let sleeping dogs lie
What time is he coming?
Any time.
Should be here now.
Perhaps something's happened to him.
You mean, you think he's missed his bus?
No, no, no, no, no.
I mean
something may have...
happened.
Who is he, exactly?
All I know is he's an army officer
with something to tell me
and he wouldn't divulge on the telephone.
It's probably nothing.
Perhaps.
Still, remember Churchill, The Wilderness Years?
He found out about our military inadequacy
and Hitler's war machine from army officers.
So all the time he was in the wilderness
he was able to leak stories to the press
and embarrass the government.
I could do that!
But you're IN the government.
Yes!
I'll get it.
- Major Saunders? - Yes, sir.
Come in.
Follow me.
It's all right.
My wife, Annie.
Good evening.
- Drink? - Thanks.
- Scotch? - Thanks.
- Sit down. - Thanks.
No need to keep thanking me, all right?
Thanks. I mean, sorry.
No need to apologise, either.
Sorry. I mean, thanks. I mean...
Shall I go and let you two talk in private together?
No, no, no, please stay, if that's all right with you.
Yes. No secrets from Annie.
I tell her everything.
Several times, usually!
So, is this highly confidential?
Well, it is, rather, yes.
Shall I turn on the radio?
Why? Is there something good on?
In case we're being bugged.
Is that likely?
Who's in charge of bugging politicians?
Yes, come to think of it, I am!
That's all right, then.
Could I just say that what I'm about to tell you
I'm telling you on a personal basis?
Fine...
What do you mean, exactly?
I'm telling you personally
and not as Minister for Administrative Affairs.
But I am Minister of Administrative Affairs.
Yes, but I'm not telling you in that role.
I'm telling you as a journalist.
You're a journalist? I thought you were an army officer?
No, YOU'RE a journalist.
I'm a minister.
Yes, but what were you before you became a minister?
Your starter for ten, no conferring!
Yes, I get your drift.
You're telling me what you're telling me,
and incidently, I don't know yet what you're telling me,
but whatever you're telling me,
you're telling me as the former editor of "Reform".
- Is that? - Yes.
You were a very fine editor.
Well, I wouldn't say that.
Well, you've often said that!
But how do I prevent myself, as a minister,
from knowing what you're going to tell me as the former editor?
I mean, I can't prevent the minister from knowing, can I?
I think he means it's a question of hats,
- darling. - Yes.
Fine, well, I'm not wearing my ministerial hat tonight,
I understand that, but I think I ought to warn you,
that if I need to be told what you tell me,
I shan't hesitate to do my duty to keep myself fully informed!
Fine.
Now, who's in charge of selling British weapons to foreigners?
- Hacker, LSE. - Shut up, Annie.
You wrote an article in "Reform"
about the sale of British weapons to undesirable foreign buyers.
Yes, yes, it was called "The Dreadful Trade".
Perfectly patriotic to manufacture arms
for our own defence or for that of our allies'.
Although not all our allies are very commendable people.
But we must not sell British weapons
to bolster the regimes of foreign despots, Nazi dictators...
- Or terrorists. - Terroris...
Terrorists?
Terrorists.
As I told you, I've recently returned from Rome.
Yes. NATO assignment, was it?
Yes. A military delegation to NATO.
While I was there, they showed me something
they'd captured in a raid on a terrorist HQ.
It was a computerised bomb detonator.
Very new, very secret,
and very lethal.
Who showed it to you?
I'm afraid I can't possibly tell you.
It's in absolute confidence.
I see.
Computerised bomb detonator?
Yes, you set it to calculate the weight of the victim,
speed of his car, and so on, so that you're sure of getting him,
and you can reprogram it remotely,
by radio, after setting it.
Gosh.
Somehow, I don't associate Italians
with that sort of technology!
It wasn't made in Italy.
It was made here.
Made in Britain?
Yes.
Under a Ministry of Defence contract
and paid for by the British taxpayer.
- And used by Italian terrorists? - Yes.
Where did they get them?
That's what I want to know.
You haven't told anybody else about this?
No, I can't, if I make an official report,
then I'd have to disclose my sources. But
I thought if I tell someone
near the top of government...
AT the top, actually.
Yes...
that secret British equipment
was being supplied to Italian terrorists,
- then he would... - Absolutely.
What would he?
Find out how it's being done.
The investigation would have to start here in Britain of course,
and at the very top level.
Fine.
But you told me that you were telling me
on a personal level, didn't you?
Yes, but now you know personally,
even if you don't know officially,
you can use your personal knowledge
to start official investigations
to get official confirmation of personal suspicions
so what you now know personally,
but not officially,
will then know officially as well as personally.
