Paolo?
Paolo, are you there?
Oh, Paolo, of course I love you.
CONFESSlONS TO MARIKLA
HOW MUCH DOES LOVE INVOLVE YOU?
Dear Marikla,
I'm writing to you because I need your advice.
I'm 24 and I've been married for five years.
I've been told that I'm pretty and I'm fun to be around.
I have a good job and a wonderful husband.
I know I married a bit young, but it's worked out really well.
Lots of passion to start out with,
and lots of understanding to keep it together.
Except that for a while now
I've been feeling upset in a strange kind of way.
l want to live more... it's hard to explain... more fully, more intensely.
But my days are so uneventful, they're almost humdrum.
I tell myself that it must be the season that's giving me these strange cravings.
But in fact they've become even stronger lately.
Especially since that night my sister Nadia took us to a party
in honour of a Venetian poetess.
I'd like to fuck you and not touch you
and, among the uncertain hairs of your arse,
loose tongued, make a song resound.
I'd like to stuff dancing cunts in your mouth.
I'd like to cover you with sticky breasts and perfumed spit.
And down between your balls, suck your cock into my heartache.
I'd like, between lustful anal sex sessions and moans, to lick your knees.
And upwards, from your belly to your heart.
And to find some rest, I'd like not to be able to come any more.
Bravo!
That's made me so excited!
So kinky.
- Very modern. - Bravo!
From Veronica Franco to Patrizia Valduga, a representation of the feminine Eros.
Congratulations. Your book will be a big hit.
I'm Nadia Valentini. I run a body-fitness gym.
Come in and give it a try whenever you like.
Nadia Valentini.
I'd love to be able to write like you.
Believe me, I've never met such a sensual lT expert.
- Shall we dance? - Of course.
Everybody gatecrashes in Rome. Nobody needs an invitation.
I wasn't invited either.
I came with the poetess.
We're next-door neighbours in Venice.
- I'm from Venice too. - Oh, yes?
Do you know what a French poet like me used to call it?
"Venice - sexe femelle d'Europe."
Are you a sailor, with those tattoos?
I travel around, you know.
I collect old things.
Well, why don't you collect those two witches and take them away?
- You like the boy? - Well, he is my husband, after all.
Come on, husbands don't count.
Maybe not for you, but mine counts a lot for me.
I'd like to fuck you
and, among the uncertain hairs of your arse,
loose-tongued,
make a song resound.
I bet you're all wet.
Excuse me. My head is spinning.
Don't bother with museums, you fools. Art is among us, we are art.
Two perfect examples of baroque.
They flatten out as they go down.
Tapered like Borromini's creations.
Then turn them around and you have two arses in pure rococo style.
- But... - Don't be afraid.
I'm not afraid. But I don't know what your name is.
You're right. Alphonse Donatien.
Pirate of love.
I was right. You're all wet.
- You're crazy. What are you doing? - What I promised I'd do.
Diana, are you in there?
Yes, Paolo. Just a minute.
I lost you. Anything wrong?
No, I just needed to pee. Do you want to leave?
Yeah, I'm bored. This party's rubbish.
Whatever you like. Let's go.
But...
You're soaking wet.
And it's not pee. What is it? Are you turned on?
Of course, if you touch me there.
You know how sensitive I am.
Keep doing it.
Are you turned on because of me or that guy?
- What guy? - The one you were dancing with.
Who was he?
A Frenchman who lives in Venice.
He came on to me like a man possessed.
Paolo, you're driving me crazy.
Wasn't he a bit mature for you?
- Well, you can call him mature. - You should have called me.
I didn't say I didn't like him.
- He was in the bathroom with me. - Really?
Didn't you notice? He was right there, behind the door.
You're just joking. It's another one of your silly stories.
- He took all my clothes off. - Stop it.
He wanted to take me from behind. If you hadn't knocked...
You're making it all up. I know it. You are, aren't you?
He liked my arse.
What about this? Did he make you touch it?
Was it as hard as mine?
You like my arse too, don't you?
How many times do I have to tell you? It's the most...
You need to look at it before you can say that.
- Tell me I've got a beautiful arse. - It's beautiful.
Oh, God!
Come on, let's go home.
No, let's do it here.
Come on.
Tell me you made it all up. Go on, tell me.
Be quiet.
And they call us whores!
Morning!
Come on, wake up, lazybones.
I'll teach you for being so cheeky.
No! You're hurting me.
