[ ]
出格
译制
现在播报太空奇闻轶事 And in weird things in space news,
神秘"裂缝"依旧在太空某处 that mysterious "rift" is still there.
并未消失 你应该没忘记吧? Not gone yet. You remember that, don't you?
这么大的事 It's probably important.
接下来的时间交给塔比莎 Back to you, Tabitha.
瑞克 我妈在上班 我爸在睡懒觉 Rick, Mom's working, and Dad's still sleeping.
我-我-我 快迟到了 I'm -- I'm -- I'm gonna be late.
行行行 我帮你 Yeah, yeah. I-I got you.
-走着 -我操 -Here. -Holy shit.
传送枪修好了? I-Is the portal gun working again?
嗯 算修好了吧 Yeah, pretty much.
有时候会出点小故障 Sometimes that happens.
还是开车送我算了 Just get the keys.
现在不走传送门也挺好的 It's actually been nice taking a break from the portal travel stuff.
高中生活当作冒险也不错 I-I've been racking up a lot of high-school adventures.
-莫蒂 修传送枪不是一蹴而就的 -嗯? I have a process, Morty. Huh?
每次你提起传送门的事 I'm fixing my portal gun, and every time you bring it up,
我就灵感衰竭 it blocks my creative flow.
我只好故意继续拖延 A-And then I'm forced to take longer on purpose
好让你不要再提起 just to train you to not bring it up.
我去 你知道心理学上的"投射"什么意思吗? Geez. Do you know what "projection" is?
-你知道吗? -不知道 -Do you? -No.
我听我妈说过这个词 I-I-I heard Mom use it.
我去 他又来学校了 Lord, no. He's here again?
紧急启动莫蒂应对方案 Morty protocol, children.
你又有什么幺蛾子? Oh, what's it now?
脑虫?太空虫? Brain bugs? Space worms?
难道又要上演一出《老师不是人》? Have I been "The Faculty'd" again?
1998年的电影
你们天天这么大惊小怪真的没必要 You guys don't have to react like this every day.
上次我被外星人逼迫舔马桶盖 Last time, the aliens made me lick all the toilet seats.
对!我是被他们逼的 That's right -- made me.
你们不许用这种眼神看我 I see that look on your faces.
小怪物 你这次又干了什么啊? What did you do, ya tiny monster?
我什么也没干啊 This isn't me.
人民想知道- The people demand to know --
这些天外来客是否来者不善 Do these visitors come in peace?
先插播一条皮特家的披萨店 But first, "Peter's Pizza Corner."
皮特 我们今天品评什么口味的呢? What slice we reviewing today, Petey?
奶酪披萨 Cheese.
这些外星人如果想占领地球 If these aliens want Earth,
先过了埃及这关再说 they'll have to go through Egypt.
看木乃伊同不同意 And they can ask mummies how that goes.
额滴个木乃伊啊! Mummy mia!
恐龙怎么回来了? Dinosaurs are back?
猴子怎么秃顶了? Monkeys went bald?
瑞克与莫蒂
翻译：出格
嘘 Shh!
会议开始前… Before we start...
我想知道我们的同类跑哪去了? where are the rest of... us?
呃… Uh...
已经灭绝了 They died. Uh...
灭绝好久了 Long time ago.
在人类诞生前就灭绝了 我们什么也不知道 Way before us. We didn't see nothin'.
但我们的祖先怎么着都会留下遗迹吧? But surely our ancestors must have left some evidence behind.
为什么他这么紧张? Why is he nervous?
因为 呃 你们是恐龙 Because, uh, you're dinosaurs.
感觉怪怪的 It's weird.
本来以为你们都灭绝了 Thought you were dead.
我们"恐龙"在地球上进化到了 Moving on, we "dinosaurs" evolved here on Earth
科技树天人合一的地步 until our technology was planetarily harmonic.
毕竟这才是科技的终极目标 That being the goal with technology.
在我们与地球母亲间达到完美平衡后 After we achieved perfect balance with Mother Earth,
最勇敢的恐龙为了帮助其他星球离开了地球 our best and bravest left to help other planets.
在过去的几百万年间 我们在很多星球上安居乐业 Over millions of years, we've called many worlds home
帮各大星球实现了繁荣兴旺 and helped each one flourish.
但如今回到家园的我们竟发现同类灭绝了 Imagine our surprise upon returning home to find our species extinct
地球居然落到了… and Earth now in the care of...
你们手上 you guys.
我们离开的时候 你们和松鼠没什么两样 When we left, you were basically squirrels.
那个 我们进化了 Well, uh, we've come a long way,
我们现在不埋松果了 埋别的 and we -- We've buried a lot more than nuts.
