1
00:01:05,651 --> 00:01:07,611
Oh, hello.
2
00:01:29,424 --> 00:01:31,510
Jean Francois?
3
00:01:31,677 --> 00:01:33,971
Jean Francois?
4
00:02:07,212 --> 00:02:08,338
Jean Francois.
5
00:02:37,743 --> 00:02:40,871
You in the robes. Put down
the weapon of mass destruction
6
00:02:40,996 --> 00:02:44,124
and get on the ground.
You're under arrest.
7
00:02:56,887 --> 00:02:59,014
Put down your weapons now!
8
00:03:00,599 --> 00:03:02,768
Why can't they ever do this
the easy way?
9
00:03:12,444 --> 00:03:14,488
World Police. Get down on the ground!
10
00:03:24,081 --> 00:03:26,124
Hey, terrorist.
11
00:03:27,209 --> 00:03:29,336
Terrorise this.
12
00:03:40,347 --> 00:03:42,808
All right, let's make this interesting.
13
00:04:10,710 --> 00:04:12,421
You lose.
14
00:04:14,714 --> 00:04:17,884
- He's getting away with the WMD!
-I got him.
15
00:04:30,188 --> 00:04:31,356
Damn, I missed him.
16
00:04:31,481 --> 00:04:33,859
Sarah, he's got the bomb. You got a fix?
17
00:04:35,652 --> 00:04:38,280
I got him, Carson.
He's heading for the Louvre.
18
00:04:40,157 --> 00:04:41,533
Your plans are over.
19
00:04:53,545 --> 00:04:55,714
- All right, Sarah.
-Yeah, all right, team!
20
00:04:55,797 --> 00:04:57,549
Nothing to it.
21
00:04:57,757 --> 00:04:59,843
All right.
22
00:05:02,012 --> 00:05:05,974
Bonjour, everyone. Don't worry.
Everything is bon.
23
00:05:06,057 --> 00:05:08,018
We stopped the terrorists.
24
00:05:19,237 --> 00:05:21,990
I was doing a lot of thinking
on the ride over here.
25
00:05:22,324 --> 00:05:23,783
Oh, yeah? About what?
26
00:05:24,242 --> 00:05:27,913
I was thinking that I want you
to marry me.
27
00:05:28,538 --> 00:05:31,500
- Don't joke about that.
-Who's joking?
28
00:05:35,253 --> 00:05:38,381
Joe to Sarah. Looks like we may
need to order up a wedding cake.
29
00:05:38,507 --> 00:05:42,177
- He finally popped the question?
-Lisa, you're an amazing woman.
30
00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:46,598
And a damn fine cop. And I want
to spend the rest of my life with you.
31
00:05:47,349 --> 00:05:49,768
Oh, Carson. Carson...
32
00:05:52,354 --> 00:05:54,689
Carson!
33
00:05:59,986 --> 00:06:01,279
No!
34
00:06:07,285 --> 00:06:08,537
Carson.
35
00:06:08,995 --> 00:06:13,542
- Feel so cold.
-You have to hang on, Carson.
36
00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:17,629
Sorry, babe. Looks like this
was a one-way ticket.
37
00:06:18,004 --> 00:06:19,005
No.
38
00:06:20,465 --> 00:06:23,051
Lisa, you have to live on.
39
00:06:23,134 --> 00:06:26,972
Find someone else who will love you.
Find someone else and be happy.
40
00:06:27,264 --> 00:06:29,474
You deserve...
41
00:06:33,687 --> 00:06:35,522
No!
42
00:06:36,189 --> 00:06:37,899
No!
43
00:06:38,483 --> 00:06:40,485
No!
44
00:07:04,009 --> 00:07:06,177
Everyone has AIDS
45
00:07:07,137 --> 00:07:09,055
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
46
00:07:09,681 --> 00:07:12,309
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
AIDS, AIDS
47
00:07:12,601 --> 00:07:14,394
Everyone has AIDS
48
00:07:17,063 --> 00:07:19,649
And so this is the end of our story
49
00:07:20,317 --> 00:07:22,861
And everyone is dead from AIDS
50
00:07:23,486 --> 00:07:26,239
It took from me my best friend
51
00:07:26,323 --> 00:07:29,034
My only true pal
52
00:07:29,117 --> 00:07:30,869
My only bright star
53
00:07:31,036 --> 00:07:32,454
He died of AIDS
54
00:07:32,537 --> 00:07:34,873
Well, I'm gonna march on Washington
55
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:37,208
Lead the fight
And charge the brigades
56
00:07:38,418 --> 00:07:40,378
There's a hero inside of all of us
57
00:07:41,087 --> 00:07:43,715
I'll make them see
Everyone has AIDS
58
00:07:43,882 --> 00:07:45,050
- My father
-AIDS
59
00:07:45,133 --> 00:07:46,635
- My sister
-AIDS
60
00:07:46,718 --> 00:07:48,470
My uncle and my cousin
And her best friend
61
00:07:48,553 --> 00:07:49,804
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
62
00:07:49,888 --> 00:07:53,141
The gays and the straights
And the whites and the spades
63
00:07:53,224 --> 00:07:56,603
Everyone has AIDS
My grandma and my dog Ole Blue
64
00:07:56,728 --> 00:08:00,315
- AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
-The Pope has got it and so do you
65
00:08:00,398 --> 00:08:03,193
Come on, everybody
We got quilting to do
66
00:08:03,276 --> 00:08:05,445
We're gonna break down
These barricades
67
00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:08,073
Everyone has
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
68
00:08:08,156 --> 00:08:10,575
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
69
00:08:10,659 --> 00:08:12,285
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
AIDS, AIDS
70
00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:24,255
- Great job, Gary.
-Thanks. You, too, Steve.
71
00:08:24,422 --> 00:08:26,383
That was the greatest acting
I've ever seen.
72
00:08:26,508 --> 00:08:28,259
I just don't know how you do it, Gary.
73
00:08:28,426 --> 00:08:30,303
How do you make yourself
so sombre and emotional
74
00:08:30,428 --> 00:08:31,888
to make everybody cry like that?
75
00:08:32,013 --> 00:08:37,560
It's not that hard, really. I just think
about the saddest moment in my life.
76
00:08:41,856 --> 00:08:45,777
Man, wow. Gary is such a great guy.
77
00:08:52,659 --> 00:08:55,245
Gary. Oh, no. Help me! Help me!
78
00:08:55,328 --> 00:08:59,165
Get off of me!
Get this thing off of me! Gary!
79
00:08:59,708 --> 00:09:03,962
Hello, young man. Congratulations
on a terrific performance.
80
00:09:04,129 --> 00:09:07,173
Oh, thank you.
I don't believe we've met, Mr...?
81
00:09:08,133 --> 00:09:10,760
The name is Spottswoode.
82
00:09:12,929 --> 00:09:16,057
- Well, nice to meet you.
-And you are Gary Johnston.
83
00:09:16,182 --> 00:09:19,602
All-American actor who graduated
Iowa University summa cum laude
84
00:09:19,686 --> 00:09:22,564
with a double major in theatre
and world languages.
85
00:09:22,647 --> 00:09:25,442
You've been at the top of every
acting class since you were a child.
86
00:09:25,525 --> 00:09:27,986
Top-gun actor.
87
00:09:29,654 --> 00:09:32,240
Hey, hold on a second,
are you from Hollywood?
88
00:09:32,574 --> 00:09:37,996
I have an incredible offer for you, Gary.
If you're interested, follow me this way.
89
00:09:56,431 --> 00:09:59,642
Please, Gary, step into my car.
90
00:10:02,353 --> 00:10:03,688
Oh, I get it.
91
00:10:04,022 --> 00:10:06,649
I'm supposed to get in your car
and let you put your finger inside me.
92
00:10:06,775 --> 00:10:09,027
Then if I go down on you,
I get a movie part.
93
00:10:10,195 --> 00:10:13,031
No, I just want to show you something.
94
00:10:13,198 --> 00:10:14,365
Yeah, I'll bet you do.
95
00:10:14,491 --> 00:10:16,576
Please, Gary, I'm not from Hollywood.
96
00:10:16,659 --> 00:10:20,205
I'm not going to fuck your mouth,
and my time is extremely valuable.
97
00:10:31,299 --> 00:10:34,511
- Jesus, this is a nice limo.
-Yes, it is.
98
00:10:34,803 --> 00:10:36,888
Now, suck my cock.
99
00:10:38,264 --> 00:10:39,557
Just kidding.
100
00:10:47,190 --> 00:10:49,859
All right, just what the hell
is this about?
101
00:10:49,984 --> 00:10:52,529
I hate to break this to you, Gary,
102
00:10:52,821 --> 00:10:55,240
but some people out there
want you dead.
103
00:10:55,865 --> 00:10:58,076
- Dead?
-They're called terrorists, Gary.
104
00:10:58,243 --> 00:11:00,245
And they hate everything about you.
105
00:11:01,246 --> 00:11:04,749
Why? What did I do to them?
I'm just a Broadway actor.
106
00:11:04,874 --> 00:11:07,418
It's not who you are, Gary,
it's what you stand for.
107
00:11:07,585 --> 00:11:09,712
And every single minute
of every single day,
108
00:11:09,796 --> 00:11:11,464
the terrorists are planning new ways
109
00:11:11,589 --> 00:11:15,218
to kill you and everyone else
who lives in a free country.
110
00:11:15,802 --> 00:11:19,931
The only thing standing
in their way is us.
111
00:11:20,932 --> 00:11:22,100
YOu?
112
00:11:22,767 --> 00:11:26,104
Baxter, I think we can
valmorphanise safely now.
113
00:11:58,803 --> 00:12:02,682
Okay, a limousine that can fly.
Now I have seen everything.
114
00:12:02,807 --> 00:12:05,977
Really? Have you seen a man
eat his own head?
115
00:12:06,102 --> 00:12:08,771
- No.
-So then you haven't seen everything.
116
00:12:08,897 --> 00:12:10,815
And neither have we.
117
00:12:11,065 --> 00:12:13,276
Last week in Paris,
we caught four terrorists
118
00:12:13,359 --> 00:12:15,236
with a weapon of mass destruction.
119
00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:19,532
The terrorists are planning
something very big.
120
00:12:19,657 --> 00:12:21,951
And just what does this have
to do with me?
121
00:12:22,243 --> 00:12:24,954
Our only hope is to have somebody
act like a terrorist
122
00:12:25,038 --> 00:12:27,332
who wants to help them
carry out the attack.
123
00:12:27,832 --> 00:12:31,502
An actor convincing enough to make
the terrorists think he's one of them.
124
00:12:32,712 --> 00:12:35,006
This is crazy. I'm an actor, not a spy.
125
00:12:35,590 --> 00:12:39,302
That's all spying is, acting.
And they say you're the best.
126
00:12:39,385 --> 00:12:42,555
An actor with a double major
in theatre and world languages?
127
00:12:42,639 --> 00:12:44,974
Hell, you're the perfect weapon, Gary.
128
00:12:47,477 --> 00:12:48,519
Look out!
129
00:13:19,092 --> 00:13:22,178
Right this way, you maverick renegade.
130
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,734
Welcome to Team Base.
131
00:13:37,568 --> 00:13:41,531
Gary, this is Joe, all-star quarterback
from the University of Nebraska.
132
00:13:42,073 --> 00:13:43,491
He's a natural-born leader.
133
00:13:43,616 --> 00:13:45,618
I've heard a lot about your acting,
Mr Johnston.
134
00:13:45,910 --> 00:13:47,662
Hope it's as good as they say it is.
135
00:13:48,079 --> 00:13:49,497
And this is Sarah,
136
00:13:49,580 --> 00:13:52,500
the top empath from Berkeley's
School for the Clairvoyant
137
00:13:52,583 --> 00:13:53,918
in San Francisco.
138
00:13:54,085 --> 00:13:58,256
I sense that you're slightly
confused right now.
139
00:13:59,257 --> 00:14:03,052
That's supposed to be Carson's
replacement, a fucking actor?
140
00:14:03,219 --> 00:14:05,930
Don't mind Chris.
He may be lacking courtesy,
141
00:14:06,014 --> 00:14:09,100
but he's the best martial-arts expert
Detroit has to offer.
142
00:14:09,225 --> 00:14:12,562
That's right, actor.
Just stay the fuck away from me.
143
00:14:13,646 --> 00:14:17,734
And finally, we have our
psychology expert. Where's Lisa?
144
00:14:18,359 --> 00:14:19,610
Right here.
145
00:14:27,785 --> 00:14:31,956
Gary, this is Lisa. She specialises
in how the terrorists think.
146
00:14:32,457 --> 00:14:36,085
Usually a case of malignant narcissism
brought on during childhood.
147
00:14:36,586 --> 00:14:39,088
We've been doing our best
to keep the world safe, Gary.
148
00:14:39,213 --> 00:14:42,300
But now somebody has supplied
the terrorists with WMDs.
149
00:14:42,383 --> 00:14:45,219
And intelligence tells us
they plan to use them.
150
00:14:45,303 --> 00:14:46,804
Isn't that right, I.N.T.E.L.L.l.G.E.N.C.E.?
151
00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:51,059
- That is affirmative.
-I.N.T.E.L.L.l.G.E.N.C.E.?
152
00:14:51,142 --> 00:14:53,895
The most sophisticated computer
in the world.
153
00:14:53,978 --> 00:14:57,231
I've intercepted communications
that several terrorist groups
154
00:14:57,315 --> 00:15:01,110
are being organised for one
massive worldwide attack.
155
00:15:01,194 --> 00:15:02,945
From what I.N.T.E.L.L.l.G.E.N.C.E.
has gathered,
156
00:15:03,029 --> 00:15:04,947
it would be 9/11 times 100.
