片名：怪物遊戲
「特拉華州 麥迪遜市」 哇哦 "Madison, Delaware." Wow.
老媽 你確定你不能去其他地方 Mom, are you positive there weren't any other places
去當副校長嗎 looking for vice principals?
比如哪裡 Like where?
關塔那摩監獄 Guantanamo bay?
喔 太刺激了 Ooh, too hot.
- 朝鮮 - 不 - North Korea? - No.
他們不會給我回電話 They didn't call me back.
底特律 Detroit?
就是這了 This is it.
來吧 來吧 Come on, come on.
你在紐約絕對找不到 Look. A yard.
這樣的院子 You'd never get this in New York.
你不用給我推銷這個地方 You don't have to keep selling me on this place.
- 我留在這裡是因為我愛你 - 啊 我也愛你 - I'm staying because I love you. - Aw, I love you too.
我查過了 And I looked into it.
從法律上來說 我在滿十八歲之前都不能自己一個人住 Legally, I can't live on my own until I'm 18.
瞧瞧這間廚房 Look at this kitchen.
比我們的公寓都要大 It's bigger than our apartment.
我們不做飯 We don't cook.
你看看這個櫃檯 Well, look at all this counter space
想想它鋪滿外賣的樣子 to put the takeout on. Whew.
你聽到了嗎 Do you hear that?
不 我什麼都沒聽見 No, I don't hear anything.
正是 Exactly.
這位住在紐約的女士 Live from New York,
是我的姐姐蓋爾 it's my sister Gale!
她身旁的是特別嘉賓 我的侄子扎克 With special guest, my nephew Zach.
- 來一個擁抱吧 - 嘿 - Get in here with a hug! - Hey. Oh.
這是個週六夜現場式的介紹 Oh, it's an SNL reference.
- 哦 是的 - 你住在紐約 - Oh, yeah. - You lived in New York.
- 好 嗯 - 哦 我的天 - Okay, yeah. - Oh, my goodness!
瞧瞧你 Look at you!
這件衣服真配你 You're not in any color.
我們應該換著穿穿 We should change that.
我的天吶 見到你真是太好了 Oh, my god. It's good to see you.
- 哇哦 你也是 - 好的 讓我看看我的小侄子 - Wow, you too. - Okay. Let me take him in.
天呀 他真是越來越帥了 Oh, my gosh. He gets more handsome every time I see him.
- 太帥氣了 - 謝謝 羅琳姨媽 - So good-looking. - Thank you, aunt Lorraine.
他真是個可愛的男孩 He's just a beautiful boy.
真是感謝上帝 你小時候不知道有多醜 Thank god, because you were such an ugly baby.
- 是這樣的 - 哦 羅琳 - There it is. - Oh, Lorraine.
怎麼了 那很好啊 他現在很帥了 What? It's fine. He's handsome now.
長相又不可能 先是很醜 It's not like he's gonna go ugly,
然後又變帥 最後又變醜 handsome and then back to ugly.
危險期已過 No. The danger's past.
哦 我都快忘了 Oh, I almost forgot.
我給你買了個禮物 因為我是個帥氣的姨媽 I got a present for you, because I'm a cool aunt.
這是我設計的男士新款 This is from my new signature men's line.
你瞧瞧 Check it out.
碉堡了 Awesome.
這是限量版的 所以你肯定不會 It's limited edition, so you're not gonna see
看到這東西成為大街貨 a lot of men wearing that hat.
嗯 不 那場景太美 讓我不敢想像 Yeah, no, I can't imagine anyone would be wearing it.
看上去就很限量 It's so limited edition.
戴戴看 看看合不合適 Try it on. Make sure it fits.
- 現在就戴嗎 - 好吧 - Try it on right now? - Okay.
是的 帶她去兜兜風 Yeah, take her for a spin.
哦 是的 看吶 我是說 太帥了 就是它了 Oh, yes. Look at that. I mean, come on. That is it.
好吧 Okay.
嗯 我要去把箱子搬下來 回見 Um, I'm gonna go unload some boxes now, and see you around.
哦 寶貝 別戴著出去 我不想你出很多汗 Oh, honey. Leave the hat on. I don't want you to burn.
嗯 你戴著它真的很合適 Mm. And you look good with it on.
謝了 真酷 Thank you. Cool.
慢點 Smooth.
那麼你就是新鄰居嗎 So you're the new neighbor?
是的 很高興見到你 Yeah. Nice to meet you.
從紐約開車到這裡得要多久 How long was the drive from New York?
不 我只是想說 No. I can just tell
你戴這頂帽子真漂亮 by the pretty hat that you have.
哦 不 這個 不 Oh, no. This-- no.
這是 這其實是我姨媽送的禮物 This is-- this is actually a gift from my aunt.
這也是給我的禮物 It's also a gift for me
給所有看見你戴這個帽子的人的禮物 and everyone who gets to see you wearing it.
- 我是扎克 順便一提 - 我是漢娜 - I'm Zach, by the way. - I'm Hannah.
漢娜 Hannah.
我得走了 I gotta go.
談得很愉快 Good talk.
你好 嘿 我們剛剛搬進來 Hi. Hey, we're just moving in.
只有 只有我和我媽 Just-- just me and my mom.
- 這頂帽子是個禮物 - 你看見了圍欄嗎 - This hat was a gift. - You see that fence?
你看見了圍欄嗎 Do you see the fence?
呃 看見了 Uh, yes.
站到圍欄的外邊去 Stay on your side of it.
你離我女兒遠點 你離我也遠點 You stay away from my daughter, you stay away from me...
那麼我們就不會有不愉快 And we won't have a problem.
嗯 剛遇見了我們的鄰居 Well, just met our neighbor.
他是頭巨大的泰迪熊 He's a big Teddy bear.
哦 施瑞福先生嗎 Oh, Mr. Shivers?
是的 他搬到這裡有好些年頭了 Yeah. He moved to town a few years ago.
非常神秘 Very mysterious.
性感 我愛他的味道 Very sexy. I love his scent.
聞起來就像是加了點薄荷的狐臭 It's like mint and Bo. It works.
是嗎 你喜歡就好 Yeah. Not my type.
我記得那天 I remember that day.
哦 Oh.
你還好嗎 甜心 You okay, sweetheart?
還好 還好 對不起 呃 Yeah. Yeah, sorry. Um...
我得先去開始整理我的房間了 I'm gonna go get a head start decorating my room.
讓我的遺願清單又少一件事 Knock it off my bucket list.
他幹什麼呢 How's he doing?
哦 老毛病了 Oh, it's been hard.
他有一堵心牆 He's putting up a wall.
但願換了個地方能對他有所幫助 Hopefully, a change of scenery will help.
你還好嗎 How are you doing?
但願換了個地方能對我有所幫助 Hopefully, a change of scenery will help.
- 好的 扎克 - 讓我們看看你有多少能耐 - All right, Zach. - Let's see what you got.
一個快速球 打了兩個雙曲線 With the fastball. Two's a curve.
快起來 你得給我打個手勢 Gotta get up. You gotta give me the sign.
這就對了 哦 There you go. Oh!
這個 That's--
哦 看見沒 老爸不是萬能的 oh, see? Dad's not perfect.
不 No.
老爸也會接不住球 Dad can get one drop.
準備好 看手勢 All right. Read the signs.
一定要把它擋住 不要著急跳起來 It's all just to block. Don't wanna jump up.
這就是打快速球的辦法 That's how the fastballs get by.
好了 準備好 現在加速了 好嗎 All right. Get ready. Go fast now. Okay?
寶貝 你還好嗎 Honey? You okay?
嗯 沒事 只是看看一些小時候的舊照 Um, yeah. Just found some old baby pictures.
我真像一隻小咕嚕 I really did look like baby gollum.
是啊 是啊 Yeah, yeah.
總是這樣 不是麼 That's always the case, right?
- 嗨 貝卡 - 哦 嘿 - Hey, Becca. - Oh, hey.
嗯 新朋友 新朋友 新朋友 Yay. New friends, new friends, new friends.
喔喔喔 你以為你在做什麼 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you think you're doing?
我要去上班了 做點教人的活呀 I'm going to work. Gonna do some educating.
管人的活呀 Some administrating.
酷 老媽 我就是那種 Cool. Mom, I'm the new kid,
家長自己都有問題的新學生 which presents its own set of obstacles.
不知道和副校長一起上學是不是很好玩 Not sure walking in with the vice principal is the play.
就給我個六十秒的領跑就好 Just give me a 60-second head start
這樣至少我能有個機會 so I at least have a chance.
可以 你保證你會成功 Deal. You promise you'll give it a shot?
你知道我不能給你保證這個 You know I can't promise you that.
我保證 好嗎 I promise. All right?
所以這兒的門鎖 And this door-locking thing...
得了吧 你應該更好一些 Come on, you're better than that.
六十秒倒計時開始了 60 59 58 57 56 55 54 Sixty seconds start now, 60, 59, 58, 57, 56, 55, 54...
好吧 讓我們各就各位 女士們先生們 All right. Let's find our seats, ladies and gentlemen.
請快點坐到自己的座位上 Find our seats quickly.
坐到座位上 Let's find our seats.
嗯哼 Mm-hm.
好吧 讓我們安靜下來 嗯 Okay. Let's settle down. Um...
好吧 呃 抱歉 不好意思 讓一下 Okay. Uh, sorry. Excuse me. Let me just--
不好意思 讓讓 好吧 okay, cool. Okay.
所以你就是新生 So you're the new kid.
哦 對的對的 Oh, yeah. Cool, cool.
哦 嗨 泰勒 Oh. Hi, Taylor.
嗨 呆瓜 Hi, Chump.
- 她剛才叫你'呆瓜'？ - 是的 她確實這麼叫了 - She just call you "Chump"? - Yes, indeed, she did.
我的真正名字就是'錢普' 你知道的 My real name is champ, you know.
但她以前從來沒有和我說過話 But she's never talked to me before,
所以我們之間已經進步了 so we're making progress.
三 二 一 Three. Two, one.
安靜 Settle down.
早上好 Good morning.
我很高興向你們介紹 I am so happy to introduce you
我們的新副校長 庫珀小姐 to our new vice principal, miss Cooper.
並且我希望你們 And I hope that you show her
像尊重我一樣尊重她 the same respect that you show me.
誰幹的 誰幹的 Who did that? Who did that?
庫珀小姐 Miss Cooper.
嗨 大家好 Hi, everyone.
我知道如果我說 我們為週五的秋季舞會感到興奮 I know I speak for the entire administration
那我是在代表整個管理層說話 when I say that we are so excited for Friday's fall dance.
我們都想要去跳電臀舞 We can't stop twerking about it.
哦不 她不是吧 Oh, no, she didn't.
她比上一個副校長還要差勁 She's worse than the last one.
那是我媽 That's my mom.
哦 好吧 上個副校長英明絕倫 Oh, well, the last one was fantastic.
我 我是開玩笑的 我其實不知道什麼是電臀舞 I-- I'm kidding. I don't even know what twerking is.
但是我聽說這個很潮 But I hear it's very popular...
那你可以隨便帶人來跳舞麼 So you taking anyone to the dance?