我们已经过了批评他人的进化阶段 We've evolved past nonconstructive criticism,
总之你们尽力了 so let's agree you've done your best.
你们还没灭绝 You're still alive.
但是在火药被发明后 But surely there was some point between gunpowder
亚马逊Prime会员出来前 and something called Amazon Prime
你们肯定想过 that you folks had to think,
"我们到底适不适合管理地球? "Are we supposed to be running a planet?
还不如专心拍…漫威电影? Wouldn't we rather make... Marvel movies?"
你们拍了多少漫威电影啊? How many Marvel movies have you made?
29部了 还有14部即将上映 29, and 14 more on the way.
你看 这才是你们爱干的事 See, you love doing that.
而帮新物种站稳脚跟是我们爱干的事 And we love helping new life-forms get their footing.
既然我们回来了 地球可以交还给我们了吧 So now that we're back, we can respectfully take it from here.
打住 你们要是看过《终局之战》 Now, hold on. If you've seen "Endgame,"
就应该知道 面对侵略 地球人拒绝躺平 you know invasion is not something Earth takes lying down.
我们没有侵略地球呀 This is not an invasion.
并且你们不是喜欢躺平吗? Besides, wouldn't you like to lie down?
你们难道不累吗? Ugh. You must be exhausted.
躺平休息下 多文几个纹身 Put your feet up, get more tattoos,
把蚁人的角色好好塑造下 finish rounding out this "Ant-Man" character.
你们地球人不是最喜欢"休假"吗? Think of it like your Earth concept of "vacation,"
就当休假到永远咯 except permanent.
我代表全球其他领导人表示 I think I speak for all world leaders
我们要是拒绝了你们 穷人会把我们赶尽杀绝的 when I say that the poor people would just murder us if we made you leave, so...
欢迎回家 恐龙们 welcome home, dinosaurs.
我等休假等很久了 Oh. I could use a vacation.
我们核平它们咋样? Should we nuke them?
柯蒂斯 我在休假呢 I'm on vacation, Curtis.
你真是翻脸比翻书还快 Well, you leaned into this fast.
恐龙接管一切.
祖尼角龙 Zuniceratops
物资不再匮乏.。
冰脊龙 Elvisaurus
斑比盗龙 Bambiraptor
不用上班 冰箱满满.。
挺足龙 Erectopus
霍格沃茨龙王龙 Dracorex hogwartsia
再无股票!
哥吉拉龙 Gojirasaurus
失业率百分百.。
火山齿龙 Vulcanodon
人人都无怨言.。
索伦眼龙 Sauroniops
布万龙 Phuwiangosaurus
最aa后一个头条 排字工人说aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
最后一个头条 排字工人说
这些都是真的恐龙名字 Those are real dinosaur names
老娘装不下去了 玩游戏没有一点成就感 Ugh. I can't even pretend to feel useful in a game.
难道人类文明就这么终结了吗? This is how humanity's story ends?
摆脱一切责任 和孩子们一起干坐着? Relieved of duty and sat at the kids' table?
我反正对这些恐龙肃然起敬 I gotta respect these dinosaurs.
人类想要休闲时间 They dominated a whole species
现在给了你们又不开心 just by calling its bluff
它们就这么把我们给征服了 about wanting more free time.
这哪叫征服啊? 它们都不屑和我们打仗 They didn't even dominate us because we're not worth a fight to them.
我们简直就是行走的泰勒·派瑞电影 We've become biological Tyler Perry movies.
它们不过是帮我们忙而已 All they've done is help.
我们才不需要它们帮忙啊 We didn't need their help.
问题又不在我们 We were not the problem.
我们家可是会回收垃圾的 This house recycles.
垃圾分类是垃圾厂的事啊! They sort it at the trash facility!
什么鬼?我跳舞的视频怎么一个赞都没有? What the "F"? My dance videos are getting, like, zero likes now.
恐龙把抖音上的恋童癖都给封了 Oh, yeah. The dinos kicked pedophiles off TikTok.
那我现在怎么赚钱? Great. So, now I'm broke?
你现在不需要钱了 You don't need money anymore.
那手机现在还有什么用啊? So, what's this for now?
难道用来打电话吗? Phone calls? Ugh.
爸 你难道不讨厌这样子吗? Oh, c'mon, Dad. You don't hate this, too?
有什么讨厌的? Why would I?
我一直在做自己喜欢做的事情呀 I was already doing what I wanted.
不过还蛮好笑的 因为你们现在和杰瑞没有什么差别了 I do think it's kind of funny that you're all basically Jerry now.
