1
00:00:46,754 --> 00:00:49,222
In the bleak days of 1983...

2
00:00:49,434 --> 00:00:53,427
...as England languished in the doldrums
of a ruinous monetarist policy...

3
00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:57,230
...the good, loyal men
of the Permanent Assurance Company...

4
00:00:57,314 --> 00:01:01,466
...a once-proud family firm
recently fallen on hard times...

5
00:01:01,754 --> 00:01:06,111
...strained under the yoke of their
oppressive, new corporate management.

6
00:01:07,514 --> 00:01:09,391
Terrible. Really terrible.

7
00:01:28,434 --> 00:01:29,469
Row!

8
00:01:55,474 --> 00:01:57,465
That's it, Evans. You're fired.

9
00:01:58,234 --> 00:01:59,713
You heard me. Out.

10
00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:03,384
Did you hear that? He's been sacked.

11
00:02:04,754 --> 00:02:06,187
Sacked?

12
00:02:07,274 --> 00:02:11,472
Sacked? Come on, boys. Let's get at 'em.

13
00:02:19,114 --> 00:02:20,103
Come on!

14
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:14,031
Let me out of here!

15
00:03:15,474 --> 00:03:18,193
I demand to see my lawyer!

16
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,073
Tooley! Come on.

17
00:03:53,674 --> 00:03:55,630
Quiet! Silence!

18
00:03:56,154 --> 00:03:58,110
Now, lads, let's move.

19
00:03:58,194 --> 00:04:01,948
You, you and you, break open the weapons.

20
00:04:02,074 --> 00:04:04,872
You, you and you, into the rigging.

21
00:04:06,034 --> 00:04:09,663
-And you, put the kettle on.
-Aye, sir.

22
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,186
There, there, Charles.

23
00:04:56,514 --> 00:04:57,583
Sorry!

24
00:04:58,314 --> 00:05:00,270
Come on, Tooley. This way!

25
00:05:24,194 --> 00:05:25,866
Weigh the anchor!

26
00:05:26,634 --> 00:05:27,987
Weigh the anchor!

27
00:05:29,314 --> 00:05:30,827
Weigh the anchor.

28
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:36,232
And so,
the Crimson Permanent Assurance...

29
00:06:36,314 --> 00:06:40,432
...was launched upon the high seas
of international finance.

30
00:06:57,714 --> 00:07:00,512
Come on, boy. Watch it. Route. Route!

31
00:07:01,914 --> 00:07:04,747
-Cup of tea, dear?
-Hey, captain!

32
00:07:05,314 --> 00:07:07,669
Look! To starboard!

33
00:07:11,594 --> 00:07:14,472
There it lay: the prize they sought.

34
00:07:15,794 --> 00:07:17,546
Hard to starboard!

35
00:07:17,994 --> 00:07:22,146
A financial district swollen
with multinationals, conglomerates...

36
00:07:22,754 --> 00:07:25,905
...and fat, bloated merchant banks.

37
00:07:28,634 --> 00:07:31,831
All right, lads, battle stations!

38
00:07:33,234 --> 00:07:35,225
Come on! Move it!

39
00:07:59,434 --> 00:08:02,187
-All right, then. That's enough.
-Take cover.

40
00:08:23,034 --> 00:08:24,911
Down, down!

41
00:09:00,834 --> 00:09:02,665
Hard to starboard!

42
00:09:24,634 --> 00:09:26,033
Fire!

43
00:10:32,914 --> 00:10:34,950
Eric! My balance sheets!

44
00:10:37,314 --> 00:10:39,225
Ross! Get the readouts!

45
00:10:46,314 --> 00:10:48,384
-Stop him!
-Eric!

46
00:10:48,874 --> 00:10:50,353
-Thanks!
-Charge!

47
00:11:39,554 --> 00:11:41,829
-No, no! Let me! Let me!
-Okay, Kane.

48
00:11:48,314 --> 00:11:49,303
Captured!

49
00:11:57,034 --> 00:11:58,069
Gotcha!

50
00:12:34,434 --> 00:12:35,549
Take this.

51
00:12:41,274 --> 00:12:43,071
Here. File this.

52
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,389
Shit!

53
00:13:04,314 --> 00:13:07,670
And so, heartened by their initial success...

54
00:13:07,834 --> 00:13:12,589
...the desperate and reasonably violent
men of the Permanent Assurance...

55
00:13:13,354 --> 00:13:16,027
...battled on, until...

56
00:13:17,554 --> 00:13:20,626
...as the sun set slowly in the west...

57
00:13:21,354 --> 00:13:25,506
...the outstanding returns on their bold
business venture became apparent.

58
00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:30,988
Once-proud financial giants lay in ruins...

59
00:13:33,314 --> 00:13:35,544
...their assets stripped...

60
00:13:36,834 --> 00:13:39,906
...their policies in tatters.

61
00:13:52,314 --> 00:13:55,386
Full speed ahead, Mr. Cohen!

62
00:13:56,074 --> 00:13:58,952
"Up, up, up your premium

63
00:13:59,114 --> 00:14:02,470
"Scribble away and balance the books

64
00:14:02,874 --> 00:14:05,866
"Scribble away, but balance the books

65
00:14:06,474 --> 00:14:09,750
"It's fun to charter an accountant

66
00:14:09,834 --> 00:14:13,304
"And sail the wide accountancy

67
00:14:13,914 --> 00:14:17,873
"To find, explore the funds offshore

68
00:14:17,954 --> 00:14:21,264
"And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy

69
00:14:21,754 --> 00:14:24,905
"lt can be manly insurance

70
00:14:25,514 --> 00:14:28,790
"We'll up your premium semiannually

71
00:14:29,274 --> 00:14:33,153
"It's all tax-deductible
We're fairly incorruptible

72
00:14:33,394 --> 00:14:36,306
"Sailing on the wide accountancy"

73
00:14:38,154 --> 00:14:41,783
And so, they sailed off
into the ledgers of history...

74
00:14:42,554 --> 00:14:45,148
...one by one, the financial capitals
of the world...

75
00:14:45,234 --> 00:14:48,226
...crumbling under the might
of their business acumen.

76
00:14:48,794 --> 00:14:50,432
Or so it would have been...

77
00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:53,904
...if certain modern theories
concerning the shape of the world...

78
00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:57,543
...had not proved to be disastrously wrong.

79
00:16:23,594 --> 00:16:25,107
-Morning.
-Morning.

80
00:16:31,034 --> 00:16:32,433
-Morning.
-Morning.

81
00:16:41,954 --> 00:16:44,229
-What's new?
-Not much.

82
00:16:49,274 --> 00:16:51,993
-Morning!
-Good morning! Morning!

83
00:16:54,674 --> 00:16:57,142
-Frank was just asking what's new.
-Was he?

84
00:16:57,914 --> 00:16:58,983
Yes.

85
00:17:01,874 --> 00:17:05,105
-Hey, look. Howard's being eaten.
-Is he?

86
00:17:13,314 --> 00:17:15,145
Makes you think, doesn't it?

87
00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:17,265
I mean, what's it all about?

88
00:17:18,234 --> 00:17:19,303
Beats me.

89
00:17:21,234 --> 00:17:24,624
"Why are we here, what's life all about?

90
00:17:26,194 --> 00:17:30,506
"Is God really real or is there some doubt?

91
00:17:31,834 --> 00:17:36,305
"Well, tonight we're going to sort it all out

92
00:17:36,874 --> 00:17:39,593
"Tonight it's the meaning of life

93
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:45,548
"What's the point of all this hoax?

94
00:17:46,434 --> 00:17:49,073
"Is it the chicken and the egg time?

95
00:17:49,154 --> 00:17:51,349
"Are we just yolks?

96
00:17:51,754 --> 00:17:56,270
"Or perhaps we're just
one of God's little jokes

97
00:17:57,114 --> 00:18:00,470
"Well, ca c'est le meaning of life

98
00:18:02,114 --> 00:18:06,630
"Is life just a game
where we make up the rules

99
00:18:07,034 --> 00:18:10,709
"While we're searching
for something to say

100
00:18:11,994 --> 00:18:16,545
"Or are we just simply spiraling coils

101
00:18:17,114 --> 00:18:20,663
"Of self-replicating DNA?

102
00:18:22,354 --> 00:18:25,664
"What's life? What is our fate?

103
00:18:27,114 --> 00:18:28,991
"Is there heaven and hell?

104
00:18:29,634 --> 00:18:31,192
"Do we reincarnate?

105
00:18:32,634 --> 00:18:37,230
"Is mankind evolving or is it too late?

106
00:18:37,394 --> 00:18:40,511
"Well, tonight here's the meaning of life

107
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:46,630
"For millions this life is a sad vale of tears

108
00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:50,306
"Sitting round with really nothing to say

109
00:18:52,394 --> 00:18:57,388
"While scientists say
we're just simply spiraling coils

110
00:18:57,554 --> 00:19:01,149
"Of self-replicating DNA

111
00:19:02,634 --> 00:19:05,706
"So just why, why are we here?

112
00:19:07,274 --> 00:19:10,425
"And just what, what do we fear?

113
00:19:12,554 --> 00:19:17,503
"Well, ce soir, for a change
it will all be made clear

114
00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:21,104
"For this is the meaning of life

115
00:19:21,754 --> 00:19:26,032
"C'est le sens de la vie
This is the meaning of life"

116
00:19:58,874 --> 00:20:00,512
One thousand and eight!

117
00:20:00,674 --> 00:20:02,790
Mrs. Moore's contractions are
more frequent.

118
00:20:02,874 --> 00:20:05,229
Good.
Take her into the fetus-frightening room.

119
00:20:13,594 --> 00:20:14,709
Jolly good.

120
00:20:15,194 --> 00:20:17,583
It's a bit bare in here today, isn't it?

121
00:20:18,514 --> 00:20:19,390
Yes.

122
00:20:19,834 --> 00:20:22,109
Yes. More apparatus, please, nurse.

123
00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:25,348
The EEG, the BP monitor and the AVV.

124
00:20:25,634 --> 00:20:28,432
-Certainly.
-And get the machine that goes, "Ping!"

125
00:20:28,674 --> 00:20:32,349
And get the most expensive machines
in case the administrator comes.

126
00:20:40,154 --> 00:20:42,145
That's it. Bring it right here.

127
00:20:42,234 --> 00:20:44,384
Behind me. Lovely, lovely.

128
00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:47,554
Jolly good. That's better.
That's much, much better.

129
00:20:47,634 --> 00:20:50,228
Yes, more like it.

130
00:20:50,874 --> 00:20:52,865
Still something missing, though.

131
00:20:58,514 --> 00:20:59,913
-Patient.
-Yes.

132
00:20:59,994 --> 00:21:01,473
Where's the patient?

133
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:02,709
Patient!

134
00:21:03,634 --> 00:21:05,704
-Here she is.
-Bring it over here.

135
00:21:06,394 --> 00:21:08,589
-Mind the machine!
-Sorry, doctor.

136
00:21:08,674 --> 00:21:09,743
Come along!

137
00:21:09,834 --> 00:21:10,949
Jump on it.

138
00:21:11,074 --> 00:21:14,828
-Hello. Now don't you worry.
-We'll soon have you cured.

139
00:21:15,114 --> 00:21:17,674
Leave it all to us.
You'll never know what hit you.

140
00:21:17,754 --> 00:21:18,982
Good-bye.

141
00:21:19,074 --> 00:21:20,746
-Drips up.
-lnjections.

142
00:21:20,914 --> 00:21:24,304
-Can I put the tube in the baby's head?
-If I can do the episiotomy.

143
00:21:24,594 --> 00:21:25,629
Legs up.

144
00:21:26,474 --> 00:21:28,510
-Come in.
-Come on in, all of you.

145
00:21:28,594 --> 00:21:30,664
-That's it. Jolly good.
-Come on.

146
00:21:30,954 --> 00:21:32,069
Spread round there.

147
00:21:32,154 --> 00:21:34,065
-Who are you?
-I'm the husband.

148
00:21:34,234 --> 00:21:37,146
I'm sorry,
only people involved are allowed in here.

149
00:21:38,594 --> 00:21:40,073
-What do I do?
-Yes?

150
00:21:40,754 --> 00:21:44,269
-What do I do?
-Nothing, dear. You're not qualified.

151
00:21:44,834 --> 00:21:45,903
Leave it to us.

152
00:21:45,994 --> 00:21:47,313
What's that for?

153
00:21:47,514 --> 00:21:49,664
That's the machine that goes, "Ping!"

154
00:21:50,994 --> 00:21:53,747
You see?
That means your baby is still alive.

155
00:21:54,554 --> 00:21:58,024
And that's the most expensive machine
in the whole hospital.

156
00:21:58,234 --> 00:22:00,907
Yes, it cost over three quarters
of a million pounds.

157
00:22:00,994 --> 00:22:02,347
Aren't you lucky!

158
00:22:03,114 --> 00:22:05,184
The administrator is here, doctor.

159
00:22:05,354 --> 00:22:06,946
Switch everything on.

160
00:22:07,434 --> 00:22:08,662
Morning, gentlemen.

161
00:22:08,754 --> 00:22:10,551
-Morning.
-Morning, gentlemen.

162
00:22:10,634 --> 00:22:12,306
Morning, Mr. Pycroft.

163
00:22:12,434 --> 00:22:14,470
Very impressive.

164
00:22:14,554 --> 00:22:17,466
-And what are you doing this morning?
-It's a birth.

165
00:22:18,154 --> 00:22:19,746
And what sort of thing is that?

166
00:22:19,834 --> 00:22:24,225
That's when we take a new baby
out of a lady's tummy.

167
00:22:24,874 --> 00:22:26,944
Wonderful what we can do nowadays.

168
00:22:27,234 --> 00:22:29,748
I see you have the machine
that goes "Ping!"

169
00:22:29,954 --> 00:22:31,307
This is my favorite.

170
00:22:31,394 --> 00:22:33,862
We lease this back
from the company we sold it to.

171
00:22:33,954 --> 00:22:38,266
That way, it comes under the monthly
current budget and not the capital account.

172
00:22:42,114 --> 00:22:45,709
Thank you, thank you.
We try to do our best. Well, do carry on.

173
00:22:46,714 --> 00:22:49,547
-The vulva's dilating, doctor.
-Yes, there's the head.

174
00:22:49,634 --> 00:22:52,387
Yes, four centimeters, five, six centimeters.

175
00:22:52,554 --> 00:22:54,431
-Lights!
-Amplify the ping machine.

176
00:22:54,514 --> 00:22:56,391
-Masks up!
-Suction!

177
00:22:56,554 --> 00:22:58,192
Eyes down for a full house!

178
00:22:58,274 --> 00:22:59,866
Here it comes.

179
00:23:01,914 --> 00:23:03,825
And frighten it.

180
00:23:04,314 --> 00:23:05,383
Thank you.

181
00:23:05,754 --> 00:23:07,551
And the rough towels!

182
00:23:09,114 --> 00:23:10,672
Show it to the mother.

183
00:23:11,034 --> 00:23:12,990
-That's enough.
-Right. Sedate her.

184
00:23:13,074 --> 00:23:16,783
-Number the child.
-Measure it, blood-type it and isolate it.

185
00:23:17,274 --> 00:23:18,673
Okay, show's over.

186
00:23:20,434 --> 00:23:21,867
Is it a boy or a girl?

187
00:23:21,954 --> 00:23:25,663
I think it's a little early
to start imposing roles on it, don't you?

188
00:23:25,754 --> 00:23:26,982
A word of advice.

189
00:23:27,074 --> 00:23:30,953
You may find you suffer for some time
a totally irrational feeling of depression...

190
00:23:31,034 --> 00:23:32,786
...P.N.D., as we doctors call it.

191
00:23:32,874 --> 00:23:34,865
So, it's lots of happy pills for you...

192
00:23:34,954 --> 00:23:37,627
...and you can find out about the birth
when you get home.

193
00:23:37,714 --> 00:23:41,229
It's available on Betamax,
VHS and Super 8.

194
00:24:02,834 --> 00:24:04,665
Bloody hell.

195
00:24:13,234 --> 00:24:16,032
-Get it, would you, Deidre?
-All right, Mum.

196
00:24:25,314 --> 00:24:27,350
-Now whose teatime is it?
-Mine!

197
00:24:28,954 --> 00:24:30,228
Come on. Out you go.

198
00:24:30,314 --> 00:24:34,227
Now, Vincent, Tessa, Valerie, Janine,
Martha, Andrew, Thomas...

199
00:24:34,394 --> 00:24:38,273
...Walter, Pat, Linda, Michael,
Evadne, Alice, Dominique and Sasha...

200
00:24:38,354 --> 00:24:39,867
...it's your bedtime.

201
00:24:40,434 --> 00:24:42,026
Now don't argue!

202
00:24:42,394 --> 00:24:45,147
Laura, Alfred, Nigel, Annie, Simon and--

203
00:24:45,274 --> 00:24:49,153
Wait.
I've got something to tell the whole family.

204
00:24:49,834 --> 00:24:52,632
Quick. Go and get the others in, Gordon.

205
00:24:54,114 --> 00:24:56,867
The mill's closed. There's no more work.

206
00:24:57,114 --> 00:24:58,547
We're destitute.

207
00:25:00,354 --> 00:25:01,707
Come in, my little loves.

208
00:25:01,794 --> 00:25:05,389
I've got no option but to sell you all
for scientific experiments.

209
00:25:07,594 --> 00:25:09,869
No, no, that's the way it is, my loves.

210
00:25:10,034 --> 00:25:13,583
Blame the Catholic Church for
not letting me wear a little rubber thing.

211
00:25:13,674 --> 00:25:16,188
They've done some
wonderful things in their time.

212
00:25:16,274 --> 00:25:20,472
They've preserved the might and majesty,
even mystery of the Church of Rome...

213
00:25:20,554 --> 00:25:24,752
...and the sanctity of the Sacrament,
the indivisible oneness of the Trinity...

214
00:25:24,834 --> 00:25:28,383
...but if they'd let me wear a little
rubber thing on the end of my cock...

215
00:25:28,474 --> 00:25:30,829
...we wouldn't be in the mess we are now.

216
00:25:30,914 --> 00:25:33,508
Couldn't Mummy have worn
some sort of pessary?

217
00:25:34,834 --> 00:25:38,713
Not if we're going to remain members of
the fastest-growing religion in the world.

218
00:25:38,794 --> 00:25:39,909
He's right.

219
00:25:40,314 --> 00:25:42,305
You see, we believe....

220
00:25:42,914 --> 00:25:44,745
Let me put it like this.

221
00:25:44,994 --> 00:25:47,064
"There are Jews in the world

222
00:25:47,394 --> 00:25:49,112
"There are Buddhists

223
00:25:49,394 --> 00:25:52,784
"There are Hindus and Mormons and then

224
00:25:53,914 --> 00:25:57,270
"There are those that follow Mohammed

225
00:25:57,354 --> 00:26:01,393
"But I've never been one of them

226
00:26:04,194 --> 00:26:06,754
"I'm a Roman Catholic

227
00:26:07,234 --> 00:26:10,226
"And have been since before I was born

228
00:26:10,754 --> 00:26:13,905
"And the one thing they say
about Catholics

229
00:26:14,154 --> 00:26:17,624
"Is they'll take you as soon as you're warm

230
00:26:17,914 --> 00:26:20,872
"You don't have to be a six-footer

231
00:26:21,354 --> 00:26:24,187
"You don't have to have a great brain

232
00:26:25,034 --> 00:26:28,151
"You don't have to have any clothes on

233
00:26:28,314 --> 00:26:32,193
"You're a Catholic the moment Dad came

234
00:26:32,754 --> 00:26:35,029
"Because

235
00:26:35,514 --> 00:26:39,553
"Every sperm is sacred

236
00:26:40,114 --> 00:26:43,584
"Every sperm is great

237
00:26:44,514 --> 00:26:48,348
"If a sperm is wasted

238
00:26:48,714 --> 00:26:51,751
"God gets quite irate

239
00:26:53,194 --> 00:26:56,789
"Every sperm is sacred

240
00:26:57,274 --> 00:27:01,108
"Every sperm is great

241
00:27:01,514 --> 00:27:05,268
"If a sperm is wasted

242
00:27:05,754 --> 00:27:09,349
"God gets quite irate

243
00:27:09,954 --> 00:27:13,913
"Let the heathens spill theirs

244
00:27:14,154 --> 00:27:17,510
"On the dusty ground

245
00:27:18,354 --> 00:27:21,152
"God shall make them pay

246
00:27:21,514 --> 00:27:25,666
"For each sperm that can't be found

247
00:27:26,754 --> 00:27:30,542
"Every sperm is wanted

248
00:27:30,874 --> 00:27:34,469
"Every sperm is good

249
00:27:35,034 --> 00:27:38,868
"Every sperm is needed

250
00:27:39,074 --> 00:27:42,828
"In your neighborhood

251
00:27:43,074 --> 00:27:46,350
"Hindu, Taoist, Mormon

252
00:27:46,594 --> 00:27:50,030
"Spill theirs just anywhere

253
00:27:50,554 --> 00:27:53,830
"But God loves those who treat

254
00:27:53,954 --> 00:27:57,867
"Their semen with more care

255
00:27:58,834 --> 00:28:02,383
"Every sperm is sacred

256
00:28:02,754 --> 00:28:05,871
"Every sperm is great

257
00:28:06,434 --> 00:28:09,506
"If a sperm is wasted

258
00:28:09,794 --> 00:28:12,991
"God gets quite irate

259
00:28:13,354 --> 00:28:17,063
"Every sperm is sacred

260
00:28:17,234 --> 00:28:20,385
"Every sperm is good

261
00:28:20,994 --> 00:28:24,543
"Every sperm is needed

262
00:28:24,794 --> 00:28:28,230
"In your neighborhood

263
00:28:28,554 --> 00:28:31,944
"Every sperm is useful

264
00:28:32,274 --> 00:28:35,584
"Every sperm is fine

265
00:28:35,874 --> 00:28:39,184
"God needs everybody's

266
00:28:39,514 --> 00:28:40,788
-"Mine
-And mine

267
00:28:40,994 --> 00:28:42,825
"And mine

268
00:28:57,474 --> 00:29:00,989
"Let the pagans spill theirs

269
00:29:01,154 --> 00:29:04,863
"O'er mountain, hill and plain

270
00:29:05,034 --> 00:29:07,594
"God shall strike them down

271
00:29:07,874 --> 00:29:11,753
"For each sperm that's spilt in vain

272
00:29:12,434 --> 00:29:15,824
"Every sperm is sacred

273
00:29:16,114 --> 00:29:19,424
"Every sperm is good

274
00:29:19,794 --> 00:29:23,104
"Every sperm is needed

275
00:29:23,434 --> 00:29:26,585
"In your neighborhood

276
00:29:27,194 --> 00:29:30,266
"Every sperm is sacred

277
00:29:30,594 --> 00:29:33,711
"Every sperm is great

278
00:29:34,194 --> 00:29:37,504
"If a sperm is wasted

279
00:29:37,754 --> 00:29:42,384
"God gets quite irate"

280
00:29:50,634 --> 00:29:52,784
So you see my problem, little ones.

281
00:29:52,874 --> 00:29:54,990
I can't keep you all here any longer.

282
00:29:55,074 --> 00:29:56,348
Speak up!

283
00:29:56,914 --> 00:29:59,144
I can't keep you all here any longer!

284
00:30:00,074 --> 00:30:03,510
God has blessed us so much
I can't afford to feed you anymore.

285
00:30:03,954 --> 00:30:06,184
Couldn't you have your balls cut off?

286
00:30:06,874 --> 00:30:09,752
It's not as simple as that, Nigel.
God knows all.

287
00:30:10,274 --> 00:30:14,825
He'd see through such a cheap trick.
What we do to ourselves, we do to him.

288
00:30:15,274 --> 00:30:18,072
You could have had them
pulled off in an accident.

289
00:30:19,594 --> 00:30:23,746
No. Children, I know you're trying to help,
but believe me, my mind's made up.

290
00:30:23,834 --> 00:30:26,348
I've given this long and careful thought...

291
00:30:27,034 --> 00:30:30,265
...and it has to be medical experiments
for the lot of you.

292
00:30:30,794 --> 00:30:35,549
"Every sperm is sacred

293
00:30:36,914 --> 00:30:41,351
"Every sperm is great"

294
00:30:42,834 --> 00:30:44,586
Look at them. Bloody Catholics.

295
00:30:44,674 --> 00:30:48,986
Filling the bloody world up with people
they can't afford to bloody feed.

296
00:30:49,354 --> 00:30:50,707
What are we, dear?

297
00:30:50,794 --> 00:30:53,103
Protestant, and fiercely proud of it.

298
00:30:53,834 --> 00:30:56,428
Why do they have so many children?

299
00:30:56,514 --> 00:31:00,029
Every time they have sexual intercourse
they have to have a baby.

300
00:31:00,474 --> 00:31:03,432
-But it's the same with us, Harry.
-What do you mean?

301
00:31:03,554 --> 00:31:07,945
I mean we've got two children,
and we've had sexual intercourse twice.

302
00:31:08,274 --> 00:31:11,425
That's not the point.
We could have it any time we wanted.

303
00:31:11,514 --> 00:31:12,310
Really?

304
00:31:12,394 --> 00:31:14,828
Yes. And what's more,
because we don't believe...

305
00:31:14,914 --> 00:31:17,826
...in all that papist claptrap,
we can take precautions.

306
00:31:17,914 --> 00:31:19,666
What you mean, lock the door?

307
00:31:19,754 --> 00:31:23,463
No. I mean because we're members
of the Protestant Reformed Church...

308
00:31:23,554 --> 00:31:26,944
...which successfully challenged
the autocratic power of the Papacy...

309
00:31:27,034 --> 00:31:30,788
...in the mid-16th century, we can wear
little rubber devices to prevent issue.

310
00:31:30,874 --> 00:31:31,989
What do you mean?

311
00:31:32,074 --> 00:31:34,747
I could, if I wanted,
have sexual intercourse with you.

312
00:31:34,834 --> 00:31:36,062
Oh, yes, Harry.

313
00:31:36,154 --> 00:31:38,827
And, by wearing a rubber sheath
over my old fellow...

314
00:31:38,914 --> 00:31:42,668
...I could ensure that when I came off,
you would not be impregnated.

315
00:31:43,474 --> 00:31:47,228
That's what being a Protestant's all about.
That's why it's the church for me.

316
00:31:47,314 --> 00:31:50,511
That's why it's the church
for anyone who respects the individual...

317
00:31:50,594 --> 00:31:53,631
...and the individual's right
to decide for him or herself.

318
00:31:53,834 --> 00:31:57,907
When Martin Luther nailed his protest
up to the church door in 1517...

319
00:31:57,994 --> 00:32:01,464
...he may not have realized
the full significance of what he was doing...

320
00:32:01,554 --> 00:32:04,193
...but 400 years later, thanks to him...

321
00:32:04,274 --> 00:32:06,993
...I can wear whatever I want
on my John Thomas.

322
00:32:07,194 --> 00:32:09,992
And Protestantism doesn't stop
at the simple condom.

323
00:32:10,074 --> 00:32:12,793
Oh, no!
I can wear French Ticklers if I want.

324
00:32:12,914 --> 00:32:13,505
What?

325
00:32:13,594 --> 00:32:16,586
French Ticklers, black mambos,
crocodile ribs.

326
00:32:16,674 --> 00:32:19,347
Sheaths that are designed
not only to protect...

327
00:32:19,434 --> 00:32:22,710
...but also to enhance
the stimulation of sexual congress.

328
00:32:22,794 --> 00:32:23,863
Have you got one?

329
00:32:23,954 --> 00:32:27,424
Have I got one? No, but I can go down
the road anytime I want...

330
00:32:27,714 --> 00:32:31,627
...and walk into Harry's, and hold my head
up high and say, in a loud, steady voice:

331
00:32:31,714 --> 00:32:34,182
"Harry, I want you to sell me a condom.

332
00:32:34,274 --> 00:32:38,108
"In fact, today I think I'll have
a French Tickler, for I am a Protestant."

333
00:32:38,194 --> 00:32:39,070
Why don't you?

334
00:32:39,154 --> 00:32:40,473
But they cannot.

335
00:32:40,594 --> 00:32:43,825
Because their church never made
the leap out of the Middle Ages...

336
00:32:43,914 --> 00:32:46,792
...and the domination of
alien Episcopal supremacy.

337
00:32:47,074 --> 00:32:51,431
But despite the attempts of Protestants
to promote the idea of sex for pleasure...

338
00:32:51,834 --> 00:32:54,473
...children continue to multiply everywhere.

