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Your underwear?
In the kitchen.
But that sweater on your click...
is mine.
Sorry.
It's boorish, but I have to...
If you gotta go, you gotta go.
Goodbye.
Wait for me, kids!
Early in the streets,
2 kinds of people run:
the late-for-workers
and the just-fucked-uppers.
I'm Jeremie Deprez, 34.
A bit of a cramp but it's the last of my problems.
If I were to describe my life, off the cuff,
I'd say it's pleasant, easy,
simple, structured.
With Charles, a childhood friend,
I run a successful polling institute.
I'm in a happy relationship. Almost 10 years.
A happy relationship based on love,
complicity, sharing, listening...
and until a few hours ago,
fidelity.
But tonight for the first time,
I had sex with a woman.
Late night. You used the couch.
I KISSED A GIRL
Honey“.
Enough lemon, I think.
Sorry, I'm a little exhausted.
God knows what you did till 8 am.
Military guys have hollow legs.
Too big a contract for Charles alone.
But he adores nightclubs.
At one point he just disappeared.
He sees a girl and there's no stopping him.
Add some salt this time.
Remember why we invited your family?
God damn!
Does Francoise feel it?
She doesn't only feel it. She sings it, shouts it.
I'm ?oored.
These men of ours... obsessed with football.
It's rugby, Francoise.
Are you doing it on purpose?
You're so straight-laced.
Morn, please,
today of all days can we eat in peace?
It's for her own good.
Motherhood is depressing enough.
You prohibit her?
As a good future father!
Freedom scares you.
We drank like sailors during my pregnancies, mostly yours.
Mom, you were 17!
So? Are my kids good-looking?
Very.
You see? Even...
Jean agrees.
Delicious.
Something important.
It's important, Dad.
Jeremie didn't get much sleep.
I'll speak for both of us.
We're getting married.
Finally some good news!
- There's also... - There's also Antoine.
Soon to be a tenured surgeon!
Welcome to the family.
I hope to meet your dad at last.
Not a great idea.
Aren't you and Dad against marriage?
Against bourgeois church weddings.
Not brave gay marriages.
You sure about this?
Yeah, why?
No reason...
Please help us plan it.
Why not the banquet hall we used?
It was nice and spacious.
No, sorry.
So long,baby.
You have 3 seconds to shut off Facebook!
Hurry up. There's a recession going on.
Are we winners?
Will we fuck them over?
Back trouble? So stand straight. Look smart.
Look smart, sign contracts.
You're the future.
You dumped the Salvation Army on me!
Lay off. I'm sure you kept busy.
Sure did.
Look at them wings. Fighter jet. Mirage 2000.
Genetics is crazy.
Her parents grow potatoes in Ukraine.
They grew this 6-foot bombshell.
- What an idiot. - I'll second that.
I manage the office,
not the nightlife your partner charges to a company card.
Thank you, Clemence. It was work-related.
- Do I look that dumb? - The Army contract.
Thank you, Clemence. Have a nice clay.
The hotel was work-related?
- What hotel? - 4 stars, very classy.
View of the Eiffel tower, breakfast.
I told you, didn't I?
Did I forget?
General Marineau.
He picked up a babe. I gave him the card.
General Marineau?
The hotel described you and some Russian bimbo.
I see. Nice.
Getting better. I pay you to spy on me.
- It's illegal. - So is mishandling funds.
Nothing was mishandled!
Really?
She was a potential client.
And she's Ukrainian.
Oh, excuse me.
She's Ukrainian.
Give me her number for the customer data base.
I hope he enjoyed his hooker. He owes us 450 Euros.
Keep on laughing.
At first she was a potential customer.
Then I realized...
Seeing her again?
No, why?
Just asking...
Charles...
Ever want anything else?
Like what?
To let yourself be tempted by...
an experience that's new, unique, fortuitous.
You dive into the unknown.
Come what may, you take the plunge!
You get sucked into... an abyss of newness,
something different, you know...
What would you do?
You try something, even sexually,
and then you're like "What the fuck happened?"
Are you okay? No, you're not.
You tried.
You hitting on me?
Charles...
Nonsense.
You're acting weird.
Me, hit on you?
Queer first time with a girl
Gay, first experience with a girl?