You're not related to Sir Humphrey Appleby by any chance?
- Who? - Never mind!
- I just felt I had to tell someone. - Absolutely.
Well,
now I know,
personally.
Marvellous.
Going to do something about it, aren't you?
Absolutely, indeed I am.
And right away?
Right away.
What are you going to do?
I'm going to think about what you've told me.
Right away.
And then?
And then I'm going to consider
various courses of action.
Without delay.
You're going to take action without delay.
I'm going to consider taking action without delay.
Are you related to Sir Humphrey Appleby?
Another drink, then?
No, I must be off.
But I can rely on you to tackle this shocking matter?
Indeed you can.
- Goodbye. - Goodnight.
Goodnight, Major.
- Goodnight, sir. - Thank you.
What do you make of that?
You're going to do something about it, aren't you?
I certainly am, if it's right.
But I can't believe it's true.
Could it happen?
Couldn't.
Could it?
I mean, it's not just that it shouldn't. But it couldn't.
And if it could, it wouldn't. Would it?
You ARE related to Sir Humphrey Appleby!
Humphrey, I must talk to you about something
something that concerns me deeply.
Really profoundly important.
Is it the amendment to the administrative order
on stock control in government establishments?
No.
Or the procedure for renewal of local authority leaseholds in
Special Development Areas?
No, what concerns me
is a great issue really of life and death.
Shouldn't that wait till after work?
It is work.
Really?
Please go on.
How do British armaments manufacturers
sell their arms to foreigners?
Well, I believe you have to get an export licence
from the Department of Trade.
So private firms can sell their arms abroad?
Private companies and government agencies.
To whom do they sell?
- Well, foreign governments, usually. - Is that all?
Well, sometimes you can sell to an arms dealer, third party.
Perhaps, a little man in Manchester
buys on behalf of a party in the Channel Islands
who has a contact in Luxembourg and...
- so on. - So, there's no real control
over who the arms go to in the end?
Indeed there is.
The dealer has to provide an end user certificate
which is a signature acceptable to Her Majesty's Government
that the ultimate customer is, in fact, an approved user.
Is that a real guarantee, I mean...
Would you be surprised, for instance,
if a British aircraft carrier
turned up in the Central African Republic?
Well, I, for one, Minister,
would be very surprised.
It's 1,000 miles inland!
Yes, you know what I mean.
What about smaller weapons?
Well, it's officially impossible.
There's stringent security,
rigorous inspection procedures, meticulous scrutiny.
You mean it's all a facade?
I think perhaps this conversation should end here,
don't you, Minister?
No, it's as I thought.
Last night, a confidential source disclosed to me
that British arms are being sold to Italian Red Terrorist Groups.
I see.
May I ask who this confidential source was?
Humphrey, I just said it was confidential.
I'm sorry.
I naturally assumed that meant you were going to tell me.
You don't seem to be very worried about this information.
These things happens all the time. It's not our problem.
So does robbery with violence.
Doesn't that worry you?
No, Minister. Home Office problem.
Humphrey, we're letting terrorists
get hold of murderous weapons!
WE'RE not.
Well, who is?
Who knows? Department of Trade?
Ministry of Defence? Foreign Office?
We, Humphrey, the British Government.
Innocent lives are being set at risk
by British arms in the hands of terrorists.
Only Italian lives, not British lives, Minister.
Could be British tourists abroad.
Tourists? Foreign Office problem.
Humphrey, we have to do something.
With respect, Minister, we have to do nothing.
What do you mean?
The sale of arms abroad
is one of those areas of government
that we do not examine too closely.
Well, I have to, now that I know about it.
You can say you don't know.
You're suggesting I should lie?
Not you, Minister, no.
Well, who should lie?
Sleeping dogs, Minister.
No, I'm going to raise this, Humphrey.
No, Minister, I beg you.
A basic rule of government
is never look into anything you don't have to,
and never set up an enquiry
unless you know in advance what its findings will be.
I can't believe this!
We're talking about good and evil.
- Church of England problem. - No, Humphrey!
Our problem.
We are discussing right and wrong.
You may be, Ministert. But I'm not.
It would be serious misuse of government time.
Selling arms to terrorists is wrong,
can't you see that, Humphrey?
No, Minister,
either you sell arms or you don't.
If you sell them, they will inevitably end up
with people who have the cash to buy them.
But not terrorists?
Well, I suppose we could put some sort of
government health warning on the rifle butts!
"This gun can seriously damage your health."
It's all very well to take this lightly, Humphrey,
but we cannot close our eyes to something
that is as morally wrong as this.