339
00:33:00,914 --> 00:33:05,066
"And spotteth twice
they the camels before the third hour.

340
00:33:06,354 --> 00:33:09,824
"And so the Midianites
went forth to Ram Gilead...

341
00:33:10,274 --> 00:33:12,071
"...in Kadesh Bilgemeth...

342
00:33:12,234 --> 00:33:14,065
"...by Shor Ethra Regalion...

343
00:33:14,154 --> 00:33:18,147
"...to the house of Gash-Bil-Bethuel-Bazda.

344
00:33:18,434 --> 00:33:21,153
"He who brought the butter dish
to Balshazar...

345
00:33:21,234 --> 00:33:24,192
"...and the tent peg
to the house of Rashomon.

346
00:33:24,634 --> 00:33:27,228
"And there, slew they the goats...

347
00:33:27,594 --> 00:33:32,304
"...yea, and placed they the bits
in little pots."

348
00:33:33,914 --> 00:33:35,632
Here endeth the lesson.

349
00:33:35,914 --> 00:33:37,984
Let us praise God.

350
00:33:42,474 --> 00:33:43,748
Oh, Lord.

351
00:33:44,394 --> 00:33:45,668
Oh, Lord.

352
00:33:46,954 --> 00:33:48,990
You are so big.

353
00:33:49,754 --> 00:33:51,904
You are so big.

354
00:33:52,274 --> 00:33:54,993
So absolutely huge.

355
00:33:55,234 --> 00:33:58,465
So absolutely huge.

356
00:33:59,074 --> 00:34:03,545
Gosh, we're all really impressed
down here, I can tell you.

357
00:34:03,994 --> 00:34:08,510
Gosh, we're all really impressed
down here, I can tell you.

358
00:34:08,834 --> 00:34:12,986
Forgive us, Lord, for this,
our dreadful toadying.

359
00:34:13,714 --> 00:34:16,308
And barefaced flattery.

360
00:34:16,594 --> 00:34:21,429
But you're so strong,
and, well, just so super.

361
00:34:22,314 --> 00:34:24,032
Fantastic.

362
00:34:24,634 --> 00:34:26,704
-Amen, Reverend.
-Amen.

363
00:34:26,994 --> 00:34:28,985
Now two boys have been found...

364
00:34:29,074 --> 00:34:31,952
...rubbing linseed oil
into the school cormorant.

365
00:34:33,074 --> 00:34:35,952
Some of you may feel
that the cormorant does not play...

366
00:34:36,034 --> 00:34:39,709
...an important part in the life
of the school, but I would remind you...

367
00:34:39,794 --> 00:34:43,628
...that it was presented to us by
the corporation of the town of Sudbury...

368
00:34:43,714 --> 00:34:46,387
...to commemorate Empire Day,
when we try to remember...

369
00:34:46,474 --> 00:34:49,272
...the names of all those from
the Sudbury area...

370
00:34:49,354 --> 00:34:51,663
...who so gallantly gave their lives...

371
00:34:52,114 --> 00:34:54,105
...to keep China British.

372
00:34:54,794 --> 00:34:58,833
So from now on,
the cormorant is strictly out of bounds!

373
00:35:01,234 --> 00:35:05,466
And Jenkins,
apparently your mother died this morning.

374
00:35:05,994 --> 00:35:07,063
Chaplain.

375
00:35:11,434 --> 00:35:14,790
"O Lord, please don't burn us

376
00:35:15,034 --> 00:35:18,231
"Don't grill or toast your flock

377
00:35:18,874 --> 00:35:22,867
"Don't put us on the barbecue

378
00:35:23,354 --> 00:35:26,664
"Or simmer us in stock

379
00:35:27,314 --> 00:35:30,943
"Don't braise or bake or boil us

380
00:35:31,314 --> 00:35:34,784
"Or stir-fry us in a wok

381
00:35:36,074 --> 00:35:39,953
"Oh, please don't lightly poach us

382
00:35:40,114 --> 00:35:43,584
"Or baste us with hot fat

383
00:35:44,314 --> 00:35:48,830
"Don't fricassee or roast us

384
00:35:49,074 --> 00:35:52,066
"Or boil us in a vat

385
00:35:52,794 --> 00:35:57,424
"And please don't stick thy servants, Lord

386
00:35:57,554 --> 00:36:01,263
"In a rotissomat"

387
00:36:06,954 --> 00:36:08,069
He's coming!

388
00:36:15,154 --> 00:36:17,668
All right, settle down, settle down.

389
00:36:19,274 --> 00:36:21,663
Before I begin the lesson,
will those of you...

390
00:36:21,754 --> 00:36:24,791
...playing in the match this afternoon
move your clothes down...

391
00:36:24,874 --> 00:36:27,263
...onto the lower peg
immediately after lunch...

392
00:36:27,354 --> 00:36:30,187
...before you write home,
if you're not getting a haircut...

393
00:36:30,274 --> 00:36:34,233
...unless you have a brother going out
this weekend as the guest of another boy...

394
00:36:34,314 --> 00:36:38,102
...then collect his note before lunch,
put it in your letter after your haircut.

395
00:36:38,194 --> 00:36:41,345
Make sure he moves your clothes
onto the lower peg for you.

396
00:36:41,714 --> 00:36:43,272
-Sir?
-Yes, Wymer?

397
00:36:43,354 --> 00:36:45,788
My brother's going out
with Dibble this weekend...

398
00:36:45,874 --> 00:36:48,229
...but I'm not having my hair cut,
so do I move--

399
00:36:48,314 --> 00:36:51,431
I do wish you'd listen, Wymer.
It's perfectly simple.

400
00:36:51,594 --> 00:36:55,633
If you're not getting your hair cut, you
don't have to move your brother's clothes.

401
00:36:55,714 --> 00:37:00,071
You simply collect his note before lunch,
after you've done your scripture prep...

402
00:37:00,194 --> 00:37:02,833
...when you've written your letter home
before rest...

403
00:37:02,914 --> 00:37:06,031
...move your clothes onto the lower peg,
greet the visitors...

404
00:37:06,114 --> 00:37:09,231
...and report to Mr. Viney
that you've had your chit signed.

405
00:37:10,234 --> 00:37:11,508
Now, sex.

406
00:37:14,514 --> 00:37:17,392
Sex, sex, sex. Where were we?

407
00:37:21,634 --> 00:37:25,832
Well, had I got as far as
the penis entering the vagina?

408
00:37:30,314 --> 00:37:32,384
-No, sir.
-No, sir.

409
00:37:33,114 --> 00:37:35,150
Well, had I done foreplay?

410
00:37:37,874 --> 00:37:39,148
Yes, sir.

411
00:37:39,794 --> 00:37:43,753
As we all know all about foreplay,
no doubt you can tell me...

412
00:37:43,874 --> 00:37:46,342
...what the purpose of foreplay is.

413
00:37:47,594 --> 00:37:48,583
Biggs.

414
00:37:52,874 --> 00:37:54,512
Don't know. Sorry, sir.

415
00:37:55,114 --> 00:37:56,103
Carter?

416
00:37:58,874 --> 00:38:01,024
Was it taking your clothes off, sir?

417
00:38:02,074 --> 00:38:03,587
And after that?

418
00:38:04,754 --> 00:38:06,824
Putting them on a lower peg, sir.

419
00:38:08,954 --> 00:38:12,788
The purpose of foreplay is
to cause the vagina to lubricate...

420
00:38:13,114 --> 00:38:16,470
...so that the penis can penetrate
more easily.

421
00:38:17,034 --> 00:38:18,547
Could we open a window, sir?

422
00:38:18,634 --> 00:38:20,192
Yes. Harris, will you?

423
00:38:20,274 --> 00:38:24,904
And, of course, to cause the man's penis
to erect and harden.

424
00:38:27,154 --> 00:38:31,511
Now, did I do vaginal juices last week?

425
00:38:31,594 --> 00:38:33,789
Pay attention, Wadsworth!
I know it's Friday.

426
00:38:33,874 --> 00:38:35,102
Watching the football?

427
00:38:35,194 --> 00:38:37,788
Boy, move over there. I'm warning you.

428
00:38:38,634 --> 00:38:41,273
I may decide to set an exam this term.

429
00:38:41,914 --> 00:38:43,393
-Oh, sir!
-Sir!

430
00:38:43,514 --> 00:38:45,425
So just listen.

431
00:38:47,594 --> 00:38:52,588
Now did I or did I not do vaginal juices?

432
00:38:54,234 --> 00:38:55,462
Yes, sir.

433
00:38:55,554 --> 00:38:58,546
Name two ways
of getting them flowing, Watson.

434
00:39:00,314 --> 00:39:02,032
Rubbing the clitoris, sir?

435
00:39:05,914 --> 00:39:07,825
What's wrong with a kiss, boy?

436
00:39:08,954 --> 00:39:11,468
Why not start her off with a nice kiss?

437
00:39:12,154 --> 00:39:15,624
You don't have to leap
straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate.

438
00:39:15,714 --> 00:39:17,511
Give her a kiss, boy.

439
00:39:19,154 --> 00:39:22,146
-Suck the nipple, sir?
-Good, good. Well done, Wymer.

440
00:39:22,314 --> 00:39:25,351
-Stroking the thighs, sir?
-Yes, yes. I suppose so.

441
00:39:25,514 --> 00:39:27,630
-Biting the neck.
-Yes, good.

442
00:39:27,754 --> 00:39:31,110
Nibbling the ear lobe, kneading
the buttocks, and so on and so forth.

443
00:39:31,194 --> 00:39:34,425
So we have all these
possibilities before we...

444
00:39:34,514 --> 00:39:37,506
...stampede towards the clitoris, Watson.

445
00:39:37,994 --> 00:39:39,586
Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.

446
00:39:39,754 --> 00:39:45,067
Now, all these forms of stimulation
can now take place.

447
00:39:53,834 --> 00:39:56,348
Of course,
tonguing will give you the best idea...

448
00:39:56,434 --> 00:39:59,392
...of how the juices are coming along.

449
00:39:59,954 --> 00:40:00,989
Helen?

450
00:40:01,114 --> 00:40:04,390
Now, penetration and coitus,
that is to say, intercourse...

451
00:40:04,474 --> 00:40:07,352
...up to and including orgasm.

452
00:40:08,554 --> 00:40:09,669
Hello, dear.

453
00:40:10,514 --> 00:40:13,233
Do stand up when my wife
enters the room, Carter.

454
00:40:13,314 --> 00:40:14,463
Sorry, sir.

455
00:40:14,794 --> 00:40:19,072
Humphrey, I hope you don't mind. I told
the Garfields we'd dine with them tonight.

456
00:40:19,154 --> 00:40:22,430
-Yes, well, I suppose we must.
-I said we'd be there by 8:00.

457
00:40:22,514 --> 00:40:25,312
It'll give me a reason
to wind up the staff meeting.

458
00:40:25,394 --> 00:40:28,466
I know you don't like them,
but couldn't make another excuse.

459
00:40:28,554 --> 00:40:30,226
It's just that I felt....

460
00:40:30,714 --> 00:40:31,863
Wymer!

461
00:40:32,914 --> 00:40:35,792
This is for your benefit.
Would you kindly wake up?

462
00:40:36,354 --> 00:40:39,152
I've no intention
of going through this all again.

463
00:40:49,634 --> 00:40:52,387
We'll take the foreplay as read,
if you don't mind, dear.

464
00:40:52,474 --> 00:40:53,543
No, of course not.

465
00:40:53,634 --> 00:40:58,389
So, the man starts by entering
or mounting his good lady wife...

466
00:40:58,514 --> 00:41:00,152
...in the standard way.

467
00:41:00,234 --> 00:41:04,193
The penis is now, as you will observe,
more or less fully erect.

468
00:41:04,954 --> 00:41:07,149
There we are. That's better.

469
00:41:07,394 --> 00:41:08,543
Now, Carter.

470
00:41:09,834 --> 00:41:11,392
-Yes, sir?
-What is it?

471
00:41:13,394 --> 00:41:15,783
-It's an ocarina, sir.
-Bring it up here.

472
00:41:17,234 --> 00:41:21,068
The man now starts making
thrusting movements with his pelvic area...

473
00:41:21,154 --> 00:41:24,112
...moving the penis up and down
inside the vagina.

474
00:41:24,234 --> 00:41:26,794
Put it there, boy. Put it there on the table.

475
00:41:27,834 --> 00:41:30,473
While the wife maximizes
her clitoral stimulation...

476
00:41:30,554 --> 00:41:33,273
...by the shaft of the penis
by pushing forward.

477
00:41:33,474 --> 00:41:34,702
Thank you, dear.

478
00:41:34,794 --> 00:41:37,228
Now, as the sexual excitement mounts....

479
00:41:37,314 --> 00:41:38,793
What's funny, Biggs?

480
00:41:39,874 --> 00:41:40,829
Nothing, sir.

481
00:41:40,914 --> 00:41:43,553
Do, please,
share your little joke with the rest of us.

482
00:41:43,634 --> 00:41:46,068
Obviously something
frightfully funny is going on.

483
00:41:46,154 --> 00:41:47,303
No, honestly, sir.

484
00:41:47,394 --> 00:41:50,989
Well, as it's so funny,
I think you'd better be selected to play...

485
00:41:51,154 --> 00:41:55,227
...for the boys' team in the rugby match
against the masters this afternoon.

486
00:41:55,394 --> 00:41:56,793
Oh, no, sir!

487
00:42:16,274 --> 00:42:18,265
Well played, well played.

488
00:43:48,114 --> 00:43:51,470
Blackitt, Sturridge and Walters,
you take the buggers on the left flank.

489
00:43:51,554 --> 00:43:53,670
Hordern, Spadger and I'll go
for the gun post.

490
00:43:53,754 --> 00:43:55,904
Hang on. You'll never make it.
Let us come.

491
00:43:55,994 --> 00:43:57,063
Do as you're told.

492
00:43:57,154 --> 00:43:59,304
Right, Skipper. Oh, sir?

493
00:43:59,674 --> 00:44:02,586
If we don't meet again, sir...

494
00:44:02,914 --> 00:44:07,066
...I'd just like to say it's been
a real privilege fighting alongside you, sir.

495
00:44:07,154 --> 00:44:10,590
Yes, well, this is hardly the time
or place for a good-bye speech.

496
00:44:10,674 --> 00:44:14,952
Me and the lads realize that, sir,
but, well, we may never meet again, so--

497
00:44:15,154 --> 00:44:16,951
All right, Blackitt. Thanks a lot.

498
00:44:17,034 --> 00:44:18,672
No, just a moment, sir.

499
00:44:18,834 --> 00:44:21,143
Me and the lads,
we've had a little whip around.

500
00:44:21,234 --> 00:44:24,271
We've bought you something.
We bought you this.

501
00:44:26,714 --> 00:44:28,864
I don't know what to say.

502
00:44:29,594 --> 00:44:32,711
It's a lovely thought. Thank you.
Thank you all.

503
00:44:33,034 --> 00:44:35,309
But I think we'd better get to cover--

504
00:44:36,794 --> 00:44:39,786
We've got something else
for you as well, sir.

505
00:44:40,754 --> 00:44:43,746
Sorry it's another clock,
only there was a bit of a mix-up.

506
00:44:43,834 --> 00:44:45,790
Walters thought he was buyin' a present...

507
00:44:45,874 --> 00:44:48,752
...and Spadger and I
had already got the other one.

508
00:44:48,914 --> 00:44:51,872
Well, it's beautiful. They're both beautiful.

509
00:44:53,634 --> 00:44:56,910
We'd better get to cover now.
I'll thank you properly later on.

510
00:44:56,994 --> 00:44:58,825
Corporal Sturridge got this for you.

511
00:44:58,914 --> 00:45:01,508
He didn't know about the others.
It's Swiss.

512
00:45:01,794 --> 00:45:04,786
Now, that is thoughtful, Sturridge.
Good man.

513
00:45:04,994 --> 00:45:08,907
There's a card, sir, from all of us.
Sorry about the blood, sir.

514
00:45:10,234 --> 00:45:11,508
Thank you all.

515
00:45:11,594 --> 00:45:14,154
Squad! Three cheers for Captain Biggs.

516
00:45:20,754 --> 00:45:21,823
I'll be all right.

517
00:45:21,914 --> 00:45:25,350
There's just one other thing, sir.
Spadger, give him the check.

518
00:45:25,794 --> 00:45:27,671
This is really going too far.

519
00:45:28,114 --> 00:45:31,504
I don't seem to be able to find it, sir.
It'll be in No. 4 trench.

520
00:45:31,594 --> 00:45:33,664
For Christ's sake, forget it, man.

521
00:45:34,954 --> 00:45:37,024
You shouldn't have said that, sir.

522
00:45:37,834 --> 00:45:39,426
You've hurt his feelings now.

523
00:45:39,514 --> 00:45:43,029
Don't mind me, Spadge.
Toffs are all the same.

524
00:45:43,394 --> 00:45:48,422
One minute, it's all please and thank you.
The next, they'll kick you in the teeth.

525
00:45:48,714 --> 00:45:51,672
-Let's not give him the cake.
-I don't want any cake.

526
00:45:51,754 --> 00:45:54,666
Look. Blackitt cooked it
especially for you, you bastard.

527
00:45:54,754 --> 00:45:56,790
He saved his rations for six weeks, sir.

528
00:45:56,874 --> 00:45:59,752
-I don't mean to be ungrateful.
-I'll be all right--

529
00:46:00,794 --> 00:46:02,466
Blackie! Blackie!

530
00:46:02,834 --> 00:46:06,349
Look at him! He worked on that cake
like no one else I've ever known.

531
00:46:06,434 --> 00:46:08,664
Some nights it was so cold
we could hardly move...

532
00:46:08,754 --> 00:46:12,633
...but Blackitt'd be slicing the lemons,
mixing the sugar and the almonds.

533
00:46:12,714 --> 00:46:16,309
I mean, you try getting butter to melt
at 15 degrees below zero.

534
00:46:16,594 --> 00:46:21,543
There's love in that cake.
This man's love and this man's care--

535
00:46:23,634 --> 00:46:26,785
-Oh, my Christ!
-You bastard.

536
00:46:27,874 --> 00:46:30,183
All right, we will eat the cake.

537
00:46:30,674 --> 00:46:33,711
They're right.
It's too good a cake not to eat.

538
00:46:33,994 --> 00:46:37,031
-Get the plates and knives, Walters.
-Yes, sir. How many?

539
00:46:37,114 --> 00:46:38,103
Six.

540
00:46:39,754 --> 00:46:41,233
Better make it five.

541
00:46:41,314 --> 00:46:44,067
-Tablecloth, sir?
-Yes, get the tablecloth.

542
00:46:46,074 --> 00:46:47,951
No, no, I'll get the tablecloth.

543
00:46:48,034 --> 00:46:50,548
You better get the gate-leg table, Hordern.

544
00:46:51,074 --> 00:46:52,746
-And the little lamp, sir?
-Yes.

545
00:46:53,154 --> 00:46:55,384
While you're at it, you'd better get a doily.

546
00:46:55,474 --> 00:46:57,590
I'll bring two in case one gets crumpled.

547
00:46:57,674 --> 00:46:58,789
Okay!

548
00:47:02,474 --> 00:47:05,546
But, of course, warfare isn't all fun.
Right. Stop that.

549
00:47:05,634 --> 00:47:09,149
It's all very well to laugh at the military,
but when one considers...

550
00:47:09,234 --> 00:47:13,113
...the meaning of life, it's a struggle
between alternative viewpoints of life.

551
00:47:13,194 --> 00:47:15,833
Without the ability to defend
one's own viewpoint...

552
00:47:15,914 --> 00:47:18,348
...against other
more aggressive ideologies...

553
00:47:18,434 --> 00:47:21,983
...then reasonableness and
moderation could quite simply disappear.

554
00:47:22,754 --> 00:47:25,188
That is why we'll always need an army.

555
00:47:25,314 --> 00:47:28,192
May God strike me down
were it to be otherwise.

556
00:47:32,194 --> 00:47:34,150
Don't stand there gawping...

557
00:47:34,234 --> 00:47:36,794
...like you've never seen
the hand of God before!

558
00:47:36,874 --> 00:47:40,833
Now, today we're going to do
marching up and down the square.

559
00:47:41,274 --> 00:47:44,630
That is, unless any of you've got
anything better to do.

560
00:47:45,674 --> 00:47:46,789
Well?

561
00:47:47,914 --> 00:47:50,508
Anyone got anything
they'd rather be doing...

562
00:47:50,594 --> 00:47:53,711
...than marchin' up and down the square?

563
00:47:55,714 --> 00:47:57,944
Yes! Atkinson.

564
00:48:00,314 --> 00:48:04,592
What would you rather be doing, Atkinson?

565
00:48:05,034 --> 00:48:08,788
To be quite honest, Sarge,
I'd rather be home with the wife and kids.

566
00:48:10,354 --> 00:48:11,833
Would you now?

567
00:48:12,554 --> 00:48:13,669
Yes, Sarge.

568
00:48:14,314 --> 00:48:15,747
Right. Off you go.

569
00:48:15,954 --> 00:48:17,023
Now.

570
00:48:17,754 --> 00:48:20,268
Everybody else happy with my little plan...

571
00:48:20,634 --> 00:48:23,194
...of marching up and down
the square a bit?

572
00:48:23,274 --> 00:48:24,548
-Sarge?
-Yes?

573
00:48:24,754 --> 00:48:28,588
-I've got a book I'd quite like to read.
-Go read your book then. Now!

574
00:48:29,834 --> 00:48:33,509
Everybody else quite content to join in...

575
00:48:34,154 --> 00:48:39,433
...with my little scheme
of marchin' up and down the square?

576
00:48:40,154 --> 00:48:41,189
Sarge?

577
00:48:41,754 --> 00:48:43,710
Yes, Wyclif, what is it?

578
00:48:43,874 --> 00:48:45,944
Well, I'm learning the piano.

579
00:48:47,434 --> 00:48:49,345
Learning the piano?

580
00:48:49,714 --> 00:48:50,829
Yes, Sarge.

581
00:48:50,954 --> 00:48:54,230
And I suppose you want to go practice?

582
00:48:54,714 --> 00:48:57,990
Marchin' up and down the square
not good enough for you?

583
00:48:58,634 --> 00:49:00,670
-Well--
-Right! Off you go!

584
00:49:01,114 --> 00:49:03,912
Now, what about the rest of you?

585
00:49:05,314 --> 00:49:08,272
Rather be at the pictures, I suppose.

586
00:49:11,394 --> 00:49:13,225
All right! Off you go!

587
00:49:16,954 --> 00:49:19,149
Bloody army.
I don't know what it's coming to.

588
00:49:19,234 --> 00:49:22,271
Right. Sergeant Major
marching up and down the square.

589
00:49:23,634 --> 00:49:27,343
Democracy and humanitarianism
are trademarks of the British Army.

590
00:49:27,434 --> 00:49:28,469
Rubbish!

591
00:49:28,794 --> 00:49:32,912
And have stamped its triumph
in the furthest-flung corners of the Empire.

592
00:49:49,394 --> 00:49:52,431
But no matter where or when
there was fighting to be done...

593
00:49:52,514 --> 00:49:56,268
...it has always been
the calm leadership of the officer class...

594
00:49:56,354 --> 00:49:59,312
...that has made the British Army
what it is.

595
00:50:32,634 --> 00:50:33,953
Excuse me.

596
00:50:40,754 --> 00:50:43,871
-Morning, Ainsworth.
-Morning, Pakenham. Sleep well?

597
00:50:43,994 --> 00:50:46,383
Not bad. Bitten to shreds, though.

598
00:50:46,474 --> 00:50:48,669
Must be that hole
in the bloody mosquito net.

599
00:50:48,754 --> 00:50:51,222
Yes, savage little blighters, aren't they?

600
00:50:51,954 --> 00:50:53,546
-Excuse me, sir.
-Yes, Chadwick?

601
00:50:53,634 --> 00:50:56,432
I'm afraid Perkins got badly bitten
during the night.

602
00:50:56,514 --> 00:50:57,629
So did we.

603
00:50:57,794 --> 00:51:00,308
Yes, but I do think Doctor
ought to see him.

604
00:51:00,514 --> 00:51:03,312
-Well, go and fetch him then.
-Right you are, sir.

605
00:51:03,554 --> 00:51:05,784
Suppose I'd better go along.
Coming, Pakenham?

606
00:51:05,874 --> 00:51:07,273
Yes, I suppose so.

607
00:51:10,194 --> 00:51:11,673
Come on, boy.

608
00:51:20,154 --> 00:51:22,588
-Morning, Perkins.
-Morning, sir.

609
00:51:22,754 --> 00:51:24,824
What's all the trouble, then?

610
00:51:24,914 --> 00:51:27,144
Bitten, sir. During the night.

611
00:51:28,794 --> 00:51:31,103
-Whole leg gone?
-Yes.

612
00:51:31,914 --> 00:51:34,189
-How's it feel?
-Stings a bit.

613
00:51:34,914 --> 00:51:36,745
Well, it would, wouldn't it?

614
00:51:37,034 --> 00:51:40,390
That's quite a bite you've got there.

615
00:51:40,674 --> 00:51:43,905
-Yes. A real beauty, isn't it?
-Any idea how it happened?

616
00:51:44,274 --> 00:51:46,549
None whatsoever.
Complete mystery to me.

617
00:51:46,634 --> 00:51:49,228
Woke up just now, one sock too many.

618
00:51:49,714 --> 00:51:53,024
-Must have a hell of a hole in your net.
-We've sent for the doctor.

619
00:51:53,114 --> 00:51:55,912
-Hardly worth it, is it?
-Yes. Better safe than sorry.

620
00:51:55,994 --> 00:51:57,825
Yes. Good Lord, look at this.

621
00:51:57,914 --> 00:51:59,905
By Jove! That's enormous.

622
00:52:00,034 --> 00:52:02,343
You don't think it'll come back, do you?

623
00:52:02,434 --> 00:52:03,753
-For more, you mean?
-Yes.

624
00:52:03,834 --> 00:52:05,745
-We'd better get it stitched.
-Right.

625
00:52:05,834 --> 00:52:07,028
Hello, doc!

626
00:52:07,114 --> 00:52:10,902
Morning. I came as fast as I could.
Is something up?

627
00:52:11,194 --> 00:52:15,631
Yes. During the night,
old Perkins got his leg bitten, sort of, off.

628
00:52:16,154 --> 00:52:18,873
Yeah. Been in the wars, have we?

629
00:52:19,474 --> 00:52:20,429
Yes.

630
00:52:20,634 --> 00:52:22,625
Any headache? Bowels all right?

631
00:52:23,834 --> 00:52:26,871
Well, let's have a look at
this one leg of yours, then.

632
00:52:27,994 --> 00:52:29,985
Yes. Yes.

633
00:52:32,514 --> 00:52:34,982
Yes, well, this is nothing to worry about.

634
00:52:35,114 --> 00:52:35,944
Good.

635
00:52:36,034 --> 00:52:39,788
There's a lot of it about. Probably a virus.
Keep warm, plenty of rest...

636
00:52:39,874 --> 00:52:43,503
...and if you're playing football or anything,
try and favour the other leg.

637
00:52:43,594 --> 00:52:44,504
Right.

638
00:52:44,594 --> 00:52:46,824
As right as rain in a couple of days.

639
00:52:46,914 --> 00:52:50,270
-Thanks for the reassurance.
-Not at all. That's what I'm here for.

640
00:52:50,354 --> 00:52:52,709
Any other problems
I can reassure you about?

641
00:52:52,794 --> 00:52:54,068
No, I'm fine.

642
00:52:54,154 --> 00:52:56,145
Jolly good. Well, must be off.

643
00:52:56,354 --> 00:52:59,346
So it'll just grow back again, then, will it?

644
00:53:03,114 --> 00:53:05,912
I think I'd better come clean with you
about this.

645
00:53:06,154 --> 00:53:09,191
It's not a virus, I'm afraid.

646
00:53:10,154 --> 00:53:13,544
You see, a virus is what we doctors call
very, very small.

647
00:53:13,634 --> 00:53:17,024
So small it could not possibly
have made off with a whole leg.

648
00:53:17,194 --> 00:53:20,345
What we're looking for,
this is no more than an educated guess...

649
00:53:20,434 --> 00:53:23,585
...I'd like to make that clear,
is some multicellular life form...

650
00:53:23,674 --> 00:53:27,826
...with stripes, huge, razor-sharp teeth,
about 11-foot long...

651
00:53:27,914 --> 00:53:30,109
...and of the genus felis horribilis.