I'm really gay... ...can't live without her.
Bi is bullshit. Synonym 4 closeted gay.
Jesus, Mary and Joseph, he's going straight!
- Am I bothering you? - No.
You sure?
What's this mystery poll the intern worked on?
I forgot to tell you.
It's a poll for Biba.
The magazine for uptight broads?
Clemence, can you knock first?
Great idea.
Like in a civilized and polite workplace.
Your Facebook is beeping nonstop.
Work contacts.
That's why I decided to answer Kat Inca.
Repeat that.
- Kat Inca. - Katinka? And?
I said to change the hooker name.
She's crazy.
- I'll fire her. - Never.
Why not?
She has a soft spot for you.
- Bullshit. - She just shows is oddly.
Rude awakening ahead. I like Russian models, not shrews.
And that nose of hers...
It's hard to believe.
Can a one-night stand change your life?
She's not just rude,
but incompetent.
- Clemence? - Who else?
- She didn't know about Biba. - I lied about that.
- What? Stop defending her! - I'm not. Cut it out.
Saturday night...
I had sex with a woman.
What an ass.
I'm not joking.
- Really? - Yes, quiet.
Who? Tell me!
She's Swedish.
- You fuck girls now? - Not girls.
I had one fortuitous sexual encounter.
Had it happened before?
- How did you... - I don't know!
I was plastered.
I don't know...
- And Antoine? - He's thrilled.
- Really? - No, dipshit. I didn't tell him!
I'd let my girl to do another.
Thank you for your precious help.
It's crazy.
You root for Manchester your whole life
and one clay you realize you prefer Arsenal.
Or else...
maybe you're bisexual.
Bi is bullshit, a synonym for closeted gay.
What are you doing?
I guess I don't excite you.
I'm as gay as they come.
Look.
Look. Respect my dance.
Straight, straight...
up and down now.
Listen to the sound.
Straight, straight...
You're a burden on my intellect.
Look at me.
Look or I'll whack you!
Up and down, side to side.
Look just to make sure.
- What is this? - It's a gay thing.
We're expecting no one.
- Don't! - It rang.
- Who is it? - Charles.
Am I bothering you?
You never do.
- We were going to screw. - Too much information.
Antoine, I need to borrow your life partner.
- Tonight? - For an emergency.
What is it?
The Biba poll. For sexually frustrated broads.
You're working with Biba? Great!
Complicated, but great.
Can it wait till tomorrow?
It can't, because there is a doubt. I don't like doubts.
No doubts. I'll deal with my client.
Yours, mine. We're partners: ours.
So we'll have the beer tomorrow?
- Where are we going? - You'll see.
Thanks for the helmet. Nice.
You'll thank me.
For creating false problems?
Now that we have no secrets, I have a question.
How do you homos know if you're top or bottom?
You know, in sex.
Understand?
It happens naturally.
You just know.
Okay.
Eavesdropping?
Are you more in front or behind?
You're such a pain.
This is absurd.
To see some ass? Lots of guys do.
Yeah, but not me.
What's the problem if you have no problem?
You're not into me?
I am. You're very pretty.
You're not turned on.
Don't change a thing. You're great.
Already leaving?
I'm going home.
You stayed 2 minutes.
Charles, I'm a homo.
Double the fun for us.
Let's pretend it never happened.
- Nothing did. - Go on, make fun.
Just don't say "It happens to everyone".
Too much of a cliché.
I'll write you a prescription.
You really are a pain!
I was kidding.
It's the first time.
It happens to everyone.
Our honeymoon will be torrid.
- Not too cold. - Enough, okay?
It happens to everyone.
I mean... So I hear because never with me.
Were you in front or behind?
Is it the Swede?
I don't know.
You have to see her again.
Seeing a one-night stand in the light of day is a turn-off.
It's RADICAL!!!
What are you doing?
You can't walk out on the job, bitch!
Wanna play hard?
I'll call the cops. Uniform theft.
Uniform theft?
Take your uniform.
You're one sick bitch.
Problem?
Piss off, asshole!
Being aggressive isn't the answer.
You okay?
Not bad for an answer.
Asshole!
So why are you here?
To see you in the light of clay.
I mean... during daylight hours.
And?
Yeah, great.
Because my friend...