- Stop it. - What are you doing?
Stop it.
I'm raping you! I'm raping you!
It's eight o'clock. Too late for rape.
Let me go. Let me go.
If my mother could see the mess you make me live in.
Who, the wicked witch?
How dare you? I forbid you to talk about her like that.
All right, Mr Grumpy. All right.
Don't you like the music of the rain?
You're completely amoral.
What about you, you pig?
- I'm right. - No way.
It shouldn't have been a penalty.
- What are you on about? - It was a penalty.
Didn't you see the replay?
What replay? What are you talking about?
Didn't you see it on Sunday?
Of course I saw the replay.
If they hadn't had that penalty...
- It was a penalty. - The referee's a wanker.
- No way. I'm sorry. - Come on.
What the hell are you touching?
We're talking about football and you just touch my balls.
- Please... - Thank you, but I'm getting off next stop.
I'm sorry.
Listen, we need to be clear about things in life.
But you're a bit mixed-up.
You're firm in everything but your vocation.
- Miss... - Be a good boy and go to confession.
Can I call you?
- Do you have my number? - No.
Well, then, you can't.
Bye.
Hi, Lello.
What's wrong? Are you crying?
He's left me. He's gone back to his wife.
She's ill and he feels guilty. He says it's our fault.
- Is that true? - How should I know?
Out of all the guys in the world, why did she choose him?
Lello, tonight you'll find one ten thousand times better.
- You think so? - Guaranteed.
What about your diet, Antonietta?
All the good things are either immoral or fattening.
I've got a wonderful surprise for you.
It gave me a night to remember with Pierre.
- Really? - It's explosive. You'll see.
You're just dying to take it home with you, Lello.
I've already got loads. They're much nicer.
Well, what are you waiting for? Invite me round to see your collection.
Hello, guys. How's it going?
Antonietta, some new items have come in.
Would you mind trying them on, so I can see how they look?
All right, Mr Silvio. With pleasure.
Come along, my dear.
Some girls have all the luck!
Girls, you can take a short break.
Come here. Come here.
Yes.
Show me your tit.
Let me see you.
Spread your thighs.
Bend your leg a little.
Turn around.
Pull your panties up tight between your buttocks.
Just my size!
This morning I woke up with a massive hard-on
and I thought of you right away.
I'm really touched, Mr Silvio.
You're too good to me.
- Good morning. Hello, Diana. - Good morning, Mrs Tommasina.
Are you in mourning?
I am, unfortunately. I lost my little pearl.
I'm sorry. A close relative?
Very close.
We'd been together for 14 years. He was a wonderful dog.
l see.
And how's the Honourable Member?
He's in Strasbourg fighting famine.
Have you got those items ready for me?
Of course.
I can't wait to fill up my chest of drawers.
Let's try these.
They're like the ones you bought last week.
Exactly. They were a big success.
They ended up ripped into shreds.
That engineer has certain penchants.
Engineer? Is he your latest conquest?
One of the most generous. Cartier.
Congratulations.
Oh, well, at least I'm never bored in the afternoon.
I've found a little group of friends.
Algisa introduced me. She's a client of yours.
- Mrs Fitch? - That's right. They call her Mrs Bitch.
Lawyers, doctors, undersecretaries. It's a nice little earner.
If you're interested, I'll tell her.
Look, Mrs Tommasina, I'm not really cut out for...
Being a whore?
This isn't prostitution.
It's just a hobby. A part-time job. So many people do it.
Prostitutes don't come, poor things. But I do, and how!
Men have amazing imagination.
I learn something quirky on every date.
Wouldn't you like to learn something new?
My husband's got a lot of imagination.
Mine hasn't. How imaginative can an MEP be?
But it's so romantic to meet someone you don't know in a hotel room.
Your heart beats like crazy. It's an adventure into the unknown.
And then the thrill of being for sale. The transgression, the sin.
I'd give it a whirl, if I were you.
Thanks for your advice, Mrs Tommasina.
I know an American bishop...
- I've never liked priests. - They're the best customers.
- I'll take ten pairs. - That's great.
- Mrs Tommasina's nice. -Very nice. She's a belle de jour.
ln a certain sense so am l, with that pig in there.
My favours in return for a pay rise.
My husband's happy and so am l.
What? He knows?
Are you crazy? No way.
But don't you feel guilty?
It's not as if I'm in love with Mr Silvio.
But you're still cheating on your husband.