不 好吧 No. Yeah.
我也還在考慮一個人單飛的問題 I was thinking about flying solo too.
嘿 我們該一起去 Hey, we should go together.
一起 Together?
哦 不是那個一起的一起 Oh, not like "Together" Together.
一起跳舞什麼的 不過好像也可以 Dance together or anything. Although that could work.
我給你講 我們得進到人堆裡去 知道不 You know, we get the crowd into it, you know?
然後咱們分開 就能各自泡到妹子 And then go split off with different girls.
最後要知道的就是 注意安全 玩的開心 And as a final reminder, just be safe and have fun.
把這個拿上 給我發個短信或者推特 Take this. Shoot me a text or tweet me.
上面有我的聯繫方式 It has all my contact info.
這是我的家的住址 那是我的儲物櫃號碼 There's my home address, and that's my locker number.
- 你知道怎麼找我了 - 任何人 - You know where to find me. - Anyone.
- 謝了 - 任何人要是敢在舞會中 - Thank you. - I need anyone caught dancing
過於親近他的舞伴 with their butt facing their partner,
他立刻就會被送回家 you will be sent home immediately.
立刻 Immediately.
有人麼 Hello?
有人在那裡嗎 Is someone there?
我嚇到了你嗎 Did I scare you?
哈 沒有 Pfft, no.
真的嗎 你剛才至少蹦了十英尺高 Really? Because you jumped like 10 feet high, so...
你知道的 我很愛跳 You know, I jump a lot.
這是我保持身材的辦法 It's how I stay in such great shape.
那不錯 我 嗯 That's good. I, um...
對了 我今天在學校沒看見你 Yeah, I didn't see you at school today.
啊 什麼 你是在找我嗎 Aw, what, you were looking for me?
沒 沒有 我只是注意到 No, no. I just-- I just observed--
不 我在家自學 no, I'm homeschooled.
噢 你爸爸教你嗎 Oh, by your dad?
他看起來 He seems...
很不錯 Nice.
熱情 就是有點緊張 And intense. And a little tense.
他不是針對你 他對誰都這樣 Don't take it personally. He doesn't really like anyone.
是啊 那麼 嗯 Yeah. So, um...
這附近有什麼好玩的嗎 So is there anything, like, fun to do around here
除了嚇嚇鄰居 aside from scaring your neighbors?
好吧 有一件我很喜歡的事 Okay. There is one thing that I like to do.
是嗎 Yeah?
跟我來 Come with me.
呃 Uh...
- 嘿 我們要去哪 - 別擔心 會很好玩的 - Hey, where are we going? - Don't worry. It'll be fun.
你真的知道要去什麼地方嗎 Are you sure you know where you're going?
當然了 跟著我就好 Yes. Come on.
這邊 This way.
你是要把我帶到荒郊野外然後殺了我嗎 我就是好奇問問 Are you taking me somewhere to kill me? I'm just curious.
主意不錯 I'm playing it by ear.
漢娜 Hannah?
對啊 扎克 跟著陌生人到樹林中去吧 Yes, Zach, follow the stranger into the woods.
快來 膽小鬼 就快到了 Come on, scaredy-cat. We're almost there.
嗯 就要到了 Okay. Just a little further.
好了 在這兒等著 Okay. Just wait here.
好吧 Okay.
這究竟是哪裡 Where exactly is here?
看 Watch this.
天了嚕 Whoa.
感覺怎麼樣 What do you think?
嗯 Uh...
跟我想像的相去甚遠 It's not what I was expecting.
那麼 這兒是哪裡 So, what is this place?
嗯 這裡是家公司幾年前建的 可是後來資金不夠了 Well, they built it years ago, but then they ran out of money.
然後就一直留在這了 Now it just sits here.
來吧 這是我最喜歡的 Come on, this is my favorite part.
等等 等等 你在幹嗎 Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing?
你怕什麼 我一直都這樣的 What are you afraid of? I do this all the time.
我 我不是害怕 I'm-- I'm not afraid.
我只是剛打了破傷風疫苗 I'm just not current with my tetanus shots.
真討厭郊外 I hate the suburbs.
快來 Come on.
你能做到的 只要別往下看 You can do it. Just don't look down.
我知道 I know.
你不會掉下去的 You're not gonna fall.
我也不想掉下去 I wasn't planning on it.
終於來啦 嗨 There you go. Hi.
嗨 Hi.
好吧 All right.
這可是離地面好遠了 So I'm high off of the ground.
很酷 不是嗎 It's cool, right?
是啊 真酷 Yeah. It's cool.
在上面能看到整個城市 You can see everything from up here.
那麼 So...
為什麼你搬來麥迪遜 Why'd you move to Madison?
這個嘛 我媽跟我說 Well, my mom said to me:
扎克 如果你能搬到世界任何一個角落 "Zach, if you could live anywhere in the world,
你想去哪兒呢 where would it be?"
我說 那求求你我們能搬到特拉華州的麥迪遜嗎 And I said, "Can we please move to Madison, Delaware?
這是我一直以來的夢想 That'd be my dream."
你總是這樣冷嘲熱諷的嗎 Are you always this sarcastic?
總是 不不不 Always? No, that's a strong word.
不是總是 是經常 Not always. Usually.
對不起 只是 嗯 I'm sorry. It's just, um...
自從我爸爸去世以後 It's just been me and my mom
就只有我和媽媽兩個人了 所以有點 since my dad died last year, so yeah.
對不起 I'm sorry.
我已經不怎麼回想這件事了 I don't really think about it much anymore.
你呢 What about you?
這個嘛 我沒見過我媽媽 Well, I never knew my mom,
而且我和爸爸經常搬家 and we're always moving from one town to the next.
真糟 That really sucks.
沒事 It's fine.
嘿 Hey,
漢娜 我能問你點嚴肅的事嗎 can I ask you something really serious, Hannah?
可以啊 什麼 Yeah. What?
我們怎麼下去啊 How do we get down?
我是認真的 你有什麼計劃嗎 I'm serious. Is there a plan?
沒有 你一般都怎麼下去的 No. How do you normally get down?
你下不去的 你就在這兒呆著吧 You can't. You're stuck.
哇 我真的無法相信 Wow, I can't believe
你吃了那個棉花糖 you ate that cotton candy.
你知道真正恐怖的是 And you know what's scary
這個糖味道其實還不錯嗎 is it actually tasted kind of fine.
那麼 嗯 今晚多謝了 So, uh, thanks for tonight.
這是我在這兒最開心的時候了 That was the least terrible time I've had here.
噢 扎克 太溫馨了 Oh, Zach. That's so sweet.
這 我 真的 That's-- I-- really.
好啊 Okay.
嘿 漢娜 我 Hey, Hannah. I'm...
我每個星期二和星期四 I'm probably gonna take out the trash
應該都會去扔垃圾 on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
所以 你知道的 悄悄地出現 So, you know, you feel like creeping up on someone,
對我還挺有用的 that works for me.
好啦 我知道了 膽小鬼 All right. I'll keep that in mind, scaredy-cat.
漢娜 Hannah!
你在外面幹什麼 What are you doing out here?
對不起 I'm so sorry.
這是最後一次警告你 This is your last warning.
離我們遠點 You stay away from us,
否則會有非常不好的事情發生的 or something very bad will happen.
我信你 I believe you.
"X究竟是啥" "What is x?"
X究竟是啥啊 What is x?
爸爸 這沒什麼大不了的 Dad, it's not a big deal.
漢娜 你必須要知道 Hannah, you have to understand--
我不想知道任何事 I don't have to understand anything.
我們只是聊聊天 我為什麼不能交朋友 We were just talking. Why can't I have friends?
- 你知道為什麼 - 這不公平 - You know why! - That is not fair!
你不能永遠把我鎖起來 You can't just lock me up all the time.
我再也不許你見那個男孩 You are never allowed to see that boy!
你知道我的意思嗎 永遠不許見 You understand me? Ever!
爸爸 冷靜一下 Dad, please calm down.
- 漢娜 - 不 啊 - Hannah. - No! Aah!
怎麼回事 What?
幹嗎 我聽到尖叫聲 What? I heard a scream.
漢娜還好嗎 這沒有人尖叫 Is Hannah okay? There was no scream.
你什麼也沒聽見 趕快滾 You didn't hear anything. Get out of here
要不然下一個尖叫的就是你 or the last scream you hear will be your own.
不 等下等下 No. Wait, wait--
媽媽 mom.
嘿 媽 媽 媽 噢 嘿 親愛的 Hey, mom. Mom. Mom. Oh, hey, sweetie.
嘿 晚飯吃藜麥怎麼樣 Hey, how do you feel about quinoa for dinner?
媽 漢娜有麻煩了 Mom, Hannah's in trouble.
哇哦 漢娜是誰呢 Oh, who's Hannah?
麥迪遜鎮911 Madison county 911.
你好 嗯 我住在門羅 嗯 Hi, yes. Uh, I live on Monroe. Um--
嗯 有緊急情況 我想 扎克 怎麼回事 uh, it's an emergency, I think. Zach, what's going on?
嗯 應該是家暴 我也不清楚 Yeah. Maybe possibly a domestic disturbance. I don't know.
你被捕了 噢 哇哦 哇哦 哇哦 You're under arrest! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
這麼熱情是不錯 嗯不錯 繼續保持 I love that enthusiasm. I love that. Keep it.
但我們還沒 還沒到這一步 But we're just-- we're not there yet.
你好先生 我是史蒂文斯警官 Hello, sir. My name's officer Stevens.
這是實習警官布魯克斯 剛才很抱歉 This is training officer Brooks. I'm sorry about that before.
你不用抱歉 You don't need to be sorry.
- 你做的很好 - 真的嗎 - You're doing great. - Really?
我們接到電話說有個10到16歲的女孩在這裡 We got a call about a possible 10-16 at your residence.
似乎是 Which is...?
嗯 別告訴我 Um.... don't tell me.
是家庭暴力 It's a domestic disturbance.
完全正確 真的嗎 Absolutely right. Really?
是啊 完全正確 Yeah. You're absolutely right.
真奇怪 今天晚上我一直是一個人 Strange, because I've been here alone all night
而且我什麼也沒有聽見 不不 他在說謊 and I haven't heard a thing. No, no, he's lying.
漢娜在哪 我聽見是她在尖叫 Where's Hannah? I know it was her screaming.
好吧 是啊 漢娜是我女兒 Okay, yes. Hannah's my daughter,
她媽媽和別的男人搬走之後 and she's been staying with me for a while
她和我一起住過一段時間 while her mother sorted a few things out
噢 對了 with her new husband. Ah, yeah.
昨天早上她從倫敦回來了 She flew back to London yesterday morning.
好的 那麼就這樣了 All right, well, that checks out.
對不起 先生 謝謝你寶貴的時間 Apologies, sir. Thank you for your time.
抱歉打擾你了 We're sorry for the disturbance.
環繞立體聲 Surround sound.
我還不知道當一個高保真音響控還能是有罪 I didn't know being an audiophile was a crime.
當個什麼 什麼控 Being a what-- a what-a-phile?