652
00:53:30,194 --> 00:53:33,072
What we doctors, in fact, call a tiger.

653
00:53:34,034 --> 00:53:35,467
A tiger?

654
00:53:35,914 --> 00:53:37,313
A tiger?

655
00:53:41,394 --> 00:53:43,066
A tiger in Africa?

656
00:53:43,474 --> 00:53:45,146
A tiger in Africa?

657
00:53:47,234 --> 00:53:50,909
-It's probably escaped from a zoo.
-Doesn't sound very likely to me.

658
00:53:51,594 --> 00:53:53,027
Sir! Sir!

659
00:53:53,154 --> 00:53:55,907
The attack's over, sir.
The Zulus are retreating.

660
00:53:56,074 --> 00:53:57,143
Jolly good.

661
00:53:57,234 --> 00:54:00,544
Quite a lot of casualties, sir.
C-division wiped out. Signal's gone.

662
00:54:00,634 --> 00:54:02,704
-Thirty men killed in F-section.
-I see.

663
00:54:02,794 --> 00:54:05,183
I should think
about 150 men altogether, sir.

664
00:54:05,274 --> 00:54:06,309
Jolly good.

665
00:54:06,394 --> 00:54:09,830
I haven't got the final figures,
but there's a lot of seriously wounded--

666
00:54:09,914 --> 00:54:13,304
Yes, the thing is, Sergeant,
I've got a bit of a problem here.

667
00:54:15,234 --> 00:54:17,350
One of the officers has lost a leg.

668
00:54:18,194 --> 00:54:21,789
-Oh, no, sir!
-I'm afraid so. Probably a tiger.

669
00:54:22,314 --> 00:54:23,508
In Africa?

670
00:54:24,114 --> 00:54:27,629
The M.O. says we can stitch it back on
if we can find it immediately.

671
00:54:27,714 --> 00:54:31,946
-Right, sir. I'll organize a party.
-It's hardly the time for that, Sergeant.

672
00:54:33,034 --> 00:54:36,071
-A search party.
-Much better idea.

673
00:54:40,874 --> 00:54:42,068
Sorry about the mess.

674
00:54:42,154 --> 00:54:44,588
We'll try to clear it up
by the time you get back.

675
00:54:44,674 --> 00:54:46,824
-We showed 'em, didn't we, sir?
-Yes.

676
00:54:46,914 --> 00:54:48,870
We got a search party. Leave that alone.

677
00:54:48,954 --> 00:54:51,946
All this killing, bloodshed,
bloody good fun, sir, isn't it?

678
00:54:52,034 --> 00:54:52,944
Yes, very good.

679
00:54:53,034 --> 00:54:55,628
-Morning, sir.
-Nasty wound you've got there, fella.

680
00:54:55,714 --> 00:54:57,386
Thank you very much, sir.

681
00:54:58,634 --> 00:55:01,102
Come on, Private.
Making up a search party.

682
00:55:02,354 --> 00:55:04,470
Better than staying home, isn't it?

683
00:55:04,594 --> 00:55:06,744
At home if you kill someone,
they arrest you.

684
00:55:06,834 --> 00:55:09,223
Here, they give you a gun
and show you what to do.

685
00:55:09,314 --> 00:55:13,387
I mean, I killed 15 of those buggers, sir.
At home, they'd hang me.

686
00:55:13,874 --> 00:55:16,468
Here, they'll give me a fucking medal, sir.

687
00:55:32,714 --> 00:55:34,067
Sorry, sir.

688
00:55:34,634 --> 00:55:35,953
Thank you.

689
00:55:52,834 --> 00:55:53,949
Look!

690
00:55:56,154 --> 00:55:58,065
My God! It's huge!

691
00:56:07,954 --> 00:56:10,514
Don't shoot. Don't shoot.
We're not a tiger.

692
00:56:11,154 --> 00:56:12,826
We were just....

693
00:56:14,114 --> 00:56:16,070
Why are you dressed as a tiger?

694
00:56:18,634 --> 00:56:21,751
-Oh, why, why, why?
-lsn't it a lovely day today?

695
00:56:22,034 --> 00:56:23,706
Answer the question.

696
00:56:24,274 --> 00:56:28,870
-We were just--
-Well, we're dressed like this because....

697
00:56:29,874 --> 00:56:31,273
No, that's not it.

698
00:56:31,514 --> 00:56:34,108
We did it for a laugh.
Part of a spree. High spirits.

699
00:56:34,194 --> 00:56:36,344
-Simple as that.
-Nothing more to it.

700
00:56:37,274 --> 00:56:40,266
Actually, we're on a mission
for British intelligence.

701
00:56:40,554 --> 00:56:44,342
-There's a pro-tsarist Ashanti Chief--
-No, no, no.

702
00:56:44,474 --> 00:56:47,227
-No, no, no.
-No. We're doing it for an advertisement.

703
00:56:47,314 --> 00:56:49,544
That's it. Forget about the Russians.

704
00:56:49,634 --> 00:56:51,909
We're doing an advert
for Tiger Brand Coffee.

705
00:56:51,994 --> 00:56:55,907
"Tiger brand coffee is a real treat.
Even tigers prefer a cup of it to real meat."

706
00:56:55,994 --> 00:56:58,224
-Now, look--
-All right, all right.

707
00:56:58,314 --> 00:57:01,784
We are dressed as a tiger because
he has an auntie who did it in 1839.

708
00:57:01,874 --> 00:57:04,627
-This is the 50th anniversary.
-We're doing it for a bet.

709
00:57:04,714 --> 00:57:08,229
-God told us to do it.
-To tell the truth, we are completely mad.

710
00:57:08,394 --> 00:57:10,908
We're inmates
of a Bengali Psychiatric lnstitution...

711
00:57:10,994 --> 00:57:15,033
...and we escaped by making this skin
out of old used cereal packets.

712
00:57:15,594 --> 00:57:17,824
-lt doesn't matter!
-What?

713
00:57:17,954 --> 00:57:20,627
lt doesn't matter
why they're dressed as a tiger.

714
00:57:20,714 --> 00:57:22,511
Have they got my leg?

715
00:57:23,274 --> 00:57:25,390
Good thinking. Well, have you?

716
00:57:26,114 --> 00:57:27,433
-Actually--
-Yes?

717
00:57:27,994 --> 00:57:30,064
We were thinking
of training as taxidermists.

718
00:57:30,154 --> 00:57:32,543
We wanted the feel
from the animal's point of view.

719
00:57:32,634 --> 00:57:37,628
Quiet! Now look, we're just asking you
if you've got this man's leg.

720
00:57:38,074 --> 00:57:40,588
-A wooden leg?
-No, no, a proper leg.

721
00:57:40,674 --> 00:57:44,872
He was fast asleep, and someone
or something came in and removed it.

722
00:57:46,074 --> 00:57:47,632
Without waking him up?

723
00:57:49,754 --> 00:57:51,790
-Yes.
-I don't believe you.

724
00:57:52,034 --> 00:57:54,548
We found the tiger skin
in a bicycle shop in Cairo.

725
00:57:54,634 --> 00:57:56,784
The owner wanted it
taken to Dar es Salaam.

726
00:57:56,874 --> 00:58:00,787
Shut up! Now look,
have you or have you not got his leg?

727
00:58:01,194 --> 00:58:04,072
-Yes. No.
-No, no.

728
00:58:06,354 --> 00:58:08,629
-Why did you say yes?
-I didn't.

729
00:58:08,794 --> 00:58:10,432
I'm not talking to you.

730
00:58:17,634 --> 00:58:19,386
Right. Search the thicket.

731
00:58:19,834 --> 00:58:23,747
Come on. Do we look like the sort of
chaps who'd creep into a camp at night...

732
00:58:23,834 --> 00:58:27,065
...steal into someone's tent,
anesthetize them, tissue-type 'em...

733
00:58:27,154 --> 00:58:29,463
...amputate a leg and run away with it?

734
00:58:29,554 --> 00:58:30,987
Search the thicket.

735
00:58:31,714 --> 00:58:33,591
Leg! You're looking for a leg!

736
00:58:33,874 --> 00:58:36,468
Actually, I think there is one
in there somewhere.

737
00:58:36,554 --> 00:58:39,591
Someone must've abandoned it here,
knowing you'd come after it.

738
00:58:39,674 --> 00:58:42,984
We stumbled across it, actually.
They'll be miles away by now.

739
00:58:43,074 --> 00:58:45,952
I expect we'll have to take
all the blame as usual.

740
00:58:46,514 --> 00:58:50,427
Hello, good evening and welcome to
The Middle of the Film.

741
00:58:57,114 --> 00:58:59,582
Hello, and welcome to
The Middle of the Film...

742
00:58:59,674 --> 00:59:02,234
...the moment where we take a break
to invite you...

743
00:59:02,314 --> 00:59:06,023
...to join us, the filmmakers,
in Find the Fish.

744
00:59:06,834 --> 00:59:09,428
We're going to show you
a scene from another film...

745
00:59:09,514 --> 00:59:11,823
...and ask you to guess where the fish is.

746
00:59:11,914 --> 00:59:14,587
But if you think you know,
don't keep it to yourselves.

747
00:59:14,674 --> 00:59:16,949
Yell out so that all the cinema
can hear you.

748
00:59:17,034 --> 00:59:19,992
So here we are with Find the Fish.

749
00:59:29,234 --> 00:59:32,271
I wonder where that fish has gone.

750
00:59:33,074 --> 00:59:34,792
You did love it so.

751
00:59:34,874 --> 00:59:37,308
You looked after it like a son.

752
00:59:37,994 --> 00:59:41,987
And it went wherever I did go.

753
00:59:42,234 --> 00:59:45,306
-Is it in the cupboard?
-Yes!

754
00:59:45,674 --> 00:59:49,633
Wouldn't you like to know?
lt was a lovely little fish.

755
00:59:50,034 --> 00:59:54,505
And it went wherever I did go.

756
00:59:54,914 --> 00:59:58,509
-It's behind the sofa!
-Where can that fish be?

757
00:59:59,314 --> 01:00:01,509
Have you thought of the drawers
in the bureau?

758
01:00:01,594 --> 01:00:04,233
lt is a most elusive fish.

759
01:00:04,354 --> 01:00:08,108
And it went wherever I did go.

760
01:00:09,754 --> 01:00:12,143
Fishy, fishy, fishy, fish.

761
01:00:12,674 --> 01:00:16,713
Fish, fish, fish....

762
01:00:18,874 --> 01:00:21,593
Fishy, fishy, fishy, fish!

763
01:00:21,874 --> 01:00:25,947
That went wherever I did go.

764
01:00:26,034 --> 01:00:28,946
-Look up his trunk!
-Yeah! It's in his trousers!

765
01:00:29,314 --> 01:00:31,350
-That was terrific!
-Great! Yeah!

766
01:00:31,714 --> 01:00:34,069
-Best bit so far.
-Fantastic!

767
01:00:35,154 --> 01:00:37,224
Really risky, yeah.

768
01:00:40,874 --> 01:00:44,230
They haven't said much about
the meaning of life so far, have they?

769
01:00:44,314 --> 01:00:46,589
-Well, it's been building up to it.
-Has it?

770
01:00:46,674 --> 01:00:48,949
Yeah, I expect they'll get onto it now.

771
01:00:49,714 --> 01:00:54,105
Personally, I doubt they're going to say
anything about the meaning of life at all.

772
01:00:54,234 --> 01:00:56,873
-They've gotta say something.
-They're bound to.

773
01:00:56,954 --> 01:00:58,069
Yeah.

774
01:01:01,754 --> 01:01:04,905
-What do you think the next bit will be?
-Caption, I expect.

775
01:01:04,994 --> 01:01:07,428
About the next stage of life, you mean?
Here we go.

776
01:01:09,594 --> 01:01:10,913
Could've guessed it.

777
01:01:16,754 --> 01:01:18,984
That's much better. Thank you, honey.

778
01:01:19,074 --> 01:01:20,302
You're welcome.

779
01:01:21,914 --> 01:01:25,111
lt was all sort of misty before. That's fine.

780
01:01:25,554 --> 01:01:28,910
-Hey! How are you?
-We're just fine.

781
01:01:28,994 --> 01:01:31,224
What kind of food
would you like this evening?

782
01:01:31,314 --> 01:01:33,384
We sort of like pineapple.

783
01:01:33,474 --> 01:01:35,351
Yeah, we love pineapple.

784
01:01:35,514 --> 01:01:38,312
Yeah, anything with pineapple
in it is great for us.

785
01:01:38,434 --> 01:01:40,664
How about the Dungeon Room?

786
01:01:41,514 --> 01:01:44,267
-That sounds fine.
-Sure is. It's real Hawaiian food...

787
01:01:44,354 --> 01:01:48,472
...served in an authentic
medieval-English-dungeon atmosphere.

788
01:02:03,354 --> 01:02:04,673
lsn't this nice?

789
01:02:05,714 --> 01:02:06,942
How are ya?

790
01:02:08,154 --> 01:02:09,633
Take a little Kodak.

791
01:02:09,834 --> 01:02:11,825
Thank you. Thank you very much.

792
01:02:24,874 --> 01:02:27,786
Good evening. Would you care for
something to talk about?

793
01:02:27,874 --> 01:02:31,992
-That would be wonderful.
-Our special tonight is minorities.

794
01:02:32,074 --> 01:02:34,269
That sounds real interesting.

795
01:02:34,634 --> 01:02:36,704
What's this conversation here?

796
01:02:36,794 --> 01:02:40,184
That's football. You can talk about
the Steelers-Bears game Saturday...

797
01:02:40,274 --> 01:02:43,107
...or you could reminisce
about really great World Series.

798
01:02:43,194 --> 01:02:44,149
No, no.

799
01:02:44,234 --> 01:02:47,510
-What is this one here?
-That's philosophy.

800
01:02:48,154 --> 01:02:49,473
Is that a sport?

801
01:02:50,234 --> 01:02:53,909
No, it's more of an attempt
to construct a viable hypothesis...

802
01:02:54,034 --> 01:02:55,911
...to explain the meaning of life.

803
01:02:56,274 --> 01:02:58,344
-What was that?
-What's he saying?

804
01:02:58,794 --> 01:03:00,307
That sounds wonderful.

805
01:03:00,714 --> 01:03:03,911
Would you like to talk about
the meaning of life, darling?

806
01:03:04,034 --> 01:03:05,433
Sure. Why not?

807
01:03:05,514 --> 01:03:07,391
-Philosophy for two?
-Right.

808
01:03:07,714 --> 01:03:09,432
-Room?
-259.

809
01:03:09,514 --> 01:03:11,152
259.

810
01:03:13,114 --> 01:03:14,308
How do we...?

811
01:03:14,554 --> 01:03:16,704
You folks want me to start you off?

812
01:03:16,914 --> 01:03:18,108
We'd appreciate that.

813
01:03:18,194 --> 01:03:19,183
Okay!

814
01:03:21,034 --> 01:03:24,265
Look. Have you ever wondered
just why you're here?

815
01:03:26,154 --> 01:03:29,305
We went to Miami last year
and California the year before--

816
01:03:29,394 --> 01:03:32,864
No, no, no. I mean,
why we're here, on this planet.

817
01:03:36,234 --> 01:03:37,189
No.

818
01:03:37,434 --> 01:03:41,313
Right. You ever wanted to know
what it's all about?

819
01:03:41,674 --> 01:03:42,789
Nope.

820
01:03:43,314 --> 01:03:44,383
Righty-ho!

821
01:03:44,674 --> 01:03:48,792
See, throughout history,
there have been certain men and women...

822
01:03:48,914 --> 01:03:52,793
...who've tried to find
the solution to the mysteries of existence.

823
01:03:53,354 --> 01:03:56,471
-Great!
-And we call these guys philosophers.

824
01:03:56,634 --> 01:03:58,943
-And that's what we're talking about.
-Right!

825
01:03:59,034 --> 01:04:00,262
That's neat.

826
01:04:00,354 --> 01:04:04,666
You look you're getting the idea,
so I'll give you these conversation cards.

827
01:04:04,754 --> 01:04:09,111
They'll tell you a little about philosophical
method, names of famous philosophers.

828
01:04:09,194 --> 01:04:10,343
There you are.

829
01:04:10,434 --> 01:04:13,471
-Have a nice conversation.
-Thank you very much.

830
01:04:13,674 --> 01:04:16,552
-He's cute.
-Yeah, real understanding.

831
01:04:17,834 --> 01:04:20,712
I never knew Schopenhauer was
a philosopher.

832
01:04:22,154 --> 01:04:25,590
Yeah. He's the one that begins
with an "S."

833
01:04:32,234 --> 01:04:33,747
Like Nietzsche.

834
01:04:35,754 --> 01:04:37,870
Does "Nietzsche" begin with an "S"?

835
01:04:39,394 --> 01:04:41,624
There's an "S" in "Nietzsche."

836
01:04:43,554 --> 01:04:45,510
Yes, there is.

837
01:04:46,634 --> 01:04:49,023
Do all philosophers have an "S" in them?

838
01:04:49,194 --> 01:04:51,469
Yeah. I think most of them do.

839
01:04:53,634 --> 01:04:56,592
Does that mean Selina Jones
is a philosopher?

840
01:04:56,834 --> 01:04:57,983
Yeah! Right!

841
01:04:58,074 --> 01:05:01,464
She could be.
She sings about the meaning of life.

842
01:05:01,834 --> 01:05:03,392
Yeah. That's right.

843
01:05:04,114 --> 01:05:06,309
But I don't think she writes
her own material.

844
01:05:06,394 --> 01:05:07,429
No.

845
01:05:07,794 --> 01:05:10,354
Maybe Schopenhauer writes her material.

846
01:05:10,754 --> 01:05:13,348
No. Burt Bacharach writes it.

847
01:05:14,354 --> 01:05:16,470
There's no "S" in "Burt Bacharach."

848
01:05:16,874 --> 01:05:18,546
Or in "Hal David."

849
01:05:19,554 --> 01:05:20,953
Who's Hal David?

850
01:05:21,354 --> 01:05:24,266
He writes the lyrics.
Burt just writes the tunes.

851
01:05:24,394 --> 01:05:27,830
Only now,
he's married to Carol Beyer Seger.

852
01:05:31,074 --> 01:05:33,713
Waiter? This conversation isn't very good.

853
01:05:33,794 --> 01:05:35,307
I'm sorry, sir.

854
01:05:36,434 --> 01:05:38,823
We do have one today
that's not on the menu.

855
01:05:38,914 --> 01:05:42,873
It's sort of a specialty of the house,
you know? Live organ transplants.

856
01:05:43,594 --> 01:05:45,789
Live organ transplants? What's that?

857
01:05:55,514 --> 01:05:57,789
Don't worry, dear. I'll get it.

858
01:06:04,514 --> 01:06:07,108
-Yes?
-Hello. Can we have your liver?

859
01:06:07,994 --> 01:06:09,950
-What?
-Your liver.

860
01:06:10,754 --> 01:06:14,064
It's a large glandular organ
in your abdomen.

861
01:06:15,594 --> 01:06:18,108
You know, it's reddish-brown, sort of--

862
01:06:18,194 --> 01:06:21,982
Yeah, yeah, I know what it is,
but I'm using it.

863
01:06:24,354 --> 01:06:27,266
Come on, sir. Don't muck us about.

864
01:06:29,034 --> 01:06:29,944
Hello!

865
01:06:31,834 --> 01:06:34,268
-What's this, then?
-A liver donor's card.

866
01:06:34,354 --> 01:06:36,629
-Need we say more?
-No.

867
01:06:36,714 --> 01:06:40,263
Listen, I can't give it you now.
lt says, "in the event of death."

868
01:06:40,354 --> 01:06:41,309
My God!

869
01:06:41,474 --> 01:06:44,989
No one has ever had their liver taken out
by us and survived.

870
01:06:45,074 --> 01:06:47,668
Just lie there, sir. lt won't take a minute.

871
01:07:01,274 --> 01:07:02,787
Here. What's going on?

872
01:07:02,874 --> 01:07:05,149
He's donating his liver, madam.

873
01:07:05,834 --> 01:07:08,871
Is this because he took out
one of those silly cards?

874
01:07:08,994 --> 01:07:11,508
-That's right, madam.
-Typical of him.

875
01:07:12,034 --> 01:07:15,265
He goes down to the public library,
sees a few signs up...

876
01:07:15,514 --> 01:07:18,187
...comes home all full of good intentions.

877
01:07:18,594 --> 01:07:22,269
He gives blood, does cold research,
all that sort of thing.

878
01:07:26,034 --> 01:07:28,628
What do you do with them all, anyway?

879
01:07:28,874 --> 01:07:30,865
They all go to saving lives, madam.

880
01:07:30,954 --> 01:07:32,387
That's what he used to say.

881
01:07:32,474 --> 01:07:35,511
"It's all for the good of the country,"
he used to say.

882
01:07:36,434 --> 01:07:39,232
Do you think it's all
for the good of the country?

883
01:07:39,714 --> 01:07:42,148
Do you think it's all
for the good of the country?

884
01:07:42,234 --> 01:07:46,068
I wouldn't know about that, madam.
We're just doing our jobs, you know?

885
01:07:47,354 --> 01:07:49,584
You're not doctors, then?

886
01:07:50,794 --> 01:07:52,022
Blimey, no.

887
01:07:53,714 --> 01:07:56,945
Mum, Dad, I'm off out now.
I'll see you about 7:00?

888
01:07:57,274 --> 01:07:59,913
Right, son. Look after yourself.

889
01:08:04,554 --> 01:08:07,307
You fancy a cup of tea?

890
01:08:08,674 --> 01:08:10,949
That'd be very nice. Thank you.

891
01:08:11,594 --> 01:08:14,154
Thank you very much, madam.

892
01:08:15,914 --> 01:08:17,745
I thought she'd never ask.

893
01:08:21,874 --> 01:08:24,547
You do realize he has to be...

894
01:08:25,634 --> 01:08:28,432
...dead by the terms of the card...

895
01:08:28,994 --> 01:08:30,791
...before he donates his liver.

896
01:08:30,874 --> 01:08:34,662
I told him that, but he never listens to me,
silly man.

897
01:08:34,794 --> 01:08:36,512
I mean, I was wonderin'...

898
01:08:37,594 --> 01:08:40,154
...what you was thinkin' of doin' after that.

899
01:08:40,274 --> 01:08:42,834
I mean will you stay on your own?

900
01:08:43,194 --> 01:08:47,073
Or is there, well, someone else, sort of...

901
01:08:49,154 --> 01:08:50,667
...on the horizon?

902
01:08:50,754 --> 01:08:54,030
I'm too old for that sort of thing.
I'm past my prime.

903
01:08:54,114 --> 01:08:57,106
Not at all. Very attractive woman.

904
01:08:57,914 --> 01:09:01,702
Well, I'm certainly not thinking
of getting hitched up again.

905
01:09:02,714 --> 01:09:04,591
-Sure?
-Sure.

906
01:09:12,514 --> 01:09:14,311
Can we have your liver then?

907
01:09:14,394 --> 01:09:16,066
I would be scared.

908
01:09:16,234 --> 01:09:17,303
All right.

909
01:09:18,914 --> 01:09:20,347
I'll tell you what.

910
01:09:21,154 --> 01:09:22,667
Listen to this.

911
01:09:23,914 --> 01:09:26,553
"Whenever life gets you down, Mrs. Brown

912
01:09:26,874 --> 01:09:29,627
"And things seem hard or tough

913
01:09:30,194 --> 01:09:34,187
"And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft

914
01:09:35,074 --> 01:09:39,864
"And you feel that you've had quite enough

915
01:09:43,434 --> 01:09:49,350
"Just remember that you're standing
on a planet that's evolving

916
01:09:49,474 --> 01:09:52,113
"And revolving at 900 miles an hour

917
01:09:52,994 --> 01:09:56,828
"It's orbiting at 19 miles a second
So it's reckoned

918
01:09:56,954 --> 01:09:59,752
"A sun that is the source of all our power

919
01:10:00,754 --> 01:10:04,349
"The sun and you and me
And all the stars that we can see

920
01:10:04,514 --> 01:10:07,472
"Are moving at a million miles a day

921
01:10:08,274 --> 01:10:11,789
"In an outer spiral arm
at 40,000 miles an hour

922
01:10:12,314 --> 01:10:15,067
"Of the galaxy we call the Milky Way

923
01:10:23,754 --> 01:10:27,144
"Our galaxy itself contains 100 billion stars

924
01:10:27,434 --> 01:10:30,551
"It's a 100,000 light years side to side

925
01:10:31,394 --> 01:10:34,511
"lt bulges in the middle
16,000 light years thick

926
01:10:34,914 --> 01:10:37,951
"But out by us,
it's just 3,000 light years wide

927
01:10:38,994 --> 01:10:42,304
"We're 30,000 light years
from galactic central point

928
01:10:42,514 --> 01:10:45,312
"We go round every 200 million years

929
01:10:46,434 --> 01:10:49,870
"And our galaxy is only
one of millions of billions

930
01:10:50,034 --> 01:10:53,344
"In this amazing and expanding universe

931
01:11:24,674 --> 01:11:28,223
"The universe itself
keeps on expanding and expanding

932
01:11:28,354 --> 01:11:31,152
"In all of the directions it can whizz

933
01:11:32,114 --> 01:11:35,902
"As fast as it can go
The speed of light you know

934
01:11:35,994 --> 01:11:39,350
"Twelve million miles a minute
and that's the fastest speed there is

935
01:11:39,434 --> 01:11:43,347
"So remember when you're feeling
very small and insecure

936
01:11:43,554 --> 01:11:46,785
"How amazingly unlikely is your birth

937
01:11:47,594 --> 01:11:51,064
"And pray that there's intelligent life
somewhere up in space

938
01:11:51,154 --> 01:11:54,032
"'Cause there's bugger all
down here on earth"

939
01:11:59,074 --> 01:12:01,542
Makes you feel so insignificant, doesn't it?

940
01:12:01,634 --> 01:12:03,306
Yeah.

941
01:12:05,714 --> 01:12:07,591
Can we have your liver, then?

942
01:12:08,394 --> 01:12:10,749
-Yeah, all right. You talked me into it.
-Eric!

943
01:12:19,834 --> 01:12:22,553
Which brings us, once again,
to the urgent realization...

944
01:12:22,634 --> 01:12:25,671
...of just how much there is
still left to own.

945
01:12:26,634 --> 01:12:31,310
ltem 6 on the agenda:
"The Meaning of Life."

946
01:12:33,634 --> 01:12:35,943
Now, Harry,
you've had some thoughts on this.

947
01:12:36,034 --> 01:12:39,310
I've had a team working on this
over the past few weeks.

948
01:12:39,394 --> 01:12:43,592
What we've come up with can be reduced
to two fundamental concepts.

949
01:12:44,274 --> 01:12:46,913
One: people are not wearing enough hats.

950
01:12:47,674 --> 01:12:49,904
Two: matter is energy.

951
01:12:50,434 --> 01:12:54,746
In the universe, there are many energy
fields which we cannot normally perceive.

952
01:12:55,594 --> 01:12:59,985
Some energies have a spiritual source
which act upon a person's soul.

953
01:13:00,634 --> 01:13:04,343
However,
this soul does not exist ab initio...

954
01:13:04,514 --> 01:13:06,789
...as orthodox Christianity teaches.

955
01:13:07,074 --> 01:13:12,023
lt has to be brought into existence
by a process of guided self-observation.

956
01:13:13,154 --> 01:13:16,544
However, this is rarely achieved
owing to man's unique ability...

957
01:13:16,634 --> 01:13:20,866
...to be distracted from spiritual matters
by everyday trivia.

958
01:13:24,634 --> 01:13:26,909
What was that about hats again?

959
01:13:28,354 --> 01:13:30,310
People aren't wearing enough.

960
01:13:30,394 --> 01:13:31,713
Is this true?

961
01:13:31,914 --> 01:13:35,509
Certainly. Hat sales have increased,
but not pari passu as our research--

962
01:13:35,594 --> 01:13:37,949
When you say "enough",
enough for what purpose?

963
01:13:38,034 --> 01:13:40,594
Can I just ask,
with reference to your second point...

964
01:13:40,674 --> 01:13:44,633
...when you say souls don't develop
because people become distracted....

965
01:13:47,114 --> 01:13:49,708
Has anyone noticed
that building there before?

966
01:13:52,154 --> 01:13:53,143
What?

967
01:13:53,314 --> 01:13:54,383
Good Lord!

968
01:14:13,954 --> 01:14:15,069
Good Lord!

969
01:14:15,834 --> 01:14:18,553
The Crimson Permanent Assurance!