Says who? It's not cheating.
- What do you mean? - They're two different things.
With Pierre there's feeling, understanding, love.
With the others it's just a bit of sex.
Goodbye, Diana.
If you change your mind, call me.
Of course, Mrs Tommasina.
How can you do those things with Mr Silvio?
He's as ugly as sin.
Who cares? I've already got my lovely Pierre.
I've got a soft spot for the ugly ones.
They're more generous.
They'll do anything to make us forgive their ugliness.
- I guess. - That's how it is, I'm telling you.
l have great fun with Mr Silvio.
It's like shagging your father. What's the harm in that?
It's all good fun.
- What if you get knocked up? - No danger of that.
There are lots of methods. I use the most natural one.
I take it... here.
Diana! My God! Are you hurt?
No, it's nothing.
Diana? Could you come to the workshop for a minute?
- There's someone here to see you. - Yes, I'm coming. Yes.
- Nadia, what are you doing here? - Put it delicately.
- Aunt Emma's kicked the bucket. - Holy Mary!
Just as well I told her to use a bit of tact.
I can't leave the gym. Can you go to the funeral?
You were always her favourite.
I don't know. How can I...
- My job, Paolo... - It's not a problem, Diana.
Absolutely not.
Go to Venice tomorrow for your aunt's funeral.
And don't worry about Paolo.
I'll take care of him.
I'm sorry, Diana, but I can't come with you.
I've got so much work at the moment.
Don't worry, I'll go on my own.
Will you be faithful to me? You know how sexy funerals are.
- Paolo, that's crazy! - It's an established historical fact.
The atmosphere of a funeral creates an overwhelming desire to fuck.
lt says so in this article on adultery.
Statistics show that over 60% of ltalian wives cheat on their husbands.
- What's this? - Antonietta gave it to me.
What kind of people do you hang out with?
People who aren't ashamed of what they do.
- Let's have a look at it. - lf you insist.
Come in. ls the gentleman with you?
He's my husband.
- Wait here for me. - Of course, darling.
That's so nice.
- Yes. That's it. - Get undressed, please.
Down a bit more. To the right.
And your panties.
What are you doing? You're scratching me.
Sit down here.
Open your legs.
What do you think?
When you go to the gynaecologist, do you...
With him? He's 70.
What if he was young?
Well, it depends. Who knows?
- Doctor, what are you doing? - My job. Let me get on with it.
Would you be very upset?
Of course I would.
Is that all?
I'd be quite excited too.
That sort of thing happens at the shop.
Mr Silvio's always trying it on.
He paws me when he can.
Oh, yeah? Where does he paw you?
All over. My tits, my arse...
He was even doing it when he was offering me his condolences.
Filthy pig! How did you react?
You let him do it, didn't you? Come on, tell me.
Well, yes. l let him drag me into the workshop.
Then what did he do to you? Tell me!
He threw me down on the table.
He opened my legs and touched me right there.
- Here? Like this? - Yes, like that.
Then what?
Then he turned me round and bent me over.
Fuck, Doctor! What a cock!
Yes! Stick it in me! All of it!
Rip my arse apart!
Higher up, Paolo, higher up! Go on!
I can't take it any more. It's your fault, you bitch.
Your imagination makes me too excited.
Can I ask you a favour, gentlemen?
- Of course. - What is it?
Let me start by saying that I'm willing to pay a million lire.
To do what?
Lose my virginity.
In my arse.
Money from a woman? Never.
Call me romantic, but a woman's arse... no way.
How dare you? Can't you see I'm in mourning?
"Subject to the environmental clause
"prohibiting the addition of extra storeys to the existing building,
"I bequeath to Marco Valentini,
"son of the late Luigi Valentini and therefore my legitimate nephew,
"ownership of Villa di Mira,
"the land registry particulars of which are listed above."
Big deal. It's an old ruin.
It'll cost a fortune to restore it.
Next item.
"I bequeath to Diana Bruni,
"daughter of the late Giovanna Valentini and therefore my legitimate niece,
"ownership of the top floor of the building at 1725 La Giudecca
"in its present condition
"and with all its contents at the time of my death."
You have all the luck. I had my eye on that apartment.
I wanted a pied-a-terre in Venice.
"Finally, I bequeath my estate in Vittorio Veneto
"and the funds in my account at the Cassa di Risparmio di Venezia
"to the convent of Carmelite nuns in Vittorio Veneto,
"of which I was an ardent benefactor during my lifetime."