哇哦 哇哦 哇哦 Whoa, whoa, whoa.
他的意思是他是個 That just means that he is a connoisseur
鑒定高質量音響設備的專家 of high-end audio equipment.
噢 Oh.
你好 我真抱歉 我們還沒正式見過面 Hi. I'm so sorry. We haven't properly met.
我是蓋爾·庫珀 你的新鄰居 I'm Gale Cooper, your new neighbor.
這間屋子真漂亮 It's a beautiful home you have.
真是我的榮幸 非常感謝你 Pleasure's mine. Thank you so much for stopping by
帶著你可愛的兒子和警察來我家串門 and bringing your delightful son and the police.
我再說一遍 真的很抱歉 Again, I'm so sorry.
抱歉了 先生 Apologies for this, sir.
我們也不願意闖進 We hate coming into the home
一位像您這樣的良民的家裡來 of an upstanding citizen such as yourself.
真的很抱歉 很明顯 你並沒有做什麼 Really sorry. I mean, obviously, you're not doing anything...
如果你要起訴的話 If you would like to press charges,
我們願意幫你忙 we would love to help you.
漢娜 漢娜 Hannah! Hannah!
哇哦 漢娜 Whoa! Hannah!
站住 大個子 不 不 Hold on, big guy. No, no!
看樓上 相信我 Just look upstairs. Trust me.
我該押走他嗎 我要押走他 Should I tase him? I'll tase him.
我欣賞你的勇氣 但我們得走了 I like that moxie, but we're gonna hold off.
你知道向警察報告錯誤信息 You have any idea what the penalty is
會有什麼懲罰嗎 for filing a false police report?
坐三年牢 有點兒相近了 Three years. Close.
其實是個書面警告 It's actually a written warning.
等下 等下 媽媽 告訴我你並不相信他說的 Hold on, hold on. Mom, tell me you don't believe him.
立體音響 真的嗎 Surround sound? Seriously?
扎克 夠了 回家吧 Zach, enough. Go home.
噢 警官們 真的很抱歉 Oh, officers. I'm so sorry.
沒事 女士 It's all right, ma'am.
我們也許該給你兒子 I feel like we should recommend
推薦一家不錯的治療中心 a good treatment center for your son.
沒錯 他吸毒了 他在吸毒 Yeah. That kid's on drugs. That kid is on drugs.
晚安 Good night.
蓋爾 Gale.
我是羅琳 It's Lorraine.
我能看到你 I can see you.
這是你妹妹 It's your sister.
嗨 謝謝你能來 嗨 Hi. Thanks for coming. Hi.
我得在高中守著今晚的舞會 I have to chaperone the dance at the high school.
我不想讓扎克一個人在家 I don't wanna leave Zach alone tonight.
蓋爾 他是個處於最煎熬的時期的青少年 Gale. He's a teenage boy having a hard time adjusting.
你知道他需要什麼嗎 You know what he needs?
和他小姨困惑地呆一個晚上 A night in with his aunt, bedazzling.
是嗎 Duh.
噢 謝了 我不想跟他吵架 Oh, thanks. I hate fighting with him.
我知道 會好起來的 只要給他點時間 I know. It'll get better. Just give it some time.
好啦 我連衣服都帶來了 別擔心啦 All right. Kit coming through. And don't worry.
今晚我就圍著扎克轉好了 It's gonna be all about Zach tonight.
扎克 Zach!
所以我們週三去了壽司店 So we went out to Sushi on Wednesday.
我們都點了雞肉照燒 And we both ordered the chicken teriyaki,
這就像是命運的安排吧 which is like, "It's fate."
可我從那以後就沒聽說過他的消息了 你明白嗎 And then I haven't heard from him since, you know?
那人游手好閒 可是我真的喜歡他 Which is a bummer, because I really liked him.
他從來不嘲笑我的笑話 He didn't laugh at any of my jokes,
但我卻有種別的感覺 but I felt like there was something there.
我不明白 不像是我在乎 I don't know. Not like I even care.
而像是 算了 我應該聽巫師的話 It's like, whatever. I should listen to my psychic.
她跟我說 「不要跟失敗者約會 永遠不要上飛機」 She says, "Stop dating losers, and never go on a plane."
我知道 I knew it.
你覺得他是欲擒故縱 Oh, so you think he's playing hard to get?
還是更像是劇本裡說得一樣 Or the more likely scenario:
就像 他在火災裡丟了手機 He lost his phone in, like, a fire.
呃 我覺得他是丟了手機 Yeah, I think he lost his phone.
對 我也是這麼覺得的 Yeah. I do too.
啊 我 我全忘了 You know, I-- I totally forgot.
我週一有場大考 我得去學習去了 I have a huge test on Monday that I gotta study for.
我得通宵了 So I'm just gonna do that all night,
還有 絕對不要進我的房間 and definitely don't come in my room.
哦好 好吧 再見 Oh, okay. Yeah. See you.
晚安寶貝 Night, sweetie.
你懂個啥 我要給他打電話 But you know what? I'm just gonna call him.
現在我都擔心他是不是掛了 Now I'm worried he's dead.
喂 喂 喂 Hey, hey, hey.
這兒 Over here.
等等 我們是怎麼分工的 Wait. So how is this gonna work?
你是我的僚機還是我是你的僚機 Are you my wingman, or am I yours?
你就打算穿這一身去跳舞 Is that what you're wearing to the dance?
我要跟你說些事情 下來 I gotta tell you something. Get down.
哥們兒 別 這可是新衣服 脫了 Dude, no. This is a new suit. Get off.
女孩兒們在哪裡 哦 哦 是這些事 Where are the girls? Uh, yeah, about that.
我只說了讓你過來 I just said that to get you over here.
我需要你的幫助 I need your help.
所以你是在誆我 So there are no girls?
呃 還是有一個的 Well, there is one girl.
哦我去 Oh! My man!
噓 啥 啥 Shh! What? What?
但是她被她爸鎖在家裡了 而且她老爸是個精神變態 But she's locked in this house, and her dad's a psychopath.
她有什麼朋友嗎 Does she have a friend?
沒有 我說認真的 No. I'm serious.
你這貨 是你說這有女孩兒的 You know, you said there was gonna be girls,
現在不光沒有 and not only are there no girls,
還跑出個精神病 我還穿著西裝 but there's a psychopath, and I'm in a suit.
你怎麼知道那傢伙會離開 How do you know this guy's going to leave?
我假扮警察給他打了電話 I called him and pretended to be the cops.
我讓他到車站去 And I asked him to come to the station.
你會攤上事兒的 就一張警告而已 You can get in trouble for that. It's just a written warning.
老兄 這又濕又髒 哥們 我褲子要沾上泥了 Dude. It's wet dirt, dude. My pants are gonna get muddied.
他就在這兒 He's right there.
咳 Whoa.
好了 我們走 All right. Let's go.
走 Come on.
好 好 Okay, okay.
老兄 我這乾淨整潔的人形廣告就快成一個笑話了 Dude, my dry-cleaning bill's gonna be ridiculous.
趕快 Just come on.
哇哦 你從哪兒學來的 紐約嗎 Whoa. Where'd you learn that, New York?
- 不 從YOUTUBE - 哦 - No, YouTube. - Oh.
好了 呆在這 盯著車道 Okay, stay here and watch the driveway.
就我一個人在這等著嗎 在這一片漆黑中等著嗎 Wait here by myself? Out in the dark?
對的 錢普 你來放哨 Yes, champ. You're the lookout.
如果她爸回來了 你就給我個暗號 像這樣 If shivers comes back, you just give me a sign like:
好吧 正是因為這樣我們也很清楚 Okay, just so we're clear,
如果我察覺到任何危險氣息 我就先跑路了 if I sense any danger, I will run the other way.
呃 Whoa!
我在哪兒 Where am I?
你搞毛線啊 你不是在外面盯梢嗎 What the hell? You're supposed to be the lookout.
我是在盯梢啊 And that's not gonna change.
我只是 你懂 我盯在這兒 I'll just be the lookout, you know, in here.
不 不 很明顯你得在外面的某個地方 盯梢 No, no, by definition you have to be somewhere out, looking.
讓我解釋一下 扎克利亞斯 Let me explain something to you, zacharias.
你也知道常言道 青少年之所以不怕死 You know how they say teenagers have no fear of death?
是因為他們從沒有受過傷 呃 但這不是我 明白嗎 That they're never gonna get hurt? Well, not me, okay?
我是伴隨著恐懼一起出生的 我還記得我四歲的時候 I was born with the gift of fear. I remember being 4,
一邊推鞦韆一邊想 being pushed on a swing and thinking,
- 我會這樣死掉的 - 你不會死的 - "This is how it ends." - You're not gonna die.
是嗎 至少也不是今天死 All right? At least not today.
好吧 一切都會好起來的 Okay? It's gonna be okay.
好吧 你是對的 行了吧 Yeah, you're right. Okay.
我就是來搞笑的 I'm being ridiculous.
看 捕熊器 Oh, bear traps.
有誰會在自家地下室裡放捕熊器 我說認真的 Who puts bear traps in their basement? I mean, seriously.
走 Let's go.
我們到外面去 那裡安全 Let's go outside where it's safe.
也沒有捕熊器 Where there's no bear traps.
我覺得我吃到蜘蛛網了 I think I swallowed some web.
哥們 這邊 快 快 Dude, this way. Come on. Come on.
在那裡 Up there.
哦 Oh...
就是從那間房裡傳出來的 It's coming from that room.
漢娜 Hannah?
太奇怪了 好像噪音 That's weird. It's like the noise
是從這個書架裡傳出來的 is coming from this bookcase.
呃 這是個老房子 Well, it's an old house.
哇哦 快看這個 Whoa. Check this out.
《稻草人夜行》 The scarecrow walks at midnight.
《鄰屋幽靈》 《木偶驚魂》 The ghost next door, night of the living dummy.
全是驚悚恐怖的書 These are all goosebumps manuscripts.
他弄這一堆兒童讀物是想幹嘛 What's he doing with a bunch of kids' books?
這不是兒童讀物好嗎 These aren't kids' books. Okay?
兒童讀物是助眠的 Kids' books help you fall asleep.
這些書是助你失眠的 These books keep you up all night.
好吧 「R.L.斯坦」 Okay. "R.L. Stine."
這人怎麼了 Whatever happened to that guy?
呃 誰知道呢 大概某天失蹤了吧 Uh, who knows? He disappeared one day.
這很重要嗎 走吧 Does it matter? Let's go.
帕薩迪納市的雪人 The abominable snowman of Pasadena.
我祖母就住在帕薩迪納市 My grandma lives in Pasadena.
自打我看過這書之後我就再也沒去過 I stopped visiting after reading this.
夠了 Okay.
我們不是來這兒開讀書會的 We're not here for book club.
我知道 可是為什麼這些書要鎖起來呢 I know, but why are these books locked?
我是說 有誰會鎖一本書呢 I mean, who would lock a book?
或許這裡有把鑰匙或是什麼 Maybe there's like a key or something
能讓我們打開這本書 we can unlock it with.
好吧 如果這件事真有那麼重要的話 看這個 行了吧 Okay, if it really matters that much, look at this. All right?