157
00:15:06,991 --> 00:15:10,161
9/11 times 100? Jesus, that's...
158
00:15:10,244 --> 00:15:13,581
Yes, 91,100.
159
00:15:15,374 --> 00:15:18,878
Basically, all the worst parts
of the Bible.
160
00:15:19,045 --> 00:15:21,506
So now you see why we need you.
161
00:15:21,923 --> 00:15:25,843
We will disguise you as a terrorist and
take you deep into the Middle East.
162
00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:29,514
If your acting is successful, you'll be
able to get us the information we need
163
00:15:29,597 --> 00:15:31,849
to stop this whole thing
from happening.
164
00:15:31,933 --> 00:15:34,769
Of course, if you're not interested,
165
00:15:34,852 --> 00:15:35,895
there's the door.
166
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:41,192
All right. Thanks.
167
00:15:52,411 --> 00:15:55,081
Gary. Hey, hold on a second.
168
00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:58,584
Don't you understand?
Every country in the world is in danger.
169
00:15:58,668 --> 00:16:01,295
How is it my responsibility
to do something?
170
00:16:01,879 --> 00:16:05,925
Because like it or not, you're the one
with the power to do something.
171
00:16:08,845 --> 00:16:12,557
I can't fight terrorists. I don't know
anything about guns or jets.
172
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,768
That doesn't matter.
If you want to help people,
173
00:16:16,227 --> 00:16:20,356
all that matters, Gary,
is what you have here.
174
00:16:26,571 --> 00:16:29,949
Just think about it, okay?
Here, take this.
175
00:16:34,704 --> 00:16:38,291
Baxter will take you wherever
you wanna go. Just remember,
176
00:16:38,374 --> 00:16:41,294
your freedom's at stake, too.
177
00:16:53,431 --> 00:16:55,766
What do you think Spottswoode
sees in him?
178
00:16:55,850 --> 00:16:59,145
I don't know. But I think I see it, too.
179
00:17:16,287 --> 00:17:17,788
Hey, Baxter.
180
00:17:18,956 --> 00:17:21,125
I wanna take a detour.
181
00:17:22,460 --> 00:17:24,503
What would you do
182
00:17:24,587 --> 00:17:28,341
If you were asked to give up
your dreams for freedom?
183
00:17:29,967 --> 00:17:31,802
What would you do
184
00:17:31,969 --> 00:17:36,015
If asked to make
the ultimate sacrifice?
185
00:17:36,307 --> 00:17:39,518
Would you think about
all them people
186
00:17:39,644 --> 00:17:43,356
Who gave up everything they had?
187
00:17:43,481 --> 00:17:47,193
Would you think about
all them war vets
188
00:17:47,276 --> 00:17:51,489
And would you start to feel bad?
189
00:17:53,658 --> 00:17:56,327
Freedom isn't free
190
00:17:56,494 --> 00:18:00,164
It costs folks like you and me
191
00:18:00,331 --> 00:18:02,750
And if we don't all chip in
192
00:18:02,833 --> 00:18:07,463
We'll never pay that bill
193
00:18:08,798 --> 00:18:11,676
Freedom isn't free
194
00:18:11,801 --> 00:18:14,804
No, there's a hefty fucking fee
195
00:18:15,429 --> 00:18:21,894
And if you don't throw in
your buck-o-five, who will?
196
00:18:23,813 --> 00:18:25,731
Buck-o-five
197
00:18:26,023 --> 00:18:29,986
Freedom costs a buck-o-five
198
00:19:09,817 --> 00:19:12,820
Our dear leader, Kim Jong ll, says
the weapons of mass destruction
199
00:19:12,945 --> 00:19:15,698
you requested are ready for you to take.
200
00:19:16,032 --> 00:19:17,658
I am still in the process of recruiting
201
00:19:17,742 --> 00:19:20,328
and training new terrorists
for the attack.
202
00:19:20,411 --> 00:19:22,997
We take weapons later.
203
00:19:30,504 --> 00:19:33,132
He asks what part of the deal
you did not understand.
204
00:19:33,215 --> 00:19:36,010
He says perhaps his translator
did not make it clear to you.
205
00:19:36,093 --> 00:19:39,597
He says he should fire his translator?
206
00:19:43,684 --> 00:19:46,812
Do you have any idea
how fucking busy I am?
207
00:19:46,937 --> 00:19:49,940
I cannot berieve that I actually have
a Chechnyan standing here
208
00:19:50,024 --> 00:19:51,859
terring me when
he's gonna take a derivery.
209
00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:53,277
Herro?
210
00:19:54,028 --> 00:19:56,405
Perhaps we can be ready sooner.
211
00:19:56,655 --> 00:19:58,783
Yes, perhaps you can.
212
00:19:59,158 --> 00:20:01,494
Now, take your weapons
of mass destruction
213
00:20:01,577 --> 00:20:03,496
and get the fuck out of here.
214
00:20:22,139 --> 00:20:24,767
I had to come back.
215
00:20:24,892 --> 00:20:27,978
- I know you did, son.
-I still say this is a fucking mistake.
216
00:20:28,145 --> 00:20:31,649
Stop it, Chris. I sense that you're
making him feel intimidated.
217
00:20:32,149 --> 00:20:33,651
Gary, I'm afraid there's no time.
218
00:20:33,776 --> 00:20:36,153
L.N.T.E.L.L.l.G.E.N.C.E. tells us
the attack is imminent.
219
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:39,240
We need you to act like
a Middle Eastern terrorist right away.
220
00:20:39,615 --> 00:20:43,369
There's just one problem.
I don't look Middle Eastern.
221
00:20:45,162 --> 00:20:47,164
Leave that to us.
222
00:20:58,717 --> 00:21:02,388
Sarah's a professional at skin grafting
and laser valmoriphication.
223
00:21:03,639 --> 00:21:05,349
Just try to be still.
224
00:21:42,595 --> 00:21:44,138
Amazing.
225
00:21:44,305 --> 00:21:45,931
The valmoriphication
completely worked.
226
00:21:46,056 --> 00:21:48,058
Sit up and take a look, Gary.
227
00:21:54,815 --> 00:21:55,983
It's uncanny.
228
00:21:57,067 --> 00:21:59,737
You're going to fool everyone, Gary.
229
00:21:59,862 --> 00:22:00,905
Or should I say,
230
00:22:01,030 --> 00:22:02,698
Hakmed.
231
00:22:03,741 --> 00:22:06,285
All right, team, we've only got
one shot at this, so listen up.
232
00:22:07,495 --> 00:22:09,622
L.N.T.E.L.L.l.G.E.N.C.E.
has intercepted communications
233
00:22:09,747 --> 00:22:14,335
that terrorists from different countries
are gathering at a tavern here, in Cairo.
234
00:22:14,752 --> 00:22:17,463
Cairo. That's in Egypt.
235
00:22:17,922 --> 00:22:19,715
Exactly right, Joe.
236
00:22:19,798 --> 00:22:23,886
Now, team, your mission will be
to get Gary into that tavern.
237
00:22:23,969 --> 00:22:27,014
And once he's on the inside,
cover his back.
238
00:22:27,097 --> 00:22:29,016
Gary, you must use your acting
239
00:22:29,099 --> 00:22:32,061
to find out any information you can
from the terrorists.
240
00:22:34,063 --> 00:22:37,107
Gary, if for some reason
your cover is blown
241
00:22:37,191 --> 00:22:39,235
and the terrorists take you prisoner,
242
00:22:40,027 --> 00:22:42,863
well, you'll probably want
to take your own life.
243
00:22:42,947 --> 00:22:45,533
Here, you'd better have this.
244
00:22:51,288 --> 00:22:53,958
All right, team, that's it.
We've got a job to do.
245
00:22:54,291 --> 00:22:56,919
Let's go police the world.
246
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,965
America
247
00:23:01,131 --> 00:23:04,218
America
248
00:23:04,677 --> 00:23:07,429
- America
-Fuck, yeah
249
00:23:07,513 --> 00:23:10,099
Coming again to save
The motherfucking day, yeah
250
00:23:10,182 --> 00:23:13,143
- America
-Fuck, yeah
251
00:23:13,352 --> 00:23:16,146
Freedom is the only way, yeah
252
00:23:16,230 --> 00:23:18,732
Terrorists, your game is through
253
00:23:18,816 --> 00:23:21,694
'Cause now you have to answer to
254
00:23:21,777 --> 00:23:24,446
- America
-Fuck, yeah
255
00:23:24,530 --> 00:23:27,324
So lick my butt
And suck on my balls
256
00:23:27,408 --> 00:23:30,327
- America
-Fuck, yeah
257
00:23:32,496 --> 00:23:34,873
What if the old man is wrong
about him, huh?
258
00:23:35,207 --> 00:23:38,586
What if he's not the great actor
Spottswoode says he is?
259
00:23:39,670 --> 00:23:42,089
Why don't you trust actors, Chris?
260
00:23:44,133 --> 00:23:46,510
I got my reasons.
261
00:23:50,931 --> 00:23:52,516
You all right, Gary?
262
00:23:53,392 --> 00:23:55,185
I was just thinking.
263
00:23:55,352 --> 00:23:58,606
Onstage, if I mess up a line,
it could mean a bad review.
264
00:23:58,897 --> 00:24:00,941
If I mess up here,
265
00:24:01,066 --> 00:24:02,985
we're all dead.
266
00:24:04,111 --> 00:24:06,864
I believe you can do this, Gary.
267
00:24:07,156 --> 00:24:10,409
Why? What reason do you
have to believe?
268
00:24:11,827 --> 00:24:16,040
Sometimes believing is all we have.
269
00:25:10,260 --> 00:25:13,222
Fear not, Muslim friends.
We're here to find terrorists.
270
00:25:13,347 --> 00:25:16,558
I'm clearing your minds of all anxiety.
271
00:25:17,393 --> 00:25:20,771
All right, good job, Sarah.
Now, everyone make for the tavern.
272
00:25:20,938 --> 00:25:23,524
Let's get one thing straight, actor.
I don't trust you.
273
00:25:23,649 --> 00:25:26,860
And if you betray us, I'll rip your fucking
balls off and stuff them up your ass
274
00:25:26,944 --> 00:25:30,155
so that the next time you shit,
you'll shit all over your balls, got it?
275
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:32,825
- What's your problem with me?
-Yeah, you wanna go?
276
00:25:32,908 --> 00:25:34,326
Guys, guys, guys!
277
00:25:34,410 --> 00:25:36,995
Don't you see this is just
what the terrorists want us to do?
278
00:25:37,079 --> 00:25:41,458
The war is out there, man. Out there.
Now, pull it together.
279
00:25:43,043 --> 00:25:46,255
All right, team, let's move
to the inner city. Keep it quiet.
280
00:25:58,475 --> 00:25:59,643
- Clear.
-Clear.
281
00:25:59,727 --> 00:26:00,728
- Clear.
-Clear.
282
00:26:00,811 --> 00:26:02,563
All right, Gary, you follow me.
The rest of the team,
283
00:26:02,646 --> 00:26:04,815
take super-secret hiding positions
Alpha One.
284
00:26:07,985 --> 00:26:10,446
All right, that's the tavern
with the blue door.
285
00:26:10,904 --> 00:26:14,825
Act your way past those guards
and see what you can find out.
286
00:26:15,117 --> 00:26:17,995
Remember, if you think they're
onto you, give us the signal.
287
00:26:18,078 --> 00:26:19,830
You remember the signal?
288
00:26:21,832 --> 00:26:25,169
That's right. All right, good luck.
289
00:26:27,755 --> 00:26:29,423
Go get them, cowboy.
290
00:27:01,079 --> 00:27:02,539
Oh, shit.
291
00:27:02,706 --> 00:27:05,334
Come on, Gary, act.
You have the power.
292
00:27:24,144 --> 00:27:26,647
- All right, Gary!
-Told you he was top-gun.
293
00:27:26,814 --> 00:27:30,776
- I've never seen acting that good.
-He's amazing.
294
00:27:48,544 --> 00:27:51,255
Yeah, no, I know. It's terrible, terrible.
295
00:27:53,006 --> 00:27:56,760
We are Bashir rebels from
the country of Somalia. Who are you?
296
00:27:58,595 --> 00:28:02,266
My name is Hakmed. I'm a terrorist.
297
00:28:05,102 --> 00:28:08,939
Anybody know of any terrorist attacks
coming up soon?
298
00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:25,205
I sense that I'm becoming
attracted to Gary.
299
00:28:26,790 --> 00:28:29,293
My advice is not to get involved
with a team member, Sarah.
300
00:28:29,376 --> 00:28:32,462
It's too painful to see them die.
301
00:28:33,297 --> 00:28:35,632
I'm sorry, Lisa.
I didn't mean to bring up...
302
00:28:35,757 --> 00:28:38,802
It's okay, Sarah.
I treasure your friendship.
303
00:28:39,469 --> 00:28:41,805
I treasure yours, Lisa.
304
00:28:48,145 --> 00:28:51,982
Hey, have you ever thought
of telling Sarah how you feel?
305
00:28:53,108 --> 00:28:57,362
What would a girl like Sarah want
with a simple Nebraska boy like me?
306
00:28:57,446 --> 00:29:00,657
I don't know nothing about fancy cars
and fancy restaurants.
307
00:29:01,575 --> 00:29:05,495
Still, I'd love to show her
a full-moon night on the cornfields.
308
00:29:20,052 --> 00:29:21,762
What do you know?
309
00:29:22,512 --> 00:29:25,724
I heard there might be
a large terrorist attack.
