嘿 如果你一大早要起床赶车... Hey, hey. If you're coming in for the morning grind...
那么这绝对又是一个交通繁忙 恼人的周一 it's another brutal Monday out there traffic-wise.
二号道以及五号道交通繁忙 The 2 is slow-and-go to the 5.
十号道因拥堵接近瘫痪 A Sig Alert is bogging down the I-10.
如果你还在四零五高速路上 And if you're on the 405 freeway,
你上班可能就要迟到了 you're probably already late for work.
如果你的老板要给你点颜色看看 If your boss gives you a hard time about it,
你让他到这里来和... have him come down here and talk to...
- ...Rachel谈谈 - 噢 不 - ...Rachel. - Oh, no.
好 哈哈 谢谢 还是免了吧 Zing! Ha, ha. Thanks, Skip.
但是 说到老板 广告之后... But, hey, speaking of bosses, after the break...
我们请来了三位自已创业的小伙子 we get to meet three guys
白手起家 追寻他们的梦想 who are chasing their dream of becoming their own bosses.
马上回来 Stay with us.
暂停 很好 各位 九十秒后继续 And we're out. Very good, guys. We're back in 90 seconds.
天呐 黛尔 你别再冒汗了 Jesus Christ. Dale, you gotta stop sweating, pal.
噢 哇 你都湿了 Oh, wow, you are wet. "Stop sweating."
"别出汗了" 怎么让它停下来了 How do I stop sweating?
这可是件大事 我们把全部都押在这上面了 This is a big deal. We got everything riding on this.
我们辞掉工作 We've quit our jobs,
我还有三个孩子嗷嗷待哺 怎么说? I have three children to think about now. How about that?
想像一下 你等下表现得亮瞎全场 Think about this. You do a good job right now,
你的儿子们绝对会以你为豪的 you're gonna make your boys very proud.
女儿 我有三个女儿 老兄 Girls. I have three girls, dude.
好吧 她们那年龄也认不出男的女的 Right. You can't even tell at that age.
她们都活像长手脚的土豆 They basically look like potatoes with arms.
别把我孩子叫作土豆 Don't call my kids potatoes.
- 尊重一下孩子们 - 别把他惹恼了 - Respect the kids. - Don't piss him off.
她们可穿得粉红粉红的! They wear pink!
让他冷静下来 Calm him down.
很多人都喜欢穿粉色衣服 A lot of guys wear pink.
我就很喜欢我那件粉色的马球衫 I have a pink polo shirt that I love.
快别说了 Come on.
能拿一卷纸巾过来吗? Can we get a roll of paper towels?
快来人拿卷纸巾! Can I get paper towels?!
你为什么要大吼大叫? Why are you barking at people?
他可是礼貌地说 你却在大吼 He's saying please, you're just barking.
- 没礼没貌 - 兄弟 你该把脸擦干 - Bad manners. - Buddy, dry your face.
- 他紧张得要死 - 难以置信 - He's freaking out. - It's unbelievable.
你们没我也行吧? Can you go on without me?
不然你呆在车里等着? Why don't you wait in the car?
别闹 很简单的 只要你放轻松 Stop, this is gonna be easy. You have to calm down.
听着 尼克会用事实和数据说话 Look, Nick's gonna hit them with facts and figures,
他很有头脑的 好不? because he's the brains, right?
你就说说 你和你老婆怎么天雷勾动地火 You talk about how you and your wife fucked
养大那三个土豆大的孩子 and made three potatoes with arms.
你去感化人心 我就做我该做的事 随机应变 You're the heart. Me, I'll do my thing, get in where I fit in.
- 你是灵魂? - 不 劳资是你们的大屌 - You're the soul? - No, I'm the dick and balls.
- 明白了 - 我为什么要当灵魂? - Got it. - Why would I wanna be the soul?
就是别吓昏过去 大力吸气 Just don't pass out. Just keep breathing.
看吧 很简单的 See? This will be easy.
我们要做的就是展现自我 All we have to do is be ourselves.
还是别展现自我了 Let's not be ourselves.
我们的自我都丢垃圾堆去了 Ourselves is a Dumpster fire.
要比自我做的更好才行 升华自我 Let's be better than ourselves. Let's try to elevate a little.
说得很好 没人做的了自我 That's a good note. Nobody be themselves.
注意 还有二十秒节目开始 All right, we're back in 20 seconds.
嘿 小伙子们 感谢你们的到来 Hey, fellas, thanks for coming.
- 很高兴见到你们 - 早上好 你好吗? - Nice to meet you. - Good morning. How are you?
嘿 伙计 一团糟对不 Hey, my man. There's trouble.
- 太过火了 - 他都不介意 - Too much. - Well, he went with it.
黛尔·阿尔比 Dale Arbus.
很高兴认识你 伙计 Pleasure to meet you, man.
感谢你们的到来 这肯定很有趣 Thanks for coming on. This will be fun.
是的 Yeah.
拉链一直都拉得这么低吗? Does that zip all the way down?
离节目开始还有五 四... And we're back in five, four...
欢迎回来 知道么 And we're back. You know, "洛杉矶 早上好"
我们每周都会在 "创意焦点" 中... every week we like to highlight... "洛杉矶 早上好"
我们每周都会在 "创意焦点" 中... every week we like to highlight...
采访本土的发明家或是企业家 local inventors and entrepreneurs in our Big Idea Spotlight.
说得对 麦克 That's right, Mike.
今天我们有幸请到三位现代安迪生... And today we have three modern-day...
他们发明了一种新型洗浴器 并且希望它大卖 Edisons who've created a new shower gadget they hope to really clean up with.
有请尼克·库尔特还有黛尔 Please, welcome Nick, Kurt and Dale.
很高兴来到现场 Pleasure to be here.
在我们介绍你们的产品之前 Before we get to the product,
能告诉我们... can you tell us...
是什么激发了 what is it that
你们三个人自己去创业的想法呢? inspired three regular Joes to go into business for yourselves?
我们三个都曾为讨人厌的上司倍受屈辱地工作 We were all working at pretty terrible jobs for some awful bosses.
然后就想 如果我们自己当老板 And thought if we got a chance to be our own bosses,
我们肯定不会像他们一样 we'd do things differently.
这就是我们的机遇 This might be our shot.
我们从未想过有这机会 We didn't think we'd get the chance,
但是黛尔有个很棒的想法 but Dale had an amazing idea.
别让黛尔搭话 Don't go to Dale.
后来 我们就开始聚在一起 讨论发明... And, we started meeting together to talk about the invention...
不再抱怨闹心的工作 instead of complaining about our jobs.
嘿 我觉得这真是让人 "性" 奋 Hey, I think that's exciting.
黛尔 我想问 Dale, you know, I just wanna know,
是什么激发你的灵感... where did the idea come from...
...去设计一个新型花洒? ...for a new showerhead?
我有三个孩子 I have three kids.
我是来谈心的 So that's the heart.
- 真是幸福 - 是的 他有三胞胎 - That's a blessing. - Yeah, well, he has triplets.
说实话 有点多了 鸭梨山大 In all honesty, it's too many. I'm pretty overwhelmed.
很显然 他心思全在那上面了 Well, he's got them on his mind, clearly.
我来回答吧 Let me answer the question.
黛尔当时从一个自助洗车服务回来... Dale, had just gotten back from one of those self-service car washes...
... 那里有杆 有肥皂 ...with the wand with the soap.
总之是所有东西的结合体 It's got everything in one thing.
他就想 "为什么不给我们 He thought, "Why don't they make one of
设计一个类似的东西呢" these for your body?"
在我们几杯酒下肚之后 灵光一闪 After we had a few beers, we came up with the,
就想出 "洗浴好基友" 了 Shower Buddy.
"洗浴好基友"? The Shower Buddy?
不好意思 那名字还只是暂定而已 I'm sorry, that name's not official yet.
不 他说错了 是正式的 No, he's wrong. It is official.
我想取名为 "洗浴好爹地" I wanted the "Shower Daddy."
"洗浴好爹地" 这名字真是烂出新高度 "Shower Daddy" is worse on every level.
我同意尼克说的 I have to agree with Nick.
好过有个怪咖和你一起洗澡 Better than having some strange dude with you.
才不是怪咖呢 老兄 It's not some strange dude, Dale,
我说过多少次了 是你的好基友 as I've said many times. It's your buddy.
为什么让你的好基友和你一起洗澡? Why would your buddy be in the shower?
为什么要和你爸爸? Why would your dad?
别在节目上大吼大叫 Don't scream on television.
不如这样 You know what?
小伙子们 向我们展示展示你们的小发明吧 How about you fellas show us how this gizmo works?
好吧? 咱们走吧 Right? Let's get it going.
好 看看吧 拿出来秀秀 Yes. Make it rain. Yes. Work it, work it.
噢 真是帅呆了 Oh, this is awesome.
库尔特会进去 打开水龙头 So Kurt's gonna go ahead and get in there. He's gonna turn on the shower.
你们就会看到水流出来 You're gonna see the water come out.
过一会儿 洗发液就会自动从花洒喷出来 After a bit, the shampoo's gonna automatically be triggered out of the showerhead...
- 没有水压 - 那个蓝色把手 - No water pressure. - The blue handle.
- 没有水压 - 后面有一个抽水机 - No water pressure. - There's a pump on the back.
我可以手动抽水 I could pump it manually.
黛尔去帮帮忙 谢谢你 老兄 Dale's gonna help out. Thank you, buddy.
- 抽水机 - 你搞得定吗? - Pump. - You got it?
- 可以的 - 好 - I got it. - Yeah?
水流出来后 洗发液就会顺着水流出来... Water comes out, the shampoo mixes with the water...
紧接着 就会流出护发液 then shortly after that, conditioner.
所以用 "洗浴好基友" You shower in half the time
只花你平时一半的时间 with the Shower Buddy.
大多数美国人... 不知道你听说过没... The average American... I don't know if you know this....
平均每周工作五十多小时 spends 50 hours a week working.
- 手酸死了 - 来 我帮你 - Hand's cramping up. - Here, let me help.
... 如果我们能替你们剩下五分钟... ...commuting. If we can save you just five minutes...
- 杆子是太干燥了吗? - 对 吐点口水润滑 - The whole rod's too dry, right? - Yeah, spit on it.
- 好点没? - 看吧 加了润滑剂好点吧 - Better? - See, yeah. If you lube it up, it's better.
没错 确实是 Oh, no, absolutely.
抱歉 这机器背后有个洞 我得用手指戳一下 I'm sorry. There's a hole in the back. I'm gonna stick my finger in it.
我们不想知道你怎么搞定的 We don't really care how you get it done.
赶快弄好它 尽快结束 Just get it done. Get it finished.
- 无论如何搞定它 - 直播嘛 对吧? - Whatever it takes. - Live TV, right?
现场直播 你能怎么办? Live TV. What are you gonna do?
- 好了 有水了 - 终于射出来了 - Yeah. Here we go. - Oh, here it comes.
嘿 Hey!
- 我早就说过 - 就像预先想的一样好使 对吧 - I told you. - Works just as promised, okay?
- 好了 现在可以关了 - 太炫酷了 我想要一个 - Now, go ahead and shut it off. - It's so cool. I want one.
你不能带走这一个 这是原型机 You can't have this one. It's the prototype.
但我们在找投资商 But we're looking for partners.
我说句话吧 我想加入 我来投资 I'll tell you right now. I'm sold. I wanna invest.
终于找到一个了 麦克 We got one. All right, Mike.
怎么和你们联系呢? Now, how would I get in touch with you guys?
- 你可以上我们的网站- 抱歉 没听清 - You go straight to Nickkurtdale. - I'm sorry, what?
我们的网站 尼克kurtdale.com It's our website. Nickkurtdale. com.
我确定我还是没把名字听清楚 I'm positive I'm not hearing that right.
是我们的名字 尼克·库尔特·黛尔 It's our names: Nick, Kurt, Dale.
尼克库尔特黛尔 Nickkurtdale.
快换掉那名字吧 Y'all gotta change that name.
不敢相信我们之前没有像这样宣传 Cannot believe we never said it out loud before.
纸上写的挺好的啊 It looked so good on paper.
可惜只是黄粱美梦 It was a nice dream while it lasted,
还是想想怎么求回我们以前的工作吧 but I think it's time we all go beg for our jobs back.
也许改接受现实了 我们根本不是造机器的料 Maybe just accept the fact that we'll always be cogs in the machine.
等等 "造机器的屌" 那是什么? Wait. Cocks in the machine. What is that?
是 "料" 开头的 "Cogs." Guh.
知道么? 你说得对 我们不是当老板的料 You know what? You're right. We're not boss material.
我们像工蜂一样 像猪一样卖力干 We're worker bees. We're grunts.
噢 老兄 那首歌 我现在听不得 Oh, boy. That song. I can't hear that now.
调成振动吧 Just put it on vibrate.
你能消停点吗? Will you stop? Please?
我专门调这歌激励我们的 I picked this song to inspire us.
至少不是激励我 It's not inspiring me.
快看 未知来电 Look at this. Unknown caller.
- 赶紧接了吧 - 你好? - Just answer it. - Hello?
是 我是 "洗浴好基友" 的 Yup, this is one of the Shower Buddy guys.
真的? 是的 不 当然 我当然知道你是谁 Really? Yes. No, of course. I know exactly who you are.
查查 "比尔德·斯特姆" 是什么鬼 Look up "Boulder Stream." Boulder Stream.
谢谢 我们以我们的产品为豪 Thank you. We're very proud of the product.
是 如果能用邮件把详情发给我们 就再好不过了 Yeah, if you just e-mail us the details, that'll be fine.
不是在做梦吧? Is that a real thing?
- 嗯 我的邮箱? - 别用你的 - Yeah, my e-mail? - Not yours.
嗯 是phatballllz@hotmail.com Yeah, it's phatballllz@hotmail.com.
是P-H-A-T-B-A-L-L... It's P-H-A-T-B-A-L-L...
L-L-Z... L-L-Z...
@hotmail.com @hotmail.com.
好 谢谢你 Yeah. All right. Thank you. Yeah.
- 明天见 - 哇 - See you tomorrow. - Wow.
卧勒个槽 比尔德·斯特姆对 "洗浴好基友" 感兴趣 Holy shit. Boulder Stream loves the Shower Buddy.
比尔德·斯特姆到底是什么鬼? Who the fuck is Boulder Stream?
北美首屈一指 最大的零售商 Only one of the largest catalog retailers in North America.
真不错 Nice.
当你心情好时 听起来就很不错 When you're in a good mood, it's a good song.
心情不好 就觉得很烂 Bad mood, bad song.
这就是艺术 真是良曲 That's art. That's good art.
- 老兄 这地方真是豪气 - 是 很不错 - Man, this place is legit. - Yeah, it's nice.
你看到那些免费曲奇么? Did you see the free cookies?
你肯定看到了 你都快吃了四个了 Yeah, you clearly have. That's four of those.
你会吃得满脸都是巧克力的 You're gonna have chocolate on your face.
当我们见到这个人时... When we meet this guy...
在握手的时候 when you shake his hand,
记得用另一只手摸对方的肘
- 这么握逼格很高 - 我不会握 做给我看看 - It's a classy move. - I don't know this move. Let me see.
- 像这样 - 拜托 静静好吗 - Like that. - Please, both sit down.
- 真不赖 - 这样如何? 还不错 - That's nice. - How about that? Not bad.
- 确实不错 - 你手指沾满巧克力了 - That's really good. - You got chocolate on your fingers.
现在沾到我夹克上了 Now it's on my jacket.
拿点水抹掉 Put water on it.
不要水擦 那样会让污渍凝固的 I don't need water. That will set it.
别拿着曲奇离我这么近 Get the cookie away from me.
不会 就像以毒攻毒那样 No, it's like a fire-on-fire thing.
不 水会越弄越糟 No, the water will set it.
哈! 你们都到了 我的 "洗浴好基友" Ha! There they are. There are my shower buddies.
你们好吗? 活生生站在面前 How are you? In the flesh.
还以为是早间节目呢 It's just like on that morning show.
你们总是在奋斗 我很欣赏 You're always fighting. I love it.
- 确实是... - 我是雷斯特·汉森 - Yeah, it's a... - Rex Hanson.
- 噢 嘿 库尔特·马克曼- 幸会 - Oh, hey. Kurt Buckman. - Good to see you.
- 幸会 - 握得很优雅 - Nice to see you. - Classy handshake.
- 我是尼克·亨德里克斯 - 尼克 幸会 - Nick Hendricks. - Nick, pleasure.
你好 我是黛尔·阿尔布... Hey, Dale Arb...
握住 我刚刚才学会 Shoot. I just learned it.
你想怎么握就怎么握 We can do it whichever way you want.
- 对吧? - 澄清一点 我们没有种族偏见 - Right? - To be clear, we're not racist.
那很好 能帮上大忙 Well, that's good. We can use that.
伙计们 为何不吃点点心 喝点咖啡呢? Guys, Why don't we grab the refreshments, coffee?
拿些曲奇吧 Grab some cookies.
咱们上楼吧 谈谈你们的产品 Let's head upstairs. Let's talk about this product.
这是灯芯绒西服么? Is that corduroy?
进来吧 梦想终会实现 Step inside. Dreams do come true.
你们想喝点小酒吗? You guys want something to drink?
- 我要一杯 - 当然 - I'll take one. - Sure.
- 算了 现在还很早 - 我们就免了 抱歉 - No. It's very early. - No for us. Sorry.
我就不拐弯抹角了 先生们 I'm gonna cut right to it, gentlemen.
"洗浴好基友" 还算不错 The Shower Buddy: a home run.
汉森先生 我们会更满意的... Well, Mr. Hanson, we couldn't be happier...
汉森先生是我父亲 叫我雷克斯 Mr. Hanson is my father. It's "Rex."
请坐 请自便 随便坐吧 Please, sit down. Get comfortable. Take a seat.
我想说的是 贵公司和我们合作 We want you to know that we are a company
绝对不会让你后悔的 you can be very proud to be in business with.
我们的雇员会有健康保险 他们都会... Our workers are all gonna have health care, they are gonna be...
我特么一点儿都不关心那个 I don't really give a shit about that.
看看这个 这是吉米·亨德里克斯的吉他 Do you see this? This is Jimi Hendrix's actual guitar.
没错 就是着火烧着他手指头的那一个 Yeah. The one he did the fire and fingers thing with.
喜欢这样的酷玩意儿吗? You like cool shit like this?
- 我们都爱酷玩意儿 - 爱死了 - We love cool shit. - I'm into cool shit.
你们喜欢那种牛逼武士么? You like fucking samurais?
武士? 当然了 Samurais? Sure.
知道你们喜欢 和我做生意 I knew you did. You get the business with me,
你们会有很多像这样的牛逼收藏的 you're gonna have fucking loads of it.
所以你是提议把我们的产品... So you are offering to carry our product...
等等 瞧瞧这个 Wait a minute. Check this out.
朗小姐 劳烦你过来一下 Miss Lang, will you come in here a moment?
现在是怎样? Now what?
天呐 Jesus fucking Christ.
亲爱的 我们费劲脑汁 Sweetheart, we were racking our brains.
啤酒罐到底是用什么做的? What's a beer can made out of?
你是说铝吗? Do you mean aluminum?
- 是这样的 朗小姐 谢谢你 - 好的 - That'll be all, Miss Lang. Thank you. - Okay.
她要去哪里? And where does she go now?
这就是你们所向往的酷玩意儿 Now, that is the kind of cool shit you have to look forward to.
这就是交易最棒的地方 你都不用亲自操心 Best part about this deal: you're not gonna have to lift a finger.
本公司会承担产品未来的发展... My company will assume all future product development...
外包到天朝生产... outsource manufacturing to China...
你们会一次性收到一笔 "英俊的" 报酬 and you receive a handsome one-time development fee.
我想深入谈谈这费用的问题... I wanna dig in on the one-time fee because...
看到这个橄榄球了吗? You see this football?
是培顿·曼宁抛出后 This is the one Peyton Manning threw
那人用头盔接住的那个 拿去吧 and the guy caught it in his helmet. Keep it.
知道吗? 雷克斯 关于报酬的问题 You know, Rex, the one-time fee thing,
我们不太想放弃我们公司的所有权 we're not looking to give up control of the company.
是的 我们想负责生产的部分 Right. We wanna handle all the manufacturing
而贵公司负责营销 and you guys do distribution.
什么 你们负责生产? 在美国本土? What, you manufacture? Here, in America?
- 计划之中的 - 就像美国梦之类的 - That's the plan. - The American-dream thing.
小子 我不想打击你 Boys, I hate to break it to you,
但俗话说 "美国创造 中国制造" but the American dream, it's made in China.
听着 很傻很天真 但我尊重你们... Now, look, I respect your naivete...
但恐怕这笔交易只能这么处理 but I'm afraid that this deal only happens one way.
我刚刚说了"英俊的"报酬 不是吗? I did say "handsome fee", right?
能给我一点时间吗? 我想和我的合伙人谈谈 Can I have one minute? Just love to talk to my partners.
好吧 慢慢来 我去那边等着 You got it. Take your time. I'll be over here.
- 噢 伙计 - 老兄 - Oh, boy. - Man.
- 你们觉得怎么样? - 我不知道说什么好... - What do you think? - I didn't wanna say anything...
他指的可能是伊莱·曼宁 并非培顿·曼宁 but he means Eli Manning, not Peyton Manning.
可能是吧 库尔特你呢? Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. Kurt.
我觉得那女的身材真特么正点 I think she has an amazing fucking body...
她的口音又让她性感了许多 but that accent puts her over the top.
简直不可思议 还有那条裙子 It's insane. That dress.
我同意你俩说的 但是对那笔交易怎么说? Agreed on both points. How about the deal?
- 那笔交易 拿下它吧 - 我们该接受 - The deal. Gotta take it. - We should take it.
- 拿钱走人 - 他有这么多酷玩意儿 - Take the money and get out. - He's got cool shit.
想像一下 你也拥有这些 Imagine having your own cool shit.
但是仔细看看这里 But look at this place.
这人靠他的公司赚了很多钱... I mean, these guys make loads of money selling stuff...
但他觉得我们的产品还不错 and he just called our Shower Buddy a home run.
为何要把一支潜力股就这样卖出去呢? Why sell a home run for a one-time fee?
很有道理 That's a good point.
我也不知道 I don't know.
我拿这钱养活史黛西 还有我的女儿们 I could use the money for Stacy and the girls.
这也有道理 真的 我也需要钱 That's a good point. That's true. I could use money.
我懂的 但这不仅仅只是钱的问题 I get that. But maybe it's not just about the money.
有道理 That's a good point.
可能还关系到 不再为任何人工作 Maybe it's about never having to work for anybody ever again.
- 说得对 - 对吧? 自己当老板 - That's right. - Right? Being our own bosses.
- 要我说还是得指望我们自己 - 我也是 - I say we bet on ourselves. - Me too.
- 你说得对 - 我同意 - You're right. - I'm in.
我也同意 就这么干 I'm in. Let's do it.
好吧 雷克斯 Okay. Rex. Ahem.
- 我们拒绝你的提议 - 抱歉 - No deal. - Sorry.
- 我们还是打算自己干 - 是吗? - We're, betting on ourselves. - Is that right?