Very well, Minister,
if you insist on making me discuss moral issues,
may I point out to you that
something is either morally wrong or it isn't.
It can't be slightly morally wrong.
No, don't quibble, Humphrey.
Government isn't about morality.
Really?
What is it about?
Stability.
Keeping things going.
Preventing anarchy.
Stopping society falling to bits. Still being here tomorrow.
What for?
I beg your pardon?
What is the ultimate purpose of government
if it isn't for doing good?
Minister, government isn't about good and evil.
It's only about order or chaos.
And it's in order for Italian terrorists
to get British bombs?
And you don't care?
It's not my job to care.
That's what politicians are for.
My job is to carry out government policy.
Even if you think it's wrong?
Well, almost all government policy is wrong, but...
...frightfully well carried out!
Humphrey, have you ever known
a civil servant resign on a matter of principle?
I should think not!
What an appalling suggestion!
For the first time, I fully understand
that you are purely committed to means and not to ends!
Well, as far as I'm concerned, Minister,
and all of my colleagues,
there is no difference between means and ends.
If you believe that, Humphrey,
you will go to hell.
Minister, I had no idea you had a theological bent.
You are a moral vacuum, Humphrey.
If you say so, Minister.
It's time for your lunch appointment, Minister.
You're keeping very quiet, Bernard.
What would you do about all this?
I would keep very quiet, Minister.
So, Minister, may we drop this matter of the arms sales?
No, we may not!
I'm going to tell the Prime Minister, personally.
Make an appointment for me, would you, Bernard?
This is just the sort of thing
that the Prime Minister wants to know about.
I assure you, Minister,
this is just the sort of thing the Prime Minister
desperately wants NOT to know about.
We shall see about that.
Indeed we will.
What's the matter, Bernard?
Nothing really, Sir Humphrey.
You look unhappy.
Well, I was just wondering if the minister was right, actually.
Very unlikely. What about?
About ends and means.
I mean, will I end up as a moral vacuum, too?
I hope so, Bernard.
If you work hard enough.
Makes me feel rather downcast.
If it's our job to carry out government policies,
shouldn't we believe in them?
What an extraordinary idea!
Why?
Bernard...
I have served 11 governments in the past 30 years.
If I had believed in all their policies,
I would've been passionately committed
to keeping out of the Common Market,
and passionately committed to going into it.
I would've been utterly convinced
of the rightness of nationalising steel
and of denationalising it and renationalising it.
And capital punishment?
I'd have been a fervent retentionist
and an ardent abolitionist.
I would've been a Keynesian
and a Friedmanite,
a grammar school preserver and destroyer,
a nationalisation freak
and a privatisation maniac,
but above all,
I would have been a stark-staring raving
schizophrenic!
So what do we believe in?
At this moment, Bernard,
we believe in stopping the Minister
from informing the Prime Minister.
But why?
Because once the Prime Minister knows,
there will have to be an enquiry,
like Watergate.
The investigation of a trivial break-in
led to one ghastly revelation after another
and finally the downfall of a president.
The golden rule is
don't lift lids off cans of worms.
No, Sir Humphrey.
Everything is connected to everything else.
Who said that?
The Cabinet Secretary?
Nearly right. Actually, it was Lenin.
So how do you stop a Cabinet Minister
talking to a Prime Minister?
Well, now that is a very interesting question. You tell me.
I don't know.
Well, work it out, Bernard.
You're supposed to be a high-flier.
Or are you really a low-flier
supported by occasional gusts of wind?
Well,
YOU can't stop the Minister seeing the PM, can you?
I can't, no.
Nor can the private office at No. 10.
Correct.
So it has to be someone pretty high up in government.
- Getting warmer. - Someone close to the PM.
Someone who can frighten the Minister...
The Chief Whip?
Excellent, Bernard, you've learnt a lot.
So, how do you crack the whip?
I'm sorry?
How do you mobilise the Chief Whip?
Well, the Minister's asked me
to phone the PM's private office for an appointment,
so if you had a word with the Cabinet Secretary,
and he had a word with the diary secretary,
and they all had a word with the Whip's office...
...then when the Minister arrived,
the Chief Whip could meet him
and say the PM is rather busy
and had asked him to have a word with the Minister instead.
Excellent, Bernard.
You should have taken a degree in engineering!
What are you doing?
I thought you wanted to talk to the Cabinet Secretary,
- Sir Humphrey. - I do, indeed.
Now, do you, Bernard,
as the Minister's private secretary,
feel obliged to tell the Minister of this conversation?
What conversation?
Well done, Bernard. You'll be a moral vacuum yet!
