片名:泰迪熊Ｓ２：０３
Pizza
In the morning Pizza in the evening
Pizza at supper time
When pizza's on a bagel You can eat pizza anytime
天啊,那是疯子会对自己说的话 Jesus. That's something a lunatic would say to himself.
对,没错 Yeah, no shit.
“早上吃披萨 晚上吃披萨、晚餐吃披萨…” Pizza in the morning Pizza in the evening
- Pizza at suppertime - Yeah.
对,像是在犯罪现场的墙上 That's something you'd find smeared in blood
会用血写下来的东西 on the wall at a crime scene.
还有,晚上吃披萨 Also, aren't pizza in the evening
和晚餐吃披萨不是一样的吗? and pizza at suppertime
不,对这家伙来说不是,他疯了 kind of the same thing? No, not to this guy. He's lost his fucking mind.
请进 Come in.
好 Okay.
我宁死也不会请你们帮这个忙 So, I'd rather die than ask you guys
for this particular favor.
这个开场白不太有力 Not a strong opening to whatever this is.
但我下周有期末考,我的大麻没了 But I have finals next week
and I'm all out of pot
我需要大麻来学习 and I need it to study.
可以跟你们借吗? Could I please borrow some from you guys?
看看是谁在说话 Well...
还真是没用的东西? Isn't this a fine sack of balls?
拜托 Come on, I can't concentrate without it.
没有大麻我无法专心 我有一堆东西要读
And I got a shit ton of work to do.
称赞我们 Compliment us.
什么? - What? - Compliment us. One each.
称赞我们,一人一个
对,而且要好好讲 Yeah. And make it good too.
讲一些我们自己都不知道的事 Something we don't even know about ourselves.
好 Okay.
约翰,你是商场里 John... you are
one of the only people who walks
少数走路速度正确的人 at the right speed in the mall.
天啊
-那其实是一桩大事 -没错 - That's actually huge. - It is.
至于泰迪 And Ted, I like
如果我在屋里发现血迹
that if I find blood around the house
我知道那不是你的血 I know that it's not yours.
真是他妈的甲上,布蕾尔 A fucking plus, Blaire.
小翰,去拿大麻盒 Johnny, fetch the pot box!
大麻盒来了 Pot box incoming.
谢谢 Thank you.
该死 - Oh, shit. - What?
-什么? -我们也没货了 We're out too.
真他妈太好了 Oh, fucking great.
好吧,我有个想法 Well, okay, just a thought.
或许我们该停用一阵子 Maybe we go without for a little while.
这样健康吗? - Would that be healthy? - Johnny, look me in the eye.
小翰,看着我的眼睛
振作起来,你要我们死吗? Snap the fuck out of it! You want us to die?
你要我怎么办?我们的毒贩出城了 Well, what do you want me to do? Our regular guy's out of town.
克里斯布莱斯呢? - Hey, what about Chris Bleth? - Who's that?
他是谁?
他是我们学校里的怪小孩 He's this weird kid at our school
他养了一条宠物蛇,人总是湿湿的 who has a pet snake and always looks wet.
对,你知道他会嗑药 Oh, yeah, you know he gets high.
等等,不行 Wait, no.
我不能跟17岁的孩子买大麻 I cannot buy pot from a 17-year-old.
不,没关系,他23岁了 - No, it's okay. He's 23. - Jesus.
天啊
对,他还跟父母一起住 Yeah, he still lives with his parents.
我总是在楼上的窗户看到他们 I always see them in the upstairs window of the house
但他们似乎都没在动 but they never seem to move.
他妈妈拿着一份黄色报纸 His mom's holding a yellow newspaper.
嗨,格斯 - Hi, Gus. - Hi, Mrs. Bennett.
嗨,贝内特太太
有你的信 - Got your mail here. - Thank you so much.
非常感谢
你太太的新眼球还好吗? - How's your wife's new eyeball? - It's been rough.
不太顺利
偶尔会转到背面去 It gets turned around now and then
所以我得摇她大约七分钟 so I have to shake her for about seven minutes.
但医生说接下来几个月 我们的生活就是这样 But the doctor says that's just our life for the next few months.
请代我向她问好 - Please send her my love. - I will.
我会的,非常感谢
Thanks so much.
你的报纸,麦提 - Here's your paper, Matty. - Jesus, Susan.
天啊,苏珊
为什么你老爱管别人闲事? Why you gotta jam yourself into everybody's business, huh?
那家伙得把他老婆 像神奇八号球一样摇晃 The guy's gotta shake his wife like a magic eight ball.
他不想谈这件事 - He doesn't want to talk about it. - I was showing him that I care.
我在跟他证明我在乎
人们喜欢你对他们的生活感兴趣 People like it when you take an interest in their lives.
那让他们觉得自己很特别 It makes them feel special.
你听听这个 Will you look at this?
三个孩子因为破坏教堂被捕 Three kids were arrested for vandalizing the church.
-天啊,真的吗? -对 Oh, my god, they were?
上面说他们嗑药嗑嗨了 Yeah, says they were high on drugs and broke in
闯进去,把老二在管风琴键上拖行 and dragged their dicks across the organ keys.
-不会吧 -对 - Oh, no. - Yeah.
持续了半小时 欧戴尔神父才终于阻止他们 Went on for a half hour before Father O'Dell finally stopped them.