970
01:14:20,954 --> 01:14:24,071
We interrupt this film to apologize
for this unwarranted attack...

971
01:14:24,154 --> 01:14:25,667
...by the supporting feature.

972
01:14:25,754 --> 01:14:28,393
Luckily, we have been prepared
for this eventuality...

973
01:14:28,474 --> 01:14:30,704
...and are now taking steps to remedy it.

974
01:14:31,914 --> 01:14:32,983
Thank you.

975
01:14:38,994 --> 01:14:43,146
Good evening. Here's a little number
I tossed off recently in the Caribbean.

976
01:14:43,234 --> 01:14:45,828
"lsn't it awfully nice to have a penis

977
01:14:46,154 --> 01:14:48,907
"lsn't it frightfully good to have a dong

978
01:14:49,114 --> 01:14:52,106
"It's swell to have a stiffy
It's divine to own a dick

979
01:14:52,194 --> 01:14:55,504
"From the tiniest little tadger
to the world's biggest prick

980
01:14:55,594 --> 01:14:58,552
"So three cheers for your Willy
or John Thomas

981
01:14:58,994 --> 01:15:01,633
"Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake

982
01:15:01,954 --> 01:15:05,310
"Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend
your percy or your cock

983
01:15:05,394 --> 01:15:08,830
"You can wrap it up in ribbons
You can slip it in your sock

984
01:15:08,914 --> 01:15:12,065
"But don't take it out in public
or they will stick you in the dock

985
01:15:12,154 --> 01:15:15,510
"And you won't come back"
Thank you very much.

986
01:15:17,954 --> 01:15:21,310
-What a frightfully witty song.
-Terribly clever.

987
01:15:24,674 --> 01:15:26,505
-Jolly good.
-Marvelous.

988
01:15:33,914 --> 01:15:36,064
Oh, shit! It's Mr. Creosote!

989
01:15:54,314 --> 01:15:56,623
Good afternoon, sir,
and how are we today?

990
01:15:56,714 --> 01:15:57,669
Better.

991
01:15:57,754 --> 01:16:00,552
-Better?
-Better get a bucket. I'm gonna throw up.

992
01:16:00,634 --> 01:16:02,625
Gaston? A bucket for monsieur.

993
01:16:07,194 --> 01:16:09,105
There we are, monsieur.

994
01:16:23,434 --> 01:16:25,629
-Merci, Gaston.
-I haven't finished.

995
01:16:26,514 --> 01:16:29,506
Pardon! Gaston?
A thousand pardons, monsieur.

996
01:16:29,594 --> 01:16:33,792
Now, this afternoon, we have
monsieur's favorite: the jugged hare.

997
01:16:33,874 --> 01:16:38,311
The hare is very high,
and the sauce is very rich...

998
01:16:38,514 --> 01:16:43,269
...with truffles, anchovies,
Grand Marnier, bacon and cream.

999
01:16:43,354 --> 01:16:44,707
Thank you, Gaston.

1000
01:16:44,874 --> 01:16:46,466
There's still more.

1001
01:16:46,554 --> 01:16:47,828
Allow me.

1002
01:16:49,714 --> 01:16:51,466
A new bucket for monsieur.

1003
01:16:54,954 --> 01:16:56,592
And the cleaning woman.

1004
01:16:59,394 --> 01:17:02,431
Et maintenant,
would monsieur care for an aperitif...

1005
01:17:02,554 --> 01:17:05,114
...or would he prefer
to order straight away?

1006
01:17:05,994 --> 01:17:09,669
Today, we have for appetizers....
Excuse me.

1007
01:17:11,634 --> 01:17:16,583
Moules marinieres, pate de foie gras,
beluga caviar, eggs benedictine...

1008
01:17:16,674 --> 01:17:18,790
...tarte de poireaux, that's leek tart...

1009
01:17:18,874 --> 01:17:22,423
...frogs' legs amandine
or oeufs de caille Richard Shepherd.

1010
01:17:22,554 --> 01:17:26,388
C'est a dire, little quails' eggs
on a bed of pureed mushrooms.

1011
01:17:26,474 --> 01:17:28,385
It's very delicate, very succulent.

1012
01:17:28,474 --> 01:17:29,873
I'll have the lot.

1013
01:17:31,074 --> 01:17:32,746
A wise choice, monsieur.

1014
01:17:33,114 --> 01:17:37,187
And now, how would you like it served?
All mixed up together in a bucket?

1015
01:17:37,274 --> 01:17:39,310
Yeah. With the eggs on top.

1016
01:17:39,434 --> 01:17:43,188
-But of course. Avec les oeufs frits.
-Don't skimp on the pate.

1017
01:17:43,274 --> 01:17:46,584
I assure you. Just because it's mixed up
with all the other things...

1018
01:17:46,674 --> 01:17:49,188
...we wouldn't give you
less than the full amount.

1019
01:17:49,274 --> 01:17:53,028
In fact, I will personally make sure
you have a double helping.

1020
01:17:53,554 --> 01:17:56,307
Maintenant, quelque chose a boire.
Something to drink?

1021
01:17:56,394 --> 01:17:59,591
Yeah, I'll have six bottles
of Chateau-Latour '45.

1022
01:18:00,474 --> 01:18:02,544
And a double jeroboam of champagne.

1023
01:18:02,714 --> 01:18:04,909
Bon. And the usual brown ales?

1024
01:18:05,234 --> 01:18:09,113
Yeah. No, wait a minute. I think
I could only manage six crates today.

1025
01:18:09,474 --> 01:18:12,591
I hope monsieur was not
overdoing it last night.

1026
01:18:13,154 --> 01:18:15,429
-Shut up!
-D'accord.

1027
01:18:16,074 --> 01:18:18,713
The new bucket and the cleaning woman.

1028
01:18:25,074 --> 01:18:28,589
-Is there something wrong with the food?
-No, the food was excellent.

1029
01:18:28,674 --> 01:18:31,905
-You're not happy with the service?
-No, no complaints.

1030
01:18:32,234 --> 01:18:35,670
It's just that we have to go.
I'm having rather a heavy period.

1031
01:18:37,034 --> 01:18:39,502
And we have a train to catch.

1032
01:18:39,634 --> 01:18:42,706
Yes, of course. We have a train to catch.

1033
01:18:42,954 --> 01:18:45,946
And I don't want to start bleeding
all over the seats.

1034
01:18:46,554 --> 01:18:48,988
-Madam?
-Perhaps we should be going?

1035
01:18:50,914 --> 01:18:54,873
Very well, monsieur. Thank you so much.
So nice to see you.

1036
01:18:55,834 --> 01:18:58,268
I hope very much
we will see you again very soon.

1037
01:18:58,354 --> 01:18:59,833
Au revoir, messieurs.

1038
01:19:00,594 --> 01:19:03,631
Oh, dear. I have trodden
in monsieur's bucket.

1039
01:19:07,434 --> 01:19:09,584
Another bucket for monsieur!

1040
01:19:11,514 --> 01:19:13,425
And perhaps a hose.

1041
01:19:16,874 --> 01:19:19,547
Oh, Max. Really!

1042
01:19:34,674 --> 01:19:37,666
Finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint.

1043
01:19:38,234 --> 01:19:41,271
Sir, it's only a tiny, little thin one.

1044
01:19:41,794 --> 01:19:44,592
-No, fuck off. I'm full.
-Sir.

1045
01:19:46,794 --> 01:19:48,591
It's only wafer thin.

1046
01:19:49,674 --> 01:19:53,349
I couldn't eat another thing.
I'm absolutely stuffed.

1047
01:19:53,674 --> 01:19:54,868
Bug off.

1048
01:19:55,154 --> 01:19:57,588
Sir, just one. Just one.

1049
01:20:00,394 --> 01:20:04,433
-All right. Just one.
-Just the one, monsieur.

1050
01:20:05,434 --> 01:20:06,787
Voila.

1051
01:20:11,434 --> 01:20:12,833
Bon appetit.

1052
01:20:53,994 --> 01:20:56,792
Thank you, monsieur,
and now, here's your check.

1053
01:21:28,394 --> 01:21:31,670
You know, Maria,
I sometimes wonder if we'll...

1054
01:21:32,634 --> 01:21:35,194
...ever discover the meaning of it all...

1055
01:21:35,474 --> 01:21:37,783
...working in a place like this.

1056
01:21:37,874 --> 01:21:41,628
Well, I've worked in worse places,
philosophically speaking.

1057
01:21:41,714 --> 01:21:42,863
Really, Maria?

1058
01:21:42,954 --> 01:21:44,023
Yes.

1059
01:21:44,794 --> 01:21:47,592
I used to work in the Academie francaise.

1060
01:21:48,114 --> 01:21:50,264
But it didn't do me any good at all.

1061
01:21:50,594 --> 01:21:54,872
I once worked in the library
in the Prado in Madrid...

1062
01:21:55,394 --> 01:21:58,352
...but it didn't teach me nothin', I recall.

1063
01:21:58,914 --> 01:22:03,385
And the Library of Congress
you'd have thought would hold some key...

1064
01:22:03,794 --> 01:22:07,469
...but it didn't, and neither did
the Bodleian Library.

1065
01:22:08,274 --> 01:22:12,153
In the British Museum,
I hoped to find some clue.

1066
01:22:12,754 --> 01:22:17,032
I worked there from 9:00 'til 6:00,
read every volume through...

1067
01:22:17,794 --> 01:22:21,628
...but it didn't teach me nothing
about life's mystery.

1068
01:22:22,234 --> 01:22:26,307
I just kept getting older,
and it got more difficult to see.

1069
01:22:26,594 --> 01:22:30,826
'Til eventually, me eyes went,
and me arthritis got bad.

1070
01:22:31,314 --> 01:22:33,987
So now, I'm cleaning up in here.

1071
01:22:35,394 --> 01:22:37,544
But I can't be really sad...

1072
01:22:37,754 --> 01:22:41,030
...'cause you see, I feel that life's a game.

1073
01:22:41,474 --> 01:22:43,988
You sometimes win or lose...

1074
01:22:44,274 --> 01:22:47,027
...and though I may be down right now...

1075
01:22:47,194 --> 01:22:50,072
...at least I don't work for Jews.

1076
01:22:54,754 --> 01:22:55,982
I'm so sorry.

1077
01:22:56,234 --> 01:23:00,193
I had no idea we had a racist working here.

1078
01:23:00,314 --> 01:23:04,148
I apologize most sincerely. I mean....

1079
01:23:06,034 --> 01:23:08,707
Where are you going? No, I can explain.

1080
01:23:13,074 --> 01:23:14,189
As for me...

1081
01:23:15,354 --> 01:23:18,869
...if you want to know what I think,
I'll show you something.

1082
01:23:21,314 --> 01:23:24,192
-Come with me.
-I was saying that....

1083
01:23:25,394 --> 01:23:26,873
-Hello?
-Come on.

1084
01:23:27,634 --> 01:23:28,783
Hello?

1085
01:23:32,834 --> 01:23:34,153
This way.

1086
01:23:38,474 --> 01:23:40,112
Come on. Don't be shy.

1087
01:23:41,394 --> 01:23:43,464
Mind the stairs, all right?

1088
01:23:47,834 --> 01:23:49,870
I think this will help explain.

1089
01:23:56,954 --> 01:23:58,387
Come along.

1090
01:24:01,634 --> 01:24:02,703
Over here.

1091
01:24:13,674 --> 01:24:15,346
Come on. Come on.

1092
01:24:19,874 --> 01:24:21,148
This way.

1093
01:24:24,794 --> 01:24:26,022
Come on.

1094
01:24:29,954 --> 01:24:31,228
This way.

1095
01:24:33,154 --> 01:24:34,507
Stay by me?

1096
01:24:37,594 --> 01:24:39,232
Nearly there now.

1097
01:24:48,794 --> 01:24:50,227
You see that?

1098
01:24:52,874 --> 01:24:54,830
That's where I was born.

1099
01:24:57,034 --> 01:24:59,184
You know, one day...

1100
01:24:59,714 --> 01:25:02,751
...my mother put me on her knee
and she said to me:

1101
01:25:04,194 --> 01:25:05,832
"Gaston, my son.

1102
01:25:06,634 --> 01:25:09,467
"The world is a beautiful place.

1103
01:25:10,554 --> 01:25:14,183
"You must go into it and love everyone.

1104
01:25:15,914 --> 01:25:17,984
"Try to make everyone happy...

1105
01:25:18,954 --> 01:25:23,266
"...and bring peace and contentment
everywhere you go."

1106
01:25:24,714 --> 01:25:26,511
So I became a waiter.

1107
01:25:34,874 --> 01:25:38,503
It's not much of a philosophy, I know.

1108
01:25:42,474 --> 01:25:46,103
Fuck you. I can live my own life
in my own way if I want to.

1109
01:25:47,274 --> 01:25:48,548
Fuck off.

1110
01:25:50,674 --> 01:25:52,346
Don't come followin' me!

1111
01:26:27,794 --> 01:26:29,671
This man is about to die.

1112
01:26:30,154 --> 01:26:32,793
In a few moments now, he will be killed...

1113
01:26:33,074 --> 01:26:35,668
...for Arthur Jarrett
is a convicted criminal...

1114
01:26:35,754 --> 01:26:39,827
...who has been allowed to choose
the manner of his own execution.

1115
01:26:43,314 --> 01:26:44,542
There he is!

1116
01:26:58,714 --> 01:27:03,071
Arthur Charles Herbert Runcie
Macadam Jarrett...

1117
01:27:04,114 --> 01:27:07,743
...you have been convicted
by 12 good persons, and true...

1118
01:27:08,034 --> 01:27:12,471
...of the crime of first degree
making of gratuitous sexist jokes...

1119
01:27:12,874 --> 01:27:14,512
...in a moving picture.

1120
01:27:50,634 --> 01:27:53,353
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust."

1121
01:27:57,554 --> 01:28:00,466
It's no good. I just can't go on.

1122
01:28:01,354 --> 01:28:03,106
I'm no good anymore.

1123
01:28:04,074 --> 01:28:05,871
I want to end it all!

1124
01:28:06,594 --> 01:28:08,585
Good-bye! Good-bye!

1125
01:28:17,274 --> 01:28:18,627
Oh, my God!

1126
01:28:19,434 --> 01:28:20,833
Oh, no!

1127
01:28:21,914 --> 01:28:25,031
What'll I do? I can't live without him!

1128
01:28:30,834 --> 01:28:33,109
-Mummy!
-Mum, where are you?

1129
01:28:33,194 --> 01:28:35,947
Daddy? Mummy?

1130
01:28:36,114 --> 01:28:37,103
Mummy?

1131
01:29:41,274 --> 01:29:42,263
Yes?

1132
01:29:44,194 --> 01:29:45,912
Is it about the hedge?

1133
01:29:48,594 --> 01:29:52,223
-I'm awfully sorry, but--
-I am the Grim Reaper.

1134
01:29:52,314 --> 01:29:53,190
Who?

1135
01:29:53,274 --> 01:29:55,834
-The Grim Reaper.
-Yes, I see.

1136
01:29:56,234 --> 01:29:58,384
I am death.

1137
01:29:59,114 --> 01:30:02,231
Well, we have some people
from America for dinner tonight--

1138
01:30:02,314 --> 01:30:04,782
-Who is it, darling?
-A Mr. Death or something.

1139
01:30:04,874 --> 01:30:08,071
He's come about the reaping?
I don't think we need any now.

1140
01:30:08,154 --> 01:30:11,146
Hello. Don't leave him
hanging around outside. Ask him in.

1141
01:30:11,234 --> 01:30:14,704
-I don't think it's quite the moment.
-Do come in. Come and have a drink.

1142
01:30:14,794 --> 01:30:16,227
Do. Come on.

1143
01:30:19,754 --> 01:30:22,268
It's one of the little men from the village.

1144
01:30:22,874 --> 01:30:24,626
Do come in. Please.

1145
01:30:25,394 --> 01:30:28,386
This is Howard Katzenberg
from Philadelphia.

1146
01:30:28,714 --> 01:30:31,103
-And his wife, Debbie.
-Hello there.

1147
01:30:31,834 --> 01:30:34,792
And these are the Portland Smythes,
Jeremy and Fiona.

1148
01:30:34,914 --> 01:30:35,824
Good evening.

1149
01:30:35,914 --> 01:30:37,427
This is Mr. Death.

1150
01:30:44,754 --> 01:30:47,393
-Well, do get Mr. Death a drink, darling.
-Yes.

1151
01:30:48,434 --> 01:30:50,265
Mr. Death is a reaper.

1152
01:30:50,834 --> 01:30:53,667
The Grim Reaper.

1153
01:30:54,154 --> 01:30:56,224
Hardly surprising in this weather.

1154
01:30:58,834 --> 01:31:01,394
So you still reap around here, do you,
Mr. Death?

1155
01:31:01,474 --> 01:31:05,387
I am the Grim Reaper.

1156
01:31:06,114 --> 01:31:09,186
That's about all he says.
There's your drink, Mr. Death.

1157
01:31:09,354 --> 01:31:10,503
Do sit down.

1158
01:31:10,594 --> 01:31:14,473
We were just talking about some
of the awful problems facing the third--

1159
01:31:18,314 --> 01:31:21,863
Would you prefer white?
I'm afraid we don't have any beer.

1160
01:31:22,114 --> 01:31:23,911
The Stilton's awfully good.

1161
01:31:24,754 --> 01:31:29,782
I am not of this world.

1162
01:31:32,554 --> 01:31:33,669
Good Lord.

1163
01:31:34,354 --> 01:31:36,993
I am death.

1164
01:31:41,034 --> 01:31:42,353
lsn't that extraordinary?

1165
01:31:42,434 --> 01:31:44,709
We were talking about death
five minutes ago.

1166
01:31:44,794 --> 01:31:48,582
Yes, we were. You know,
whether death is really the end--

1167
01:31:48,674 --> 01:31:51,347
As my husband Howard here feels,
or whether there is...

1168
01:31:51,434 --> 01:31:53,994
...and one hates to use
words like "soul" or "spirit"--

1169
01:31:54,074 --> 01:31:56,668
-What other words can one use?
-Exactly.

1170
01:31:56,754 --> 01:32:00,269
You do not understand.

1171
01:32:01,954 --> 01:32:03,865
No. Obviously not.

1172
01:32:03,954 --> 01:32:06,752
-I'll tell you something, Mr. Death.
-You don't--

1173
01:32:06,834 --> 01:32:09,223
I'd like to express
on behalf of everybody here...

1174
01:32:09,314 --> 01:32:11,544
...what a really unique experience this is.

1175
01:32:11,634 --> 01:32:14,671
-Hear, hear.
-We're so delighted that you dropped in.

1176
01:32:15,074 --> 01:32:19,989
-Can I just finish, please?
-Mr. Death. Is there an afterlife?

1177
01:32:20,954 --> 01:32:24,310
-If you could wait, please--
-You sure you wouldn't like some sherry--

1178
01:32:24,394 --> 01:32:26,624
Angela, I'd like to say this, please.

1179
01:32:26,794 --> 01:32:28,989
-Quiet!
-Can I just say this, please?

1180
01:32:29,074 --> 01:32:33,272
Silence! I have come for you.

1181
01:32:35,794 --> 01:32:40,151
-You mean to--
-Take you away.

1182
01:32:41,634 --> 01:32:44,671
That is my purpose.

1183
01:32:46,194 --> 01:32:49,664
I am death.

1184
01:32:51,754 --> 01:32:54,712
Well, that's cast rather a gloom
over the evening, hasn't it?

1185
01:32:54,794 --> 01:32:57,911
I don't see it that way, Geoff.
I think we're dealing with...

1186
01:32:57,994 --> 01:33:00,906
...a potentially positive
learning experience that can--

1187
01:33:00,994 --> 01:33:03,747
Shut up! Shut up, you American.

1188
01:33:03,834 --> 01:33:06,428
You always talk, you Americans.

1189
01:33:06,874 --> 01:33:09,342
You talk and you talk and you say:

1190
01:33:09,754 --> 01:33:14,384
"Let me tell you something"
and "I just wanna say this."

1191
01:33:14,594 --> 01:33:17,825
Well, you're dead now, so shut up!

1192
01:33:18,394 --> 01:33:20,703
-Dead?
-Dead.

1193
01:33:22,634 --> 01:33:25,671
-All of us?
-All of you.

1194
01:33:28,234 --> 01:33:31,544
Now look here. You barge in here
quite uninvited, break glasses...

1195
01:33:31,634 --> 01:33:34,148
...then announce quite casually
that we're all dead.

1196
01:33:34,234 --> 01:33:37,032
I'd remind you
that you're a guest in this house--

1197
01:33:37,314 --> 01:33:38,429
Be quiet!

1198
01:33:38,754 --> 01:33:42,349
Englishmen!
You're all so fucking pompous!

1199
01:33:43,394 --> 01:33:45,669
None of you have got any balls.

1200
01:33:47,394 --> 01:33:49,954
-Can I ask you a question?
-What?

1201
01:33:50,314 --> 01:33:53,112
How can we all have died
at the same time?

1202
01:34:05,554 --> 01:34:07,943
The salmon mousse.

1203
01:34:08,994 --> 01:34:11,747
Darling, you didn't use canned salmon,
did you?

1204
01:34:12,394 --> 01:34:15,113
I'm most dreadfully embarrassed.

1205
01:34:16,034 --> 01:34:19,344
Now the time has come.

1206
01:34:20,754 --> 01:34:21,789
Follow.

1207
01:34:23,634 --> 01:34:24,953
Follow me.

1208
01:34:38,674 --> 01:34:41,029
Just testing. Sorry.

1209
01:34:42,914 --> 01:34:45,906
Follow me. Now.

1210
01:34:52,554 --> 01:34:53,669
Come.

1211
01:34:57,434 --> 01:35:00,028
The fishmonger promised me
he'd have some fresh salmon.

1212
01:35:00,114 --> 01:35:02,105
He's normally so reliable.

1213
01:35:02,194 --> 01:35:04,992
-Can we take our glasses?
-Good idea.

1214
01:35:08,554 --> 01:35:10,909
Hey! I didn't even eat the mousse.

1215
01:35:16,114 --> 01:35:18,389
Honestly, darling, I'm so embarrassed.

1216
01:35:18,474 --> 01:35:19,873
lt really is embarrassing.

1217
01:35:19,954 --> 01:35:24,072
To serve salmon with botulism
at a dinner party is social death.

1218
01:35:25,834 --> 01:35:28,428
-Shall we take our cars?
-Why not?

1219
01:35:29,114 --> 01:35:30,183
Good idea.

1220
01:36:05,634 --> 01:36:09,070
Behold paradise.

1221
01:36:10,994 --> 01:36:14,589
-I love it here, darling.
-Me, too, Marvin.

1222
01:36:15,074 --> 01:36:17,508
Hello. Welcome to Heaven.

1223
01:36:26,354 --> 01:36:29,107
Excuse me.
Could you just sign here, please, sir?

1224
01:36:30,034 --> 01:36:33,788
Thank you. There's a table for you
through there, in the restaurant.

1225
01:36:34,074 --> 01:36:38,147
-For the ladies.
-Afterlife mints. Thank you.

1226
01:36:38,234 --> 01:36:40,702
-Happy Christmas.
-Is it Christmas today?

1227
01:36:40,794 --> 01:36:44,070
Of course, madam.
It's Christmas every day in Heaven.

1228
01:36:45,114 --> 01:36:46,911
-How about that?
-Lovely.

1229
01:37:30,034 --> 01:37:31,911
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

1230
01:37:31,994 --> 01:37:35,987
It's truly a real honorable experience
to be here this evening...

1231
01:37:36,514 --> 01:37:38,789
...a very wonderful and warm...

1232
01:37:38,914 --> 01:37:41,189
...and emotional moment for all of us.

1233
01:37:42,074 --> 01:37:46,545
And I'd like to sing a song for all of you.

1234
01:37:50,874 --> 01:37:54,423
"It's Christmas in Heaven

1235
01:37:54,834 --> 01:37:57,985
"All the children sing

1236
01:37:58,234 --> 01:38:00,748
"It's Christmas in Heaven

1237
01:38:01,154 --> 01:38:04,908
"Hark, hark, those church bells ring

1238
01:38:05,074 --> 01:38:08,111
"It's Christmas in Heaven

1239
01:38:08,274 --> 01:38:11,311
"The snow falls from the sky

1240
01:38:11,754 --> 01:38:13,790
"But it's nice and warm

1241
01:38:13,954 --> 01:38:18,152
"And everyone looks smart and wears a tie

1242
01:38:24,034 --> 01:38:27,265
"It's Christmas in Heaven

1243
01:38:27,554 --> 01:38:30,227
"There's great films on TV

1244
01:38:31,074 --> 01:38:34,350
"The Sound of Music twice an hour

1245
01:38:34,514 --> 01:38:37,426
"And Jaws I, II and III

1246
01:38:38,034 --> 01:38:41,424
"There's gifts for all the family

1247
01:38:41,594 --> 01:38:44,506
"There's toiletries and trains

1248
01:38:45,074 --> 01:38:48,191
"There's Sony Walkman headphone sets

1249
01:38:48,634 --> 01:38:51,626
"And the latest video games

1250
01:38:52,194 --> 01:38:55,709
"It's Christmas in Heaven

1251
01:38:56,234 --> 01:38:58,873
"Hip-hip-hooray

1252
01:38:58,954 --> 01:39:03,982
"Every single day is Christmas Day

1253
01:39:06,314 --> 01:39:09,306
"It's Christmas in Heaven

1254
01:39:12,754 --> 01:39:16,872
"Every single day is--"

1255
01:39:20,034 --> 01:39:23,265
That's the end of the film.
Now here's the meaning of life.

1256
01:39:24,474 --> 01:39:26,226
Thank you, Brigitte.

1257
01:39:30,714 --> 01:39:33,865
It's nothing special.
"Try to be nice to people. Avoid eating fat.

1258
01:39:33,954 --> 01:39:36,422
"Read a good book now and then.
Get some walking in.

1259
01:39:36,514 --> 01:39:40,302
"Try to live together in peace and harmony
with people of all creeds and nations."

1260
01:39:40,394 --> 01:39:44,148
Finally, here are some gratuitous pictures
of penises to annoy the censors...

1261
01:39:44,234 --> 01:39:47,544
...and hopefully spark controversy,
which is the only way...

1262
01:39:47,634 --> 01:39:51,673
...to get the jaded video-sated public
off their asses and back in the cinema.

1263
01:39:52,154 --> 01:39:54,952
Family entertainment? Bollocks.
They want filth:

1264
01:39:55,154 --> 01:39:57,714
People doing things to each other
with chain saws.

1265
01:39:57,794 --> 01:40:01,264
Babysitters stabbed with knitting
needles by gay presidential candidates.

1266
01:40:01,354 --> 01:40:03,231
Vigilante groups strangling chickens.

1267
01:40:03,314 --> 01:40:06,067
Armed bands of theater critics
exterminating mutant goats.

1268
01:40:06,154 --> 01:40:07,985
Where's the fun in pictures?

1269
01:40:08,074 --> 01:40:10,508
Oh, well, there we are.
Here's the theme music.

1270
01:40:10,594 --> 01:40:11,743
Good night.