Come with me.
What an arse!
You look great.
- Rome suits you. - Thanks.
l want to see my inheritance. Will you come too?
We can't, Marco. The Menegellos are coming to dinner.
Don't worry, Nora. You go back to Padua.
I'll go with Diana and see you at dinner.
Down here.
Father, you sign last.
The last shall be first.
- I'm pleased you've stayed with me. - Strange lady, Aunt Emma.
She liked us a lot.
Of all our relatives I'm the one who spent least time with her.
- But you knew about her? - Sure.
Just the things our family mentioned.
Discreet, organised, intelligent and above all skilful.
Skilful? In what way?
Skilful in bed. Two or three lovers, maybe even four.
The right men, though. Family men, plenty of money and opportunities.
They gave her advice about her investments.
In the end she made good choices.
We saw that today. For herself and her nieces and nephews.
And Uncle Aristide?
A mystery! Did he know or not? Was he happy or was he bitter?
Well, I still think he was never really interested in women.
But one thing's for sure, Aunt Emma was crazy about him.
If he was still alive, we wouldn't have inherited a thing.
Don't worry, nobody's going to take your apartment away from you.
It's yours. You can do what you want with it.
Who knows, I might even come back to Venice.
Of course you will.
- How's it going with you and Nora? - And you and Paolo?
Very well.
- Does he know about us? - What is there to know?
That I had you first, I loved you and we did everything together in bed.
Everything?
I don't think so.
Let's get moving. I feel like going to the Punta della Dogana.
- Do you remember? - How could I forget?
You're just the same, but even more.
- I'd call you Pithecanthropus Erectus. - You'd say "my Pithecanthropus Erectus".
There's still the same smell of piss here.
With all those tourists I bet even the women take a leak.
Open your thighs. What am I supposed to do otherwise?
You're a bit soft.
No, you've forgotten how to do it standing up.
- She shouldn't have got involved. - I agree.
What are you doing? You're not leaving me high and dry, are you?
Let's go to my house. It's much more comfortable.
You mean Aunt Emma's apartment?
Isn't it my house now?
I'm not going back today, Marco. I've changed my mind.
I want to sleep in my house tonight.
I've got to get back to Padua. I told Nora I'd be there for dinner.
I told Paolo I'd be back this evening too.
No, Diana. I can't. I can't.
No problem, we'll do it another time.
l aim to spend a lot of time in my Venice home.
That's the water bus for the station.
You'll catch it if you run.
Do you swear you'll let me see your new house?
I swear.
But you need to run now. Run!
Bye.
No way!
Who would have imagined this?
What a slut!
How many fucks did this house cost you?
My dear auntie, I think you're amazing.
I love you even more.
I promised Paolo I'd call. I wonder if it works.
"Donatien, Alphonse."
Hello?
Please may I speak to Alphonse Donatien?
Speaking.
Good evening.
This is Diana Bruni. Do you remember me?
We met in Rome, at the poetess's party.
Of course, the lovely lady with whom I struck up a conversation.
I'm in Venice. I inherited a small apartment and want to redecorate it.
And that's why you thought of me?
Well, yes. You did say...
I'm delighted that you did! Let's get together.
How? Where? When?
This evening, my place. Palazzo Lorenzoni.
Right by the stop for Ca' Rezzonico.
I know Venice. I know where it is.
- I'll see you soon, then. - See you soon.
That's so cold!
Voilà!
- Good evening. - Good evening.
Haven't we met before?
Swift of flesh and blood.
In the mouth is a filled absence.
Behind, turgid, it rejoices in the lacerated skin.
I feel like I'm in a novel.
Go on in. Alphonse is waiting for you.
STREET OF THE FUCKABLES
Good evening.
lt didn't take you long to find your way here.
No.
Were you with the poetess?
Yes. Just work stuff.
At this time of night?
Aren't you here for that?
Ever since that night it's been like this.
What about the house of marvels?
The best is yet to come. Upstairs.
- ln paradise? - Hell. My hell.
Go up.
- Lead the way. - No, you go first.
I want to admire your arse.
Is this all right? Or do you want to see more?
Take me. What are you waiting for?
My word! lt must have taken you a while to collect all of these.
I started early, with that one.
It's my ex-wife.
Very expressive face.
Oh, yes.
From her I learned that the physiognomy of a person is all in the buttocks. Here!
This is a portrait gallery.
