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我很担心艾比 她昨晚爬到我们床上 I'm worried about Abby crawling in bed with us last night.
她八岁后就没这么做过了 She hasn't done that since she was eight.
她肯定没应付过来 She must be having trouble coping.
天 能扰乱孩子们的方式太多了 God, there's so many ways to mess up your children.
至少我们没有过奖她 对吧 At least we didn't over-praise her, right?
亲爱的 Honey?
我们今天得杀个人给你吃 亲爱的 We have to kill somebody today so you can eat them, sweetheart.
我也很担心艾比 I'm worried about Abby, too,
但我满脑子都是杀人和吃人 but I can't stop thinking about the murdering and eating thing.
我知道我们今天得杀人 I know we have to kill somebody today,
但我们每天都得为人父母 but we have to be parents every day.
天 我太饿了 我两天没吃了 God, I'm so hungry. I haven't eaten in two days.
我知道 I know.
煎蛋卷怎么样 亲爱的 好吃吗 How's that omelet, sweetie? Good?
我在尝试新吃法 就着番茄干吃 Yeah, I'm trying this new thing with the sundried tomat--
抱歉 I'm sorry.
把你嘴里的东西咽下去 Just swallow what's in your mouth.
还记得我们在托斯卡纳吃的晚餐吗 Do you remember that dinner we had in Tuscany?
在城堡外的阳台上 On the terrace, outside the castle.
我一直在想那个服务生现在尝起来该有多好吃 I keep thinking about how good that waiter would taste right now.
要迟到了 我去星巴克随便买点早餐 Running late. I'll grab something at Starbucks.
等下 亲爱的 Wait a second, sweetie.
我知道过去几天发生了不少变化 I know there's been a lot of changes in the last couple days,
但有件事没有变 but one thing hasn't.
你想谈心的话可以找你爸爸和我 Your father and I are here for you if you ever need to talk.
我有个主意 I have an idea.
今晚开始 我们应该恢复家庭晚餐 Starting tonight, we should have regular family dinners.
把内心话说出来 不做点评 Tell each other what's on our mind. No judgments.
就像你现在的表情这样 Like the kind I see in your face right now.
听起来不错 Sounds awesome.
所以今晚吃什么或者该说我们今晚谁吃呢 So what, or should I say who, are we eating tonight?
吃谁 Whom.
我告诉过你 从现在开始 And as I've told you, from now on,
我只吃生鸡肉和生牛肉 I'll only be eating raw chicken and beef.
我们要吃"艾比怎么了"的配菜 And we'll be having a side dish of "How's Abby doing?"
或许再来点西班牙米饭 And maybe some Spanish rice.
你们真想知道艾比怎么了吗 You really wanna know how Abby's doing?
艾比不喜欢她父母管她的B Abby doesn't like that her parents are all up in her B.
你的屁股吗 Your butt?
不是 天 我的事 No! God! My business!
好吧 在学校过得愉快... Okay, well, have a good day at schoo--
骗她的滋味真不好受 I feel bad lying to her
但我不想让艾比知道 but I don't want Abby to know
她的父母要去杀人 her parents are going to be killing people.
没错 她已经瞧不起我们了 Yeah, she thinks so little of us already.
所以我刚在想 So, I was thinking:
要是我们非得这么做 if we're gonna do this,
我们就要确保万无一失 we have to do it right.
我们不能随便杀人 We can't just kill anybody.
我们得杀那些没人会惦记的人 We have to kill someone who won't be missed.
-那些没有成家的人 -没错 - Someone without a family. - Right.
还有那些罪有应得的坏人 And someone bad who deserves it.
对 比如呢 Oh, yeah, like who?
我不知道 I don't know.
年轻单身的希特勒最为理想 I guess the prototype would be a young, single Hitler.
我们会成为英雄的 God. We'd be heroes.
我们锁定目标后 我们得做好准备 And when we do find someone, we have to be prepared.
别再冲动杀人 太冒险了 No more impulse killing, it's too risky.
双手赞同 Totally.
我们得先准备好防水布 手套 We have to get tarps, gloves,
拖把 海绵 清理血迹的漂白剂 mops, sponges, bleach to clean up the blood...