I ran off before. I wanted to apologize.
Your wife wasn't angry?
I don't have a wife.
In fact...
You're just a womanizer?
Know why I had sex with you?
Neither do I.
Noidea.
Really?
Does everything need a reason?
Yes.
Okay---...
So why did you have sex with me?
Because“.
You're pretty.
And because...
Sweden is a great country.
What?
I have a real thing for clumsy men.
That's nice but I'm not particularly...
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
- Are you hard? - It's nothing.
Thanks for everything, for...
- Sorry for your face. - It's not that bad.
- It's awful. - Really?
Shame.
Let's keep in touch.
"Let's keep in touch"...
Stupid fucking idiot!
You forgot this.
See you.
What is that?
A gift from Teddy Bear
for finding him gallery space.
- It's magnificent. - Terrible.
Terribly gorgeous.
Teddy Bear!
It's royal.
- Such talent. - I'm not dumb.
I saw you. It was a joke.
He's become a nonstop prankster. Uncontrollable.
What is it supposed to be?
A vagina.
In very tight close-up.
It's funny because...
At first it's pretty abstract and simultaneously
you detect something underneath.
How so?
It's sensorial...
Sort of like déjà-vu.
You're like: "Oh, wow". Yes, an artist made it.
Or not.
Yeah, it's been worked on.
Your glasses diminish the painting's strength.
Yes, Teddy Bear, it's powerful.
Fuck!
What happened?
Some guys tried to steal my wallet. Only tried!
Let's see. What butcher tended to it?
It's nothing!
It was a homophobic attack.
How's that?
He didn't choose you by chance.
He thought: he's gay, so he's smart, successful,
rich, thus perfect target.
He's right. File a complaint.
He didn't say that.
Gay connection. You can't understand.
I can't?
You're not Lady Gaga enough.
You were never a suffering fag. You never go to Gay Pride.
This is the 21st century.
Straight guys don't dance on floats in leather thongs!
Why should we?
What did he look like?
He was tall...
Very muscular.
Black guy.
No, it wasn't...
Not him...
It was a redhead.
Big Red.
Tall and stocky.
That's rare.
Must have smelled bad.
Isn't that sort of a cliché?
I know my job.
Anything else?
He was wearing a long earring.
A redneck.
Typical fag-basher.
That motherfucker is dead meat.
People who bash fags make me furious.
Like mugging old people.
Punishing people for being different?
You're free, dammit!
Thank you.
Don't you thank me!
Thank me when I find Carrot Top.
I'll stick my club up his butt. See who's the fag!
Have a good weekend.
You good?
- Jeremie? - Here.
Sorry, I was busy banging.
Charming.
SQ?
What the hell happened?
- Did she...? - Stop!
That bitch.
If you need it taken in...
I'll give you my number.
You're sweet but I'm the groom, not best man.
Honey“.
Like it?
Fine.
It brings bad luck to see him or her
in wedding attire.
I'll risk it.
10 years we're together, 10 years of happiness,
I found the guy
I want to be with, so superstition...
Excellent suits.
I have to run. Then never again.
I got my eye on you.
I mean it.
I'm just the best man.
I need some in-home alterations.
Hi, Adna.
Hey, what's up?
Hey, are you okay?
No, I'm not okay!
I know I fucked up.
I'm gay, getting married.
I should have told you.
I'm marrying the person I love.
He'll be my husband.
Hey, you.
How are you?
I'm good.
How did you know?
Someone told you?
I have to tell you something.
I don't really know where to start.
You already want a divorce?
That's not it...
Have a drink first.
I'll introduce you.
Charles, please come help.
I can't.
Not for a guy who lies to everyone, especially his future husband.
- She's the only person I can't tell! - Figure it out.
I knew it.
Knew what?
It was your homosexual friend who's getting married.
Not at all. You're off by a mile.
Who was it?
Another homosexual friend.
I have tons of gay friends, not tons,
but lots of friends, and among them, of course gay ones.
It's mathematical.
Thanks for coming. I screwed up.
You picked a winner.
Why not tell her?
I can't. I don't know why.
I can't close the door on this girl.
- What now? - Hitting on Hot Tits.
Listen to me.
When she looks at me, I lose my bearings.
I'm confused as hell.
She gets me hard.