You can recognise the timid arse, the brave one, the stupid one,
clever, intelligent, lazy, happy, sad, carefree.
Everybody is their arse.
So what am l?
Let's see.
A naughty, rebellious girl.
But still a little bit closed and introverted.
Can that be cured?
That depends. If you want to play the game...
What game?
I can do anything I want to you
but if you cry out I have to stop straightaway.
Everything? To me?
To you, yes.
- Kneel down over there. - Why?
Because the game has already started and you know it.
Feel!
So strong, proud and free.
- Are you going to hurt me? - Cry out and I'll stop.
You're in charge of the game.
I'm scared.
Do what I tell you and it will be completely natural.
Breathe deeply, as if you were in labour.
Breathe with me.
- Did you scream? - No. I broke the picture.
Don't worry. It's not a problem. I'll have it restored.
Wild arse-fucker!
It's just happy banging!
A FRlAR ONCE TOLD ME
ONE OF HlS BIGGEST PLEASURES WAS TO MAKE A WOMAN BELIEVE
THAT HER ARSE WAS NOT MADE FOR SHITTING
NO, HER ARSE WAS SO DIVINE AND PRECIOUS
AND COULD MAKE MEN HAPPY AND THUS AVOID ADULTERY
Incredible.
The furs were still in the wardrobe.
I found some photos too.
- Aunt Emma! - That's her.
The apartment is just like that. Hardly anything's changed.
- Who would have thought it? - You can see the whole of Venice.
- It's a dream. A real paradise. - Amazing.
Perfect for a pair of lovers.
- We could rent it out. - Why?
l was thinking of keeping it for us.
Aren't we a pair of lovers?
You've shaved.
Just the bits at the top of my legs.
I can't have them poking out of my leotard at the gym.
You're a tease.
And you're a lecherous old man.
Aunt Emma got you all excited, didn't she?
- I should be jealous. - I'm the one who ought to be jealous.
Did your cousin come and see the apartment?
Of course he did.
Do you think he'd let a chance like that go by?
Did he try it on?
Well, he started talking about when we went out together.
Tell me about it.
We'd go up to the Punta della Dogana.
He'd touch my little flower under my skirt
and I'd hold him in my hand.
Show me how you did it.
Careful! That meat's tender.
He'd push my head down
because he wanted me to put it in my mouth.
What did you do?
Well, I'd put up a fight but then I'd do it.
Did you do it again yesterday in your apartment?
You're full of fantasies.
- You think so? - Mm-hmm.
Nothing happened between you and Marco.
You're right.
I didn't go with him. I did it with Alphonse.
Really? Who's he?
That French guy at the party on the terrace.
Where did you do it? In your aunt's apartment?
No, at his place.
It's an amazing building.
Tell me everything. Go on.
He liked my arse.
He had to have it, no matter what.
I couldn't have resisted even if I'd wanted to.
He lay me down on a couch and put his tongue between my buttocks.
He told me to breathe deeply.
Like a woman in labour.
- And did you... - I came like a fountain.
What's the matter? Did I squeeze you too hard?
- Who bit your neck? - What?
- Who bit you? - Where? What do you mean?
I thought you were joking but you really did do it.
Wait, Paolo, I can explain.
It's not a fantasy. This time it's real.
He really fucked you!
No, Paolo, I swear, he didn't fuck me.
He took me here.
Come on, Paolo, don't be like that.
- Let's talk about it. - Leave me alone.
We've always had a good laugh about these things.
You told me you liked them and they turned you on.
Because they weren't true.
Even if this is true, nothing's changed.
You're the only one for me.
What's the harm in a little fling every so often?
It's just happy banging.
No. Count me out. I don't want any part of your happy banging!
It seems like the end of the world to you
but you'll see that tomorrow...
There's not going to be a tomorrow.
And stay away from me tonight.
I'm not sharing our bed with a whore.
After all, blood will out.
- What are you doing here? - Trouble with Paolo.
- Beyond repair? - Looks like it. He wants us to separate.
What? Has he got another woman?
No, there's no other woman. It's a man.
- Paolo? - No, me.
lt happened in Venice.
That's all? You scared me.
That's all for today, ladies. The session's over.
Come with me. Tell me everything.
Why did you need to go and tell him?
We were messing around.
lt was just a zipless fuck.
You're either a real slut or you're just naive.
Men are stupid, conceited cowards.
You have to deny everything, even in the face of evidence.
They all preach equality of the sexes.