所有的血 好多的血 到处是血 All the blood. So much blood. Blood everywhere.
-亲爱的 -怎么了 - Hon? - Yeah?
你不用陪我去 You don't have to go with me.
我不会让你一个人去做这事 亲爱的 I'm not sending you out to do this alone, sweetheart.
我们要一起做 We're doing it together.
不过杀人的事由我负责 But I'll do the actual killing, okay?
所以这点你不用担心 So you don't have to worry about that.
好吧 Yay.
还好这不是那种 I am so glad this is not one of those diseases
让皮肤干燥的疾病 that dries your skin out.
那样的话就糟了 Yeah, that'd be the worst.
要不我们杀了那个趁女人拔智齿 What if we kill that dentist who got that woman pregnant
把她肚子搞大的牙医吧 while she was having her wisdom teeth out?
那是Lifetime台放的电影吧 I think that was just a Lifetime movie.
没错 那些电影好有意思 Yeah, those are fun.
杀我瑜伽课上的那个贱婢怎么样 What about that shitty woman in my yoga class?
-她有小孩吗 -有 他们也很贱 - Doesn't she have kids? - Yeah, but they're shitty, too.
抱歉 是我的饥饿在说话 I'm sorry, it's the hunger talking.
年轻单身的希特勒们都在哪 Man, where are all the young, single Hitlers?
说到希特勒 你妈来电话了 Speaking of Hitler, your mom called.
她说她有个朋友也许想雇我们卖房子 She says she has a friend that might have a listing for us.
琼吗 Was it Joan?
她在蓝岭有一座超赞的带四间卧室的房子 She has that amazing four-bedroom on Blue Ridge.
另外 你妈也不是省油的灯 By the way, your mom's not so easy either.
就是那房子 有超赞的泳池和厨房 That's the house. Swimmer's pool, chef's kitchen,
至少我妈不会每个星期质问我 and at least my mom doesn't ask me every week
为什么我们只生了一个小孩 why we only had one kid.
我们可以回到杀人的话题吗 Can we get back to killing people?
因为我感觉杀人的话题没这么沉重 Because I feel like that's a less loaded subject.
-你知道你开得太快了吗 -什么 - You know how fast you were going? - What?
警察幽默 没反应过来吧 乔 Cop humor. Went over your head, Joel.
我在想 Just wondering,
你们用什么除蚁剂来对付蚂蚁 what kind of spray are you using on those ants of yours?
什么除蚁剂 What kind of ant spray?
你跟我说你们半夜是在除蚁 You told me you were spraying ants in the middle of the night.
现在我想知道你们用的什么除蚁剂 Now I wanna know what you were using.
你问这个干嘛 丹 Why do you do this, Dan?
我只是在问我的邻居一个友好的问题 I'm just asking my neighbor a friendly question.
乔 用的什么 Well, Joel?
说不好 I don't know.
蚂蚁去无踪 蚂蚁不复返 去你的蚂蚁 Ants Away, Ants Be Gone, Fuck You, Ants.
去你的蚂蚁 Fuck You, Ants.
你们最好认真点对待这事 You people need to take this more seriously.
千万别草率屠杀 You never want a sloppy kill.
要是遗留了什么 You leave anything behind,
可就后患无穷啊 it's gonna come back and bite you in the ass.
乔 希拉 Joel, Sheila.
小镇滋味 第一季第三集
-他肯定是盯上我们了 -你可说不好 - I'm telling you, he's onto us. - We don't know that.
谁会大张旗鼓含沙射影地谈论蚂蚁 Who talks about ants with that much intensity and innuendo?
说不定他就是痴迷蚂蚁 Maybe he's just obsessed with them.
你知道蚂蚁可以搬运自身体重50倍的东西吗 Did you know that ants can carry up to 50 times their weight?
它们是种有趣的生物 乔 They're not uninteresting creatures, Joel.
我们应该买点其它东西 省得看起来可疑 We should buy some other stuff so we don't look suspicious.
清理房间有什么可疑的 Suspicious that we're cleaning our house?
我们还得为了周二玉米饼日买脆皮玉米饼 We also need taco shells for Taco Tuesday.
吃那个会弄得一团糟 Which gets so messy.