What?
She shouldn't but she gets me hard!
As a kid, I got hard seeing my sister...
Not the same thing.
- In terms of... - No.
I can't do this to Antoine.
We're getting married, doing well.
We took out a loan. My parents love him.
He's a great guy.
And I love him.
So stay with him.
Look at those tits.
Great decision.
The best idea is for me to sleep with Adna.
Idiot. Why did I even call you?
Think it over.
If I do it, you'll lose interest.
You can concentrate on Antoine and your civil union.
It's a marriage.
Same thing. Think of her.
Of her pleasure.
I am guaranteed fun. My specialty.
I've never heard someone so dumb and misogynistic.
Okay, fine.
Second choice.
Go see your bombshell.
Say you're marrying a guy.
Too bad she doesn't have a dick.
I almost walked on your tail.
You okay?
I'm fine.
You're acting strange.
No, I'm not.
Just tired.
We don't have to get married. We're together anyway.
I totally want to.
Chill.
Hello, everyone.
Why is she here?
Blondie? Your pervert partner brought her in.
Where is he?
I'd say in the crapper.
Why isn't the photocopier working?
Intern! There you are. It's broken.
Why is she here?
At first I laid on my charm. I told a few jokes.
- I gave her drinks. - Why is she here?
The problem is Swedes drink like fish.
So I took her home for a VOD.
VOD?
Snuggle UP,
no small talk, sure-fire sex: Match Point.
What are you talking about?
Match Point, the movie:
sex, Woody Allen for intellectuals,
Scarlett for bimbos, ping-pong for sport fans.
I'm asking what she's going here now.
I gave her a job.
What?
She'd seen Match Point and rejected me.
But those big eyes...
Do you even realize?
Want to destroy my company and my marriage?
You're an idiot. Know that?
She only talked about you. What could I do?
- Jeremie... - What?
Can you show Blondie the ropes?
Don't count on me. I refuse to speak to her.
Then I'll do it,
if you won't.
I'm warning you: if Charles does it,
I'll quit.
I'll take classes, start a company
and fuck you over, both of you!
That is so rude!
All this for a VOD.
They asked me to intern,
but I think I'm pretty indispensible.
When there's no paper in the photocopier,
I fill it up.
I can introduce you to some people.
If you want to, of course.
Sure thing.
- You okay? - Fine...
- Bad time? - Not at all.
You treat stuff like this
at home too?
- No, it's... - My fault.
Don't take the fall for this slacker.
It's not what you think.
Don't make it worse, boy.
See that photocopier?
Go there.
- Now. - See?
Any questions?
No, I'm fine.
You okay, Thierry?
Can I have some scotch?
Here are lists of people to call. Most will hang up on you.
So your job is to be as sensual as possible...
Sorry, I mean... subtle.
To keep them on the line as long as you can.
I know nothing about polling but...
it's like knowing the future ahead of time.
The future ahead of time?
It's like that.
Yes, a little.
Impossible.
How so?
Anyone can change opinions in life. Except for idiots.
Good morning...
You've reached... Vitalis.
Sorry... for you.
Antoine?
A new employee who...
who has... a different approach.
I'll be there tonight.
I'll be on time.
I'm not acting weird. Why? I'm fine.
Take care.
HOME
See you.
Everything Okay?
It was... my brother.
Him?
Yes, that's him.
He's cute. You live together?
Lives with me... yes.
Because he can't live on his own. Nervous breakdown.
Really? Why?
Because his mother died.
It's awful.
Her?
- Yep. - Your mother too.
No, I mean yes...
No.
It's not her...
because it's on my father's side.
So in fact we're half-brothers.
I won't bother you.
No, no, Jeremie.
You're not bothering me.
For the future tenured staff
of the Paris hospitals, today...
What's he up to?
Believe me, if I were Antoine,
he'd sleep on the couch!
I agree 100%, Hubert.
...for the following hospitals: Paris 4.
Alexis Dominique Leporte, gynecology.
- You okay? - Fine.
Sorry for before. I was...
No problem.
You realize you're fucking up?
It's your fault that she's here.
- What about Antoine? - It's under control.
- Really? - Totally.
I'll fire her when she screws up.
Give Antoine a kiss on his big clay.
Of course I will.