310
00:29:25,849 --> 00:29:29,519
If you tell me what it is,
maybe I could help out.
311
00:29:29,686 --> 00:29:32,981
Get out of here. We have put out
a jihad on the infidels
312
00:29:33,148 --> 00:29:35,692
because they destroyed our lives.
313
00:29:36,401 --> 00:29:39,237
What do you know
about pain and sadness?
314
00:29:41,865 --> 00:29:44,701
Gary. Help me! Help me!
315
00:29:44,868 --> 00:29:48,372
Get him off!
Get this thing off of me! Gary!
316
00:29:50,499 --> 00:29:53,377
I was just a boy when the infidels
came to my village
317
00:29:53,460 --> 00:29:55,212
in their BLACK HAWK helicopters.
318
00:29:57,130 --> 00:30:01,593
The infidels fired at the oil fields
and they lit up like the eyes of Allah.
319
00:30:01,677 --> 00:30:05,514
Burning oil rained down from the sky
and cooked everything it touched.
320
00:30:05,597 --> 00:30:08,433
I could only hide myself and cry
as my goats were consumed
321
00:30:08,517 --> 00:30:10,394
by the fiery, black liquid death.
322
00:30:13,730 --> 00:30:15,399
In the midst of the chaos,
323
00:30:15,691 --> 00:30:19,945
I could swear that I heard my goats
screaming for help.
324
00:30:21,905 --> 00:30:25,325
As quickly as they had come,
the infidels were gone.
325
00:30:25,617 --> 00:30:29,913
It was on that day I put a jihad on them.
326
00:30:32,833 --> 00:30:36,962
And if you don't believe it,
then you better kill me now,
327
00:30:37,087 --> 00:30:40,424
because I'll put a jihad on you, too.
328
00:30:46,138 --> 00:30:49,057
I like you. You have balls.
329
00:30:49,516 --> 00:30:51,393
I like balls.
330
00:30:53,979 --> 00:30:56,773
All right, listen carefully.
The WMDs are located
331
00:30:56,857 --> 00:30:59,693
in a secret bunker 20 yards east
of this building.
332
00:30:59,776 --> 00:31:02,320
You can help us by guarding it
and making...
333
00:31:06,700 --> 00:31:08,243
Come. They're onto us!
334
00:31:08,660 --> 00:31:10,287
Hurry, friend.
We must make our escape.
335
00:31:14,624 --> 00:31:18,253
Shit. I've got five terrorists going
southeast on Baka laka daka Street.
336
00:31:18,587 --> 00:31:19,546
Don't let them get away.
337
00:31:25,677 --> 00:31:27,846
I sense Gary's trapped
inside the tavern.
338
00:31:28,180 --> 00:31:30,599
Copy, Sarah. You get Gary,
we'll go after the terrorists.
339
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:34,644
America
340
00:31:35,103 --> 00:31:38,023
- America
-Fuck, yeah
341
00:31:38,106 --> 00:31:40,901
Coming again to save
The motherfucking day, yeah
342
00:31:40,984 --> 00:31:43,695
- America
-Fuck, yeah
343
00:31:43,779 --> 00:31:46,740
Freedom is the only way, yeah
344
00:31:47,657 --> 00:31:50,535
It's the dream that we all share
345
00:31:50,619 --> 00:31:53,497
It's the hope for tomorrow
346
00:31:53,663 --> 00:31:55,123
Go faster, you idiot.
347
00:32:01,171 --> 00:32:03,465
Die! infidels!
348
00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:13,266
- They're not stopping.
-They had their chance.
349
00:32:22,359 --> 00:32:23,735
Missed. Wide right.
350
00:32:26,279 --> 00:32:28,365
One of the terrorists is trying
to tell us something.
351
00:32:28,949 --> 00:32:30,575
It's me. It's me.
352
00:32:31,034 --> 00:32:34,371
Looks like he's saying,
"Kiss me. Kiss me."
353
00:32:34,538 --> 00:32:35,872
Smartass motherfucker.
354
00:32:50,762 --> 00:32:52,973
- Gary?
-An infidel.
355
00:32:53,056 --> 00:32:54,933
Kill her.
356
00:33:05,569 --> 00:33:06,570
Gary?
357
00:33:10,699 --> 00:33:13,827
- Sarah to Team America 4.
-What you got, Sarah?
358
00:33:13,910 --> 00:33:17,414
Gary isn't in the tavern.
I think he may be with...
359
00:33:17,497 --> 00:33:20,792
- Say again, Sarah. You're breaking up.
-Joe, do you copy?
360
00:33:21,459 --> 00:33:24,337
- I'll get him.
-Lisa?
361
00:33:28,216 --> 00:33:29,801
I lost her.
362
00:33:29,885 --> 00:33:33,013
It's all right. We'll kill these guys,
then we'll find out what she wants.
363
00:33:33,096 --> 00:33:34,097
Right.
364
00:33:41,897 --> 00:33:43,607
Hey, guys, I think we should pull over.
365
00:33:43,732 --> 00:33:45,650
Pull over? Yes, of course.
366
00:33:45,734 --> 00:33:48,320
Pull over, let them pass us, and when
they turn around, we charge them.
367
00:33:48,403 --> 00:33:50,030
I love your balls.
368
00:33:53,909 --> 00:33:55,202
Shit, they got by me.
369
00:33:59,664 --> 00:34:02,876
- What are we doing?
-This jeep is filled with explosives.
370
00:34:02,959 --> 00:34:05,337
We're going to take their lives
and our own.
371
00:34:05,420 --> 00:34:07,255
We're gonna what?
372
00:34:08,340 --> 00:34:10,342
- Hang on, Joe.
-Die, infidels.
373
00:34:22,312 --> 00:34:23,480
Surprise, cockfags!
374
00:34:41,665 --> 00:34:43,833
All right. We fucking did it.
375
00:34:47,671 --> 00:34:52,259
Spottswoode, it's Lisa. Gary found
the WMDs and the terrorists are down.
376
00:34:52,592 --> 00:34:56,513
Great job, team. Head back to base
for debriefing and cocktails.
377
00:35:00,517 --> 00:35:03,895
This is breaking news
with Peter Jennings.
378
00:35:04,688 --> 00:35:07,857
Team America has once again
pissed off the entire world
379
00:35:07,941 --> 00:35:09,901
after blowing up half of Cairo.
380
00:35:09,985 --> 00:35:13,238
And now some Hollywood celebrities
are lashing out.
381
00:35:13,321 --> 00:35:16,700
Alec Baldwin is head
of the Film Actors Guild.
382
00:35:17,033 --> 00:35:19,160
The Film Actors Guild believes
383
00:35:19,244 --> 00:35:21,955
that what the world needs
is compassion, not violence.
384
00:35:22,038 --> 00:35:25,709
All that Team America
does is create new enemies.
385
00:35:25,834 --> 00:35:28,378
Let me explain to you how this works.
386
00:35:28,461 --> 00:35:31,840
You see, the corporations
finance Team America.
387
00:35:31,923 --> 00:35:35,635
And then Team America goes out,
and the corporations sit there in their...
388
00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:40,056
In their corporation buildings,
and, see, they're all corporation-y,
389
00:35:40,140 --> 00:35:41,349
and they make money.
390
00:35:42,976 --> 00:35:44,561
Last year I went to Iraq.
391
00:35:44,686 --> 00:35:47,731
Before Team America showed up,
it was a happy place.
392
00:35:47,814 --> 00:35:50,483
They had flowery meadows
and rainbow skies
393
00:35:50,567 --> 00:35:52,610
and rivers made of chocolate,
where the children danced
394
00:35:52,694 --> 00:35:55,655
and laughed and played
with gumdrop smiles.
395
00:35:55,780 --> 00:35:57,824
The actors are calling
for an emergency meeting.
396
00:35:57,907 --> 00:35:59,993
Already expected to attend
are Helen Hunt,
397
00:36:00,076 --> 00:36:05,248
George Clooney, Liv Tyler,
Martin Sheen, Susan Sarandon,
398
00:36:05,332 --> 00:36:07,834
Janeane Garofalo and Matt Damon.
399
00:36:07,917 --> 00:36:10,337
Matt Damon.
400
00:36:11,171 --> 00:36:14,424
In the meantime, the world wants
to deal with dangerous individuals
401
00:36:14,507 --> 00:36:15,633
their own way.
402
00:36:34,110 --> 00:36:36,613
Hans Brix? Oh, no.
403
00:36:38,323 --> 00:36:41,326
Oh, herro,
great to see you again, Hans.
404
00:36:41,618 --> 00:36:45,455
Mr ll, I was supposed to be allowed
to inspect your palace today,
405
00:36:45,538 --> 00:36:48,625
and your guards won't let me into
certain areas.
406
00:36:48,750 --> 00:36:52,045
Hans, Hans, Hans. We've been
through this a dozen times.
407
00:36:52,212 --> 00:36:56,132
I don't have any weapons
of mass destruction, okay, Hans?
408
00:36:56,216 --> 00:36:59,469
Then let me look around
so I can ease the UN's collective mind.
409
00:36:59,594 --> 00:37:03,223
Hans, you're breaking my barrs here.
Hans, you're breaking my barrs.
410
00:37:03,306 --> 00:37:06,101
I'm sorry, but the UN must be
firm with you.
411
00:37:06,184 --> 00:37:09,521
Let me see your whole palace, or else.
412
00:37:09,604 --> 00:37:11,147
Or else what?
413
00:37:11,898 --> 00:37:15,902
Or else we will be very,
very angry with you.
414
00:37:15,985 --> 00:37:19,447
And we will write you a letter
telling you how angry we are.
415
00:37:21,032 --> 00:37:23,993
Okay, I'll show you, Hans. You ready?
416
00:37:24,119 --> 00:37:25,578
Stand a rittle to your reft.
417
00:37:28,248 --> 00:37:29,332
A rittle more.
418
00:37:30,917 --> 00:37:32,210
Good.
419
00:37:38,133 --> 00:37:39,426
There you go, Hans Brix.
420
00:37:39,509 --> 00:37:41,845
How you rike that,
you fucking cocksucker?
421
00:37:44,764 --> 00:37:48,309
Do you have any idea
how fucking busy I am, Hans Brix?
422
00:37:48,393 --> 00:37:50,728
Well, fuck you. You want inspection?
423
00:37:50,812 --> 00:37:54,190
Well, inspect that,
you buttfucking piece of shit.
424
00:37:55,191 --> 00:37:57,652
What, you think I'm just
a petty arms dearer?
425
00:37:57,735 --> 00:37:59,446
I'm pranning the attack.
426
00:37:59,529 --> 00:38:03,950
Congraturations, Team America,
you have stopped nothing.
427
00:38:23,219 --> 00:38:26,222
Congratulations, Gary.
You've done an amazing thing.
428
00:38:26,389 --> 00:38:30,226
It will be years before the terrorists
have the resources to attack again.
429
00:38:30,894 --> 00:38:33,271
We're gonna be unstoppable
with you on the team, Gary.
430
00:38:33,396 --> 00:38:35,815
Terrorists, your game is through.
431
00:38:36,274 --> 00:38:38,151
You're the best, Gary.
432
00:38:39,903 --> 00:38:43,114
So this terrorist is shooting at us
from the back of his jeep, and he...
433
00:38:43,406 --> 00:38:45,658
You might have all the others fooled,
but not me.
434
00:38:45,742 --> 00:38:48,328
Your acting was reckless
and it put us all in danger.
435
00:38:48,578 --> 00:38:51,498
The next time you pull a stunt like that,
I'll drill two holes through your dick
436
00:38:51,581 --> 00:38:55,627
so that when you pee, it shoots out
in all different directions. You got it?
437
00:38:58,087 --> 00:38:59,923
Hey, Sarah, do you mind
if I dance with you?
438
00:39:00,006 --> 00:39:01,925
No, of course not, Joe.
439
00:39:11,684 --> 00:39:14,646
Joe, do you think it's okay
for team members to date?
440
00:39:16,272 --> 00:39:17,857
Sarah, really?
441
00:39:18,775 --> 00:39:20,610
Yeah. Do you think it's all right?
442
00:39:20,693 --> 00:39:23,029
I think it's better than all right. It's great!
443
00:39:23,154 --> 00:39:25,281
Oh, good. I'm so glad you think so.
444
00:39:39,712 --> 00:39:41,256
Gary? You okay?
445
00:39:43,007 --> 00:39:47,178
I was just wondering if I can let go
of an old, painful memory.
446
00:39:48,555 --> 00:39:50,765
Is it anything that you wanna talk about?
447
00:39:51,724 --> 00:39:55,228
When I was a kid, I always looked up
to my older brother, Tommy.
448
00:39:55,937 --> 00:39:58,648
He was the jock,
and I was the little performer.
449
00:39:59,983 --> 00:40:02,485
We were all out at the zoo one day.
450
00:40:02,569 --> 00:40:06,948
I was doing some acting, walking
on the railing of the gorilla exhibit.
451
00:40:07,031 --> 00:40:08,366
I fell in.
452
00:40:08,992 --> 00:40:12,412
Everyone screamed,
and Tommyjumped in after me,
453
00:40:12,495 --> 00:40:14,956
forgetting that he had blueberries
in his front pocket.
454
00:40:16,958 --> 00:40:18,501
The gorillas just went wild.
455
00:40:19,419 --> 00:40:22,380
They jumped all over his body
and threw him around like a rag doll
456
00:40:22,463 --> 00:40:24,340
to get to those blueberries.
457
00:40:26,718 --> 00:40:30,847
One gorilla would throw him to another
gorilla, who tossed him to another.