我有点后悔浪费了那么多加里 I feel bad that I wasted so much of Gary.
我们可以回收利用 做化肥 We recycle, we compost,
然而我浪费了150磅的肉 and yet I threw away 150 pounds of meat.
你只能吃那么多 宝贝 You ate much as you could, honey.
就连加里也没指望你把他吃完 Even Gary wouldn't have expected you to finish him.
速冻海鲜 Flash-frozen seafood.
你觉得不错吗 我们从来没想过给你喂鱼 That looks good to you? We never tried to feed you a fish.
你得改改你谈论我的方式 We're gonna have to work on how you talk about me.
不 我是说冷冻最接近新鲜 No. Frozen is the closest thing to fresh.
我们可以买个肉类冷藏柜放到仓库里 What if we got a meat freezer and put it in the storage unit
我们杀了人后 当我想吃东西时 and when we kill somebody, we can just chisel off
就可以直接凿一块来吃 不会再浪费了 chunks of it when I need to eat. No more waste.
还得凿啊 There's gonna be chiseling.
亲爱的 我可以自己来 Sweetie, I can do this on my own.
不 我和你一起去 我没事 No, I'm going with you. I'm fine.
天啊 Jesus.
我在想 也许我们今天可以不翘课 Hey, I was thinking, maybe instead of ditching again today,
而是去上课作为我们反抗的方式 we could go to class as an act of rebellion?
就像民权运动的静坐抗议那样 Like the sit-ins of the Civil Rights Movement.
只是我们是坐在课桌前 Except we'll be sitting at desks
而且没有道德使命 and have no real moral imperative.
经历了过去几天所发生的事以后 After everything that's happened the last couple of days,
我觉得学校太无聊了 我想做点刺激的事 school's too boring. I want to do something exciting.
珍妮·露易丝横穿高速公路 Janie Lewis ran across the freeway.
这个就算了 So that's out.
我继父的车库里有很多防暴装备 Oh, my stepdad has a bunch of intense riot gear in the garage.
我和朋友杰克逊有时候会穿上防弹衣 Sometimes my friend Jackson and I will put on the body armor
互相用棍子用力击打对方 and just hit each other with sticks... hard.
几乎没有感觉 You can barely feel it.
就算打到蛋蛋也是 Even in the balls. So...
-我不想干那个 -不适合每个人 - I don't want to do that. - It's not for everyone.
-煞风景小艾 机器男 -他叫艾瑞克 - Hey, Six Minute Abs. Robot Guy. - Oh, it's Eric.
没关系 你好 莎拉·伊丽莎白·牛顿 It's okay. Hi, Sarah Elizabeth Newton.
你来这儿干什么 你从不翘课的 What are you doing here? You don't ditch school.
-就胡乱尝试新事物 -真不错 - Just trying shit out. - I love that for you.
我之前买过白鼬 I once bought a ferret.
如果在聊尝试新事物的话 I mean, if we're all talking about trying shit out,
我买过一只白鼬 I bought a ferret.
你今天也要翘课吗 想出去玩吗 Okay, are you ditching today, too? Do you wanna hang out?
不 我不行 我要见科尔 Oh, no, I can't. I'm seeing Cole.
看看他送我的三个月纪念日的礼物 Look what he got me for our three-month anniversary.
天啊 他真是个好男孩 God, he's such a sweet boy.
他不是男孩 莎拉 他是个26岁的毒贩 He's not a boy, Sarah. I mean, he's a 26-year-old drug dealer
开着一辆写着"来问我的小丁丁"标语的车 who drives a car that says, "ask me about my tiny dick."
莎拉 Yo, Sarah.
别羡慕 我的人生就是这么刺激 Don't be jealous. I just have an exciting life.
顺便说一句 他有根完美的小丁丁 And by the way, it is a perfect starter dick.
爱你 今晚给你打电话 I love you, okay? I'll call you tonight.
我的人生一点也不刺激 Yeah, I don't have an exciting life at all.
我妈是活死人 I mean, I just have an undead mom
我们把吃了一半的尸体埋到了荒漠里而已 and we buried a half-eaten corpse in the desert.
你妈真的提高了门槛 Your mom really raised the bar.