You have... 15 minutes.
Despite traffic and a subway strike.
Charles, drop me off please.
Pain in the ass!
Adna, do you have a car by any chance?
We have to go... come on...
On the double.
Take your keys. They're downstairs?
Move!
Move forward!
Antoine is going to kill me.
Relax, I know a shortcut.
Take it easy!
It's pedestrian!
It's not allowed!
- We'll end up in jail. - I'll say you made me.
Look ahead!
We're at the end!
Antoine Hugo Rives,
cardiovascular surgery.
Let me thank the dean
of the university, Professor Jacques Schmidt,
for his help during my studies.
Thank you very much.
I'd also like to thank my future in-laws,
Francoise, Hubert and Teddy Bear too.
As well as Jeremie...
I love you.
Thank you, everyone.
Minister of Defense: expenses
Are you sure?
- How sure? - 99 percent.
99% is great. Call me when you're at 100.
With Blondie.
Get your coupons. Lunch is on me.
Dream on.
Intern? Come on...
You're a real pain.
Where you going?
Isn't it nice here?
Yeah, very.
A little touristy, but nice.
Why did you come to France?
Last year I saw an Elton John concert in Stockholm.
- Great! - I left after 10 minutes.
At home I found my boyfriend with another girl.
No way.
I went to the airport. I took the first plane I found.
For Paris.
Have you spoken to him since?
Over is over.
The end.
The liar left me tons of messages.
No way.
What an asshole.
Was he boardish?
Boardish?
When you left the first time, you said:
"Sorry to be boardish."
No, boorish.
A boor is...
someone who's not too brave,
who prefers to run away rather than confront things.
Why?
Maybe because...
he didn't expect to meet someone like you.
Is that a good thing?
I don't know yet.
I'm so happy!
The sensation of breastfeeding is amazing.
I guess so.
I tried with you.
Not that great.
You have to spoil the best clay of my life.
Honey, don't forget you're wearing a diaper.
You just stand there.
It's not a diaper, but underwear for placenta residue.
Same as a diaper.
Want to hold him, Dad?
No, I have tendinitis.
I wouldn't mind.
Wash your hands?
I can't if you didn't wash first.
True.
It seems only normal.
You should leave too. They're washing her.
It's really gross.
- I'll hit the gym. - And your tendon?
It's your grandson. Stay a little.
We won't spend our best years babysitting for free.
With you there are fewer risks.
Very funny.
- He looks offended. - Not at all.
They'll be thrilled if we adopt.
They'll manage.
Jean!
Are you crazy?
I'm not the father.
It's not me.
Of course it's you.
You had him by insemination.
Who says it was my tube?
Who else's?
I don't know.
Him.
Why not him?
He cums in other guys tubes.
To spite the rich! He came in my tube!
Jean!
It's normal to freak out at being a dad.
I love you!
You don't love me. Look at my finger.
You're not gay.
Breathe.
Let's go see your son.
Feeling better?
Don't worry. Jeremie will bring your things.
You made 38 calls?
38 calls in just a week.
Just out of curiosity, did you work in Sweden?
I sure did.
Not to pry, but what did you do?
Management controller.
Really?
Of course not!
I had a ?ower shop.
With us it's 5 minutes a call.
Ask questions, check boxes, hang up.
So that makes 10 an hour, 70 a clay and 350 a week.
- It's impersonal. - It's polling.
For human contact, it's not great.
And we have an abnormally low number of far-rightists.
None at all.
Yes, because I thought that...
it didn't serve the image of the French army.
Or of the company.
What did you do?
At first I tried to change their racist minds,
but it took me forever!
They talk and talk!
So I let them talk
and then checked "Centrist"
which is neither right nor left.
Yeah, I get it.
Am I fired?
I think it's better to...
to let the pollsters do their job
and you can help me collate.
I think it's better.
Good night.
Thanks.
Dr. Vanuzevic Sexologist
Just one drink, someplace quiet.
Mister!
I've changed my mind!
Too late!
I gave it all to Clemence. We're all set.
Great.
Come in.
Hey]
One coffee without sugar for Jeremie.
And with a little milk for Mr. Charles.
If you need anything, don't hesitate.
I'm at the bottom of the spira-sta-sta.
Spiral staircase.