Jim.
My dear chap, how nice to see you.
Vic, I was hoping to see the Prime Minister, actually.
Yes.
Actually, the PM's rather busy today.
Asked me to see you instead.
I'm sorry, Vic, it's not really a matter for the Chief Whip.
Yes, well, the PM has asked me
to have a preliminary conversation
and write a background note.
Save time later.
Well,
I've been given some pretty dramatic information.
Go on.
The Italian Red Terrorist Groups
are being supplied with top secret bomb detonators
made in this country, in a government factory.
And you feel you should tell the PM?
Well, yes, the PM's head of security.
I don't think it's anything to burden the PM with.
Let's hold it over, shall we?
You mean, forget all about it?
That's my recommendation.
I'm sorry, Vic, I can't accept it.
The PM must be told.
If the PM were to be told, there'd have to be an enquiry.
Exactly.
Which might perhaps reveal that
all sorts of undesirable, even hostile governments
had been supplied with British-made arms.
Are you seriously?
I said perhaps.
This might perhaps be highly embarrassing
to some of our Cabinet colleagues -
Foreign Secretary, Defence Secretary,
Trade Secretary, and to the PM personally.
Yes, well, doing the right thing
might be embarrassing sometimes, but
that's not a very good reason for not doing it.
You know we already sell arms to places like
Syria, Chile, Iran?
Yeah. But that's officially approved.
Quite.
And you're happy about what they do with them?
Well, obviously not entirely.
Well, either you're in the arms business or you're not!
Well, if being in it
means arming murderers, and terrorists,
then we should be out, it's immoral.
Great!
And is it moral to put 100,000 British workers out of a job?
What about the exports,
two billion pounds a year down the tube for starters.
And what about the votes?
Where do you think the government
places all those weapons contracts?
- In marginal constituencies, obviously. - Exactly.
Look, Vic, all I'm saying is that now that I know about it,
the Prime Minister must be told.
Why?
Just because you've caught something nasty,
why do you have to wander about, breathing over everyone?
Are you happy in the Cabinet?
Yes, of course I am!
Do you want to stay in it?
Well, then?
I'm sorry, Vic, but there is such a thing as duty.
There are times when one must do
what one's conscience tells one.
For God's sake!
Must you go around
flashing your petty private individual little conscience?
Don't you think anybody else has got one?
Haven't you got a conscience about the
survival of the government?
Of course I have, yes!
Here's the PM is on the verge of
signing an international anti-terrorist agreement.
I didn't know that.
Yeah. There's a lot you don't know about.
Can't you see that it's essential
to deal with the major policy aspects
rather than pick off a couple of
little arms exporters and terrorist groups?
Yes, I suppose it is just a couple of little terrorist groups.
Well, they can't kill that many people, can they?
I suppose not!
And you want to blow it all in a fit of moral self-indulgence!
After all,
with the PM thinking about you
as the next Foreign Secretary...
Do you mean that?
Good Lord!
So if you want to martyr yourself, then,
go ahead and press for an enquiry.
Feel free to jeopardise everything
we've all fought for and worked for together all these years.
No, no, no, no. Of couse, well, now, obviously, I mean,
it's appalling if Italian terrorists
are getting hold of British weapons,
but as you said, there is such a thing as loyalty,
you know, the common purpose.
I suppose one must see these things in a proper perspective.
Of course, if you were at the Ministry of Defence,
or the Board of Trade.
Well, absolutely, Ministry of Defence problem,
Board of Trade problem.
Foreign Office problem.
I can see that now.
So we can hold it over for the time being, can we?
Don't want to upset and embarrass the PM, do we?
Absolutely not.
Definitely not.
No.
Sorry I mentioned it.
Good man!
So I thought on balance it was best to leave it at that.
Let sleeping dogs lie...
In the wider interest.
As a loyal member of the government.
Nothing to be gained.
Mustn't opening a can of worms.
But the major said they were terrorists.
Yes, well...
We bombed Dresden.
- We're all terrorists, really, aren't we? - No.
Well, I mean metaphorically.
You should meet the Chief Whip. He certainly is!
But someone in Britain's giving bombs to murderers.
Selling, not giving.
That makes it OK?
Now, be serious, Annie.
An investigation might uncover all sorts of goings-on.
I see.
It's all right to investigate if you might catch one criminal,
but not if you might catch lots of them!
Well, if they're your Cabinet colleagues, yes, you're right!
No, you see, Government is a very complex business, Annie.
There are so many conflicting considerations.
Like, whether you do the right thing or wrong thing.
Exactly. No, no...
Well, what do you suggest I should do?