458
00:40:31,347 --> 00:40:34,058
Everyone panicked and cried out
for somebody to help,
459
00:40:34,142 --> 00:40:35,893
but it was too late.
460
00:40:36,102 --> 00:40:40,023
The gorillas beat him to death before
the zookeepers could gas them all.
461
00:40:44,277 --> 00:40:46,279
My acting
462
00:40:46,362 --> 00:40:48,072
got my brother killed.
463
00:40:48,156 --> 00:40:50,033
I've had to live with that
464
00:40:50,116 --> 00:40:51,743
every single day.
465
00:40:52,702 --> 00:40:55,663
Gary, you can't blame yourself
for what gorillas did.
466
00:40:56,998 --> 00:40:59,334
I think I can finally let it go.
467
00:40:59,667 --> 00:41:02,420
Because my acting
saved the entire world.
468
00:41:03,338 --> 00:41:05,214
And something even better happened.
469
00:41:05,381 --> 00:41:06,466
What?
470
00:41:07,008 --> 00:41:11,054
I met somebody
who took my breath away.
471
00:41:16,392 --> 00:41:17,644
Gary, no.
472
00:41:19,145 --> 00:41:20,229
I'm sorry.
473
00:41:20,313 --> 00:41:23,441
It's just...
Things are really complicated, Gary.
474
00:41:24,484 --> 00:41:26,235
I know about Carson.
475
00:41:26,694 --> 00:41:28,446
I know how it feels.
476
00:41:29,364 --> 00:41:31,157
God, I'm so confused.
477
00:41:31,449 --> 00:41:34,285
It's too soon to be
having feelings for you.
478
00:41:35,286 --> 00:41:39,415
Maybe feelings are feelings
because we can't control them.
479
00:41:40,416 --> 00:41:42,043
But I have to control them
480
00:41:42,126 --> 00:41:44,796
because I can't go through losing
somebody again. It's too painful.
481
00:41:45,254 --> 00:41:47,298
So... So, what, you're just
gonna shut down?
482
00:41:47,965 --> 00:41:49,634
I really like you.
483
00:41:49,926 --> 00:41:52,095
There's no chance
we can ever be together?
484
00:41:54,430 --> 00:41:56,599
Only if you could promise me
you'll never die.
485
00:41:58,309 --> 00:42:00,436
You know I can't promise that.
486
00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:03,648
If you did that,
I would make love to you right now.
487
00:42:08,444 --> 00:42:12,115
I promise. I will never die.
488
00:42:31,050 --> 00:42:34,512
I need this, I need love
I need you
489
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:42,228
I don't need one heartbeat
I need two
490
00:42:44,021 --> 00:42:46,899
There's an emptiness I need to fill
491
00:42:47,525 --> 00:42:50,987
And only one emptiness will do
492
00:42:51,738 --> 00:42:57,076
Only a woman
Can brighten up my day
493
00:42:58,870 --> 00:43:05,126
Only a woman
Can touch me the right way, yeah
494
00:43:05,752 --> 00:43:10,673
Only a woman
ls allowed to touch me there
495
00:43:12,550 --> 00:43:16,763
All I ask
Is that you're a woman
496
00:43:16,846 --> 00:43:20,016
Lisa, you're the most amazing person
I've ever met.
497
00:43:20,516 --> 00:43:24,187
It's only been a short time,
but I think that I'm completely in love...
498
00:43:25,188 --> 00:43:26,731
Let's not talk.
499
00:43:27,690 --> 00:43:30,443
I can't help it. This just feels so right,
500
00:43:30,526 --> 00:43:32,320
and I don't want anything to mess it up.
501
00:43:35,114 --> 00:43:38,493
There's not a thing in the world
that can mess this up.
502
00:45:27,643 --> 00:45:30,146
Team, I'm afraid I have bad news.
503
00:45:30,646 --> 00:45:34,483
At 7:15 this morning,
the terrorists carried out their attack.
504
00:45:36,611 --> 00:45:38,988
- What?
-But how can that be?
505
00:45:39,155 --> 00:45:41,240
Gary stopped the terrorists in Cairo.
506
00:45:41,365 --> 00:45:43,117
It appears now that
I.N.T.E.L.L.l.G.E.N.C.E. was wrong
507
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:44,994
about the Chechnya's being in charge.
508
00:45:46,162 --> 00:45:47,663
That was bad, I.N.T.E.L.L.l.G.E.N.C.E.
509
00:45:48,164 --> 00:45:50,833
- Very bad I.N.T.E.L.L.l.G.E.N.C.E.
-I'm sorry.
510
00:45:51,834 --> 00:45:55,338
We have to find out who did this
and take them down. Fast.
511
00:45:56,672 --> 00:46:00,343
Sir, I am intercepting communications
about the terrorists' identities.
512
00:46:00,676 --> 00:46:02,178
On screen.
513
00:46:02,303 --> 00:46:05,514
This is breaking news
with Peter Jennings.
514
00:46:06,557 --> 00:46:09,602
An attack in Panama today
has left thousands dead.
515
00:46:09,685 --> 00:46:12,563
Taking credit were terrorists
from Derka Derkastan.
516
00:46:13,606 --> 00:46:15,691
Of course, Derka Derkastan.
517
00:46:16,067 --> 00:46:18,945
The terrorists claim that the attack
was a retaliation
518
00:46:19,028 --> 00:46:20,988
for Team America's actions in Cairo.
519
00:46:21,072 --> 00:46:24,992
Alec Baldwin is rallying all
the members of the Film Actors Guild.
520
00:46:25,201 --> 00:46:27,453
- Alec Baldwin?
-Gary?
521
00:46:27,620 --> 00:46:29,080
He's my hero.
522
00:46:29,705 --> 00:46:31,707
The single greatest actor of all time.
523
00:46:32,375 --> 00:46:35,044
Who is to blame for these attacks
in Panama?
524
00:46:35,711 --> 00:46:37,004
The terrorists?
525
00:46:37,088 --> 00:46:39,215
The person who supplied them
with WMDs?
526
00:46:39,757 --> 00:46:42,718
No. Blame Team America.
527
00:46:44,470 --> 00:46:47,932
Their reckless disregard in Cairo
brought on this violence today.
528
00:46:48,766 --> 00:46:54,313
Team America, the blood of the victims
of Panama is on your hands.
529
00:46:56,941 --> 00:46:58,734
Moved by Baldwin's
impassioned speech,
530
00:46:59,068 --> 00:47:02,405
hundreds of people turned out
at Mount Rushmore today to protest.
531
00:47:06,325 --> 00:47:07,952
Hey, that's here.
532
00:47:08,744 --> 00:47:10,997
Tom, it looks like filmmaker
Michael Moore
533
00:47:11,080 --> 00:47:14,667
is also jumping on the
"Fuck Team America" bandwagon.
534
00:47:15,918 --> 00:47:17,586
Protesting is not enough.
535
00:47:17,670 --> 00:47:21,674
We must take radical action against
the fascists in our own country.
536
00:47:22,049 --> 00:47:24,427
Bring it down! Bring it all down!
537
00:47:30,933 --> 00:47:34,020
Team, if the Derka Derkastanis
have weapons of mass destruction,
538
00:47:34,103 --> 00:47:38,065
I'm afraid it could be 9/11 times 1,000.
539
00:47:38,149 --> 00:47:40,109
- Jesus, you mean...
-Yes.
540
00:47:40,526 --> 00:47:42,945
Nine hundred and eleven thousand.
541
00:47:43,863 --> 00:47:46,157
Then forget all these assholes.
We got work to do.
542
00:47:46,699 --> 00:47:49,493
Yes, let's get Gary valmorphanised
so he can use his acting.
543
00:47:49,577 --> 00:47:50,911
My acting?
544
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:55,207
My acting? My acting just got
a thousand people killed.
545
00:47:55,291 --> 00:47:56,751
Jesus, I've done it again.
546
00:47:56,834 --> 00:47:59,962
Pull yourself together, Gary.
We need you now more than ever.
547
00:48:00,046 --> 00:48:02,631
- I'm through with this.
-Gary, you can't go.
548
00:48:02,715 --> 00:48:04,300
Without you, the team is doomed.
549
00:48:04,383 --> 00:48:07,636
Remember, there is no "I"
in Team America.
550
00:48:07,970 --> 00:48:09,472
Yes, there is.
551
00:48:12,808 --> 00:48:14,393
I know it's hard, Gary.
552
00:48:14,477 --> 00:48:17,480
But you're still the only hope
to stop these newer terrorists.
553
00:48:17,563 --> 00:48:19,815
Why me? Why am I the only one?
554
00:48:21,358 --> 00:48:22,526
Because you're the one
with the power to...
555
00:48:22,610 --> 00:48:24,403
Well, I don't want the fucking power!
556
00:48:27,156 --> 00:48:29,033
I don't want the guilt,
I don't want the shame
557
00:48:29,116 --> 00:48:30,868
and I don't want the responsibility.
558
00:48:31,786 --> 00:48:34,622
Then what about all the things
you promised last night?
559
00:48:34,705 --> 00:48:36,832
You said you'd never leave.
560
00:48:37,333 --> 00:48:41,378
I said I'd never die.
But now I'm dead inside.
561
00:48:43,130 --> 00:48:44,882
You slept with Gary?
562
00:48:47,343 --> 00:48:50,096
- Sarah.
-But you knew I liked Gary.
563
00:48:50,179 --> 00:48:51,555
I told you.
564
00:48:52,515 --> 00:48:54,183
You like Gary?
565
00:48:55,434 --> 00:48:56,852
Oh, I see.
566
00:48:58,020 --> 00:49:00,731
- I didn't plan on it happening, Sarah.
-Save it, Lisa.
567
00:49:03,025 --> 00:49:05,694
You see? All I do is hurt people.
568
00:49:06,612 --> 00:49:09,824
Gary, you didn't kill your brother.
Those gorillas did.
569
00:49:14,203 --> 00:49:16,205
I'm sorry I'm not the man you think I am.
570
00:49:17,081 --> 00:49:18,749
I'm just bad news.
571
00:49:20,501 --> 00:49:22,294
I'll never act again.
572
00:49:30,219 --> 00:49:32,221
Fuck him. We don't need an actor.
573
00:49:32,304 --> 00:49:35,057
We can take out the Derka
Derkastanis the old-fashioned way.
574
00:49:35,683 --> 00:49:37,935
No. it would be a suicide mission.
575
00:49:38,018 --> 00:49:41,230
That's all right.
I feel a little bit like dying.
576
00:49:44,650 --> 00:49:46,277
God damn it, Gary.
577
00:49:52,741 --> 00:49:57,329
- America
-Fuck, yeah
578
00:49:58,372 --> 00:50:03,961
Coming again to save
The motherfucking day, yeah
579
00:50:04,295 --> 00:50:09,175
- America
-Fuck, yeah
580
00:50:09,508 --> 00:50:15,306
Freedom is the only way
Yeah
581
00:50:15,723 --> 00:50:20,728
Terrorists, your game is through
582
00:50:20,853 --> 00:50:26,025
'Cause now you have to answer to
583
00:50:26,442 --> 00:50:31,614
- America
-Fuck, yeah
584
00:50:32,406 --> 00:50:37,328
America
Fuck
585
00:50:37,703 --> 00:50:40,748
Gary! Help me!
Get this thing off of me! Gary!
586
00:50:44,335 --> 00:50:47,546
All right, team.
We're nearing Derka Derkastan.
587
00:50:48,505 --> 00:50:49,632
Let's get ready.
588
00:50:51,300 --> 00:50:54,094
Look out! We've got terrorist aircraft.
589
00:50:59,516 --> 00:51:01,727
There's only five of them, team.
This should be easy.
590
00:51:01,810 --> 00:51:03,437
I've got Korean aircraft at one o'clock.
591
00:51:05,522 --> 00:51:07,524
What are they doing here?
592
00:51:12,029 --> 00:51:14,198
Shoot them down. Rike dogs.
593
00:51:14,531 --> 00:51:16,992
Kim Jong ll?
Why is he helping terrorists?
594
00:51:25,376 --> 00:51:26,669
I've got one on my tail!
595
00:51:28,545 --> 00:51:30,339
I got you, Sarah.
596
00:51:34,802 --> 00:51:36,804
Bring in the submarines.
597
00:51:39,515 --> 00:51:42,935
What the hell? Something's shooting
at us from the water.
598
00:51:43,352 --> 00:51:46,313
- It must be a Korean sub.
-Chris, you've gotta take them out.
599
00:51:46,397 --> 00:51:48,065
I'm already on it.
600
00:51:54,822 --> 00:51:56,532
These guys really snuck up on us.
601
00:51:56,615 --> 00:51:58,993
Yeah, there's a lot of that
going around lately.
602
00:51:59,368 --> 00:52:01,578
Sarah, you know I didn't mean
to hurt you.
603
00:52:01,662 --> 00:52:04,039
No, you just didn't care if you did.
604
00:52:05,582 --> 00:52:07,376
Now, come on, Sarah, that isn't fair.
605
00:52:07,793 --> 00:52:10,337
Lisa can't help it
if Gary has feelings for her.
606
00:52:10,421 --> 00:52:14,216
Just like nobody can help it
if you have feelings for Gary.
607
00:52:18,721 --> 00:52:20,139
What is that supposed to mean?
608
00:52:20,222 --> 00:52:22,057
Oh, come on, Sarah.
You mean you never realised
609
00:52:22,141 --> 00:52:24,435
Joe has feelings for you?
610
00:52:27,396 --> 00:52:30,024
Joe? But you're like a brother to me.
611
00:52:31,483 --> 00:52:34,445
That's all I ever am. Like a brother.
It isn't fair.
