Dubey!
- Not here.
Not here yet? He's an impossible fellow!
Nearly 11:00. How to fix this?
He wants money but doesn't want to work.
Dubeyji? Lalit Verma, who else?
Very kind of you to answer.
What's going on? No sign of anyone.
Fry the pakoras. Tea for the master. Hurry!
God forbid it! The wedding is so soon.
Hundreds of things to get tense about.
The marigold gate is falling apart.
The flowers are everywhere. What's going on?
No need to get so upset, sir.
Flowers? What's a few flowers?
For you, I'll bring Kashmir's Mughal garden.
Just say the word.
I'm stranded in a traffic jam.
Enough! Get here on the double.
Ten minutes, exactly and approximately.
I can't phone and drive.
What's the idiot up to?
Where were you?
You're incredible.
The guests are on their way.
Did you? Out with the truth!
These are our laws.
Change the constitution, then censorship will follow.
What do you think?
Let's hear some dialogue from the new script.
Go ahead, please.
Give it to me.
Come on.
More, big boy. More.
I like it like that.
Big boy, I like it.
Give me more.
Come inside me.
Give it to me.
Come!
If he wants the works,
then he must get the cash out.
The one-rupee era is over.
Tea anyone?
Four teas.
- King Dubey! - At your service.
Gracing us with your presence?
Your daughter is my daughter. Why worry?
The wedding is in four days.
Today, the engagement.
The groom is on his way.
Want me to lose face? - Important call.
Call my pager, damn it!
More important things to do?
Now you're an event manager.
Fix this now! - Yadav!
Tameez-ud-din!
Lottery!
Get down. Fix it!
Insolent bums! Want tea, do you? To work!
Right away!
Hi, Uncle!
King Dubey, move your van.
Move the van!
Where have you been?
How lovely!
Take it easy.
No, Ma.
I'll stop at the temple. It may get late.
No, I won't eat at home. I'll come late.
You can pack the food in the tiffin.
Forgive me.
Ma, leave the worrying about the stock market to me.
I can deal with it.
Twelve rupees a minute calling me on the mobile.
Hang up.
I saw cousin Aditi naked, and I almost saw you naked too.
Enough. Get dressed for the engagement.
What is it, my child?
In God's name,
what on earth is written here?
There is no such word, my child.
It's a spelling mistake.
There should be an L here. It's "luxurious."
Brought the whiskey?
Anyone about?
Let's take the whiskey in.
Australian idiot - you!
We're hardly late. You get tense for nothing.
Talk fast. Can't catch the network.
Let me come down.
One minute!
Speak. No, no, no.
Yes, I'll be there.
That's correct. Take the advance.
Life's such a comedy.
No signal up there. But there's one down here.
The virtuous virgin look really suits me.
Breasts like baby mangoes.
The groom!
The groom's here!
Congratulations, Mr. Rai!
Pay your respects to Grandmother.
Look what I have for you.
Know why God arranged your marriage in a hurry?
I told him I had to see a great-grandson before dying.
He heard me!
How beautiful!
So fair and lovely.
Say hello to Hemant.
Enough!
I met C.L. only once, and we got married right away!
Don't you feel like getting married?
Sweeten your mouths, my dears.
Just in time!
My dear brother-in-law!
Look at him.
What a complete idiot!
Calls my son an idiot, then calls him a duffer.
Who does he think he is?
I'm not coming back to India.
My naughty niece, couldn't you wait?
The motherfucker doesn't have a dime to his name,
and he wants the White House theme for his daughter's wedding!
How the fuck will that happen?
The swine hasn't any shit in him,
and he invites other pigs for dinner!
What?
- We need more ice. - What?
I've told them once.
I've told them a thousand times they'll need ice.
They never listen.
Now what?
Do you need some water?
Water?
Okay.
Fridge water or tap water?
Fridge water.
Our eyes made the right signal
And I found a partner for life
Shut up, you assholes!
I quit.
America makes everyone quit smoking.
The Rais are so cultured.
Speak a little English and you become a very cultured family.
Rai!
Make her understand.
Lots of money in writing these days.
That girl who won the Booker Prize
became an overnight millionaire!
Two weddings in one!
I have anotherjoke. Nonvegetarian!
Let me start rehearsing, then.
I won't listen to you or to Ria's mother.
I can still work.
This is India's big problem.
Alice, has the fuse blown?
Alice! Get the phone.
When are you arriving?
Yes, yes. She's here, swinging on my shoulders.