謎團解開了 Mystery solved.
讓我們重新回到 小心 Let's get back to why-- look out!
扎克 Zach?
嗨 漢娜 Hey, Hannah.
你們在我家幹什麼 What are you doing in my house?
我以為你被鎖起來了 大概 I thought you were chained up, possibly.
你為什麼會這麼想 因為我聽見了你的尖叫 Why did you think that? Because I heard you scream,
之後 我叫了 警察 and then I called the... Police.
好的 你們現在就給我朝右走 Okay, both of you need to go right now.
是 好的 等等 一 就一秒鐘 Yes. Okay. Wait. One-- one second.
嗨 你好 我叫錢普 很高興見到你 Hi. Hi, I'm champ. Nice to meet you.
那個 我們一會兒要去一個正式的舞會 Hey, we're going to the semiformal later tonight,
我不清楚 你可不可以帶一個女生一起過來 and I don't know, you should come and invite a friend.
我真的不介意她的長相 I really don't care what she looks like.
你把書上的鎖解開了嗎 Did you unlock a book?
呃 是的 很抱歉 因為鑰匙就在附近 Yeah. I did. I'm sorry. It's around somewhere.
我沒再做什麼 現在就把它放回原處 I just dropped it. And I'll put it back where it belongs
給你添麻煩了 這是 and we'll be out of your hair. Here it is--
不 別打開 no! Don't open it!
不 No!
到底怎麼回事 不許發出聲音 What's going on? Nobody make a sound.
我爸爸會殺了我的 My dad's gonna kill me.
等等 扎克 Wait! Zach!
扎克 Zach!
等等 漢娜 Wait, Hannah.
漢娜 漢娜 等等 Hannah. Hannah, wait.
回家去吧 扎克 這已經不是你力所能及的了 Go home, Zach. You're in over your head.
你得告訴我這到底怎麼回事 You wanna tell me what's going on?
不 來不及解釋 我必須去追它 No, I can't explain. I have to go.
扎克 等等 等等 Zach, wait. Wait.
求你了 聽我說 Come on. Listen.
停下 停下 停下 哥們兒 你在幹什麼 Stop. Stop. Stop. Dude, what are you doing?
哥們兒 哥們兒 放開我 Dude. Dude, get off me.
認真聽我說 那個就是可惡的雪人 Listen to me very carefully. That's the abominable snowman.
你不是偶然得知這個綽號的 You don't get that nickname by accident.
它剛剛從書裡爬出來了 And it just crawled out of a book.
這根本不可能發生 扎克 That doesn't just happen, Zach!
我要去追漢娜 I'm going after Hannah.
聽著 我讀過它在帕薩迪納市做過的事 Look, I read what it did to Pasadena.
不是開玩笑 It's no joke, man.
她進那裡了 She went in there.
是的 她又不是唯一進去的 Yeah. She's not the only one who went in there.
哥們兒 我們得叫警察 Dude, we should call the cops.
你見過這個鎮上的警察嗎 Have you met the cops in this town?
說的也是 Fair enough.
你看見牆上的刮痕了嗎 Do you see the scratches on that wall?
嗯 Yes.
確認一下 Just making sure.
啊 那是你的叫聲 Oh! Is that your scream?
別怪我 Don't judge me.
這兒 Over here.
這邊 This way.
她要幹嘛 讀那個故事嗎 What is she gonna do, read it a story?
漢娜 發生了什麼 它是怎麼從書裡蹦出來的 Hannah? What is happening? How did that pop out of a book?
噓 它就在這兒 我們得弄把槍來 Shh. It's in here. Hey, we should get a gun.
你搞笑嗎 我們得弄個坦克 Are you kidding? We need a tank.
等等 他是雪做的 Wait. He's made out of snow.
噴火器 鹽袋 Flamethrower. Bag of salt.
噴火器 安靜 Flamethrower. Quiet.
它不能死 He can't be killed.
糖果 It's candy.
當心 Look out!
快跑 他沒注意到我們 Come on. It's distracted.
- 漢娜 快點 快走 - 不 你們在幹嘛 - Hannah, come on. Let's go. - No, what are you doing?
放開 別 停下來 不 你們不懂 Get off. No. Stop it! No, you don't understand.
唯一能阻止它們的辦法就是把它們吸回書裡 The only way to stop them is to suck them back into the book.
把書留下讓它自己進去 Drop the book and let it suck itself back in.
不行 我還不夠接近它 No, I'm not close enough.
你在幹嘛 把書打開 What are you doing? Just open the book.
等等 Just wait.
- 漢娜 把書打開 - 還不行 - Hannah, open the book. - Not yet.
漢娜 現在 Hannah! Now!
書 The book.
漢娜 你幹嘛 Hannah, what are you doing?
漢娜 啊 Hannah. Huh?
不 不 No. No.
別讓它得到那本書 Don't let it get the book!
你還好嗎 恩 Are you okay? Yeah.
夥計們 快點 快走 快 快 Guys, come on, let's go! Come on. Come on.
這邊 快 Over here! Come on!
- 快 - 好主意 快開車 - Come on. - Good idea. Punch it.
壞主意 壞主意 從那上面下來 Bad idea. Bad idea. Get off that thing.
啊 Aah!
跑 Run.
快 這邊 夥計們 快點 這邊 Hurry, this way. Guys, come on. In here.
夥計們 快點 快 Guys, come on. Hurry!
好樣的 yes.
哇啊 Whoa!
你們全都去車裡 立刻 All of you in the car, now!
你要對我們做什麼 What are you gonna do to us?
安靜 Silence.
- 我們不能提問嗎 - 閉嘴 - We can't ask questions--? - Shut up!
爸爸 他們是想幫忙來著 Dad, they were only trying to help.
我告訴過你遠離我們 不然會有不好的事情發生 I told you to stay away from us, or something bad would happen.
但今天你們這些小孩就出現問題 你們就是不聽我的話 But that's the problem with kids today. They don't listen.
你們為什麼要選帕薩迪納的雪人 You had to pick abominable snowman of Pasadena.
選個商店的小倉鼠不好嗎 You couldn't have picked little shop of hamsters.
你就是作者 對吧 You're him, aren't you?
- 你就是R.L斯坦 - R.L誰 - You're r.L. Stine. - R.L. Who?
我不知道那是誰 I don't know who that is.
噢 真的嗎 Oh, really?
好吧 那也沒事兒 因為他的書寫的太爛了 Well, just as well, because his books suck.
你在幹什麼 What are you doing?
我不知道我更討厭哪個 I can't decide which one I hate more:
《血魔》或《去吃蟲子》 Monster blood or go eat worms!
我不明白 I'm so confused.
這兩本書結局雖然大不相同 You see the endings coming from a mile away.
但是感覺這個作者是在模仿史蒂芬·金 It's like stop trying to be Stephen king, man.
讓我來告訴你一些關於史蒂芬·金的事情 Let me tell you something about Steve king.
史蒂芬·金一直想成為我一樣的作家 Steve king wishes he could write like me,
而且我的書比他的暢銷的多 and I've sold way more books than him,
但是從沒有人說過你這樣的話 but nobody ever talks about that!
好吧 不談書了 Okay. Way more books!
爸爸 哼 Dad... Aah!
你的臉又紅起來了 ...your face is doing the red thing again.
不是吧 No way.
等下 你是R.L斯坦 真是你嗎 Wait, you're r.L. Stine? That's you?
真的嗎 真的嗎 Really? Really?
嘿 我可以拍張照嗎 Hey, can I get a picture real quick?
- 不行 不行 - 來嘛 來嘛 - No. No. - Come on. Come on.
- 快說茄子 - 我說不拍 - The answer's "Yes." - I said no.
什麼 我 不 把你手機拿開 What? I-- no! Get that thing out of here!
對不起 我只是想拍張照放到我的INSTAGRAM上 I'm sorry. I just wanted a photo real quick for my instagram.
哦 就那樣是吧 給我看看你拍的 Oh, is that all? Let me see.
噢 好的 給你 謝謝你 Oh, yeah. Here you go. Thank you.
嘿 嘿 現在怎麼辦 Hey, hey, what happens now?
你回家 穿上睡衣 You go home, put on your p.J.'S,
蓋上被子 睡你的覺 get your blankie, you go nap-nap.
明早醒來 你就當這是做的惡夢 In the morning, this will all just feel like a bad dream.
爸爸 等下 沒時間了 收拾東西吧 Dad, wait. There's no time. Start packing.
我們又要搬家了 We're moving again.
那麼 你現在想做什麼 So, what do you wanna do now?
扎克 兄弟 Zach, dude.
- 但是我不想搬走 - 我喜歡這兒 - But I don't wanna leave. - I like it here.
漢娜 你要理解下 Hannah, you have to understand.
我不需要理解任何事 I don't have to understand anything.
我們為什麼不能正常一回 Why can't we be normal for once?
因為我們不是正常的家庭 你快去收拾你的東西 Because we're not a normal family. Now go get your things.
我受夠了 I'm so over this.
啊 年輕人 Oh! Teenagers.
我可以殺了你 I could've killed you.
你扔的好差勁 怎麼殺 That was a terrible throw. How?
你們在這兒幹什麼 回家吧 What are you doing here? Go home.
不 除非你告訴我這到底是怎麼回事兒 No. Not until you explain what's going on.
不 不 不 我不會解釋的 No, no, no. I can't explain it.
我們差點就被那個雪人吃了 We were almost just eaten by frosty the snowman,
這應該是不可能發生的事情 所以 快告訴我們 which should be impossible, by the way, so try.
好的 是這樣 Okay, look...
我怎麼說呢 是在我小的時候 Where do I begin? When I was younger,
我因為嚴重的過敏一直呆在家裡 I suffered from terrible allergies that kept me indoors.
所有的小孩都朝我的窗戶扔石頭 And all the kids threw rocks at my window
還給我取外號 and called me names.
所以我只能自己創造朋友 So I created my own friends.
怪物 惡魔 食屍鬼 去嚇唬我的鄰居 Monsters, demons, ghouls to terrorize my neighborhood
去嚇唬取笑我的小孩子 and all the kids that made fun of me.
但是後來它們真的出現了 And they became real to me.
在某一天 它們真的 And then one day, they actually...
真正存在了 Became real.
我創造的怪物們會從書上出來 My monsters literally leapt off the page.
只要那些書是鎖著的 我們就是安全的 As long as the books remain locked, we're safe.
但是若是書打開了 But when they open,
嗯 你們已經知道會發生什麼了 well, you've just seen what happens.
我對塵□過敏 I'm allergic to dust mites.
你想表達什麼 What's your point?
我只是說 我也有過敏 I'm just saying, I have allergies too.
所以我理解你 So I understand.
我幹嘛要和你講話 漢娜 走吧 Why am I talking to you? Hannah, let's go.
漢娜 抱歉 Hannah! I'm sorry.
我們走 Let's go.
漢娜 你拿A到M的書 我拿M到Z的 Hannah, you grab a to m, I'll get m to z.
把《食人花》和《爆眼外星人》分開放 And keep the man-eating plant away from the bug-eyed aliens.