麦提,你看 Oh, Matty, look.
上面说所有男孩 都就读约翰汉考克高中 It says all the boys attend John Hancock High.
那是约翰的学校 - That's John's school. - A bunch of delinquents.
一群不良少年
这里引述了欧戴尔神父的话 And there's a quote from Father O'Dell.
“这只是最新的例子” "This is just the latest example of the fallout from a decline
“证明了家庭价值观下降的余波”
in family values.
“当父母参与孩子的生活” When parents are involved in their children's lives
“这种事就不会发生” this sort of thing doesn't happen."
麦提,如果那是约翰呢? Oh, Matty, what if that were John?
不是他,放轻松 It wasn't. Relax.
也许我们需要多参与他的生活 Well, maybe we need to get more involved in his life.
终于 Finally.
如果约翰变得 跟那些嗑药的教会男孩一样 I'd just never forgive myself
我永远都不会原谅自己 if Johnny turned out like those church boys on the drugs.
还没放干净 And there's the rest of it.
他妈的加油站,那里的金枪鱼三明治 Fucking gas station made the worst tuna sandwich
真是世界级难吃 - I've ever had in my life. - That was two weeks ago.
-那是两星期前的事 -对
前面有丹尼家的早餐在排队 Yeah, it's been stuck behind a Denny's breakfast.
麦提 Matty...
今晚我们何不好好聚一聚? how about we spend some quality time together tonight?
拜托? Please?
好啦,随便 Fine, whatever.
谢谢你,麦提 Thank you, Matty.
该死的“懒兵披头” Goddamn Beetle Bailey fucking around on my tax dollars.
浪费我的纳税钱
你好 Hi. Can I help you?
有什么事吗?
你好,我们是… Hi. Yeah, we're... Chris's friends from school.
克里斯的朋友,学校的朋友
好,当然,你们可以进去 他们在玩游戏 Oh, yes, of course, you can go on in. The boys are playing.
打爆他的头 - Bash his head in. - Chop off the legs first.
先砍掉他的腿
-杀了他 -去死吧,你这个丑八怪 - Kill him! - Die, you ugly piece of shit!
砍掉他的头 Chop his fucking head off!
-老兄,你刺伤他了! -该死,我要死了 Dude, you stabbed him!
Shit, I'm dying!
是谁? Who is it?
他妈的该死! Fucking goddamn it!
鸮熊躲过你的狼牙棒 把你打得鼻青脸肿 The owlbear dodges your mace, slashing you nose to navel.
鸮熊吸光你的血,你受到12点伤害 You take 12 points of damage as the owlbear laps up your blood.
你真的要在找到神殿前杀了我吗? You are seriously gonna kill me right before we find the temple?
去死啦,克里斯! Fuck you in the ass, Chris!
这样不恰当! - That's not appropriate! - Yeah, Chris, what the hell?
对啊,克里斯,搞什么?
没有布兰特,我们不能玩 - We can't play without Brent. - Hey!
嘿,规则就是规则 The rules are the rules. You don't like my game
你不喜欢我的游戏,你随时可以离开
- you can leave anytime. - You know what?
你知道吗?那么去死吧 Fuck this then. I want my velvet dice bag back.
把我的天鹅绒骰子袋还来
自从你亲了一个女孩后 就变成彻底的混蛋了 You've been a real asshole ever since you kissed a girl.
你和你骑来的半马半龙都一起去死 Fuck you and the half-horse, half-dragon you rode in on.
-走了,各位 -非常好 - Come on, guys. - Okay, fine.
好,再见,滚出去! Okay, bye-bye. Get out of here!
现在我不用把你失踪的父亲 加进故事里了! Now I don't have to work your missing father
-这太扯了! -我们走吧 into the storyline. - This is bullshit! - Let's get out of here.
-嘿 -约翰贝内特 - Hey. - John Bennett.
你在这里做什么? The hell are you doing here?
我的家人和我希望 Well, my family and I were hoping
你有大麻可以让我们买 that you had some marijuana we could purchase.
现在不方便,好吗? Now's not a good time, okay?
我刚把一场完美的“龙与地下城” I just wasted a masterpiece of a D&D campaign
浪费在一群不知感恩的混蛋身上! on a bunch of ungrateful shits!
我… Oh, I'm... I'm so sorry to hear that. We'll make this quick then.
我很遗憾听到这件事
那我们速战速决
我现在气到没办法卖大麻,好吗? I am too mad to sell weed right now, okay?
我需要躺在黑暗中看着我的发光星星 I need to lie down in the dark and look at my glow stars.
你在为你的杰作难过,对吧? You're... You're upset about your masterpiece, is that right?
他妈的没错! - Fucking A right! - Well, maybe we could help you out.
也许我们能帮你
什么意思? What do you mean?
这个嘛…也许我们可以玩你的游戏 Well... maybe we can play your game
顺便弄点大麻 and we could get some pot while we're at it.
我不想跟全新的团体 重新开始这趟冒险 I don't want to start this adventure over
with a brand new fucking group.
-抱歉 -拜托 - Sorry. - Come on.
你不想让那些混蛋嫉妒吗? Don't you want to make those assholes jealous?
对,想想他们的表情 Yeah, think about the look on their faces
你跟新来的人玩这个 when you're doing this with new guys.