612
00:52:41,076 --> 00:52:43,746
Hang on, team.
Someone has broken into the hangar.
613
00:52:43,829 --> 00:52:46,582
- Baxter?
-Hey, Team America.
614
00:52:46,749 --> 00:52:48,751
I got something for you.
615
00:52:48,917 --> 00:52:51,837
- What the hell?
-Prepare to die.
616
00:52:55,257 --> 00:52:57,843
Jesus titty-fucking...
617
00:53:01,221 --> 00:53:02,765
...Christ!
618
00:53:03,599 --> 00:53:04,767
Spottswoode!
619
00:53:07,478 --> 00:53:08,520
Oh, my God!
620
00:53:09,855 --> 00:53:12,399
No. He can't be dead.
621
00:53:13,776 --> 00:53:15,527
We've lost I.N.T.E.L.L.l.G.E.N.C.E.
622
00:53:15,611 --> 00:53:18,364
I repeat,
we have no I.N. T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.
623
00:53:18,447 --> 00:53:21,116
Their computers are down. Attack!
624
00:53:25,662 --> 00:53:28,415
- Sarah!
-I sense I'm going down.
625
00:53:30,834 --> 00:53:32,836
Sarah! God, Chris, you gotta help her.
626
00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:35,381
I'm on it. Just hang on, Sarah.
627
00:53:38,008 --> 00:53:40,135
Oh, fuck, I've been hit.
628
00:53:40,344 --> 00:53:42,012
Chris, come in.
629
00:53:42,971 --> 00:53:44,890
- Oh, Jesus, I'm hit!
-Lisa!
630
00:53:44,973 --> 00:53:46,225
- Going down.
-God damn it,
631
00:53:46,308 --> 00:53:48,352
I'm gonna have to breach.
632
00:53:51,397 --> 00:53:53,315
I'm gonna hit the water.
633
00:53:54,650 --> 00:53:56,402
Missile lock. I've got missile lock.
634
00:53:56,485 --> 00:53:58,278
I've gotta bail out.
635
00:54:15,337 --> 00:54:19,758
Salvage their ships. If you find anyone
arive, you know what to do with them.
636
00:54:22,719 --> 00:54:24,513
Terrorists on screen.
637
00:54:25,681 --> 00:54:28,809
Okay, who brew up Panama Canal?
638
00:54:29,893 --> 00:54:31,937
We were angry about Cairo.
639
00:54:32,187 --> 00:54:34,231
God damn it, how many times
do I have to tell you?
640
00:54:34,314 --> 00:54:37,276
You don't use the WMDs
until you see the signal.
641
00:54:37,359 --> 00:54:39,278
I have worked ten years on this pran.
642
00:54:39,403 --> 00:54:42,197
It is a very precise
and a compricated pran.
643
00:54:42,322 --> 00:54:44,366
I am sick of you terrorists fucking it up.
644
00:54:44,450 --> 00:54:46,368
Now, take the weapons where I told you
645
00:54:46,452 --> 00:54:49,830
and wait for the goddamn signal
this time. Goodbye.
646
00:54:51,748 --> 00:54:54,209
Why is everyone so fucking stupid?
647
00:54:55,794 --> 00:54:58,297
Why aren't more people interrigent?
Rike me?
648
00:55:01,633 --> 00:55:05,804
I'm so ronery
649
00:55:05,888 --> 00:55:07,139
So ronery
650
00:55:07,973 --> 00:55:11,393
So ronery and sadry arone
651
00:55:11,852 --> 00:55:16,273
There's no one
Just me onry
652
00:55:16,565 --> 00:55:20,486
Sitting on my rittle throne
653
00:55:20,569 --> 00:55:24,573
I work rearry hard
And make up great prans
654
00:55:24,656 --> 00:55:28,911
But nobody ristens
No one understands
655
00:55:29,077 --> 00:55:35,125
Seems rike no one
Takes me seriousry
656
00:55:35,751 --> 00:55:36,919
And so
657
00:55:37,377 --> 00:55:39,254
I'm ronery
658
00:55:41,256 --> 00:55:43,634
A rittle ronery
659
00:55:43,717 --> 00:55:47,763
Poor rittle me
660
00:55:53,143 --> 00:55:58,190
There's nobody I can rerate to
661
00:55:58,273 --> 00:56:02,027
Feel rike a bird in a cage
662
00:56:02,110 --> 00:56:05,906
It's kind of sirry
But not rearry
663
00:56:05,989 --> 00:56:09,785
Because it's firring my body
With rage
664
00:56:09,868 --> 00:56:14,665
I'm the smartest, most crever
Most physicarry fit
665
00:56:14,748 --> 00:56:18,835
But nobody else seems to rearise it
666
00:56:18,919 --> 00:56:25,133
When I change the world
Maybe they'll notice me
667
00:56:25,467 --> 00:56:26,885
And until then
668
00:56:26,969 --> 00:56:29,596
I'll just be ronery
669
00:56:30,764 --> 00:56:33,308
Yeah, a rittle ronery
670
00:56:33,850 --> 00:56:38,146
Poor rittle me
671
00:56:42,901 --> 00:56:48,865
I'm so ronery
672
00:57:05,841 --> 00:57:07,467
What would you do
673
00:57:08,176 --> 00:57:11,221
If you were asked to give up
Your dreams for freedom?
674
00:57:13,348 --> 00:57:16,685
What would you do if asked
To make the ultimate sacrifice?
675
00:57:16,810 --> 00:57:19,605
Hey, weren't you the actor
in that Broadway show?
676
00:57:20,022 --> 00:57:23,483
Hey, yeah, it is you. Do that scene
where everyone gets AIDS.
677
00:57:24,526 --> 00:57:27,404
I don't act any more. I gave that up.
678
00:57:28,405 --> 00:57:31,950
- Oh, come on, man, just a scene.
-I said, get away from me!
679
00:57:32,034 --> 00:57:35,787
I'm completely lost. I've hit rock bottom.
680
00:57:35,871 --> 00:57:38,957
Easy, easy.
You gotta calm down there, Chuck.
681
00:57:39,041 --> 00:57:41,209
I hurt people. I'm a dick.
682
00:57:42,210 --> 00:57:44,546
Well, being a dick ain't so bad.
683
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:46,715
See, there are three kinds of people,
684
00:57:46,798 --> 00:57:48,925
dicks, pussies and assholes.
685
00:57:49,551 --> 00:57:53,138
Pussies think everyone can get along
and clicks just wanna fuck all the time
686
00:57:53,221 --> 00:57:54,806
without thinking it through.
687
00:57:54,890 --> 00:57:57,184
But then you got your assholes, Chuck.
688
00:57:57,392 --> 00:58:00,479
And all the assholes want
is to shit all over everything.
689
00:58:01,355 --> 00:58:04,775
So pussies may get mad at dicks
once in a while
690
00:58:04,858 --> 00:58:06,401
because pussies get fucked by dicks.
691
00:58:07,027 --> 00:58:10,530
But dicks also fuck assholes, Chuck.
692
00:58:10,614 --> 00:58:13,241
And if they didn't fuck the assholes,
you know what you'd get?
693
00:58:13,492 --> 00:58:17,120
You'd get your dick and your pussy
all covered in shit.
694
00:58:18,413 --> 00:58:21,375
All right, that does it.
Get out of here, you drunk lowlife.
695
00:58:28,757 --> 00:58:30,258
Get out of here, I said.
696
00:58:39,351 --> 00:58:40,602
Lisa!
697
00:58:41,603 --> 00:58:44,940
Lisa. Lisa, are you here?
698
00:58:47,317 --> 00:58:49,945
Get out of the street, you fucking bum!
699
00:58:55,283 --> 00:58:57,619
You gave up on life, didn't you?
700
01:00:21,328 --> 01:00:24,623
My fellow actors, we live in a dark time.
701
01:00:24,873 --> 01:00:27,167
The world is becoming more
and more violent
702
01:00:27,250 --> 01:00:29,294
and the idiots in charge
are making it worse.
703
01:00:29,711 --> 01:00:33,840
What the world needs is
an international advisory committee
704
01:00:33,924 --> 01:00:36,551
who truly understands global politics.
705
01:00:36,718 --> 01:00:38,220
Namely, us.
706
01:00:41,640 --> 01:00:44,142
The time has come for us
to start using our acting talents
707
01:00:44,226 --> 01:00:45,852
in a different way.
708
01:00:45,936 --> 01:00:49,481
Yes, we can use our powers
to change the world.
709
01:00:52,317 --> 01:00:55,737
We will persuade everyone
to drive hybrid cars and stop smoking.
710
01:00:55,987 --> 01:00:58,824
If we focus our acting on global politics,
711
01:00:58,907 --> 01:01:01,409
we can change everything and stuff.
712
01:01:04,496 --> 01:01:07,999
As actors, it is our responsibility
to read the newspapers
713
01:01:08,083 --> 01:01:12,045
and then say what we read
on television like it's our own opinion.
714
01:01:12,921 --> 01:01:14,297
Matt Damon.
715
01:01:15,090 --> 01:01:16,800
We've all done action films.
716
01:01:16,883 --> 01:01:19,594
If anyone tries to get in our way,
we'll show them just how tough
717
01:01:20,846 --> 01:01:22,639
us actors really are.
718
01:01:26,017 --> 01:01:27,769
I'm glad you all agree.
719
01:01:27,853 --> 01:01:31,815
Because I've just been contacted
by a very important political leader
720
01:01:31,898 --> 01:01:34,526
who is bringing all
the world leaders together
721
01:01:34,609 --> 01:01:37,487
for a massive
international peace conference.
722
01:01:37,571 --> 01:01:41,825
And he wants us to be
the keynote speakers.
723
01:01:44,452 --> 01:01:45,912
Matt Damon!
724
01:01:48,123 --> 01:01:50,333
Say hello to our new partner.
725
01:01:51,459 --> 01:01:52,669
Herro.
726
01:02:01,887 --> 01:02:04,055
Stop it! Stop it, you're killing him!
727
01:02:06,433 --> 01:02:08,518
I'm gonna fucking kill you!
728
01:02:08,643 --> 01:02:13,732
You're not in a position to kill anyone,
my red, white and brue friend.
729
01:02:14,482 --> 01:02:17,694
So you're the bastard
planning 9/11 times 1,000.
730
01:02:18,570 --> 01:02:20,780
No. You think so small.
731
01:02:21,406 --> 01:02:25,452
You see, I'm about to have
an eraborate peace ceremony.
732
01:02:25,535 --> 01:02:29,915
And while all the world's most
important people are distracted here,
733
01:02:29,998 --> 01:02:32,000
I will detonate the WMDs
734
01:02:32,292 --> 01:02:36,046
which I have given to terrorists
arr around the grobe.
735
01:02:37,505 --> 01:02:42,844
It will be 9/11 times 2,356.
736
01:02:44,137 --> 01:02:47,432
My God, that's...
I don't even know what that is.
737
01:02:48,600 --> 01:02:50,143
Nobody does.
738
01:02:50,685 --> 01:02:53,521
You heartless bastard.
Why would you do such a thing?
739
01:02:53,605 --> 01:02:55,774
Because then there will be barance.
740
01:02:55,857 --> 01:02:58,360
Every country will be
a Third World country.
741
01:02:58,693 --> 01:03:00,278
Just imagine it.
742
01:03:00,612 --> 01:03:04,282
All around the world, there will be
massive exprosions.
743
01:03:04,366 --> 01:03:05,659
With nobody to guide them,
744
01:03:05,742 --> 01:03:09,788
the people will break out into panic
and rioting all over the Earth.
745
01:03:09,871 --> 01:03:13,041
The true nature of humanity
is unreashed.
746
01:03:13,291 --> 01:03:16,252
Dog eats dog,
as everyone attacks everyone
747
01:03:16,336 --> 01:03:18,672
and fends only for themselves.
748
01:03:18,755 --> 01:03:20,840
Grobal stabirity unravels.
749
01:03:21,216 --> 01:03:26,221
By the time my show is over,
it will be far too rate.
750
01:03:33,144 --> 01:03:34,354
Your plan will fail.
751
01:03:34,437 --> 01:03:37,857
You'll never keep the world leaders
distracted here for nine hours.
752
01:03:38,024 --> 01:03:42,445
Oh, no? I've got Arec Barrwin.
753
01:03:43,446 --> 01:03:44,739
Dear God.
754
01:03:45,407 --> 01:03:50,245
You are the rast of a dying breed,
the frag-waving American.
755
01:03:50,912 --> 01:03:53,581
Well, your rittle dream
will soon be over.
756
01:03:55,250 --> 01:03:57,502
I must get back to pranning
the ceremony now.
757
01:03:58,128 --> 01:04:00,547
The film actors are on their way.
758
01:04:00,630 --> 01:04:03,258
Perhaps they'll stop in and say herro.
759
01:04:05,135 --> 01:04:09,764
Having so little faith in humanity
must make you a very lonely man.
760
01:04:17,897 --> 01:04:20,233
You shall have a front-row seat.
761
01:04:20,859 --> 01:04:22,652
Bring her upstairs.
762
01:04:22,819 --> 01:04:25,196
Leave her alone, you son of a bitch!
763
01:04:25,363 --> 01:04:28,283
Lisa, I treasure your friendship!
764
01:04:29,951 --> 01:04:32,037
Somebody has to stop this!
