不少
我是說，我剛才見你和他挺來電的
笑啥？對不起
你也有同感？是吧？是吧？
他的小孩會長什麼樣？
穿著小響尾蛇丁字尿布到處跑
噢，你太壞啦，噢，打住
聽著，他們有時儘是瞎扯淡 你不用和他們較真
噢，沒有，我才沒呢
我只擔心亞當和眼下的一堆破事
我能理解 連我都不知道自己怎麼和這堆人攪在一起
不會啊，你…你在台上的時候 一切都很合情合理啊
我是說，你跳舞的樣子，還有女觀眾對你的反應…
等等，看來某人多呆了一會兒哦
這就好
是啊
那種感覺…台上的感覺一定很瘋狂吧
我明白你為什麼在這行做這麼久 我理解
- 但亞當不一樣，他… - 為什麼？
一年前，他拿到橄欖球獎學金
可才去的第一天就因為和教練打架
就被開除了，前後就一個小時
- 是啊，他是有提過 - 是吧
所以我才不明白… 我就想知道…
他為什麼去跳脫衣舞？
- 這個問題太簡單了 - 你是指什麼簡單？
- 想聽聽來自脫衣舞男的智慧嗎？ - 好啊
- 準備好了麼？ - 好了
他才19歲
正是需要女人、鈔票以及開心的年紀
也是，也是
有我看著他呢
好嗎？
好的
- 今晚來看演出嗎？ - 不
- 你得來 - 不
- 你剛剛還說喜歡看 - 不代表我還得去
- 但你說… - 我不會去的，我看過了
- 那之前你在撒謊嘍？ - 我沒撒謊
「我確定，我聽過」
「大J仔裏奇的鎯頭大又長」
「再來看我們的清純仔」
「他不怕做不到，就怕你想不到」
「麥克的玉莖保管你愛」
「如脂如膏又如腴」
「士兵們，跟我說」
「一，二」
- 「跟我說」 - 「三，四」
「一、二、三、四，一、二…三、四」
噢，沒那樣，沒那樣
不是我…他自己弄這樣的
我送他回家
嘿，寶貝熊老弟
- 謝謝 - 他現在腦子還不太清爽
呵，是啊，嗯…
嗨
嘿，哥們 是我們…是我不好，我們呃…
- 知道啦 - 好吧，回見
拜，哥們
保羅？
- 是啊，是的 - 真是啊？
- 進展順利吧？ - 順利，很好，趕緊走啦
嘿，我…謝謝你 謝謝把他帶回來
不是跟你說過我會照顧他的
- 你自個兒也擔心 - 知道啦，呵
呃…你…你那個什麼課題做得怎樣了？
嗯…還行，還行
對不起，你是搞什麼課題來著？
社會實踐，還是社會學…
嘿，你剛剛說「社會實踐課」？
社會科學嗎？
你當我還是中學生啊？
不對，不對
- 不對？ - 是心理學
那你還學多久？
呃…我還有六個星期就…
- 真的？六個星期？ - 是啊
之後我就是職業醫師了 六個星期，對
- 哇喔 - 我知道，到時人就得付錢給我了，呵呵
- 真牛 - 是啊，是啊
我可不會付錢給你 至少這種「小聚」
我不忍心收你的錢
反正我已經廢掉了，所以…
噢，你人不壞的
那你想不想開…
十萬個為什麼呀？ 磨磨唧唧的老太婆
- 磨磨唧唧的老太婆 - 磨磨唧唧的老太婆
什麼都不能問嘍，我猜？
- 什麼都不能問 - 真的？
找你不是來談心的，就為你長得帥
你叫什麼名字？ 我不記得了，叫什麼來著？
好啦，我得走了，好嗎？ 嗯…再聯繫？
走吧
【歌曲：Money】
我就是這意思，我…
我想眼光長遠些 目前雖然不錯，但我不可能…
永遠年輕俊朗 開脫衣舞服飾店是個好主意
知道嗎？ 我常看卡爾頓·希茨這類人的節目 【深夜廣告推銷名人】
我還讀《富爸爸窮爸爸》
- 是本好書 - 你讀過？
- 我還參加過現場交流會 - 是嗎，呃…叫羅伯特·輕騎
- 是清崎 - 是啦，就是那傢伙 【羅伯特·清崎是書的作者】
對，對，對
嘿呀！