那是什么鬼? Fuck was that?
什么意思?我在掷骰子 What do you mean? I was rolling dice.
不,你不是,才不是那样 No, you weren't. That's not what that was.
-明明就是 -你在咬下唇 - Yes, it was. - You were biting your lower lip.
对,因为我很期待这个游戏 Yeah, 'cause I'm so excited about the game.
你干嘛往他脸上丢? And why'd you throw it on his face?
你们以前玩过“龙与地下城”吗? Have you guys ever even played D&D before?
没有,但我们学得很快 No, but we learn fast.
等一下,各位 Wait a minute, you guys. Is this even fucking worth it?
这值得吗?
我对这个奇怪的游戏一窍不通 I don't know shit about this weird game.
“龙与地下城” 是有饥饿河马的那个游戏吗? Is D&D the one with hungry hippos?
-等等,我是想到什么? -算了 - Wait, what am I thinking of? - Forget it.
你们会嘲笑这种艺术形式 You would make a mockery of the art form.
等一下,慢着 Well, now, hang on a second, just hang on.
我们让游戏更有趣如何? How about we make it interesting?
如果我们打败你的游戏 你就给我们大麻 If we can beat your game, you give us the weed.
赢得冒险,获取草药 Best the quest... earn the herb.
你说得好像你觉得这有押韵 You just said that like you think it rhymes.
你不会觉得这有押韵吧? You don't think that rhymes, do you?
想想看 Just think about it. A D&D game with real-world stakes.
有真实世界赌注的 “龙与地下城”游戏
想象你会觉得多有活力 Imagine how alive you'll feel.
好吧,我们玩 All right, we'll do it. But we have to play at your place.
但我们得去你家玩
我儿子早上要早起上学 My son wakes up early in the morning for school.
因为这是你们第一次玩 Because this is your first time playing
我已经事先做好你们的角色卡了 I've gone ahead and pre-made your character sheets
这样我们就能直接开始玩 so we can jump right into the game.
上面说我是术士,那是什么? It says I'm a mage. What's that?
就像巫师一样 - It's like a wizard. - Do I get weekends off?
我周末可以休假吗?
那是你的第一个问题? - That's your first question? - Hey, I'm starting a new job.
嘿,我要开始新工作
我觉得知道工作时间很合理 I think it's reasonable to know what the hours are.
吟游诗人?什么是吟游诗人? Bard?
- What's a bard? - It's a balladeer.
民谣歌手,唱歌的人
太棒了,这很有用 A singer of songs. Oh, great, that's useful.
“该死,有一条龙”,“别担心” "Oh, shit, it's a dragon!"
-“听我唱‘拜金女孩’” -布蕾尔,你是什么? "Don't worry, here's Material Girl."
Blaire, what are you?
我是盗贼 I'm a thief, so I steal shit?
所以我会偷东西?
对,就像“霍比特人”里的 Yeah, like in The Hobbit.
就像比屌勃巴金斯 - Oh, like Dildo Baggins. - What?
-什么? -“霍比特人”比屌勃巴金斯啊 - Dildo Baggins, The Hobbit. - Bilbo.
-是比尔博 -是吗?
-对 -他叫做比屌勃比尔博? - It is? - Yes. His name was Dildo Bilbo?
嗨,孩子们 Hi, kids.
你们在做什么? - What are you doing? - Oh, hey. Hey, Mom.
嘿…妈
我们只是在玩游戏 We're just... We're just playing a game.
这是我们的朋友克里斯 - This is our friend, Chris. - Hi, Chris.
你好,克里斯
小翰,你有警告他楼下的马桶吗? Johnny, did you warn him about the toilet down here?
马桶怎么了? What about the toilet?
克里斯,如果你要用马桶 Chris, if you're gonna use the toilet
有五件事你必须知道 there are five things you need to know.
我们…我们其实正在玩游戏,妈 We're... We're actually in the middle of a game here, Ma.
我知道,看起来好好玩 I know, it looks like so much fun.
我跟你爸可以玩吗? - Can your father and I play? - Oh, I don't think...
-对,这… -对,那不适合他们 It's not really their kind of thing...
-你们会… -太好了,再见 - Great. See ya. - Oh, no, Matty, wait...
不,麦提,等等…
小翰,我们只是想跟你相处一下 Johnny, we just want to spend some time with you.
关心一下你的兴趣 Take an interest in your interests.
这趟冒险其实需要有五位英雄 You know, this adventure actually is balanced for five heroes.
如果他们想玩的话,我有多的角色卡 I have extra character sheets if they want to play.
-好啊 -好,当然 Sure. Yeah, sure.
太棒了! Wonderful!
我需要化妆吗? Now, do I need to put any makeup on? Am I okay?
-我还好吗? -你…你很好 You're... You're fine.
贝内特先生,你饰演我们的牧师 Mr. Bennett, you'll be playing our cleric.
贝内特太太,你扮演我们的斗士 Mrs. Bennett, you'll be playing our fighter.
我喜欢 Oh, I like that.
就像南西克劳馥 - Like Nancy Crawford. - What?
-什么? -我们的邻居 Our neighbor, she had cancer.
她得了癌症
她是个斗士 She was a fighter, for a while.
奋斗了一阵子
但那还不够 Wasn't enough though.