哦 不 不要是他啊 Oh, no. Not him.
你好 爸爸 Hello, papa.
多久沒見了啊 How long's it been?
恍若隔世啊 Feels like forever.
你的新朋友嗎 Who are your new friends?
我們不是朋友 剛認識他 We're not friends. Barely know him.
斯拉比 再次見到你很高興 Slappy, it's so nice to see you again.
你有想我嗎 Did you miss me?
當然 我想你啊 Of course I missed you.
那麼 有什麼計劃嗎 朋友 So, what's the plan, friend?
你放我出來肯定是要好好玩一下 You must've brought me out for something fun.
嚇嚇當地的人們 摧毀這個鎮子 Terrorize the locals? Destroy the town?
讓我們瘋狂一下吧 Let's get silly.
你猜的對 斯拉比 You guessed it, slappy.
我準備摧毀麥迪遜 而我 I'm going to destroy Madison, and I--
沒有你沒法做到 and I couldn't do it without you.
啊 呸 你讓我 Aw, shucks. You're giving me--
那個詞叫什麼來著 oh, what's the word?
起雞皮疙瘩 Goosebumps.
噢 我的天 他好可怕 Oh, my god. He's so creepy.
噢 他是很有趣的 Oh, he is such a crack-up.
如此聰明的假人 Such a clever dummy.
你說誰是假人呢 蠢貨 Who are you calling "Dummy," Dummy?
你想讓我回到書裡面 You're trying to put me back in?
不 不 不 不 不 不 怎麼會呢 No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't be silly.
我知道你在騙我 爸爸 I know when you're lying to me, papa.
你讓斯拉比很生氣 You've made slappy very unhappy.
他再也不想呆在書架上了 He's not going back on the shelf ever again.
斯拉比 不 等等 Slappy, no, wait!
我覺得是時候 I think it's time I started
由我來主導我們間的關係了 pulling the strings in this relationship.
今晚發生的事情將是你所寫過的最好的故事 Tonight is gonna be the best story you've ever written.
你的孩子們都會出來一起玩 All of your children are coming out to play.
哦 感謝上帝 他走了 Oh, thank god he's gone.
哦 天 他走了 Oh, god. He's gone.
他帶走了所有的書 And he's taken all the books.
那是本好書啊 That one's a real page-Turner.
恭喜你 你剛釋放了個惡魔 - Congratulations. - You've just released a demon.
一個有著拿破侖謀略的口技假人 A ventriloquist dummy with a serious napoleonic complex.
我只打開了一本書 所以那本是個意外 I only opened one book, and now I see that was a mistake.
肯定是雪人把斯拉比的書撞開了 The snowman must've knocked slappy's book down.
這事兒還是怪你 我不喜歡你 小子 - I still blame him. - I don't like you, boy.
門被從外面鎖住了 It's locked from the outside.
從廚房門出去 快走 Out the kitchen door. Go now.
這個小人怎麼在這兒 我也不知道 Why is that here? I don't know.
也許他們沒有惡意 Maybe they're friendly.
絕對有惡意 他們絕對有滿滿的惡意 Not friendly. Definitely not friendly.
噢 Ooh.
他抓住我的臉了 He's stuck to my face.
絕對是有滿滿的惡意 Definitely not friendly.
爸爸 啊 Dad! Aah!
堅持住 我來幫你 Hold on. I'll save you.
對不起 對不起 你還好嗎 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Are you okay?
準備 綁住了 走起 Ready, set, go.
不好意思 I'm sorry.
幫我 哦 不 不 不 幫我 來個人啊 Help me. Oh, no, no, no. Help, someone.
讓開 讓開 Get back. Get back.
讓開 Get back.
嘿喲 嘿喲 Heave-ho. Heave-ho.
嘿喲 Heave-ho.
幫我 幫我 把它們弄走 好的 好的 Help me. Help me. Get them off. Okay, okay.
嘿喲 嘿喲 Heave-ho. Heave-ho.
快點啊 Quickly.
關上 關上 Shut it. Shut it.
全都弄進去了嗎 嘿喲 嘿喲 - Did you get them all? Heave-ho. Heave-ho....
幫我解開 Untie me.
和我想的不一樣啊 I imagined something different.
來我家 這裡有很多女孩 "Come over to my house. There will be girls.
我是你的同伴 I'm your wingman."
哦 不 不 不 不 我們要離開這兒 Oh, no, no, no. We got to get out of here.
我們去地下室 We need to get to the basement.
是鎖著的 我弄開了 It's locked. I picked it.
那是非法入侵 That's breaking and entering!
注意捕熊的陷阱 Watch out for the bear traps.
為什麼你要弄捕熊的陷阱 Why'd it have to be bear traps?
好吧 快點 快點 跟上 - All right, come on. Hurry. - Come on.
鎖住 鎖住 好的 - Lock it! Lock it! - Okay.
為什麼你不寫一些故事 Why couldn't you have written stories
關於彩虹或獨角獸 about rainbows and unicorns?
因為那些玩意兒賣不了4億本 Because that doesn't sell 400 million copies.
哇哦 在國內嗎 Whoa, domestic?
不 全世界範圍 No, worldwide.
但也是很厲害了 閉嘴 It's still very impressive. Shut up.
那是什麼 What is that?
他把書燒了 為什麼他要這麼做 He's burning the books. Why's he doing that?
這樣的話 那些怪物就無法被收回書裡了 So there's no way to get the monsters back inside.
這是斯拉比的復仇 It's slappy's revenge.
《斯拉比的復仇》 那是個好書名 Slappy's revenge. That's a good title.
不好意思 朋友 我想開慢點 Sorry, folks. I'd slow down,
但我踩不到剎車 but I can't reach the brake.
嘿 快來看看我的新暢銷書 Hey, check out my new best seller.
蔓延開來吧 It'll grow on you.
通訊中斷將會是這個鎮上最小的問題 Dropped calls are gonna be the least of this town's problems.
我玩兒的好瘋狂啊 I'm driving myself crazy!
小鎮被入侵了 通訊中斷了 - The town has been invaded. - Communications are down.
我在說大規模的混亂 沒有人知道如何制止 We're talking mass chaos, and no one knows how to stop it.
你覺得怎麼樣 What do you think?
我不確定 我不 我不知道 I'm not sure. I-- I'm not-- I don't know.
是隕星怪物 It's the blob.
電影隕星怪物 最初由史蒂夫·麥奎因主演的啊 The blob. The original one with Steve McQueen.
噢 不不敢相信你居然沒看過那部電影 Oh, I can't believe you don't know that movie.
來我家 我有它的光碟 Come over to my house. I got it on laserdisc.
我們 We'll wa--
又停電了 power went out again.
天啊 晚上老是這樣 God. All night with this.
好吧 那些應急燈應該很快會亮起來 Well, these emergency lights should kick on soon.
有人把腹語假人落在這兒了 Somebody left their ventriloquist dummy.
你喊誰假人呢 Who you calling "Dummy"?
他會說話 這是什麼東西 It's talking. What is that thing?
我為和平而來 沒有武裝 I come in peace. Unarmed.
我只是想給你們講個睡前故事 I just wanna read you a bedtime story.
- 先生 閉嘴 - 好的 - Sir, shut your mouth. - Okay.
但是你還是阻止不了我啊 Because that's not gonna stop me.
- 把手放在我看得到的地方 - 警官 - Hands where I can see them. - Officers!
你被解除職務了 哈哈 You've been relieved of your duties. Ha, ha!
現在 凍結吧 Now, freeze.
有人嗎 Hello?
哦 你好啊 小傢伙 你肯定迷路了 Oh, hello, cutie. You must be lost.
哦 沒有標牌 Oh, and no tags.
好吧 給你點水喝吧 Well, let's get you some water.
我們會帶你到附近逛逛 We'll take you around the neighborhood
我們會找到你的主人 and we'll find your owner.
他長得帥嗎 他還單身嗎 Is he handsome? Is he single?
他有想過下定決心離開他的妻子嗎 Is he thinking about leaving his wife and needs a push?
好的 別弄灑了 All right. Trying not to spill.
不要笨手笨腳的 羅琳 Don't be clumsy, Lorraine.
好吧 你肯定很渴 Okay, you must be so thirsty.
鎮上所有的人都被凍住了 Everyone in town's been frozen.
喔 我的天吶 喔 我的天 爸 老爸 發生了 Oh, my god. Oh, my god, dad. Dad, what happened to--?
等一下 Wait.
喔 喔 感謝上蒼 Oh. Oh, thank god.
夥計們 虛驚一場 不是我老爸 Guys, false alarm. It's not my dad.
我們怎麼辦 What are we going to do?
沒有原稿 Without those manuscripts,
我們什麼也幹不了 there's nothing I can do.
如果 如果你寫過怪物可以從書中出來 If-- if you wrote the monsters off the page,
那麼也就有辦法可以寫他們回到書中 then maybe there's a way you could write them back on.
等等 是 是啊 是啊 為什麼不那樣做呢 Wait-- yeah, yeah, yeah! Why don't you just do that?
你根本就不知道我要寫多少故事去 You have any idea how many stories I'd have to write
抓住我創造的怪物 to capture every monster I've created?
我雙手早已寫斷了 I already have carpal tunnel in both hands.
爸爸 聽他的 是個不錯的主意 Dad, just listen to him. It's a great idea.
就一個 一個故事抓住所有的怪物 Just one. One story to capture them all.
嗯 說得容易 就一個 一個故事 Hmm, simple. Just one, one story,
抓住我創造的所有怪物 with every monster I've ever created.
真聰明 真是個好主意 他是一個看守者 Brilliant. Really good idea. He's a keeper.
你有更好的主意嗎 You have a better idea?
嗯 哼 嗯 哼 Mm-hm, mm-hm.
一個好得多的主意 A much better idea.
不 現在沒有 我沒有 但是 No, not now, I don't, but--
好了 那麼我們得給你找一台電腦 okay, then we gotta get you to a computer
你就可以開始寫作 這有 so you can start writing. There's--
這兒有一個電腦專賣店 只需要闖進去 there's a computer store. Just break in.
不 不 不 我需要用我的打字機 No, no, no. I need my typewriter.
- 什麼 - 我所寫的每個故事 - What? - Every story I've written
是在史密斯·可樂娜完成的 不只是我 was on that Smith corona. It's not just me.
那個打字機很特殊 That typewriter is special.
它是有靈性的 It has a soul of its own.
如果我在其他上面寫 是沒有用的 If I write on anything else, it won't work.
打字機在哪裡 Where's the typewriter?
喔 別擔心 Oh, don't worry.
在某個安全的地方 It's somewhere safe.
快點 come on.
拜託 拜託 拜託 Come on, come on, come on.
只要給我一格信號 Just give me one bar.
之前還有用的 This was working earlier.
拿頭來 啊 Brains. Aah!
很抱歉 我無意嚇唬你 I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.
我是說 我是想嚇你 但是用一種幽默的方式 I mean, I did mean to scare you, but in a playful way.
那麼 啊 一切還好嗎 So, uh, is everything okay?