操 Fuck
爸 你怎么做到的啊? Jerry, how do you do it?
对啊 爸 你怎么做到的? Yeah, Dad, how do you do it?
爸 你是怎么做到的? How do you do it, Dad?
-哈? -你是怎么做到的? - Huh? - How do you do it?
终于等到了今天 It's finally happened.
东西
中年人的欲经
忘了的东西
忘了的东西(2)
记得删掉
泰坦尼克号地点
养蜂人的快乐
熊猫摔倒.mov
穿超短裙的蛇.jpg
丑狗.jpg
忘了的东西
忘了的东西(2)
记得删掉
泰坦尼克号地点
养蜂人的快乐
手稿_终稿.doc
手稿_终稿_终稿.doc
手稿_终稿_终稿_终稿.doc
太好了 All right.
不努力就不会失败 杰瑞·史密斯
有人知道怎么把书稿寄给出版社吗? Does anyone know how to mail things to publishers?
总统又呼叫我了 Uhp. President only pages me
要么是有急事 要么是他想嗑摇头丸了 if it's an emergency or he needs Molly.
布尔 还好你还营业 I'm sure glad you stayed open, Beau.
我也想付钱你 Wish we could pay,
但是资本主义已经被消灭了 but no more capitalism.
总统先生 我做肋排可不是为了钱 I never make ribs for the money, Mr. President.
拿去 Oh, um, here ya go.
我呼叫你又不是想要这个 That's not why I called.
毒品怎么可能解决问题 Drugs can't solve this problem.
这样的生活我一天都过不下去了 I can't live like this anymore.
刚开始几天还挺舒服 At first it was fun spending all day
看油管视频一天看到晚不停歇 watching whatever YouTube autoplays after the last one autoplayed,
但是Grammarly的广告看多了真的会反胃 but a man can only watch so many ads for Grammarly.
瑞克 求你帮帮我 Rick. Please.
你不被道德伦理所束缚 You're not bound by morality.
消灭它们 割它们的喉 Get rid of them. Slit their necks.
学《猎杀本·拉登》里把它们全干掉 Zero Dark Thirty these fuckers for the good of the species.
我保证不说 I won't tell.
帮我们过上以前的生活吧 Help us go back to the old days,
让我们继续创造问题然后装模作样解决问题 where we pretend to fix the problems we caused.
一边是你 一边是拥有神力的超智慧生物 You think I'm gonna side with you over hyper-intelligent creatures
我凭什么帮你啊? operating way beyond your comprehension?
我明明更像它们 I have more in common with them than you.
你个目中无人的自闭傻逼! You pompous autistic cadaver!
你是不是以为你能独善其身?我- You think you're above this? I ought to...
总统先生 你听我一句 Look here, Mr. President.
我在烹饪肋排的时候 When I need my ribs to be tender and delicious,
会对它们万般宠爱 I pamper them.
你只有愿意付出代价 See, if you give someone what they want,
才能得到回报 they'll give you what you need.
一点拙见 I'm jus' saying.
布尔 我听懂了 I see your point, Beau.
那行吧 瑞克 哈哈 All right, Rick. Ha ha.
开个价吧 Name your price.
我靠 Aw, crap.
我勒个去 God damn it.
你怎么这么爱用《西部世界》里那套耍我? How often are you "Westworld-ing" me?
等下 肋排把他的芯片卡住了 Hang on. Rib-tips jammed his folk-chip again.
瑞克最靠得住了 Ol' reliable Rick.
总能想到办法 Always k-knows what to do.
瑞克 你到底想要什么? What do you want, Rick? .
我不会放下身段回答这个问题的 I won't stoop to answering that again.
我想要什么你心知肚明 You know exactly what I want.
但是那件事哪有这么容易实现啊? I can't just snap my fingers and get you that job.
那行吧 谢谢你请我吃饭 Yeah, yeah. Thanks for lunch.
好好好 Fine. Fine!
只要你能除掉恐龙 If you get rid of the dinosaurs...
我就让你主持奥斯卡 you can host the Oscars.
太好了! Yes!
瑞克真是心口如一 真心实意 公正无私 Righteous R-Rick. Straight shootin', t-truth-tellin',
不说谎不尿床 never wets the bed.
别了 老朋友们 Goodbye, old friends.
愿你们安息在地底 May you rest in peace,
无需困在油箱里 rather than the tank of an S.U.V.
你们好呀 宇宙旅行同好们 Hello, fellow cosmic voyagers.
有事需要我们帮忙吗? Can we help you?
其实我是来帮你们忙的 Actually, I can probably help you.
虽然我是人类 See, I'm technically human,
但我和你们的水平很接近 but I've come to be more, you know, on your level.