1271
01:42:09,434 --> 01:42:11,265
Subtitles by SOFTlTLER

1
00:00:01,940 --> 00:00:06,860
短剧

2
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:31,740
永保公司血泪史

3
00:00:38,060 --> 00:00:41,340
英国，伦敦

4
00:00:41,740 --> 00:00:45,060
最大的美国公司

5
00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:49,620
在一九八三年的萧条岁月中

6
00:00:49,740 --> 00:00:53,540
英国因为财政的破坏而造成经济委缩

7
00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:57,420
曾经显赫一时的家族企业永保公司

8
00:00:57,580 --> 00:01:01,740
也无法幸免于难
忠心耿耿的老员工们

9
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:06,980
被新管理阶层压的透不过气来

10
00:01:07,660 --> 00:01:09,700
糟糕，真糟糕！

11
00:01:28,580 --> 00:01:29,220
划！

12
00:01:55,820 --> 00:01:57,660
好，阿文，你被开除了！

13
00:01:58,380 --> 00:02:00,100
听到没有，滚出去！

14
00:02:01,260 --> 00:02:03,660
你听到吗？他被开除了！

15
00:02:04,780 --> 00:02:05,900
开除了！

16
00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:11,780
开除！来呀！大伙上！

17
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:20,220
来呀！

18
00:03:12,180 --> 00:03:14,020
让我出去

19
00:03:15,660 --> 00:03:18,380
我要见我的律师

20
00:03:26,860 --> 00:03:28,260
图立！来呀！

21
00:03:53,860 --> 00:03:56,180
安静！安静下来！

22
00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:58,420
现在，兄弟们，咱们开始行动！

23
00:03:58,540 --> 00:04:02,020
你，你和你夺取武器

24
00:04:02,220 --> 00:04:05,100
你，你和你准备出航

25
00:04:06,340 --> 00:04:09,100
你，去烧开水

26
00:04:09,220 --> 00:04:09,860
遵命，先生

27
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:28,100
查理，那里，那里

28
00:04:56,740 --> 00:04:57,740
抱歉！

29
00:04:58,540 --> 00:05:00,300
来，图立，这边

30
00:05:07,220 --> 00:05:08,140
来呀！

31
00:05:24,420 --> 00:05:25,940
起锚！

32
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,260
起锚！

33
00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:31,020
起锚！

34
00:06:33,340 --> 00:06:37,580
永保公司因此而进入

35
00:06:37,700 --> 00:06:41,140
国际公海融资行业之中

36
00:06:57,740 --> 00:07:00,980
唉呀！小子，搞清路线

37
00:07:02,260 --> 00:07:03,940
亲爱的，来杯茶好吗？

38
00:07:04,260 --> 00:07:05,060
是，船长！

39
00:07:05,660 --> 00:07:07,780
向右舵看

40
00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:15,020
在那儿：是他们所找寻的目标

41
00:07:16,140 --> 00:07:17,940
向右舵靠近！

42
00:07:18,420 --> 00:07:22,540
一个因跨国企业而过度膨胀的金融区

43
00:07:23,060 --> 00:07:26,260
充满了又肥又自负的银行

44
00:07:28,900 --> 00:07:31,940
好，大伙们，准备作战

45
00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:35,660
来呀！快！快！

46
00:07:35,780 --> 00:07:36,580
快！

47
00:07:59,620 --> 00:08:00,660
好了，够了！

48
00:08:01,180 --> 00:08:02,340
掩护自己！

49
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,180
蹲下，蹲下，低一点！

50
00:08:23,380 --> 00:08:25,100
蹲低，蹲低

51
00:09:01,020 --> 00:09:02,860
向右舵靠！

52
00:09:25,020 --> 00:09:26,180
发射！

53
00:10:33,140 --> 00:10:35,300
艾克，我的平衡表

54
00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:39,540
罗斯，把资料报表拿着

55
00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:47,500
阻止他！

56
00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:48,820
艾克！

57
00:10:49,220 --> 00:10:50,820
- 谢谢！
- 攻击！

58
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:41,020
不，不！让我来！

59
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:42,020
好，肯恩

60
00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:49,300
俘掳你！

61
00:11:57,420 --> 00:11:58,380
逮到你了！

62
00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:35,780
拿着这个

63
00:12:41,380 --> 00:12:43,220
把这存档

64
00:12:54,420 --> 00:12:55,420
该死

65
00:13:04,420 --> 00:13:08,060
被他们初次的成功所鼓舞

66
00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:13,060
绝望而暴戾的永保公司员工

67
00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:16,580
继续作战，直到…

68
00:13:18,020 --> 00:13:20,820
夕阳西下…

69
00:13:21,780 --> 00:13:26,340
由于在事业上的冒险投资
使他们巨额的报酬源源不绝

70
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,660
至于那些金融巨人们

71
00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:31,740
他们的精明…

72
00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:36,180
寸寸剥落

73
00:13:37,260 --> 00:13:40,420
他们的资产成为废墟

74
00:13:52,940 --> 00:13:55,820
柯汉先生，全速前进

75
00:13:56,260 --> 00:13:59,300
加，加，加你的保险费
加，加，加你的保险费

76
00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:00,860
随便写

77
00:14:01,060 --> 00:14:02,580
平衡帐本

78
00:14:02,980 --> 00:14:04,380
随便写

79
00:14:04,580 --> 00:14:05,980
但一定要平衡帐本

80
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:09,820
在广阔的会计领域中

81
00:14:10,220 --> 00:14:13,380
发给会计师执照实在可笑

82
00:14:14,340 --> 00:14:18,020
四处找寻好发现基金

83
00:14:18,420 --> 00:14:21,300
沿着破产陷阱的边缘通过

84
00:14:22,020 --> 00:14:25,340
保险行业可能理直气壮的说

85
00:14:25,940 --> 00:14:28,820
我们每年要加两次保险费

86
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:33,700
它可以抵税
而我们绝不会被收买

87
00:14:33,820 --> 00:14:36,620
航行在广阔的会计领域中

88
00:14:37,220 --> 00:14:38,180
扬帆而去

89
00:14:38,340 --> 00:14:42,220
由此他们进入分类帐的改革

90
00:14:43,020 --> 00:14:45,500
世界的经融资本逐一的…

91
00:14:45,620 --> 00:14:48,140
被他们敏锐的才智所粉碎

92
00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:50,540
如果不是被…

93
00:14:50,860 --> 00:14:54,220
地球形状的理论所左右的话

94
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:58,020
他们仍在茁壮成长中

95
00:15:51,620 --> 00:15:58,100
“正片上映”

96
00:16:23,940 --> 00:16:24,740
早

97
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:25,700
早

98
00:16:31,220 --> 00:16:31,900
早

99
00:16:32,060 --> 00:16:32,900
早

100
00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:34,020
早

101
00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:43,260
有什么新鲜的事？

102
00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:44,420
没什么

103
00:16:54,820 --> 00:16:56,540
法兰在问有什么新鲜的事

104
00:16:56,620 --> 00:16:57,540
是吗？

105
00:16:58,340 --> 00:16:59,100
是的

106
00:17:02,220 --> 00:17:04,900
嘿，哈瑞被吃掉了

107
00:17:04,980 --> 00:17:05,860
真的？

108
00:17:13,660 --> 00:17:15,100
很吃惊，对不对？

109
00:17:15,820 --> 00:17:17,420
这到底是怎么回事？

110
00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:19,420
问倒我了

111
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:23,180
我们为什么在这里？

112
00:17:23,860 --> 00:17:25,740
生命是什么

113
00:17:26,380 --> 00:17:28,100
上帝是真的

114
00:17:28,740 --> 00:17:30,580
还是要对他心存怀疑

115
00:17:31,940 --> 00:17:36,780
今晚我们要来探讨

116
00:17:36,940 --> 00:17:40,660
所以今晚的主题是生命的真谛
“生命的真谛”

117
00:17:41,820 --> 00:17:45,860
欺骗的目的是什么

118
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:49,140
难道又是鸡跟蛋的问题

119
00:17:49,220 --> 00:17:51,140
我们只是蛋黄

120
00:17:51,860 --> 00:17:57,020
或者我们全是上帝的一个小玩笑

121
00:17:57,260 --> 00:18:00,740
至于生命的真谛

122
00:18:02,020 --> 00:18:04,580
难道生命只是一种游戏

123
00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:07,100
我们为它设置一些规则

124
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:10,980
只不过是要增加话题而已

125
00:18:12,100 --> 00:18:17,180
或者它是急遽不断…

126
00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:21,020
繁衍人类的方法

127
00:18:22,460 --> 00:18:26,060
什么是人生 什么是命运

128
00:18:27,260 --> 00:18:29,220
有天堂和地狱吗？

129
00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:31,740
我们能转世吗？

130
00:18:32,620 --> 00:18:36,900
人类正在发展还是已经没有希望

131
00:18:37,540 --> 00:18:40,460
今晚我们要探讨它

132
00:18:42,060 --> 00:18:43,660
对多数人来说

133
00:18:43,940 --> 00:18:47,180
生命是苦涩的

134
00:18:47,580 --> 00:18:50,740
我们坐在那儿无法表达意见

135
00:18:52,500 --> 00:18:54,540
而那些科学家们

136
00:18:54,820 --> 00:18:56,860
却口口声声的说

137
00:18:56,980 --> 00:19:01,220
是为了繁衍人类

138
00:19:02,820 --> 00:19:06,180
到底我们为什么在这里

139
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:11,140
还有我们到底在害怕什么

140
00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:15,300
今晚会有所改变

141
00:19:15,620 --> 00:19:17,860
一切都会澄清

142
00:19:18,020 --> 00:19:21,340
因为这是生命的真谛

143
00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:26,180
这是生命的真谛

144
00:19:28,420 --> 00:19:33,060
<font color=red>生命的真谛</font>
第一部
诞生的奇迹

145
00:19:54,380 --> 00:19:56,500
产房
产房1

146
00:19:59,140 --> 00:20:00,620
一千零八

147
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:02,780
她的阵痛更密集

148
00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:04,740
好，把她送到胎儿惊吓室去

149
00:20:04,860 --> 00:20:05,660
好

150
00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:14,700
很好

151
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:17,980
嗯，好像有点空旷

152
00:20:18,660 --> 00:20:19,500
不错

153
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:22,340
护士，把设备搬进来

154
00:20:22,940 --> 00:20:25,700
例如扫瞄器、监视器和探测器

155
00:20:25,780 --> 00:20:26,420
马上来，医生

156
00:20:26,500 --> 00:20:28,620
还有那部会叫“宾”的机器

157
00:20:28,740 --> 00:20:31,420
把最贵的机器搬来
这样行政官才会高兴

158
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:41,900
就是它，推进来，放在这儿

159
00:20:42,020 --> 00:20:43,140
在我后面

160
00:20:43,260 --> 00:20:44,460
很好，很好

161
00:20:45,060 --> 00:20:47,780
太棒了，不错，非常不错

162
00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:49,820
挺像样的

163
00:20:50,020 --> 00:20:53,020
好像少了什么

164
00:20:58,860 --> 00:20:59,860
病人

165
00:21:00,220 --> 00:21:01,380
病人呢？

166
00:21:01,620 --> 00:21:02,500
病人！

167
00:21:03,700 --> 00:21:04,580
她在这儿！

168
00:21:04,740 --> 00:21:05,740
把她带过来

169
00:21:06,740 --> 00:21:07,740
小心机器

170
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:08,580
医生，抱歉

171
00:21:08,740 --> 00:21:09,820
过来

172
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:10,980
上去

173
00:21:11,460 --> 00:21:13,340
哈罗，你别耽心

174
00:21:13,420 --> 00:21:15,140
你马上就没事了

175
00:21:15,220 --> 00:21:17,860
一切由我们搞定
一点感觉也不会有

176
00:21:18,020 --> 00:21:20,060
再见，准备点滴

177
00:21:20,420 --> 00:21:21,220
注射

178
00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:22,580
我能不能把管子放到胎儿的头里

179
00:21:22,660 --> 00:21:24,220
那就要由我作阴道切开

180
00:21:24,340 --> 00:21:26,140
谢谢，把腿放上去

181
00:21:26,540 --> 00:21:29,980
喔，进来，你们都进来
留在这儿，很好

182
00:21:30,340 --> 00:21:32,220
来，分散开来

183
00:21:32,300 --> 00:21:33,140
你是谁？

184
00:21:33,220 --> 00:21:34,180
我是她丈夫

185
00:21:34,260 --> 00:21:37,140
对不起，只有相关的人才能留下

186
00:21:38,780 --> 00:21:39,500
我该怎么做？

187
00:21:39,900 --> 00:21:40,500
什么？

188
00:21:41,100 --> 00:21:41,980
我该做什么？

189
00:21:42,060 --> 00:21:44,820
什么也别做，你没有资格

190
00:21:44,900 --> 00:21:46,060
让我们来

191
00:21:46,180 --> 00:21:47,140
那是什么？

192
00:21:47,580 --> 00:21:49,740
那是会叫“宾”的机器

193
00:21:51,220 --> 00:21:54,260
你看，这表示胎儿仍活着

194
00:21:54,940 --> 00:21:58,180
这是医院里最贵的机器

195
00:21:58,300 --> 00:22:00,780
它值七十五万英镑

196
00:22:00,900 --> 00:22:02,660
你运气真好

197
00:22:03,460 --> 00:22:05,460
医生，行政官来了

198
00:22:05,540 --> 00:22:06,660
把所有机器都打开

199
00:22:07,620 --> 00:22:08,700
各位早

200
00:22:08,980 --> 00:22:10,380
早，各位早

201
00:22:10,860 --> 00:22:11,740
佩可先生，早

202
00:22:11,820 --> 00:22:14,460
喔，太棒了，让人印象深刻

203
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:16,180
今早的手术是什么？

204
00:22:16,300 --> 00:22:17,700
生产

205
00:22:17,860 --> 00:22:19,740
生产是什么？

206
00:22:20,220 --> 00:22:24,820
就是把胎儿从女人的肚子里拿出来

207
00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:26,900
医学真是太进步了

208
00:22:27,100 --> 00:22:29,180
啊！你有部会叫“宾”的机器

209
00:22:30,220 --> 00:22:34,020
这是我最喜欢的，我们把它卖掉
再向那家公司租回来

210
00:22:34,100 --> 00:22:38,340
这样，就变成费用而不是资本

211
00:22:42,300 --> 00:22:45,980
谢谢，谢谢，我们会尽量努力
你们继续

212
00:22:47,100 --> 00:22:48,500
阴部已经扩张

213
00:22:48,620 --> 00:22:49,660
喔，这是胎儿的头

214
00:22:49,780 --> 00:22:52,620
好，四公分，五公分，六公分

215
00:22:52,820 --> 00:22:53,540
灯光！

216
00:22:53,660 --> 00:22:54,780
扩大“宾”机器

217
00:22:54,900 --> 00:22:55,740
带口罩

218
00:22:55,820 --> 00:22:56,540
吸！

219
00:22:56,620 --> 00:22:58,340
向下看全景

220
00:22:58,660 --> 00:23:00,420
来了

221
00:23:02,260 --> 00:23:04,300
吓它！

222
00:23:04,660 --> 00:23:07,940
谢谢！粗毛巾

223
00:23:09,420 --> 00:23:12,020
给妈妈看，够了

224
00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:13,260
好，给她镇定剂

225
00:23:13,380 --> 00:23:13,980
胎儿数目

226
00:23:14,060 --> 00:23:16,420
秤重，验血还有隔离

227
00:23:17,500 --> 00:23:19,020
好了，戏看完了

228
00:23:20,460 --> 00:23:21,980
是男孩还是女孩？

229
00:23:22,220 --> 00:23:25,780
现在就想指派任务给他
恐怕太早了，你不认为吗？

230
00:23:26,180 --> 00:23:29,220
给你一句忠告 你可能会感到沮丧

231
00:23:29,340 --> 00:23:33,060
我们医生称之为怀孕忧郁症

232
00:23:33,220 --> 00:23:35,300
所以会给你很多快乐药丸

233
00:23:35,420 --> 00:23:37,820
等你回家后看录影带

234
00:23:37,940 --> 00:23:41,700
就会知道生产是怎么回事了

235
00:23:46,140 --> 00:23:51,100
<font color=red>生命的真谛</font>
诞生的奇迹
第二集
第三世界

236
00:23:53,340 --> 00:23:58,100
约克郡

237
00:24:03,220 --> 00:24:04,900
喔，倒霉

238
00:24:13,180 --> 00:24:14,980
阿黛，把它捡起来，好吗？

239
00:24:15,060 --> 00:24:16,220
妈妈，好的

240
00:24:25,380 --> 00:24:27,300
现在是谁的下午茶时间？

241
00:24:27,420 --> 00:24:28,540
我的！

242
00:24:28,740 --> 00:24:30,500
来，你们出去

243
00:24:30,620 --> 00:24:33,260
阿文、阿泰、阿苇，阿珍…

244
00:24:33,380 --> 00:24:36,420
阿玛、阿安、阿汤、阿华、阿佩、阿玲

245
00:24:36,540 --> 00:24:40,060
阿麦、阿依、阿艾、阿冬和阿莎，去睡觉了

246
00:24:40,500 --> 00:24:42,460
你们别吵

247
00:24:42,740 --> 00:24:45,300
阿洛、阿里、阿尼、阿庵、阿赛和…

248
00:24:45,380 --> 00:24:49,780
等一等，我有事要和全家说

249
00:24:49,980 --> 00:24:52,100
阿高，把大家都叫进来

250
00:24:54,460 --> 00:24:57,380
工厂关闭，我失业了

251
00:24:57,500 --> 00:24:59,100
我们没有钱了

252
00:25:00,860 --> 00:25:02,100
进来，我的孩子们

253
00:25:02,180 --> 00:25:05,660
我只有把你们卖给实验室做科学研究

254
00:25:07,980 --> 00:25:10,060
亲爱的，只有这个方法

255
00:25:10,540 --> 00:25:13,860
只怪天主教，他们不准我戴橡胶套那玩意

256
00:25:14,020 --> 00:25:16,540
他们在过去有很多贡献

257
00:25:16,620 --> 00:25:20,460
例如保存了罗马教堂的智慧、尊严
甚至它的神秘

258
00:25:20,900 --> 00:25:24,740
使圣迹的清净和不可分割的三位一体

259
00:25:25,220 --> 00:25:28,580
但是如果他准许我在小弟弟上
戴橡胶套那玩意

260
00:25:28,860 --> 00:25:30,780
我们就不会落到今天这个地步

261
00:25:31,300 --> 00:25:33,100
难道妈咪不能戴子宫套吗？

262
00:25:35,260 --> 00:25:38,860
如果我们仍要做天主教徒的话就不可以

263
00:25:39,180 --> 00:25:40,140
他说的不错

264
00:25:40,700 --> 00:25:42,820
我们相信…

265
00:25:43,300 --> 00:25:44,860
让我这么说吧！

266
00:25:45,340 --> 00:25:47,660
世界上有犹太人

267
00:25:47,780 --> 00:25:49,420
他们是佛教徒

268
00:25:49,700 --> 00:25:53,460
还有印度教和摩门教

269
00:25:54,300 --> 00:25:57,260
他们信奉穆罕默德

270
00:25:57,380 --> 00:26:01,820
我不是他们的信徒

271
00:26:04,580 --> 00:26:07,300
我是天主教徒

272
00:26:07,660 --> 00:26:10,540
出生以前就已注定

273
00:26:11,140 --> 00:26:14,180
只要你一落地

274
00:26:14,340 --> 00:26:17,900
天主教就会接纳你

275
00:26:18,300 --> 00:26:21,300
你不需要有六尺高

276
00:26:21,700 --> 00:26:24,820
你不需要很聪明

277
00:26:25,420 --> 00:26:28,500
你不需要穿衣服

278
00:26:28,820 --> 00:26:32,660
只要父亲一来你就是教徒了

279
00:26:32,940 --> 00:26:35,540
因为

280
00:26:35,900 --> 00:26:40,140
每个精子都是神圣的

281
00:26:40,460 --> 00:26:44,260
每个精子都是神圣的

282
00:26:44,900 --> 00:26:49,060
浪费一个精子

283
00:26:49,180 --> 00:26:52,260
上帝就会发怒

284
00:26:53,580 --> 00:26:57,420
每个精子都是神圣的

285
00:26:57,700 --> 00:27:01,220
每个精子都是神圣的

286
00:27:01,940 --> 00:27:05,820
浪费一个精子

287
00:27:06,140 --> 00:27:09,900
上帝就会发怒

288
00:27:10,460 --> 00:27:14,180
让异教徒

289
00:27:14,540 --> 00:27:17,740
随便浪费

290
00:27:18,740 --> 00:27:21,580
上帝会要他们…

291
00:27:21,860 --> 00:27:26,180
为每一个浪费的精子付出代价

292
00:27:27,140 --> 00:27:30,820
每个精子都有人要

293
00:27:31,340 --> 00:27:34,340
每个精子都是好的

294
00:27:35,460 --> 00:27:39,100
每个精子都被需要

295
00:27:39,460 --> 00:27:41,860
你的邻居们

296
00:27:43,540 --> 00:27:46,740
印度教、道教、摩门教

297
00:27:46,820 --> 00:27:50,260
不珍惜他们的精子

298
00:27:50,820 --> 00:27:54,140
上帝喜欢那些…

299
00:27:54,260 --> 00:27:58,220
珍惜精子的人

300
00:27:59,180 --> 00:28:02,540
每个精子都是神圣的

301
00:28:02,980 --> 00:28:05,660
每个精子都是神圣的

302
00:28:06,660 --> 00:28:09,900
浪费一个精子

303
00:28:10,180 --> 00:28:13,060
上帝就会发怒

304
00:28:13,700 --> 00:28:17,500
每个精子都是神圣的

305
00:28:17,620 --> 00:28:20,620
每个精子都是好的

306
00:28:21,500 --> 00:28:24,900
每个精子都被需要

307
00:28:25,260 --> 00:28:28,300
你的邻居们

308
00:28:28,900 --> 00:28:32,300
每个精子都有用

309
00:28:32,660 --> 00:28:35,660
每个精子都很美好

310
00:28:36,260 --> 00:28:39,540
上帝需要每个人的

311
00:28:39,900 --> 00:28:42,780
我的，我的和我的

312
00:28:57,940 --> 00:29:01,100
让异教徒们

313
00:29:01,220 --> 00:29:04,580
随意浪费

314
00:29:05,540 --> 00:29:07,940
上帝会为这种浪费

315
00:29:08,260 --> 00:29:11,500
而教训他们

316
00:29:11,620 --> 00:29:12,540
“教宗的折扣屋”

317
00:29:12,660 --> 00:29:16,220
每一个精子都是神圣的

318
00:29:16,540 --> 00:29:19,340
每个精子都是好的

319
00:29:20,220 --> 00:29:23,580
每个精子都被需要

320
00:29:23,860 --> 00:29:26,940
来造福乡里

321
00:29:27,460 --> 00:29:30,740
每个精子都是神圣的

322
00:29:31,060 --> 00:29:33,940
每个精子都很伟大

323
00:29:34,580 --> 00:29:37,900
如果浪费精子

324
00:29:38,180 --> 00:29:43,740
上帝就会发怒

325
00:29:50,900 --> 00:29:52,780
所以孩子们，我的困难是…

326
00:29:53,140 --> 00:29:55,180
不能再继续抚养你们

327
00:29:55,300 --> 00:29:56,420
大声点！

328
00:29:57,180 --> 00:29:59,380
不能再继续抚养你们

329
00:30:00,340 --> 00:30:03,900
上帝赐给我这么多
但是我没法喂饱你们

330
00:30:04,180 --> 00:30:05,660
为什么不把你的小弟弟切掉

331
00:30:06,860 --> 00:30:10,180
阿尼，没那么简单，上帝全知道

332
00:30:10,580 --> 00:30:15,180
他看破我们的诡计
如果能对自己做的，也会对他做

333
00:30:15,460 --> 00:30:17,460
你可以安排让它意外被拉掉

334
00:30:19,900 --> 00:30:23,820
孩子们，我知道你们想帮忙
但我主意已定

335
00:30:23,940 --> 00:30:26,500
我仔细的想了很久

336
00:30:27,300 --> 00:30:29,620
你们大多要送去做医学实验品

337
00:30:31,900 --> 00:30:36,140
每个精子都是神圣的

338
00:30:37,060 --> 00:30:41,540
每个精子都很伟大

339
00:30:43,100 --> 00:30:44,900
看看他们，该死的天主教徒

340
00:30:44,980 --> 00:30:48,860
让该死的世界充满那些养不活的该死人类

341
00:30:49,620 --> 00:30:50,900
亲爱的，我们是什么？

342
00:30:51,060 --> 00:30:53,340
新教徒，而且以此自豪

343
00:30:54,100 --> 00:30:56,740
为什么他们有那么多小孩

344
00:30:56,820 --> 00:31:00,340
因为每次性交，就有小孩

345
00:31:00,740 --> 00:31:02,620
哈瑞，我们不是也一样

346
00:31:02,700 --> 00:31:03,700
你是什么意思？

347
00:31:03,780 --> 00:31:05,860
我们有两个小孩

348
00:31:06,020 --> 00:31:08,420
而我们只性交两次

349
00:31:08,540 --> 00:31:11,540
那不是重点
重点是任何时候我们都可以性交

350
00:31:11,820 --> 00:31:12,620
真的？

351
00:31:12,740 --> 00:31:14,300
是的，而且…

352
00:31:14,460 --> 00:31:17,780
因为我们不相信天主教的噱头
因此可以有预防措施

353
00:31:18,260 --> 00:31:19,940
你是说把门锁起来吗？

354
00:31:20,060 --> 00:31:23,900
不，不，我指我们新教徒…

355
00:31:24,020 --> 00:31:28,220
在十六世纪中叶
成功的向宗教制度挑战

356
00:31:28,300 --> 00:31:31,060
使我们能有橡胶套的装置

357
00:31:31,340 --> 00:31:32,260
你是什么意思？

358
00:31:32,340 --> 00:31:35,060
当我们性交时

359
00:31:35,140 --> 00:31:36,300
喔，是的，哈瑞

360
00:31:36,420 --> 00:31:38,780
由于替小弟弟戴上橡胶套

361
00:31:38,940 --> 00:31:42,580
所以在完事后，保证你不会怀孕

362
00:31:43,740 --> 00:31:45,860
这就是新教徒的好处

363
00:31:46,020 --> 00:31:47,540
因此它是我们的教会

364
00:31:47,660 --> 00:31:50,580
也是那些尊重个人权益…

365
00:31:50,700 --> 00:31:53,700
认为人有决定权的教会

366
00:31:54,100 --> 00:31:58,380
一五一七年马丁路德在教堂抗议

367
00:31:58,500 --> 00:32:01,460
当时也许不知道意义有多重大

368
00:32:01,540 --> 00:32:04,300
但感谢他，四百年后的今天

369
00:32:04,420 --> 00:32:07,100
我能在小弟弟上放上不同的装置

370
00:32:07,420 --> 00:32:11,100
不只是保险套

371
00:32:11,300 --> 00:32:13,060
甚至可以戴法式搔痒套

372
00:32:13,140 --> 00:32:13,780
你戴什么？

373
00:32:13,860 --> 00:32:16,900
法式搔痒套、黑曼波套、鳄鱼肋骨套

374
00:32:17,060 --> 00:32:19,580
这些护套不只保护

375
00:32:19,700 --> 00:32:22,940
更能增加刺激而得到满足

376
00:32:23,060 --> 00:32:24,100
你有吗？

377
00:32:24,220 --> 00:32:25,860
我有吗？我，没…

378
00:32:25,940 --> 00:32:28,860
但是任何时间我都能到哈瑞店里

379
00:32:28,980 --> 00:32:31,900
扬着头，高声而坚定的说

380
00:32:31,980 --> 00:32:34,460
“哈瑞，我要买保险套”

381
00:32:34,580 --> 00:32:38,180
“因为我是新教徒，所以我要买法式搔痒套”