好啦，好啦，好啦，嘿，哈
所有人安靜一秒鐘
安靜一下好嗎？
嘿，大傢伙，都他娘閉嘴
裏奇，這布料可是他媽的絨面革，兄弟
- 哦，靠，對不起，哥們 - 沒關係，謝謝
好啦，我要宣佈一件事
就現在，你也得聽好，泰山 過來，大仔…
別站在角落，走近些 來呀，寶貝
我老早告訴過你們 今晚很特別
現在我就告訴你們這是為什麼
豐富多彩的週六下午
卻因為颶風而無法盡興
儘管如此 老天爺今夏非常眷顧我們這幫爺們兒
為此我可以高呼一聲「阿門」嗎？
- 能 - 阿門
市場投資我們聊了很多
一直在等合適的機會
一直在等出手的時機，舉辦我們的全球秀
從九月一號起…
我們不再是坦帕市的「搖滾戰鬥雞」了
不是啦，先生們，女士們
我們將是邁阿密海岸…
黃金地段4000平米樓盤裏的
「搖滾戰鬥雞」，我操他爺爺的
啊，大J仔，繼續他媽的保存實力
- 蒂托，叫她們「古巴姐妹花組合」，如何？ - 她們開始排練了
小子，準備大顯身手了嗎？準備好了嗎？
托拜西，準備好去海邊了嗎？
準備好了，哥們，準備好了，哈
肯，你下邊那幾招絕對是師奶殺手
- 感謝蒼天 - 她們絕對愛死你
哈，泰山，那邊的樹高的可以 足夠你從坦帕…
甩到他媽的邁阿密，如何呀？哈！
耶，我的得力干將
登月指日可待了，兄弟，呵
指日可待，操，耶
我還沒緩過神來，哥們 我們真要這麼幹？
噢，靠，當然啦，我們是要這麼幹，兄弟 是時候啦
那好吧
聽著，兄弟，要不是有你 我做夢都沒今天
我們得聯手干 就像之前我們說過的，聯手干
- 收入的7.5%，每個人平均分 - 你不是說過是10%嗎？
恭喜，小子
多謝，哥們
嘿，聽著，要是你想讓我弄點藥丸…
麥克不感興趣，但我倆可以平分
收入可觀，我敢保證
好啊，行啊
- 我隨後在找你詳聊，好嗎？ - 好
誰啊？
諾拉
別和這種人鬼混，兄弟
哈，嘿，寶貝兒，幹嘛呢？
啊？
不是，我在…呃…怎麼講，我在個派對
有點無聊，我想閃人了
要不我來接你？我還帶了禮物
什麼？
- 什麼事？ - 砰！
有東西給你
別介，你不會…
好吧
Ok，好吧，再聯繫
他叫赫爾曼
嗨，赫爾曼
他喜歡你
嗨，大家好，沒關係
嘿，哥們
我們想來點
好的
- 這豬真他媽可愛 - 呵呵
天使還是魔鬼？
- 天使 - 那就天使吧
- 嚼的話，勁兒來的更快 - 好的
- 保準你會愛上這玩意兒 - 好的
他媽的邁阿密，兄弟 呵，他媽的邁阿密
妞妞今晚過得好嗎？
這颱風也太強悍了，是吧？
- 靚 - 嗯…
我老婆的奶子很棒吧？
什麼？
我說我老婆的奶子很棒
是啊
去鑒定鑒定，兄弟
- 你他媽沒開玩笑吧？ - 我他媽沒開玩笑，鑒定一下吧
去感覺一下，真他媽超贊
來呀
沒事兒，去吧，兄弟
- 如假包換，我發誓 - 是啊，一定是真的
看見了吧？
- 嗯呵 - 真沒事？
我不介意，兄弟，她就好這口
我真他媽愛死你了
不，兄弟，是我愛你
- 你不知道 - 我愛你
不，我他媽…
我他媽愛死你了，哥們
我愛你，兄弟 你這人真他媽超凡脫俗
我愛你
我也愛你
八月
她在家嗎？
布魯克！
嗨
如何？
你的？
不是我的還會是他媽誰的？就是我的
和你很搭
來吧，咱們走，我們要慶祝慶祝
來吧
- 來吧 - 來呀
來吧，來來來
- 你在呼喚小狗啊？ - 啥？
- 你把我當小狗使喚啊？ - 誰會啊
要我教訓他嗎？
- 呵呵 - 那我就教訓一下他
- 好的，我見過你跳脫衣舞了 - 是地
和我說說個體戶的事
應該叫「創業者」，法國人發明的詞