谢谢 我们不需要你帮忙 We're fine, thank you.
好了 我不绕弯子了 Maybe I'm being too indirect.
我刚好知道怎么穿梭于多重宇宙间 I happen to dabble in multiversal travel,
可以把你们送去另一个宇宙的地球上哦 and I could probably zap you guys to an alternate Earth.
我们很久前就开始用传送门了 We used portal travel eons ago
但是作为最高级的生命 我们秉承"单一宇宙"政策 but evolved to a one-universe, one-truth policy as the highest form of existence.
你自己都顾不过来 还想帮别人? Sort of a "put your own oxygen mask on before helping others" type of a thing.
你坐过飞机吗? Have you been on a plane?
我坐过飞机 Yes, I've been on a plane.
你要是想穿梭到别的宇宙请自便 We have no problem if you jump dimensions.
不过我们检测到你的设备不太行的样子 Although we sense your gateway device is suboptimal.
我们来帮你吧 Let us help.
我才不需要别人帮忙 I don't need help.
我是来帮你们的 I-I'm here to help you.
这是什么鬼? What the hell is this?
传送手枪 A "Portal Pistol."
发射的传送门是透明的 不是绿色旋涡 The gateways are see-through, not a green swirl,
现在你可以提前看到传送目的地 so now you can see where you're going.
好聪明的女孩子 Clever girl.
台词来自《侏罗纪公园》
你想的话 我们可以把你的跨宇宙裂缝给补好哦 If you'd like, we could patch up your little interdimensional rift too.
不需要你补 那个裂缝我知道怎么关 No, leave it. I know how to close that.
裂缝还没关闭是有原因的 That's there for a reason.
是为了主线剧情 Very canonical.
你不是一直想把裂缝关上吗? Don't you just want it closed?
莫蒂 你站谁? Morty, whose team are you on?!
沮丧再正常不过了 It's normal to be frustrated.
拿去 Here.
我的天 你他娘的逗我吧? Oh, my God, are you fucking kidding me?
恐龙相处指南
拜拜了 Goodbye.
等下啊 No. Wait.
什么鬼- What the fuuuuu...
我看到自己的骨头了诶 -Ah! I saw my bones!
一群学曼哈顿博士的傻逼竟敢传送我? Aah! Dr. Manhattan high-road assholes teleporting me?
为什么-一点也不疼啊? Why -- Why wasn't that painful?
都没传送对好吗! They didn't even do it right!
我-我-我裤链开了 My -- My -- My fly is down.
你裤链一直都是开的啊 Your fly was already down.
你要干嘛啊? What are you doing with that?
瑞克 这把明明更高级- Rick, it was a better --
它们的东西就没有高级的 Nothing from them is better.
传送手枪上全是小人得志病菌 That thing had uptight Zen snob germs all over it.
那你是准备和它们开打吗? So, what, now you're gonna fight them?
然后证明我们既暴力又傻逼吗? And prove we're violent and stupid?
我不打它们 我来扒一扒它们 No. We're gonna find out what they're hiding.
过去越操蛋 现在就越爱装清高 Only people who have really fucked up in the past have to virtue signal this hard.
比如西恩·潘 Look at Sean Penn.
麦当娜前夫 曾经家暴
但是瑞克啊 它们说的就是你现在这种想法啊? But, Rick, aren't these feelings, like, what they're talking about?
生命"在进化早期会互相激烈竞争" Like, life gets, um... "programmed for competition by early stages of evolution."
比如阿米巴原虫间会争夺能量 Like, amoebas have to fight amoebas for energy,
但是如果某物种能依靠机器获取足够引发糖尿病的糖分 but once a species can get enough sugar from a machine to give itself diabetes,
那么该物种就能开始思考冲突之外的问题了 it's allowed to start thinking beyond conflict.
册子上都写得有 I mean, it's all in their pamphlet.
莫蒂 你真是个天才 Morty, you're a genius.
当然我夸你是阴阳怪气了 I clearly mean that in the '90s ironic sense,
这本自吹自捧的册子其实是藏宝图 but this self-fellating zine is a treasure map
上面标记的全是它们肮脏的过往 to every fossilized bone in their skeleton closet.
咱俩就像《侏罗纪公园》里的劳拉·邓恩 They're gonna call us Laura Dern
准备双手掏恐龙粪 好好扒一扒它们 because we're about to get elbow deep in dino doo-doo.
莫蒂你听懂了吗?手套? Get it, Morty? The gloves?
《侏罗纪公园》里的超长手套 You -- You remember the big gloves?
我听懂了 瑞克 Yeah, no, I get it, Rick.