真希望我能想出什么特别有趣的事去做 I just wish I could think of something super fun to do.
-你喜欢游戏吗 能测试... -不喜欢 - Do you like games that test your... - No.
我也是 Yeah, me neither.
没关系 你不用想方设法哄我开心 It's okay, it's not your job to make me happy.
听起来我需要 然后我被炒了 Sounds like it was and I just got fired.
他和我分手了 He broke up with me.
他连车都没下 还把我的玉米饼拿走了 He didn't even get out of his car and he took my quesadilla.
他开车经过把我甩了 He drive-thru dumped me.
那个混蛋 别难过 莎拉 That jerk. I'm sorry, Sarah.
-你可以吃我的玉米卷 -我不想要玉米卷 - You can have one of my taquitos. - I don't want a taquito.
那个混蛋大叔 That middle-aged fuck boy.
我还把那件蓝色毛衣落在他家了 And I left my blue sweater at his house.
你生日我送的那件吗 我超爱那件毛衣 The one I got you for your birthday? I love that sweater.
-我也很喜欢 -男人们真可恶 - I love that sweater. - Men are such assholes.
我想报复他 I wanna get back at him.
这事可做 That's something we could do today.
报复一个毒贩吗 听起来有点危险 Go after a drug dealer? That sounds a little dangerous.
对吧 I know, right?
当然 我们该去试试 Yeah, for sure, we should lean into that.
特大仓库
我们买了放尸体的冷藏柜 这事搞定 Well, we bought a freezer to keep bodies in, so that's done.
现在只需要一个邪恶 罪有应得 All we need now is someone who's evil, deserving,
没人会惦记 体积不到0.5立方米的人 won't be missed, and is under 18 cubic feet.
我们可不能杀我妈 We're not killing my mother.
我没提议她 I wasn't suggesting that,
但是你的思路很有意思 but it's so interesting that's where your mind went.
我肚子饿得直叫 My stomach's growling.
里克 你好 Hey, Rick.
里克 你好 Hi, Rick.
对不起 我刚才在听烹饪节目 非常放松 Sorry. I was listening to a cooking podcast. Very relaxing.
你知道 西兰花 菜花 Did you know, broccoli, cauliflower,
还有甘蓝小包菜都是同一科的吗 and Brussels sprouts are all from the same family?
真神奇 你是警察 Awesome. So you're a cop.
你知道咱们周围有犯罪分子吗 Are there any criminals who live in this neighborhood?
就是那种 真正的畜生 社会败类 You know, real animals, society's waste,
坏得只能独居 people so bad that they live alone.
我们问这个是因为我们有一些客户 The reason we ask is 'cause we have some clients
想要了解犯罪情况 who want to know about crime
尤其是坏人都住在哪 and specifically where bad people live.
咱们这一片挺好的 Well, this neighborhood's pretty good.
但是有个恋童癖刚搬到街那边 But a pedophile just moved in down the street.
恋童癖太完美了 A pedophile's perfect.
完美 正是我们想要的 Yeah, perfect. That's just what we need, right?
至少你家孩子已经16岁 过了青春期了 At least your kid is 16 and past her prime.
我家孩子才6个月大 I got a six-month-old.
我不是说你们女儿不性感 I'm not saying your daughter's not desirable.
我的意思是她对恋童癖来说没有稚嫩的性感 I'm just saying she's not toddler hot. To a pedophile.
他们是这么说的 That's how they talk.
这人长什么样 So, what's this guy look like?
35岁左右 意大利人 挺健硕的 About 35, Italian, beefy.
那这个健硕的意大利人 活动范围是怎样的 So this beefy Italian, walking distance?
不用担心 所有的恋童癖都是登记在册的 Don't worry about it. All pedophiles are on the registry.
受密切监视 Very closely monitored.
-这样啊 -一帮死变态 - Really? - Yeah, sick bastards.
他们就算是买瓶护肤液 They can't even buy a bottle of lotion
我们都知道 without us knowing about it.
看 大黄蜂找到我的迷迭香了 Oh, look, Mr. Bumblebee found my rosemary.
要知道集思广益也没什么坏处 Just remember there are no bad ideas in spitballing.