I think it's important.
Dr. Vanuzevic prefers to see you Wednesday or Thursday.
- Sick? - No, it's for...
- His brother. - My half-brother.
Antoine... for his psychiatrist.
Psychiatrist?
So he doesn't...
How so?
Because his morn died and he's very frail.
Jeremie takes good care of him.
Hats off.
Passing off your future husband as a suicidal half-brother!
See you on Monday?
We'll blow those generals away.
Later.
What are you doing?
We don't talk, don't screw... I want to know what's up.
I'm here.
But with work,
the wedding...
You didn't even send out invitations!
Sorry, I screwed up.
I'm sorry.
Is there someone else?
Of course not. Why would you think that?
I'm just asking.
You're the only man in my life, okay?
I'll try harder. I won't even have to try.
As you can see, 88% of those questioned
are against raising the Defense Ministry budget.
It's understandable.
The paintings, the chandelier...
At the same time, 75% of them
think you're located at La Défense.
Because it's the name of a subway station...
Thank you, Charles.
Now let's get down to brass tacks:
a series of questions concerning the French
and their military expectations.
Vitalis Consulting thanks you for your attention
Minor fuckup.
It's under control.
Nothing works since Steve Jobs died.
Did you try command Z?
Kind of thing that works at the office but here...
Problem.
We could reboot but it takes a while, so...
I think we can say that went like shit.
Why the hell can't Clemence put 6 pictures one after another?
- It's not her fault. - It's yours.
How so?
Is it by chance she became Flying Nun Coffee Queen?
You mean did we fuck?
We did. Her yelling ended up turning me on.
You can't hold back? You had to fuck her?
- Do I judge your double life? - Cut it out.
Adna, I love you. Antoine, marry me.
I don't give a fuck about her!
She makes me question my life.
Clemence isn't my style either.
An accident, a one-time thing.
Can't you see it's broken?
- Count me out tonight. - What's tonight?
I came to cheer on my golden boys. Did it go well?
No, it didn't. Because of you.
You're fired.
Yeah right...
What did you think?
We fuck, marry and have pelican-nosed kids?
Are you fucking crazy?
You just said it was all her fault!
You're rehired! Come back!
You're a real scumbag.
All settled. Happy now?
Know how we're different?
No, how?
I know what I want.
Yeah, Russian whores.
Smoking again.
Antoine...
Isn't this fascination of his a little weird?
You can paint water-lilies without fucking them.
Point taken.
Why is that slacker here?
- Who? - His intern.
Isn't he cute?
Him?
I used his mailing list for extras.
It needs to be seen.
Thank you. So you like it?
First time I've seen it.
- And? - I want to see the others.
Hi, boss!
Antoine. Good to meet you.
Adna.
This stuff is ugly, isn't it?
Teddy Bear made this ugly stuff.
- Sorry. - Yeah, right.
Think before inviting.
It's your fault. I have to go.
See him?
God knows how he got here. He has a great gallery.
Tell him how it roused your senses.
Jeremie talks about you a lot.
Really?
And I wanted to say how sorry I am.
About?
Jeremie told me about Dr. Vanuzevic.
Okay... he told you.
He knows nothing of art, a total novice,
but he reads my work well.
Stay!
It must be very hard.
It's not hard enough. That's why we see her.
You're not sad?
It's a big loss.
I come home exhausted. It's not the Cirque du Soleil for sure.
I guess it happens.
Are you okay?
How about you?
Yeah, I guess...
all these pussies and pussies...
I've had enough...
It's funny. You don't look alike.
Should we look alike?
Maybe... since it's genetic.
Look. He's calling you.
You sure?
Go see if it's important.
Shall we go?
It's his opening. Let's toast!
If you want to.
- She's weird. - How so?
Says homosexuality is genetic.
The Swedes aren't experts.
Scandinavians are tolerant.
Those are just clichés.
Sweden legalized gay marriage first.
And they're not allowed to spank their kids.
You're not a kid.
Henry ate up your nonsense.
My taxi is here. Nice brother.
He's going to show my work.
The night has only just begun.
Would I spare us a bachelor party?
Excuse me.
We're not big on speeches.
We did you a tacky straight-person thing.
PowerPoint!
Long live the couple!