我刚才说"好聪明的女孩子" 你都没听出我的梗 I said "clever girl" earlier. You didn't even react.
我刚才在气头上呢 I was angry.
呃 我在找我朋友 Um, I'm looking for a few of my, uh, friends.
有点像在我们之前生活在咱们星球上的骷颅头足 Hmm. Kinda look like the Skullfeet that used to live on our planet way before us.
它们灭绝很久了 They're long gone now.
是吗? Really?
它们在这个星球上也灭绝了? They're extinct here, too?
嗯 Yeah.
那边的博物馆里有它们的骨头 We keep their bones in that museum over there.
呃 哇哦 Um, wow.
这个星球上的人怕是帮不了我们了 These guys aren't gonna be much help.
我们的推断是 The leading theory is
骷髅头足用脚踩脑袋把自己给踩死了 the Skullfeet stepped on their own brains so much they straight-up died.
真可惜 我还想听它们唱歌呢 Such a shame. Would have loved to hear them sing.
唱歌? Sing?
嗯 我们推断它们以前会在扩音坑里开演唱会 Yeah. We figured they used to hold huge outdoor concerts in their land amphitheater.
你们真是大傻逼 You people are idiots.
我们手上的材料不多好吗! Hey. We didn't have much to go by!
骨头又不会说话 Bones aren't big on conversation.
你也不是很会说话 Yeah, neither are you, pal.
雄伟的篮龙 The majestic Basketsaur.
是不是很了不起? Aren't they incredible?
我们还拍了好几部系列烂片 We're even making a series of increasingly terrible movies
说的是在主题公园里克隆它们的故事 about cloning them in a theme park.
它们怎么了? So what happened to them?
不知道 No idea.
我们只知道它们喜欢在大泥碗里一起喝汤 But we do know they all loved eating communal soup out of the Great Dirt Bowl.
我好像看出端倪了 Starting to see a pattern here.
是不是特别雄伟? Breathtaking, aren't they?
很多人错以为它们灭绝前在地球上漫步 It's a common misconception that they roamed our planet.
其实它们是用滑的 The truth is, they rolled.
大部分是街头滑板 Street-style mostly.
有的玩垂直滑板 Some vert.
我来猜猜 Lemme guess.
是不是有个又大又深的圆坑供"滑龙"玩滑板? There's a very large, deep circular indentation in which these "Grindasaurs" used to shred.
我们推断他们屁股另有个脑袋 We think they had a second brain in their butt
能连滑三圈不带摔的 dedicated to pulling 1080s.
三个星球上的恐龙 Three planets visited by dinosaurs,
都被陨石给灭绝了 three apocalyptic meteor impacts.
滑板给我 Gi-- Gi-- Gimme the board.
我来试下悬崖陡滑收集数据 I'm dropping in for data.
瑞克!悬崖陡滑是滑板里最难的! Rick! That's the hardest thing in skateboarding!
《托尼霍克职业滑板3》里玩起来很简单啊! It looked so easy on -- aah -- "Pro Skater 3."!
小家伙 Hello.
检测到 有知觉的生命
中大奖了 莫蒂 Jackpot, Morty.
你还是觉得恐龙有不可告人的秘密吗? You still think the dinosaurs got something to hide?
不可告人的不是秘密 是原因 No, Morty, they have a reason to hide.
-快过来 小屁孩 -住手啊 瑞克! -Come here, ya little whippersnapper. -No, Rick, stop!
-快过来 莫蒂 抱抱外公 -不要碰我啊 你手好油的 -C'mere, Morty. Come on, gimme a hug. -No, don't touch me. Your hands are greasy.
你怎么回事嘛? What's the matter with you?
恐龙问答
你们物种摆脱责任之后 It's become clear your species is having a hard time
明显难以适应 adjusting to its reduced accountability.
我们决定定期举办这样的主题演讲来帮你们 Our solution is to hold these regular keynotes, or talks,
就像你们以前发布新手机或者新宗教一样 which you used to launch new phones and religions.
好像有人有话要说 Uhp, I see someone's eager to speak.
嗨 想自杀的话怎么办呢? Hi. Um, what do you do when you want to kill yourself?
不能自杀 不过感谢你提问 You don't do that. Thank you for asking, though.
大家记好了 Ver-- Very important.
我们最近发现了一本人类写的书 We recently discovered a new piece of human literature
不努力就不会失败
大家都应该读一读 that we think everyone should read.
我操!我成名家了! Holy shit! I'm a famous author!
等下 作者署名呢? Wait, where's my name?
明天起地球上一人发一本 We will distribute it to everyone on Earth tomorrow.