The line's cut.
Sisterfucker, what a pain!
All the fuses have blown.
Pardon?
Which is the house fuse?
This one?
I'll fix it right away.
The light, a little closer, please.
A little to this side, please.
A little lower.
Your shadow is in the way.
A little closer.
Trying to say something? It's hot today.
Switch it on. The power is back.
What a silly asshole I am.
Eat, Son, eat!
What is it?
Some gratitude.
We are so grateful, dear Pimmi.
This wedding is driving me crazy!
Today will be a long day.
It's hot, too, after all that rain.
May I have...
a glass of water?
I'm very thirsty.
What is your good name?
It's an English name.
Where are you from? - Bihar.
What's your name?
Parbatlal Kanhaiyalal Dubey.
But I've changed it to P.K. Dubey.
But it makes people laugh. In the city, they call me Dubeyji.
Parbatlal is a nice name.
They're newly printed.
I'm into event management.
It has the address to send mail through the computer.
You know about it? Yes.
Keep it. Take some more.
This is fine.
Tell me you love me.
Have you seen the movie Tell Me You Love Me?
Yes.
What happened?
Nothing happened.
I must be going.
Tell me something.
How many weddings have I organized so far?
At least 150 or 175.
How come I'm not married yet?
My poor mother has grown old saying,
"Son, get me a daughter-in-law."
Now I've done my thinking.
I'll put an end to my lonesome, vagabond life.
I'll find myself a decent, simple girl
and begin life as a family man.
The hope now is that the next tent Dubey puts up
has Dubey entering as the groom.
Bravo!
I swear, pure genius!
Motherfucker.
Do I pay you to sit on your ass? Get to work!
Coming, sir.
Not a minute of peace.
This is the limit. A white tent?
A white tent?
- Yes, sir. - What's this "yes, sir"?
What's with the white tent?
This is the fashion these days. Millennium style. Y2K dot.
Smart-ass!
A white tent! Is this a wedding or a funeral?
I only have one daughter. I don't want a white tent.
Put up a colorful tent.
Red, yellow, green, blue.
Okay. Yadav!
Get this down. It's not wanted.
He wants the old look.
Get it down.
What about the waterproofing?
It was never discussed.
What do you mean, Dubey?
The peacocks have stopped dancing. It won't rain.
Peacocks? You've been smoking pot?
Okay, sir. Advance.
In foreign countries, deal is deal.
Look, sir.
See, everything in foreign style. In writing.
The number of plates and spoons.
But no waterproofing.
You want more? Pay more.
How much?
$5,000.
I'm not a nonresident Indian.
Your garden is huge. Well, your daughter is my daughter.
Advance, sir.
Today we work. Tomorrow, holiday. Strike, day after.
Then our wedding. - This is all I have now.
I'll give you the rest later.
This won't pay for a thing.
You'll fall sick. A Popsicle, now?
This one's for Hemant's sister.
You bought one for his cousin in Bangalore?
So many cousins!
Look at this silk sari.
So smooth, even a fly could slide on it.
Once your eyes behold its beauty, the fly has gone.
It's too gaudy.
- Who's the bride? - She's having a Popsicle outside.
Come!
Put them properly.
Over there.
All right.
Not a single flower in place yet.
I knew it. She's a thief!
Motherfucker.
Motherfuckers!
She's not stealing. Fucking assholes!
You don't come to golfthese days.
I'm busy with my daughter's wedding.
How much do you need, pal?
$1 2,000.
A daughter's wedding, that's what happens.
Or I'd be wiped out.
O women of the house
Decorate me with henna
Make these fair hands beautiful with henna
Madhorama asks which one shall we marry
Madhorama says The Fat One
The Fat One needs too large a bed to sleep on
- Let's drop her by the wayside - Right on
- We want another - Right on
We are fancy gentlemen
Brimming with lust and desire
Life intoxicates us
Do I lie - No way
Madhorama asks which one shall we marry
Madhorama says The Fair One
The Fair One has the color of butter
She sleeps alone on the roof as her lover pines for her below
This is the one we'll have
This is the one we like
we will marry her
Shashi, remember when we were newlyweds?
Lalit and my brother would sleep.
You'd come to my room and tell me dirty jokes.
Your Lalit may have gone to sleep,
but my C.L. would never sleep, nor would he let me sleep!
Go! No men allowed!
Stick with me. You'll have fun with me!
Cash in on the pleasures of life with me.
I'm giving birth!
Lemon juice. The henna's drying.