765
01:04:39,419 --> 01:04:44,424
I miss you more than Michael Bay
missed the mark
766
01:04:44,799 --> 01:04:47,510
When he made Pearl Harbor
767
01:04:47,635 --> 01:04:52,640
I miss you more than that movie
missed the point
768
01:04:52,974 --> 01:04:56,895
And that's an awful lot, girl
And now
769
01:04:57,103 --> 01:04:59,522
Now you've gone away
770
01:05:00,648 --> 01:05:03,485
And all I'm trying to say
771
01:05:03,818 --> 01:05:05,987
ls Pearl Harbor sucked
772
01:05:06,071 --> 01:05:09,157
And I miss you
773
01:05:12,702 --> 01:05:16,956
I need you like Ben Affleck
Needs acting school
774
01:05:17,582 --> 01:05:20,376
He was terrible in that film
775
01:05:20,710 --> 01:05:25,131
I need you like Cuba Gooding
Needed a bigger pan'
776
01:05:25,757 --> 01:05:29,594
He's way better than Ben Affleck
And now
777
01:05:29,844 --> 01:05:33,306
All I can think about is your smile
778
01:05:33,515 --> 01:05:36,059
And that shitty movie, too
779
01:05:36,643 --> 01:05:38,561
Pearl Harbor sucked
780
01:05:39,479 --> 01:05:42,398
And I miss you
781
01:05:45,276 --> 01:05:48,071
Pearl Harbor sucked
782
01:05:50,115 --> 01:05:54,285
Just a little bit more
Than I miss you
783
01:05:56,412 --> 01:05:58,873
Oh, my God. What the hell happened?
784
01:06:19,060 --> 01:06:21,354
Hello? Anybody?
785
01:06:24,065 --> 01:06:26,651
Greetings, Mr Johnston.
786
01:06:27,026 --> 01:06:29,028
I.N.T.E.L.L.l.G.E.N.C.E.,
what the hell happened?
787
01:06:29,154 --> 01:06:33,074
Our base was attacked by
a giant socialist weasel.
788
01:06:33,741 --> 01:06:35,493
But where's the team?
789
01:06:35,577 --> 01:06:39,664
They have been taken prisoner
by Kim Jong ll in North Korea.
790
01:06:39,747 --> 01:06:42,667
I have intercepted communications
that he is planning
791
01:06:42,750 --> 01:06:45,670
the massive attack
during a peace ceremony.
792
01:06:46,212 --> 01:06:49,007
Don't move, protester,
or I'll blow your commie brains out.
793
01:06:49,465 --> 01:06:51,968
- Spottswoode.
-Johnston?
794
01:06:52,760 --> 01:06:54,345
What the hell are you doing here?
795
01:06:54,429 --> 01:06:55,555
Get away from I.N.T.E.L.L.l.G.E.N.C.E.
796
01:06:55,638 --> 01:06:57,932
I'm using it to blow up North Korea.
797
01:06:58,016 --> 01:06:59,976
No! The team is in North Korea.
798
01:07:00,059 --> 01:07:04,772
I know. And so are the triggers
to WMDs poised all around the globe.
799
01:07:05,064 --> 01:07:07,150
My only option now
is to blow up Kim Jong ll
800
01:07:07,233 --> 01:07:09,277
and everything around him
before he can set them off.
801
01:07:10,111 --> 01:07:12,947
I.N.T.E.L.L.l.G.E.N.C.E., initiate
detonation sequence on the ships.
802
01:07:13,114 --> 01:07:14,699
You'll kill them all.
803
01:07:14,782 --> 01:07:16,701
It's what they would
want me to do, Gary.
804
01:07:17,035 --> 01:07:18,995
They would happily give their lives
for the good of the world,
805
01:07:19,078 --> 01:07:22,207
-something you don't understand!
-There has to be another way.
806
01:07:22,498 --> 01:07:24,751
There's nobody left to stop Kim Jong ll.
807
01:07:26,085 --> 01:07:27,420
Let me go.
808
01:07:28,838 --> 01:07:31,299
You? You're a buttfucking quitter.
809
01:07:32,008 --> 01:07:34,677
You walked out, Gary. The team went
on a mission without you.
810
01:07:34,802 --> 01:07:36,679
And without an actor,
they were like pigs to the slaughter.
811
01:07:36,804 --> 01:07:39,474
I'm supposed to leave
the fate of the world in your hands?
812
01:07:39,557 --> 01:07:42,352
I know I walked out,
but I'd do anything to take it back.
813
01:07:42,435 --> 01:07:45,313
- Please, just let me help.
-You've done enough.
814
01:07:45,980 --> 01:07:48,483
Please, Spottswoode,
you have to believe in me.
815
01:07:51,236 --> 01:07:54,572
I want to believe in you, Gary,
I really do.
816
01:07:55,240 --> 01:07:57,492
But you've let me down before.
817
01:07:58,284 --> 01:08:00,495
Please, how can I make you trust me?
818
01:08:03,122 --> 01:08:05,667
I remember the first time we met.
819
01:08:06,042 --> 01:08:08,753
You were a simple Broadway actor
afraid to get in my limo
820
01:08:08,836 --> 01:08:12,340
because you thought I wanted you
to perform oral sex on me.
821
01:08:12,423 --> 01:08:14,217
Do you remember that?
822
01:08:14,801 --> 01:08:15,885
Yeah.
823
01:08:16,719 --> 01:08:21,266
And now the tables are turned,
and I don't know if I can trust you.
824
01:08:23,685 --> 01:08:26,521
Just give me a chance.
825
01:08:30,233 --> 01:08:32,277
All right, I'll trust you.
826
01:08:33,361 --> 01:08:35,029
But only if you
827
01:08:35,446 --> 01:08:37,615
will perform oral sex on me.
828
01:08:39,826 --> 01:08:42,412
- What?
-Right here, right now.
829
01:08:45,456 --> 01:08:48,543
- You can't be serious.
-Oh, I am serious.
830
01:08:48,626 --> 01:08:51,754
Look, this is my serious face.
831
01:08:53,881 --> 01:08:56,634
- What will that prove?
-It will prove that you are truly ready
832
01:08:56,718 --> 01:08:58,136
to lay everything on the line.
833
01:08:58,219 --> 01:09:00,596
To throw away all your inhibitions
and give 100%.
834
01:09:00,680 --> 01:09:03,266
We must go back to that first night
we met, that first issue of trust.
835
01:09:03,349 --> 01:09:06,144
- Don't you see?
-No. I thought you weren't gay.
836
01:09:06,227 --> 01:09:08,563
This isn't about sex, Gary,
it's about trust.
837
01:09:09,022 --> 01:09:12,483
It's the eye of the needle, Gary,
and we must both pass through it.
838
01:09:17,155 --> 01:09:18,906
Okay, let's do it.
839
01:09:21,659 --> 01:09:24,078
I'll make sure nobody's watching.
840
01:09:24,162 --> 01:09:25,955
Yeah, it looks clear.
841
01:09:26,372 --> 01:09:27,623
Okay, go.
842
01:09:29,625 --> 01:09:31,085
There must be another way.
843
01:09:32,128 --> 01:09:34,881
I guess you won't do everything
to take it all back, will you, Gary?
844
01:09:34,964 --> 01:09:37,300
No, no, no. Wait, wait, hold on.
845
01:09:37,675 --> 01:09:41,721
You're saying if I do that,
you'll let me help the team?
846
01:09:42,889 --> 01:09:45,266
I'll give you all the time I can.
847
01:09:48,353 --> 01:09:50,021
Okay, let's do it.
848
01:09:51,105 --> 01:09:52,440
Here we go.
849
01:09:53,232 --> 01:09:54,442
And go.
850
01:10:23,971 --> 01:10:25,807
You are dedicated.
851
01:10:26,516 --> 01:10:27,850
Now, let's go get cleaned up.
852
01:10:28,142 --> 01:10:30,645
If you're going to storm Kim Jong ll's
palace single-handed,
853
01:10:30,728 --> 01:10:33,815
we have to make you
a complete soldier in very little time.
854
01:10:35,024 --> 01:10:36,818
How we gonna do that?
855
01:10:36,943 --> 01:10:40,196
I think I know just what we need.
856
01:10:44,742 --> 01:10:47,245
The hour's approaching
To give it your best
857
01:10:47,328 --> 01:10:49,956
And you've got to reach your prime
858
01:10:50,998 --> 01:10:53,793
That's when you need
to put yourself to the test
859
01:10:53,876 --> 01:10:56,170
And show us a passage of time
860
01:10:56,337 --> 01:10:59,799
- We're gonna need a montage
-Montage
861
01:10:59,882 --> 01:11:03,052
- It takes a montage
-Montage
862
01:11:03,136 --> 01:11:06,305
Show a lot of things
Happening at once
863
01:11:06,389 --> 01:11:09,475
Remind everyone
Of what's going on
864
01:11:09,559 --> 01:11:12,687
And with every shot
Show a little improvement
865
01:11:12,770 --> 01:11:15,273
To show it all would take too long
866
01:11:15,356 --> 01:11:18,443
- That's called a montage
-Montage
867
01:11:18,526 --> 01:11:22,447
- Girl, we want a montage
-Montage
868
01:11:22,530 --> 01:11:25,408
In anything, if you want to go
869
01:11:25,491 --> 01:11:28,327
From just a beginner to a pro
870
01:11:28,411 --> 01:11:31,205
- You need a montage
-Montage
871
01:11:31,289 --> 01:11:35,751
- Even Rocky had a montage
-Montage
872
01:11:35,835 --> 01:11:41,466
- Always fade out in a montage
-Montage
873
01:11:41,549 --> 01:11:44,886
If you fade out
It seems like more time has passed
874
01:11:44,969 --> 01:11:47,680
- In a montage
-Montage
875
01:11:58,357 --> 01:12:00,151
Radies and gentlemen.
876
01:12:00,401 --> 01:12:04,405
The Film Actors Guild and Kim Jong ll
are preased to welcome you
877
01:12:04,489 --> 01:12:09,160
to the International
World Peace Ceremony.
878
01:12:10,411 --> 01:12:13,164
The most important people
from every country
879
01:12:13,247 --> 01:12:17,668
are gathered here in soridarity
to cerebrate peace.
880
01:12:17,752 --> 01:12:20,630
There will be music, dancing
and, of course,
881
01:12:20,713 --> 01:12:23,341
the biggest stars in Horrywood.
882
01:12:23,424 --> 01:12:27,512
In the box to your reft is the
mastermind of this spectacurar show,
883
01:12:27,595 --> 01:12:30,765
the multitarented Kim Jong ll.
884
01:12:32,099 --> 01:12:33,768
Oh, herro.
885
01:12:35,102 --> 01:12:40,066
And now we present to you
the very best in North Korean music.
886
01:12:59,168 --> 01:13:02,380
Ten years of pranning,
and finarry the night is here.
887
01:13:02,463 --> 01:13:06,842
The terrorists know to be in position by
the time Arec Barrwin takes the stage.
888
01:13:06,926 --> 01:13:10,930
That's when I trigger all the WMDs
to go off at the same time.
889
01:13:11,013 --> 01:13:13,057
When you see Arec Barrwin,
890
01:13:13,140 --> 01:13:16,936
you will see the true ugriness
of human nature.
891
01:13:17,520 --> 01:13:20,273
Your plan will never work.
Something will stop it.
892
01:13:21,857 --> 01:13:24,318
You stupid, naive Team Americans.
893
01:13:24,694 --> 01:13:26,571
You berieve in true rove
and happy endings
894
01:13:26,654 --> 01:13:29,490
even while the world around you
spirals downward.
895
01:13:30,908 --> 01:13:34,287
Sometimes believing is all we have.
896
01:13:37,164 --> 01:13:40,001
And as the leaders of your countries,
you have the power
897
01:13:40,084 --> 01:13:44,630
to bring the world together under
the principles of the Film Actors Guild.
898
01:13:45,756 --> 01:13:47,174
You're gonna knock them dead, Alec.
899
01:13:48,968 --> 01:13:51,012
Ten minutes, Mr Baldwin.
900
01:14:01,480 --> 01:14:03,274
Who the hell you?
901
01:14:03,357 --> 01:14:06,611
I'm with the Film Actors Guild.
I'm here to help with the broadcast.
902
01:14:06,694 --> 01:14:08,404
Then you show credentials.
903
01:14:08,487 --> 01:14:10,531
Hey, you don't need to see
my credentials.
904
01:14:10,615 --> 01:14:12,700
I left them at home and I'm running late.
905
01:14:13,701 --> 01:14:16,037
- I berieve him.
-Yeah, me, too.
906
01:14:16,370 --> 01:14:18,706
Okay, have a nice day.
907
01:14:18,789 --> 01:14:21,000
My God, his acting is better than ever.
908
01:14:37,266 --> 01:14:40,519
Don't worry, fellas,
I've got my pass right here.
909
01:14:50,571 --> 01:14:52,365
Please, Mr Sheen, Mr Robbins,
910
01:14:52,448 --> 01:14:54,408
you don't understand
what Kim Jong ll is doing.
911
01:14:54,784 --> 01:14:58,579
Shut up. We have explicit instructions
to watch you.
912
01:14:58,746 --> 01:15:01,874
- Yeah. We're supposed to be guards.
-We're guards.
913
01:15:01,999 --> 01:15:05,169
- We're guards, huh? We're guards.
-We're guards.
914
01:15:05,252 --> 01:15:08,881
Mr Sheen, Mr Robbins. Someone
has broken into the main hall.
915
01:15:08,964 --> 01:15:10,966
What? Come on, Martin!
916
01:15:21,852 --> 01:15:24,689
- Gary?
-What the fuck are you doing here?
917
01:15:24,772 --> 01:15:26,732
Guys, are you all right? Where's Lisa?
918
01:15:27,692 --> 01:15:29,777
What the heck do you care?
You walked out on her.
919
01:15:30,027 --> 01:15:31,696
Look, I wanna make things right.