对 不要难受 Yeah. And no hard feelings.
我们还是很感激你那慷慨的提议的 Honestly, we really appreciate the offer.
- 抱歉 - 我尊重你们的决定 - Sorry. - Yeah. I can respect that.
要拒绝三百万大洋 确实需要莫大的勇气 Takes some serious balls to walk away from 3 million bucks.
等等 三百万美元? 我们接受了 Hang on. Three million dollars? We'll take that.
抱歉 提议收回了 Sorry. Offer's off the table.
那就一半 一半总可以了吧 一半可以吗? We'll take half. Half is fine. Can we have half?
过这村没这店 总之感谢你们的到来 Ship's sailed. Thank you so much for coming in.
黛尔把那球还给我吧 Dale, I'm gonna need that ball back.
祝君在美国创业顺利 Good luck building something in America.
你们要知道... You know...
我当初在美国可是白手起家的 I built this company from the bottom up here in America.
父亲 没注意你回来了 Dad, I didn't know you were back.
我说了你能用我的办公室吗? What'd I tell you about using my office?
- 我知道 我就想... 你懂的... - 我是伯特·汉森 - I know, I just thought, you know... - Bert Hanson.
你们几个就是"浴室好基友"的合伙人吗 You're the Shower Buddy guys?
- 是的 先生 - 对 我们就是 先生 - Yes, sir. - Yeah. We are, sir.
我对你们想要大干一场并希望有所作为 I respect you gentlemen for wanting
而最终确立了自己地位的精神 to roll up your sleeves and build something...
表示尊敬... stake your claim.
其实 我来到这个国家的时候一无所有 Now, I came to this country with nothing.
通过冒险以及艰辛工作 And through risk and hard work,
我的美国梦才得以实现 I made my own American dream come true.
- 你很厉害啊 - 嗯 继续听着 - Good for you. - Well, here's what I'm gonna do.
我会把我与太平洋沿岸国家的关系介绍给你们 I'll refer you to my contact at Pacific Shore National.
- 那是个银行 - 他们不会不给你们贷款... - That's a bank. - They won't balk at giving you a loan...
一旦他们听到伯特·汉森 once they hear that Bert Hanson
刚开始就一下订了 呃... just has placed an initial order of, say...
十万套 100,000 units?
- 十万套的"浴室好基友"吗 - 哇哦 哈 - A hundred-thousand Shower Buddies? - Whoa. Ha!
你要十万套"浴室好基友"吗 You're gonna make 100,000 Shower Buddies?
老爸 你在说什么 我们可从来不做这种买卖 Dad, what are you talking about? We never make this kind of deal.
很抱歉 先生 I'm sorry, sir.
但是比尔德·斯特姆得做你们的独家零售商 But Boulder Stream needs to be your exclusive retailer.
让我仔细想想 可以 Let's think it over. Of course.
我们一定不会答应另外其他人的请求的 We won't pick up the phone if anyone calls.
- 就这么定了吗 - 必须的 就这么定了 - We have a deal? - Yeah, you got a fucking deal.
哎 真是太好了 真棒 Hey, all right. There it is.
我抓到他的手腕了 哈 I got his elbow. Yeah.
- 我从你那儿拿了点巧克力呢 - 没关系 - I got some chocolate on you there. - It doesn't matter.
太棒了 这真是个好消息 That's great. That is good news.
这儿有两万平方英尺大 但租赁期至少为五年 So it's 20,000 square feet, but it's a minimum five-year lease.
两万平方英尺 Twenty thousand.
听起来比我们所需要的面积要大得多 That sounds like a lot more than we need.
但我们也需要放些东西进来 不是吗 But we want something we can grow into, right?
我们的确有笔大单 尼克 And we have a really big order, Nick.
说得对 来吧 尼克 Damn straight. Come on, Nick.
- 尼克 叫你呢 - 我什么也不知道 - Nick. Nick. - I don't know.
- 你明白我的意思 我是说就它吧 就是它了 - 对 - You know, I say we take it. I say we take it. - Yes.
- 对 就它了 - 太棒了 - Yes, we do. - Excellent.
你没有一点工作经验 You've got no work experience at all.
这很糟糕吗 Is that bad?
开玩笑的吧 这样很好 Are you kidding? It's great.
- 你热情飞扬而又精力十足 - 并且不够资格 - You're enthusiastic and you're unjaded. - And unqualified.
- 告诉你 你被雇佣了 - 哎哟 - You know what? You're hired. - Oops.
- 真的吗 - 这真让人出乎意料 并且 毫不值得 - Really? - That was unexpected and, undeserving.
你被雇佣了 You're hired.
通过 很明显你通过了 That's a yes. That's an obvious yes.
- 呃 又一个... - 没有一点工作经验 - Well, again... - No résumé at all.
不需要那个 你的眼睛已经告诉我们一切了 你很诚实 Don't need it. Your eyes speak. You seem honest.
等下 伙计 Hold on, pal.
- 你被雇佣了 - 真的吗 - You're hired. - Really?
- 如果你选择加入我们的话 - 谢谢 - I mean, if you'll have us. - Thank you.
- 越来越快了 - 呃... - Becoming faster now. - Well...
- 你能从周六晚开始上班吗 - 当然可以 - Can you start on Saturday evening? - Absolutely.
那太棒了 我到时候找你 Okay, great, I'll get ahold of you.
上面说的你曾经犯过重罪 Says here you've been convicted of a felony.
那都是胡说八道 That was bullshit.
虽然我明白 但我还是同意你的观点 Word up, though, I get that, man.
就像 噗 我有过类似的经历 Like, pfft, I had a similar thing.
他们认定我就是个儿童性犯罪者 They tried to peg me as a child sex offender.
那真是瞎扯淡 It was total bullshit.
哦 喂 喂 喂 我可不喜欢儿童性犯罪者 Oh, yo, yo, yo. I ain't down with no kid-fuckers.
我当然对儿童没有那种意思 I'm not down with kid shit either.
嗯 我们都没有 Yeah, none of us are.
真的没有 伙计 N-to-the-O, brother.
他在我们这里不通过 We do not support that at all.
呃 我们就给他这份工作吧 我仅仅是... But, you know, let's just give the guy a job.
呃 不想让这个伙计沮丧 Just... Yeah. I don't wanna upset this guy.
蒂芙尼 告诉你 你被雇佣了 Well, tell you what, Tiffany. You're hired.
- 我被雇佣了吗 - 是啊 - I'm hired? - Yeah, you are.
- 行了 就这样 - 哦 谢谢 - There you go. There you go. - Oh, thank you.
我们稍后周一再见 你可以离开了 We'll see you later. See you Monday. Get out of here.
库尔特 你别雇佣惹火却没有经验的女人了 Kurt, you gotta stop hiring hot unqualified women.
如果不让美女簇拥周围 What's the point of being boss
那么你当老板的意义何在呢 if you can't stock the pond?
如果没有这些女人 你就夜不能寐吗 You realize you can't sleep with these women?
- 你说什么 - 作为老板 你这是性骚扰 - What? - You're the boss. It's sexual harassment.
还记得性骚扰的事情吗 Remember sexual harassment?
我差点杀了我老板 还有印象吗 I tried to kill my boss. Ring a bell?
我要把她们都解雇了吗 我才刚雇佣了她们啊 I gotta fire them all now? We just hired them.
你不能解雇她们因为你不能和她们滚床单 You can't fire them because you're not allowed to sleep with them.
同样因为性骚扰事件 Also sexual harassment.
我们为什么要这样做呢 Why are we even doing this, then?
好了 下面谈一下着装标准 All right, let's talk dress code.
- 这个无关紧要 - 这里没有着装标准 - Forget it. - There is no dress code.
- 来吧 - 想怎么穿就怎么穿 - Come on. - You can dress however you want.
只要自己感觉舒服... Whatever makes you feel comfortable...
呃 那个把衬衣脱了 好吧 Well, there goes a shirt. All right.
- 这是种选择 - 呃... - It's a choice. - Well...
但这是种错误的选择 That's the wrong choice, though.
把衬衣穿上 那才是正确的... Gotta wear a shirt. That's the one...
他正在离我越来越远 He's walking away from me.
他可能是个坏员工 He might have been a bad hire.
谁玩得那么开心啊 Who's having fun?
嘿 伙计们 Hey, guys.
每个人看起来都很开心 这是个不错的主意 Everybody seems very happy. This was a great idea.
嗯 我知道 但这也会成为一个问题 Yeah, I know. This could be an issue, though.
带着孩子来工作 不是把孩子放在这里工作 It is Bring Your Kids to Work Day, not Put Your Kids to Work Day.
他们不是在工作 他们把这个当做为一个游戏 They're not working. They consider this playing.
我告诉他们停下 但一说他们就哭 I tried to tell them to stop, and they started crying.
他们已经装了1200套了 They have boxed 1200 units already.
非专业... 1200套 Unethical... 1200?
- 是的 - 好吧 尽管如此 挺多产的 - Yeah. - Well, that's productive, though.
- 是的 - 他们看起来还挺开心的 - Yeah. - And they seem happy.
也许我应该让他们多玩个10分钟 Let them play another ten minutes, maybe.
我认为应该让他们玩一整个中午 I say we let them play through lunch.
- 是的 从法律上讲我得变下那个标牌 - 嗯 - Yeah. Legally I think I'll change the sign. - Yeah.
哦 哥们儿 就是它 Oh, boy. This is it.
走起 走起 Here we go. Here we go.
- 我们做到了 我们做够十万套了- 我做到了吗 - We did it. We're at 100,000. - We did it?
- 是的 - 给我看看 - Yeah. - Let me see.
喔嚯嚯 Woo-hoo-hoo!
这主意太棒了 This is a great idea.
你们认为他会对此事不高兴吗 How do you think they mow this?
你认为我们不应该提前打电话吗 Sure we shouldn't have called ahead?
不 他会喜欢的 No. He's gonna love it.
蛋糕和气球 我们是不是做得太过了点 Cake and balloons. Don't think that's overdoing it?
不 我想他一定会为订单提早三天完成 No. I think he's gonna
而感到兴奋鼓舞的 be psyched the order's done three days early.
按照他的预计进程 他看到我们在这里会疯掉的 I think he's gonna be flipping out to see us out on his course.
如果他给我们会员资格的话 我是不会感到惊奇的 I wouldn't be surprised if he gives us a membership.
- 你没开玩笑吧 - 没有啊 - Are you serious? - Yeah.
天哪 我想要会员资格 Oh, my God. I want that.
太棒了 Yeah!
惊喜来啦 哈哈 Surprise. Ha, ha.
先生 我们已经完成了您的订单 Sir, we finished your order
货物正在等候船运 and it is ready to be shipped.
这消息真棒 Excellent news.
我们给您带了个小蛋糕 上面写着 We got you a little cake that says,
"感谢您对我们的信任" "Thanks for believing in us!"
- 当然了 还有一些气球 - 我们三个就是那个"我们" - And some balloons of course. - We're the "us."
小伙子们 恭喜你们 成就非凡 Congratulations, boys. What an accomplishment.
- 谢谢您 - 谢谢 - Thank you. - Thanks.
我还以为得把订单取消了呢 I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cancel that order.
他说的什么 What'd he say?
- 听着好像说的是"取消订单" - 什么 - Sounded like he said "cancel the order." - What?
- 取消什么 - 取消订单 - Cancel what? - Cancel the order.
我不需要它了 Don't need it.
- 不 等下 你这话起不了作用 - 你不能够这么做 - Wait, no. That doesn't work. - You can't do that.
- 我们财务负债了五百万美元 - 我们还在做买卖呢 - We went 500 grand in the hole. - We were in business.
你要不买的话 我们就愧于一旦了 If you don't buy, we are ruined.
这可是笔五十万美元的单子 It's a $500,000 order.
这就是他所谓的美国梦哈 The American dream and all that.
他就要击球了 他仅仅是要击球 He's gonna putt. He's just gonna putt.
- 他击球了 - 你可以解释下发生什么了吗 - He makes the putt. - Can you explain what's happening?
- 你为什么要这么做 - 嗯 是 好问题 - And why you're doing this? - Yeah, sure. Fair question.
小伙儿们 你们看 你们的过渡性融资一周后就要到期了... You see, boys, in one week your bridge loan comes due...
但你们却无力偿还 and you won't be able to pay it.
你们的信贷员已经向我保证 And your loan officer has assured me
不会再贷给你们钱了 no extension will be granted.
到那个时候 你们的公司就会丧失抵押品赎回权... At that moment, your company will go into foreclosure...
接着我会用美元以极低的价格在拍卖会上 and I will buy all of those units at auction
买光所有这些设备 for pennies on the dollar.
这比我从中国那儿买要便宜 Cheaper than I could have gotten them from the Chinese.
- 噢 我的天哪 - 这是真的吗 - Oh, my fucking God. - I can't believe this.
另外 作为附加的红利 你们的专利也将属于我... Anyway, as an added bonus, I will also own your patent...
而这两位先生将 and these gentlemen here will
接管生产我们的新产品 take over manufacturing of our new product:
"浴室小伙伴" The Shower Pal.
- 这名字更好听点 - 是的 - It's a better name too. - It is.
- 真该死 - 我去 - Goddamn it. - Fucking hell.
噢 老爸 这真是个该死的游戏 Oh, Dad, that is a hell of a fucking play.
我们应该给他们授以王冠 We should fit these guys for crowns
因为他们刚被庄重地调戏过 because they just got fucked royally.
雷克斯 不要在这里卖弄 Rex. No call for this MTV showboating.
对于他们自己的失败 他们心知肚明 They're aware of their defeat.
这种时候 不说话是更为有力的 In these moments, it's more impactful to be still.
既然如此 你所说的关于努力工作 What about that stuff about hard work
以及在美国白手起家的事情是真的吗 and starting a company in America?
- 美国梦和努力工作 - 全是胡说八道吗 - The American dream and hard work. - All bullshit?
你真的以为努力工作能够创造财富吗 You honestly think hard work creates wealth?
唯一能够创造财富的就是财富本身 The only thing that creates wealth is wealth.
但是我们有 而你们没有 And we have it. You don't.
好吧 好吧 你知道吗 Okay. Okay. You know what?
- 别激动 别激动 - 我明白 喂 - Take it easy. Take it easy. - I got it. Hey.
听着 老土霸 你不想与我们为敌 是吗 Listen, bucko. You don't wanna make enemies out of us, okay?
喔 别激动 我不是冲着你来的 Whoa, easy. I didn't walk all up on you.
我每天都有新的敌人 这就是做生意 I make new enemies every day. It's called business.
小伙们儿 谢谢你们的到访 祝你们今天过得愉快 Thank you, gentlemen, for stopping by. Have a lovely day.
雷克斯 把蛋糕拿走 Rex, get the cake.
有钱人都不要脸 去它妈的经济收入超水准 混蛋 Rich motherfucking, overprivileged, fucking assholes.
人的正直去哪儿了 What happened to decency?
- 我就要失去我的房子了 - 是 - I'm gonna lose my house. - Yeah.
史黛西就要和我离婚了 Stacy's gonna divorce me.
她要嫁给一个花花公子了 She's gonna marry some dude.
我以后去个麦当劳也要被人监视了 I'll have supervised visits at McDonald's.
去它的麦当劳 Fucking McDonald's.
我们过去都在想什么 What were we thinking?
怎么把赌注下到他们身上了呢 Who bets on themselves?
我们为什么那样做 Why did we do that?
- 你说什么 - 你就是那时候说服我的那个人 - What? - You're the one who talked me into it.
我那时候中立 I was on the fence.
我们被耍了 我们的员工被耍了 We're fucked! Our employees are fucked.
他们呢 卢佩呢 What about them? What about Lupe?
这只是一个问题 This is just a problem.
我们所需要做的就是想出这个问题的解决办法 That means all we gotta do is come up with a solution.
我们可以把想法写到这块板上 We'll put some ideas up on the board.
这正是我要说的 说做就做 来吧 That's what I'm talking about. Here we go. Let's go.
没有主意才是最糟糕的 No idea's a bad idea.
- 谁先开始说 - 我来 - Who's gonna start us off? - I got it.
- 库尔特你来 - 把这帮畜生宰了 - Kurt. - Kill these motherfuckers.
- 不 不 - 宰了他们 对 - No, no. - Murder! Yes.
- 你不必把它写下来 - 宰了他们 - You don't need to write that down. - Kill them.
我们去宰了他们 我要把他们弄死 Let's fucking kill them! I want them dead!
宰了他们 Kill them.
切开他们的脑袋再使劲扔到一边去... We open up their brains and shove them...
然后干他们的头盖儿 Then we fuck the skulls!
那种快感越来越强烈 尼克 I'm getting that taste, Nick.
他们死啦 They're fucking dead!
我们再来一遍 We're fucking doing it again!
这就是芝加哥处理方式 That's the Chicago way!
芝加哥处理方式 Chicago way!
把他们的脑袋切开 我想弄死他一家 Cut them open. I want his family dead.
我要把他的房子点了 我就能拿到棒球棒了 I want his house burned down, and I'll get a baseball bat.
- 来吧 伙计 来吧 - 干他们的头盖儿 - Come on, man, come on. - Fuck their skulls!
- 来啊 - 来啊 - Come on. - Come on.
我们去宰了他们 We'll fucking kill them.
如果我们要对自身进行了解的话 If we've learned one thing about ourselves,
那么首先应该明白的就是我们不是杀手 it's that we're not murderers.
杀了他们怎么能让我们的钱回来呢 How does killing them get us our money?
你什么意思 What do you mean?
你带走他们的器官 然后拿它们到黑市上卖 You harvest their organs, sell them on the black market.
严肃点 伙计们 这样是无济于事的 Be fucking serious. Come on. This is not helpful.
我们要认真地思考下 Think seriously.
你说得对 很多事情都有人做过了 You're right. There's other things people have done.
- 得有秘密计划 - 为了我们的钱 - There's plots. - For money.
电影速度的秘密计划 The plot of the movie Speed.
对 就这样 把炸弹放在巴士上 Yes, there you go. Put a bomb on a bus.
所以我们得操纵住一辆巴士 So we'll rig a bus so that
当它时速低于五十米每小时时 让它引爆 when it goes below 50 miles an hour, it blows up.
- 什么滥主意 - 你说没主意才是最糟糕的 - What the fuck is that? - You said no idea was a bad idea.
我错了 这主意太烂了 电影很烂 你也很烂 I was wrong. That idea sucks, the movie sucks and so do you.
这个电影让我们想起了桑迪·布洛克 That movie introduced us to Sandy Bullock.
去你的 我爱桑德拉·布洛克 我已热血沸腾 Fuck you! I love Sandra Bullock! I'm running hot.
抱歉 我已经热火沸腾了 I'm sorry. I'm running hot.
整件事情都特么让我心烦意乱 The whole fucking thing's got me upset.
把笔给我 我会想到更好的办法 Give me the marker, I'll get a better idea.
想要笔吗 给我五十万美元 Want the marker? Give me $500,000,
那才是我们需要的 that's what we need.
想要那支笔的赎金吗 Gonna hold the marker ransom?
你爱怎么说怎么说吧 Call it what you want.
我需要五十万美元 I need a half a million dollars.
我需要的不是什么鬼主意或在这里闲扯淡 I don't need shit ideas and a bunch of hot air.
来吧 Come on.
黛尔 Dale.
- 嘣嘣 笔掉了 - "拐骗罪" - Boom. Marker drop. - "Kidnaping."
这是"绑架" That's "kidnapping."
你说的是多了个P的那个词 With one more P it is.
这个是"拐骗罪" That's "kidnaping."
管你特么怎么拼呢 However the fuck you spell it.
你知道我在说什么 就是绑架 走起 You know what I'm talking about. Kidnapping. Come on.
等下 这主意不错 Wait a second. That's a fucking great idea.
先想想 首先 我们要绑架雷克斯 Think about it. First of all, we kidnap Rex.
- 然后向伯特要钱 - 赎金 - We get money from Bert. - Ransom money.
如此我们还省事了 We save the business.
也没有人会死 No one has to die.
- 没有人会受伤 - 他是伯特的孩子 - Nobody gets hurt. - He is the kid of Bert.
对 而且他年龄也不算很小 Right, but he's not super young.
这样做不会显得太白痴 So it's not super douchey and shit.
而且危害也不是最大 It's not all molesty and shit.
你们知道如何实施绑架吗 What do you know about executing a kidnapping?
- 你什么意思 你只要... - 用拉链绑 - What do you mean? You just... - You get zip ties.
你们关于绑架一无所知 You don't know shit about kidnapping.
好吧 我们知道的不多 Okay, we don't know a ton.
但是敢打赌 我们知道有人深谙其道 But I bet we know someone that does.
- 谁 - 坏蛋琼斯 - Who? - Motherfucker Jones.
- 哦 天哪 - 去找他不好吗 - Oh, Jesus. - Wouldn't it be good to see him?
我们不会去找混蛋琼斯 We're not gonna go see Motherfucker Jones
因为我们也不会"绑架"任何人 because we're not gonna "kidnape" anyone.
得了吧 这个家伙在对问题的处理上是个蠢货 Come on, this guy's a master business prick.
他正处于事业的巅峰 我们得明白... He's at the top of his game. We need to figure out...
伙计们 看看这都是什么 Boy, look what we got.
是用记号笔写的吗 Is that a Sharpie?
等下 记号笔怎么会在那里呢 Hang on. What was a Sharpie doing there?
你把它放那儿的 You put it there.
我的确把它放到那儿了 I did put it on there.
是你负责管理记号笔的 You're in charge of marker distribution.
我知道我就是那个看记号笔的人 I know I'm the marker guy.
现在擦不掉了 Permanently on the board now.
这让我想出了一个方法 笨蛋们 This illustrates my point, idiots.
我们需要找到一个合法人 We need to find somebody who's legitimate.
我们需要找到一个能够让我们的公司回来的人 We need to find someone who can get us our company back.
嗨 尼克... Hello, Nick...
一个家伙是救了我性命... guy who saved my life...
一个家伙是上了我老婆 guy who fucked my wife.
那是争吵 仅仅是争吵 我没有上她 It was a blow job. It was a blow job, only. Didn't fuck her.
你收到我的邮件了吗 You got my e-mail?
收到了 而且我被它逗得乐不可支 I did. And I was very amused by it.
我知道伯特·汉森 I know Bert Hanson.
我希望你们能够重创他 I like the cut of his jib.
但是我欣赏他把你们三个白痴 And I admire the way he bent you three idiots
玩弄于股掌并让你们死得明白的行为方式 over a barrel and showed you the 50 states.
- 明白了 跟你说过这是个俗语 - 哇哦 - See? Told you it was a saying. - Wow.
尼克 现在回答我几个问题 Now, Nick, just tell me something.
你为什么在对方还没保证 Why would you start production...
给你垫付至少百分之三十五的制造成本之前 without at least a guarantee of 35 percent down...
就开始生产了呢 to cover manufacturing costs?
我是说 你为什么那么做 I mean, why would you do that?
- 他在讲笑话吗 - 有什么搞笑的事情吗 - Is he telling a joke? - Is something funny?
我们以为我们遇到好人了... We assumed that we were dealing with somebody who was ethical...