很抱歉 我得聯繫上我的兒子 I'm sorry, I have to get hold of my son,
但是我手機沒有信號 and I can't get any service.
是啊 今晚都收不到信號 真奇怪 Yeah. No one can tonight. It's weird.
我不知道我手機出什麼問題了 I don't know what's going on with my phone.
我收不到信號 I can't get reception.
斯拉比弄毀了信號塔 Slappy's taken out the cell-phone towers.
那也是我曾經做過的 That's what I'd do.
他在分離我們 孤立我們 He'cutting us off. Isolating us.
那是什麼聲音 What was that?
呸 是隱形男孩 他對我們是一個威脅 Ugh, it's the invisible boy. He's a menace.
哦 Ow!
把它推出窗外 Shove him out the window.
搖起窗戶 Roll up the window.
夾住了他的尾巴 救命 救命啊 He's got his tie! Help, help!
抓緊了 Hold on.
不好玩 Not cool!
你還好嗎 Are you okay?
是的 當然 Yeah. For sure.
是啊 等等 等等 小心前面 Yeah. Wait. Wait, look out!
- 你還好吧 - 沒事 - Are you okay? - Yeah.
都還好吧 Everyone okay?
它突然就出現了 It came out of nowhere.
我都不記得我寫過一隻巨螳螂 I don't remember writing about a giant praying mantis.
好吧 現在我想起來了 Right. Now I remember.
快離開這兒 Get us out of here!
你在做什麼 看不到路我沒法開車 What are you doing? I can't drive if I can't see.
只管開就行了 Just go!
喔 我的天吶 Oh, my god!
小心 左轉 Watch out! Turn left!
不要開直路 Stop driving straight!
- 它追上來了 向右轉 - 加大油門 - He's catching up! Turn right! - Step on it!
有人想要開車嗎 我可以把車停到路邊了 Does someone else wanna drive? I'll pull over right now.
為什麼你會想製造這些畸形的怪物 Why'd you come up with something so freaky?
我想 我是有訣竅的 I just have a knack for it, I guess.
喔 不 我的牧馬人 Oh, no. My wagoneer.
這車還沒有開多久 I had such low mileage on it.
我們離中學還有多遠 How far are we from the high school?
不遠了 Not too far.
我們可以從墓地抄近路 We can cut through the cemetery.
抱歉 墓地 I'm sorry, a cemetery?
天吶 放鬆點 穿過森林就是中學了 God, relax. The high school's just past the woods.
等等 你怎麼知道 Wait, how do you know that?
啊 有時我會發點神經出去浪一下 Uh, sometimes I get a little stir-crazy and go exploring.
什麼時候 在你上床睡覺之後 When? At night after you go to bed.
- 你被禁足了 - 那不公平 - You're grounded. - That is so unfair.
- 不 很公平 - 你們都說都對 - No, it's fair. - You're bringing up good points,
但是在你生氣的時候我們還得繼續走 but let's keep moving while you argue.
在大半夜和陌生的男孩子偷溜出去 Sneaking off in the middle of the night with strange boys.
真是難以置信啊 閉上你的鳥嘴 Unbelievable. Shut it.
嘿 嘿 我可以向你借一美元嗎 Hey, hey, do you have a dollar I could borrow?
什麼 不 為什麼 我渴死了 What? No. Why? I'm parched.
好吧 只是一美元 我相信他們會理解你的 Well, just take one. I'm sure they'll understand.
真的嗎 哈 Really? Ha!
檸檬水 葡萄酒 草莓糖漿 Lemonade, grape or strawberry?
老天爺啊 這兒 橙汁 Good god, man. Here. Orange.
我不知道我在想什麼 I don't know what I was thinking.
這兒的路居然比紐約還多 There is way more going on here than New York.
怎麼了 啊 你割傷了 What? Uh, you cut yourself.
嚴重嗎 啊 是的 很嚴重 Is it bad? Uh, yeah. It's really bad.
我臉毀容了嗎 Is my face messed up?
是啊 毀了很多 Yeah. Big time.
毀得看起來完全一樣 You look exactly the same.
你聽到了嗎 Did you hear that?
你在幹什麼 What are you doing?
那可是雞皮疙瘩中的狼人 That's the werewolf of fever swamp.
它可以聞到我的氣味 He can smell my scent.
不 沒用的 我得藏起來 No, it's not working. I have to hide.
快點 Come on.
噓 不 不 不要 Shh, no, no, no.
做點什麼啊 Do something.
快點 快點 快點 Come on, come on. Come on.
快點 走 走 走 Come on. Go, go, go.
它在追我們 快跑 He's on our tail. Go.
跑 它就在我們的後邊 Go! He's right behind us!
快點 跑 跑 Come on. Go, go.
喔 Oh!
我被卡住了 快來幫我 I'm stuck. Help me get out.
你在幹什麼 沒時間了 What are you doing? There's no time!
我說了把我弄出來 快點跑 沒時間了 I said get me out of here. Gotta go. There's no time.
弄我出來 喔 不 繼續跑 它在追我們 I said get me out-- oh, no. Keep going. He's chasing us.
我正在拼盡全力跑 I'm going as fast as I can.
快跑 我們就跟在你們的背後 好 Just go. We're right behind you. Okay!
啊 喔 Aah! Oh!
快點 我們得走了 起來 起來 Come on. We gotta go. Get up. Get up.
快點 快點 夥計們 快跑 Come on, come on! Let's go, guys!
快點 快點 快點 Come on, come on, come on.
哈哈 看看它還能穿過來不 Ha! Let's see him get through that.
走 快走 跑 快跑 Go, go! Run, run!
- 鎖住了 - 走這邊 - It's locked. - This way.
我很好 I'm okay.
我還是很好 I'm still okay!
她是誰 我姨媽羅琳 Who is that? It's my aunt Lorraine.
喔 天吶 Oh, my gosh.
我覺得我殺了那只熊 I think I killed that bear.
事實上它是一隻狼人 什麼 It was actually a werewolf. What?
羅琳姨媽 你在這兒幹什麼 Aunt Lorraine, what are you doing here?
這是我商店的後面 我不知道去哪裡 This is the back of my store. I didn't know where else to go.
我沒法聯繫上你的媽媽 警察還有其它人 I can't get ahold of your mother or the cops or anyone...
你好 啊 嗨 你好 Hello. Uh, hi. Hello.
嗨 我覺得我們還沒有進行自我介紹 Hi. I don't think we've been properly introduced.
嗯 我是 我是羅琳 Um-- I'm-- I'm Lorraine.
你好 R.L.斯坦 Hello. R.L. Stine.
你對我們真是恩重如山 We owe you a great debt of gratitude.
你的魯莽駕駛救了我們的命 Your reckless driving saved our lives.
喔 剛才那件事嗎 Oh, that old thing?
羅琳 羅琳 Lorraine. Lorraine.
那麼 羅琳 So... Lorraine.
我們沒時間了 我需要你去警察局 We don't have time. I need you to go to the police station
告訴他們和我們在中學碰面 and tell them to meet us at the high school.
- 好嗎 你能做到嗎 - 我能做到 好的 - All right? Can you do that? - I can do that. Okay.
喔 你想互相留下電話號碼嗎 Oh, did you wanna exchange numbers?
現在不是好時候 但是我想 It's not a good time, but yes!
喔 天吶 這可不妙 Oh, god, this is a bad idea.
那是什麼 What was that?
你還好嗎 是 是的 是的 You okay? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
是的 只是一個樹根 沒什麼可怕的 Yeah. Just a root. Nothing scary here.
那麼你為什麼要取綽號叫'錢普'呢 So how did you get the nickname "Champ"?
不是一個綽號 It's not a nickname.
等一下 那是你的真實姓名 還是一些縮寫 Wait. That's your real name? Is it short for something?
我的全名是冠軍 My full name is champion.
你的真實姓名是冠軍 Your actual name is champion.
抱歉 Sorry.
我老爸在92年的奧林匹克運動會上 My dad won a bronze
- 奪得了銅牌 - 真的嗎 - back in the '92 Olympics. - Really?
我的媽媽 她是一名美國短跑選手 My mom, she was an all-American sprinter
還是一個兩屆世界辯論賽的冠軍 and a two-time world debate champion.
所以他們叫我'錢普' So they named me "Champ."
這哥們從出場被妹子叫Chump（呆瓜）以後就咬定自己真名叫Champ（錢普）死不悔改 演完都不知道他真名叫什麼
嘿 你知道 如果你害怕 我可以抓緊你的手 Hey, you know, if you're scared, I can hold your hand.
拜託 你才是膽小鬼呢 Please, you're the scaredy-cat.
等等 等等 鎮定 沒事的 只是一個石像 Wait, wait. Hold on. It's okay. It's just a statue.
好了嗎 你沒事的 All right? You're fine.
沒事的 對嗎 It's all right. All right?
等一等 它 Just give me a sec. It's--
它套住了你的夾克 it's caught on your jacket.
我的英雄 My hero.
你可以走動了 There. You're free to go.
怎麼了 What is it?
沒什麼 Nothing.
你確定嗎 Are you sure?
是 Yeah.
是 十分肯定 我 Yeah, totally. I'm fi--
扎克 Zach!
跑 Run!
食屍鬼 跑 跑 Ghouls. Go, go.
它們越來越近了 Oh, they're getting closer!
跑 這兒 跑 跑 快點 快點 跑 跑 快跑 Go. Here. Go. Go. Come on. Come on. Go, go, go.
快點 快 快 快 Hurry, quick, quick, quick.
我卡住了 I'm stuck.
- 你快先走 先救你自己 - 好的 保重 - Go on without me. Save yourself. - Okay. Good luck.
不是 我只是說說而已 冠軍 No, I didn't mean it, champion!
什麼樣的怪物會真的答應我剛才的要求 What kind of monster would take me up on that offer?
拉我 大家快一起拉我出來 Pull. Everybody pull.
我要殺了他 那個蠢蛋在哪 I'll kill him. Where is that little imbecile?
等我們一下 你個膽小鬼 Wait for us, you coward!
你可以的 羅琳 你可以的 All right. Okay, Lorraine. You got this.
只要告訴警察到高中去 Just tell the cops to head to the high school
所有人都遇到麻煩了就可以了 and that everyone's in trouble.
你可以做到 You can do this. Okay.
噢 不對 不是這個門 Oh! Nope. Wrong door.
你好 Hello?
這裡有人在嗎 Is anyone in here?
呼叫警察 呼叫所有警察 Calling all cops, calling all the cops.
請到高中去 我侄子遇到麻煩了 Head to the high school. My nephew's in trouble.
他和R.L.斯坦在一起 He's with R.L. Stine.
他們認為他們知道如何阻止這一切 They think they know how to stop all this.
喂 有人聽到我講話嗎 Hello? Can anyone hear me?
我聽到了 I can hear you.
警察隊長斯拉比 隨時準備保護以及服務大眾 Sergeant slappy, ready to protect and serve.
我的老天爺 Oh, my goodness.
- 你是 - 別 - You're... - Don't do it.
- 一個會說話的 - 別說出來 - ...A talking... - Don't say it.
- 假人 - 你說出來了 - ...dummy. - You said it.