920
01:15:31,779 --> 01:15:33,698
Here, Spottswoode's monitoring
from the base.
921
01:15:33,781 --> 01:15:36,742
- Spottswoode is dead, Gary.
-Not as dead as you think.
922
01:15:36,826 --> 01:15:40,037
- Spottswoode!
-Yes, I'm here, Joe.
923
01:15:40,371 --> 01:15:43,541
- All right, you're alive!
-Great to hear your voices again.
924
01:15:43,624 --> 01:15:46,460
Now we've got to get Lisa
and stop Kim Jong ll.
925
01:15:46,544 --> 01:15:48,754
I'm not going anywhere
with this fucking traitor.
926
01:15:48,838 --> 01:15:50,965
What makes you think
we'll take you back, douchebag?
927
01:15:51,132 --> 01:15:53,634
- We're doing this without you!
-Now, hold on, team.
928
01:15:53,801 --> 01:15:55,219
Gary has already proven to me
929
01:15:55,302 --> 01:15:57,763
that he is 100% committed to the team.
930
01:15:57,847 --> 01:16:00,683
He proved it last night
by sucking my cock.
931
01:16:05,187 --> 01:16:07,648
All right. Come on, team,
we gotta find that stage.
932
01:16:08,566 --> 01:16:12,445
Rook how much they rove my show.
The entire audience is so captivated.
933
01:16:19,994 --> 01:16:23,205
And now you see,
the new world is inevitabre.
934
01:16:24,165 --> 01:16:27,460
-It's what?
-inevitabre.
935
01:16:28,294 --> 01:16:30,087
- One more time.
-inevitabre!
936
01:16:30,296 --> 01:16:32,256
Things are inevitabry going to change.
937
01:16:33,048 --> 01:16:35,301
God damn it, open your fucking ears.
938
01:16:37,845 --> 01:16:39,972
- Five minutes, Mr Baldwin.
-Thank you.
939
01:16:40,181 --> 01:16:44,185
- Alec, we have a problem.
-Team America escaped.
940
01:16:45,060 --> 01:16:47,938
What? You fools.
They'll ruin everything.
941
01:16:48,022 --> 01:16:49,982
We better warn everyone.
They'll be headed here.
942
01:16:50,775 --> 01:16:53,778
No. We can't look weak and powerless.
943
01:16:53,861 --> 01:16:57,281
If violence is all those bastards
understand, then violence they'll get.
944
01:16:57,364 --> 01:16:59,325
Every actor, grab a gun
and keep Team America
945
01:16:59,408 --> 01:17:01,577
from reaching this ceremony
at all costs.
946
01:17:06,832 --> 01:17:10,044
I swear they won't reach this stage.
947
01:17:27,812 --> 01:17:29,313
Jesus! What have we got?
948
01:17:29,396 --> 01:17:32,316
Looks like George Clooney
and Liv Tyler, 20 yards.
949
01:17:34,485 --> 01:17:36,529
Look out, it's Ethan Hawke
and Janeane Garofalo.
950
01:17:42,701 --> 01:17:44,370
Drop your weapons.
951
01:17:44,662 --> 01:17:46,080
Fucking die!
952
01:17:48,415 --> 01:17:49,542
We gotta split up.
953
01:17:49,625 --> 01:17:52,127
Sarah, you and Gary go that way.
Chris and I will go right.
954
01:17:52,419 --> 01:17:54,964
No, I think I'd rather team up
with you, Joe.
955
01:17:57,258 --> 01:17:59,593
I guess you're with me, cockfag.
956
01:18:01,595 --> 01:18:03,013
- Danny Glover!
-Come on, Penn.
957
01:18:03,097 --> 01:18:05,140
- We must protect the show.
-Right.
958
01:18:07,059 --> 01:18:09,645
- The stage must be that way.
-No. Joe, Sarah, it's a trap!
959
01:18:16,110 --> 01:18:17,862
Very impressive, warmongers.
960
01:18:17,945 --> 01:18:22,116
Now let's see how Kim Jong ll's
panthers treat you.
961
01:18:25,119 --> 01:18:27,329
I went to Iraq, you know!
962
01:18:33,419 --> 01:18:36,046
- Susan Sarandon.
-Oh, thank God.
963
01:18:36,130 --> 01:18:38,632
We have to stop the ceremony.
Kim Jong ll is mad.
964
01:18:38,716 --> 01:18:40,676
Here, let me loose.
I'll show you where the theatre is.
965
01:18:41,218 --> 01:18:43,888
- All right.
-No, Chris, stay away from her.
966
01:18:43,971 --> 01:18:48,309
- Fuck you. She wants to help us.
-No, Chris, she's acting.
967
01:18:49,518 --> 01:18:51,228
I am not. The others tied me up
968
01:18:51,312 --> 01:18:53,397
because I wouldn't go along
with their plans.
969
01:18:53,522 --> 01:18:55,858
Your skills are fading with age,
Miss Sarandon.
970
01:18:57,818 --> 01:19:00,154
You shall die a peasant's death!
971
01:19:09,830 --> 01:19:11,916
Jesus titty-fucking Christ.
972
01:19:11,999 --> 01:19:13,626
I could've sworn
she was telling the truth.
973
01:19:13,876 --> 01:19:17,254
That's why they call it acting.
Come on, we gotta find Lisa.
974
01:19:18,172 --> 01:19:22,009
I was 19 years old when
the musical Cats came to our town.
975
01:19:22,134 --> 01:19:24,178
I couldn't wait to see it.
976
01:19:25,554 --> 01:19:27,765
After the show, I was asked
if I wanted to go meet
977
01:19:28,182 --> 01:19:31,852
some of the performers backstage.
Man, I was thrilled.
978
01:19:31,936 --> 01:19:35,689
But when I got back there,
they were drunk and out of control.
979
01:19:36,690 --> 01:19:39,985
Rumpus Cat and Macavity
kept feeling up my leg.
980
01:19:40,069 --> 01:19:43,030
I tried to leave, but Rumpleteazer
held me down and...
981
01:19:45,240 --> 01:19:47,868
I was raped by Mr Mistoffelees.
982
01:19:52,331 --> 01:19:54,750
That's why you don't trust actors.
983
01:19:58,379 --> 01:20:00,589
I'm sorry I've been so hard on you.
984
01:20:00,673 --> 01:20:02,883
If there's still a world left
when this is all over,
985
01:20:03,258 --> 01:20:05,386
I'd like to buy you a beer.
986
01:20:08,263 --> 01:20:09,932
Come on, let's go.
We're running out of time.
987
01:20:14,728 --> 01:20:18,565
Sarah, before we die, I want to
finally tell you that I love you.
988
01:20:20,067 --> 01:20:23,612
No. No, I'm not gonna let it end like this.
989
01:20:24,154 --> 01:20:27,866
We are not your enemy, furry ones.
You will not attack us.
990
01:20:28,325 --> 01:20:32,079
Sarah, that isn't going to work.
You don't really have mental powers.
991
01:20:32,246 --> 01:20:36,083
Your captors are behind you, Shebas.
Show your anger to them.
992
01:20:57,271 --> 01:20:59,106
Sarah, you did it!
993
01:21:02,735 --> 01:21:04,194
Wait. Hold on.
994
01:21:05,362 --> 01:21:07,364
Spottswoode, I think we just found
the entrance to the theatre.
995
01:21:07,448 --> 01:21:09,616
Have Sarah and Joe lock on to our...
996
01:21:10,659 --> 01:21:11,952
Gary!
997
01:21:12,995 --> 01:21:15,664
- Actors, ho!
-Helen Hunt.
998
01:21:15,748 --> 01:21:17,458
Samuel Jackson.
999
01:21:18,625 --> 01:21:19,960
Matt Damon.
1000
01:21:22,004 --> 01:21:23,672
Motherfucker.
1001
01:21:24,882 --> 01:21:26,675
Gary, Chris, come in.
1002
01:21:28,969 --> 01:21:33,182
And now, radies and gentlemen,
Mr Arec Barrwin.
1003
01:21:45,652 --> 01:21:48,739
We are here to usher in a new era
without violence.
1004
01:21:48,822 --> 01:21:51,200
By following the rules
of the Film Actors Guild,
1005
01:21:51,283 --> 01:21:53,619
the world can become a better place
1006
01:21:53,702 --> 01:21:57,748
that handles dangerous people
with talk and reasoning.
1007
01:21:57,831 --> 01:22:00,334
That is the F.A.G. way.
1008
01:22:01,668 --> 01:22:06,006
One day you'll all look at the world
us actors created and say,
1009
01:22:06,090 --> 01:22:09,593
"Wow. Good going, F.A.G.
1010
01:22:09,676 --> 01:22:13,639
"You really made the world
a better place, didn't you, F.A.G.?"
1011
01:22:13,722 --> 01:22:18,769
Yes, Arec Barrwin. Too bad
there won't be a world reft.
1012
01:22:18,852 --> 01:22:20,270
Oh, God, no.
1013
01:22:20,979 --> 01:22:25,859
You see? No Prince Charming rode in
on a white stallion to save the day.
1014
01:22:26,193 --> 01:22:28,070
This is the real world.
1015
01:22:28,695 --> 01:22:32,783
I'm afraid your world is over.
1016
01:22:33,075 --> 01:22:34,368
In five minutes.
1017
01:22:37,371 --> 01:22:39,289
Yes, the ticking crock.
1018
01:22:42,251 --> 01:22:46,296
Sorry, Team America, but you see,
we must live in a time of peace.
1019
01:22:46,839 --> 01:22:49,133
Put down the gas can now.
1020
01:22:49,466 --> 01:22:50,801
Kill them.
1021
01:22:55,639 --> 01:22:56,974
Jackson!
1022
01:22:59,476 --> 01:23:01,311
Team, you've got to hurry.
1023
01:23:07,401 --> 01:23:09,611
Let's go, bitch. I've done action films.
1024
01:23:10,237 --> 01:23:11,697
Come on.
1025
01:23:33,886 --> 01:23:35,429
Matt Damon!
1026
01:23:46,148 --> 01:23:48,400
Come on, stop trying to hit me
and hit me.
1027
01:23:55,699 --> 01:23:57,451
Don't fucking move!
1028
01:23:58,202 --> 01:24:00,120
Now, isn't that a shame.
1029
01:24:00,204 --> 01:24:02,289
You came so close to stopping peace.
1030
01:24:02,372 --> 01:24:05,542
But you see, peace always finds a way.
1031
01:24:05,626 --> 01:24:07,502
Goodbye, Team America.
1032
01:24:07,836 --> 01:24:10,339
I've just got one piece of bad news
for you, Robbins.
1033
01:24:10,756 --> 01:24:14,134
- What's that?
-I'm a smoker.
1034
01:24:33,153 --> 01:24:35,280
Now that the world
is going to be run peacefully,
1035
01:24:35,364 --> 01:24:36,990
we should all drive hybrid cars.
1036
01:24:37,074 --> 01:24:39,451
Right now famiries
are gathering in parks,
1037
01:24:39,534 --> 01:24:43,330
children are walking to school,
friends are sitting in movie theatres.
1038
01:24:43,413 --> 01:24:47,918
All compretery unaware that the world
is about to change forever.
1039
01:24:48,168 --> 01:24:49,836
All because of me.
1040
01:24:52,589 --> 01:24:54,091
Stop that man.
1041
01:24:56,176 --> 01:24:57,344
Gary!
1042
01:24:57,469 --> 01:25:00,430
- Team America?
-God damn it.
1043
01:25:00,514 --> 01:25:03,016
Sorry to interrupt the show,
everyone, but Kim Jong ll
1044
01:25:03,100 --> 01:25:05,310
is an international criminal.
We're here to arrest him.
1045
01:25:05,519 --> 01:25:07,354
Oh, no, you're not.
1046
01:25:07,604 --> 01:25:09,606
This is a peace conference.
1047
01:25:09,690 --> 01:25:12,150
And if you even try to touch Kim Jong ll,
1048
01:25:12,317 --> 01:25:15,404
this audience and I will rise up
against you.
1049
01:25:19,116 --> 01:25:20,117
Fuck off, Team America!
1050
01:25:20,200 --> 01:25:22,786
Team, there's no time.
You have to convince that audience
1051
01:25:22,869 --> 01:25:24,997
to let you do your job.
1052
01:25:26,748 --> 01:25:31,420
- Gary, you've got to take the stage.
-No. I can't upstage Alec Baldwin.
1053
01:25:31,503 --> 01:25:34,047
- He's the best actor in the world.
-You have to try.
1054
01:25:34,381 --> 01:25:37,426
- I'm not that good.
-Actually...
1055
01:25:37,884 --> 01:25:41,054
You're the finest actor I've ever met.
1056
01:25:48,854 --> 01:25:51,106
Come on, Gary, hurry.
You've got to act fast.
1057
01:25:55,235 --> 01:25:58,238
I know you all don't like Team America
a whole lot right now,
1058
01:25:59,239 --> 01:26:01,575
but Kim Jong ll is a lot worse.
1059
01:26:04,578 --> 01:26:06,913
You can't out-act me, boy.
Don't even try.
1060
01:26:08,248 --> 01:26:12,794
For the truth is that Team America
fights for the billion-dollar corporations.
1061
01:26:13,253 --> 01:26:17,966
They are just as bad
as the enemies they fight.
1062
01:26:21,511 --> 01:26:24,097
Oh, no, we aren't. We're dicks!
1063
01:26:29,269 --> 01:26:31,438
We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks.
1064
01:26:34,274 --> 01:26:37,444
And the Film Actors Guild are pussies.
1065
01:26:39,946 --> 01:26:42,991
And Kim Jong ll is an asshole.