Take a moral stand.
How?
Threaten resignation.
They'd accept it!
Then where would I be?
I mean, if they accept my resignation, I'm gone,
I'm not in a position to do any good any more, am I?
Well, you're not doing good now.
Look, resignation may be a sop to my consciences, and to yours,
but it won't stop Italian terrorists getting British bombs.
Well, it might if you threaten to tell what you know.
Well, what do I know?
I don't know any hard facts.
I only know it's going on
because nobody's denied it, but that's not proof.
Can't you see? I'm in a real fix.
I don't think you realise just how real a fix you're in.
This letter arrived today.
From Major Saunders.
"Dear Mr Hacker.
Thank you for seeing me on Monday, last.
Such a relief to have told you about this ghastly business
of the supply of British weapons to Italian terrorists.
I know you will act upon this information as you promised
and I look forward to seeing some action taken."
You see?
Now, what will you do when Major Saunders tells the world
that he told you about this scandal and you did nothing?
It's a photocopy. He's got the original.
And it was recorded delivery,
so you can't say you didn't get it.
I'm trapped!
Completely trapped!
I can't tell the PM, I can't NOT tell the PM.
I see.
I was just wondering, Minister,
if we might not use the Rhodesia Solution?
Bernard, you excel yourself!
Of course, Minister, the Rhodesia Solution!
- What're you talking about? - Oil sanctions, remember?
A member of the government was told
about the way British companies were sanction-busting.
- What did he do? - He told the Prime Minister.
And what did he do?
He told the Prime Minister in such a way
that the Prime Minister didn't hear him.
Do you mean I should
mumble it or something in the Division Lobby?
No, no, no, Minister, you write a note.
In very faint pencil?
Please, be practical.
No, Minister, it's awfully obvious.
You write a note which is susceptible of misinterpretation.
I see!
"Dear Prime Minister, it has come to my attention,
that the Italian Red Terrorists
are getting hold of British top secret bomb-making equipment."
How do you misinterpret that?
You can't.
Well, exactly.
So you don't write that.
You use a more circumspect style
you avoid any mention of bombs or terrorists,
or any of that sort of thing.
Wouldn't that be rather difficult,
is that what is all about?
You say, Bernard, write this down.
"My attention has been drawn on a personal basis
to information which suggests the possible
of certain irregularities under Section..."
Section 1 of the Import, Export
and Custom powers (Defence) Act 1939(c).
Thank you, Bernard.
You then go on suggest
that somebody else should do something about it.
"Prima facie evidence suggests
that there could be a case for further investigation
to establish whether or not enquiries should be put in hand."
Then you smudge it all over.
"Nevertheless,
it should be stressed that available information is limited
and relevant facts could be difficult to establish
with any degree of certainty."
I see.
Then, if there were an enquiry, you'd be in the clear
and everybody would understand
that the busy PM might not have grasped
the full implications of such a letter.
They certainly would! That's most unclear.
Thank you, Minister!
Then, you arrange for the letter to arrive at No. 10
on the day the PM leaves for an overseas summit!
So there is also doubt about whether it was the PM
or the acting PM who read the note.
And so the whole thing is written off
as a breakdown in communication,
everybody's in the clear
and everybody can get on with their business.
- Including the Red Terrorists! - Exactly...
Bernard!
I'll tell you about government.
You must always try to do the right thing.
But you must never let anybody catch you trying to do it
because doing right's wrong.
Right?
Haven't you had enough, darling?
There's still some left in the bottle.
No, the thing about government is principle.
And the principle is
you mustn't rock the boat...
...because if you do,
all the little consciences will fall out.
And you must all hang together.
Because if you don't hang together,
you'll all be hanged separately.
I'm hanged if I'll be hanged!
You know...
politics is about helping others.
Even if that means helping terrorists.
Terrorists are others, aren't they?
Not us, are they?
No.
And you must always follow your conscience,
but you must know where you're going.
So you can't follow your conscience.
'Cause it may not be going the same way that you are.
Empty...
Like me.
I'm a moral vacuum.
Cheer up, darling!
Nothing good ever comes out of Whitehall.
You did what you could.
- You don't really mean that. - I do.
No, I'm just like Humphrey and all the rest of them.
No, that's certainly not true!
- No? - He's lost his sense of right and wrong.
You've still got yours.
Have I?
It's just that you don't use it much.
You're a sort of whisky priest,
you do at least know when you've done the wrong thing.
Whisky priest?
That's right.
Good.
Let's open another bottle.
We haven't got one.
That's what you think!
Who said nothing good ever came out of Whitehall?
You want one?
Yes, Minister!