你知道我有家屋頂修繕公司 我還有家手機美容店
但我最想創立一家傢俱定制公司
傢俱定制？那你應該是個能工巧匠
- 不敢當 - 我想就是
但你說話有水平，非常有見地
- 生意蠻多 - 是啊，是挺多
要是讓你選擇一件最令自己開心的事…
- 最開心的？ - 是，錢除外
那我只想住在海邊，每天醒來之後做各種傢俱
- 真的？ - 是啊
真的？桌椅板凳這類玩意兒？
什麼都做，但是定制，沒有重複
不是那種經常在人家廚房 裏看到的山寨貨
嘿，我可請不起定制傢俱的人
- 現在請得起了 - 好吧？
- 那你開了嗎？為啥還不開？ - 呵呵
只要銀行肯貸款，我立馬就開
知道嗎？我存了六年的錢
不然我也不會去做這些苦逼生意…
不會去脫衣 我存了大概1萬3，最後肯定要開
- 哇喔，1萬3耶，真不少 - 呵呵
是些5塊的
沒20的？
知道我為了一張20塊是怎麼跳的嗎？
- 不想 - 我邊喝邊跳給你看
- 不用，不用，呵呵 - 呵呵
要去邁阿密啦？
嗯哼
- 別生氣 - 我沒生氣
我不喜歡對他指手畫腳，我不好這口
你剛才是否…？我得確定一下 我的意見你採納啦？
不對他指手畫腳嗎？ 沒啦，我只是別無選擇啊
- 這就是我剛對你說的呀 - 什麼？你要我保證不干預他嗎？
- 想吵架嗎？ - 哈哈
我們第一次交手？
得啦，和好吧
- 我不想生你的氣 - 瞧你那德行
- 我真不想生你的氣 - 那你們就去邁阿密開心吧
就是別忘了普通老百姓
那些在白天出沒的人，他們不是吸血鬼
- 你不會是吸血鬼吧？ - 不是，我不是吸血鬼
唉…咱倆怎麼就是說不到一起呢？
- 有點像吸血鬼吧？ - 是啊，有點像
啥時候一起吃頓飯？
沒別的意思，就是去吃點東西
你的意思是約會嗎？
不是，只要你覺得不是約會，就不是
不知道
為啥？是因為那個叫什麼的人搬去奧蘭多啦？
保羅？
- 是啊，保羅和我有些事情得處理 - 嗯
你們進展如何？
- 這事兒你也想插個足？ - 不想
我不想找我老弟的脫衣舞男朋友當炮友
對不起，誰說當炮友啦？
我只是就事論事，把你當朋友傾訴
你想傾訴的話，我的門隨時開著，麥克
你在挑逗我老姐嗎？
沒，不好意思，就算有，你能拿我怎樣？
哇喔，哥們
- 不是我，是她 - 呵呵
噢…上帝，來吧，再來一次，再打一個，快呀
兄弟，我也想啊，就是不行 收到達拉斯的短信了嗎？
我們半個小時後要去女生聯誼會助興
女生聯誼會？
500大洋才能讓她們的酥胸
- 蹭到我們的傢伙 - 亞當，現在我算是搞懂了
我搞了個Kappa女，我搞了個Kappa女 【女生聯誼會成員稱為kappa女】
你們這些傢伙真…玩開心點
別介，我們別再鬧彆扭啦
- 呵呵 - 別鬧彆扭啦
自己回去吧，鑰匙在我這，對吧？
你才沒拿鑰匙呢，噢，靠，你真拿著
- 鑰匙在我這 - 鑰匙在她那，我們得走了
- 晚上好，你住這兒？ - 是啊
- 是嗎？叫什麼？ - 金
金，請往後退，好嗎？
有投訴說你們噪音擾民且未成年酗酒
先生們，都滿21了嗎？
不幸的是，我得查查你們的身份證
你能跟我到這邊嗎？
女士們，都滿21了嗎？
- 是的 - 真的？
她絕對沒21，對不起，你生日是？
呃…5月20日，19…
正如我料，雙手靠牆，都坐下
我們得在這兒呆一會兒
請把雙腿張開，女士
你身上是否有尖銳物品？這會扎到我
- 沒有 - 很好
因為我有
你看見了嗎？
嘿！
你是不是讓我的妞嗑迷幻藥了？
沒
我說你是不是讓我的妞嗑藥了？