抱歉 你们不准备介绍下作者吗? Excuse me. Aren't you gonna say who wrote it?
不准备 因为这本书的作者肯定不需要署名 Nope. Whoever wrote it must be above needing credit.
这本书属于所有人 It's all here in this book that belongs to everyone.
不收钱的 For free.
你们这些共产主义蜥蜴人渣! You Communist lizard scumbags!
书是我写的 I wrote that.
我 杰瑞·史密斯 Me, Jerry Smith!
你们猜怎么着 恐龙其实并不邪恶 Guess what. Dinosaurs are not secretly evil,
它们也不是来给大家找麻烦的 and they're not out to cause anybody trouble,
但是呢 麻烦喜欢找上它们的门 but it turns out trouble has a way of following them.
好耶 好耶 好耶 演讲时间到 Oh, yes, yes, yes. It's showtime.
所有被恐龙殖民过的星球 Literally every planet with dinosaurs on it
最终都会被巨大的陨石砸中 is eventually smashed by a huge space rock
导致大部分物种灭绝 that takes out them and most existing life.
什么?不可能 What? That can't be true.
沮丧也没关系啦 It's all right to be frustrated.
听我解释 Let me explain.
为什么致命陨石要跟着恐龙跑呢? Why would planet-killing meteors follow dinosaurs?
因为这些爬行动物进化成素食圣母婊的同时 As these reptiles evolved to higher and higher levels of loving vegan godhood,
另一种生命形式却退化为失去自我 another life-form devolved into an equally selfless
充满仇恨、神魂恍惚的石头 hate-filled species of barely sentient rocks.
它们在太空里横冲直撞 They hurtle through space and do as much damage
只为消灭它们的敌人 as they can to their chosen enemy
你猜它们以谁为敌? which is guess who.
是的 恐龙走到哪 Yup, everywhere these dinos go,
这些石头就飞到哪 these rocks, they come a-crashing.
而这一块石头… And this one...
…正朝我们冲来 ...is headed directly towards us.
我们所有努力难道都是… And all of our work? It was for...
白费力气!这就是人生 Nothing!Bingo. Welcome to life.
人生就是一艘全是漏洞的船 It's a big boat with a lot of holes,
但我们都在一条船上 but we're all in it together.
我的天 Oh, my.
哎 尸横遍野 Mm. So much death.
恭喜各位灵长类 Congratulations, primates.
看来我们统治下的地球也不是最烂的嘛 Looks like Earth could have done worse.
瑞克先闪了 Rick out.
不要忘记收看今年的奥斯卡哦 And don't forget to tune in to this year's Oscars.
哎 真的好难接受 Well, this is a -- a lot to take in.
我现在喜欢玩火车 I like trains now.
心好痛 Okay, that hurt.
火车最厉害 Trains rule!
恐龙是公害! Dinos drool!
你们之前不知道陨石会跟着你们跑? And you had no idea about the disastrous meteors that followed in your wake?
安德森·库珀 CNN主持人
我们也是刚知道的 We just learned about it like you.
真的是让人痛心的消息 Truly heartbreaking news.
陨石来到的时候 你们应该会把它给摧毁对吧? But I assume you're gonna destroy it when it arrives here, right?
呃 我们呢 在努力找非暴力的解决方案 Um, we're in the process of finding a solution that, um, doesn't involve violence.
打住 你们在努力找?! Hold on. You're in the process?!
大家听到了吧 Well, there you have it, Cooperheads.
一颗暴怒的陨石正向我们--抱歉 它们的星球冲来 An angry species of rock is gonna slam into our sorry -- their planet,
而地球的新主人们还在纠结到底要不要挡一挡 and our new planet runners are weighing whether to let it happen.
陨石物种是真是假咱们还不知道呢! I mean, no one knows if the meteor species is even real.
乔·罗根 美国极右翼播客主持 前摔跤选手
是真的 No. It's very real.
我们都知道 We all know that.
你们知道什么是真的吗? You know what's real?
裸绞 我给你们演示下 A rear naked choke hold. I'll show you
你说啥? What?
最后一个问题 你们准备怎样? Final question -- How we doing?
我们认为唯一能保全人类的办法 We have come to the conclusion the only way
就是我们离开这里 to ensure humanity will be safe is for us to go.
我们决定永远离开地球 We are leaving the planet for good.
埃克森石油公司泄漏石油 Exxon spilling the oil
乌托邦崩溃
切尔诺贝利核电站炸了 Chernobyl blowing up
致癌石棉在蒙大拿州 Asbestos in Montana
水果短缺
亚特兰大 Atlantic City
没问题就别改 有问题也不改
二型糖尿病 Type 2 diabetes
犯罪率上升1000%
深水钻油 Deepwater deeply blew it
巨型垃圾岛 Giant garbage island
幸福感下降 但是我们爱这样!