你有保持沉默的權力 You have the right to remain silent.
他們把我的打字機放哪去了 Where did they put my typewriter?
我肯定是這個方向 也沒準是那個方向 I know it was this way. It might've been the other way.
- 我們或許應該分開走 - 什麼 不行 - We should split up. - What? No.
你讀過你自己寫的書嗎 Have you ever read one of your books?
我們永遠都不能分開走 We're never supposed to split up.
快點 這裡能有幾個展示箱啊 Come on. How many display cases could there be?
- 你碰我 - 對 等一下 - You're touching me. - Yeah. Hang on a second.
- 漢娜不知道 對吧 - 不知道什麼 - Hannah doesn't know, does she? - She doesn't know what?
不知道她不是真的 That she's not real.
她認為她是一個真人 She thinks she's a person, okay?
而不是你憑想像創造出來的虛擬人物 Not just some figment of your imagination.
你怎麼能 你怎麼能騙她 How could-- how could you lie to her?
我在保護她 I was trying to protect her!
哦 真的嗎 那你做的真好啊 Oh, yeah? Well, good job with that.
我的這個禮物是一個詛咒 This gift of mine is a curse.
你不知道我一直以來有多孤獨 直到漢娜出現 You have no idea how lonely it's been until Hannah.
漢娜不一樣 She's different.
我特意把她寫得讓她以為她是真的 I wrote her in such a way that she thinks she's real,
而且她對我來說就是真的 扎克 and she is real to me, Zach.
我不奢望你能懂 I don't expect you to understand.
事實上 我懂 Actually, I do.
我害怕失去她 I'm afraid of losing her.
事實上 我害怕一個人孤孤單單的 And the truth is, I'm afraid of being alone.
我可能在你這個年紀的時候 I suppose I stopped connecting with real people
就不再與真人交往了 when I was your age.
我爸死了之後 我也把所有人隔絕在外了 After my dad died, I shut everyone out too.
也許我們可以一起重新開始 Maybe we can both start over,
如果明天我們還活著的話 if we're alive tomorrow.
你原來在這 你還好嗎 There you are. Are you okay?
你看起來像剛見了鬼一樣 You look like you just saw a ghost.
快跟我來 我們找到打字機了 Okay. Well, come on. We found the typewriter.
哦我親愛的 我想死你了 親一個 Oh, my sweet darling, I've missed you so much. Mwah.
好了 開始寫吧 All right, so start writing.
嗯 但是故事是怎樣的 Yes, but what's the story?
什麼意思 怪物輸了 好人贏了 故事結束了 What do you mean? Monsters lose, good guys win, the end.
不 不 不 這樣不行 No, no, no. It doesn't work
這必須是一個真的讓人起雞皮疙瘩的故事 unless it's a real goosebumps story,
有反轉 有轉折 有恐怖 with twists and turns and frights.
更要有我們的英雄的自我成長 Not to mention some personal growth for our hero.
啥 What?
去體育館 警告所有人 Go to the gym. Warn everyone.
讓他們隔離這所學校 Tell them to barricade the school.
你去哪 Where are you going?
去找個寫作的地方 To find someplace to write.
斯拉比會來找我的 Slappy's going to come for me.
我有截止日期 真正的死亡期限 I have a deadline, literally.
現在快走 Now go.
不可思議 Unbelievable.
# 關掉 關掉 關掉 # # Off, off, off #
# 把腦袋停掉 # # Off with your head #
# 跳舞 跳到生命的盡頭 # # Dance, dance till you're dead #
# 頭在轉 頭在轉 # # Heads will roll heads will roll #
# 頭在地上轉 # # Heads will roll on the floor #
不好意思 Excuse me.
不好意思 借過一下 Sorry. Coming through.
快點 我們要到台上去 Come on. We gotta get to the stage.
# 頭在轉 頭在轉 # # Heads will roll heads will roll #
# 頭在地上轉 # # Heads will roll on the floor #
那麼這就是高中的舞會 So this is what a high-school dance is like.
呃 對 一般情況下他們舞會跳得更好一點 Uh, yeah. Usually the dancing's better.
但是大概的樣子就是你看到的 But you get the idea.
他們現在管這個叫跳舞嗎 That what they call dancing now?
- 我不知道 - 扎克 - I'm not sure. - Zach.
- 媽 媽 - 扎克 - Mom. Mom. - Zach.
我擔心死了 你和羅琳我一個都聯繫不到 I was so worried. I couldn't get hold of you or Lorraine.
我知道 我知道 媽 在這的所有人都處於危險中 I know. I know. Mom, everyone here is in danger.
- 我們必須隔離這所學校 - 哦不 扎克 不要再來一次了 - We have to barricade the school. - Oh, no, Zach. Not this again.
他講的是實話 嗨 我是漢娜 我住隔壁 He's telling you the truth. I'm Hannah. I live next door.
好了 All right.
同學們 聽清楚了 Okay, everyone, listen up. Okay?
大家 請你們一定要認真聽 Okay. Everybody, you gotta listen up--
- 錢普 下來 - 我要告訴你們一些事 - Champ, get down. - I have something to say.
呃 好吧 呃 Uh, okay, uh....
我的朋友扎克有話要說 Listen to my best friend Zach.
- 就 就告訴他們就行了 - 謝了啊兄弟 - Just-- just tell them. - Thanks, champ.
嗯 行吧 唔 Yeah. Yeah. All right. Um...
你們大概覺得我們瘋了 This is going to sound insane,
但是有一群怪獸攻擊了麥迪遜 but monsters have invaded Madison.
夥計們 是真的 相信我們 Guys, it's the truth. Okay?
他講的是實話 He's telling the truth. It's--
他真的沒有撒謊 he's not making this up.
這群怪物堵住了所有出鎮的路 They've blocked every road out of town,
他們還把信號塔毀了 they've torn down the cell towers,
我們變得與世隔絕了 and we've been cut off from the rest of the world.
而且他們隨時都有可能開始攻擊我們 And they could be coming for us any second,
所以我們需要 so we need to work to--
他是對的 He's right.
是魔鬼來了 而且他正在挖鼻屎呢 好怕怕啊 It's the boogeyman. And he's picking his nose.
這不是我編 I'm not making--
這有一隻巨大的蟲子 There's a giant bug,
它正吃著我們的車呢 and it's eating everybody's cars!
- 呃 不好笑了 兄弟 - 不是 是真的 - Uh, it's getting old, dude. - No, seriously!
他們來了 They're here.
現在這才是真正的省親活動 Now, this is a real homecoming.
好了 所有人 大家冷靜下來好嗎 All right. Everyone, everyone, everyone calm down. Okay?
我知道 我知道怎麼做 但是我一個人做不到 I know-- I know what to do, but I can't do it by myself.
拿著這個 Take this.
邀請我們剩下的朋友來參加派對 Invite the rest of our friends to the party.
看 這些怪物 Look. Those things out there,
他們是R.L.斯坦書裡的怪物 they're R.L. Stine's monsters.
他在這 他可以讓一切恢復原樣 He's here, and he can fix this,
但是我們必須為他爭取時間讓他寫完 but we need to buy him time to write.
不用擔心 他寫的很快 And don't worry, he's a very quick writer.
夜很寒冷 The night was cold.
寒冷之夜 Cold was the night.
走近點 別害羞 Come close. Don't be shy.
你們不會想錯過這場表演的 You don't wanna miss the show.
好了 大家看著 這些是所有的出口 All right, everyone. These are all the exits.
找到所有你能找的東西把門堵上 Find anything you can to barricade the doors,
因為我們絕不能放那些怪物進來 because we cannot let the monsters inside.
快點 大家 我們沒有時間了 Come on, guys. We don't have a lot of time.
摞起來 把椅子摞起來 Stack them up there. Stack them up.
來 快點 快點 好了 Come on, quickly. Quickly. Yes.
我所有的朋友都在這裡 All my friends in one place.
我從沒這麼開心過 I've never been so happy.
我不想讓這一天結束 I don't want this day to end.
而且這一天也不用結束 And it doesn't have to...
只要我們解決了斯坦 As long as we get rid of Stine.
開始 Charge!
走 走 走 這個撐不住的 快走 Go, go, go! It's not gonna hold! Go!
快走 快走 快跑 Go, go, go!
我們為和平而來 We come in peace.
- 我們應該幫忙 - 我們應該離開 - We should be helping. - We should be leaving.
啥 啥 What? What?
你去哪啊 Where are you going?
我們確定一定以及肯定地 分手了 We are so...Through.
不 不要 不 Please, no. Please.
不要 求你了 No, please.
我的天哪 你怎麼做到的 Oh, my god. How'd you do that?
銀質填料 我有好多牙洞 Silver fillings. I have a ton of cavities.
我十歲的時候 整整一年都沒刷牙 When I was 10, I didn't brush my teeth for a whole year.
呃 狼人的頭髮 啊 Ugh, werewolf hair. Oh.
你救了我的命 呆瓜 You saved my life, chump.
其實我叫錢普 It's actually "Champ."
我只是想讓你再抱我一次的 I was just gonna say "Hug me again,"
但是 嗯 嗯 這個也行 but yeah, yeah, that works too.
我們堅持不住了 他們太多了 We can't keep this up. There's too many.
我們必須去找到斯坦 We have to get to Stine.
- 走吧 - 好的 - Let's go. - Okay.
所有的怪物都到齊了 All the monsters had converged.
惡毒的吸血蝙蝠 The vicious vampire bats,
祈禱的蝙蝠 the praying mantis,
鬧鬼的面具 the haunted mask...
忘了誰嗎 Forgetting somebody?
斯拉比 Slappy.
你怎麼找到我的 How did you find me?
我瞭解你 我創造了你 I know you. I created you.
還是你創造了我來著 Or is it the other way around?
我總是忘了 我們太像了 I always forget. We're so similar.
斯拉比 Slappy?
- 斯拉比 - 嗨 - Slappy? - Hi.
「所有在高中的人」 "Everyone in the high school
「團結在一起去對抗斯拉比和他的部下們」 joined forces to defeat slappy and his monsters."
嗯 但是斯拉比不想這麼寫 Hmm. But slappy had other ideas.
不 No.
爸 Dad!
你還好嗎 Are you okay?
那個蠢貨把我手指夾斷了 That dumb dummy broke my fingers.
我馬上就寫完了 只剩一兩頁了 I was almost finished. Only one or two pages left.
那就別寫兩頁了 寫個字就夠了 「終」 Well, forget two pages. Write two words: "The end."
那樣不行 It doesn't work like that.
全校通知 School-wide announcement:
麥迪遜高中已經被怪獸攻佔了 Monsters have overwhelmed Madison high.
請大家有秩序地退到儲藏室 Retreat in an orderly fashion to the storage room.
重複一次 有秩序地退到儲藏室 I repeat, retreat in an orderly fashion to the storage room.
我們一會兒再討論這件事 好嗎 We'll figure this out later, all right?
- 我們走 - 跟著我 - Let's go. - Follow me.
快點 走 Come on, go!
啊 漢娜 不要 Aah! Hannah. No.
關門 關門 Close it. Close it.