嘿，滾開
Ok，冷靜
嘿！
嘿，滾開，我們得撤了，走，亞當，咱們走
好吧，都滾蛋
咱們走，咱們走
噢…你做什麼啦，兄弟？你他媽做什麼了？
給那些女孩嗑藥，你和她們又不熟
- 操，哥們 - 還好我們脫身了
- 我的背包，我們得回去 - 去他媽的背包
你不知道，藥丸全他媽在裏面
去他媽的藥丸，你自找的
托拜西交給我的，可以賺點外快
你他媽為什麼讓托拜西拿給你？
他為什麼給你？有多少？
不知道，哥們，估計他媽的有一百多顆
「估計一百多」還是一百顆？那可是1千塊
每少一顆就得還一顆的錢
操，兄弟，操，你猜怎麼？
- 你操什麼？什麼意思？ - 我還有份子錢呢，乖乖
我拿了達拉斯在邁阿密的份子錢，喔！
我才他媽的不在乎區區1千塊，誰稀罕？
操，干，真是瘋了
操
- 你想把我丟下？ - 不是，才不會
- 噢，我的天啊，你在這幹什麼？ - 嗨
我以為你出城了，永不回來了
是啊，我決定在城裏呆著
- 好極了，你好呀，兄弟，我是麥克 - 萊恩
- 很高興認識你 - 很高興認識你
呃…萊恩…嗯…是我未婚夫
什麼？
你他媽不是開玩笑吧？
我去趟衛生間
沒事，你們似乎有很多話要講
我也該去洗手間「鑒賞」一下鏡子了
- 見到你很高興，一會兒見，寶貝兒 - 好的
好吧
嗯…
好，好啦，我不是真的…
好，沒事
見到你很高興
喂，看看，怎麼垂頭喪氣的？
兄弟，出什麼事了？
呃…
沒事，就是搞砸了，對不起
「搞砸了」？「對不起」？
- 嗯… - 你要說的就這麼多？
我不知道，你真想談？
我估計你沒收錢吧
是的，抱歉，我忘記要錢了
他們拿啤酒瓶砸我們的頭
在我們執行大計劃之前…
我最不想看到的就是名聲受損，麥克
對不起，我們讓你名聲受損啦？
嗯
我只記得是我和這小子憑我們的名聲…
幫你執行你的「大計劃」，不是嗎？
你他媽說啥，兄弟？
不知道，你離我就六英尺，你聽到的
嘿，你得自己照照鏡子，老夥計
我團隊裏的人總有犯錯的時候
除你之外，對吧？
老夥計
啊
你現在想啥呢？
想咬我這個東郭先生啦？是吧，中山狼？
我他媽不靠你照樣能活，達拉斯
我立馬可以走出這道門，就現在
賺得遠不止他媽的7.5%
錯了，應該是10%
但你不會
過去不會，以後也不會
因為你做不到
我做不到？好吧
你還是把你自己的事處理好
嘿，怎麼啦？
- 你給我那包東西 - 嗯
- 全沒了 - 真好
沒了
丟了，沒了
- 你弄丟了？ - 對不起，哥們
對不起管屁用，你得收拾殘局
我們一起想辦法，沒事的
不是我們，你自己想法子
別他媽碰我
在這裏資格老沒一點屁用，兄弟
你從她們錢包裏掙多少，你就值多少
這個道理你比誰都懂
你想分大頭？那就想點新招出來，兄弟
你也不年輕了
你他媽在幹嘛？
今晚我要你表演水手，有四桌海軍軍嫂
- 換衣服去 - 噢，不，我聽取了你的意見
給你來點新招，既然我能拿到份子錢
【歌曲：Calypso】
正好到約會時間
我要宇航員的服裝
我碰到一個傢伙…
你讓她們爽了一把，麥克
好樣的，哥們
所有俄羅斯和美國的宇航員他都見過…
包括現在還在天上的，活的還有死的
第一個上太空的人…
是俄羅斯人，尤里·加加林
- 宇航員 - 他是第二個
第一個在返回途中死了
晚上去喝一台，聽見沒？
麥克
麥克，在嗎？
開門
- 麥克 - 好的，等等
- 嗨 - 嗨
昨晚很嗨吧？
- 什麼？ - 昨晚開心嗎？
是啊，呃…怎麼啦？
亞當在嗎？
我收到他一條怪怪的語音留言，像是喝醉了