我吃里克怎么样 What if I eat Rick?
我觉得集思广益可能想出馊主意 I think there might be bad ideas in spitballing.
你不能把邻居吃了 You can't eat our neighbor.
他扎根到自己的草药园里了 Oh, he's knee-deep in his herb garden,
这人简直就是在给自己调味 the man is seasoning himself.
我需要食物 我都要饿疯了 I need food. I'm losing my mind.
找个杀人对想怎么就这么难呢 Why is it so hard to find someone to kill?
每次我去买咖啡 Every time I get coffee,
总有个混蛋朝咖啡师吼 there's some dipshit yelling at the barista.
要不我给科尔家订一打披萨外卖报复他吧 Maybe I get back at Cole by sending a dozen pizzas to his house.
不行 我们得玩点大的 No, we have to think bigger than that.
要是史诗级 永生难忘的 We need something epic, unforgettable.
同时要和他的所作所为相称 Yet proportionate.
去他妈的相称 Screw proportionate.
艾比回家了 Abby's home.
我们谈论的这个人 I mean, we're talking about a guy
简直是史上最大恶人 who is literally the worst person ever.
-"史上最大恶人" -有点意思 - "Worst person ever." - I'm interested.
他就是个恶魔 The man is a monster.
是啊 他都26了还和未成年少女滚床单 Yeah, he's 26 and has sex with underage girls.
听起来不错 I like the sound of that.
而且还向青少年兜售毒品 Plus, he sells drugs to kids.
他向青少年兜售毒品 He sells drugs to kids.
我发誓 我们刚开始约会时我不知道这事 I swear, I had no idea about that when we started dating.
他Instagram的用户名是少年大麻 His Instagram is KidWeed.
我还以为那是讽刺呢 I thought that was ironic.
Instagram 少年大麻
打扰下 服务生 我要这个 Excuse me, waiter? I'll have that.
科比房地产 希拉&乔
你知道吗 Did you know,
三周后 这间房就挂牌一年了 in three weeks we'll have had this listing for a year?
不是我们的错 It's not our fault.
要价太高了 It's priced too high,
房主就是不肯降价 the seller won't come down,
而且这里即将要发生一场谋杀 and there's about to be a murder in here.
如果可以 你最好控制一下 Hey, if you can, try to keep it contained.
我不是想批评你 亲爱的 Not to be critical, honey,
但加里看起来像是吞了炸药而死 but Gary looked like he swallowed some TNT.
你感恩节对火鸡做的事也没好到哪去 It's no worse than what you did to the turkey on Thanksgiving.
-我们需要新刀 -那就去买啊 - We need new knives. - So buy some.
刀很贵 而且会变钝 They're expensive and they just get dull.
-你没事吧 -没事 - Are you okay? - Yeah.
我们有威廉·索诺玛公司的礼券 You know, we have a gift certificate to Williams-Sonoma.
-科尔 -真高兴你能来 - Cole! - So glad you made it.
-很开心见到你 -超级开心见到你 - It's good to meet you. - Great to meet you.
你们怎么穿成这样 Why are you guys dressed like that?
你们在互相染发什么的吗 Are you, like, coloring each other's hair or something?
不是 但这个解释不错 No, but that would've been a good explanation.
事实上 我们是房产经纪人 Actually, we're real estate brokers
但却卖不出这间房 who have been having trouble selling this place.
想把这里装饰得更有吸引力 Eager to make it more appealing,
所以在重新粉刷厨房 we're repainting the kitchen.
进来吧 Get in here.
好 Okay.
-我们该表现得正常点 -我尽力了 - We should act more normal. - I'm doing the best I can.
你要喝点水吗 科尔 Can I get you a water drink, Cole?
我来的路上喝了点啤酒 所以不用了 Actually, I had a couple beers on the drive over, so I'm good.
你们选的交易地点简直不要太好 You guys couldn't have picked a better place to make a buy.
街道尽头的一座空房 I mean, an empty house at the end of the street,
就像明摆着跟人说 "这里在进行毒品交易" it's like, "Hey, there's a drug deal going down in here!"
慢着 没人能听到我吼叫 Oh, wait, nobody can hear me yelling!