不 你回答错了 正确的答案是因为... No, that's the wrong answer. The right answer is because...
你们都是白痴 you're all fucking morons.
哥们儿 他提出自己的观点了 对吗 Boy, he shined a light on that, didn't he?
你说得对 你说得很对 That's true. You're absolutely right.
你以为我是一个很差劲的老板 You thought I was such a bad boss.
但我可不这么认为 But, I don't know,
我认为也许你们把自己的公司经营得一败涂地... I think running your own company into the ground...
毁掉你们员工的生计可能会更加糟糕 ruining the livelihood of your employees is maybe a bit worse.
你觉得呢 What do you think?
你说得对 That's fair.
我是不是应该在你们打电话的时候做记录呢 Should I be on the phone if I'm taking notes?
我完全听不到他说的任何话 I'm not getting any of what he's saying.
都是一些夸张的问题 It's just a lot of rhetorical questions.
那么你想从我这里得到点什么 尼克 So, what do you want from me, Nick?
无意冒犯 我想你知道他是个什么样的人 With all due respect, you know what makes a guy like that tick.
如果你能给我们提些 So if you could give us some advice on
如何把我们的钱弄回来的建议的话... how to get our money back...
我会在你下次假释听证会上表现得特别棒 I will play real nice at your next parole hearing.
这听起来感觉怎么样 How does that sound?
- 你会为我做那些事情吗 - 是的 我会 - You would do that for me? - Yes, I would.
好的 我想我能帮你 Okay. I think I can help you.
他要帮我们吗 He's gonna help?
好 我带了笔记本 我带了笔记本 Okay, I got a notepad. I got a notepad.
从法律的角度上讲... From a legal standpoint...
"法律的角度" "Legal standpoint."
...你的选择是... ...your options are...
...吃屎去吧 ...jack fucking shit.
我听到了"杰克·维茨" 是律师吗 I heard "Jack Leibowitz." Is that an attorney?
我会写下来的 I'll write that down.
能告诉我们他的联系方式吗 Can we get his contact info?
即使你们有钱跟他对簿公堂 Even if you had the money to fight him in the courts...
他的律师也会在你们三个小喽啰 his lawyers are just gonna file motions and continuances...
烧光脑细胞之后 long after you three pissant little fuckups...
不断申诉 have blown your tiny little brains out.
你是说一切已成定局了吗 You saying nothing can be done?
不是 我是说你们屁事也干不成 No, I said there's nothing you can do.
想要力挽狂澜有很多出路 但你们屁事也干不成 There's plenty that could be done, but you won't do it.
- 你想知道为什么吗 - 不想 - And do you wanna know why? - No, not really.
- 因为你们是没蛋的家伙 - 懂了 - Because you have no balls. - I see.
你们的爹也没蛋 And your fathers had no balls.
你们都是一群没蛋的人养的儿子 You are all a product of generations of ball-less men...
懦弱无能 不敢揭竿而起 who were too weak or too frightened to stand up
夺回属于自己的东西 and take what was theirs.
总有一天 你们会一命呜呼 And one day, you will pass on...
把你空空荡荡 皱皱巴巴的阴囊留给你们可怜的儿子 your empty, shriveled sacs to your own pitiful offspring.
我听不见啊 他在说什么 I can't hear. What is he talking about?
说我们的阴囊 大部分是 Our nut sacs, mostly.
怎么会说到这个 How'd that come up?
你怎么不提绑架的事 Why don't you pitch him the kidnapping?
别提绑架这茬了 Let the kidnapping go.
- 快说绑架的事 - 有点种 行不 - Pitch him the kidnapping. - Show some balls, all right?
想看蛋蛋 去绑架个人来看吧 Wanna see balls? Kidnap someone.
然后你锒铛入狱 会有很多蛋蛋在你眼前晃的 You'll end up in here. You'll see plenty of balls on your forehead.
为什么在我眼前晃 Why are they on my forehead?
- 丁丁是在我头上吗 - 胡说八道 - Was the dick on top of my head? - Makes no sense.
哦我倒过来了 Oh, I'm upside down.
绝逼是的 你的脸要被干了 You sure are. Your face is getting fucked.
妈蛋 Motherfucker.
你打算用那笔赎金挽救你们的事业 So y'all plan to use the ransom to save your business.
- 正事 就是这样的 - 我们是这样打算的 - Exactly, yeah. That's it. - That's what we're hoping.
你能告诉这俩傻逼那样有多傻逼吗 谢谢 Will you tell these idiots how stupid that is, please?
我喜欢 I like it.
- 太棒了 看见了吧 - 我就知道他喜欢 - Nice. See? - I knew he'd like it.
你总得努力让公司继续运转 You're doing what you need to to keep your business going.
我早就梦想开家自己的公司 I had a dream for a long time to get my own business.
就是啊 Yeah.
我想开自己的莓果冰激凌店 I wanted to open my own Pinkberry.
- 你他妈的笑什么 - 我以为你在搞笑 - What the fuck is the chuckles about? - Oh, I thought you were joking.
你知道有多少妞排队买那个嘎吱嘎吱船长 See how many crackers line up to
上面盖着一坨冰冻的翔 get that Captain Crunch-covered freezing shit?
我一周吃三次 我超爱莓果冰激凌 I eat it three times a week. I love Pinkberry.
超牛逼的 Hey, that's awesome.
- 你喜欢莓果冰激凌 - 我有乳糖不耐症 - You like Pinkberry? - I'm lactose intolerant.
- 好吧 - 你长了个非洲裔美国人的肚子吗 - Right. - You got an African-American belly?
- 黑人就不能吃乳糖 - 这样啊 好吧 - Because black people suffer from lactose. - Oh, okay, good, well...
- 我们有点亲戚关系 - 不错啊 - We got some kind of kinship. - Yeah, cool, man.
- 拉得出屎吗 - 这个可以 - Stool soft? - It can be.
- 屁股软吗 - 挺软的 - Bottom tender. - Yeah, bottom's fine.
如果有人抢了我的莓果冰激凌 If somebody took my Pinkberry,
我不会善罢甘休的 I wouldn't take that sitting down.
- 你得揭竿而起 - 我会把那傻货长的劈成两半 - You would fight. - I will cut a motherfucker in half.
你不会绑架的 You wouldn't kidnap someone
因为你根本办不成 because you can't successfully pull it off.
说个讲绑架的电影来听听 Name me a kidnapping movie...
而且结局是绑匪没翘辫子也没坐牢 where the kidnappers weren't dead or incarcerated at the end.
- 朝九晚五 你个没屁眼的 - 朝九晚五 - 9 to 5, asshole. - 9 to 5.
- 那再说一个 - 你说了一个就行的 - Name me two movies, then. - You said name one.
- 我刚刚就说了一个 - 朝九晚五这个电影... - I nailed one right on you. - 9 to 5 was this movie...
我知道朝九晚五 I know what the fuck 9 to 5 is.
是讲那个大奶子的白人婊子 It's about the white bitch with the big titties.
是啊 Yeah.
她虽然人老珠黄 奶子还是不错的 She got old, the titties stayed young.
我不会看了朝九晚五就去绑票 I'm not gonna kidnap someone based on 9 to 5.
- 那是因为你是简·方达[著名演员] - 你就是胆小鬼 - That's because you Jane Fonda. - You're the scaredy-cat one.
你就是最没用的 老是拖拖拉拉 You're always the last to man up. You're dragging your feet.
你都不想参与你在这干嘛 Why are you here if you're not gonna participate?
首先 如果这儿有人长了脑子的话 First of all, if anyone,
就是我 我是莉莉·汤姆林[美国女影星] I'm the smart one. I'm Lily Tomlin.
我不想跟你说了 But I won't have this conversation.
算了吧 老子是莉莉·汤姆林 Please, I'm Lily Tomlin, if anybody is.
坐在大椅子上 鸟都不鸟大卫·O·拉塞尔[90年代喜剧演员] Sitting in the big chair, giving David O. Russell shit.
就是啊 他有点上道了 你是莉莉·汤姆林 Yeah, he's got the 'tude. You're Fonda, man.
你是方达 You're Jane Fonda.
那你就是桃莉·芭顿 That makes you Dolly Parton.
太好了 这女人自娱自乐啊 Great. Woman's got her own theme park.
- 她简直是国宝 - 俩国宝 - She's a national treasure. - Two national treasures.
我能问你们这些殖民者一个问题吗 Can I pose a question to you colonizers?
猴年马月的事了 Happened a long time ago.
你要怎么绑架一个人 How do you kidnap somebody without them knowing...
还不让他知道自己被绑架了 they've been kidnapped?
- 好的 - 你少装蒜了 你又没绑架过 - Okay. - You smarten up, and you don't even do it.
他是个黑人狮身人面像 我喜欢 He's a black sphinx. I like it.
他给我们指点迷津了 He threw a riddle our way.
- 你怎么... - 巫术 巫术怎么样 - How do you...? - Voodoo. Voodoo?
我可以告诉你们答案 I can give you the answers.
- 五万块 - 不是吧 - Fifty thousand. - No.
- 办不到 - 六百咋样 - We can't. - Six hundred?
你就不该开莓果冰激凌店 不好意思了 You should not run a Pinkberry. Sorry.
- 这简直是最奇怪的沟通方式 - 我们没钱 - The weirdest negotiating style. - We don't have money.
我们到这儿来就是因为我们身无分文 我们破产了 You know, we're here because we have zero dollars. We're broke.
妈蛋 把手表给我 Fuck it. Give me the watch.
- 不要 - 手表给他 - Nope. - Give him your watch.
我才不给他 这可是豪雅表 I'm not giving him this. This is a Tag Heuer.
这就是个没戴手表的手腕 This is a wrist without a watch.
给他吧 钱财这种东西生不带来死不带去 Come on. It's just material things. Can't take it with you.
既然你给我们出馊主意 我就借给你 You can borrow it while you tell us a shitty plan.
好吧 All right.
给他下药 Slip him a mickey.
还我手表 Give me the watch back.
你半夜溜进他家 You sneak into his crib at night.
看看他睡觉之前都喝什么 Find out whatever his beverage of choice is before he goes to bed.
在饮料里下点药 分分钟把他搞定 You slip the mickey in the beverage. Knock him out nice and easy.
他爹不给钱 你们就别让他醒过来 And you keep that bitch sedated until Daddy pays up.
这主意还凑合 但可不值一只瑞士手表 It's not a crazy idea, but it's not worth a Swiss watch.
- 能行得通的 - 太棒了 绝逼好主意 - That could work. - That's great. That makes total sense.
- 他又看不见我们长啥样 - 我们就像幽灵一样 根本不存在 - He doesn't see our faces. - We're ghosts. We don't even exist.
你说的"药"是啥药 When you say "mickey... "?
一种约会是强奸姑娘用的药 你上哪儿搞的 A date-rape drug. Where do you get those?
- 我上哪儿搞 - 是啊 - Where do I get them? - Yeah.
因为我是黑鬼我就知道上哪儿搞这种药 Because of the hue of my skin I know where to get date-rape drugs?
- 这事儿是你提的 - 你眼里在说N词 - You brought up the date-raping. - You got N word in your eyes.
- 你为什么要说N词 - 三K党眼 - Why are your eyes saying the N word? - Klan eyes.
- 你才有三K党眼 - 你眼睛做过检查吗 - You've got Klan eyes. - You ever take a eye test?
- 做过 - 你选的都是K - Yes. - All you pick out is the K.
- 每个字母都能看见 - 他是有三K党眼 - I see every letter. - He does have Klan eyes.
床单后面你都能看见 You can see them poking out behind that sheet.
太荒唐了... 太讨厌的 It's just ridic... I can't... It's so upsetting.
我问你个问题吧 Let me ask you a question.
你被朱莉亚强奸的时候 When you got raped by Julia,
她用什么弄昏你的 笑气吗 what did she use to knock you out? Laughing gas?
- 对喔 - 这样行 - Oh, right. - That'll work.
- 这下有意思了 - 你有办公室钥匙吗 - That's interesting. - You have keys to the office?
- 没有 但我知道密码 - 很好 - No, but I know the code. - Yes.
好吧 又来了 Okay. You did it again.
郑重声明 我没有种族歧视 For the record, I am not racist.
你最棒了 太感谢你 You're the best. Thank you very much.
- 撤 再会 - 见到你很高兴 - Let's go. See you. - Good to see you.
还真是大有裨益啊 能把表还我吗 Surprisingly helpful. Any way I can get the watch back?
滚 简·方达 Fuck out of here, Jane Fonda.
这家伙真壮 你没法以一敌三 对吧 That's a tough one. And you can't fuck all three, right?
- 办不到 - 游戏不是这样玩的 - You cannot. - Not the game. Okay.
然后我会跟彼得结婚 杀了博比 上格雷格 Well, then I would marry Peter, kill Bobby, and fuck Greg.
- 我也要这么干 - 是吗 - That's what I'd do too. - Yeah?
- 我觉得只能这么玩 - 有道理啊 - I think that's the only way to play it. - It makes sense.
- 怎么样啊 - 很顺利啊 - How'd you do? - I did great.
我买了很多 我觉得我们这次得小心行事 I got extra supplies. I think we gotta be more careful this time.
绝对的 太聪明了 Absolutely. So smart.
我买了本杂志 可以拼绑架的纸条 I got a magazine to cut up the ransom note.
- 我们不能手写啊 - 聪明 - Can't be writing it by hand. - Smart.
- 新娘杂志 Bride Again Magazine?
如果条子查这些字母是哪儿来的 To throw the cops off if they start snooping
我们就可以瞒过他们 to figure out where the letters came from.
- 多拉探险家对讲机 - 牛逼啊 - Dora the Explorer walkie-talkies? - Awesome.
- 这又不是间间谍设备专卖店 就是个便利店 - 你没想过我们就用手机吗 - It's not a spy store. It's a convenience store. - Didn't wanna just use our phones?
用手机吧 Let's use our phones.
这样我们说了什么做了什么条子都能查到 They make a record of everything that we say and do.
- 你看不看新闻的啊 - 不好意思 - Do you watch the news? - My apologies.
嘿 奥巴马 我要闯进我以前的办公室啦 Hey, Obama. I'm breaking into my old office.
犯事的只有我们仨 又不是我们对着美帝 It's just the three of us doing this, not us and the NSA.
我是想帮忙 I'm trying to help us out.
- 你买剪刀了吗 - 买了 - Did you get scissors? - I got some scissors.
- 没见你买橡胶手套啊 - 太贵了 - I don't see any latex gloves in here. - They're, like, super expensive.
- 多少钱 - 九刀一副 - How much? - Nine bucks a pair.
- 太荒唐了 - 就是说啊 - That's ridiculous. - Right?
我就交代了你要买橡胶手套 It's the only thing you went in there to buy.
她办公室里一堆手套呢 She's got a ton of gloves in her office.
用那些就行了 We'll just use those.
你得有手套才能进去 才能不留下指纹 You need them to get inside, so we don't leave fingerprints.
对啊 你个傻逼 你不知道吗 That's right. You dummy. Don't you know that?
你知道我们可以怎么做吗 用我包里的手套 Know what we can do? We can use my golf gloves in my bag.
他高尔夫包里有手套 He's got gloves in his golf bag.
别鸡蛋里挑骨头 我想帮忙呢 Don't poke holes in everything. I'm trying to help out.
伙计们 我们又重出江湖了 Guys, the team's back together.
我望风 I call lookout.
看见有人进来我会告诉你的 And I will let you know if I see Swiper.
他好了 走吧 Nice. Let's go.
里面怎么样 伙计们 How we doing in there, guys?
我来 我来 我来 I got it. I got it. I got it.
都很好 外面怎么样 尼克 All good. How are things out there, Nick?
没事 你能别朝着对讲机喊我们名字吗 Things are good. Hey, can you not say my name over the radio, please?
- 为什么啊 - 别的频道上可能有人叫尼克啊 - Why not? - Could be somebody on the frequency.
对喔 有道理 真聪明 Oh, yeah. It's a good point. Very smart.
好了 那我们用亨德里克斯 There you go. That's using the old Hendricks brain.
姓也别叫 And there's the last name.
- 我们得想个暗号啊 - 就是啊 - We should come up with code names. - Absolutely.
尼克 你想要什么暗号 Nick, where you landing on code names?
你别再叫我名字我就很高兴了 I'd love it if you'd stop saying my name.
- 拿上笑气就赶快闪人吧 - 收到 - Just get the gas and get out here. - Roger that.
"刀锋剑士"搞定目标 The Blade has acquired the target.
- 是用的剑吗 - 那是我的暗号啊 尼克 - Was that "The Blade"? - That's my code name, Nick.
我们不需要暗号 大家都知道谁在说话 We don't need code names. Everybody knows who's talking.
听起来很酷啊 我们再想两个吧 They're sounding pretty cool, so let's try to land on a couple.
我马上就能给你想一个暗号 I'm gonna think up one real quick and lay it on you.
我想到了"狮子王" 我就是"狮子王" I'm coming in at you with The Majestic Lion. I'm gonna be The Majestic Lion.
现在是我们在说话 Now we're talking.
我不会那样叫你的 Not gonna call you that.
你真混蛋 你最好给我想一个好理由 That's a bummer there. I'm gonna need a reason as to why.
因为你不是丛林之猫 简直傻逼 Because you're not a jungle cat, and it's stupid as shit.
- 有道理 - 接的好 - Fair point. - Good catch.
我们得给他想一个暗号 We should come up with one for him.
- 圣·尼克怎么样 - 你他妈喊我四次了 - How about St. Nick? - You've said my name four fucking times.
你们回车上 我们就能回家了 If you could come back out to the car, we can go home.
对了 我把"狮子"去掉怎么样 You know what? What if I drop the "Lion"?
- 有人来了 有人来了 - 只要光叫"王"吗 - Somebody's here. Somebody's here. - Just The Majestic?
我太爱了 我喜欢 I love that. I like that.
别再说暗号的事了 Shut up about the code names.
一群人刚进了停车场 A bunch of people just pulled up into the parking lot.
嘿 别老按着按钮 Hello. Get your thumb off the butt...
天哪 Oh, my God.
刚有个辣妞进了朱莉亚的停车位 Real hot chick just pulled into Julia's parking spot.
我猜朱莉亚要进大楼了 I think Julia's headed into the building.
把爪子从按钮上拿开... If you'd get your thumb off the fucking button and...
操 俩傻逼 Fuck. Fucking idiots.
好吧 反正不关我的事 Well, you know what?
不是我的错 不是我的错 It's not my fault. It's not my goddamn fault.
我又没做犯法的事 我可以开车溜之大吉了 I haven't done a thing illegal. I can just drive out of here.
直接回家 I can just drive right home.
不行 不能这样做 No, I can't do that. I can't do that.
俩傻逼会出卖我的 They'll just fucking tell on me.
好了 我们朝你那边去了 那个妞刚离开车位了 我的天啊 我的天啊 All right, we're on our way to you. Chickens have left the pot. My God, my God.
- 我觉得那是鸡笼 - 啥 - The coop, I think. - What?
"我的天 我的天"听着像个不错的暗号 The "my God, my God" does sounds like a thing.
我了个去 Oh, shit.
你把吃的放那边吧 Why don't you set the food up over there?
我们可以把椅子围成一个圈 And we'll circle these chairs around.
黛尔 Dale?
库尔特 Kurt.
神呐 保佑我们 God, grant us...
我操 是邪教 他妈的遇到邪教徒了 Oh, shit. It's a cult. It's a fucking cult.
...我们无法改变的性瘾... ...about our sex addiction that we cannot change...
- 性瘾 - 是性瘾 是啊 - Sex addiction. - It's a sex addiction. Yeah.
巧妙 Neat.
我以你们为荣 每一个人 你们今天能来到这里 So proud of you, every one of you, for being here today.
妈蛋 Shit.
有什么事吗 How's it going?
嗨 我... Hi. It's going...
你知道的 You know.
我有麻烦了 I'm in trouble.
- 省省吧 - 好吧 - Save it. - Okay.
...他们这周遇上了一些事 ...something that happened to them this week.
我发现这位先生在你们的大厅游荡 Found this gentleman loitering out in your hall.
操 尼克被发现了 Oh, shit. Nick got busted.
他说他有麻烦了 Says he knows he's in trouble.
- 是啊 - 我们都有麻烦 - Yeah. - We're all in trouble.
你不用害怕 你在这里很安全 You don't have to be afraid. You're safe here.
好吧 Okay.
不好意思我迟到了 怎么样啊 兄弟 Sorry I'm late. What's up, brother?
托比 你帮这年轻人 Toby, why don't you grab a chair
拿个椅子这样他就能加入我们了 and bring it in so this young man can join us?
好啊... Yeah...
- 天哪... - 你叫什么名字 亲爱的 - Boy... - What's your name, honey?
我叫... I am...
我叫布莱斯顿 I am Blanston.
- 你好 布莱斯顿 - 你好 - Hi, Blanston. - Hi.
他还说他不喜欢暗号 For a guy not into code names...
- 好危险啊 - 大胆的选择啊 - Big swing. - Bold choice.
- 我喜欢 - 就是啊 - And I love it. - Yeah.
- 很高兴小组里有了新人 - 感谢大家 - It's nice to have fresh blood in the group. - Appreciate it.
- 新来的小帅哥 - 嘿 - Fresh, cute blood. - Hey.
慢慢来 朱莉亚 Easy, Julia. Blanston,
能跟我们说说你是怎么进到恢复小组的吗 布莱斯顿 would you like to share with us what's led you into recovery?
好吧 我是有个很大的问题 Well, okay. I do have a very big problem.
困扰我很久了 很久了 Just been hitting it hard. I've been hitting it hard.
他以为他是在戒酒互助会呢 He thinks he's in an AA meeting.
经常和一群人鬼混 Getting together with the guys.
每次都不省人事 Oftentimes, ending up just face down.
一次接着一次 有的时候甚至还要加倍 Chugging one after the other. Sometimes double-fisted, just:
你知道吧 知道我在说什么吧 You know? You know what I'm talking about.
所以你的性瘾 是天生的同性恋性瘾吗 So your sexual addiction, it's homosexual in nature?
我的性瘾 我的... My sex addiction? My sex addiction is...
你刚说什么来着 And then what did you say?
- 你喜欢上男人 - 不是 我喜欢女人 - You like to fuck guys. - No. My sex addiction is to ladies.
- 哦 - 我对女人很上瘾 - Oh. - You know. I'm addicted to women.
真无聊 Boring.
- 操 我想尿尿 - 啥 - Oh, fuck, I have to piss. - What?
我想尿尿 我很紧张 不好意思 I have to piss. I'm nervous. I'm sorry.
- 去吧 去尿 - 声音会很大的 - Go, go, just pee. - It's gonna make too much noise.
不会的 去厕所里尿 No, no, just dip your dick into the toilet.
- 坐着尿 好吧 - 是啊 去吧 - Oh, sit down and do it? Okay. - Yeah, yeah.
- 够不着 - 啥 - It doesn't reach. - What?
够不着啊 应该够得着吗 It doesn't reach. Should it reach?
我不知道应不应该 I mean, I don't know if it's about "should," but...
- 我要把座垫拿起来了 - 对 把座垫拿起来 - I'll put the seat up. - Yeah, put the seat up...