蜜蜂快死完了 And all the bees are dying
去死吧恐龙们 Fuck off and die-nosaurs
可能是我磕了摇头丸吧 但是瑞克我太他娘的爱你了 Maybe it's the Molly, but I fucking love you, Rick.
摇头丸药效发作了 It's the Molly.
这样挺好对吧? Isn't this nice?
咱俩摒弃前嫌 恐龙也离开了 Rivalries behind us, dinos gone,
你我两人享受当下 two cool guys living in the moment.
那个 咳咳 So, uh, like, uh
你知道该怎么穿吧?因为- you know what you're gonna wear? Because --
只能一个人上 不准带搭档 I can't get another plus-one.
什么啊?!操!是我把你弄上去的啊! What?! I'm the one who got you the gig, you son of a bitch!
我感觉这张餐巾- I feel this napkin --
这张餐巾- Feel this napkin.
好软 So soft.
欢迎来到第95届奥斯卡颁奖典礼 This is the 95th annual Academy Awards.
大家鼓掌欢迎主持人 Now, please welcome your host,
一位赶走了恐龙的老科学家 an old science guy who got rid of the dinosaurs...
瑞克·桑切斯 Rick Sanchez.
好莱坞的白左门 给老子舔咪咪 Suck my gray tits Hollywood pinkos.
麦克风呢? Where's the mic?
缓缓升起的麦克风呢? The -- The -- The raising mic?
快起来! Bring it up!
汤米呀 Tommy.
汤姆·汉克斯也来了 Tom Hanks is here.
来嘛 表演一个嘛 C'mon. Do it.
来嘛 Come on.
表演一个嘛 Do ittttt.
行行行 下不为例哈 Okay, okay, one time.
"威尔逊"! "Wilson!"
电影《荒岛余生》
我是奥斯卡主持瑞克 I'm Oscar host Rick.
外公瑞克 真的太不可思议了 Grandpa Rick, this is so cool.
麦克风那招帅瞎眼了 That microphone bit killed.
我不是跟你说过吗 Yeah, told you it would.
难道都是演的? That was all scripted?
奥斯卡颁奖典礼全是演的 Every moment at the Oscars is.
去年那一巴掌也是 Even that one thing
我顺手牵羊拿了个购物袋 Look who stole themselves a swag bag.
-操 Sprinkles蛋糕购物券 -咱俩平分 -Ah, fucking Sprinkles coupon! -We're splitting that.
悼念去世影人的环节加上恐龙会不会很有节目效果 Hey, so I was thinking it might be funny to add dinosaurs to the "In Memoriam."
算了 不上档次 Eh, it feels beneath us.
它们走了我们却不在乎更有节目效果点 It's funnier that they left and we don't even care.
它们是走了 但是一直想吸引我们的注意 Oh, yeah, they left, but they keep begging for attention.
你们不知道吗? You haven't heard?
恐龙现在正在火星上 The dinos are just standing up there on Mars
手握自己的屌 with their dicks in their hands.
戏真多惹 So dramatic.
什么?它们准备让陨石把自己砸死吗? What, they're just gonna let the meteor hit them a-and die?
太好了 高高在上的人总会死掉 renGood. If being superior to everyone makes you die,
这叫因果报应 I call that balance.
都写在我全球发行的书里了 It's all in my globally published book
可惜被恐龙给剥夺了署名权! the dinos stripped my name from!
奥斯卡到此为止 Oscars are over.
我的车钥匙呢? Where are my keys?
操 我得赶快修好传送枪 God damn it, I need to fix portal travel.
我会修的 但不是一蹴而就的 And -- And I'm going to. I have a process.
我们最后的善举 Our final act of kindness.
很荣幸与你们一起为神圣的生命服务 It's been an honor serving the sanctity of life with you all.
瑞克 你干什么啊? Rick, what are you doing?
和你们一起并肩站着 Standing here with you guys.
你犯不着这样 You don't want to do that.
我们在牺牲自己呢 We're sacrificing ourselves here.
我也在牺牲自己 Then so am I. Y'know?
马斯克要气死了 我们来炸火星 Elon Musk be damned, we're blowing up Mars.
才不是 我们牺牲是出于无私 No. We're doing something selfless.
你是出于小肚鸡肠 You're doing it out of pettiness.
有什么区别啊? How is anyone supposed to know the difference?
就当咱这是圣母博弈呗 Consider it a game of virtue chicken.