你沒事吧 沒事 沒事 謝謝 Are you okay? Yeah. Yeah. Thanks.
跟我來 Come with me.
等等 等等 她是一個 Wait. Wait, she's a--
是的 我不在乎 yes, and I don't care.
好 跟上 跟上 跟上 快 快 快 All right. Come on, come on, come on. Go, go, go.
關門 快 Shut it! Go!
把門頂住 頂住 頂住 Get that door! Get it! Get it!
哦 天啊 Oh, god.
等等 媽媽 媽媽 媽媽 你還好嗎 Wait. Mom, mom, mom. You okay?
你還好嗎 沒事 Are you okay? Yeah.
我們該怎麼辦 他們要衝進來了 What do we do? They'll get through.
我不知道 我不知道 I don't know. I don't know.
斯拉比想要的是我 Slappy wants me.
我才是他要找的人 That's who he's after.
聽我說 如果我能把他們引到其中一輛巴士上 Listen to me, if I can lure them away in one of those buses,
我確信他們會來追我 你們就安全了 I know that they'll follow me and you'll all be safe.
我和你去 不 我自己去 I'm coming with you. No, I need to do this alone.
我一生都在躲避人們 I've been running away from people my whole life.
我對這現實世界充滿憤怒 I was so angry at the real world
所以我創造了這些可怕的怪獸 that I created these terrible monsters.
頂住那扇門 Hold that door down.
但我再也不會發瘋了 But I'm not mad anymore.
這是我的錯 不是這城鎮的錯 也不是你們的錯 It's my fault, not this town's. Not yours.
總有其他辦法的 漢娜 親愛的 There's gotta be another way. Hannah, sweetheart,
是我該面對我的魔鬼們的時候了 it's time for me to face my demons.
我相信你 閉嘴 I believe in you. Shut up!
對不起 我是說 關嚴門 I'm sorry. I mean, shut up.
我有個主意 I have an idea.
哦 爸爸 Oh, papa.
這沒人能逃出我們的手掌心 There's no escaping from us.
把他給我帶來 Bring him to me.
這方法奏效了嗎 Did it work?
還沒 Not yet.
快 快 快引爆 Come on. Come on, work.
快 快 Come on, come on.
啊哦 Uh-oh.
太好了 Yes!
擊掌 High five.
哦 小伙子 這可不太好 對不起 Oh, boy. Bad idea. Sorry.
太好了 車爆炸了 Yes. It worked.
哦 要當心啊 扎克 Oh, be careful, Zach.
我們會渡過難關的 We're gonna get through this.
現在不是說這個的時候 Not a good time.
好吧 Okay.
好 快走 Okay. Go.
好了 很明顯現在只剩下一個地方可以藏身 Okay, it was clear there was only one place left to hide.
我沒法邊走邊打字 那就記在腦子裡 I can't type while walking. Then commit it to memory.
有個地方可以藏身 是 呃 遊樂中心走廊 There was one place to hide. It was the, uh, arcade gallery.
沒有遊樂中心走廊 There is no arcade gallery.
好吧 實際上 是 恐怖歡樂屋 Okay. That was, in fact, the funhouse!
等等 夥計們 我們為什麼不找一桌坐下來 Wait, guys. Why don't we just sit at one of these tables?
快點 夥計們 Come on. Guys!
跟著氣味 Follow the scent.
帶我去找斯坦 Lead me to Stine.
斯坦巧妙的計劃簡直完美 Stine's ingenious plan worked to perfection.
這恐怖歡樂屋好可怕 The funhouse was terrifying.
與其說是因為斯坦 倒不如說是因為其他人 Not so much for Stine as it was for the others.
但它給我們提供了庇佑 讓我們免受埋伏在外的 But it offered refuge from the real terrors
真正恐怖的怪物的追捕 that lurked outside.
想得美 You wish.
他發現我們了 快點 跟上我 He found us. Quickly, follow me.
爸爸 你沒說再見就想離開了 Papa, you left without saying goodbye.
想躲著我嗎 Trying to hide from me?
更像是在躲避你自己 That's like hiding from yourself.
我是你最好的朋友 你卻背叛我 I was your best friend, and you turned your back on me.
鎖著我 把我禁錮在書頁裡 Locked me up, imprisoned me in the pages of a book.
你把我困在書架上一年又一年 You stuck me on a shelf for years and years.
鑰匙就在那 The key was right there.
你卻從不想放我出去 And you never used it.
你不是真實的 斯拉比 我創造了你 You're not real, slappy. I created you.
同樣我也可以讓你消失 I can write you out.
我一直在為你救這怪物 I've been saving this monster just for you.
跟我這膠質的朋友問好 跑 Say hello to my gelatinous friend. Run!
就是這團東西會吃人 別讓它碰到你 It's the blob that ate everyone. Don't let it touch you.
我們得去更高的地方 We need to get to higher ground.
去摩天輪那裡 The Ferris wheel.
扎克 你繼續走 我來拖住它 Zach, you go on ahead. I'll hold it off.
你把書寫完 You finish the book.
什麼 我寫什麼 What? What do I write?
結尾是什麼 我寫的故事 What's the end? The story I've been writing.
就是現在正在發生的事 你做得到 寫完它 It's what's happening right now. You can do this. End it.
等等 Wait.
爸爸 Dad!
漢娜 他會沒事的 好嗎 Hannah, he's gonna be okay, all right?
我們必須把這書寫完 We have to finish the book.
好 Okay.
不太好玩吧 不是嗎 Not so fun, is it?
開始吧 Here we go.
好 Okay.
你感覺怎麼樣 爸爸 How do you like it, papa?
這世界就在你力所能及的周圍 但你動不了 The world is just outside your grasp, but you can't move.
你被困住了 You're trapped.
這就是被困在你書裡的感覺 That's what it felt like to be locked inside your books.
等等 那本書 在哪 Wait. The book. Where is it?
當怪獸聚集 As the monsters converged,
扎克閉上了眼睛 Zach closed his eyes,
怪獸被吸入 and the monsters were swallowed
紙和墨的世界 back into the world of paper and ink.
你能打快點嗎 我這是第一次 Can you type any faster? This is my first time
用打字機 繼續 using a typewriter. Keep going.
找到了 找到了 23 - 69 Eureka, Eureka, 23-69...
他們要來了 我們怎麼辦 They're coming. What are we gonna do?
寫完它 扎克 Finish it, Zach.
一個接著一個 One by one,
怪獸們消失了 the monsters disappeared
回到了書裡 back into the book,
又一次 never to be seen...
消失不見 全文完 ...again. The end.
給 現在會發生什麼 Here. What happens now?
我們馬上就知道了 We're about to find out.
我們都會死去 We're all gonna die!
抓住了 Just hold on!
抓緊 Hold on tight!
這東西的安全帶在哪 Where's the seat belt in this thing?
我們走 Let's go.
好 Right.
我沒事 我沒事 I'm okay. I'm okay.
好 快點 所有的怪獸隨時可能會來 Okay. Hurry up. All the monsters will be here any second.
所有的怪獸 All the monsters.
等等 我們還等什麼 Wait. What are you waiting for?
快 翻開書 Come on, open the book.
漢娜 有些事你需要知道 Hannah, there's something that you need to know,
你不能 翻開書 扎克 and you're not gonna-- open the book, Zach.
不 不 你不明白 No, no. You don't understand.
如果我們翻開書 那意味著 If we open the book, that means--
那意味著我會被永遠困在書架上某個地方 it means I'll be stuck on a shelf someplace forever.
你知道了 You knew?
一個女孩能有幾個美好的十六歲呢 How many sweet sixteens can one girl have?
扎克 該繼續了 Zach, it's time to move on.
現在翻開書 膽小鬼 Now open the book, scaredy-cat.
不 No.
好 那我來 等等 不要 漢娜 Okay. Then I'll open it. Wait, no. Hannah!
等等 漢娜 我抓住你了 Wait, Hannah. I've got you.
也許如果我抓得夠緊 Maybe if I hold on to you tight enough--
你不得不放手 扎克 you have to let go, Zach.
斯拉比有小情緒了 Slappy's not happy!
斯坦也是 Neither is Stine!
你個磨人的小妖精 Stupid dummy!
我會活在你的噩夢裡 See you in your dreams!
你會沒事的 You'll be okay.
我會一直存在你的想像裡 I'll always be in your imagination,
那裡才是真正屬於我的地方 which is really where I belong.
我只是很遺憾我們從來沒能共舞一曲 I'm just sad we never got to share a dance.
等等 Wait.
是的 再多一件外套 我們就很好了 Yeah. One more coat, we should be good.
走吧 女士們先生們 Let's go, ladies and gentlemen.
歡迎回到課堂 夥計們 好了 歡迎回來 Welcome back to class, guys. All right. Welcome back.
嘿 當心 Hey. Watch it.
言歸正傳 我們走 Back to business. Let's go.
好了 我讓你先走60秒 Okay. I'll give you a 60-second head start.
沒關係 媽媽 我們一起進去 It's okay, mom. Let's go in together.
下車吧 So mature.
你喜歡就好 You love it.
也許在第四學期之後 Maybe after fourth period.
哦 好 太好了 Oh, okay. That would be great.
你還好嗎 深呼吸 你會很棒的 You okay? You breathing? You're gonna be great.
好嗎 你看起來很精神 你身上的味道真好聞 Okay? You look great. You smell great.
天啊 什麼味 My god, what is that?
我每天早上都搽芫荽 I rub myself in cilantro every morning.
原來如此 我性感的小莎莎 Of course you do, my sexy little salsa.
去忙你的吧 Go on.
好 我要去工作了 Okay. I'm off to work.
哦 我要給你什麼來著 Oh, what did I have for you?
接著 There it is.
哦 哦 飄太遠了 接住了 Oh. Oh. Went too far. Got it.
你們好 呃哼 Hello. Ahem.
我是R.L.斯坦先生 My name is Mr. R. L. Stine,
我是你們新的英語老師 and I will be your new English teacher,
因為博伊德先生受到了變種昆蟲的攻擊 受了傷 because Mr. Boyd is still recuperating from injuries
還在恢復當中 sustained in a mutant-insect attack.
現在 Now...
每個所講的故事 Every story ever told
都可以被分成三個不同的部分 can be broken down into three distinct parts.
開端 The beginning,
中間 the middle
轉折 and the twist.
- 你好 斯坦先生 - 你好 布萊克先生 - Hello, Mr. Stine. - Hello, Mr. Black.
呃 那是誰 Uh, who was that?
他是新的戲劇老師 He's the new drama teacher.
- 我可以問你點事嗎 - 當然可以 - Can I ask you something? - Of course.
你想她嗎 Do you miss her?
我沒有一天不想她 Not a day goes by that I don't think of her.
但她會永遠在這 But she'll always be in here...
在那 And in there.
在這 And right here...
在這 And in here.
也會在那 And also right over there.
我可能又寫了一本書 I may have written one more book.
漢娜 Hannah.
你是 你是真實的 You're-- you're real.
你回來了 You came back.
我不得不 你還欠我一支舞呢 I had to. You owe me a dance.
來 我們走吧 Come on, let's go.
你忘記我了 You forgot about me.