- ...对准马桶尿 - 哦 天哪 - ...and just dip your butt in the bowl. - Oh, my God.
好了 There we go.
- 操 对不起 - 没事 - Oh, shit, sorry. - It's okay.
- 抱歉 我小便后都要冲一冲 - 没事儿 - Sorry, I always flush. - It's all right.
好了 我现在要洗手 Okay, I'm just gonna wash my hands.
不 你为什么要洗手 No. Why are you gonna wash your hands?
- 为什么 - 我哪次不洗手啦 - Why? - I always wash my hands.
- 你戴了手套的 - 被尿浸湿了 - You have gloves on. - Stuff gets under there.
好吧 别把动静搞太大 Fine, just be quiet. Okay, okay.
就洗一下 不洗总感觉浑身不自在 Let me just wash them. I'll feel better.
我勒个去 黛尔 住手 Oh, my God, Dale, stop.
我们是在偷窥 你好歹专业点 There's literally no element of sneak in anything you're doing.
- 没那么明显吧 - 我也要尿一泡 - It's gross not to. - I gotta go now too.
- 你也要去? - 嗯 - You gotta go? - Yeah.
你洒手上没有 Do you golf with the other hand...?
别吹口哨 Don't whistle.
没办法 只有这样我才能尿出来 I have to. The only way to get this train going.
- 听着 - 你干嘛也冲 - Listen... - Why did you flush?
- 条件反射 - 为什么 - It just happens. - Why?
- 这是个好习惯 - 扯淡 - It's a good habit. - Shit.
- 那是...? - 尼玛 她过来了 躲起来 - What is...? - Shit. She's coming. Hide.
不过 曾经有一次 曾经有一次 But there was once, though. There was once...
大爷的 如果你们能保密的话 Oh, boy. If this is safe in here,
我倒想说出来和你们分享 I'd love to shake this out and share it.
情况有变 别掉下来打到我 Something must've happened. Don't fall on me.
别担心 我在社区活动中心练过跑酷 Don't worry. I took a parkour class at the community center.
他把她弄回去了 Oh, he got her to go back.
- 我那时还是个孩子 - 多大 - I was a boy. - How old were you?
- 忘了 只记得很小 - 十四岁? - I don't know. Young. - Fourteen?
差不多吧 两个十四岁的男孩儿在露营的时候 I think we were. Two 14-year-old boys at camp...
不知道怎么的 and not knowing what we're doing...
就绞在一起了 and just wrestling.
绞基露营 十四岁 Ooh. Wrestling camp. Fourteen.
相当精彩 Nice.
他说的是真的吗 Is he telling the truth?
我不知道 不过如果是真的 I... I don't know. But, I mean, if he is...
-很适合他 对吧 - 必须的 众望所归 - Good for him, right? - Absolutely. That's great.
你们有没有穿紧身热辣连体衣 Did you guys wear those tight little onesies?
运动衫? Singlets?
- 是这样叫的吗? - 对 运动衫 - Is that what they're called? - That's right. Singlets.
穿上紧身的弹性衣 Tight little spandex
龟头的轮廓会更加清晰吗? offering a clear little outline of, say, a circumcised helmet?
- 我勒个擦 - 我有热血沸腾吗? - Oh, boy. - Am I getting warm?
好了 也许该其他人分享了 Okay, maybe someone else should share.
- 不不不 我们再谈谈那玩意儿 - 什么意思 - No, no, no. Let's go to the unit. - Sorry?
那个地方看起来...? What was the unit like on this little b...?
是青筋暴起的还是光滑的 Was it veiny? Smooth?
像小的高领毛衣还是食蚁兽 Little turtleneck? Anteater?
我 我也不清楚 很平常 I just... I don't know. Pretty normal.
初出茅庐的老二? Starter penis?
我不想说得这么直白 不过 Not the words I would've used, but...
团队里有个基佬也是很不错的 对吧 It's good to have a gay friend in your group too, you know?
- 生命因此而精彩 - 没错 - It makes us more colorful. - Yeah.
那玩意儿有没有成功塞进你嘴里 Now, did this penis ever, at any point,
哪怕是一部分 find its way into your mouth?
- 我的天 - 朱莉亚 别这样 - Jesus. - Julia, no.
- 你不要再玩儿这套把戏了 - 什么把戏 - You're not gonna pull this stunt again. - What stunt?
提前结束分享会 Stopping a meeting early
这样她就可以想办法找个基佬来一发 so she can try to flip another gay.
- 真的? - 得不到的总想要 说的就是她 - Really? - She always wants what she can't have.
听着 没激动 好吧? 他都不是基佬 Listen, relax, okay? He's not even gay.
十四岁的时候有一根鸡巴摆在 He had one cock at 14
他面前他都没有吹一管 and it hasn't made its way to his mouth yet.
你要是让我说完 Well, if you'd let me finish...
这样说来你吹了一管 So you did eat that cock.
你不就是想问我有没有吹 You're asking if I sucked it?
我知道你吹了 I know you sucked it.
我只是想听你亲口说 I just wanna hear you say it.
- 布莱斯顿你没必要说出来 - 闭嘴 - Blanston, you don't have to say it. - Shut your mouth.
- 闭嘴 让他说 你吹没吹 - 快说吹了 - Shut up and let him share. You ate it? - Please say yes.
你想知道我有没有吹一管? You wanna know if I ate that dick?
你有没有吹那管 就像炸弹直冲云霄 Did you suck that cock like a Bomb Pop down to the blue?
- 你想知道答案? - 给我说 - You want the answer? - Give it to me.
我把他的老二和蛋蛋都塞进了嘴里 I ate that dick, balls,
还添了他湿润的菊花 and licked that kid's sweaty asshole.
这他妈就对了 你做了 Damn right you did
因为你就是一个货真价实的基佬 because you are awesomely gay.
我是超级基佬 从来就没有直过 I'm super gay. Never been straight.
知道我还有什么没做过吗 Know what else I've never been?
- 操女人 - 休会 - Inside a woman. - Meeting adjourned.
- 大家都出去 - 你妹的 - Everybody out. - Son of a bitch.
快走 快点 快点 快出去 Come on. Hurry it up. Hurry it up. Come on.
回见 拜拜 到此结束 See you later. Bye-bye. That's it.
朱莉亚 你真的是上瘾了 Okay, Julia, you are letting the addiction win.
滚你妈的蛋 罗兹 反正没人会上你 Oh, fuck you, Roz. No one likes you anyway.
好吧 Okay.
- 准备尽情的来一炮吧 - 来吧 - Let's get you prepped for a fill-n-drill. - Let's do it.
有没有在牙医的椅子上做过 Ever done it in a dentist's chair?
我早就想把我的牙医脱得精光了 I always wanted to nail my dentist.
- 他是个男的 - 我会让你把他抛到九霄云外 - He's a man. - I'll make you forget all about him.
你为什么不先去把椅子准备好呢 Why don't you go get the chair ready?
我要去上个厕所 马上就回来 I'm gonna visit the men's room real quick.
你可以尿在我身上 Oh, you can do that on me.
嗯 这个 Oh. Well, it's a...
嗯? And...?
第一次和拉拉来一炮 Well, first time on the slopes,
我可不想尿在美人儿身上 so I'm gonna stay off the black diamond.
随你便 Either way.
你们动静太大了 快走 You guys are so noisy. Let's go.
对不起 对不起 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
恭喜 我为你出柜感到骄傲 Congrats. I'm so proud of you for coming out.
- 我不是同性恋 我一会儿就出来 行不 - 等等 - I'm not gay. I'll be right out, okay? - Come on.
我觉得我现在走的话肯定会被怀疑 I think it'll be a little suspicious if I disappear.
我给你们掩护到底 Gonna complete the diversion.
- 我们必须走 - 你可是同性恋 - We gotta go. - Thought you were gay.
我不是同性恋 快走 快走 我一会儿就出来 I'm not gay. Go on, go on. I'll be right out.
我懂了 你男女通吃 Oh. I get it. You're bi.
我不是 I'm not bi.
不是? Not bi?
- 都有没有一个S 我需要一个S - 有S - Do you have, an S? I need an S. - S, yes.
- 这个怎么样? - 能不能给我一个更吓人的S - How's that? - Do you have a scarier S than that?
好的 恩 这儿 Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, here.
这个是从一篇写新娘酷斯拉的文章上剪下来的 This is from an article about bridezillas.
好的 这个行 好吧 我可以把我拼的读给你听吗 Yeah, that'll do it. Okay, can I read you what I got right now?
- 当然可以 - 好的 - Yeah. Yeah, sure. - Okay.
给我们五十万 "Give us the $500,000..
不然就杀了这个小孩男儿 ...or the little boy dies.
你只剩二十四小时的时间 You have 24 hours."
要是你读给他听就好了 这声音听起来很吓人 I wish you were there to read it. Sounds scary in that voice.
这就是我要把信弄得恐怖一点的原因 That's why I wanted scary letters.
这样他在读信的时候就像是亲耳听到这声音一样 Hopefully he's hearing a voice like that when he reads.
但是 为什么用"小男孩"儿这个词 But why "little boy"?
听起来像是六岁小孩儿 Makes him sound 6.
那换成"不然就杀了这个成年淫" Don't wanna be like, "Or the grown man dies."
- 不错 可以 - 还是有点 - You're right. No, absolutely. - It's not even...
行 给我固体胶 我要把它们粘上 All right, glue stick, and I'm gonna lock this in.
嗯 好的 Oh, great, yeah.
- 把初稿当最终稿 好不好 - 觉得怎么样 干得不错 - First draft, final draft, right? - How about that? Nice job.
我给你说 God, I tell you what.
不是我自吹自擂 I hope this doesn't sound cocky.
我觉得我们真的是干这个的料 I think we're really good at this.
绝对地天赋异禀 We're extremely good at it.
我啥都不说了 这方法比谋杀好多了 I didn't wanna say anything, but way better than murder.
- 比谋杀好得太多了 - 我觉得我们开窍了 - A lot better than murder. - We found our groove.
- 这很搞笑 - 的确有点搞笑 - This is fun. - It is kind of fun.
没有人会受伤害 Nobody gets hurt.
我早就想弄一封勒索信了 I always wanted to make a ransom note.
人都齐了 走吧 All here. Let's go.
你大爷的 早知道我刚才就把这些都粘贴好了 Son of a bitch. I knew I should've been gluing them as I went along.
嘿 给我说说 感觉怎么样 Hey. Hey. Talk to me. How was it?
这种感觉前所未有 It was like something I've just never encountered.
未有什么 女人? What, a woman?
我是说她很奔放 而且身体功夫了得 I mean, she's so free. She's so eloquent with her body.
我意思是所有的性能量 I mean, all of that sexual energy...
从她温柔的胴体的深处流出来 it flows from this place of deep tenderness, you know?
- 那叫阴道 - 别这样用词 行了 走吧 - It's called her vagina, Nick. - Please don't talk like that. Come on, let's go.
你看你现在还护着她 Listen. He's being so protective.
听你这语气你好像爱上她了 You're talking like you fell in love with her.
你爱上她了吗 尼克 What, are you in love with her, Nick?
没有 黛尔 No, Dale.
- 你这反应也太慢了吧 - 他是在沉默 - That was a real long pause right there. - That was a moment of silence.
我没爱上她 这太扯淡了 I'm not in love with her. That's ridiculous.
她给了我一次丰富多彩积极向上的体验 She gave me a very rich and positive experience.
是吗 比绞基露营好多了 Oh, yeah? Better than wrestling camp?
老天 这房子高大上 Oh, boy. Nice house.
他终于清醒了 Well, he's doing well.
算他好运 Good for him.
- 好吧 我们来讨论一下行动方案 - 深呼吸 直接上 - All right, let's discuss our options. - Breathe, and go.
嘿 等等 Hey, whoa.
你们俩二逼不能把车停在别人房子的正前方 Guys, you can't just park right in front of the guy's house.
你想把一个意识模糊的富家公子在街上拖着走? You wanna carry an unconscious dude down the street?
他沉得要死 快行动 He's gonna be way too heavy. Let's move.
说得对 说到点子上了 That's a good point. Good point.
等等 你们不能直接从他的正门进入 Wait, whoa. You can't just walk up to the guy's front door.
你能消停会儿吗 Will you calm down? We have a plan.
我们计划好了的 我们计划好了的放松 We have a plan. Just relax.
真的? 那样最好 我感觉好多了 Oh, do you? That's great. That makes me feel a lot better.
- 你准备好了吗? - 我准备好了 - Okay, you ready? - Yeah, I'm ready.
看好了 行动 Watch this. Go.
- 我靠 - 我靠 - Fuck. - Fuck.
- 计划失败 - 门锁上了 - It's a bust. - It's locked.
这个计划没有考虑门被锁上的情况? The plan did not account for a locked door?
锁上与打开的概率各占百分之五十 Fifty-fifty chance it's gonna be open.
- 你们怎么算出来的? - 只有锁上和未锁两种情况 - How do you figure that? - Either locked or unlocked.
五十比五十 Fifty-fifty, yeah.
这是基本的数学问题 你今晚怎么了 It's basic math. What's up with you tonight?
- 把你的信用卡给我 - 好想法 - Give me your credit card. - Good.
- B计划是插信用卡进去? - 快给我 - Plan B's got a credit card in it? - Come on.
- 你的计划就是渣 - 你的数学才是渣 - Your plan sucks. - Your math sucks.
这就是事实 That's what's going on.
- 等等 要是他在里面怎么办啊 - 对啊 - Wait. What if he's in there? - Oh, yeah.
- 我们怎么才能确定 - 为什么不按门铃 - How do we make sure? - Why don't you ring the doorbell?
- 我喜欢聪明人的想法 - 别 库尔特 - I love it. Smart. - Don't. Kurt.
尼玛 你在耍我吧 Oh, shit. Are you kidding?
- 这么晚了没人在里面的 - 别再按了 - It's dark. Don't think anybody's here. - Don't hit it again.
- 你听见没 - 我知道那首歌 - You hear that? - I know that song.
- 那是什么 - 这是一首歌对吧 难道是 - What is that? - It's a song, right? Is it:
不管你做了什么 No matter what you do
别 别 No, no.
我都会永远和你在一起 I will always be with you
- 这歌谁唱的 - 坏手指乐队 - Who sings that? - Badfinger.
无论你做了什么 姑娘 Doesn't matter what you do, girl
小声点 Quiet.
噢 姑娘 和你在一起 Ooh, girl, with you
你们唱对了 You nailed it.
推倒了那陈旧的灰墙 Knock down the old gray wall
他妈的给我闭嘴 Shut the fuck up.
- 嘿 你在大喊大叫 - 你在大喊大叫 - Hey, you're yelling. - You're yelling.
帮帮我 赶紧的 Do me a favor. Hurry up.
没能打开前门 Fail to open up the front door
所以我们他妈的都赶快离开这儿 so we can get the fuck out of here.
卧槽 Fuck.
- 你操什么 什么情况 - 我们有麻烦了 - What's "fuck"? What happened? - We got a problem.
- 没错 你看吧 那儿 - 你大爷的 - Yeah, see? Right there? - Goddamn it.
- 就在那儿忧郁地望着我们 - 那现在怎么办 - There it is. Staring back at us. - Okay, what now?
我觉得我们应该听你的离开这儿 I guess we follow your idea and we get out of here.
- 没错 我们必须离开 - 不 嘿 我信用卡还在那儿 - Yeah, we gotta go. - No. Hey. My credit card's in there.
打电话挂失 Call them and cancel.
他们今晚就会送张新的给你 They'll send you a new one overnight.
要是他们发现了这张卡 他们就会知道我们来过这儿 When they find the card, they'll know we were here.
道理就这么简单 It's pretty simple.
- 真他妈见鬼 - 他们会知道你来过这儿的 - Oh, shit. - They're gonna know you were here.
快跑 快跑 车 有车 Go, go. Car. Car.
- 你来这儿都做了什么 - 手指挡住 - What do you got going there? - Finger-flage.
那是他老婆吗 Is that his wife?
不 那是辆93年的本田思域 她提的是干洗的衣服 No, that's a '93 Civic and she's carrying dry cleaning.
我猜她是个佣人 I'm gonna go with a maid.
他和他的女佣结婚了? He married his maid?
雷克斯先生 你在家吗 Mr. Rex, are you home?
是我 金姆·宋 It me, Kim Song.
我把你干洗的衣服拿来了 I pick up your dry cleaning.
- 我成功了 - 哇 - Okay, I got it. - Wow.
他品味不错啊 He's got good taste.
你妹的 都踩弯了 It's bent, goddamn it.
- 很好 清晰的流线 淡雅的颜色 - 快走 - Nice, clean lines, little pops of color. - Let's go.
- 走? - 什么 - Go? - What?
我们刚进来 再待会儿 We just got inside. Let's stay.
她也会呆在这儿 快他妈出去 So did she. Let's get the fuck out of here.
你放弃了我们的计划? Are you quitting on the plan?
- 进去 进去 他回来了 - 为什么 谁回来了 - Back in. Back in. He's here. - Why? Who's here?
- 雷克斯先生 - 坑爹 - Mr. Rex. - Oh, shit.
金姆 你在? Kim? You here?
金姆 你帮我拿了衬衣? Kim, you grab my shirts?
- 是的 雷克斯先生 我现在就去挂起来 - 很好 - Yes, Mr. Rex. I go hang up now. - Great.
等等 等等 金姆 金大小姐 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Kim. Kimbo.
看看这个 告诉我你看到了什么 Take a look at this. Tell me what you see.
你打算把这些脏东西留在碗槽下面? Are you gonna leave this mess in the bottom of my sink?
这水? The water?
对 碗槽底面全是小水滴 Yes, the little water droplets all over the bottom of my sink.
我不知道你是在哪座茅草屋里长大的 I don't know what thatched hut you grew up in,
但这很恶心 but this is disgusting.
但这只是水而已 But it just water.
好吧 好吧 Okay. Okay.
那么你被炒了 Then you just fire.
你失业了 对你有点残酷 You lose your job. Too bad for you.
再见 Bye-bye.
看看你自己 我又把你骗了 Look at you. I got you again.
看看这张小笼包一样的脸 Look at that little chubby face.
你觉得我会在你生日这天把你解雇了? You think I was gonna fire you on your fucking birthday?
你疯了吗 宫城小姐 来 过来 Are you out of your mind, Mrs. Miyagi? Get over here.
你过来 生日快乐 Come here, you. Happy birthday.
我有东西要给你 I got you something.
这可不是地摊货 That's a good one.
绝对的精品 就好比汽车中的凯迪拉克 That's top of the line. That's like the Cadillac of plungers.
但是只能在这儿用 知道吗 That's just for here, though, okay?
- 不能带回家 - 嗯 - No taking it home. - No.
我是 什么事儿 哥们儿 Yeah, what's up, man?
不 我一点都不忙 我正在给我的女佣庆生 Yeah, no, I'm not busy at all. I'm just making my maid's day.
她今天生日 It's her birthday.
嘿 金姆 不过说真的 Hey, Kim, seriously, though.
从今天起能把碗槽擦干吗 Can we keep a dry sink from here on in?
是 雷克斯先生 Yes, Mr. Rex.
接着说 What's up?
不 你丫少来 No, fuck that, man.
金姆 Kim.
伙计 我在想办法 Dude, I'm trying.
我爸现在是只一毛不拔的铁公鸡 My dad is being a total dick about the money.
她在干什么 What's she doing?
- 我勒个去 我靠 - 她在做什么 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - What is she doing?
- 库尔特 库尔特 库尔特 - 什么 什么 什么 - Kurt. Kurt. Kurt. - What? What? What?
我去 那是我的专利啊 她在做我做的事情 Oh, shit. That's my thing. She's doing my thing.
我真他妈不敢相信她在干这事儿 I can't believe she's fucking doing that.
她插得还不够深 She's not going in deep enough.
- 你觉得她是在洗菊花吗? - 显然是个新手 - Do you think she's just cleaning? - What a rookie.
她走了 好吧 好吧 Okay, there she goes. Okay. All right.
泡菜小姐 Kimchi.
- 他来了 - 看到了 - There he is. - Okay.
- 不 他要刷牙了 - 要刷了 - Oh, no. He's gonna brush his teeth. - He is.
- 他要刷了 - 他开始刷了 - He's gonna do it. - Here he goes.
- 刷 - 刷 - Do it. - Do it.
耶 耶 耶 耶 耶 耶 耶 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
你这二逼 好好地刷一刷 Yeah, get them nice and clean, you son of a bitch.
真过瘾 So satisfying.
等等 哥儿几个 现在呢我们在做啥 Wait, guys. Okay. Now what, though?
我们现在在做啥 What are we doing? What do we do now?
等他上床睡觉 黛尔打开气瓶 We wait for him to go to bed. Dale starts the gas.
我把勒索信准备好 I've got the ransom note.
- 不是现在 - 他说了 黛尔打开气瓶 - Not now. - He said, "Dale, start the gas."
我是说了 黛尔打开气瓶 I said, "Dale starts the gas."
后面在打开 二货 关掉 Later, you idiot. Turn that off.
不能把气体放在这儿 We can't have the gas in here.
我会把这信放在 Okay. I'll put this on the...
- 关掉 - 我在关 这坏了还是怎么了 - Turn it off. - I'm trying to. It's broken or something.
你开玩笑吧 把它扳到另一边 Are you kidding me? Turn it the other way.
我关了一百万次 We dropped it like a million times.
我觉得我们把它弄坏了 看见了吗 I think we broke it. No, see?
- 一点都不起作用了 - 我们快出去 - It's not doing anything. - Let's get out.
从这里出去? 你在说些什么! 他就在外面 Get outa here? What are you talking about? He's right outside.
我去 - 他就在外面 Shit. - He's out there.
快把这罐子拿出去 Then get the can out of here.
老兄 Dude.
别笑了 这有什么好笑的? Don't start laughing. What is funny about this?
看看你的脸 快看看他的脸 Look at your face. Look at his face.
- 不好 - 老兄 你的脸... - Oh, no. - Dude, your face...
是笑气 你们笑是不是因为笑气? The gas. Is this the gas?
不 不 不 不 不 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
听着 我们得振作起来 Hey. Listen. Keep it together.
是的 就是因为笑气 Yes, it's the gas.
- 这感觉真好 - 你才要振作呢 - It's pretty good. - You keep it together.
我想打的是他 I was trying to hit him.
- 你们两个 - 他要倒了 - Guys. - No, no, no.
好了 我没事 我没事 我们应该... Okay. I'm good. I'm good. Let's...
糟糕 库尔特 库尔特 你的手机 Shit. Kurt. Kurt, your phone.
你的手机响了 快接电话 Your phone. Answer your phone.
- 好的 好的 - 我们在哪儿呢? - I got it. I got it. I got it. - Where are we?
- 快把你的手机关掉 - 为什么你老婆打我电话? - Shut it off. - Why is your wife calling me?
我的天啊 我昨天晚上没回家 她大概吓坏了 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. She's probably freaking out. I didn't come home last night.
安静一点 Quiet.
老兄 把你的头从我的裤裆移开 Dude, get your fucking head out of my crotch.
你们看看这白天的景致! Will you look at this fucking view during the daytime?