我们拭目以待 We'll see.
你们要了半盎司的天行者大麻 You guys ordered a half ounce of Skywalker OG Kush,
这是个很棒的选择 Which is an excellent choice, by the way.
天啊 真的要发生了 Oh, my god, this is really happening.
放松点 哥们 你只是买大麻而已 Oh, relax, bro, you're just buying weed.
天啊 是琼 Oh, my god, it's Joan.
有可能是关于蓝岭的房子 我得接这个电话 It might be about that listing on Blue Ridge. I gotta take this.
-真的吗 -那家还有游泳池呢 - Really? - It has a swimmer's pool.
工作 Business.
-应该八会很久的 -八会 - She shan't be long. - Shan't?
我已经尽我所能了 I'm doing the best I can.
我们得等她吗 Do we have to wait for her?
当然 Absolutely.
钱在她那里 She has the money.
哥们 我今天过得很糟 Man, I had a shitty day today.
和我约会的那个姑娘 This girl I've been seeing,
告诉我她21岁了 结果她才16岁 told me she was 21, turned out to be 16.
显然 我必须和她分手 Obviously, I had to break it off with her, mmm.
-你并不知情 -不知道 - You had no idea? - No.
让我心痛的是 事实上 我有点喜欢她 What kills me is I actually... I kinda liked her.
也许我们不应该闲聊 Maybe we shouldn't talk.
-为什么 -这让我很伤心 - Why not? - It saddens me.
介意我在等的时候抽点大麻吗 Mind if I smoke a little weed while we wait?
所以说 卖毒品给小孩 挺无耻啊 So... selling drugs to kids, that seems pretty fucked up.
这本不是计划的一部分 哥们 Well, it wasn't part of the plan, dude. You know?
我在高中的时候就开始卖大麻 I mean, I started selling pot in high school.
我长大后 想要脱离这种生活 I grew up, I tried to get out of it
我那个笨蛋姐姐又离婚了 and my dumb sister gets a divorce
所以我只能继续卖大麻来帮她 so I end up having to help her out.
有时候你会为你爱的人做一些你并不想做的破事 Sometimes you do shit you never expected for the people you love.
一点没错 That is so true.
我知道 但是看看你 I know, but then I look at you
你有很棒的事业 and I think you got a great career.
你有个很棒的老婆 就像 You got a great wife. It's like,
"我要怎么做才能在房子前立个标牌 "How do I get my face in front of a house,
上面印着我和一个那样的美女" on a sweet sign next to a sweet lady like that?"
很简单 It's easy.
首先 你得是高中的四分卫和舞会国王 First, you're a high school quarterback and prom king
然后和舞会皇后约会 and you date the prom queen.
毕业后你觉得自己很了不起 After school you think you're pretty hot shit,
所以你潇洒度日一段时间 so you coast for a while.
尝试音乐 吉他弹得不错 但还不够好 Try music. You're a decent guitar player, not great.
然后上几节酒店管理课 尝试即兴表演 So... you take a few classes in hotel management. Try improv.
但是你的目标工作永远都不是你真正想要做的 But your object work is never what you want it to be.
目标工作是什么 What's-- What's object work?
就像是做三明治 只是不是真的 It's like making a fucking sandwich, only it's not really there.
-就像是演哑剧 -不 - Oh. It's like being a mime? - No.
因为你可以谈论这个三明治 Because you can talk about the sandwich,
同时也是差劲的即兴表演 which is also bad improv.
总之 到这个时候我结婚了 Anyway, by this point, I'm married,
我们有了一个孩子 是时候认真起来了 we have a kid, it's time to get serious.
我妻子是房产经纪人 My wife is a realtor.
有一天我醒来 我也成了房产经纪人 I wake up one day and... so am I.
我不是在抱怨 I'm not complaining.
我自己定工作时间 每周只见老板两次 I work my own hours, I only see my boss twice a week.
只是这不是我想象中的未来发展方向 It's just not where I saw my life going.
-老兄 那简直 -现在 - Wow, man, that's just - And now...
天啊 如果我告诉你正在发生的这些疯狂事情 Jesus Christ, if I told you the crazy shit happening,
你一定会把我送进精神病院的 you'd put me in an asylum.