382
00:32:38,500 --> 00:32:39,500
那你怎么不去买？

383
00:32:39,620 --> 00:32:40,980
但是他们…他们不能…

384
00:32:41,060 --> 00:32:43,780
因为教会尚未超越中世纪的思想

385
00:32:43,900 --> 00:32:47,100
而且仍被外国的主教霸权所支配

386
00:32:47,420 --> 00:32:51,780
因此新教会所倡导的性爱乐趣

387
00:32:52,100 --> 00:32:54,780
才会使小孩不断繁殖

388
00:32:55,020 --> 00:33:00,220
<font color=red>生命的真谛</font>
第二部
成长及学习

389
00:33:01,140 --> 00:33:05,580
在第三个钟头时
他们有两次看到骆驼

390
00:33:06,540 --> 00:33:12,140
所以米迪安人向索斯王朝旁

391
00:33:12,420 --> 00:33:14,260
比盖美兹的瑞吉来雷高地出发

392
00:33:14,340 --> 00:33:18,380
来到佳叙比拜索巴达的家里

393
00:33:18,660 --> 00:33:21,340
当初是他把牛油带到巴叙摩的

394
00:33:21,500 --> 00:33:24,420
将帐蓬架在罗柜门屋的旁边

395
00:33:24,860 --> 00:33:27,620
在此，他们开始畜养山羊

396
00:33:27,780 --> 00:33:33,100
然后把它们切小块放到锅中煮

397
00:33:34,140 --> 00:33:35,900
学习结束

398
00:33:36,140 --> 00:33:38,260
让我们赞美主

399
00:33:42,700 --> 00:33:44,100
喔，主呀

400
00:33:44,540 --> 00:33:46,140
喔，主呀

401
00:33:47,180 --> 00:33:49,420
喔，你是那么的大

402
00:33:49,820 --> 00:33:52,420
喔，你是那么的大

403
00:33:52,540 --> 00:33:55,220
如此巨大

404
00:33:55,460 --> 00:33:58,940
如此巨大

405
00:33:59,380 --> 00:34:03,980
唉，我可以告诉你
在下面的我们都印象深刻

406
00:34:04,300 --> 00:34:09,060
唉，我可以告诉你
在下面的我们都印象深刻

407
00:34:09,220 --> 00:34:13,380
主呀！原谅我们的谄媚

408
00:34:13,700 --> 00:34:16,620
以及无耻的阿谀

409
00:34:16,900 --> 00:34:22,100
但是你是这样的强状 是那么超级

410
00:34:22,500 --> 00:34:24,620
那么了不起

411
00:34:24,980 --> 00:34:25,900
阿门

412
00:34:26,140 --> 00:34:27,100
阿门

413
00:34:27,340 --> 00:34:29,580
有两个学生被发现

414
00:34:29,660 --> 00:34:32,580
在学校的水老鸦身上抹亚麻子油

415
00:34:33,540 --> 00:34:36,660
也许你们认为水老鸦

416
00:34:36,740 --> 00:34:39,620
对学校并不重要
让我提醒你们

417
00:34:39,860 --> 00:34:43,580
那是赛得城的企业家们
为了纪念帝国时代的盛况

418
00:34:44,020 --> 00:34:45,580
所送给我们的礼物

419
00:34:45,700 --> 00:34:49,260
让我们记得赛得区的英雄们

420
00:34:49,660 --> 00:34:54,340
为了使中国英国化所做的牺牲

421
00:34:54,660 --> 00:34:59,020
从现在开始，不准碰水老鸦

422
00:35:01,540 --> 00:35:02,820
还有，杰金

423
00:35:03,620 --> 00:35:06,020
显然的你母亲今早过逝了

424
00:35:06,340 --> 00:35:07,220
牧师

425
00:35:11,700 --> 00:35:14,980
喔，主呀，请不要烧我

426
00:35:15,060 --> 00:35:18,460
请不要烤你的子民

427
00:35:19,140 --> 00:35:23,260
不要把我们放在烤肉架上

428
00:35:23,340 --> 00:35:26,820
或慢炖我们

429
00:35:27,620 --> 00:35:31,100
不要炸、烤或煮我们

430
00:35:31,260 --> 00:35:35,260
或在锅里炒我们

431
00:35:36,420 --> 00:35:40,340
喔，不要用沸水煮我们

432
00:35:40,420 --> 00:35:43,860
或在我们身上涂抹脂肪

433
00:35:44,580 --> 00:35:48,740
不要炖或红烧我们

434
00:35:48,820 --> 00:35:52,460
或在大桶里煮我们

435
00:35:53,140 --> 00:35:57,340
还有，主呀！不要把你的仆人插在小树枝上

436
00:35:57,420 --> 00:36:01,020
慢烤

437
00:36:07,060 --> 00:36:07,780
他来了

438
00:36:15,340 --> 00:36:17,420
好，安静下来，安静下来

439
00:36:19,260 --> 00:36:21,940
在我开始上课以前

440
00:36:22,100 --> 00:36:24,740
那些下午要参加比赛的人

441
00:36:24,860 --> 00:36:27,500
在午餐后，写信回家前
把衣服移到下面的晾衣竿上

442
00:36:27,700 --> 00:36:30,500
如果你还没剪头发

443
00:36:30,620 --> 00:36:33,740
那你的弟弟在周末
一定要被另一个男孩所邀请

444
00:36:33,860 --> 00:36:38,020
如此则在午餐前收集他的字条
并在剪发后把它附在你的信里

445
00:36:38,100 --> 00:36:41,660
还有让他把你的衣服
移到下面的晾衣竿上，现在…

446
00:36:41,740 --> 00:36:42,540
先生？

447
00:36:42,940 --> 00:36:43,580
是的

448
00:36:43,660 --> 00:36:45,660
我弟弟这个周末要和帝柏出去

449
00:36:45,740 --> 00:36:48,220
但是我今天没有理头发
要不要把衣服移到…

450
00:36:48,340 --> 00:36:51,340
伟模，我希望你能认真听
实在很简单

451
00:36:51,460 --> 00:36:55,740
如果没有理发 就别动你弟弟的衣服

452
00:36:55,860 --> 00:37:00,300
在午餐前收集他的字条
等你准备好圣经

453
00:37:00,460 --> 00:37:02,820
并在写信回家之前

454
00:37:02,980 --> 00:37:04,940
移动晾衣竿上你的衣服

455
00:37:05,060 --> 00:37:08,860
加上还要向游客致敬
然后向温尼先生报告并请他签字

456
00:37:10,540 --> 00:37:12,180
好，现在谈性

457
00:37:14,700 --> 00:37:17,740
性，性，性，我们谈到哪里？

458
00:37:21,900 --> 00:37:26,700
我有没有谈到阳具进入阴部那一段

459
00:37:30,220 --> 00:37:30,980
先生，没有

460
00:37:31,100 --> 00:37:32,460
先生，没有 先生，没有

461
00:37:33,380 --> 00:37:35,020
那我有没有讲过爱抚

462
00:37:38,180 --> 00:37:39,180
先生，有

463
00:37:39,500 --> 00:37:42,620
既然我们都知道爱抚

464
00:37:42,780 --> 00:37:46,980
你们一定能告诉我爱抚的目的

465
00:37:48,020 --> 00:37:48,980
阿毕

466
00:37:53,180 --> 00:37:54,620
对不起，先生，我不知道

467
00:37:55,420 --> 00:37:56,260
卡特？

468
00:37:59,260 --> 00:38:00,860
是不是把衣服脱掉？

469
00:38:02,380 --> 00:38:04,220
然后呢？

470
00:38:04,700 --> 00:38:06,780
把它们放在下面晾衣竿上

471
00:38:09,060 --> 00:38:13,340
爱抚的目的是使阴道湿润

472
00:38:13,500 --> 00:38:16,860
阳具才容易进入

473
00:38:17,340 --> 00:38:18,780
先生，能不能打开窗户

474
00:38:18,980 --> 00:38:20,380
好的，哈瑞，你去开

475
00:38:20,660 --> 00:38:23,020
同样也能使阳具竖起

476
00:38:23,140 --> 00:38:25,540
并且变硬

477
00:38:27,460 --> 00:38:31,460
上星期我有没有讲到阴道液体？

478
00:38:31,580 --> 00:38:35,580
阿华，注意，你在看足球吗？

479
00:38:35,660 --> 00:38:38,620
移开，我警告你们

480
00:38:38,980 --> 00:38:41,420
这学期我可能会考这章

481
00:38:41,940 --> 00:38:43,460
先生！

482
00:38:43,860 --> 00:38:46,020
那就好好听我说

483
00:38:47,940 --> 00:38:50,580
我到底有没有…

484
00:38:50,980 --> 00:38:53,900
讲到阴道液体？

485
00:38:54,500 --> 00:38:55,820
有，先生

486
00:38:55,940 --> 00:38:58,620
华生，举两个例子

487
00:39:00,620 --> 00:39:01,820
先生，揉搓阴核

488
00:39:06,180 --> 00:39:08,700
亲吻呢？嗯？

489
00:39:09,260 --> 00:39:11,980
为什么不能以亲吻做为开始？

490
00:39:12,500 --> 00:39:15,900
你不需要像公牛等在闸门一样马上就揉阴核

491
00:39:16,020 --> 00:39:17,820
孩子，先吻她

492
00:39:19,380 --> 00:39:20,500
先生，吸吮她的奶头

493
00:39:20,580 --> 00:39:22,140
伟模，很好，答的好

494
00:39:22,260 --> 00:39:23,900
先生，抚摸大腿？

495
00:39:23,980 --> 00:39:25,860
是的，是的，不错

496
00:39:25,940 --> 00:39:26,660
咬脖子

497
00:39:26,780 --> 00:39:29,060
很好，轻咬耳垂

498
00:39:29,180 --> 00:39:31,380
揉屁股等等

499
00:39:31,460 --> 00:39:37,660
所以华生，在揉阴核之前我们有这么多事可做

500
00:39:38,340 --> 00:39:39,780
是的，先生，抱歉，先生

501
00:39:40,060 --> 00:39:45,380
这些刺激都会使液体发生

502
00:39:54,180 --> 00:39:56,620
当然用舌头的话

503
00:39:56,780 --> 00:39:59,900
你们可以更清楚的知道液体如何而来

504
00:40:00,300 --> 00:40:01,260
海伦？

505
00:40:01,460 --> 00:40:04,580
现在，交媾也称之为性交

506
00:40:04,820 --> 00:40:07,380
最高境界是高潮

507
00:40:08,940 --> 00:40:13,300
亲爱的，你好
卡特，当我太太进入时请起立

508
00:40:13,380 --> 00:40:14,740
喔，对不起，先生，对不起

509
00:40:15,140 --> 00:40:16,660
阿恒，我告诉嘉非今晚一同吃饭

510
00:40:16,780 --> 00:40:19,140
希望你不介意

511
00:40:19,220 --> 00:40:20,980
好吧，我想我们必须得去了

512
00:40:21,060 --> 00:40:22,660
我答应他们八点会到

513
00:40:22,900 --> 00:40:25,420
这又给我参加职员会议的托辞了

514
00:40:25,540 --> 00:40:28,380
我知道你不喜欢他们
但是我实在找不出任何藉口

515
00:40:28,500 --> 00:40:30,180
只是我觉得…

516
00:40:31,100 --> 00:40:35,860
伟模，这对你有益，别打瞌睡

517
00:40:36,660 --> 00:40:38,780
我不想再做一次

518
00:40:50,020 --> 00:40:52,740
我们先爱抚像书上所写的
亲爱的，你不介意吧！

519
00:40:52,860 --> 00:40:53,860
当然不会

520
00:40:54,020 --> 00:40:56,260
然后男人以正常的方式

521
00:40:56,340 --> 00:41:00,140
进入女人体内

522
00:41:00,260 --> 00:41:04,740
你们看，阳具多少已经竖起

523
00:41:05,300 --> 00:41:07,580
对了，这样好多了

524
00:41:07,740 --> 00:41:08,580
现在…卡特

525
00:41:09,980 --> 00:41:10,620
什么事，先生

526
00:41:10,660 --> 00:41:11,540
那是什么？

527
00:41:13,660 --> 00:41:14,620
是笛子

528
00:41:14,980 --> 00:41:16,100
把它拿过来

529
00:41:17,580 --> 00:41:21,500
男人用骨盘做推入的动作

530
00:41:21,620 --> 00:41:24,220
在阴道内上下移动阳具

531
00:41:24,340 --> 00:41:26,980
孩子，放在那里，放在桌上

532
00:41:28,300 --> 00:41:33,500
而太太可以向前推动
使阳具刺激阴核而得到快感

533
00:41:33,860 --> 00:41:37,260
亲爱的，谢谢你，等性兴奋上涨

534
00:41:37,420 --> 00:41:38,740
阿毕，有什么好笑？

535
00:41:40,420 --> 00:41:41,180
先生，没有

536
00:41:41,260 --> 00:41:46,340
一定有好笑的事情发生
和我们分享你的笑话吧

537
00:41:46,420 --> 00:41:47,580
先生，真的不能

538
00:41:47,700 --> 00:41:52,100
既然这么好玩
今天下午的橄榄球赛

539
00:41:52,580 --> 00:41:55,100
你去参加少年组和专家组对抗

540
00:41:55,900 --> 00:41:57,140
喔，不，先生

541
00:42:06,180 --> 00:42:07,740
来呀，小家伙

542
00:42:16,300 --> 00:42:18,340
打得好，打得好

543
00:43:38,340 --> 00:43:42,820
<font color=red>生命的真谛</font>
第三部
互相厮杀

544
00:43:48,340 --> 00:43:51,460
布来、斯度和华特
你们到左侧去拿下敌人

545
00:43:51,540 --> 00:43:53,460
哈登、斯派和我去拿下枪岗

546
00:43:53,780 --> 00:43:56,020
等等，你们不会成功的
让我们一起去

547
00:43:56,100 --> 00:43:57,140
听我命令行事

548
00:43:57,220 --> 00:43:59,500
是的！喔，长官，长官

549
00:43:59,900 --> 00:44:02,780
如果不再见面的话

550
00:44:03,020 --> 00:44:06,940
我想说，能和你并肩作战是我的荣幸

551
00:44:07,100 --> 00:44:10,620
这不是说再见的时间和地点

552
00:44:10,740 --> 00:44:15,140
我们知道，但我们可能不再见面

553
00:44:15,260 --> 00:44:16,780
好，布来，谢谢你

554
00:44:16,900 --> 00:44:18,660
不，先生，等等

555
00:44:18,900 --> 00:44:21,140
我们想向你致敬

556
00:44:21,380 --> 00:44:24,700
我们买了一礼物
我们买了这个送你

557
00:44:25,940 --> 00:44:29,540
喔，我真不知该说什么好

558
00:44:29,700 --> 00:44:33,180
你们想得真周到

559
00:44:33,340 --> 00:44:35,420
但我们应该掩护一下

560
00:44:36,620 --> 00:44:39,460
我们还有别的要送你

561
00:44:41,020 --> 00:44:43,780
对不起，我们搞错了，又是一座钟

562
00:44:43,860 --> 00:44:47,940
华特以为由他买礼物
而斯派和我却已经买好了

563
00:44:49,220 --> 00:44:51,700
真美，两个都美

564
00:44:53,700 --> 00:44:56,700
我们最好掩护一下，等以后再谢你们

565
00:44:56,780 --> 00:45:00,740
这是斯度下士送你的，他不知道钟的事

566
00:45:00,900 --> 00:45:01,860
是瑞士制

567
00:45:02,020 --> 00:45:03,980
斯度你真体帖

568
00:45:04,100 --> 00:45:05,020
一个好人

569
00:45:05,100 --> 00:45:06,260
长官，这是卡片

570
00:45:06,500 --> 00:45:09,020
我们全体送你的，抱歉沾上血迹

571
00:45:10,500 --> 00:45:11,300
谢谢你们

572
00:45:11,380 --> 00:45:14,420
队员，为毕格队长欢呼三声

573
00:45:14,500 --> 00:45:17,460
欢呼，欢呼 万岁

574
00:45:19,140 --> 00:45:20,420
布来！布来！

575
00:45:20,940 --> 00:45:23,620
我没关系，长官，还有一件事

576
00:45:23,700 --> 00:45:25,060
斯派，给他支票

577
00:45:25,140 --> 00:45:25,940
好的

578
00:45:26,020 --> 00:45:27,820
这太过份了

579
00:45:28,380 --> 00:45:31,180
我找不到，可能在四号战壕里

580
00:45:31,300 --> 00:45:32,620
看在老天爷份上，别管了

581
00:45:35,180 --> 00:45:36,700
长官，你不该这么说

582
00:45:38,100 --> 00:45:39,540
你伤了他的心

583
00:45:39,700 --> 00:45:41,380
斯派别管我

584
00:45:41,700 --> 00:45:45,980
大人物都一样
前一分钟又高兴又感谢

585
00:45:46,060 --> 00:45:48,020
下一分钟，就可能踢掉你的牙

586
00:45:48,100 --> 00:45:48,740
是的

587
00:45:49,060 --> 00:45:50,220
别给他蛋糕

588
00:45:50,340 --> 00:45:51,820
我不要蛋糕

589
00:45:52,060 --> 00:45:54,900
你这个混蛋，布来特地替你烤的

590
00:45:54,980 --> 00:45:56,820
他省下六个星期的配粮

591
00:45:56,980 --> 00:45:58,740
我并不是忘恩负义

592
00:45:59,060 --> 00:46:00,020
我不会有事…

593
00:46:01,700 --> 00:46:02,540
布来！

594
00:46:03,020 --> 00:46:06,500
没有一个人像他那样认真做蛋糕

595
00:46:06,780 --> 00:46:08,540
许多夜晚都快冻僵了

596
00:46:08,620 --> 00:46:12,460
但是他却在那里切柠檬、混合糖和杏仁

597
00:46:12,900 --> 00:46:16,580
你试试看 怎么在零下十五度去融化奶油

598
00:46:16,900 --> 00:46:22,140
蛋糕里有爱，这个人的爱和关心

599
00:46:23,580 --> 00:46:24,700
喔，我的天

600
00:46:25,140 --> 00:46:27,060
你这个混蛋

601
00:46:28,180 --> 00:46:31,780
好，他们是对的，我们来吃蛋糕

602
00:46:31,900 --> 00:46:34,180
这么好的蛋糕怎能不吃

603
00:46:34,300 --> 00:46:35,580
华特，把盘子和刀拿来

604
00:46:35,660 --> 00:46:36,780
是的，长官，几个盘子

605
00:46:36,900 --> 00:46:37,740
六个

606
00:46:39,740 --> 00:46:41,260
喔，五个吧！

607
00:46:41,540 --> 00:46:42,540
长官，要桌巾吗？

608
00:46:42,660 --> 00:46:43,780
好，去拿桌巾

609
00:46:46,140 --> 00:46:47,940
不，不，我去拿桌巾

610
00:46:48,020 --> 00:46:49,900
哈登，你去拿桌子

611
00:46:51,020 --> 00:46:51,940
长官，要不要灯？

612
00:46:52,100 --> 00:46:55,300
要，趁你在那里，把小装饰巾也拿来

613
00:46:55,380 --> 00:46:58,020
我拿了两条，万一一条弄皱了

614
00:47:02,620 --> 00:47:05,660
当然，战争不是都那么有趣
好，停止

615
00:47:06,060 --> 00:47:07,780
你们尽管去嘲笑军队

616
00:47:07,860 --> 00:47:09,700
当在思考生命真谛的时候

617
00:47:09,780 --> 00:47:13,100
它代表着两种不同见地的斗争

618
00:47:13,380 --> 00:47:15,900
如果我们无法保卫自己

619
00:47:16,020 --> 00:47:18,340
去对抗那些更积极的理念

620
00:47:18,500 --> 00:47:22,140
那么理性与中庸都可能消失

621
00:47:23,020 --> 00:47:25,500
这就是需要军队的原因

622
00:47:25,580 --> 00:47:28,020
否则请上帝袭击我

623
00:47:32,420 --> 00:47:36,180
你们别呆呆站在那儿
好像从没见过上帝的手一样

624
00:47:37,180 --> 00:47:41,300
今天我们要在广场行军

625
00:47:41,580 --> 00:47:44,980
除非你们有别的事要做

626
00:47:45,900 --> 00:47:46,780
怎么样？

627
00:47:48,220 --> 00:47:50,300
有人宁可做别的事

628
00:47:50,460 --> 00:47:54,260
而不想行军吗？

629
00:47:56,100 --> 00:47:58,420
是的！艾肯

630
00:48:00,620 --> 00:48:05,020
你想做什么？

631
00:48:05,380 --> 00:48:08,860
说实话，中士
我宁愿回家和太太小孩一起

632
00:48:10,660 --> 00:48:12,260
想现在就去吗？

633
00:48:12,780 --> 00:48:13,740
是的，中士

634
00:48:14,500 --> 00:48:15,340
好，你去吧！

635
00:48:16,180 --> 00:48:17,300
现在…

636
00:48:18,020 --> 00:48:20,540
每个人对我的计划…

637
00:48:20,900 --> 00:48:23,420
广场行军都很喜欢吗？

638
00:48:23,580 --> 00:48:24,220
中士

639
00:48:24,300 --> 00:48:24,900
什么事？

640
00:48:25,060 --> 00:48:26,620
我想看书

641
00:48:26,700 --> 00:48:28,620
那现在就去看书

642
00:48:30,100 --> 00:48:34,100
其他的人

643
00:48:34,460 --> 00:48:36,140
对于在广场行军的计划…

644
00:48:36,260 --> 00:48:39,980
都赞成吗？

645
00:48:40,380 --> 00:48:41,020
中士

646
00:48:42,020 --> 00:48:43,580
是的，华克，有什么事？

647
00:48:44,100 --> 00:48:46,500
我…我要去学钢琴

648
00:48:47,660 --> 00:48:49,740
学钢琴？

649
00:48:50,020 --> 00:48:50,820
是的，中士

650
00:48:51,140 --> 00:48:54,700
我猜你想去练习，对不对？

651
00:48:54,940 --> 00:48:58,340
广场行军对你还不够好，是吗？

652
00:48:59,180 --> 00:49:00,580
好！你走吧！

653
00:49:01,380 --> 00:49:04,420
现在，你们怎么样？

654
00:49:05,660 --> 00:49:09,020
我想你们宁愿去拍电影吧？

655
00:49:11,660 --> 00:49:13,220
好！你们走吧！

656
00:49:17,220 --> 00:49:18,980
该死的军队
真不知道它会变成什么德性

657
00:49:19,060 --> 00:49:21,700
好，中士在广场行军

658
00:49:21,860 --> 00:49:23,260
左，右，左

659
00:49:23,700 --> 00:49:27,460
民主制度和人道主义
是英国军队的注册商标

660
00:49:27,580 --> 00:49:28,180
废话！

661
00:49:28,260 --> 00:49:28,980
嘘！

662
00:49:29,060 --> 00:49:33,460
…在帝国最遥远的角落里得到胜利

663
00:49:37,540 --> 00:49:40,420
一八七九年第一次祖鲁战争

664
00:49:40,540 --> 00:49:41,740
格洛斯克

665
00:49:42,260 --> 00:49:45,180
纳塔尔

666
00:49:49,460 --> 00:49:52,380
不管在何时何处，只要打战

667
00:49:52,740 --> 00:49:56,420
就要有冷静的指挥官

668
00:49:56,580 --> 00:49:58,980
也因此而形成今日的英国军队

669
00:50:33,540 --> 00:50:34,820
借光

670
00:50:41,980 --> 00:50:42,900
安斯，早安

671
00:50:42,980 --> 00:50:43,940
派肯，早安

672
00:50:44,260 --> 00:50:45,180
睡的好吗？

673
00:50:45,260 --> 00:50:47,460
还好，不过被咬得乱七八糟

674
00:50:47,580 --> 00:50:49,500
一定是蚊帐上的洞

675
00:50:49,620 --> 00:50:51,900
对，真是讨厌野蛮的家伙？

676
00:50:53,060 --> 00:50:53,900
长官，抱歉

677
00:50:54,020 --> 00:50:54,820
洽得，什么事？

678
00:50:54,900 --> 00:50:57,340
昨晚伯金被咬的很厉害

679
00:50:57,460 --> 00:50:58,860
哈！我们也一样

680
00:50:59,060 --> 00:51:00,980
我想医生得去看看他

681
00:51:01,740 --> 00:51:03,020
好！那我去看看他吧！

682
00:51:03,140 --> 00:51:04,060
好的，长官

683
00:51:04,820 --> 00:51:06,980
我该去了
派肯，一起来吗？

684
00:51:07,100 --> 00:51:08,420
好吧！

685
00:51:11,460 --> 00:51:12,380
孩子，来呀

686
00:51:21,020 --> 00:51:22,700
伯金，早安

687
00:51:22,980 --> 00:51:23,700
长官，早

688
00:51:23,820 --> 00:51:25,900
有什么问题？

689
00:51:26,140 --> 00:51:28,180
长官，我昨晚被咬

690
00:51:30,060 --> 00:51:31,460
整条腿都不见了？

691
00:51:31,820 --> 00:51:32,660
是的

692
00:51:33,220 --> 00:51:34,140