Give him a kiss!
I'm sorry. I can't stay.
You want to talk about it?
I don't feel like talking either.
Because real men like us, straight guys...
we don't talk about our heartache, our problems.
Especially when...
you think you know what you want
but in fact you want the opposite.
What a super fun guy.
If I were a man,
I'd be the captain
of a boat that is green and white
extremely elegant, stronger than ebony,
for the lousy, lousy weather
I'll take you on a journey,
the prettiest places on earth
We'll make love on the beach
and cherish every second of it,
while my heart declares its love
till I fall asleep in your arms
I'm a woman, and when you're a woman,
you don't say that kind of thing
I must admit that times have changed
Nowadays it's every man for himself
And stories of old-fashioned love
only happen in the movies
We're becoming so frugal...
What a pity, I would have so loved
a little bit of humor and tenderness
If men were not in such a rush
to take on a lover
Ah, if I were a man,
I would be romantic
The pediatrician says it's normal.
He's hung like his clad.
Glad to have you in the family.
I wonder why Antoine didn't come.
Especially because it's the finals.
A hospital emergency.
What kind?
He's not on call on Sunday.
I don't think so.
Frankly, Sunday lunch at your place is more fun.
I agree. I like it here...
but why cancel at your place?
Antoine and I broke up.
I'm not joking, Dad.
Marriage means nothing?
We weren't married yet!
Thank you, Jeremie.
You want to end up alone?
Wait, honey.
Persuade him to come back.
Gently, delicately.
You want me to send him a text message?
Just matter-of-factly...
Listen...
I left him, Dad.
Yes, of course...
It's normal. Happens in every couple. You're young.
Forgive him an affair.
I left. It was me, not him.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
You're crazy! You'll never find someone as great!
Wait, it gets better.
I met someone.
I knew it. You're screwing Charles!
Are you sick?
Hold on, who is the prick?
It's not...
It's a woman.
You're a homo, honey!
Why not call us
before screwing up?
It's my life.
It was your life too when at 15
you told us you were homosexual.
Believe me, it wasn't easy back then.
Now I can say how much I suffered. Ask Mom.
When she told me at first,
I was thrown for a loop.
I was against it.
Why not tell me?
You're my son, I love you. I kept it to myself.
I figured if it made you happy...
it was good.
Everyone talked behind our backs.
It was painful.
Really... I hated them!
Then I suddenly realized I was proud of you.
I was proud to have a son
who was brave enough to tell the world
he was different.
So when you introduced us to Antoine,
I was happy, as if I'd won a second son.
Now we pretend it never happened?
It was all a mistake? No more Antoine?
Count me out. Too painful.
You changed directions? Change fathers!
You'll become like every other bourgeois asshole.
Is it because of your sister's baby?
"I want a kid of my own!"
You and Antoine can always adopt.
So it's my fault?
Shut up!
Who is this bitch?
A Swede.
Really? And where is Miss Perfect?
Back in Sweden, I think.
Jeremie is so different, so free.
So gay, it's so great!
Your difference has always made me feel like a pariah.
Go fuck yourself!
Come, Jean.
In fact it's the opposite of a coming out.
Right?
I think a little honesty is good.
Not coming?
I'm going to sell you my shares.
You're kidding.
Given my propensity to fuck up, it's better.
Whatever you want.
How long have we been friends?
20 years.
Ever been ashamed of me?
A billion times, more or less.
First time I'm ashamed of you.
Tough luck. First fag to fall for a girl.
Not what you planned.
Don't fuck it all up.
Own it, dammit.
Own it!
...by comparing local micro-economies
with worldwide fluctuations.
After that we'll examine the evolution of...
- Yes? - Just a minute.
Are you kidding?
I'll just be a sec.
Hey, you all.
I dreamt of her again
It's silly... she didn't really ask...
She's not beautiful
God, make him die.
But she's made for me
She's oh so sweet
Just for my heart
I dreamt about her so hard,
that the sheets still sing
What a nightmare!
I slept inside her...
Hearing her say I love you
If only I could wake up
beside her
If only I knew where to find her
Give me some hope
Lend me one evening
One night just for me and you
And tomorrow morning
you'll leave...
Quiet!
You had to humiliate us in public with a shitty song?
What?