上帝放弃她了,可怜的女人 God gave up on her, the poor thing.
我不记得她得的是哪种癌症 I can't remember what kind of cancer she had.
但我记得她失去了一大块舌头 I do remember she lost a big piece of her tongue.
牧师可以是聋子吗? Can the cleric be deaf?
你在游戏中要扮演谁的所有信息 All the information about who you'll be playing
都记录在你的角色卡上 in the game is recorded on your character sheet.
我已经分配好你的职业了 I've assigned you your class
但你可以选择你的种族 but you can go ahead and pick your race.
白人 White.
-什么? -你说我可以选种族 - What? - You said I can pick a race.
不 Oh, no.
我可以选白人,而不是其他种族吗? Can I pick White instead of one of the races?
不,我们说的种族 是指精灵、半精灵、矮人… No, by race, we mean elf, half-elf, dwarf.
我们何不直接开始游戏? Why don't we just start the game now?
癌症 Cancer. It's not a good one.
这很糟糕
我们的冒险开始 Our adventure begins in a weathered old tavern at the edge
一间饱经风霜的老酒馆
位于神秘森林的边陲 of a mysterious forest.
我已经开始讨厌这个了 I already fucking hate this.
你们是一群旅行冒险家 You're a band of traveling adventurers
你们听说过一则传说 关于一座充满黄金的隐密大神庙 and you've heard tales of a great hidden temple
filled with gold.
由伊里多尔邪教看守 直到他们全数消失 It was guarded by the Iridor cult until they all disappeared.
传说有个叛逃的邪教信徒 现在常来这间酒馆 Rumor has it, a cultist who defected now frequents this tavern
而且有通往神殿的地图 and has a map to the temple.
好,我们要从哪里开始? All right. Where do we start?
我们越快找到这张地图 就能越快找到宝藏 The sooner we find this map, the sooner we get the... treasure.
也许酒保知道些什么 Maybe the bartender knows something.
好,我要一瓶山谬亚当斯啤酒 Yeah, I'll have a Sam Adams.
抱歉,好牧师 但我们这里只卖蜂蜜酒 Oh, I am sorry, good Cleric, but here, we only serve mead.
你是混蛋吗? - What are you, an asshole? - I'll have a pint of mead.
我要一杯蜂蜜酒
他绝对不能喝酒 He will absolutely not have alcohol.
他可以喝胡椒博士 He can have a Dr. Pepper.
“胡椒博士”? "Dr. Pepper"? These are strange words.
这些字眼真奇怪
天啊,就像在重演墨西哥餐厅那件事 Christ, it's that Mexican restaurant all over again.
你们看 Guys, look.
那一定是我们的邪教信徒 I bet that's our cultist.
嘿,“星球大战”男 Hey, Star Wars, can we talk to you for a second?
我们能跟你谈一谈吗?
说吧 Speak.
可怜的家伙 Poor man. I'll bet he's anorexic.
我打赌他有厌食症
你的身体原本的样子就很美了 You know, your body's beautiful just the way it is.
天啊,又来了 - Jesus Christ, here we go. - Are you the guy with the map?
你是有地图的人吗?
“天啊”,史蒂芬泰勒 Steven Tyler.
让他说 Let him talk.
我是伊里多尔的追随者之一 I was one of the Iridor followers.
为了净化这个世界 In our attempt to purify this world, we gathered in the temple
我们聚集在神殿里 唤醒了一股强大的超自然力量
and awakened a great otherworldly force.
但它太强大了 But it was too powerful, too evil.
太邪恶了
现在它可能会摧毁我们整个王国 And now, it could destroy our entire realm.
我可以听你唱 Can I just hear you sing, "And I think to myself
“多么美好的世界”吗?
what a wonderful world"?
你有通往邪恶神庙的地图吗? Do you have a map to this evil temple?
我发誓再也不回去了 I vowed never to return.
所以我的地图可以给你们 So you may have my map.
-谢谢 -我觉得这是同志酒吧 - Thank you. - I think this is a gay bar.
我不在乎,但这就是 - I mean, I don't care, but it is. - Do they have bathrooms here?
这里有厕所吗?
(梦魇,魅魔)
我憋着就好 I'll just hold it.
看来我们要继续往这边走,穿过… Looks like we continue this way for a bit through Warlock Woods.
巫师森林
我们会不会看到半人马? - Hey, you think we'll see a centaur? - Maybe.
也许吧
有半马人这种东西吗? Hey, is there such a thing as a reverse centaur?
就是一个走来走去的马头裸男? Like, just a naked guy with a horse's head just walking around?
有啊 Oh, yeah.
就是一个裸男的身体 Just like a naked dude body with a dick flopping around
有根晃来晃去的老二 还有一颗大马头?
-对,结合两者最糟的地方? -对 - with a big horse head? - Yeah, like, the worst of both?
就这样出现,让大家不舒服? - Yeah. - Just showing up making everybody uncomfortable?
对,请你回家,老兄 Yeah, it's like, go home, dude.
回家,没人希望你在这里 Go home. Nobody wants you here.
对,没人想看你的马头和老二 Yeah, no one wants to see a horse head in your man dick.
在街上走来走去,偶尔拉一堆屎 Just walking down the street, dropping the occasional pile of shit.