But put them to the test and they're all worms.
I don't want it to end up like this.
I was alone in bed last night and couldn't sleep.
Find somebody else, then.
Who does he think he is?
There isn't a single man who can give women 360-degree satisfaction.
Each man is a taste, so ten men are ten different tastes.
They taught us that.
Talking's all very well, but your husband dumped you too.
Dumped me?
His arse is still sore from me kicking him out.
No, no, no. It's different with Paolo.
I'm happy with him. I love him. I don't want to lose him.
- You've got to help me. - How?
Get him to talk. Show him that he's wrong.
- Get him to think it through. - What am I supposed to tell him?
That I'm not taking anything from him. The others don't count.
What if he won't listen to me?
No, he trusts you. He thinks a lot of you.
Please, Nadia.
- Will you give me carte blanche? - What?
Grey!
I've got a grey hair. I'm going grey down there too.
You've got carte blanche.
OK, I'll go over in my lunch break. All right?
Thanks, Nadia. I knew I could count on you.
Do you mind if I have a shower while I'm here?
l didn't even use the bidet before coming here.
That's not good, sister.
You don't even need to wash your face,
but before you go out you must use the bidet.
You never know...
Yeah? Oh, it's you.
Yeah, sure, come up.
Hi. I'm glad you came. I need to talk to you.
Me too.
- You should be ashamed. - Me? Of what?
Of treating a good wife so badly.
- You don't know what she did to me. - Yes, I do.
Is it really such a tragedy?
Am I supposed to give her a medal?
You didn't need to ruin everything.
You've got a real gem there.
She's happy, generous, full of life.
Why do you want to stifle her joie de vivre?
Because wives should only make love with their husbands.
Love, love...
What's love got to do with a little fling?
You can't say that marriage encompasses the universe
or that you represent all types of men.
We're not back in the times of your mother and father. Look.
- Would you like Diana to be like her? - No.
And anyway, I'm the submissive one around here.
But what can I do? I'm jealous!
You're starting to think rationally now.
That's the only issue.
Your absurd, ridiculous jealousy. It makes no sense.
I could understand your misery if Diana was tired of you.
But it's not that. She just wants a tiny bit of sexual freedom.
What you men have always had.
That's what I can't bear! The idea that she's laughing with someone else.
Saying the same little words of love.
That he's making her come.
No, Nadia. I can't do it. I can't help it.
It's driving me crazy. I feel like I'm in hell.
When you rang I was dreaming that I was with Diana.
It was a nightmare. You can't understand but I'm really suffering.
No, I completely understand.
I'm very moved. I really am, Paolo.
Feel. Feel how moved I am.
If you only knew how many times I've wanted to feel your hands on my body.
Lie down.
Good boy. I'm pleased to see you don't find me unattractive.
Don't be afraid. I mean it, Paolo.
You mustn't be jealous.
Diana isn't. She gave me carte blanche.
Diana? No! What are you doing?
- I want Diana, I don't want you. - Liar.
Your cock's contradicting you.
Diana thought she'd married a different kind of man.
But she didn't. You're just like all the others.
Stuck in your gloomy old ideas.
Women cheating on you, betrayal, honour.
For you a liberated woman is always a slut, right?
Try to understand, Nadia. I can't. I won't.
If I did, it would be like admitting Diana was right.
Admit she's right, you idiot. Why should you care?
Wake up, you jerk. If you don't use it, you lose it.
You know what, Paolino? Go to hell!
Your panties.
I've met some arseholes, but men are the worst.
Damn you all, husbands in general and ours in particular!
Chin up, little sister. Let's enjoy life tonight.
Put that long face away.
Take a look at him! Sex on legs!
Not bad. Shall we have a go?
- Hey, gorgeous, listen up. - You mean me?
Can I ask you something?
Sure.
How big is it?
What the fuck... Come back here!
If I catch you you'll be for it.
Way to go, girls!
Bloody hell, what a piece of arse!
Can't you see that's a transvestite?
Have you got a dick?
- Of course I have. - Show us.
You certainly have, but what do you do with it?
- I can stick it in your arse if you like. - Or I might stick this thing in yours.
Fine by me. 50,000.
- Fuck you. - No, arsehole, fuck you!
I said it first, you hairy pimp bitch.
Bitches.
When we feel like living it up, where do we go?
To a nightclub.
- We can do better than that, much better. - A place where anything can happen.