我的生活就像是深陷在 It's like my life is spiraling
灾难的漩涡中并且没有出路 toward disaster and there's no way out.
最坏的是 我甚至不能和 The worst part is, I can't even talk about it
我最爱的人说起这件事 with the person I love the most
因为她会怪自己 我不想这样 because she'll blame herself, and that's not what I want.
过来 来抱个 Come on, come here. Come here.
来吧 Come here.
你今天不会死的 You're not gonna die today.
好吧 Okay.
不好意思各位 我很失礼 Sorry, everyone. So rude.
科尔呢 Where's Cole?
-我让他离开了 -什么 - I told him to go. - What?
他是个好人 还是个很棒的倾听者 He's an okay guy and a really good listener.
他不该死在这么贵的西班牙复兴风格房子里 He doesn't deserve to die in an overpriced Spanish revival.
我离开了五分钟你就和我的晚餐好上了 I leave you for five fucking minutes and you bond with my dinner?
-我们有许多共同点 -是啊 你们都嗑嗨了 - We had a lot in common. - Yeah, you're both high.
我得说 有时你抽大麻让我很难受 You know, I gotta say, sometimes your pot smoking bugs me.
我不喜欢你要杀人和吃人 Well, I don't like that you're gonna be killing and eating people,
所以我们都有困扰对方的事情 so we both have things that bug us.
另外 他们正在合法化我的嗜好 And by the way, they're legalizing my thing.
我只知道你要是没和你的 All I know is that if you hadn't fired up a fatty
毒贩兼法定强奸犯朋友 with your drug dealing,
抽大麻的话 我早就吃了他 statutory rapist friend, I'd have eaten by now.
他不知道莎拉才十六岁 He didn't know Sarah was 16.
他在帮助他离婚的姐姐 And he's helping his divorced sister.
首先 所有和未成年交往的变态 First of all, every creep
都说他们不知情 懂吗 who dated a teenager "Didn't know," Okay?
如果我们玩家庭问答 And if we are playing Family Feud
题目是售毒给孩子的原因 and the category was reasons to sell drugs to kids,
我姐姐的离婚连做选项的资格都没有 my sister's divorce wouldn't even be up on the board.
你继父也许是个混蛋 但是他有酷炫的玩具 Your stepdad may be a dick, but he has really cool toys.
他的右翼妄想[害怕政府滥用权力]终于要收到成效了 Finally, his right wing paranoia pays off.
你确定这样不过火吗 Are you sure this isn't too crazy?
也许他不知道她多大了 Yeah, maybe he didn't know how old she was.
他以为她每天八点到下午三点半都在干嘛 What did he think she was doing every day between 8:00 and 3:30?
还去高中 接她 At the high school, where he picked her up.
好吧 我入伙 Okay, I'm in.
烟雾弹
哪来的烟 Ahh, smoke!
我眼睛在灼烧 我喉咙在灼烧 No, my eyes are burning! My throat is burning!
好痛 Ah, it stings.
怎么会发生这种事 Why is this happening?
水管哪去了 Where is my hose?
不敢相信我们干了这事 我们快走吧 I can't believe we did this. Let's get out of here.
-好的 -没到时候 - I could leave. - Not yet.
在这 太好了 不 我的天 哪去了 There it is, yes-- oh, God, no! Where is it?
我需要它 I need it.
她要干嘛 What is she doing?
你的毛衣 Here's your sweater.
今天你本不必哄我开心 It was not your job to make me happy today.
但真是这样的话 你被重新聘用了 But if it was, you'd be rehired.
煞风景小艾 Six Minute Fucking Abs.
我不知道没有食物我还能坚持多久 I don't know how much longer I can go without food.
我们去找那个意大利恋童癖 We'll get you the Italian pedophile.
大不了冒险就是 We'll just take the risk.
如果你发现他在抚养他姐姐 What if you find out he's supporting his sister
你必须和他成为好兄弟该怎么办 and you have to become besties?
我不想和你吵 亲爱的 I don't wanna fight with you,honey.
但那家伙的大麻真的很棒 That guy's pot was really good.
感谢上帝 我还担心你没嗨够 Thank goodness for that. I was worried you weren't high enough.