对,老兄,这是他妈的公共公园 Yeah, it's like, dude, this is a public fucking park.
带着你的鬼样子滚出这里 Get the fuck out of here with your weird fucking setup.
对,这里有家庭 Yeah, there are families here, man.
那里有个小孩的生日派对,滚出去 There's a kid's birthday party right over there. Get out of here!
干,我现在生气了 Fuck, I'm mad now.
他妈的半马人 Fucking reverse centaur.
加里布塞不就是这样吗? Isn't that what Gary Busey is?
你们好,冒险家们 Greetings, adventurers.
过来看看我的商品 - Come peruse my wares. - Look, a gnomish merchant.
看!一个地精商人
我有治疗药水、安眠药水 I have healing potions, sleeping potions, short swords
短剑、双手剑
two-handed swords.
天啊,看看这些东西 Jesus, look at this stuff. O.J. would have a field day out here.
OJ辛普森一定会玩得很尽兴
你呢,盗贼? And what about you, Thief? How about a brand new dagger?
一把全新的匕首如何?
但小心,我有魔法结界 能惩罚那些顺手牵羊的人 But beware.
I have magical wards to punish those who shoplift.
通常当有人偷窃时 Well, you know, usually, when someone steals
是社会失衡的结果 it's a result of a much larger social imbalance.
拜托,布蕾尔 For fuck's sake, Blaire, can we just get to the end of this
我们可以赶快结束,得到大麻吗? - and get the weed? - You got any sunscreen
有防晒乳可以擦我的头吗? for my fucking head?
上面说你卖“武器及药水等物品” It says you sell weapons, potions, and more.
还有什么? What's the more?
我有好几袋东西 Why, I have bags of holding.
护身符和小玩意 Amulets and trinkets. And an immovable rod.
还有一根不动的棒子
什么是不动的棒子? What's an immovable rod?
就是一根固定不动的棒子 It's a rod that's fixed in place and cannot be moved.
那你怎么把它带来这里的? - Well, then, how'd you get it here? - Can we just kill this guy?
我们可以杀了这家伙吗?
对了,我叫苏珊 I'm Susan, by the way. Susan the Destroyer.
毁灭者苏珊
你喜欢从事销售业吗? Do you enjoy being in sales?
天啊,每次都这样! - Jesus Christ, every fucking time! - Guys, we gotta keep moving.
各位,我们得继续前进
买完你们需要的东西就走吧 So just buy what you need and let's go.
好 Okay. I'll take a flint, a torch, and 100 yards of rope.
我要打火石、火把和一百码的绳子
还有卫生棉条 Oh, and... a tampon.
好陌生的词汇 - This is a strange word. - A rod of absorbency.
一根吸水棒
就是这里 This is it. The Iridor temple.
伊里多尔神庙
你们休想逃我 You no get by me.
语法很好喔 Oh, great grammar.
这是我地盘 This my territory. You leave or die!
你们不走就死
妈,你是斗士,去揍扁他 Well, Mom, you're the fighter. Go kick his ass.
好 Okay.
我当然可以试试看 Well, I can certainly try.
正中你的鼻子 Right on your nose.
你觉得我们该怎么做,爸? What do you think we should do, Dad?
爸? Dad?
爸! Dad!
麦提,拜托你专心,好吗? Matty, will you please pay attention?
我在越战玩过俄罗斯轮盘 I played Russian roulette in 'Nam.
抱歉这个游戏无法吸引我的注意力 Sorry if this game ain't holding my attention.
食人魔越来越生气了 The ogre is getting angrier.
时间不多了 Time is running out
但或许还有办法能溜过他身边 but there may yet be a way to slip past him.
泰迪,用你的鲁特琴弹点什么 Teddy, play something on your lute. Maybe you can charm him.
或许你能迷倒他
好的 Okay. Well, Mr. Ogre
食人魔先生,我想为你唱首民谣
I would like to sing a ballad for you.
这是电影“费城”的故事 This is the tale of the movie Philadelphia.
“从前有个律师叫安德鲁贝克特” There once was a lawyer Named Andrew Beckett
“他的工作经验非常纯熟” Who worked with great proficiency
“但他的同事都不知道” But none of his coworkers knew about His autoimmune deficiency
“他有自体免疫缺乏症”
“尽管他在许多法律案件中” Despite the many legal cases He'd achieved prestige in
“获得了声望”
“有天在公司里 一位同事看着他的脸” One day at the firm
A coworker looked at his face And saw a lesion
“发现了一个病变”
“他的老板发现他有病变” His boss found out that he had AIDS And so they gave him the hatchet
“于是将他解雇”
“他找到一个黑人律师并寻求帮助” He found a Black lawyer And asked for help
“但那个人说他不想被传染” But the guy said "I don't want to catch it"
“然后一个图书馆员工把他赶出去” Then a library worker kicked him out
“因为他就是知道” It was because of the AIDS He just knew it
“黑人律师说 天啊,你受到的待遇跟我们一样” The Black lawyer said "Holy shit, you get treated like us I'll fucking do it"
“我愿意帮你”
泰迪,可以了,我们成功了 Ted, you're good. We got it.
天啊,我什么都看不到 Jesus, I can't see shit.
有人有手电筒吗? Does anyone have a flashlight?
苏珊,你的火把 Oh, Susan, your torch.
好 All right.