这一定是在开玩笑! You kidding me?
- 他好像走了 - 难以置信 - He seems gone. - Unbelievable.
-床已经铺好了 - 我完全无法相信这一切 - Bed's made. - I can't believe this.
我们应该确认一下他... We should maybe just check...
- 雷克斯! - 嘿 - Hey! Rex! - Hey.
雷克斯! 雷克斯! Rex! Rex!
黛尔 Dale.
要是他还在家怎么办? Did you have a plan if he responded?
我没想那么长远 I didn't think that far ahead.
要是我的话就不会回应 I would've just been quiet.
就是啊 Yeah.
我发现早上的你更笨 You get even dumber in the mornings.
- 你在担心什么? - 我们快走吧 - What are you worried about? - Let's go.
- 他有一半的几率在家 - 对啊 - Fifty-fifty chance, you know, fifty-fifty chance he was here. - Yeah.
我回去之后史黛西肯定气翻了 You know, Stacy's just gonna completely flip out when I get home.
她肯定会说: "什么样的爸爸是不回家的? " What kind of dad doesn't come home?
你给我闭嘴 求你了 Shut that down. Okay?
如果现在最坏的结果 If the worst thing that happens
只是你的家庭问题... from this clusterfuck is your domestic problems...
那我们还算走运的 我们刚刚逃过一劫 we can consider ourselves lucky. We just dodged a huge bullet back there.
我们差点做了一个一生中最傻的决定 We almost made the worst decision of our lives.
那倒是真的 你知道为什么吗? That's true. You know why?
如果他打开了衣橱然后看到了我们 Cause if he opens that closet door and sees us,
我们现在就在监狱里了 we're in prison right now.
是是是 所以我们非常 非常地幸运 That's right. So we're very, very lucky.
我们之前是不是脑抽了? What the fuck is the matter with us?
我告诉你们 You know what? I tell you what.
要是有一丁点事情是按我们计划发展的 我们肯定就成功了 If a couple tiny things went our way, we could've pulled that off.
不 我们不是罪犯 我们一点都不会犯罪 No. We're not criminals. We suck at crime.
我们都是善良的正常人 We're like nice, normal guys.
- 我喜欢棒球 我每天都穿裤子 - 是 - I like baseball. I wear pants. - Yup.
- 我们又得回去替人打工 - 辛勤工作啊 兄弟 - Back to being cogs in the machine. - Cogs. Cogs, dude.
辛勤工作也没什么不好 Cogs are good.
我反倒觉得轻松一些了 It's a relief, you know?
就像很重的东西... It's like a weight lifted off your...
是啊 从肩上卸下来 That's right, my shoulder.
我们要重新开始... It's a fresh start where everything's...
我过会儿打电话给你们 I'll call you guys later.
- 求你们别杀我 - 我去! - Please don't kill me. - Fuck!
- 我勒个去 - 这是怎么回事? - Oh, fuck. - What the fuck is that?
怎么会这样? 我们都做了什么? What the fuck is that? What did we do?
难道我们吸足了笑气还能把他绑架了? We kidnapped him while we're high on nitrous?
然后还能自己回到衣橱里睡觉? Then what? We just went back into the closet and went to sleep?
- 我们为什么要这么做? - 嘘 嘘 - 怎么了? - Why would we do that? - Shh... shh... shh - What?
他是在哭吗? Is he crying?
噢 我的天哪 太好笑了 Oh, my God. The best.
真是太好笑了 That was so good.
快把我拉出来 Help me out.
你们的表情... 看看你们的表情 The look on your... Look at this.
我实在忍不住了... 你们吓傻了吧 I really couldn't... Your fucking face.
- 我的天 - 嗨 - Oh, my God. - Hey, man. Yeah. Whoo-whee.
你真骗到我们了 You had us.
- 发生了什么? - 我也不知道 - What's happening? - I don't know.
- 到底怎么回事儿? - 噢天哪 - What's happening? - Oh, boy.
天呐 谢谢你们 Oh, my God, you guys. Thank you.
我很长时间没笑得这么开心了 I have not laughed like that in a long time.
真是太好笑了 这个笑话简直是精神食粮 Oh, my God. Goddamn, that was great. Food for the soul.
不错 我们就是为了搞笑的 Good, well, we were just trying to be funny.
- 没有伤害 就不算犯规 对吧 - 是啊是啊 - You know, no harm, no foul, right? - Yeah, yeah.
我真的完全低估你们了 Guys, I completely underestimated you.
你们还真有些本事 你们还真是令人印象深刻 You fuckers have some low-hanging balls. I mean it. I'm impressed.
我起床之后就发现你们在我的衣橱里... I mean, I wake up, I find you three in my closet...
还有一张勒索信和一个装笑气的破罐子 along with a ransom note, a big old bottle of nitrous.
我就在想 "妈蛋 这几个混蛋是想要给我闻笑气迷昏我" I'm like, "Holy shit. These fuckers were gonna gas me."
我差点就报警了 不过我又想 "等一下 I'm about to call the cops when I think, "Hold up a sec.
这几个人可能有什么阴谋" These guys may be onto something."
我想加入你们 I wanna partner up on this thing.
什么阴谋? 你在讲些什么? What thing? What are you talking about?
我听不太懂 I'm not sure what you mean.
- 就是这个阴谋啊 绑架我啊 - 这 - This thing. My kidnapping. - Oh.
说实话 我和我爸... Truth be told, Pop and I...
我们之间出现了一些问题 we've hit a rough patch.
他不替我付账了 He's refusing to cover some of my expenses.
说来话长 总之 你们选的时间点不能再合适了 Long story. Anyway, your timing could not have been better.
这是一条枪鱼吗? Is this a fucking marlin?
雷克斯 你的提议不错 不过我们已经决定收手不干了 Rex, this is, cool and all, but we decided, like, we're out.
- 我们不会犯罪的 - 这不是我们该干的 - We're not doing crime. - Not our thing.
他说的对 其实我们不打算绑架你了 Yeah, no, he's right. No, the kidnapping is off, actually.
- 不 不 你们还得继续下去 - 不 我们不干了 - No, no, no, it's on. - No, it's off.
不是的 你们必须得继续"绑架"我 我已经把勒索信寄给我爸了 No, it's totally on. I sent the ransom note to my dad.
- 你什么? - 你做了什么? - You what? - You did what?
勒索信写得太好了 And it was brilliant.
谁想出要把我写成一个小男孩的? Who came up with that thing about me being a little boy?
- 干得漂亮 - 谢谢 - Beautiful. - Thanks.
你只要了50万美元 我还觉得少了呢 I was a little insulted you only asked for $500,000 for me.
我就值那么些钱? Is that all I'm worth?
不过也不是很麻烦 我又添了一个零上去 No sweat. I tacked on another zero.
- 五百百万? - 天 太多了 - Five-hundred million? - Wow, that's a ton.
- 是五百万 - 五百万 - Five million, guys. - Five million.
- 五百万啊 - 对 - Five million. - Five. Right.
是的 五百万 分你们一百万 分我四百万 Yeah, 5 million. One million dollars for you guys, and 4 for me.
我们不如去搞一个付费电话来打勒索电话? Why don't we get a payphone to make that ransom call?
呃 雷克斯 还是算了吧 Yeah, Rex, let's not.
我们感谢你慷慨的提议 We appreciate the generous offer,
也很感谢你没有报警 不过还是算了吧 and thank you very much for not calling the cops, but we're gonna pass.
- 别这样 - 就是这样 - No. - Yeah.
伙计们 这难道不是个天大的好消息吗? Guys. Guys, how is this anything but great news?
你们只要完成计划 All I'm asking you to do is finish your own plan
就能拿到双倍的钱了 but for double the money.
而且我是你们的内线 Plus, it got a thousand times easier
所以完成这个计划比原来容易多了 because now I'm your inside man.
我可以确保我爸付赎金 I can make sure Dad pays up.
然后等你们"放了我"之后 And then when you, "set me free"...
我就告诉警察是另外三个白痴绑架了我 I tell the cops it was three other morons that went that way.
哇塞 这倒不是个坏主意 Oh. Wow. That's not the worst idea I've ever heard.
-这比我们原来的计划好 - 好多了 - It's better than our original idea. - A lot better.
等我们一下 Give us one second.
你们在想点什么? Fucking what?
- 我们根本不能相信他 - 你当然可以相信我了 - We can't trust this guy. - You can trust me.
你说得对 他们已经骗过我们一次了 No, you're right. They burned us once already.
我们不能再被骗了 We're not gonna get burned again.
- 得了吧 - 谢谢你 不过还是算了 - Nice try. - Thanks but no thanks.
- 我们三个都不同意 - 都不同意 - That's a Nick-Kurt-Dale no from us. - Nick, Kurt and Dale.
- 所以 谢了 不过再见了 - 嗯 - So, thank you, but adios. - Yeah.
- 好吧 - 你要我们送你回去吗? - Okay. - You need a ride?
不用了 那我还是在这儿多待一会儿 No. I think I'll hang out here.
逃出你们的魔掌... You know, escape from your clutches...
然后报警 and call the police.
那你报警呀 我们又没有绑架过你 Go ahead. Call them. We never kidnapped you.
- 不 你们绑架了 - 我们才没有 - Yeah, you did. - We didn't.
- 你们的确把我拐走了 - 明明就没有 - Yeah, you abducted me. - We did not.
可你们把我带来这里啦 Yeah, you brought me back here.
- 我们打斗了一番 - 真是糟糕 你可不能这样 - There was a struggle. - Oh, shit. Come on, man.
有东西被打破了 Things got broken.
怎么会... ? What the...?
然后 你们就打了我 And then, you assaulted me.
- 天啊 - 什么? - Oh, shit. - What?
这人一定是疯了 This guy's fucking nuts.
雷克斯 计划早就结束了 Hey, Rex? It's off, pal.
然后你们又无情地揍了我一顿 Oh, and then you beat me. Mercilessly.
天啊 他在自己打自己 Holy shit. He's Fight Clubbing himself. We got a Fight Clubber.
之后我就到这里来 找到了这个电话 And then I found my way up here and I found this phone.
- 我就捡起听筒... - 不 - I picked up the receiver... - Oh, no.
... 然后我就拨了九... ...and I dialed 9...
- 别别别 - 拜托 玩笑已经开过了 - Don't, don't, don't. - Come on. Joke's over.
- ... 一... - 你不能再按一了 - ...1... - Don't you hit the second 1.
- 快停下 - 别按了 - Don't do it. - Don't hit it.
我不知道要去哪儿 I don't know where I'm going.
我也不知道在哪儿能找到付费电话 I don't know where you find pay phones.
- 这个公园里有付费电话 - 好吧 - There's some pay phones at the park here. - Okay.
我们要干这一票了 冒险已经开始了 你们是不是都很激动啊? Boys, we are doing this. The adventure begins. Who's fired up?
你们都太消极了 搞得我很不好受 拜托了 Such a negative energy. This is killing me. Guys, come on.
- 你能不能移过去一点? - 不行 我就是坐在中间的 - Can you scoot over just a smidge? - No, I sit in the middle.
- 那是他的座位 - 一直是这样的 雷克斯 - That's his seat. - It's a whole thing, Rex.
我知道 只是你挤着我了 I know. Just you're crowding me.
我怎么挤着他了? I'm crowding this guy now?
他逼着我们绑架他 我还挤到他了? 这太荒谬了 He's forcing us to kidnap him, and I'm crowding him?
哇 哇 哇 兄弟 冷静一下 Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy. Simmer down.
绑架是你想出来的 记得不? Kidnapping was your idea, remember?
- 但之后我们放弃了 - 对啊 就是这样 - But then we had the idea to not do it. - Yeah, exactly.
- 我就是坐在中间的! - 嘿 嘿 - I sit in the middle! - Hey, hey.
- 黛尔 你就按他说的做吧 - 我的天啊 - Dale, just do what he says. - For chrissake.
啊 这样不错 Oh, God. That is nice.
舒服多了 This is way better.
这就是在胡扯 This is bullshit, by the way.
不好意思 哈里斯医生 Excuse me, Dr. Harris.
昨天晚上有人在办公室吗? Was someone in the office last night?
昨天晚上八点我的性瘾交流协会在这里聚会 My sex-addiction group met here at 8.
对的 不过电脑记录到之前有人进来过 Oh. Yes. But, doctor, the keypad logged an earlier entrance.
真的吗? Really?
那我们看一下新装的监控 Let's check our fancy new camera system.
那是个同性恋 真是奇怪 That's a gay guy. It's so weird.
他看上去不太像同性恋 He didn't bone me like a gay guy.
他就是流了点眼泪 He only cried, like, a little bit.
而且他对于他的肛门很拘谨 这很奇怪 And he was oddly squeamish about his own asshole, which is weird.
- 这太奇怪了 - 我也是这么想的 - It's so weird. - Yeah, that's what I thought.
那是黛尔吗? Is that Dale?
他和库尔特和布莱斯顿在一块儿干什么? What's he doing with Kurt and Blanston?
- 我们要报警吗? - 不用了 - Should we call the police? - No.
还是不了 No.
我来解决他们 I'll take care of them.
好好享受吧 Enjoy.
这还是蛮不错的 学着点 It's good stuff. Learn something.
好了 已经拨出去了 All right, it's ringing.
记住 筹码都在你们这儿 Remember, you guys hold all the cards.
严肃一些 你们会做的很好的 Game faces. You are going to crush this.
等一下 他知道我们的声音 我们应该装出一些口音 Hold on. He knows what we sound like. We gotta use an accent.
- 不要装口音 那太奇葩了 - 好主意 库尔特 - No accents. That's ridiculous. - That's a great idea, Kurty.
比尔德·斯特姆公司 Boulder Stream.
- 那是谁? 是秘书吗? - 装出口音来 - Who is this? The secretary? - Accent. Yeah.
亲爱的 让我和伯特·汉森先生通电话 Hey, homey. Let me speak to Mr. Bert Hanson.
不 我不介意等一会儿 No, I don't mind holding.
我费了好大劲才打通你的电话 I just barely even called you right now already.
- 这太种族歧视了 - 太种族歧视了 - That's incredibly racist. - Super racist.
还是用一个南方口音吧 Just do a Southern accent.
南方? 我会南方口音 没问题 Southern? Southern I got. Southern. No problem.
汉森 Hanson.
你好啊 伙伴 Well, howdy there, partner.
你家公子现在在我们手上 This here's the gents what got your young'un and all.
我们需要谈一谈 And, well, we got some talking to do and...
我让你装南方口音 而不是老矿工的口音 Southern, not old prospector.
我觉得刚刚那还不错 I thought that was pretty good.
听着 你们这些卑贱的老工人 Listen, you lowlife bottom-feeder,
我没时间和你们瞎闹 I don't have time for this little fuck-around.
要么你现在挂掉电话 Either this ends right now,
要么我就给你吃子弹 or it ends with bullets in your skulls.
不 你闭嘴 你一点儿都吓不倒我们 你儿子在我们这儿 Now, you hush. You don't scare us one bit. We got your boy.
这肯定把你吓坏了 I bet that tears you up something fierce.
我怎么知道我儿子真在你那儿? How do I know you really have my boy?
爸 Dad.
爸 是不是你 求求你快来救我 他们太变态了 Dad, is that you? Please. They're crazy.
他们跟我说 要是你报警的话就杀了我 They told me if you call the police, they'd kill me.
求求你按他们说的做 爸 我不想死 Please. Please, do whatever they say. I don't wanna die, Dad.
别报警 No police.
- 我的天 - 雷克斯? 雷克斯? 你在哪儿? - God! - Rex? Rex? Where are you?
你给我听好了 你必须把 Now, you listen. Y'all gonna have to rassle up...
五百万现金交给我们 that 5 million bucks in cash.
全都是100块的纸币 We're looking at all 100s.
- 不许做记号 - 不许做记号 - Unmarked. - Unmarked.
- 不能有跟踪器 – 不许带跟踪器 也不许在钱上面做标记 - No tracers. - No tracers and no dye packs neither.
不然的话 我们就... Otherwise, we gonna take your boy...
用我们有的 and string him up by his pretty little neck...
最粗的绳子 with the roughest, coarsest piece of rope we got...
绑在他纤细的小脖子上 in our rope inventory.
听明白了? 二十四小时之内不交钱我们就撕票 You understand? You got 24 hours before he dead.
- 太棒了 - 我们做到了 - Yes. - That is how it's done.
我们走吧 Let's go. All right.
刚刚简直太棒了 Guys, that was great.
真是有意思 That was so much fun.
- 绝对的 - 你们太厉害了 - Absolutely. - You were incredible.
- 谢谢你替我们买了零食 - 应该的 - Thanks for getting us snacks, dude. - You earned it.
所以现在我们做些什么? So now what? What do we do?
- 好的 - 接下来的计划是什么? - Okay. - What's the plan?
我们不如回办公室吧 I say we go back to the office.
好吗? 先低调一些 Okay? Lay low for a little while.
- 然后我们就等着拿钱了 And we wait for that money train to roll in.
把音响开响点 我喜欢这首歌 Oh! Turn up this song. I love this one.
我们就要完成绑架计划了 We're doing this thing.
我不喜欢打破你们欢乐的心情 I hate to break up the car party,
不过 雷克斯 你根本就没有想好交换赎金的计划 but, Rex, you don't have a plan for the ransom drop...
绑架犯最容易在那时候被抓住 and that is the part where people get caught.
没有警察 交赎金就很容易了 Wow. The ransom drop is only hard if the police are involved.
是啊 可是万一他报警了怎么办? Yeah. But what if he does call the police?
那就不妙了 Because that wouldn't be good.
他是亿万富翁 他不会为了五百万就不管我死活了 He's a billionaire. He's not gonna risk my life over $5 million.
有了库尔特的精彩表演 After Kurt's little performance,
他不可能报警的 there's no way he's gonna call the cops.
我的表演很精彩? 那你呢? 你演得太好了 My performance? What about yours? You were so in the moment.
- 你真这么觉得? - 你演得很好! 另外你也… - You think so? - You were great! And you were…
你们都闭嘴吧 Get your mouths off his dick, okay?
- 每个人都演得很好 – 冷静一下 - Everyone was doing pretty good. - Whoa. Take it down a notch.
等一下 都别说话 史黛西打电话来了 Wait. Shut up, shut up, shut up. This is Stacy.
噢 我的天啊 我忘记打给她了 嗨 亲爱的 Oh, my God. I forgot to call her. Hi, honey.
- 你昨天晚上去哪了? - 是这样的 - Where have you been all night? - Here's what happened.
我在公司睡着了 然后... I fell asleep at the office, and...
真的吗? 我的手机定位软件说你并不在公司 Really? Because Find My iPhone said you weren't at the office.
黛尔你是不是有小三了? What, are you cheating on me, Dale?
- 听着 你现在心情不好... - 糟糕 - Look, you're upset and... - Oh, shit.
- 天杀的 - 他报警了 - Oh, God. Goddamn it. - He called the cops.
- 我们被抓现行了 - 被抓? 我的天啊 - Oh, we're busted. - Busted? Oh, my God.
- 不是我被捕 - 快开车 - I'm not busted. - Drive.
没有人被捕 No one is busted in a bad sense of the word.
太晚了 卢佩已经看到我们了 开过去 Too late. Lupe's got us. Pull in.
把你的头放到我大腿上 Put your head in my lap.
亲爱的 没有人的头在我的大腿上 Honey, no one's head's going in my lap.
这只是一句流行语罢了 我不能和你多讲了 It's something guys are saying now. I can't talk.
- 躲起来 躲起来 - 我完蛋了 - Hide, hide, hide. - I am fucked.
- 我们走进去就行了 冷静一点 - 靠 - Let's just go in. Be calm and be cool. - Shit.
- 嗨 - 你们好 - Hi. - Gentlemen.
- 这房子是你们的吗? - 这个地方? - You own this establishment? - This place here?
我不知道 我这辈子就没什么东西是我自己的 I don't know. Do you really own anything in this lifetime?
我们只是租的 We're currently renting.
我们就租了这些东西 电啊 质子啊 It's all just material. Electrons, protons.
- 对的 - 严格来说 - Yeah. We do. - Technically.
我要问你们一下 你们的公司最近和伯特·汉森有商业往来吗? Let me ask you, has your company done business recently with a Mr. Bert Hanson?
- 巴布尔·范松? 没听说过 - 的确没有 - Barb Fanson? Doesn't ring a bell. - Not really ringing a bell.
- 我也觉得没听说过 - 我们不认识他 - I don't think that we have. - Not our guy.
那还真是有意思 据我所知 你们正和他合作 That's interesting. The way I hear it, you're working with him.
事情对你们很不利 And things didn't shake out too well for you boys.
- 噢 伯特 - 噢 伯特·汉森 - Oh, Bert. - Oh. Bert Hanson.
- 没错 - 他是那么说的吗? - Yeah. - Is that what he said?
- 伯特·汉森? 是的 我们认识他 - 那老头 - Bert Hanson? Oh, yeah. We know him. - That guy.
我们有利益冲突 We had a business disagreement.
- 很大 - 没什么大不了 - Big whoop. - No big deal.
- 事情都过去了 - 我们对那家伙超级友好 - Water under the bridge. - We're super friendly with the guy.
你们真宽容 You're very forgiving.
因为几乎所有我谈话的都认为他是混球 Because almost everyone I've talked to thinks he's an asshole.
- 他们是那样认为的? - 我可以理解 - Do they think that? - I could see that.
言辞激烈 我不知道是否会那么说 Strong word. I don't know if I'd use it.
我们喜欢他 当然他儿子不该被绑架 We like the guy. Definitely don't think his son deserves to be kidnapped.
绑架? Kidnapped?
谁提了绑架一事? Who said anything about kidnapping?
- 我想是你说了 - 我没有 - I wanna say you did. - I didn't.
- 我听你说了 - 我没有 - I heard you say it. - I didn't.
- 我也觉得你说了 - 我确信没有 - I feel like you did. - I'm sure I did.
你说了"绑架" 我还想"多奇怪的用词" You said "kidnapping." I was like, "What a weird word."
- 有点像"绑家" - 不 没有 我说了吗? - Should be more "kidnabbing." - No, I did not. Did I say that?
- 我想可能有吧 长官 - 你确定? - I think you might have, sir. - You sure?
他们乱吵的时候我走神了 但很确定有 Well, I got a little lost with all their yammering, but pretty sure.
好吧 可能我说了 All right, maybe I did.
- 嗨 - 难熬的一周 - Hey. - It's been a long week.
还会在联络 We'll be in touch.
是 随时 Yeah. Anytime you want.
不要担心 因为你透露的大事... Don't worry, because the main thing is that you said it...
别提了 别提了 Stop talking. Stop talking.
你说得够多了 够了 You've done plenty, plenty of talking.
你去哪? 回来 过来 我们去这里 Where you going? Come back here. Come over here. We're going this way.
不用谢我 回家享受天伦之乐吧 I don't want you to thank me. Just go home and enjoy your family.
享受假期吧 伙计们 你们挣来的 Enjoy the rest of the day off, everyone. You've earned it.
警察来查过了 确保晚上都锁门了 The police were just checking. Making sure we're locking up at night.
他们维护邻里安全 他们是英雄 You know, they're keeping the neighborhood safe. They're heroes.