I'm bored without you.
Let's go to my place. But tonight you sleep at yours.
Don't leave me with this.
- Does she know how lucky she is? - Don't start.
I won't pick a fight. It's that...
Every girl wants a gay guy.
We're usually off limits. Except for you.
Imbecile.
I hope you know what you're doing.
So do I.
Safe journey.
Jeremie... Haven't we met?
Have we?
Can you go to 47C? We're together.
Nice of you.
Happy to see your Charlie?
Why are you here?
In a Swedish ladies nature reserve you'll need an expert.
I'm your man.
Does Clemence know?
Clemence knows.
We're an adult couple
in a serious relationship based on mutual trust,
respect and love.
Seriously...
I hired her back.
That's good.
I promised to make her partner too.
- Say what? - Hold on.
If he touches one local, I'll ruin the company and castrate him
Her jealousy is cute. She turns me on.
Enjoy the flight.
Enjoy the flight too.
Nice ass.
What happens in Stockholm stays in Stockholm.
Don't get carried away. Stockholm is a layover on the way...
all the way up here.
It's very far inland.
And temperature-wise?
It has its ups and downs.
Can be both.
- Ups and downs below? - Yes, below.
Below below.
How long does night last here?
You can't even tell if it's time for dinner or breakfast.
Shit, wrong way.
I'll do a U-turn here. It's safer.
Do live human beings really live here?
Did you really check?
Does Adna have a sister by chance?
Not even a half-sister?
It'll be hard.
I shouldn't have come.
Don't you hear a noise?
Yes, there's a noise.
So you admit it!
Don't freak out.
Wait, don't go alone!
I heard a walrus sound.
See?
I told you.
Shit!
This is endless.
There's a light! Civilization! Come on!
Civilization...
Three light bulbs.
Some civilization.
This place is creepy.
No, it's "Jorhend".
I think I've got it right, Charles.
I think it's time to go!
Let's go!
Yeah but how?
Noidea!
It's 100 miles away! The lake is frozen. We can't walk!
Wait...
There are people.
I can't forget you just because you left.
Can we talk in private?
No secrets from those I love.
I'm a homosexual.
What a scoop.
You're not brave above all.
I'm in love with you, Adna.
I love you.
Since I've met you, my life...
has become total chaos.
You threw it out of whack.
Before you, I thought I knew who I was.
I had things under control.
I hated your carnival rides, your pileups
and your driving stunts.
You jumbled everything up.
You helped me...
to try new things. And not to be afraid.
You were right.
We can't know the future ahead of time.
You hate me.
You want to kill me.
I won't budge until you come with me.
That's sounds psycho. Chill out.
Dad?
- What are they saying? - Not numbers in any case.
To see if you're a coward, Adna has a challenge.
Too dangerous for you.
How dangerous on a scale of 1 to 10?
It's fine.
They think you'll die.
I'll do it.
No details first?
I'm not scared. I'll do it.
- You really want to? - Shut up.
She said you could die.
At least they're not wimps about marriage.
As per the law, I'll read articles 212...
Look, he's here.
Marry him.
- Kiss. - No thanks.
Okay, Okay-
...help and aid.
Their mothers must be proud.
Where is he?
Over there.
Antoine!
Love you.
His boyfriend is a cutie-pie!
Adna introduced them.
I cause chaos then straighten up.
She has a heavy accent. A real chatterbox.
To finish, I'll say fraternity.
Fraternity to accept difference.
Your difference.
I wish you a lovely family.
Happy and...
gay.
Full of joy.
Now let me ask you to stand up.
I declare you husband
and husband.
You may kiss.
Watch out. That blonde has sticky fingers.
I'm not worried.
You're lucky.
Or just stupid.
You see?
I KISSED A GIRL
Hello.
I'm a friend of Jeremie's.
Pleasure.
A straight friend because nowadays...
Now that we're speaking, I've always wondered
back then Jeremie was more...
top or bottom?
How should I know?
Because of the fact you're with his ex.
I thought that by deduction...
We'll never know.
Know what?
We'll never know.
Know what?
A little fixation but nothing important.
- Talking to yourself? - We have fixations.
- You're talking to yourself. - I'm not.
Subtitles: Andrew Litvack
Subtitling: Eclair Group
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