去你的 Fuck you...
去你的…
好,来吧,这边 Come on. This way.
我想那是半兽人大便 Ew, I think that's an orc turd.
天啊
看看这个地方 Look at this place.
我觉得好像来到艺术博物馆 I feel like I'm at an art museum.
-要想过关,我们要四样物品 -要想过关,我们要四样物品 To pass, we desire four of a kind.
该死 Fuck. We're gonna have to tip these guys?
我们得给这些家伙小费吗?
-一个简单又容易找到的任务 -一个简单又容易找到的任务 A simple task and easy to find.
对,他们即将发现打不开的钱包 Yeah, they're about to find out about the immovable wallet.
-什么东西没有嘴却能嚎叫 -什么东西没有嘴却能嚎叫 What howls without lips.
-什么东西没有脚却会移动 -什么东西没有脚却会移动 What runs without feet.
-什么东西永远都在下面 -什么东西永远都在下面 What is always below.
-什么东西永远必须吞食 -什么东西永远必须吞食 And what always must eat.
我才刚听完就忘光光了 I just heard that, and I don't remember any of it.
我猜我们得解开谜题才能前进 Guess we've gotta solve the riddle to keep going.
-该死 -太棒了,布蕾尔 - Shit! - Oh, that's fucking great, Blaire!
好…大家别慌 Okay, okay. Nobody panic. We've just gotta solve the riddle.
我们得解开谜题
没有嘴却会嚎叫的东西 Something that howls without lips. Something that runs without feet.
没有脚也能移动的东西
没有脚也能移动 Runs without feet.
参加特殊奥运的人 A guy in a Special Olympics.
一个追着冰淇淋车的糖尿病患者 A diabetic chasing an ice cream truck.
什么东西永远必须吞食 Something that always must eat.
福利女王! - Welfare queens! - Shut up and let me think!
闭嘴,让我思考
好,我们知道一定是一组四个 Okay, we know it has to be a group of four, right?
-对吧? -大人小孩双拍档 Boyz II Men.
-很好 -对吧? - Oh, nice. - Right?
等一下,如果他们有四个人 Wait a minute, if there's four of them
不是应该叫大人小孩四拍档吗? shouldn't they be called Boyz Four Men?
对,我觉得那样不行 Yeah, I don't think that'd work.
他们有四个人,大人小孩四拍档 There's four of them, Boys Four Men. It would work even better.
效果会更好
对,只是可能不是这个答案 Yeah, just maybe not with the right crowd.
等一下 Wait a minute. It's the elements.
是元素
水、风、土、火 Water, Wind, Earth, Fire.
天啊,布蕾尔 Holy shit, Blaire. You're right!
你说得对
火球 Fireball!
好,土交给我 Okay, I got earth.
有人有水吗? Does anyone have any water?
我…我的纸上说我有一袋圣水 Oh, it says on my paper I have a pouch of Holy Water.
等等 Oh, wait.
原来这就是圣水 That's what the fuck this is. Christ, I've been pissing in it.
天啊,我一直尿在里面
等等,爸 Wait, Dad. Piss is mostly water.
尿大部分是水
我的不是,有很多泥状物 Not mine. It's a lot of pulp.
拜托,先试试看 Oh, for fuck's sake, just try it!
别他妈对我笑,真是怪胎 Don't fucking smile at me, you weirdo.
好,现在我们只需要风 Okay, now we just need wind.
泰迪,你可以吹它的手 你是吟游诗人 Oh, Teddy, you can blow on its hands. You're a bard.
你会气息控制 You got breath support.
天啊,我要为了大麻帮人吹 Fucking Christ, I'm blowing people for weed.
你知道可悲的是什么吗? You know what's sad?
这是我们全家唯一一起度过的假期 This is the only vacation we've ever taken as a family.
各位,这真的值得吗? Guys, is this really all fucking worth it?
我们真的那么需要大麻吗? I mean, do we really need the weed that badly?
你在开玩笑吗? Are you shitting me? You want to listen
你想用没有大麻的脑袋 听艾迪维达的声音吗? to Eddie Vedder's voice on a weedless brain?
天啊,我都没想到 Oh, god, I didn't think of that.
我有一次没吸大麻 看“威龙杀阵”,小翰 I watched Road House without weed one time, Johnny.
惨不忍睹 It was fucking terrible.
帕特里克斯威兹 在他杀了人的池塘里做爱 Patrick Swayze has sex in the same pond
he just killed a guy in, like, a week ago.
-大概一周前才死 -别说了,老兄
Stop it, dude.
约翰,我们喜欢的东西都很烂 John, nothing we like is good.
你看 Look, it's one of the cultists.
是其中一个邪教成员
不好意思?
Excuse me?
你好 - Hi. - Are you...
你们是…
你们是来救我们的吗? Are you here to save us?
那个… Not a... Not a lot of Black people in Chris's world, huh?
克里斯的世界里黑人不多,对吧?
你们来得正好 You're just in time.
恶名昭彰、无所不能的多拉胡 The infamous, all-powerful Dral'hul
很快就要消灭这个世界了 will soon end existence as we know it.
对,多拉胡在这里之外的世界 没有你想的那么重要 Yeah, Dral'hul doesn't mean as much as you think he does outside of here.
我们才刚听说他的存在 Like, we're just hearing about him.