好了 都安顿好了 Okay, all taken care of.
- 没事 大家都走了 - 不 不 他... - No, everyone's gone. - No, no, he...
他崩溃了 He's spinning out.
我很清楚我性命攸关 I was really clear my life was in danger.
他却还是报警了 He called the police anyway.
没错 自从他报警... Yeah, and since he did...
现在很明了了我们不能再继续骗局了... it's pretty clear that we're not gonna be able to continue with the scam...
五百万对他来说毛毛雨 Five million dollars is nothing to him.
但我想我还不如那些钱 But I guess it's worth more to him than my life.
- 看在老天分上 我是他儿子 - 噢 天 都成泪人了 - I'm his son, for chrissake. - Oh, boy. We got a crier.
瞧瞧他哭的时候眼睛水汪汪的 Look how blue his eyes get when he's crying.
抱歉 真他妈的尴尬 I'm sorry. This is so fucking embarrassing.
- 噢 没有 不 不 不 - 没有 - Oh, no. No, no, no. - No.
给厕纸 你可以擦擦鼻子 Toilet paper here. You can blow your nose.
你父亲报警 Just because your dad called the cops
不意味着他不爱你 doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
是的 当然不意味 No, of course not.
哦 天哪 我想这是他的第一反应 Oh, my gosh. I'm sure it was just his first reaction.
- 他吓坏了 迷惘 - 这是本能 黛尔就是位父亲 - He's scared, confused. - It's natural. I mean, Dale's a dad.
我也是当爸爸的 I'm a dad.
你能想象有人抢走其中一个孩子? Can you imagine if someone stole one of them?
- 无法想象 - 你会报警 - I can't imagine. - You would call the cops.
不 我想不会报警 我承担不了那风险 No, I don't think I'd call the cops. I couldn't take that risk.
- 不同情况 - 操 抱歉 - Different situation. - Shit, I'm sorry.
坏例子 Bad example.
也许独处会有用 Maybe some alone time would be helpful.
我们出去 让他静静? Why don't we step outside, give him a minute?
我们会回来的 不要做傻事 We'll come back, don't do anything rash.
那根松点的绳子 我不希望他... Get the loose rope. I don't want him to...
我们只能自求多福 We can only hope.
我们去外面谈谈? Can I talk to you outside, please?
- 噢 天哪 - 兄弟 我为那家伙难过 - Oh, boy. - Man, I feel terrible for that guy.
我明白 你在开玩笑? 可怜 可怜的娃 I know. Are you kidding me? Poor, poor guy.
这是很艰难 艰难 I mean, that is rough. Rough.
你们是在拆我台吗? Are you guys shitting me in there?
他父亲不要他为了... 对于他可能就是无足轻重 His dad sold him out for... It was probably nothing to him.
- 钱于他 - 那家伙不差钱 - Pennies to him. - The guy's rich.
都撼动我内心了 请有点同情? That would rock me to my core. Have a little empathy. Please?
知道现在什么情况吗? 你心怀怨愤 Know what's going on? You're holding a grudge right now.
是的 就是那样 Yes, you do that.
- 你做什么都绷紧 会得癌症的 - 确实 - You get all tight. You're gonna get cancer. - You do.
- 我也不想那样 - 让往事随风而去 - I don't want that. - Let the past be the past.
我们没有在过去 We're not in the fucking past.
我们是进行中 而你们... We're in the goddamn present. And you guys...
斯德哥尔摩症:被劫持人质对劫持者产生好感并同情、宽容他 你们在谈什么? 你们像是患有斯德哥尔摩症 What are you talking about? You're acting like you have Stockholm Syndrome.
什么? What is that?
- 什么 像是倒时差? - 不 - What, like jet lag? - No.
- 你们看我累吗? - 你没有 没有 - Do I look tired to you? - You don't. No.
- 你看起来不疲倦 - 我很好 - You don't look tired. - I'm fine.
斯德哥尔摩症发生在你与捕手紧密相连 Stockholm Syndrome's when you bond with your captors.
噢 好了 等等 才是人质 Oh, okay. Well, then hold on a second. He's the hostage.
所以这是反斯德哥尔摩症 So this would be reverse Stockholm Syndrome.
没错 我们没有 好吗? Yeah, and we don't have that, okay?
他只是一个非常 非常 非常可爱的家伙 我很喜欢他 He's just a really, really, really likable guy. I like him a lot.
- 他很招人爱 - 他才是赢家 - He's really likable. - The guy's a winner.
跟着赢的人混才是好的 It's nice to be around a winner.
噢 天 直觉是对的 尼克 算了 Oh, boy. It feels right, Nick. Come on.
我们要做的就是 Here's what we're gonna do.
我们进去 告诉他我们撤出这个计划.... We're gonna go in, tell him cops were never part of this plan...
以及现在这破事结束了 走 and the shit ends now. Let's do it.
好 但听听我们的怨愤 Okay, but hear us out about festering.
你就不能好好谈话 Like you can't have a conversation.
这是个好主意 只是没奏效 It was a wonderful idea. Didn't work out.
所以我们最好回归正轨... So I think the best thing to do is just to pull the plug...
然后你去告诉警察那些绑你的人临阵退缩了... and you tell the police that the guys who got you chickened out...
放走了你 他们远走高飞了 let you go, they're long gone.
他们没有全部临阵退缩 They didn't all chicken out.
现在不是退出的时候 哥们 Now's not the time to back off, boys.
我说我们砍掉一个脚趾 寄给他要双倍赎金 I say we chop off a toe, mail it to him and double the ransom.
现在你能说话了 砍 砍 砍 Now you're talking. Chop, chop, chop.
没错! 等等 谁的脚趾? Yes! Wait, whose toe?
- 不是 不是 不是我的 - 谁的都不是 - Not it. Not it. Not my toe. - No one's toe.
收好你的脚趾 该撤了 Keep your toes. Time to call it off.
尼克 尼克 来嘛 Nick. Nick. Come on.
- 尼克 看着我 - 唉 - Nick, look at me. - Oy.
听着 如果我们现在放弃 我会没事 对吧? Look, man, if we give up now, I'll be just fine, you know?
但你们 你的员工 老天 But you guys, your employees, for God's sake.
- 黛尔的小兔崽子 - 女孩们 库尔特 - Dale's little boys. - Girls, Kurt.
- 嗨 谢谢 是的 - 没错 你们都完蛋了 - Hey, thanks. Yes. - Yeah. You're all fucked.
- 尼克 继续吧 - 继续吧 - Nick, come on. - Come on.
你陷于囹圄之境唯有死路一条 You can't roll over and die when your back's against the wall.
- 不要自找死路 - 你得谨慎 - Don't roll over and die. - You gotta be careful.
- 你得拿回属于你的 - 要回! - You have to take what's yours. - Take it!
报上你名 写下名字并说 "那是我的" Put your name on it. Write your name on it and say, "That's mine."
并夺回 And take it.
我想这里还是由我来主导 好吗? I think I'll take it from here, okay?
- 他懂的- 他懂的 他听着呢 - He's got it. - He's got it. Listen right here.
- 这就是你想要的 - 不是我们 - This is where you want it to come from. - Not us.
- 我知道了! - 抱歉 雷克斯 抱歉 - I got it! - Sorry, Rex. Sorry.
- 他明白 - 得了 哥们 - He's got it. - Come on, man.
帮我也帮你们向我那混蛋老爹复仇 Help me help you get revenge on my asshole dad...
- ... 你们还会有一百万的回报 - 没错 - ...and get you paid a million bucks cash. - Yes.
伙计们 听起来棒极了 但没法实现 Boy, it sounds awesome, but there's no way to get it done.
那是不对的这样如何? That's not true. How about this?
我们集思广益如何? 头脑风暴一下 How about if we just put our heads together? We brainstorm a little.
如果我们想不出你喜欢的赎金计划 If we don't come up with a ransom plan that you love,
我们就撤消 we pull the plug.
- 那时你放我们走? - 我保证 - Then you'd let us walk? - You have my word.
但如果我们想出了振奋人心的... But if we do come up with something really inspired...
那我们就加入夺金 then we're in it to win it.
好吧 我阻止不了头脑风暴 Well, I can't stop anybody from brainstorming.
你最好了 You're the best.
- 好了 - 楼上见 伙计们 - All right. - I'll see you upstairs, man.
"阴道"带G还是J? Is "vagina" with a G or a J?
好了 All right.
我们从头到尾理一遍 Let's run it down from the top.
好 首先我们把雷克斯绑在 Okay. First we tie up Rex
第三街区一间被遗弃的仓库 in one of those abandoned warehouses off 3rd.
然后用一次性手机打给伯特 手机是预付费而且不可追踪的 Then we call Bert on a dark phone. It's prepaid and untraceable.
到四号街区桥的长椅进行投放 Go to the bench on the 4th Street Bridge to make the drop.
时间很短追踪不到电话 Not long enough to trace the call.
靠 Goddamn it.
这群家伙是专业的 These guys are pros.
我要把追踪器放包里 I want a tracer put in that bag.
警察把手底下所有人派往桥边监视 The police are sending everyone they've got to watch the bridge.
整装待发 全程戒备 Weapons tight. Eyes on.
好吧 战术指令 红色小队 All right, tactical command, red team.
我们到了 Here we go.
但当他到那儿... But when he gets there...
他找到我预先放置的一次性手机 he finds the dark phone that I planted ahead of time.
然后我们用另一只一次性手机打给他 Then we call him from the second dark phone,
告诉他去市中心 and tell him to proceed downtown.
你好 Hello.
你要去曼德拉草宾馆下的车库 You'll wanna pull into the garage under the Mandrake Hotel
并停在4421车位 and park in Space 4421.
然后你会找到一个红包 There, you will find a red bag.
把钱装入那个包里 然后开出去等待下一个投放地点 You will transfer the money into this bag, then drive out and await the location of the drop.
然后我们告诉他如果有人跟踪他 And we tell him if anyone follows him in,
他儿子就没命了 his son's a fucking corpse.
当伯特开到足够地下 And when Bert drives that far underground...
警方就会没有他的信号 the police will lose the signal from his wire.
但等他到达时 等待他的不是包而是你们仨 But when he arrives, instead of finding a bag he finds you three.
伪装 武装 危险 Disguised. Armed. Dangerous.
没错 但枪没上膛 是吧? Yeah, but the gun's not loaded, right?
当然 不会有人受伤 继续 Of course not. Nobody gets hurt, come on.
然后我告诉他脱下外套和领带 I then tell him to give me his jacket and tie.
读读这个:我身上还有现金 要开车去停车点
所以当警察开始急得直冒号时... So just as the cops are starting to sweat...
爸爸按指令扔下新的红色包包 Dad pulls out with the new red bag, just as he was instructed.
- 长官 我们又有信号了 - 谢天谢地 - Sir, we have the signal back. - Thank God.
只是开车的不是我父亲 而是我们的替身 Only it won't be my father driving. It'll be our ringer.
- 我们重新找到他了 - 你怎么知道是他? - We're back on him, sir. - How do you know it's him?
现金还在我身上 我要去停车点 I still have the cash and I'm heading to the drop.
我想是他 跟着他 I guess it's him. Stay with him.
然后我开车到斯特普尔特中心 So I drive to the Staples Center.
国王对多伦多 热门比赛 人群拥挤 Kings have Vancouver. Great matchup. Place will be packed.
警察会盯着钱 等绑匪收钱 Cops will stay with the money, wait for the kidnappers to receive the drop.
汉森投放了 盯好钱 Hanson made the drop, stay on the money.
我们发现要找的人了 抓住他 We got our man. Take him down.
趴下 Stay down.
婊娘养的 Son of a bitch.
到那时警察明白他们被... By the time the cops know they've been had...
库尔特就是幽灵替身 Kurt's a ghost.
尼克和黛尔带着钱消失 And Nick and Dale disappear with the cash.
最后我也从监禁中获救 And, finally, I am rescued from my hellish captivity.
谢谢 我父亲呢? Thank you. Where's my dad?
爸爸! Dad!
一周后 风声过去 A week later, once the smoke clears,
我们坐在泳池边 分赃 we'll be sitting poolside, splitting up the cash.
钱到处飞舞 谁想要?足够我们分 It's raining. Who wants it? There's enough to share.
看谁来了 谁想要些龙舌兰? Look what came. Who wants some tequila?
- 是现金 - 谢谢 宝贝 - It's cash. - Thanks, babe.
嗨 哇噢 黛尔 Hey, whoa, Dale.
把你孩子扔出去幻想中 Get your goddamn kids out of the fantasy.
让他们享受泳池 让我享受金钱 Let them enjoy the pool, let me enjoy the money.
他们都不被允许呆在泳池 They're not even allowed at this pool.
我脑海里去不掉 I can't turn my mind off.
- 伙计们 伙计们 伙计们 - 你要阻止吗? - Guys. Guys. Guys. - Will you stop it?
得了 不要争了 好吗? Come on. Let's not argue, okay?
我们想了个绝妙的计划 We came up with an awesome plan.
很有才 太开创了 It is smart. It is mad creative.
你们又让我印象深刻 You know, you boys continue to impress me.
- 我为你们骄傲 - 谢谢 哥们 - I'm proud of you. - Thanks, man.
- 但你才是想出大部分的那个 - 我没有 - You came up with most of it, though. - I did not.
- 你有 - 那是谎话 是集体的功劳 - You did. - That is a lie. It was a team effort.
你想出了去车库 切断信号 You came up with going into the garage, losing the signal.
太妙了 小K想出了一次性手机那码事 That was brilliant. Kurty came up with the dark-phone business.
- 那是从侠盗猎车手来的灵感 - 天才 黛尔... - That's from "Grand Theft Auto." I took it. - Genius. Dale...
我想到了你从滑索下到蹦床然后滑板跑路 I had the thing where you go on the zip line to the trampoline to the skateboard.
如果你还记得 尼克否决了 Nick shot that down, if you remember.
没错 那不是个好主意 Yeah. It wasn't a good idea.
那是个糟糕的主意 实际上 It was a bad idea, it really was.
你老有一堆坏主意但最后抛砖引玉出好主意 You had a lot of bad ideas though that led to good ideas.
很有价值 And that is value.
谢谢 伙计 Thanks, man.
好了 尼克 听着 我的保证依旧有效 All right, Nick. Look, my word is still good.
如果你认为计划不会成功 我们可以取消 You know, if you don't think it can work, we call it off.
由你决定 伙计 It's up to you, buddy.
我们上哪去找不被追逐的手机? Where do we get untraceable phones?
成了 这才是我们的好伙伴 There we go. That's our guy.
- 这家伙 - 成了 - This guy. - There we go.
用比特币预付过了 Prepaid with bitcoins.
越狱版 Jailbroken.
百分百不可追踪 A hundred percent untraceable.
- 我们有了- 谢谢 可靠 谢谢 草你妈 - We got it. - Thanks. Solid. Thank you, Motherfucker.
祝好运 伙计们 Good luck out there, boys.
- 他笑什么? - 我只是祝好运 - What's that laugh about? - I just said good luck.
那是阴笑 That was a sinister giggle.
你阴笑着说这话 You said it with a sinister giggle.
我只是说也许你们需要一些设备 I'm just saying that maybe you guys might want a little advice.
- 伙计们 那是可想而知的 不 谢谢 - 我们很好 - Boy, that was predictable. No, thanks. - We're good.
那你知道后续怎么着吗? 挫事一堆 You know what, then? Get the fuck on.
就是我说的 一堆挫事 That's what I said. Get the fuck on.
- 等等 - 我不喜欢这样 - Wait a minute. - I don't like this.
- 我想听听他怎么说 - 现在你想听了? - I wanna hear what he has to say. - Now you wanna hear?
你们绑架了一个 You got one on the hook.
会花去你们百分之五十一的钱 It'll cost 51 percent share of your company.
你想错了 You're out of your fucking mind.
会花去你们百分之二的钱 It's gonna cost you 2 percent share of your company.
你讨价还价的方式真怪异 So weird how you negotiate.
不需要了 你可以走了 It won't be in existence. You can have that.
- 还有转寰余地 - 给你们点建议 年轻人 - There's a middle ground. - Here's the advice, young men.
你们都是罪犯 Y'all criminals.
- 根本没过好建议 - 我不接受 - It's never good advice. - I can't find the advice.
事实上 都不是真的 我们不是罪犯 对吧? It's not even true, actually. We're not criminals. All right?
- 我们泥足深陷了 - 闭嘴 - We got dicked into this. - Shut up.
明白了 你们不能两全其美 See, you can't have this both ways.
每次你们过来 你们看来就是 Every time you guys come here, you're like,
"我们是群快乐又幸运的家伙" "We're a bunch of happy-go-lucky guys.
我们没有犯任何错 却又深陷困境 Through no fault of our own, we found ourselves in another pickle.
我们没法抽身" 去他妈的 We can't get our fingers out of our asses." Fuck that.
你们是娘的罪犯 我们试图谋杀老板 You're fucking criminals. You've tried to kill your bosses.
到最后有一个人丧命 而现在你们干绑票? One of them ended up dead. And now you want to perpetrate a kidnapping?
你们仨是我这辈子见过的最疯狂的草你妈罪犯 You three are the craziest motherfucking criminals I've ever seen in my life.
你们想要安全脱身? You wanna pull this shit off?
你们就要那么干 You gotta act like it.
精辟 Word.
噢 真尴尬 Oh. That was embarrassing.
我们想要走个超级酷的慢猫步 We're trying to do a super cool slow-mo walk.
- 继续 伙计 - 放松 - Come on, man. - Easy.
- 过去了 我们走吧 - 去哪? - It's over. Let's go. - Where you going?
幼稚的主意 我羞愧了 Moronic idea. I am mortified.
来嘛 哥们 我们继续猫步 Come on, man. Let's do the walk.
你得坚持 You gotta stick with it.
你认为怎么样? 我需要再打自己两拳? What do you think? Should I beat myself up more?
不 你不需要再打自己了 No, you don't need to hit yourself anymore.
我想我们只要打电话就好了 I think we should just make the call.
等等 在我们开始前 我能说点什么吗? Hold on. Before we kick this thing off, can I just say something?
我不是很 擅长这种事 I'm not really, good at this kind of thing, you know?
我妈妈在我四岁时去世... My mom died when I was 4, and...
在你由伯特·汉森养大的情况下... You know, when you're raised by Bert Hanson...
大部分朋友都是狐朋狗友 most of your friends are shitheads.
是的 我知道我把你们扯进这里 但我很抱歉 Yeah. I know I dragged you guys into this, but I'm not sorry.
因为... Because...
我真的很高兴遇到你们 I'm really glad I met you guys.
不管怎样 我希望你们收下这个 Anyway, I want you guys to have this.
- 是什么? - 是铁血战士里的用过的毒牙 - What is it? - It's an actual fang from Predator.
- 那部电影铁血战士? - 没错 - Predator the movie? - Yep.
我想把这个给你 I want you to have it.
- 真的? - 我发誓 - For real? - Swear to God.
你喜欢铁血战士吗? Do you like Predator?
是啊 我喜欢铁血战士 Yeah, I like Predator.
- 库尔特呢? - 对 对 我也喜欢铁血战士 - Kurty? - Yeah. Yeah, I like Predator too.
我意思是我也喜欢 不是喜欢续集 I mean "also," not the sequel.
- 尼克呢? - 额 这个 - Nick? - Oh, well...
我第一次看铁血战士的时候不是很喜欢 I didn't like Predator when I first saw it...
但是我越来越喜欢了 but it grew on me quite a bit.
我很喜欢铁血战士 I like Predator a great deal.
我们在说他还是电影 Are we talking about him or Predator?
我讨厌话里有话 I'm terrible with metaphors.
- 来让我们打电话吧 - 你们把我搞糊涂了 - Let's make the phone call. - It was lost on me.
很多事都这样 Most things are.
你好 Yeah.
你们收到那笔钱了吗? You got that cash?
- 是的 我收到了 - 耶 - Yeah, I got it. - Yeah.
现在我需要你大摇大摆的走到第四街大桥 Now, I want you to sashay up to the 4th Street Bridge.
你会在半路上发现有一个板凳 坐下来 You're gonna find a bench about halfway up, take a load off.
你单独带着我们说好的钱来 And you bring the amount that we agreed upon and you come alone.
如果你这么做了 And if you do,
你儿子就能速速的回家 you will find your son returned home lickety-splickety.
第四街大桥 他会把他扔到那 Fourth Street Bridge, he's gonna have him drop it over the side.
现在 我希望所有地方都在 Now, I want every inch covered,
安全距离内覆盖警力 but everyone holds a safe distance.
好的 但是距离也别太安全 懂了吗? Yeah, but not too safe a distance. Understand?
这个包是你最重要的东西 This bag is your number fucking one priority.
不 实际上 我儿子才是最重要的 No, actually, your son's life is our number one priority.
是的 你知道我什么意思 Yeah, you know what I mean.
或许我知道吧 Yeah, I think I do.
谁能看清? Does anybody have a visual?
大桥上仍然是空的 老大 Bridge is still clear, chief.
汉森预计两分钟到达 Hanson approaching. ETA, two minutes.
刀锋战士已就位 The Blade is in position.
银河护卫 就位 Majestic, in position.
我就... I am in...
人间凶器已就位 Kill Shot is in position.
- 哇 人间凶器? - 是的 我想当人间凶器 - Whoa, "Kill Shot"? - Yeah, I wanna be Kill Shot.
所以你就是人间凶器了 我喜欢 Then you are Kill Shot. I love it.
好可爱的名字啊 尼克 Pretty sweet name there, Nick.
哦 如果我们用了代号就别叫真名了 黛尔 Ooh.We don't wanna use real names if we're using code names, Dale.
别把我名字说出来 库尔特 Don't say my name, Kurt.
我那是意外 你是故意的 Mine was an accident. Yours was on purpose.
- 我不觉得你是无心的 - 你说什么? - I don't think yours was an accident. - What?
为什么我们在一个房间里还用对讲机 Why are we on walkie-talkies in the same room?
我们是在检查设备 We're checking the equipment.
我们不用这样 他会出现在电视遥控里 We don't need to. He's on a TV remote control.
我想参加 我没事干 I was trying to participate. I didn't have anything to...
嘿 把持住 刀锋战士看见他在这了 他在这 Hey. Hold up. The Blade's got a visual. He's here. He's here.
- 我们走 - 哦 操 - Here we go. - Oh, shit.
- 一切正常 人间凶器打电话 - 我正在打了 - All right. Kill Shot, make the call. - I'm dialing. Here we go.
哦 我的天 Oh, my God.
嘿 那是什么声音 谁在给你打电话? Hey, what's that? Who's calling you?
- 我不知道 没显示号码 - 哦 不 - I don't know. It's blocked. - Oh, no.
- 你好 - 嗨 - Hello. - Hi.
- 你是谁? - 是我 小崽子 - Who is this? - It's me, dickless.
你应该打那个电话 You're supposed to call the dark phone.
它正在你的手上 说好把它粘到板凳上的 It's in your hand. You were to tape that under the bench.
不 这不是 哦 等等 No, that's not... Oh, wait.
哦 去死吧 所以 他那是什么手机? Oh, shit. So, what phone does he have?