- Even the worst? - If you get lucky.
Hey, just a minute. I...
Hey, girls!
What have you got that's strong?
Delirium. It'll make a corpse dance.
Make one for me.
- What's that? - Ecstasy.
- Excuse me, can I ask you something? - Yes.
How big is it?
Don't you remember? You should know.
The seminarian. I had my collar on. ln the tram.
Ah, yes.
What are you doing here?
I'm doing research.
How can I recognise sin if I don't know what it is?
Come with me.
Yes! It's so good!
Her tongue's harder than a hard dick!
- What is it, baby? - Nothing.
I feel good.
Well?
I've lost my panties!
Give me another one.
Hello? Hey. What's up?
No! Fuck the guarantee.
We did a deal, right?
If it doesn't work, that's your tough shit.
- Hello? Who is it? - It's Diana.
- What are you doing? - I wanted to tell you that I'm at a party.
It's four o'clock. Come home. You've been drinking, I can tell.
- Who's there with you? - Men. Lots of men.
Each one better than the one before.
Say hi to Paolo.
Hi, Paolo!
Are you jealous?
That's enough. I forbid you. I won't allow this.
I'm your husband.
No, you're an arsehole who doesn't understand anything.
And I'm free. Free to go with whoever I want.
And not to come home if I don't want to.
Even if you do, you won't find me.
I'm leaving you. Do you understand?
I'm leaving you. I'm going.
I'm going back to my parents' house today.
Go on, then. Go to hell!
How could I ever have fucked such a jerk?
Go on back to mummy, you bastard!
Hey, do you want a lift?
- Are you leaving? - Yeah, he's giving me a lift.
It's almost dawn and I'm worried.
Paolo wants to leave me.
No way. He loves you too much.
- I'm leaving. - Go on, then.
I'm staying a bit longer.
I've found a hero of the Resistance.
Think of what you're doing, Diana. Think of us. I love you, Paolo.
But do you love me?
Dear Marikla, not only do I love him,
but in my own way I feel I'm a faithful wife.
Going with other men doesn't mean that I'm betraying him.
Those are just casual flings that don't mean anything.
They're great for a quick thrill,
but they have nothing at all to do with that mixture of body and soul
that makes our relationship beautiful and unique.
That's why I have no feelings of guilt, contrition or remorse.
And that's why I don't want my relationship with Paolo to finish like this.
But what can I do to make him understand that? Diana.
COLUMN: CONFESS ALL TO MARIKLA
Feelings - Milan.
Do you want some? I've just caught them.
l hate them. They're disgusting.
You're feeling bad?
Just think, you could be between Diana's legs now instead of sitting here brooding.
What are you getting out of it?
Nothing!
Liar. You've got a hard-on.
He's a traitor.
No, he thinks things through and sees the good side.
He knows Diana gives you everything with love.
He doesn't care if she does it with other men.
ln fact he actually likes it.
Great thoughts... from your dick.
Maybe.
What's the point of killing yourself with jealousy
when you can have a laugh about it?
With her, even. Your Diana.
- Hey there! - Dig up any clams yet?
Yes? Hello?
Fuck off.
- Who was that? - One of my anonymous admirers.
That's the second time they've hung up.
He'll come back, don't worry. Husbands always do, more's the pity.
Hello? Hello?
Who's speaking?
Paolo, is it you?
Why don't you say anything?
What does your husband have that's so special?
Nothing, but I love him.
I don't understand why he doesn't understand me.
You shouldn't feel guilty. Faithfulness is unnatural.
Maybe. But anyway, he's gone.
- Oh, no. Look who's here. - Who, Paolo?
No, not Paolo, it's Commendatore Scarfatti with his latest niece.
I can't stand him. You deal with him.
Off you go, I'll sort him out.
Welcome back, Commendatore.
Good evening, Antonietta.
This is our niece.
Another one? You have so many beautiful nieces, Commendatore.
Well...
We'd like to see the new stock.
Something light and transparent.
- Do you see what I mean, Antonietta? - Of course. Leave it to me.
Now, let's see what we can find. White, red, black?
What do you prefer?
What do you think, Uncle?
Maybe black. What do you recommend, Antonietta?
Well, of course black's always best.
It accentuates your white skin.
Unless your niece is tanned here too.
Oh, not here. No.
Go on.
Uncle, come here and give me your opinion.
I'm coming, my dear. I'm coming.
Let's see. I think it's a bit tight here.