你不走的话 我们送你走 Okay, if you won't go, we'll make you go.
对不起哦 我给自己做了防护 气死你们 Oh. Sorry. I-I dino-proofed my tech to spite you guys.
更加说明无私和自私 Which further proves selflessness and selfishness
不过是同一枚硬币的两面罢了 are two sides of the same coin
所以有什么意义呢? so what's the point?
你们生命的最后一刻是在火星上和我这个老逼一起过 太好了 Fine. Cool with me that your final chapter is dying on Mars with an old dickhead.
太好了!欢迎回来 All right! Welcome back.
你个招人嫌的老逼! You obnoxious little twat!
骂归骂 你们还活着哦 Yeah, but you're alive.
在我的宇宙里修想学大卫·福斯特·华莱士自杀 No David Foster Wallace-ing in my galaxy.
著名美国作家 46岁自杀
你们还没聪明到可以自寻短见的地步 You don't get to be so smart that you remove yourself from everybody.
我们都是神一般的存在 不用谢了 From one god being to another, you're welcome.
你帮我们 那我们就帮帮你 Well, as long as we're doing each other favors...
等下等下 你们干什么啊? Hey. Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing?
你把裂缝给关上了? You fixed my rift?
一群虚伪的贱种 You fucking hypocritical cocks.
裂缝是很重要的主线元素啊 I-It was all canonical and shit.
就着裂缝都能写个一整季的 We coulda milked that thing for a whole season.
至少也能出个三集吧 O-Or, like, a three-episode arc at least.
抱歉哦 我们就是这样 Sorry. That's just us.
爱助人为乐 We love helping,
谁叫咱们都是神一般的存在呢 god beings to god being.
搞鬼啊!我本来准备把裂缝补好的 Seriously. I was gonna fix that.
操 它们回来了 Shit. They're coming back.
能把空调打开吗? Can we turn on the A.C.?
外面热得像有1000度的样子 It's, like, a thousand degrees outside.
啊!新的粉丝 Yes! New follower.
叫…加密货币换脚照? Named... CryptoForBareToes?
看不太懂 不过好像有利可图的样子 Not sure I get it, but sounds like business.
老妈为你感到自豪 Proud of you, honey.
爸还好吧? Is Dad okay?
嗯 我- Yes. I'm just...
在写第二本书 writing my second book.
不知道该写些什么 I don't know what it's gonna be about,
但是我可以告诉你 but I can tell you one thing
书名是 The title is
《杰瑞史密斯呈现：杰瑞史密斯的书》 "Jerry Smith Presents: A Book by Jerry Smith."
第一章 Chapter one...
操! Fuck!
莫蒂 快滚来车库里! Morty, get your ass in the garage!
呼哈!你看 Hoo-ha! Check it out.
一个帽子戴人的宇宙 A -- A dimension where hats wear people.
我做到啦!我把传送枪修好了 I did it! I fixed portal travel.
我去 Oh, shit.
外公带你去度假 Figured my guy deserves a vacation.
奶子世界! Boob World!
猜对啦 You're damn right.
本周是乳晕周哦 And it's Areola Week.
太好啦! All right!
传送门来了 又有那个味了! Good old-fashioned portal fun.
对哦 像这样 Yep. Like this.
接下来几集会有经典的冒险哦 莫蒂 It's gonna be classic episodes, Morty.
我要吐了 瑞克! Oh, I'm gonna puke, Rick!
传送门进去 Portaling in.
搞搞破坏 Wrecking shit
再传送门出来 莫蒂 portaling out, Morty.
我的天呀 冒险耶 莫蒂 Oh, my Go-- Adventures, Morty.
针砭时弊 Social commentary.
满口粗活 Crude characters.
就要来啦 Here we go.
瑞克和莫蒂时间! Rick and Morty time!
不要走开 后面还有 第七集11月20日播出
这就是我们的家了 This is our home now.
咱们就要在这里度过余生了 We shall live out the rest of our days here.
不要再违背宇宙运行的法则了 Never interfering with the ways of the universe again.
我们现在心满意足 We are content.
咱们一路还挺滑溜 It was a good run.
说到滑溜 Speaking of a good run...
老子想到平衡台上豚跳滑 I bet I could switch heel onto that manny pad,
尖翻小乱 离板踩地 爬墙劈级 big spinout, tre flip that gap, 5-0 the rail,
直下碗池 手从后背抓板 drop into the bowl, stalefish into a Christ Air,
滑到他娘的天荒地老! and then we get fucking wrecked.!
放马过来 禽龙 It's on, Iguanadon.
你看懂了吗? Did you get any of that?
纪念制片麦克·孟德尔