伯特那 是有我们联系方式的库尔特的手机 Bert has Kurt's phone with our contact information on it.
而且还有我们以前做朋友的照片? And the pictures of us from when we used to be friends?
别闹了 你看 没什么大不了的 Knock it off. Look, this is no big deal.
我们等到明天再干 We'll do it tomorrow.
我们不打电话他就找不到手机 As long as we don't call, he'll never find it.
他找到了 He found it.
- 他怎么了? - 我们死定了 - He what? How? - We are screwed.
- 操 - 等等 等等 我有办法了 我有办法了 - Shit. - Wait, wait, wait. I got an idea. I got an idea.
给你手机打电话 Call your phone.
如果他接听了就不能看它了 If he's talking, he's not gonna look through it.
- 你电话号是多少? - 你不知道? - What's your number? - You don't know?
我不知道我的号码 I don't know my number.
我不知道 我从来不给我自己打电话 I don't know. I never call myself.
我知道你俩的电话号码 323... I know both of your numbers. 323...
- 这就够了 我来 我来 - 好 - That's all I need. I got there. Here we go. - Okay, yes.
- 来 好 好 对 - 好 可以了 - Here we go. Okay. All right. Ahem. - Right, okay.
有电话进来 铃声是凯蒂·派瑞的咆哮 Call coming in. "Roar" by Katy Perry.
这些小崽子们很自信啊 These guys are confident.
耶 你好 Yeah, hello.
看起来像蚂蚱发现自己 Look like the grasshopper found himself...
- 坐在小草上 - 有点过了 - ...a blade of grass to sit upon. - Too much.
- 你好 - 来让我们结束这一切吧 假牛仔 - Hello. - Let's get this over with, pretend cowboy.
来 听着 我命令你接下来去曼德拉草酒店 Now, listen, I need you to proceed to the Mandrake Hotel.
我要你去地下停车场 I need you to go underground into parking.
4421号位置 I need you to get to Spot 4421.
你会看见一个大旧包在那 装满它 You're gonna see a big old bag there. Fill it up.
然后接着北上到菲格罗阿 And then I need you to proceed north onto Figueroa
等待我的下一步指示 and await further instructions.
等等 等等 Wait, wait.
你以为我们不知道你和警察在一起吗 And don't think we don't know you got the law with you.
我们都知道 That's something we do know.
对吗? 所以如果他们跟你去车库... All right? So if any of them cavalry follow you down in the garage...
我会像打扑克一样打你儿子的屁股 I'm personally gonna stick a hot poker so far up your son's ass...
我要把他的牙打成爆米花 I'm gonna pop his teeth like popcorn!
看到了吗? 我们回到了正轨上 See? We're back on track.
我必须把手机拿回来 里面有好多私密照片 I gotta get that phone back. So many dick pics.
- 真的? - 是的 虽然不都是我的 - Really? - Yeah, not all mine, though.
交通比赛开始 他不到十分钟就能到 我们怎么办? With game-time traffic, he could be here in less than 10 minutes. How we doing?
- 差不多了 - 服务生的衣服去哪了? - Almost done. - Where are the bellhop costumes?
- 什么? - 服务生的衣服 - What? - Bellhop costumes.
我们不是要穿着服务生的衣服逃走吗? Aren't we dressed as bellhops when we escape with the money?
那里没有服务生 This place doesn't have bellhops.
- 没有? - 没有 - It doesn't? - No.
我以为那有一些小甜心呢 I thought there was supposed to be some sweet-ass...
- 这是什么鬼东西? - 今天可不是鬼节 - What the fuck are these? - It's not Halloween.
- 我在最短的时间内只能做到这样了 - 这个不吓人 - Best I could do on short notice. - It's not scary.
- 嘿 我看起来怎么样? - 你是什么鬼? - Hey, how do I look? - Who the hell are you?
- 我是库尔特 - 我知道 - It's me, Kurt. - I know that part.
太糟糕了 你看起来不像伯特 像马克吐温 Terrible. You don't look like Bert, you look like Mark Twain.
没有一件事是按照计划来的 一切都搞砸了 None of this is like I pictured when we were planning it. Everything was cooler.
他远看还是不错的 He just has to look good from a distance.
- 我们走 开始吧 - 我们动手吧 - Here we go. Let's do it. - Let's roll.
我们只要各就各位有信心我们就会好好的 Let's just do what we gotta do, do it confidently and, we should be fine.
- 我们走 - 哦 - Here we go. - Oh.
- 嗨 小伙子们 - 哦 嗨 - Hi, boys. - Oh, hi.
你住在酒店 You staying at the hotel,
还是这是你的酒店? 你在这住吗? or is this your hotel? You staying here?
从你们闯进我的办公室开始我一直关注着你们 I've been keeping my eye on you since you broke into my office.
我不知道这里发生了什么 而且我一点也不关心 I don't know what's going on here, and I don't give a shit.
你为什么在这? 你想要什么? Why are you here? What do you want?
我感觉你知道我想要什么 I think you know what I want.
不 我是不会和你上床的 No, I'm not gonna sleep with you.
这个疯女人在想什么啊? Why can't this crazy bitch get it through her head?
- 放尊重点 对不起 - 你在耍我吗? - Keep it respectful. Sorry. - Are you kidding me?
- 别这么说她 - 我在努力搞清这件事 - Don't call her that. - I'm gonna make this simple.
我要叫警察来把你们送到监狱里去 I'm gonna call the police and send you to jail.
- 别这样 - 别啊 - Don't do that. - Come on.
除非黛尔上我 Unless Dale plows me.
为什么? 为什么是我? 我有什么特别的? Why? Why me? What is so special about me?
这是个合理的疑问 所有人都想知道 That's a fair question. Everybody's wondering.
- 我也是 - 黛尔你有收藏过什么东西吗? - I am. - Did you ever collect anything, Dale?
- 不要让他卷入这件事 - 我收藏什么? - Don't get him going on this. - What do I collect?
- 多了去了 - 布朗百科全书? - Tons of stuff. - Encyclopedia Brown?
- 新的豆豆娃娃不算 - 银河战星 - New Beanie Babies, makes no sense. - Battlestar Galactica.
好吧 我会收藏一些东西 怎么了? Fine. I collect some stuff. Why?
好吧 我收藏鸡鸡 Okay, well, I collect cocks.
- 齿轮? - 朱莉亚 - Cogs? - Julia.
- 鸡鸡 - 哦 额 好吧 - "Cocks." - Oh, yeah. Well...
就在这 Right up here.
我有一个陈列着满满的鸡鸡们的陈列室 I've got quite an impressive trophy room filled with cocks.
- 我们就在这 - 别 - We're in there. - Don't.
在夜里 我闭上我的双眼 And at night, when I close my eyes...
我回想它们 I reflect on them...
我排列它们 I alphabetize them...
我为它们拂去尘埃 I dust them.
它们为什么落灰了? Why are they dusty?
但是还有一个小问题 黛尔 But there's one little problem, Dale.
看到那个地方了吗? 壁炉上面空荡荡的地方? See that space? That empty space above the fireplace?
- 看到了吗? - 你缺一只鸡鸡? - See that? - You got a cock missing?
这是为我十一岁起 That's reserved for the only man who's ever said no to this.
唯一说不的男人留个位置 Since I was 11 years old.
就是你 黛尔 That's you, Dale.
我的白鲸 My white whale.
哦 好吧 我很感激 真的 我猜那很甜蜜 Oh, okay. Well, I appreciate that. I really do. That's sweet, I guess.
但是 嘿 现在有个办法 我的朋友库尔特喜欢开垦荒田 But, hey, here's an idea. My friend Kurt here loves to plow.
- 而且他一定比我厉害 - 绝对的 - And maybe he could jump in for me... - Absolutely.
我可以补充一下 我有真的活好 I could pinch-plow. I got a real green thumb.
我们都知道这会儿聊上瘾了 We all know this is just the addiction talking.
如果你想要的不止快速解决... If you're looking for more than a quick fix...
我可以给你提供一样富有含义还持久的东西 I can provide you something that's very meaningful, long-lasting.
什么? 你在说什么? What? What are you talking about?
我在说我们 I'm talking about us.
- 我们? 我们所有人? - 不 - Us? All of us? - No.
- 那就更好了 - 不 - That's even better. - No.
越多越好 我喜欢这个点子 More the merrier. I love this idea.
你们有很多坚挺的东西 You got a lot of stuff sticking out.
我有很多洞做它们的去处 I got a lot of holes going in.
晚上有一点你们必须要搞清楚 At one point of the night, you'd better make sure that,
就只有一个棍棍在洞洞里 that one is in this one.
- 谢谢 - 那不是我的意思 我误解了 - Thank you. - That's not what I meant. You misunderstood.
我去梳洗一下 你们要做点什么准备吗? I'm gonna go freshen up. Why don't you guys suck each other off to get ready?
- 我们来吧 - 你在干什么? Here we go. - What are you doing?
什么? 她让我们上她? What? She's making us fuck her.
- 我谁都不睡 - 谢谢 - I'm not gonna fuck anyone. - Thank you.
我愿意和她做爱 如果她需要的话 I'm willing to make love to her, if that's required.
- 你是认真的吗? - 我可以借用一下这个剃刀吗? - Are you serious? - Can I borrow this razor?
可以 随便用 Yeah. Go nuts.
有什么要求吗? 捆绑? 旋转? Any requests? Landing strip? Dinner roll?
随便啦 我们赶时间 谢谢 Whatever's there. We're in a rush. Thanks.
我不想出轨 I don't wanna commit adultery on my wife.
不 如果你是为了救你的家庭就不是出轨好吗 No, it's not adultery if you're doing it to save your family. Okay?
你觉得你在监狱里关三十年 You think Stacy and your girls are gonna wait for you...
史黛西和你的孩子们会等你? ...while you're in prison for 30 years?
他们不会的 They're not.
我们就不能想想办法吗? Can't we just come up with some kind of plan, though?
哦 好 绝对的 我有办法了 好 我们走 Oh, yes. Absolutely. I got a plan. Okay, here we go. Areas.
我选屁股 脸 阴道 I'll go butt, face, puss.
我不要进阴道 这让我最有负罪感脸 I cannot go in the puss. That'll make me the most guilty.
好吧 这样行不行? 屁股 脸 阴道 Good call. How about this? Butt, face, puss.
这才是我该去的地方 That's where I should be.
我们在谈论哪... 这主意不错 I'm talking about a way where... That's good.
如果我们换位置她就会忘了谁在哪 If we're switching positions, she'll lose track of who's where.
- 就像赌博 - 三张牌的赌博 - Like the shell game. - Three-card Monte. Exactly.
我可以埋胸然后打她屁股 I can motorboat her boobies and then smack on her butt.
只要不是低俗可耻的方式就行 So long as nothing is done in a cheap or degrading way.
- 我们会像菲尔医生一样敏感 - 我不知道我能不能上她 - We'll be as sensitive as Dr. Phil. - I don't know if I can fuck this woman.
想想你的老婆孩子们 Think about your wife and girls.
想想我的孩子们 我可以做到的 I'll think about my girls. I can get it done.
好了吗? All right?
- 史黛西 - 哦 不 - Stacy. - Oh, no.
- 你怎么找到我的? - 来这儿多会儿了? - How did you find me? - Been there a while?
手机定位 Find My iPhone.
- 我知道你是骗我的 - 不 我不是 - I knew you were cheating on me. - No, I'm not.
- 他不是 我们正准备去蹲监狱 - 监狱? - He's not. We're trying to stay out of prison. - Prison?
没有人会进监狱的 No one's going to prison.
- 因为我们绑架了一个人 - 绑架? - Because we were gonna kidnap someone. - Kidnapping?
- 不 首先 那个人是绑架了他自己 - 对 - No. First, the man kidnapped himself. - That's right.
- 他逼我们... - 黛尔 甚至不操逼 - He forced us... - Dale wouldn't even do puss.
- 我从没想过操逼 - 我两次都选的屁股 - I didn't even wanna do the puss. - I chose ass both times.
我说那会让我最有罪恶感 I said puss will make me the most guilty.
你们没在帮我! 闭嘴! You're not helping me! Shut up!
你看 这事儿太傻逼了 宝贝儿 Look, this is such a stupid thing, honey.
而且放轻松 这里还没发生过性交 And easy, and nothing sexual is even happening here.
来吧 黛尔 小妹妹不会把你吃了的 Come on, Dale, this pussy isn't gonna eat itself.
- 朱莉亚? - 史黛西 - Julia? - Stacy.
还有孩子们 And the babies.
看这些孩子们 黛尔 她们和你好像 Look at those babies. Oh, Dale, they look just like you.
- 听着 - 你有病 - Listen to me. - You are sick.
我没病 别这样 可以让我...? I'm not sick. Please. Can I just...?
别跟着我 别跟着我 Do not follow me. Do not follow me.
你这个小婊子 You fucking bitch.
对不起 没想到会这样 Sorry. Really didn't mean for that to happen.
好了 朱莉亚 你想性交吗? Okay, Julia. You wanna fuck?
是啊 Yeah.
为什么不呢 是吗? 我的婚姻已经结束了 它完全被毁了 Why not, right? My marriage is over. It's basically ruined.
所以我毁了你的阴道怎么样? 这听起来好吗? So how about I ruin that pussy? That sound good?
- 不不不 你是负责脸 - 我是阴道 - No, no, no. You're face. - I'm puss.
- 耶 - 不不不 这都是我的 - Yeah. - No, no, no. This one's all mine.
什么? What?
- 来吧 我们洗澡的时候来一发 - 太好了 - Let's do it. Let's do it in the shower. - Attaboy.
你想这样吗? 那里潮湿又美好 Is that what you want? Nice and wet in here.
- 我无法拯救我的婚姻了 - 是的 你不能 - I can't save my marriage from prison. - No, you can't.
- 干得漂亮 黛尔 - 开始行动吧 - Great, Dale. - Let's roll.
- 我们失去了联系 - 靠 - We lost the wire. - Shit.
我们要开辆便车进去吗? Should we send in an unmarked?
我们不能冒险 我们就守在这 We can't risk it. We'll hold here.
你好 你好吗 Hello. Howdy-do.
- 你走这边 - 停 - You go on this side. - Stop.
嘿 Hey.
这是什么鬼东西? What the fuck is this?
我不需要和你争辩 I do not need that sass-mouth.
我要的是那袋现金 现在 把它拿过来 What I need is that sack of cash. Now, get it over here.
别把它扔给我 滑过来 再来一次 Don't you throw it at me. You slide it. Do it again.
- 不 就放到这吧 - 检查一下 - No, we'll keep it here. - Check it.
- 我的天 - 看那儿 - Holy shit. - Lookie there.
- 我们做到了 - 真是个好包 - We did it. - There's a pretty bag.
好 好吧 嘿 Okay. All right. Hey.
我还要那个粘在凳子上被你拿走的手机 I'll also take that phone you took from the bottom of that bench.
什么? What?
- 手机 把手机给我 - 把手机给他 - The cell phone. Give me the cell phone. - Throw the phone to him.
现在把你花哨的外套和领带给我 Now that fancy jacket and that snappy tie.
- 脱掉拿过来 - 不要 - Get them off. Get them over. - No.
- 他说"不" - 我认为他是这么说的 - He say "no"? - I think he said no.
但是我们拿到这个了 But we got this.
不要逼我用这个六发式手枪 Don't make me use this six-shooter.
爷们手里有枪 Man's got a shooter.
你让我感到恶心 You make me sick.
美国的病根就在你这种人身上 每个人都想得到施舍 You're what's wrong with America. Everyone just wants a handout.
拿去吧 拿去吧 从老老实实挣钱的人们身上拿去吧 Take, take, take from the people who earn their money honestly.
好吧 我们现在不聊了 爷们手里真的有枪 All right, let's not chitchat now. The man does have a gun.
你真会说话 但我能一枪毙了你 You got a real lip on you. I will shoot you in the chest.
好吧 来吧 毙了我吧 Well, go ahead. Shoot me.
你压根就没种 You don't have the balls.
他有的 他的种可大着呢 Yeah, he does. He got big old balls.
大嘴巴一个 再没其他能力了 Big mouth. Nothing behind it.
- 伙计 - 我的天啊 - Dude. - Oh, my God.
- 搞毛啊 - 我的天啊 - What the fuck? - Oh, my God.
你做了什么 What did you do?
- 你毙了他 - 我没有 - You shot him. - No, I didn't.
- 你毙了他 - 手枪不应该是负荷的 - You did. - That was not supposed to be loaded.
- 你什么意思 - 这不是我的错 - What do you mean? - That's not my fault.
- 我的天啊 - 等一下... - Oh, my God. - Wait, hold...
伙计 你们开始互相谴责的时候 Man. You should've seen your faces right now...
应该看看自己的脸 when you started blaming each other.
怎么了 What's happening right now?
我利用了你们 I'm fucking you over.
不会的 我们是朋友啊 No, no. But we're all friends now.
是啊 但这是多么大的一个转折 不是吗 We are, but what a great twist, right?
我最初想要拿走全部的钱 再栽赃给你们几个 At first I was just gonna take all the money and throw you guys under the bus.
但是我想 得了吧 I mean, come on. Duh.
但是当老爸叫了警察后 证明他根本不关心我 But then when Dad called the cops and proved he doesn't give a fuck about me...
我才意识到 既然我能继承他的财产 I realized, why take a few of his millions...
你们也能替我顶罪 我为什么还要拿走他几百万中的一小部分 when I can inherit all of them and you guys can take the fall?
过一会 警察就会来 In minutes, the police will be down here
发现是你们杀了我可怜的爸爸 and discover that you killed my poor father...
用的是你绑架我时从我房间偷来的枪 with a gun you stole from my room when you abducted me.
那是假话 That is a lie!
- 他知道 - 他知道的 - He knows. - He knows. He knows.
别担心 伙计们 Don't worry, guys.
我来解决 I'll take it from here.
抱歉 雷克斯 Sorry, Rex.
我们录下证据了 But we got you.
既然我能继承他所有的财产 Why take a few of his millions...
又能栽赃给你们几个 为何还要在乎他区区几百万 when I can inherit all of them and you guys can take the fall?
噢 将你一技 贱人 Ooh. Checkmate, bitch.
- 好吧 给我吧 - 好吧 好吧 - All right, here. Let's have that. - Yeah. Yeah.
- 不 我...好吧 抱歉 - 谢谢 伙计 - No, I... Right. Sorry. - Thanks, man.
不想多拿几分钟吗 Didn't wanna hold onto that for two more minutes?
不用 那是别人送的礼物 No, that was a gift.
- 你把普锐斯停在后巷了吗 - 停了 - Did you park the Prius in the back alley? - I sure did.
- 你有钥匙吗 - 这里 - Do you have the keys? - Here you go.
我真为你们骄傲 I'm really proud of you guys.
说真的 你们像一个队伍一样团结 Seriously. You pulled together. You worked like a team.
和我们计划的一样 Just like we planned.
黛尔 我们开了很多玩笑 Dale, we had a lot of laughs.
我很感激 你使我感到高兴 I really appreciate it. I mean, you made me smile.
尼克 我想让你更搞笑 Nick, I want you to smile more.
知道吗 看你眉头皱的 You know? Look at those frown lines.
休个假放松放松 Take a vacation. Lighten up.
- 库尔特 我觉得我可能最想你了 - 为什么 - Kurt, I think I'm gonna miss you the most. - Why?
好吧 Okay.
拜拜 Bye.
接着 Catch.
- 别... - 我的天啊 - Don't... - Goddamn it.
抱歉 我刚好接住了 我去 等一下 Sorry. I just have good hands. Fuck. Hang on a second.
站住 站住 Hey, freeze. Freeze.
黛尔 得了吧 你觉得我会给你一个负荷的枪 Dale, come on. You think I'd give you a loaded gun?
我去 Shit.
我要走了 我要去仓库等着被警察营救 再见 I gotta get going. Gotta wait to be saved at the warehouse by the cops. See you.
我去 好好跟警察谈 你全身都是你爸爸的血 Oh, shit. Good luck talking to the cops. You have your dad's blood all over... Oh!
我们就不能给自己留点话么 Can we not keep anything to ourselves?
我去 抱歉 Fuck me. I'm so sorry.
这比我做的还糟 我做了些什么 That's worse than what I did. What did I do?
你是他的朋友 你把他介绍给我 You're friends with him. You introduced me.
我们不会害怕你那个没子弹的枪 雷克斯 你个白痴 We're not gonna be afraid of an unloaded gun, Rex, you dipshit.
他有子弹 他有子弹 He's got bullets. He's got bullets.
他有子弹 我勒个去 He's got bullets? Fucking hell.
库尔特 你多大腰围 32吗 Kurt, what are you? A 32 waist?
- 我勒个去 他要强奸我们 - 不会 - Oh, dear God. He's gonna rape us. - No.
- 你刚想要我... - 他只是想要裤子 - Oh, you just want my... - He just wants the pants.
你们就出些馊主意 All-time shittiest idea you guys ever had.
真不敢相信你们说服我趟这趟浑水 Can't believe you talked me into this.
- 这个人已经死了 - 我知道 - This guy's dead now. - I know that.
- 他死了 - 我们就应该继续做齿轮 - He's dead. - We should've stayed cogs.
这他妈的要耗太久 This is taking too damn long.
我擦 Shit.
这不是袋子的问题 This isn't about the bag.
这是个该死的陷阱 This is the goddamn drop.
进去 现在所有人都进去 Move in. Everybody move in now.
脱下那条有血迹的裤子 Take off the incriminating pants.
难道我要穿着内裤跑吗 Run around in my underwear?
为什么不扔到车箱里 我们可是有五百万 Why not throw the body in the trunk? We got 5 million bucks.
到处都是警察 我们哪都去不了 There's police everywhere. We're not gonna get away.
该死 Oh, shit.
- 拿上袋子 赶紧上车 - 为什么 - Grab the bag. Get the fuck in. - Why?
在你们那小子到仓库前 我们要把警察引过去 Lead the cops to that warehouse before your boy gets there.
如果他们看到他自由走动 他们可能就会相信你们 走吧 If they see him out walking free, they just might believe your ass. Let's go.
拿上钱 Get the money.
嘿 黑 伙计们 Hey. Hey, guys.
我勒个去 是这群混蛋 Goddamn it. It's those idiots.
我知道我从为说过关于绑架的事情 I knew I never said anything about kidnapping.
来吧 我们走吧 Come on. Let's go.
跟踪我们已经是他们计划的一部分 Following us is already a part of their plan.
你根本不知道 只是确认一下 You never know. Wanna make sure.
谁系上安全带了 What is the seat-belt situation?
- 我系上了 - 我们需要系上 - I got mine. - We should put them on.
- 我能跟你系一个么 - 抓住仪表盘 - Can I get under yours? - Hold on to the dashboard.
- 我擦 - 这条路不对 - Shit. - This is the wrong way.
这条路不对 掉头 赶紧停车 This is the wrong way. Turn around. Stop the car.
- 你在跟谁发短信 - 我女朋友 - Who you texting? - My lady.
- 放下 - 如果我不让她知道 她会发疯的 - Put it down. - If I don't check in, she goes crazy.
顺便问一下 By the way,
你们一开始在那个车库里搞什么呢 what the hell were you doing back there in that garage in the first place?