他是来自冥界的可怕存在 He is a fearsome being from the nether-realm.
现在只剩下我能阻止他了 I am the only one left keeping him at bay.
我们要怎么杀了他? - Well, how do we kill him? - The beast is nearly invincible.
那头野兽几乎所向无敌
不过有一个方法 能把他赶回原本的地盘 However, there is one way to cast him back to his realm.
你必须… You must--
-搞什么,爸? -怎样? - What the fuck, Dad? - What?
我他妈加快了速度! I fucking sped things along.
他正要给我们需要的信息 He was about to give us the information we needed.
还是赢得游戏的信息 - Like, game-winning information. - We were so close
我们就快成功了,你却毁了一切
and you ruined everything!
你们到底来干嘛? Why are you guys even here?
-我们是想保护你 -什么? - We were trying to protect you. - What?
我们想多参与你的生活 We wanted to get more involved in your life
确保你不会惹上麻烦 to make sure that you weren't getting into trouble.
妈,什么麻烦? Ma, what trouble?
我只是不知道我该怎么办 I just don't know what I'd do if you turned out
如果你变成教堂里的那些男孩 like one of those boys in church.
什么男孩? What boys?
报纸上有三个男孩 There were three boys in the paper
他们吸毒,他们被逮捕了 and they did drugs and they got arrested.
欧戴尔神父说这是因为 没有家庭价值观 And Father O'Dell says it's because of no family values.
我们不希望你乱吸大麻,小翰 We don't want you to get humped up on the doobage, Johnny.
我们只是想在你的生命中 占有一席之地 We just want to be a bigger part of your life.
等等,你们是来帮我们赢得游戏 让约翰远离毒品 Wait, you're down here helping us win this game
to keep John off drugs?
-对 -有人想发表意见吗? - Yeah. - Anyone want to weigh in here?
妈 Mom...
谢谢你试着让我远离毒品 thank you for trying to keep me off drugs.
我爱你 I love you.
让我们赢得这场比赛,如何? Now, what do you guys say we win this game?
多拉胡冲进密室,伴随着火焰喷发 Dral'hul bursts into the chamber with an eruption of flame.
太好了,是我们不知道怎么杀的恶魔 Great. It's the demon we have no idea how to kill
因为麦提拒绝去上情绪管理课 because Matty refuses to go to anger management.
去你妈的 Fuck your mother.
等一下,或许我们还是可以办到 Wait a minute. Maybe we can still do this.
我施了魔法飞弹 I cast Magic Missile.
-造成三点伤害 -好 - Three points of damage. - Okay.
你的神秘爆破造成三点伤害 Three points of damage from your arcane blast.
多拉胡四处挥动,喷出黑色火柱 Dral'hul whips around, breathing a cone of black flame
造成38点伤害 dealing 38 points of damage.
-你死了 -小翰! You are dead.
不! Johnny! No!
麦提,想想办法 Matty, do something!
天啊,苏珊,别对着我耳朵喊 Jesus, Susan. That was right in my fucking ear!
好啦 All right. Can... Can I heal him?
我能治好他吗?
那就是我的能力,对吧? I mean, that's my whole deal, right?
没有让你治愈的地方了 There's nothing left to heal.
那我…我冲向恶魔 Then I... charge the demon and I bash in his head like the last guy.
然后像上一个人一样打爆他的头
好,在你碰到他之前 Okay. Before you can reach him...
对,他挥舞着带刺的尾巴 刺穿你的胸口 yeah, he whips around with his barbed tail
piercing your chest, dealing you 32 points of damage.
给你32点伤害
-你死了 -他妈的终于啊 - You're dead. - Fucking finally!
等等,身为盗贼,我的角色卡上写着 Wait. As a thief, it says on my character sheet
我带着黑暗魔药 that I carry a potion of darkness.
-没错 -好 - You do. - Okay. I use that...
我使用那个
在火把熄灭时偷袭多拉胡 and sneak up on Dral'hul when the torches go out.
暗中偷袭,玩家手册第40页 Backstab. Page 40 of the Player's Handbook.
非常聪明 Very clever.
可惜多拉胡有夜视能力 Unfortunately, Dral'hul does have dark vision
所以他能轻松看到你 so he can easily see you.
他准备张大下颚 He's going to unhinge his jaw.
-他咬掉你的头,你死了 -该死 He bites your head off. You're dead.
她死的时候有拉在裤子上吗? Shit. When she died, did she poop herself?
搞什么? What the fuck?
-有 -这还要掷骰子? - Yes. - You had to roll for that?
-对 -真奇怪 - Yes. - That's weird.
我每次去厕所都像在掷骰子 Every time I go to the john, I'm rolling the dice.
多拉胡步步逼近 Dral'hul moves steadily closer.
你会怎么做? What do you do?
我会攻击你 I attack you.
-什么? -你听到了 - What? - You heard me.
我会攻击你 - I attack you. - You can't.
不行,地下城主是上帝 - The Dungeon Master is God. - Fine, I attack God.
好吧,我攻击上帝
那就像攻击一千个多拉胡 That would be like attacking 1,000 Dral'huls.
只有疯子才会那么做 Only a madman would do that.
“早上吃披萨” Pizza in the morning Pizza in the evening
“晚上吃披萨”
“晚餐吃披萨” Pizza at suppertime
那是关键一击 That's a critical hit.