你觉得怎样？

693
00:51:34,620 --> 00:51:35,580
有点刺痛

694
00:51:35,700 --> 00:51:37,460
那是正常的，不是吗？

695
00:51:38,340 --> 00:51:41,860
咬得真厉害

696
00:51:41,980 --> 00:51:43,940
杰作，是不是？

697
00:51:44,060 --> 00:51:45,260
你知道怎么发生的？

698
00:51:45,580 --> 00:51:47,740
不，一点线索也没有

699
00:51:47,940 --> 00:51:50,900
一觉醒来袜子就多出一只了

700
00:51:51,060 --> 00:51:52,660
你的蚊帐一定有很大的洞

701
00:51:52,740 --> 00:51:54,140
我们已经叫医生了

702
00:51:54,220 --> 00:51:55,340
没有这个必要吧？

703
00:51:55,420 --> 00:51:57,260
为了安全起见以免将来后悔

704
00:51:57,340 --> 00:51:58,580
是的，我的天，看看这个

705
00:51:58,700 --> 00:52:01,300
我的上帝，这么大

706
00:52:01,340 --> 00:52:02,860
你想它会回来吗？

707
00:52:03,820 --> 00:52:05,260
- 你指再回来吃人？
- 对！

708
00:52:05,340 --> 00:52:06,300
最好把洞缝好

709
00:52:06,460 --> 00:52:07,060
好

710
00:52:07,180 --> 00:52:08,060
哈罗，医生

711
00:52:08,140 --> 00:52:12,380
早，我尽快赶来，什么事？

712
00:52:12,500 --> 00:52:17,220
昨晚伯金的腿被咬掉

713
00:52:17,500 --> 00:52:20,420
唉！这就是战争

714
00:52:20,860 --> 00:52:21,660
不错

715
00:52:21,780 --> 00:52:23,620
会头痛吗？大便正常吗？

716
00:52:25,140 --> 00:52:28,100
让我们检查剩下来的这条腿

717
00:52:29,300 --> 00:52:31,660
好，好，好

718
00:52:34,420 --> 00:52:36,340
不用耽心

719
00:52:36,460 --> 00:52:37,180
喔，好的

720
00:52:37,340 --> 00:52:39,540
有很多可能性 可能是滤过性病毒

721
00:52:39,620 --> 00:52:42,460
保暖，多休息，如果踢足球的话

722
00:52:42,540 --> 00:52:44,420
尽量用另一条腿踢

723
00:52:44,540 --> 00:52:45,740
没问题了

724
00:52:45,860 --> 00:52:47,860
我的保证就像再过几天就要下雨一样准确

725
00:52:47,980 --> 00:52:49,740
医生，谢谢你的保证

726
00:52:49,820 --> 00:52:51,540
这是我的职责

727
00:52:51,620 --> 00:52:53,980
还有其他地方要我检查吗？

728
00:52:54,100 --> 00:52:55,220
没有，我很好

729
00:52:55,420 --> 00:52:57,020
太好了，我走了

730
00:52:57,700 --> 00:53:00,660
它，还会再长回来吧？

731
00:53:04,460 --> 00:53:06,900
我必须跟你澄清一件事

732
00:53:07,500 --> 00:53:10,820
这恐怕不是滤过性病毒

733
00:53:11,460 --> 00:53:14,860
医学上认为病毒是很小，很小

734
00:53:14,980 --> 00:53:18,100
小到没法吃光整条腿

735
00:53:18,500 --> 00:53:22,460
据推测，我们所寻找的…

736
00:53:22,580 --> 00:53:24,660
是一种多细胞的生命型式

737
00:53:24,780 --> 00:53:28,940
有斑纹、巨大、利牙，大约十一英尺长

738
00:53:29,020 --> 00:53:31,420
属于很恐怖的种类

739
00:53:31,540 --> 00:53:34,780
我们医生称之为老虎

740
00:53:35,380 --> 00:53:36,980
老虎？

741
00:53:37,140 --> 00:53:38,780
老虎？

742
00:53:42,780 --> 00:53:44,420
非洲老虎？

743
00:53:44,780 --> 00:53:46,540
非洲老虎！

744
00:53:48,540 --> 00:53:50,540
可能从动物园逃出来的

745
00:53:50,620 --> 00:53:52,340
听起来不大对劲

746
00:53:52,620 --> 00:53:54,260
长官！长官！

747
00:53:54,460 --> 00:53:56,900
祖鲁人在撤退

748
00:53:57,020 --> 00:53:58,100
喔，太好了

749
00:53:58,220 --> 00:53:59,780
长官，伤亡惨重

750
00:53:59,900 --> 00:54:03,340
C区全军覆没，没有信号，F区三十人死亡

751
00:54:03,860 --> 00:54:06,460
长官，一共一百五十人

752
00:54:06,580 --> 00:54:07,460
非常好

753
00:54:07,740 --> 00:54:10,980
战场上有许多重伤患者

754
00:54:11,100 --> 00:54:14,380
是的，不过中士我有一点小问题

755
00:54:16,540 --> 00:54:18,900
一个军官丧失一条腿

756
00:54:19,500 --> 00:54:20,420
喔，长官，不会吧

757
00:54:20,540 --> 00:54:21,500
没有错

758
00:54:21,780 --> 00:54:23,060
可能被老虎咬掉

759
00:54:23,620 --> 00:54:24,660
在非洲？

760
00:54:25,420 --> 00:54:28,820
医官说，如果马上找回来，或许还能缝上去

761
00:54:29,020 --> 00:54:31,020
好，长官，我去组织一个派对

762
00:54:31,100 --> 00:54:33,220
时候不对，现在是紧急状况

763
00:54:33,860 --> 00:54:34,820
组织一个搜索队

764
00:54:34,940 --> 00:54:37,140
嗯！好主意

765
00:54:42,020 --> 00:54:45,500
在你们回来前我们会把这里收拾好

766
00:54:46,140 --> 00:54:47,220
长官，我们给他们颜色看了，是不是？

767
00:54:47,300 --> 00:54:47,900
不错

768
00:54:48,020 --> 00:54:49,820
你来参加搜索队，别管他

769
00:54:50,020 --> 00:54:53,340
这种杀人、流血很好玩，是不是？

770
00:54:53,460 --> 00:54:54,340
是的，很好

771
00:54:54,460 --> 00:54:55,220
长官，早

772
00:54:55,340 --> 00:54:56,820
你伤的不轻

773
00:54:56,900 --> 00:54:57,940
谢谢你的关心

774
00:54:59,740 --> 00:55:01,740
来，士兵，来参加搜索队

775
00:55:03,660 --> 00:55:05,700
比留在家乡里好多了，对不对？

776
00:55:05,820 --> 00:55:07,860
我是说，在家乡杀了人会被捕

777
00:55:07,940 --> 00:55:10,300
而这里，他们给我们枪，还教我们怎么用

778
00:55:10,460 --> 00:55:14,980
我杀了十五个人，在家乡早就被吊死了

779
00:55:15,220 --> 00:55:17,340
而在这里，他们居然给我勋章

780
00:55:33,980 --> 00:55:34,900
长官，抱歉

781
00:55:35,700 --> 00:55:36,940
谢谢你

782
00:55:54,140 --> 00:55:54,980
看！

783
00:55:57,220 --> 00:55:59,300
我的天，好大

784
00:56:08,660 --> 00:56:11,220
别开枪，我们不是老虎

785
00:56:12,860 --> 00:56:14,580
我们只是，嗯…

786
00:56:15,500 --> 00:56:17,340
你们为什么要扮老虎？

787
00:56:19,700 --> 00:56:23,140
喔，为什么？为什么？为什么？
天气真好

788
00:56:23,260 --> 00:56:24,940
回答问题

789
00:56:25,020 --> 00:56:27,060
我们只是…

790
00:56:27,180 --> 00:56:30,460
事实上，我们穿成这样是因为…

791
00:56:31,140 --> 00:56:32,620
喔，不，不是

792
00:56:32,860 --> 00:56:36,140
我们想让大家高兴
欢乐的精神嘛

793
00:56:36,220 --> 00:56:37,540
没别的

794
00:56:38,660 --> 00:56:41,460
实际上，我们替英国情报局工作

795
00:56:41,860 --> 00:56:44,380
阿相地酋长拥护独裁政治

796
00:56:46,140 --> 00:56:48,260
不，我们这样是为了打广告

797
00:56:48,380 --> 00:56:50,580
不错，跟独裁无关

798
00:56:50,660 --> 00:56:53,260
我们在做老虎牌咖啡的广告

799
00:56:53,380 --> 00:56:57,140
老虎牌咖啡是真正的咖啡
连老虎都选它而不选肉

800
00:56:57,300 --> 00:56:58,100
你们听着

801
00:56:58,140 --> 00:56:58,740
好啦，好啦

802
00:56:59,620 --> 00:57:02,740
他的姑妈在一八三九年过逝
今天是五十周年纪念

803
00:57:02,820 --> 00:57:04,500
所以我们才穿的像老虎一样

804
00:57:04,620 --> 00:57:05,940
不，我们是为了打赌

805
00:57:06,020 --> 00:57:06,860
上帝叫我们这样做的

806
00:57:06,940 --> 00:57:09,420
实际上我们是疯子

807
00:57:09,900 --> 00:57:12,460
我们是梦加拉精神病院的病人

808
00:57:12,540 --> 00:57:16,380
用麦片粥的盒子做成虎皮逃出来

809
00:57:16,700 --> 00:57:18,180
没有关系

810
00:57:18,300 --> 00:57:18,900
什么？

811
00:57:19,140 --> 00:57:23,940
穿不穿虎皮根本没有关系
他们到底有没有我的腿

812
00:57:24,620 --> 00:57:26,620
好主意？你们有吗？

813
00:57:27,380 --> 00:57:27,940
实际上…

814
00:57:28,100 --> 00:57:28,900
怎么样？

815
00:57:29,220 --> 00:57:31,340
我们想参加剥皮术的训练

816
00:57:31,420 --> 00:57:33,180
所以想感觉一下动物的感受

817
00:57:33,300 --> 00:57:34,020
闭嘴！

818
00:57:34,300 --> 00:57:38,660
我们只问你，有没有拿他的腿

819
00:57:39,380 --> 00:57:40,300
木腿？

820
00:57:40,540 --> 00:57:41,860
不，正常的腿

821
00:57:41,980 --> 00:57:46,580
当他熟睡之中
不知道什么东西，把他的腿拿走

822
00:57:47,380 --> 00:57:48,660
他没有醒？

823
00:57:51,060 --> 00:57:51,700
不错

824
00:57:51,780 --> 00:57:53,060
我不信

825
00:57:53,380 --> 00:57:55,860
我们在开罗的店里找到这张虎皮

826
00:57:55,980 --> 00:57:57,620
老板要把它送到达艾撒拉…

827
00:57:57,780 --> 00:57:58,460
闭嘴！

828
00:57:58,660 --> 00:58:02,140
你们到底有没有他的腿？

829
00:58:02,500 --> 00:58:05,140
有，没有，没有，没有
没有，没有，没有，没有

830
00:58:07,660 --> 00:58:08,780
你为什么说有？

831
00:58:09,340 --> 00:58:10,100
我没有

832
00:58:10,180 --> 00:58:11,540
我不是说你

833
00:58:18,940 --> 00:58:20,380
好，搜索丛林

834
00:58:21,180 --> 00:58:22,420
别这样！

835
00:58:22,620 --> 00:58:25,300
我们不像会半夜爬进营地

836
00:58:25,380 --> 00:58:28,020
偷进帐蓬，把他麻醉，分析细胞

837
00:58:28,180 --> 00:58:30,100
切断腿然后带着它逃走的家伙？

838
00:58:30,860 --> 00:58:32,340
搜索丛林

839
00:58:32,540 --> 00:58:34,940
喔，腿，你们在找腿

840
00:58:35,060 --> 00:58:37,540
那里好像有一条

841
00:58:37,780 --> 00:58:40,620
一定是知道你们来，就把它丢在那里

842
00:58:40,900 --> 00:58:44,100
我们被它绊倒过
小偷可能已在几哩之外

843
00:58:44,220 --> 00:58:46,460
而我们却被误会

844
00:58:47,740 --> 00:58:51,980
哈罗，下午好，欢迎来到影片中段

845
00:58:52,540 --> 00:58:56,380
影片中段

846
00:58:58,420 --> 00:59:00,820
哈罗，欢迎来到影片中段

847
00:59:00,980 --> 00:59:03,420
在此我们休息一下，邀请你们观众

848
00:59:03,580 --> 00:59:07,300
和我们制片者一起“寻鱼”

849
00:59:08,220 --> 00:59:10,300
我们给你们看另一部影片的片段

850
00:59:10,500 --> 00:59:12,900
由你们猜鱼在那里

851
00:59:13,180 --> 00:59:15,860
如果你知道答案，别藏在心理

852
00:59:15,940 --> 00:59:18,100
大声的喊，让所有电影院都知道

853
00:59:18,220 --> 00:59:21,380
好，我们开始“寻鱼”

854
00:59:30,380 --> 00:59:33,940
奇怪那条鱼到哪去了？

855
00:59:34,340 --> 00:59:36,020
你很喜欢它

856
00:59:36,180 --> 00:59:38,940
你像照顾儿子一样照顾它

857
00:59:39,220 --> 00:59:43,300
你到哪它跟到那

858
00:59:43,420 --> 00:59:45,620
它是不是在小厨里？

859
00:59:46,900 --> 00:59:51,100
你想不想知道？
它是一条可爱的小鱼

860
00:59:51,260 --> 00:59:55,700
我走到哪它跟到哪

861
00:59:55,860 --> 00:59:57,460
它在沙发后面

862
00:59:57,540 --> 00:59:59,900
鱼到哪去了？

863
01:00:00,140 --> 01:00:02,660
会不会在抽屉里？

864
01:00:02,780 --> 01:00:05,460
它是条难以了解的鱼

865
01:00:05,580 --> 01:00:09,460
我到哪它跟到哪

866
01:00:09,980 --> 01:00:13,460
啊！鱼儿们，鱼儿们，鱼儿

867
01:00:13,660 --> 01:00:17,140
鱼儿，鱼儿，鱼儿，鱼儿们

868
01:00:23,100 --> 01:00:26,900
我到哪你们就跟到哪

869
01:00:26,980 --> 01:00:27,820
查一查他的行李箱

870
01:00:27,900 --> 01:00:29,620
不错，在他裤子里！

871
01:00:30,620 --> 01:00:31,540
太好了！

872
01:00:31,660 --> 01:00:32,660
很好！对不对！

873
01:00:32,740 --> 01:00:33,420
到此为止这是最好的部分

874
01:00:33,500 --> 01:00:36,020
太神妙了！真的很好！

875
01:00:36,140 --> 01:00:37,940
也很冒险

876
01:00:42,100 --> 01:00:45,420
他们并没有怎么提生命的真谛
对不对？

877
01:00:45,540 --> 01:00:47,140
不过正在慢慢加强

878
01:00:47,220 --> 01:00:47,860
是吗？

879
01:00:47,900 --> 01:00:50,300
不错，我认为他们现在就会进入主题

880
01:00:50,940 --> 01:00:55,060
我个人认为他们根本不会谈

881
01:00:55,140 --> 01:00:56,660
他们总得说些什么

882
01:00:56,780 --> 01:00:57,980
他们一定要的

883
01:00:58,100 --> 01:00:58,980
对

884
01:01:02,980 --> 01:01:04,860
你认为下一个主题会是什么？

885
01:01:04,940 --> 01:01:05,980
字幕，赶快

886
01:01:06,100 --> 01:01:06,900
生命的下个阶段

887
01:01:06,940 --> 01:01:10,580
<font color=red>生命的真谛</font>
第四部
中年

888
01:01:10,780 --> 01:01:11,860
早该猜到

889
01:01:18,020 --> 01:01:20,060
好多了，甜心，谢谢你

890
01:01:20,180 --> 01:01:21,260
不客气

891
01:01:23,140 --> 01:01:24,940
以前很模糊

892
01:01:25,660 --> 01:01:26,740
现在好了

893
01:01:26,900 --> 01:01:28,740
嗨！你们好！

894
01:01:29,020 --> 01:01:30,140
喔，我们很好

895
01:01:30,300 --> 01:01:32,500
晚上想吃点什么？

896
01:01:32,580 --> 01:01:34,580
我们很喜欢凤梨

897
01:01:34,660 --> 01:01:36,540
不错，我们喜欢凤梨

898
01:01:36,660 --> 01:01:39,220
只要有凤梨在里面，我们都喜欢

899
01:01:39,580 --> 01:01:42,020
那么地牢房好吗？

900
01:01:42,140 --> 01:01:43,540
喔，听起来不错

901
01:01:43,620 --> 01:01:45,500
当然，是真正的夏威夷食物

902
01:01:45,660 --> 01:01:49,580
在真正的英国地牢里享用

903
01:02:04,540 --> 01:02:05,580
挺不错

904
01:02:06,860 --> 01:02:07,740
你好吗？

905
01:02:09,220 --> 01:02:12,540
照张相，哦，谢谢，非常谢谢

906
01:02:25,940 --> 01:02:29,180
晚安，想谈些什么？

907
01:02:29,300 --> 01:02:30,820
喔，好主意

908
01:02:30,940 --> 01:02:33,180
今晚的特价是少数民族

909
01:02:33,300 --> 01:02:35,380
好像很有趣

910
01:02:35,540 --> 01:02:37,500
这个是什么主题？

911
01:02:37,620 --> 01:02:39,020
那是，足球

912
01:02:39,140 --> 01:02:41,300
你们可以谈论星期六熊队的比赛

913
01:02:41,420 --> 01:02:44,460
或者你们可以追忆世界冠军系列

914
01:02:44,580 --> 01:02:45,500
不，不，不要

915
01:02:45,660 --> 01:02:46,860
这是什么？

916
01:02:47,340 --> 01:02:49,140
是哲学

917
01:02:49,540 --> 01:02:50,460
是运动的一种吗？

918
01:02:51,140 --> 01:02:53,460
不，那是一种

919
01:02:53,540 --> 01:02:56,900
用合理的理论去解释生命的真谛

920
01:02:57,780 --> 01:02:58,700
他说的是什么意思？

921
01:03:00,180 --> 01:03:01,820
听起来很有趣

922
01:03:02,100 --> 01:03:04,540
亲爱的，你想谈生命的真谛吗？

923
01:03:05,380 --> 01:03:06,620
当然

924
01:03:06,820 --> 01:03:08,020
两份哲学

925
01:03:08,180 --> 01:03:08,980
好

926
01:03:09,100 --> 01:03:09,860
哪个房间

927
01:03:12,500 --> 01:03:15,700
但是，我们怎么…

928
01:03:15,900 --> 01:03:18,140
你们想要我先开始吗？

929
01:03:18,300 --> 01:03:19,380
这样比较好

930
01:03:19,540 --> 01:03:22,780
好，现在，这样吧！

931
01:03:22,900 --> 01:03:25,820
有没有想过你们为什么在这里？

932
01:03:27,500 --> 01:03:30,580
我们去年到迈阿密，前年到加洲

933
01:03:30,700 --> 01:03:34,140
不，不，不是，我是说
为什么来到这个星球

934
01:03:36,500 --> 01:03:37,940
嗯，没有

935
01:03:38,820 --> 01:03:42,620
好，你们想不想知道呢？

936
01:03:42,980 --> 01:03:43,820
不想

937
01:03:44,580 --> 01:03:48,860
好！这个…那么…因为有史以来

938
01:03:48,980 --> 01:03:51,980
就有一些人想要找出

939
01:03:52,100 --> 01:03:54,380
生存的真谛

940
01:03:54,700 --> 01:03:55,340
太棒了！

941
01:03:55,460 --> 01:03:57,580
我们称他们为哲学家

942
01:03:57,980 --> 01:03:59,540
也就是你的主题

943
01:03:59,620 --> 01:04:00,340
对的！

944
01:04:00,420 --> 01:04:01,620
好像还不错

945
01:04:01,740 --> 01:04:03,380
看来你们已经有点概念了

946
01:04:03,500 --> 01:04:06,020
那我就把会话卡给你们

947
01:04:06,140 --> 01:04:10,260
这里会告诉你一些哲学的规律
和有名哲学家的名字

948
01:04:10,460 --> 01:04:12,860
给你，好好谈

949
01:04:12,980 --> 01:04:14,860
非常谢谢你

950
01:04:14,940 --> 01:04:15,700
他很可爱

951
01:04:15,820 --> 01:04:18,180
而且善解人意

952
01:04:18,300 --> 01:04:22,100
喔！叔本华居然是哲学家

953
01:04:23,540 --> 01:04:27,140
不错，因为他的名字是S起头

954
01:04:29,820 --> 01:04:30,660
哦！

955
01:04:32,540 --> 01:04:35,100
嗯，像尼采

956
01:04:37,140 --> 01:04:38,580
尼采是S起头吗？

957
01:04:40,700 --> 01:04:43,300
哟，有S在里面

958
01:04:44,860 --> 01:04:47,180
喔，在这里

959
01:04:48,020 --> 01:04:49,980
所有的哲学家都有S在里面吗？

960
01:04:50,540 --> 01:04:52,820
多半都有

961
01:04:53,340 --> 01:04:57,420
这么说思玲娜琼斯也是哲学家

962
01:04:58,140 --> 01:05:00,540
对，可能是

963
01:05:00,900 --> 01:05:02,860
她唱生命的真谛那首歌

964
01:05:03,260 --> 01:05:04,860
呀！不错！

965
01:05:05,340 --> 01:05:07,580
可是歌不是她写的

966
01:05:07,820 --> 01:05:08,660
不是

967
01:05:09,180 --> 01:05:11,580
也许是叔本华写的

968
01:05:12,180 --> 01:05:14,500
不是，是伯特巴查写的

969
01:05:15,740 --> 01:05:17,300
没有S在他…

970
01:05:18,220 --> 01:05:19,540
或是哈瑞戴维斯的名字里

971
01:05:20,860 --> 01:05:22,140
谁是哈瑞戴维斯

972
01:05:22,620 --> 01:05:25,660
他作词，伯特写曲

973
01:05:25,820 --> 01:05:29,100
现在他娶了卡萝拜尔撒吉

974
01:05:32,340 --> 01:05:35,100
服务生，这个会话不好

975
01:05:35,220 --> 01:05:36,700
喔，先生，对不起

976
01:05:36,820 --> 01:05:39,980
今天有一个不在单子上面

977
01:05:40,060 --> 01:05:44,020
是本店特产，器官移植

978
01:05:45,020 --> 01:05:47,380
器官移植？那是什么？

979
01:05:49,180 --> 01:05:54,180
生命的真谛
第五部
器官移植

980
01:05:56,540 --> 01:05:58,660
亲爱的，你别管，我去开门

981
01:06:05,860 --> 01:06:06,500
有什么事吗？

982
01:06:06,580 --> 01:06:08,460
哈罗，我们需要你的肝

983
01:06:09,300 --> 01:06:10,100
什么？

984
01:06:10,220 --> 01:06:11,100
你的肝

985
01:06:12,060 --> 01:06:15,180
那是一个有腺的器官在你的下腹

986
01:06:16,860 --> 01:06:19,380
暗红色，有点…

987
01:06:19,500 --> 01:06:23,380
好啦，好啦，我知道那是什么
不过我现在正在使用它

988
01:06:25,620 --> 01:06:28,660
先生，别骗我们

989
01:06:30,020 --> 01:06:31,060
你看看！

990
01:06:33,180 --> 01:06:34,220
这是什么？

991
01:06:34,340 --> 01:06:35,540
捐肝卡

992
01:06:35,660 --> 01:06:37,420
- 还要我多说吗？
- 不用

993
01:06:37,500 --> 01:06:41,260
我现在不能给你
你看上面写着“死亡之后”

994
01:06:41,340 --> 01:06:42,340
我的天！

995
01:06:42,820 --> 01:06:46,100
在我们取肝后没人能活得了

996
01:06:46,180 --> 01:06:48,380
先生，躺下来，很快就好

997
01:07:02,500 --> 01:07:03,900
怎么回事？

998
01:07:04,220 --> 01:07:05,940
太太，他正在捐肝

999
01:07:07,260 --> 01:07:09,940
是不是因为他填了一张可笑的卡

1000
01:07:10,060 --> 01:07:11,140
太太，不错

1001
01:07:11,900 --> 01:07:12,940
典型的他

1002
01:07:13,340 --> 01:07:15,100
每次到图书馆

1003
01:07:15,220 --> 01:07:18,940
基于好意，他见卡就填

1004
01:07:19,900 --> 01:07:23,300
例如，捐血，给人当实验品等等

1005
01:07:27,420 --> 01:07:29,820
你们拿它做什么用？

1006
01:07:29,940 --> 01:07:31,860
太太，全用在救命上

1007
01:07:32,300 --> 01:07:33,540
他也这么说

1008
01:07:33,660 --> 01:07:36,100
他曾经说过
“这是为了国家的利益”