那是啥 What's that, now?
- 我勒个去 - 怎么了 - Holy shit. - What's going on?
你在那儿偷赎金 You were down there to steal the ransom money.
听着 我是去抢的 不是偷的 Listen, I hustle, I don't steal.
你说些什么 你在车库里做什么 What the fuck does that...? What were you doing in the garage?
我在想那是个机会 I was thinking there was a chance...
你们拿不到钱 情况越来越糟 而且那个人会杀了你们三个 the drop might go south, and that guy would kill y'all.
在那个情况 你们应该让我拿钱而不是他 And in such a scenario, you'd rather me have the cash than him.
- 他在赌我们办不到 - 你个混蛋 - He was betting against us. - You motherfucker.
- 我只是对你们即将面临的死亡表示尊重 - 尊重我们 - I was honoring your potential death. - Honoring us?
我们是什么 日本武士 What are we, samurai?
等一下 喂 是火车 Wait, hold on. Oh, hey. Train.
- 有火车 有火车 - 有火车 - Train! Train! Train! - Train!
- 漂亮 喔喔 - 该死 - Nice! Woo-hoo! - Damn it.
你就是这么摆脱警察的 That's how you lose the cops.
- 我们不应该摆脱警察 - 不要摆脱警察 - We're not supposed to lose the cops. - Don't lose the cops.
这是整个主意 That's the whole idea.
- 好想法 - 现在回去 就更好了 - It was a good thought. - Going back. This is great.
我希望你开慢点 你就不会犯错了 I wish you'd slow down. You wouldn't make mistakes.
别批评他了 他已经做到最好了 Don't criticize the man. He's doing the best he can.
到了 我会让他们知道的 等一下 Here, I'll let them know. Hold on.
嘿 我们回来了 我们会在这 Hey. We're back. We'll stay here...
直到火车走了 till all this shit goes by.
然后我们一起走 Then we'll all roll.
这几个傻蛋在干什么 What the fuck are these assholes doing?
- 他们懂了 - 应该是 - They get that? - Yeah, I think so.
- 你车上载的是什么啊 - 那是什么 - What's that you're carrying around? - What is that?
是给我的小猫的 It's for my kitties.
- 你还有小猫 - 惊奇吧 - You got kittens? - Surprising.
- 我不能有小猫吗 - 你为什么总是指责一切 - I can't have kittens? - Why you always jumping on everything?
- 你带着猫架到处跑很奇怪的 - 我喜欢小猫 - It's weird you're hauling around a cat stand. - I love pussy.
- 嘿 我能下车撒尿吗 - 不行 我们现在在飞车追逐 - Hey, can I hop out and piss? - No. We're in a car chase.
超级长的火车 我可以尿完的 Super long train. I feel I could get it done.
车上这么多货物 It is a lot of freight.
坚持下去 Hold the line
可能需要... It probably needs...
爱不总是能即使到达 Love isn't always on time
坚持 坚持 Hold the line
这也太容易了 It's just too goddamn easy.
我感觉我现在可以去尿了 I feel like I could have pissed by now.
让他去 开门 Let him go. Open the door.
- 还有一节车 - 该死 - Caboose coming. - Shit.
该死 条子 Oh, shit. Cops.
- 条子 条子 - 该死 - Cops. Cops. - Shit.
- 怎么了 - 你丢了东西 - What happened? - You lost your stuff.
- 什么 该死 - 是的 你丢了你的猫架 - What? Damn it. - Yeah, you lost your cat stuff.
好了 这有个人 当心他 Okay, there's a man there. Watch out for him.
嘿 嘿 Hey! Hey! Hey!
- 我们困在里面了 - 不会太久 - Hey, we're boxed in here. - Not for long.
- 不要 不要 - 我一直想这么做了 - No, no, no. - I've always wanted to do this.
最后再来一次 Gotta make it last
我轻抚你一次 I touch you once
我轻抚你两次 I touch you twice
该死 Shit.
干嘛 What?
这是哪 So where is this place?
快到了 桥下面 It's up here. Under the bridge.
- 你在干什么 - 你应该在桥下走 - What are you doing? - You're supposed to go under the bridge.
放松 Relax.
- 轮子被卡住了 - 踩制动器 - The wheels are locked. - Pump the brakes.
- 换挡 - 停车 - Shift down. - Put it in park.
我没法思考 I can't think.
我赌你们现在一定爱死这个围栏了 Bet y'all loving this fence now.
我已经从这些围栏中恢复意识了 I've come around to the whole fence thing.
我也爱死安全带了 I would've loved a seat belt too.
好吧 下一步计划是什么 蠢货 Well, what's the next part of the plan, Motherfucker?
这儿 这儿 这儿 There. There. There.
- 嘿 嘿 他不在这 我们赢了 - 什么 - Hey. Hey, he's not here. We beat him. - What?
- 我们赢了 - 嘿 - We beat him. - Hey.
干得好 Hey, nice job...
- 那个蠢蛋在哪 - 我不知道 - Where's Motherfucker? - I don't know.
条子 条子 Cops. Cops.
嘿 Hey.
- 下车 - 容易 - Get out of the car. - Easy.
- 举起手来 - 放松 把枪放地上 - Hands up. - Relax. Please, put your guns down.
我们没有杀任何人 我向老天发誓 We didn't kill anybody. I swear to God.
我不吃这套 跟法官说这些吧 I don't give a goddamn. Tell it to the judge.
我们没有绑架任何人 We didn't kidnap anybody.
他绑架了他自己 他随时都会溜进来 He kidnapped himself. He'll sneak in any second.
- 他本应该捆在椅子上的 - 他在你后面 - He was supposed to be tied up to that chair. - Right behind you.
谁 他 Who? Him?
是的 Yeah.
啊哦 完蛋了 完大蛋了 Aw, that looks bad. That looks bad.
- 这个操蛋货 - 你应该相信我们 - This fucking guy. - You gotta believe us.
是他们 他们三个拷打我 他们说他们要杀了我爸爸 That's them. Those three, they tortured me, then said they were gonna kill my dad.
- 别听他瞎说 - 就在车库 - Oh, don't listen to that. - That's garbage.
告诉我他没事 Tell me he's okay. Please.
- 我很抱歉 孩子 - 不 - I'm sorry, son. - No.
- 不 - 他杀了他爸爸啊 - No. - He killed his father.
- 他真是演技派 厉害 - 不要相信他 - He's a very strong actor. Bravo. - Don't buy it.
- 趴下 - 我们这就趴下 - Get on the ground. - We're getting down.
难以置信你相信了他的演技 I can't believe you're buying that acting.
他演得的确很逼真 但是 I mean, it's good, but...
你有权利保持沉默 蠢货们 You have the right to remain silent, assholes.
你也有权利请律师 你们有 You have the right to an attorney, asshole. You have...
嘿 嘿 那是我的手机 他手上有我的手机 Hey. Hey, that's my phone. He has my phone.
- 那是伯特在长凳瞎买年拿的电话 - 检查一下 - The phone Bert had on the bench. - Check that phone.
如果他一直被捆在这里 If he was tied up here the whole time,
雷克斯怎么拿到他的手机的 how could Rex have the same phone?
- 他们换了裤子 - 是的 他们明白了 - They switched pants! - Yeah. They got it.
- 检查一下 - 只是同一个铃声 长官 - Check it. - It's the same ringtone, sir.
是的 那是我的手机 Yeah. That's my phone.
我有相同的铃声 这是个振奋人心的铃声 I have the same ringtone. It's an inspiring ringtone.
你一直待在这里 还带着手机 You were here this whole time with a cell phone...
但是却没有打给警察 and didn't bother to call the police?
- 是的 - 闭上你们的狗嘴 - Yes. - Shut the fuck up.
让我看看 Let me see it.
我说了 让我看看 I said let me see it.
好的 Okay.
大家都退后 Everybody move the fuck off.
他现在看起来有罪了 对吧 Yeah, he looks pretty guilty now, right?
他绝对是嫌疑犯 He's definitely suspect.
扔掉你们的枪 Drop your fucking guns.
对这个混蛋开枪 赶紧对他开枪 You shoot this prick. You shoot this prick right now.
扔下枪 不然我就打爆他的头 听到没 快点 You drop your guns or I'll blow his fucking head off. You hear me? Move.
快点 Move.
他准备就这样逃跑 He's gonna get away with this.
- 这家伙不会停下 - 他真是坚韧不拔 - This guy doesn't quit. - He's incredibly resilient.
- 你 车里有钥匙吗 - 有 - You. Keys in the car? - Keys are in the car.
- 这个贱人 - 冷静 - This fucking guy. - Calm down.
这个贱人都是学我的 "冷静 黛尔" 不 This fucking guy took everything from me. "Calm down, Dale"? No.
- 这个贱人去死吧 他害我失去妻子 - 好吧 走开 - Fuck this fucking guy. He took my wife. - All right, step away.
还害我失去了孩子 我要做点什么 He took my kids. I'm gonna do something.
冷静 你要做什么 Easy. What are you gonna do?
看看谁现在才是掠夺者 Look who's the predator now, bitch.
等一下 黛尔 你要干什么 Wait, Dale. What are you doing?
- 黛尔 - 我中枪了 - Dale. - Oh, I'm shot.
过去 抓住他 Get in there. Get him.
铐住这个疯子 顺便在痛扁他一顿 Cuff this crazy asshole. And beat the shit out of him while you're at it.
- 噢 该死 - 黛尔 伙计 你还好吗 喂 - Oh, shit. - Dale, buddy, you okay? Hey.
- 我的天啊 - 喔噢 - Oh, my God. - Oh, wow.
- 该死 - 你刚刚在干嘛 - Oh, shit. - What was that?
黛尔 放下这个 你这到底是什么计划 伙计 Dale, let's put this down. What was the plan here, buddy?
我反应过度了 这一点都不锋利 I overreacted. It's not even sharp.
肾上腺激素分泌过度 Adrenaline.
是不是只是擦伤 还是 Did it just graze me, or...?
不是 你被子弹正中胸膛 No, you got hit right in the square of the fucking chest.
- 到身体里去了 - 你会没事的 - Went straight through. - You're gonna be fine.
我不知道 流了好多血 No, I don't know about that. That's a lot of blood.
- 不要听他说的 你会挺过去的 - 该死 - Don't listen to him. You're gonna make it. - Fuck.
嘿 如果你还想要希望 听他的吧 Hey, if you want hope, listen to him.
如果你要听真相 If you want the truth,
我是你的伙伴 对吗 这是个坏消息 I'm your fucking guy, all right? This is bad news.
能不能帮帮我们 Can we get some help here?
别担心 我们会让你没事的 Don't worry. We're gonna get you fixed up.
- 噢 我的耶稣啊 - 不好吗 不好吗 - Oh, Jesus Christ. - Is it bad? Is it bad?
- 这他妈是个大洞 - 是的 - That's a big fucking hole. - Yeah.
- 我就要死在这了 - 如果你要走 就走吧 - I'm gonna go to this light right here. - If you've gotta go, you gotta go.
请别让我在他说话中死去 Please don't let me die with him talking.
我会照顾史黛西和你的孩子们 I'll take care of Stacy and your boys.
没有比这更烦的了 That couldn't be more annoying.
我已经在努力不那么烦了 I'm not trying to be annoying.
- 我在尽量弄得又去 - 那很烦人 - I'm trying to have fun. - It's annoying.
- 但是有用了 看看 - 看看谁在说话 你还好吗 - It worked though. Look at that. - Look who's talking. You okay?
你在生死边缘徘徊 现在又说话了真好 You've been drifting in and out. Nice to hear you talking.
- 那么 医生怎么说的 我会死吗 So, what do the doctors say? Am I gonna die?
- 是的 - 什么 - Yes. - Yes?
- 不会 - 我们都会死的 - No. - We're all gonna die.
这很危险的 但是你没事了 It's been touch-and-go, but you're gonna be fine.
医生会让你出院的 Doctors are gonna let you out.
- 很好 - 他们的确给了你鸟的心脏 - That's good. - They did have to give you a bird's heart.
- 天啊 - 你还适应吗 - Oh, God. - You okay with that?
- 没有 - 他在开玩笑 - No. - He's kidding.
我们在开玩笑 We're kidding.
那个心脏对我可能太老了 That heart would've been too old for me.
我昏迷了多久 How long was I out?
- 两年 - 真的吗 - Two years. - Really?
- 四天 - 那好多了 - Four days. - That's better.
你为什么不玩了 反正我们已经说了两年 Why didn't you play? Thought we were gonna say two years.
我们现在有了女总统 We've got a woman president.
该死 Shit.
- 看看谁来了 - 我的天啊 他在说话 - Look who's here. - Oh, my gosh. He's talking.
- 嗨 你在说话 - 我们不打扰你们了 - You're talking. Hi. - We'll leave you alone.
拜托 让我来给你解释一切 Please. Let me explain everything to you,
里面有太多误会了 there are so many misunderstandings.
- 没事 朱莉亚解释了一切 - 不要跟她说话 她疯了 - It's okay. Julia explained everything. - Don't talk to her. She's crazy.
她告诉了我由于她的苦难把你卷入了这一切 She told me everything she put you through because of her affliction.
"她的苦难" "Her affliction"?
她当时有心脏病 It's heartbreaking what she's been through.
- 嗨 - 她还跟我说了我丈夫 - Hi. - She also told me that my husband...
是唯一抵制她的诱惑的人 is the only one that ever resisted her.
- 好吧 - 黛尔 你真是个幸运的男人 - Okay. - Dale, you are one lucky man.
你太太真是善解人意 体贴入微 Your wife is so understanding and caring.
- 是的 - 还那么漂亮 - Right. - So beautiful.
他非常乐意帮助我照顾宝宝 而且很有用 She has been so supportive with the babies. And helpful.
噢 拜托 这是我唯一能作为赔罪的 Oh. Please, it's the least I can do to make amends for my bad behavior.
好吧 Okay.
我会找到麦克医生 告诉他能说话了 I'm gonna find Dr. Mike, tell him you're talking.
好的 很好 去找医生 因为我感觉有点 Okay, good. Go get the doctor because I'm feeling a little...
你来这里干什么 What is going on here?
怎么了 我摆脱你了 没有什么大白鲸交易 或者其他的 What's up? I'm off the hook? No more white-whale business? Or any of that?
- 没有了 你已经摆脱我了 - 真的吗 - No more. You're off the hook. - Really?
你知道男人在昏迷中仍然可以勃起吗 Did you know that when men are in a coma they can still get an erection?
真的哦 黛尔 昏迷勃起者 It's true, Dale. Coma boners.
"昏迷勃起者" 什么啊 "Coma boner"? What?
昏迷中勃起很多很多次 Lots and lots of coma boners.
想想吧 Think about it.
- 该死 - 好吧 好吧 我还是走吧 - Oh, shit. - All right, well, I better go.
我为我和史黛西预约了温泉理疗 I'm booking a spa day for me and Stacy.
- 我会干你的老婆 黛尔 - 不要 不要 - I'm gonna fuck your wife, Dale. - No, no.
不要 不要 等一下 不要 No. No, you're not. Hang on. Hang on. No.
- 嘿 他在这 - 孩子们 - Hey, there she is. - Boys.
你看起来真美 你知道 You look fantastic. You know,
我给你发了很多短信都没有收到回复 I've been sending you a lot of unanswered texts.
你不是这么吸引他们的 That's not how you catch them.
我觉得她要去干我老婆 I think she said she's gonna fuck my wife.
- 其实她已经干了 - 如脱缰的马无法挽回了 - Thought she already did. - That horse may have left the barn.
我感觉她们俩已经基情四射了 I figured those guys have been bumping tacos.
她们最近非常亲密 Super touchy-feely lately.
我不能让它发生 太过分了 I can't process this. This is too much.
那么 最后怎么样了 Anyway, so, what's even going on?
我们有没有跟警察搞出什么麻烦 Did we get in trouble with the police, or...?
有麻烦 We did, yeah.
- 是的 很多麻烦 - 我们因为一长串重罪被捕 - Yeah. A lot. - We got arrested for a long list of felonies.
但是因为你替探长挨了枪子 But because you took a bullet for the detective,
地方检察官给我们赦免了很多 DA got rid of the biggies.
凯文·科斯特纳:美国著名演员 导演 奥斯卡最佳导演及影片等七项大奖 减免费用了吗 很好 Dropped some charges? Nice.
我觉得你有点像凯文·科斯特纳 You're like a little Kevin Costner. 凯文·科斯特纳:美国著名演员 导演 奥斯卡最佳导演及影片等七项大奖
你是我们的守卫者 You're our bodyguard.
说的好听 好吧 看来我们保住了我们的生意 Pretty sweet. All right, so I'm guessing we saved the business.
- 没有 - 没保住 - Nope. We did not. - We did not.
几天前银行取消了抵押品赎回权 The bank foreclosed a couple days ago.
一次 两次 成交 D.H商业信托竞拍成功 Going once, going twice, sold. To D.H. Commercial Trust.
但也有个好消息 But there's good news.
买我们公司的人让我们继续运营 The guy who bought the company is keeping us on to run it.
如果我们减到三百块 你就有 If we bring that down to $300, you've got...
卢佩 好吧 Lupe. All right.
你好 卢佩 Hola, Lupe.
- 空中商城 - 是的 空中商城 - SkyMall? - Sí, SkyMall.
很好 是个好消息 Great. That's great news.
- 空中商城的订货已经装载到船上了 - 老板会爱死这个的 - SkyMall order is ready to ship. - The boss is gonna love that.
是的 我们去给他看看这个大数字吧 Yes. Let's go show him these great numbers too.
我们应该为这些数字高兴吗 Are we happy with these numbers?
这很不错的 They're pretty good.
- 还有提高的空间 - 我们还能做得更好 - Room for improvement. - We can do better.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
我刚刚明白 I just realized.
你们以为你们给我带来了好消息 You actually thought you were bringing me good news.
你们三个走进来 带着可悲的微笑 The three of you walked in with smiles on your fucking pathetic faces.
你们为什么会存在 你们三个为什么要存在 Why were you born? Why were the three of you born?
看着你们就像看着愚蠢无能的大峡谷 Looking at you is like looking out over the Grand Canyon of ineptitude.
你们父母没把你们掐死真是奇迹 It's a wonder your parents didn't smother you...
- 你们要去哪 - 下周见 - Where you going? - See you next week.
我有个主意 你们为什么不尝试自杀协议 I have an idea. Why don't you try a suicide pact?
我没说把你们扔下大楼或者吃点安眠药 And I'm not talking about throwing yourself off a building or some sleeping-pills shit.
我在说 你们几个就应该自相残杀 I'm talking about, you fuck each other to death.
你们他妈的要去哪 我真是欠你们的 Where the fuck do you think you're going? I own you!
恶老板2
好吧 Well,
我们在你的地区有经营权自由的机会 we have several franchise opportunities available in your area.
但是买店需要 But, purchasing a store requires...
一项重要的首期付款 a significant up-front investment.
好吧 这种情况的话 Well, in that case...
先给我去掉三个地区 start me off with three locations.
我确定我们可以让你满意 琼斯先生 I'm sure that we can accommodate you, Mr. Jones.
拜托 琼斯先生 那是我爸爸 Please. Mr. Jones? That's my daddy.
叫我混蛋 Call me Motherfucker.
每次 这家伙 Every... This guy.
好吧 首先我们要把雷克斯 Okay. First we tie up Rex in one of
在第三大街的某个废弃仓库里绑起来 those abandoned warehouses off 3rd.
首先我们要把雷克斯... First we're gonna tie up Rex...
首先我们要把雷克斯... 我勒个去 First we're gonna tie up Rex... Fuck off, everyone.
伯特的车一到达地下后 警察就会失去... As soon as Bert's car is underground, the police lose...
伯特的车到达地下 是吗 Bert's car goes underground, right?
警察就会失去追踪信号 Police lose the signal from the wire.
你们有公司停车位吗 Do you guys validate parking?
我不是说你 很明显 那会是种族歧视 Not you personally, obviously, that'd be racist.
你们要把车停到4421位 You're gonna pull into Space 4421...
我会回电给你 I gotta call you back.
银行两天前取消了抵押品的赎回权 The bank foreclosed two days ago.
- 嘿 但这有个好消息 - 真的吗 - Hey, but there is good news. - Really?
"真的吗" "Really?"
我们需要跟一些合法的人谈谈 We need to talk to somebody legitimate.
我们需要一些能让我们公司起死回生的人 We need to find someone who can get us our company back.
我不能带你去下一个场景 我不能 I can't take you to the next scene any better than that. I can't.
好吧 然后我会和丹尼尔·克雷格[银屏猛男]成亲 Well, then I would marry Daniel Craig...
我要上了肖恩·康纳利[演员] 再杀了提摩西·道尔顿[演员] I'd fuck Sean Connery and kill Timothy Dalton.
我会娶爱德·赫尔姆斯 I would marry Ed Helms,
上了布莱德利·库伯[演员] fuck Bradley Cooper
再杀了扎克·加利费安纳基斯 and kill Zach Galifianakis.
娶了龟裂 上了爱德 杀了库伯 对吗 Marry Crackle, fuck Snap, kill Pop. Right?
我的天啊 你这到这像什么吗 Oh, my God. Do you know what this looks like?
什么 What?
像我们不知道我们在干什么 It looks like we don't know what we're doing.
伙计 你不要叫我的名字我会很喜欢的 Boy, I'd love it if you'd stop saying my name.
等一下 嘿 站住 Hang on a second. Hey, freeze.
猜猜谁手上有枪 Guess who's got the gun now.
我 Me.
你觉得她从哪学来的 Where do you think she learned it?
也许是第一部 Maybe from the first movie.
椅子准备好了 我要去小便一下 Get that chair ready. I'm gonna take a tinkle.
噢 但是我很饥渴 Oh, but I'm thirsty.
在我身上哆嗦吧 Save me a shake.
我没法说出来 I just can't say it.
所以你想用赎金 So you wanna use the ransom...
下面是啥 What is it?
"你打算用赎金来拯救你的生意" "Y'all plan to use the ransom to save y'all business."
我只是想听你说 I just like to hear you say it.
拜托 伙计 Come on, man.
帮帮我 也帮帮你们 像我那死老爹身上复仇吧 Help me help you get revenge on my asshole...
- 我的死... - 死老爹 - My asshole... - Asshole dad.
你必须去拿到这里面属于你的 这里 You have to take what's yours in this... In this...
- 我指 你必须去 - 你必须去 - I mean, you have to... - You have to...
- ...去拿属于你生命里的 - 拿去吧 - ...take what's yours in this life. - Take it.
抓紧他 Grab it!
你们那空虚萎缩的蛋蛋马上就完了 You will pass your empty, sac-less ball sacs...
不对 是... No, that's...
"空虚枯萎的蛋蛋" 他们是枯萎的 "Empty shriveled sacs." They're shriveled.
看着你们我知道那是多枯萎 I should know that just looking at you.
这是你欠我们的场景 That's your credit picture right there.
- 来了个大块头 - 我闻到狗屎味了 - Here comes the heavy. - I smell dog shit.
- 真的 - 是的 - Do you really? - Yeah.
也能是你装的 It might be your acting.