打電話他又不接
- 在，他在這 - 好
他人呢？
呃…樓上吧
但不是一個人哦，所以你還是迴避的好
小子
亞當？
亞當，亞當
- 操 - 亞當
嘿，醒醒
住手，他沒事，還有呼吸
噢，我的天，亞當，他吃了些什麼狗屁玩意兒？
呃…估計就是點大麻，睜眼，兄弟
- 你他媽都對我弟弟幹了些什麼？ - 放鬆，呦，布魯克
他還有呼吸，他沒事
別他媽碰我，麥克 我他媽殺了你，我他媽殺了你
- 他會好的，呵 - 他不好
- 冷靜 - 不，閉嘴，閉嘴！
閉嘴，我算是看清你了，麥克 我他媽看清你了
你覺得一切盡在掌控，可我算他媽地看清你了
冷靜點，你他媽現在像個瘋子
你就是坨屎，30歲的老脫衣男
- 好吧，何不現在就滾蛋？ - 沒問題
好了，亞當，他媽快醒醒，亞當，拜託
亞當，咱們走，走啊，亞當
亞當，天啊
亞當，醒醒，亞當，我們得走了
- 別這樣 - 不，麥克，他是我弟弟
布魯克，讓我背他走，別這樣
我受夠了，亞當
你聽到了嗎？
快點，咱們走
你們這些人別翻了
我日她娘的
麥克？別碰他，嘿
嘿！
- 滾 - 對不起，兄弟
對不起？操你娘的
你們闖進我的屋子幹嘛？
我打你手機了，哥們
我手機？去我的手機，你們他媽的在幹嘛？
我讓他們別進來，但他們不是我手下的
這不是正好嗎？
聽著哥們，對不起，我們在找那小子，好嗎？
呃…所以你就帶他們來這？
- 你找他幹嘛？ - 他還沒還錢
這不，他今天就該還了
100顆，總共1000塊，這筆帳他沒問題啊？
不不不，他這麼跟你說的？100顆？
我們給了整整一包，老大，是整整一包啊
- 他那份是多少？ - 1萬
- 啥？ - 1萬
我不知道是他弄丟了，還是他媽的在開玩笑
不管怎樣，現在都不重要了，知道嗎？
聽著，你得…
那我該…
我不知道，或許我把我那輛車押著…
等他把事情搞定
靠，我不知道，哥們
別為難我，哥們，和我打交道的這幫人 不吃他媽的這一套
你要是想的話，我可以幫他求求情，過天再來
管他媽屁用，他沒錢
嘿，聽著…我也不想見你這樣做
只要以後別讓他賣迷幻藥了
不會了，他越來越混球
- 我們中得有人跟他聊聊 - 是啊，你談得還不夠嗎？
我會和他聊的
嘿
嗯…
我找亞當，打電話他不接
- 他好嗎？ - 還行，他還行
我是說，他不住這了
他住哪？
不確定，猜他和諾拉在一起吧
好吧，呃…要是見到他 就告訴他我來找過他
哈，真扯淡
你覺得呢？
我們就這樣玩完啦？你他媽不是認真的吧？
- 該說的我都說了 - 你昨天說了很多
你就沒別的要說？沒有其他補充嗎？
你當時讓我閉嘴，那我現在和你講
對不起，我搞砸了
這不是我本意，我不想搞砸，我發誓…
我會照顧他，可我沒有，為此我很抱歉
除了你，我沒別人…
好吧，我相信你…
我還知道你基本還是個好人
亞當…
就讓他自生自滅吧
只是我無法接受你的生活方式
你無法接受我的…？那不是我
你以為那就是…？那根本就他媽不是…
我不是…我「神奇」嗎？
現在是「神奇麥克」在和你說話嗎？
我的苦逼工作不是我，我不是…
我不是那樣的，那不是我 台上那個的確是我，但那不是真的我
我不是…
這就是我為啥要去邁阿密
我不想40老幾了，還在跳他娘的脫衣舞
我想擁有自己的東西，我想真正地…
我一直努力，這麼長時間…
那我跟你說的事，你是不是都不相信？
你現在是不是什麼都不信，我剛才…
你是不是什麼都不信？
麥克，問題是，你相信嗎？
我覺得邁阿密沒啥區別，只是比現在更糟，更惡劣而已
但還是祝你好運