我受到六点伤害 I take six points of damage.
我再度攻击 - I attack again. - Well, just...
只是…我不知道你是否…天啊 I... I don't know if you--
又是20点 我受到额外的10点伤害 Oh, my god, another net 20.
I take ten additional points of damage.
加油,兄弟,拜托 弄死他!你可以的! - Come on, buddy. Fuck him up! - Come on, you got this!
我使出浑身解数,准备使出致命一击 I harness all my strength, preparing a death blow.
“一”够好吗? Is a one good?
不… No...
就这样了,我们都死了 Well, there it goes. We're all dead.
我还活着 Well, I'm alive.
你好 Hi, I'm Susan Bennett from Framingham, Massachusetts.
我是苏珊贝内特 来自麻萨诸塞州弗雷明翰
你叫什么名字? What's your name?
我是来自地狱的多拉胡 I am Dral'hul from Hell.
你认识芭芭拉吗? Do you know Barbara?
妈,你在做什么?你是个斗士 Mom, what are you doing? You're a fighter.
-跟他打啊 -她每次都这样 - Just fight him. - She fucking always does this.
你也来自波士顿吗? Are you also from the Boston area?
我出生在火焰和受折磨灵魂的哀号中 I was birthed by flames and the wailing of tormented souls.
所以我才打了无痛分娩 That's why I had an epidural.
你喜欢当恶魔吗? Do you enjoy being a demon?
还可以 It's okay.
一直有人怕你,一定很难受吧 Must be hard having people afraid of you all the time.
老实说,确实 You... You know, actually, it is.
谢谢你提出…你说你叫什么名字? Thank you for acknowledging...
What did you say your name was? Susan?
-苏珊? -苏珊 - Susan. Susan. - Susan.
-苏珊 -苏珊
苏珊,你真是让人耳目一新 Susan, you are a breath of fresh air.
别说了 Stop.
有时候我觉得 You know, sometimes I think people come to me
人们来找我只是为了我的权力或宝藏 only for my power or my treasure.
不会有人只是来打招呼的 No one ever just comes by just to say hi.
看我过得如何 See how I'm doing.
那一定很难受 That must really hurt.
没错 You know, it does.
所以你才想毁灭世界吗? Is that why you want to destroy the world?
原来真正的恶魔是孤独 Turns out the real demon is loneliness.
也许你需要认识新朋友 Maybe you need to meet some new people
或是培养嗜好 or take up a hobby.
我的水彩小组有个空缺 There's a spot open in my watercolor group.
-真的吗? -等等,不,没有了 - Really? - Oh, wait, no, there isn't.
我忘记卡萝跟珍妮道歉了 I forgot. Carol apologized to Janine, and now she's back in class.
现在她回到班上了
卡萝做了什么? What did Carol do?
她画了一幅珍妮的肖像画 却把她的胡子画出来 She drew a portrait of Janine
and she didn't leave out her mustache.
不! - No! - She added in the mustache.
-她加了胡子 -大家还说我是恶魔
- And they call me a demon. - I know, right?
我知道,对吧?
我知道 I know.
我需要那个 I needed that. I needed that laugh.
我需要笑一笑
所以我喜欢认识新朋友 This is why I love meeting new people.
被斗士的同理心所感动 And moved by the fighter's compassion
多拉胡消散回他的地狱领域 Dral'hul dissipates into his infernal realm
留下装满宝藏的神庙 leaving behind the temple full of treasure.
世界安全了 The world is safe.
任务完成 The quest is done.
妈,不,妈,你不知道 Oh, my god, Mom, you have no idea how much we love you right now.
-我们现在多爱你 -我以你为荣,小苏婶婶 - So proud of you, Aunt Suse. - You're a fucking genius.
你真是他妈的天才
现在我看到你和你的朋友 Well, now I see you and your friends
在没有毒品的情况下一起冒险了 are having adventures together without the drugs.
麦提,他们是好孩子 Oh, Matty, these are good kids.
对,我们中了大奖,苏珊 Oh, yeah, we won the lottery, Susan.
别担心,妈 And don't you worry, Ma. We are never gonna use drugs.
我们绝对不会吸毒的
来吧,我们走 Come on, let's go.
好,关于毒品的事 Now, about those drugs...
真是精彩的冒险 That was some adventure.
你觉得我们大费周章 Do you think the fact that we went through that much trouble
只为了拿点大麻 just to get some weed...
这是严重问题的迹象吗? is that, like, a sign of a serious problem?
不,这是认真投入的迹象 No. It's a sign of serious commitment.
你们觉得会不会 在某个地方,以某种方式 You think maybe somewhere, somehow
在另一个维度 “龙与地下城”的世界是真的 in another dimension
the D&D world is real, and we're the game?
而我们就是游戏?
苏珊一定会爱死这个 Susan is going to love this.
-多拉胡! -怎样? - Dral'hul! - What?
你的恶魔朋友 来玩“呼麻与泰迪熊”了! Your demon friends are here to play Stoners & Teddy Bears.
叫他们去…那就叫他们下来啊 Just tell them to fuck--
Tell them to come down then.
-天啊! -注意用词! - God! - Language!
我讨厌死你了 I fucking hate you.
待续
谢谢观赏