- You think so? - Would you be so kind as to show us?
Of course, Commendatore, as you wish.
It's scandalous taking advantage of a young girl like that.
She's older than all of us.
- Uncle! - All right, panties next.
- Sure. - She knows exactly what she wants.
Down, down. Lift your leg up.
Good girl.
And now a fuck. If he's got enough puff.
He's got more than enough.
It's disgusting. There are some perversions that I can't bear.
Each to his own.
If only there were more customers like Commendatore Scarfatti.
- All that money he brings us! - Up you get.
You know where I'd put his money?
I know, Lello, I know. To the rhythm of the night, right?
What if the Commendatore's in love?
Love? He doesn't understand the meaning of the word.
Nor do any of you. For you it's all just sex!
Diana, what is it? Is something wrong?
I'm going through a bad time, Mr Silvio.
- Trouble with Paolo. - Come on, don't be like that.
Don't let the customers see you crying.
Let's go. Come with me.
What's happened? You can tell me everything.
There's not much to tell, Mr Silvio.
Paolo's left me.
That's it, have a good cry, dear. You'll feel better.
I did cheat on him, it's true.
But I don't feel guilty. I didn't do it to hurt him.
Of course, my dear. I understand.
You didn't do anything wrong.
What are you doing, Mr Silvio?
Nothing. Nothing. You'll feel better afterwards.
It's him!
It's the Beetle's horn.
Diana, where are you going?
Paolo's here.
I told you, husbands always come back.
MR SILVIO IS A PIG
How are your parents? Are they well?
I didn't see them. As you can see, I came straight back.
Yeah. How come?
- I need to talk to you. - To me? About what?
I still haven't got over what happened.
Why? Did something happen?
I'm not in the mood for joking, Diana. I'm being serious.
Me too.
I couldn't leave you. Thinking of you drives me crazy.
I love you. I love you so much.
Me too. I've been thinking.
You can do whatever you want. I don't care about your happy banging.
That's how I like you!
- Who gave you that bruise? - Paolo, don't start that again.
Don't be angry. I just want to know.
Once I would have told you that it was a man.
This time I'll just say that I bumped into a drawer.
Diana, tell me the truth. Who was it?
The French antiquarian came back to Rome. He's crazy about me.
You can do better than that.
My cousin Marco wants to run away with me.
You like tormenting me.
And you like it too, don't you?
Yeah, you're right. I'll take you just as you are.
I won't ask any more questions.
From now on I will only abide by one truth. This one!
That's a great arse. It looks real.
It makes a big impression.
Just think, it's even been restored.
Really? You can't tell.
It had a crack right down the middle.
So, did you like your first Venetian night?
- You bet. - You bet?
Is that the best you can come up with? Don't you remember?
You owe me one, remember?
Whatever you want. I always pay my debts.
No, leave me alone!
You'll ruin my make-up.
I need to go out. I'm already late.
Where are you going dressed like that? Have you got a date with your cousin?
Who knows? I don't even know where I'm going.
I just know that it's a wonderful day.
Venice is inspiring me.
And I'll be happy.
Bye.
"Dear Marikla, not only do I love him,
"but in my own way I feel I'm a faithful wife.
"Those are just casual flings that don't mean anything.
"That's why I have no feelings of guilt, contrition or remorse.
"But what can I do to make him understand that? Diana."
"Dear Diana,
"so many girls tell me they betray their husbands but still love them.
"This 'happy banging', as you call it,
"is no longer a male prerogative but it's a woman's right too.
"As long as he doesn't react with 'jealous banging'..."
That's why I always tell my readers:
Live your marriage like a film, not a boxing ring.
Instead of torturing yourselves, learn to pretend, to act, to play.
A lot of the women who write to me already know this,
judging by the letters I'm publishing in this issue.
I'm 30, and to supplement my husband's income
I work as a maid for a lawyer.
He likes watching me do the housework naked
and I like it too.
I let him touch me and sometimes more.
Am I abnormal?
Venice is more than just a city, it's a bay.
A French poet called it sexe femelle d'Europe.
Alphonse told you that.
I love you.
What about me? Don't you love me?
I'll settle for loving... this.
What about you? Do you love me?
Can't you see that I love you?
Careful! That meat's tender too.
The problem is, I don't know how much film's left in Aunt Emma's camera.
Forget about the film and concentrate on me.
Darling, we should live our marriage like a film.
And leave it to our grandchildren in our wills.