如果你相信，那就祝你好運
亞當也是
但我會一直在這
嘿
我，呃…
錢的事我得謝謝你
我知道那對你意味著什麼
尤其是你還想開什麼破傢俱公司
我，呃…
我會一分不少都還給你，我想讓你知道
好吧
哥們，20年後我們回首往事，估計你已翹腳了…
但20年後我回首往事 回首那些年我們一起幹的事，哥們
靠，就看看三個月前我還在幹嘛吧
三個月前
再看看我現在
真不知該怎麼謝你
靠，哥們，我當時一無是處
我現在有錢了
我想幹誰就干誰
我自由了，多謝你
我日子過得真他媽爽
到了邁阿密，我們他媽的繼續爽，哥們
笑一個吧，你能看著我嗎？
我只有一件事要說
就是：敬我最好的朋友
他給了我這輩子想都不敢想的東西
為了美好的未來
「坦帕市的女士」
「當你們第一次走進我的生命」
「你們就變成了我的老婆」
「女士們，耶，我是說真的」
「坦帕市的女士」
「即使我們就要離去」
「有件事你們要知道」
「不管你愛我不愛」
「噢，噢，噢」
「我會永遠愛你們更多」
「我永遠比你們想像的愛更多」
「你把我拴在鐵鏈上，我就是你靈魂的奴隸」
「對此我無力抗拒，千真萬確」
「坦帕市的女士」
【歌曲：Calling Dr.Love】
- 我可以做你朋友 - 哈哈
那浪漫呢？
用愛的長臂迷住她們，寶貝
- 我的好朋友，安迪 - 哈哈
我只是說你總愛找茬
我知道我們能幹嘛：《狂蟒之災第三部》
嘿，呃…那…
喔！
- 耶 - 操他娘的
達拉斯重操舊業了
喔！我他媽東山再起啦
哈！
這他媽辣，重操舊業真他媽爽
- 那都老掉牙了 - 噢，操
魅力不減
大家都準備搖滾起來大幹特幹了嗎？
準備好了
耶
麥克呢？
他走了
小麥？
他去尿尿了，一會兒就回來
小麥走了
什麼意思，他走了？
我以為他去尿尿，從後門走的
嗨，麥克，呦
走吧，到我們了
他會回來的，哥們
好啦，過來
準備好挑大樑了嗎？
- 準備好挑大樑了嗎？ - 是的，我準備好了
- 等這一刻我等了好久 - 就交給你啦，過來
現在就他媽開始，咱們他媽的好好幹
好好演，咱們走，小子入圍，麥克出局
我們把這小混蛋一直帶到邁阿密 走吧，嘿
好啦，女士們，我們可以搞出火
我們可以玩火，現在我們得搞點雨
能下點雨嗎，女士們？ 能下點雨嗎？
這座舞台的最後一場演出，掌聲有請
天下無雙，你們唯一的 「坦帕市搖滾戰鬥雞」
嘿
你來這幹嘛？
嗯…
你這會兒不是在演出嗎？
我可以…呃…嗯…
我就想說說話
好啊，行啊
進來吧
嗯…
我…呃…我過來就想…
聽著，在你開口之前…
我想讓你知道…
你今早過來的時候 亞當還沒跟我說你為他做的事
那可是筆大錢
- 你其實根本就不用 - 我那樣做不是為他
聽著，我壓根不是為這事兒來的，我只是…
嗯…我不去邁阿密了
- 當真？ - 是的，我想你是對的，我不幹了
哇喔
那你要做什麼呢？
呵，我不知道，我想我得制定新方案
想邊吃邊聊嗎？
什麼？約會嗎？
嗯…
保羅會怎麼說？
保羅什麼都不能說，我和他分手了
他不是早餐達人？
他不如我
好事，那麼我想來點早餐
好的
咱們出去覓食
問題是我只知道一家，是我最喜歡的地兒
他們有最好的煎蛋，我是常客 我一進去…
吃得基本都端到桌上了，他們也能為你做
上點華夫餅，煎餅，隨你點
我喜歡華夫餅，咱們走吧
問題是早上6點才開門
還有7個小時
嗯哼
是啊
7個小時我們能幹嘛？
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