好好笑 Very funny.
进出汉堡 非常好 In-N-Out, that'd be excellent.
进出汉堡的特色是现点现做
如果我们要吃的话 If we were eating.
-该死 -要死 - Goddamn it! - Shit.
确实要死 我同意 Yeah, shit. I agree.
往边上停 跟着我 Pull over! Follow me!
操 Christ.
不好意思 伙计 我不知道是怎么回事 Sorry, buddy, I don't know how that happened.
这得花上一万块钱 你个"操罐" That's a $10,000 job right there, fuck jar!
不会吧 还有"操罐"是什么东西 That doesn't seem true. And "Fuck jar"? What's that?
-就是操蛋的罐子 傻逼 -我的天 - It's a jar full of fuck, you fucker. - Jesus.
你瞎了 你怎么会看不见我 混蛋 You blind? How could you not see me, asshole?
我的天 Oh, God!
你确定你的临终遗言想要是"我 混蛋"吗 Are you sure you want your last words to be "Me, asshole"?
你个贱人 You bitch.
我的天 Oh, my God!
该死 我做了什么 我控制不住 Oh, shit! What did I do? I couldn't control it.
在大马路上 如果有人看到怎么办 And the street's right there, what if somebody sees us?
我们怎么办 What are we gonna do?
附近没有人 Okay, there's nobody around,
周围很黑 也没有摄像头 it's dark, and there are no security cameras.
我们用防水布包住他 放上车 We'll wrap his body in a tarp, put it in our car,
把他带到仓库去 你可以在那吃 take it to the storage unit where you can eat.
我会擦干血迹 I'll mop up the blood
在地上倒点漂白液 确保不会留下污渍 and pour some bleach on the spot so it doesn't stain.
我们没碰过他的车 We haven't touched his car,
所以车子就留在这 懂了吗 so we'll leave it here. You understand?
我只知道你指挥一切的样子很性感 I understand it's super sexy when you take control.
-希拉 -好吧 稍后再说这个 - Sheila? - Right, put a pin in it.
天啊 这家伙太合我口味了 Man, this guy really hit the spot.
我刚把一个人塞进冷藏柜里 I just stuffed a man in a meat freezer.
把这条从我的遗愿清单里划掉吧 Cross that off my bucket list.
这部分就相当于是人体的菲力 This part right here is the human fillet.
谢谢告知 The more you know.
保时捷男来自内华达州 Porsche guy was from Nevada.
他拥有一家脱衣舞店和一家废弃物回收公司 He owned a strip club and a waste management company.
没什么可疑的 Oh, nothing sketchy there.
-有家庭合影吗 -没有 - Any family photos? - Nope.
我找到几个女人的照片 I found pictures of a few women
但都是厕所里面拍的 but they were taken from inside a toilet,
所以应该不是什么正经关系 so probably not serious relationships.
也许他不会被惦记 Maybe he won't be missed.
今晚真刺激 我们会没事的 What a night. We're gonna be okay.
-我太爱你了 乔 -我也爱你 - I love you, Joel, so much. - I love you too.
23年了 还能找到方法让生活刺激下去 23 years and you still find a way to keep life exciting.
我们今晚有家庭聚餐 We have our family dinner tonight.
我们不能就这样回家见艾比 We can't go home to Abby like this.
那些箱子里不是有旧衣服吗 Don't we have old clothes in some of those boxes?
-今天过得好吗 -很好 - How was your day? - Good.
-你呢 -也很好 - Yours? - Good.
-有什么趣事吗 -没有 你呢 - Did anything interesting happen? - Not really. You?
-也没有 -你在吃什么 - No. - What are you eating?
生牛肉 你那份虾好吃吗 Raw beef. How's your shrimp?
-味道很好 -知道为什么吗 - Oh. Good. - You know why?
因为那是速冻的 Because it's flash frozen,
速冻使其保持粉嫩新鲜 and that's what keeps it so pink and fresh.
我忘了说 琼要把房子交给我们卖 Oh, I forgot, Joan is going to give us that listing.
-亲爱的 -你没事吧 爸爸 - Honey? - Are you okay, Dad?
没事 Yeah, I'm good.