1066
01:26:45,702 --> 01:26:50,082
Pussies don't like dicks,
because pussies get fucked by dicks.
1067
01:26:50,624 --> 01:26:54,127
But dicks also fuck assholes,
1068
01:26:54,628 --> 01:26:57,464
assholes who just wanna shit
on everything.
1069
01:26:58,507 --> 01:27:01,718
Pussies may think they can deal
with assholes their way.
1070
01:27:01,885 --> 01:27:04,137
But the only thing
that can fuck an asshole
1071
01:27:04,346 --> 01:27:07,307
is a dick with some balls.
1072
01:27:10,811 --> 01:27:14,398
The problem with dicks
is that sometimes they fuck too much.
1073
01:27:14,606 --> 01:27:18,944
- Or fuck when it isn't appropriate.
-Yes, Gary, yes.
1074
01:27:19,528 --> 01:27:22,406
And it takes a pussy to show them that.
1075
01:27:22,489 --> 01:27:24,491
But sometimes pussies
get so full of shit
1076
01:27:24,616 --> 01:27:26,618
that they become assholes themselves.
1077
01:27:27,869 --> 01:27:30,831
Because pussies are only
an inch and a half away from assholes.
1078
01:27:33,458 --> 01:27:36,253
I don't know much
in this crazy, crazy world,
1079
01:27:37,003 --> 01:27:42,008
but I do know that if you don't
let us fuck this asshole,
1080
01:27:43,135 --> 01:27:46,054
we are gonna have our dicks
and our pussies
1081
01:27:46,763 --> 01:27:48,682
all covered in shit.
1082
01:28:05,532 --> 01:28:07,659
Show us what you're doing, Kim Jong ll.
1083
01:28:10,203 --> 01:28:12,330
Do something, Arec Barrwin!
1084
01:28:12,789 --> 01:28:16,501
The... Global warming and...
Corporate America...
1085
01:28:19,004 --> 01:28:21,465
You are worthress, Arec Barrwin.
1086
01:28:31,600 --> 01:28:34,519
Don't fucking move!
You were all going to be treated
1087
01:28:34,603 --> 01:28:36,938
to a faburous show.
But now party's over.
1088
01:28:37,022 --> 01:28:39,274
- For I am the great Kim Jong ll.
-Lisa.
1089
01:28:39,357 --> 01:28:43,028
And I am the greatest terrorist
ever to have rived.
1090
01:28:43,361 --> 01:28:45,071
Terrorise this.
1091
01:29:00,879 --> 01:29:03,215
- Lisa, are you okay?
-No, Gary, the countdown.
1092
01:29:03,298 --> 01:29:04,716
You have to stop it.
1093
01:29:04,799 --> 01:29:07,844
- What do I do?
-Hit the big "cancel" button!
1094
01:29:14,851 --> 01:29:17,521
- Gary, how did you manage this?
-Spottswoode helped me.
1095
01:29:17,604 --> 01:29:19,272
Spottswoode? He's alive?
1096
01:29:19,356 --> 01:29:23,735
Lisa, I'm crazy about you.
Will you please forgive me if I...
1097
01:29:23,818 --> 01:29:26,071
You had me at "dicks fuck assholes."
1098
01:29:27,280 --> 01:29:30,075
Attention. Attention, everyone.
1099
01:29:30,492 --> 01:29:32,869
All you in the audience should go
to your homes now.
1100
01:29:32,953 --> 01:29:36,081
Your countries need you.
But the world will be safe,
1101
01:29:36,164 --> 01:29:39,167
thanks to a brilliant actor
named Gary Johnston.
1102
01:29:58,979 --> 01:30:01,648
Let me explain to you
the kind of man Gary is.
1103
01:30:02,649 --> 01:30:03,692
He's a man who knows
1104
01:30:03,775 --> 01:30:07,153
that when you put another man's cock
in your mouth, you make a pact.
1105
01:30:07,237 --> 01:30:09,406
A bond that cannot be broken.
1106
01:30:09,489 --> 01:30:12,576
He's a man so dedicated that
he will get down on his knees
1107
01:30:12,659 --> 01:30:14,327
and put that cock right in his mouth.
1108
01:30:17,247 --> 01:30:18,915
Wait a minute. Look!
1109
01:30:24,170 --> 01:30:27,257
You have not heard the rast
of Kim Jong ll.
1110
01:30:27,340 --> 01:30:29,050
I will return!
1111
01:30:30,176 --> 01:30:33,722
You shall see. I will be back!
1112
01:30:40,145 --> 01:30:43,023
So rong, earthrings!
1113
01:30:44,899 --> 01:30:47,193
We'll be here waiting for you,
Kim Jong ll.
1114
01:30:47,944 --> 01:30:49,613
All right, you guys, I hate to break up
this little party,
1115
01:30:49,696 --> 01:30:52,073
but there's still a lot of bad guys
out there.
1116
01:30:52,157 --> 01:30:56,369
Well, then let's go show the bad guys
the police are back in force.
1117
01:30:57,037 --> 01:30:58,371
Fuck,yeah.
1118
01:30:58,705 --> 01:31:00,040
Fuck,yeah.
1119
01:31:01,916 --> 01:31:04,586
America
1120
01:31:04,669 --> 01:31:07,422
America
1121
01:31:08,173 --> 01:31:11,092
- America
-Fuck, yeah
1122
01:31:11,176 --> 01:31:13,970
Coming again to save
The motherfucking day, yeah
1123
01:31:14,054 --> 01:31:16,681
- America
-Fuck, yeah
1124
01:31:16,765 --> 01:31:20,018
Freedom is the only way, yeah
1125
01:31:20,101 --> 01:31:22,354
Terrorists, your game is through
1126
01:31:22,437 --> 01:31:24,981
'Cause now you have to answer to
1127
01:31:25,065 --> 01:31:27,984
- America
-Fuck, yeah
1128
01:31:28,068 --> 01:31:31,112
So lick my butt
And suck on my balls
1129
01:31:31,196 --> 01:31:33,490
- America
-Fuck, yeah
1130
01:31:33,573 --> 01:31:37,619
What you gonna do
When we come for you now?
1131
01:31:37,952 --> 01:31:40,413
It's the dream that we all share
1132
01:31:40,497 --> 01:31:45,210
- It's the hope for tomorrow
-Fuck, yeah
1133
01:31:48,213 --> 01:31:49,756
- McDonald's
-Fuck, yeah
1134
01:31:49,839 --> 01:31:51,049
- Wal-Man'
-Fuck, yeah
1135
01:31:51,132 --> 01:31:52,342
- The Gap
-Fuck, yeah
1136
01:31:52,425 --> 01:31:53,426
- Baseball
-Fuck, yeah
1137
01:31:53,510 --> 01:31:54,719
- NFL
-Fuck, yeah
1138
01:31:54,803 --> 01:31:56,137
- Rock 'n' roll
-Fuck, yeah
1139
01:31:56,221 --> 01:31:57,555
- The Internet
-Fuck, yeah
1140
01:31:57,639 --> 01:31:58,973
- Sla very
-Fuck, yeah
1141
01:32:00,809 --> 01:32:02,602
Fuck, yeah
1142
01:32:09,067 --> 01:32:12,153
Everyone has AIDS
My grandma and my dog Ole Blue
1143
01:32:12,237 --> 01:32:16,074
- AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
-The Pope has got it and so do you
1144
01:32:16,157 --> 01:32:18,868
Come on, everybody
We got quilting to do
1145
01:32:18,952 --> 01:32:20,954
We're gonna break down
These barricades
1146
01:32:21,037 --> 01:32:23,748
Everyone has
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
1147
01:32:23,832 --> 01:32:25,959
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
1148
01:32:26,042 --> 01:32:28,128
AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS
AIDS, AIDS
1149
01:32:28,461 --> 01:32:30,922
Freedom isn't free
1150
01:32:31,005 --> 01:32:34,509
It costs folks like you and me
1151
01:32:35,260 --> 01:32:37,303
And if we don't all chip in
1152
01:32:37,387 --> 01:32:41,933
We'll never pay that bill
1153
01:32:43,143 --> 01:32:45,729
Freedom isn't free
1154
01:32:46,271 --> 01:32:49,899
No, there's a hefty fucking fee
1155
01:32:49,983 --> 01:32:56,489
And if you don't throw in
your buck-o-five, who will?
1156
01:32:58,116 --> 01:32:59,617
Buck-o-five
1157
01:33:00,243 --> 01:33:03,955
Freedom costs a buck-o-five
1158
01:33:06,291 --> 01:33:11,838
Only a woman
Can brighten up my day
1159
01:33:13,173 --> 01:33:19,554
Only a woman
Can touch me the right way, yeah
1160
01:33:20,096 --> 01:33:25,602
Only a woman
ls allowed to touch me there
1161
01:33:26,770 --> 01:33:31,191
All I ask
Is that you're a woman
1162
01:33:33,693 --> 01:33:37,572
I'm so ronery
1163
01:33:37,989 --> 01:33:39,657
So ronery
1164
01:33:40,033 --> 01:33:43,077
So ronery and sadry arone
1165
01:33:44,037 --> 01:33:47,665
There's no one
Just me onry
1166
01:33:48,708 --> 01:33:51,878
Sitting on my rittle throne
1167
01:33:52,545 --> 01:33:56,674
I work rearry hard
And make up great prans
1168
01:33:56,758 --> 01:34:01,137
But nobody ristens
No one understands
1169
01:34:01,221 --> 01:34:07,227
Seems rike no one
Takes me seriousry
1170
01:34:07,894 --> 01:34:09,062
And so
1171
01:34:09,562 --> 01:34:11,815
I'm ronery
1172
01:34:13,316 --> 01:34:14,567
A rittle ronery
1173
01:34:15,819 --> 01:34:19,864
Poor rittle me
1174
01:34:31,668 --> 01:34:36,130
I need you like Ben Affleck
Needs acting school
1175
01:34:36,589 --> 01:34:39,467
He was terrible in that film
1176
01:34:39,759 --> 01:34:43,847
I need you like Cuba Gooding
needed a bigger pan'
1177
01:34:44,681 --> 01:34:48,351
He's way better than Ben Affleck
And now
1178
01:34:48,768 --> 01:34:52,772
All I can think about is your smile
1179
01:34:52,856 --> 01:34:55,775
And that shitty movie, too
1180
01:34:56,150 --> 01:34:57,902
Pearl Harbor sucked
1181
01:34:58,611 --> 01:35:01,614
And I miss you
1182
01:35:09,122 --> 01:35:15,587
Why does Michael Bay
Get to keep on making movies?
1183
01:35:15,753 --> 01:35:18,798
I guess Pearl Harbor sucked
1184
01:35:20,592 --> 01:35:25,638
Just a little bit more
Than I miss you
1185
01:35:33,271 --> 01:35:35,899
Show a lot of things
Happening at once
1186
01:35:35,982 --> 01:35:39,027
Remind everyone
Of what's going on
1187
01:35:39,110 --> 01:35:42,280
And with every shot
Show a little improvement
1188
01:35:42,363 --> 01:35:44,908
To show it all would take too long
1189
01:35:44,991 --> 01:35:48,411
- That's called a montage
-Montage
1190
01:35:48,494 --> 01:35:51,873
- Girl, we want a montage
-Montage
1191
01:35:51,956 --> 01:35:55,168
In anything, if you want to go
1192
01:35:55,251 --> 01:35:57,921
From just a beginner to a pro
1193
01:35:58,004 --> 01:36:00,798
- You need a montage
-Montage
1194
01:36:00,882 --> 01:36:04,510
- Even Rocky had a montage
-Montage
1195
01:36:05,345 --> 01:36:11,100
- Always fade out in a montage
-Montage
1196
01:36:11,184 --> 01:36:13,770
If you fade out
It seems like more time has passed
1197
01:36:13,853 --> 01:36:18,107
I was sent from planet Gyron
To conquer the Earth
1198
01:36:18,191 --> 01:36:21,235
I had a terrific pran
I thought it would work
1199
01:36:21,945 --> 01:36:25,198
Tried to get the earthrings
All to kill each other, you see
1200
01:36:25,615 --> 01:36:29,452
But it all went wrong
And now I must decree
1201
01:36:30,244 --> 01:36:34,540
You are worthress, Arec Barrwin
You are worthress, Arec Barrwin
1202
01:36:34,791 --> 01:36:38,628
You failed in every way
And now my stock in you has farren
1203
01:36:38,753 --> 01:36:42,256
Your career is starring
And you're worthress, Arec Barrwin
1204
01:36:42,423 --> 01:36:46,886
That's why I brew your head off
And your children are all bawring
1205
01:36:48,179 --> 01:36:52,100
Pranet Gyron is inhabited
With Z ypods rike me
1206
01:36:52,517 --> 01:36:55,728
But also with Barmacks
Who are giant bees
1207
01:36:56,521 --> 01:37:00,066
The Zypods and the Barmacks
Are at constant war
1208
01:37:00,358 --> 01:37:04,737
So we wanted a new home
And that's what Earth was for
1209
01:37:05,279 --> 01:37:10,076
But you are worthress, Arec Barrwin
You are worthress, Arec Barrwin
1210
01:37:10,159 --> 01:37:11,744
You fucked up my whole pran
1211
01:37:11,828 --> 01:37:14,789
And now Gyron is smeared
With Barmack porren
1212
01:37:14,872 --> 01:37:18,668
Your garbage needs some hauring
And you're worthress, Arec Barrwin
1213
01:37:18,751 --> 01:37:21,838
Now I must return home a failure
1214
01:37:22,171 --> 01:37:28,761
I'm afraid the Pit of Cryrock
ls carring