1009
01:07:37,500 --> 01:07:39,900
你真认为是为了国家的利益吗？

1010
01:07:41,100 --> 01:07:43,220
你真认为是为了国家的利益吗？

1011
01:07:43,300 --> 01:07:46,100
太太，我们不知道
这只是我们的工作罢了

1012
01:07:48,700 --> 01:07:50,780
那你不是医生吗？

1013
01:07:51,860 --> 01:07:53,140
唉呀！才不是

1014
01:07:54,660 --> 01:07:58,020
妈妈，爸爸，我出去了，七点回来

1015
01:07:58,300 --> 01:07:59,340
好

1016
01:07:59,580 --> 01:08:00,820
自己小心

1017
01:08:05,820 --> 01:08:08,980
你要喝茶吗？

1018
01:08:09,660 --> 01:08:12,340
谢谢，如果不麻烦的话

1019
01:08:12,660 --> 01:08:13,940
太太，非常谢谢你

1020
01:08:16,900 --> 01:08:18,140
我以为她不会问呢！

1021
01:08:18,260 --> 01:08:19,100
对呀

1022
01:08:22,620 --> 01:08:24,540
你知道

1023
01:08:24,660 --> 01:08:27,900
根据卡上的条件

1024
01:08:28,220 --> 01:08:31,980
必须在死后才能捐肝

1025
01:08:32,140 --> 01:08:35,700
我告诉过他，这个傻瓜就是不听

1026
01:08:35,780 --> 01:08:37,620
我在想，嗯…

1027
01:08:38,660 --> 01:08:41,020
将来你想做什么？

1028
01:08:41,140 --> 01:08:43,980
你会自己一个人吗？

1029
01:08:44,540 --> 01:08:48,620
或者在这地平线上

1030
01:08:50,500 --> 01:08:51,740
还有一个你心怡的人

1031
01:08:52,100 --> 01:08:55,180
不行了，我已不再年轻

1032
01:08:55,260 --> 01:08:58,540
不会，你很吸引人

1033
01:08:59,180 --> 01:09:02,500
我绝不想再被牵绊住

1034
01:09:04,060 --> 01:09:04,780
真的？

1035
01:09:05,100 --> 01:09:05,940
真的

1036
01:09:13,860 --> 01:09:15,180
那能不能给我你的肝？

1037
01:09:15,700 --> 01:09:17,300
不，我会害怕

1038
01:09:17,620 --> 01:09:21,300
那让我来告诉你为什么

1039
01:09:22,460 --> 01:09:24,180
你听着

1040
01:09:25,300 --> 01:09:27,700
布朗太太，当不如意时

1041
01:09:28,100 --> 01:09:30,780
所有的事都又难又棘手

1042
01:09:31,460 --> 01:09:35,500
而人们又笨又无聊

1043
01:09:36,420 --> 01:09:38,660
你觉得…

1044
01:09:38,780 --> 01:09:41,940
已经受够了

1045
01:09:44,820 --> 01:09:48,340
但别忘了，你身处在

1046
01:09:48,460 --> 01:09:50,420
一个正在进化的星球之上

1047
01:09:50,540 --> 01:09:53,340
每小时运转九百英哩

1048
01:09:54,300 --> 01:09:58,100
因此每秒以十九英哩的速度在进行

1049
01:09:58,260 --> 01:10:01,060
太阳是所有动力的来源

1050
01:10:02,100 --> 01:10:05,460
而太阳和所有你我看得见的行星

1051
01:10:05,780 --> 01:10:08,620
每天都要移动一百万英哩

1052
01:10:09,540 --> 01:10:13,220
如果在外太空以螺旋方式进行
则每小时是四十万英哩

1053
01:10:13,420 --> 01:10:16,260
银河系之外，我们称之银河

1054
01:10:24,860 --> 01:10:28,380
我们的银河系包含了百兆亿的星球

1055
01:10:28,620 --> 01:10:31,580
它们之间的距离是十万光年

1056
01:10:32,500 --> 01:10:35,700
在中间的膨胀处还要再加上一万六千光年

1057
01:10:35,820 --> 01:10:39,140
但是距离我们只要加上三千光年

1058
01:10:40,060 --> 01:10:43,500
所以我们离银河系的中央点是三万光年

1059
01:10:43,660 --> 01:10:46,780
每一年我们移动两亿英哩

1060
01:10:47,500 --> 01:10:50,900
而我们的银河系只不过是其中的两百亿之一

1061
01:10:51,060 --> 01:10:54,300
这是个奇妙且浩瀚的宇宙

1062
01:11:25,780 --> 01:11:29,580
而宇宙本身仍继续不断

1063
01:11:29,700 --> 01:11:32,780
向不同方向扩张开来

1064
01:11:33,460 --> 01:11:36,820
而且是以光速在进行

1065
01:11:37,300 --> 01:11:40,620
每分钟一千两百万英哩是最快的速度

1066
01:11:40,740 --> 01:11:44,620
所以当你感到渺小和无助时

1067
01:11:44,860 --> 01:11:47,700
记住你的诞生实在没有价值

1068
01:11:48,700 --> 01:11:52,100
并且祷告在太空的某处有高智慧的生物存在

1069
01:11:52,220 --> 01:11:55,260
因为地球上只有笨蛋

1070
01:12:00,220 --> 01:12:02,900
让你觉得很卑微，是不是？

1071
01:12:03,020 --> 01:12:04,660
是的，是的

1072
01:12:07,100 --> 01:12:08,300
那能不能把你的肝给我？

1073
01:12:09,740 --> 01:12:11,340
好吧！你说服我了

1074
01:12:11,420 --> 01:12:12,060
艾克！

1075
01:12:12,180 --> 01:12:15,420
捐肝公司

1076
01:12:18,620 --> 01:12:20,540
最大的美国公司

1077
01:12:20,700 --> 01:12:24,180
再次让我们思考

1078
01:12:24,300 --> 01:12:27,140
到底还有什么我们能够拥有

1079
01:12:28,020 --> 01:12:30,180
议程第六项

1080
01:12:30,500 --> 01:12:32,740
生命的真谛

1081
01:12:34,660 --> 01:12:37,220
海瑞，你有什么看法？

1082
01:12:37,860 --> 01:12:41,220
过去几个礼拜我有一组人专门研究这个问题

1083
01:12:41,460 --> 01:12:45,180
结果可以缩小为两个基本概念

1084
01:12:45,660 --> 01:12:48,140
第一：人们帽子戴的不够

1085
01:12:49,020 --> 01:12:51,380
第二：能源问题

1086
01:12:51,740 --> 01:12:55,980
在宇宙中有许多能源我们感觉不到

1087
01:12:56,940 --> 01:13:01,220
有些能源来自心灵
根据人类的灵魂所产生

1088
01:13:02,020 --> 01:13:05,460
但是，这种灵魂

1089
01:13:05,540 --> 01:13:08,020
根据正统基督教义并不存在

1090
01:13:08,460 --> 01:13:10,300
要经过自我观察的程序

1091
01:13:10,540 --> 01:13:13,580
才会渐渐成形

1092
01:13:14,500 --> 01:13:17,740
总之，人类为每天的琐事而分心

1093
01:13:17,980 --> 01:13:21,820
几乎无法达到这个境界

1094
01:13:25,980 --> 01:13:27,860
再谈一下帽子的事？

1095
01:13:29,500 --> 01:13:31,620
喔，人们仍然戴的不够

1096
01:13:31,820 --> 01:13:32,780
真的吗？

1097
01:13:33,020 --> 01:13:36,620
当然，帽子销售是有增加
但仍然不够，根据研究…

1098
01:13:36,700 --> 01:13:38,900
当你说“足够” 它的目的是什么？

1099
01:13:39,100 --> 01:13:41,700
我能不能问你有关第二点…

1100
01:13:41,980 --> 01:13:46,220
当你说到因为人类会分心
所以无法达到心灵的发展

1101
01:13:48,380 --> 01:13:50,580
有没有人注意到
那栋楼本来就在那里吗？

1102
01:13:52,900 --> 01:13:53,700
什么？

1103
01:13:54,260 --> 01:13:55,500
我的天！

1104
01:14:14,980 --> 01:14:15,860
我的天！

1105
01:14:16,780 --> 01:14:19,260
永保公司血泪史

1106
01:14:22,260 --> 01:14:24,020
插播！我们对配角的…

1107
01:14:24,140 --> 01:14:26,700
不当攻击致歉

1108
01:14:26,940 --> 01:14:29,140
好在我们有所准备

1109
01:14:29,220 --> 01:14:31,220
现在马上矫正

1110
01:14:33,180 --> 01:14:34,020
谢谢

1111
01:14:34,300 --> 01:14:40,060
<font color=red>生命的真谛</font>
第六部
初老期

1112
01:14:40,220 --> 01:14:41,300
先生，女士们，晚安

1113
01:14:41,420 --> 01:14:43,660
这是我在加勒比海所写的

1114
01:14:44,500 --> 01:14:46,580
有阳具真好

1115
01:14:47,420 --> 01:14:49,620
有小弟弟真不错

1116
01:14:50,300 --> 01:14:53,100
兴奋时它会挺起
能有它是神的旨意

1117
01:14:53,180 --> 01:14:56,380
不管是小是大

1118
01:14:56,860 --> 01:14:59,540
让我们为它欢呼三声

1119
01:15:00,220 --> 01:15:02,540
小弟弟万岁

1120
01:15:03,140 --> 01:15:06,500
它是你的宝贝
也是你太太最好的朋友

1121
01:15:06,780 --> 01:15:09,780
你可以把它包装起来
也可以放在袜套里

1122
01:15:10,140 --> 01:15:13,020
但是千万不要在公共场所拿出来
否则法庭见面

1123
01:15:13,140 --> 01:15:15,420
而且永远不会回来

1124
01:15:15,580 --> 01:15:16,660
非常谢谢你们

1125
01:15:19,020 --> 01:15:20,940
这是一首富于机智的歌

1126
01:15:21,300 --> 01:15:22,420
充满智慧

1127
01:15:25,500 --> 01:15:26,260
非常好

1128
01:15:26,340 --> 01:15:27,540
太棒了

1129
01:15:34,860 --> 01:15:36,780
啊！糟糕，是克索先生

1130
01:15:55,140 --> 01:15:57,900
下午好，今天如何？

1131
01:15:57,980 --> 01:15:59,060
最好 最好？

1132
01:15:59,140 --> 01:16:01,620
最好拿个桶子来，我快吐了

1133
01:16:01,700 --> 01:16:04,220
阿盖？拿个桶子给先生用

1134
01:16:08,220 --> 01:16:09,460
先生，在这里

1135
01:16:24,780 --> 01:16:25,620
阿盖，谢谢你

1136
01:16:25,740 --> 01:16:26,900
我还没吐完

1137
01:16:27,020 --> 01:16:28,500
对不起！阿盖？

1138
01:16:28,700 --> 01:16:30,420
真对不起您！

1139
01:16:30,460 --> 01:16:34,940
今天下午我们有您最喜欢的煮野兔

1140
01:16:35,060 --> 01:16:37,100
野兔很大

1141
01:16:37,260 --> 01:16:39,740
调味料也很浓

1142
01:16:39,860 --> 01:16:44,300
其中有松露、醍鱼、熏肉和奶油

1143
01:16:44,380 --> 01:16:45,340
阿盖，谢谢你

1144
01:16:45,660 --> 01:16:47,020
还没完

1145
01:16:47,740 --> 01:16:48,700
让我来

1146
01:16:50,700 --> 01:16:52,260
再拿一个新桶子来

1147
01:16:56,260 --> 01:16:57,460
还有叫清洁工

1148
01:17:00,700 --> 01:17:03,300
趁她在整理，要不要来点开胃菜

1149
01:17:03,420 --> 01:17:05,620
还是直接点主菜

1150
01:17:06,940 --> 01:17:10,740
今天的开胃菜有…抱歉…

1151
01:17:12,620 --> 01:17:16,060
鱼冻、鹅肝酱、鲟鱼卵

1152
01:17:16,220 --> 01:17:19,620
圣班尼迪克的蛋、韭菜饼

1153
01:17:19,740 --> 01:17:23,380
和青蛙腿等等

1154
01:17:23,500 --> 01:17:27,380
更棒的是
以洋菇做底上面放鹌鹑蛋这道菜

1155
01:17:27,540 --> 01:17:29,700
非常精美且多汁

1156
01:17:29,820 --> 01:17:30,900
我全部都要

1157
01:17:32,180 --> 01:17:35,980
真是聪明的选择
你要我们怎么上菜呢？

1158
01:17:36,100 --> 01:17:38,460
全部混起来，放在桶子里好吗？

1159
01:17:38,580 --> 01:17:40,340
把蛋放在最上面

1160
01:17:40,420 --> 01:17:42,220
当然

1161
01:17:42,300 --> 01:17:43,980
多给点鹅肝酱

1162
01:17:44,060 --> 01:17:47,620
我向你保证，虽然全部混在一起

1163
01:17:47,740 --> 01:17:49,940
份量上只多不少

1164
01:17:50,020 --> 01:17:53,860
这样吧！我亲自保证，给您双份

1165
01:17:54,300 --> 01:17:56,980
您要不要喝点酒？

1166
01:17:57,100 --> 01:18:00,540
要，给我六瓶四五年的白兰地

1167
01:18:00,700 --> 01:18:01,380
一九四五年

1168
01:18:01,500 --> 01:18:03,660
和双份香槟

1169
01:18:03,740 --> 01:18:05,900
好，还要麦酒吗？

1170
01:18:05,980 --> 01:18:10,100
好，等等，还是不要了
我最多只能装下六瓶

1171
01:18:10,740 --> 01:18:13,780
希望昨天您没喝太多

1172
01:18:14,420 --> 01:18:15,460
闭嘴！

1173
01:18:15,580 --> 01:18:19,420
啊！拿新桶子和叫清洁工来了

1174
01:18:26,380 --> 01:18:27,860
菜有问题吗？

1175
01:18:28,140 --> 01:18:29,940
不，味道非常好

1176
01:18:30,020 --> 01:18:31,900
您对我们的服务不满意吗？

1177
01:18:32,020 --> 01:18:33,140
不，服务很好

1178
01:18:33,260 --> 01:18:36,820
可是我们得走了
我的月经很不舒服

1179
01:18:37,980 --> 01:18:40,260
我们还得赶火车

1180
01:18:41,020 --> 01:18:44,100
喔，对，我们还要赶火车

1181
01:18:44,220 --> 01:18:46,740
我不愿让经血流的到处都是

1182
01:18:47,820 --> 01:18:48,620
女士？

1183
01:18:48,740 --> 01:18:50,180
我们该走了吧？

1184
01:18:51,660 --> 01:18:54,980
啊，很好，非常谢谢您！

1185
01:18:55,260 --> 01:18:59,220
很高兴见到您们，希望您们能再次光临

1186
01:18:59,380 --> 01:19:00,580
先生，再见

1187
01:19:01,900 --> 01:19:04,740
喔，该死，我踩到那个桶子了

1188
01:19:08,740 --> 01:19:10,540
再拿个桶来

1189
01:19:12,780 --> 01:19:14,980
如果可能把水管也拿来

1190
01:19:18,140 --> 01:19:20,780
喔，麦克斯，你怎么这样！

1191
01:19:35,500 --> 01:19:38,580
最后，来一颗薄荷糖好吗？

1192
01:19:38,660 --> 01:19:39,540
不要！

1193
01:19:39,620 --> 01:19:42,660
只有薄薄一片

1194
01:19:42,820 --> 01:19:44,500
不，滚开，我饱了

1195
01:19:44,620 --> 01:19:46,420
您看！嗯！

1196
01:19:47,980 --> 01:19:49,780
这么薄

1197
01:19:50,100 --> 01:19:54,580
我胀死了，塞不下任何东西

1198
01:19:54,660 --> 01:19:55,500
走开

1199
01:19:55,580 --> 01:19:58,900
哦！来，只有一个

1200
01:20:01,740 --> 01:20:03,540
好吧！只能再吃一个

1201
01:20:03,660 --> 01:20:05,580
就这么一个

1202
01:20:06,780 --> 01:20:07,740
太好了

1203
01:20:12,700 --> 01:20:14,100
好胃口！

1204
01:20:55,260 --> 01:20:57,460
谢谢您！这是帐单

1205
01:21:10,420 --> 01:21:16,460
<font color=red>生命的真谛</font>
第六部B
生命的真谛

1206
01:21:29,420 --> 01:21:33,060
玛丽亚，我常在想

1207
01:21:33,900 --> 01:21:36,500
在这种地方做事

1208
01:21:36,740 --> 01:21:38,900
根本无法发现生命的真谛

1209
01:21:39,180 --> 01:21:42,940
我曾在更糟的地方做过事

1210
01:21:43,060 --> 01:21:44,020
真的吗？

1211
01:21:44,300 --> 01:21:45,140
真的

1212
01:21:46,140 --> 01:21:48,860
我曾在研究院做过事

1213
01:21:49,060 --> 01:21:51,020
一点帮助也没有

1214
01:21:51,740 --> 01:21:56,420
我曾经在穆德里拜都图书馆做过事

1215
01:21:56,740 --> 01:21:59,660
记忆中也没教过我任何东西

1216
01:22:00,220 --> 01:22:04,700
还有众议院的图书馆
总该有点帮助吧！

1217
01:22:05,060 --> 01:22:09,020
没有！巴多图书馆也一样

1218
01:22:09,500 --> 01:22:13,460
我希望能在英国博物馆找到线索

1219
01:22:14,020 --> 01:22:18,420
从九点做到六点，读遍所有书籍

1220
01:22:18,820 --> 01:22:23,220
也没有告诉我生命的奇迹

1221
01:22:23,580 --> 01:22:27,540
我越来越老，越来越看不清楚

1222
01:22:27,940 --> 01:22:32,220
直到有一天，视觉消失而关节炎更厉害

1223
01:22:32,540 --> 01:22:35,500
只好在这里做清洁工

1224
01:22:36,660 --> 01:22:38,460
我并不觉得悲哀

1225
01:22:39,060 --> 01:22:42,540
因为我发觉生命就是一场游戏

1226
01:22:42,700 --> 01:22:45,300
有时赢，有时输

1227
01:22:45,780 --> 01:22:48,300
也许现在我在走下坡

1228
01:22:48,660 --> 01:22:51,020
至少我没替犹太人做事

1229
01:22:55,740 --> 01:22:57,420
我很抱歉

1230
01:22:57,820 --> 01:23:01,580
我不知道我们有种族歧视的工人

1231
01:23:01,660 --> 01:23:04,500
我诚心诚意地道歉

1232
01:23:04,580 --> 01:23:05,820
我指…

1233
01:23:07,180 --> 01:23:09,340
你到哪去？不，我可以解释

1234
01:23:14,300 --> 01:23:15,900
哼！关于我…

1235
01:23:16,500 --> 01:23:18,100
如果想知道我在想什么

1236
01:23:19,100 --> 01:23:20,380
让我带你去看点东西

1237
01:23:22,140 --> 01:23:23,100
跟我来

1238
01:23:23,620 --> 01:23:25,460
我是说那个…

1239
01:23:26,140 --> 01:23:26,860
喂，哈罗？

1240
01:23:26,940 --> 01:23:27,740
来呀

1241
01:23:28,900 --> 01:23:30,020
喂，哈罗？

1242
01:23:32,220 --> 01:23:33,260
哈罗！

1243
01:23:33,900 --> 01:23:34,780
这边走

1244
01:23:39,580 --> 01:23:41,020
来呀！别害羞

1245
01:23:42,460 --> 01:23:43,900
小心楼梯哟

1246
01:23:48,540 --> 01:23:50,460
这样会帮助我解释

1247
01:23:57,820 --> 01:23:59,300
跟我来，跟我来

1248
01:24:02,700 --> 01:24:03,660
在这里

1249
01:24:14,620 --> 01:24:15,820
来，来呀！

1250
01:24:20,980 --> 01:24:21,820
这边走

1251
01:24:25,980 --> 01:24:26,740
来

1252
01:24:31,020 --> 01:24:31,860
这边

1253
01:24:34,180 --> 01:24:35,380
跟着我呀

1254
01:24:38,740 --> 01:24:39,940
快到了

1255
01:24:49,980 --> 01:24:51,020
你看那边

1256
01:24:53,980 --> 01:24:56,140
那是我出生的地方

1257
01:24:57,900 --> 01:25:00,540
你知道，有一天

1258
01:25:01,300 --> 01:25:04,340
我妈妈把我放在腿上，对我说

1259
01:25:05,380 --> 01:25:06,700
阿盖，我的孩子

1260
01:25:07,700 --> 01:25:10,860
世界是个美丽的地方

1261
01:25:11,700 --> 01:25:15,340
你必须要溶入并且去爱每个人

1262
01:25:16,860 --> 01:25:19,380
试着让大家都高兴

1263
01:25:20,020 --> 01:25:24,180
使你所到之处充满安宁和满足

1264
01:25:25,700 --> 01:25:27,540
这就是我成为服务生的原因

1265
01:25:36,140 --> 01:25:39,740
我知道，这跟哲学没什么关系

1266
01:25:41,580 --> 01:25:44,340
那滚你的蛋

1267
01:25:44,500 --> 01:25:46,900
我可以用自己喜欢的方式生活

1268
01:25:48,380 --> 01:25:49,260
你滚蛋

1269
01:25:51,740 --> 01:25:53,220
别再跟我

1270
01:26:00,820 --> 01:26:05,460
<font color=red>生命的真谛</font>
第七部
死亡

1271
01:26:29,020 --> 01:26:30,900
这个人就快死了

1272
01:26:31,460 --> 01:26:33,580
他马上就要被处死

1273
01:26:34,220 --> 01:26:36,700
因为亚瑟杰瑞犯了罪

1274
01:26:36,820 --> 01:26:40,500
不过他可以选择死亡的方法

1275
01:26:44,260 --> 01:26:45,220
他在这儿！

1276
01:26:59,860 --> 01:27:04,420
亚瑟 查理 郝伯 旺西 麦克亚当 杰瑞

1277
01:27:05,380 --> 01:27:08,940
你被十二个人定罪

1278
01:27:09,260 --> 01:27:13,940
因为在电影内开善意的黄色笑话

1279
01:27:14,180 --> 01:27:15,700
被定一级犯罪

1280
01:27:51,700 --> 01:27:54,860
尘归尘，土归土

1281
01:27:58,620 --> 01:28:01,900
没有用，我不想活了

1282
01:28:02,500 --> 01:28:03,900
我对任何人都没有好处

1283
01:28:04,780 --> 01:28:06,660
我要把一切结束掉

1284
01:28:07,740 --> 01:28:09,980
再见！再见！

1285
01:28:18,460 --> 01:28:19,620
喔！我的天！

1286
01:28:20,380 --> 01:28:22,460
喔，不！我…

1287
01:28:23,020 --> 01:28:26,580
我怎么办？没有他我不能活！

1288
01:28:32,060 --> 01:28:32,940
妈咪！

1289
01:28:33,060 --> 01:28:34,180
妈妈，你在哪儿？

1290
01:28:34,300 --> 01:28:36,980
爹地？妈咪？

1291
01:29:42,300 --> 01:29:43,060
有什么事吗？

1292
01:29:45,340 --> 01:29:46,580
是因为篱笆的事吗？

1293
01:29:49,540 --> 01:29:50,380
非常抱歉，但是…

1294
01:29:50,460 --> 01:29:53,140
我是恐怖收割者

1295
01:29:53,260 --> 01:29:53,940
谁？

1296
01:29:54,020 --> 01:29:55,820
恐怖收割者

1297
01:29:55,900 --> 01:29:56,620
哦！我明白

1298
01:29:57,060 --> 01:29:59,180
我是死神

1299
01:30:00,540 --> 01:30:03,220
是这样子的
我们有些美国朋友一起晚餐

1300
01:30:03,340 --> 01:30:04,380
亲爱的，是谁？

1301
01:30:04,500 --> 01:30:07,140
是死神先生之类的人
为了收割的事而来

1302
01:30:07,260 --> 01:30:08,860
我们现在不需要

1303
01:30:09,020 --> 01:30:12,140
哈罗！亲爱的，别让他在外面
请他进来

1304
01:30:12,260 --> 01:30:13,620
我认为不合适

1305
01:30:13,740 --> 01:30:15,700
请进，来，来喝杯酒

1306
01:30:15,860 --> 01:30:17,540
请进来

1307
01:30:20,820 --> 01:30:23,220
是当地的村民

1308
01:30:23,740 --> 01:30:25,540
来，请进来

1309
01:30:26,540 --> 01:30:29,380
这是从费城来的凯哈维

1310
01:30:29,980 --> 01:30:31,100
和他的太太，黛比

1311
01:30:31,220 --> 01:30:32,340
你好

1312
01:30:32,740 --> 01:30:35,860
还有这是来自波特兰敏西的杰米和芬娜

1313
01:30:35,940 --> 01:30:36,820
晚安

1314
01:30:37,300 --> 01:30:38,940
这是死神先生

1315
01:30:45,660 --> 01:30:47,900
亲爱的，给死神先生一杯酒

1316
01:30:49,500 --> 01:30:51,620
死神先生是个收割者

1317
01:30:51,740 --> 01:30:54,860
恐怖收割者

1318
01:30:55,100 --> 01:30:56,820
这种气候居然还能收割

1319
01:30:59,860 --> 01:31:02,060
死神先生，你仍在附近收割吗？

1320
01:31:02,140 --> 01:31:06,820
我是恐怖收割者

1321
01:31:07,100 --> 01:31:10,140
他只会说这些
死神先生，你的酒

1322
01:31:10,340 --> 01:31:11,260
请坐

1323
01:31:11,620 --> 01:31:14,540
我们正在讨论那些可怕的问题
发生在第三…

1324
01:31:19,340 --> 01:31:23,020
你比较喜欢白酒吗？
我们没有啤酒

1325
01:31:23,100 --> 01:31:24,580
斯提耳顿干酪非常好

1326
01:31:25,540 --> 01:31:27,940
我不是…

1327
01:31:28,700 --> 01:31:31,220
这个世界上的人

1328
01:31:33,580 --> 01:31:34,740
啊！上帝

1329
01:31:35,260 --> 01:31:38,260
我是死神

1330
01:31:42,140 --> 01:31:45,580
五分钟前，我们还在讨论死亡

1331
01:31:45,700 --> 01:31:49,420
对，我们在探讨死亡是不是最后的终点站

1332
01:31:49,500 --> 01:31:52,620
对于一般人最不愿提及的“灵魂”或“神灵”

1333
01:31:52,700 --> 01:31:55,260
我先生哈维认为它们是存在的

1334
01:31:55,380 --> 01:31:56,620
还有更好的表达方法吗？

1335
01:31:56,700 --> 01:31:57,500
不错

1336
01:31:57,620 --> 01:32:01,780
你不了解

1337
01:32:02,700 --> 01:32:04,940
我是不懂嘛

1338
01:32:05,140 --> 01:32:06,540
死神先生，让我告诉你

1339
01:32:06,660 --> 01:32:07,980
你不能…

1340
01:32:08,060 --> 01:32:12,340
我代表在坐每个人向这不可思议的经验致敬

1341
01:32:12,460 --> 01:32:13,100
听着，听着

1342
01:32:13,180 --> 01:32:15,500
很高兴你来拜访我们

1343
01:32:16,180 --> 01:32:17,460
让我说完好吗？

1344
01:32:17,580 --> 01:32:18,540
死神先生

1345
01:32:19,420 --> 01:32:21,460
有来世吗？

1346
01:32:22,140 --> 01:32:23,540
亲爱的，你能不能等一下，请…

1347
01:32:23,660 --> 01:32:25,300
你真不要雪利酒？

1348
01:32:25,420 --> 01:32:27,540
安吉拉，拜托让我说

1349
01:32:27,620 --> 01:32:28,580
住嘴！

1350
01:32:28,700 --> 01:32:29,940
拜托让我说，好吗？

1351
01:32:30,020 --> 01:32:31,020
安静！

1352
01:32:31,540 --> 01:32:34,620
我要你们

1353
01:32:36,700 --> 01:32:38,220
你的意思是…

1354
01:32:38,340 --> 01:32:41,740
把你们带走

1355
01:32:42,660 --> 01:32:45,900
这是我的目的

1356
01:32:47,300 --> 01:32:50,660
我是死神

1357
01:32:52,780 --> 01:32:55,500
你使我们的夜晚变得很不愉快
对不对？

1358
01:32:55,860 --> 01:32:58,860
乔夫，我不同意，我认为

1359
01:32:58,980 --> 01:33:01,700
这是一个非常正面的学习经验

1360
01:33:01,820 --> 01:33:04,700
闭嘴！闭嘴！你这个美国人

1361
01:33:04,820 --> 01:33:07,540
你们这些美国人永远说个不停

1362
01:33:07,860 --> 01:33:10,820
你讲呀！讲呀！然后就说…

1363
01:33:10,940 --> 01:33:15,540
“让我告诉你”还有“我只想说这个”

1364
01:33:15,700 --> 01:33:19,220
现在你死了，所以闭嘴

1365
01:33:19,620 --> 01:33:20,420
死了？

1366
01:33:21,060 --> 01:33:22,100
死了

1367
01:33:23,620 --> 01:33:24,580
我们大家？

1368
01:33:24,980 --> 01:33:27,020
你们大家

1369
01:33:29,180 --> 01:33:32,660
你听着，你不请自来，摔破酒杯

1370
01:33:32,740 --> 01:33:35,140
然后漫不经心的宣布我们的死亡

1371
01:33:35,260 --> 01:33:37,620
让我提醒你，你是我们的客人

1372
01:33:38,580 --> 01:33:39,700
住嘴！

1373
01:33:40,020 --> 01:33:43,860
英国佬！你们是那么该死的自大

1374
01:33:44,260 --> 01:33:46,780
你们根本没有种

1375
01:33:48,100 --> 01:33:49,580
我能问你一个问题吗？

1376
01:33:49,660 --> 01:33:50,700
什么？

1377
01:33:51,420 --> 01:33:54,460
为什么我们死在同一个时间？

1378
01:34:06,580 --> 01:34:09,140
鲑鱼冻

1379
01:34:10,220 --> 01:34:12,700
亲爱的，你不是用罐头鲑鱼吧？

1380
01:34:13,340 --> 01:34:16,460
这真是最大的侮辱

1381
01:34:16,820 --> 01:34:20,500
现在时间到了

1382
01:34:21,580 --> 01:34:22,980
来

1383
01:34:24,580 --> 01:34:25,620
跟着我

1384
01:34:39,580 --> 01:34:41,300
只是试验

1385
01:34:41,660 --> 01:34:42,540
抱歉

1386
01:34:43,660 --> 01:34:45,460
跟着我

1387
01:34:46,100 --> 01:34:47,380
现在

1388
01:34:53,500 --> 01:34:54,540
来

1389
01:34:58,420 --> 01:35:00,980
鱼贩答应给我弄点新鲜鲑鱼

1390
01:35:01,140 --> 01:35:03,020
他很可靠

1391
01:35:03,220 --> 01:35:04,580
我们能不能带酒？

1392
01:35:04,900 --> 01:35:05,780
好主意

1393
01:35:09,500 --> 01:35:11,940
嗨！我还来不及吃鱼冻

1394
01:35:17,180 --> 01:35:20,580
亲爱的，说实话，我很没面子
太丢脸了

1395
01:35:20,700 --> 01:35:24,820
在晚宴上使用罐头鲑鱼是社交界的致命伤

1396
01:35:26,940 --> 01:35:28,700
能开车吗？

1397
01:35:28,860 --> 01:35:29,940
为什么不能？

1398
01:35:30,180 --> 01:35:31,100
好主意

1399
01:35:31,340 --> 01:35:32,300
对，为什么不能？

1400
01:36:06,420 --> 01:36:09,700
这就是天堂

1401
01:36:11,940 --> 01:36:13,620
亲爱的，我喜欢这里

1402
01:36:13,700 --> 01:36:15,580
马文，我也一样

1403
01:36:16,020 --> 01:36:18,180
哈罗，欢迎来到天堂

1404
01:36:27,540 --> 01:36:29,380
麻烦你先生，请在这里签字

1405
01:36:29,500 --> 01:36:30,180
好的

1406
01:36:31,140 --> 01:36:31,860
谢谢你

1407
01:36:31,940 --> 01:36:34,100
从这边过去，是餐厅
有桌子留给你们

1408
01:36:35,020 --> 01:36:35,980
给女士的

1409
01:36:36,700 --> 01:36:38,100
来世薄荷糖

1410
01:36:38,220 --> 01:36:38,980
谢谢

1411
01:36:39,140 --> 01:36:40,260
圣诞快乐

1412
01:36:40,460 --> 01:36:41,780
哦，今天是圣诞节？

1413
01:36:41,900 --> 01:36:45,020
当然，女士，每天都是圣诞节

1414
01:36:45,140 --> 01:36:46,620
哇！真棒！

1415
01:36:46,740 --> 01:36:47,660
真可爱

1416
01:37:31,100 --> 01:37:32,900
先生，女士们，晚安

1417
01:37:32,980 --> 01:37:37,300
今晚能在这里是我的荣耀

1418
01:37:37,580 --> 01:37:39,860
对我们大家来说

1419
01:37:39,940 --> 01:37:42,220
是一个奇妙而温暖的经验

1420
01:37:43,060 --> 01:37:44,500
我想为大家

1421
01:37:44,940 --> 01:37:47,820
唱一首歌

1422
01:37:51,900 --> 01:37:55,100
这是天堂的圣诞节

1423
01:37:55,700 --> 01:37:58,420
所有的小孩都在唱歌

1424
01:37:59,220 --> 01:38:01,780
这是天堂的圣诞节

1425
01:38:02,140 --> 01:38:05,460
倾听，倾听，教堂的钟声

1426
01:38:06,020 --> 01:38:08,980
这是天堂的圣诞节

1427
01:38:09,340 --> 01:38:12,180
雪从天而降

1428
01:38:12,940 --> 01:38:16,140
但它精致而温暖

1429
01:38:16,460 --> 01:38:19,420
还有每个人看起来都很聪明
并且都戴着领带

1430
01:38:25,100 --> 01:38:28,220
这是天堂的圣诞节

1431
01:38:28,460 --> 01:38:31,220
电视上有好电影

1432
01:38:32,060 --> 01:38:35,380
像每小时两次的真善美

1433
01:38:35,500 --> 01:38:38,380
有大白鲨一、二、三集

1434
01:38:39,140 --> 01:38:42,460
有送给全家的礼物

1435
01:38:42,860 --> 01:38:45,300
有化妆品和训练

1436
01:38:46,140 --> 01:38:49,460
有随身听耳机

1437
01:38:49,660 --> 01:38:52,460
还有最新的电玩

1438
01:38:53,100 --> 01:38:56,140
这是圣诞节
这是天堂的圣诞节

1439
01:38:57,100 --> 01:38:59,460
欢呼，欢呼，欢呼，欢呼，万岁

1440
01:38:59,780 --> 01:39:02,140
每一天

1441
01:39:03,020 --> 01:39:05,620
都是圣诞节

1442
01:39:07,180 --> 01:39:10,140
这是圣诞节 这是天堂的圣诞节

1443
01:39:11,020 --> 01:39:13,500
欢呼，欢呼，欢呼，欢呼，万岁

1444
01:39:13,860 --> 01:39:17,860
每一天都是…

1445
01:39:21,020 --> 01:39:23,460
好了，电影结束了，现在是生命的真谛

1446
01:39:23,780 --> 01:39:25,260
电影终场

1447
01:39:25,620 --> 01:39:26,540
布吉，谢谢你

1448
01:39:31,940 --> 01:39:33,140
没什么特别的

1449
01:39:33,300 --> 01:39:34,980
尽量对别人好，别吃太多脂肪

1450
01:39:35,060 --> 01:39:37,300
时常看书和散步

1451
01:39:37,420 --> 01:39:40,700
和不同教义与国籍的人和平相处

1452
01:39:41,340 --> 01:39:44,220
最后是一些免费的阳具照片

1453
01:39:44,380 --> 01:39:48,140
主要用意是困扰监察机构
希望能引起争论，如此一来

1454
01:39:48,300 --> 01:39:52,740
就可以把录影带事业挤掉
而重回电影事业

1455
01:39:52,980 --> 01:39:55,740
家庭娱乐！胡说八道
他们只想看…

1456
01:39:55,900 --> 01:39:58,780
在销售塑胶餐具的派对中
大家用电锯互相厮杀

1457
01:39:58,900 --> 01:40:02,060
保姆被同性恋的总统后选人用毛线针刺死

1458
01:40:02,140 --> 01:40:03,940
义警把鸡勒死

1459
01:40:04,020 --> 01:40:06,660
武装的戏剧评论家消灭了变种山羊

1460
01:40:06,740 --> 01:40:09,700
哪里有好玩的影片？喔，好吧！

1461
01:40:09,860 --> 01:40:12,020
以下是本片主题曲，晚安

1462
01:42:12,060 --> 01:42:16,500
“制片人对所有参加演出的鱼儿致谢”

1463
01:42:16,620 --> 01:42:21,060
“希望其他鱼类能向他们学习”

1464
01:42:21,140 --> 01:42:25,620
“从此以后所有鱼类和平共存”

1465
01:42:25,740 --> 01:42:30,140
“把差异放在一边
不再互相攻击和残食”

1466
01:42:30,300 --> 01:42:34,740
“希望鱼类以及喜欢它们的生物
前途更加光明”