As I leave for my father-in-law's house
I will take your dreams with me
The gift of bracelets
Binds me in marriage
My father, I leave the palace of your love
To become a stranger to you forever
How did they grow up so quickly?
The Betrayal of your Erect Dick — How does it feel?
Roll down the window.
What are you doing here so late?
None ofyour business.
Big words in English, eh?
Should we take you to the station?
Out. Out you come!
Who do you thinkyou are?
You may have a bomb. Who knows?
Get out right now.
You too.
Hands up. Bastard!
- Your time's up. - Hands up, fucker!
- Home. - Give it to me.
A bride's henna-painted hands!
You couldn't wait, eh?
Ifyou are in such a hurry, come with me.
You'll be in for a treat.
Shall I call your lover?
Go get him.
O hero!
Madam, stop!
The bird has flown.
Grab this, Lottery.
Catch!
Throw it!
How should I arrange the colors?
Any way you want.
I'll nail it.
Brothers, I'm going.
Do without me.
- What's up? - I'm not feeling well.
I've worked with Dubeyji five years.
I've never seen him like this.
He isn't even eating marigolds.
We must do something.
Jaichandji!
How's life?
I recognized you at first glance, my friend.
I haven't seen you around. - I've been away for four years.
- What will you have? - Two of your special teas.
No sugar in mine.
You've been brain washed by America. No sugar, if you please.
Yesterday, Naresh Sharma was here from America.
He wanted Sweet'N Low. Can you imagine?
We'll chat another time.
Absolutely.
Move your bike, man.
Move your bloody bike!
He doesn't listen. I give up.
Let's find him a nice boy.
Our son will be a cook.
A cook!
He's just a kid.
Yes, darling?
You want to be an entertainer?
Nothing has been decided.
Son, listen to me.
Alice, one minute.
We wanted to talk to you.
- We're sorry. - We made a big mistake.
We didn't do it on purpose.
We couldn't see clearly.
We made a mistake, Alice.
We're sorry.
It won't happen again.
Bravo! The stock has gone up.
I told you before the stock would go up.
But you thought your mother was a fool.
That's what you had decided.
"What does she know about the stock market?"
I knew it. It's up, isn't it?
Now you go tomorrow and sell the shares —
Oh, God.
What is the use of this money?
I'll die before I see the face ofa grandson.
Your father's name will sink without a trace.
Listen.
Did you tell the neighbors about the toilet?
It's flooded again.
What sin did I commit?
You don't like any girl!
Don't you feel like settling down?
Ramesh is six months younger than you, and he has two children.
He earns halfwhat you do.
Her mother shows off her grandsons to make me jealous.
Oh, God! Have you gone mad?
Roaming about in your underwear!
After Partition, we came here with nothing.
Nowhere to go, no future.
Tej's family looked after us.
He educated us, made us stand on our feet.
There are no accounts between families.
Now you're one of us.
Welcome.
"Your eyes brim with intoxication.
Your skin glows from the fragrance of rose petals."
Don't take out your parents' anger on me.
May this enchanted evening glow forever.
Bloody foreigner!
"Only brave warriors fall from their horses in battle.
How can kneeling cowards know what a fall is?"
We're in-laws now.
The idiot's dancing!
Bravo!
I love you, brother!
You have listened to everyone but Shashi.
And now we present Shashiji!
My throat is sore, but I'll try.
Head straight here.
Aliya, come.
Troubling your mother?
Did you see Tej Uncle? That tall old man.
Insolent, crazy girl!
I'm falling, Pimmi. Hold me.
Don't do this, my child.
Let's go home.
I don't understand. What can I do?
You can do nothing, Uncle.
Without you, the wedding can't happen.
We are so indebted to them.
Come home, I beg you.
It's not your fault.
Aren't you my little one?
Everything will break.
At the gentleman's feet.
Come, darling. Be blessed by your elders.
You won't receive the groom.
For such a small thing —
Ready?
The soaked in-laws are here.
Verma family, forge ahead!
Get drenched, bloody fools!
Should I wear it?
Take the groom in. He'll get wet.
Be happy.
Long live Mr. and Mrs. Dubey!
Dubey and his lovely bride!
It's your own tent. You won't get wet.
Fabulous waterproofing, Dubey!
The bride is coming!
Watch out!
The wedding garlands!
My son, Umang!
My darling son, you're here!
Bring on the music!
We finally made an Indian out of you!
Come on, Mrs. Dubey! Let's dance!